Putting condescending people in their place!
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- Опубліковано 17 бер 2016
- The trick is to find out whether this person really thinks your dumb, or is on some kind of a power trip.
Marie Dubuque is a life coach who loves to offer advice about everything from dating dilemmas and awkward social situations to drama- filled friendships and romantic relationships going south! - Навчання та стиль
I once overheard a co-worker in a phone call say, “I’m actually an intelligent person. You can speak to me as if I am one.”
👏🏾
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I hate when someone starts with a condescending, "Um".
Just say "Let me stop you there..." and when they ask what you were going to say, just say "Nothing. I just wanted to stop you speaking" LOL Works like a charm
Or “Yeahhhh”
I dont want to be condescending I also feel like it depends on the person. Some ppl get you others dont which warrants someone being condescending. I feel bad
Yeah the play dumb tatic
There's this guy I was dating I asked him why he liked me and he said I was a typical dumb girl, I was so freaking appalled when he said that, most guys call me stupid... 💀
They put on a facade of "you poor thing. You need my help". It takes everything to keep cool.
I hate that so much
I like to just call out the bad behavior. E.g. Someone is talking slow to me (inferring that I'm slow to understand) I'd simply say "What's that tone of voice for? Are you suggesting I'm stupid?" - Make them explain what they mean by their nasty behavior. If they deny they mean anything by it, I'd point out that they didn't talk to the other people in the room that way, and even make it more uncomfortable for them by bringing others into the conversation LOL
I also like to use humore. E.g. I will say "Let me stop you there!..." (as if I'm about to say something) - They usually say something like "What? Were you going to say something?" - I'd say "Nope. I just wanted to stop you" LOL
Thank you - these are gold!
A lot of people are self absorbed they are not thinking about other people . They can't see past themselves . It's not about you it's all about them. They act superior to feel good.
Reminds me of something that Dolly Parton said: "I don't mind 'dumb blonde jokes', because I know I'm not dumb, and I KNOW that I'm not blonde!"
+Tarragon that's a good one!
I just want to like people. It isn't easy.
Lol
Over 4 years later but same, I try to think good of people but most prove otherwise
Save your energy, and dont put high expectations on strangers.
Same lmfao
Yeah, they don't co-operate
I used to get that. I didn't mind because I had zero self esteem..but now I try to pick people politely up if they are rude to me. I always think something worse will happen but recently I walk away feeling happier with myself that there is no residual harm on both sides . Thank you Marie X
Belittlement has to be one of the most frustrating things to deal with.
Particularly hate it at uni when a lecturer goes on a 10 minute rant telling you things you already know when you really want to talk about something else. We feel your pain
I had to come back to this video to remind me why I don't want to deal with a certain friend anymore!
Usually the condescending person will perceive this as a challenge and just start using more technical jargon and explain things in a faster and more haphazard way to maintain the upper hand and their sense of superiority. The best way to deal with condescending people is to prepare yourself as much as possible by learning the fundamentals yourself before encountering them.
You're absolutely right. A condescending person will go to great lengths to maintain their image.
Word salad as if you're not smart enough to understand their so-called super smart terms. These people worship themselves on the wrong mountain and thank God I do not along with them
There must be something wrong with me.. the amount of ppl who think they have a duty to "correct me" is freaking unbelievable.. I swear I'm just trying to live my life, and it's like it's written on my forehead: "Judge me".. I can only think of 1 time when someone said something useful that wasn't them just trying to impose their own superiority 🤯
Same here 😢
I have a friend who does this ...AND also overexplains minutiae...and interrupts and THINKS he knows where I'm going in conversation and most times does not know my direction ... I feel I can't even get to my point.. I've called him on both things ...and I don't think he realizes he does this ..im at the point I don't like talking to him anymore. Ugh...it feels like he's a know-it-all ..but maybe it's not that...insecurity? Or both
Thank you so much for your every advice. Each video of yours is so specific and yet so general that everyone can link one's self to it.
Yes!!! Thank you. I just watched a few other videos with the whole "ignore it", "don't let it get to you", "they're just insecure themselves", etc... well, none of that has done anything for me in the last 30 years. I like this approach better, put them in their place!
I just came across your Channel today looking up these types of topics it's extremely interesting and comforting to know that everyone goes through these things and things about these things and I appreciate all the help navigating life smoothly❤
I love your facial expressions 😂 Thank you for making these videos.
really adored this video as I've experienced this especially from narcissistic people of whom I have detached from...thank you
I deal with this all the time, especially with family members. I can really use this rant today ! LOL, thank you!!!! I do think they use that manipulation to control us, if we feel like they don't respect us, they believe we will bow to them.
Dealing with this currently
My mom (that I live with since she is older now) told me a few months ago, "Of course I could never take you seriously....you're my DAUGHTER...." like it was some sort of unwritten rule that daughters don't deserve basic respect. I'm going to be 40 years old in a few months, so it's REALLY frustrating!
Your hair looks very pretty! Loved this video
+tecx37 thank you for your kind words!
Just found your channel and you've really got some great pieces of advice! I've got some pretty shitty "friends" that can ruin my day easily but I'm kinda stuck with them, I'll be able to put your wisdom to good use. Thanks Marie!
My supervisor does this to everyone in the department lol gonna try this out on her.
I work at a hospital and regularly have patients make nasty personal remarks about me. I'm very petite and look younger than my 38 years but I very clearly have a woman's body and carry myself very confidently.
Despite this, people feel the need to inform me I 'look about twelve' or 'look like a little girl/kid' 'shouldn't be working here because you look so young...' etc. These deliberately condescending comments usually come from middle aged women or crotchety older men. When I meet patients I am very friendly and try to make them as comfortable as possible, despite my role not being a medical one. I have no idea why people feel the need to attack me in this manner when I've done nothing to them. What really irks me is the fact that I'm viewed as fair game when none of these people would DREAM of commenting on my weight if I was obese. They can recognize that as being rude but what they do to me is ok?
I just don't know how to deal with these people. I can't be rude as they are technically customers, but ignoring them doesn't help me either because I obsess on it the rest of the day and get angry that they feel they one-upped me or got away with it. What can I say to them?
Please help. I'm getting so depressed about this.
Jessica, they probably don't know what to make of someone who speaks well and is also young and attractive. Since they don't know you and you don't really want to know them, keep the interactions extremely professional. Meaning, if they make a condescending remark, redirect the conversation back to the patient/procedure...whatever you are talking to them about, and then after you ask if they have any other questions, just smile and say,"Hope you have a wonderful day," and walk away.
People who are jealous of talent or good looks will try to ruin it for those with talent. Hold your head up high and focus on your talents and making them as good as possible.Instead of being angry on how people abuse your kindness,focus on your ever improving ability to handle the situation well with the creeps.
I really appreciate your replies. Thank you. I know that people are going to curious about me. As a professional woman with a British accent living in PA who is 4'10 inches tall and small framed I understand people's curiosity. I get it, you don't regularly see people like me walking around in flat shoes because I like myself just as I am and do not feel the need to hide it by wearing heels.
I know people are going to stare. I'm ok with that I've been dealing with it all my life and try to make it a positive. I tend to make eye contact with the person, hold it and smile until they look away.
What I don't understand is the deliberately nasty comments. Sometime these occur before I even open my MOUTH. I'll simply walk into a patients room, smile and before I can even say anything they will say 'what are you, like TWELVE?' In an extremely nasty tone. What is it about me that causes this reaction? Do they despise me on sight because I'm confident despite being 'a midget' as I've also been referred to?
I've asked my friends if there was something I said or did that pissed them off about me when we first met. They all look at me like I'm insane. Is it simply because people see me and think 'why should this LITTLE girl be comfortable in her own skin, when I'm NORMAL but despise myself?
The problem is them-their pride.You being confident and secure in yourself shows them up for being essentially insecure.This exposes their weaknesses.So they want to be nasty to you.Not for anything you've done.
I get this all the time.This week has been particularly bad.
Focus on self-control to handle their bile-that's what I need to tell myself.Then I will have self-control as well as being secure in myself.
Thank you so much I have been watching you for a while now and you have really helped me xx
Your hair is always so beautiful! Thank you for your videos🙏🏻✨
+Mias Vega thank you so much.
I have this problem from a family member who has even got worse since she graduated from University. Your hairstyle really suits you.
Thank you SO MUCH for making this! I've been fuming for the past few hours over all the patronizing abd infantilizing people I've had to deal with for so long now. This advice is great, perhaps finally I can put these people in their place. I haven't really seen many videos on this sort of thing before.
Vengeance627 Yes. I find many people in medical field like this. Doctors and staff can be very condescending to patients who ask a lot of questions. I find this behavior to be ridiculous in field of highly trained individuals. Very classist.
@@i.a.3393
Your comment describes it well. I have asked questions because information is key, but I also read and study, so I've gone into appointments knowing a fair amount when I've asked questions. With offense and the sound of interrogation in their voice, they've asked me how I could know about what I asked (apparently one is supposed to be ignorant), and I answered matter of factly, that I read and study. I reject their industry-exclusivity and matching attitudes, so the conversation should just be factual not attitudinal or proud. They haven't had any comeback to my answer of study; it closed their mouths. It's an industry.
I give it right back to them like they give it to me..works like a charm
I came across this video today and realized that in order to b taken seriously. I have to put a condescending person in their place. Often times, I'll wait for stuff to build up or too afraid to approach the individual in fear of retaliation. I use to trick my mind into thinking that I was overreacting and its all My fault why ppl act the way they do. Very good video. I'm going w/my gut feeling abt getting this issue resolved. My mental health is a priority.
Marie,
for me it's a new approach and it comes from taking care of myself; I have not felt this good since I was a teenager; happiness does come form inside. the people and situation s that used to bother me bounce off now. affter all these years I understand what people mean by "taking csre of your self. today my dental student finished my bridge work and I feel great. thanks.
Tx Marie. You a light of solace in a cray, troubling world.
so cute the respect for your hubby, "he's the smartest person on the planet "
Thanks Marie. Im dealing with a coworker like that. I'll try it & see how things go...she seems a bit of a narcissist as well🙄
Condescending narcissists
I wonder how everything went with the coworker. I decided not to wait to see how things would go as it would just stretch the disrespect . I prefer to lose a job and maintain my peace.
More often than you think narcissistic people turn out to be condescending.
Hi, great advice. This would help young students as well so they wouldn’t have to go thru years of being treated by someone who thinks they are dumb. My father often treated his children like they were dumb. Instead of using questionable moments as teaching moments, he’d put us down. And my mom as well. It’s a shame, and it’s always the issue/blame on the toxic person. Now, he is in a Senior home, losing his memory and gets visits from his kids.
1:47 A good humor is always appreciated XD Amazing video and yes you were right. I'm part of investment businesses and I'm dealing with condescending people. So annoying. This video helps Thank you Marie ❤️🙏🏾
I love your uploads, so good I have learn,t so much, thank you x
I love this woman. Great video👍👏👏👏👏
Dignity is the answer to pretty much anything
Exactly you attract people who like acting superior . If you are not polite and classy. Always keep it polite and respectful these days people are too concerned with themselves and like acting superior court boost their self esteem.
Your videos are so helpful! Do you have a video on feeling hurt about not having a solid group of friends but being friends with everyone? Or another one about every word you say is ignored by others/when you talk to a person they start talking to someone else in the middle of my sentence? It really stinks:( thanks!
Yes!! There is definitely different treatment toward blondes. The few times in life I dyed my hair dark from my natural blonde colour I actually was treated as intelligent as I am. Ugh, so frustrating now that I'm blonde again. Great advice though, I will use this!!
Thank you you have helped me greatly . have a great week
Thank you for great advice 😊
Your hair looks awesome, thanks for the video😀😀
Great video and good content! I deal with them slightly different. I let them figure out I'm an electrical engineer. I never mention it. I wait for them to ask me to what I do for a living....if they do. Smug people seem to be obsessed with other people's professions.
Great video, thank you.
Hi Marie, thanks for this, you must be reading my mind, I get this from an acquaintance, and its really annoying because she does it in a group setting, so I feel even worse. 😕
Thanks Marie, this will defiantly help me with my nephew. His poor students at the college. And....... Love your pretty hair in this video.
+Barb Chapman thank you so much!
Thanks for sharing this. I run into it a lot (blonde thing and lately "old" person thing). : )
Everyone brings happiness...
some people your happy to see...others will make you happy when they leave.
Everyone brings happiness.
Great video as always Marie! I deal with condescending people all the time, especially in my family and it drives me crazy! People would talk to me like I'm a baby and ask me a whole bunch of dumb questions like do you know how to crack an egg or do you know the address to your house smh. People think that just because I'm quiet and a homebody then that means that I don't know anything when that is so far from the truth. I may not be the smartest person in the world but I'm not stupid either.
There are always going to be people in this world who are insecure about themselves and chose a "victim" to put down in order to make themselves feel superior. If you are aware of this, then obviously you're NOT dumb. I'm sorry you experience this from people in your family. That really sucks. Family members who have behaved like this to me in my family have been dropped from my circle. I don't call, I don't write, I don't FB, I don't care. I'm done with phony people pretending to care while behaving in a way that totally says something else entirely. I matter just as much as they do whether they think so or not.
Tracy Brown Exactly and I also think that people are jealous of me is because I'm not afraid to stand out and be different and I'm more comfortable in my own skin and they're not. Thanks for understanding.
You bet! Hang tough Mark. You are not the Lone Ranger by a long shot. :)
Thanks Tracy ☺
I feel your pain :\
People always do that to me. I have no clue why. Just let's me know that they make poor judgments so we should do it back.
Don’t do it back, they’re not worthit. They’re unhappy and you don’t wanna get that on you
I had to yell to get my Mother-In -Law and Dad to hear me,so I get where you can continue the yelling one gets used to having to be heard!😂💖
I had a classmate who read out loud whenever he gave me answers to our group worksheet and I'm like why are you so loud?
Sounds like a narcissist announcing how "intelligent" they are to those within earshot.
Great video, my god we're do you get all the different dresses from !! Your skin and hair looks fantastic, keep up great the videos,
the way you talk, puts off the I'm a ignorant blonde vibe.
I have a daughter inlaw who tries to dis me all the time with remarks like.... When werein a group of adults and if i say something she will say "Oh here we go again". Under handed remarks
Yes I really am curious about this one. I get this a lot. And it’s just not okay. Sad how they think.
What about dealing with condescending customers? I had a really unnecessarily horrible customer at work who talked down to me like I was an idiot. I felt really belittled and I think he could tell and enjoyed that.
I feel annoyed at myself that I didn't react in a better way.
I deal with this crap daily!!!
I’m in Seattle so…
Pretty hair Marie Dubuque! Umcondescnding people are jerks who think they're superior egotistical manics better than us. Diva and plus alert!
Thank you for this, I'm in the same page with you
Sometimes I do that, I say to people like ok I'm not dumb HELLO!!👯
your hair looks amazing!
+Peasandhoney thank you, I am using more conditioner!
My BF almost always, especially in an argument, talk to me like he teaching me something. Like I’m in a lecture and he’s educating me saying things like “it called this.., does that make sense, that’s not what it’s about” etc. if and when I do point out to him and say “I’m not stupid” he gets upset and yells “no one is saying you’re stupid! Where are you getting this? Are you even listening to anything I’m saying?” If I try and tell him, in the most gentle way I can think of, the way he’s communicating isn’t working for me, I don’t like the tone. He usually responds with, “that’s how communication works” and we find ourselves in this never ending cycle. 😔 I just want to be spoken to like he believes I’m capable of understanding. Skip the definitions and examples and just talk to me like I’m an adult. Doesn’t feel good.
Maybe he views you as a bitch, not a woman
Ugh, I hate being condescended. The chef at my job was kind of hard on me one day, and then the next day, said, "How are you?" See, previously, she'd taken me to my boss's office--with the both of them--and told me that I've been touching my coworkers too much (CASUALLY on arms or shoulders). I was always very outgoing and tactile at work. She told me that we need the workers to be comfortable in a good work environment. That I shouldn't talk about anything other than work and school or tell my stories, because they may be inappropriate or upsetting (can't remember her exact words) to others. Now yeah, I pretty much didn't have a filter, but I don't think I said anything *_horrible._* I only meant to have fun with my crew. I really didn't get specific information from the chef about subjects and references. She likes that I'm outgoing, but she made it sound risky and in need of limits. And again, that I shouldn't touch anyone without consent. And then the next day, she asked how I was. Like, WTF? What did she think? That I was doing well after she practically shamed me? If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was patronizing me--or just plain nuts. I should've said, "Uh....I'm sorry, I'm genuinely curious to ask, why would you ask me how I am after yesterday?" I'd kiII to know her point of view.
Also, for the record, I own my mistakes at work, so I don't want anyone twisting it around into I'm making the chef the only bad guy. I didn't _mean_ any harm or discomfort. If I had known anyone would feel either, (though technically no one showed signs), I would _not_ have touched them. I am not a creep. But the chef made me feel like one. See, she shouldn’t have been so firm and in my face. A gentle, respectful talk for a couple minutes was all I needed. She shouldn’t have restricted me to handshakes only. Casual taps or pats or whatever are actually ok, as long as you don’t overdo them and it’s to friendly people who clearly enjoy you. I always thought it was perfectly innocent and natural, and I still do, in certain ways. Happens a lot at the bar parties I go to-total strangers. Besides, two middle-aged workers from the dining department have done it to me; I don’t condemn it. Also, the chef did not have to ask my boss if there was anything she wanted to add. How did she think that would make me feel? Not disrespected and like a criminal? HeII, my boss shouldn’t have been in the room at all; I deserved some dignity and comfort. I felt horrible. But of course, whenever I expressed this side on other videos, people would continue faulting me or saying the chef was right. To them, it was this side over the other. I felt like no one understood me or the gray areas I still think exist.
I've been in the same position similar to the investment people you are talking about or the tech people like your husband. It is not our intention to talk to you like you are stupid, and we are not trying to be condescending. We are trying to ensure that you understand the flow of information that we are giving. It doesn't mean that they think that you are stupid (even if you take it that way). It means that they want to ensure that you understand in detail everything that they are trying to explain to you. Too many times people complain that "nobody told me I was supposed to do that". Even if they were told but refused to listen. Sometimes it is necessary to break things down in detail to ensure nothing gets missed. Once again, its not because they think you are stupid. Its because they want to avoid an error that can occur to even the brightest people on earth.
+Kyle P that is so well put. Thank you for your perspective....Makes sense now.
You rock :) Thank you so very much :)
Thanks!
I get what you mean Marie. At work, there are certain people who never stop. They get a trip doing this to you all the time, especially when they know that the manager will be walking by. It get the work environment very toxic.
Hi Marie, dance auditions for my school are in about a month. I was originally going to try out for drill team, but I'm thinking I'm not quite ready for that. So I think that I may really want to try out for dance company. Problem is, so many of the girls I know on the team. And I'm very intimidated by them, I feel like they're going to judge me if I get in. they've been dancing their whole lives while I've only been dancing for a few years. I really want this, but I'm seriously so terrified of them, I feel like if I got in, I wouldnt be included. Do you have any advice for me?
Parents need to teach kids to be nice and polite and humble. So they won't be egocentric and disrespectful. I
Yes, I have been dealing with this issue for quite some time. a close relative is a MD. Whenever we are out together in public, restaurants etc. he will ask the staff, sales people, ticket takers at events, "So, what are you going to do when you grow up"? I just want to slap him. He then goes on to inform these individuals in less than 30 seconds, "I am a MD." The encounters are so embarrassing, he appears so childish and desperate for attention. All the while, his finances, professional and family life are in a shambles. I often wonder, how a person can be so oblivious to his negative self-image and so desperate for validation that he goes out to his way to demean almost everyone that he encounters. I keep my distance and rarely open dialogue or offer an opinion lest he attempts to cut me off or disputes my opinion.
WOW. Sounds like my brother.
Great woman ♥️
Thanks Madam for this gold content on your channel. I imagine that you must have been passed by all those life situations in order to be able to tell us those kind of wisdom?
You're great. Makes me miss my sisters.
Yaas u go girl!!!
I have been yelled at by people who have accused me of being condescending to them because I speak slowly. They tell me I am assuming they are dumb. But I’m not. I’m not assuming anything. I speak slowly because I have a terrible stutter. It gets in my way and it really alters any presentation I give. Most people walk away from me when I stutter because they don’t want to give me the time to get over the stutter. So I speak slowly. Im not assuming anyone is stupid or not able to understand the concept I’m presenting.
I think your blonde hair is beautiful!!!
Hi Marie, I've been having this issue with my best friend for the past couple of months. It seems that she always has room to hang around her boyfriend, yet no time for me. She tends to say she's grounded or that she already made plans with her boyfriend. I've mentioned this to her a few times and says she's sorry but then a few days later she says she wants to spend even more time with him. I'm not sure how to confront her about it because I feel like she may think I'm just being jealous but in reality I just want my friend back. Also I'd like to say that this has been going on for almost 6 months now, as soon as she got a boyfriend its as if I was dropped completely. I don't have any other close friends to really find comfort in.
Thanks for reading, any advice would be appreciated
Ahh I have a weird situation in my life. One of my very good family friend's girlfriend is always rude to me and my other girlfriends also.We like the guy , he is very nice quite and we invite him in our parties (birthdays / halloween etc) but he comes with his girlfriend and she brings a lot of negative energy with herself. We stopped inviting him few last year but we felt his absence bcz we all like him a lot.We always feel happy to see him and sad to see his girlfriend .. very complicated :(
Hi Marie:
It is not working at all! I even have to talk to the HR Director about the harassment and bullying at the workplace in my department. Not just this person doing this to me? About 5 other people are covering for her! It just keeps getting worse!!! I used to have this girl in my department a few years ago got fired! Because she hit someone next to her? They all gained up on her and got rid of her! The lady she hit, did not have any bruises, black eyes, broken bones or been knocked off from her chair? This is a very, very sad incident? She called her lawyer and filed a complaint on them? Now, they are trying to do this to me also! I don't know, if I can take this anymore!
ugh I hate this. I have a friend who explains everything to me. He can barely have a conversation with me without stopping to explain every little thing he's saying. Last time he said "So, a presidential election is every four years" and "Billy Joel is a singer who. . . ". At first I thought he just thought we wouldn't know the same references because he is 15 years older than me (we're both adults) but now I'm like, no I think he just thinks I'm dumb! When I was like come on, I know a presidential election is every four years! He was like "Welll, I wouldn't think any less of you if you didn't", I was like what? I feel like that is just a way to put the attention back on himself to say "Oh, I'm so understanding!". I feel like he said that so I couldn't be upset. It's so frustrating!
+Keke exactly!
I'm not dumb but I'm watching your video to find information of what's happening to me, my co workers talk slow to me and ask me if I understand. Well I do know what's going on with my job this has been going on for 3 months or more. First off I don't talk to co- workers unless I have a question, and I never miss work I show up every day. I have been called stupid a crack head, dumbass at work, Fri was the worst for me I'm not going back to work on Monday but going to look for new job afraid to go back to my job and I haven't told my boss or supervisor because they don't like drama, I guess I'm looking for advice. Thanks you for posting this video
prereitz Omg that sounds awful to be treated like that at work. Document all instances in a notebook with date, time, person, and context. Create your case before you go to your supervisor or HR. If you choose to quit, then you have evidence you tried to make it work. I feel your pain. I was bullied for 6 months at my new job. It was reverse discrimination and thr females were bullies. Now it's been a year and its gotten better. I hope ot gets better for you too because you got hired because you have qualities the team needs. Hold your head up and good luck.
Why is it that everyone wants to criticise those who are condescending and put them in their place - but when I search how to be less condescending there is no help or support for those who wish to improve. Isn't that kind of condescending in itself?
I always say “I’m blonde today”
I hate people that do this like how dare you, it’s so disrespectful and shows how judgmental and insecure they are in themselves, its their own psychological projection of their perception of the world through their own experience but it’s complete and utter bullshit and they act like their opinions are facts when they’re not
Hi Marie! I have a question. I have just "broken up" with a friend. This girl and I were in a friend trio (recipe for disaster) and the third girl and I were never super close. The third girl is still holding on to me but I don't really want to be in a relationship with her. The friend I "broke up" with took it really well. On the other hand, the third girl won't take it well if I try to end the relationship. I go to a school where there are 20 people in my grade so I can't exactly escape. Any thoughts?
+C.C. Walker I would turn the friendship into more of an acquaintance. So, you can talk to her when you see her, but also meet new people. She will eventually get tired of you always being busy with your new friends. In the mean time, I would stay in contact with her because she could change.
+Marie Dubuque Thank you!
Marie, how do you deal with friends who agree to plans with you, only to cancel last minute, only to make plans with someone else? I have two people in my life who constantly do this and I'm absolutely sick of it. I don't know what to do.
Please help :(
why am i here
why did i watch it all the way through
I'm a little condescending sometimes lol sometimes I act like I'm the only person who has common sense. my sister just said this to me the other day..she said I'm always talking to them and treating them like they're dumb but I don't mean to do it or hurt their feelings if it ever has. But you know how it is, some people are just smarter when it comes to certain things but that doesn't give us the right to treat people like they are beneath us
Funny thing is often I know more about the subject than they do so sometimes I just ask very advanced questions, if they don't know it puts them in their place, Warning, if the person is a narcissist, they will not want to speak with you again
A supervisor who I got into it with yesterday just confirmed today my opinion that he has so little respect for me. Yesterday I went to him about a promotion, and should have known better to not go to him because he's always found some excuse to not recommend me for a lead spot. Anyway, I approached him to have a one-on-one and I felt things were going great, but then I happened to look to my right and another supervisor had been standing there for God knows how long. The second supervisor was very clearly listening in on the conversation. The first supervisor never said anything like "hey, we're having a conversation" or "hey, someone else is coming". I then said "thank you for no telling me that so and so was standing there listening" and walked away.
I am hearing impaired, so I had no way of knowing the second supervisor was walking up on me in a noisy environment. The first supervisor is Muslim and has often made comments to me like "you're so smart" or "you're so intelligent" or "you're such a hard worker" or even "keep doing what you're doing". NONE of those sayings mean much to me because I KNOW how well I'm doing in my area. I'm not even a lead, but I do lead work and consistently run my area very well. Many people have told me that they thought I was a lead, or have asked me why I'm not. Whenever I ask this first supervisor for new opportunities, or express that I'm feeling stale, that's when he says "keep doing what you're doing". But, nothing ever happens. In the conversation I started my post off with, he told me "if you come in on your off days, that will factor into a decision for a lead spot", but another supervisor told me "coming in on your off days is not factored into promotion".
Anyway, I felt betrayed by the first supervisor, and the history of condescending remarks from him (along with cutting me off mid-sentence and doing all the talking), and so I wrote up an incident statement. I never turned that incident statement into HR because I felt that on the surface that incident alone looked petty, and I feel very strongly that I deserve a promotion (been there 3 years). People constantly tell me that I'm lead material. Today I had a conversation with both supervisors. The second supervisor said he had no issue with me or the situation, that he wasn't listening (very difficult to believe that considering he was looking RIGHT AT ME, and standing directly next to me) as I was talking. The first supervisor blew up on me in front of other people yelling "I am so disappointed, you are so unprofessional, and you accused me of taking advantage of your hearing impairment!!". He would not let me talk. I told him that I understood that he might be upset, but asked him if he understood why I would be upset. He wasn't having it. When I told him that he was cutting me off he yelled "then say what you're going to say", and of course that never happened. I then told "from now on I will never come to you about anything personal". He commented "you were talking to me about something supervisor-related, so I let him listen in".
So, he tells the manager that he didn't know the other supervisor was there, but he's telling me that he did? I'd love to hear some thoughts on this, on how to deal with him. I enjoy working with him, it's just that maybe he's never going to give me the respect I feel I deserve, I'm always going to be his minion.
I really think it depends on the tone of voice, there are certain things when people say them might be elementary, but its the way they say it and come off. Where someone else might have the tone of voice and come off as "everyone is stupid and I am here to teach the world!" Example, your videos, some deal with basic concepts, yet cast a fresh new look at things, but I never feel talked down to.
+nouveauspinster you're right, tone of voice makes a huge difference.
Your hair looks good!
+Kez Uh thank you!
The worst is when women use a tone they use for children. I instantly know these women are petty and stay away from them.
I HATE it when people assume things about you like reminding you to talk nice to a customer service rep because they think you fly off the handle at anybody .
Or my sister telling me repeatedly that our brother is no longer POA of our mom since she passed away several weeks ago .
I get it a lot from parents of teenagers, they get in a habit of talking to their teen and end up talking to everyone like this. They don't even know they're doing it.
I try never to take condescending comments personally. Most hurtful people have had terrible upbringings and are usually in deep emotional pain. I find just showing compassion helps. My husband regularly belittles me, and once I remind him that I’m not his mother and I don’t have it in for him, he turns quite sweet
Nice distinction. Same difference. P.S. Nice necklace.
Marie, I have an online guy friend that always criticizes me on my performance. Constantly saying things like "you need to step your game up. Or I'm doing terrible but somehow you still ended up last." He's overly competitive and just an overall nuisance. I'm tired of getting my feelings hurt. What should I do?
Thank you, this is my pet peeve, I normally say Ok, can you stop for just a second, assume I know what you know, now go ahead