they also make other wayward women feel empowered because they make them feel like they "finally belong" its a social sickness that we don't really want to address. and, its everywhere.
I am a fan of women's professional basketball. This year a "generational talent," incredibly talented and already breaking records, rookie has entered the league. She has been blatently hit in the head/face, shoved, thrown to the floor countless times, and has suffered a ruptured eardrum as a result of a flagrant foul. The refs even seem to be looking the other way, letting the abuse continue. She has brought a lot of new fans to the league who watched her in college, and this is leading to attendance records, new tv deals that will create wealth for all the players, more endorsements, etc. I am amazed to see the professional athlete mean girls trying to literally kill the "golden goose," who lifts them all with new notoriety and financial opportunities. The toxicity wins over quality of play, and enjoyment of the game for everyone. Mean girls have a way of turning anything good, even for themselves, to sh!t with pettyness and jealousy. It's just crazy.
@@deniseclaeys8295 That's absolutely terrible and unacceptable. You know what's really behind a lot of this? Most women see other women as competition in all areas of life, and instead of having the attitude that when one of us wins, we all win...but, no, it's the more of the crab basket mentality that states, "if a crab starts to climb out, it will be pulled back in by the others, ensuring the group's collective demise". It needs to change.
I recently moved into a senior housing community & oh my goodness the cliques, & busy bodies that are here. I usually come directly to my apartment & don't get involved with all of the social activities because I don't want to get caught up in all of the gossip & drama. You'd think that these "mature" adults would have grown up & gotten past all of that high school nonsense. But no!
Same here, a year & a half ago I did also. Luckily, I have never been one to want to be in groups. I am a loaner & am happier on my I wn. That drives them nuts.
When I finished all of my schooling, I was relieved - I thought I would never have to deal with the “mean girls” and bullies again. Boy, was I wrong. Those mean girls grow up and become your co-workers, bosses, neighbours, etc. Thank God, I’ve matured and now avoid them at all costs.
I’m 20 but I have to say your videos have truly made me feel so seen and validated in the things I’ve experienced. Your videos really help me have clarity on situations where I’ve blamed myself relentlessly. Thank you so much for your wisdom ❤
I didn’t know about this proper until I was 50. I’ve just turned 60. You’re lucky for having UA-cam. My whole life has been littered with frenemies. No mas!
Such an intelligent young woman to look for positive guidance and good mentorship. I wish I had the sense to look for that when I was your age. Wishing you all the best!❤
What I have learned in dealing with these wicked women is that you can take their power away by showing they aren't important. Just walk by with a smile. You can't be shunned from a club you have not interest in belonging to in the first place. I have been smeared but the ones who go along with it aren't keepers anyway. It isn't easy to get to this point but once I got there, I was free from being hurt.
These type of people used to confuse me until I researched and learned more about Cluster B personality disorders and especially narcissistic personality disorder. Now that I recognize the behavior, I steer clear of dynamics like that. It’s refreshing to only have emotionally/mentally stable people surrounding me now. I don’t need to diagnose them-I can tell there is something off by how they make me feel now!
This was my experience with the "power" moms in my kids school. They exerted far too much influence over the teachers and school board. Looking them up on social media nowadays, decades later, was pretty funny, kids are all gone now, and so is their super powers.😂😂😂
While there have always been "mean girls", I think social media today proliferates them. People have the internet to spread bad ideas and to pile on to others and they are taking full advantage of that situation. I am glad I found your channel. I find it helpful to hear your perspective.
Welcome! Glad you found the channel too. I agree social media has corrupted so many extremes so many younger women suffer from low self esteem and that breeds jealousy, envy and meanness.
I lost a very supportive friend group because of a "Mean Girl" (a woman in her 50s at the time). It happened several years ago, but still hurts today. Partly because my "supportive friends" did nothing to prevent it. Heartbreaking. (just subscribed to your channel, thanks)
I've also noticed my "friends" rarely go to bat for me when I'm being trashed. The best they can manage is to just be quiet. If they can't find their voice to openly defend me I don't want them. Silence is tacit consent. 👎
As a person who never fit, I’ve learned we can create a kinder, better group of people that ends up, sometimes, including the people who do. I’ve been complimented by the phrase “ you were always nice to me” and I’ve learned to be grateful for that I was outside the “group”. Live your life earnestly and you will find your people. It takes time but I’m glad I didn’t compromise popularity for connection. Much love!
Thank you, Laura, for discussing this problem. I’m reading your book now. Unfortunately I was raised by a “mean girl” and it wasn’t easy to be her scapegoat! I have run into similar woman and one of the worst was actually at a church where I was very active. I finally had to leave that congregation for my own peace of mind.
@@redlikewineagain697thanks! Yes you can get both of my books on Amazon. Walking In My Shoes and Where the Mean Girls Go I publish under Laura Downey Hill. ❤
Hello Dear Laura , I could write a book too on this subject! There have always been mean girls . From day one. First grade I noticed other popular girls who were mean from the beginning. Clickish from day one. I knew everyone by name and had visited their homes etc from grade one onward. I was naturally very sociable. But also very intuitive ,sensitive and aware. I wasn’t always correct but I could usually call it if a girl was a mean girl right away. To be honest I was called a mean girl a time or two through the years.I feel I was misunderstood. It was because I didn’t take any crap from anyone. Still don’t . I would speak up call the person on it and usually they’d end up not liking me. I didn’t care I’d rather they knew what they did was wrong that I noticed and it wasn’t ok. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and being an emotional and ultra sensitive person who’s life has not been easy. I learned pretty early that I had to stay away from the mean girls ( highschool especially)and keep my distance . I got so good at judging a mean girl. It sincerely got to the point even to this day that mean girls and now women keep clear of me. It’s only nice girls that befriend me. I’m happy with this. I started not having many friends just a handful as I got older . To this point early 60’s I have 2-3 friends. My best friend was always my mother and younger sister.Even my high school best friends I lost long ago gladly . We grew apart for one but also too different in our lifestyles.
Thanks so much for sharing this. Yes we have all been called a mean girl at some point. I think women are held to a much higher standard. It’s as if standing up for yourself is a negative. But love that you now attract the right kind of women!
Wow 😮it’s so nice to see someone recognize this type of girl .I have been targeted in that way, for several times over the last decade. I live in a small community trailer park and that’s what I’m seeing whenever I start a community project… thanks for this video and all the others, they are accurate to what the girl’s world is about.
Its sad but I had 2 really good male friends. They were so fun and weren't judgemental like women. They wanted to go to concerts or really good restaurants. One passed away early and the other one moved away and got married but I'll never forget them. I've gotten rid of so many negative and mean people out of my life in the last 5 years including family. The peace 🕊️ is wonderful. I couldn't take it anymore and I realized I do better all by myself. ❤
I’ve heard the same from many other women. I think a great friend is a gift whether it is a man or a woman. The loss especially the death of a great friend is so hard💔
Yes, we older women have travelled around the sun often enough to recognize the disruptors when we see them in action. It's good to address the topic, you can't fix what's never acknowledged. I found your videos this morning and have watched a few, enjoying listening to your thoughts. New subscriber!
I can definitely relate to your first sentence. I can spot them at 20 paces these days. I try and steer clear of them and their antics. It usually ends in tears.
I would say it’s overtly high self esteem surely?…..honking and trumpeting your goals and achievements, manipulating your ‘flock’ of disciples to do your bidding and expelling those who don’t reflect back your queen bee status and image? That’s not low self esteem.
This is why we must teach young girls the power of solitude and not needing anybody's validation. They have to gather in groups of 20 or more to take down one secure woman, and they might not even win. Think about that.
I had a “mean girl/woman” former friend who (after some time) she told me she was envious of me because I had a daughter and she had a son and she was jealous. She had always wished she had a daughter. Geez, I was blown away!
Great topic Laura! I find "Mean Girls" in public as well as a now handicapped person. I was just telling my husband the other day that since my acute stroke in 2014 at age 50 it is men that try and help me in public. I use a cane and wear an orthotic device. Men (young and old) are the ones that hold doors for me, hand me a shopping cart etc. Very rarely has a women in the past 10 years been helpful. It says a lot about women in general IMHO and something we can strive for to be a nicer and better person!
Thank you for talking about this issue. Mean girls are everywhere. There was even a mean girl in my work pod before I left. She caused me lots of anxiety and stress.
They ruin the workplace and quite frankly we generally end up leaving first rather than anyone in a position of responsibility stepping in and fixing the real problem.
Thank you Laura for speaking about this topic. As a young girl I experienced bully girls and being a sensitive child I was hurt by this group. As I grew up and found my voice and courage I would no longer tolerate this in my life. I believe that confidence in ourselves is what protects us from these people. As soon as you notice a red flag walk away quickly and never look back. Confront them if you are confident enough to do so. I have let go of a few women who I thought were friends but really weren't. I am 70 and am fortunate to have a great group of women friends in my life now. Some for over 20 years. Of course there is the one heartbreaking woman who after a 30 year friendship since age 13 who thought it was ok to have an affair with my then husband. Now my radar is up and I can spot trouble from a mile away.
It's interesting what you say about your old friend having an affair with your then husband. These women just feel entitled to take what they want. It's like a game to them.
I managed to avoid some of this behavior until grad school. And these are women older than me, acting like they are in a clique, and catty beyond belief. I am already tired of drama and I am not thirty yet.
Oh boy I think I know what you mean about the girls in grad school. When I was in grad school (22 years ago), I also worked full time as a probation officer. Most of the people in grad school did not work full time. They were spoiled girls from either wealthy families of origin or were married and their husbands worked. Totally clueless. I remember their Prada bags and all the other designer things they'd show off. Just keep your eye on the prize and focus on your studies and look to the future. That will help you get through it. Good luck to you ♥
Thank you UA-cam for putting Laura Hill in my video feed! This is just what I needed to listen to and learn from. Thank you Laura Hill for establishing these excellent videos. You rock!
Mean girls have been there forever. In the past it seems like mean girls were more prevalent in smaller circles. For example we used to find the mean women in the wives of our spouse’s coworkers. They were very toxic and most of the behavior was driven by the husband’s success. If you didn’t see these women socially it could impact your husband’s job. The neighbors were also fertile ground for mean girls. They would exclude a handful of neighbors from get togethers, etc. Now, we see mean girls in our own jobs and at our kids events. High school never seems to end.
Love your channel. Nurses eat their young!!! What an education. They steal your skills, shifts, gaslight you and are competitive to undermine YOU. People don't believe it. No kindness just two faced and rejoice in bullying. It's jealousy. I'm out of it now. What a relief. 😅
Hi Laura, Just found your channel and I'm enjoying it. Thank you. I agree with your comments and they are spot on. In high schooll the "pretty, self-important, in crowd" dominated social life. After college I found the same behaviors and caste system in a well known corporation where I spent 30 years. It was actually no different than the cliques of high school days when it came to promotions and recognition. I suppose our society is wired to exhibit privilege and social status. Thank you again.
Mean girls start in the home. They are bullied, and end up becoming the bully. They are abused by somebody. Mom, dad, both, whoever, who knows. They are treated poorly and internalize this. Then, they turn around and treat others the same, expecting them to fall in line and cow-tow. Thus, the social pecking order begins. This is abusive and it works in cycles until somebody stands up to the bully, decides not to become like them, and heals their inner wounds. Finally, true cameraderie with other women - emotional intimacy, trust, and friendship - is possible.
ITA with you. I am a former probation officer and there were mean girls in this line of work and in the court house. I was very close to another female probation officer and we were partners. We always did our job and did not get involved in any office gossip. One Friday we were at some routine training. When we got out that evening, both of our cell phones kept buzzing. We were being called by a few of the other probation officers to let us know that 8 of them were fired for payroll fraud (they were clocked in and supposed to be out in the field but were doing other things). We had no idea any of this was going on. We also had no idea that we were all being followed for up to a year. Everyone was being followed. It's done in a way that you won't detect it. So glad we always did our jobs and did not get caught up in any of that. I don't get along with people who have a poor work ethic and sit around and gossip and do nothing. Good riddance. That type of behavior catches up with you.
I would love to see a world where women friends be friendly and supportive to all other women and be happy to discuss interests and issues and not look for ways to be petty and crappy to each other. How much farther we would get as a group and have fun on the journey.
Hi Laura, thank you for the insightful explanation video. Surely, it brings a concern when they are still in operation. The best policy is to choose your companion based on common ground in values. It is hard to find sometimes, but better be yourself than being trapped in the fakeness and all the dramas.Have a wonderful day and God bless 🙏🏻🎉
I’ve come across a couple of mean girls, but they weren’t part of a group. No one seemed to want to be friends with them. But I’m an introvert, and haven’t joined many groups, so don’t have as much experience with it. Sometimes I find myself tempted to be critical of others, and I think it’s based on my own insecurity. I think that’s how they attract followers, who get sucked into being critical, making them feel better about themselves. However, deliberately excluding someone is even worse behavior, and I can’t imagine being that mean. It seems a real level of viciousness. Thanks for all the videos, I find them helpful, and have noticed ways I need to improve.
Definitely experienced this in business seeing it happening knowing but then being looked upon as the one out of the loop ! Learnt lessons that I’m so happy your touching upon it makes you feel less alone ! Thankyou❣️
Thank you again, Laura! What great insight into an important topic. I never was popular growing up, and after a tough divorce, and many years ago, I value true friends & my independence. Will be looking for your books on Amazon.
So interesting how you identify and articulate the actions of mean girls. It confirms and explains the experiences that I’ve had been “in” and then being “out” which has happened both personally and professionally.
My questions is how many ladies on here still talk to people on the phone? I mean I am 56 and it seems like those younger than me want to text. It is almost like talking on the phone is a issue or phobia or something for them. I am a extrovert but overtime I am becoming more of a introvert because honestly I get tired of always being the one who reaches out and texts or calls etc. I have a few friends but one lives in another state and one where I live. I so enjoy my weekends with my husband . He is my best friend next God. I have never been popular but most people in high school left me alone and did not pick on me or bully me so I am thankful for that.
I miss phone calls. I do have my college roommates who live in other parts of the country and we love to connect on 3 way calls. But yes, local friends just text.
I've realized that if I want to connect with ladies 10ish years younger than me that I will have to become more of a texter. They've nicely dropped not-so-subtle hints that they REALLY prefer texting. If the friendship is otherwise good I can compromise on that I reckon.
💯 I believe there have always been mean girls. Social media has given them a megaphone.📣 In my opinion, the real problem is folks around us not speaking up when they see these behaviors. I've had to learn the hard way that these "friends" who didn't stand up for me weren't really friends to begin with. I am reading your book now. It has really changed my perspective on who I should call a friend. I'm 35 and in the Millenial generation, we were taught to use the word "friend" too loosely. I am a former teacher, and many teachers I used to teach with encouraged us as new teachers to call our students friends-I cringe now about that 🤦♀️ The conversation needs to change about what friendship actually is, wjat it means to be a friend, and red flags for toxic relationships. Thank you for building a platform around this much needed topic!
I don't mind popular outgoing people. I only get upset when I realize they are a mean girl. Not being invited to things don't bother me. You can't be invited to everything. But people who try to take what I have make me angry. I've had a lot of women come after me because they are jealous
I used to work with a lady who liked to give me a hard time about everything. I stood up to her and did not let her continue to do that. I was younger than her at the time and she was the assistant manager of where I worked. I am a Christian and I want to treat others as God would want me to treat them and also as I would want to be treated. yet some people can be mean and try to use a person as a door mat and I would not let her do that to me.
Great video.. yes I think we’re just starting to talk about it. Gender does not equal character It will be a wonderful day when dangerous women get properly analysed and understood for the damage they inflict.
When you grow up you realize people don't just grow out of bad behaviors and inadequate parenting, they often become your work colleagues, in-laws and so on. Some of them pretend well and play a victim so that they can make cliques of sympathizers, others are straight up adult bullies but even they to some come across as confident...people that enable them all are often insecure, people pleasers that prefer fakeness over reality because it's less confrontational in the moment.
As somebody who came from a family with a number of narcissistic abusers, I think that these mean girls sound like a form of narcissist. As for their followers, I think that it's sad that there are people middle aged and older who are still worrying about being part of an in crowd. As it's something that is normally associated with middle school or high school, it's amazing to think that some people have spent decades trailing after narcissists. There are so many better things that they could have spent the years focusing on.
Another great topic! I’ve experienced this first hand and you are spot on. I’m sure some folks think the fact that some of these women are calculating is a stretch believe me it’s a thing and I’m so glad she is mentioning it here. I have a particular friend who is like this. We went to high school together and I was in her wedding. During high school her parents never let her participate in school activities. Meanwhile I played soccer and was a cheerleader. She had to stay home and study. She went on to college and we hung out on breaks during college. She eventually moved away and her husband became a multi millionaire through work. They were so well off they just bought a million dollar condo in our home town and built their dream home -10k sf with a pool on a lake in the other location. But now she is the mean girl. She uses social media to pick people to socialize with when she comes home- many are my friends who I knew since childhood. But she doesn’t invite me. I’m relegated to the dive bar karaoke with random people I don’t even know. I have just recently started to decline her invites like this because we used to have lunches and I could actually invite HER out and she would come. Now if I do that she has some other thing to do - she always has to be in control of what is done. I truly enjoy her company when we are together but I feel like because of her $ (and I grew up with means so it means little to me) and with the narcissism of social media she is now a mean girl who uses social media to stalk and curate people. Many of whom she never knew. And of course she prioritizes the rich and successful ones. Everyone who meets with her has to take a picture to be put on social media. It’s as if she wants to be seen as the Queen of everything. And she also buys a lot of relationships paying for things for people. The last time she came into town was the worst. It became pretty clear she wanted to throw it all in your face while you wait on the bench waiting for an invite. She enjoyed showing me I wasn’t in the circle while all her adoring fans fawned over every post. The saddest part was I was close to her family and now I don’t even get invited to see them. So I’m moving on. When she comes next time I’m unfollowing her feed or staying off of social media. If an invite comes and it sounds fun I’ll go. But if it feels like one of her games I will not. It’s really sad to see a girl who was successful in her own right who grew up poor turn into this type of person.
I worked around mean girls. There was a Queen Bee, the ring leader, and then there were her followers. The Queen Bee obviously must have not felt good about her self, and maybe had some childhood trauma and low self esteem, so she needed this power and she needed to bully other women in the dept in order to feel better about herself. And she was very good at being the Queen!!!! And I believe her followers must have also been insecure and fearful, otherwise they wouldn’t have needed to be part of a “hive” that existed solely to hurt other people in order to elevate themselves. I believe if a woman has a good sense of self esteem, then she doesn’t have a need to be part of a mean girl clique. And a good sense of self can also be a great buffer against mean girls. When the Queen was on a day off, the hive completely dissolved, and the members of the hive were actually really very nice people to be around. But once the Queen returned, it was back to business as usual. Sadly I didn’t have good self esteem back then, so I allowed myself to be hurt by these girls. I think that today, with lots of growth and self improvement, I wouldn’t allow myself to be affected by it. I’d be able to rise above it. What I can do now though is use my experience to help others, especially the younger women in my life, who will likely face these types of scenarios in their futures. I can help them understand the dynamics of mean girls and how to navigate this type of situation and remain unscathed by them.
house wives of Orange county really started to teach the average housewife to be catty and evil. the table flipping was the advanced lesson. it was all cool and glam! still is I'm sure. The "skinny girl" from New York is still at it and it is very sharp cutting humor
Even as a kid I did not want to be in the "In Crowd". I was a loner and just wanted one or two friends, but really good ones. I worked at three different offices and had mean girl bosses. I always just found a new job before I exploded on them, terrible women and humans. After awhile I became the boss. I knew that of course you don't have to treat people that way. I was never willing to be or put up with the mean girl garbage. I think you must have self respect and be kind to others.
Women too often feel threatened by another woman’s talent or success. It happens a lot in the work place. I was very unfair to a younger female asst manager when I was in corporate management back in my 30’s. I saw her as a threat to my position. She ended up quitting because I was a bad boss and I was embarrassed in front of my staff because I had let her fail. I learned a very valuable lesson that I have never repeated
@@laurahillauthor, and that's what matters. Learning from mistakes, even though its hard to face its the best way. It makes us all better people. The trick is to continue to learn and grow.
I think we are just finally talking about it. What's interesting to me is that the men at work ask me why there are so many mean women. I work mainly with men but recently I started working with a few women. The drama is terrible. I keep saying the wrong thing lol. I give up.
I def was tormented by mean girls in early school years. But I found that as we grew up they just sort of faded away into nothing. I know that as we mature we see them coming and so do other people. The people we actually want as friends don’t fall for for their sht either. :). I found I actually felt sorry for women doing these things as an adult. It’s just so sad and desperate.
I have a firm belief that mean women are desperately lonely and hateful. After I married, I realized my husband's mom was a mean girl who was much older. She has almost no friends, and her family relationships are very strained. I could tell by how she spoke of others she thinks she is superior. One day, a relative of my Husbands spoke of my mil. They said," She is a lonely and bitter woman and nobody is good enough. " I think that can be true. They view themselves as superior to others, and nobody is genuinely loved by them. It comes across that mean women are confident, but they are really insecure. My mil doesn't have any true friendships. It is really sad....but I do think mean women do this to themselves. Also, I have noticed that many mean women do this as something they can control. They may have had something in their past that hurt them and they had no control....but we all can control how we treat people. Sometimes, I think, mean women are really just over- compensating for control. Mean women may appear to have everything, but they aren't happy. You can not be happy mistreating people. My mil is very mean to her " friends" behind their backs and to family. She is extremely miserable. It is a sad way to live. Instead of having love and joy, mean women are always upset with someone. I loved this video.
So insightful and I agree. The woman I know has a miserable marriage. She carries a lot of resentment and anger. So hard for people to overcome such deep anger, they use other people as their outlet
Eek! I just found this channel. Laura...I live in the Dallas area and cant wait to read your book. I only hang around solid Christian women, so I honestly dont know if there are more mean girls today.
They were always protected. Mean girls become mean women. They manipulate people to get the dirty on them, to hold over their heads. There is also the thinking that no one is ever wrong, no one can say I'm sorry, and no one is every the problem, no more ownership. I've seen the mean girls who bullied me all through school and they are still, some 30 years later, obnoxious. Perfect life- perfect children- perfect things always happening to them. I found my voice in my 20's and I will stand up for myself, no matter who it is. My son was in swimming and those mom's were the worst! I choose to sit by myself, because I don't fake play. If you want to be my friend, be my friend, I will not pander to anyone nor clap for their kid, especially if they or their child are obnoxious. They are fake and will adjust to whomever they want to manipulate. I smell that BS a mile away. That one swim mom sent me a text saying she didn't give an "F" about anyone else's kid. Yeah, for real. The underlying issue was my son was not only academically gifted, but had only been swimming for less than 2 years and was already to her son's level of swimming. She was trying to take me down a notch and my responding would have been her ammo. She was baiting me to respond but I never responded. However, 2 years later, after everyone thinking she was wonderful and her kid was great, and my son was graduated, I sent that text to the entire swim team and coaches. I sure did!
I have known quite a few of these women in my lifetime. They will also try and be "pals" with your husband or partner. I try and avoid them at all costs. I like the term "Queen Bee".
Hi Laura, I hope my comment doesn't get too long. I tend to get wordy and long-winded when trying to explain something. I will try to get to the point. 😃 I think mean girls have probably always existed but I think there are just more of them now. I think there are a lot of things that have contributed to this phenomenon. I think you're right about social media holding some responsibility in this. I also think some television shows are partly responsible. Reality tv shows like the Real Housewives franchises and the television show Sex and the City (SATC). I think there are many women who mirror the behaviors of others they see on tv for various reasons. I have not seen one single episode of SATC but I have read and heard about it referenced so many times that I have come to the conclusion that it has brought about a lot of things today that were rare back in the 90s or early 2000s. For example, the idea of celebrating one's birthday for an entire week or even a month is something that I had never heard of anyone doing until the 2000s. However, I do believe that this birthday thing seems to be tied to how we were acknowledged or not acknowledged as children. And then you also have those reality tv shows that do this and many people have copied it. These shows have also demonstrated and celebrated mean girl behaviors. Again, many women have copied it. So...that's my take on how tv is responsible for a lot of these behaviors. There are also 2 things that I strongly believe and consider when I see mean girl behaviors and those are: 'Insecurities are loud'.' Confidence is silent'. And 'hurt people hurt others'. So, when I observe someone behaving in ways that are mean, I always wonder what's behind all of that and who hurt them because happy people do not go around hurting people and getting delight from it (unless, of course, they are sadistic but that's a whole other topic....and they're not genuinely happy people anyway). And when I see someone bragging, I tend to believe they are just very insecure. When I hear someone gossiping, I think they're boring and unintelligent. I'm not talking about venting one's problems about another to their close friend but sharing things like "Oh..did you hear so and so's son is in rehab?", "I heard so and so is filing bankruptcy", "I saw so and so last week and she's gained so much weight." etc., etc., etc. It's important to make the distinction that these things are not shared out of concern and maybe to pray for the person but shared and used as fodder for amusement and entertainment. That's just plain cruel. When I hear someone doing this, I keep my distance because I see them as toxic.
@@laurahillauthor Knowing that many, if not most, people emulate what they see on tv, there should be shows that show people doing charitable things and being kind to each other.....and not just one episode but all episodes. But methinks people just like to see drama.
Yes, I think it’s both- a) there are more mean girls now and b) we are also more aware them. My theory: with social media women now see these ideal lives, and grow bitter and nastier, because their lives didn’t turn out to be these picture perfect lives. And instead of taking that, as motivation to maybe improve their own lives, they lash out at women in real life, who seem to have it together. God for bid you have confidence or have the appearance of a happy life- You will be a target. And also a lot of us as we’ve grown older have learned boundaries and will no longer accept people treating us disrespectfully. So we have an increased awareness and increased intolerance to these type of personalities.
its the entitlement system today, its all about me, what I want when I want it and don’t care how I did it, social media has created the monster …….2 Timothy 3 ….is here!
Social media has popularized the mean girl culture. In the past it was more nuanced. When I went to HS, the "popular" girls who typically were cheer leaders, had all their toady type or "pick me" types who wanted in their inner circle. Personally, I thought they were silly, vapid girls and I had a few friends in the Drama or who were on the newspaper with me.
You are talking about a narcissist personality, they are mean and actually evil people, I moved into a small village and have one women like this in this village, she will cause problems in the village i can see it coming ….beware of these women!
Youre talking about narcissistic women. Narcissism and all the facets is a thing that can be studied and should be studied. As a former codependent Ive studied it extensively. I am now fully aware of these people and their tactics. Strong boundaries are now in place.
My issue is I get misunderstood. I can be shy and it comes off as I'm not interested or rude. People have told me I seem mad but I'm really just feeling awkward and dont know what to say or who to walk up to. When someone accepts me, I get excited thinking I made a new friend, but it always fizzles out. I invite people over, and they don't want to come, but they seem to go to other peoples homes just fine. I dont get it and am tired of over thinking. I have to keep trying because my kids need friends and I homeschool. Even in my homeschool group, I feel this way. Shouldn't I feel sucure and be able to let loose and make friends easy when I'm in a group with like minded mothers? It doesn't make sense to me. I'll make a meal for meal trains, Ill smile and try to be bubbly, I'll text and invite people over, but they always say they can't or are busy and they are so sorry and they wish they could... orI'lll make an event and no one signs up. Everyone else seems to be so confident and get all these friends but Im just lost.
Sometimes it takes quite a while trying and failing until you find your ‘people’ it can get overwhelming If things aren’t working out then you aren’t in the right place for you. Not every place will be a great fit. Sometimes I find you just share moments with people but don’t expect anything more. It takes some of the pressure off.
Perhaps you have a problem with accountability, if something offends you, you might look into why you are so triggered. The term "mean girls" is just a term for being a Bully. Men are that way equally or more so with each other. Since this is a channel aimed at women, it is addressed in this context.
The fact that you had to use "misogynistic" in your sentence lets us all know your mind set. Maybe you can go get a nice hobby instead of watching UA-cam!
@@aEb4156 what's misogynistic is women manipulating, bullying, and gaslighting other women when they'd never dream of treating men in that manner. Where did they learn to do that? I don't think it's okay for women to mistreat other women, or anyone else for that matter.
These types don’t make friends, they recruit followers.
they also make other wayward women feel empowered because they make them feel like they "finally belong" its a social sickness that we don't really want to address. and, its everywhere.
I call them the people that collect people like trophies.
Exactly!
It usually boils down to insecurity and jealousy.
Often
insecure people in general can turn mean... uncomfortable with their own inadequacies they lash out at others
Wise words
Amen! I think this succinctly sums up my very wordy comment. Thank you for saying it.
I am a fan of women's professional basketball. This year a "generational talent," incredibly talented and already breaking records, rookie has entered the league. She has been blatently hit in the head/face, shoved, thrown to the floor countless times, and has suffered a ruptured eardrum as a result of a flagrant foul. The refs even seem to be looking the other way, letting the abuse continue. She has brought a lot of new fans to the league who watched her in college, and this is leading to attendance records, new tv deals that will create wealth for all the players, more endorsements, etc. I am amazed to see the professional athlete mean girls trying to literally kill the "golden goose," who lifts them all with new notoriety and financial opportunities. The toxicity wins over quality of play, and enjoyment of the game for everyone. Mean girls have a way of turning anything good, even for themselves, to sh!t with pettyness and jealousy. It's just crazy.
@@deniseclaeys8295 That's absolutely terrible and unacceptable. You know what's really behind a lot of this? Most women see other women as competition in all areas of life, and instead of having the attitude that when one of us wins, we all win...but, no, it's the more of the crab basket mentality that states, "if a crab starts to climb out, it will be pulled back in by the others, ensuring the group's collective demise". It needs to change.
@redlikewineagain697 Yes! The "crab analogy" perfectly describes it. So sad that human beings feel the need to reduce themselves to crustaceans! 🤦🏼♀️
I recently moved into a senior housing community & oh my goodness the cliques, & busy bodies that are here. I usually come directly to my apartment & don't get involved with all of the social activities because I don't want to get caught up in all of the gossip & drama. You'd think that these "mature" adults would have grown up & gotten past all of that high school nonsense. But no!
It never ends does it?
Underrated comment!
That’s disheartening
Same here, a year & a half ago I did also. Luckily, I have never been one to want to be in groups. I am a loaner & am happier on my I wn. That drives them nuts.
Sad. I only want people that really care about me in my life.
When I finished all of my schooling, I was relieved - I thought I would never have to deal with the “mean girls” and bullies again. Boy, was I wrong. Those mean girls grow up and become your co-workers, bosses, neighbours, etc. Thank God, I’ve matured and now avoid them at all costs.
You are so right!
I’m 20 but I have to say your videos have truly made me feel so seen and validated in the things I’ve experienced. Your videos really help me have clarity on situations where I’ve blamed myself relentlessly. Thank you so much for your wisdom ❤
Thank you! I am hoping that all the older women here on the channel sharing can be a good source of wisdom to younger women like you!
I didn’t know about this proper until I was 50. I’ve just turned 60. You’re lucky for having UA-cam. My whole life has been littered with frenemies. No mas!
Such an intelligent young woman to look for positive guidance and good mentorship. I wish I had the sense to look for that when I was your age. Wishing you all the best!❤
Yes… Hurtful people doing hurtful things and miserable people doing miserable things.
What I have learned in dealing with these wicked women is that you can take their power away by showing they aren't important. Just walk by with a smile. You can't be shunned from a club you have not interest in belonging to in the first place. I have been smeared but the ones who go along with it aren't keepers anyway. It isn't easy to get to this point but once I got there, I was free from being hurt.
Agree💯 great advice!!
These type of people used to confuse me until I researched and learned more about Cluster B personality disorders and especially narcissistic personality disorder. Now that I recognize the behavior, I steer clear of dynamics like that. It’s refreshing to only have emotionally/mentally stable people surrounding me now. I don’t need to diagnose them-I can tell there is something off by how they make me feel now!
Good for you!
This was my experience with the "power" moms in my kids school. They exerted far too much influence over the teachers and school board. Looking them up on social media nowadays, decades later, was pretty funny, kids are all gone now, and so is their super powers.😂😂😂
Oh boy are you right. I was always one of the ‘working moms’ so they cut us out of everything
While there have always been "mean girls", I think social media today proliferates them. People have the internet to spread bad ideas and to pile on to others and they are taking full advantage of that situation. I am glad I found your channel. I find it helpful to hear your perspective.
Welcome! Glad you found the channel too. I agree social media has corrupted so many extremes so many younger women suffer from low self esteem and that breeds jealousy, envy and meanness.
I lost a very supportive friend group because of a "Mean Girl" (a woman in her 50s at the time). It happened several years ago, but still hurts today. Partly because my "supportive friends" did nothing to prevent it. Heartbreaking. (just subscribed to your channel, thanks)
That really hurts. It makes you stronger but it also makes you more cautious
I've also noticed my "friends" rarely go to bat for me when I'm being trashed. The best they can manage is to just be quiet. If they can't find their voice to openly defend me I don't want them. Silence is tacit consent. 👎
They've always existed, narcissists...
Yes
I was thinking the exact same thing!
As a person who never fit, I’ve learned we can create a kinder, better group of people that ends up, sometimes, including the people who do. I’ve been complimented by the phrase “ you were always nice to me” and I’ve learned to be grateful for that I was outside the “group”. Live your life earnestly and you will find your people. It takes time but I’m glad I didn’t compromise popularity for connection. Much love!
Love that!
Reality TV is partly to blame. Women in those shows are horrible.
Toxic 💯
I stopped watching after they got meaner. I had a headache after I watched it. Yuk.
Thank you, Laura, for discussing this problem. I’m reading your book now. Unfortunately I was raised by a “mean girl” and it wasn’t easy to be her scapegoat! I have run into similar woman and one of the worst was actually at a church where I was very active. I finally had to leave that congregation for my own peace of mind.
She has a book? May I ask the name of this book? I'd love to read it. Thank you♥
@@redlikewineagain697 "Where the Mean Girls Go".
@@redlikewineagain697thanks! Yes you can get both of my books on Amazon. Walking In My Shoes and Where the Mean Girls Go
I publish under Laura Downey Hill. ❤
So glad you found the channel and my book!
@@suef52 and here I was thinking your comment meant the mean girls were in church 😂😂😂 Didn't realize that was the name of the book. 🤣
Hello Dear Laura ,
I could write a book too on this subject! There have always been mean girls . From day one. First grade I noticed other popular girls who were mean from the beginning. Clickish from day one. I knew everyone by name and had visited their homes etc from grade one onward. I was naturally very sociable. But also very intuitive ,sensitive and aware.
I wasn’t always correct but I could usually call it if a girl was a mean girl right away.
To be honest I was called a mean girl a time or two through the years.I feel I was misunderstood. It was because I didn’t take any crap from anyone. Still don’t . I would speak up call the person on it and usually they’d end up not liking me. I didn’t care I’d rather they knew what they did was wrong that I noticed and it wasn’t ok. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve and being an emotional and ultra sensitive person who’s life has not been easy. I learned pretty early that I had to stay away from the mean girls ( highschool especially)and keep my distance . I got so good at judging a mean girl. It sincerely got to the point even to this day that mean girls and now women keep clear of me. It’s only nice girls that befriend me. I’m happy with this.
I started not having many friends just a handful as I got older .
To this point early 60’s I have 2-3 friends. My best friend was always my mother and younger sister.Even my high school best friends I lost long ago gladly . We grew apart for one but also too different in our lifestyles.
Thanks so much for sharing this. Yes we have all been called a mean girl at some point. I think women are held to a much higher standard. It’s as if standing up for yourself is a negative. But love that you now attract the right kind of women!
Wow 😮it’s so nice to see someone recognize this type of girl .I have been targeted in that way, for several times over the last decade. I live in a small community trailer park and that’s what I’m seeing whenever I start a community project… thanks for this video and all the others, they are accurate to what the girl’s world is about.
Thanks for sharing!!
They are selfish and have a big ego. They are insecure.
Its sad but I had 2 really good male friends. They were so fun and weren't judgemental like women. They wanted to go to concerts or really good restaurants. One passed away early and the other one moved away and got married but I'll never forget them. I've gotten rid of so many negative and mean people out of my life in the last 5 years including family. The peace 🕊️ is wonderful. I couldn't take it anymore and I realized I do better all by myself. ❤
I’ve heard the same from many other women. I think a great friend is a gift whether it is a man or a woman. The loss especially the death of a great friend is so hard💔
Yes, we older women have travelled around the sun often enough to recognize the disruptors when we see them in action. It's good to address the topic, you can't fix what's never acknowledged. I found your videos this morning and have watched a few, enjoying listening to your thoughts. New subscriber!
Welcome and thanks for subscribing. I agree talking about these subjects ‘wisdom sharing’ can help others and the younger women coming up
I can definitely relate to your first sentence. I can spot them at 20 paces these days. I try and steer clear of them and their antics. It usually ends in tears.
It’s low self esteem and they are not happy not only with themselves but with anything so they take it out on the people around them or strangers
I agree and I think women are suffering from low self esteem more than ever
I would say it’s overtly high self esteem surely?…..honking and trumpeting your goals and achievements, manipulating your ‘flock’ of disciples to do your bidding and expelling those who don’t reflect back your queen bee status and image? That’s not low self esteem.
This is why we must teach young girls the power of solitude and not needing anybody's validation. They have to gather in groups of 20 or more to take down one secure woman, and they might not even win. Think about that.
I had a “mean girl/woman” former friend who (after some time) she told me she was envious of me because
I had a daughter and she had a son and she was jealous. She had always wished she had a daughter. Geez, I was blown away!
Some closure in that she finally told you why. People get out of sorts over things we can not imagine. I’m with you, who would have thought
Great topic Laura! I find "Mean Girls" in public as well as a now handicapped person. I was just telling my husband the other day that since my acute stroke in 2014 at age 50 it is men that try and help me in public. I use a cane and wear an orthotic device. Men (young and old) are the ones that hold doors for me, hand me a shopping cart etc. Very rarely has a women in the past 10 years been helpful. It says a lot about women in general IMHO and something we can strive for to be a nicer and better person!
Thanks for sharing this. We can all do better. Including me
Thank you for talking about this issue. Mean girls are everywhere. There was even a mean girl in my work pod before I left. She caused me lots of anxiety and stress.
They ruin the workplace and quite frankly we generally end up leaving first rather than anyone in a position of responsibility stepping in and fixing the real problem.
Thank you Laura for speaking about this topic. As a young girl I experienced bully girls and being a sensitive child I was hurt by this group. As I grew up and found my voice and courage I would no longer tolerate this in my life. I believe that confidence in ourselves is what protects us from these people. As soon as you notice a red flag walk away quickly and never look back. Confront them if you are confident enough to do so. I have let go of a few women who I thought were friends but really weren't. I am 70 and am fortunate to have a great group of women friends in my life now. Some for over 20 years.
Of course there is the one heartbreaking woman who after a 30 year friendship since age 13 who thought it was ok to have an affair with my then husband. Now my radar is up and I can spot trouble from a mile away.
We all hate to go through those really tough times. But it does keep us from making mistakes moving forward.
It's interesting what you say about your old friend having an affair with your then husband. These women just feel entitled to take what they want. It's like a game to them.
Sad but too often true
I managed to avoid some of this behavior until grad school. And these are women older than me, acting like they are in a clique, and catty beyond belief. I am already tired of drama and I am not thirty yet.
Oh boy I think I know what you mean about the girls in grad school. When I was in grad school (22 years ago), I also worked full time as a probation officer. Most of the people in grad school did not work full time. They were spoiled girls from either wealthy families of origin or were married and their husbands worked. Totally clueless. I remember their Prada bags and all the other designer things they'd show off. Just keep your eye on the prize and focus on your studies and look to the future. That will help you get through it. Good luck to you ♥
I think that is why I prefer to be around men. They say how they feel and get it over with. None of that catty BS!
A lot of women agree!
You capture this personality type so vividly. Love your channel
Thanks so much!
Thank you UA-cam for putting Laura Hill in my video feed! This is just what I needed to listen to and learn from. Thank you Laura Hill for establishing these excellent videos. You rock!
Thanks a million!! So glad you found my channel
Love, love this topic, and frankly, I don't understand why we aren't talking about it more? So thank you for bringing it up.
Hopefully I can fill the gap
Great topic to bring awareness to.Im a nice person .I like people and like to be a part of .but I have been bullied to the point of total isolation
I’m so sorry. So many women have experienced the same thing. Women are so cruel to eachother 💔
Mean girls have been there forever. In the past it seems like mean girls were more prevalent in smaller circles. For example we used to find the mean women in the wives of our spouse’s coworkers. They were very toxic and most of the behavior was driven by the husband’s success. If you didn’t see these women socially it could impact your husband’s job.
The neighbors were also fertile ground for mean girls. They would exclude a handful of neighbors from get togethers, etc.
Now, we see mean girls in our own jobs and at our kids events. High school never seems to end.
That’s what I find so disturbing. Why can’t they grow up?? 🤦♀️
jeez. that's disturbing. sounds like the mafia.
Love your channel. Nurses eat their young!!! What an education. They steal your skills, shifts, gaslight you and are competitive to undermine YOU. People don't believe it. No kindness just two faced and rejoice in bullying. It's jealousy. I'm out of it now. What a relief. 😅
Wow! That’s tough but I have heard that from other women who have had a similar experience. There are definitely good eggs and bad eggs
So true…all of it!
Summed up all my thoughts on this subject beautifully 💕
Thanks!
The flashier the emptier in my mind. I see the flash and run a mile literally I hide away not to get blinded
Great advice!
What do you mean when you say 'flashy'?
Hi Laura, Just found your channel and I'm enjoying it. Thank you.
I agree with your comments and they are spot on. In high schooll the "pretty, self-important, in crowd" dominated social life. After college I found the same behaviors and caste system in a well known corporation where I spent 30 years. It was actually no different than the cliques of high school days when it came to promotions and recognition. I suppose our society is wired to exhibit privilege and social status.
Thank you again.
Glad you found the channel. And thanks for sharing your comment
Mean girls start in the home. They are bullied, and end up becoming the bully. They are abused by somebody. Mom, dad, both, whoever, who knows. They are treated poorly and internalize this. Then, they turn around and treat others the same, expecting them to fall in line and cow-tow. Thus, the social pecking order begins. This is abusive and it works in cycles until somebody stands up to the bully, decides not to become like them, and heals their inner wounds. Finally, true cameraderie with other women - emotional intimacy, trust, and friendship - is possible.
ITA with you. I am a former probation officer and there were mean girls in this line of work and in the court house. I was very close to another female probation officer and we were partners. We always did our job and did not get involved in any office gossip. One Friday we were at some routine training. When we got out that evening, both of our cell phones kept buzzing. We were being called by a few of the other probation officers to let us know that 8 of them were fired for payroll fraud (they were clocked in and supposed to be out in the field but were doing other things). We had no idea any of this was going on. We also had no idea that we were all being followed for up to a year. Everyone was being followed. It's done in a way that you won't detect it. So glad we always did our jobs and did not get caught up in any of that. I don't get along with people who have a poor work ethic and sit around and gossip and do nothing. Good riddance. That type of behavior catches up with you.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
The evolution of the "mean girl" was so aptly described.
I would love to see a world where women friends be friendly and supportive to all other women and be happy to discuss interests and issues and not look for ways to be petty and crappy to each other. How much farther we would get as a group and have fun on the journey.
Agree💯
I'm very slow to decide if somebody is actually a real friend. I like to give them time to simmer awhile first.
Simmer….love that
@@laurahillauthor You've perfectly described some of my experiences with women in previous videos.
Thanks!
Hi Laura, thank you for the insightful explanation video. Surely, it brings a concern when they are still in operation. The best policy is to choose your companion based on common ground in values. It is hard to find sometimes, but better be yourself than being trapped in the fakeness and all the dramas.Have a wonderful day and God bless 🙏🏻🎉
Thanks for sharing!
@@laurahillauthor My pleasure, Laura. Have a wonderful day and blessings to you 🙏🏻🎉
I’ve come across a couple of mean girls, but they weren’t part of a group. No one seemed to want to be friends with them. But I’m an introvert, and haven’t joined many groups, so don’t have as much experience with it. Sometimes I find myself tempted to be critical of others, and I think it’s based on my own insecurity. I think that’s how they attract followers, who get sucked into being critical, making them feel better about themselves. However, deliberately excluding someone is even worse behavior, and I can’t imagine being that mean. It seems a real level of viciousness. Thanks for all the videos, I find them helpful, and have noticed ways I need to improve.
Thanks so much for taking the time to comment!
Definitely experienced this in business seeing it happening knowing but then being looked upon as the one out of the loop ! Learnt lessons that I’m so happy your touching upon it makes you feel less alone ! Thankyou❣️
Thanks so much! Always appreciate you taking the time to watch and comment
I agree
Hi Laura…so much of this video resonates with me. I think social media has empowered these people. Love your content ❤
Glad you found the channel. I agree social media has created a platform that empowers meanness
Thank you again, Laura! What great insight into an important topic. I never was popular growing up, and after a tough divorce, and many years ago, I value true friends & my independence. Will be looking for your books on Amazon.
Thanks!
So interesting how you identify and articulate the actions of mean girls. It confirms and explains the experiences that I’ve had been “in” and then being “out” which has happened both personally and professionally.
Thanks for commenting.
There have always been mean girls but with the political happenings , through social media we get to see them much more .
💯
Go to any school reunion and you'll see it
Agree💯
Yes!
My questions is how many ladies on here still talk to people on the phone? I mean I am 56 and it seems like those younger than me want to text. It is almost like talking on the phone is a issue or phobia or something for them. I am a extrovert but overtime I am becoming more of a introvert because honestly I get tired of always being the one who reaches out and texts or calls etc. I have a few friends but one lives in another state and one where I live. I so enjoy my weekends with my husband . He is my best friend next God. I have never been popular but most people in high school left me alone and did not pick on me or bully me so I am thankful for that.
I miss phone calls. I do have my college roommates who live in other parts of the country and we love to connect on 3 way calls. But yes, local friends just text.
I've realized that if I want to connect with ladies 10ish years younger than me that I will have to become more of a texter. They've nicely dropped not-so-subtle hints that they REALLY prefer texting. If the friendship is otherwise good I can compromise on that I reckon.
I'm a younger woman and have several people I talk with on the phone. ❤ it just depends on what type of conversation needs to be had.
My kids have all done the same with me😃
💯 I believe there have always been mean girls. Social media has given them a megaphone.📣 In my opinion, the real problem is folks around us not speaking up when they see these behaviors. I've had to learn the hard way that these "friends" who didn't stand up for me weren't really friends to begin with. I am reading your book now. It has really changed my perspective on who I should call a friend. I'm 35 and in the Millenial generation, we were taught to use the word "friend" too loosely. I am a former teacher, and many teachers I used to teach with encouraged us as new teachers to call our students friends-I cringe now about that 🤦♀️ The conversation needs to change about what friendship actually is, wjat it means to be a friend, and red flags for toxic relationships. Thank you for building a platform around this much needed topic!
And thanks for being someone who speaks up!
Oh yes. Especially in those swanky assisted living
Homes in the community parts.
It’s everywhere!
I don't mind popular outgoing people. I only get upset when I realize they are a mean girl. Not being invited to things don't bother me. You can't be invited to everything. But people who try to take what I have make me angry. I've had a lot of women come after me because they are jealous
Sorry to get off the subject but I noticed how you have your house fixed up. You have really good taste.
Thanks so much!
I used to work with a lady who liked to give me a hard time about everything. I stood up to her and did not let her continue to do that. I was younger than her at the time and she was the assistant manager of where I worked. I am a Christian and I want to treat others as God would want me to treat them and also as I would want to be treated. yet some people can be mean and try to use a person as a door mat and I would not let her do that to me.
You can be kind but stand up for yourself. Thanks for sharing
Great video.. yes I think we’re just starting to talk about it.
Gender does not equal character
It will be a wonderful day when dangerous women get properly analysed and understood for the damage they inflict.
When you grow up you realize people don't just grow out of bad behaviors and inadequate parenting, they often become your work colleagues, in-laws and so on. Some of them pretend well and play a victim so that they can make cliques of sympathizers, others are straight up adult bullies but even they to some come across as confident...people that enable them all are often insecure, people pleasers that prefer fakeness over reality because it's less confrontational in the moment.
Totally agree💯
Oh wow i know someone like this
I think we all do….unfortunately
As somebody who came from a family with a number of narcissistic abusers, I think that these mean girls sound like a form of narcissist. As for their followers, I think that it's sad that there are people middle aged and older who are still worrying about being part of an in crowd. As it's something that is normally associated with middle school or high school, it's amazing to think that some people have spent decades trailing after narcissists. There are so many better things that they could have spent the years focusing on.
Agree💯
Another great topic! I’ve experienced this first hand and you are spot on. I’m sure some folks think the fact that some of these women are calculating is a stretch believe me it’s a thing and I’m so glad she is mentioning it here.
I have a particular friend who is like this. We went to high school together and I was in her wedding. During high school her parents never let her participate in school activities. Meanwhile I played soccer and was a cheerleader. She had to stay home and study.
She went on to college and we hung out on breaks during college. She eventually moved away and her husband became a multi millionaire through work. They were so well off they just bought a million dollar condo in our home town and built their dream home -10k sf with a pool on a lake in the other location.
But now she is the mean girl. She uses social media to pick people to socialize with when she comes home- many are my friends who I knew since childhood. But she doesn’t invite me. I’m relegated to the dive bar karaoke with random people I don’t even know.
I have just recently started to decline her invites like this because we used to have lunches and I could actually invite HER out and she would come. Now if I do that she has some other thing to do - she always has to be in control of what is done.
I truly enjoy her company when we are together but I feel like because of her $ (and I grew up with means so it means little to me) and with the narcissism of social media she is now a mean girl who uses social media to stalk and curate people. Many of whom she never knew. And of course she prioritizes the rich and successful ones.
Everyone who meets with her has to take a picture to be put on social media. It’s as if she wants to be seen as the Queen of everything. And she also buys a lot of relationships paying for things for people.
The last time she came into town was the worst. It became pretty clear she wanted to throw it all in your face while you wait on the bench waiting for an invite. She enjoyed showing me I wasn’t in the circle while all her adoring fans fawned over every post.
The saddest part was I was close to her family and now I don’t even get invited to see them.
So I’m moving on. When she comes next time I’m unfollowing her feed or staying off of social media. If an invite comes and it sounds fun I’ll go. But if it feels like one of her games I will not. It’s really sad to see a girl who was successful in her own right who grew up poor turn into this type of person.
Sometimes super success gives people a misguided high opinion of themselves. Staying humble is tough for many
@@laurahillauthor very good assessment thank you 🌹
I worked around mean girls. There was a Queen Bee, the ring leader, and then there were her followers. The Queen Bee obviously must have not felt good about her self, and maybe had some childhood trauma and low self esteem, so she needed this power and she needed to bully other women in the dept in order to feel better about herself. And she was very good at being the Queen!!!! And I believe her followers must have also been insecure and fearful, otherwise they wouldn’t have needed to be part of a “hive” that existed solely to hurt other people in order to elevate themselves. I believe if a woman has a good sense of self esteem, then she doesn’t have a need to be part of a mean girl clique. And a good sense of self can also be a great buffer against mean girls. When the Queen was on a day off, the hive completely dissolved, and the members of the hive were actually really very nice people to be around. But once the Queen returned, it was back to business as usual. Sadly I didn’t have good self esteem back then, so I allowed myself to be hurt by these girls. I think that today, with lots of growth and self improvement, I wouldn’t allow myself to be affected by it. I’d be able to rise above it. What I can do now though is use my experience to help others, especially the younger women in my life, who will likely face these types of scenarios in their futures. I can help them understand the dynamics of mean girls and how to navigate this type of situation and remain unscathed by them.
Thanks for sharing!
house wives of Orange county really started to teach the average housewife to be catty and evil. the table flipping was the advanced lesson. it was all cool and glam! still is I'm sure. The "skinny girl" from New York is still at it and it is very sharp cutting humor
Those housewives shows certainly gave new meaning to mean girls!
Red flag 🚩 is when you meet a woman who says she loves watching that show!
🤣
More today for sure
Hello Laura 🌸🌸🌸🌸
Good morning!
Men seem to look for ways to support other men and keep things light. Women look for ways to undermine judge and harm other women.
Thus the Good ole Boys Club , never hear women spoken about that way🤷🏻♀️
Even as a kid I did not want to be in the "In Crowd". I was a loner and just wanted one or two friends, but really good ones. I worked at three different offices and had mean girl bosses. I always just found a new job before I exploded on them, terrible women and humans. After awhile I became the boss. I knew that of course you don't have to treat people that way. I was never willing to be or put up with the mean girl garbage. I think you must have self respect and be kind to others.
Women too often feel threatened by another woman’s talent or success. It happens a lot in the work place. I was very unfair to a younger female asst manager when I was in corporate management back in my 30’s. I saw her as a threat to my position. She ended up quitting because I was a bad boss and I was embarrassed in front of my staff because I had let her fail. I learned a very valuable lesson that I have never repeated
@@laurahillauthor, and that's what matters. Learning from mistakes, even though its hard to face its the best way. It makes us all better people. The trick is to continue to learn and grow.
Agree💯
I think we are just finally talking about it. What's interesting to me is that the men at work ask me why there are so many mean women. I work mainly with men but recently I started working with a few women. The drama is terrible. I keep saying the wrong thing lol. I give up.
You are so right. Even men notice it! Glad we are talking about it
I def was tormented by mean girls in early school years. But I found that as we grew up they just sort of faded away into nothing. I know that as we mature we see them coming and so do other people. The people we actually want as friends don’t fall for for their sht either. :). I found I actually felt sorry for women doing these things as an adult. It’s just so sad and desperate.
I have a firm belief that mean women are desperately lonely and hateful. After I married, I realized my husband's mom was a mean girl who was much older. She has almost no friends, and her family relationships are very strained. I could tell by how she spoke of others she thinks she is superior. One day, a relative of my Husbands spoke of my mil. They said," She is a lonely and bitter woman and nobody is good enough. " I think that can be true. They view themselves as superior to others, and nobody is genuinely loved by them. It comes across that mean women are confident, but they are really insecure. My mil doesn't have any true friendships. It is really sad....but I do think mean women do this to themselves. Also, I have noticed that many mean women do this as something they can control. They may have had something in their past that hurt them and they had no control....but we all can control how we treat people. Sometimes, I think, mean women are really just over- compensating for control. Mean women may appear to have everything, but they aren't happy. You can not be happy mistreating people. My mil is very mean to her " friends" behind their backs and to family. She is extremely miserable. It is a sad way to live. Instead of having love and joy, mean women are always upset with someone. I loved this video.
So insightful and I agree. The woman I know has a miserable marriage. She carries a lot of resentment and anger. So hard for people to overcome such deep anger, they use other people as their outlet
Eek! I just found this channel. Laura...I live in the Dallas area and cant wait to read your book.
I only hang around solid Christian women, so I honestly dont know if there are more mean girls today.
You’re so lucky to have a good group of women around you! And excited for you to read my latest book
It only took 25 years!!!! I'm an expert at figuring out agendas now. 😅
🤣😅
They were always protected. Mean girls become mean women. They manipulate people to get the dirty on them, to hold over their heads. There is also the thinking that no one is ever wrong, no one can say I'm sorry, and no one is every the problem, no more ownership. I've seen the mean girls who bullied me all through school and they are still, some 30 years later, obnoxious. Perfect life- perfect children- perfect things always happening to them. I found my voice in my 20's and I will stand up for myself, no matter who it is. My son was in swimming and those mom's were the worst! I choose to sit by myself, because I don't fake play. If you want to be my friend, be my friend, I will not pander to anyone nor clap for their kid, especially if they or their child are obnoxious. They are fake and will adjust to whomever they want to manipulate. I smell that BS a mile away. That one swim mom sent me a text saying she didn't give an "F" about anyone else's kid. Yeah, for real. The underlying issue was my son was not only academically gifted, but had only been swimming for less than 2 years and was already to her son's level of swimming. She was trying to take me down a notch and my responding would have been her ammo. She was baiting me to respond but I never responded. However, 2 years later, after everyone thinking she was wonderful and her kid was great, and my son was graduated, I sent that text to the entire swim team and coaches. I sure did!
Karma
I have known quite a few of these women in my lifetime. They will also try and be "pals" with your husband or partner. I try and avoid them at all costs. I like the term "Queen Bee".
Hi Laura, I hope my comment doesn't get too long. I tend to get wordy and long-winded when trying to explain something. I will try to get to the point. 😃 I think mean girls have probably always existed but I think there are just more of them now. I think there are a lot of things that have contributed to this phenomenon. I think you're right about social media holding some responsibility in this. I also think some television shows are partly responsible. Reality tv shows like the Real Housewives franchises and the television show Sex and the City (SATC). I think there are many women who mirror the behaviors of others they see on tv for various reasons. I have not seen one single episode of SATC but I have read and heard about it referenced so many times that I have come to the conclusion that it has brought about a lot of things today that were rare back in the 90s or early 2000s. For example, the idea of celebrating one's birthday for an entire week or even a month is something that I had never heard of anyone doing until the 2000s. However, I do believe that this birthday thing seems to be tied to how we were acknowledged or not acknowledged as children. And then you also have those reality tv shows that do this and many people have copied it. These shows have also demonstrated and celebrated mean girl behaviors. Again, many women have copied it. So...that's my take on how tv is responsible for a lot of these behaviors. There are also 2 things that I strongly believe and consider when I see mean girl behaviors and those are: 'Insecurities are loud'.' Confidence is silent'. And 'hurt people hurt others'. So, when I observe someone behaving in ways that are mean, I always wonder what's behind all of that and who hurt them because happy people do not go around hurting people and getting delight from it (unless, of course, they are sadistic but that's a whole other topic....and they're not genuinely happy people anyway). And when I see someone bragging, I tend to believe they are just very insecure. When I hear someone gossiping, I think they're boring and unintelligent. I'm not talking about venting one's problems about another to their close friend but sharing things like "Oh..did you hear so and so's son is in rehab?", "I heard so and so is filing bankruptcy", "I saw so and so last week and she's gained so much weight." etc., etc., etc. It's important to make the distinction that these things are not shared out of concern and maybe to pray for the person but shared and used as fodder for amusement and entertainment. That's just plain cruel. When I hear someone doing this, I keep my distance because I see them as toxic.
Thanks for sharing this. I always think about Sex In The City and how it set unreasonable expectations
@@laurahillauthor Knowing that many, if not most, people emulate what they see on tv, there should be shows that show people doing charitable things and being kind to each other.....and not just one episode but all episodes. But methinks people just like to see drama.
There are more mean people these days. That's what happens when 99% of the population is in chronic survival mode.
It’s definitely an epidemic
Yes, the “mean girls” are excellent at fronting! One “mean girl” liked taking photos with strangers to make herself look popular 😂
lol I think I know that girl !!🤣
Yes, I think it’s both- a) there are more mean girls now and b) we are also more aware them.
My theory: with social media women now see these ideal lives, and grow bitter and nastier, because their lives didn’t turn out to be these picture perfect lives. And instead of taking that, as motivation to maybe improve their own lives, they lash out at women in real life, who seem to have it together. God for bid you have confidence or have the appearance of a happy life- You will be a target. And also a lot of us as we’ve grown older have learned boundaries and will no longer accept people treating us disrespectfully. So we have an increased awareness and increased intolerance to these type of personalities.
Agree 💯
its the entitlement system today, its all about me, what I want when I want it and don’t care how I did it, social media has created the monster …….2 Timothy 3 ….is here!
Social media has popularized the mean girl culture. In the past it was more nuanced. When I went to HS, the "popular" girls who typically were cheer leaders, had all their toady type or "pick me" types who wanted in their inner circle. Personally, I thought they were silly, vapid girls and I had a few friends in the Drama or who were on the newspaper with me.
I agree!
You are talking about a narcissist personality, they are mean and actually evil people, I moved into a small village and have one women like this in this village, she will cause problems in the village i can see it coming ….beware of these women!
I was thinking the same thing!!
Youre talking about narcissistic women. Narcissism and all the facets is a thing that can be studied and should be studied. As a former codependent Ive studied it extensively. I am now fully aware of these people and their tactics. Strong boundaries are now in place.
Same here!
Social gatherers, the nice ones, are fine. However, you will never be special to them bc they have so many followers
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What you're describing is narcissistic behaviour
Agree💯
My issue is I get misunderstood. I can be shy and it comes off as I'm not interested or rude. People have told me I seem mad but I'm really just feeling awkward and dont know what to say or who to walk up to. When someone accepts me, I get excited thinking I made a new friend, but it always fizzles out. I invite people over, and they don't want to come, but they seem to go to other peoples homes just fine. I dont get it and am tired of over thinking. I have to keep trying because my kids need friends and I homeschool. Even in my homeschool group, I feel this way. Shouldn't I feel sucure and be able to let loose and make friends easy when I'm in a group with like minded mothers? It doesn't make sense to me. I'll make a meal for meal trains, Ill smile and try to be bubbly, I'll text and invite people over, but they always say they can't or are busy and they are so sorry and they wish they could... orI'lll make an event and no one signs up. Everyone else seems to be so confident and get all these friends but Im just lost.
Sometimes it takes quite a while trying and failing until you find your ‘people’ it can get overwhelming If things aren’t working out then you aren’t in the right place for you. Not every place will be a great fit. Sometimes I find you just share moments with people but don’t expect anything more. It takes some of the pressure off.
There's even mean girl men. Look at Trump and Vance for crying out loud!
There’s something in that. When the leader exhibits meanness to others, it gives permission for others to do it.
“Mean girls” - same old misogynistic crap. This channel is full of unhelpful, inaccurate generalizations.
Perhaps you have a problem with accountability, if something offends you, you might look into why you are so triggered. The term "mean girls" is just a term for being a Bully. Men are that way equally or more so with each other. Since this is a channel aimed at women, it is addressed in this context.
The fact that you had to use "misogynistic" in your sentence lets us all know your mind set. Maybe you can go get a nice hobby instead of watching UA-cam!
@@aEb4156 what's misogynistic is women manipulating, bullying, and gaslighting other women when they'd never dream of treating men in that manner. Where did they learn to do that? I don't think it's okay for women to mistreat other women, or anyone else for that matter.
I think I’ve found them all 🫤
🤣🤣me too!