People with angelic parents will NEVER understand those who have demonic parents. So easy for them to give beautiful verses without understanding the other person's situation.
Abusive parents are a greater pandemic than Covid-19 and the damage they do is deeper and more enduring. I was in a suicidal state of mind for years because of a lifetime of being degraded, beaten, and all the while being told I deserved it. When I told them how I couldn't stop wanting to die, they basically pushed me aside and told me it wasn't their problem. My pain as caused by them is simply, "not their problem." Walahi, if it wasn't for Allah, I'd be dead today. It was emotional hell on Earth for years. I'm leaving soon Inshallah, now that I'm stronger and stable thanks to Allah's guidance. But really... every time they tell me they love me (which is as rare as the new moon), I know in my heart it's a lie - it has to be. Nobody can truly love someone and simultaneously do everything they can to break that person's spirit. Sheikh, I hope that you thank Allah every single second of your life that your mother's presence could have only been bettered by an angel's. The darkness that I and millions of children are throw into because of cruel parents is wicked and many are not as fortunate as myself to climb out of that darkness. Jazak Allah Khairan for making an effort to talk about this.
@@sharminkhatoon619 Pray to Allah like you are drowning. There is no wall between Allah and the prayer of the broken hearted who are oppressed. I will pray for you also. May Allah grant you a way out and soften your father's heart.
@@khaledhassan4706 thank you for sharing your story. I am facing really bad thoughts and a very difficult, mindset (sometimes suicidal) because of my parents... it feels like i'm in quicksand. i am trying so hard not to hate myself and to get better so I can serve Allah better... therapy is pretty expensive but i'm trying to be smarter with my budget and priorities. the only thing pushing me to therapy is this constant pain in my chest that paralyses me everyday and i'm holding on to Allah for dear life so that he can help me with this internal battle that's ruining my life and relationships and expression and communication. But hope is a discipline, so I'll keep trying everyday. May God help us stay strong till the day we get eternal peace. Again, thank you for sharing your story, it feels good knowing I'm not alone
@@deemag1415 Pray to Allah like you're drowning. There is no wall between the dua of the broken hearted and Allah - so long as you keep turning to Allah, an answer is guaranteed. I am speaking from personal experience. As for therapy, read about psychology and spend a lot of time reflecting on your beliefs. Journaling is excellent because it helps you to see the patterns in your mind. With courage and effort, you can learn to change the way you think and feel about yourself by changing that inner voice. No matter what others say, you deserve kindness and should not feel bad about speaking kindly to yourself. Allah made you dignified and honored. When you come out of the pain, you will have an emotional and mental strength that others will envy. May Allah bring ease to your heart, protect you, and soften your parents. And memorize Surah AdDuha and learn about when it was revealed to the Prophet SAWS.
More and more Muslim scholars need to start talking about this, it has turned into a generational trauma throughout the muslim ummah owing to the patriarchal toxic mindset. This is turning into a malignant disease and extended family DOES not like to intervene or even believe or empathise with the abused. There are so many wounded souls carrying this pain with no relief in sight even after middle age.
Abuse can continue only when everyone is keeping it a secret "in the family". I won't be secret about anything anymore and extend the negative cycle of abusive relationships. In order to take responsibility for our own lives, I have confronted my parents to speak the truth and set boundaries. Sarcasm is frequently deployed to shut down uncomfortable conversation. Having painful discussions and learning to live with the discomfort is the only way to stop problems going from bad to worse. Quran 4:135 O you who believe, always stand on the side of justice and be witnesses for Allah eventhough it be against yourself or against your parents or relatives.
Easier said then done Zahara, every one's situation is different, every one's threshold is different, everyone is not as emotionally and psychologically strong to stand up to the oppression. It is worse if one of the parents is a narscisstic personality type (most are bcs they carry their own personal past baggage) then there are other factors that come into play, like lying, manipulation, gas lighting etc. And when one sets out to seek help of any kind, you are given this never ending lecture on 'sabar' and 'aazmaish' from the same people who walked out on their own parents very early in life on some minor differences. Nobody wants to address the issue, see it as a psychological disorder or dysfunctionality within the family unit. The cultural inhibitions, denial and delusion makes it far worse, for both women and men. Kudos to you ❤️ for mustering the courage to stand in your own truth, may Allah bless all with similar resolve inshAllah. Aameen. I am so grateful that this conversation has even been initiated to begin with. May it bring healing insights and relief to all in this kind of emotional trauma and our wonderful scholars the strength and understanding to share the knowledge about it.
@@cruellacinderella If you recognise there's a problem, you're stronger than the rest of them who are too blind or deaf as Allah has put a veil on their hearts. You're the Light among the darkness. Those who speak the truth are always vilified. Like the Prophet who had to Hijra to avoid persecution after he had tried his best. If all else fails, we do our Hijra too.
Look up surviving narcissistic abuse if indeed it was narcissistic abuse: which is typically signified by you being scapgoated by the narcissistic, the narcissist turning everyone against you. Now if it's just straight abuse of power just because they "have"the power. That's slightly different. A previous post mentions gaslighting. Yes that's part of narcissistic abuse... they teri to distort facts to make you doubt yourself. And everyone else too
It is evil at its finest. People need to be aware of narcissistic abuse and how to free yourself from that trauma. They are the most dangerous people in the world bc they look so good to the outside and only you know the truth evil within
The fact that all of us looked this subject up and are watching this shows how hard a child tries and fights to keep up their relationship with their parents and to keep obeying them and Allah swt. May Allah swt bless us and give us sabr for this
What a brilliant topic. I was thinking about it last night. Why do our parents only speak of their rights and not their children’s rights? What about my mother beating us so bad that I once passed out? How about the fear that paralized me when my dad came home. Not knowing what would trigger him and the madness will continue for hours or even days. I’m almost 60 and I’m carrying all this. The good thing is I’m a very good daughter who raised my siblings and cares for them. I’m a good daughter to my parents and I’m the ONLY one who had to move from Europe to the MIddle East in order to take care of my mum when she needs to e-cards for. I wait for my reward to be given by Allah most high. I’m not bitter I’ve forgiven them but my mind is carrying the trauma. Alhamdullilah for everything. Alhamdullilah.
Assalamu alaykum sister. I think now is the time to take care of yourself and heal. Release the trauma inside. Sometimes we have to go to psychologist or psychiatrist for help. It's costly but your mental health is precious. As kids we didn't know any better. You did your best! and you have Allah the Most Merciful. inshAllah your rank will be elevated in the next life. Don't think about it anymore. Keep smiling because there is nothing else to do .. Sending hugs.
I have a similar situation however the good daughter in our family is my oldest sister. She probably holds the most trauma she is in her 30s and we always wonder if my dad will eventually murder our mother. She bears a lot of patience more then the rest of us. I pray that she is rewarded with ease and same for you. Ya rab this is not an easy test
Your childhood experience is similar to my own and I'm the same age. My parents refused to admit anything and my trauma kept me away from them, which helped me to heal. There was no reconciliation but I have complete forgiveness for them. I pray it's enough. The replies you have had here from others are so wise and compassionate. I wish you well. I am grateful this subject was addressed as I am a new convert and there is so much to learn.
I really wish this topic was more addressed in the muslim community. When your parents called you a burden your whole life and constantly told you that you were never gonna be succeed in life and physically and emotionally abused you it takes a toll on your self esteem, confidence and how others perceive you.
@Bushra S ukthi, I thought my abuse was actually normal, when I met my wife she broke down crying because of how trauma I went through. There was a time when I was told it’s not normal in school; but I was so scared to speak out. I was scared of being a dad because of it, I didn’t know what it actually meant. I owe my life to Allah.
Indeed. And their children tend to lead a double life as well. They act righteous in front of their parents, but they are the complete opposite behind their backs. It's a vicious cycle.
Name Calling kids as monkeys, buffaloes, pigs are also an abuse. Constantly judging children from their past mistakes, bringing up stale incidences by a child and poking it trying to prove as parent that they were always correct is also a form of abuse. Dictating to kids all the time and infringing their self development is also an abuse. Turning kids away from seeking parents help is also abuse. Chasing them away when they do not behave as per family rules is also a abuse. Not understanding the child’s needs wishes, desires and piling up in them filial responsibilities is also an abuse. Telling children that you are a burden, useless, good for nothing, what’s the point of giving birth to you, you are unlucky. Will just create a child who will be scheming to get away from the parent as much as possible. Manipulative,Narcissistic and Mean parents do exist and a lot of children suffer till their very old ripe age because of their parent’s behaviour. No Islamic reminder or Shahaba story can embalm their hurt or make their pain fade. Only make them hate their parents more and more. Such kids need only one reminder! Yes Evil exist in many form. Stay away from hurt and keep away from what reminds or continue to hurt. Allah is very Just and HE knows best.
Very well pointed out. Me and my siblings have suffered many of these abuses. And still suffering. But now i have put my trust on Allah and left the rest on him. InnShaa'allah better days are coming.
True! I too have suffered the same. I am 40 and still not over it. Rather I stew over it everyday. My intelligence and self confidence is plagued due to them. Sigh! What’s the point. Damage is done
I wish we had more examples addressing abusive parents who twist the religion to justify their abuse. Living with a parent like that is a nightmare, its living with an emotionally immature bully who acts like its okay to use their family like a verbal punching bag to vent out their problems leaving everyone around them psychologically scarred and messed up.
i was raised by a covert narcissist and it was a huge mental distress. im the first born, so the pressure is bigger than the rest of my siblings. stonewalling, silent treatment, being pinched till my skin was little ripped off, my thighs were full of bruises, cuz pinching me was her favorite. but i couldn't defend myself. my dad kicked my head too. I barely have "happy" childhood memories with them. I learned Islam by myself, and at school. I forgave them but the scars are still there. I know that what happened to me was written in the Lawh Mahfuz, so I tried to accept whatever that had happened to me. After mental health awareness, i determine to break the chain of domestic abuse, i don't wanna be an abuser like them. Its embarrassing that in my age, i still have to appear to be busy so they don't get upset. I think the idea of "parents are always right" needs to STOP. We, children, aren't their possessions who can be treated as they wish. We all belong to Allah, and in the akhirah, parents will also be questioned about how they take care of their children. Please make more this kind of video. Im suffering from PTSD, and it affects me greatly. I hope by raising awareness, more parents will be more aware of their actions. 🙏💕🕊
I too learnt Islam by myself - it saved me. Stripping them of the power to affect me was like turning a corner. I was done crying, I was done being weak. Now I've been empowered by the Quran - I have the words and the courage from the Quran that reminds us of the true teachings of Allah that got twisted by man who use religion to control ppl. Knowledge is power in learning how to deal with such people. The guidance from Quran empowered me with me the tools to stand for Justice and stand against injustice by those who manipulate and oppress others using covert psychological/emotional abuse, long before I discovered thru later therapy/counselling that what I was already doing to cope/combat it (going by the guidance from Quran) is exactly the medical advice prescribed by mental health doctors in order to heal from narcissistic abuse (a form of complex PTSD) see Dr Ramani. I too am the eldest of 3 girls. When we were growing up dad and mum would always ask whose fault is it when something goes wrong (triangulation), threatening that we'll both get punished if one of us wouldn't own up. That encouraged us sisters to throw each other under the bus, rather than have each other's back , for fear of being subjected to vicious punishments. I'm still traumatised to this day seeing dad rub chilli in my 4yr old sister's eyes and her struggling to get away, screaming crying for help pitifully. Thereafter I was always protective of my siblings, shielding them from Dad's wrath, impatience and frustration stemming from his job, he would always come home angry. I protected my younger sisters from the worst of the abuse but now they deny that it ever happened(gaslighting) in order to remain in my parents good books. I'm now studying Islamic psychology to integrate with counselling to help ppl heal and overcome narcissistic abuse.
@@nuzhatmarzana3497 We have to distance ourselves from toxic relationships in order to heal. If you keep drinking poison you're never going to get better. 23:96 repel Evil with Good (by that which is better) - when they attack me(over &over), rather than retaliate by attacking back (over & over resulting in stress) to exercise my right to defend myself, I walk away and disengage from their mind games: aligns with the fight or flight response (our inbuilt survival mechanism). If you get into the mud with them, you get dirty from the mud. Narcissists are better and dirtier fighters. Meet their behaviour with dignified silence(like Mary in the Quran) because we learnt long ago that narcissists never listened anyway. You play with fire you get burnt, so do not engage with Narcissists...you engage with the 😈 you become like the 😈 or you become the 😈's victim. The guidance from the Quran aligns with mental health advice! The Quran gave me the permission to step away from the toxicity, to not have a victim mentality. Why do bad things happen to good people? Allah puts evil people in our path bcoz the true believers have a duty to stop evil people from taking over the Earth…Allah uses the good people to teach evil ppl a lesson. A form of karma I suppose. 2:251 David killed Goliath and Allah gave him sovereignty...Had Allah not checked one set of people (the oppressors) by means of another, the earth would indeed be full of mischief 9:14 fight against them so that Allah will punish them by your hands and disgrace them and give you victory over them and heal the hearts of a believing people. This life is a test. Every calamity/suffering is a blessing from Allah to draw you closer to Allah. Bcoz let's face it, most of us only seek Allah when we have no one else to turn to for help. That's why bad things happen to good ppl. Every test (calamity/suffering) you go through makes you stronger: you pass Level 1, then later you pass Level 8 so gain a Level 8 qualification. Narcissism is of the 😈. If you've overcomed Narcissism, you've overcomed the 😈
i know.. right now, i'm a mother i always remind myself and husband.. treat our children as human being.. they might small now, but they will grow.. respect them as a human being, children does not want luxury, they need to love and kindness of parents. with these two, they certainly can be a great human being.. they will find a way, as long as they know that they've supportive parents. i broke into tears reading your comments, coz i understand the situation 😢😢😢
@@intannazifah8126 hello sister! im super happy that you have such a beautiful awareness! im sure 100% that your children will be growing up full of love from their parents. your love will be always remembered by them for eternity. i can already feel your loving heart :) I hope you'll be always given strength to walk in the path of love. 🙏💕
I've been struggling with this for the longest time. You just never know how to handle these kind of situations because some parents really damage their children but we feel incredibly guilty to speak up or know how to react because we're always told about the rights of the parents but not the rights of the child.
I think we need more people talking about how it is wrong to abuse in the friday khutbas because that is where our parents go every friday to listen to advice
A lot of abusers do not go to listen to advice A lot of them go to receive the reward for listening only. They leave what they've listened to at the masajid Otherwise they would act upon it too.
@@creativeideas012 well it is their fault if they don't listen but it wouldn't do harm to still preach, if they come to Allah on judgment day they won't have an excuse that they "didn't know it was wrong" or whatever. The less we speak about it it is as if we have accepted it, it is not enough to be silently against abuse, we must speak out.
I didn't come here by coincidence I actually looked at the topic. I'm 30 but I have never told this to anyone but I am consistently abused by my mom. Not physical but emotional 😭 Since my first year of university , we moved from the family home, I took an apartment for the two of us cause I couldnt take the constant pressure of the house, she was fighting with everybody. We've been through hell. I've never let down of her. Now Alhamdoulilah things got better. But I'm exhausted by her toxicity. Whatever I work hard for whatever I achieve she always says it's thanks to her cause she prayed for that. She is consistently controlling me and everything little aspect of my life. She is very supertitious, thinks everybody is her enemy, Cold War war every neighbor.. telling her family want to kill her, she doesn't use her own bathroom cause there is some evil inside, doesn't want to eat in the dining room cause there is something evil that wanna kill her, doesn't like to use the kitchen cause something evil is inside.. doesn't even want to sleep in her own bed cause the devil is inside I had to fight with her for her to actually sleep in her bed.. she put some weird stuff in her bedroom's window to block evil eyes..It sounds crazy but that my life with her. Lately she is having feet pain when the pain comes she cries telling this is the work of evil people they wanna kill her. I'm like mom let me take you to the doctor she doesn't want to. She is using encense which is supposed to chase away evil. I can't stand the smell, I suffocate in the house, give me headache because of the lack of oxygen. She also uses some red and white powders telling itself healing her. She puts it everywhere in the house. I have to clean my bedroom three times a a day.. because I couldnt deal with her lack of hygiene, I hired a maid to clean the house on a daily basis cause I can't work and clean the house several time a day. She just accused them of different things just to get rid of them. Now we are alone again, she puts dirt everywhere the second I clean the house. She is now using my bathroom and I'm using hers cause she is afraid of hers. The state of the bathroom she uses is unbelievable you have to see it to believe it. I am even not mentioning her behavior with my love life. I have sacrificed my whole life for her to be good cause her entire family rejected her. I make money but I absolutely have no savings cause everything have to be spent on her and the house. It's actually my apartment I'm paying for my own money but I don't even have a key for my own apartment. She keep telling I'm not responsible enough to keep the apartment key. She made sure to destroy the relationship with my dearest friends telling they are evil. She curses me sometimes telling I don't respect her I don't love her I don't I don't... God knows I don't wanna do her wrong or hurt her in any way but sometimes I just explode cursing her.. I always cry after doing that cause I don't want to act in a certain way with her and I'm ashamed towards my lord Allah. But God knows the hell she puts me in. Sometimes I just wanna kill myself and end everything cause I don't want to do. I cannot reject her or cut her off. I'm so tired. As I write I feel so weak cause I'm so tired of her. And I am remorseful cause I'm afraid I'm a bad daughter. I'm afraid god is not content with me. I can't talk to anyone cause I'm even ashamed to tell this to anyone I know. Please pray for me as I always pray for myself for Allah to help me and give me sabr to endure this persisting emotional trauma. May Allah help everyone who is dealing with abusive parents.
Another topic is the ignorance of Scholars through their lack of experience and unwillingness to open their minds to the experiences of others and make rulings surrounding those experiences. Not everyone gets to live a perfect simple life.
The scholars are so disconnected. They just parrot the books they read and fail miserably to make that connection to the real circumstances of people's lives. Yes, parents deserve respect, but they also need to act with respect. Scholars don't do enough to school the parents and it leaves children, who are weak and innocent, to bear the burden of their abuse and the weight of their parent's ugly character, all alone. Scholars will side with a tyrant just for being a parent and neglect the weak just for being a child.
Exactly! I’m tired of inexperienced Sheikhs telling me to “just respect your parents” as if respecting a disrespectful person is first sane and second right.
Lucky those who received unconditional love from their parents, they cannot relate and understand that’s why it’s easy for them to love respect and obey their parents, and the support that they get from their parents of course no one would want to lose such parents
i hate when videos like this don't emphasize on the intensity of the abuse, and how detrimental it is to the child, parents like this destroyed their children's life, i want to hear about the punishment they are going to get when they die, i want scholars to berate an abusive parent with as much intensity as they berate a disobidient child. they dont deserve a single ounce of respect.
I had to leave the house and my mother alone because I couldn't take it anymore. I had severe depression and anxiety because of her behavior towards me... I try to mend our relationship but she is so difficult and is guilt tripping me (to come back) that I abandoned her and that in Islam it is bad. But Allah is a witness that I was at my limit. Just today I tried again to call her but she kept refusing it because I didn't call her one day so "Don't talk to me again, forget I am your mother"... People speak so much about how children need to love and honour their parents but never on what a parents should and shouldn't do. Tbh I felt like a slave and in her understanding Islam allows it.
💯 this topic need to be brought up on how parents should treat thier child because they believe they done nothing wrong and they wonder why their kids go against them or go stray on the wrong path. My Allah swt guide us and out parents Ameen.
My mum is driving me crazy. She’s a narcissist. I do so much for her. Given her everything she wants but still not good enough. Always threatening me that if I don’t listen to her or do everything as to her say or obey her or pleased her, I will not go to heaven.
She is clearly a narcissist and she will never change and it has nothing to do with religion, they really don't care about religion and use it as a shield behind their mask
I want to badly leave my house. My mother is narcissist and mentally abusive. They also admitted that they hate me so there's no point to stay here. But I've done nothing wrong... Never was a spoiled child still they hate me cuz they spent money on my education
the way the parents have tortured me from my childhood and torturing me now in my adulthood, i can't express the pain, why are these people allowed to be parents
The one statement that has left my heart broken and bleeding is when I was about 12-15 years old and my father said to my mother "I wish you had been infertile." My father is a narcissist. He is abusive; resorting to physical, verbal and psychological abuse. He makes things up about the rights of a father in Islam to benefit himself. He dictates me about my duty towards my younger siblings (who were abusive towards me in their ignorance). We live under the same roof and often times he wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. I'm a 27 years old woman and my father still threatens me with physical abuse. And he has turned my heart away from the idea of getting married because Wallahi I don't feel safe around men. I won't ever be able to trust a man as my husband that he wouldn't resort to beating me up and abusing me.
Sis I feel your pain. But pls for the love of heaven and everything good in life , don’t deprive yourself of the love that you deserve to receive in the fear of the pain that you’ve received 🥺
@@nadiajr1500 I am trying really hard to get away, to do that, but I find it really unsure because as a girl, they never empowered about my any rights, and confined me for 7years, the entire family & relative has the traits since its their mother who controls them,in hedious & malicious way and their ego gets hurts when even we tried to speak for our rights and living and never ever listened yet blame it all on me, they all are against education and the awareness,they dont care at all about your mental health, they brags their own self entitlement life & what not, in those years of confinement which is going on yet, they caused me severe depression, anxiety, AVPD, PTSD which I was unaware about the real cause of it all is PTSD, I am usually a multi tasker girl but after encountering such people day to day, including my narcissists parents, they both abandoned me in a very place which is their own abuser narcissists relative who controlled our whole life, everything has to happen according to their will,or else they confine in an unknown forest place all alone and that's what I have been through (They refers to: malignant father who did it on purpose to appease another narcissists who is a female, my adopted mother's brother and his wife) both side of my parents are abuses and narcissists even their kids who are supposed to be an adult for me, but father's side relative all the time abused the whole time to us,my covert mom and the whole day, her daughter who acts as a pious muslim (A narcissists cousin from the narcissists father side) feels entitlement to everything that belongs to me & us and snatched away everything our entire childhood and our parent's growth or peace and their relationship, and that narcissists cousin older than me acts as if she is a just as my age, infront of me and used to mirror all my positive habits and daily lifestyle,literally everything, my clothing and beauty,but couldn't afford my intellectual and interpersonal,grace,habits and beauty,so somehow her narcissists mother found a scapegoat guy to wed her off by hovering him for long periods of time, even faking prayers & acting all pious,using religion for their pure character,playing women card so that she could not move a inch in her life as she is dumb,they use everyone ,abuses them and discard them,same toxic pattern and eventually the married guy realizes but couldn't even point anything at her,as both narc are ready to end the world and both daughter, we cut off them long time age after my teenage years,after my successfull schooling and excellence in my matrics, then both daughter and mom acts as one,as you knows how it is basically a bee hives for these abusers, and both of them tried to incite things from me again in the name of religion as a shield,behind their ill existence and life,her ill-literate daughter unfortunate human had the audacity to put me down by replying by herself by mirroring my own words and language, like can you imagine such people,who are so low and lacks even a pure,Good character & personality & abuses you for your personality and good Qualities and self awareness and consciousness and praises their own personality like says that they are walking earth on god and claimed the same things,before hovering that guy as his husband,that she is all pious and innocent and as soon as he faced them in their own reality,their illusion world full of lies got over for him yet he makes that marriage work, because that's how narcissists world work, Religion as their piousness and as weapon for all,to be fit in this world!
@@nadiajr1500 but it is not about them, it is about my life with abuse of covert Narcissists mother for 8years, suffering from PTSD and I see a no way out from anywhere,because they never listened to help me before now I have lost things in life
plz get away from anyone who makes u feel that way no matter how big of a fight it takes - just keep praying and like others who go through that plz beleive in the beauty of what marriages can be please may allah bless you and help you but really even if it's not easy to get away from family but i have done it shamelessly and even if i was criticize for it i swear wallahi it's so worth fighting and living for - good luck
Yes this topic hurts every single person with narcissistic parents/parent They are severely abusive, mostly in invisible ways - emotional abuse It's frustrating that so many religious personalities repeatedly use the term 'OBEY your parents/you must be OBEDIENT to them' when nowhere in the Qur'an or hadith the term atee'ul waalidain is mentioned Atee'ullah wa atee'urrasool (obey Allah & obey the Prophet ص) is the only command mentioned & for parents only 'birr ul waalidain (goodness, kindness, etc towards parents)' is mentioned only Please correct this repeated advice as I have yet to come across such a command in the Qur'an or ahadith JazaakAllah khair
Honour/obey parents is in Bible not in Quran, but in "Muslim cultures". Grew up in an abusive Christian family who used the Bible to justify the abuse. The guidance from Quran gave me the permission to step away from the toxicity, to not have a victim mentality.
I have tolerated my mothers narcissism my whole life. She not only destroyed my self esteem but also did black magic on me and my brother. Just to have full control of our lives to destroy our lives in her evil way. We told her abuse to our neighbours. But it backfired on us. She convinced them that we are lying and we are being ungrateful.
Jazakallakhair for this video. You are right, yes this video doesn't help children of highly abusive narcissistic mothers 😥😢😰😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Allah SWT has to provide special help to such helpless innocent children😭 Thavakkalthu Alallah🤲🏼
Can we get a bunch of likes on the original comment so they may generate captions, even if they are auto generated for accessibility for those who may be hearing impaired inshallah!
Yaqeen institute please make a detailed series about parenting in the shadow of Islam. It will help young parents in shaping them in right direction. There's a lot of confusion about the right parenting. Parenting itself is a huge struggle but if we are sure about the right way it will bring ease in the process. It's a humble request, please make a series about this topic. JazakAllah Khair
Please please talk about daughters rights on parents as well which are so badly neglected and out of respect we daughters stay silent,no rights in inheritance,emotional blackmailing,putting pressure on daughters to go against their husbands,do too much for parents but still they are not happy.please please do we have any rights in islam i wonder.
What do you mean no right in inheritance? If there are two daughters and a son, the daughters get 1/4th each. Women have inheritance rights in Islam. You need the backing of Islamically knowledgeable people to help you.
Jazak allah khair sheikh Omar I agree with many in this comments section, this Didnt Help. critical cultural issues have been overlooked in the discussion , it's so much deeper than this , what about an alcoholic dad, someone who is unjust to his kids , physical and emotional abuse, parents that aren't respectable in their speech , fathers that commit adultry , evil mothers that compare and are passive aggressive, toxic house holds , with no love , what about the people that never had relationships with their parents because of all the problems and pain and abuse and have become avoidant even if they are in the same home and much more . This doesn't scratch the surface and leaves us with more frustration and pain. Like many said this needs to be elaborated and taken to much deeper levels , because when you're not a victim of abuse it is difficult to understand the dark dynamics of it and what the victim suffers and how they suffer.
Stayed in contact with my parents for my children's sake so as not to deprive them of grandparents. Now I have to cut off my toxic parents for my children's sake. I had let them ill treat me for so long, now they were doing the same to my children too. I was second guessing myself after I went "no-contact with family of origin" as a final resort, as Islam says to honour my parents and family ties, on the other hand to uphold good and forbid evil as the overarching principles (going through a period of grieving for the "lost" of the family I grew up in). I prayed for guidance then all of a sudden videos from clinical psychologists/mental health doctors specialising in narcissistic abuse popped up on my YT feed see Dr Ramani. That was the first time I knew what the term narcissism actually meant (in fact psychologists consider Narcissism like a 'religion' in itself bcoz of its influence on people's mindsets and actions...religion of the 😈). The Quran provided guidance to combat narcissism which is destroying the fabric of society (families) long before modern science confirmed it! Bcoz narcissism is of the 😈 - all the deadly sins in one. Following the guidance in the Quran(which is confirmed by modern science and the medical/mental health profession!), is the only way the family I grew up in will ever reconcile. Quran says the true believers are those who stand up for what is right and stand against what is wrong...To uphold Good, you have to defeat Evil. otherwise Evil ppl will overwhelm the Good. It's not in our nature/natural state (fitrah - we are born good) to "when you're hit on one cheek, offer the other cheek". The repressed negative energy channels itself elsewhere. A case of the abused becomes the abuser. Those who are oppressed become the oppressors. We have to break the negative cycle of abusive relationships. "Trauma bonding" - the stress from the toxic relationship with my family of origin was turning me into a person I no longer like, I didn't like the person I had to become as a survival mechanism because of them. When you hang out with Evil people either you become like them or you become their victim. It was starting to affect my children too so I had to distance ourselves from the toxicity. I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of my children(in order to fulfill my responsibility as a mother), put on my own oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs.
@@zahara6355 thank you for sharing your experience , thank you for your openness and honesty, I feel for you and your kids and your decision was brave and painful. May allah guide you to what is right and may Allah guide your parents to goodness and mine too. It's been a very painful journey and constantly at war with myself thinking if I will ever make it to jannah with these parents , because I cant seem to make it right and I feel you . thank you for the recommendation of watching Dr Ramani , it's been very eye opening , understanding the toxicity of having two narcissistic parents. Thank you for understanding, and thank you for extending this kindness I appreciate it with all my heart. I wish you all the best may allah bless you in this life and the after life and may he grant you jannah. Jazak allah khair . Thank you .
Only because they have given birth us that doesn't mean that whatever they say are right . Again we also need to express our thoughts and feelings. It can be different from their opinion but it doesn't mean that we are wrong and ungrateful . Why parents nowadays don't understand their child's thoughts. It's so much awful 😢😓.
Thank you! Khabib incident really made me a little depressing because my situation isn't the general situation every like child parent has and this video soothed my distress, alhamdulillah:)
Thank you for this inclusive topic Sheik! May Allah reward you and your team for all your work and make it easy for the children suffering because of their parents.
The only thing i do nowadays is pray to Allah to get me out of this abusive, careless and manipulative house. No one has any idea how they damage your inner self and you bear this damage throughout your life time. Nothing will ever gonna heal you if you don't get the love and care you deserved from your parents.May Allah has mercy on us and grant us jannatul ferdous for passing this unbearable pain of this life .
My mom is 73 and a liar. How can I be in a good relationship with her when I never know if she is honest with me. Because she was a very beautiful woman, she thought she was something better, she disregarded people who weren't good looking, or had some disabilities. A beautiful woman with a very small brain. How can I honor her when she only honors people that she has some benefits from. She made a hell of my and my siblings lives, and her attitude shows if she got another chance, she would do the same hell all over again.
Thanks for addressing this. This topic has torn me for several decades even under the 10 commandments and even more since I have become a Muslim. Because of domestic violence, emotional and other abuse, mental illness of both parents. The obligations to honor and even obey someone who continuously still abuses, without being aware of it. - Yet I believe, no-one gets more than he can bear. And yes I believe, they have been as good parents as they could have been, under their understanding. After Allahs plan.
Thank you so much for this! ❤️ It is of extreme importance that this be spoken about. This “unspoken” form of abuse is so prevalent but we are made to hide in shame. I plead you to please go deeper into “narcissistic parents” specifically. 1. What are the characteristics of narcissistic parents? 2. Describe the forms of abuse that can take place (physical abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, smear campaigns, favouritism). 3. Describe the effects of this abuse on children (both young and older children). 4. Describe why this type of abuse is wrong. 5. Describe what healthy parenting looks like. Why I feel it is important to address all of this is because for a lot of us, our experiences haven’t been validated. This is extremely traumatic. The guilt and shame when it comes to leaving your parents as they are given such a high rank in Islam makes everything more difficult. Of course, one should only go no contact ONLY AND ONLY if a situation truly warrants this; no one should ever take this lightly nor do I. But if one must like I had to, the guilt and shame of it is difficult. Having to pretend in front of your in-laws and others that all is well in your family when it isn’t takes a toll. Many people also don’t seem to understand how the parent can be wrong. “All parents love their kids”. Explaining to most people this kind of abuse is futile because people only focus on the rank of parents in Islam, NOT on the way a good parent should be. It would be amazing for someone in our Islamic community to speak on this. I personally would feel so much more at peace and I know I am not alone. I completely understand that it can seem daunting to speak about narcissistic parents as some people may accuse parents who are actually not narcissistic as being narcissistic. But I am certain it can be done in a way that would still respect our beautiful religion’s teachings while still honouring us as human beings. Please please please kindly consider this. ❤️🙏
Thank you for being one of the only scholars to address this very important matter. May Allah SWT bless you endlessly for it. A recurring problem in the community is the abuse coming from narcissistic mothers. It’s heartbreaking to a child to not be able to find the comfort needed from a mother or honour her in the appropriate way because of constant, often undeserved abuse. How does a child go about honouring a mother and bearing her when she refuses to show empathy and constantly demeans the child in the attempts of pointlessly displaying a power move? Narcissism is hard to “diagnose” because the individuals are manipulative and often display fake images of themselves in the public, while being abusive in private. Clinical psychologists all advise to 1. only have superficial conversations with them (anything more will lead to verbal abuse) - this is not really a viable option if you must live with them 2. Have 0 expectations for them to improve, 3. Just leave and don’t contact them again. Islam justly says to not severe the bonds of kinship. So especially when it’s about such an important figure in Islam, it’s hard to just say “I’ll leave forever and not contact again.” Therefore, how does one protect themselves from the narcissistic mother? I appreciate this isn’t something everybody can speak about, as it is a very complex situation, often not being understood by those who did not undergo narcissistic abuse - it is the type of abuse where a child lacks the inherent love from their mother, and faces either collateral or direct damage from gaslighting, manipulation and shame from her. However, it is a very important issue that I have seen occur to a lot of people. I just need advice on how to fulfil my obligations and not incur the wrath of Allah, while still keeping sane 😭😂
Quran says the true believers are those who stand up for what is right and stand against what is wrong...To uphold Good, you have to defeat Evil. otherwise Evil ppl will overwhelm the Good. It's not in our nature/natural state (fitrah - we are born good) to "when you're hit on one cheek, offer the other cheek". The repressed negative energy channels itself elsewhere. A case of the abused becomes the abuser. Those who are oppressed become the oppressors. We have to break the negative cycle of abusive relationships. "Trauma bonding" - the stress from the toxic relationship with my family of origin was turning me into a person I no longer like, I didn't like the person I had to become as a survival mechanism because of them. When you hang out with Evil people either you become like them or you become their victim. It was starting to affect my children too so I had to distance ourselves from the toxicity. I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of my children, put on my own oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs. I forgive them wholeheartedly but I dont want to interact with them again until they mend their ways. It's like abuse related PTSD - reconnecting/associating with the ppl who victimized you brings back the trauma. Forgive and forget is not going to solve the problem...it would just exacerbate the problem - you're giving permission to the abuser to keep abusing others. Letting myself continue being the scapegoat is only fuelling the narcissism (narcissistic supply). Using me as a convenient scapegoat helped them avoid looking critically at their own responsibilities for the dysfunctional family.
Well said ladies. I too have a narcissistic mother and siblings who are oppressors. I agree with Zahara, limit contact as much as you can. For the sake of Allah I contact once a month by phone for a one minute conversation. That is the best I can do. I know you might be living with your parent, or mother who is a narc and the best you can do is limit your interaction with her and keep praying to Allah SWT to help and guide you out of this situation. Write your feelings down . That helped me . I tried getting extended family involved but that turned out to be a bad idea. It made things worse. Keep your faith, pray on time and beg and plead with Allah to ease your pain. Remember, there is no pain you go through that Allah doesn’t reward you for. This is your test!
Indeed, and I frequently question am I in the wrong here? Am I being unreasonable as if I call her out on the abuse she turns the situation to make out it’s all me and she’s the victim. Then I wonder if Allah will ever forgive me. In the case of converts there’s a clear line you know who’s right, but this is too grey. I got counselling once and felt terrible like I was backbiting about her. Who is right here? Her or me? Am I being unreasonable to expect not to be insulted, gossiped about behind my back to rest of family and emotionally manipulated to move back in with her so she’s not alone?
Unfortunately this video just doesn’t cover the extensiveness of abuse. It’s easy to cover the big topics on abuse and go by the politically correct answer. And I feel this approach to be the same for whoever you go to for counselling. It is always the rights of the parents or in my case the rights of a relative who brought me up from the age of 12. How much can parents/ those who brought you up actually get to dictate what you do in your life? Must you always listen to what they say and live their way of life? What about the clashing cultures of being brought up in the west and their ways and views of life(of course within Islamic boundaries). How much do they actually get to dictate in your life? I.e making a decision on who you marry and what you study, making you feel like a disobedient child when you have a slight different view. This video didn’t really answer much for me and I definitely think it’s a topic all people of knowledge speak upon. The same way topics of marriage/hellfire/obedience to parents etc are covered, emotional abuse, narcissism and blackmail of parents need to be covered. So many people who are now in their 20s and 30s are still dealing with these consequences. It is truly disheartening. Let’s speak about this more.
Unfortunately, our scholars and imams are way behind when it comes to narcissistic abuse and other types of toxic parents/elders. They still don't seem to understand how much harm they cause their kids. It is shocking.
@@amanoushkael5443 Because islam doesn't clearify about mentall health that well. I've read that If allah disagree with abusive parents and ounish them. Love forgive do god for ur parents, But if u can't help them ur allowed to leave them. Aslong as you don't lose path in islam to allah. Prophet muhammed never abused his childrens and wife. But many parents cant follow or act the way muhammed did. Many people believed or brainwashed to never disobay their parents. But allah said U are allowed for once to disobay when it coment to greediness, no charity, hate, violence .
@@amanoushkael5443 Maybe because their parents were not abusive. So that might be the reason they don't understand the severity of the situations for those who were abused by their parents.
My parents mentally abused me with harsh words throughout my life, even to this day. I have forgiven them but the long term affects are horrible. I have children now and I have soo much struggle with my inner anger. When they do anything minor I feel like yelling at them. But Alhamdullilah my spouse has taught me how to keep my anger in bay and how to calm myself. Its such a horrible feeling. So much turmoil within myself just because I was abused. We need to speak more about this subject to the elders. it's so harmful and I feel it's in our Genes at some point. My sweet child sees me angry and I feel like hes learning it from me unknowingly 😔
C'mon, I'm asian and I don't understand why elders love to mix up culture and religion together tbh, I understand Allah have given them rights but they abused it really bad. Sometimes when even though it's not my fault, it will be due to my mom since she quickly assume stuff and only picks up the bad stuff about to share it with my father. My father on the other hand, believes my mom and instead of investigating both sides, he will offer me into a fight?.. Like, tons of bad outcomes m8🤦🏻♂️, unfortunately i would still need to apologize no matter what even got physically abused by my mom and dad(different times) I just had to stay patience. Is it hard to understand your child, apologize to them?
@@meryem918 In conclusion, Khabib announced retirement because his mum didn't want him to fight anymore after the death of Abdulmanap Nurmagomedov, Khabib's father. In his last fight, Khabib told everyone to respect and love their parents no matter what happens in their lives. And that our parents make so much efforts for us and we should never forget it.
@@a.h.k.4085 We should respect and love the parents who deserve it, because some don't. And some evil people shouldn't have children in the first place
@@honeybee3579 yeahhh you're right. They shouldn't have had children. I think everyone deserves love and respect. But if someone has evil parents, their love toward their parents won't change anything as it will not be realised. I believe we should be completely independent from our parents. They can abuse us and our feelings. Still, we better respect them. 😌
Parents like this so much too in my country.indonesia😢😢 stay strongh heart and sabr ,sabr until the last time.we realize we just tested in Dunya .sabr reward from Allah will we got.aaamiiin
As a revert this has helped me a lot. Alhamdulillah I still have my father but I haven’t spoken to my mother in over 6 years (before I reverted ) through out my childhood and teen years she was in and out of rehab and very abusive I ended up in foster care for a time. My father was never contacted during that time. And my last straw was when she abused my daughter. And I haven’t spoken to her since. I’ve forgiven her and wish her no harm but I just don’t believe I need that kind of toxic relationship in my life or my children’s life. I’ve been a revert for two years and this has always eaten at me because I felt I was failing Allah
Whoever going thru family problems, may Allah give you sabr it’s only a matter of time and everything will go back to being okay your almost there InshAllah.
Sometimes a emotionally unstable, young single parent can become harsh, and unloving, become abusive or unappreciated towards a young innocent child may Allah forgive them. But this topic needs to be addressed more
Jazhakallahu hair. Please we need an extensive series on this🙂 may allah give all of them who goes through abuse, betrayel etc by their parents a high level of sabr( patience) 🙂ameen ya rabbal alameen
JazakAllah Khair, I really needed this. It hurts when i listen to a khutba and the imam constantly mentions parents and love your parents and respect to parents and don’t disobey parents and how children can be horrible to their parents sometimes and I feel like a lot of imams can sometimes confuse cultural norms. I went to an imam for help for mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse from my parents and he dismissed me and actually made things worse for me by telling my parents- not in a way of support but look at your daughter airing your dirty laundry kind of way. May Allah forgive us all.
Honestly now I had been so much physically and mentally broken now I am numb. I have lost faith in everything and just living my life as a looser and being a looser is not that easy you are doing hardwork but atlast you know there is no good result daily wakeup listen negative things about yourself and act as normal and at night close the door and cry. But now I am used to it🙂
Totally true !! I personnaly suffer a major prob th my abusive father ......I still never reply to his verbal abusive language......very hurtful and degrading......at the limit of saying your trash not my kids .....may God give me strength and he his 81 !!!
Jazakallah khair I really needed this May Allah allow all of us to improve ourselves and our relation with our parents and our family members and also allow them to do the same, and may Allah keep us patient and grateful in these circumstances
Just wanna highlight one thing ...we ain't talking about abusive narcissit mushrik parents we're talking about muslim parents who practice islam,pray 5 times a day, Read Quran daily, have a perfect social life and yet abuse their children with all kinds of abusiveness that y'all can imagine beating, burning their children alive, cursing them, making fun of them in every occusion ,not giving them the bare minimum of affection, nutrition or any kind of requirements of life ..may Allah help us all to pass this test and be the best of ourselves to worship him and not to disobey our parents as possible as we can Allahouma ameen
Some parents will ware out their children to some levels. Some abuse is actually emotional, they will torment you into thinking you have not done enough for them
You know what's even more hurtful? When we show and share our greif to find a way out and are hit up with "obey you parents/ don't disrespect them" without even giving us the margine of being human. We don't like to disrespect them nor we want to disobey them but one should realise that not everything they demand is in our capacity. We are expected to understand them but they are free of such expectations just because the are parents. When a child comes to you about strict or abusive parent they don't need advices, because many of them are already in guilt of not been able to obey their parents, they want a solution or words of empathy. If you can't give them that at least try to understand what they are going through. It unfair. it's not easy to obey parents who demand things which you cannot do. And when you say "No" they say " wait till you have children, you will face the same what you do to us".Advices (whixh we already know) make us feel that we are unforgivable sinners and are definitely going to hell. But sometimes i realy wonder and get scared that Allah commands " do not say اف to them " and sometimes we do end up hurting them. But not on purpose. I am afraid that it may ruin our akhirah. 💔
My father was so abusive verbally when i was a teenager. I was affected very badly. And at that time i have been thinking he is right and i am wrong. And i was affected mentally so bad to the point which, he degraded me as 1/2 mentally affected person in front of relatives. He sometimes say "it would be better to have puppies rather than you which would be thankful than you". He treated me like a burden. And i still have bruises, I still have superior, interior issues and struggling to associate with society. Now i know who was wrong and who was right. if i even try to love my father my heart hates him. Even if i try to associate him my heart feels uncomfortable. Whenever he is present in my happiest moment i feel discomfort. I can not manage those feelings. what i do??????????
Dear brother, jazak Allah khair for reading my comment and request for this important issue. You can see by the comments that many people, young and old are suffering
Jazakallah ya shikh for covering this topic as I'm always feeling guilty regarding my parents and it hurts me alot as i feel there's no hope to make things better.
I know from very close friends that a lot of them leave the religion because of their parents. There’s a lot of lectures on parents right but barely anything on children’s. And the trauma breaks their faith…
Id rather distance myself from my family than end up in arguments with them amd potentially disrespect them. I have written letters stating clearly that I love them and am grateful and cherish the good memories, but that I need certainty that they will stop doing certain things if I want to be near them again.
I can relate to wanting to keep a healthy distance which allows you to avoid being harmed and at the same time allows you to fulfill your duty to be kind and respectful. This is the key that some religious and community leaders fail to address at times. How can you ask a child who is constantly being harmed by the abuse to be respectful. The first step is to stop the harm and then when they are in a position of strength you can ask them to forgive and be respectful and kind etc. The priority is the well-being of BOTH the parent AND the child not just the parent. No harm and no reciprocation of harm. That is the principle we should be going by.
Allah bless you, really appreciate your effort towards helping those experiencing much emotional trauma with connection to this important topic and as a result live in confusion as to how to behave and respond both internally and externally , as islamic counselling and religious knowledge and guidance is much needed for inner peace
I have my mother yelling at me no matter what I do.. I have done and sacrificed so much for her but still she hurts me and swear at me and sometimes it becomes unbearable..and most of the time her yelling doesn't stop until I say something...my mother had hurt more than anybody in my life and it just pain and hatred that I don't care about her feelings anymore.. even if I try to be kind .. it's gonna hurt me .. she's gonna take advantage of me.. I don't want to be hurt anymore..so I Just stopped caring about me..it gave me depression, abandonment issues and trust issues and a lot of trauma
Run for your life. Allah doesn't overburden a soul with more than it can handle.if you stay in that abuse it will destroy you and cause u psychological damage that u will carry for the rest of us life.some patents are just evil.
BARAKALLAHUFEEKUM!!!!!! May ALLAH give you and all of us Jannah firdaus! My father told me he can do with me whatever he wants ....he is allow to....I have no right to give conditions
Amazing Amazing beautiful lecture Dr Omar Suleiman! thank you in such a heartfelt way, which I've never thanked you before for this deep subject n reminder :)
Give me a break..you have no idea unless you are in our shoes...i was a kid who did well in school,offered salah & obeyed everything..but what did i get in return..my father kicked me in the head..i rolled on the floor ..my nose was bruised ..he later lied to the doctor about it ..he emotionally abused me for years..i cant bring myslef to forgive him I tried so hard But i couldn't.. Allah is my only hope.. I seek refuge in his mercy.. I hope Allah forgives me for cutting ties with my father ..
I feel like I stopped practicing islam to a degree largely due to my pain from my parents. I have narcissistically abusive parents and my mom was a psychopath who burned my skin to scare me from crying. Whenever I tell someone from the community or my family I was dismissed and told that I was being disobedient and I should respect and honour my parents regardless of what they did and my parents used islam as a shield to do whatever they wanted, I feel like islam betrayed me. Even when I looked it up online I only saw scholars teaching about the importance of staying respectful to our parents and keeping kinship regardless of the huge pain it causes us to do that when they won't ever admit their wrongdoings and stay abusive. I have no more sympathy to mine and I've been severely depressed for years and I feel like I can only hope that allah saw how my life unfolded to forgive me.
I suffer every night and day, I cry and pray that God will heal me from the decades of abuse my dad put me through physically emotionally, and verbally. I've tried to love and honor him the best I can and always look for the good but there is less than 1%. He has put me through so much I feel dirty. With every beating, with every lie, inconsideration lack of empathy, and emotional abuse. I pray one day I'm clean and untouched from his harm as if it never happened inshallah. I still pray for his well-being as well as my whole family but it hurts so much and I never deserved it. It's so sad to see what I dealt with and how little and pure I was I can't imagine how a grown man, a father can do this, it's so unfair. He was supposed to protect me not scare me and never make me feel safe. I want to end my life so often but I know it's a sin to do that, but I don't know if I will ever heal from this fully.
My father beat me, my brother and my mother any given day. He was verbally abusive to us especially my mother. Watching him beat my mother was unbearable and left me with a destroyed self esteem and depressed and anxious. Hitting my mom while she is pregnant, dragging her by her hair, smashing a laptop on her knee until they broke (both her knee and the laptop) and smashing a thick glass on her are just a few things. All I could do was watch this abuse feeling hopeless for years and it just got worse and worse. We were just children and for little things that kids do, like leaving a toy on the floor my dad would beat us until my tiny little heart felt like pounding out of my chest out of fear. After 21 years of this abuse, I really don’t want anything to do with him. My confliction comes from what the Quran says about treating parents with respect and not cutting out blood ties. Because if I go by this then I’ll be in so much pain to be nice to the person who abused me and my loved ones for years. He was not an understanding person. The advice given in this video to tell your dad his words are hurtful. If I did that I’d get screamed and cursed at or he would curse my mother and blame it on her. It was paralyzing fear. The trauma I carry forever..
Dont listen to this garbage made by people out of touch with reality...common sense you dont need to maintain ties of kinship with those who endanger your safety
People with angelic parents will NEVER understand those who have demonic parents. So easy for them to give beautiful verses without understanding the other person's situation.
U r 100 percentage correct
You are absolutely correct you will make them understand your parents are narcissist
Exactly ! Abuse and trauma is real and effects the child’s life and their relationships with others
Exactly
We have to get abused children the right help and into serious counselling, because the repeated cycle of abuse needs to stop.
Abusive parents are a greater pandemic than Covid-19 and the damage they do is deeper and more enduring. I was in a suicidal state of mind for years because of a lifetime of being degraded, beaten, and all the while being told I deserved it. When I told them how I couldn't stop wanting to die, they basically pushed me aside and told me it wasn't their problem. My pain as caused by them is simply, "not their problem." Walahi, if it wasn't for Allah, I'd be dead today. It was emotional hell on Earth for years. I'm leaving soon Inshallah, now that I'm stronger and stable thanks to Allah's guidance. But really... every time they tell me they love me (which is as rare as the new moon), I know in my heart it's a lie - it has to be. Nobody can truly love someone and simultaneously do everything they can to break that person's spirit.
Sheikh, I hope that you thank Allah every single second of your life that your mother's presence could have only been bettered by an angel's. The darkness that I and millions of children are throw into because of cruel parents is wicked and many are not as fortunate as myself to climb out of that darkness.
Jazak Allah Khairan for making an effort to talk about this.
@@fatimacraft Inshallah. Thank you and same to you.
Brother, I have a similar situation as you, I m so traumatized by my toxic father. I don't know how to deal with this situation
@@sharminkhatoon619 Pray to Allah like you are drowning. There is no wall between Allah and the prayer of the broken hearted who are oppressed.
I will pray for you also. May Allah grant you a way out and soften your father's heart.
@@khaledhassan4706 thank you for sharing your story. I am facing really bad thoughts and a very difficult, mindset (sometimes suicidal) because of my parents... it feels like i'm in quicksand.
i am trying so hard not to hate myself and to get better so I can serve Allah better... therapy is pretty expensive but i'm trying to be smarter with my budget and priorities. the only thing pushing me to therapy is this constant pain in my chest that paralyses me everyday and i'm holding on to Allah for dear life so that he can help me with this internal battle that's ruining my life and relationships and expression and communication. But hope is a discipline, so I'll keep trying everyday. May God help us stay strong till the day we get eternal peace. Again, thank you for sharing your story, it feels good knowing I'm not alone
@@deemag1415 Pray to Allah like you're drowning. There is no wall between the dua of the broken hearted and Allah - so long as you keep turning to Allah, an answer is guaranteed. I am speaking from personal experience.
As for therapy, read about psychology and spend a lot of time reflecting on your beliefs. Journaling is excellent because it helps you to see the patterns in your mind. With courage and effort, you can learn to change the way you think and feel about yourself by changing that inner voice. No matter what others say, you deserve kindness and should not feel bad about speaking kindly to yourself.
Allah made you dignified and honored. When you come out of the pain, you will have an emotional and mental strength that others will envy. May Allah bring ease to your heart, protect you, and soften your parents.
And memorize Surah AdDuha and learn about when it was revealed to the Prophet SAWS.
More and more Muslim scholars need to start talking about this, it has turned into a generational trauma throughout the muslim ummah owing to the patriarchal toxic mindset. This is turning into a malignant disease and extended family DOES not like to intervene or even believe or empathise with the abused. There are so many wounded souls carrying this pain with no relief in sight even after middle age.
Abuse can continue only when everyone is keeping it a secret "in the family". I won't be secret about anything anymore and extend the negative cycle of abusive relationships. In order to take responsibility for our own lives, I have confronted my parents to speak the truth and set boundaries. Sarcasm is frequently deployed to shut down uncomfortable conversation. Having painful discussions and learning to live with the discomfort is the only way to stop problems going from bad to worse.
Quran 4:135 O you who believe, always stand on the side of justice and be witnesses for Allah eventhough it be against yourself or against your parents or relatives.
Easier said then done Zahara, every one's situation is different, every one's threshold is different, everyone is not as emotionally and psychologically strong to stand up to the oppression. It is worse if one of the parents is a narscisstic personality type (most are bcs they carry their own personal past baggage) then there are other factors that come into play, like lying, manipulation, gas lighting etc. And when one sets out to seek help of any kind, you are given this never ending lecture on 'sabar' and 'aazmaish' from the same people who walked out on their own parents very early in life on some minor differences. Nobody wants to address the issue, see it as a psychological disorder or dysfunctionality within the family unit. The cultural inhibitions, denial and delusion makes it far worse, for both women and men. Kudos to you ❤️ for mustering the courage to stand in your own truth, may Allah bless all with similar resolve inshAllah. Aameen. I am so grateful that this conversation has even been initiated to begin with. May it bring healing insights and relief to all in this kind of emotional trauma and our wonderful scholars the strength and understanding to share the knowledge about it.
@@cruellacinderella If you recognise there's a problem, you're stronger than the rest of them who are too blind or deaf as Allah has put a veil on their hearts. You're the Light among the darkness. Those who speak the truth are always vilified. Like the Prophet who had to Hijra to avoid persecution after he had tried his best. If all else fails, we do our Hijra too.
@@zahara6355 well said.
Yeah, no one talks about this topic in the ummah
sadly no one talk about narcissist abuseive parents.. because they hide behind relegious power they have.. very sad.. but remember ALLAH is watching
Yess that’s abseloutly sad they don’t get it
Look up surviving narcissistic abuse if indeed it was narcissistic abuse: which is typically signified by you being scapgoated by the narcissistic, the narcissist turning everyone against you. Now if it's just straight abuse of power just because they "have"the power. That's slightly different. A previous post mentions gaslighting. Yes that's part of narcissistic abuse... they teri to distort facts to make you doubt yourself. And everyone else too
@S they push you on a level that you cannot explain.. its truly test from ALLAH
It is evil at its finest. People need to be aware of narcissistic abuse and how to free yourself from that trauma. They are the most dangerous people in the world bc they look so good to the outside and only you know the truth evil within
Abusive relatives including parents also hide behind family politics and social status!
The fact that all of us looked this subject up and are watching this shows how hard a child tries and fights to keep up their relationship with their parents and to keep obeying them and Allah swt. May Allah swt bless us and give us sabr for this
This ^
Every child deserves a parent. Not every parent deserves a child.
What a brilliant topic. I was thinking about it last night.
Why do our parents only speak of their rights and not their children’s rights?
What about my mother beating us so bad that I once passed out? How about the fear that paralized me when my dad came home. Not knowing what would trigger him and the madness will continue for hours or even days.
I’m almost 60 and I’m carrying all this.
The good thing is I’m a very good daughter who raised my siblings and cares for them.
I’m a good daughter to my parents and I’m the ONLY one who had to move from Europe to the MIddle East in order to take care of my mum when she needs to e-cards for.
I wait for my reward to be given by Allah most high.
I’m not bitter I’ve forgiven them but my mind is carrying the trauma.
Alhamdullilah for everything. Alhamdullilah.
Assalamu alaykum sister. I think now is the time to take care of yourself and heal. Release the trauma inside. Sometimes we have to go to psychologist or psychiatrist for help. It's costly but your mental health is precious.
As kids we didn't know any better. You did your best! and you have Allah the Most Merciful. inshAllah your rank will be elevated in the next life.
Don't think about it anymore. Keep smiling because there is nothing else to do ..
Sending hugs.
I have a similar situation however the good daughter in our family is my oldest sister. She probably holds the most trauma she is in her 30s and we always wonder if my dad will eventually murder our mother. She bears a lot of patience more then the rest of us. I pray that she is rewarded with ease and same for you. Ya rab this is not an easy test
Your childhood experience is similar to my own and I'm the same age. My parents refused to admit anything and my trauma kept me away from them, which helped me to heal. There was no reconciliation but I have complete forgiveness for them. I pray it's enough. The replies you have had here from others are so wise and compassionate. I wish you well.
I am grateful this subject was addressed as I am a new convert and there is so much to learn.
I am sorry that you had to go through all that.
May Allah grant you jannatul firdous sister, Ameen💕
I really wish this topic was more addressed in the muslim community. When your parents called you a burden your whole life and constantly told you that you were never gonna be succeed in life and physically and emotionally abused you it takes a toll on your self esteem, confidence and how others perceive you.
Yes I agree. There are more talk about doing good to your parents and not much on being a good parent.
May Allah make it easy for us. And help us heal. Ameen.
@Bushra S ukthi, I thought my abuse was actually normal, when I met my wife she broke down crying because of how trauma I went through. There was a time when I was told it’s not normal in school; but I was so scared to speak out. I was scared of being a dad because of it, I didn’t know what it actually meant. I owe my life to Allah.
Yes In a Muslim community you don’t hear such topic because parents are always right and we have to obey them
@@georgehoffman3439 it’s so sad
Some parents really damage their children then act righteous in front of the world
True
Indeed. And their children tend to lead a double life as well. They act righteous in front of their parents, but they are the complete opposite behind their backs. It's a vicious cycle.
So true like my mum. She’s a narcissistic mother.
@@izzy.imine also
@@izzy.i I feel you, I've been through it as well, but this isn't the right way of honoring your parents by making it public news
Name Calling kids as monkeys, buffaloes, pigs are also an abuse. Constantly judging children from their past mistakes, bringing up stale incidences by a child and poking it trying to prove as parent that they were always correct is also a form of abuse. Dictating to kids all the time and infringing their self development is also an abuse. Turning kids away from seeking parents help is also abuse. Chasing them away when they do not behave as per family rules is also a abuse. Not understanding the child’s needs wishes, desires and piling up in them filial responsibilities is also an abuse. Telling children that you are a burden, useless, good for nothing, what’s the point of giving birth to you, you are unlucky. Will just create a child who will be scheming to get away from the parent as much as possible. Manipulative,Narcissistic and Mean parents do exist and a lot of children suffer till their very old ripe age because of their parent’s behaviour. No Islamic reminder or Shahaba story can embalm their hurt or make their pain fade. Only make them hate their parents more and more. Such kids need only one reminder! Yes Evil exist in many form. Stay away from hurt and keep away from what reminds or continue to hurt. Allah is very Just and HE knows best.
This reallly resonated with me. So so so true. Those are all forms of abuse and i can relate
to everything
So true and ameen
Very well pointed out. Me and my siblings have suffered many of these abuses. And still suffering. But now i have put my trust on Allah and left the rest on him. InnShaa'allah better days are coming.
True! I too have suffered the same. I am 40 and still not over it. Rather I stew over it everyday. My intelligence and self confidence is plagued due to them. Sigh! What’s the point. Damage is done
That’s exactly what my parents do to me and I am close to 40 :(
We need to heal. The pain is too much. May Allah heal us all.
I wish we had more examples addressing abusive parents who twist the religion to justify their abuse. Living with a parent like that is a nightmare, its living with an emotionally immature bully who acts like its okay to use their family like a verbal punching bag to vent out their problems leaving everyone around them psychologically scarred and messed up.
You just described my life. The quran coded justifications for the abuse are the absolute worst.
i was raised by a covert narcissist and it was a huge mental distress.
im the first born, so the pressure is bigger than the rest of my siblings.
stonewalling, silent treatment, being pinched till my skin was little ripped off, my thighs were full of bruises, cuz pinching me was her favorite. but i couldn't defend myself.
my dad kicked my head too.
I barely have "happy" childhood memories with them. I learned Islam by myself, and at school. I forgave them but the scars are still there. I know that what happened to me was written in the Lawh Mahfuz, so I tried to accept whatever that had happened to me.
After mental health awareness, i determine to break the chain of domestic abuse, i don't wanna be an abuser like them. Its embarrassing that in my age, i still have to appear to be busy so they don't get upset.
I think the idea of "parents are always right" needs to STOP. We, children, aren't their possessions who can be treated as they wish. We all belong to Allah, and in the akhirah, parents will also be questioned about how they take care of their children.
Please make more this kind of video. Im suffering from PTSD, and it affects me greatly. I hope by raising awareness, more parents will be more aware of their actions. 🙏💕🕊
I too learnt Islam by myself - it saved me. Stripping them of the power to affect me was like turning a corner. I was done crying, I was done being weak. Now I've been empowered by the Quran - I have the words and the courage from the Quran that reminds us of the true teachings of Allah that got twisted by man who use religion to control ppl.
Knowledge is power in learning how to deal with such people. The guidance from Quran empowered me with me the tools to stand for Justice and stand against injustice by those who manipulate and oppress others using covert psychological/emotional abuse, long before I discovered thru later therapy/counselling that what I was already doing to cope/combat it (going by the guidance from Quran) is exactly the medical advice prescribed by mental health doctors in order to heal from narcissistic abuse (a form of complex PTSD) see Dr Ramani.
I too am the eldest of 3 girls. When we were growing up dad and mum would always ask whose fault is it when something goes wrong (triangulation), threatening that we'll both get punished if one of us wouldn't own up. That encouraged us sisters to throw each other under the bus, rather than have each other's back , for fear of being subjected to vicious punishments. I'm still traumatised to this day seeing dad rub chilli in my 4yr old sister's eyes and her struggling to get away, screaming crying for help pitifully. Thereafter I was always protective of my siblings, shielding them from Dad's wrath, impatience and frustration stemming from his job, he would always come home angry. I protected my younger sisters from the worst of the abuse but now they deny that it ever happened(gaslighting) in order to remain in my parents good books.
I'm now studying Islamic psychology to integrate with counselling to help ppl heal and overcome narcissistic abuse.
But how did u guys come out of it?
It literally paralyzed me
I couldn't study i quit
I couldn't do anything in life
Ptsd really got me
@@nuzhatmarzana3497 We have to distance ourselves from toxic relationships in order to heal. If you keep drinking poison you're never going to get better.
23:96 repel Evil with Good (by that which is better) - when they attack me(over &over), rather than retaliate by attacking back (over & over resulting in stress) to exercise my right to defend myself, I walk away and disengage from their mind games: aligns with the fight or flight response (our inbuilt survival mechanism). If you get into the mud with them, you get dirty from the mud. Narcissists are better and dirtier fighters. Meet their behaviour with dignified silence(like Mary in the Quran) because we learnt long ago that narcissists never listened anyway. You play with fire you get burnt, so do not engage with Narcissists...you engage with the 😈 you become like the 😈 or you become the 😈's victim.
The guidance from the Quran aligns with mental health advice! The Quran gave me the permission to step away from the toxicity, to not have a victim mentality.
Why do bad things happen to good people?
Allah puts evil people in our path bcoz the true believers have a duty to stop evil people from taking over the Earth…Allah uses the good people to teach evil ppl a lesson. A form of karma I suppose.
2:251 David killed Goliath and Allah gave him sovereignty...Had Allah not checked one set of people (the oppressors) by means of another, the earth would indeed be full of mischief
9:14 fight against them so that Allah will punish them by your hands and disgrace them and give you victory over them and heal the hearts of a believing people.
This life is a test. Every calamity/suffering is a blessing from Allah to draw you closer to Allah. Bcoz let's face it, most of us only seek Allah when we have no one else to turn to for help. That's why bad things happen to good ppl. Every test (calamity/suffering) you go through makes you stronger: you pass Level 1, then later you pass Level 8 so gain a Level 8 qualification. Narcissism is of the 😈. If you've overcomed Narcissism, you've overcomed the 😈
i know.. right now, i'm a mother i always remind myself and husband.. treat our children as human being.. they might small now, but they will grow.. respect them as a human being, children does not want luxury, they need to love and kindness of parents. with these two, they certainly can be a great human being.. they will find a way, as long as they know that they've supportive parents. i broke into tears reading your comments, coz i understand the situation 😢😢😢
@@intannazifah8126 hello sister! im super happy that you have such a beautiful awareness! im sure 100% that your children will be growing up full of love from their parents. your love will be always remembered by them for eternity. i can already feel your loving heart :)
I hope you'll be always given strength to walk in the path of love. 🙏💕
I've been struggling with this for the longest time. You just never know how to handle these kind of situations because some parents really damage their children but we feel incredibly guilty to speak up or know how to react because we're always told about the rights of the parents but not the rights of the child.
Exactly
So many ppl dont understand us😭💖
Yes true
May Allah make it easy for us. Ameen.
The rights of the child are always ignored and not listened to. Especially the emotional side of rights.
I think we need more people talking about how it is wrong to abuse in the friday khutbas because that is where our parents go every friday to listen to advice
A lot of abusers do not go to listen to advice
A lot of them go to receive the reward for listening only. They leave what they've listened to at the masajid
Otherwise they would act upon it too.
You talk about abuse like it’s a normal thing..NONE SHOULD EVER ABUSE!
@@creativeideas012 well it is their fault if they don't listen but it wouldn't do harm to still preach, if they come to Allah on judgment day they won't have an excuse that they "didn't know it was wrong" or whatever. The less we speak about it it is as if we have accepted it, it is not enough to be silently against abuse, we must speak out.
May Allah answer the dua of the oppressed ameen
@@honeybee3579 ameen
I didn't come here by coincidence I actually looked at the topic. I'm 30 but I have never told this to anyone but I am consistently abused by my mom. Not physical but emotional 😭 Since my first year of university , we moved from the family home, I took an apartment for the two of us cause I couldnt take the constant pressure of the house, she was fighting with everybody. We've been through hell. I've never let down of her. Now Alhamdoulilah things got better. But I'm exhausted by her toxicity. Whatever I work hard for whatever I achieve she always says it's thanks to her cause she prayed for that. She is consistently controlling me and everything little aspect of my life. She is very supertitious, thinks everybody is her enemy, Cold War war every neighbor.. telling her family want to kill her, she doesn't use her own bathroom cause there is some evil inside, doesn't want to eat in the dining room cause there is something evil that wanna kill her, doesn't like to use the kitchen cause something evil is inside.. doesn't even want to sleep in her own bed cause the devil is inside I had to fight with her for her to actually sleep in her bed.. she put some weird stuff in her bedroom's window to block evil eyes..It sounds crazy but that my life with her. Lately she is having feet pain when the pain comes she cries telling this is the work of evil people they wanna kill her. I'm like mom let me take you to the doctor she doesn't want to. She is using encense which is supposed to chase away evil. I can't stand the smell, I suffocate in the house, give me headache because of the lack of oxygen. She also uses some red and white powders telling itself healing her. She puts it everywhere in the house. I have to clean my bedroom three times a a day.. because I couldnt deal with her lack of hygiene, I hired a maid to clean the house on a daily basis cause I can't work and clean the house several time a day. She just accused them of different things just to get rid of them. Now we are alone again, she puts dirt everywhere the second I clean the house. She is now using my bathroom and I'm using hers cause she is afraid of hers. The state of the bathroom she uses is unbelievable you have to see it to believe it. I am even not mentioning her behavior with my love life. I have sacrificed my whole life for her to be good cause her entire family rejected her. I make money but I absolutely have no savings cause everything have to be spent on her and the house. It's actually my apartment I'm paying for my own money but I don't even have a key for my own apartment. She keep telling I'm not responsible enough to keep the apartment key. She made sure to destroy the relationship with my dearest friends telling they are evil. She curses me sometimes telling I don't respect her I don't love her I don't I don't... God knows I don't wanna do her wrong or hurt her in any way but sometimes I just explode cursing her.. I always cry after doing that cause I don't want to act in a certain way with her and I'm ashamed towards my lord Allah. But God knows the hell she puts me in. Sometimes I just wanna kill myself and end everything cause I don't want to do. I cannot reject her or cut her off. I'm so tired. As I write I feel so weak cause I'm so tired of her. And I am remorseful cause I'm afraid I'm a bad daughter. I'm afraid god is not content with me. I can't talk to anyone cause I'm even ashamed to tell this to anyone I know. Please pray for me as I always pray for myself for Allah to help me and give me sabr to endure this persisting emotional trauma. May Allah help everyone who is dealing with abusive parents.
She is not mentally stable.
Sister your mother os severely mentally ill and needs a doctor and medication for her psychosis.
Another topic is the ignorance of Scholars through their lack of experience and unwillingness to open their minds to the experiences of others and make rulings surrounding those experiences. Not everyone gets to live a perfect simple life.
The scholars are so disconnected. They just parrot the books they read and fail miserably to make that connection to the real circumstances of people's lives. Yes, parents deserve respect, but they also need to act with respect. Scholars don't do enough to school the parents and it leaves children, who are weak and innocent, to bear the burden of their abuse and the weight of their parent's ugly character, all alone. Scholars will side with a tyrant just for being a parent and neglect the weak just for being a child.
Exactly. They think that we all have the same normal life and that our parents r all the same. They are so detached from the community.
Exactly! I’m tired of inexperienced Sheikhs telling me to “just respect your parents” as if respecting a disrespectful person is first sane and second right.
Wait- scholars can be wrong? Like, I'm GENUINELY asking
@@imtootired7623 Yes they can be.
Lucky those who received unconditional love from their parents, they cannot relate and understand that’s why it’s easy for them to love respect and obey their parents, and the support that they get from their parents of course no one would want to lose such parents
i hate when videos like this don't emphasize on the intensity of the abuse, and how detrimental it is to the child, parents like this destroyed their children's life, i want to hear about the punishment they are going to get when they die, i want scholars to berate an abusive parent with as much intensity as they berate a disobidient child. they dont deserve a single ounce of respect.
yes
I agree
Exactly
I had to leave the house and my mother alone because I couldn't take it anymore. I had severe depression and anxiety because of her behavior towards me... I try to mend our relationship but she is so difficult and is guilt tripping me (to come back) that I abandoned her and that in Islam it is bad. But Allah is a witness that I was at my limit. Just today I tried again to call her but she kept refusing it because I didn't call her one day so "Don't talk to me again, forget I am your mother"... People speak so much about how children need to love and honour their parents but never on what a parents should and shouldn't do. Tbh I felt like a slave and in her understanding Islam allows it.
💯 this topic need to be brought up on how parents should treat thier child because they believe they done nothing wrong and they wonder why their kids go against them or go stray on the wrong path. My Allah swt guide us and out parents Ameen.
My mum is driving me crazy. She’s a narcissist. I do so much for her. Given her everything she wants but still not good enough. Always threatening me that if I don’t listen to her or do everything as to her say or obey her or pleased her, I will not go to heaven.
She is clearly a narcissist and she will never change and it has nothing to do with religion, they really don't care about religion and use it as a shield behind their mask
Where did yu left for I wish I could leave this place of hell as well ,as I am in confinement since 8years with my any fault or sin,alone with no one
I want to badly leave my house. My mother is narcissist and mentally abusive. They also admitted that they hate me so there's no point to stay here. But I've done nothing wrong... Never was a spoiled child still they hate me cuz they spent money on my education
the way the parents have tortured me from my childhood and torturing me now in my adulthood, i can't express the pain, why are these people allowed to be parents
The one statement that has left my heart broken and bleeding is when I was about 12-15 years old and my father said to my mother "I wish you had been infertile." My father is a narcissist. He is abusive; resorting to physical, verbal and psychological abuse. He makes things up about the rights of a father in Islam to benefit himself. He dictates me about my duty towards my younger siblings (who were abusive towards me in their ignorance). We live under the same roof and often times he wouldn't even acknowledge my existence. I'm a 27 years old woman and my father still threatens me with physical abuse. And he has turned my heart away from the idea of getting married because Wallahi I don't feel safe around men. I won't ever be able to trust a man as my husband that he wouldn't resort to beating me up and abusing me.
Sis I feel your pain. But pls for the love of heaven and everything good in life , don’t deprive yourself of the love that you deserve to receive in the fear of the pain that you’ve received 🥺
If you can, please move out from their house to protect yourself from being abused.
@@nadiajr1500
I am trying really hard to get away, to do that, but I find it really unsure because as a girl, they never empowered about my any rights, and confined me for 7years, the entire family & relative has the traits since its their mother who controls them,in hedious & malicious way and their ego gets hurts when even we tried to speak for our rights and living and never ever listened yet blame it all on me, they all are against education and the awareness,they dont care at all about your mental health, they brags their own self entitlement life & what not, in those years of confinement which is going on yet, they caused me severe depression, anxiety, AVPD, PTSD which I was unaware about the real cause of it all is PTSD, I am usually a multi tasker girl but after encountering such people day to day, including my narcissists parents, they both abandoned me in a very place which is their own abuser narcissists relative who controlled our whole life, everything has to happen according to their will,or else they confine in an unknown forest place all alone and that's what I have been through
(They refers to: malignant father who did it on purpose to appease another narcissists who is a female, my adopted mother's brother and his wife) both side of my parents are abuses and narcissists even their kids who are supposed to be an adult for me, but father's side relative all the time abused the whole time to us,my covert mom and the whole day, her daughter who acts as a pious muslim (A narcissists cousin from the narcissists father side) feels entitlement to everything that belongs to me & us and snatched away everything our entire childhood and our parent's growth or peace and their relationship, and that narcissists cousin older than me acts as if she is a just as my age, infront of me and used to mirror all my positive habits and daily lifestyle,literally everything, my clothing and beauty,but couldn't afford my intellectual and interpersonal,grace,habits and beauty,so somehow her narcissists mother found a scapegoat guy to wed her off by hovering him for long periods of time, even faking prayers & acting all pious,using religion for their pure character,playing women card so that she could not move a inch in her life as she is dumb,they use everyone ,abuses them and discard them,same toxic pattern and eventually the married guy realizes but couldn't even point anything at her,as both narc are ready to end the world and both daughter, we cut off them long time age after my teenage years,after my successfull schooling and excellence in my matrics, then both daughter and mom acts as one,as you knows how it is basically a bee hives for these abusers, and both of them tried to incite things from me again in the name of religion as a shield,behind their ill existence and life,her ill-literate daughter unfortunate human
had the audacity to put me down by replying by herself by mirroring my own words and language, like can you imagine such people,who are so low and lacks even a pure,Good character & personality & abuses you for your personality and good Qualities and self awareness and consciousness and praises their own personality like says that they are walking earth on god and claimed the same things,before hovering that guy as his husband,that she is all pious and innocent and as soon as he faced them in their own reality,their illusion world full of lies got over for him yet he makes that marriage work, because that's how narcissists world work, Religion as their piousness and as weapon for all,to be fit in this world!
@@nadiajr1500 but it is not about them, it is about my life with abuse of covert Narcissists mother for 8years, suffering from PTSD and I see a no way out from anywhere,because they never listened to help me before now I have lost things in life
plz get away from anyone who makes u feel that way no matter how big of a fight it takes - just keep praying and like others who go through that plz beleive in the beauty of what marriages can be please may allah bless you and help you but really even if it's not easy to get away from family but i have done it shamelessly and even if i was criticize for it i swear wallahi it's so worth fighting and living for - good luck
Yes this topic hurts every single person with narcissistic parents/parent
They are severely abusive, mostly in invisible ways - emotional abuse
It's frustrating that so many religious personalities repeatedly use the term 'OBEY your parents/you must be OBEDIENT to them' when nowhere in the Qur'an or hadith the term atee'ul waalidain is mentioned
Atee'ullah wa atee'urrasool (obey Allah & obey the Prophet ص) is the only command mentioned & for parents only 'birr ul waalidain (goodness, kindness, etc towards parents)' is mentioned only
Please correct this repeated advice as I have yet to come across such a command in the Qur'an or ahadith
JazaakAllah khair
Honour/obey parents is in Bible not in Quran, but in "Muslim cultures". Grew up in an abusive Christian family who used the Bible to justify the abuse. The guidance from Quran gave me the permission to step away from the toxicity, to not have a victim mentality.
My abusive parents left a scar on me for which i will not be happy for ever
I have tolerated my mothers narcissism my whole life. She not only destroyed my self esteem but also did black magic on me and my brother. Just to have full control of our lives to destroy our lives in her evil way. We told her abuse to our neighbours. But it backfired on us. She convinced them that we are lying and we are being ungrateful.
I can't belive this. I'm so sorry.... I believe you, I know these people do exist, shame on the people who do not help people who need it
@@honeybee3579 thanks for your support sister
@@humairaoyshe4039 Do you still live with your parents...
I’m going through a similar situation . May Allah help us
same thing is happening to me, except the magic cuz she controls my life without that
I wish my parents could understand this.
This English is too complicated for my mother to understand 😭
How can I ever get the message across to her?!
Jazakallakhair for this video.
You are right, yes this video doesn't help children of highly abusive narcissistic mothers 😥😢😰😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Allah SWT has to provide special help to such helpless innocent children😭 Thavakkalthu Alallah🤲🏼
I feel u.
@@JollywoodEmpire Jazakallakhair Dear. Can you please tell me what Dua that is?
@@CatsandAnimals213 Thank You 💞
@@JollywoodEmpire plz tell me the dua
@@JollywoodEmpire plz tell the dua
Masya Allah. angels in your presence series brought me to this, i hope the team will put the subtitles in new videos since i’m deaf.. jazakallah
Can we get a bunch of likes on the original comment so they may generate captions, even if they are auto generated for accessibility for those who may be hearing impaired inshallah!
@serene serene please☺️ i appreciate your help. thank you so much brother
Allah grant you highest jannatulfirdoos andd givee you and your family longest strongest happiest life
@@yoonrangi have an idea: use the sound recorder app speech to text function like what reporters use nowadays when recording interview.
@@zahara6355 will try! thanks😊
Yaqeen institute please make a detailed series about parenting in the shadow of Islam. It will help young parents in shaping them in right direction. There's a lot of confusion about the right parenting. Parenting itself is a huge struggle but if we are sure about the right way it will bring ease in the process. It's a humble request, please make a series about this topic.
JazakAllah Khair
Please please talk about daughters rights on parents as well which are so badly neglected and out of respect we daughters stay silent,no rights in inheritance,emotional blackmailing,putting pressure on daughters to go against their husbands,do too much for parents but still they are not happy.please please do we have any rights in islam i wonder.
YESSSSSS
True
OMG YESSSS
What do you mean no right in inheritance? If there are two daughters and a son, the daughters get 1/4th each. Women have inheritance rights in Islam. You need the backing of Islamically knowledgeable people to help you.
@@Ana-rb7ws 1/3
thank you so much for being the first one to help us relieve ourselves from the one sided "guilt" of not having good parental relationship.
Jazak allah khair sheikh Omar
I agree with many in this comments section, this Didnt Help.
critical cultural issues have been overlooked in the discussion , it's so much deeper than this , what about an alcoholic dad, someone who is unjust to his kids , physical and emotional abuse, parents that aren't respectable in their speech , fathers that commit adultry , evil mothers that compare and are passive aggressive, toxic house holds , with no love , what about the people that never had relationships with their parents because of all the problems and pain and abuse and have become avoidant even if they are in the same home and much more .
This doesn't scratch the surface and leaves us with more frustration and pain.
Like many said this needs to be elaborated and taken to much deeper levels , because when you're not a victim of abuse it is difficult to understand the dark dynamics of it and what the victim suffers and how they suffer.
Stayed in contact with my parents for my children's sake so as not to deprive them of grandparents. Now I have to cut off my toxic parents for my children's sake. I had let them ill treat me for so long, now they were doing the same to my children too.
I was second guessing myself after I went "no-contact with family of origin" as a final resort, as Islam says to honour my parents and family ties, on the other hand to uphold good and forbid evil as the overarching principles (going through a period of grieving for the "lost" of the family I grew up in). I prayed for guidance then all of a sudden videos from clinical psychologists/mental health doctors specialising in narcissistic abuse popped up on my YT feed see Dr Ramani. That was the first time I knew what the term narcissism actually meant (in fact psychologists consider Narcissism like a 'religion' in itself bcoz of its influence on people's mindsets and actions...religion of the 😈). The Quran provided guidance to combat narcissism which is destroying the fabric of society (families) long before modern science confirmed it! Bcoz narcissism is of the 😈 - all the deadly sins in one.
Following the guidance in the Quran(which is confirmed by modern science and the medical/mental health profession!), is the only way the family I grew up in will ever reconcile. Quran says the true believers are those who stand up for what is right and stand against what is wrong...To uphold Good, you have to defeat Evil. otherwise Evil ppl will overwhelm the Good.
It's not in our nature/natural state (fitrah - we are born good) to "when you're hit on one cheek, offer the other cheek". The repressed negative energy channels itself elsewhere. A case of the abused becomes the abuser. Those who are oppressed become the oppressors. We have to break the negative cycle of abusive relationships. "Trauma bonding" - the stress from the toxic relationship with my family of origin was turning me into a person I no longer like, I didn't like the person I had to become as a survival mechanism because of them. When you hang out with Evil people either you become like them or you become their victim. It was starting to affect my children too so I had to distance ourselves from the toxicity. I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of my children(in order to fulfill my responsibility as a mother), put on my own oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs.
@@zahara6355 thank you for sharing your experience , thank you for your openness and honesty, I feel for you and your kids and your decision was brave and painful. May allah guide you to what is right and may Allah guide your parents to goodness and mine too. It's been a very painful journey and constantly at war with myself thinking if I will ever make it to jannah with these parents , because I cant seem to make it right and I feel you .
thank you for the recommendation of watching Dr Ramani , it's been very eye opening , understanding the toxicity of having two narcissistic parents.
Thank you for understanding, and thank you for extending this kindness I appreciate it with all my heart.
I wish you all the best may allah bless you in this life and the after life and may he grant you jannah. Jazak allah khair . Thank you .
Only because they have given birth us that doesn't mean that whatever they say are right . Again we also need to express our thoughts and feelings. It can be different from their opinion but it doesn't mean that we are wrong and ungrateful . Why parents nowadays don't understand their child's thoughts. It's so much awful 😢😓.
Comment section is way more relatable than the entire video itself
Exactly
Thank you!
Khabib incident really made me a little depressing because my situation isn't the general situation every like child parent has and this video soothed my distress, alhamdulillah:)
Yes same same
Thank you for this inclusive topic Sheik! May Allah reward you and your team for all your work and make it easy for the children suffering because of their parents.
The only thing i do nowadays is pray to Allah to get me out of this abusive, careless and manipulative house. No one has any idea how they damage your inner self and you bear this damage throughout your life time. Nothing will ever gonna heal you if you don't get the love and care you deserved from your parents.May Allah has mercy on us and grant us jannatul ferdous for passing this unbearable pain of this life .
Ameen! 🤲 ALLAHU AKBAR!
My mom is 73 and a liar. How can I be in a good relationship with her when I never know if she is honest with me. Because she was a very beautiful woman, she thought she was something better, she disregarded people who weren't good looking, or had some disabilities. A beautiful woman with a very small brain. How can I honor her when she only honors people that she has some benefits from. She made a hell of my and my siblings lives, and her attitude shows if she got another chance, she would do the same hell all over again.
Thanks for addressing this. This topic has torn me for several decades even under the 10 commandments and even more since I have become a Muslim. Because of domestic violence, emotional and other abuse, mental illness of both parents. The obligations to honor and even obey someone who continuously still abuses, without being aware of it. - Yet I believe, no-one gets more than he can bear.
And yes I believe, they have been as good parents as they could have been, under their understanding. After Allahs plan.
May Allah guid them ya rab alalameen
Thank you so much for this! ❤️ It is of extreme importance that this be spoken about. This “unspoken” form of abuse is so prevalent but we are made to hide in shame. I plead you to please go deeper into “narcissistic parents” specifically.
1. What are the characteristics of narcissistic parents?
2. Describe the forms of abuse that can take place (physical abuse, emotional abuse, gaslighting, smear campaigns, favouritism).
3. Describe the effects of this abuse on children (both young and older children).
4. Describe why this type of abuse is wrong.
5. Describe what healthy parenting looks like.
Why I feel it is important to address all of this is because for a lot of us, our experiences haven’t been validated. This is extremely traumatic. The guilt and shame when it comes to leaving your parents as they are given such a high rank in Islam makes everything more difficult. Of course, one should only go no contact ONLY AND ONLY if a situation truly warrants this; no one should ever take this lightly nor do I. But if one must like I had to, the guilt and shame of it is difficult. Having to pretend in front of your in-laws and others that all is well in your family when it isn’t takes a toll.
Many people also don’t seem to understand how the parent can be wrong. “All parents love their kids”. Explaining to most people this kind of abuse is futile because people only focus on the rank of parents in Islam, NOT on the way a good parent should be. It would be amazing for someone in our Islamic community to speak on this. I personally would feel so much more at peace and I know I am not alone.
I completely understand that it can seem daunting to speak about narcissistic parents as some people may accuse parents who are actually not narcissistic as being narcissistic. But I am certain it can be done in a way that would still respect our beautiful religion’s teachings while still honouring us as human beings. Please please please kindly consider this. ❤️🙏
Thank you for being one of the only scholars to address this very important matter. May Allah SWT bless you endlessly for it.
A recurring problem in the community is the abuse coming from narcissistic mothers. It’s heartbreaking to a child to not be able to find the comfort needed from a mother or honour her in the appropriate way because of constant, often undeserved abuse.
How does a child go about honouring a mother and bearing her when she refuses to show empathy and constantly demeans the child in the attempts of pointlessly displaying a power move?
Narcissism is hard to “diagnose” because the individuals are manipulative and often display fake images of themselves in the public, while being abusive in private.
Clinical psychologists all advise to 1. only have superficial conversations with them (anything more will lead to verbal abuse) - this is not really a viable option if you must live with them 2. Have 0 expectations for them to improve, 3. Just leave and don’t contact them again.
Islam justly says to not severe the bonds of kinship. So especially when it’s about such an important figure in Islam, it’s hard to just say “I’ll leave forever and not contact again.” Therefore, how does one protect themselves from the narcissistic mother?
I appreciate this isn’t something everybody can speak about, as it is a very complex situation, often not being understood by those who did not undergo narcissistic abuse - it is the type of abuse where a child lacks the inherent love from their mother, and faces either collateral or direct damage from gaslighting, manipulation and shame from her. However, it is a very important issue that I have seen occur to a lot of people.
I just need advice on how to fulfil my obligations and not incur the wrath of Allah, while still keeping sane 😭😂
Quran says the true believers are those who stand up for what is right and stand against what is wrong...To uphold Good, you have to defeat Evil. otherwise Evil ppl will overwhelm the Good.
It's not in our nature/natural state (fitrah - we are born good) to "when you're hit on one cheek, offer the other cheek". The repressed negative energy channels itself elsewhere. A case of the abused becomes the abuser. Those who are oppressed become the oppressors. We have to break the negative cycle of abusive relationships. "Trauma bonding" - the stress from the toxic relationship with my family of origin was turning me into a person I no longer like, I didn't like the person I had to become as a survival mechanism because of them. When you hang out with Evil people either you become like them or you become their victim. It was starting to affect my children too so I had to distance ourselves from the toxicity. I have to take care of myself first before I can take care of my children, put on my own oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs.
I forgive them wholeheartedly but I dont want to interact with them again until they mend their ways. It's like abuse related PTSD - reconnecting/associating with the ppl who victimized you brings back the trauma. Forgive and forget is not going to solve the problem...it would just exacerbate the problem - you're giving permission to the abuser to keep abusing others. Letting myself continue being the scapegoat is only fuelling the narcissism (narcissistic supply). Using me as a convenient scapegoat helped them avoid looking critically at their own responsibilities for the dysfunctional family.
Well said ladies. I too have a narcissistic mother and siblings who are oppressors. I agree with Zahara, limit contact as much as you can. For the sake of Allah I contact once a month by phone for a one minute conversation. That is the best I can do. I know you might be living with your parent, or mother who is a narc and the best you can do is limit your interaction with her and keep praying to Allah SWT to help and guide you out of this situation. Write your feelings down . That helped me . I tried getting extended family involved but that turned out to be a bad idea. It made things worse. Keep your faith, pray on time and beg and plead with Allah to ease your pain. Remember, there is no pain you go through that Allah doesn’t reward you for. This is your test!
Thank you!! Also, I didn’t know Lady Macbeth was muslim 👀 Mash’Allah sister, Allah revived you. I thought you died offstage
Indeed, and I frequently question am I in the wrong here? Am I being unreasonable as if I call her out on the abuse she turns the situation to make out it’s all me and she’s the victim. Then I wonder if Allah will ever forgive me. In the case of converts there’s a clear line you know who’s right, but this is too grey. I got counselling once and felt terrible like I was backbiting about her. Who is right here? Her or me? Am I being unreasonable to expect not to be insulted, gossiped about behind my back to rest of family and emotionally manipulated to move back in with her so she’s not alone?
@@tiyamoon you are a victim of devastating abuse, ig u should take therapy
mashallah sheikh has a so calming voice .may Allah bless him.ameen
This Sheikh's words are so wise and priceless.Much respect👍🏼🙏🏻
Unfortunately this video just doesn’t cover the extensiveness of abuse. It’s easy to cover the big topics on abuse and go by the politically correct answer. And I feel this approach to be the same for whoever you go to for counselling. It is always the rights of the parents or in my case the rights of a relative who brought me up from the age of 12. How much can parents/ those who brought you up actually get to dictate what you do in your life? Must you always listen to what they say and live their way of life? What about the clashing cultures of being brought up in the west and their ways and views of life(of course within Islamic boundaries). How much do they actually get to dictate in your life? I.e making a decision on who you marry and what you study, making you feel like a disobedient child when you have a slight different view. This video didn’t really answer much for me and I definitely think it’s a topic all people of knowledge speak upon. The same way topics of marriage/hellfire/obedience to parents etc are covered, emotional abuse, narcissism and blackmail of parents need to be covered. So many people who are now in their 20s and 30s are still dealing with these consequences. It is truly disheartening. Let’s speak about this more.
Unfortunately, our scholars and imams are way behind when it comes to narcissistic abuse and other types of toxic parents/elders. They still don't seem to understand how much harm they cause their kids. It is shocking.
@@amanoushkael5443 Because islam doesn't clearify about mentall health that well. I've read that If allah disagree with abusive parents and ounish them. Love forgive do god for ur parents, But if u can't help them ur allowed to leave them. Aslong as you don't lose path in islam to allah.
Prophet muhammed never abused his childrens and wife. But many parents cant follow or act the way muhammed did. Many people believed or brainwashed to never disobay their parents.
But allah said U are allowed for once to disobay when it coment to greediness, no charity, hate, violence .
@@amanoushkael5443 Maybe because their parents were not abusive. So that might be the reason they don't understand the severity of the situations for those who were abused by their parents.
In the Arab world and Muslims world we all the time heard about parents rights but we never hear about children rights😰
My parents mentally abused me with harsh words throughout my life, even to this day. I have forgiven them but the long term affects are horrible. I have children now and I have soo much struggle with my inner anger. When they do anything minor I feel like yelling at them. But Alhamdullilah my spouse has taught me how to keep my anger in bay and how to calm myself. Its such a horrible feeling. So much turmoil within myself just because I was abused. We need to speak more about this subject to the elders. it's so harmful and I feel it's in our Genes at some point. My sweet child sees me angry and I feel like hes learning it from me unknowingly 😔
Harassing children is not Islam, it's just a part of Arabic culture.
May Allah SWT bless us
C'mon, I'm asian and I don't understand why elders love to mix up culture and religion together tbh, I understand Allah have given them rights but they abused it really bad. Sometimes when even though it's not my fault, it will be due to my mom since she quickly assume stuff and only picks up the bad stuff about to share it with my father. My father on the other hand, believes my mom and instead of investigating both sides, he will offer me into a fight?.. Like, tons of bad outcomes m8🤦🏻♂️, unfortunately i would still need to apologize no matter what even got physically abused by my mom and dad(different times) I just had to stay patience. Is it hard to understand your child, apologize to them?
even Indians are like this
Black culture as well
Needed this. Especially after Khabib. Its not the same for some of us.
After Khabib? What happened?
@@meryem918 In conclusion, Khabib announced retirement because his mum didn't want him to fight anymore after the death of Abdulmanap Nurmagomedov, Khabib's father. In his last fight, Khabib told everyone to respect and love their parents no matter what happens in their lives. And that our parents make so much efforts for us and we should never forget it.
@@a.h.k.4085 We should respect and love the parents who deserve it, because some don't. And some evil people shouldn't have children in the first place
@@honeybee3579 yeahhh you're right. They shouldn't have had children.
I think everyone deserves love and respect. But if someone has evil parents, their love toward their parents won't change anything as it will not be realised. I believe we should be completely independent from our parents. They can abuse us and our feelings. Still, we better respect them. 😌
May Allah help us and grant us ease. Ameen.
Parents like this so much too in my country.indonesia😢😢 stay strongh heart and sabr ,sabr until the last time.we realize we just tested in Dunya .sabr reward from Allah will we got.aaamiiin
:(( yes sister, let's have sabr
As a revert this has helped me a lot. Alhamdulillah I still have my father but I haven’t spoken to my mother in over 6 years (before I reverted ) through out my childhood and teen years she was in and out of rehab and very abusive I ended up in foster care for a time. My father was never contacted during that time. And my last straw was when she abused my daughter. And I haven’t spoken to her since. I’ve forgiven her and wish her no harm but I just don’t believe I need that kind of toxic relationship in my life or my children’s life. I’ve been a revert for two years and this has always eaten at me because I felt I was failing Allah
Whoever going thru family problems, may Allah give you sabr it’s only a matter of time and everything will go back to being okay your almost there InshAllah.
Sometimes a emotionally unstable, young single parent can become harsh, and unloving, become abusive or unappreciated towards a young innocent child may Allah forgive them. But this topic needs to be addressed more
Then keep your legs closed then
Jazhakallahu hair. Please we need an extensive series on this🙂 may allah give all of them who goes through abuse, betrayel etc by their parents a high level of sabr( patience) 🙂ameen ya rabbal alameen
JazakAllah Khair, I really needed this. It hurts when i listen to a khutba and the imam constantly mentions parents and love your parents and respect to parents and don’t disobey parents and how children can be horrible to their parents sometimes and I feel like a lot of imams can sometimes confuse cultural norms. I went to an imam for help for mental, emotional, and spiritual abuse from my parents and he dismissed me and actually made things worse for me by telling my parents- not in a way of support but look at your daughter airing your dirty laundry kind of way. May Allah forgive us all.
Jazakallhu hairan.. The message is soothing me .I am in terrible situation.
Honestly now I had been so much physically and mentally broken now I am numb. I have lost faith in everything and just living my life as a looser and being a looser is not that easy you are doing hardwork but atlast you know there is no good result daily wakeup listen negative things about yourself and act as normal and at night close the door and cry. But now I am used to it🙂
I hope everything is okay rn with you
If you need some support, feel free to contact me
I am going through the similar
You better get rid of the situation before it's too late.
I can relate girl. May Allah help us.
Jazakhallahu khayr for addressing such an important topic. May Allah reward you for this and all your efforts 🤲🏾🤲🏾🤲🏾🤲🏾❤️
Definitely a much needed topic requiring more discussion and help for those negatively affected by abusive parents.
Totally true !! I personnaly suffer a major prob th my abusive father ......I still never reply to his verbal abusive language......very hurtful and degrading......at the limit of saying your trash not my kids .....may God give me strength and he his 81 !!!
Why disgusting people always die so late. And the good people die young! Makes me so angry
Jazakallah khair
I really needed this
May Allah allow all of us to improve ourselves and our relation with our parents and our family members and also allow them to do the same, and may Allah keep us patient and grateful in these circumstances
Just wanna highlight one thing ...we ain't talking about abusive narcissit mushrik parents we're talking about muslim parents who practice islam,pray 5 times a day, Read Quran daily, have a perfect social life and yet abuse their children with all kinds of abusiveness that y'all can imagine beating, burning their children alive, cursing them, making fun of them in every occusion ,not giving them the bare minimum of affection, nutrition or any kind of requirements of life ..may Allah help us all to pass this test and be the best of ourselves to worship him and not to disobey our parents as possible as we can Allahouma ameen
Some parents will ware out their children to some levels. Some abuse is actually emotional, they will torment you into thinking you have not done enough for them
You know what's even more hurtful? When we show and share our greif to find a way out and are hit up with "obey you parents/ don't disrespect them" without even giving us the margine of being human. We don't like to disrespect them nor we want to disobey them but one should realise that not everything they demand is in our capacity. We are expected to understand them but they are free of such expectations just because the are parents. When a child comes to you about strict or abusive parent they don't need advices, because many of them are already in guilt of not been able to obey their parents, they want a solution or words of empathy. If you can't give them that at least try to understand what they are going through. It unfair. it's not easy to obey parents who demand things which you cannot do. And when you say "No" they say " wait till you have children, you will face the same what you do to us".Advices (whixh we already know) make us feel that we are unforgivable sinners and are definitely going to hell. But sometimes i realy wonder and get scared that Allah commands " do not say اف to them " and sometimes we do end up hurting them. But not on purpose. I am afraid that it may ruin our akhirah. 💔
The long talk was necessary. Jazakallah Sheikh.
My father was so abusive verbally when i was a teenager. I was affected very badly. And at that time i have been thinking he is right and i am wrong. And i was affected mentally so bad to the point which, he degraded me as 1/2 mentally affected person in front of relatives. He sometimes say "it would be better to have puppies rather than you which would be thankful than you". He treated me like a burden. And i still have bruises, I still have superior, interior issues and struggling to associate with society.
Now i know who was wrong and who was right.
if i even try to love my father my heart hates him. Even if i try to associate him my heart feels uncomfortable. Whenever he is present in my happiest moment i feel discomfort. I can not manage those feelings. what i do??????????
Dear brother, jazak Allah khair for reading my comment and request for this important issue. You can see by the comments that many people, young and old are suffering
We love to listen you Imam Omar. No matter how long it is.
Thanks br Omar, I did my best and I'm still trying to do my best
Jazakallah ya shikh for covering this topic as I'm always feeling guilty regarding my parents and it hurts me alot as i feel there's no hope to make things better.
I know from very close friends that a lot of them leave the religion because of their parents. There’s a lot of lectures on parents right but barely anything on children’s. And the trauma breaks their faith…
Good, balanced, video. I wish more men of religion had this courage and clarity.
May Allah reward you with Jannah Firdaus without reckoning. Aamiin.
Id rather distance myself from my family than end up in arguments with them amd potentially disrespect them. I have written letters stating clearly that I love them and am grateful and cherish the good memories, but that I need certainty that they will stop doing certain things if I want to be near them again.
I can relate to wanting to keep a healthy distance which allows you to avoid being harmed and at the same time allows you to fulfill your duty to be kind and respectful. This is the key that some religious and community leaders fail to address at times. How can you ask a child who is constantly being harmed by the abuse to be respectful. The first step is to stop the harm and then when they are in a position of strength you can ask them to forgive and be respectful and kind etc. The priority is the well-being of BOTH the parent AND the child not just the parent. No harm and no reciprocation of harm. That is the principle we should be going by.
Most of the time the harm is done by biological mothers
Narsisstic mother harm is way more damaging than fathers
This video is really important,
Please add English subtitle, may Allah bless us all and forgive our sins
Beautiful talk Imam
Allah bless you, really appreciate your effort towards helping those experiencing much emotional trauma with connection to this important topic and as a result live in confusion as to how to behave and respond both internally and externally , as islamic counselling and religious knowledge and guidance is much needed for inner peace
I have my mother yelling at me no matter what I do.. I have done and sacrificed so much for her but still she hurts me and swear at me and sometimes it becomes unbearable..and most of the time her yelling doesn't stop until I say something...my mother had hurt more than anybody in my life and it just pain and hatred that I don't care about her feelings anymore.. even if I try to be kind .. it's gonna hurt me .. she's gonna take advantage of me.. I don't want to be hurt anymore..so I Just stopped caring about me..it gave me depression, abandonment issues and trust issues and a lot of trauma
Run for your life. Allah doesn't overburden a soul with more than it can handle.if you stay in that abuse it will destroy you and cause u psychological damage that u will carry for the rest of us life.some patents are just evil.
@@newanas5271 jakakallah ✨
May Allah grant jannathulfirdouse to our parents
BARAKALLAHUFEEKUM!!!!!! May ALLAH give you and all of us Jannah firdaus!
My father told me he can do with me whatever he wants ....he is allow to....I have no right to give conditions
It's extremely sad that not enough of the imams in the mosques here in the UK are not talking about abuse... What are they scared of?
Definitely a topic that needs much more attention and help given to those negatively affected by abusive parents.
may allah bless you sir
Amazing Amazing beautiful lecture Dr Omar Suleiman! thank you in such a heartfelt way, which I've never thanked you before for this deep subject n reminder :)
Thank you so much. I was looking for something on this topic for so long.
JazakAllah Khair. Sheikh you have helped so much. May Allah reward you.
Love from Bangladesh 🇧🇩
May Allah reward you, and protect us 🤲
Mashaallah
Jazakumallah khairn
Jazzakallah akhi or ustadi Dr omer may Allah add to all of your efforts on the scale of the Hassanah
Give me a break..you have no idea unless you are in our shoes...i was a kid who did well in school,offered salah & obeyed everything..but what did i get in return..my father kicked me in the head..i rolled on the floor ..my nose was bruised ..he later lied to the doctor about it ..he emotionally abused me for years..i cant bring myslef to forgive him
I tried so hard
But i couldn't..
Allah is my only hope..
I seek refuge in his mercy..
I hope Allah forgives me for cutting ties with my father ..
Thank you. I needed this. I am not muslam, i learned so much from this ❤🙏
I feel like I stopped practicing islam to a degree largely due to my pain from my parents. I have narcissistically abusive parents and my mom was a psychopath who burned my skin to scare me from crying. Whenever I tell someone from the community or my family I was dismissed and told that I was being disobedient and I should respect and honour my parents regardless of what they did and my parents used islam as a shield to do whatever they wanted, I feel like islam betrayed me. Even when I looked it up online I only saw scholars teaching about the importance of staying respectful to our parents and keeping kinship regardless of the huge pain it causes us to do that when they won't ever admit their wrongdoings and stay abusive. I have no more sympathy to mine and I've been severely depressed for years and I feel like I can only hope that allah saw how my life unfolded to forgive me.
These comments gave me hope that I am not alone. Its to much to mention. Only Allah knows and understands.
I suffer every night and day, I cry and pray that God will heal me from the decades of abuse my dad put me through physically emotionally, and verbally. I've tried to love and honor him the best I can and always look for the good but there is less than 1%. He has put me through so much I feel dirty. With every beating, with every lie, inconsideration lack of empathy, and emotional abuse. I pray one day I'm clean and untouched from his harm as if it never happened inshallah. I still pray for his well-being as well as my whole family but it hurts so much and I never deserved it. It's so sad to see what I dealt with and how little and pure I was I can't imagine how a grown man, a father can do this, it's so unfair. He was supposed to protect me not scare me and never make me feel safe. I want to end my life so often but I know it's a sin to do that, but I don't know if I will ever heal from this fully.
Jazak Allah Khair for speaking beautifully on a difficult subject.
Sheikh, may ALLAH bless u and ur intelligence. Amiin.
the fact that we all seached this up is so sick itself
My father beat me, my brother and my mother any given day. He was verbally abusive to us especially my mother. Watching him beat my mother was unbearable and left me with a destroyed self esteem and depressed and anxious. Hitting my mom while she is pregnant, dragging her by her hair, smashing a laptop on her knee until they broke (both her knee and the laptop) and smashing a thick glass on her are just a few things. All I could do was watch this abuse feeling hopeless for years and it just got worse and worse. We were just children and for little things that kids do, like leaving a toy on the floor my dad would beat us until my tiny little heart felt like pounding out of my chest out of fear. After 21 years of this abuse, I really don’t want anything to do with him. My confliction comes from what the Quran says about treating parents with respect and not cutting out blood ties. Because if I go by this then I’ll be in so much pain to be nice to the person who abused me and my loved ones for years. He was not an understanding person. The advice given in this video to tell your dad his words are hurtful. If I did that I’d get screamed and cursed at or he would curse my mother and blame it on her. It was paralyzing fear. The trauma I carry forever..
Dont listen to this garbage made by people out of touch with reality...common sense you dont need to maintain ties of kinship with those who endanger your safety
Thank you so much for bringing up this topic.. Thank you so much....
Thank you so much......
great topic. Be blessed.