How to handle people who constantly insult you but disguise it as a joke
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- Опубліковано 30 лип 2020
- Getting upset or defensive won't work, here's another idea that just might throw these types of balance at least.
Marie Dubuque continues to talk and talk about friendship, love and tricky social situations. Don't forget to subscribe! - Навчання та стиль
I got rid of "Friends" like that glad I did.
It's called passive aggressive.I am only joking means they are too cowardly to tell you what they really mean.
Precisely I have petty colleagues that do this BS
Exactly!
I would tell them to grow a pair, and level with me, or else shut up.
*THEM:* You're too sensitive...
*ME:* No, I'm not "too sensitive". I know when I'm being disrespected and it's NOT okay.
Bravo! Well said!
Your too sensitive ......yeah that old chestnut x
Those aren't friends. Who makes fun of you, can't be your friend. Greetings to you, dear Marie!
Precisely & not someone I want to be around
@@sophisticatedmm3632 exactly! These are obviously people who don't respect you. Why be a glutton for punishment?
Good advice! I've been there and it's really upsetting, because people think you're too sensitive. But should you accept every bad behaviour that comes your way? Nah no thanks
Those kinds of people are just manipulative. Because they will use that against you if you react negatively. And it can convince other people to think that you're overreacting. So there's not much you can do. Except avoid them.
It's a tactic weak individuals use to step on the powerful, they leverage the presence of others to impose group pressure that they can't or don't dare perform solo.
The whole intent is to put you down so they don't feel so overshadowed by your excellence, or whatever else that they perceive about you as a threat to their self esteem.
The cherry on top of the cake is that it is made to appear like they are the party that is open and you're the petty one, while the truth is the complete opposite.
Yes! You are 100% correct! I know because I have been at the receiving end of these weak, pathetic people for decades. A strong, confident person would NEVER behave this way, nor would a happy one.
Cut those toxic types of people off. I can't stand them and I despised them with a passion. They cause trouble and get over on decent nice people. They know what they're doing and they are revealing their true colors of who they really are. That goes for toxic family members, toxic so-called friends, and toxic co-workers. That's manipulation control and saying oh you're too this or you're too that. When they just as are us.
@Light in the Piazza Thanks 👍🏽💯 & you're welcome.
I don't know if you'll ever see this, but your words help us a lot. You're a queen, Marie!
You made my day, thank you.
I've gotten to the point where the phrase "You're too sensitive" or people that say "everyone's too sensitive" are coming from people you want to stay far away from. It's a friendship ending phrase for me, no longer a red flag. People who put the blame on everyone but themselves or constantly argue and manipulate the situation to make themselves look good when they're being called out show an immediate lack of maturity and accountability for their words and actions.
You start giving them the taste of their own medicine. They usually shut up or escape at that point.
I did and they ghosted me.
Yes onsult them back
this is basically my family... everything something good happens to me the insults start and the ruthless criticism and everything becomes a drama...
I remember you mentioning in other videos, ask “what’s your point?” I’ve tried it like you said, and I’ve noticed the difference in reaction and response depending on the situation.
Sometimes I just go for the jugular and say "What's wrong with you teeth? What's wrong with your face?" OMG!
Good!
"Cloaking your insults as a joke does not absolve you of your rudeness." Might be a good thing to say, then calmly walk away. In my family the family narcissist would say something rude, the onlookers would laugh and if I said anything more than one sentence they label me the trouble maker. I have had to go no contact with them because they all act this way against me. I was the youngest and only girl in the family and my mother was jealous of me. She fostered in my brothers an attitude that I was stupid and worthy of constant ridicule over silly things.
Oh my gosh, i want through something similar growing up.
Oh my god same!
Same here. I'm 31 now and went no contact with them about 5 years ago, after 5 years low contact before that. I love my peace. They didn't deserve to have me in their lives.
It's the smug facial expressions that give away their snide remarks. It's best to ignore them and dismiss what they say . And dont react. Think whatever who cares it's just immature ego tripping behaviour. Or if they continue just roll your eyes. The more you ignore these people eventually they will move onto someone else . Dont give them any reason to belittle you . Always keep it polite and be respectable. I have noticed that self focused people love acting like they are perfect but lack respect for people's feelings. Because they are only thinking about themselves. Keep a dignified silence dont give them the satisfaction of a reaction. They are showing their insecurities. Sometimes people just want attention or arrogant conceited people just love acting better than people. All they want is to boost their egos.
Yes I legit had to cut a close “friend” off for this last night. I’m over being disrespected and I’m intelligent enough to pick up on it.
well done.
Marie,
This is brilliant. You’re taking away their power and singling them out instead. These type of people usually move on to target another person in the group!
Yeah I'd like to know the answer to this because I just get so angry especially around family who do this cos if I react in the slightest it's more like its was meant as a joke you've taken it the wrong way but Im not stupid just because they put a smile on their face doesn't mean it weren't a dig and I can tell how they mean it, they just do it with an air of superiority and that's what narks me off all the more because they arent better than me that is why I want to put them in their place
Tell them if they want to have a joke with you to tell you something funny!
That’s a brilliant response!!
Yes than say we miss you! Wow! This is family too. So mean 😢 now you know why people leave their money to cats instead of their family 😁👍👍👍💕
This is great advice. I know someone who tries this in public. Definitely using this method on them the next time they try me
Reminds me of the "Passive Aggressive Pat" skit from SNL.
Because they are demons
So wise and pretty !!
Marie is the best!!!!
Yes she is, I've been listening to her for years!!!
@@reneemassey-2827 she is my psychologist haha, she is seriously so helpful it's a free psychologist.
Thank you for this!!! You are a sweet soul helping other sweet souls ❤️
Thanks again Auntie Marie 😊 you’re a blessing. Don’t give them the attention they want! Your advice is full of depth as it’s so easy to say don’t be around them. But you give advice when this isn’t possible right away
I had a co worker that would insult my hair & I got upset at first. Next time she gave me a hair suggestion, I said "I can't afford that". I also agreed that gray hair makes me look older & a lady is going to come to my home to dye it this weekend. Do not let insulting people upset you. Laugh with them or ignore them.
What bullshit advice! You can't ignore everything, and you can't laugh off everything, either. Plus, you're not fooling the big-mouth.
My family does this all the time
Excellent advice
Marie, you have been so helpful with all of your videos, thank you so much. I used to be very naive and was constantly being taken advantaged of. Now I can spot people that will respect me, are genuine, not gossipy, etc. (you know what I mean) vs. people that won’t. But! I’m starting to notice that sometimes it’s difficult to hide my facial expressions of how I truly feel when speaking to these people when I have to. Basically, I’m horrible at being fake! I think it’s important to be fake at work or not make things awkward in a group social setting. Any tips?
Thank you, Marie!
How about people who look down on me because I have moved to a small apartment? Rents have increased in this area and I simply thought it was not wise to pay that much for an apartment and moved to a studio. And now I receive petty looks and criticisms about the small space could be “tidier”. It is pretty tidy. 😊 I keep ignoring those comments but after the hassle of moving and unpacking, that is really too much. Thanks again, Marie for wonderful videos and generous help. ❤️
this is my ex husband we divorced 20 yrs ago , he still has the ability to turn my own adult kids against me ... its amazing they are unable to see it...
My brother often called me a derogatory name. Then he would laugh obnoxiously and try to get others to join in. I tried ignoring it, but that didn't work, so I came up with a strategy: The next time he said it, I laughed and said "It's been 50 years" [Really. 50 f-ing years!] "And that's still the funniest and wittiest thing I ever heard." ... "From you." He never said it again.
My mother in law. She says the most hurtful and judgmental things to me. I avoid her at all costs and if I do have to see her, doesn’t take long for a jab to come out. “Her: “Do you ever wash your dogs?”
“Do you ever dye your roots?” 😚
Wow ya I did exactly that. I was part of a run group and one of the new guys after hearing I plan to keep running another 20km laughed and said I should drink his water or else I'll drop dead. He looked at the others, they started laughing, and then I said the thought of me collapsing from dehydration wasn't funny to me and looked directly at the others, the others stopped laughing and then I quickly changed the subject to something else. I could tell from his eyes that he got the memo.
Had to drop a phony clown bc she kept taking jabs at my height. Its been a year since I've spoke to her. She makes me sick to my stomach now. The last straw was back last year on new years day and another friend made a comment about how tall I was and the one that kept taking jabs chimed in.
Im done with those two.
The best solution is to distance yourself from them.
I
You have no idea how much you helped me love from 🇵🇰
It actually feeds my ego to know that someone is so jealous of who I am as a person, that they have to do anything they can to bring me down to their level, they’re pathetic, and I laugh at them from above
Me too
That's good advice, but don't forget that some people that you ask if they found that funny may just leave you hanging also.....
But what if it's my parents who insults me? 'parents are always right' , anyone can help? It's sad you know.. I thought they were the ones tht would nvr even thought of giving out mean jokes about my insecurities but then i should hve known better, they find it fun joking about my insecurities and when i feel upset about it they said im just being too sensitive, WHEN IT HURTS, IT HURTS!
I am sorry that you are going through this. No one deserves to receive insults especially from their parents. I just wanted to let you know that you are smart, beautiful, brave & you have so much potential inside of you & if only you can see that beauty that shines inside of you.
They laugh at you behind your back then tell you they did it! Thinking what? You’ll be laughing too bc they’re so funny??? Sad and pathetic. I don’t let them.
Either way you insulted me
Hmmm...good point. This happen to me. I'm gay and everyone in my workplace know that but there's this guy who constantly insulting me the way I talk makes me really upset and I didn't know anything to do but just to ignore.
God has something to say about people like this:
...Like a madman shooting firebrands
and deadly arrows, so is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, “I WAS ONLY JOKING!” Without wood, a fire goes out; without gossip, a conflict ceases.
Like charcoal for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for KINDLING STRIFE. - Proverbs 26:18-21
Amen! True troublemakers. Poisonous and toxic.
Y is it I'm not allowed to be happy and feel loved and wanted it always been like this since the day I was born
Marie, you are the cutest thing.
Thing is, whenever I do this I'm now the guy who made things weird. I don't mind confrontation but after it, everyone avoids you altogether thinking you're too sensitive. I wonder why it's always me. Why does everyone else always seem to get along whereas I feel disrespected. . Am I really sensitive or am I the only one to rightly put my foot down?
This has undoubtedly been one of the most challenging things I've had to deal with in my career, and it further fuels my social anxiety
Roast them back or confront them. If they dont care then cut them off
Hey Marie recently I've gotten the feeling that my best friend has a crush on me. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't think I can hang out with him if that's how he feels about me. I know you did a video similar to the topic but he's closeted and I don't know how to let him down softly without shattering his world.
I had a friend's boyfriend who did that to .yself and two other friends in the car. He kept saying insults and basically making rude jokes. But we all would just stop talking and stare at him when he made jokes like that. Lol he didnt get the audience he wantes
hi Marie if we have any specific questions where and how can we send them to you?
Oh Marie, please help! I have to go to a party in a few weeks where I’m going to see my former best friend for the first time in eight years... we had a huge falling out over something horrible she did and we haven’t spoken since. And I’m going to the party alone! How do I get through it?
First of all I LOVE ur vids because they make me feel comfortable and second of all I actually have a much bigger problem that I don't know if it can be fixed so I need to talk to someone who would listen to me and calme me please is there any probleme to talk to u on instagrame or if that is going to bother u?
Would like to reach out to you. I need advice on a situation in my life.🙏🏽
My go to after they say it was a joke, oh I thought jokes are supposed to be funny
Well said!
How to contact with you.. do you online consultation
Insult them back and say you are jocking
My dad's friend bullies me in a joking way but it's the whole time he visits he calls me lard ass makes fun of my weight is a new one says I look like Fiona from Shrek seems like each time he comes up he it gets worse I'm not even that big.... I'm to the point where if he comes to the house I'm staying in my room I tried to smile and laugh to throw him off but he keeps doing it....
Shame on him! That's abusive! I would make a stink, and turn people left and right against him.
@@victoriasegall3404 yeah I don't talk to him anymore a year later after this comment I've cut contact :) and I must say I feel pretty good
@@Blueblur599 good for you! 👍
@@Blueblur599Were you a minor when he was saying those things? If so, he sounds like a child predator. If you were an adult, he still is an abusive predator.
My husband does this!!! Drives me crazy
It’s just a joke
What do you think of
I have to run to the hills for my sanity and wellbeing
meaning from you?
To a group of people who cheer them on.
It is possible for me to cut the whole group out of my life altogether.
Shane Dawson did creepy things to kids and animals for years on his channel and became successful just because he spins those as jokes! Pretending to be a comedian while hurting people pays sometimes. Sick but true.
The is only funny because it's at your expense. And the you throw the free meal up all over them