Overcoming the challenges of leaving a narcissistic relationship
Вставка
- Опубліковано 27 бер 2024
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/not-you
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani.teachable.com/p...
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramaninetwork.com
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRUz41eWswjw63o6
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9GNuMSR55PKTjQ6
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/2fUMDuT...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.com/podcast/how-...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com/podcast/1119-n...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT. - Розваги
Narcissists use your dreams to get control of you, and your nightmares to keep you under control.
Don't ever let them know you are concerned about something bad happening - they can make it happen.
Absolutely they do and they have no remorse when they destroy your dreams
@@twovirginiacats3753 Exactly. If they have the slightest suspicion you are thinking about leaving they will go full evil. I had to backtrack once because my beloved cat supposedly "ran away." After hours of gaslighting I conceded that he was the only one who could find him because he was the most amazing guy in the world, I was so lucky, I would never leave him. He went out to "look" for my baby. 45 minutes later, back with the cat. For sure had him locked up in the garage or his car or something.
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Vecchi Nese .
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
God is more than enough for us, and his mercy is new every morning. Hallelujah🎉🎉🎉♥️
Grief in this relationship is equivalent to Grieving the death of a loved one. Recovery is painful.
Yes, it is so painful and takes so much energy. Be strong. I totally destroyed my self trying to recover bc he made me feel that I could not go on without him. But fortunate he died. As Zi walked away from the hospital where he laid, I felt such a relief , like an albatross falling off my shoulders. I was so happy! For real 😅 praise God. I did hear a chuckle! I did not grieve, though. I felt such a relief! It’s over!
I would say any long term relationship ending feels like the equivalent of losing a loved one. Narcissistic relationships tend to leave you much much more confused, and includes much more ruminating and disbelief etc, but any non narc relationship I’ve been in, that ended, was similar to losing a loved one just the same as a toxic one. None of this life stuff is easy or clear cut. None of it.
I always think that too; there is no day that goes by that I don’t have visions dreams and heart ache ; whether I show it or not
Going through this now. Such mixed emotions
It’s worse than grieving someone who died, in my experience.
This is so exhausting and lonely. The pain is almost unbearable at times 😢
🫂
I totally feel for you. It's taken me 46 years to see the truth, and it has cost me a lot. My desperate prayers led me to investigate, which led me to Dr Ramani and this survivors community. Its only been a few weeks and I'm so grateful for those who get it, as the pain and lonliness when you can't talk to anyone is so awful. I'm praying for you. X
I'm right there with you ❤
I feel the same way! I try to remind myself how lonely I always felt when I was with the narcissist too. It doesn’t make it any easier, but it makes me realize that this loneliness and exhaustion isn’t anything new. Now I can finally start healing. ❤️🩹
@dk5755 Healing is not easy, but we've got to take care of ourselves. Im working on learning to do a better job loving myself. I wish you the best 💕
Today it's finally my turn. I broke up with my narcissist yesterday evening. I've been watching these videos for almost two years and without them, I'm not sure I would have woken up to his narcissistic nature. It went surprisingly well, but I'm expecting backlash. I'm ready for it. He was waiting outside my house last night and it just made me more determined. Never again will I waste my life energy on a narcissist. Thank you Dr. Durvasula.
Stay strong. You're going to get through.
Watch out for hoovering x
I had to contact police bc of his harrassment. They can't let go.
Prayers… 🙏 Remember why you left! That will help if you 2nd guess…
wishing you the best, your life will be so much better 🎉
The rumination is maddening. I just want to stop turning it over in my head.
Refuse to think. If you have to. Scream STOP
I found out 2 1/2 years ago about what my 35 years with my husband has really been about. I get months feeling like I’m past it all but then he just has to do one tiny thing and I’m back to the rumination. I couldn’t leave because of my autistic son but I decided yesterday after my narc husband laughed and mocked me that I have to leave completely before this causes my body to become seriously sick. So I think it’s just something that has to be worked through. I luckily have a great therapist who lets me repeat myself over and over until I can’t be bothered to talk about it anymore. I wish you all the best life can offer. X
I totally get that!!
Same. It's doing my head in but I also feel like it's a necessary evil. It's going to get to a point where its all been processed and accepted.. I hope!
Follow Jesse Lee peterson. You'll learn what ruminating is trying to do.. learned all thoughts are all lies all the time. Stopped me from toxic responses. I Had been trying to stop but kept repeating. I knew my thoughts weren't from me, but still listening/ allowing get up and move ones. I had to learn good thoughts are only traps too.
The narcissist turned me into an excellent problem solver, project manager, and intermediary for conflict resolution.
@konnierap
Wonderful takeaway. I'm going to seek the ways that I'm better, instead of the things I've lost, or what they took from me. Wow
Thank you
Yes, one thing it taught me, too, was resourcefulness. He never supported me, so I learnt to become hard as diamonds. Nothing is wasted. I'm trying to learn the lesson. 👍
For me, radical acceptance meant an immediate improvement to my metal and physical health. However, being in this relationship for so long and being controlled for so long, I feared that I would not be able to handle the challenges of life by myself. They have away of making you incredibly dependent on them and they make you feel inadequate when facing life's challenges. This caused me to stress out over living life on my own, and sadly that's part of the pull back as additional stress for the victim seems overwhelming. The payoff to me, is realizing that the normal stresses of life are FAR easier to deal with then the crushing stress and anxiety of living under the narcissists rule. Choose healthy, choose confidence, detach from toxicity.
Still working on this with the narcissist after 43 years of marriage. He still wants to work on it because he sees the bus leaving the station while I'm driving the bus. Still unable to leave due to financial reasons but still working on me!
Be strong and continue to learn from Dr. Ramani 🙏
Stay strong and believe in yourself!Love, prayers and blessings ❤️ 🙏
Things split up for my marriage after 48 years. Keep going and grow painfully and with grace. You may experience true joy once more. ❤
My negligent covert narc husband went 'no contact'. He passed away 3 weeks ago. 🤗 I was his caregiver for 4 years, as well as for my 94 yo mother for 5 years. My life is now stress free, I have peace in my heart and I am a happier person after 10 years of daily stress from him...mostly because he could not deal with my boundries. The only person I ever met who would look for 'trouble' where there is none. I am no longer walking on eggshells etc etc etc. He too, now has peace 'from himself' and his soul is in a better place. His personality died with him. For that, I am happy for him.
Wow! So happy you can finally feel peace ❤️
@@MG-il9oj Thank you! I wish that feeling of freedom and peace for all of us. Dr. Ramani certainly was a huge help along the way!❤
I'm 70 years old. I escaped (literally ran out of the house in fear) last July after 45 years of marriage. Some of the nature of the abuse had eased but the violence and rages were getting worse. Just before the previous Christmas my daughter pointed out that she believed my husband (her dad) was a Narcissist. I looked it up secretly on my phone and learnt about Narcissistic abuse and specifically the nine traits of NPD. I was shocked and relieved to realise that this was what I had been trying to deal with. Laws in the UK seem a lot fairer than the US and since 2016 coercive control has been added to the DV list. Dr Ramani has been there with me from the beginning and although I cried my way through most of this video, I will get through this. I will be going through the courts both for justice and validation and also to get my fair share of finances via divorce. He has already spent time in prison for breaking non-molestation orders and restraining orders but I know he will never give up. He is not going to stop me getting my life back or intimidate me again. I just want to say to everyone on here It's Never Too Late just keep believing in yourself and allow yourself to grieve and you will start to heal.❤
Such a powerful comment! Thank you.
@@snowiecat456 I could not agree with you more on all points and I wish you sinceely a peaceful, brighter future. All the very best wishes to you and your new life!
Thank You, Dr Ramani, for this video! After having been with the Narc for 27 years, & at the age of 66, I am now free of him. We were full time RVing in FL for the winter. I couldn’t take his abuse any longer. So I loaded up the truck with my clothes, crafts & 1/2 the dishes & pans, & I came back to MI, our home State. He could NOT stop me, as the truck title in is my name only, due to him losing his license before I even knew him from too many DUI’s.
I have watched so many video’s on Narcissists, & I know without a doubt, he is ONE! I now yearn to hear how to heal, & that the grieving is normal. And, I feel my love has died for him, but, I miss what I thought my life would be. Left him a year ago. Filing for Divorce.
Counseling helps, as well as this positive video! I’m taking my time to heal. Loving not being degraded, called horrible names, being blamed for everything, plus seeing his eyes for black during his NarcissisticRages. My home is now very quiet, peaceful & loving!
I also enjoyed Dr. Ramani telling us that we didn’t waste our years with them. As we were still living. Not happily, but, trying to be the glue to keep it all together.
I’m doing what he told me that I could never do. Like getting my own apartment & making it on my own!
Love proving him wrong! ❤
God Bless you, Dr. Ramani, for helping us live through & learning how to recover from this horrific abuse.
🫂
I so relate to your story. Hang in there. We will get through this grief.
Thanks for sharing your story. Recover in peace and self love. You are a survivor.
Life is short enough as it is and the ironic thing is that when you're involved with a narcissist, they make your days long and you're nights even longer. To the point where you pray, for the end of your time to come.
Hey you, yes you, youre enough and im glad your here.
And i understand in the way that sometimes the end seems better even if youre just existing.
Hang in there love and hugs
When I looked back at family pictures, my smile was always hallow or shallow. I didn't know how stressed and unhappy I really was. NOW, I understand why. I am finally getting to know my true self. Thank you for your dedication to helping people like me!!
You will recover enough in time. The betrayal will stay with you for ever but 5 years out of my unfortunate relationship with one of them and the emotional pain is pretty much gone. Keep learning and know that this shit happens to so many people. Your eyes get opened to so many things. It’s a hell of a recovery and it will change you.
These videos have changed my life. I view my history clearly now. I understand why I felt crazy all the time. I wish every person who has suffered from narcissistic people could have this clarity. Your voice is true. Only a survivor could share the way you do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Agreed. And I seriously feel these behaviors should be discussed in schools. Would save us and curtail the Narcs ability to mess with people
34 years with my narcissistic ex!
I’m now married to a fabulous man & very happy.
My ex managed to bring my adult children onto his side. They actually thought I should pay half his bills because my leaving him made his life difficult. 🤷♀️
Wow I love your awareness though inspiring
At 59 I started divorce proceedings and am by myself now. Simply love. No one to tell me I am wrong once again. Glad you got out of the toxic relationship. Pay his bills!!?? I never will understand some people’s thought process.
@@kathleen3292 At 60 now, I want nothing to do with another man. It’s time for me and what brings me joy. it’s me and my rescue cat and that’s all I need 🐱
This sounds exactly like what he is trying to do!!
@lesliechew7293 so glad you are married to a fabulous man. How did you open up your heart to find love after a toxic marriage. I have been unable to do that.
I just met with a lawyer yesterday to ask some questions about how to circumvent my narcissistic husband trying to prevent the sale of our house and he is going to help me with my divorce by creating a “Retain Jurisdiction Clause” which will not allow one spouse to drag their feet by demanding that they won’t take less than what THEY think the house is worth. This has to be filed with the divorce decree in order to be in effect. So my advice is get some legal advice before you do your own divorce. It’s well worth the $100 I spent yesterday for knowledge and peace of mind. God bless all of you as you move FORWARD in your life away from Narcissistic abuse.
I still struggle with the gaslighting and radically accepting that they are not being honest! I wouldn’t tell a lie or treat anyone this way so it’s very difficult for me to believe that they are doing this and the 23 years of cognitive dissonance is very slow to clear, but is IS clearing. There is hope for recovery!
I agree, plan and have a lawyer, the narcissist still lies and cheats and avoid court appearances/litigation to avoid telling the truth. But you know this person can continue to lie and deceive but lawyers know the drill. Currently I have flying monkeys, isolation and financial embarrassment but it's better than the years of wondering where I am.
The complexity of the human mind is a beautiful thing. It’s so unfortunate that narcissists see it as something to exploit rather than appreciate.
One of the most beautiful things my mom ever told me is don’t regret what you did when you were in love. Idk it’s been helping in my narcissistic recovery. I don’t feel guilty for the things I didn’t know and how i tried to make it work. Im letting it go and not returning to them or anyone else that shows me these same signs.
Beautiful comment. I needed to read this. Thank you.
I needed this, thank you so much❤
Me too.. I left him some days ago... He goes through the discard phase now. I used to be his soulmate, his queen, his everything. One day he woke up a different person and did not text me for two weeks. He used to disappear before but not for so long. I am sick of crying and waiting for a text. I feel used and abused... I am such a fool. but at least I loved him to bits.
I found out my partner of five years had been cheating on me and lying to me the whole time. He made me feel paranoid and crazy over questioning his commitment. I lost friendships and now I have to move. It’s been so sucky. But dr ramanis videos have helped me take back some of my agency and feel a little less alone. Thank you so much for this community I’ve found ❤️
Ours passed away a few years ago and we are still finding out things he did over the years. I feel like what we know is only the tip of the iceberg.
❤
Yes eventually the indifference comes.
It's been 2 years since the last one (there were 4 over the course of 30 years).
I no longer wish anything bad for them, I simply don't care. That is true freedom.
That is so wonderful to hear!
The first segment was so helpful in understanding my rumination. Looking back and realizing it was never what you thought at the time is agonizing, but just hearing Dr Ramani talk about it is validating and helps. So thank you 🙏
i live with a narcissist now, i feel like there's no way out 😓
It'll take some time to figure it out
🤲
Take care of yourself ❤️
Oh the hurt. The tears. Thank you for this.
I'm still astonished about her ability to rationalize her lies which she told so genuinely.
Same! Everything was a lie with him and it was my fault for questioning it!
I am getting a divorce from one now.He is a pastor and everyone loves him. He already has some other woman sitting on the front pew and no one sees anything wrong with it. I can’t tell you what all I dealt with in less than a year.It’s more like a cult than a church.They are perfect in public and terrible behind the scene.I’ve been studying narcissist behavior for 5 years that’s the only reason I got out so fast.His ex wife was still coming in and out of his life after 6 years when I came along.He’s 15 years older than me.Everything Dr Ramani is saying is true I saw it from the start I just wanted it so badly.I’ve been going to therapy for awhile I was told I was a fearful avoidant and put it with a narcissist.Run away y’all listen to her.
A pastor???!!
@@ArtMonkey5150yes. It’s very hard when the narcissist is a minister. Everyone thinks he’s God’s gift to the world. No one sees how he really is. Only you.
My narcissistic ex is a chaplain and 9 years older than me. The day after the breakup he’s back talking to a girl he was with before me hoping to do “couples counseling” together with her because I wouldn’t with him… no I said we needed separate therapy first then couples later but oh well. Glad we are no more. Now just need to recover from all the trauma he left me with 😅
The pit of "justice and revenge" you can decorate and put the sofa in, or you can crawl out. You can stand in the sunshine and like Ivana T. said "the best revenge is living well."
The justice you CAN get is doing justice to yourself: your health, your heart, your mind, your aspirations. You can take solace in knowing you kept your decency and never descended into their sewer. YOU are worth more; they're not good enough for you. Aim for the stars; leave the mud behind. One thought that might really help: would you want to trade places with them; would you want to BE them?
What an awesome comment. Thank you.
Thank you.. lovely comment. No, I wouldn't want to be him. He's a tormented soul, full of hatred for almost everyone, his parents, ex wife, child, boss... I used to be the supply so he was very nice to me and idolised me before he got bored of me, too. It hurts but I feel better that I don't have to cry over the phone, read between the lines, question what is true or not, wait for a phone call for days, travel miles to see him.. I now see how I completely lost all sense of my dignity for a man who didn't respect and love me as much as I did.
I wouldn't want to be an6body but myself. That's why I stayed with him for so long, because I WASN'T like him.
"Sometimes the new thing that comes out of the old thing is better than anything you could have imagined." -Dr. Ramani
I am grieving for that 'younger me'. Thank you Dr.Ramani for your videos ❤
When you are in your 60s and you have spent 35+ yrs together, it is harder. Maybe one day, will get the courage….
You can do it!! You can't control their emotions, but can express your own. They may not get what you mean, but they don't want to try understanding anyway. Everything I say to my husband in defense is an "excuse" in his eyes. I am at the beginning stages, sorta. However we've only been together 13 years, married 7.
Go for it. You only live once and time is not on your side. You can do it
I am in my 70s. He is very helpful. Fixing broken items and making things work. This has a toll on me as I married in my mid-40s, and I have always managed those items. He is to helpful, causing problems when there aren't any.
However, at my age, I question if I want to do those things anymore.
So all of us survivors dance through our emotions and ask ourselves our motivations, but I can say, I am alive and still learning. He is not. God bless you! Know that we are many, and we each have our own story, but we have all chosen to dance with truth, and we all dance with you. ❤
I am 61 about to be 62 in a couple of months. I’m doing it. I cannot imagine spending another day with a man that does not love me, does not respect me, and will not attach to me and our marriage.
You are beautiful, and you deserve more. I was trapped in that mindset of I’m too old to leave until he finally crossed my last boundary - affair and financial abandonment.
I pray you find you last straw and get your freedom until then keep listening to Dr. Ramani to help you be strong inside of this relationship
Do it!
I’m all alone now after leaving every narcissist one by one. Mother, father, husbands, boyfriends after the divorces, so called friends and then adult children who fell for the smearing. Alone and aggrieved, but safe ! At peace, loving myself and practicing compassion for my inner child, naive wife and mother who did everything to protect children who sided with the narcissists. I’m not nice narc supply anymore. I’m empowered, knowledgeable and validated by your channel. Alone but oh so grateful for you. Now I have a chance to be truly happy! ❤😊
Who ever said, "LIFE'S A BITCH AND THEN YOU DIE" was abused by narcissists.
Candy bars and sodas are the narcissists in the food group. 😢
Mac Dre ❤
Halloween....
Well I definitely hope and pray they were wrong!!! I desperately need another chance.
I think they’re more like those “supplements” sold at the register of a gas station.
Mac dre❤
Having a witness helps me with the injustice--someone who believes me when I relate a given exchange with the narcissist. My sister has become that person. Thank God for her. I can imagine my situation without her. I see myself literally walking the floor in small circles, all the while holding my head as I swing it left and right crying "no no no no" with nowhere to turn.
I've been to several therapists for many years, and not one took my side and understood the pain nor my rumination on what I lost. Thank you Doctor for making sense of it all.
Every moment we allow the narcissist to hurt us we are feeding the monster that has torn our life to pieces.
I really needed to hear this. I've been feeling like a wasted woman. No one talks about this. Thank you Dr R❤
I know why this was my destiny. This is how I know how to help others. This is how I help to heal the world.
The amount of stress, anxiety and fear that is trying to exit these relationships is unbelievable. There are days when I don't know how I haven't stroked out or gave myself a heart attack 💔... the survival mode lies and deceptions really are hard to cope with... smiling and planning your escape while beating yourself up for having to play the survival mode part which is so not you as a normal person. The cognitive dissidents is crazy making and the guilt and fear is damaging at best to mind and body . My exit is coming in April from the hopefully last narcissistic relationship I will ever experience. Here's to personal growth and learning the skills to avoid these in the future ...no more !!! 💝😢💯‼️
50 years of having both parents with narcisistic behavior not diagnosed. I grew up thinking love was transactional, but in growing up and being emancipated trying was killing me because I was never good enough. The smear and scapegoating was so hurtful. The relationship of my mother exploiting my child thinking my mother could be a better grandmother was wrong. Outing my child as a youth to triangulate for attention was so malisious. I tried to be forgiving, but the "stop talking shut up" attitude my parents displayed was apaling. In old age, my mother only calls me for services I have wizened up to her malingering, I have gone no contact, it hurts to recognise I wish I had had loving, caring, supportive parents. I deserved better. My only child desurved better.
Dr. R gives such good advice about allowing yourself to experience your feelings and normalizing your thoughts.
This video came at the perfect time! Got out 3 months ago. I need guidance. Thank you Dr Ramani!!🙃💃🙏🏼🥰💕
I feel the same way. 2 months for me. Family of origin, unfortunately. It is very hard but going back would be incalculably worse. Stay strong! We can do this! We can heal!
@@thepaintedpoppies1010 yes we can‼️💕💃💃I will pray for you! We got this💪🏻🙌🏼🥳💃
"REPURPOSING" Our Precious Lives...💙🙏💙
You can not imagine how you helped me after 40 years in this delima
Its hard to get past the ruminating stage. 25 years of marriage, where i felt competely sucked into making HIM happy, coupled with making my parents happy. Finding out later, how much my narc mom tried to control me through my narc ex.
I need to move my kids & I out, so that hopefully pushing forward the divorce is less stressful for them. But living here is soul-sucking, and it's hard to he be productive. 😐
I have No challenges whatsoever after learning his ways were all narcissistic based. It baffled me when I was in it, and now it all makes sense.
Thankfully, he never brought me down. As I told him, he enabled me to grow more internally for myself AND to understand what narcissistic behavior entails.
Moving on with so much excitement!! New chapters!! ❤❤❤
Loads of support nd love girl❤❤❤
This mirrors my experience.
Grief: I'm a year out of my relationship. For me, the hardest part is grieving alone, and feeling like I'm not even allowed my grief by society.
There were never any family gatherings for us. No one died, so there's no funeral. We weren't married, nor did we have children, so no one ever celebrated us or sent us greeting cards even when we were together.
I felt alone in my relationship because I got separated from my support network, and now I'm alone in my grief.
It's really hard to deal with, but it's better than spending another 15 years in heartbreak and disappointment.
Hugs 🫂
I set a boundary today! I am celebrating with a ‘biscuits in bed’ evening
this was very powerful* -the lies- the years of BS loops- the cognitive dissonance was strong *the pictures ( hundreds) went out in trash* yes- like a double life with 7 family members- certain friends- relatives - lies….yes- this video was powerful***
So much of what you say describes my 33 year marriage to an ASD husband. I made sure I got my degree & had my career. Went places & knew I enjoyed the places not him. Long story beyond this but he tried so many things that you describe narcissists do. Revenge/karma happened after I left. I have my farm, he lost his home & has nothing. I have my life
Your last sentence says it all. ❤
Yes, I have pictures in front of a huge beautiful Christmas Tree in San Francisco. It was taken during his affair with a woman in New Zealand. His many travels there and her travels to meet him locally. I had no idea until he physically assaulted me one morning.
How mentally ill is he , extreme. He has all of the Money, continues to travel internationally. The world is Evil. Thank you for being a Caring kind Dr. 💜
OMGoodness...no money for groceries? Can you not seek advice from a good lawyer about your situation?
Recently I've been filtering through thousands of photographs. Some of the expressions on the malignant narcissist's face were horrifying! You could literally see the evil. When she thought no one was looking.
I am grateful. The mental health world needs a wake up call. But there are many narcissistic individuals running the world. Healthy individuals can call them out. Circle of chaos. Sad.
I've definitely experience feelings of sadness; but this is preferable to feeling confused, angry, and frustrated. The process of grieving the expectations has been empowering. I'm enjoying my unique character more, so now with an open heart Im enjoying life more. Thank you Dr. Ramni. I didn't have a clue of the system dynamics I was operating in until you share the knowledge with me. You are making a huge contribution to the understanding of self and relationships.. I hope you continue to write books. Wishing you the best, Barbara 'Djyani' from West Virginia.
I am very happy in my life of no contact. Not a single regret. For years (decades) she turned my entire family of origin into flying monkeys. Her big mistake was telling me I was dead to her. BUT now that I’ve made it clear to the narcissist that we can live nicely completely independently of each other, NOW she sends text messages (group messages) that appear thoughtful and sweet, NOW she won’t leave me out of her agenda and narrative. I don’t engage. But I do wish she would go away forever.
🤣😂🤣
I agree with everything that you have talked about on this topic! I admire and respect you Dr Ramani, you are a very logical and intelligent woman! I am taking your advice and it has greatly helped me! Dr Ramani, you remind me of my aunt, my fathers sister, who was a math teacher, guidance counselor, and she worked for an attorney when she retired, she was a very intelligent woman who was my mentor, along with my very smart father, and my grandmother, my fathers mother! Thank you so much for your help with this awful and disturbing subject! Thank you again I appreciate you!❣️
32 years. I’ve advanced to living on the second floor while he’s living on the main floor. Financially I can’t afford to leave until this house is renovated and sold. So for now at least I have my own space. It’s not always great but it’s better than nothing.
Unfortunately, I got revenge by becoming him. I did exactly what he did to me and then he played victim. While I don't have any regrets for teaching him a lesson, I wished I broke up and then made plans to leave. I'm in the midst of the smear campaign at the moment and still moving forward. I feel good about the great things coming my way yet still feel a sense of grief for all the time wasted, being lied to and having to rebuild from mental and financial damages as a result of staying in this toxic relationship.
Thank you, Dr. Ramani. I finally got to understand what was happening after listening to your videos. I have experienced narcissistic abuse for 34 years! I am trusting God for a new beginning.
The "battle fatigue." Oh my goodness. Finally recharged and reset. Took longer than expected. But, done. 💖
In the absence of justice, I am devastated. I wouldn't want harm to come to my father, I still love him. I only want people to see the truth and know that I'm not at all the person my father continues to make me out to be. No-contact amped up his attacks, no longer physical, but I've been squashed and estranged from my entire family. Losing my sisters, my nieces and nephews has been the most devastating outcome I could have imagined. I am angry that someone I cared for was able to hurt me and physically harm me to such an extreme extent and then continue to harm me from the distance of no-contact. When I've lost my entire family to lies, how do I let that go?
I'm really sorry this has happened to you... Being away from family is painful, but you can always find new people, a chosen family that is kind to you and allows you to grow and blossom. I know in the middle of the rage, this may not sound helpful, but I know from experience that is the only way to be truly free: It's not about justice, it's about your wellbeing, and the beauty of it, it's that it has nothing to do with your father, it only has to do with the things you want and decide for yourself. Sending you a lot of love, I hope you find some peace within your soul 🙏
Your birth family is not your only "family." My husband and I had to cut ours loose to save our child and have surrounded her with the family WE have created, not the ones we were born into.
After 13 years I've left my narcisistic bf and FINALLY able to be in my grown children's lives after all these years and trauma and drama I can say that ONLY YOUR VIDEOS and my therapist, and my kids being here for me is what made me strong enough to Begin ignoring our bond and enjoying living once again! I've been hidden away for so long that it's really scary but Dr Ramani has been holding my hand. Thank you doc! ❤
Over time as I continue along my healing journey and to keep moving forward, someday I will look back and realize what I learned from this painful experience. I also truly believe in my head and my heart that my ex at 60 years old won't ever heal. He thinks he's just fine as he is.
It sure makes Justice all the sweeter when it happens 😎⚖️😇
Agreed with Dr. R. on.."Nothing is wasted.."..It is ACTUALLY an EXCHANGED of one thing for another for the better or the worst.. It can only be proven with time's..👍 Dr. R. 💐..
Oh my gosh that's so true about vacations and holidays. Try to make them extra special and all they do is crap on you.
18 years out from divorcing my ex, I've just recently realized that only since I blocked him from contacting me entirely just over a year ago, has the real explosion begun. I know he's enraged: how DARE I refuse his calls or emails?!!! And his anger calms his underlying terror of the isolation he's brought on himself. One sick f__k.
I don't want revenge, just for my covert narcissistic ex to not act narcissistic. We share custody of our kids and she makes what is normal for others a punishment when things doesn't go her way. My journey is to accept that she is this way and not let her tantrums get to me. The hardest part is that to the outside world she is the sweetest person. I have seen first hand the mask go on/off. Seeing the instant change in facial expressions is scary once you know what is happening.
I don't want justice. I just want to be left alone
He left me and I'm heartbroken, but I now can meet someone who will really love me.
Amazon just announced that your book,It’s Not You, is 10 stops away!! Excited to read it!! I survived a 10 year, seven years married, to a narcissist.. ended in 2014. Devastating, I healed and did inner work on myself. Fast forward to now.. I just ended a 3+ year relationship with another one! I believe that my mother was narcissistic. I wish that you could be my therapist!! lol.. I have resolved to be alone and at peace ☮️!! Thank you for your content!❤
Dealing with the magnitude of the grief and recovery in realizing this relationship was nothing but a lie for decades is so heartbreaking! Thank you soooooooo much Dr Ramani for opening my eyes and validating the reality. Wow!!!❤. You have saved my mind and soul! Can’t thank you enough for your education and unequivocal support!!! I will listen to your words over & over! ❤️🥰❤️
My father is a narcissist, and sometimes I say to myself "yeah but he used to take us to vacations"... and when I look back at those vacations, I remember the yelling one hour before the photos were taken. The panic attacks I had when he would decide to get angry for nothing and hit the tables and the doors. The silent treatment when he would lose at board games, thinking everyone was against him… It was the same nightmare but with different landscapes 😂
Your channel helps me a lot to figure all out, thank you 🙏
You said it all in this video! You hit on everything I have been feeling and going through for the past 40-50 years of my life. Thank you so much for your enlightening advice!
OMG, the VERY FIRST 18 seconds of this video are so absolutely true! It’s as if you were there, because I didn’t know these things had names, and that OTHER people were doing the exact same things, and how do you know about my guilty feelings???
Narcissists make it difficult for me to trust any mortal.
The fact of injustice is never harder than in the family. U cant loose contact with all of them, neither with all the people who know u r their family member, their presence directly or through other people who will bring them up won't let u calm down.
It took me actually leaving my home state, where family Members were rampant to actually feel better and truly heal. Thankfully we weren't already a close family so I had no qualms about cutting everyone out. I think because I was already the scapegoat, and my siblings were already triangulated against me. So walking away I did grieve but more so like attending a funeral. I knew they were all still alive but they were dead to me. I had spent my formative years figuring everything out on my own too anyway, so I knew I could survive without them.
Figured out husband of 34 years is a malignant narcissist. Over the years, he has turned very physically & emotionally abusive. EVERYTHING you sate is as though you are stalking my like, just exactly how spot on you are!!!! It’s unbelievable- I believe it, just seems surreal.
You’re videos help me get out of the funk of blaming myself for having ever fallen for them. You give reason to my feelings and lets me move through them.
I survived a narcissistic father and enabling mother. At 50 I finally met a wonderful person. She survived a horrendously cruel mother and married a truly awful narcissist manchild. We are both nurses, she was accused of giving the wrong medication by another nurse, who had previously bullied her including physical assault. I witnessed this medication and so know it was a trap, but the hospital said they did not believe us as we are married and fired us both. Only she was reported to the nursing board and they also said they didnt believe us despite the prescence of my cosigning signature in the computer and gave her a punishment making it impossible for her to work. We had to leave the state to find work as coworkers called hospitals and told them what they thought we had done. Her narcissist golden child brother stole her inheritance and made it easy for her daughter to stay with him. Her ex husband has of course failed on every level and has enjoyed her suffering whilst continuingto fail to provide for their daughter. Divorce lawyers got her nothing and nursing lawyers got her nothing. There is no justice at all in this world.
Thank you Doctor for your pioneering efforts in this field! its not easy being in the forefront of such “discoveries” … but your work, and that of your colleagues, is truly changing lives for the better🙏much love to you all💖
"The grief and the ick are always there." ("Lol") But there IS hope and healing. ❤️🥲
Married to a narcissist for 20 years. Feel like i don't have financial security in spite of having a full time job. How do I achieve my financial security. All accounts are joint accounts and I don't have anything in just my name. I get up with nightmares whenever i try to think of exiting this relationship
suggestions pls
Start with an accountant that only you know about. Start to purchase gift cards with your groceries so that they show up as "grocery store purchase." Secretly store those cards to resell of needed or trade for cash products.
Open accounts in your name only at a diff bank. Same with Credit cards. Get a po box for these.
@@MM-xw1jm What if he comes to know about a separate bank account. How safe is it to keep the secret finances with a narcissist knowing how destructive they can be in ruining the family finances or my finances
Once again, so many words of wisdom that help me every time I watch a video, thank you Dr. Ramani
Ramani! Girl! You saved my life! NEVER doubt that.
"It is never too late to start Act 2." Thank you for that. Am in the process of leaving a 29-year-marriage that had become a nightmare. Videos like yours are a HUGE help in helping me stay clear-headed and determined.
Wow, so spot on with my relationship. Nothing was ever about me or the kids. I gave up who I was. Anything I wanted was pushed to the wayside. The comparison to old girlfriends, comments about how I seemed "nice" and "cared about him" was why he went out and married me. Years, and turmoil later, I look back and think, I was never really loved in a way that I wanted. Everything was about money and how he looked to others, and everything is always someone else's fault, etc. I've been finally putting a name to the behavior in the past year, i thought it was me and i was blowing things out of proportion, cuz everyone thinks he's wonderful, esp women. This is so eye opening and accurate.
Gosh this is so true. I’d almost rather not know the context of what was really happening. Because it does change how you view important and happy events.
My partner was texting his affair partner while I was in labor with our first child. Almost every major event of my adult life has a lie behind it.
When I ruminate now my focus is on my contributions to a better world no matter how small or insignificant to others. It’s the last part of my grief(I hope). Remembering all the good energizes me. Feeling a fulfilled life is important to me. The major narcs in my life are dead to me now. The remainder of my life on this earth is to enjoy a fulfillment of pleasant activities. It’s so calming. Allows me to participate in a meaningful life once again. I’ll not waste another thought on the narcs of this world. Thank you Dr. Ramani.
Not too long ago I saw a comment from someone stating their THIRTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER was a “narcissist.”
Oh. Dear. Gawd. Another kid growing up with a mommy dearest.
The only thing to do, unfortunately, is block and move forward.
Gosh, Dr. Ramani! You are a pearl! Thank you so much for all your insights and sharing. I love when you said and I may not be quoting accurately- It’s never too late for a second act. And to recycle what we’ve gone/going through in ways that can help us. Thank you Thank you Thank you
I was fortunate that I was able to vent and call them out, before it was too late . I have also seen karma descend into their lives, when they lost things that are important to them. I will never know when they have passed away, so that their is no further grieving. It is over! Now I can only use my wisdom, to make sure it never happens again.
20 years of therapy and I AM JUST LEARNING THIS!!!!???
I've realized that I have a photographic memory for the emotions of everyone in certain interactions. I've had conversations, thought nothing of them, played them back later with more attention and realized, "Ah. They're lying to me." And I know what they're lying about and why. It's like a massive middle-age power-up, brought on by an alchemy of natural empathy + the necessities of surviving decades of familial narcissistic abuse. The circumstances were unfortunate, but left me better trained than a Marine.
I’ve felt the yo-yo of the grief of what could have been what I thought it was and the reality of what I do have. The worst thing for me is o can see he doesn’t even know what he’s doing or done wrong. It’s not coming from a place of awareness. Dude thinks he knows it all, what he did how he can fix it and he can control himself. Even with me telling him the answers he still is clueless. It’s heartbreaking. Yes I think why can’t you just listen and move to were you will make it right. Then the awareness hits you. He can’t. He just can’t do it. And I have to let go for my own well being.
I’m on it but it’s f slow.
I'm so sorry that was your experience. It sounds like mine too. You've got this. Let's not keep feeling heartbroken any more. We are worth so much more. 🙏❤️🥰
What about leaving at 70 years old?
Never too late, better to run now and save yourself some quality time than stay and spend the rest of your life wondering “what if”
I left in late 60's. Life is too short. Now healthier, happier, coping better, relaxed.
Life is never fair. You are either born lucky or unlucky and so everything works for the lucky ( people with good parents or narcs themselves)and nothing works for the unlucky( scapegoats and invisible children).
Knowing my family set me up to be the target of every narc I ever met, not enough that THEY made my life hell , they doomed me to be the victim of every narc I ever met all my life til I finally learned what narcissists are in my late 50s. Too late . No justice in any interaction with every one of them. My life has been miserable and pointless except as the target and punching bag for these evil people.
I am sorry for you that you see yourself as a permanent victim. That perspective takes your own power away. Life is always about the choices we make and no one is born 'lucky' or 'unlucky'. One may be born with advantages (rich family, loving and kind) or the opposite. At one point, we become responsible for ourselves, learn hard lessons and learn to make better decisions within our own unique lives. Obviously there is more to life than this paragraph...but the decisions we make are what shift the directions, little by little, in our lives.
@@misottovoce you have no idea of what my life has been like, so stick your opinion up your a%##. When you have been in my shoes you can judge.
I was just reading a little about narcissists being more likely to be involved in politics
Ty for this content, it makes perfect sense for what one learns in a narc relationship. I am grateful for my resilience over those 24 yrs & I do know without a doubt there would have been nothing I could have done.
It is a mental disorder & not mine any longer.