Becoming WHOLE again AFTER BETRAYAL
Вставка
- Опубліковано 26 вер 2024
- ORDER MY NYT BESTSELLING BOOK 📖 "IT'S NOT YOU"
smarturl.it/no...
JOIN MY HEALING PROGRAM
doctor-ramani....
JOIN THE DR. RAMANI NETWORK
www.drramanine...
GET INFO ABOUT MY UPCOMING PROGRAM FOR THERAPISTS
forms.gle/1RRU...
SIGN UP FOR MY MAILING LIST
forms.gle/Bv9G...
LISTEN TO MY NEW PODCAST "NAVIGATING NARCISSISM"
Apple Podcasts: podcasts.apple...
Spotify: open.spotify.c...
Stitcher: www.stitcher.c...
iHeart Radio: www.iheart.com...
DISCLAIMER: THIS INFORMATION IS FOR EDUCATIONAL PURPOSES ONLY AND IS NOT INTENDED TO BE A SUBSTITUTE FOR CLINICAL CARE. PLEASE CONSULT A HEALTH CARE PROVIDER FOR GUIDANCE SPECIFIC TO YOUR CASE. THIS VIDEO DISCUSSES NARCISSISM IN GENERAL.
THE VIDEO DOES NOT REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AND SHOULD NOT BE USED TO REFER TO ANY SPECIFIC PERSON, AS HAVING NARCISSISM. PERMISSION IS NOT GRANTED TO LINK TO OR REPOST THIS VIDEO, ESPECIALLY TO SUPPORT AN ALLEGATION THAT THE MAKERS OF THIS VIDEO BELIEVE, OR SUPPORT A CLAIM, THAT A SPECIFIC PERSON IS A NARCISSIST. THAT WOULD BE AN UNAUTHORIZED MISUSE OF THE VIDEO AND THE INFORMATION FEATURED IN IT.
STEPS TO GET “Healing and Thriving after Narcissistic Abuse: The Many Voices” FOR FREE:
STEP 1: PRE-ORDER DR. RAMANI’S NEW BOOK
“It's Not You: Identifying and Healing from Narcissistic People”
All retailers accepted
**Only orders of HARD copies and E-BOOKS are eligible for this coupon. Audiobook orders are NOT eligible
STEP 2: VERIFY YOUR PURCHASE
Complete THIS FORM to verify your purchase.
forms.gle/moyBqz33XAdcmsZ5A
Once you complete this form, we will get you your coupon code within 12 hours (most likely MUCH sooner
- we will also send instructions about how to access the series)
Have a question about how to verify?
Email us at assistant@doctor-ramani.com
😁Ordered your book YESTERDAY!🎉😁🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼😁😁😁🎉🎉🎉
Dr. Ramani, I love your work! I attended this workshop and watched your interview with Dr. Freyd. The statements about we empaths, codependents…whatever we are labeled… simply loving lifted my shame. I realized the love that I gave during my nearly 5-year relationship with a narcissist was taken for granted and there is nothing for me to be ashamed of. I will, however, continue to educate myself in identifying “unsafe people” so as to avoid another abusive relationship like this moving forward. Thank you for educating us!
Which is the book of hers that I should start with? I'm still in the abuse due to financial devastation
@@cherdangelo2993 Should I Stay or Should I Go? Surviving A Relationship With A Narcissist. I preordered her new book as well.
No, it's not ramblong doc!
It's knowing you were were never truly loved.That in itself is betrayal.
The truth is that they do actually feel love for you, but they don't have the object constancy to sustain in it. It may be real in the moment, but when you not there, it's like you never existed.
@AmandaHugenkiss96 I don't think they have the slightest understanding of love or the ability to feel it. They're all excited because you're a new source of supply and they love bomb, as Dr. Ramani sayes. Then they suddenly get distracted, treat.you cruelly, and run on to someone else.
It is devastating to realize there was no love in the 1st place. It makes you feel used, inhuman, not capable of being loved, entirely lost and alone.
The sad thing is the narcissist probably was raised without love so he/she has not experienced love and therefore does not know how to love. Their entire lives are loveless and they hurt the very ones who would love to shower love upon them for the first. They don’t know what to do or how to act. So many people hurt who were created for love. Sad!
@@katiedid8192 Some narcissist maybe, but there's also tons of them that grew up in loving households. Most of that stuff about their childhoods is just a way for them to rationalize their selfishness and abuse.
WooooW!
It’s falling in love with someone that never existed I find the hardest part. It almost seems pointless but hurts so much. The way their mask falls when they no longer need you is shocking. They go from almost obsessed to stone cold. That betrayal is harsh.
I’m going through the exact same thing I’m completely devastated. I’m finding it hard to believe. I’m not even sure how to feel now. Can’t get u out of my head. It’s so surreal like it’s not happening to me …second time it happened to completely different people SMH
Genuine Psychopath!
Absolutely
@user-ls3 Take care of yourselfjc5fw5n
Powerful! So true!!
The funny thing is, Betrayal never comes from your enemies.
WOW! That just blew my mind.
Isn't it funny how a few simple words strung together in particular way can have so much impact.
🤔 Pretty much an obvious statement deduced by the definition as well as the nature of betrayal.
@youngblood8540 , yup , the dagger in the back is excruciating!😢
Because betrayal actually requires the initial exchange of trust.
That's kind of like saying it's funny that the rain only falls from the sky, and doesn't come up through the ground.
Here it is 6 years later, after my separation from a clinically diagnosed malignent narcissist with a sexual addiction and addiction to adrenalin highs, and I am finally starting to emerge from my cocoon. It's been a tough process, but it is possible to heal. I have many triggers but I recognize what they are and quickly remove myself from the situation. My prayer is for you who are suffering. Please love yourself enough to leave. It took 34 years for me to decide it was either stay with him and die a slow death from the inside out, or get the devil out of my life. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much. I left.
Their betrayal is devastating and feels like being swept away by a tide. We're not the same anymore.
The betrayer couldn't touch your beautiful soul .❤
I agree
That's true and it's sad. That's why I'm subscribed to Dr Ramani's channel. Her advice helps a lot. God bless her. Amen.
same here.❤
@@Greenawareness188 🎯Exactly!
They never admit they betrayed you
“We are never responsible for our own betrayal”
What I would like to admit, is that you’re never responsible how someone reacts, if someone gets angry it’s their way to see something
That is the best quote. Thank you. ❤
Not true...I ignored red flags and betrayed myself by staying.
@@neen9438 you cared/loved that person, it’s ok that you “wouldn’t” see what is around you
@jennifergodwin29 I’ve definitely struggled with this because I felt there was little signs I ignored and if I had been more conscious I would have saved myself so much pain
My husband of 33 years, pretending to be a family man, ran a church, was living a whole double life of the worse kind that I knew nothing about. It's the element of being blindsighted that is trauma betrayel.
😢
i realized one day i was getting weighed down by carrying shame that belonged to someone else.
@@mariajames-thiaw5797THIS.
I have been tangled up and suffocating in the unfortunate trauma web my husband grew up in and brought into our marriage (unbeknownst to me).
I, too, brought a tangled web in, but -not to sound biased, just honest- mine was not nearly as cruel and toxic. Yes, we have both been up to terrible coping strategies, but I have been working on mine for years, and he knew of mine when we got married. Theeeeres a big detail there.
@Karenellisbrown8169
It has to be the ultimate betrayal; to think that you have a honorable husband in the Lord, but he turns out to be the complete opposite. A supposed “man of the cloth”, and he turns out to be, basically, a devil or evil spirit. The betrayal is a double whammy to the spouse of a pastor.
Someone once reminded me during an especially difficult time that God loved me, that I was light and that I was love. and never to forget that. I share that with you tonight. Keep moving forward, sister and try not to look back, only continue to walk into a brighter future!
🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Walk in the eternal light of the Lord
I’m screwed. Both my parents were narcissistic and even psychopaths, my two siblings also turned out like that. This pattern has followed me my whole life also with friends and boyfriends.
I am definitely a survivor. I’m broke now but after all I’ve broke the pattern just by becoming a psychologist, having a bachelor degree in comparative literature together, yoga teacher and all the other courses I took to educate myself. They have nothing. But not only that - I manage to stay sane and empathetic and loving and LONGING FOR LOVE MORE THAN ANYTHING AS I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN LOVE. Even though I’m alone and I’ve been alone my whole life, God was with me. I never became evil and vicious. It’s a miracle.
That’s amazing! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 you didn’t let’em make you ugly ❤
You took your life back. Excellent job!❤
Me too. My family was like a horror story and I've spent my adult life striving to re - raise myself. College degrees, self improvement books, psychotherapy, classes, studying Carl Yung and individuation. I used to be a yoga instructor too! But alas, I've always ended up with narcissistic friends and relationships. Just like my family. Don't know how to break that curse. All my studying has helped me to understand and comprehend, but it ultimately doesn't change. I bounce between depression and hate-filled anger. The latter is unbearable. Being alone is a relief. People are exhausting. Their outsides don't match their insides and it is always instantly obvious to me. It is draining to have to play dumb. But would be cruel to tell them I'm on to them.
@@patriciaberliner8050 good luck and mute the notifications from the people who don’t value you. They aren’t worth the time. You should be proud of yourself.
@patriciaberliner8050 I would love to have a connection with you! I have a very similar experience. My whole life has been filled with narcissists, and relationships with them are incredibly painful and abusive. My mother, husband, and friendships. It's hard to stay positive, but I'm working on healing. Please reach out if you'd like to.
I never thought in a million years I was sleeping with the enemy
Ouch 😢
The pain is TOO much to bear!!!!!
Oh so True 🤣
I'm working on my coherent narrative.
I need to provide my coherent narrative to my daughter and sons and listen to them, helping them develop their own. I believe that they deserve the option of not engaging in the same behavior or being the victim of the same behavior.😢😅😮❤
If you would dupe or betray a person who trusts you, that doesn't have anything to do with them being a fool. It means that they trusted you more than you deserved to be trusted.
I don't think it would be possible for me to like this comment enough. They think they are so clever and smart because our trust in them created openings they could exploit to do us harm, but trusting another person is totally about being vulnerable to them, trusting that they won't take advantage of you in bad ways. We were doing what we were supposed to be doing if we had been fortunate enough to be with good, healthy people - the type of people who don't betray trust like that. That they betrayed our trust shows something seriously wrong with them. Sadly. 🙁
@@CarolinaCarolina-ph9mx Yes. I think at the very least, it's a problem in their character and moral compass. Or, it's a deeper, more serious inner defect. Especially if they get enjoyment from duping others.
Which means they were a fool. You gave the definition
I’ve been betrayed by so many in such harsh ways that when I come across a kind stranger for a brief moment, I eventually wind up tearing up. So embarrassing.
me too
But then you're vulnerable all over again.....
So sorry for you
Yep, or my insecurities accidentally slip out and the stranger is confused why I feel this way. Like I thought I was hideously ugly. When I took my pic for my ID badge for work. And I jokingly said I hated it and that I was horrible looking. They were seriously looking confused and saying what?! Why do you think that that pic is beautiful.
When you’ve traumatised by almost every person that has been close to you starting with family, friends, and almost every parent, it breaks your inner views on the world. Don’t get me wrong evil people far exceeds the good, but when you do come across that one good person, you feel like they see you and that they are not going to hurt you in some way
It's beautiful you can still see the good in others. It doesn't have to be a liability if you do the hard work in learning how to set and firmly hold boundaries because you deserve to have your goodness protected
You are such an angel to those who have gone through this! Mine started in infancy , I tried to get help to no avail. I am now 70, the only way to feel safe is to be alone. I appreciate you so much!❤
Also me and I am now 70. No way am I letting them win by not being me and seeing other people. I just get rid of the ones who are rubbish really early these days, if I recognise it early enough. If I suspect them I test them with something only a narcissist would do in response, sorts them out nicely. There are nice people out there what have you got to lose by trying, so you’ll be on your own again, and you are okay with that anyway. ❤
35 here thanks to Dr Ramani I started to notice the patterns and I'm still co depending on the toxic ones but at least I don't have as many negative thoughts and moods... Getting free 1% every day
I'm 44 and that's the way I feel already
I am alone it's lonely!!!
Me 2 @ 65 just fine alone & done with intimate relationships
Emotional affairs hurt as much as a physical affair.
This is what some people don't understand. The pain is real.
Trust and loyalty is the rock we stand on in relationships. Betrayal is like having the ground under your feet disappear ... After they told you it was rock solid... And you gets blamed for it.
The ground falls from beneath your feet and the person you loved most laughs as you fall.
I left my family behind many years ago. Healthiest move I ever made.
I agree it’s the behaviour that’s betrayal. I can’t stand it when ‘life coaches’ and social media ‘gurus’ talk about oh it’s how you respond to an event that is the trauma. It’s like uh no, it’s not my ‘response’ , it’s their harmful behaviour. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
In a religious school we were taught there would not be a fight if we didn’t respond. This didn’t seem right but the turn the other cheek thing was put in front of you. I finally saw this as a lazy adult’s way to avoid the person who started the problem in the first place. It’s easier for them to handle a teachable cooperative person than the initiator who ignores the rules. I learned to hold back my response not because I thought I was morally superior than the rule breaker but because I didn’t want to be like them. You might take some blows that you shouldn’t behave had to take but you have your identity and integrity.
Nobody can MAKE YOU unhappy, angry, afraid, incompetent, without your permission. You are in control of your response/reaction, etc. I felt the way you do, but in time, realized your response is the only thing you can control. Don't be like them. Know who you are; be happy, confident, content, and you won't be triggered by the narc's behavior. They are sad/broken human beings and I think most are physically or psycologically harmed and they cannot change their behavior. Pity them. Don't rage at them like they rage at others. When you act like your enemy, you become what they are. The only way to eliminate your enemy, is to make them your friends..... and you know what your enemy is going to do; so keep a keen eye on your friends. Choose who you want to be.
Now that you mention it isn’t ’turn the other cheek’ the best advice when dealing with a Narcissist I.e. cut off supply ? Let God be judge and jury in his own good time. Hold your breath to ‘cool your porridge ’ and pray. 😂 🙏
Sad,that there are people who can lie without blinking.
Betrayal by a parent is so destabilizing. We have to find a way to take the life that was always meant to be ours. We don't belong to anyone. This is our life and I finally know I don't have to feel guilty for living it. Thank you. ❤
❤
🎯💯👀✅🅿️🔥👍🤔
🍃🌳💜
The lying and especially the GASLIGHTING is maddening. I questioned myself and every word and every step I took until I learned what gaslighting was.
After betrayal, I am literally a shell of myself. How I wish that I could find a virtual support group.
Years ago I told a friend while going through workplace abuse, "I feel like a shell of my former self". Totally agree.
@@Notthecopyan online SAnon group might be helpful to you
The first betrayal...presenting themselves as normal.
Yes, that is a brilliant observation, so TRUE!!!!
My first word for Betrayal was, "Violation" (of trust.) It's shocking, deeply painful and mind-blowing. I came home and found out that my live-in boyfriend had moved out secretly without one word, right after we had signed a year lease together on a one-bedroom apt. He didn't care that I couldn't afford it by myself, or that my worst fear was to become homeless. If that wasn't enough of a punch in the gut, I also found his scathing 7-page letter telling me all the things he didn't like about me. (Very courageous - he couldn't tell me any of this in person.) I had to rent out the bedroom and sleep in my living room to survive that year. It's funny but when I saw the empty apartment, my first thought was, "We've been robbed." But then I realized it was just his stuff that was gone, and my second thought was, "I'm sure he did me a big favor." He did.
"The duties of a parent are to keep a child safe, loved, nurtured, seen, heard. That's the duties! And if a parent isn't doing that, then they are not fulfilling the responsibilities of that relationship." Exactly!
For some people it's 2 steps forward one step back.
For people who attract narcissists, it's 1 step forward 3 steps back. It seems like there everywhere.
When I became an adult I knew what behaviors/signs to be aware of because of the trauma in my childhood. I vowed to never let anyone "railroad" me ever again. I stand up to those who harm me or others. Those who are harmful don't like being called out. After calling them out I ask them to leave me or the victim alone, forever. Don't allow anyone who is harmful into your space, it is harmful to your health. Betrayal is hard to overcome because it is from with-in and is usually a trusted person in your circle. Unless they take accountability and are genuinely remorseful... I do the same thing and call them out. The message is the same "Stay away and don't come back into my life."
I know how you feel. Every morning I have to create reasons to rise up !
They are everywhere, yup it's hard to get up and begin each day✌
Yes. It's on the system
They are everywhere.
It's estimated that they are 1/6th of the population.
It's almost as though narcissism is not a disorder, but a common personality style.
Trust me, the damage you'll do to yourself and others by not leaving is much worse than leaving after the first time
Betrayal is like pouring a bucket load of salt into a wound caused by someone else. The ability of people to do such despicable acts of cruelty to another person and then denies all accountability leaves the betrayed person in even worse life changing horrific circumstances that others will not believe or see, further invalidating the betrayed person and nobody cares at all.
Betrayal feels like that person you love just wiped all the shit off their feet on you.
Well said.
But why they are bullies we have a heart ♥
Being born into a family with a narcissistic father and covert narcissistic mother, it has been a long road. The most painfful of all the betrayals was my only child. It took me over 30 years to accept he did not love me and had been acting. Then after 4-6 months, during which time neither he nor my grandchildren called me, I had a small heart attack from grief. I've given up a lot, grieved my losses, figured it out and have healed most of it! I'm proud to be a survivor!
Going through it with my son. He estranged with my little granddaughter, and I don’t even know how to locate him. And no, I don’t have any personality disorders. Just a mom grieving deeply.
I, too just had a heart attack related to grief from my son dying 2 1/2 months ago. My daughter who is in & out of my life. , walked out as soon as my son was pronounced dead , wouldn’t help spread his ashes… nothing .l didn’t see her again despite my begging after the death until l was brought into the ER this week due to the heart attack & because she was my emergency contact the hospital called her. She works in the same hospital. She is a PA there. She came by for a few minutes…. left… told her l had no one to feed my cat… said sorry… said l am leaving in the morning to go on trip for 5 days. I had to get an Uber to drive me home from the hospital upon discharge.She is the last family member l have left. She has to be narcissistic, right???💔 l feel like she betrayed me & my deceased son because while he was on life support she told him if he was ready to give up, it would be ok because she would take care of me! Am l out of my mind with grief or is she betraying us in a huge way. No offer to stock fridge with groceries… pick up Rx’s…. zero 💔😢
You are a SURVIVOR!!!!
Ugh! And here I thought people in MY life sucked balls! Jeez! I guess it really can get worse.
Yes! Live your life without abuse.
I am 82 years old and my life could be another book for you on life and consequences of life after a chronic narcissistic marriage, I've thought of writing a book on betrayal that is over the top, but I don't know how. Listening to you has hit home so closely, I wish you had been around when I was going through it. After leaving my 1st marriage I almost ruined my own life and it didn't stop for over 50 years. I'm so glad you are warning everyone now. You are amazing, and I thank you for what you have taught me.
My story is very long as well. I’m now realizing 58 years later that my high school love chose to betray me as he followed his dreams but never gave me up to this day although we each married others. I’ve allowed him to be comfortable with his one or two sentimental calls a year. I’m putting a stop to it and wish to God I’d done it years ago.
Write your book and get peace. There is helpful information on who to write on the internet.
I hate that this pain is so unbearable I want to unalive myself to stop the pain. She kept asking to be in my life. All while breaking my spirits and boundaries and lying and gaslighting. She kept making me feel like I was the sole reason why we couldn’t make things work, when in reality she’s was the reason we couldn’t work. Everytime her lies, double life, would catch up to her she would gaslight me into thinking it was my fault. All I was ever guilty of was loving her. She made me feel like the worst person ever.
Relating! ❤
Please see a therapist to help you!! I'm seeing one now for the past 3.5 years
Relating❤ I’m struggling too!
You will not always feel this low.
Pure projection ❤️🩹
I just want to be able to emotionally regulate. I wanna go back to that person who is sure of who they are. He violated my very being!
My narcissistic ex didn't cheat or mess with my money. He definitely betrayed me though - he future faked so skillfully that I believed him with my entire heart. I wanted to be loved so badly that i believed all of the love bombing with my entire soul. He absolutely betrayed me because he lied to me. And yes, it's ABSOLUTELY trauma.
Betrayal by your own children when they side with the narc is horrific. Was all for absolutely nothing
This is my struggle. It's with me always, its inescapable. Triggers are everywhere. I'm about ready to confess all. I have cancer, I won't die without having the truth said weather they believe it or not. This one is for me. How do you cope?
I experienced this and I blame myself because how can my kids respect me when I don’t respect myself being so week after he left and said he wasn’t in love with me. Ive never been so broken this has definitely made fall to me knees. I haven’t still to this day made sense of things after 20 years he, my husband decides he no longer wants to be with me. I know my kids want me to be strong and move on but I have never been more insecure I’m just crushed never expected to be betrayed by someone who vowed to always love and care for me.
I understand the feeling. So painful!
It's been Horrific...the devestatinf fall out to the family and our youngest child who loved her so much. The entire family
I so agree, am there 😢
Happy birthday to your mom
So many people are so broken. Life is not fair. You learn to survive and thrive the best you can.
You never lose friends, you only gain strangers. My heart aches for all of us who had to find this out.
But those true friends you will never lose.
I lost 2 sisters. C'est la vie.
You gain strangers 😖💔
Yes
Going through it right now..😢
Taking care of myself; depending on God!❤
God is the answer! Im sure He warned us of these people… there were red flags but we walked don the wrong path! 😔🙌🏻🙏🏻
I feel betrayal way beyond a lie_ it is TREASON...and hurts deeply
The same French word 'trahison' is used for 'betrayal' and 'treason'.
@EvelynBenmergui1
It is treason too when social services uses public state funding to pay those who betray children and parents as their vulnerable victims in juvenile court. These attorneys paid by governmental departments of children and families with public money, so it's treason as a state matter when attacking and betraying vulnerable innocent civilians.
Betrayal:his cheating, lying, getting the friends and family to all lie to me for him, as well.
Thank you for saying being screamed at is a betrayal. I have expressed this before to family members who yell and they don’t get it. Total violation of trust and well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Only someone that has gone through this will be able to understand the damage. Thank you for sharing your experience of having trust issues. It validates your teachings.
In narcissistic families, we get habituated to accept blame for things other people do. Until we heal this distorted thinking and the deep wounds it creates, we are very vulnerable to further narcissistic abuse.
In November I experienced something very traumatizing that made me incapable of falling asleep without the lights on and a background sound that reminds me that I´m safe. I had already started watching your youtube videos during Covid, since they were helping me make sense of the relationship I was in and had been in for 7 years already. Your videos helped me understand and ultimately get out. :) Since I had been watching your videos, they have now become the soothing background sound so I can feel safe and fall asleep. I just want to thank you for the work you do. It has made such a difference in my life.
I understand the background noise thing. I have something going almost 24/7 now. Keeps me from too much "thinking" about everything. And I'm learning so much I missed learning earlier in life.
I hope you are ok. It's very difficult after a relationship with a narcissist. There are many of us going through that and have had similar trauma related experiences like you have. Its just your brain trying to make sense of it all. Be kind to and patient with yourself.
I do this too. Dr Ramani's soothing tones and reassuring message really helps.
I needed to learn why I got caught up in it. I went from narc parents to narc partners, married one, had kids, escaped, felt bad so I gave him the house, ended up with another one. I've had to create an identity from scratch, I've never had one, never had needs cos my needs have never been met, so I do need to examine that relationship. I am only starting to live at the age of 59. Thank you for your videos.
Before watching this, I could only think of one betrayal. But now... I realize I have been betrayed by all my narcissists in my life.... all of them.... and it has shaped me gravely.
Wow!
Same!
Jesus gave me faith back.Hes just so loving.He was there for me.id pray my pain everyday 🎉❤
He healed me!
The devils touch is permanent. There is no healing from it but rather learning how to cope with it & move on
This is so true ❤
The Devil is the first Narcissist.
Not true Jesus can heal it and fix it Only way to heal from that
I understand what you mean for sure.
We can still heal with God who is ever-permanent and always more ever-powerful than the devil. Much Love and Light to you💞🌞🙏🏼😇🕊️💫
My narc ex has never known his why, refusing to recognise the devil in his life that caused it all. I tend to face problems and their causes head-on and deal with them if I possibly can, and he thought this was just a terrible thing to do.
This video really hit hard. I was the problem child who was scapegoated, thrown to the wolves by my own parents. I was brainwash to think their betrayals were all my fault, their failed marriage and anything else that they didnt want to take responsibility for. I grew up trained to fix and serve, never to have a self, its how I survived hell, how dare I have a voice. They let me live ...
When I think of the word betrayal my first thought is "deception." Because those who betray you are usually the people you would never expect to, the ones you hold closest, and that is why it hurts so much. It also makes you doubt if you really knew them at all. It can make you doubt everything about your relationship with them.
Edited for spelling :p
Yes definitely 'deception'
and, I think,
'disappointment'
:(
Pathological Liars was the first thing I looked up on the internet.
Wishing great health and longevity to Mom and the entire family. ✌️🥳
You too Mr. Bot
@@Lencaleena Sending warm hugs 🤗 from Los Angeles. - Priscilla
I have looked at this entire relationship now as a learning experience. Not only did I learn what kind of evilness is in this world, but also that I was deceived into sleeping with the enemy. No contact is not only for our sanity, but also for your safety. Protect yourself against hoovers. That is when they are pissed that they couldn't take us down the first time. You can watch all the true crime shows and see bits of them in the ones that come back years later and murder people. They can't let go because they have no sense of time.
That's so healthy
Betrayal sadness was dismayed that one you loved didn't care😮
Growing up with Narcissistic parents, getting into relationships with narcissists, I always blame myself for being betrayed. Thank you so much for this episode, Dr Ramani! “I didn’t do the betraying.”
They have psychic issues - why do you blame yourself for that. They are not sane - so you sure are not guilty at all.
I feel the same! My parents were/are narcissists and every guy I've been with was too! I didn't realize my husband was until recently... I injured my ankle and had to have surgery... that's when he was done with me... told me he no longer loved me and that I wasn't good enough for him.... I started seeing all the things that I had been blind to for years... it's still hurts though
A narc is betraying you before you first say hello...
🤯 profound & TRUE!!!!
To me betrayal occurs when two people stop being emotionally vulnerable with each other. There is a point in every narcissistic relationship subtly shuts down and shuts you out between lovebombiny and devaluing.
That subtle shift and shutdown between the lovebombing and the devalue to me is the betrayal. That is what makes love bombing so nefarious imo.
You’re amazing. You helped me through not only dealing with my mother years ago who is a covert narcissist, but helping me help my father a few years ago with his divorce from her following my eldest brother’s suicide. My eldest brother literally and figuratively pulled the trigger that FINALLY allowed me, my father, and another brother to reclaim our lives. You gave me the clarity and validation of what I have known, watched, and experienced since I was a little girl. I’m now 57. You are a big reason why I am still here and able to heal. You are the reason I finally love myself and no longer question my reality. My own children have benefitted from this clarity. God bless you, Dr. Ramani.
Betrayal=something owed to or belonging to one is given away away to someone with no right to it.
This is perfectly said. After a 24 year relationship and 3 beautiful girls, the relationship endured many betrayals, lies, future faking etc. At this time I had never heard the word narcissist. He met a Prostitute and began an exclusive romantic relationship with her. She now gets all of his earnings for phone sex and sex talk although she is in another country and his children are now totally neglected while he transfers money to her on a weekly basis and at the same time tells them he has no money. This is so painful after he continues to say to his children how much he loves them. I held true to the relationship and was so surprised to know all the things I discovered he was doing over the years. How could someone be this awful?? 😮😮 I am deflated and I feeling helpless because I am not employed and do not have any means of income. Today is my first daughter's birthday 🎉 and it is so hard. So yes what is owed or belongs to his children is now going to someone who i think has no right to it. Betrayal indeed
And Im getting better at noticing what my body"s
telling me.🎉
So easy to feel responsible when the immediate response from society is to make you feel responsible. There is that deeply held part of the human psyche that turns to victim blaming. It's even in our adages: "What did I/she/he do to deserve that? Must have done something wrong" and "it must be karma from a former life," and so on.
When people put the responsibility/blame of us being betrayed onto our shoulders and not onto the shoulders of those who committed those actions of betrayal
My wife had started spinning lies to our whole social group that I was abusing her well before I finally got the nerve to say I want a divorce. It's been 18 months, she still won't move out, I've lived in front of cameras 24/7 to protect myself from false assault charges, and she still won't move out. The fact that she spends 90% of the time with a "mutual friend" at his place, because she started dating him early last year. This guy was at our wedding. I knew him before she did. Yet I'm the social leper because of her lies, and will probably be alone until I die, while they both have been embraced as a couple by the entire group of people I thought were my friends.
I can relate. I lost all of my school friends.
Too bad and very sorry for you. It looks like most of your so-called friends and associates are “ Flying MonKeys. By Amelia
You move out
Sell the house and move.
Have you talked to a lawyer?
So many betrayals and the level of cruelty is astounding.
He portrays himself on social media as such a supportive and spiritual person with focus on fitness.
We would hike together occasionally and I was never fast enough, or good enough when all I wanted was to enjoy the journey.
He convinced me to go on a 17 mile hike. It was my first time doing that amount of miles and at a fast pace. The last 5 miles were hard. I ran out of water and my legs were exhausted. I asked him for water and he denied that to me saying I should have planned better. The switchback at the end was difficult and my legs were failing. He left me there. I had embarrassed him. I was devastated that I would have to maneuver through this by myself. As my leg muscles were trembling and the lack of water added to my insecurities to be able to make it down the mountain and another 4 miles to go.
I made it down but had to call for help once I was at the bottom.
I was delivered home by EMT and he ignored me for a month after. Continuing to punish me for embarrassing him.
This was supposed to be the person whom I could trust and count on. Clearly it was never reciprocated. Clearly not the persona he portrays on social media.
Geeze, that was absolutely rotten of him. I hope you ended that friendship, if you could call it that.
OMG! Do you realize you could have died?
To think that I was told that people who have first-hand experience overcoming an issue (ie. narcissistic abuse, anxiety) couldn't make good therapists. What a lie I was told! Thank you, Dr. Ramani for sharing this invaluable information.
I’ve watched this video 3 times but I finally heard you Dr Ramani “stop making it about them how did it impact you?” I stopped the video to think about it. Thank you…
Its been 10 years, he is getting married to his rich girl now, and I still feel like it was yesterday
😢
I’m on my long road of healing and one of the most helpful things (aside from finding Dr. Ramani), was making a friend who also suffers from narc abuse. Having a close friend who gets it and can validate your experience is incredibly healing! Going it alone it extremely hard because its so easy to second guess yourself. Narcissism is at epidemic levels and has poisoned our political system, work environments, schools, and so much more! Its so important to find someone who gets it!
You two are lucky to have each other! It is a lonely path I am walking toward healing.
❤❤
Yes it is. Just beware of covert narcs who pretend to be that.
Betrayl is the most hurtful and harmful thing that can happen to a man or woman. Words cannot express the heart break you feel.
It was so devastating that I just completely shut down for years. He is now deceased...Thank God!
Over and done now.
“Hurt” is the first word I think of when I think of betrayal.
*Happiest birthday ever, mother Ramani. you deserve all the world!* ❤
I watched your topics on narsistic behavior a year ago while dating one, i didn't distance myself. And now a nother year has come. Now I found out two months ago that he's seeing my 70+ Year old Mother he's 52 and I'm 45 and I know now to Walk away he said I wasn't being honest with myself with no emotions and continue to see her.
I have been betrayed so much by close important people in my life I feel constantly angry and don’t really trust anyone. But learning to mange that and harness it all for my greater good to focus on my life and well being. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
Betrayal feels like a gut punch and then unable to catch a breath.
Betrayal - deeply wounded
What a magnificent statement! “We Are Never Responsible For Our Own Betrayal.” This mantra is distilled to a core essence, the truth, and the emotional freedom, we give ourselves on our path of perpetual improvement. WOW! If words can be a magic wand that works in reality, then Dr Ramani you have just shared another golden nugget of wisdom. Our lives are richer bc of you. Thank you Dr Ramani you are one in a million! 🎉💜😎
Its a fine line between not blaming self yet taking responsiblity to healing ones self and seeing why you didn't see it to preventing it in the future.
happy birthday Mama Ramani.
Starting to be my old self after being separated for almost 6 months but i'm still seeking love and affection like never before and i finaly realized why. I was never truly loved by anyone. Most of my ex's had Narcs behaviours, my 15 years wife is a covert, my mother and her family all narcs, my father and grand mother never showed love or affection...took me 46 years to realize it and it hit hard. I guess i wasn't born to be loved by anyone so i took the decision to stay single for the rest of my life. it's the only sure way i can't be abuse and manipulated and betrayed again over the cost of being love even if i crave it.
This is sad. I know it's hard to trust again but instead of becoming a hermit you can learn how to read people better and find empaths who will love you for who you are.
Learn to love and trust yourself,be good to you. I've heard and am starting to believe healing is possible when you love yourself first. I'm one year free from him but still working on the voice in my head slow going but vi will get there. I'm so worth it and you all are as well. Sending you all airhugs o f positive loving energy
The hardest thing that I live with every day is the EMOTIONAL cheating my Partner committed with another woman. Even if he didn't sleep with her, it hurts like hell. 🍒
How fortunate you have a supportive mom. Many of us had mommy dearests who couldn’t even meet the parenting standards set by wild animals. Despicable excuses for “mothers.”
My ex husband betrayed me time and time again. I was blamed for his lying and betraying every time. I remember screaming at him for gaslighting me and to stop the BS. He turned that on me by accusing me of being suspicious to the point of paranoia and that I drove him to seek solace with other women.
Total head phuck. 🤯
Happy birthday mummy!
May you live long to celebrate many years to come.
Amen!
Dr. Ramani, thank you so so much for expressing and exposing all the many specific LAYERS of narcissistic betrayal, the multiple levels of hurt upon hurt! Revealing that this actually happens helps us realise we’re not going crazy because we don’t know where to start. We’re not going crazy when we can’t explain it because other people are going through this too and therapists as you can see it, identify it and call it out as a real thing
Happy Birthday to your mom! She did an amazing job as a mother and I'm happy to hear she made it to this beautiful year! God bless! 🤍
I look back after spending 27 total years of what I thought was “everything” only to find out I wasn’t… he was a narcissist, wanted a divorce after our last one left for college…. I have been alone for 15 plus years and will never believe in love again … it’s a daily torment, I have never felt worthy of love since 💔
Try to love yourself, it's the only way to live in peace.
@@SaystheTruth3 I use to..I thought I had so much to give, to offer.. people would want to be around me… but now (and please I’m not asking for pity) I know I’m miserable to be around… my whole life was a lie, trauma starting at age 10, and then thinking I found someone I would live this journey with…. I’ve never felt worthy since… the years after retirement were supposed to be watching grandbabies and showing them how to garden.. I know it sounds so stupid, but to know another person can shatter your whole self being is like walking on a glass ground everyday…. I will never understand 💔
@@Jaded57 I'm so sorry ❤️ life isn't fair..
The first word that comes to mind when i hear 'betrayal' is discard
In fact that is not betrayal - that is the only truth. (Think about it)...
@@IsabellaPiesch Not if they were future faking which is likely
@skylergrey8655 In fact the whole relationship with them is a betrayel... The discard is the only truth!
@@IsabellaPiesch I kind of get what you are saying. But even the discard isn't the truth. They don't want to leave you and stay gone. They want to extract supply by the suffering it causes and then re-engaging with what to them is more control. So, even the discard is not the truth..... I think 🤔...although it is normally inevitable
@grey8655 In my case he had no other chance because really I lost it (cheating was the cream on the cake). So I always said: If you cheat on me you are gone. But never the less it always causes suffering - because you trusted them and you find out that everything you lived was a big fake-show. For them the discard is not the truth - you are right. (Because they hope for returning and further using).
Betrayal for me never comes from someone I don’t care for, it’s a gut wrenching experience from the people we love the most. 😢
Happy Birthday, Mommy Ramani❤
My narc husband cheating on my saying my best friend is his mutual good friend and denied having affair with her. Telling me and my child that that's our mutual friend. Gaslighting on top of betrayal.
Tell your mom that I say "Happy Birthday !"
Thank God for your Great gift ❤❤❤❤
When I think of betrayal I remember when my husband cheated on me via Facebook & dating sites on his phone. He said he was just having fun, then said that all these females were his cousins.
He probably kissed his cousins too.
The word that comes to my mind is pain.
Happy birthday to your Mum Dr Ramani ☀️🎉 🎂
We are never responsible for our own betrayal.
I have felt that sense of feeling ‘dirty’/less than mentally and physically from betrayals/assaults I have been thru. Learning to let that go and rewrite my narrative. Thank you Dr Ramani. ❤
Being screamed at and worse is definitely a betrayal. Thanks for saying it most intelligent and kind woman xxx
Awww. Happy birthday mom. Your daughter is absolutely amazing and has helped us through so many things 💯💯💯🎉🎉🎉
It's taken me 13 years to let go. And now that I know and revisit my past, it's still hard not to miss her. That's when I turn on these videos to remind myself it was never real. I'm now fighting for my rights and my sons rights to see him. She has denied him from me since he was 1. She said she will do whatever it takes including lying, so I didn't ever see him. She hid the divorce for 12 years and would only send snippets of it and hid the area that stated we had 50 50. It's been 1 year 4 months suing her in court and sueng her to uphold the ruling. We are to have a trial by jury, and she has gone into hiding. She is in another country. I'll never see him. Is there an international human rights group? The sad part is that no psychologist ever tried to treat the issue. My lawyer said she sounds like a narcissist. So thats when I've done tons of research, and I might as well be a psychologist now. Keep spreading the word. There are still people around us every day who don't believe.
Yes. Healthy people know their why. On a continuum…..
When you think about it it's so clear. We know our why, they just make stuff up to suit their needs
I was married to a narcissist and my mother was one too! I thought I was going mad! I broke free from the marriage 17 years ago now I’ve left the relationship with my mother too (just recently) I’m going through what you’d just talked about ‘guilt & loss’ Watching you and listening to you is really helping. Thank you 😊