What to Say When Someone Insults You
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- Опубліковано 16 чер 2024
- Chances are great that regardless how genuine or good you are, there's always at least one person that will steal the show and throw words at you. Have you been struggling on finding the best response to a hot situation? In this episode, I will share my professional advise on what to say when someone insults you. Stay tuned!
00:28 Say nothing
01:30 As soon as you become defensive
02:30 My second favorite response
03:29 Get back in power
05:12 Thank you for revealing something
07:11 A different category
08:43 How to handle a sniper
09:31 Verify what just happened
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
Visit Live On Purpose Central for more support and resources:
go.liveonpurposecentral.com
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My mother's best friend would say to people who insulted her "I'm sorry your having a bad day". She told us that it puts the problem back on the person who insulted you. I use it all the time and it is very effective.
Fantastic 😆
I will use it!
How about, “I am going to pray that you have a better day!”?
Thats actually a cool response. Takes the wind out of their sails and shows you're a caring compassionate person at the same time.
That is my absolute favorite. People’s jaws drop. They’re expecting a fight. They are speechless.
Our grandson started high school this year, a boy was teasing him saying he was fat our grandson’s response was amazing he just said “ I don’t care what you think of me” and walked away. That boy doesn’t bother him anymore, we were all very proud of the mature way he handled the situation. Our grandson is a legend.👏👏👏👍👍🥰🥰🥰
Paula Estcourt, he will go far in the world.
Epic response! Kudos to your grandson -- and the people who raised him.
hee, good for him! A mentor of mine has a saying, "What other people think of me is none of my business."
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Forgot to mention it in the video. I've gotten further with "I don't care" than I have with saying nothing, especially with people who aren't necessarily able to infer what "okay" or "thank you" would actually mean in this context and only know it as an acknowledgement that whatever he/she said is true, and who also know that silence definitely means admitting defeat.
Yeah, he is!
Most of the time, literally 99% of the time when people are purposely trying to insult, hurt, or bully you- it's them projecting. It's just a reflection of themselves and how they actually feel! In some sick way, it makes them feel better and it empowers them to try and bring someone else down.
Melissa Jarnigan, agreed.
It is true, i met a very mean man and ljke to insult people. One co workers told me his wife cheated on him with his besfriend and he is broke. Unhappy people try to hurt people.. you do not see happy and positjve people walk around and insult people.
@@eulabarredo5186 : . "you do not see happy and positjve people walk around and insult people." 100 percent true. Why? You're TOO happy and content with life to even come up and insult other people much more bully them.
The Lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of sheep.
~ Tywin Lannister
BR, great quote.
That would be an awesome tattoo !!!
Top quote 👍
I love that🙌😁
My son was upset that a girl on his bus was teasing another boy about having a rather large rear end. It was in fact large for the boys size. Every
day she would call the boy bubble butt & most of the kids laughed. My son was always for the underdog & it
was upsetting him. I told him the next time it happened to say really loud YOU SURE SPEND A LOT OF TIME STARING AT HIS REAR END!
He said it & loud laughter insued. She never bothered the boy again.
*Cackles* good one!
I LOVE THIS! Your son sounds very kind and compassionate.
That is perfect! Your son is awesome.
😂😂🤣😂🤣🤣🤣 Brilliant response 🤣😂🤣😂👍🏻
Brilliant.
Insults, like gifts, remain with the giver when they are not accepted.
That is a good point! 👍🏼
Beautiful said. Thank u John Granato
Brilliant!
Perfect!
A loose take from a quote of Buddha... My quote is as likely as inaccurate, as well, lol:
If a man refuses to accept a gift (of an insult, etc.), whose gift is it?
It remains/belongs to the giver.
Roll it off like water on a duck's back...?
If one person says "___" about/to you?
What EVER, as the kids say.
If 2-3 say the same thing? Hmmm. Might give it some thought in your prayer closet.
If several peeps say the same thing? I/we/you are the common denominator.
HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!
Last time I walked on water was in the shower this morning, and bc the drain was half plugged.
OUCH!, LOL! 🤣✔🤣
I am not a Buddhist, but a follower of the teachings of Jesus Christ, a Christian.
However, that being said, there were and are many wise men and women around the World... those that teach us to be better, wiser people...
Hopefully...
⚘🙏❤🙏⚘
"Thank you for showing me who you are at such an early stage in our acquaintance. Now I never have to think about you again. "
Thanks for watching.
Hey I love this one! As someone who has always been told my men that I'm "not good enough" as a friend/girlfriend/wife, I'll try that next time!
When my ex friend was bullying me and I said thank you it worked. She was so angry that she didn't get a rise out of me. I genuinely thanked her for being honest with me about she felt. She went ballistic and hung up. We don't talk anymore and that's honestly a blessing.
Christine, sounds like it may be working well for you.
I had a good buddy who used to say with real sincerity. “Life must be hard for you, I’m so sorry”. Takes the wind out of most aggressors sails.
Paul Burkholder I think that is the best one for a school bully or any bully.
I really like that one.
Try that against Arselmo or Long Island Audit or Amagansettpress or Silence Boy or American Amy or News Now Houston or SVG and see how far you get.
@@slapdashdumper I think you missed the point.
@@paulburkholder9690 No Paul , if one was dealing with decent people then these situations wouldn't arise in the first place.......you have to realise that "When you are dead, you do not know you are dead, it's only painful for others - the same applies when you are stupid.”
“What you think about me is none of my business “. I love that one.
Cindy D, so do I.
My therapist always tells me this one!! Love it!
@@kimmyball4961 that’s exactly where I heard it too. Lol I think they are onto something 🙏🏼
🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
I didn’t hear him mention that one but I still fancy it nonetheless. Cheers 😊
Unfortunately often not responding to an insult is considered a weakness, in our culture, it may encourage further abuse.
True. I’ve had people say to me “oh so now you’re gonna ignore me? that’s so immature.”
I was bullied at school and followed my parents advice to try and ignore the bully - as if I was paying them any attention in the first place. My school life was miserable. All the bullying stopped in a flash when I lost it and punched a boy in the throat. Never happened again.
Know your culture and your audience.
Embrace the culture and think outside the box
You mean the culture of the last 4 years? That is not our culture. Jesus said turn the other cheek when you're attacked, same as strategic non response. THAT was our culture for the last 2000 years. Those who still follow JESUS....still have that culture.
"Thanks for making me a better person!" Golden phrase. It instantly puts their brain in a pretzel.
Love it!
My son was teased at school, a kid called him gay. His response was "Thank you for noticing me."
NIce one
wow
Thank you. I didn't know that I was gay , until last night, when you started to make out with me. I feel so much better being out in the open, like you are. Thanks for outing us.
Wow. You're doing a great job with that kid. Good job!! I love seeing comments like this.
Look Harvey, look everyone,look at what I found!
I don't usually respond to aggressive/nasty people but I also like to use, "Are you okay?" then go about my business. The question usually confuses them. :-)
Love this response! It puts them a little off-center… points out there’s something wrong with THEM and their words/behavior has revealed that.
… I like that … ! … very effective …
Swiss American, confusion can work!
I like that reply.
Love this one
I was called ugly as an 11 year old by a teenage boy. I was shy and just stayed quiet. My mother sat next to me as I was insulted and she did not stand up for me. She stayed quiet too. That changed my selfesteem, confidence and my relationship with my mother forever. I was called ugly twice after that (when my mother was not there) and I accepted the insult as a fact. I'm 30 years old today and I still feel ugly at times, but making sure I always stand up for my children.
A Av, you are the parent your children need. Thank you.
I don't even see anything wrong in being ugly.
@@PersonOfBook exactly, as long as you look the way you were ment too be!
It's being ugly on the inside that's the problem. Looks are just a wrapper.
@@pjgarret7653I really like this input, huge thanks and big hugs 🤗
Somebody at work that I’m not close friends with: “You look tired.” Me: “Thank you.” Worked like a charm. I hope it caused them to rethink saying that ever again!
tmUSA, thank you for sharing.
A man tried to insult me by calling me fat. I replied,” Kudos on your observational skills. Do you feel better about yourself now?”
😂😂😂👏👏👏
Brilliant. Well done.
Fat girls rock
🤣🤣
Nice!
"When you start paying my bills, I'll start caring about your opinion." Is one of my favorites.
Nunya Bidness, I like your screen name.
That's brilliant!!
Omg... Hi, cuz!
And, my laundry, maybe.
@baronflemp Huh? Oh. Nevermind.
My pastor will sometimes say, “Oh, you don’t know the half of it!”
I like him.
That's a good one lol
That’s fantastic!!
It’s now in my arsenal of responses.
Thank you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV what if someone labelled me? How to respond carefully
“What’s your point?” is a wonderful response to an insult.
Renee, agreed.
Except that sometimes when they detail their point they insult you further.
One of my favorites is to say, “I see where the confusion is - you think that I think your opinion matters.”.
Z Song EXCELLENT!
Golden 👌🏾
"Uve mistaken me for someone who gives a sh*t"
I saw a young lad at work taking it for 20 minutes straight from the resident bully. He got on with his work, said nothing, and when she had finished he calmly turned around and said; "I think you are confusing me for someone who cares what you think. However, thank you for sharing, I will be sure to forget it all instantly!" Not even 18 years old, bloody brilliant!
Z Song, that says a lot.
My response is "That could really hurt my feelings, if you were someone that mattered!"
Bertaboop1955, that stings.
ooohhh nice i felt the sting! I like that response. I am going to use that!
👏💥👏
Fantastic 👏👏👏👏👏
@Bertahoop1955...Whilst that may sound clever it will produce a counter response and before you can blink you will be in a slanging match with this POS. Thus, as the guy in the video said, you will be giving tacit legitimacy to the original comment/insult. A simple "Thank You" may not sound as 'clever' but it is more disarming.
I usually smile when they are insulting and finish it off with a laugh while saying "okay". It always has the desired effect.
Perfect.
Ive been saying “oh, okay” for years when folks say triggering stuff. Didn’t know it was a tried and true tactic!
Regina Gray, you are a natural.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks!
"You are over sharing again. Allow me to mind my own business."
Maria Barker, that's good.
I remember in the movie “Billy Madison”, when Adam Sandler was insulted by a girl in his grade school class, he replied in a loud voice “No, I will not make out with you”. The girl got embarrassed and the entire class laughed. I made a mental note to use that line one day. It doesn’t matter how old you are, everyone will laugh
S Navillus, I didn't remember that one, maybe I never saw it. It is gold.
LOL….I gotta try that one! 😂😂😂
Actually in the movie they all thought he was an idiot and didn't laugh but I get just you're saying
I love that!
😳😂😂😂👌🏽
The most powerful statement here “Be careful of what you do with it in your mind.” Mic drop statement.
motodfens, use it to serve you.
Love them thats what the Bible say
I have had a few "friends " that just love giving a few digs....I didn't react until after a time, I just walked away from those toxic relationships. Much happier without those "non friends."
Carleen Turner, good for you!
Dealing with narcissists (and many other types of a holes) a good one is "Observe - don't absorb".
Like looking at a shark in an aquarium.
How to not absorb?
@@billihawk368 Who knows, what could work for you. I'd suggest fx "I'm an author, and I'm here to study this subject, without him/her ever noticing that-mode", or "watching a movie".?
Love this.
@@billihawk368 do not accept their negative opinion to be truthful.
“Ok and thank You” are the very first English words I learned as a refugee in US….didn’t know it’s that useful.
Sylver Rain, I hadn't thought of it that way.
Don't forget "please"! Take a look at "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten" by Robert Fulghum, it's a beautiful summary of basic respect for others and learning to get along; I think you'll really like it.
@@goesfarfliesnear1447 There are a lot of US born native adults who could stand to read that book again too. Good call mentioning it here. :)
I think the root of all this is that giving a response adds fuel to insulter's anger (or flaming ego!). Also, giving a unresponsive glance at the insult-thrower is like holding a mirror up and saying "Look at yourself.. you're better than this! What's wrong with you?"
That works!
Say nothing, maintain eye contact, and shrug your shoulders. This really pisses off people who are waiting to use your own words against you and tell others about what you said. This gives them no ammo against you. I did this to a bully manager because I had seen him do it before to his boss. I was mirroring him. He didn’t realize it. It came off as if I was in control despite his nasty comments to me. When you no longer fear the bully, the bully fears you.
Mel-Ka Om, Thank you.
I've always found a solid punch to the face without saying anything stops most insults.
beeorganic, can get you in other kinds of trouble, be careful.
Lol
Very funny. I like the idea of giving a person a good ass whoopin!! Back in the day used to work really well.
Yup, a good old fashioned knuckle sandwich !!
While I don't suggest violence is the answer, I have seen this work on a number of occasions, very effectively I might add.
My motto is: Do not engage!
Esp if it's a complete stranger. Mental illness are far too common nowadays. I simply stare & smile... I stand my ground to prove I'm not intimidated. This forces the aggressor to retreat.
Chris Graham, thank you. We don't know the background of everyone.
On point! Just do not engage, Waay Too much mental illness out there, scary times!
That is excellent insight, about people who potentially have mental illness. We never know how someone will react....or over-react....or have a gun ....
in our culture in Algeria, the automatique response to a curse is a big punch with a fist on the face, there is no other responses.
but here in U.S with too much laws police etc, it makes itcomplicated and poeple need to make this kinda videos...again, if the culture alaws a physical response or violense to someobe who curses you, poeple will think twise or more before they curse anyone for minimum reason.
I tell them, " I love you as well" along with a big smile 😁
This is all very "Im rubber and you're glue, everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you..."
Tiggy Winkle, same principle, different ways to implement.
Hahaha
After watching, I like actually verbalizing "Thank you for revealing something about yourself which is useful to me" :)
That works.
If people say negative things about my special needs son,
“You do realize when you say things like this, you are saying more about yourself than him/me right?”
Smita, just out of curiosity, try asking them if they're making as many millions as he is making online. "Ha! You're just jealous of the millions he is making on Amazon!" It might floor them and give them a different perspective on "special needs" because a lot of special needs also come with immense special talents, after all. (Does not matter whether the money-making part applies to your son or not.)
Nice!
@@angelinasouren yes! Honestly my son is the sweetest. Outside of his autism flair ups he is very calm. I’ll sometimes say “wow, my kid has way more kindness in his pinky than you have in you’re whole body!” He’s only 4 but I’m sure we’ll find his strengths soon!
Smita Nelson, speak the truth.
How can people be so cruel? That breaks my heart. I can't stand bullies and I hope karma bites them you know where.
"Defensiveness validates accusations." Love this!
myhrr3, so do I. I love this stuff.
I did all of these things recently and the other person who was trying to trigger me, insulted me, wanted me to go off actually got so damn mad that I did these things like simply do nothing, say 'ok' etc. The more I was calm & silent the more angry she became. She really showed her arse which was funny cause her intent was to trigger me and make me lash out at her. It felt great!!
So Done, awesome!
Hi Dr. Paul. I love your channel and love watching your videos daily to keep me on this positive path & to work on my mental strength. You are helping me raise my two kids the way I've dreamed of doing. My upbringing was unfortunate and therefore I've been conditioned to think negatively and live in constant fear and anxiety. But its people like you who continue to help me overcome these hurdles. I truly appreciate your hard work and the content you share. So much love to you and your wife Vicky!
Tanya Lee, you made my day. You are the reason we started the channel. Glad we can meet.
I've learned to say, "Mom?" It's hilarious.
M K, that is too funny.
Awesome!!
I will sometimes say, "You're an amateur next to my mom".
@@annawimpey5307 just one word. Just one: "mom?" The reactions are so all over the place. lol
Lmaooooo ima try that
I practice the "say nothing" strategy because I won't sink to their level. It's not worth my breath or time.
T.T. Love, yes, life is too short. Use it where it will have more impact.
Saying nothings the best and then walking off. Why give time to someone who doesn't deserve it. You're way better than them.
Thank you so much for the wonderful advice!
Absolutely 💯%
I'm a pretty reserved person. I try to just not make eye contact if possible. I think alot of people assume what kind of person i am based on my looks. I know i tend to look unhappy. But I am a very creative person and alot of artistic talent and not at all what others think.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and support. Really appreciate your work!
My pleasure.
I want you to know that I sincerely appreciate you making these videos. I've been struggling very much with things like this in my life because of my work and what I've seen so far has been more helpful than I can express in words. So, for real, thank you.
Honored to be on your team.
My all time favorite is “and you’re telling me this because?”
I’ve never had any one fast enough to come back from that and then they look like an idiot.
VegasGuy1975, I can imagine it with the right facial expression.
When you ignore insults time and again, the perpetrator considers that weakness and the bullying will only get worse. I did it for years with in-laws and struggle to regain my self respect after ignoring their remarks for 16 yrs
Right. Ignoring insults over time only teaches people how to treat you. Saying nothing probably works for a certain person in a specific position... I can't tolerate disrespect. They need to know a boundary was crossed so they have an opportunity to improve. If the disrespect continues I now know to disappear from their life as much as possible.
@@lookitstrent I agree, my husband is very negative and I always kept quiet not to start an argument but now its worse than ever . I can't take it anymore so I react by buying something. Its the only way he will stop. but part of the blame is on me too because i never reacted to it and it was now a habit of his.
@@lookitstrent Ignoring it teachers others how to treat you. Wise words. Ignoring could work fine on someone you met only once and won’t see again. This is toxic advice to use on repeat offenders like family, friends and colleagues.
@@denysephenix2349 doesnt Sound like a healthy relationship at all...why are you keeping it up?
Yeah. It can be really tricky. I suspect that the difference is whether there is a pattern of insults etc or whether it is merely incidental.
(When I became bullied as an adult migrant, here where I live, someone told me to just laugh along with it all, because that is what she did when she was bullied as a kid. I realised too late that that signals permission to continue.)
I can’t thank you enough for these videos! I can tell you put your heart into these videos.
jennifer good, it shows that I love my job.
You’re amazing and help me and my family all the time!!! I’m so grateful for you and what you share ♥️
You are so welcome!
My best luck comes with “ What? Can you please repeat that?” Usually they can’t say it twice.
Especially if there’s a witness.
Linn S., that is gold.
That’s a fun gambit!
On the odd chance they CAN repeat it, you, too, should repeat saying what you just said: the method to the madness is being a parrot of something so simple and bland takes almost no energy from you, but each time they repeat it, it eats up their energy attempting to repeat it, and you can likely outlast someone full of bluster while your utterances use almost no mental, physical or emotional energy.
The real gold comes if they can’t keep it together and they explode in a random rage of utterances that can’t be translated into words. Sort of like the human version of a hurricane coming out of the ocean at F5 strength, and each time you ask them to repeat it, when they repeat it, it splits off into little tornadoes with heavy rain and eventually fizzles out into a good soaker.
Except some can, and will, even with witnesses, so careful.
@@SnowySpiritRuby let them repeat it.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV The if they do, I say “What?” again like I’m hard of hearing
and on from there until I do appear completely deaf.
I used to act like a fool & get loud when someone made me mad but as I got older & wiser thankfully,I realized when someone insults you especially when they dont even know you it says absolutely nothing about you and everything about them
So true!
Act a fool? Details
Thanks! I'm happy to be part.of your tribe and I learn from every one of these. I am working through your basic course.
Welcome aboard!
I love this thank you. It's difficult to take a breath and remember when the anger and urge to retaliate immediately rises. My problem is taking the offence away with me and ruminating defensively in my head.
Mick Man Do, I understand that, give the offence time and then send it away. Mentally burn it or trash it.
"You're not giving me a hard time, you're having a hard time."
Volunteryist, they probably are.
Thts good!!🤣😂😄
Not rly but u seem to be triggered, sorry i didnt mean to im just saying the truth ;)
I’ve often used the expression ‘that’s interesting,’ when someone hurls an insult my way. I don’t expand upon it. Just say ‘that’s interesting,’ or ‘how interesting,’ or even just simply, ‘interesting.’ Then take the conversation in a different direction. It usually leaves them confused 🤔
And you gain control of the conversation, Ruth Jones. Brilliant.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Except some people take that to mean that they're right and that you're admitting that they're right.
@@SnowySpiritRuby which does not matter anyway.
@@costascostas1760 Except when it prompts them to keep hurling insults.
@@SnowySpiritRuby yes, don't you love it when they are wasting their time?
Thank you. This popped up on my recommended list and it was exactly what I needed to hear today 😊
Perfect, glad it arrived on time.
Thank you for all your videos!! You're incredible!
You are so welcome!
When my mom, was asked very personal questions, her responce was brilliant...... "why, would you want to know that ?"
Tina Mexico, I love it.
As my mother taught us growing up, she always said, "why do you ask?"
There have been times when the person has responded. The answers were quite entitled and completely obliterated normal social boundaries of course.
So then we discussed what that answer seemed to say and why it was inappropriate. 😄
That was one of my grandmother’s famous lines as well. Politely shut down busybodies. 😉
That or "why do you ask?" are good. I'll write that down.
The response I’d hear from expert busy bodies was “Why, are you so evasive it was just a friendly question to continue our conversation ?” Usually followed up by that person then telling others later how anti social and shifty said person was.
"Oh really? That's nice."
That floors them every time.
Maybe just "Nice".
Glad you found something that works.
Love the advice, you’ve got yourself a new tribe member 👋 Thanks for being so succinct and yet so powerful!
Ritika Vatyani, honored to be on your team. Welcome to Live On Purpose Central.
thank you Dr.! Really helpful! your channel has become my fav. one!
Thank you!
The best comeback I’ve ever heard from was from my youngest sister when she was 5. She had just started kindergarten one of the other little girls told her “I’m not your friend” (A big deal in kindergarten.) My baby sister said “you don’t have to be my friend. I have friends”
She’s the youngest of 4 girls and we’re very close so she was absolutely right! She had us and I was so proud that she had the confidence to stand up for herself.
That is remarkable. I am sure it has served her well.
That's incredible...from a little girl! Thanks for sharing 🙋💞
What a wise little girl ☺️!!!
That’s actually a really mature response! Well played
WAW! What a smart little girl! I wish I were that clever when I was her age and got bullied in the school playground!
"You could be right" puts anyone back on their heels. They are totally unprepared for that response.
Jenna, yes, they are!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Someone totally ripped apart every characteristic about me and how i needed to change and each point I just said "Yes" even when the points were becoming ridiculous. That really took the wind out of the person's rant after 5 points.
Jenna, you could be right :)
I used to work with this guy who could calm down any angry customer by saying three words: You're not wrong. Meanwhile, he would be so empathetic, nodding in agreement, and repeating those words if they kept ranting. They would eventually see that he wasn't yelling back and give up. Once they quieted down, he would then have the opportunity to offer something to make it right and they'd leave smiling.
That’s a very disarming response, I like it and will use it in the future.
Perfect timing. I needed this. Thank you.🙂
So glad!
I love this guy!!!!!!! So helpful and exactly what I need this morning after surviving another dysfunctional Christmas with my family! I took notes and I am ready to apply these techniques in my life immediately! 😊
You got this!
I recently learned this one, "Noted." And nothing else. Pretty much the same as ok.
Thank you for this video!
You're very welcome! I like that also.
Except that you have to be careful with that one - lots of people will take that as you admitting that they're right and will use it as fuel.
Haha! Love it!
We use that at my office in emails to insulting or aggressive clients where we don't want to engage- "Thank you for your email, the contents of which are noted".
Duly noted.
Funny thing, when I say "ok" to people, they usually accuse me of being dismissive and insulting THEM, heh. I still say ok. :)
I've had that said to me as well. There's a difference in dismissive and choosing not to engage.
I simply say this,coz i think its more appropriate when someone ir someone we love insults us.
" IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE"
This how is responded nowadays.
Because i used to be a "NO RESPONSE AND OKAY AND THANK YOU to these insults but there are
times i feel to feel them how i felt so thats me right now.People day i've changed- NO IM NOT, i changed or switch my attitude towards people who is not knowing to behave themselves.
I like your main topic,its on point sir!
Good day to you
Just be like the dude on SNL Chad. His non chalant response is all one needs. uh OKAY
Yesss! Haha they get so angry!
John Aldred, it works!
Thank you for all you do! I am so glad you live about what you talk about! Don't ever worry about a hater! Be humble & Kind in the fine words of Tim McGraw!
-
Thank you so much!
I just found your channel and I have learned so much. If I could go back in time 40 years, wow I would. Your words have opened my eyes and make sense of how to react to people and how that your response can make you a target. Thank you for all the hard work you put into this video I am now a happily subscribed member of your tribe and am looking forward to listening to more words of wisdom from your videos. thank you so much will be sharing this with my daughter who is 30 and will encourage her to share it with her friends
Honored to be on your team, Paula.
I say, “Wow.” and shake my head. That little word says so much and can have so many meanings.
So true!
That’s usually my natural response as well!
I usually say “okay”, shake head and roll my eyes, then just walk away.
I say that and a little chuckle with it to let them know that what they think and say is irrelevant to me.
A good comeback that someone taught me once is to calmly and unemotionally ask, “what do you mean by that?” Gets the insulter every time. They are usually left stammering, backpedaling, or speechless.
Yep, that works.
that might work if you were also 23 stone, had PMT and a sawn-off shotgun
"Are you trying to be insulting ", I've moved on from that, including me, maybe you can also "
Doesn't work with a narcessist or sociopath. They're happy to go into minute detail of exactly what they mean. Never ask a toxic person to expound upon it when they're tearing you down.
@@themaggattack yea im with you on that 1. some people are very sharp and witty. im slow ( not stupid but slow to respond) so i dont win encounters with sharp quick thinkers. i think shutting it down is best
You are Amazing!! Thank you for you help. Wish I had found you sooner! You are helping bring me so much peace with your videos of wisdom. I appreciate you!
amy smith, honored to be on your team.
Thank you for sharing this video. I am going to remember these responses.
Thank you.
My favorite "Does that make you feel better about yourself?"
Wild Olive. Gulp. That could bring someone up short.
What would you say to somebody who gives you the silent treatment to feel better about herself. She sort of weirdly love bombs everybody else and im like a ghost to her. Because she's the more dominant person i feel marginalised and very peripheral to the group now. Any advice? Something short.
@@SusanaXpeace2u It's a form of gaslighting you. It's a difficult situation because to the other people who aren't aware of the dynamic she's just being nice, that's how she'll remain in their mind unless she runs the same game on them, which is unlikely because they aren't the desired target, you are. Be careful not to attempt to defend yourself to them by trying to raise awareness and letting them know about the dynamic "She's only being nice to you to hurt me" That sounds pretty crazy right? That's exactly how you're going to sound and this will enforce the notion that it's you that has the problem. This is a difficult situation brewing and my advice is to distance yourself politely from the group. If it's a working environment, you're not required to be everyone's best friend, you're required to be polite and productive. It may hurt watching this dynamic grow, knowing what she's doing, why she's doing it, but that's a win for her too, because she's in your head rent free. If this is a social dynamic and "she" is a potential partner, the flag is already up. Walk away.
@@SusanaXpeace2u Yes I'd like to know that too :)
A good one during a huge verbal confrontation, especially someone being verbally aggressive, is to say the following, "Don't talk to me the way you talk to your wife/husband at home." Watch the look on their face. LMFAO You'd be surprised how fast that defuses the confrontation. In some cases they begin to act more civil.
"I'm sorry but you have mistaken me for someone who cares about your opinion" is one of my retort lines .
And if it's from your boss?
Clever if it’s for someone I don’t know.
😂😂 so smooth
@@sarahmiller4084 Well I have had great bosses. I will cross that bridge when the time comes. If it ever does. Thanks for the thought.
I like that one but I think it's still gracing the hater with too many words.
A coworker criticized a work project I had finished and I became defensive and called him a nasty name. His response shut me down in a hurry and has always stayed with me. He simply responded, "I can live with that".
That is good.
My personal favorite “I’ve been called worse by better people”
Thank you is such a genius response. I so appreciate the understanding behind this. It helps me tremendously ❤️
I'm so glad!
Elenore Roosevelt once said, "No one can insult you without your permission" Meaning that if someone insults you and you decide to be offended, you have given them permission to insult you. No response is ok, but I usually just laugh. When I laugh the look on the insulter's face changes from confidence to shock and embarrassment.
It was actually “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent “ - a subtle difference, but I find this even more powerful!
Oh I usually just tell them to "GET BENT!"....but with Stronger language!!!🤣😎
This video is so insightful and immediately helpful! I wish I had read it two months ago. Maybe your last suggestion will retrieve me somewhat. Thank you.
I LOVE this idea to laugh. I just imagined that happening and I laughed so hard it surprised me. It was GREAT! Thank you for that suggestion to just laugh. How totally unexpected that would be by the insulter and would catch them completely off guard! Praying that I remember this.
I do too. Laughing only TICKS them off more. I enjoy that part.
Once this girl started insulting me at work, I didn’t reply or even look her way and she got all up in arms that I was being rude by ignoring her. She said “did you hear me??!!” So I replied: “Don’t give a shit.” Lol
lol! I've been in a similar situation, I would purposefully wait several seconds and ask "which part were you afraid i missed?" it always sends them into a tailspin, lol
Thanks.
Glad I found you today and not too late for the party. Thanks for you enthusiastically broadcasting this valuable information that helps us stay faithful and honor ourselves at the higher level. Looks like you have a pretty nice audience, judging from the comments. Good for you and good for us! Carry on!
Welcome aboard!
I love this video so much. I have such a difficult time keeping my power when I'm insulted and this will help me. I'm definitely going to implement these on a daily basis.
Celti, honored.
I’m a Vietnam vet with ptsd. For me a non response works. I used to respond with anger but a non response gives me time to calm down. This works for me.
I hear you... You saw a lot, much more than we were ever meant to see... You heard a lot....much more than you were ever meant to hear....Im so sorry .... I hate war .....Sisterly hugs
Gerald O'Hare, I thank you for your service.
Thank you for your service sir.
I’m a 60 year old woman with a temper, most likely from a terrible chaotic childhood. Family and friends are “afraid” of me because of my verbal jabs. But, I don’t like it in myself because while they usually deserve the reaction they get from me, it also raises my blood pressure. I want to feel more in control of my temper. Working on it.
@@Mexicobeanpole , Try not to respond. Think about the situation overnight. It will help. They don’t deserve your time or attention. It’s a trap you know so distance yourself from them. They want to upset you so do the opposite.
I have a phrase written on a card on my desk: "If you wouldn't ask for their advice, don't accept their criticism." It's not a response to an insult, but helps me mentally process the insults when they come.
Love your positivity.
I’m sure I used these words in some form or another. But you have put them straight in my mind and the power they really hold. Thank you for this empowering video.
Perfect, thanks.
Thank you for your videos and sharing your knowledge. I’m always looking for ways to improve myself and to better communicate and convey myself. I will definitely take these suggestions and implement them 😁. I especially like the “identify/verify/accept” so it’s focusing on the behavior (not the person) and how I felt because of it and then verifying their intent (rather than assuming). SUCH great ideas! Thank you! Keep up the great efforts and work...they are appreciated! 👍🏻
You are so welcome!
I wish I heard this kind of talk long ago. Love the way you talk,slow and easy .My brain can't handle fast talkers,it shuts down.. This kind of thing should be taught in school. You are teaching an old dog new tricks ,many thanks !
@Will Abbott If you watch any videos that are too fast for you can slow down the speed with top 3 dots at top right hand corner of screen. Hopes this helps you with the enjoyment of more videos!😊
Fast talkers do my head in....mute them.
I know a couple who talk so fast. It's dizzying watching them go back and forth. Lol
@@phoenixkali Thank you , I'll try that next time 👍
Thank God people love slow speakers. I've often been told to speed up, lol.
If you know them: "I'd be insulted if someone other than you said it." If you don't know them: "Bless your heart."
Bless your heart cracks me up. I use it too. Yep my roots are showing. Lol
Love that expression. Learned it when I moved South!
Personal favorite
Love it.
Bless your poor, pathetic,black heart... There I fixed it.
I knew your UA-cam page by accident and being a teacher I have benefited from ur discipline tips and on the personal level I learned how to be positive knowing that I have been negative about most of my life!
Thank you and God bless you!
Please never stop!
Daniella Rabah, no plans to stop, thank you for watching, please share.
Thank you for what you do. I don’t understand how anyone could treat you badly. Your videos are phenomenal work. Your efforts are appreciated! and valuable.
My favorite response I have used: I look at them with a slight smile, as if they said something that revealed themselves more than identified anything true about me. Because it's TRUE. When someone insults you, they are revealing what type of person THEY are, NOT what type of person you are. Cheers.
So true!
I usually say, " I can see that someone hurt you, do you need to talk about it?" That usually shuts them up real quick. And I don't say it because I care to hear who hurt them. I just want them to realize that hurt people hurt others, and they need to analyze why they are spewing such negativity!
R. Jelly, if they do decide to unload, you can refer them to Live On Purpose Coaches for coaching to help them.
Good job
or just reply "not sure where you have got that information from about me but you have been mis- informed, if you want to know anything you only have to ask me direct and if its something you need to know I will tell you but if its not your business I will also tell you.
A+
Thank u for all the info. I am soo grateful that every morning I treat myself to one of your lessons. 🙏🏼
Mickey Serrano, perfect. Honored to be on your daily team.
That is so empowering. Really appreciate your valuable insights. Thank you for such life saving advices....the way you deliver the messages make it more impactful...love you for the wonderful work!👍👍
Glad it was helpful!
My response is "So?" because there is no comeback and you let the person know that whether or not what they said is true or not, you simply don't care. There's no comeback because normally NO ONE will want to start a fight. But it also conveys that you could care less what they think.
musicgirlsuz, Thank you!
Love that. Best of the lot.
I use that or “AND” sometimes follow it with “your point?” Because when you really don’t care it doesn’t matter
That's a good one, so.
Good response!
I agree to the "being silent", BUT that could also turn out that the insulting person feeling he/she got me, that im speachless and they nailed it.
you could also shake your head and look as if you’re sorry for them.
I agree...as this has always been the case with me mainly stay quiet cos I'm so hurt and it's made me feel terrible and they see that and still happend ..in work. Out of work..so for some no matter what there is no getting away from it .
Try this: Silently look them up and down first. Then turn away and ignore. It let's them know that you heard them and you've assessed them, but they weren't worthy of a response.
@@kurarisusa also stare at the middle of the forehead not the eyes, they get paranoid you have seen something they can't see.
@@kurarisusa -- Thank you for this.
It's an _'upgrade'_ from the standard silent response which nonetheless shows them what you think (or not) but makes clear your feelings.
An advantage of any *silent response* (depending on the person and circumstances) is that you never get yourself in trouble for having said "...the wrong thing..." which may come back to haunt you later.
This was so powerful. THANK YOU!
LaAries Tilliman, you are welcome.
You are truly awesome. THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT MY PERSON AND TEACHING ME WHERE INSULTS TRULY BELONG. NOT IN MY HOUSE. I TRULY LOVE YOU. THANK YOU
Honored to be on your team, Sandra.
Best reply is usually “opinions vary”
yes, don't engage.
Ahhhh Roadhouse...classic reaponse!!
Especially with the global news I like that one.
My mom used to say “That’s not very nice to say”. It puts the blame back on where it belongs-on them. You aren’t defending yourself or taking pit shots at them. It implies that it’s okay for them to feel that way, but not okay for them to hurt you by telling you!!
I like the silent treatment tho. Silence gets uncomfortable and pretty soon they will be squirming!!
yes, I do that, and they think about it
That is a judgmental response and you are addressing that person as a child, not an adult. The person saying that is simply playing the same game as the person insulting you. Many who are actually in the wrong use this response to deflect from their own wrong and responsibility to assume their error. A response like that is intended to invoke a defensive or angry response...unless you're reprimanding a child! So, watch out for that one...you may just start a big, big fight!
@@sleepinglioness5754 interesting point
Silence is way more effective. Insults are to get a hurt reaction. Not getting one changes the power balance. Watching someone utterly embarrassed as you silently make eye contact is liberating.
@@sarahholland2600 I think so too.
My sincere thanks for this. This will really help me deal with a situation. I’m so glad I found this video.
Glad it was helpful! And glad you are here at the channel.
Great info Paul. Thank YOU!
You are welcome.