Should not be a challenge, let's go! Also thank you for all the content you put out here, i want you to know that you help me in many ways with all these brilliant insights. Much love!
I'll have to non-violently-communicate my liking of your video wida button. On that note, by nvc you just mean to introduce what you do just like one would ease-in a motion in physics (or break inertia)? I skimmed through your video, sadly... I grow increasingly bored of notions I Might have understood and have already simplified to no end. In this case, there are principles that allow us to understand why and how without having to delve into details as these are -more often than not- interchangeable. I really liked the video about guilt as a parallel to what I just said. Can you make more videos about simple and complex emotions? Yep. Let's make sure everyone that watches your videos has "high emotional intelligence".
That would be lovely! I really enjoy NVC, as I get practical ways to get into my feelings and needs, and how to navigate difficult situations. I would be happy to see NVC content on your channel, as you have a wide audience and I imo NVC should be the norm in society (I know that last part was not NVC xD haha)
It’s not often that somebody presents an absolutely brand new idea to me, but the idea of ‘positive’ compliments being judgements is fairly ground breaking for me.
Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. Not every single thing is a manipulation. I like complimenting and praising my friends because I love them and I think they should be told how great they are.
im not sure if you got the point. no one has an issue about how to praise their friends. Its the easiest thing to do. The point of the video is to teach how to compliment people who aren't that close to us.
@@dreamerbeamer I really didn't need to have it explained to me thanks. I'm just not a cynical person who assumes malevolence from an innocent compliment. The point of what I've was trying to say is that kindness is actually a lovely thing, and it doesn't have to be reduced to something manipulative.
Now I'm realizing how much you are actually uploading, thats crazy. I mean, the cutting is probably not too much work I think, but just the collecting research and braking it down to a simple, understandable explanation while also adding own experience here and there is incredible. And of course I am ONLY saying that to trick you into making more videos, so MY life improves quicker. No other intentions here
3:51 I really like how you showed us a good way of how to say "You`re attractive". I stopped the video right then and there and wrote down the text to learn it. I will watch the other part of the video after i tried out the text on my friends and strangers. Thank you very much!
When you said that praise is a positive judgment, I felt a rush of electricity like a lightbulb lighting up inside me. Jesus said, "Judge not, that ye be not judged." I always thought this was just not saying and thinking nasty things, but I can see now that it includes praise also. I used to struggle to understand why the Jesus of the Bible comes across as quite harsh because (as far as I'm aware) he never compliments people directly, but I can now see more clearly that he is a living example of what he preached; he came not to judge. You have enriched my understanding of something that means a lot to me, so thank you.
How interesting! I've been working on not judging other people. What exactly does "that ye be not judged" mean in modern speak, if you would be so kind to translate? I was raised Jewish so I'm not familiar.
@@once.upon.a.time. Hi! The passage in full is found in Matthew 7:1-5 and Luke 6:37-42. This is part of Jesus' famous "Sermon on the Mount", which is addressed to his disciples, who were exclusively Jews. Perhaps the reading in Luke is clearer to understand, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged."? I must admit that I don't have the gift of teaching, but I'll give it a go as you asked. To me, Jesus is saying that if you pass judgement on your fellow Christian, then God will return that judgement onto you. This is normally done through unbelievers, not too dissimilar to when Israel was invaded by heathen armies as a punishment. The flip side is that if you give from a loving heart that it shall be measured to you again. To conclude, stop judging fellow believers, and show charity towards one another instead.
@@once.upon.a.time. Also check out Romans 14:3, 4,10 and 13, 1 Corinthians 4:3 and 5, and James 4:11-12. John 13:35 is another saying of Jesus that sums this all up perfectly, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."
@@ian_1518 Thank you for taking the time to explain all of that! I find that you're a far better teacher than you give yourself credit for, and I appreciate the suggested reading. I think Jesus had some wonderful philosophies.
@@once.upon.a.time. No worries! Perhaps you could tell me specifically which part of the "teaching" helped you most? (Yes, I'm using the content of this video in practice...) I *also* think Jesus has wonderful philosophies, but I also think he is the promised Messiah. In person, I wouldn't normally "preach" so quickly and directly, but given that we may never interact again, I hope you'll forgive me. Since it's currently Sukkot, John chapter 7 is very relevant! John 7:2, 37-39 2 Now the Jews' feast of tabernacles was at hand. 37 In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink. 38 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water. 39 (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.) A famous quotation from C.S. Lewis also springs to mind. It's quite forceful, but I think you're ready for it: “I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him [that is, Christ]: ‘I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept His claim to be God.’ That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse…. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”
I compliment my wife with specific about the coordination between her purse color and her shoes and she loves it. We talked about why it felt so good and it was the specifics. Your vids always make me think, and I really appreciate that about your work. The humor is always spot on as well! (thought about that compliment far more than I usually would! 😂)
Its the same with things that kids do for you: a lot of people feel awkward if a kid gives you something that means a lot in their minds but not yours, or at least i suffer from that kind of judgement, but when i try my best to specify the individual things I see in their work I become better at appreciating it for what they did and they feel seen at the same time. Its a system than can be applied in all situations were you dont share the same level of interest.
I like it. As a manager I try to give praise even though it feels like people don’t want to hear it, likely bc they don’t feel it’s genuine. But I like to dig into the reasons and make sure they know it’s not just to get them to work harder but that I actually appreciate their specific efforts and it makes everyone’s life a little easier
Yes, ever since I got my first managerial position I always felt giving praise was almost, condescending, a lot of the time(doesn't help that I was only 18 when I got the position). This has given me some ideas on how to help improve
I really enjoyed your presentation. It made me understand why compliments usually make me cringe. That made me feel a sense of relief, and inspired a click on the subscribe button.
When you demonstrated the ways to give a compliment so it can be received well, I felt such appreciation for the knowledge gained and the examples given, When I see the impact improved communication can bring it makes me more hopeful for a better world 🌎 ❤
🥲🥲🥲 when you write such a thoughtful comment, I feel grateful. Because it shows you value my work enough to take time out of your day to type a comment.
I always get triggered when parents or grandparents say "I'm proud of you." I haven't been able to put my finger on it. I have wondered if it was inferior complex, that praise was not warranted. But more importantly because the words came from an "authority figure" that they are judging and expecting more praise-seeking, thus putting on more pressure to perform. This video nailed it. I feel validated. Good job! (I hope I did that right! I do mean it!)
this has dawned on me intuitively. i always compliment EXACTLY WHAT i like about people. not "hey you look so hot right now " but "that short skirt makes your bootay look so inviting!" i wonder why i always get these annoying HR talks afterwards though and warnings? i guess theyre just jealous that i DONT compliment them that nicely as often!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 hahahahahaha this is brilliant. Sir, your compliments are so fire that EVERYONE WANTS THEM and if they don’t get them they drag you into a disciplinary. 😭😭😭😭😭
This makes a lot of sense! I've never really liked when people call me smart, mostly because they also don't seem to value what I have to say. I also don't feel good if I complement someone in that "judgemental" way, and I do prefer saying "I like". Now I can tell the difference, thanks!
Me and my supervisor are very close. she often compliments me in ways that i now realize are judgement free. I can't really think of an example but she is great at saying things that hit me directly in the life points. It makes me feel like she actually cares about me and my well being. I adore that woman and her leadership.
Praising others for the effort they put in, instead of their accomplishments has been really working for me. It boasts morale in my family, and consiquently more chores get done. People love being appreciated for their efforts. Great video, as always. I'm working on being more specific with my praise, so thanks for the reminder
When you explain Marshall Rosenbergs's NVC work so succinctly and with copious practical examples, I feel excited and hopeful that the future might be a more friendly, loving and peaceful place, and it helps me understand more fully how I can make these outcomes more real in my personal day-to-day life.
I loved that book and work book “Nonviolent Communication “. I didn’t realize how much of our communication that appears positive is actually violent. I think part of people feeling uncomfortable with being complimented is…they feel obligated to compliment you back. If they are unable to find anything to compliment you in return with, it can be awkward for them. Also a lot of people who have had a rough conditioning, feel uncomfortable when people are kind to them. They are so used to people being mean to them that they actually prefer it. Anything outside of that feels foreign and strange to them, even if it’s something terrible. Third, psychopaths may see you complimenting them as you being too nice and gullible. This will make you target number one on their list of people to fuck with.
Dear Lewis, I wanted to express my appreciation and gratitude towards your content and especially this video in particular. Through applying the concepts presented in this video I was able to express my gratitude and appreciation towards other people in my surroundings in a more meaningful and effective way. Also through using your example at the end, I am finding out what people actually like about me when complementing me. Both me being able to express appreciation and gratitude, as well as being able to ask what other people like about me. Are helping me deepen my relationships with others in a deeper and meaningful way. Thank you. All the best.
I like it when you say "stay disciplined, playful and dangerous". Those words did some barely known nourishment to my brain and mood. I have mental struggles, and to keep myself functional I do daily diary, and give every page name based of something cool that simbolizes this day for me. 17 october 2024 is today and I call the page "stay disciplined, playful and dangerous". Thank you.
I write and record my own music. I can not tell you how frustrating is to ask people for feedback and constructive critism only to hear. "it was good." "that was awesome." Thank you for giving me insight and the words and conversanal proceedings to get more out of this so i can learn and grow and develop my talents and interactions.
YES!!! I remember hearing somebody talk about how people never give good feedback on music -- I think it was Adam Neely? -- and it's taken up living in my head rent-free. Not that it's a bad tenant to have.
How serendipitous that I see your video about a technique of Non Violent Communication just as I'm starting to become aware and interested in learning all about it. Your video made me feel educated and hopeful, thank you for that.
A previous video you said to “Go first, go positive, and be constant in doing it.” This has been something I’ve employed in my life and it’s eradicated a sort of subliminal feeling of isolation I had. It’s been great! Also, the way you are able to be an entrepreneur and at the same time spread beneficial wisdom to people is really cool. You have an impact! I feel like if you were still in uni and I saw you on campus we’d be mates. Cheers.
this tactic can also be used on insults to also improve their effectiveness, for example: "you're ugly" becomes "your face resembles that of a goose, so when i look at you it only weakens my hope for humanity, this brings me immense despair." when it comes down to it the core of this system for compliments and insults can be filtered down to simply being specific, if you still want to communicate violently then adding specifics to your compliments allows you to be a more effective sociopath. if you want your insults to work about as well as middle schooler insults do than adding specifics really hammers the insults home, now you may think that middleschoolers attack things your sensitive about specifically but this isn't always the case often times they can end up unlocking new insecurities, the key is looking for a specific aspect to compliment or insult if you don't already have one, then simply build off of this with how it makes you feel and the results it brings you.
I'd like to compliment your videos. They help me identify the root of some tensions I suffer from, while at the same time lift me up with a feeling of self acceptance and being less alone. Your light heartedness and authenticity are a joy to watch.
Some people come up with the dumbest compliments around horrible events and dont realise they just cause a lot of pain. Considering the impact of the context has a big impact.
yes toxic positivity is so real. I try to avoid responding with "at least this didn't happen" or "it could've been worse" or "you're blank for a (insert a characteristic they were born with)"
I'm beginning to become addicted to your videos! Tons of great knowledge and tips jam packed with great and related humor. At least its relatable to me! The effort you put in is astonishing and I wish you the best on your YT journey. I will keep watching and liking. You're channel is certainly underrated.
The way that you design your videos with humor and Knowledge is incredible. There is noone that does it like you and i really appreciate all the effort that you put into these Videos
Ahh Marshal B Rosenberg's NVC is inspiring because I feel joyful and satisfied when my need to give love through verbal communication is taken with gratitude and no misconceptions
One pilar of all of this is, just be thankful for what you get and don't be in constant need for more. Ironically, this mindset brings you riches and joy that you never asked for.
This just explained to me why I've always hated receiving positive judgements! People have been complimenting my eyebrows since I stopped pulling them out (I have trichotillomania) and it really does feel like I'm being held to a standard rather than being celebrated for overcoming this actual disorder I have.
Even executed perfectly, tactfully, helpfully, there are just some people who cannot comprehend genuine e praise. Detaching oneself from any expectations allows the person delivering the compliment to feel put off. This happened yesterday when I gave someone a genuine compliment and elaborated on it, and this person still "took the ribbon out of their hair" as the saying goes. Started defending why my perception was off. I was even able to resist the urge to say, "just say thanks," or "just accept it." There is definately a responsibility for the complimentary to remain detached.
Some people in the comments are really against these methods, and while I agree that sometimes simple compliments can get the message across well, these methods work really well when communicating with someone who genuinely doesn't believe that they deserve the praise, or just doesn't take compliments well in general. This video helped me a lot! Thank you.
A few days ago I saw an older woman trying her best with an exercise she was struggling with, and I told her that I noticed and that I'm impressed. It was true, she was putting more effort in than anyone else
I really appreciate your videos because the subjects are always appealing to me and the tone of your voice seems to calm me down. When I watch them it's like a mixture of taking a really entertaining class and receiving a warm hug :)
This is one of the few channels where I haven't regretted clicking on a video so far. A lot of the things you say and touch on are similar to what a lot of other self help channels say and touch on, but you put things so eloquently yet break it down in a simplified way that makes it easier for me personally to wrap my head around, and make it easier to conceptualize in a real life scenario with the cut-away gag style examples that you provide. Without that "conversation" at the end I feel like a lot of this would have fallen flat for me and just gone in one ear and out the other, like most of the self help videos I try to learn from, but you really drove the point home in a way I understand with the gag.
This is something I'm really bad at. I just love sharing the things that make me happy about people but sometimes people don't take it well. I appreciate your tips on better communication!! 🙌🏾🙏🏾
This interpretation of frank and polite was new to me. I have seen frank as saying what one means, e.g. I am grateful you listened to me. Instead of polite sugarcoating: you are the best listener I have ever met.
You’re the Alan watts of today. Your philosophical knowledge and humor really hit the nail on the head! I really appreciate the work that you do! It really helps to ease my understanding of this wild world! ❤
now i’m thinking about more detailed ways of how to tell people i appreciate them the way this video explains it is if you have a component to give break it down with a more complex and passionate version of what you would have said
I really appreciate this video because in the past I've been taught how to use the non violent communication model to express dissatisfaction and tone down conflict, but I've never seen it so clearly showcased for praise and positive feedback. It also shed a lot of light on why I hate taking "you are {positive adjective}" compliments- even though I know I deserve them, I can't stand hearing that, it disconnects my experience from the good I created and totally tears the connection I have with my praised work / behaviour
Hmm this was really thought provoking. I definitely learned how to be more authentic with my praise and compliments. But now I have to reflect on my insecurities that make it hard for me to receive them in return.
As a boy soon to become a man, I really appreciate these kinds of videos! The content that you put out helps to me further understand myself as well as guide me into how I should be while operating with other, fellow humans. Thank you!
you explaining this in a clear way was refreshing, many people, myself included, don’t particularly know how to complement or receive compliments, but thinking about it this way simplifies it. Thank you.
Before watching this video, I had found myself in both scenarios, feeling uneasy around other people's compliments and seeing my compliments make some people uncomfortable. Thanks to this video, I have a deeper understanding of what I intuited might be going on, but had no real strategy for how to deal with it. This video has positively impacted my life, which is why I am delighted to have found it, and your channel!
Hey man, this video nearly made me tear up. Informative and wholesome. Binged your last few videos, and I am considering buying myself a nice notebook and writing all the knowledge down into something digestible for myself. Thanks bro
The reason that I appreciate your videos so much is that you orient them around solving a real world problem, rather than the brain or something introspective. It’s very refreshing.
I think most people understand how their actions were beneficial without spelling it out so much. E.g. delivering the project on time. It’s helpful to be specific about which action was appreciated.
Oh my god, this is why I ruin potential friendships constantly, they always look at me like I'm trying to deceive or manipulate them in some way. It doesn't always happen, but when I have complimented people the second way it's way less likely to happen. I'm autistic so this is very helpful, thank you.
I'm still here, still learning, still practicing, still failing and achieving, for that matter. Armed with the Knowledge provided, the discipline I create, the playful attitude I carry and life has never felt so good, maybe this is dangerous after all? ;)
Thank you for this video. You allowed me to understand what real complements are. They are not judgmental. I feel like with this knowledge I can give complements better that are not on such high level,or judging as I learned.
As someone who has trouble taking compliments, there is value in complimenting others, just because. Thank you Newel for teaching me how to praise others more specifically.
This video game me so much insight. It was a refresher on NVC, and it brought me a lot of introspection on how I’ve been complementing my kids. You’ve put together another fantastic video!
I have noticed a lot of commonplace advice for making friends/dating involves some form of "give the person a compliment". I now understand better why I felt uneasy about that, because it is actively being manipulative in giving a compliment expecting in return that the person likes you more. I wonder how much this is hurting people without them knowing it.
I really love your videos. You just explain a book in such a simple and humorous way. I feel every minute i spent worthed. Thank you for all your efforts Mustache Man.
The world needs more spiritual love ❤️🕊 and genuine ✨️positive feedback and compliments I even compliment strangers. It makes their day My 2 rules: It's safe for both of us (always) The compliment is genuine (always)
Thank you! I feel I learned something from how well you explained this and the examples you gave. There is something each of us can also do when complimented or given a gift: recognize we need do nothing more than say "thank you" to the giver. We honor the giver by accepting the gift. If we feel that when someone gives us a gift or compliments us that we now have an obligation to do something for them in return, that's a message of "guilt". That kind of guilt is useless and sets us up for anger, resentment or disconnection. Just expressing thanks for any gift or compliment, no matter how large or small, is *enough*.
in summary just like in one of the previous videos that is, how to be more assertive, lewis tells us, when you + their action, I feel or I felt + your emotion that emerges (emerged) because I really + your intention of complimenting the person (your why)
In my beginning years as an opera singer, I would wave away any compliment with something self-deprecating, until a colleague (don’t remember who, don’t remember if they where older or my age) wiped me in my tracks and said: don’t ever diminish someone’s compliment. They’re either trying to be nice because they feel obliged or maybe it’s a colleague fishing for compliments from you or they where *actually* *moved* by your performance and need to give something back to you. Either way, let them have it “. That was life-changing to me and I try to pass that on, so here you go
Seeing comments of people saying they were triggered as a child when their parents told them "I'm proud of you" is WILD, actually. I think this information is dangerous in the wrong hands; it validates a spoiled generation, and also can put judgement on a person that is honestly just trying to give a compliment to make them feel better. Other than that, I think the presentation was very well done. (you're not gonna get more out of me than that, NEWEL!)
Thanks for posting this. I'm often unsure how to frame positive feedback to my team at work, but knowledge of this framework has already made me feel equiped and confident.
That’s the best drawing of a horse I’ve ever seen! Lewis- I love this video, it’s hilarious and informative. It was fun to watch. I feel that you really care about us viewers and would go to great lengths to make such a high quality video for us!
Sí, te entiendo. Cómo los gestos más simples pueden darnos una dosis de respiro y alivio frente a lo desafiante que puede ser la vida a veces. Thanks for this lesson :)
Just got to say that when you made this video, it made me feel happy and inspired because I've really been struggling at understanding compliments and this helped me understand them more. Thank you.
The video made me laugh and was informative. It gave me insight on a situation I'm dealing with right now and was relaxing to watch during my break. Thank you 😊
Wanna see a full summary of NVC? (Non-Violent-Communication) 👀
yes please
Should not be a challenge, let's go!
Also thank you for all the content you put out here, i want you to know that you help me in many ways with all these brilliant insights.
Much love!
I'll have to non-violently-communicate my liking of your video wida button. On that note, by nvc you just mean to introduce what you do just like one would ease-in a motion in physics (or break inertia)? I skimmed through your video, sadly... I grow increasingly bored of notions I Might have understood and have already simplified to no end. In this case, there are principles that allow us to understand why and how without having to delve into details as these are -more often than not- interchangeable. I really liked the video about guilt as a parallel to what I just said. Can you make more videos about simple and complex emotions? Yep. Let's make sure everyone that watches your videos has "high emotional intelligence".
2.7billion likes for you ;)
That would be lovely! I really enjoy NVC, as I get practical ways to get into my feelings and needs, and how to navigate difficult situations. I would be happy to see NVC content on your channel, as you have a wide audience and I imo NVC should be the norm in society (I know that last part was not NVC xD haha)
ok fine i'll fall in love with you mystery mustache man with suspiciously high charisma and deep understanding of human interaction
Inspector Lestrade of Scotland Yard
Hahahahah - agreed I also think he's beautiful. Dem green eyes man
i cant believe hes only 18. him being so focused is so awesome!
how did someone delete my comment so rapidly
🙋I have a mustache too!! 🫤Well... basically a mustache🤷 😅
It’s not often that somebody presents an absolutely brand new idea to me, but the idea of ‘positive’ compliments being judgements is fairly ground breaking for me.
Very humble of you
It’s Alfred Adler.
Sometimes a compliment is just a compliment. Not every single thing is a manipulation. I like complimenting and praising my friends because I love them and I think they should be told how great they are.
I agree, but there are different situations in which we are not talking about very close friends.
Agreed.
I think there is a point , however being detailed on why they are great may work better
im not sure if you got the point. no one has an issue about how to praise their friends. Its the easiest thing to do. The point of the video is to teach how to compliment people who aren't that close to us.
@@dreamerbeamer I really didn't need to have it explained to me thanks. I'm just not a cynical person who assumes malevolence from an innocent compliment. The point of what I've was trying to say is that kindness is actually a lovely thing, and it doesn't have to be reduced to something manipulative.
Who's in here so that they could learn how to compliment their friends and loved ones better?
Now I'm realizing how much you are actually uploading, thats crazy. I mean, the cutting is probably not too much work I think, but just the collecting research and braking it down to a simple, understandable explanation while also adding own experience here and there is incredible. And of course I am ONLY saying that to trick you into making more videos, so MY life improves quicker. No other intentions here
Instructions unclear. Now feeling motivated to upload 1x vid per day due to your praise.
I see what you did! LOL
Well played!
This was absolute gold, but all I can take away from it was that bloody drawing of a horse.
Bro, I'll draw a canvas for you.
😂😂😂
1:40 When you drew that horse, I found it amazing and really funny, because I like serious explanations with cute and funny drawings.
3:51 I really like how you showed us a good way of how to say "You`re attractive". I stopped the video right then and there and wrote down the text to learn it. I will watch the other part of the video after i tried out the text on my friends and strangers. Thank you very much!
😂😂
When you said that praise is a positive judgment, I felt a rush of electricity like a lightbulb lighting up inside me. Jesus said, "Judge not, that ye be not judged." I always thought this was just not saying and thinking nasty things, but I can see now that it includes praise also. I used to struggle to understand why the Jesus of the Bible comes across as quite harsh because (as far as I'm aware) he never compliments people directly, but I can now see more clearly that he is a living example of what he preached; he came not to judge. You have enriched my understanding of something that means a lot to me, so thank you.
How interesting! I've been working on not judging other people. What exactly does "that ye be not judged" mean in modern speak, if you would be so kind to translate? I was raised Jewish so I'm not familiar.
@@once.upon.a.time. Hi! The passage in full is found in Matthew 7:1-5 and Luke 6:37-42. This is part of Jesus' famous "Sermon on the Mount", which is addressed to his disciples, who were exclusively Jews.
Perhaps the reading in Luke is clearer to understand, "Judge not, and ye shall not be judged."?
I must admit that I don't have the gift of teaching, but I'll give it a go as you asked. To me, Jesus is saying that if you pass judgement on your fellow Christian, then God will return that judgement onto you. This is normally done through unbelievers, not too dissimilar to when Israel was invaded by heathen armies as a punishment.
The flip side is that if you give from a loving heart that it shall be measured to you again.
To conclude, stop judging fellow believers, and show charity towards one another instead.
@@once.upon.a.time. Also check out Romans 14:3, 4,10 and 13, 1 Corinthians 4:3 and 5, and James 4:11-12.
John 13:35 is another saying of Jesus that sums this all up perfectly, "By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another."
@@ian_1518 Thank you for taking the time to explain all of that! I find that you're a far better teacher than you give yourself credit for, and I appreciate the suggested reading. I think Jesus had some wonderful philosophies.
@@once.upon.a.time. No worries! Perhaps you could tell me specifically which part of the "teaching" helped you most? (Yes, I'm using the content of this video in practice...) I *also* think Jesus has wonderful philosophies, but I also think he is the promised Messiah. In person, I wouldn't normally "preach" so quickly and directly, but given that we may never interact again, I hope you'll forgive me. Since it's currently Sukkot, John chapter 7 is very relevant!
John 7:2, 37-39
2 Now the Jews' feast of tabernacles was at hand.
37 In the last day, that great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying, If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.
38 He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.
39 (But this spake he of the Spirit, which they that believe on him should receive: for the Holy Ghost was not yet given; because that Jesus was not yet glorified.)
A famous quotation from C.S. Lewis also springs to mind. It's quite forceful, but I think you're ready for it:
“I am trying here to prevent anyone saying the really foolish thing that people often say about Him [that is, Christ]: ‘I’m ready to accept Jesus as a great moral teacher, but I don’t accept His claim to be God.’ That is the one thing we must not say. A man who was merely a man and said the sort of things Jesus said would not be a great moral teacher. He would either be a lunatic-on a level with the man who says he is a poached egg-or else he would be the Devil of Hell. You must make your choice. Either this man was, and is, the Son of God: or else a madman or something worse…. You can shut Him up for a fool, you can spit at Him and kill Him as a demon; or you can fall at His feet and call Him Lord and God. But let us not come up with any patronising nonsense about His being a great human teacher. He has not left that open to us. He did not intend to.”
I compliment my wife with specific about the coordination between her purse color and her shoes and she loves it. We talked about why it felt so good and it was the specifics. Your vids always make me think, and I really appreciate that about your work. The humor is always spot on as well! (thought about that compliment far more than I usually would! 😂)
Awesome stuff! Hahaha I appreciate you comrade!
Its the same with things that kids do for you: a lot of people feel awkward if a kid gives you something that means a lot in their minds but not yours, or at least i suffer from that kind of judgement, but when i try my best to specify the individual things I see in their work I become better at appreciating it for what they did and they feel seen at the same time.
Its a system than can be applied in all situations were you dont share the same level of interest.
I like it. As a manager I try to give praise even though it feels like people don’t want to hear it, likely bc they don’t feel it’s genuine. But I like to dig into the reasons and make sure they know it’s not just to get them to work harder but that I actually appreciate their specific efforts and it makes everyone’s life a little easier
Yes, ever since I got my first managerial position I always felt giving praise was almost, condescending, a lot of the time(doesn't help that I was only 18 when I got the position). This has given me some ideas on how to help improve
I really enjoyed your presentation. It made me understand why compliments usually make me cringe. That made me feel a sense of relief, and inspired a click on the subscribe button.
When you demonstrated the ways to give a compliment so it can be received well,
I felt such appreciation for the knowledge gained and the examples given,
When I see the impact improved communication can bring it makes me more hopeful for a better world 🌎 ❤
🥲🥲🥲 when you write such a thoughtful comment, I feel grateful. Because it shows you value my work enough to take time out of your day to type a comment.
I always get triggered when parents or grandparents say "I'm proud of you." I haven't been able to put my finger on it. I have wondered if it was inferior complex, that praise was not warranted. But more importantly because the words came from an "authority figure" that they are judging and expecting more praise-seeking, thus putting on more pressure to perform. This video nailed it. I feel validated. Good job! (I hope I did that right! I do mean it!)
Pride has a counterpart: shame.
this has dawned on me intuitively. i always compliment EXACTLY WHAT i like about people. not "hey you look so hot right now " but "that short skirt makes your bootay look so inviting!"
i wonder why i always get these annoying HR talks afterwards though and warnings? i guess theyre just jealous that i DONT compliment them that nicely as often!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 hahahahahaha this is brilliant. Sir, your compliments are so fire that EVERYONE WANTS THEM and if they don’t get them they drag you into a disciplinary. 😭😭😭😭😭
I love how you take one idea and explain it without over explaining it in one video ✨
This makes a lot of sense! I've never really liked when people call me smart, mostly because they also don't seem to value what I have to say. I also don't feel good if I complement someone in that "judgemental" way, and I do prefer saying "I like". Now I can tell the difference, thanks!
the drawing of the horse made the whole world, my whole life, all of history, worth it
😢
As someone who’s love language is words of affirmation, these types of compliments are the type that would actually stick and leave me speechless.
Great content. Liked and subscribed. 🎉
*_Now give me a kiss..._* cracked me up!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
You’re SO fucking funny man. This videos writing and editing made me laugh so hard while also being extremely informative
Proper usage of the word whilst
i love the funny parts because i feel more attracted to your content because i like when people take things with some humor.
Me and my supervisor are very close. she often compliments me in ways that i now realize are judgement free. I can't really think of an example but she is great at saying things that hit me directly in the life points. It makes me feel like she actually cares about me and my well being. I adore that woman and her leadership.
It surprised me how POSITIVE compliments (like "you're great", "you're beautiful") may still sound like judgement.Thanks!
The minute you start accusing people of being “awkward” you’re magically on the good side.
Great now I wanna try and compliment everyone
Praising others for the effort they put in, instead of their accomplishments has been really working for me. It boasts morale in my family, and consiquently more chores get done. People love being appreciated for their efforts. Great video, as always. I'm working on being more specific with my praise, so thanks for the reminder
When you explain Marshall Rosenbergs's NVC work so succinctly and with copious practical examples, I feel excited and hopeful that the future might be a more friendly, loving and peaceful place, and it helps me understand more fully how I can make these outcomes more real in my personal day-to-day life.
I loved that book and work book “Nonviolent Communication “. I didn’t realize how much of our communication that appears positive is actually violent. I think part of people feeling uncomfortable with being complimented is…they feel obligated to compliment you back. If they are unable to find anything to compliment you in return with, it can be awkward for them. Also a lot of people who have had a rough conditioning, feel uncomfortable when people are kind to them. They are so used to people being mean to them that they actually prefer it. Anything outside of that feels foreign and strange to them, even if it’s something terrible. Third, psychopaths may see you complimenting them as you being too nice and gullible. This will make you target number one on their list of people to fuck with.
Dear Lewis,
I wanted to express my appreciation and gratitude towards your content and especially this video in particular.
Through applying the concepts presented in this video I was able to express my gratitude and appreciation towards other people in my surroundings in a more meaningful and effective way. Also through using your example at the end, I am finding out what people actually like about me when complementing me.
Both me being able to express appreciation and gratitude, as well as being able to ask what other people like about me. Are helping me deepen my relationships with others in a deeper and meaningful way.
Thank you.
All the best.
This a very good communication technique to keep in mind. Especially for leaving comments on people’s art and writing I feel. Thank you!
I like it when you say "stay disciplined, playful and dangerous". Those words did some barely known nourishment to my brain and mood. I have mental struggles, and to keep myself functional I do daily diary, and give every page name based of something cool that simbolizes this day for me.
17 october 2024 is today and I call the page "stay disciplined, playful and dangerous".
Thank you.
I write and record my own music. I can not tell you how frustrating is to ask people for feedback and constructive critism only to hear. "it was good." "that was awesome." Thank you for giving me insight and the words and conversanal proceedings to get more out of this so i can learn and grow and develop my talents and interactions.
@cyberspark4206 - What kind of music ???
YES!!! I remember hearing somebody talk about how people never give good feedback on music -- I think it was Adam Neely? -- and it's taken up living in my head rent-free. Not that it's a bad tenant to have.
each video is better then a whole university course
keep up the good work man, you are doing great!
3:26 YOU CAN'T THREATEN US WITH A GOOD TIME!!! 😍
How serendipitous that I see your video about a technique of Non Violent Communication just as I'm starting to become aware and interested in learning all about it. Your video made me feel educated and hopeful, thank you for that.
A previous video you said to “Go first, go positive, and be constant in doing it.” This has been something I’ve employed in my life and it’s eradicated a sort of subliminal feeling of isolation I had. It’s been great!
Also, the way you are able to be an entrepreneur and at the same time spread beneficial wisdom to people is really cool. You have an impact! I feel like if you were still in uni and I saw you on campus we’d be mates. Cheers.
we are senconds away from falling apart - this made me appreciate others more
The positivity on this channel is wild, I love it
this tactic can also be used on insults to also improve their effectiveness, for example: "you're ugly" becomes "your face resembles that of a goose, so when i look at you it only weakens my hope for humanity, this brings me immense despair." when it comes down to it the core of this system for compliments and insults can be filtered down to simply being specific, if you still want to communicate violently then adding specifics to your compliments allows you to be a more effective sociopath. if you want your insults to work about as well as middle schooler insults do than adding specifics really hammers the insults home, now you may think that middleschoolers attack things your sensitive about specifically but this isn't always the case often times they can end up unlocking new insecurities, the key is looking for a specific aspect to compliment or insult if you don't already have one, then simply build off of this with how it makes you feel and the results it brings you.
I'd like to compliment your videos. They help me identify the root of some tensions I suffer from, while at the same time lift me up with a feeling of self acceptance and being less alone. Your light heartedness and authenticity are a joy to watch.
Some people come up with the dumbest compliments around horrible events and dont realise they just cause a lot of pain. Considering the impact of the context has a big impact.
yes toxic positivity is so real. I try to avoid responding with "at least this didn't happen" or "it could've been worse" or "you're blank for a (insert a characteristic they were born with)"
I'm beginning to become addicted to your videos! Tons of great knowledge and tips jam packed with great and related humor. At least its relatable to me! The effort you put in is astonishing and I wish you the best on your YT journey. I will keep watching and liking. You're channel is certainly underrated.
I want to learn how to give a compliment like a poet! Thank you for this, it was helpful. 😊
Mother nature was unjust to me by not blessing me with such marvellous moustache like yours.
The clarity of your delivery helps me navigate this difficult life. Much appreciated!!1
The way that you design your videos with humor and Knowledge is incredible.
There is noone that does it like you and i really appreciate all the effort that you put into these Videos
Ahh Marshal B Rosenberg's NVC is inspiring because I feel joyful and satisfied when my need to give love through verbal communication is taken with gratitude and no misconceptions
I like the way you look, it's authentic and gives me the feeling of a person who is open and sincere
This sounds just as fake as saying you're beautiful
One pilar of all of this is, just be thankful for what you get and don't be in constant need for more. Ironically, this mindset brings you riches and joy that you never asked for.
This just explained to me why I've always hated receiving positive judgements! People have been complimenting my eyebrows since I stopped pulling them out (I have trichotillomania) and it really does feel like I'm being held to a standard rather than being celebrated for overcoming this actual disorder I have.
Who tf compliments eyebrows
@yungmentalproblems uhh people who have seen me without eyebrows??
Even executed perfectly, tactfully, helpfully, there are just some people who cannot comprehend genuine e praise. Detaching oneself from any expectations allows the person delivering the compliment to feel put off.
This happened yesterday when I gave someone a genuine compliment and elaborated on it, and this person still "took the ribbon out of their hair" as the saying goes. Started defending why my perception was off. I was even able to resist the urge to say, "just say thanks," or "just accept it."
There is definately a responsibility for the complimentary to remain detached.
Some people in the comments are really against these methods, and while I agree that sometimes simple compliments can get the message across well, these methods work really well when communicating with someone who genuinely doesn't believe that they deserve the praise, or just doesn't take compliments well in general. This video helped me a lot! Thank you.
A few days ago I saw an older woman trying her best with an exercise she was struggling with, and I told her that I noticed and that I'm impressed.
It was true, she was putting more effort in than anyone else
What need of yours was being met by her working harder.
@@millerrepin4452 I'm still wondering about that. I guess I just want to see everyone do their best?
I really appreciate your videos because the subjects are always appealing to me and the tone of your voice seems to calm me down. When I watch them it's like a mixture of taking a really entertaining class and receiving a warm hug :)
This is one of the few channels where I haven't regretted clicking on a video so far. A lot of the things you say and touch on are similar to what a lot of other self help channels say and touch on, but you put things so eloquently yet break it down in a simplified way that makes it easier for me personally to wrap my head around, and make it easier to conceptualize in a real life scenario with the cut-away gag style examples that you provide. Without that "conversation" at the end I feel like a lot of this would have fallen flat for me and just gone in one ear and out the other, like most of the self help videos I try to learn from, but you really drove the point home in a way I understand with the gag.
This is something I'm really bad at. I just love sharing the things that make me happy about people but sometimes people don't take it well.
I appreciate your tips on better communication!! 🙌🏾🙏🏾
This interpretation of frank and polite was new to me. I have seen frank as saying what one means, e.g. I am grateful you listened to me. Instead of polite sugarcoating: you are the best listener I have ever met.
You’re the Alan watts of today. Your philosophical knowledge and humor really hit the nail on the head! I really appreciate the work that you do! It really helps to ease my understanding of this wild world! ❤
This was funny af, the humour made me feel lighter so the topic itself didn't feel too heavy. Excellent blend of info and sharp humour.
now i’m thinking about more detailed ways of how to tell people i appreciate them the way this video explains it is if you have a component to give break it down with a more complex and passionate version of what you would have said
I really appreciate this video because in the past I've been taught how to use the non violent communication model to express dissatisfaction and tone down conflict, but I've never seen it so clearly showcased for praise and positive feedback. It also shed a lot of light on why I hate taking "you are {positive adjective}" compliments- even though I know I deserve them, I can't stand hearing that, it disconnects my experience from the good I created and totally tears the connection I have with my praised work / behaviour
Hmm this was really thought provoking. I definitely learned how to be more authentic with my praise and compliments. But now I have to reflect on my insecurities that make it hard for me to receive them in return.
As a boy soon to become a man, I really appreciate these kinds of videos! The content that you put out helps to me further understand myself as well as guide me into how I should be while operating with other, fellow humans. Thank you!
1:46 the prettiest horse i've ever seen
wait oh no he's sad :(
you explaining this in a clear way was refreshing, many people, myself included, don’t particularly know how to complement or receive compliments, but thinking about it this way simplifies it. Thank you.
3:22 haha, well, since you asked so politely…✨
These are just "I feel..." statements used in a positive manner instead of conflict resolution. Well done 👍
Before watching this video, I had found myself in both scenarios, feeling uneasy around other people's compliments and seeing my compliments make some people uncomfortable. Thanks to this video, I have a deeper understanding of what I intuited might be going on, but had no real strategy for how to deal with it. This video has positively impacted my life, which is why I am delighted to have found it, and your channel!
Hey man, this video nearly made me tear up. Informative and wholesome. Binged your last few videos, and I am considering buying myself a nice notebook and writing all the knowledge down into something digestible for myself. Thanks bro
The reason that I appreciate your videos so much is that you orient them around solving a real world problem, rather than the brain or something introspective. It’s very refreshing.
I think most people understand how their actions were beneficial without spelling it out so much. E.g. delivering the project on time. It’s helpful to be specific about which action was appreciated.
Great summary of these concepts mate. I've found this is a fantastic way to write a sincere and impactful card to a loved one.
Oh my god, this is why I ruin potential friendships constantly, they always look at me like I'm trying to deceive or manipulate them in some way. It doesn't always happen, but when I have complimented people the second way it's way less likely to happen. I'm autistic so this is very helpful, thank you.
I'm still here, still learning, still practicing, still failing and achieving, for that matter.
Armed with the Knowledge provided, the discipline I create, the playful attitude I carry and life has never felt so good, maybe this is dangerous after all? ;)
I appreciate your efforts to share this knowledge. It has allowed me to better praise those in my life and feel more genuine as a person.
Thank you for this video. You allowed me to understand what real complements are. They are not judgmental. I feel like with this knowledge I can give complements better that are not on such high level,or judging as I learned.
As someone who has trouble taking compliments, there is value in complimenting others, just because. Thank you Newel for teaching me how to praise others more specifically.
This video game me so much insight. It was a refresher on NVC, and it brought me a lot of introspection on how I’ve been complementing my kids. You’ve put together another fantastic video!
Great comedic timing!
I have noticed a lot of commonplace advice for making friends/dating involves some form of "give the person a compliment". I now understand better why I felt uneasy about that, because it is actively being manipulative in giving a compliment expecting in return that the person likes you more. I wonder how much this is hurting people without them knowing it.
I really love your videos. You just explain a book in such a simple and humorous way. I feel every minute i spent worthed. Thank you for all your efforts Mustache Man.
The world needs more spiritual love ❤️🕊 and genuine ✨️positive feedback and compliments
I even compliment strangers. It makes their day
My 2 rules:
It's safe for both of us (always)
The compliment is genuine (always)
Thank you! I feel I learned something from how well you explained this and the examples you gave.
There is something each of us can also do when complimented or given a gift: recognize we need do nothing more than say "thank you" to the giver. We honor the giver by accepting the gift. If we feel that when someone gives us a gift or compliments us that we now have an obligation to do something for them in return, that's a message of "guilt". That kind of guilt is useless and sets us up for anger, resentment or disconnection. Just expressing thanks for any gift or compliment, no matter how large or small, is *enough*.
that horse drawing was magnificent! it made me feel fuzzy inside and energized for the day.... now kiss me.. uhhh uhh uhh
The outfit , the look, the accent, the material, all spot on mate !
in summary just like in one of the previous videos that is, how to be more assertive, lewis tells us,
when you + their action,
I feel or I felt + your emotion that emerges (emerged)
because I really + your intention of complimenting the person (your why)
In my beginning years as an opera singer, I would wave away any compliment with something self-deprecating, until a colleague (don’t remember who, don’t remember if they where older or my age) wiped me in my tracks and said: don’t ever diminish someone’s compliment. They’re either trying to be nice because they feel obliged or maybe it’s a colleague fishing for compliments from you or they where *actually* *moved* by your performance and need to give something back to you. Either way, let them have it “. That was life-changing to me and I try to pass that on, so here you go
Wow this is honestly game changing! Complementing specific things does make sounds better !
Seeing comments of people saying they were triggered as a child when their parents told them "I'm proud of you" is WILD, actually. I think this information is dangerous in the wrong hands; it validates a spoiled generation, and also can put judgement on a person that is honestly just trying to give a compliment to make them feel better.
Other than that, I think the presentation was very well done. (you're not gonna get more out of me than that, NEWEL!)
Thanks for posting this. I'm often unsure how to frame positive feedback to my team at work, but knowledge of this framework has already made me feel equiped and confident.
That’s the best drawing of a horse I’ve ever seen! Lewis- I love this video, it’s hilarious and informative. It was fun to watch. I feel that you really care about us viewers and would go to great lengths to make such a high quality video for us!
Sí, te entiendo. Cómo los gestos más simples pueden darnos una dosis de respiro y alivio frente a lo desafiante que puede ser la vida a veces. Thanks for this lesson :)
Exacto Angie. es un placer ver sus 'comments' como siempre :)
Just got to say that when you made this video, it made me feel happy and inspired because I've really been struggling at understanding compliments and this helped me understand them more. Thank you.
The video made me laugh and was informative. It gave me insight on a situation I'm dealing with right now and was relaxing to watch during my break. Thank you 😊
Man, really loved this video
Watching you is like drinking a fine draught of the most refreshing elixir, you always put a smile on my face, thank you very much...xxx