Honestly, I dont think I learn as much from any other person on this platform. Thanks for teaching us all about things that most people ignore, I can't wait for the next vid :)
ok, but heres the question how do you make each video about something different and not have them overlap, im never bored and im always learning. genuinely I will help you put this COURSE into schools. like this is what we should be teaching
It's so comforting to watch a guy from the 1920s give us good advice on emotional regulation, and I mean it. It feels like a 'redemption arc', a healing for that era's emotional struggles.
In 15 years of therapy, nothing has worked better or faster for me than DBT. Game changer. Life changer. I am so much better at regulating my emotions now. I’m almost a different person.
Thanks a lot for this, I have a housemate who criticizes, condemns, accusing, invalidates and threatening every time he opens his mouth during a disagreement and I fall into the trap of getting irritated easily by him.
Dude I instantly subscribed. Your sense of humor mixed with the shared wisdom is so refreshing and I learned and laughed a lot through this video! Thanks man!
I honestly love the timing of this video like right to the second. The thing about guilt, I realized that by planning to do something but not executing it, Im basically acting like a naughty kid thats used to getting attention that way. It's like the gratification of planning something and putting in the effort and then after a while it requires delayed gratification, whereas by planning the perfect plan and not sticking to it I can immediately feel guilty and so emotionally gratified. Daniel Kahneman figured out that losing 1000 dolars gives an equal emotional input as losing 2000 dolars. So guilt is cheap, easy to get to and endlessly satisfying. It's a mashistic mental mastrubation in your mind to feel guilty about your actions. Now I just own them, if I do it it's my choice, if I dont it's also my choice. Love your videos, much love from Turkey.
This was incredibly insightful. I’m trying to think of a frase to conceptualise your point. You mentioned it’s acting like a naughty kid to get your own attention. Perhaps we can call it: inner child attention seeking. Ahaha I’m not sure, what do you think we could call this?
@@NewelOfKnowledge Hmm you know how when you compliment a child by saying smart instead of hardworking, it leads them to pick easier tasks and quit earlier cause it’s not something that they can improve, it’s not in their hands. I think it’s the habitual relationship with your parents you had, you still act like the same kid that they referred you as, which is in my case you’re really smart but lazy, so that becomes your character, you try to actualize that even though it doesn’t benefit you, because that’s how mom and dad defined you, that’s what was expected and you don’t know any better. lol I’m casually over sharing on the internet but your openness and lack of judgement create a safe space I guess, hahah thanks for that 🙏 keeping alive the unhealthy and unbeneficial persona your parents have created for you, just because what’s familiar is comforting and you don’t know any better cause you’ve never experienced life otherwise until you do. That’s what I’d name it. You can watch Kinds of kindness to understand how comfortable not making choices or having our choices made for us is, or breaking from what exists, choosing the unknown, how scary and uncomfortable it is.
@@norabelkhayatte7161 hahahaha in my head I was hoping for you to come up with a kickass 4 word concept hahaha, but in fact your response was more helpful. It’s interesting to see how you view this as a consequence of our parents fixing a fixed mindset onto us. It sounds like you’re suggesting we need to reprogram our unhelpful programming from childhood. Hey, you should write a book on this 😂
@@NewelOfKnowledge Hahah thank you for viewing my blabber as book worthy content, for now I don't think I have any ideas or thoughts that havent been mentioned before. And I enjoy trying to understand others more than I do focusing on my own, after all Im always with my ideas and myself and the way I view the world. Thank you for creating a window into your mind and for your concise explanations of the content you consume. I'm looking forward to future videos 😀
You're absolutely brilliant. I've been having trouble managing my emotions in a helathy way for a long time..and each time i failed huge feeling of guilt overcame my body and mind...and i was angry that i was angry....I am truly grateful for this video and the way you explain each subject with clarity and also manage to make it fun. Keep your wonderful work up!❤️
Sir you are a gentleman, scholar, and King among men. Thank you for your contributions to humanity and I am rooting for your continued success and flourishment
I love the emphasis across your content on not judging yourself for feeling the way you do, but simply accepting that you feel your feelings and taking healthy steps to manage them. It's so easy to fall into those addictive emotional spirals, and since part of the solution is both admitting what happened and then doing the opposite of the feeling it can be very unintuitive to break those habits. But it is possible, and that's such a hopeful and inspiring thing once you experience it.
The real lesson of this channel for me is to take whatever I do lightheartedly and seriously. Always be intensely interested in what I’m doing and sharing, doing it the best I can, while trying to raise spirits around me.
you just shared crucial knowledges to people all around the world and it's free to access. thank you so much, man. i've pretty much been in a rut and distress as of late and seeing you talk just made me feel better. I like how comforting your voice is to me, in a way. i hope i can find my way to get around things and solve things too soon enough. my problems could try to kill me and bring me down multiple times, but i don't want to lose my hope. i hope i can live long enough to see the brightest light at the end of the tunnel. one that i have yet to see but exist out there. keep being awesome, Newel of Knowledge. we love you!
i just wanna say i appreciate the format that you use so much, giving the solution and going in depth step by step makes it seem so much easier and honestly makes me think “how did i not realize that?”
Bro I love to watch your content and I’m following you for a while now. The improvement is crazy. And just to insert the word here because I love it: the density of knowledge and the easy to understand and entertaining presentation is MINDBOGGLING. Hope I didn’t spell that wrong. Much Love from Germany.
Thank you Lewis. Much of this is tough to put into practice, but needed. Your explanations and format help me understand where I have not been practicing regulation, just feeling and absorbing. May you stay well.
Just subscribed to your channel lewis. because I can see that you genuinely want to make your viewers life better by making us have some food for thought and become more mindful
Hey Lewis, I just wanted to thank you. This video comes in at the right time, as I'm dealing with some very big emotions right now. Even if I'm older than you, I listen to your videos like a child would. I never had anyone teach me this concepts, I wish my father would have spoken to me like this. Happy journeys!
The "I'm lazy" part had the opposite effect on me. I think it has to do with the fact that by saying "I'm lazy" instead of "I feel frustrated with myself", there was no accountability. It feels like I'm accepting that this is just the way it is and there's nothing to worry about, but saying "I'm frustrated with myself" made me aware that I'm responsible for what I'm feeling and it made me feel worse which I'm sure isn't healthy. It might just be the scenario though
That makes sense! Maybe you need to find a way to go a layer deeper. You are more comfortable with inevitability than responsibility, which is completely understandable. I think your fear is probably responsibility.
I'll return to this comment next month. I’m in a constant battle with myself. I know exactly who I want to be and what I want to achieve, but I keep finding myself slipping back into old, self-destructive patterns. I’ve worked hard to build a successful business and have helped my family through tough times, but I’m struggling with weight loss and feeling stuck, like something is holding me back. I’ve decided many times to change, but it’s like I keep returning to a version of myself that I despise , but this time I'll break the cycle.
Hi mate. Interesting comment. I couldn’t help but think; what keeps pulling you back into your old habits? Fear of change? Fear of a new self image? Not sure, what do you think?
Piggy-backing on Lewis' comment, you might like the book "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" by Dr. Susan Jeffers, goes quite deeply into fear in general, and how to deal with it. I've personally noticed that fear is often (I even dare say nearly always..) at the root of what holds us back and/or prevents us from doing what we want.
Life is painful and I have learned to stop the emotions long ago. I used to be an incredibly feeling person.. and I was teased & criticized for it. Add to that the deep pain of betrayal and loss.. then heartbreak.. yeah. I have a wall around my heart & soul that countries would be envious of. Part of me wants to be done with that (tear down the wall!) but the other part of me is terrified of feeling the inevitable hurts that life will throw at me. “Life IS painful highness! Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something..” I realize that when I block the tough emotions & the hurts of life then I also inevitably block the joys of life and the exuberance it can bring. So yeah.. how does one overcome the fear of tremendous hurts of life and live wholeheartedly (I listen to a lot of Brene Brown books & talks).. it kind of freaks me out. I feel like I am in a safe place here and am unsure that I could force myself to be otherwise.. and then if I do, then I will regret it as soon as the next deep hurt happens..
I’m so glad I found your channel dude I’m grateful for the information you provide and I commend your ability to explain such complex things in such a concise and entertaining way. Thank you.
I just want to add that trying to label an emotion can sometimes make things worse by creating a problem that wasn't there before. It is a rather unusual problem, but to simplify it, when your subconsciousness knows what the problem is, everything works fine. If even your subconsciousness doesn't understand the problem, labeling the problem might leave you with a false view of the actual underlying problem. For example, there was a time, where I had a big goal and during that time, I basically projected my point of existence fully on this one thing without even realizing it. Other things like playing a fun game or something felt kinda "hollow". I tried figuring out where this hollow feeling comes from and I made wrong assumptions several times (for example I thought that the feeling might come from a broken dopamine level). Especially when you have multiple Problems that have similar effects, it is incredibly important not to stick with the first label you came up with to explain the emotion. It is a journey where you throw away hypothesis after hypothesis, letting every hypothesis feeling more accurate than the one before, until you find the right label for your emotion so you can actually take steps against it
Perfect timing for me to run across this. I know that when I drink too much coffee sometimes I’m too sensitive and take offense without good reason. That happened recently and I just need to learn to get through it and this video could help.
Why does everyone bully so much these days? It’s become a culture of the world recently. And then they try to get u mad and have an outburst. Like just this morning I was playing games with some guy and girls. And one of the guys was just on my ah for no reason. And eventually I snapped on him really badly like absolute psycho. And they will look at me like I’m bad. But they also realize the guy deserved it too. No one will really blame u that much for fighting back just don’t snap and go off like a maniac cause they’ll see u as too crazy.
One of the best ways to manage emotions is to develop your language skills for sure. Poetry is essential to this development. I'll make a video on exactly this. Enjoying your videos, and glad to have found you.
Thank you, i took notes all along the video. Gonna really do my best to apply this method, since lastly my emotions are really destroying my life little by little. Gonna come back here one day for feedback.
Love your personality man. Fantastic information that is super helpful and presented in a way that's easy to understand. I watched another video of yours today and took notes. Really helped me get out of a funk. Thank you, brother 😎
Great advice for neurotypical folx❤I've def done all this (severe TBI, diagnosed emotional lability) and am looking for suitable neurologists/ neuropsychs to complement all the dbt and cbt I've done for years 😊the emotional lability is only getting worse (have lost jobs over it). Hoping a new tbi medication that is on trial will be something I can take when released to the public🤞🏿
Strangely enough, "I'm lazy" sparks no reaction from me. But "I didn't get as much done today as I planned, and I'm frustrated with myself" hit me right in the stomach and chest lmao
Just found your channel, I’m loving the content! Keep up the good work. I’ll be travelling in Asia for the next 9 months and I’m really enjoying everything I’m learning about communication.
Damn, what a potential life changing video. Gonna do a mindmap off all the info tomorrow, to get it in my system long term. And the video is going straight to my favourites playlist. Gonna sub too & hopefully get a second chance to see your feet in future videos 🥸
Lately I realized that falling into the no fap thing was one of the things that made me most insecure. I completely lost confidence in myself when I saw that I wasn't capable, and if I did, I felt guilty, I felt ashamed. Thinking about it that way simply reinforced that I didn't have the right to feel pleasure, to enjoy, which caused me a lot of insecurity about sex. Fortunately, I was able to recognize this and I continue working so that it isn't a problem that doesn't allow me to enjoy my life normally.
based off what i know, in not a scientist just a college kid learning about the brain, human emotions are processed in our bodies: emotion = arousal + emotional thought. So, let’s say you’re listening to a song you’re familiar with. You know you love the song because your body responds to it (maybe by making you tear up or, if it’s a freaky song, making you feel freakayyyy). But it’s up to your brain and prefrontal cortex to label that arousal and attribute an emotion to it. It’s really fascinating because we can even attribute the wrong emotions to our body’s physical responses.
You're very insightful. You remind me of a less egotistical hamza amhed. You're teaching the young generation, like myself, to be better versions of themselves. And for that, I thank you.
13:40 even that is actually a correct example. You can not outrun a bear unless you have a car or shelter nearby, so in most cases you need to do something opposite as well (depending on bear species fight back or play dead)
Ok yeah - emotional invalidation was rampant in my family. My parents didn’t have those conversations with us, they didn’t help us manage our emotions or learn how to express them appropriately, and the sibling issues that caused the emotions weren’t properly dealt with. We had a great way of handling problems.. sweep the dirt under the carpet and pretend it’s not there. And we were made to just put on that happy face. It seemed our family was more about image than being real and admitting that we didn’t have a perfect family. I love my parents & my family but it was very damaging to many of us sadly. We had a large family with many kids adopted from 5 different countries. My parents got criticized by their church friends bcs it was too many kids.. my parents said they had love & resources to give & they adopted kids with health issues also they adopted siblings.: many kids that no one else would adopt really. I think their intents were good but it was too many kids. We didn’t have a good relationship with my parents or each other. My mom would say she runs our home like a tight ship.. well we weren’t adult sailors. We were kids who needed more/better guidance on things .. We needed to have the relationship which would have developed the good behavior & good character they wanted us to have… As a result, even though we WERE loved and well cared for, we all have issues, we all have felt unloved and unwanted.. And yes our emotions and feelings were totally invalidated. I recall when I was maybe around 11-13yrs, things were starting to unravel with our family.. my dad would want to have talks with us & get our input.. but as soon as we would say how we felt, they would invalidate.. saying that’s not what they had intended and basically we are wrong for feeling how we did.. so we learned very quickly to keep totally silent during these “talks” bcs it didn’t matter what we said anyway- it wasn’t addressed properly or ever resolved.. With my own daughter (it’s just the 2 of us) I have encouraged her to speak up and let me know when I make her feel crummy (if I don’t call myself out on it).. It IS hard to hear.. and often I need time alone to work through things within myself. But I want to improve and I sure as hell don’t want her to feel like her opinions and feelings don’t matter. I want her to feel supported and heard. It’s been a work in progress and for several years when she was young I was sooo toxic & reactive from being very sick from indoor mold & undiagnosed tick infections.. I have hurt her terribly with my words… But I have gone to her again & again and have apologized sincerely. I told her this is not how anyone should treat another and especially not a parent to a child. We talk about what can she and I do differently in future situations to get a better outcome. She has seen me working on myself and trying to resolve this part of me.. Interestingly, all the counseling, self help books, prayer , wishing never had much improvement. It truly was a physical thing. Once I started detoxing the mold, addressing nutrient deficiencies, metals toxicities, and then identifying and treating long term hidden infections (babesia, bartonella, borrelia primarily) .. then I started becoming more patient, more kind, more calm, less reactive.. it was quite eye-opening….
Your channel is going to gain traction and be successful. I watch too much UA-cam. I've learned what makes so channels successful. If you stick it out, this channel is going to be big. The right content, at the right time for society, and the right presenter. UA-cam will promote your videos better if the video is between 15 minutes and 20 minutes. Unless that has changed. That used to be the most promoted video length.
Yesterday I cried a river literally I felt pain in my chest and my heart and weirdly my mouth was paining as if it's gonna explode ! All of this started when I was chatting with a guy and he said the whoever's gonna marry me is lucky..
A lot of great concepts and individually well-presented, but it's really easy to get lost in various layers of theories and frameworks. It feels like this video is trying to cover way too much ground very quickly. At least for my learning style, I think providing a high level outline at the beginning, regularly going back to the outline, and centering all the discussions around something that's easy to remember like an acronym AVO - Awareness, Validation, and Opposite. Then maybe make more detailed videos about how to do each one.
Hey now I just wanted to say that doing the opposite of the emotion when it comes to animals can actually help you because if a big dog is running towards you and it seems aggressive and if you know how to just stop and play neutral and pretend like you know the dog it might just capitulate and submit towards your character.
"Name it to tame it." That's Big boy/ girl stuff right there. It seems to boil down to fear-based emotions or feelings of safety or inclusion . You have a similarity to my home daniel waples
You... You are amazing. Thank you for making such good videos. I learn so much from you. You're so wise and I love that about you. Also you are very handsome. Please don't stop making videos! 🗿💯💯💯💯
I love your videos. I am amazed at your Immensely valuable content and the way you deliver it. Just beautiful and full of life, great vibe and funny as well. I'm almost 50, single mother of a boy and a girl. My son is 17 and I don't know how to even have a conversation with him about masturbation and porn. He would just say he knows everything and I shouldn't worry. But I do and have worried since he was 14. What could I say that he would take to heart. I haven't found any applicable advice on the internet, especially for a single mom, regarding this issue. When a boy has no male role model anywhere in a family, he does the same things as his peers. I I would be really grateful if you made a video about those topics. 😊❤
Hi, thanks for the comment (I think your name is Andre - but could be wrong ahaha). You’ve raised a really interesting and important issue. My take on it is; most young men’s worst nightmare would be speaking to their mum about porn/masturbation 😂😂😂😂. I honestly wouldn’t be too worried about him (in your case) unless you started to see really unsociable behaviour or if he started experiencing intense issues in his romantic relationships (later on) - but that will be hard for you to gauge. I think there is a way to approach the subject with him (if you really want to) would be to: 1.) educate yourself about it (check out a book called - your brain on porn) 2.) approach the topic in a non-intrusive entirely curious way. - the topic of porn is taboo in most households - but if you approached the convo from a different angle, you could remove the taboo around it - for example you might say “I was reading an article today about how bad porn is for young women and men. I just want you to know, if you ever struggle with anything like that, I’m always here to talk about it. I won’t lecture you, because I know it’s taboo. I’ll just listen.” - the best way to approach this for me would be: invite the opportunity to speak but don’t be intrusive Personally, it wasn’t until I was 18 that I made the decision to quit porn etc. completely because of online forums I was a member of that spoke against it (nofap) and being exposed to other people on self-development on the internet talking about the same thing. These thoughts are a bit of a ramble, so when I make the video about it I’ll do a section for parents on how to approach the topic with their kids. Lew
Currently going through a really tough breakup and your videos are helping a tonne mate. Along with the videos of a sweet old lady called Emmy Van Deurzen (check her out if you haven’t), these videos are a huge help
Ello you legends! To improve your emotional vocabulary, check out the forest of emotions below:
# 😡 **Anger**
**Soft Anger and Apathy**
Annoyed ~ Apathetic ~ Bored ~ Certain ~ Cold ~ Crabby ~ Cranky ~ Critical ~ Cross ~ Detached ~ Displeased ~ Frustrated ~ Impatient ~ Indifferent ~ Irritated ~ Peeved ~ Rankled
**Medium Anger**
Affronted ~ Aggravated ~ Angry ~ Antagonized ~ Arrogant ~ Bristling ~ Exasperated ~ Incensed ~ Indignant ~ Inflamed ~ Mad ~ Offended ~ Resentful ~ Riled up ~ Sarcastic
**Intense Anger and Hatred**
Aggressive ~ Appalled ~ Belligerent ~ Bitter ~ Contemptuous ~ Disgusted ~ Furious ~ Hateful ~ Hostile ~ Irate ~ Livid ~ Menacing ~ Outraged ~ Ranting ~ Raving ~ Seething ~ Spiteful ~ Vengeful ~ Vicious ~ Vindictive ~ Violent
# 😬**Fear/Anxiety**
**Soft Fear and Anxiety**
Alert ~ Apprehensive ~ Cautious ~ Concerned ~ Confused ~ Curious ~ Disconcerted ~ Disoriented ~ Disquieted ~ Doubtful ~ Edgy ~ Fidgety ~ Hesitant ~ Indecisive ~ Insecure ~ Instinctive ~ Intuitive ~ Leery ~ Pensive ~ Shy ~ Timid ~ Uneasy ~ Watchful
**Medium Fear and Anxiety**
Afraid ~ Alarmed ~ Anxious ~ Aversive ~ Distrustful ~ Fearful ~ Jumpy ~ Nervous ~ Perturbed ~ Rattled ~ Shaky ~ Startled ~ Suspicious ~ Unnerved ~ Unsettled ~ Wary ~ Worried - foreboding
**Intense Fear and Panic**
Filled with Dread ~ Horrified ~ Panicked ~ Paralyzed ~ Petrified ~ Phobic ~ Shocked ~ Terrorized
# 😁 **Happiness / Joy**
**Soft Happiness**
Amused ~ Calm ~ Encouraged ~ Friendly ~ Hopeful ~ Inspired ~ Jovial ~ Open ~ Peaceful ~ Smiling Upbeat
**Medium Happiness and Contentment**
Cheerful ~ Contented ~ Delighted ~ Excited ~ Fulfilled ~ Glad ~ Gleeful ~ Gratified ~ Happy ~ Healthy Self-esteem ~ Joyful ~ Lively ~ Merry ~ Optimistic ~ Playful ~ Pleased ~ Proud ~ Rejuvenated ~ Satisfied
**Intense Happiness, Contentment, and Joy**
Awe-filled ~ Blissful ~ Ecstatic ~ Egocentric ~ Elated ~ Enthralled ~ Euphoric ~ Exhilarated ~ Giddy ~ Jubilant ~ Manic ~ Overconfident ~ Overjoyed ~ Radiant ~ Rapturous ~ Self-aggrandized ~ Thrilled
# 😞 **Sadness**
**Soft Sadness**
Contemplative ~ Disappointed ~ Disconnected ~ Distracted ~ Grounded ~ Listless ~ Low ~ Regretful ~ Steady ~ Wistful
**Medium Sadness, Depression, and Grief**
Dejected ~ Discouraged ~ Dispirited ~ Down ~ Downtrodden ~ Drained ~ Forlorn ~ Gloomy ~ Grieving ~ Heavy-hearted ~ Melancholy ~ Mournful ~ Sad ~ Sorrowful ~ Weepy ~ World-weary
**Intense Sadness, Depression, and Grief**
Anguished ~ Bereaved ~ Bleak ~ Depressed ~ Despairing ~ Despondent ~ Grief-stricken ~ Heartbroken ~ Hopeless ~ Inconsolable ~ Morose
# 🫣 **Shame / guilt**
**Soft Shame and Guilt**
Abashed ~ Awkward ~ Discomfited ~ Flushed ~ Flustered ~ Hesitant ~ Humble ~ Reticent ~ Self-conscious ~ Speechless ~ Withdrawn
**Medium Shame and Guilt**
Ashamed ~ Chagrined ~ Contrite ~ Culpable ~ Embarrassed ~ Guilty ~ Humbled ~ Intimidated ~ Penitent ~ Regretful ~ Remorseful ~ Reproachful ~ Rueful ~ Sheepish
**Intense Shame and Guilt**
Belittled ~ Degraded ~ Demeaned ~ Disgraced ~ Guilt-ridden ~ Guilt-stricken ~ Humiliated ~ Mortified ~ Ostracized ~ Self-condemning ~ Self-flagellating ~ Shamefaced ~ Stigmatized
** 😒Jealousy / envy**
**Soft Jealousy and Envy**
Disbelieving ~ Distrustful ~ Insecure ~ Protective ~ Suspicious ~ Vulnerable
**Medium Jealousy and Envy**
Covetous ~ Demanding ~ Desirous ~ Envious ~ Jealous ~ Threatened
**Intense Jealousy and Envy**
Avaricious ~ Gluttonous ~ Grasping ~ Greedy ~ Green with Envy ~ Persistently Jealous ~ Possessive ~ Resentful
# **Suicidal**
**Soft Suicidal Urges**
Apathetic ~ Constantly Irritated, Angry, or Enraged ([**see the Anger list**](karlamclaren.com/emotional-vocabulary-page#anger)) ~ Depressed ~ Discouraged ~ Disinterested ~ Dispirited ~ Feeling Worthless ~ Flat ~ Helpless ~ Humorless ~ Impulsive ~ Indifferent ~ Isolated ~ Lethargic ~ Listless ~ Melancholy ~ Pessimistic ~ Purposeless ~ Withdrawn ~ World-weary
**Medium Suicidal Urges**
Bereft ~ Crushed ~ Desolate ~ Despairing ~ Desperate ~ Drained ~ Empty ~ Fatalistic ~ Hopeless ~ Joyless ~ Miserable ~ Morbid ~ Overwhelmed ~ Passionless ~ Pleasure-less ~ Sullen
**Intense Suicidal Urges**
Agonized ~ Anguished ~ Bleak ~ Death-seeking ~ Devastated ~ Doomed ~ Gutted ~ Nihilistic ~ Numbed ~ Reckless ~ Self-destructive ~ Suicidal ~ Tormented ~ Tortured
Oo this is so useful for writing too, thanks man
Thanks a lot, Mentor!
This is quite useful to get better insight than "I feel shitty"!
Mate, this comment has so much.
Honestly, I dont think I learn as much from any other person on this platform. Thanks for teaching us all about things that most people ignore, I can't wait for the next vid :)
"Nice to have you back"
Homeboy, you're like my favourite "show", of course I'm coming back
🫣🥲🫶 u make mi happi
ok, but heres the question how do you make each video about something different and not have them overlap, im never bored and im always learning. genuinely I will help you put this COURSE into schools. like this is what we should be teaching
It's so comforting to watch a guy from the 1920s give us good advice on emotional regulation, and I mean it. It feels like a 'redemption arc', a healing for that era's emotional struggles.
In 15 years of therapy, nothing has worked better or faster for me than DBT. Game changer. Life changer. I am so much better at regulating my emotions now. I’m almost a different person.
Same. It has changed my life!!!
idk how, but whenever i realize my weakness in any area, you upload a video about said thing in the following 24 hours xd
Thanks a lot for this, I have a housemate who criticizes, condemns, accusing, invalidates and threatening every time he opens his mouth during a disagreement and I fall into the trap of getting irritated easily by him.
I feel like I just had the college lecture I never knew I always wanted. Excellent work fellow muchacho!
Btw that bonus technique was straight 🔥
That’s a fine example of a young person spending his time and energy for good 💪🏻👏🏻
Dude I instantly subscribed. Your sense of humor mixed with the shared wisdom is so refreshing and I learned and laughed a lot through this video! Thanks man!
So did I! 😄
I honestly love the timing of this video like right to the second. The thing about guilt, I realized that by planning to do something but not executing it, Im basically acting like a naughty kid thats used to getting attention that way. It's like the gratification of planning something and putting in the effort and then after a while it requires delayed gratification, whereas by planning the perfect plan and not sticking to it I can immediately feel guilty and so emotionally gratified. Daniel Kahneman figured out that losing 1000 dolars gives an equal emotional input as losing 2000 dolars. So guilt is cheap, easy to get to and endlessly satisfying. It's a mashistic mental mastrubation in your mind to feel guilty about your actions. Now I just own them, if I do it it's my choice, if I dont it's also my choice. Love your videos, much love from Turkey.
This was incredibly insightful. I’m trying to think of a frase to conceptualise your point. You mentioned it’s acting like a naughty kid to get your own attention. Perhaps we can call it: inner child attention seeking. Ahaha I’m not sure, what do you think we could call this?
@@NewelOfKnowledge Hmm you know how when you compliment a child by saying smart instead of hardworking, it leads them to pick easier tasks and quit earlier cause it’s not something that they can improve, it’s not in their hands. I think it’s the habitual relationship with your parents you had, you still act like the same kid that they referred you as, which is in my case you’re really smart but lazy, so that becomes your character, you try to actualize that even though it doesn’t benefit you, because that’s how mom and dad defined you, that’s what was expected and you don’t know any better. lol I’m casually over sharing on the internet but your openness and lack of judgement create a safe space I guess, hahah thanks for that 🙏 keeping alive the unhealthy and unbeneficial persona your parents have created for you, just because what’s familiar is comforting and you don’t know any better cause you’ve never experienced life otherwise until you do. That’s what I’d name it. You can watch Kinds of kindness to understand how comfortable not making choices or having our choices made for us is, or breaking from what exists, choosing the unknown, how scary and uncomfortable it is.
@@norabelkhayatte7161 hahahaha in my head I was hoping for you to come up with a kickass 4 word concept hahaha, but in fact your response was more helpful. It’s interesting to see how you view this as a consequence of our parents fixing a fixed mindset onto us. It sounds like you’re suggesting we need to reprogram our unhelpful programming from childhood.
Hey, you should write a book on this 😂
@@NewelOfKnowledge Hahah thank you for viewing my blabber as book worthy content, for now I don't think I have any ideas or thoughts that havent been mentioned before. And I enjoy trying to understand others more than I do focusing on my own, after all Im always with my ideas and myself and the way I view the world. Thank you for creating a window into your mind and for your concise explanations of the content you consume. I'm looking forward to future videos 😀
Love your vids mate. I really appreciate the comprehensive packages of wisdom that you provide us with. Keep on keeping on
You're absolutely brilliant.
I've been having trouble managing my emotions in a helathy way for a long time..and each time i failed huge feeling of guilt overcame my body and mind...and i was angry that i was angry....I am truly grateful for this video and the way you explain each subject with clarity and also manage to make it fun. Keep your wonderful work up!❤️
Sir you are a gentleman, scholar, and King among men. Thank you for your contributions to humanity and I am rooting for your continued success and flourishment
Wonderful video! Thank you for making it and sharing it! It helps a lot :>
I love the emphasis across your content on not judging yourself for feeling the way you do, but simply accepting that you feel your feelings and taking healthy steps to manage them. It's so easy to fall into those addictive emotional spirals, and since part of the solution is both admitting what happened and then doing the opposite of the feeling it can be very unintuitive to break those habits. But it is possible, and that's such a hopeful and inspiring thing once you experience it.
Damn, you are so young and so wise beyond your years. Beautiful on the inside and the outside.
The real lesson of this channel for me is to take whatever I do lightheartedly and seriously. Always be intensely interested in what I’m doing and sharing, doing it the best I can, while trying to raise spirits around me.
you just shared crucial knowledges to people all around the world and it's free to access. thank you so much, man. i've pretty much been in a rut and distress as of late and seeing you talk just made me feel better. I like how comforting your voice is to me, in a way. i hope i can find my way to get around things and solve things too soon enough. my problems could try to kill me and bring me down multiple times, but i don't want to lose my hope. i hope i can live long enough to see the brightest light at the end of the tunnel. one that i have yet to see but exist out there. keep being awesome, Newel of Knowledge. we love you!
Hi Louis, what a wonderful video. Thank you for the video. I was emotionally invalidated all my life.
Hopefully you can now give yourself the emotional validation you deserve. 💪🏻
i just wanna say i appreciate the format that you use so much, giving the solution and going in depth step by step makes it seem so much easier and honestly makes me think “how did i not realize that?”
yours eyes create in me an emotional regulation!!! THANKS !
This explains why I go for a drive listening to music that makes me cry when I’m sad
Rewatching the video because it has a lot of valuable content that needs to be internalized
Thank you for being a free therapist
Content is on point man. Always enjoy your topics
You sir, are an absolute godsend. And a wizard. Definitely a wizard. Appreciate the sage wisdom. Truly eye opening 🎉
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I love all your analogies and I love you too!!!
❤
Bro I love to watch your content and I’m following you for a while now. The improvement is crazy. And just to insert the word here because I love it: the density of knowledge and the easy to understand and entertaining presentation is MINDBOGGLING. Hope I didn’t spell that wrong.
Much Love from Germany.
one of the greatest channels out there on youtube. love the individual style, slow with no music. Btw a video about n0fap would be amazing!
Thank you Lewis. Much of this is tough to put into practice, but needed. Your explanations and format help me understand where I have not been practicing regulation, just feeling and absorbing. May you stay well.
You are magic! Thank you for sharing your wisdom & making the world a better place 🏆♥️🏆
'have arisen' mate, 3rd participle...still 'bloomin' brilliant'!
Thank You, This Is Better Than The Therapy I Used To Pay For.....
Just subscribed to your channel lewis. because I can see that you genuinely want to make your viewers life better by making us have some food for thought and become more mindful
Hey man, just found your channel. What a truly great thing you decided to do here. Thank you!
Hey Lewis, I just wanted to thank you. This video comes in at the right time, as I'm dealing with some very big emotions right now.
Even if I'm older than you, I listen to your videos like a child would.
I never had anyone teach me this concepts, I wish my father would have spoken to me like this.
Happy journeys!
Muchas gracias for these videos. I'm loving the rithym, the topic, the humor, the way the content it's illustrated, so good!
The "I'm lazy" part had the opposite effect on me. I think it has to do with the fact that by saying "I'm lazy" instead of "I feel frustrated with myself", there was no accountability. It feels like I'm accepting that this is just the way it is and there's nothing to worry about, but saying "I'm frustrated with myself" made me aware that I'm responsible for what I'm feeling and it made me feel worse which I'm sure isn't healthy. It might just be the scenario though
That makes sense! Maybe you need to find a way to go a layer deeper. You are more comfortable with inevitability than responsibility, which is completely understandable. I think your fear is probably responsibility.
Love your videos mate - keep up the great work and wish you all the success you deserve 😊
Thanks for your videos! They are so helpful and I wish you nothing but the best!
You are brilliant. Thank you for the quality content! It helps a lot! Cheers!
I'll return to this comment next month. I’m in a constant battle with myself. I know exactly who I want to be and what I want to achieve, but I keep finding myself slipping back into old, self-destructive patterns. I’ve worked hard to build a successful business and have helped my family through tough times, but I’m struggling with weight loss and feeling stuck, like something is holding me back. I’ve decided many times to change, but it’s like I keep returning to a version of myself that I despise , but this time I'll break the cycle.
Hi mate. Interesting comment. I couldn’t help but think; what keeps pulling you back into your old habits? Fear of change? Fear of a new self image?
Not sure, what do you think?
Piggy-backing on Lewis' comment, you might like the book "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" by Dr. Susan Jeffers, goes quite deeply into fear in general, and how to deal with it. I've personally noticed that fear is often (I even dare say nearly always..) at the root of what holds us back and/or prevents us from doing what we want.
Thank you for this advice @@AquaNovaOfficial6621
Life is painful and I have learned to stop the emotions long ago. I used to be an incredibly feeling person.. and I was teased & criticized for it. Add to that the deep pain of betrayal and loss.. then heartbreak.. yeah. I have a wall around my heart & soul that countries would be envious of.
Part of me wants to be done with that (tear down the wall!) but the other part of me is terrified of feeling the inevitable hurts that life will throw at me.
“Life IS painful highness! Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something..”
I realize that when I block the tough emotions & the hurts of life then I also inevitably block the joys of life and the exuberance it can bring.
So yeah.. how does one overcome the fear of tremendous hurts of life and live wholeheartedly (I listen to a lot of Brene Brown books & talks).. it kind of freaks me out. I feel like I am in a safe place here and am unsure that I could force myself to be otherwise.. and then if I do, then I will regret it as soon as the next deep hurt happens..
I’m so glad I found your channel dude I’m grateful for the information you provide and I commend your ability to explain such complex things in such a concise and entertaining way. Thank you.
Thank you, Lewis. Another great video!
I always need to watch your videos twice, once without image so I can concentrate. ❤
😂 this is so cool I watched some of your vids right before work I brought a whiteboard marker to work just throwing and catching it. Super good vida❤
I just want to add that trying to label an emotion can sometimes make things worse by creating a problem that wasn't there before. It is a rather unusual problem, but to simplify it, when your subconsciousness knows what the problem is, everything works fine. If even your subconsciousness doesn't understand the problem, labeling the problem might leave you with a false view of the actual underlying problem. For example, there was a time, where I had a big goal and during that time, I basically projected my point of existence fully on this one thing without even realizing it. Other things like playing a fun game or something felt kinda "hollow". I tried figuring out where this hollow feeling comes from and I made wrong assumptions several times (for example I thought that the feeling might come from a broken dopamine level). Especially when you have multiple Problems that have similar effects, it is incredibly important not to stick with the first label you came up with to explain the emotion. It is a journey where you throw away hypothesis after hypothesis, letting every hypothesis feeling more accurate than the one before, until you find the right label for your emotion so you can actually take steps against it
Things are only good or bad if we say they are. Usually has nothing to do with what is true for ourselves.
Perfect timing for me to run across this. I know that when I drink too much coffee sometimes I’m too sensitive and take offense without good reason. That happened recently and I just need to learn to get through it and this video could help.
Why does everyone bully so much these days? It’s become a culture of the world recently. And then they try to get u mad and have an outburst.
Like just this morning I was playing games with some guy and girls. And one of the guys was just on my ah for no reason. And eventually I snapped on him really badly like absolute psycho.
And they will look at me like I’m bad. But they also realize the guy deserved it too.
No one will really blame u that much for fighting back just don’t snap and go off like a maniac cause they’ll see u as too crazy.
One of the best ways to manage emotions is to develop your language skills for sure. Poetry is essential to this development. I'll make a video on exactly this.
Enjoying your videos, and glad to have found you.
Much needed strategies to counter self-sabotaging. Thank you!
Thank you, i took notes all along the video. Gonna really do my best to apply this method, since lastly my emotions are really destroying my life little by little. Gonna come back here one day for feedback.
Sir you're not leaving this existence without having changed some lives that i am feeling for sure 😀
Love your personality man. Fantastic information that is super helpful and presented in a way that's easy to understand. I watched another video of yours today and took notes. Really helped me get out of a funk. Thank you, brother 😎
I've said it before and I'll say it again goat tier channel ❤
i love your vids you have no idea how much they help keep going❤️
Great advice for neurotypical folx❤I've def done all this (severe TBI, diagnosed emotional lability) and am looking for suitable neurologists/ neuropsychs to complement all the dbt and cbt I've done for years 😊the emotional lability is only getting worse (have lost jobs over it). Hoping a new tbi medication that is on trial will be something I can take when released to the public🤞🏿
Just in time..... Thank you so much.
Strangely enough, "I'm lazy" sparks no reaction from me. But "I didn't get as much done today as I planned, and I'm frustrated with myself" hit me right in the stomach and chest lmao
This guy makes a lot of sense to me
Just found your channel, I’m loving the content! Keep up the good work. I’ll be travelling in Asia for the next 9 months and I’m really enjoying everything I’m learning about communication.
Damn, what a potential life changing video.
Gonna do a mindmap off all the info tomorrow, to get it in my system long term.
And the video is going straight to my favourites playlist.
Gonna sub too & hopefully get a second chance to see your feet in future videos 🥸
Another great video as always...
I want to say thank you. I want to give you a hug.
Lately I realized that falling into the no fap thing was one of the things that made me most insecure. I completely lost confidence in myself when I saw that I wasn't capable, and if I did, I felt guilty, I felt ashamed. Thinking about it that way simply reinforced that I didn't have the right to feel pleasure, to enjoy, which caused me a lot of insecurity about sex. Fortunately, I was able to recognize this and I continue working so that it isn't a problem that doesn't allow me to enjoy my life normally.
Excellent video again Lewis. Thanks.
based off what i know, in not a scientist just a college kid learning about the brain, human emotions are processed in our bodies: emotion = arousal + emotional thought. So, let’s say you’re listening to a song you’re familiar with. You know you love the song because your body responds to it (maybe by making you tear up or, if it’s a freaky song, making you feel freakayyyy). But it’s up to your brain and prefrontal cortex to label that arousal and attribute an emotion to it. It’s really fascinating because we can even attribute the wrong emotions to our body’s physical responses.
"Nobody move, I've lost my brain" Thats hilarious! 😅this is my new saying at the end of the day.
You're very insightful. You remind me of a less egotistical hamza amhed. You're teaching the young generation, like myself, to be better versions of themselves. And for that, I thank you.
Emotions love themselves 😮
this guy is amazing
bro actually looks and talks like Tangerine from Bullet Train (this is a compliment, love you ❤)
13:40 even that is actually a correct example. You can not outrun a bear unless you have a car or shelter nearby, so in most cases you need to do something opposite as well (depending on bear species fight back or play dead)
Yes please make a video for that one thanks
Lewis youre so cute. The way you share knowledge is very chill lol
Woman here. Neeeeeed! 😅
Appreciate you and your content man please take your advice as well brotha.
Ok yeah - emotional invalidation was rampant in my family. My parents didn’t have those conversations with us, they didn’t help us manage our emotions or learn how to express them appropriately, and the sibling issues that caused the emotions weren’t properly dealt with.
We had a great way of handling problems.. sweep the dirt under the carpet and pretend it’s not there.
And we were made to just put on that happy face. It seemed our family was more about image than being real and admitting that we didn’t have a perfect family.
I love my parents & my family but it was very damaging to many of us sadly.
We had a large family with many kids adopted from 5 different countries.
My parents got criticized by their church friends bcs it was too many kids.. my parents said they had love & resources to give & they adopted kids with health issues also they adopted siblings.: many kids that no one else would adopt really.
I think their intents were good but it was too many kids. We didn’t have a good relationship with my parents or each other. My mom would say she runs our home like a tight ship.. well we weren’t adult sailors. We were kids who needed more/better guidance on things ..
We needed to have the relationship which would have developed the good behavior & good character they wanted us to have…
As a result, even though we WERE loved and well cared for, we all have issues, we all have felt unloved and unwanted..
And yes our emotions and feelings were totally invalidated. I recall when I was maybe around 11-13yrs, things were starting to unravel with our family.. my dad would want to have talks with us & get our input.. but as soon as we would say how we felt, they would invalidate.. saying that’s not what they had intended and basically we are wrong for feeling how we did.. so we learned very quickly to keep totally silent during these “talks” bcs it didn’t matter what we said anyway- it wasn’t addressed properly or ever resolved..
With my own daughter (it’s just the 2 of us) I have encouraged her to speak up and let me know when I make her feel crummy (if I don’t call myself out on it)..
It IS hard to hear.. and often I need time alone to work through things within myself.
But I want to improve and I sure as hell don’t want her to feel like her opinions and feelings don’t matter. I want her to feel supported and heard.
It’s been a work in progress and for several years when she was young I was sooo toxic & reactive from being very sick from indoor mold & undiagnosed tick infections..
I have hurt her terribly with my words…
But I have gone to her again & again and have apologized sincerely. I told her this is not how anyone should treat another and especially not a parent to a child.
We talk about what can she and I do differently in future situations to get a better outcome.
She has seen me working on myself and trying to resolve this part of me..
Interestingly, all the counseling, self help books, prayer , wishing never had much improvement.
It truly was a physical thing. Once I started detoxing the mold, addressing nutrient deficiencies, metals toxicities, and then identifying and treating long term hidden infections (babesia, bartonella, borrelia primarily) .. then I started becoming more patient, more kind, more calm, less reactive.. it was quite eye-opening….
you are full of facts
U are so smart!
Thank you Mustachio'd British individual for your help! 💪
No Fap video - great idea!
Thank You!
Your channel is going to gain traction and be successful. I watch too much UA-cam. I've learned what makes so channels successful. If you stick it out, this channel is going to be big. The right content, at the right time for society, and the right presenter.
UA-cam will promote your videos better if the video is between 15 minutes and 20 minutes. Unless that has changed. That used to be the most promoted video length.
Yesterday I cried a river literally I felt pain in my chest and my heart and weirdly my mouth was paining as if it's gonna explode ! All of this started when I was chatting with a guy and he said the whoever's gonna marry me is lucky..
A lot of great concepts and individually well-presented, but it's really easy to get lost in various layers of theories and frameworks. It feels like this video is trying to cover way too much ground very quickly. At least for my learning style, I think providing a high level outline at the beginning, regularly going back to the outline, and centering all the discussions around something that's easy to remember like an acronym AVO - Awareness, Validation, and Opposite. Then maybe make more detailed videos about how to do each one.
Hey now I just wanted to say that doing the opposite of the emotion when it comes to animals can actually help you because if a big dog is running towards you and it seems aggressive and if you know how to just stop and play neutral and pretend like you know the dog it might just capitulate and submit towards your character.
I wish this was an actual class every week :(
"Name it to tame it." That's Big boy/ girl stuff right there. It seems to boil down to fear-based emotions or feelings of safety or inclusion .
You have a similarity to my home daniel waples
If you guys don’t have a white board GET ONE ASAP! I’m telling you it helps organize your thoughts better than a agenda
God i love his voice
You... You are amazing. Thank you for making such good videos. I learn so much from you. You're so wise and I love that about you. Also you are very handsome. Please don't stop making videos! 🗿💯💯💯💯
Great points well taught. As a female though, I'm scratching my head about nofap. Why want to stop doing something that's perfectly natural?
Because it’s an easy dopamine hit that doesn’t bring true satisfaction in the long run like investing into a relationship brings.
I love your videos. I am amazed at your Immensely valuable content and the way you deliver it. Just beautiful and full of life, great vibe and funny as well.
I'm almost 50, single mother of a boy and a girl. My son is 17 and I don't know how to even have a conversation with him about masturbation and porn. He would just say he knows everything and I shouldn't worry. But I do and have worried since he was 14. What could I say that he would take to heart. I haven't found any applicable advice on the internet, especially for a single mom, regarding this issue. When a boy has no male role model anywhere in a family, he does the same things as his peers. I
I would be really grateful if you made a video about those topics. 😊❤
Hi, thanks for the comment (I think your name is Andre - but could be wrong ahaha).
You’ve raised a really interesting and important issue. My take on it is; most young men’s worst nightmare would be speaking to their mum about porn/masturbation 😂😂😂😂. I honestly wouldn’t be too worried about him (in your case) unless you started to see really unsociable behaviour or if he started experiencing intense issues in his romantic relationships (later on) - but that will be hard for you to gauge.
I think there is a way to approach the subject with him (if you really want to) would be to:
1.) educate yourself about it (check out a book called - your brain on porn)
2.) approach the topic in a non-intrusive entirely curious way.
- the topic of porn is taboo in most households
- but if you approached the convo from a different angle, you could remove the taboo around it
- for example you might say “I was reading an article today about how bad porn is for young women and men. I just want you to know, if you ever struggle with anything like that, I’m always here to talk about it. I won’t lecture you, because I know it’s taboo. I’ll just listen.”
- the best way to approach this for me would be: invite the opportunity to speak but don’t be intrusive
Personally, it wasn’t until I was 18 that I made the decision to quit porn etc. completely because of online forums I was a member of that spoke against it (nofap) and being exposed to other people on self-development on the internet talking about the same thing.
These thoughts are a bit of a ramble, so when I make the video about it I’ll do a section for parents on how to approach the topic with their kids.
Lew
@@NewelOfKnowledge Thank you so much for your reply! 🤗 Greetings from Slovenia, Andreja (my name..)
When I wear tie shoes, checking and retying the laces is an excuse for the forward bend.
Currently going through a really tough breakup and your videos are helping a tonne mate. Along with the videos of a sweet old lady called Emmy Van Deurzen (check her out if you haven’t), these videos are a huge help