The narcissist’s 4 greatest fears
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DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - Розваги
I think a narcissist’s biggest fear is people knowing their truth.
My experience with my sister.
@@notesfrommateriality7572as with mine
Yep. They sure don’t want anyone telling them the real truth that’s for sure. They cannot handle a mirror out in front of them.
@oceanwoods And yet their true self is glaringly obvious to so many of us around them. They are just so disconnected that they do not realize how transparent they are.
Yup as soon I spilled their beans, they automatically leave you and blame you as their victim.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago, The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
1) Fear of death; 2) Fear of being shamed; 3) Fear of being exposed; 4) Fear of having to face the truth and repent.
Thank you.
2….they do not feel shame. 3….exposure means they believe they are hiding. 4….the only truth they actually “know” is they are the greatest and they “know” they aren’t narcissists
They do not repent.
@@jokendrick2124 not yet, no 😅
@@jomorrow1 2 and 3, they refuse the entire notion and if confronted they get angry, cranky, whataboutism, blameshame, aggressive, the usual DARVO things etc.
Abandoning a narcissist may be hard but staying is exponentially harder.
That’s a great, great point! Saving one’s SANITY, is the best gift you can give yourself, and your children ❤🎉😅👏
I finally gave up on my narc dad and his enabling girlfriend! A month and five days of relief for me, so far!
You forget when you attempt to abandon a narc they make you pay dearly!
It is hard when I was independent and wanted my own space and had to support these individuals because they didn't want to be mature enough to learn a new language or try to get help by going to night classes. Even I as a child of 11 years old knew without learning a new language our lifestyle will be a disaster. Also, realized since I couldn't get them to budge I had to work on me to figure things out for myself and become educated and move forward with my life. When I realized I was 28 and still being leaned on I took it upon myself to start to look for an apartment which was one of the last thing as a goal that I wanted. By God, with his help, I did it and "NEVER" looked back but moved forward with my life. Being leaned upon made my life more difficult and I wasn't getting any younger. So finally I got my place and when my mother blamed me about her decision to sell the house, which by the way, was mine home too since I paid 1/2 of my income to help them -I refused ot be blamed but recognized the trap this narcissist kept trying to make me feel. My mother had a deadbeat husband and probably convince him not to worry the girls will support us. What I realized they wanted a "free ride" in life and I was not going to be part of it. I worked too damn hard to cope with self-entitled narcissist and left to have a life and never regretted it.
This is exactly how my husband is. I am from India, here divorces are not easy, earlier I used to lose my sanity by his behavior, slowly i realised my problems are man made by my husband. Thanks to educators like Dr. Ramani who are saving lives of women like us from so far. More power and prayers for Dr. Ramani for a healthy and strong life. ❤️😊🙏🏻
When i met my ex for the first time the way he treated me was so good I felt happy and I prayed it should stay that way, I'll look up and imagine us together with our children happy but at last narcissist will always be narcissist, he started telling me some weird stuff about feeling like killing me and tell me how he would do it thought he was joking cause we're very kinky lol, but it got to an extent when he wasn't satisfied with anything I do,he'll slap me time to time, I didn't even have access to my money then I started making research which I learnt about narcissist I join some pages and groups on Facebook which taught me more and I start gathering courage to stand up to him, it was hard to decide to leave him or not,but I have to put my kids first and do what's best for them, I planned on filing for divorce so I did while in court he denied all what he did and everyone saw me as the bad person, I was frustrated and on a sunny day after court I was here getting motivated not to give up then I came across a comment with a recommendation about fredmore213 so I reached out to him on instagram through this link 👉 instagram.com/fredmore213?igsh=Z2xha2locmtiem9q& with my situation I risked it and contacted him he was so genuine and generous he hacked my ex phone and got me all his social media chat, deleted and undeleted text, he even recovered his social media account, I can even access his phone from mine I went through his chat, messages and got good evidence to use in court I showed it to my lawyer he knew what to do and now I'm free from him all the sleepless night and horrifying nightmare slowly went away, I healed great now my children and we are living our life to the fullest
God bless you, Indrani ❤️🌺I think you are a strong woman. I know most marriages in India are arranged marriages, and, your husband happened to be a bad apple. You’re a survivor 💐❤️ How was it for your children, then, and today? India is such a beautiful, exotic country. And, it’s come a long way, in the past century.
I feel you .
Indeed 🖖
If you want to scare a narcissist, show them a calendar to remind them of their aging.
Ah brilliant!! 😂
Or tell them you found the psychologist that help!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Good one! 😄
Omg, yes!!😂😂
They're cowards. They fear so many things, that's why they only have power behind closed doors. If they lived their true selves out in the real world they would be outed and eliminated.
They are smart but lazy people that refuse to move forward in life. I know I have a half brother who keeps leaning on me financially and had to set him straight, he's in his 60s and blames his troubles on me and I refused to be trapped by his selfish attitude.
They want order and cleanliness but expect other people to do it for them.
Boy is this ever true.
Yess spot on
Yes! 💯
Boy howdy!
A narcissist is a person who is in a state of arrested development..stuck in a perpetual adolescence.
very true
adolescence? Wow, you got lucky. Try 'under 13' or even 'under 8 yrs old'
@@user-kp3fr8ry6kLiving with any kind of narcissist is not lucky. And at best, they are adolescent.
They're utterly afraid of being alone and also taking away their power.
My Mil's partner died & she said it was better to have someone who called you names than no one at all.
I'm worried that's how my friends mom feels. In my living situation the old narcissist lives with us. He is so mean. All he cares about is his self. I wish she'd just kick him out but I swear she enjoys the torment and abuse. I'm just glad his health is failing because then that means he will be gone soon. Sucks I can't afford to move out. So I hide in my room and just try to be civil. Ugh.
Narcissistic and ocd is crazy
@melissachase1649 been there with my mom and dad too
When i met my ex for the first time the way he treated me was so good I felt happy and I prayed it should stay that way, I'll look up and imagine us together with our children happy but at last narcissist will always be narcissist, he started telling me some weird stuff about feeling like killing me and tell me how he would do it thought he was joking cause we're very kinky lol, but it got to an extent when he wasn't satisfied with anything I do,he'll slap me time to time, I didn't even have access to my money then I started making research which I learnt about narcissist I join some pages and groups on Facebook which taught me more and I start gathering courage to stand up to him, it was hard to decide to leave him or not,but I have to put my kids first and do what's best for them, I planned on filing for divorce so I did while in court he denied all what he did and everyone saw me as the bad person, I was frustrated and on a sunny day after court I was here getting motivated not to give up then I came across a comment with a recommendation about fredmore213 so I reached out to him on instagram through this link 👉 instagram.com/fredmore213?igsh=Z2xha2locmtiem9q& with my situation I risked it and contacted him he was so genuine and generous he hacked my ex phone and got me all his social media chat, deleted and undeleted text, he even recovered his social media account, I can even access his phone from mine I went through his chat, messages and got good evidence to use in court I showed it to my lawyer he knew what to do and now I'm free from him all the sleepless night and horrifying nightmare slowly went away, I healed great now my children and we are living our life to the fullest
Make yourself happy
Because there is NO making a narc happy
This makes perfect sense to me. I couldn't perfectly leave my ex until he was convinced that he kicked me out. Every time I would try to leave him he would find a way to guilt me back in. Once he thought he was kicking me out of the house I was finally free to leave with zero regrets.
Narcs get power from other's worship. They can't live with themselves alone. There would be no one to blame!
Last Christmas Eve my narc husband put his hands around my neck. I got him arrested! In court he said I was grandiose, mental, etc… everything he said in court is about himself. I’m so looking forward to my own place.
Yes everything they call us and accuse and spread lies about us are THE EXACT THINGS THEY THEMSELVES ARE DOING.
OMG!!! The narcissistic former husband literally spent millions on his legal team for more than 2 years to ensure I got nothing... after I walked away and asked for nothing. It's like he was fighting a phantom of his own making. It took him a few years to come to terms with my indifference towards his wealth. Then he went after our son. Another few millions and almost a decade later, I cracked from the mental toll and the court gave him our beautiful boy. I've had no contact with our son since. Having rebuilt myself in the years since, I still hold on to hope our little boy is not too badly damaged 😢😢. After all these years (our son is now an adult in his 20s), the pain of separation is still crippling. This channel is the best therapy I've ever had...she's shed a light of understanding on the trauma of my past
Absolutely devastating.
@@queenkristine9590 many told me then "time heals all wounds". They lied
🙁💔
I’m so sorry you went through this. I’m currently 2 years into a divorce and minus the child and the millions, my husband is doing the same to me, spending so much attorney money to try to prevent me getting a dime even though he’s shooting himself in the foot too by wasting this money. And he was the one who left me for a much younger supply after 22 years. My heart goes out to all who have/are experiencing this. ❤
@@klp63 The chaotic hell they create during divorce is mind-boggling. It will eventually end (3 years for me). Be prepared though for the narc to come back with odd legal filings, every so often, as the years go by. I'm 21 years divorced, his legal team last tried my nerves from 2019 to 2022. Keep all your details (number, address, email, etc) private and only communicate through lawyers... forever. It'll save your sanity
A narcissist's fear of death explains why my ex husband would throw himself such a dramatic pity party for every birthday. He'd start the festivities a week before by moping and acting like the world was ending. Oh woe was him!
They may have an "obsession with order" but actually leave messes everywhere, expect the other members of the household to clean up after them, and contribute nothing to keeping the home clean/organized.
Feels like a prison that makes you want to escape.
And I’d add but hardly can.. they program us
They suffocate you, living in an ‘alternate reality,’ walking on eggshells 😮😂
They do increase their toxic behavior when you stop reacting. But holding out on reacting means they don't get their sought after satisfaction. They want so badly for us to freak out for them (for them), so they'll move forward, beyond whatever provoked a reaction the past. Whatever they can to get you going...it's an extremely difficult, but critical phase to pass through, especially at home. At times, it's felt not standing my ground, but it is. And in the end, it's better not to drink their poison and to leave their sphere of control.
Tons of them have been waiting for years for a reaction that they will never get.
The only thing a Shark is afraid, is a bigger SHARK!
Same goes for the Narcissist.
You know/knew the Megalodon, he died, and he was bigger than the shark we know today. He died because of the change of the environment
@@daykibaran9668👍
@daykibaran 👍
Very true I have used narcissistic people to separate from my malignant narcissist.
My Narcissistic ex husband life with me becomes a good lesson, it allows me to realize that staying single is better than being with a horrible company of his caliber. I learn so much from your videos for sometime now. Thanks 👏🏽👏🏽
I spent a week off of work building her a portfolio website. She couldn't write the copy for her design projects. Wanted her mom to write about her work. Couldn't write herself a resume needed someone else to do it for her... This was a big turning point for me to realize. They don't want to do better. They like being helpless.
That’s my narcissist person in a nutshell. She likes pretending helplessness so others will do everything for her.
Their fear:That they are not #1. Show them a person doing better than them and it kills them 💯 ~destroys their grandiose fantasy.
dr. ramani you are such a blessing! thank you for making these videos and for getting the word out there! they have helped me so much, and I am so grateful for you! ♡
Fear of being ordinary. Woah. Ack this whole episode is resonating.
Important content since social media has created many new narcissists. Remember kids your phone screen is narcissus’ mirror.
👏👏👏👏
I’ve been using the You’re right” response method with great results. Shuts them right down.
Humm good idea
Brilliant, thank you!
I dont think that narcicists know they aré narcisists, they think they aré better than everybody else, if you tell them they look at you at a funny way, "THE STARE".
I was thinking the sane thing
You are no different to them then the coffee maker in their life. Lolo excellently said.
Yes everyone is an object to them
This is so true. Also, in private, they’ll admit they’re indeed lazy, implying their success is due to how smart they are. OMG! There is no end to their smugness. Yuck.
He called the police on me because the dog was on the bed. He called the police on me because he got us in a car accident, and me sleeping after a concussion was making him angry. he is very upset right now that I havent touched him in months, and that I refuse to let him live with me once I finish moving. ???? Let me say that again, he called the cops on me, trying to get me evicted.. and he feels abandoned im leaving.
I am at a loss ! I find myself watching your videos dayly, i cant believe he charmed the cops.
…keep going, quietly
Because they are charmers. Make us look bad to our family and friends who somehow just believe it because they get treated wonderfully and with perks.
I would love to know how the police reacted to the dog on the bed....oh my gosh mine has done similar things too. and they actually traumatize the peope into believe them with statements like She does not clean up! She does not rub my back. She on and on does not do this or that....and I think the people who would never ever think that was ok actually do when he is saying it.
I think we know it's the end. Just so hard when we have for so so long lived under their control and their loving when they want to that we just need to escape. Wishing you strength and Im trying to get that strength too. Maybe one day we will just look back and know it was just a very wrong way of life that we tried so hard to make right? hugs
Omg are yu serious? @gravyoverpotatos that act like such kids is disgusting 🤢
@@danamama6766 The cop shushed me and wouldnt let me speak, just two men only letting him speak, they blamed me for not "listening to him" and said I shouldnt start arguments with him. Listening to him lie to them about what happened, where he works, that he's going to school and they whistled at me like a dog for trying to say he was lying.
I needed to hear this, thank you for your kind words. 🫂 I thought when this started that the goal was for us to find peace in each other, its okay we cant make it right. Out is the only way! 🏔️ 🧗♀️
sounds like a very dangerous one that may get the boom stick
I actually had to pause listening to this because it is so painful and describes what I dealt with. My narc ex took responsibility for nothing and had an excuse for everything. His sense of entitlement from being “so smart” meant he was unwilling to pay dues to get a job or change a career.
BINGO!! His way or the highway!!!!¡!!!!
Also finding this painfully true. It's been a soul destroying, frustrating and lonely road. And yes, psychologically and financially draining. Exhausted with the bullying, constant blaming of myself and others and self righteous attitude. 😢
Obsessive Compulsive PERSONALITY disorder, as opposed to OCD, such an important point and rarely mentioned yet so intertwined with narcissistic personality style, cluster C overlap and such a treacherous combination.
They do increase their toxic behavior when you stop reacting. But holding out on reacting means they don't get their sought after satisfaction. It is hard to get through the rage and when they amp it up when they lose control but we can do it!! :)
sleeping with the enemy
Spot on, Doctor Ramani. After reaching that gray rocking phase of coping, the rages are even more prevalent and extreme. The interesting part is that I no longer react. It doesn't upset me or scare me. It's annoying, but it doesn't hurt me anymore.
Object of convenience. Ouch, so disturbing. The rigidity of EVERYTHING! Yes, yes, yes. Expeienced it all
The part about the roller coaster ride you go through once the narcissist starts to realize you’re onto them was brilliant! You have such an amazing way of describing the crazy making things that happen in these abusive relationships. It’s SO SO validating!
This is exactly what I’m experiencing right now with my covert narcissist husband of 19yrs. I had no idea it could possibly get worse once I started putting the pieces together. His covert passive aggressive retaliation is so exhausting!
Thank you for all you do to help bring clarity and validation to all of us going through this!
These devils in the workplace. My daughter is a banking executive and has worked for a few of these bosses. The current one of the last 6 months is "the devil wears Prada." Very jealous. Relentless demands and toxicity. A miserable creature, obsessed with herself, and an "image"' that she's crafting, at everyone else's expense. Everyone is her personal lackey (aka "coffee maker"). She's like an angry middle school girl lashing out & who has something to prove. I'm so concerned about my daughter's health. Praying she gets another job SOON.
She needs to transfer to another branch, or location, perhaps? I pray she gets another job w/a good boss, and coworkers🙏
@@jeanie5074 Thank you. Yes, we're praying for the exact same thing. She specializes in government banking regulations and risk & compliance. In the job search, the algorithms only allow specific applications to filter through and the skill sets must be pretty exact. Not easy to change jobs these days. Prayer and persistence is key. At the higher corporate levels, there's LOTS of narcissists and psychopaths.
You cannot reach the summit without making the climb.
Again, thank you❤ when my narcissistic friend got a boyfriend I answered, like her: oh love is the best! I am so happy for you! All the best❤❤❤ and so on. She was shocked… normally I would have answered: OMG, tell me everything !!! How did you meet, wanna talk on the phone?? Now I see, that even if her actions were polite and friendly, there were no empathy, and she was never interested… I kept my, “love is all around” style, and the friendship slowly ended. Best thing ever! ❤
My narcissistic husband is saying because I don’t drive his motorcycle shoot his hidden Collections of guns, and use the trailer that is worth thousands he should have them. After hiding money for 14 years, blocked me out of my own accounts….. while I was the only one working for long periods of time. He allowed us to believe he has mental illness. complaining about my plant purchases the plants he still has hanging after telling court system we took everything. while he was buying escorts out of hidden accounts. I left with two trash bags of clothes one for me and my son. Sharky and blankey, we left everything and yet my son and I deserve nothing. Then he is claiming I did everything he ActuallY did to us. It’s the worst….. and staying calm is skill everyday. He feels justified in stealing my son and my life. It’s upside land…. I’m so glad I left with son. Plus the courts view my young son as a couch not a human who deserves a life. He changed locks installed cameras only on the inside of the home. It goes on and on. We left filed a restraining order and now he trying to get it lifted.
The narcissist may think that 'there is nothing to fear, but fear itself' as far as they are concerned. However, the real fear they have, is that of their own inner selves. Hoping no one else ever sees what they know is inside.
YES, I GOT IT..I SAW HIM and I spoke up more. I hoped he want a divorce and it worked
This trauma bond has been so hard. My ex covert narcassist blamed me for everything. I was cheated on, stonewalled and strung along then discarded. This is after I moved for this person, started a new life to be with them and started to set boundaries because he wouldn't get a job to be a partner. I'm so brokenhearted! While I know it's not my fault, my mind and heart just keeps looking for justification to hold on. I finally had to contact his mother so he'd give me closure on the breakup. 5 years.. wasted.
Im in the same boat as you… I’m divorcing my narc husband. I was catfished and everything was a lie. He cheated on me multiple times, and put his hands on me when I caught him this last time. I haven’t spoken to him since, and it’s been three months. It does get easier, I promise you. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again. Focus on YOU. It isn’t about him anymore, it’s all about you. Learn who you are again, and do the things you love. I never ate cake or sprinkles because he didn’t like either of those things. Best believe I’ve been eating cupcakes and sprinkles like crazy! Lol! You’ll be okay. You’re stronger than you know.
Same with my ex-girlfriend of 8 years. Have to take this as hard learned life experience. No more drama, gaslighting and ragging. Not to mention the financial draining.
Had a boss in the whole food supplement industry that made employees eat lunch in their cars if they brought in soda, fried food, white bread products, etc, anything he deemed unhealthy. Called such food contraband. Holy @$@!
The rage is so bad I can’t even describe it - I can t leave so perfunctory is best … invested a lot in this relationship and wish there was a way for them to heal. But beyond their healing I have to be free from the hate and anger and attacks …the hard part is the shift and knowing attacks coming .. the trauma bond is real. 😢
Thats another reason narcs are envious and jealous of us because we have self awareness,something they will never have.
I can definitely relate to everything you’ve spoken about!!! I was married to a narcissistic sociopath and had to endure so much physical abuse.. I then decided to kick them out my apartment 3 years ago since I was tired of the cheating and abuse, & they attacked me at the point I had to fight for my life to make it outside my apartment to get help. Luckily I had my keys and I drove off, but they followed me and tried to run me off the road.. But they turned back around the further I got. I then got a protection order, but that didn’t stop them. They tried to kill me a few days later as I was walking my dog durning the night with a knife & taser. They were wearing all black attire, hooded while wearing a bandanna. But, the Lord protected me!! I definitely had to go into hiding for my safety, and now they’ve been in prison ever since then, since they tried to attack someone else a month later as well. But they are going to be released from prison in June of this year 2024 and be on probation. Now, I just need to make sure prepared for my safety in case they want to finish something they started, but wasn’t successful.
There’s so much more to my story but I can’t explain all of it on here of course.
You said it yourself, “now, you must protect yourself, before they finish it off..” Well, maybe it’s time to move far away from where you used to live! And, have another protective order in place for him to be served when he lives prison. Protect yourself!!
Wow! That's horrible! Glad you survived that nightmare..Are you sure they weren't malignant not just sociopath? My ex did some crazy stuff, and he is definitely a covert sociopath but I've never experienced such calculated and severe abuse and assault as to what you went through but truth is they all are psycho in their own way...
I take exception with the implication that the parents of these “failure to launch” adult children are innocent victims. Dumping money into someone and making them dependent is also abusive.
Every highly narc person I've known has had very abusive parents. Both physically and psychologically. Also very neglectful.
20 years later, he is still mad because he was caught using my home, that he lived in for free across the board, never contributed a cent in 7 years, as a single man pad while I was working. His girlfriend (later wife) was really mad too. Because they can't do what they were doing at my place, at their parents house. She is also still smearing me because their revenge marriage fell apart after less than a year.
I was told I abandoned him. 😂😂😂
@@EnFuego79 I agree. Narcissism is a family dynamic that often gets passed down through generations. There is never just one narcissist.
Well I don't agree I have one child and she's highly overt and narcissistic and she was spoiled and she had everything you can think of from ski trips trips to Key West every sport elaborate birthday parties only child no neglect no abuse two parents in the home and we barely even argued
@@paulettelamontagne6992 "she was spoiled and she had everything you can think of from ski trips trips to Key West every sport elaborate birthday parties only child" - This is a highly narcissistic form of abuse: this steals a child's sense of self reliance and autonomy, prevents a child from differentiating, and creates dependence on the parent by preventing the child from fully understanding what is required in the real world to achieve those things. This creates a sense of entitlement. " two parents in the home and we barely even argued" - this is meaningless as this could very well indicate that there is a policy of silence and passive-aggressive subterfuge as a dysfunctional inter-personal conflict style. Narcissist are made by other narcissists, period. Full stop.
Living with a cop. Forget alcohol.
Your videos with compassion are a lifeline for how to think correctly about this situation. So much relief as I grieve toward complete acceptance. Thank you!
Yeah, I got the "you're being weird" comment. Decided to divorce them so I could do it on my own terms. She ended up with the house, but I regained my sanity. Thank you Dr. Ramani!
I gotta say my guy hustled like a pro and he achieved his goal and I was very proud of him for that and he was not all over the place. He had one very single focus and he accomplished what he wanted to. The thing is, he was then resentful of anybody in his field or adjacent to his field who he thought had achieved their success unfairly, and seeing that, especially among celebrities, would make him explode and that had a lot of negative fallout on me. I didn’t like being around that, and that was very painful and debilitating for me
My mother is extremly rigid. But in a hoarder way. She keeps everything. And gets very angry and rage if anyone moves anything around her appartment. My grandmother was very rigid in the other way. She had everyone do everything her way. Very much like objects.
Thank you for this video and the last part. I am not confused anymore. The people in my family know I know. And as you say they never asked me how I am doing. I always reached out to them. Not anymore that's the no-contact part. Except the concern for my mom 💜
Yep!! My ex was either covert narc or borderline, he demanded that every appliance be unplugged before we left the house- even things like the coffee maker with automatic off. If I forgot to unplug something- boy did I hear about it.
When I finally said no, and didn't let them invalidate aggressively my needs for two hours
. The freedom and energy I felt, was incredible
Real example of gaslighting- he says you're in a mood, you feel perfectly fine, nobody else has commented on you being in a weird mood. Throughout the day, he's treating you like there's something wrong with you and you're the source of the weird vibe you're feeling. Then you start to think, 'Gosh, maybe he's right. Maybe I can try to figure out why I'm in a mood.' Then you own that as your reality. You believe it.
If you ever think about all of the royalty rituals such as the ones they have in France or Japan you might think that they were developed due to some narcissist who wanted everything to be done in a very particular order
Here I was, thinking he had OCD, but now I learn it's just his narcissism. Thank you again Dr. Ramani. Thought I listened to all your podcasts, but this one is another eye opener.!
I grew up with set meal timed and a clean house, not my bedroom as much, but my mom wasn't narcisstic. A set supper time helped with knowing when to be home for supper and when to meet friends afterwards.
Thank you for this video, Dr. Ramani.
The worst thing is the grieving phase, after a relationship with a narc, is that the person you are mourning has not died, but that the person you have been sad about,. lives as if nothing has happened, is a tough one. .
This makes sense. I get this. Frustration that their stuff wasn't successful when mine was.
Like, don’t you dare to be more successful than me.
There’s always someone who’s better than you
I have anxious attachments style. I am 54 and getting into trauma theraphy. And for the first time in my life I am not afraid to live alone. I really enjoy it. Being no-contact. I must say I am concerned for my mom who is clearly becoming dementia. My brother the Golden child is a huge enabler. Denying she is getting more sick...I have tried for years to explain it's sick to eat food with mold and not taking care of hygiene. It's sad.
I don't recognize myself in what you describe about ADHD. I don't need meds anymore. Been going to functional neurological treatment and I love to meditate/mindfulnes. I am also a perfectionist. But with less anxiety due to treatment I now feel it's more about being autistic. Now I am confused. The people I know with ADHD are actually very empatich and do get things done ❤
WOW! The dynamics in this video are unbelievably on target. I feel a bit overwhelmed because I can relate and have experienced this all with my Mother, Ex and Brother!!!! I'm beginning to understand how the narcissist is able to shift their thoughts and reactions intentionally. When I literally moved back into my brother's space he was so proud of himself for PAVING the WAY for me to return to our home city. Boy, was I blind. My brother created a Black Pepper Syndrome! Which means, I purposefully put the black pepper away in the cabinet differently than he did just to make him feel like he was going crazy trying to remember if he put the container in the PROPER place!! The End.
You describe my hell with narcissism from my childhood up to my divorce, post divorce to a T. My mom is a narcissist and I ended up marrying one.
Just yesterday he text me, "I can't believe I let you win in the divorce". Delusional. He cheated on me, spent marital assets on said women, threatened me, ignored the kids, refused to help me with them financially....etc etc.
While I had all of his narcissism on thousands of texts, home recordings and financial docs. He had nothing absolutely nothing on me. He let me win though.
He totally lost it when I SAW HIM. He went for the jugular, but I never backed down. I went to jail, kept away from my kids and had to support him financially for a couple of months.
Thank you for these videos.
Thank you for providing this brilliant video Dr. Ramani. It brought many things full circle into the crux of the matter.
My Narc Ex's biggest fear was losing control of everything and everyone. 🍒
Everything is sooo TRUE. But…iiii am so glad I realized this 6 mos into the relationship & literally told him to move out my house. Then…life became absolute hell! He dug in his heels…toxic rage & the name calling was daily! Apparently NARCISSISTS DONT TAKE REJECTION WELL💁🏽♀️
It became dangerous, so I left my own home…went no contact…hired a lawyer & after almost 2 years & thousands of dollars, he’s out of my house. Unfortunately tho…I’m afraid he’s not out of my life. He’s driven by my house, mad doggin me as “he visited a neighbor friend” aka his next victim. Cops are aware.
So many spreadsheets and making sure absolutely everything is fair according to them.
The management in my new apartment building show some traits of the narcissist, like they are never wrong and they are better than everyone else.
They certainly have the control issue.
@@David-ki2dl OMG! Haters?
Watching your video’s as “homework”, recently went to a psychologist, found out that I am raised by two narcissistic persons. My father is the controlled narcissist, everything said about that in this video is so recognising. The only thing that’s different in the videos I’ve watched is the fact that I stepped away from the relationship, without exactly knowing why I needed to protect myself from them.
"they can turn a feather into a gun" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Good one Dr. Ramani!!!
💛 Thank you for explaining the differences.
When I ask a question or for clarification , Im told i am an antagonist. Definitely shutting down, grey rock.
Yes had same .. you have to preface it with ‘I love your idea it’s awesome.. could you clarify it more..? & hope they do nt say ‘your so dumb you should’ve gotten to the first time ‘
Thank you for not editing out the cat noises!
I noticed that too.
The obsession of narcissistic people with themselves and their image leads them to try to control everything outside of themselves, so all resources are channeled to them. It can manifest in so many ways. You will see efforts to control other people, the physical environment, the selection and timing of rituals like meal times, all kinds of resources, etc. The ones I have known are also very rigid about their clothing and its care and storage.
I’m not saying it’s not narcissism, but I’m saying what you’ve described also sounds like Autism. If the people you’ve described are people that matter to you (friends/family), maybe google autistic traits in men or women & see if it rings true in your situation.
@@queenkristine9590 I take your point. If I am not mistaken, one of the main differences between a narcissist's and an autistic's need for control is in the phrase "so all resources are channeled to them". Autistic people are very different from narcissists, in my experience, starting with the fact that autistic people are capable of empathy, while narcissists are not.
Yes they are sickkkk control freaks and I cannot STAND THAT.
Oh my god I am struggling with the control thing. How can anyone get through life like that? I am trying to understand that need.
I broke from a casual friend and she has persisted for YEARS to try to regain control. It is disgusting.
@@rubberbiscuit99 I agree. I find autistic people, or those on the spectrum, to be innocent people. Narcissists, I'm afraid, are anything but.
About 33 minutes in is like personally knowing my sibling! So controlling and really lets me have I. Has “justified’” her actions with turning the story around so she is not at fault and now she can’t keep her own stories she’s told. It’s catching up with her.
Anytime I talk on line flying monkeys report back to him, I have become very angry. He has told so many lies to lawyers, police, and Ya JUDGES, they never follow through
Thinking about so many creative ideas and trying to incorporate those ideas on one project. That makes the progress a bit slower but once on a hyperfocus mode. Things gets done.
Dr Ramani your videos have helped me so much. Thank you
My nex had the same career the whole 16 years we were together, I supported and encouraged him through every promotion and project. He melted down over every tiny slightly critical comment he was given 🙄 he was obsessed with money, so scringey. Now he's Disney dad and for the first year of separation he bought them SO much stuff and takeaways and days out. It's slowed down now he's got a new woman to spend money on
Thanks to you and a couple of other channels on this subject I no longer have to deal with a guy I was dating that was a covert narcissist along with his twisted relationship with his grandiose narcissistic Daughter that always had great ideas on how to start a new business then they never took off as she continues to leach off of him as a parent with her 2 children she could careless about that are near 6 & 8 living in his house. They both used his wife literally into the ground as she died a couple of years ago and then the Daughter was angry she left! All of these things you talk about resonate about them and other people I have dealt with over the years. I’m out and so happy! Thank you!
My ex was a bit rigid and judgmental. He was very rigid around money, I wasn't even permitted an allowance. He would point out tiny spots on a blotchy shower tile after I cleaned it. He would follow me around the house to turn off lights even if I was just getting a drink and would be right back. The worst part was the constant contempt as he corrected and controlled me. I often wondered if I was witnessing OCD.
I have listened to many of your videos and I have realized that I have and still are going thru everything that you have pointed out! Thank you so very much for the insight!!!
Listening to this makes me sound like the Narcissist
"unrelenting obsession with order" - two words I used for 20 years about my partner were "unrelenting" and "vitriolic" . I was in BIG trouble for squishing the toothpaste incorrectly 😊🤔
I hope you left him, finally😮?😅🎉
@@jeanie5074 escaped is more the word! Yes, during the pandemic, left to the streets of a foreign country alone. Now in 3 court cases in foreign language courts. It's all better than being in the relationship!! Hope you are ok🙏🙏
Thank you for your response 🌹🌺🤗 Yes, I’m ok, the important thing is to follow our own gut feelings, at the onset of a relationship. If there’s any red flags 🚩, not to ignore them. Trust in yourself, and calmly exit right away. Don’t let yourself be swamped by darkness.
@@jeanie5074 so true. Glad you're ok. I think you get trapped before any red flags are obvious. But now I know for next time 😊🙏🙏
Fantastic compilation of videos. You are so Great at this, Dr. Ramani. Thank you!
The last part of this video perfectly describes where I’m at with my narc spouse. I know now and can’t unsee it. It was a profound relief to know what the problem was and that it truly wasn’t me. Now I’m living what feels like a chess game but at least I understand the rules and can plan my next moves. Thank you for your work, you changed my life!❤
Thank you for acknowledging the some people have these behaviors because of other mental health issues.
My ex is definitely in the failure to launch category. He had so much potential but never got anything big off the ground. His family and I have all told him his business would never make a reasonable profit. I had to end the marriage as I had nothing left to give. It was so exhausting to always be delivering on my commitments when he always found a new excuse to wriggle out of his. So many opportunities that came his way he believed were beneath him.
My daddy was/is like what you described. He served my mom divorce papers to her job. She was the executive director. I kept telling her to get an attorney asap but she just kept on working.
He finally kicked her out the house and the only thing he allowed her to take was her clothes and the Tupperware !!!
Miserly about the dresser drawers.... Hecken spot on. Freaky how specific and similar their tactics. Its helpful to watch your shows thank you
Stunningly informative 1st six minutes 😮will listen over again!
Dr Ramani thanks for all your hard work. And thanks for sharing. You're paving the way for those who are blind to human mental traits. Thanks. I bought your book will read soon. Meow 😺
They act big and tough but underneath that false facade i see how scared and paranoid these lost little children in an adult body really are.
My ex-friend is the rigid type controlling narcissist. Before I became her housemate I thought she was such a great, thoughtful, successful person. After I moved in, it quickly turned out that she is so mean, controlling. Because I resisted to live the way she wants, she shamed and guilt trip me and showed her true face. Then i realized she surround herself by flying monkeys that validate her behaviour all the time. Her husband harassed me which is disgusting. they are a viewed as a great couple for others but it’s absolutely sickening when the door is closed.
Thankyou! This made me feel so less alone and validated! Jaw dropping for me. It's like you are describing ny ex.
Someone I know DOES NOT give a rip about the impact on his young-adult kids. But...to get them to visit him after he moved away (he's divorced)...was to induce symptoms in order to get hospitalized (with life threatening results). OMG what I know and witnessed!! Can't go too deep here. The area/county he lives in...the police, doctors, judges, aldermen, ...all worked together to cover up and seal his criminal records, court records, and more. I was caught up in this chaos which he created because he thinks he can control, convince/persuade, manipulate everyone! Anyone! I will never get over this experience in my life. This guy like many narcissists is NOT just someone's partner, parent... But... your neighbor, coworker, your boss, teacher, roommate, landlord - all of these can have "the crazies" and YOU are the one that knows, sees, and THEY know you know! Some of us CAN escape, some cannot - at least not immediately. Please, people, become more attuned.
Omg I know what you mean. It's when you know that they will start to persecute you. Now next time, which I hope never happens, I'd be much sneakier and try not to let on.
@@notaclue822 @notaclue822: The thing is...he is very open about everything. If he thinks you're a
'nobody' then... he tells you things, leaves personal 'notes' around the house of his thoughts/feelings for you to see. I wish I could share more with all of you, but...the documents that were presented in court are all sealed now. I, actually, am not a snoopy person. I play dumb as a door knob. But, when a nut-job like him, with a high IQ and photogenic brain, a master's in physics, chemistry, and degree in education as well...THIS IS then a mix that even the devil would run from. TY for your comment😊
Narcissism GPS, Blessings Dr Ramani.
Needed to hear this today. Thank you
You know what's weird? Seeing a narcissist cry...it's like looking at an alien. I didn't know they could cry.
It looks so fake when you start recognizing it. Just water running down their cheek with no genuine emotions, you'll also start noticing that they keep watching your facial expressions while they perform the act of crying.
Most of the time it is entirely an act to manipulate