@@newzene7085 that won't do sh!t if you are short, blading, unattractive dark skinned ethnic, or with sh!t body frame(or are having any combination of issues from before). You might get respected by your peers/gymmates for your progress/gains, but won't do sh!t regarding attracting women. They would just view you as a overcompensating dude with some sort of a complex. It's rather better and more beneficial to save up money/become rich and get professionals instead of dating
My father is a psychologist, when he graduated he worked for a brief time in a orphanage. He told me how they would ask him for hugs and physical contact desperately and it was heart breaking
@@Penelope416 it was a situation where they would throw themselves over him desperately and ask to be caressed in a disturbing manner, i wouldnt call it beautiful
Institutions are not an ideal situation for a child. That is why most child protective services began to pay foster parents to take care of these children. Of course, they have to be monitored and also be people who are in a stable relationship.
I am 68 my wife has not touched me of her own volition for over 20 years and it’s devastating. I was at a meeting a few months ago, when another club member lightly touched my elbow as he walked past and said hello. I got butterflies in my stomach which I thought was very strange at the time. This talk explains why I had that feeling, thank you.
Even a handsome guy can come across as creepy if he is socially awkward, stares at the girl too much, and has zero game. But I agree, the more good looking you are, the more you can get away with.
Being playful and humorous in a natural way she will very likely let you touch her in a friendly way without her getting uncomfortable. Looks dont matter at that point. Observe her bodylanguage etc. closely and maybe it can go further. The more touches, the easier every next touch will be. These are skills to learn.
i am a 29 year old man and I was at party a few months ago, and a lady touched my hand and I lost all train of thought, even when as a male, we don't get complemented a lot, a girl last complemented me 10 years ago, and I still to this day remember what she said.
Just a reminder. Women rate average men as below average, and there is a study that shows beautiful babies are held more than ugly ones. So everything he's saying rigged against ugly from the start.
It is common happening. Cute babies are cuddled more. My cousin used to be white ,chubby and was super cute. While I was brown , skelt and had bad lips. My mom said she used to be sad when people cuddle my brother more and just never cared for me. But somehow now I am way way better . Still not being white is kind of a problem
@@alexandergrace5350 I don't know if you are trolling, because I'm sure I heard this from your halo effect video, but there 2 studies I found placed in ny times articles from 2 different universaties. One from ucla and one from lebanon, so it seems to be a universal thing. Also found a opinion piece saying babies look cutist after 6 months, so nurses are actually harming children by neglect when they look the ugliest by default. I doubt babies are left in hospitals for 6 months.
The only time I ever blew up at a girlfriend (called her 'insufferable' and kicked her out of bed) was when she recoiled from my touch. Turns out she had just started cheating on me.
There is a lot of truth to that. I lost my wife a couple of years ago & it's the little things like cuddling up together in bed, or cuddling up on the lounge, or even having her in the passenger seat of the car while I'm driving & rubbing her leg that I find myself missing the most.
I don’t know why this is a consequence I never considered. A lack of love and affection can create an promiscuous and undesirable (at least to traditional men) personality in a woman.
Because it's so easy for young women to be promiscuous, I guess it actually puts them at a disadvantage; they can go down a path that's damaging in the long run. I was hardly ever cuddled, or shown any affection and if I could have slept around I would have done, but now I 'm glad that I didn't have that opportunity.
In my teens I was so deprived of human contact I actually did not know how to react when someone did hug me or just randomly touched me, It was more a mix of happy, wtf and confusion. I think that is true with most men. Most of us average guys are extremely deprived of that romantic touch, so our brain just goes into "WTF do I do" mode when it happens.
I am a month away from my 65th birthday. I realized the woman I am with now is truly in love with me and attracted to me, as a man and not for anything I have or she can get out of me, when she not only made it clear she wants my touch, but actively sought and continues to this day to seek touch with me, to touch me and to be touched by me, both non-sexually and sexually. It is truly amazing, incredibly intimate, both as part of foreplay before sex, and for its own sake.
Way less expensive to pay for a weekly massage than the liability of getting tangled up with a modern woman. I did the math and cost benefit analysis and now do acupuncture once a week and massage once a week. Pretty darn nice.
I used to go for a once a week massage and I’d tell the lady that I was just there for relaxation not muscular problems so just very light slow massage was most relaxing. So lovely. What would I give for my wife to do that even once a month.
The Romanian orphans are heartbreaking. Always very interesting footage, but devastating. No baby should be treated like that. Also, knowing parents tend to cuddle less with boys should be a wake-up call to all parents to make a conscious effort to cuddle with them a lot. There's no such thing as too much attention when babies are still very young. They won't get spoilt rotten from cuddling.
I'm glad you brought up the Romanian orphans. Here in America, they are passing legislation to restrict abortion. I wonder who will volunteer to give these, soon-to-be, orphaned babies the nurturing they need not to mention, the food and shelter. Another lesson unlearned.
@thoth81 but...that will not suddenly start happening. surely You can't possibly have faith in that. willful ignorance does not prevent the reality of cause & effect.
@@michaelberta3153 for every 1 orphan child in this country there are 30 families that want them. It’s not for a lack of wanting these children it’s government red tap that is the restriction:
@@michaelberta3153 Good !!!! It's not too late for America to give human rights to life to innocent babies in the womb. Do you feel less "empowered"? :((
Dear Alexander, it dont happen only in Romanian orphanages, it happens in totally "normal" homes , that is a reason humans are so effed, the loveless parents, doing the same from generation to generation.
Touch is part of child development (0-18yrs) but particularly in the first1000 days of a child’s life. Breast feeding if key. Touch demonstrates intention and communication develops a child biologically; neurology on the brain, psychologically through attachment and attunement, co-regulation and self regulation which enables healthy social connection and relationships. This is not a gender issue, better to say that if you haven’t had good relationships to learn from as a child there are challenges learning them (and you can) in adult relationships. It can be a bumpy road.
Fun fact. The highest paid public speaker in Australia in the 90's was Amanda Gore. She would speak at corporate seminars advising men to touch women when you communicate since women are always touching when they communicate. She's on YT but I don't know if her 90's act is still there. That didn't age well because women have been reporting men for touching them and I mean only on the shoulder. I did notice that when the Canadian PM was 1st elected he would touch people when he communicated. So it is still advocated but I would never advise any man to do this in any work environment in the metoo age. I stopped touching women after receiving two complaints. The last was for empathizing with an upset carer when I picked up my 4 year old daughter from day care back in 2002 at Nazareth child care W'gabba. Both complaints were for briefly putting my hand on the shoulder like the Canadian PM does.
So strange. I worked with a guy who teaches how to be a sighted guide for the Blind. It required touch, of course. I felt like it made our work relationship better. I realized I subconsciously ask him questions more often than I do with other teachers.
Keep your hands to yourself at all times. Remember, even chads catch charges if the woman is scorned. Make sure she initiates the contact first, in public (cameras a plus), and with witnesses that aren't her friends. Not from experience or anything
This made me remember hugging the first girl I really genuinely loved... (At a ridiculously late age in life.) I took her back to her grandmother's house where she was staying at the time, and for two hours I just stood there and we hugged. That's not an exaggeration, it was at least 2 hours. We didn't sit. It wasn't sexual. We didn't speak. I just hugged her and was hugged in return. And periodically would tear up and breathe raggedly. Just from the sheer emotion of that contact. Damn. I had forgotten that moment till just now.
I had something somewhat similar twice with the same girl. First time we had just been to the cinema but didn't want to go home yet so we sat out and we cuddled for about an hour straight instead only ever speaking about how amazing the moment was. After that the next time we met was a few weeks later and we just hugged for about a half hour before doing anything with our day together.
A fellow student of mine accidentally touched my thigh for a nano second. He pulled away immediately and apologized. I said, "It's fine" and I will never forget the look of surprise on his face. He thought I would freak out. This was a sad moment of realization for me...
@@StellarAudyssey that society is messed up. That a possible sign of honest affection by the man is equal to sexual assault. That it's possible to ruin someone's life by going all "metoo" on a man even if he's completely innocent and a woman is just pissed at him for whatever reason. That men gradually become more and more afraid to approach women because of all that. And it will get worse.
@@StellarAudyssey To your question: Realizing that this is a pathological path we are taking as society, realizing what this shift really did to young men and doing research to try and figure out what's really going on. You cannot unsee or unthink it. It got me here and it opened my eyes to other situations like that.
@@Stradew Nothing is going to change, don't worry. Alexander will continue to make money from patreon and UA-cam videos, guys will keep writing autobiographies in the comments section and life will go on as it is. But I will say only one thing People will do what's comfortable for them, not what's right for you. I will also advise guys to stop watching these kind of videos and just accept their fate and do something worthwhile.
I am sure a lot of guys would want nothing more than to cuddle with a woman that loves them but as we all know, 90% of men are automatically selected out.
80% of all women get children and thus becoming ancestors. 40% of men get children and becoming ancestors. There are at the age of 20 around 20-30% more men than women.
The lockdown made me realize that getting a haircut was the only human contact I ever have. Didn't realize it until i got a cut and she washed my hair. Became emotional underneath that washcloth. It's just sad.
I live alone and found the lockdown restrictions difficult for these reasons. I used to wrap myself in a blanket and go to bed. I did this instinctively and only afterwards reflected that I’d swaddled myself like I’d swaddled distressed babies.
Building up touch as a prelude to intimacy is key. You need to take your cues from the woman's body language. If she is displaying open body language facing you with her body open, (no closed arms or making her body seem small to you) it is likely she is comfortable with you. You have to start small, maybe touching a shoulder, or a lower arm or guiding her to a table if you are on dinner date. Ask to see a ring or bracelet if she has jewellery it will give you a chance to hold her hand or touch her forearm. If on each of these occasions she recoils or seems uncomfortable back off. If she comes closer to you and reduces her space between you this can be a cue she is comfortable being intimate with you. Women know they are physically weaker than men, and need to feel safe and comfortable with a man before they trust him, lunging or leaning in for a kiss before these other stages are met are going to be met with shock and refusal from a woman who feels threatened. Having said this, I don't envy young men now with #MeToo, it must be a minefield to navigate.
In ancient Egypt (and many other civilizations) holding hands was the spiritual equivalent of holding someones heart, as some blood vessels in the hand connect directly to the heart, one of them is in the ring finger, hence why we put rings there as another spiritual or symbolic way to say 2 people are connected. So I totally understand why you feel that way.
I feel sorry for young men. The minefield they have to navigate for the rest of their lives is worse than being in Syria. I've essentially withdrawn from society. It's nucking futs out there. People have lost their mucking finds.
9:51 I was a pretty crazy kid back in elementary school. I would always get into trouble and cause problems for the teachers. I remember one time I got sent to the nurse. I don’t remember what for I don’t think I was in trouble, I remember that I was angry at a teacher, though. The nurse noticed this and hugged me, and then the water workers were up and running. That was a good cry.
Your new haircut looks really good, I dated a girl some weeks ago and we went to an aquarium. In the aquarium entrance there where snakes and the girl is super scared about snakes but she hold to me and I she felt much safer. She said she would have run away if I wasn’t there with her.
these methods on how to touch a woman reminds me of how you handle a stray dog. building trust slowly over time progressing the touching to where they are comfortable. strange comparison.
A relationship with zero intimacy is a dead relationship. If I'm fulfilling her emotional needs but she ain't fulfilling the sexual needs then my status in the relationship is not of a boyfriend but her gay best friend.
True. When I did summer camp teaching several classes each of 30 teenagers (mostly girls), I remember they were always more excited about the games that included touching (especially touching with the boys) than the games without physical contact.
ex-muay thaii competitior-trainer, 52ys old here. what you say at 4:00 about martial arts and touch is 100% correct. I used to say to my students "fighting ,hitting-punching-clinching each other is the way of the male to express love to the other". And many, many guys who came back to training following a decade off, said that were missing the pleasure of physical contact. as well, I remember how strange contact is to a beginner, women and men alike have to learn this back as adult.
This was a painful watch. Really painful. I'm a thin guy, genetically. Don't put on weight too easily, and weight gain beyond a certain point is actually medically dangerous for me. If you are skinny, and more bony than other guys, you won't get as many embraces or desired embraces from women, as do other guys who carry more flesh. The hunky muscle guy she wants to be embraced by more. Something they don't tell you much, if at all growing up. But boy oh boy does this make a big difference I've found out.
@@zephyrprime in the guysphere, there's a well known understanding. Guys are encouraged on the one hand to discuss how they might feel on issues, by the far left, but are then shamed and belittled when they do. Sound familiar? And by the way, did I ask for pity? No. I'm trying to understand, and expressed what I realised, and the consequences it had: so others (and me) can move forward, a piece at a time. So you can express that what I say can be dismissed - that's fine - but just be aware. You're then doing what the f-ists and far left do. 'Just man up!'. Yep. I sense a cliché people...
@@JohnDoe-xk1dv same here buddy. I am skinny (anorexic) i know how it feels. How people teased you and especially who body shamed me many times. It is very difficult mentally
I am a mother of five, three of whom are boys, and boys definitely need physical contact too. This is one of the reasons that physical play (rough-housing) between parents and their kids is important. Boys tend to really enjoy this. Typically fathers do more of the physical play and mothers do more cuddling. Both kinds of physical contact are important for emotional health and development.
Disclaimer - I hadn't cried in over 3 years up until this point. Touch may not be the only factor but I definitely think it contributed back a few months ago, I broke down crying at a party, obviously liquor was involved. I was on the verge of the breakdown holding it in until one of my mates came over, asked if I was alright, and gave me a hug on the couch. As soon as I felt the touch, the flood gates opened. Since then I pay attention to people breaking & as you say the emotions often are held in and people are scared to be touched & be vulnerable. The whole time I was slapping myself in the face angry at myself for being emotional, for crying infront of a few of my mates. They all thought I was overreacting and it wasn't healthy to have such a period without crying or releasing some built up emotion, at the time I didn't see it as anything other than weakness. Hard to say what the underlying cause was but a severe lack of touch may of contributed also, me being single for 21 years & rarely showing or receiving any sort of affection outside of a hi-five. I'm probably just soft. Interesting video, thanks Alex.
I love this video. You are so spot on with everything you’ve stated. I am one of those women who’s had a traumatic and abusive past and it is so nice to meet someone who actually respects that I don’t want to move too fast. And someone who will respect my boundaries… This is probably my favorite video of yours that I’ve seen so far. Keep up the good work. You have a lot of really good content
Alexander Grace - I wish I had this kind of info in my younger days. Your content is undoubtedly helping many guys understand the female mind. Keep up the good work!
Thank you Alexander. You see, my childhood was difficult to put it mildly, growing up to narcissistic parents I find out now in my 20s more and more about things they were just too proud or couldn't be bothered to put the effort in and teach me. Stuff like this is what I have struggled the most with, human connection and especially human touch. When is it appropriate? How to read people's signs? etc. In a way you fill the role of a caring and loving version of my father.
Next time in your job, try to see which man doesn’t mind shaking your hand/patting your back while working. With women try to see which women finds excuses to touch you, such as touching your hips/back behind you to “let you know,” they are behind you when walking. You will develop better social skills as time progresses and you will have more people willing to touch you once you show signs of positive energy/comfortable
Make sure when you have children you learn from your parents mistakes and don't repeat them. Give your children a better deal than you got and break the cycle.
@@Stephen-bq4nq That is precisely my plan. Amen, brother, I will. The world has enough sick people in it already and I will work to the point where I can proudly say I know how healthy humans are made. If I can't raise healthy children in a happy family I won't bother putting another ailing soul into this rotten place.
Not only for mammals but, you can find videos of birds (parrots, hawks hens) or reptiles (snakes, lizards) or fishes pleased to be touches by humans. The touch is the primary sense that developed.
The five languages of love are: 1. Saying it (I love you) 2. Giving it (Gifts) 3. Showing it (Acts of service) 4. Time (No explanation) 5. Touch (this video)) Some people show affection in different ways depending on there upbringing. Touch is one way to show love. We all show, or want to recieve love in different ways. Touch is very important to me, but if you have a partner who was abused in adolescence, they won't show love through touch. It doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they want a different form of love.
I have seen several less attractive guys in a relationship (usually guys who are obese). Its not a given you cant find someone just because you dont have perfect looks, because average looking people do find partners. But maybe also dont expect to find someone that looks like a supermodel if you dont look that great yourself. Not trying to shame you, just saying there is hope. Your behavior/personality as well as hygiene and if you can then get in physical shape, may impact your attractiveness
@@zakosist you're implying that guys have too high standards, meanwhile it's exactly the opposite. If a man that doesn't look like a model himself expects a girl to look like a model he'll have no sucess in dating, literally 0. Meanwhile when an average girl looks for a top tier guys she'll find plenty, ready to sleep with her. Because of that a lot of women overestimate their value and belive that at some point they can find a guy like that that will commit long term. That makes those women ignore all the guys they actually have a chance with. Guys can't have the same cognitive bias because their expectations are checked by reality. Most of guys can't find a woman not because they have too high standards, it's because they refuse to put the bar any lower.
@@JstJaybeingJay haha no I’m not German (or Austrian for that matter). The internet is rife with SJWs who are slaves to Godwin’s law. When they lose the argument they usually resort to name calling. They’re nasty people who only feel good when dehumanising others by calling them the N word. My name takes the wind out of their sails. That’s all.
@@zakosist thanks for your comment. I’m actually a pretty easy to please guy. You don’t need to be Jessica Alba. I like the girl next door. Sweet, funny, cute, feminine… these are the main things. When it comes to a girls physical appearance I have a wide variety of tastes.
As nice as it sounds, i couldn't gi to that. For me cuddling with an adult is too closely linked to sex. Even tough I could control myself, I would get an erection at the very least. So just being in such a state of arousal would be frustrating to be honest
@@svesnimajmun2731 I think there is the same principle as on the beach. You don’t get an erection when you swim in a pool cos this start to feel normal. Also you don’t need to straight cuddle on the cuddle events. Sometimes people simply hang their hands or just touch with fingers.
In a previous video, you explained that having activities such as martial arts or dance were good. I do a lot of tango and it has helped me a lot. First, I know that after, say 2 months without physical touch with someone, I become tense. My back starts to hurt. Although I always keep sex far from my dance, just dancing has helped me a lot. Second, when I met my wife, after a few dates, I told her that, if she wanted, she could come to a milonga to enjoy other people dancing tango. I also told her that I could show her how to dance. At first, she refused but after seeing how I behaved with other women, she accepted. I tried my best to be gentle and not sexual. She later told me that I won her with this dance. She felt good and safe in my arms. And I guess that what you are explaining about touch was at play.
Hi Alexander I am from india, was a really nice guy not standing up at toxic behavior of my ex wife and she completely ruined me as a person during 1.5 years of marriage.... Now I am trying to learn more and more and more about women before remarrying to avoid any potential Troubles in future... And you are the best person I ever saw Teaching about women.... Thanku so much buddy for being there...
That's why you just do BJJ, the submission holds can be uncomfortable, sometimes you're losing your blood flow to the brain. But when class is done I'm always in a good mood.
When it comes to human attraction or building friendships in general - body language, eye contact and even the way we touch each other plays a huge factor. And thats mostly because it cant be "faked" and can be seen rather clearly - money can be inherited from our families, looks are highly related to genetics and "personality" is an extremely vague term , making it non-definable.
Many years ago I sometimes woke up very much in fear without a direct reason. I'm pretty sure it had two major causes: lack of having a good close relationship and good touch by my parents (not that I was badly touched), in combination with bullied for three years at middle school. I had to resolve it over many years by hugging a pillow myself (I have had no gf to do it with). Kind of sad but just the way it went As a consequence of that reocurring fear I was too fearful to have a good appetite, which caused me to be several kilograms lower than I desired to be
I was thinking back to my experiences while listening to the video, and your mention of a subconscious need for touch made me think about how I like it when people touch my hair. I have really curly hair and there have been times when people ask me to touch my hair. Sometimes I let them, sometimes I don’t, but whenever I do I always get that warm fuzzy feeling in me. I never realized it’s because I was needing physical contact. Now that I think of it I was never hugged much or cuddled much as a kid.
This could actually be really important for parents as well. Everyone, both men and women (especially if they want or have a child) need to watch this. By the way talking so much about how women doesn't feel safe around you could be the problem, really contradicts what you said in another video that women need to be afraid of a man to find them attractive
It's like how you were afraid of your mom or dad when you were a kid even though you knew they loved you and wouldn't hurt you. Assuming that's what your relationship was like with them.
The only thing I disagree with is this thing to help and fix a woman who has touch issues. SCREW THAT! Guys, it’s not your job to be some random girls therapist. If you run into this kind of woman just move on. I speak from experience when I tell you, women will never appreciate anything you invest into them.
You know I'm a guy and I was hugging my best friend (female) in 2 hours like 4-5 times and those were really long hugs. Afterwards I was thinking that I maybe more feminie then I thought because of that and now I know that I just wanted some love...
*I'm an Amateur Boxer* 3:48 - That part is actually surprising to me. And now that I reflect on it, maybe that IS one of the reasons why I got into Martial Arts. The last time I got touched or cuddled was when I was a baby and never again when I was growing up (currently 21) My Main Reason was simply my burning passion for the Art of Fighting.
Animals have proven that. It was a dog at the shelter that was literally terrorized in this amazing woman touch it it weld it yelped but she just kept slowly gently touching that dog and finally she was holding it and it was pressing every part of itself against that woman.
*500 years in the future* Teacher: "They were even planning on going to Mars.. but the civilization crashed" Kid: "Really, but why?" Teacher: "The cuddle hookers.."
wont this eventually destroy civilization in general? when people can't even touch each other due to the false accusations of women? everyone dying depressed and alone with mental problems if this attitude continues too long
No, you're right about martial arts- I started practicing at 13 and almost 15 years later I still miss sparring and socializing with the current opponent.
This reminds me of when my daughter was 3 and we were at a store and I was holding items to check out, and she got away from me, and runs right into this huge bearded man, wearing overalls, and she’s hugging his leg. And you never know how someone is going to react to kids. Normally fellow parents are understanding, but some people really don’t like kids, etc. And I run over and apologize, and get my kid off him, and tell her to apologize. It was strange, she had never done that before (or since). And I remember the look on his face, no anger, he actually kinda smiled. He was very calm, and said, I really needed a hug. I just thought he was being polite, and letting me off the hook for letting my kid get away from me, but after hearing this, maybe he just appreciated her little body hugging his leg?
This is fascinating.. I see it a lot at work, some brush on you like a cat, other completely let guard down when your touch is well placed and "appropriate" We don't think about it enough but Alex explained everything!
I was very lucky, I got lots of affection off both my parents. My dad also used to play-wrestle me and my brother, even into our teens, which not only fulfilled the need for touch, but also helped teach us physical self-control.
Deep stuff it struck me before. I think the boomer generation generally were extremely cold and distant to their kids and it's no coincidence that the mental health crisis came about
I hate to admit, this is very true for me I didn't grew up in family where I was touched affectionately often. And now that is what I mostly want in relationship. I thought maybe it's my love language, that's why I want it a lot. Buts it's hard to ask for touching and cuddles for me because it feels unmanly. 6:03 that is what I most in a relationship.
@@JstJaybeingJay You can start step by step. Maybe just holding hands, or touching her shoulder in a half embrace when you're walking with her, as long as she is comfortable. Assure her that is not sexual, and be confident. Good luck!
This video struck a cord with me. I used to be in a relationship with a woman who was very self-centred and never spent any time considering my thoughts or feelings but always expected me to consider her and do things for her. I had never had such a one way relationship like this before and to be honest it had not occurred to me that women in a relationship could be like this. One of the ways I responded to that was to not want physical contact or sex with her: that would have involved a level of intimacy that felt wrong under the circumstances. I agree that non-sexual physical intimacy is important for men too.
Great post, thanks! This topic, 'touch' is vast, varies from culture to culture and is taboo for many men. Specifically re touching a woman, I NEVER initiate touch, period. Of course with g/f or wife that's different. Been single for 6+ years now, and I refuse to initiate it...mainly because of the possibility of mis-cues, an accusation of 'battery', being called a creep and yelled at in public. Every female in America knows she has the ultimate weapon at her disposal-the allegation of unwanted touch.
What are your thoughts on touchy-feely girls? Had a girl at my job who would be really touchy feely with a lot of the guys including myself. Months later one of the guys was found to be dating her in secret. Was she just baiting for attention and "rewarding" the man who had the balls to pursue her at the time?
Thank you alex, my dad is wonderful dad but he never talk to me about touching females im assuming cause he is natural player and thought i would grasp the concept early but i didnt i came out an awkward nerdy mess
If he is a player, he would be delighted to teach you the in and outs of the game. To teach game to the next generation is a part of the game and player life. Maybe ask him directly for advice or sharing his stories.
@@tomaszsosnowski9279 im 24 now, kind of awkward to ask my dad for girl help. He’s gotten me like 3 numbers and all of them flopped but im embarrassed to tell him i strugggle with women.
@@legendofsociety796 stop comparing yourself with others, see if you can improve whatever the means necessary, and compare yourself only to your past self, that's the only one that matters. go get those numbers .
Do women realize that their touch cam calm men down from anxious and raged to calm and sedated? I haven't been touched by a female in a year. Its ok. I have emotional control, but my urge to punch someone to release stress and deal with loneliness is boiling daily.
'Touching women is essential, but it can be very dangerous'
It's dangerous if you look ugly
True once i saw a guy get a beat down from public cuz of this touch misunderstanding just cuz he was ugly.
So, try your best to get attractive gym, hygiene proper grooming etc, cuz life aint fair for ugly guys
@@newzene7085 that won't do sh!t if you are short, blading, unattractive dark skinned ethnic, or with sh!t body frame(or are having any combination of issues from before). You might get respected by your peers/gymmates for your progress/gains, but won't do sh!t regarding attracting women. They would just view you as a overcompensating dude with some sort of a complex.
It's rather better and more beneficial to save up money/become rich and get professionals instead of dating
Even if you’re more handsome then 79% of the population your still ugly
... or poor.
My father is a psychologist, when he graduated he worked for a brief time in a orphanage. He told me how they would ask him for hugs and physical contact desperately and it was heart breaking
That is really sad yet beautiful at the same time!
@@Penelope416 it was a situation where they would throw themselves over him desperately and ask to be caressed in a disturbing manner, i wouldnt call it beautiful
@@Blehstor damn wtf
What's sad is if he did give them the physical touch they needed some feminist would be trying to put him in jail for being a pedo.
Institutions are not an ideal situation for a child.
That is why most child protective services began
to pay foster parents to take care of these
children. Of course, they have to be monitored and also be people who are in a stable relationship.
I am 68 my wife has not touched me of her own volition for over 20 years and it’s devastating. I was at a meeting a few months ago, when another club member lightly touched my elbow as he walked past and said hello. I got butterflies in my stomach which I thought was very strange at the time. This talk explains why I had that feeling, thank you.
I'd say welcome to the club, as my wife hasn't touched me for 10 years. I miss the cuddles and hugs.
this the type of stuff that scares me from marriage lol
Good god, get some therapy, it's never too late.
@@thedevilsadvocate3710 That would seem to make sense, but it doesn't work that way.
@@thedevilsadvocate3710 did you miss the video entirely? It is not therapy they need but human touch
The difference between flirt and being called a creep depends on how handsome they guy is.
Even a handsome guy can come across as creepy if he is socially awkward, stares at the girl too much, and has zero game. But I agree, the more good looking you are, the more you can get away with.
@@leemorrell9912 fax
Mostly true
Being playful and humorous in a natural way she will very likely let you touch her in a friendly way without her getting uncomfortable. Looks dont matter at that point. Observe her bodylanguage etc. closely and maybe it can go further. The more touches, the easier every next touch will be. These are skills to learn.
Then be proud to be a creep, it's like being flirty really
i am a 29 year old man and I was at party a few months ago, and a lady touched my hand and I lost all train of thought, even when as a male, we don't get complemented a lot, a girl last complemented me 10 years ago, and I still to this day remember what she said.
What's she said ?
@@gemorp8506 she told me I had really beautiful eyes
@@poiu77 damn , i guess u really have beautiful eyes.
@@ramu992 so i have been told
I love it when a woman touches my arm when she is talking to me.
Just a reminder.
Women rate average men as below average, and there is a study that shows beautiful babies are held more than ugly ones. So everything he's saying rigged against ugly from the start.
I'd like to read the baby study, link?
Even if your baby’s ugly hold them! People’s shallowness causing dysfunction at an early stage
It is common happening. Cute babies are cuddled more. My cousin used to be white ,chubby and was super cute. While I was brown , skelt and had bad lips. My mom said she used to be sad when people cuddle my brother more and just never cared for me. But somehow now I am way way better . Still not being white is kind of a problem
@@alexandergrace5350
I don't know if you are trolling, because I'm sure I heard this from your halo effect video, but there 2 studies I found placed in ny times articles from 2 different universaties. One from ucla and one from lebanon, so it seems to be a universal thing. Also found a opinion piece saying babies look cutist after 6 months, so nurses are actually harming children by neglect when they look the ugliest by default. I doubt babies are left in hospitals for 6 months.
@@furyberserk Not trolling at all, if you have the link, please send to me :)
The only time I ever blew up at a girlfriend (called her 'insufferable' and kicked her out of bed) was when she recoiled from my touch. Turns out she had just started cheating on me.
Let me guess? She was sleeping on the edge of the bed?...
Good one! You dodged a bullet there!
@@bobbyscalchi4013 Nah, she was sleeping in someone else's bed.
Hope you dumped her ass !
Discomfort at touch is the best indicator of infidelity.
There is a lot of truth to that. I lost my wife a couple of years ago & it's the little things like cuddling up together in bed, or cuddling up on the lounge, or even having her in the passenger seat of the car while I'm driving & rubbing her leg that I find myself missing the most.
That's sad.....
Heartbreaking. 🙏
Life is made of little things.... that is the reality.. life its sad. Sorry for your wife buddy.
Wish you all the best buddy, I know that feeling ❤️
Sorry for you’re loss
I don’t know why this is a consequence I never considered. A lack of love and affection can create an promiscuous and undesirable (at least to traditional men) personality in a woman.
Nice trim by the way bro.
Maybe where the idea of daddy issues comes from
@@1st_b Yep, it's exactly where it comes from.
Because it's so easy for young women to be promiscuous, I guess it actually puts them at a disadvantage; they can go down a path that's damaging in the long run. I was hardly ever cuddled, or shown any affection and if I could have slept around I would have done, but now I 'm glad that I didn't have that opportunity.
In my teens I was so deprived of human contact I actually did not know how to react when someone did hug me or just randomly touched me, It was more a mix of happy, wtf and confusion. I think that is true with most men. Most of us average guys are extremely deprived of that romantic touch, so our brain just goes into "WTF do I do" mode when it happens.
Romance doesn't exist, the Buddhists will tell you that.
As a 20 yr old girl who’s dating someone for the first time, my brain does the same thing. I worry about being too detached
Guys remember to be Tall, Rich and attractive ✅.
Yeah being tall is such an easy thing to do... not.
Can get away with "just" being tall and attractive
@@TrippyLiberty If the woman is young and adventurous. Otherwise she wants a lot more provision-wise.
Why do and be all this extra stuff if she ain't doing sh1t for you.
Be rich and attractive for yourself.
Ahh yes how stupid I've been 5 ft 3 for so long. Now I've remembered to be tall.
I am a month away from my 65th birthday. I realized the woman I am with now is truly in love with me and attracted to me, as a man and not for anything I have or she can get out of me, when she not only made it clear she wants my touch, but actively sought and continues to this day to seek touch with me, to touch me and to be touched by me, both non-sexually and sexually. It is truly amazing, incredibly intimate, both as part of foreplay before sex, and for its own sake.
Way less expensive to pay for a weekly massage than the liability of getting tangled up with a modern woman. I did the math and cost benefit analysis and now do acupuncture once a week and massage once a week. Pretty darn nice.
You pay someone to stick you with needles? Jesus. Horrifying.
@@Divine1Right Just like Jesus
Imagine paying a woman to touch you
I fully get you I have acupuncture once a week and it relieves a lot of emotional stress 👍
I used to go for a once a week massage and I’d tell the lady that I was just there for relaxation not muscular problems so just very light slow massage was most relaxing. So lovely. What would I give for my wife to do that even once a month.
I love how this guy speaks the truth even on very controversial subjects. This really was a great episode. I think he’s right at every point.
The Romanian orphans are heartbreaking. Always very interesting footage, but devastating. No baby should be treated like that. Also, knowing parents tend to cuddle less with boys should be a wake-up call to all parents to make a conscious effort to cuddle with them a lot. There's no such thing as too much attention when babies are still very young. They won't get spoilt rotten from cuddling.
Yes
I'm glad you brought up the Romanian orphans. Here in America, they are passing legislation to restrict abortion. I wonder who will volunteer to give these, soon-to-be, orphaned babies the nurturing they need not to mention, the food and shelter. Another lesson unlearned.
@thoth81 but...that will not suddenly start happening. surely You can't possibly have faith in that. willful ignorance does not prevent the reality of cause & effect.
@@michaelberta3153 for every 1 orphan child in this country there are 30 families that want them. It’s not for a lack of wanting these children it’s government red tap that is the restriction:
@@michaelberta3153 Good !!!! It's not too late for America to give human rights to life to innocent babies in the womb. Do you feel less "empowered"? :((
Dear Alexander, it dont happen only in Romanian orphanages, it happens in totally "normal" homes , that is a reason humans are so effed, the loveless parents, doing the same from generation to generation.
True
My ex fiance had that issue.
Touch is part of child development (0-18yrs) but particularly in the first1000 days of a child’s life. Breast feeding if key. Touch demonstrates intention and communication develops a child biologically; neurology on the brain, psychologically through attachment and attunement, co-regulation and self regulation which enables healthy social connection and relationships. This is not a gender issue, better to say that if you haven’t had good relationships to learn from as a child there are challenges learning them (and you can) in adult relationships. It can be a bumpy road.
@@annberry5420 thank you for the information, Ann .
Unfortunately , I am more than aware of it .
Fun fact. The highest paid public speaker in Australia in the 90's was Amanda Gore. She would speak at corporate seminars advising men to touch women when you communicate since women are always touching when they communicate. She's on YT but I don't know if her 90's act is still there. That didn't age well because women have been reporting men for touching them and I mean only on the shoulder. I did notice that when the Canadian PM was 1st elected he would touch people when he communicated. So it is still advocated but I would never advise any man to do this in any work environment in the metoo age. I stopped touching women after receiving two complaints. The last was for empathizing with an upset carer when I picked up my 4 year old daughter from day care back in 2002 at Nazareth child care W'gabba. Both complaints were for briefly putting my hand on the shoulder like the Canadian PM does.
So strange. I worked with a guy who teaches how to be a sighted guide for the Blind. It required touch, of course.
I felt like it made our work relationship better.
I realized I subconsciously ask him questions more often than I do with other teachers.
Trudeau is a total creep
'Tenderness is a deeper instinct than seduction, which is why it is so hard to give up hope.' - Michel Houellebecq.
Keep your hands to yourself at all times. Remember, even chads catch charges if the woman is scorned. Make sure she initiates the contact first, in public (cameras a plus), and with witnesses that aren't her friends. Not from experience or anything
yes, this is my #1 rule.
"Scorned" means "rejected"
Yeah, I refuse to touch strangers (non-family).
I don't even like women,so for people like me it is a bit harder since i'm asexual,and women isn't my cup of tea. I guess i'm screwed!
Make sure you get documented approval signed by a notary.
This made me remember hugging the first girl I really genuinely loved... (At a ridiculously late age in life.)
I took her back to her grandmother's house where she was staying at the time, and for two hours I just stood there and we hugged.
That's not an exaggeration, it was at least 2 hours.
We didn't sit.
It wasn't sexual.
We didn't speak.
I just hugged her and was hugged in return.
And periodically would tear up and breathe raggedly.
Just from the sheer emotion of that contact.
Damn. I had forgotten that moment till just now.
What happened to that relationship?
I had something somewhat similar twice with the same girl. First time we had just been to the cinema but didn't want to go home yet so we sat out and we cuddled for about an hour straight instead only ever speaking about how amazing the moment was. After that the next time we met was a few weeks later and we just hugged for about a half hour before doing anything with our day together.
Man, I'm sorry. That's just awful. Obviously not the hug, but that you had to get to that point to feel that comfort.
A fellow student of mine accidentally touched my thigh for a nano second. He pulled away immediately and apologized. I said, "It's fine" and I will never forget the look of surprise on his face. He thought I would freak out. This was a sad moment of realization for me...
With the wrong person he’d be labelled a rapist and have his life ruined. He had every reason to be nervous.
@@StellarAudyssey that society is messed up. That a possible sign of honest affection by the man is equal to sexual assault. That it's possible to ruin someone's life by going all "metoo" on a man even if he's completely innocent and a woman is just pissed at him for whatever reason. That men gradually become more and more afraid to approach women because of all that.
And it will get worse.
@@StellarAudyssey thats what men have to be able to do if they enter the dating market
@@StellarAudyssey To your question: Realizing that this is a pathological path we are taking as society, realizing what this shift really did to young men and doing research to try and figure out what's really going on. You cannot unsee or unthink it. It got me here and it opened my eyes to other situations like that.
@@Stradew Nothing is going to change, don't worry. Alexander will continue to make money from patreon and UA-cam videos, guys will keep writing autobiographies in the comments section and life will go on as it is. But I will say only one thing
People will do what's comfortable for them, not what's right for you.
I will also advise guys to stop watching these kind of videos and just accept their fate and do something worthwhile.
I am sure a lot of guys would want nothing more than to cuddle with a woman that loves them but as we all know, 90% of men are automatically selected out.
80% of all women get children and thus becoming ancestors. 40% of men get children and becoming ancestors. There are at the age of 20 around 20-30% more men than women.
unless its ur mom lmao
The lockdown made me realize that getting a haircut was the only human contact I ever have. Didn't realize it until i got a cut and she washed my hair. Became emotional underneath that washcloth. It's just sad.
It's incredible the types of experiences people go through...
I live alone and found the lockdown restrictions difficult for these reasons. I used to wrap myself in a blanket and go to bed. I did this instinctively and only afterwards reflected that I’d swaddled myself like I’d swaddled distressed babies.
@@annberry5420 hahahah I’m sorry but that is funny.
You should go for full body massages. They’re especially good after a gym workout. Please rinse off before the massage.
Building up touch as a prelude to intimacy is key. You need to take your cues from the woman's body language. If she is displaying open body language facing you with her body open, (no closed arms or making her body seem small to you) it is likely she is comfortable with you. You have to start small, maybe touching a shoulder, or a lower arm or guiding her to a table if you are on dinner date. Ask to see a ring or bracelet if she has jewellery it will give you a chance to hold her hand or touch her forearm. If on each of these occasions she recoils or seems uncomfortable back off. If she comes closer to you and reduces her space between you this can be a cue she is comfortable being intimate with you.
Women know they are physically weaker than men, and need to feel safe and comfortable with a man before they trust him, lunging or leaning in for a kiss before these other stages are met are going to be met with shock and refusal from a woman who feels threatened.
Having said this, I don't envy young men now with #MeToo, it must be a minefield to navigate.
👍
Finally some actual good advice
I would be glad if it would only be a mine field. But there are also MG nests, snipers and artillery waiting for us.
This is impossible if you have autism, doubly so if you are unattracive on top
Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine hugging an imaginary person, it gives me goosebumps then I want to cry
I got a long pillow I use for that.
Me too . I just really wish. Every night.
Get a blow up doll of Tom Hardy
I just really like holding hands. That's the only touch i really enjoy on a deep emotional level
In ancient Egypt (and many other civilizations) holding hands was the spiritual equivalent of holding someones heart, as some blood vessels in the hand connect directly to the heart, one of them is in the ring finger, hence why we put rings there as another spiritual or symbolic way to say 2 people are connected. So I totally understand why you feel that way.
Do men really like non sexual touches?
@@ziyamalik1666 In my case yeah.
@@ziyamalik1666 any type of massage is heaven
@@ziyamalik1666 Why wouldn't they? Start with trying to answer that.
I feel sorry for young men. The minefield they have to navigate for the rest of their lives is worse than being in Syria. I've essentially withdrawn from society. It's nucking futs out there. People have lost their mucking finds.
@Ma Khi You know what you're up against in Syria. You're not baited into having the entire society and system destroy everything you've worked for.
@Ma Khi Fair point. Comparing it to Syria may have been overstating it.
9:51 I was a pretty crazy kid back in elementary school. I would always get into trouble and cause problems for the teachers. I remember one time I got sent to the nurse. I don’t remember what for I don’t think I was in trouble, I remember that I was angry at a teacher, though. The nurse noticed this and hugged me, and then the water workers were up and running. That was a good cry.
Your new haircut looks really good, I dated a girl some weeks ago and we went to an aquarium. In the aquarium entrance there where snakes and the girl is super scared about snakes but she hold to me and I she felt much safer. She said she would have run away if I wasn’t there with her.
these methods on how to touch a woman reminds me of how you handle a stray dog. building trust slowly over time progressing the touching to where they are comfortable. strange comparison.
well its precisely that, basic biology and principles of bonding with someone new
A relationship with zero intimacy is a dead relationship. If I'm fulfilling her emotional needs but she ain't fulfilling the sexual needs then my status in the relationship is not of a boyfriend but her gay best friend.
What if you're religious and don't want to have sex before marriage?
@@schuringleon3207 this happen in marriages also with ultra feminist ego women...They are so so toxic 😣
@@cv6176 Bullshit- that applies to men, NOT to women- their design is very different.
@@schuringleon3207 You could have other types of physical contact before that, but I don't know as I'm not religious.
Men and women can both go cold on partners.
True. When I did summer camp teaching several classes each of 30 teenagers (mostly girls), I remember they were always more excited about the games that included touching (especially touching with the boys) than the games without physical contact.
ex-muay thaii competitior-trainer, 52ys old here. what you say at 4:00 about martial arts and touch is 100% correct. I used to say to my students "fighting ,hitting-punching-clinching each other is the way of the male to express love to the other". And many, many guys who came back to training following a decade off, said that were missing the pleasure of physical contact. as well, I remember how strange contact is to a beginner, women and men alike have to learn this back as adult.
This was a painful watch. Really painful.
I'm a thin guy, genetically. Don't put on weight too easily, and weight gain beyond a certain point is actually medically dangerous for me.
If you are skinny, and more bony than other guys, you won't get as many embraces or desired embraces from women, as do other guys who carry more flesh. The hunky muscle guy she wants to be embraced by more.
Something they don't tell you much, if at all growing up. But boy oh boy does this make a big difference I've found out.
God stop wallowing in your self pity. Your problem isn't significant at all.
@@zephyrprime in the guysphere, there's a well known understanding. Guys are encouraged on the one hand to discuss how they might feel on issues, by the far left, but are then shamed and belittled when they do.
Sound familiar?
And by the way, did I ask for pity? No. I'm trying to understand, and expressed what I realised, and the consequences it had: so others (and me) can move forward, a piece at a time.
So you can express that what I say can be dismissed - that's fine - but just be aware. You're then doing what the f-ists and far left do.
'Just man up!'. Yep. I sense a cliché people...
@Ma Khi no worries. When you get preggers you will get thick. Just enjoy your body type atm.
@@JohnDoe-xk1dv same here buddy. I am skinny (anorexic) i know how it feels. How people teased you and especially who body shamed me many times. It is very difficult mentally
Skinny guys can be master of disguise real easy.
Haven't had a girlfriend in decades. I cuddle with my dog. Puppy hugs are where it's at.
I am a mother of five, three of whom are boys, and boys definitely need physical contact too. This is one of the reasons that physical play (rough-housing) between parents and their kids is important. Boys tend to really enjoy this. Typically fathers do more of the physical play and mothers do more cuddling. Both kinds of physical contact are important for emotional health and development.
Disclaimer - I hadn't cried in over 3 years up until this point. Touch may not be the only factor but I definitely think it contributed back a few months ago, I broke down crying at a party, obviously liquor was involved. I was on the verge of the breakdown holding it in until one of my mates came over, asked if I was alright, and gave me a hug on the couch. As soon as I felt the touch, the flood gates opened.
Since then I pay attention to people breaking & as you say the emotions often are held in and people are scared to be touched & be vulnerable. The whole time I was slapping myself in the face angry at myself for being emotional, for crying infront of a few of my mates. They all thought I was overreacting and it wasn't healthy to have such a period without crying or releasing some built up emotion, at the time I didn't see it as anything other than weakness. Hard to say what the underlying cause was but a severe lack of touch may of contributed also, me being single for 21 years & rarely showing or receiving any sort of affection outside of a hi-five. I'm probably just soft.
Interesting video, thanks Alex.
You know his words are true when this video causes you anxiety all over your body.
I love this video. You are so spot on with everything you’ve stated.
I am one of those women who’s had a traumatic and abusive past and it is so nice to meet someone who actually respects that I don’t want to move too fast. And someone who will respect my boundaries…
This is probably my favorite video of yours that I’ve seen so far.
Keep up the good work. You have a lot of really good content
Alexander Grace totally understands where I am coming from.
My family and I were talking about this recently. One of my sons mentioned that he hadn't been hugged in many months. Heartbreaking.
Touching women is essential!
Me in the Middle East: I'm good thanks 👍
Alexander Grace - I wish I had this kind of info in my younger days. Your content is undoubtedly helping many guys understand the female mind. Keep up the good work!
Thank you Alexander. You see, my childhood was difficult to put it mildly, growing up to narcissistic parents I find out now in my 20s more and more about things they were just too proud or couldn't be bothered to put the effort in and teach me. Stuff like this is what I have struggled the most with, human connection and especially human touch. When is it appropriate? How to read people's signs? etc. In a way you fill the role of a caring and loving version of my father.
Next time in your job, try to see which man doesn’t mind shaking your hand/patting your back while working. With women try to see which women finds excuses to touch you, such as touching your hips/back behind you to “let you know,” they are behind you when walking. You will develop better social skills as time progresses and you will have more people willing to touch you once you show signs of positive energy/comfortable
Make sure when you have children you learn from your parents mistakes and don't repeat them.
Give your children a better deal than you got and break the cycle.
@@Stephen-bq4nq That is precisely my plan. Amen, brother, I will. The world has enough sick people in it already and I will work to the point where I can proudly say I know how healthy humans are made. If I can't raise healthy children in a happy family I won't bother putting another ailing soul into this rotten place.
@@OttoMaticInc right on brother👍
Not only for mammals but, you can find videos of birds (parrots, hawks hens) or reptiles (snakes, lizards) or fishes pleased to be touches by humans. The touch is the primary sense that developed.
The five languages of love are:
1. Saying it (I love you)
2. Giving it (Gifts)
3. Showing it (Acts of service)
4. Time (No explanation)
5. Touch (this video))
Some people show affection in different ways depending on there upbringing. Touch is one way to show love. We all show, or want to recieve love in different ways.
Touch is very important to me, but if you have a partner who was abused in adolescence, they won't show love through touch.
It doesn't mean they don't love you, it means they want a different form of love.
Paying fir her belly
I'm a man, I love MMA, I love massages, I also love cuddles.
I love touch and physical affection. Unfortunately, I’m not a 10/10 dude so it’s virtually impossible to find someone who wants my affections.
Love the name,😂😂 (why are you German?). Try going for women of lower calibre. You'll get atleast something.
I have seen several less attractive guys in a relationship (usually guys who are obese). Its not a given you cant find someone just because you dont have perfect looks, because average looking people do find partners. But maybe also dont expect to find someone that looks like a supermodel if you dont look that great yourself. Not trying to shame you, just saying there is hope. Your behavior/personality as well as hygiene and if you can then get in physical shape, may impact your attractiveness
@@zakosist you're implying that guys have too high standards, meanwhile it's exactly the opposite. If a man that doesn't look like a model himself expects a girl to look like a model he'll have no sucess in dating, literally 0. Meanwhile when an average girl looks for a top tier guys she'll find plenty, ready to sleep with her. Because of that a lot of women overestimate their value and belive that at some point they can find a guy like that that will commit long term. That makes those women ignore all the guys they actually have a chance with. Guys can't have the same cognitive bias because their expectations are checked by reality.
Most of guys can't find a woman not because they have too high standards, it's because they refuse to put the bar any lower.
@@JstJaybeingJay haha no I’m not German (or Austrian for that matter).
The internet is rife with SJWs who are slaves to Godwin’s law. When they lose the argument they usually resort to name calling. They’re nasty people who only feel good when dehumanising others by calling them the N word. My name takes the wind out of their sails. That’s all.
@@zakosist thanks for your comment.
I’m actually a pretty easy to please guy. You don’t need to be Jessica Alba. I like the girl next door. Sweet, funny, cute, feminine… these are the main things. When it comes to a girls physical appearance I have a wide variety of tastes.
Man I love your channel, I learn many things due to your Analytics.
Cuddle parties are cool and friendly. Really advise them if you wanted to cuddle and meet interesting and open people.
As nice as it sounds, i couldn't gi to that. For me cuddling with an adult is too closely linked to sex. Even tough I could control myself, I would get an erection at the very least. So just being in such a state of arousal would be frustrating to be honest
@@svesnimajmun2731 I think there is the same principle as on the beach. You don’t get an erection when you swim in a pool cos this start to feel normal. Also you don’t need to straight cuddle on the cuddle events. Sometimes people simply hang their hands or just touch with fingers.
Are clothes optional
@@svesnimajmun2731 same I can’t do that
where do you find these cuddle parties... asking for a friend.
I've used the thumb war technique many times and it always works
In a previous video, you explained that having activities such as martial arts or dance were good.
I do a lot of tango and it has helped me a lot.
First, I know that after, say 2 months without physical touch with someone, I become tense. My back starts to hurt. Although I always keep sex far from my dance, just dancing has helped me a lot.
Second, when I met my wife, after a few dates, I told her that, if she wanted, she could come to a milonga to enjoy other people dancing tango. I also told her that I could show her how to dance. At first, she refused but after seeing how I behaved with other women, she accepted. I tried my best to be gentle and not sexual.
She later told me that I won her with this dance. She felt good and safe in my arms. And I guess that what you are explaining about touch was at play.
Hi Alexander I am from india, was a really nice guy not standing up at toxic behavior of my ex wife and she completely ruined me as a person during 1.5 years of marriage....
Now I am trying to learn more and more and more about women before remarrying to avoid any potential Troubles in future... And you are the best person I ever saw Teaching about women....
Thanku so much buddy for being there...
That's why you just do BJJ, the submission holds can be uncomfortable, sometimes you're losing your blood flow to the brain.
But when class is done I'm always in a good mood.
👏👏
An effective, honest defense against a submission hold...just say, "Mmmmm...this feels sooo right."
That's the highest form of BJJ, a defense without even using the body, verbal jujitsu.
For some reason our school allowed male to fight female so that was interesting
@@meanderingmarley3910 "ooohhhhhhhh, yeah. ughhhhhhhhhh baby"
lol. I may actually use this one day!
When it comes to human attraction or building friendships in general - body language, eye contact and even the way we touch each other plays a huge factor. And thats mostly because it cant be "faked" and can be seen rather clearly - money can be inherited from our families, looks are highly related to genetics and "personality" is an extremely vague term , making it non-definable.
Well said !
I don't want to touch my friends
Sometimes sexual desire is actually the need to be touched so you don't feel so lonely
Meanwhile hard core introverts
"I am an aliens"
Plenty of cuddling happens at rave parties. In the darkness, nobody will easily be able to see if you're ugly.
Many years ago I sometimes woke up very much in fear without a direct reason. I'm pretty sure it had two major causes: lack of having a good close relationship and good touch by my parents (not that I was badly touched), in combination with bullied for three years at middle school. I had to resolve it over many years by hugging a pillow myself (I have had no gf to do it with). Kind of sad but just the way it went
As a consequence of that reocurring fear I was too fearful to have a good appetite, which caused me to be several kilograms lower than I desired to be
I hope you are good now man
That's why they invented body pillows
@@CarilletaReach Yes also a few years ago I got beyond it
Dude your new haircut looks fresh!!
The more I understand "love", dating, women, and relationships... the more I'm depressed. I should just stop
You need to take action
Same but about men.
@@ziyamalik1666 we're kinda weird too!
I was thinking back to my experiences while listening to the video, and your mention of a subconscious need for touch made me think about how I like it when people touch my hair. I have really curly hair and there have been times when people ask me to touch my hair. Sometimes I let them, sometimes I don’t, but whenever I do I always get that warm fuzzy feeling in me. I never realized it’s because I was needing physical contact. Now that I think of it I was never hugged much or cuddled much as a kid.
This could actually be really important for parents as well. Everyone, both men and women (especially if they want or have a child) need to watch this.
By the way talking so much about how women doesn't feel safe around you could be the problem, really contradicts what you said in another video that women need to be afraid of a man to find them attractive
It's like how you were afraid of your mom or dad when you were a kid even though you knew they loved you and wouldn't hurt you. Assuming that's what your relationship was like with them.
The only thing I disagree with is this thing to help and fix a woman who has touch issues. SCREW THAT! Guys, it’s not your job to be some random girls therapist. If you run into this kind of woman just move on.
I speak from experience when I tell you, women will never appreciate anything you invest into them.
how about just trying to help people in general, even if its just bringing to their attention that they may have this issue.
Truth!
Aww poor baby sad because a woman doesn't wanna touch him :(
@@mysticc6232 mocking people is trashy
@@ncyikcvjxiw8936 bite me
Now I understand why I punch walls sometimes: just to feel something on my skin.
Maybe I should stop being ugly
@@alanhollands8901 good point
We're all hurting but you're probably a good person ,stay up brother
You know I'm a guy and I was hugging my best friend (female) in 2 hours like 4-5 times and those were really long hugs. Afterwards I was thinking that I maybe more feminie then I thought because of that and now I know that I just wanted some love...
Girl friends are weird about hugs. I learned in high school that they DO NOT like bro hugs. You gotta give them nice normal soft hugs.
You are not feminine you are human, there is nothing lie a head message from a fine lady.
Now I feel very blessed that my father is still playful with me and cuddles though I am in high school 🥲
Ikr
You’ve got a great father. Cherish each moment with him.
Wait...
High school? Cuddles? Hold on, what?
@@lukewood2662 grow up, dude! Frikin grow up!
Alexander the GREAT. Much love brother
😆✊hail😂.
You have blown my mind and educated my heart..
That was poetic.
Definitely a unique voice out there! Nice one Alexander, well researched and well spoke 👍
*I'm an Amateur Boxer*
3:48 - That part is actually surprising to me.
And now that I reflect on it, maybe that IS one of the reasons why I got into Martial Arts.
The last time I got touched or cuddled was when I was a baby and never again when I was growing up (currently 21)
My Main Reason was simply my burning passion for the Art of Fighting.
ikr?
I train judo, wrestling, and jiu-jitsu. Never thought of this perspective
Animals have proven that. It was a dog at the shelter that was literally terrorized in this amazing woman touch it it weld it yelped but she just kept slowly gently touching that dog and finally she was holding it and it was pressing every part of itself against that woman.
Thank you for making these videos, man I'm so grateful.
*500 years in the future*
Teacher: "They were even planning on going to Mars.. but the civilization crashed"
Kid: "Really, but why?"
Teacher: "The cuddle hookers.."
The Romanian orphanage part really got the point across.
Whats the name of video or link?
B.F. Skinner/Skinner Box
As a guy I love being touched by both men and females. It definitely makes the friendship x10 better
wont this eventually destroy civilization in general? when people can't even touch each other due to the false accusations of women? everyone dying depressed and alone with mental problems if this attitude continues too long
This is all orchestrated by the globalist elites
Yes, but women have no incentive to fix this.
No, you're right about martial arts- I started practicing at 13 and almost 15 years later I still miss sparring and socializing with the current opponent.
This reminds me of when my daughter was 3 and we were at a store and I was holding items to check out, and she got away from me, and runs right into this huge bearded man, wearing overalls, and she’s hugging his leg. And you never know how someone is going to react to kids. Normally fellow parents are understanding, but some people really don’t like kids, etc. And I run over and apologize, and get my kid off him, and tell her to apologize. It was strange, she had never done that before (or since). And I remember the look on his face, no anger, he actually kinda smiled. He was very calm, and said, I really needed a hug. I just thought he was being polite, and letting me off the hook for letting my kid get away from me, but after hearing this, maybe he just appreciated her little body hugging his leg?
Touch with power, CHOOSE YOUR ATTRACTIVENESS
I'm guessing Alexander has never heard of the "Me Too Movement" Women have been Weaponized and men have been demonized.
hugging non sexually is rather important, i always hugged my two sons, and they also do it to me, and is gratefying.
This is fascinating.. I see it a lot at work, some brush on you like a cat, other completely let guard down when your touch is well placed and "appropriate"
We don't think about it enough but Alex explained everything!
Got outta the 'touch' habit during Covid, and now I don't even miss it.
I was very lucky, I got lots of affection off both my parents. My dad also used to play-wrestle me and my brother, even into our teens, which not only fulfilled the need for touch, but also helped teach us physical self-control.
You are so right. I'm so happy I found this channel, you talk about things that I didn't knew I felt
It's all about that oxytocin, we all need it. I should involve more physical contact generally with friends now I think about it
@@nickhardy7310 wym
I'm a man and I'm so touch-starved that sometimes I just touch myself.
Go to nature, in forest or whatever, hug a tree. Its has special effects
Rubbing oneself all over the body with olive or coconut oil and then taking a warm shower everyday is great for skin, body and mind health.
Be careful,if you have money watch out for hot gold diggers.Don't be a soft touch.
Deep stuff it struck me before. I think the boomer generation generally were extremely cold and distant to their kids and it's no coincidence that the mental health crisis came about
I hate to admit, this is very true for me I didn't grew up in family where I was touched affectionately often. And now that is what I mostly want in relationship. I thought maybe it's my love language, that's why I want it a lot. Buts it's hard to ask for touching and cuddles for me because it feels unmanly. 6:03 that is what I most in a relationship.
Don't feel it's unmanly. I love when my husband whispers how important are my hugs to him.
@@FilosParaSofia that's cool. I guess that kind of mindset comes with age, I'm 21, so girls I see are.....
@@JstJaybeingJay You can start step by step. Maybe just holding hands, or touching her shoulder in a half embrace when you're walking with her, as long as she is comfortable. Assure her that is not sexual, and be confident. Good luck!
Alexander: Human touch is essential
Bruce Springsteen: enters the chat
The thing i miss the most about being single is the touch aspect, skin on skin cuddles are vital to me.
This video struck a cord with me. I used to be in a relationship with a woman who was very self-centred and never spent any time considering my thoughts or feelings but always expected me to consider her and do things for her. I had never had such a one way relationship like this before and to be honest it had not occurred to me that women in a relationship could be like this. One of the ways I responded to that was to not want physical contact or sex with her: that would have involved a level of intimacy that felt wrong under the circumstances. I agree that non-sexual physical intimacy is important for men too.
Great post, thanks! This topic, 'touch' is vast, varies from culture to culture and is taboo for many men. Specifically re touching a woman, I NEVER initiate touch, period. Of course with g/f or wife that's different. Been single for 6+ years now, and I refuse to initiate it...mainly because of the possibility of mis-cues, an accusation of 'battery', being called a creep and yelled at in public. Every female in America knows she has the ultimate weapon at her disposal-the allegation of unwanted touch.
This video is absolutely on point. 5:56 - 6:21 Perfect explanation of how i've been feeling for a long time
What are your thoughts on touchy-feely girls? Had a girl at my job who would be really touchy feely with a lot of the guys including myself. Months later one of the guys was found to be dating her in secret. Was she just baiting for attention and "rewarding" the man who had the balls to pursue her at the time?
They are nuisance in the Office
Just a 'ho.
Thank you alex, my dad is wonderful dad but he never talk to me about touching females im assuming cause he is natural player and thought i would grasp the concept early but i didnt i came out an awkward nerdy mess
If he is a player, he would be delighted to teach you the in and outs of the game. To teach game to the next generation is a part of the game and player life. Maybe ask him directly for advice or sharing his stories.
@@tomaszsosnowski9279 im 24 now, kind of awkward to ask my dad for girl help. He’s gotten me like 3 numbers and all of them flopped but im embarrassed to tell him i strugggle with women.
@@legendofsociety796 don’t be embarrassed. A good dad will want his son to be successful.
@@anonymoosepeersun7221 youre right but it’s embarrassing when my little brother is more of a ladies man than me
@@legendofsociety796 stop comparing yourself with others, see if you can improve whatever the means necessary, and compare yourself only to your past self, that's the only one that matters. go get those numbers .
Wise and compassionate insight for both genders.
Do women realize that their touch cam calm men down from anxious and raged to calm and sedated?
I haven't been touched by a female in a year. Its ok. I have emotional control, but my urge to punch someone to release stress and deal with loneliness is boiling daily.
As a man, i have trained myself to keep my hands to myself at all times.