Відео

Okay so I've thought about this before but the issue is that. While I do feel like I want others to talk to me. I wasn't always like this, I was the 2 percent of people that just kinda wanted a friendship but without that initial conversation and small talk. and most of the people I enjoy talking to tend to also be like that, they enjoy deep or philosophical conversations rather than talking about the weather or something that's going on atm.

Hey man, this video nearly made me tear up. Informative and wholesome. Binged your last few videos, and I am considering buying myself a nice notebook and writing all the knowledge down into something digestible for myself. Thanks bro

Too complicated to me.

thanks. im gonna try my best

nice pecs

i appreciate u bro

🐬 🐉

lol you were great.

3:50 that last statement is crazy 😂

kissing a dead frog is far easier if you prepare it properly, breadcrumbs, deep fried, a nice dipping sauce *french chef kiss*

Great video that gave me a lot to think about, and I will definitely be trying some of these tips. Not criticism but a few things to consider: - Things like going for a walk, reading, or meeting up with a friend aren't things I can just do for 2 minutes while I wait for the pasta water to boil. I need something to replace a mindless distraction that I can start and stop at any time, not a new hobby that will result in me having even less productive time in the day. (Any tips on what that could be I appreciated! Reading comes closest but only reading 1 page at a time makes it hard to get into a book) - I have noticed that not using social media at all for a limited time is easy, but using it less (while still using it sometimes) is hard. Maybe to do with the sense of accomplishment from not using it at all. Or if the temptation is completely gone, then I'm fine. I had my Instagram account deactivated for 6 months but now I'm back to doomscrolling daily. - For people with BPD like me, sitting with your intense emotions is sometimes not an option. Scrolling isn't great, but it's still better than s*lf h*rm. And until I've found safe ways to self soothe, I will likely keep doing it... - Sometimes I see a post on social media that makes me feel valid and understood, and gives me a boost to stop scrolling and tackle any challenges in my day. Of course this doesn't happen all the time, but I would say I do care deeply about most of the content I consume. - Yes, I use social media to help with loneliness. Yes, it makes it worse. But I don't have connections in the real world, and it's not because I'm not trying, anyone in the West Midlands please reach out :(

Can we just stop and admire that drawing of a horse for a minute.

Ok yeah - emotional invalidation was rampant in my family. My parents didn’t have those conversations with us, they didn’t help us manage our emotions or learn how to express them appropriately, and the sibling issues that caused the emotions weren’t properly dealt with. We had a great way of handling problems.. sweep the dirt under the carpet and pretend it’s not there. And we were made to just put on that happy face. It seemed our family was more about image than being real and admitting that we didn’t have a perfect family. I love my parents & my family but it was very damaging to many of us sadly. We had a large family with many kids adopted from 5 different countries. My parents got criticized by their church friends bcs it was too many kids.. my parents said they had love & resources to give & they adopted kids with health issues also they adopted siblings.: many kids that no one else would adopt really. I think their intents were good but it was too many kids. We didn’t have a good relationship with my parents or each other. My mom would say she runs our home like a tight ship.. well we weren’t adult sailors. We were kids who needed more/better guidance on things .. We needed to have the relationship which would have developed the good behavior & good character they wanted us to have… As a result, even though we WERE loved and well cared for, we all have issues, we all have felt unloved and unwanted.. And yes our emotions and feelings were totally invalidated. I recall when I was maybe around 11-13yrs, things were starting to unravel with our family.. my dad would want to have talks with us & get our input.. but as soon as we would say how we felt, they would invalidate.. saying that’s not what they had intended and basically we are wrong for feeling how we did.. so we learned very quickly to keep totally silent during these “talks” bcs it didn’t matter what we said anyway- it wasn’t addressed properly or ever resolved.. With my own daughter (it’s just the 2 of us) I have encouraged her to speak up and let me know when I make her feel crummy (if I don’t call myself out on it).. It IS hard to hear.. and often I need time alone to work through things within myself. But I want to improve and I sure as hell don’t want her to feel like her opinions and feelings don’t matter. I want her to feel supported and heard. It’s been a work in progress and for several years when she was young I was sooo toxic & reactive from being very sick from indoor mold & undiagnosed tick infections.. I have hurt her terribly with my words… But I have gone to her again & again and have apologized sincerely. I told her this is not how anyone should treat another and especially not a parent to a child. We talk about what can she and I do differently in future situations to get a better outcome. She has seen me working on myself and trying to resolve this part of me.. Interestingly, all the counseling, self help books, prayer , wishing never had much improvement. It truly was a physical thing. Once I started detoxing the mold, addressing nutrient deficiencies, metals toxicities, and then identifying and treating long term hidden infections (babesia, bartonella, borrelia primarily) .. then I started becoming more patient, more kind, more calm, less reactive.. it was quite eye-opening….

3:22 rizzwell of knowledge 😭🙏

Wow this is honestly game changing! Complementing specific things does make sounds better !

Thanks for all the wisdom! May every conversation of yours lead to something greater in your life!

Life is painful and I have learned to stop the emotions long ago. I used to be an incredibly feeling person.. and I was teased & criticized for it. Add to that the deep pain of betrayal and loss.. then heartbreak.. yeah. I have a wall around my heart & soul that countries would be envious of. Part of me wants to be done with that (tear down the wall!) but the other part of me is terrified of feeling the inevitable hurts that life will throw at me. “Life IS painful highness! Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something..” I realize that when I block the tough emotions & the hurts of life then I also inevitably block the joys of life and the exuberance it can bring. So yeah.. how does one overcome the fear of tremendous hurts of life and live wholeheartedly (I listen to a lot of Brene Brown books & talks).. it kind of freaks me out. I feel like I am in a safe place here and am unsure that I could force myself to be otherwise.. and then if I do, then I will regret it as soon as the next deep hurt happens..

this used to be a parents job

I’m like that meme with the little girl making a “yuck” face: emotions? Eww, get that shit away from me!

They put uninteresting stuff in your feed so your dopamine hits when you find something you like. It is a gambling principle which is adictive. They found out that it does not work when you get rewards all the time but when you get it from time to time. It is the same like a lootbox.

I appreciate your videos - thanks so much. I am definitely one who is a perfectionist- clearly I am not perfect and the knowledge of this causes me to procrastinate terribly bcs I know my result won’t be perfect… I grew up in a large family and I love my family but I was criticized A Lot by my older siblings and there seemed to be a lot of competition between us kids. I also was not liked by my siblings - I was the star peg that didn’t fit in the round hole. I was (and still am!) insatiably curious and I loved to learn. I loved to read - I would read the world book encyclopedia series we had; I also read the dictionary and write down all kinds of interesting words to learn & use in my daily conversations. I loved the educational tv programs my mom would have us watch as part of our homeschooling. I think some of my older siblings resented me bcs of the knowledge I gained due to my curiosity. Interestingly, the sister who hated me the most in childhood is the one I have connected with the most in adulthood. And we talk & visit more than with anyone else in the family. I thought I had resolved all the growing-up issues I had but I have learned recently that clearly these experiences left a deeper mark on my soul than I thought. Thankfully I didn’t experience the kinds of childhood traumas that many of my friends have, but this was its own kind of trauma I guess.. all the criticism & teasing I received from most of my older siblings who grew up with me. So I’ve been kind of exploring the resulting issues also the “wounded inner child” stuff some folks discuss.. I used to skip by all that thinking that didn’t apply to me but when I actually listened to a couple short talks about it, clearly it did apply & I became aware of this needing attention. Anyway, I am always striving to improve myself - always have, since I was very young. Some stuff is hard to admit. I think most counselors are crap (had a fair amount of experience with them over the years) so I appreciate all the folks like you who post these videos online so I can find who I jive with and be challenged by & ponder the topics & ideas presented.

Learning a foreign language by oneself is very stupid because you need to be trained in the natural entonation of that language. The best thing you can do is to be less naive and realize that there are experts in teaching foreign languages with grounded knowledge of the different approaches.

Some people are attracted to chaos 😂

💖💖💖💖

Thanks anyway. Wouldn't have watched this video if didn't want my day to get worse

Like you mentioned, I had the same +3year nofap streak. One day I felt frisky and relapsed, but after few weeks I was back in my old PMO habits. It's not as severe as then, but I'm struggling to get back to nofap. Your videos are quite helpful, I think it's explained pretty well. Before I think I lasted 3 years as I was doing pullups every 3 days, but now I have stopped for 1 year (thus relapsed happened).

I’m sitting in my room right now at 5 am watching because I can’t sleep and I have to present an assignment that I haven’t finished. Frankly I don’t know what I should do

Tiresome. Research not yielding sufficient results

It surprised me how POSITIVE compliments (like "you're great", "you're beautiful") may still sound like judgement.Thanks!

Also, complimenting someone on what they have done rather than what they are. For example a beautiful girl may be based off n their genetics etc . As opposed to they dress well or did their hair nicely etc

I absolutely loved the ... horse!

Looks like you are going to solve me!!

I was a reporter for more than 30 years. At first it was very stressful because I actually am a painfully shy person. Reporters constantly have to approach strangers and get them to open up, especially if you've been assigned a "human interest" story. The way I got past most of my jitters when I had to interview someone was to imagine myself wearing an old fashioned fedora with a Press credential in the headband. Now I was acting as an extension of the publication I worked for. But more importantly, I made myself focus on putting the other person at ease, and this usually included being genuinely interested in them. Even if I was interviewing someone I felt was crooked, or fake, or an idiot, I had a job to do, which was to get relevant information, so I would feel around in our conversation for something we had in common, and work from there. I was also always respectful, even if I found myself in a hostile situation. I never won any journalism awards, but I was frequently complimented on my stories by readers because I would get aspects of the story other reporters didn't, or would present a picture of someone that people who knew them would tell me was spot on. I never rushed my interviews and if the conversation took us someplace unexpected, I was willing to ditch my prepared questions and just see where this interaction led. Now here's the funny thing, and why I chose to watch this video. I retired from reporting 8 years ago (I am 70). I had a heart attack and heart surgery that left me with nerve damage. I also was in a toxic relationship with a narcissist for 11 years that severely undermined my self confidence. I freed myself from him just before COVID and its lock downs started. Because I have a compromised immune system, I was pretty much isolated in my apartment for about two years. As a retired, traumatized, 70 year old, I find myself almost bereft of social skills and struggling to make new friends. I also have ADHD (fairly well managed) which sometimes affects my ability to decode social cues. So, out of sheer lonliness, I have decided to acquire skills that I hope will lead to new friendships. My first hurdle has been just showing up places. I am gradually getting braver. But I am still very insecure once I open my mouth. Even talking with old friends, I can find myself stumbling with expressing my thoughts or feelings and/or responding to what you describe as "bait" being thrown my way. I think the list of questions and the clearly presented advice in this video really will help me eventually restore the skills I had as a reporter. So, thank you for that.

I rarely comment on UA-cam, but I’ve just come across your channel and am absolutely blown away by how succinct and insightful your video style is. From one perfectionist to another, you are doing remarkable work. Thank you!🙌

In spanish we would say you suffer from "verborrea"

This man is everything. Protect him like he's protected us.

How the hell are you so wise! Young, handsome, charismatic and clever. I will continue to watch your videos but I don't like you!!!

A lot of things you say resonate with the zazen practice of the Soto School of Zen Buddhism. Check out 'Zen Mind, beginner's mind' by Suzuki. Or maybe even Dogen's Shobogenzo, or in case you'll find it hard to read ancient Japanese philosophy (rightfully, mind you) there are modern adaptations by i.e. Brad Warner

magic mushrooms are not drugs

yea I don't really know but the first one being criticism im clicking off. criticism, even negative criticism when correct, is one of the biggest contributions that could lead to tangible results.

How is it than I'm nearly twice your age yet only have about 10% of your common sense! What a great vid!!

You are a fine story teller. I've enjoyed this video much, and as a newly 60 year old, there is not much to add then you're observation is spot on.

Sorry. Your message might be helpful but the whiteboard sh*t is so annoying I couldn't watch for long.