Words of apology, no matter how sincere, Cannot heal the wounds if we don't hear The pain and anger behind the cry- Without this, the connection will die. We face these moments, again and again, Where feedback comes in, carrying pain. But often the words sting like a dart, And defensiveness hardens the heart. You bite back, they bite back, it spirals fast, Ruining a bond that once might last. But if we stop, breathe, and start to see, The conflict holds opportunity. Listen to hear, not to reply, Let the hurt voice be the guide. For in the silence, understanding grows, A seed for healing, where empathy shows. It’s you and them against the strife, Not you against them, in this battle of life. Breathe deep, apologize where it’s due, And see how the bond can renew. For at the core, we all just seek To feel understood, though we’re weak. Listen close, don’t interrupt, And maybe, the hurt can be made up. Step forward with courage, not to defend, But to mend what broke-relationships transcend. For in every hard conversation’s end, Lies a chance for growth, and to amend.
No one has an issue with what I have done. The only reason I'm here is because I needed to see Lewis 😁 He could read from a phone book and I would listen.
Whatever criticism or reservations you might have about this video, think about it as a rough outline for what you need to do, and adapt it to your own needs and values. There's no need for one youtuber to come up with a perfect and watertight strategy for all situations, we still need to figure out the details on our own.
Hey man, Just wanted to let you know that the way you delivered your points and how you come across as geniuine and vulnerable is helping to lower the guard when taking in the information you're passing on. What helps particularly, is how you dwelve deeper into each thought and call out secondary thoughts a person may have in response to a situation. Most of available self-help videos usually cover the basic outlines of a problem/solution but fail to explore it deeper, with examples which, ironically, is what makes people resonate with the explanation on a personal level. Thank you for this, you've got the right approach and I will use your videos as examples of communication from the place of vulnerability and relatability. Best of luck, I sense a great channel rising.
Good summary. Maybe the right way to do this is to listen Omce with empathy but then remember to trade them in for someone that actually Doesnt blame their issues on someone else's behavior.
As a 19 year. Everyday I realise how important these principles are. The reason I mentioned my age is because during my teenage years I kept on making the same mistake with my loved ones, not realising they had underlying trauma and their own problems. Somtiems I would go "what I said was was perfectly logical but why did this person react so heavily?" But taking a step back and being empathetic, taking that deep breath and understanding from a rational point of you. You realise no one is at fault, it's you and them Vs the problem not you Vs them. Anyway. Just wanted to say this. ✌🏼 peace
please do more this kind of videos im currently helping myself getting out from suicide thoughts just like one of your video that about guilt so I'll subscribe to this channel mad respect for you
This helped me a lot and was brilliantly presented, thank you. I love how you present things in a way thats entertaining, easy to make sence of and apply. I wish everyone in the world listened to this guidence, the world be a more loving, communicative and healthy place.
Interesting timing. A couple of days ago my boss took me to one side to tell me he wanted me to do things differently. I wasn't sure how it went as it felt kind of bad inside for me and surprising more than anything as it's something he had told me a long time ago that I thought I had improved on already yet the way put it across to me felt as if I had done the 'bad thing' the day previous. When I asked him if he could give me an example and he said he couldn't, I realised that it wasn't a critique of anything I had done in recent times, but more a warning for me based on how he remembers me doing things from much further back, and at that point it felt much easier to hear in the moment. So I suppose on his end, if he were to have been clearer about what he meant to begin with, that it would have been better. With that said, could be good to have a video on how to criticise effectively.
Doesn't seem this boss has all the qualifications a boss should have. What's the point of this "feedback" anyway. Maybe you can take step 9 (together with 4) to him and maybe he opens up?
@jasminvomwalde7497 I'm not saying that the video is unreasonable. In fact, it's all about reason. But. In fact, some people are just manipulative, some are jealous, and some are just always not satisfied or want you in trouble. It's hard to please these people, and that's where we get the most of the problems. In fact, they already know what's happening, and there's nothing to explain or apologize. And I'm convinced but might be wrong that there's no solving of those situations but solving those people. Or even better, solving their presence in your life)
@@user-jw4jm4su7m I agree. This is sound advice for handling conflict with people that are very dear to you and that you already have a strong relationship with. But I personally would not make that effort for every aquaintance, colleague, relative etc. and certainly not for people who try to use me as a doormat.
@@user-jw4jm4su7m Obviously I dont know how exactly are the conversations you have with these people, but I'd say in this case it's not so much about apologizing to them, it's more about understanding them and validating their feelings, and letting them know that their feelings matter to you. As the video mentioned, save the criticism for later, make sure they feel understood first. You can also apologize just for the shortcomings you had along the way instead, even if small, For example yesterday I had an argument with a friend. I didn't apologize for the content of what I said since it wasn't wrong, but I apologized for being defensive and not delivering it in a more considerate manner.
Hmmm, my fear is doesnt this Reward these people for trying to take you down? Theyre criticizing you so they can feel better. Taking the high road like this just encourages more of this behavior right?
I think the application this video is more directed towards situations where two people have an otherwise cordial/healthy relationship (0:31). Otherwise, I agree that there's a limit to the application of this to people who are beyond reasoning with etc.
No, you can only ever control your own responses and behaviors. If they suck, letting them suck and focusing on doing the work to keep their suckage from bringing you down. If you want to boil it down to basic behavior principles like that, the fastest way to stop a behavior is to put it on "extinction" which requires completely ignoring it. It's not your burden to show that someone else is bad or wrong, they will do that themselves while you stay true to yourself, kindly and calmly, when you do the work.
I've always found when it comes to point 12 that someone I have a discussion with will say things like: "I get what you're saying, but [insert their point of view]" And then they keep shoving that perspective down your throat over and over. And it turns into a loop whenever I move on to another thing I want to discuss. So are they actually listening and respecting our differences? Or is something else at play here?
Same same here.. some people genuinely don't give an fuck and shove their opinion/masterplan down others throats. I mean, if you have good knowledge of the topic at hand then it would be technically possible to convince you in certain areas (or the other way around). If it's more a matter of taste then it could be at least decided by voting if it has an impact on the whole team..
yeah, but like, ppl always get at me when i'm not prepared and i'm not able to brace myself in time they are arledy at me, and on top of that i will not even remember anything they say if i dont take notes (like on paper, really) and when i bring that up -w8 for me to note - they take it as even more agression from me
Just attempting to read that illiterate nonsense irritated me. I can only imagine what you are like in person. I suggest you take a long break and engage in self relection and ask why so many people find you a problem.
I am not fun, so maybe make a video on how to develop playfulness? I grew up in a violent environment, and it screwed my perspective for normal interactions. IE: teasing is a threat to not being good enough, or needing to change behavior. But, it's just a joke brah. We were just teasing your personality traits.
I got this problem - every time I’m arguing with someone I understand in the process that I might be wrong all along. Am I FUCKING STUPID? why tf am I always, ALWAYS WRONG??!!???? 😡
you freaky deaker! i signed up for the news letter and havent gotten anything for 2 weeks! ill try again... also A COURSE IS COMING man ill get it in my school if thats ok w you
Hey Newel , very good video ! I was wondering if I can help you with more Quality Editing in your videos and make Highly Engaging Thumbnails which will help your videos to get more views and engagement . Please let me know what do you think ?
Somewhat unrelated question WITH AN EXAMPLE: My sister and I (I'm almost 19 and she's 13) often come to blows (not literally - just lots of arguments) over somewhat trivial things, often because I correct her for doing something either I know she shouldn't be doing or for things I think she shouldn't be doing and my parents usually undermine what I'm trying to say because I'm not her parent. I have a smidge of autism and she's more ADHD so she tends to do a lot of fidgeting and making noises and such which get on my nerves, plus she tends to do things that just grate on me. Examples being: - Laying on our dogs' filthy bed with them - Eating food with her fingers - Throwing tantrums over who gets the (shared) laptop - Deliberately doing things I've asked her to stop doing, on purpose - Straight up ignoring things I tell her to do which have come from our parents, when they're not around, at work etc There are a lot of other things which don't spring to mind immediately but all this just makes me feel so immensely unheard and inconsequential in our household, and whenever I bring it up with The Parents I just get the same answer: You aren't her parent. Which I understand (at least I think I do) but I'm trying to help Mum & Dad (and my sister for later in life too - lots of tiny life lessons which she just disregards because it's me saying it) and I seem to only get in shit for it. Am I just being a stubborn asshole or is something else at work here? I have basically no sway over a lot of household arguments anymore and feel so undermined whenever I'm the one getting in shit. It's like by telling me off they just confirm to her that I mean nothing. Any thoughts? Sorry for the essay. Thanks
‘Unspoken expectations = premeditated resentments’ that’s fantastic
I just happened to read your comment as he said that. This dudes timing is impeccable.
So true!
Words of apology, no matter how sincere,
Cannot heal the wounds if we don't hear
The pain and anger behind the cry-
Without this, the connection will die.
We face these moments, again and again,
Where feedback comes in, carrying pain.
But often the words sting like a dart,
And defensiveness hardens the heart.
You bite back, they bite back, it spirals fast,
Ruining a bond that once might last.
But if we stop, breathe, and start to see,
The conflict holds opportunity.
Listen to hear, not to reply,
Let the hurt voice be the guide.
For in the silence, understanding grows,
A seed for healing, where empathy shows.
It’s you and them against the strife,
Not you against them, in this battle of life.
Breathe deep, apologize where it’s due,
And see how the bond can renew.
For at the core, we all just seek
To feel understood, though we’re weak.
Listen close, don’t interrupt,
And maybe, the hurt can be made up.
Step forward with courage, not to defend,
But to mend what broke-relationships transcend.
For in every hard conversation’s end,
Lies a chance for growth, and to amend.
No one has an issue with what I have done. The only reason I'm here is because I needed to see Lewis 😁 He could read from a phone book and I would listen.
Can I just say how much I appreciate that your videos aren't bloated with constant advertisements? So many content creators can't figure this out.
Whatever criticism or reservations you might have about this video, think about it as a rough outline for what you need to do, and adapt it to your own needs and values.
There's no need for one youtuber to come up with a perfect and watertight strategy for all situations, we still need to figure out the details on our own.
LOVE IT ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Stay Disciplined, Playful, and Dangerous." 👏
Hey man,
Just wanted to let you know that the way you delivered your points and how you come across as geniuine and vulnerable is helping to lower the guard when taking in the information you're passing on. What helps particularly, is how you dwelve deeper into each thought and call out secondary thoughts a person may have in response to a situation. Most of available self-help videos usually cover the basic outlines of a problem/solution but fail to explore it deeper, with examples which, ironically, is what makes people resonate with the explanation on a personal level.
Thank you for this, you've got the right approach and I will use your videos as examples of communication from the place of vulnerability and relatability.
Best of luck, I sense a great channel rising.
We need you and people like you, Lewis! Keep up the excellent work. ✨
There's only one way: you need to decouple your ego from self-worth
Good lord that's a powerful statement. So- how the fuck do you do that? Sounds delightful
Good summary. Maybe the right way to do this is to listen Omce with empathy but then remember to trade them in for someone that actually Doesnt blame their issues on someone else's behavior.
Sounds like nonsense. You're a human not a robot.
@@GeraldJacobsUA-camwe don’t know that for certain anymore. 🤷🏼♂️
@@ascgazz we do, it's obvious
As a 19 year. Everyday I realise how important these principles are. The reason I mentioned my age is because during my teenage years I kept on making the same mistake with my loved ones, not realising they had underlying trauma and their own problems. Somtiems I would go "what I said was was perfectly logical but why did this person react so heavily?" But taking a step back and being empathetic, taking that deep breath and understanding from a rational point of you. You realise no one is at fault, it's you and them Vs the problem not you Vs them. Anyway. Just wanted to say this. ✌🏼 peace
Love your videos. The content is incredible and the effort you put in is invaluable. So glad I found your channel man.
please do more this kind of videos
im currently helping myself getting out from suicide thoughts
just like one of your video that about guilt
so I'll subscribe to this channel
mad respect for you
This helped me a lot and was brilliantly presented, thank you. I love how you present things in a way thats entertaining, easy to make sence of and apply. I wish everyone in the world listened to this guidence, the world be a more loving, communicative and healthy place.
Well done, you are some man ❤❤
Very helpful, and the out-takes at the end are appreciated ;)
I am my own biggest critic. I need to drastically change my inner monologue. I will look forward to watching your next upload ❤
This is a good observation; that the lesson can be applied to our own internal dialog as well.
Not really a video that I need because I don't care what people think just here to support the channel ❤
Thank you for doing what you do. I'm proud of you and everything you've accomplished so far. Keep up the fantastic work!
As usual - great work! Thanks for the value you are bringing.
Interesting timing. A couple of days ago my boss took me to one side to tell me he wanted me to do things differently. I wasn't sure how it went as it felt kind of bad inside for me and surprising more than anything as it's something he had told me a long time ago that I thought I had improved on already yet the way put it across to me felt as if I had done the 'bad thing' the day previous. When I asked him if he could give me an example and he said he couldn't, I realised that it wasn't a critique of anything I had done in recent times, but more a warning for me based on how he remembers me doing things from much further back, and at that point it felt much easier to hear in the moment.
So I suppose on his end, if he were to have been clearer about what he meant to begin with, that it would have been better. With that said, could be good to have a video on how to criticise effectively.
Doesn't seem this boss has all the qualifications a boss should have. What's the point of this "feedback" anyway. Maybe you can take step 9 (together with 4) to him and maybe he opens up?
As an artist, this one is really beneficial. Thank you, your videos are really helpful. Would you consider making one on imposter syndrome?
This will just embolden a narcissist, so make sure you're using it on someone who isn't.
Damn son
the follower crew
increased exponentially🤯👏
excellent as always
Learn to control your emotions, ego, and pride to then always be able to take a step back and always be in control. Stay uncommon
Fantastic, these videos are really good 🙂
Jubilee Producers of the Middle Ground. Make sure all participants watch THIS video 🙏🏽🤭
The dog at the end, like everyone else, just wanted to be heard and understood 😌
Am I the only one not able to apologize when knowing for sure I was right and them unreasonable?
No 😅
@jasminvomwalde7497 I'm not saying that the video is unreasonable. In fact, it's all about reason.
But.
In fact, some people are just manipulative, some are jealous, and some are just always not satisfied or want you in trouble.
It's hard to please these people, and that's where we get the most of the problems.
In fact, they already know what's happening, and there's nothing to explain or apologize.
And I'm convinced but might be wrong that there's no solving of those situations but solving those people. Or even better, solving their presence in your life)
@@user-jw4jm4su7m I agree. This is sound advice for handling conflict with people that are very dear to you and that you already have a strong relationship with. But I personally would not make that effort for every aquaintance, colleague, relative etc. and certainly not for people who try to use me as a doormat.
@@user-jw4jm4su7m Obviously I dont know how exactly are the conversations you have with these people, but I'd say in this case it's not so much about apologizing to them, it's more about understanding them and validating their feelings, and letting them know that their feelings matter to you. As the video mentioned, save the criticism for later, make sure they feel understood first.
You can also apologize just for the shortcomings you had along the way instead, even if small, For example yesterday I had an argument with a friend. I didn't apologize for the content of what I said since it wasn't wrong, but I apologized for being defensive and not delivering it in a more considerate manner.
Hmmm, my fear is doesnt this Reward these people for trying to take you down? Theyre criticizing you so they can feel better. Taking the high road like this just encourages more of this behavior right?
I think the application this video is more directed towards situations where two people have an otherwise cordial/healthy relationship (0:31). Otherwise, I agree that there's a limit to the application of this to people who are beyond reasoning with etc.
No, you can only ever control your own responses and behaviors. If they suck, letting them suck and focusing on doing the work to keep their suckage from bringing you down. If you want to boil it down to basic behavior principles like that, the fastest way to stop a behavior is to put it on "extinction" which requires completely ignoring it. It's not your burden to show that someone else is bad or wrong, they will do that themselves while you stay true to yourself, kindly and calmly, when you do the work.
This video is describing how to work through good-faith criticism in relationships you value. People "trying to take you down" is something different.
Great video👍👍👍,again 😊
Do you think you could do a video on how to criticise others also, whilst not offending them?
I've always found when it comes to point 12 that someone I have a discussion with will say things like: "I get what you're saying, but [insert their point of view]" And then they keep shoving that perspective down your throat over and over. And it turns into a loop whenever I move on to another thing I want to discuss.
So are they actually listening and respecting our differences? Or is something else at play here?
Same same here.. some people genuinely don't give an fuck and shove their opinion/masterplan down others throats. I mean, if you have good knowledge of the topic at hand then it would be technically possible to convince you in certain areas (or the other way around). If it's more a matter of taste then it could be at least decided by voting if it has an impact on the whole team..
yeah, but like, ppl always get at me when i'm not prepared and i'm not able to brace myself in time they are arledy at me, and on top of that i will not even remember anything they say if i dont take notes (like on paper, really) and when i bring that up -w8 for me to note - they take it as even more agression from me
Just attempting to read that illiterate nonsense irritated me. I can only imagine what you are like in person. I suggest you take a long break and engage in self relection and ask why so many people find you a problem.
Listen to understand, as if you're a therapist with a patient... but don't diagnose them 🤣🤣🤣
I am not fun, so maybe make a video on how to develop playfulness? I grew up in a violent environment, and it screwed my perspective for normal interactions. IE: teasing is a threat to not being good enough, or needing to change behavior. But, it's just a joke brah. We were just teasing your personality traits.
I got this problem - every time I’m arguing with someone I understand in the process that I might be wrong all along. Am I FUCKING STUPID? why tf am I always, ALWAYS WRONG??!!???? 😡
Hmm, bring a second or just reload... ?
All this time I thought ducks preferred bread.
This is all well and good, but what happens when you are arguing with a narcissist?
The best way to deal with a narcissist = don't.
you freaky deaker! i signed up for the news letter and havent gotten anything for 2 weeks! ill try again... also A COURSE IS COMING man ill get it in my school if thats ok w you
Hi Talia, thanks for letting me know. Are you sure the emails aren't going to spam?
@@NewelOfKnowledge yes thank you I have gotten them!
Hey Newel , very good video ! I was wondering if I can help you with more Quality Editing in your videos and make Highly Engaging Thumbnails which will help your videos to get more views and engagement . Please let me know what do you think ?
This may be not a great question but what if you know they're wrong
Somewhat unrelated question WITH AN EXAMPLE:
My sister and I (I'm almost 19 and she's 13) often come to blows (not literally - just lots of arguments) over somewhat trivial things, often because I correct her for doing something either I know she shouldn't be doing or for things I think she shouldn't be doing and my parents usually undermine what I'm trying to say because I'm not her parent. I have a smidge of autism and she's more ADHD so she tends to do a lot of fidgeting and making noises and such which get on my nerves, plus she tends to do things that just grate on me. Examples being:
- Laying on our dogs' filthy bed with them
- Eating food with her fingers
- Throwing tantrums over who gets the (shared) laptop
- Deliberately doing things I've asked her to stop doing, on purpose
- Straight up ignoring things I tell her to do which have come from our parents, when they're not around, at work etc
There are a lot of other things which don't spring to mind immediately but all this just makes me feel so immensely unheard and inconsequential in our household, and whenever I bring it up with The Parents I just get the same answer: You aren't her parent. Which I understand (at least I think I do) but I'm trying to help Mum & Dad (and my sister for later in life too - lots of tiny life lessons which she just disregards because it's me saying it) and I seem to only get in shit for it. Am I just being a stubborn asshole or is something else at work here? I have basically no sway over a lot of household arguments anymore and feel so undermined whenever I'm the one getting in shit. It's like by telling me off they just confirm to her that I mean nothing.
Any thoughts? Sorry for the essay.
Thanks
Another graduate from the University of UA-cam.
Bro your face is beautiful ngl
Are you tryna say i'm bad at handling criticism???
You are so adorable
I criticize your haircut.
I criticise your criticism of his haircut.
@@lawndartlele
To do list:
1. Breathe
2. Agree with lawndartele that his moustache is fire
3. Define our differences
Just sent this video to Donald Trump
TDS is real.
All politicians.
yea!
Anybody in that space could take a heavy dose of this lol