You Can Set Boundaries with a Narcissistic Mom - Here's How
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- Опубліковано 29 вер 2020
- In this clip from The Dr. Cloud Show, a caller says her mother is a narcissist who is difficult to get along with. Dr. Cloud explains how she can set boundaries that are effective.
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"I'm honoring you by inviting you to have a good relationship with us. " 👍
I know.. I loved that! My mother would find some reason to disagree with that.. LoL
Thank you so much for saying that, “ I won’t proceed a relationship with you until we get counseling otherwise…“ Was exactly what I needed to hear to set a boundary with a toxic nod mother who likes to stonewall n guilt trip heavy . And I like that saying this looks very calm and professional and not emotional or may seem like I’m over reacting when reality I’m not 😇
Youre still operating under the guilt trip she instilled when you were a toddler and up, let go of the guilt.
They take full advantage of sensitive empaths who care maybe too much, its like blood to a shark
Empathy and lovingness and non judgmental and giving -- to a narcissist , plus, when youre non judgmental of a higher mind they think you will believe in your own wrong before their wrong and we do, but once we wake up, whewf prepare for big narcissistic injury, whewf, witch comes out strong
Agree 100%!! Get out of that shame.. it's harder when you been around them for a day or two
I totally identify with this. My mom is 87 and toxic. I am drained.
If you are a loving and responsible person!!! Loved that and amen! I’m 59 and just learning to set boundaries with mom and a friend I made years ago both who believe they own me and I let them. Needless to say I’m not a very liked person at this time 🤷♀️.
I’m so sorry it took so long but so glad you are learning. I pray you can pass this new information on to your children if you have some. ❤ Love you in Christ!!
I grew up with a histrionic (and maybe narcissistic) mother. My father being a "flying monkey". I did not realize what was happening, until I read your book "Changes that heal". It helped me a lot dealing with my mother without totally breaking. My mom died in 2012. Nevertheless: two bad effects: First: I married a hidden narcissist (who died in 2019), and second: my father broke contact with me last year. How can one avoid marrying the own mother??? I'm a woman.
I found this video hard to listen to because he kept interrupting the caller.
Agreed. I stopped listening because of it.
My parents mix up honor with obey all the time.
This sounds very familiar! My mom and her brother were estranged and now she is trying to alienate my brother and me. My brother married a narcissist who has effectively alienated him from his family as well. I am 43 and I cannot take the toxicity anymore.
The lady’s story sounds exactly like my mom. So many similar life experiences between my siblings and I..
A narcissist is not looking forward to bettering the life of anyone other than themselves. Honor your parents. Treat them like they are healthy people. And yes, honor is different than obedience.
How? What does honour mean?
Treating an unhealthy person like they're a healthy person seems counter-productive.
@@weltschmerski honour, in this example "by inviting you to have a good relationship with us".
@@DizzyWolf but we should treat them like we would treat a healthy person. Their reactions will show us who they are. Then we adapt.
@@pisces1017 I strongly disagree. Accountability is much more important than behaving as if abusive behavior is acceptable (aka enabling). If you wish to adapt to a narcissist's behavior, have at it, though I would recommend distancing yourself instead. But ultimately, how you treat someone is up to you.
Just, for the love of humanity, please don't enable the narcissists.
Exactly my life. With my brother too. Thank you. You’ve helped.
I love this clarification on honoring. So good.
17:50 - well... God Bless YOU ! Doctor Henry Cloud.
Wow-yes. Thank you sir, for all you do.
Thank you!!
Thank you!
you can only save your brother if he has not become a narcissist himself. And your Mom will never change until she knows she is not healthy. If not she may even take revenge on you just by her knowing you have realized that ur mom is a narc.
Dealing with my brother and father who are both narcissists they genuinely seem to not be able to recognize that they're behaviour is narcissistic. Even with councilors and interventions they can only see themselves as 100% the victim and I think they tell themselves this lie and believe it. They recreate events that frame them as the victim even in extreme cases where they're behavior was grossly inappropriate. I think they refuse to see it and then even fool themselves and aren't consciously aware of it.
Thank you.
WOW. Add 3 more adult "children' and I'm in Tammy's shoes. Ugh! This was helpful.
What should i do when my Mom scream AT me.?
When you are married, your loyalty is to your spouse and children not parents. If your mother starts her narc behavior, set a boundary. If she will not honor it, leave. The Bible does not say one has to take abuse.
Do children of narcissistic parents struggle with guilt?
I am 5 minutes in and I am going to turn this off because I cannot stand how much this man is interrupting this woman! Let her finish a thought! It's just cringey. Sending her and her brother Good vibes though. My mom has fallen into a deep depression in her old age and has become toxic. I'm 36 and not used to her being like this. I'm on my way to her house now to drop her off some dinner and I'm just hoping I can get in and out. Either way when I leave the house I know I'll feel bad. It's just our energy these days. I keep my distance but she says it's because I hold a grudge. I don't hold a grudge, I love my mom I just value my peace more.
True it's so annoying just let her get what she needs to say out then ask questions.
He only has a few minutes with a call he’s getting to the point.
I thought the same but because he's a therapist and he's on this limited call he has to help her get to the point so he can help her with limited time. When I talk about my hurt I can go on and on and not really getting to the point and what I really need help in.
I agree
Dr. Cloud interrupting was distracting.
If he did not interrupt, she would have kept venting and the problem wouldn’t have been dealt with.
@@micahstephenscoaching I agree. A counselor knows how to deal with this. If he has to interrupt, it's because he wants to cut through the stuff that is irrelevant. Sorry, but as untrained as we generally are, those of us without counseling degrees, he knows what he is doing. This guy is incredible! Listen and let him "interrupt". It is worth it.
The ad leading up to this is WAY too long
Uhh ohh
What was her question? "Am I doing the right thing (with my mother)?"
Yes, that was her question.
This is why I don't follow Cloud anymore (just stumbled on this one). Interrupt, interrupt, interrupt--something narcissists do! The caller needed to express herself, and she kept getting cut off. Dealing with narcissists is not a cookie-cutter thing. There is pain, and mixed feelings. It's complicated. How about some better listening and a little compassion? I would never call and subject myself to him.
@@Usernameblahblahnblah, wow...she was hardly going on and on. But he definitely was summarizing and judging before gathering the facts. He has a personality I find far too full of himself, without nearly enough curiosity, contemplation, or compassion. I'm sure not impressed (knowing the real thing when it comes to quality counseling), and I doubt the caller was pleased either with how he handled himself (it sure didn't sound like it), and that's what ultimately matters.
He really is a wonderful person I’ve met him he is very compassionate and wants to help her . He was trying to understand to guide her in right direction.
Sorry wrong person
Real one is here🩸🚩 right now OKIÊĘ 🙄🐾🦍🔱😷
Dr. Cloud, I am shocked that this video is you! PLEASE stop interrupting your guests! Isn't that crossing a boundary? I really wanted to hear what she had to say and that was difficult when you kept interrupting.
My Narc mother does this alllllll the time! It's a great way to tell someone that you don't care about what they are saying/thinking/feeling!
The first caller has some similarity to my situation. I appreciate her calling in!
He has just so much time to talk with the person, so he is making sure he has the info he needs to help, and not necessarily all of the details of the whole story. That's why he asks every one "what is your question?" so he can answer with helpful advice, instead of just letting the person vent and go away without proper healing. He is setting his boundaries (tell me this instead of that) to conduct the conversation and help the person see the same situation from a new perspective.
Who did she go that matters? I kinda wanted to virtually slap him for this question his advice sucks I wasted 17:50 of my life watching this. And the honor thy mother and father is a narcissistic mom's favorite verse but they always forget about:
"Do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. 👈👈👈👈👈
Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord."
Ohhh man I got SO irritated with the constant interruption from him. Like??? LET HER SPEAK FIRST jesussss she’s got her stuff to say
Omg, bad advice. Narcs don't get better with anything including counseling. Is this guy for real?
With God nothing is impossible 🙏
Well, thats usually true but she extended (or could extend that) and hold her end of the covenant of “honor thy father and thy mother” even though a NPD person isn’t capable of change often. Also, she would need to find a counselor WELL VERSED in NPD because the NPDs fool even the counselors.
@@blessed7927 I've got to say this is very correct. Know from experience. Counselors these days really do more harm than good. It's best the honour the life God gave us with Boundaries.
Fully " understand " what she is trying to SAY. It's NOT very easy to let Guilt Go. Especially when it's been in YOU ALL your life. 😔.
..... she wants the relationship but they're NOT respecting her.
...IVE GOT A MOTHER that doesn't listen to me. .. it's NOT a two way street.
I'VE " never " been a person Thats been on drugs or alcohol....never caused them those kind of " worries " .
She's BETTER off catching up with them for a cup of coffee... NOT for long periods of times.
And be around people that BUILD YOU UP 🙆♀️. when you feel lonely invite people around that are good for " YOUR MIND " and make you laugh 🤣😂
The Bible says " laughter " is A good medicine 😄🤣😂