Had a friend for over 2 decades that thought she was the boss of me. She was extremely toxic & negative, so i ended the friendship (we grew up together). She had the audacity to call my job & talk to my boss Sue, saying how concerned she was that she hadn't heard from me, so she then questioned Sue about my mental health. Sue assured her i was of sound mind, & a very good employee. Sue was also my friend, & kept forgetting to tell me of her antics. My former friend called my job monthly, for A YEAR!! She absolutely could not accept the fact that she no longer had control over me. Lesson i learned: demons exist, they're called monitoring spirits. 🚫👿
I had a friend who questioned everything I did. She said "I dont know anyone who goes to yoga so much, or who carries tea bags in their purse". She was constantly giving me advice about my life. If i didn't agree with the suggestions she brought up. I got a big frown. She was against my involvement in mental and physical wellness. Yoga, meditation, working out. Sorry, dear, trying to make a friend feel bad about herself means you are not a friend at all. So long.
I had a friendship breakup a few years ago . It turns out my life is way less stressful . I was way too forgiving and she turned on me like I had seen her turn on so many others . When the friendship ended I was devastated . Many people told me after the fact about things she had said and done behind my back that no one told me because I wouldn’t believe them . I wish her well, but now when I re think things in the past , I realize she wasn’t the person that I thought she was.
I’ve had many ‘friends’ over the years but after I found myself wondering why they exhausted me so much, I realized they were energy vampires and only spend time with me because I was lonely and was available. With any relationship, whether love, friendship, co-workers or siblings, if you are lonely you are vulnerable to people who will fill their tanks with your energy but have no intention of reciprocating. By being content in being alone and discovering why I felt I needed these relationships, I learned to love me and set those expectations in relationships and setting boundaries with people who may not treat me very well. I have no close friends but I live an authentic life and the universe will eventually bring people into my life that are authentic, as well. I’m ok waiting for that kind of friend.
Most women are emotionally and socially immature and I flat out refuse to associate with people who are not self aware. It's too exhausting! I'm my own best grieve.
I can totally relate. The 'friend' who ghosted me has done it to so many others. I can finally see the pattern. It's taken me 3 months to see how much she manipulated me and made me doubt myself. I'm so glad she's no longer part of my life.
Thanks Sue, same here. Learning sometimes takes a lot of pain. Hopefully this stage of our lives will have smoother sailing because of the lessons learned
I think people nowadays can tell it says more so about the smearer than the person being smeared. They condemn themselves if they start a smear campaign “consider the source “
This channel has given me validation. Thanks to all who have been transparent and shared their truth in the comments. It's like free therapy! Bless you all ❤
So happy I found your channel and enjoy your chats. I had a close friend for over 20 years. We worked together and developed a friendship based on mutual interests. We were there for each other. I was there for her as she went through a divorce from an alcoholic. When she joined a dating site I helped her write a description about herself. From that site she met her dream man and all of a sudden I was dropped from her life. She had moved on and she moon to a new life. I understand that happens, but it still hurts that it was so easy for her to ghost me. I guess she wasn’t who I thought she was. Thanks for your wisdom.
Your comment reminds me of my best friend of 30 years who I met in a bible study. After many years of a beautiful, supportive friendship, she and I both spent a few years caring for loved ones with dementia (her husband and my mother). During those years, I didn't realize that our friendship was growing apart because we still supported each other even though we couldn't get together and talk for hours like we used to. Her husband passed away first, then my mother passed away a few years later. I thought we would resume our friendship afterwards but she had moved on. Whenever I'd suggest a meetup, she wouldn't take me up on it. She and I still text a few times a year but I stopped suggesting meetups and she never suggests any. She texted me recently and in that conversation shared that she and another woman from her church (who I also know) are close friends now like she and I used to be. That hurt but I told her that I'm happy they are enjoying a close friendship like we had. Friendships... or people... can be strange sometimes. I still love her and am grateful for the years of close friendship we had.
@@allthingsnu4673 Thank you for sharing your experience. You handled the loss of that special friendship so beautifully. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but a ghosting by someone one thought would always be around carries its own special pain. I’m happy for you that you were at least able to talk it through with your friend.
Some women really want and prefer having a man in their lives, whether it be a boyfriend or spouse. Once they find who they really want, they will drop their “best” female friend. It’s sad but it happens.
You are a great speaker. I really like the way you are able to tell an interesting story while keeping all the important details private. That's a skill.
Yes, I agree. Sometimes it’s easy to think it’s you or something you have said or done when in reality it IS a pattern with a particular person. Sometimes it takes years for this to show, unfortunately. I really am enjoying this topic of conversation you’ve been addressing. Very informative, interesting and productive to our self worth. Nice job ❤️
Truly, as we become older, so many cruel, negative women out there! Your videos are so uplifting and important to us all as we get older. Thanks again for this analysis! It is So helpful! 🥰
This exact thing has happened to me one hundred percent ! I never could have believed this would have happened the worst part is my brother and sister stayed friends with them and actually were the ones who brought me into the circle ,I was quite younger than all but wow what a disaster ! It took years for my brother and sister to realize the magnitude of what they had done to me but somehow being the youngest of five has maybe made me wiser and I was ok with it all but when they were dumped wow the reality sunk in to them and they were quite apologetic ! I had lost about twenty or more friends over all and wasn’t invited to many things and it really made me learn early on you don’t have to put all into these relationships ,but put your all into your strength as an individual ! Thankyouuuu ❣️
Some people, women in particular, can only have one good friend at a time. I prefer to have different sets of friends for different activities. I have former work friends, social friends, hobby friends, church friends and sometimes they overlap. I love having a bunch of friends. I have let go of all toxic relationships from the past.
I am enjoying listening to you and your advice. I had a 30 yr friendship implode and it took me several years to get over it. I’m not bothered by it now and I’m happy with the friends I have!! I love your channel and look forward to more videos.
When you mentioned the word "Burnout" I had a 'bingo' moment. It perfectly describes what happened to me almost a year ago. A long term friendship had become more than I could deal with, so much so that I told her I needed a break. I know that if anyone said that to me, they wouldn't hear from me again. At first she was compliant and said she understood. I know now that I was just buying time, as I did not have the inclination to continue having her in my life. It has been 10 months since we saw each other face to face, and I have no intention of making that happen. She texts me periodically, calling me endearing friendly names, but I am done. She was running my life. I choose not to have these types of relationships any more. What I did learn is that having things in common does not make a friendship, sharing the same values does. In future I shall concentrate on what matters to me, not my love bombing new buddy.
This video was perfect timing bc my sweet daughter just texted me and wants to come home from her part time job as she was working her shift and the exfriend that ghosted her just came in to start her shift too.😢my advise was just stay at work finish ur shift and be nice ,you have nothing to run away for you did nothing wrong. Then I said a prayer for her bc I have never dealt with this kind of unfriending . I don't get too close to ppl as I have family to attend to and maybe I have been a bad friend role model for my daughter in doing so. Ugh. I will pass on this video to her .thanks!
Good luck to your daughter. Yes she should finish her shift because she did nothing wrong. Sometimes we have to accept that we are going to be places and in situations that are really uncomfortable We all hate it. She can do it🏆
I had, what I thought, was a wonderful friend who once mentioned to me, “You are the only friend I’ve had longer than two years!” I thought it was an odd and out of place statement at the time. Looking back I realized she was warning me that she was about to end our friendship, and not is a kind, respectful way. She gaslighted me into thinking I had done her a great wrong. Fortunately we did not share the same friends. And since I had retired from my position, I no longer held the status that she desperately required of those in her social circle. It took me a long time to realize that I missed those signals all along.
Yikes!!!!! Who would say that? So sorry that happened to you but sometimes we only see what people are willing to show us. Many are very good at their deception
Hi Laura, Such a good topic with great advice. I would be interested in the topic of what to do when politics are brought into a group of women. Similar to this story, I was part of a small group of professional women who were also very passionate about voting, caucuses, polling, etc. It is how the women had met each other except for myself. Politics were not to be discussed because one of the women, and secretly myself, were for a different candidate. I was very shocked to hear what the women would say about the one woman before she would arrive. Covid ended up disbanding the group, but I just did not know how to address the situation because I was the new member. Thank you for your videos!
This just happened to me recently, my best friend (3 years) agreed we would not talk about politics, but always came up. Now she totally ghosted me even after I apologized. guess she wasn't the friend I thought she was.
I have lost a whole group of people because of 2 toxic women friends who I finally confronted and their reaction was predictable…..and I thought……I rest my case……..and moved on. Whew!
I had a good friend and we talked about everything. She was the first person that I told when I found out I was pregnant with my first and only child. She went behind my back and started sleeping with an ex boyfriend. Yes he was an ex but to me exes where off limits and she knew that. If I had done the same to her, she would’ve attacked me. It was a hard situation to get over. We are still not friends to this day. I would never trust her again.
I tried to have friends or best friend when I was in my teens due to rumours that I was a loner. It was nothing short of annoyances and inconvenience for me. for example, they would just drop in to where I was living expecting me to get on with their programs. Walking around the neighbourhood for no reason, asking me to help with their homework and asking me to borrow clothing items which I could part with. I said no too many times and they dropped me. what a relieve. Now I'm 58 woman never had close friend and I never will. Today I take pride in being loner, odd or any other names I'm called.
Many persons are "loners." The question to ask, is are you happy and having your own ball with it? I love to read, watch my programs, work out in the pool, etc. I figured out I am an empath and too many people too often tires me.
I was referred to as a loner too by some in my family, and tried to fight against that and took on friendships I probably shouldn't have. Now I accept that I am an introvert, grew up in a pretty toxic family, and yes I prefer to be alone much of the time. I think all the drama from childhood made me feel much more peaceful all by myself. I am happier with pets, my books, movies, google researching, walking etc.
A warning to me is someone who gets too close very fast, or tries to. I have found for me, if the friendship starts off intense, it can end quickly. It is better for me for friendships to evolve naturally over time. I have noticed sometimes the ones that are 90mph, there is drama associated with those.
Their rejection is God's protection. Your frequency has evolved. I am 61, been through it many times. I don't talk about them, not on social media. I ghost them.
I just got out of a friendship like that. I noticed she was super controlling and started disengaging and she started crying to people and being pathetic. So now I'm the bad guy. I lost one friend who was swayed by her tears but I realized we were never that close if she doesn't stand for me. I'm actually so relieved to get rid of the toxic person I don't care
I really take “work friends” with a grain of salt. Most people who I became friends with from work I’ve either not worked with them directly or our genuine friendship did not begin until myself or the other person left the employer. It’s just too fraught, and I don’t eff around with my money.
I think work friends aren't real friends, because as soon as I leave a job, the friends fizzle out. Plus so called work friends will often burn each other over status and power in the workplace - especially women I find. Men seem to have each others backs more.
I have one such flaky friend, drives me crazy. I think she just wants to be popular and included. Promises, promises. I missed a call, rang her back later, no answer and 2 weeks later still haven't heard from her. She does it to everyone, I am in shock if she ever actually follws through! It's bad manners and tells me I am not a priority. It short, it's rude but they keep getting away with it. If I pull her up on it then I am the problem.
Thank you for this. The friendship that most recently ended for me was with my cousin. I think for a few different reasons. I was still willing to continue the friendship but I assume she wasn’t. I think I know the reasons but because she is incapable of expressing herself I may never know why for sure. I feel she misunderstood me while I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life and that is what is bothering me the most. Being misunderstood, not much support from her and then she ends the friendship under false information. Looking at the past of our relationship I can now see that it wasn’t ideal for me but I was willing to tolerate and give the benefit of the doubt. But I changed after my Mom passed suddenly. I did some major work on myself just the way my Mom taught me to do. Grow and expand, etc. My cousin didn’t keep up with me so the friendship disintegrated. A couple other people in my life as well melted away. I thought it would be different with my cousin and that part hurts. I still care about her. It’s now has been about five years since we did any kind of communication. On one hand I fully understand it and on the other hand it can still hurt a bit. Sad really but I will keep moving forward, keep working on my own self. One thing my amazing Mom said to me about friendships when I was very young, she said you have to be your own best friend. She was right per usual. Thank you!
It hurts when you realise family relationships can be just as fickle as non family relationships. You get told blood is thicker than water but that isn't true. My cousins burnt me too, now they can go burn in hell.
Thanks so much! You live in a beautiful country. Spent about three weeks there a few years ago. Took the Indian Pacific from Sydney to Perth. Magnificent. But have to say that Tasmania was one of the most amazing places I have ever been❤
They sound like a narcissist. A lot of red flags and the only reason I say this is because I’m watching for the last 3 years about men who are primarily. I actually fell upon you tonight and it is identical to what I’ve studied so long regarding a man in my life that has all the bells and whistles these women seem to possess. They are all scary…
Ohhh wow that type of behaviour is unforgivable. My sister was my best friend for our whole lives. I shared everything with her. Never expected her behaviour nor saw it coming. Slowly noticed her kids start to ignore me for no reason that I could tell. We were in our 50’s she had a life or death medical emergency. Living on the other side of the country I dropped everything and took the first flight across the country a few hours later crying all the way. Got there and her children were ignoring me. She was in a coma for weeks but eventually recovered but lost a leg. After that we joined Facebook only to find she started posting mean things about me. After a while being hurt by her strange behaviour I deleted Facebook. She went crazy and started telling everyone everywhere anything I ever told her in private. All my cousins and friends of mine she knew many years ago. She even befriended my in-laws whom she did not know. Eventually our family was at war with me. For my own sanity I had to become estranged from all of them. Still don’t know why she ever did this.
Yes very strange but obviously she had been turning her kids against me for a while 🤷🏽♀️ Totally changed the life I always knew. Hurt beyond words but thank you 🙏
Years ago I had what I thought was a work friend. We were not friends outside of work, but we would grab lunch and catch up at work, etc. it was not super deep and she would share more than I would about her personal life. She actually pursued this relationship more than I did. I definitely did not ask her to get together first because I did not know her well. She took a new position, but told me she would be retiring soon. I knew I would not see her as much, but mentioned I would like to go to her retirement celebration. It was an informal get together. Long story short, I didn’t hear from her. Then, one day I get a text about getting together. It was a little odd because I had not heard from her and I thought she might have texted me by accident because of the overall message. I responded and asked her if she meant for the message to go to someone else. Her response was yes, it was meant for someone else and if she ever texts me again I should just ignore it. Let’s be real, she should have just apologized and responded that it was for someone else, and removed my number from her phone. Some people just want to be nasty. No loss on my end. Karma will make a visit some day.
I’m sorry that happened, a long time colleague had a very similar thing happen, she didn’t get a text but rather saw a post on fb. She had never been invited to the farewell get together.
@@laurahillauthor Not being invited to the celebration was fine. It told me a lot about who she was. Getting the text message sealed the deal about her true colors. In a couple of sentences she had to tell me if she ever contacted me it would be a mistake LOL. Instead she could have just said she was sorry it was meant for someone else and then remove my number so she wouldn’t do it again. She really wanted to make a point of letting me know she would never text me. The funny thing is that I mentioned she pursued getting together for lunch,etc. more than I did. The reason I was slow to the relationship is because something told me she wasn’t a person I could trust. My instincts were right. I should have listened to my instincts.
I think we should begin talking about ghosting and shame it. We need to as a collective effort bring the fact that to ghost someone you were friends with is a nasty cruel thing to do. I read and heard from a psychologist that people who does such behaviour are more on the dark trias in personality traits. These are people who could have the capacity to make life miserable, difficult and full of greif.
I admit it was a bit humbling to do a video sharing this but if it helps others to recognize that they have done it or experienced it, then all for the good. Thanks for your comment
But don’t you feel good about yourself that you yourself were the good friend and person in that relationship and that sometimes the other person has things in their lives and personality that need help.
The people who hurt me the most were women especially the boy/men crazy 🤪 women i keep a distance am careful with the kinds of women i keep as friends the good girls and nice girls i keep them at a distance the housewife types is not my type but the ambitious, entrepreneurship driven women are my types .😂🎉🎉
Thanks yes actually I travel the country quite a bit speaking to women about leadership. Mentoring has always been my passion. Appreciate you kind comment
When people show you who they are believe them the first time.
Amen!
Friendship takes work. Im old, and lazy, and just want to walk the beach, watch TV, and lay around.
Dont want to eat out, go out, or drink.
It’s the time in our life to do whatever we want!
Im 38 and I have no time or energy for friendships relationships etc
I have time for people, if only there any humans worthy of it.
😂 me too! I just wanna do what I wanna do.
Me too
Had a friend for over 2 decades that thought she was the boss of me. She was extremely toxic & negative, so i ended the friendship (we grew up together). She had the audacity to call my job & talk to my boss Sue, saying how concerned she was that she hadn't heard from me, so she then questioned Sue about my mental health. Sue assured her i was of sound mind, & a very good employee. Sue was also my friend, & kept forgetting to tell me of her antics. My former friend called my job monthly, for A YEAR!! She absolutely could not accept the fact that she no longer had control over me. Lesson i learned: demons exist, they're called monitoring spirits. 🚫👿
You hit the nail on the head, it’s all about control. Thanks so much for sharing
Wowowow! This is intense
Yikes! Thank God your boss didn't believe her. That is insane.
@@indyd9322 I had been at my job for 5 years when it happened, so Sue already knew what kind of person i was.
That’s terrible. I call that “concern shaming”!
Exactly why I trust no one now except me and God.
I honestly can see how people say it’s just not worth it to even try. Agree that God is always there for you❤
Preach!❤❤❤
Getting older, I now understand friendships don’t have to end so badly. You’re just simply not around them that much anymore.
I had a friend who questioned everything I did. She said "I dont know anyone who goes to yoga so much, or who carries tea bags in their purse". She was constantly giving me advice about my life. If i didn't agree with the suggestions she brought up. I got a big frown. She was against my involvement in mental and physical wellness. Yoga, meditation, working out. Sorry, dear, trying to make a friend feel bad about herself means you are not a friend at all. So long.
Do women want to control other women because men have controlled us since birth? I feel there is a theory in this exchange.
I had a friendship breakup a few years ago . It turns out my life is way less stressful . I was way too forgiving and she turned on me like I had seen her turn on so many others . When the friendship ended I was devastated . Many people told me after the fact about things she had said and done behind my back that no one told me because I wouldn’t believe them . I wish her well, but now when I re think things in the past , I realize she wasn’t the person that I thought she was.
I’m so sorry but it sounds like you are so much better off.
I was dumped by a friend when I was battling depression and I tried giving her a second chance, but she's still very selfish.
I’ve had many ‘friends’ over the years but after I found myself wondering why they exhausted me so much, I realized they were energy vampires and only spend time with me because I was lonely and was available. With any relationship, whether love, friendship, co-workers or siblings, if you are lonely you are vulnerable to people who will fill their tanks with your energy but have no intention of reciprocating. By being content in being alone and discovering why I felt I needed these relationships, I learned to love me and set those expectations in relationships and setting boundaries with people who may not treat me very well. I have no close friends but I live an authentic life and the universe will eventually bring people into my life that are authentic, as well. I’m ok waiting for that kind of friend.
Such a positive outlook ❤️
Most women are emotionally and socially immature and I flat out refuse to associate with people who are not self aware. It's too exhausting! I'm my own best grieve.
Agree💯
I can totally relate. The 'friend' who ghosted me has done it to so many others. I can finally see the pattern. It's taken me 3 months to see how much she manipulated me and made me doubt myself. I'm so glad she's no longer part of my life.
It’s such a relief.
So good Laura. The smear campaign is extremely painful. Boundaries are so important in all our relationships. I am much more discerning these days.
Thanks Sue, same here. Learning sometimes takes a lot of pain. Hopefully this stage of our lives will have smoother sailing because of the lessons learned
I think people nowadays can tell it says more so about the smearer than the person being smeared. They condemn themselves if they start a smear campaign
“consider the source “
It's been really interesting listening to your thoughts and advice on friendship. Most helpful.
Thanks so much!
I hope it is OK for me to be a man and still like your content. Your wisdom crosses the genders rather well.
I’m honored thanks!
That is why I never make friends with coworkers, nothing outside the office.
Exactly. You NEVER EVER mix your work life and personal life
Unfortunately this continues even as we become seniors...some very mean women walk among us😕
Hopefully we get wiser about spotting and steering clear sooner😍
HURT people HURT others. Yes, it is a repetitive unhealthy pattern.
They move on to the next unsuspecting "victim" after you.
Yes upon reflection you realize all the signs were there 😢
I am enjoying watching these little chats. Creates a lot of thinking about present and past relationships. Thank you.
So glad you found the channel!
This channel has given me validation. Thanks to all who have been transparent and shared their truth in the comments. It's like free therapy! Bless you all ❤
We are all in this together!
So happy I found your channel and enjoy your chats. I had a close friend for over 20 years. We worked together and developed a friendship based on mutual interests. We were there for each other. I was there for her as she went through a divorce from an alcoholic. When she joined a dating site I helped her write a description about herself. From that site she met her dream man and all of a sudden I was dropped from her life. She had moved on and she moon to a new life. I understand that happens, but it still hurts that it was so easy for her to ghost me. I guess she wasn’t who I thought she was. Thanks for your wisdom.
Im so glad you found the channel! Happy to have you and thanks so much for commenting.
Your comment reminds me of my best friend of 30 years who I met in a bible study. After many years of a beautiful, supportive friendship, she and I both spent a few years caring for loved ones with dementia (her husband and my mother). During those years, I didn't realize that our friendship was growing apart because we still supported each other even though we couldn't get together and talk for hours like we used to. Her husband passed away first, then my mother passed away a few years later. I thought we would resume our friendship afterwards but she had moved on. Whenever I'd suggest a meetup, she wouldn't take me up on it. She and I still text a few times a year but I stopped suggesting meetups and she never suggests any. She texted me recently and in that conversation shared that she and another woman from her church (who I also know) are close friends now like she and I used to be. That hurt but I told her that I'm happy they are enjoying a close friendship like we had. Friendships... or people... can be strange sometimes. I still love her and am grateful for the years of close friendship we had.
@@allthingsnu4673 Thank you for sharing your experience. You handled the loss of that special friendship so beautifully. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but a ghosting by someone one thought would always be around carries its own special pain. I’m happy for you that you were at least able to talk it through with your friend.
Some women really want and prefer having a man in their lives, whether it be a boyfriend or spouse. Once they find who they really want, they will drop their “best” female friend. It’s sad but it happens.
Just like in high school, when a friend has a new boyfriend , they disappear.
You are a great speaker. I really like the way you are able to tell an interesting story while keeping all the important details private. That's a skill.
Thanks so much. Glad you found the channel
These talks are great!
It’s nice to hear and know that we all go through many of the same issues.
Thank you for the positive perspective👌
Thanks! It’s hard to admit some of the tough experiences but it’s so worth it when you discover you are not alone❤
Yes, I agree. Sometimes it’s easy to think it’s you or something you have said or done when in reality it IS a pattern with a particular person. Sometimes it takes years for this to show, unfortunately.
I really am enjoying this topic of conversation you’ve been addressing. Very informative, interesting and productive to our self worth. Nice job ❤️
Truly, as we become older, so many cruel, negative women out there! Your videos are so uplifting and important to us all as we get older. Thanks again for this analysis! It is So helpful! 🥰
Thanks !! I really appreciate it
This exact thing has happened to me one hundred percent ! I never could have believed this would have happened the worst part is my brother and sister stayed friends with them and actually were the ones who brought me into the circle ,I was quite younger than all but wow what a disaster ! It took years for my brother and sister to realize the magnitude of what they had done to me but somehow being the youngest of five has maybe made me wiser and I was ok with it all but when they were dumped wow the reality sunk in to them and they were quite apologetic ! I had lost about twenty or more friends over all and wasn’t invited to many things and it really made me learn early on you don’t have to put all into these relationships ,but put your all into your strength as an individual ! Thankyouuuu ❣️
You are sure not alone!!!
Some people, women in particular, can only have one good friend at a time. I prefer to have different sets of friends for different activities. I have former work friends, social friends, hobby friends, church friends and sometimes they overlap. I love having a bunch of friends. I have let go of all toxic relationships from the past.
I’m right there with you.
I am enjoying listening to you and your advice. I had a 30 yr friendship implode and it took me several years to get over it. I’m not bothered by it now and I’m happy with the friends I have!! I love your channel and look forward to more videos.
Thanks so much! My implosion took a long time to get over too, actually it’s a work in process. Glad you found the channel
When you mentioned the word "Burnout" I had a 'bingo' moment. It perfectly describes what happened to me almost a year ago. A long term friendship had become more than I could deal with, so much so that I told her I needed a break. I know that if anyone said that to me, they wouldn't hear from me again. At first she was compliant and said she understood. I know now that I was just buying time, as I did not have the inclination to continue having her in my life. It has been 10 months since we saw each other face to face, and I have no intention of making that happen. She texts me periodically, calling me endearing friendly names, but I am done. She was running my life. I choose not to have these types of relationships any more.
What I did learn is that having things in common does not make a friendship, sharing the same values does. In future I shall concentrate on what matters to me, not my love bombing new buddy.
Love this story. You are so fight friendship has to be much deeper than things in common. Thanks for commenting
This video was perfect timing bc my sweet daughter just texted me and wants to come home from her part time job as she was working her shift and the exfriend that ghosted her just came in to start her shift too.😢my advise was just stay at work finish ur shift and be nice ,you have nothing to run away for you did nothing wrong. Then I said a prayer for her bc I have never dealt with this kind of unfriending . I don't get too close to ppl as I have family to attend to and maybe I have been a bad friend role model for my daughter in doing so. Ugh. I will pass on this video to her .thanks!
Good luck to your daughter. Yes she should finish her shift because she did nothing wrong. Sometimes we have to accept that we are going to be places and in situations that are really uncomfortable We all hate it. She can do it🏆
I had, what I thought, was a wonderful friend who once mentioned to me, “You are the only friend I’ve had longer than two years!” I thought it was an odd and out of place statement at the time. Looking back I realized she was warning me that she was about to end our friendship, and not is a kind, respectful way. She gaslighted me into thinking I had done her a great wrong. Fortunately we did not share the same friends. And since I had retired from my position, I no longer held the status that she desperately required of those in her social circle. It took me a long time to realize that I missed those signals all along.
Yikes!!!!! Who would say that? So sorry that happened to you but sometimes we only see what people are willing to show us. Many are very good at their deception
Hi Laura, Such a good topic with great advice. I would be interested in the topic of what to do when politics are brought into a group of women. Similar to this story, I was part of a small group of professional women who were also very passionate about voting, caucuses, polling, etc. It is how the women had met each other except for myself. Politics were not to be discussed because one of the women, and secretly myself, were for a different candidate. I was very shocked to hear what the women would say about the one woman before she would arrive. Covid ended up disbanding the group, but I just did not know how to address the situation because I was the new member. Thank you for your videos!
I can absolutely speak to this and I’ve experienced something similar. Thanks so much for the great idea!
This just happened to me recently, my best friend (3 years) agreed we would not talk about politics, but always came up. Now she totally ghosted me even after I apologized. guess she wasn't the friend I thought she was.
I have lost a whole group of people because of 2 toxic women friends who I finally confronted and their reaction was predictable…..and I thought……I rest my case……..and moved on. Whew!
Yep, we usually lose a few stragglers too. I call them the followers and every mean girl has them. Thanks for commenting
I had a good friend and we talked about everything. She was the first person that I told when I found out I was pregnant with my first and only child. She went behind my back and started sleeping with an ex boyfriend. Yes he was an ex but to me exes where off limits and she knew that. If I had done the same to her, she would’ve attacked me. It was a hard situation to get over. We are still not friends to this day. I would never trust her again.
I’m sorry that happened. Men cause a lot of problems between women
Trust no one but yourself!❤
Agree💯
Well said.
I'm bingeing your videos! You're really helping me to get past the mental block I had re: a friend who dumped me, and I can't thank you enough.
Glad you found the channel!
I enjoy your channel so much. It really helps to talk about friendships we had in the past. 🌻
I tried to have friends or best friend when I was in my teens due to rumours that I was a loner. It was nothing short of annoyances and inconvenience for me. for example, they would just drop in to where I was living expecting me to get on with their programs. Walking around the neighbourhood for no reason, asking me to help with their homework and asking me to borrow clothing items which I could part with. I said no too many times and they dropped me. what a relieve. Now I'm 58 woman never had close friend and I never will. Today I take pride in being loner, odd or any other names I'm called.
Many persons are "loners." The question to ask, is are you happy and having your own ball with it? I love to read, watch my programs, work out in the pool, etc. I figured out I am an empath and too many people too often tires me.
We all are on different journeys and whatever is best for you is important
I was referred to as a loner too by some in my family, and tried to fight against that and took on friendships I probably shouldn't have. Now I accept that I am an introvert, grew up in a pretty toxic family, and yes I prefer to be alone much of the time. I think all the drama from childhood made me feel much more peaceful all by myself. I am happier with pets, my books, movies, google researching, walking etc.
A warning to me is someone who gets too close very fast, or tries to. I have found for me, if the friendship starts off intense, it can end quickly. It is better for me for friendships to evolve naturally over time. I have noticed sometimes the ones that are 90mph, there is drama associated with those.
Such good advice. Thanks!
If that woman did this to one woman at work she'll do it to others for sure. Shes a gossip and stirs the pot for her own advantage.
Amen! They always repeat the pattern
I'm sending you a hug. That person did you a favor.
Thanks so much!
Such great information! 🌻☺️👏💫
Thanks!
At 71 friends overrated!!
Very well said. Thank you.
Thanks!
Their rejection is God's protection. Your frequency has evolved. I am 61, been through it many times. I don't talk about them, not on social media. I ghost them.
I just got out of a friendship like that. I noticed she was super controlling and started disengaging and she started crying to people and being pathetic. So now I'm the bad guy. I lost one friend who was swayed by her tears but I realized we were never that close if she doesn't stand for me. I'm actually so relieved to get rid of the toxic person I don't care
It is absolutely draining. What a relief to move on. Thanks for sharing
I really take “work friends” with a grain of salt. Most people who I became friends with from work I’ve either not worked with them directly or our genuine friendship did not begin until myself or the other person left the employer. It’s just too fraught, and I don’t eff around with my money.
I think work friends aren't real friends, because as soon as I leave a job, the friends fizzle out. Plus so called work friends will often burn each other over status and power in the workplace - especially women I find. Men seem to have each others backs more.
Love Your videos
Thanks so much!!
I have one such flaky friend, drives me crazy. I think she just wants to be popular and included. Promises, promises. I missed a call, rang her back later, no answer and 2 weeks later still haven't heard from her. She does it to everyone, I am in shock if she ever actually follws through! It's bad manners and tells me I am not a priority. It short, it's rude but they keep getting away with it. If I pull her up on it then I am the problem.
I so love what you said about realizing you aren’t a priority. I just can’t make room for people like that anymore. Time is precious
Thank you for this.
The friendship that most recently ended for me was with my cousin. I think for a few different reasons. I was still willing to continue the friendship but I assume she wasn’t. I think I know the reasons but because she is incapable of expressing herself I may never know why for sure. I feel she misunderstood me while I was going through an extremely difficult time in my life and that is what is bothering me the most. Being misunderstood, not much support from her and then she ends the friendship under false information. Looking at the past of our relationship I can now see that it wasn’t ideal for me but I was willing to tolerate and give the benefit of the doubt. But I changed after my Mom passed suddenly. I did some major work on myself just the way my Mom taught me to do. Grow and expand, etc. My cousin didn’t keep up with me so the friendship disintegrated. A couple other people in my life as well melted away. I thought it would be different with my cousin and that part hurts. I still care about her. It’s now has been about five years since we did any kind of communication. On one hand I fully understand it and on the other hand it can still hurt a bit. Sad really but I will keep moving forward, keep working on my own self. One thing my amazing Mom said to me about friendships when I was very young, she said you have to be your own best friend. She was right per usual. Thank you!
Great advice from your Mom. And yes it can hurt for a long time
It hurts when you realise family relationships can be just as fickle as non family relationships. You get told blood is thicker than water but that isn't true. My cousins burnt me too, now they can go burn in hell.
I subscribed to your channel today 🌸
Thanks so much!
Enjoyed the chat, Laura. From Australia 🇦🇺
Thanks so much! You live in a beautiful country. Spent about three weeks there a few years ago. Took the Indian Pacific from Sydney to Perth. Magnificent. But have to say that Tasmania was one of the most amazing places I have ever been❤
@@laurahillauthor Great. Hope you got to see the Sydney Opera House and Harbour Bridge.
They sound like a narcissist. A lot of red flags and the only reason I say this is because I’m watching for the last 3 years about men who are primarily. I actually fell upon you tonight and it is identical to what I’ve studied so long regarding a man in my life that has all the bells and whistles these women seem to possess. They are all scary…
Thanks for sharing !
Once they leave dont let them back in its a bahavior that will repeat itself.
Agree💯
Ohhh wow that type of behaviour is unforgivable. My sister was my best friend for our whole lives. I shared everything with her. Never expected her behaviour nor saw it coming. Slowly noticed her kids start to ignore me for no reason that I could tell. We were in our 50’s she had a life or death medical emergency. Living on the other side of the country I dropped everything and took the first flight across the country a few hours later crying all the way. Got there and her children were ignoring me. She was in a coma for weeks but eventually recovered but lost a leg. After that we joined Facebook only to find she started posting mean things about me. After a while being hurt by her strange behaviour I deleted Facebook. She went crazy and started telling everyone everywhere anything I ever told her in private. All my cousins and friends of mine she knew many years ago. She even befriended my in-laws whom she did not know. Eventually our family was at war with me. For my own sanity I had to become estranged from all of them. Still don’t know why she ever did this.
💔oh I’m so sorry. Such bizarre behavior. How horrible🥲
Yes very strange but obviously she had been turning her kids against me for a while 🤷🏽♀️ Totally changed the life I always knew. Hurt beyond words but thank you 🙏
Years ago I had what I thought was a work friend. We were not friends outside of work, but we would grab lunch and catch up at work, etc. it was not super deep and she would share more than I would about her personal life. She actually pursued this relationship more than I did. I definitely did not ask her to get together first because I did not know her well.
She took a new position, but told me she would be retiring soon. I knew I would not see her as much, but mentioned I would like to go to her retirement celebration. It was an informal get together. Long story short, I didn’t hear from her.
Then, one day I get a text about getting together. It was a little odd because I had not heard from her and I thought she might have texted me by accident because of the overall message. I responded and asked her if she meant for the message to go to someone else. Her response was yes, it was meant for someone else and if she ever texts me again I should just ignore it.
Let’s be real, she should have just apologized and responded that it was for someone else, and removed my number from her phone. Some people just want to be nasty. No loss on my end. Karma will make a visit some day.
I’m sorry that happened, a long time colleague had a very similar thing happen, she didn’t get a text but rather saw a post on fb. She had never been invited to the farewell get together.
@@laurahillauthor Not being invited to the celebration was fine. It told me a lot about who she was. Getting the text message sealed the deal about her true colors. In a couple of sentences she had to tell me if she ever contacted me it would be a mistake LOL. Instead she could have just said she was sorry it was meant for someone else and then remove my number so she wouldn’t do it again. She really wanted to make a point of letting me know she would never text me.
The funny thing is that I mentioned she pursued getting together for lunch,etc. more than I did. The reason I was slow to the relationship is because something told me she wasn’t a person I could trust. My instincts were right. I should have listened to my instincts.
Better late than never!
🙏🙏🙏
You have NO control over others. only yourself.
So true!
I think we should begin talking about ghosting and shame it. We need to as a collective effort bring the fact that to ghost someone you were friends with is a nasty cruel thing to do. I read and heard from a psychologist that people who does such behaviour are more on the dark trias in personality traits. These are people who could have the capacity to make life miserable, difficult and full of greif.
I admit it was a bit humbling to do a video sharing this but if it helps
others to recognize that they have done it or experienced it, then all for the good. Thanks for your comment
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
Not hard for me to let go of bad relationships
Good for you!!! Empowered
But don’t you feel good about yourself that you yourself were the good friend and person in that relationship and that sometimes the other person has things in their lives and personality that need help.
Absolutely! Such a good point
The people who hurt me the most were women especially the
boy/men crazy 🤪 women i keep a distance am careful with the kinds of women i keep as friends the good girls and nice girls i keep them at a distance the housewife types is not my type but the ambitious, entrepreneurship driven women are my types .😂🎉🎉
Agree 💯
Have you thought volunteeringas a community mentor? You d be gret at it, though what you are doing with your videos is mentoring too.
Thanks yes actually I travel the country quite a bit speaking to women about leadership. Mentoring has always been my passion. Appreciate you kind comment