I had to cut ties, the suicidal ideations were getting dangerous, my marriage was suffering and I had a miscarriage. I still pray for them everyday and pray that Allah makes my relationship with them easier. But since limiting contact, I have gotten closer to Allah, my relationship with my husband has gotten better, and Alhumdulillah mentally getting better. Thank you for this episode, I needed to hear this today. Especially because I have been feeling sad and guilty about the limited contact
Islam is the one religion that is known not to associate partners with Allah. Yet the ego of the parents on children actually creates a character of association with Allah. My parents have treated me more like a burden than they ever have as a gift. follows my heart and treats others equally with love and respect. I am ashamed that they are so far gone in their ego and it will always be justified by my other siblings who fight for their validation and the only way to gain it is by coming together to hate, specially me. My father never protected me as a child, neither has my mother. I finally developed a relationship with my youngest brother and bc of him I’ve gained strength that I haven’t felt before. They are doing their best to
I am so happy to hear that finally a islamic person is admitting this. It's always taboo and parents are always seen as little angels. May Allah richly reward you. This hurts so much, if you've narcissistic parents. :(
Narcissistic parent act as if treating your kids with respect is haraam. I’ve been oppressed by my parents since a child and dealing with depression and anxiety to the point I can barely cope on a daily because of the torture I went through with them. Topics like this should be talk about more in Islam.
May god bless you sister… I have been feeling guilty for months for cutting ties with my mother… as my father was dying she turned him and all my brothers against me, the pain was unbearable… instead I’d grieving the loss of my father, I had deal with her drama and turning my brothers against me… she did much more. I cut her off and felt so guilty and depressed but she crossed so many lines and insisted she is innocent. You have relieved me from a heavy burden , may Allah reward you.
Send hugs for you…. I find the manipulative behavior of my narc mom is burdening too, and making everyone turn against me just to have the control is sickening. I wish you get the healing you need
In my case, when i found out that my mom is a narc, i got flashbacks of how her family treated me, it turned out that my grandma, my aunts, all of them from my mom’s family were showing the behavior of narcs. They all abused me mentally & verbally. And my mom also abused me mentally & verbally, plus physically (behind the door). When outsiders presented, she acted like an ideal mom. But when it’s just me & my mom, she turned devilish. She also always compared me n my sis, made my sis hate me & didn’t want to get along with me. And so many other things that Narcs did that I can’t write all of them here. I grew up with anxiety disorder & depression. Alhamdulillah i am muslim, islam helped me to have patient and not to kill myself when i was at my lowest. Islam also guides me to not lose hope. And islam also taught me that Allah will give me justice and that He loves us more than our parents, so i can rely on His love only. And not be so upset that i didn’t get the love from my mom.
The fact that you don't have much subs proves how little muslims discuss about this or watch topics about this....By the way, new sub here. May Allah grow your channel more.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook By the way, you could try sponsors (halal ofc) or reacting to trending narcissistic behaviours of celebrities or adding hashtags with your videos. If your views are 20% of your subscription count (example if you have 40 subs, you should expect 8 views per video) then you are doing well & your channel will continue to grow if you keep posting & if not don't worry, that means you need to improve more which is also fine.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook I agree, most people don't want to hear the truth. But I deed the truth sets us free!!! JazakAllah hu Khair Sister, may your words, advice, support and guidance help those who are seeking it Ameen. You have helped me so much in my understanding and I have recommended your book to my sister's as well! ❤❤❤
My goodness this is what I needed to hear this OPENED MY EYES. I am 32 years old and I am going through this still with my stepfather and mother ever since I was little. I am going to buy the book and read it inshallah ❤❤❤
Jazakallahu Khairan, sister for this discussion. I think it's important, though, that we recognize that abuse can also be psychological and emotional. Which is what I went through. I wasnt beaten at all, much less until I was black and I feel for anyone who that example rings true for. The psychological abuse I dealt with at the hands of my narcissistic mother set me up for my current relationship with my narcissistic husband. Thankful for this resource and discussion.
Thank you so much... I have narcissist parents and narcissist mother in law and most of my in-laws....i was searching for Islamic point of view on the topic because my all parents ( including inlaws) are pious and religious people and i was the problem..my father is now constantly telling me from last few months to seek forgiveness from him " i forgive you because you are my child but Allah will only forgive you if you seek forgiveness from your parents. Because you are committing a major sin...." These are his words.. and the sin i committed is to just confront him for his cruel behavior. Thank you so much for this effort. You are helping so much Muslim people dealing with it. There is almost nothing on internet about Muslim narcissism. May Allah bless you ❤
My grandmother makes my mother and her siblings go through hell and nobody understands,I've never seen a wicked mother😭😭😭😭😭😭😭,she is sunshine to others and very evil towards her children and grandchildren she is literally firauns sister,relatives pick her side my mom and her siblings are traumatized only us direct recipients of her narcissism understand,we've tried dua nothing works she will never change
This is SO important, thank you for adressing this topic. I thought like this as well when I was younger and didnt know my father was a narcissist. I realised a few months ago and stopped talking to him. I feel alive after decades. There is a lot of work to do, but now that I know the problem, inshaallah it will be easy. The hopelessness was the worst part.. that ayat about losing hope made me feel so bad, and I tried but couldnt... crying as I write this. Sister, there is a huge need to rise awareness in the muslim community. I dont know much about YT algorhythm and stuff but maybe you can make a interview with another islamic channel with wide range? The views are really not in proportion with the need imho.. jazakallah khair and keep up the good work ❤
Amazing podcast. I learned certain aspects about Islam that I never did before. I feel so alleviated and grateful. There's no doubt in my mind that Allah meant for me to cross paths with you as a form of "with difficulty comes ease". InshaAllah that my MIL is cut off. 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🕋🕋🕋
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته Mind you sister, I came on UA-cam searching for “how to deal with narcissistic people in Islam, came across this video & thought it was a miracle. I can safely say that 90% of the people in my family that mean something to me have pulled my hair out of my head emotionally but you said something that kind of ticked me out of my love for Allah (swt). You know Allah doesn’t have a give and take relationship because even the very people who continue to deny his existence and curse out his final message he sustains with mercy. Allah (swt) thinks of his creation to the very last moment regardless of who they are and they’re actions just like he did with Pharoah. Best of luck السلام عليكم 🌷
Ibrahim (as) used to pray for his father who had him thrown into the fire . It’s a super level of empath or islamically it’s called “ehsaan”. I guess it’s just best to do ur part & remain patience. They’re a test as well. Thanks for this podcast.
Another brilliant podcast sister! I've listened to them all now. Touched me so deeply 😢😢 I don't have Muslim mum but still applied it. I read and hear so many lectures obeying our mothers and the guilt is unreal with no contact. You've touched on so many issues for me. Your doing great works. Allah bless you always 💕💕
JazakAllah sister for explaining such a touching topic ,I'm from Pakistan and there is no schooler to touch this topic in such a beautiful way as you explain . I asked a Mufti sab about this he said tolerate. tolerate,only a psychologist guide me that your family members are narcist so make boundaries. But our socity have no awareness about this JazakAllah sis always remember you in my prayers you clear the many complications of my matter .I think this video is made for me
Alhamdulillah I've found it earlier and now I'm afraid that they can ruin my life but as a 15 yr old I've no power, they are emotionally abusive too. I'm praying to Allah, He is my Creator and surely Allah will take care of me.
Jazaak Allah for this comprehensive video. I completely agree with this balanced approach. I am a revert with a history of domestic violence and when I brought up this topic in Islamic class I was met with a stern attitude from the teacher. At first I thought it was the teacher who had a strict interpretation of the Quran and Sunnah about the rights of children in Islam but when I tried to google for videos on the topic by famous Islamic sheiks (Omar Suleiman, of all people, gives a number of answers filled with the wording "the Prophet pbuh" with known statement on the rights of parents and vague advice for mild situations, but never addressing the cases of real abuse) I realised this is a taboo topic. I found this video to be the most compassionate and thoughtful on the subject. The damage abuse and violence can make can be life threatening, making you feel life isn't worth living. Allah SWT being merciful can't ask to carry a burden we can't bear, I believe this is said in different verses in the Qur'an.
Assalamualaikum sister... Religious trauma is so painful... As a Muslim who is still learning Islam after years of religious trauma this is what I have been looking for, alhamdulillah... My parents read Quran but never read Sunnah nor have they ever applied either in their everyday lives!!! In my family I have seen dysfunctionality, hygiene issues, poor or even no role modeling, even shirk... The quality of Islamic education in my country is very low, so even the identity of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) is still a mystery to many. Restudying the Quran and Sunnah once again made me realize that this is the sort of behavior that is the most haram in Islam...! I realize Allah would never have accepted abusing humans in the name of religion... Sadly many Muslim communities I see suffer from all sorts of problems... forced marriages, school bullying, bad education, abusive parents, sectarian violence, no one doing anything about mental health, zina, haram and sins committed in the name of Allah, bid'ah and even shirk. These things were so normalized that practicing Islam traumatizes me to the point where I became an atheist in my mid to late teens, now after returning and restudying Islam I realized the hard way that real problem was the people in my community did not practice Islam properly!!! Thank you for saying what needs to be said... May Allah SWT bless you in this dunya and the akhirah Edit: added the "assalamualaikum sister"
I was raised with Christian values the topics you cover crossover it’s in the 10 commandments honor thy father and mother. When you have been abused this is not an easy thing to do. When you’re young you just have to suck it up. And later you feel you have betrayed your system of values for been weak and distancing. It’s very confusing. Thank you DR Mona for bringing clarity to this topic. Peace be with you. I just listened for a second time. To hear that Allah loves you more than your parents is very comforting.
May Allah bless you Sister! It's sooo difficult to cope from this and havd cptsd too as well but people and even scholars who don't know and leave no stone unturned to blame and guilt us or they don't want to discuss on this sensitive topic anf they often don't know much about narcissism or cluster-B's but thank you sooo much for helping and guiding us..much love to you ❤
Listening to this video made me realize how wrong i have been thinking about myself. I always blamed myself for everything, and after listening to a few scholars, i would cry and be ashamed of what kind of a daughter i am, that maybe my parents deserve someone better and that im not a good muslim. It made me feel like Islam is hard and unfair while it is really not. Thank you so much for this video, it has really helped me alot. May Allah SWT make it easy for all those having to deal with narcassistic parents.
Grateful for your heart-warming speech. you nailed it! My narcissistic mother weaponizes Islam against me to enable her abuse as she knows my faith, however, I couldn't let her anyway.. thanks to Allah through you, the invalid heavy guilt burden released 💗
Islam says that it is not ok to tolerate abuse. And we must walk away from oppressors whosoever they are... its a sin to tolerate abuse by anyone... islam says that Some Human beings just manipulate the islamic teachings..
the schoolars, are mostly not up to date and understand the issue, it's a very tricky topic, mashallah sister may allah keep helping you with your work.
I don't have job, single 35 , and I am responsible for not getting married and I never dated. I do hijab, and was recently labelled characterless... for trying to find a spouse by legal halal means
You can start now. You have a right to have a good, normal married life. If you haven’t done anything wrong, then they should fear the day Allah SWT takes recompense. Start now, sister. Time is short and valuable.
Sister you are honoured in the eyes of Allah and that's what matters. You are a chaste and loved women. You are a woman of dignity. This is exactly what my mother says to me every time and many for things I feel like my mother is a shame to motherhood. The amount of her and pain she gave me is pain ful
May Allah reward you for what you do. It’s such a struggle to grapple with this matter and your content has been such a useful guide to navigate this. Jazakallahu Khairan
My mother has caused me severe depression and anxiety. She’s all alone because of her own nature and I feel guilty to create that distance but I have no option. She crushes everyone’s heart and then deny it and everybody has left her but she still thinks she is the one who’s innocent. 😢
I’m suffering with narcissistic parents been so long. I’m praying 🤲. Alhamdullilah my life gets better easier now. My parents keep saying You should getting out of the house and cursing 🤬 bad words to me. Somehow I’m breakdown in da toilet crying 😭. My parents they’re never stop cursing on me ever though I do nothing wrong 😑.
My mother told my crying wife that her tears dont matter to her if her own daughter (my sister) is also crying and complaining. She openly said that she cant be just when her children her own complaining as well. This is a person who is extremely religious, wakes up for night prayer, fasts throughout the year, listens to islamic lectures, etc. Yet she isn't open to the idea that she can be at fault.
Wonderful speech, much needed. Unfortunately the islamic view on parents is generally an automated respond. But there has to be more clarifications on narcissistic abuse to children like this video. Thank you so much on your efforts and expertise on the field
My parents are extremely narcissistic and they have ruined my life in more ways then one .but my life is not getting better and the test does not end im facing trials of all sorts ...ive tried everything wazifa istaghfar tahajud but the test does not end .im loosing it. Im 32 yrs old
yes it feels overwhelming, You are allowed to live the life which provides best dien circumstances. they made you stronger then you know yet. but Allah first❤
I'm really really grateful for your book and your podcast. I would like to ask, those people who are healed from the abuse, couldn't they be affected by the narcissist and come back the old feelings and need again therapy? I'm asking this because I think one person can be healed, but not the narcissistic parents, so it's like a gun always shooting!
Thank you so much I'm really glad :) Once you understand why your parents are the way they are, it's easier to be more compassionate. Yes things they do will always trigger you, but no longer affect you like it once did once you're healed :)
May I add something about the verse in surat Al hijr when God says lower the guard of mercy, and God please have mercy on them as they raised me in a younger age..I personally believe Allah is speaking about mercy its mentioned twice in the verse and I think what it's saying is to say God have mercy on them as they had mercy on me at a young age..mercy
Great content. One point i would like to clarify, is that no where in Quran, Allaah asked children to be "obedient" to their parents, rather he asked them to be "dutiful and kind". Reason being that obedience is only towards Allaah.
Obedience is only given when someone has responsibility over you. Being dutiful and kind to parents is after the age of puberty when we know right from wrong as a result of correct upbringing.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook These issues will only result after puberty, which constitutes major phase of one's life. Moreover, pen is lifted pre-puberty hence the issues pre-puberty are not considered anyway.
Regarding the dua 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small': I'm wondering , could it be understood to mean that Allah's mercy would be proportional to how merciful our parents were to us? In other words, if parents showed little mercy in raising their children, would they receive little mercy in return? Does the Arabic grammar or context support such an interpretation? I would appreciate insights about whether this is a linguistically possible reading of the Arabic text, or if this understanding contradicts the intended meaning of the dua.
It's meant to encourage parents to do their best with their children, so if they love and raise them with love and mercy, they will receive love and mercy from their children when they're adults and this includes sincere dua. It basically means, parents will reap what they sow and that children need to take into consideration the hardships parents face when raising them, before they are rude to them etc. This verse isn't about abusive parents who didn't show love and mercy, it's for those who did :)
As Salaam alaykum Where is the best place to buy your book that's most profitable to you? Mashallah, I really appreciate you sharing this knowledge Allah blessed you with and would love to support you in the best means possible
Wa alaikom al salaam Gabby, thank you so much I really appreciate your kind comment :) You can purchase it from Amazon (Book Printing UK Author Arena Seller)
My mom is a narcissist and my dad was complicit to her abuse towards me growing up. He was also neglectful. My mom was brutal and made my childhood alla the way to my adulthood misareble. I’m in my late 20s now and I have suffered from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem my entire life. I’m struggling with my friendships, i hate work, I am not close to getting married and I stay in bed all day. I am so resentful towards them especially towards my dad because he knows something is wrong with her but according to him it’s “whatever” “it is what it is”, he tells me to move on and forgive and forget. I live with them but I keep fighting with them about this because I’m mad that they keep denying that they have ruined me. This affects my deen because I feel like why should I pray if I’m fighting with my parents? Am I in the wrong if I stop talking to them and focus on my relationship with Allah?
I want to add that they don’t abuse me today in the same extent but I’m angry about the past and therefore I fight with them. However my mom is obviously still a narcissist and humiliates me occasionally, uses her favors to me against me, being mean etc. But
Sister. Get out of there as soon as possible first. You wont see or feel peace in your life in your oppressors presence.You are now questioning your faith. I've been there. Plan your way out ASAP & Leave and WATCH how you turn to Allah. The peace is unmistakeable when it floods in after that.
can someone give me good advice on this one than?: I have cut most of the ties with both my parents, but got nightmares that this year would be the last year seeing my both parents. So all out of a sudden a day after nightmare my father kept ringing agresively at my homedoor and at the neighbours doors asking for me. I went nuts of the ringing so had to let my father in. He went agressive about why i didnt came by as much anymore etc. But both my parents are narcists, many abuse went on in my life mentally, physically, etc so now i dont know how to keep boundaries when they might die anytime soon and im the youngest sibling and am in my best years of age, but really cannot rely on my parents with almost anything at all cuz they are narcistic.
I have no duty whatsoever Duty comes when you are raised by a parent who made sacrifices to see you the best version of yourself. Not the other way around I believe good people should only pour energy into cups of goodness
Do the Holy Qur'an and the Holy Prophet pubh have anything to say specifically about narcissistic sadistic parents of Little Children and the serious damage they inflict upon them? If so please share.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook Unfortunately, in your video, I haven't found any explanation or technique for say, how a 0 to 5 year baby can protect herself from her pathologically narcissistic mother/father. These early years of trauma are often enough to permanently damage and destroy the child. 😪 Just look around and you'll see plenty of wrecks who, but for their parents could have been happy productive adults. Do you really think that repeating "Allah is All Merciful Ghafoor ur rahim" over and over is of any use to the traumatised child ?
@@behtereen4187 Salam. Trauma done on such a child at such an early age is very unfortunate, especially in that nothing can be done about what has already been done. However, something can be done by the child when s/he grows into an adult. If you’ve looked into trauma therapy, which I have extensively, there are ways to go back into the subconscious mind of the child from that age, and release the pent up hurt and pain and be able to move on with some degree of peace. An abused child and an unabused child will never be the same. However, most people face some form of trauma or other in life, whether at the hands of parents or from elsewhere. Meaning, trauma seems to be a fact of life unfortunately, especially in this day and age I guess. What I’m trying to say is, things aren’t as hopeless as you seem to be feeling (from what I’m picking up in your message). There IS a way out, but it requires a commitment to heal and tremendous work on the part of the abused when they are an adult. Of course, things need to be changed at the parenting level to ensure that this doesn’t happen in the first place, but I am not knowledgeable about that and cannot speak about that. There is a concept in trauma work, that even though I am not responsible for the pain caused, I am still responsible for the healing. Furthermore, another part of healing is to ensure that the abused never gets put into a similar situation again. In the process of healing, the abused will learn of the ways the parents abused their power against their child, and the now grown child will understand the dynamics of power and influence and learn to use it in a way that prevents any more abuse in the future. This is a long process. It does take a lot of time, and sometimes maybe becomes a life’s work, but healing IS possible. Islamic scholars haven’t delved too much into this so maybe you won’t find the answers you seek from Islamic scholars about the nitty gritty of healing, but trauma healing in and of itself has been hugely studied. Gabor Maté, Bassel van der Kolk, Peter Levine etc. have done excellent work on trauma healing. Knowledge is power. As you learn more, parts of your mind that were shut will begin to open, and new feelings will flow in, and healing will come in time God willing. Oh and don’t forget to pray for help and guidance from Allah SWT. He will guide your steps in miraculous ways for complete healing Insha’Allah. Evil has been done, but there is a way to undo it. The mark will always be there, but not the damage Insha’Allah. Don’t give up. Everything good is possible. Edit: I wanted to put in one disclaimer. Everything I’ve written is from my knowledge and experience. And what I’ve seen is, every time some said “so and so cannot be done,” it was proved to be untrue sometime down the line. In other words, if you believe something better can be done than what I said, I believe you’re right. They used to say that trauma can’t be healed without an expert helping and guiding the process. Turned out to be false. They said the brain cannot heal itself. Turned out to be false. So don’t take the limitations in my answers to be absolute, concrete facts. There IS a better way I’m sure, but this is what I know so far. And it’s a good place to start. What I’m trying very hard to get you to understand is: things aren’t as hopeless as you feel they are. Everything has a solution Insha’Allah. Keep at it, and you’ll find it. Others have found solutions to problems that were considered impossible countless before. You can too. As for your specific answer to what a child that age can do: the mind is extremely adept at doing things to protect itself. These are called the defense mechanisms of the mind. So, without you knowing, the child’s mind had already taken measures to protect itself. Sometimes those measures, though appropriate in the moment, can turn out to be harmful in the long run. Therefore, it then becomes the responsibility of the adult to correct those defense mechanisms and adopt healthier ways to deal with the past and the present from an adult’s stance. For example: some people use shopping as a way to relive anxiety (or anything else). In some cases, this is a beneficial thing. Instead of, let’s say, going out and hurting others or themselves, the person chose the relatively benign way of dealing with their problems by shopping. In the moment, this was a good thing. However, if left unaddressed, over the course of time this will have a definite detrimental impact upon the individual. It will then becomes the adult’s responsibility to understand why they shop so much, address the trauma at the subconscious level, then replace that behavior with a more adaptive coping mechanism, for example, exercising. So, Allah SWT has already put in mechanisms in every individual to survive even horrific situations. However, when the person is conscious and noticing that something isn’t working in their lives as an adult, they would then be responsible for correcting that thing in themselves. The mind and body are extremely malleable and adaptable, and geared towards survival. So these are things you don’t have to worry about Insha’Allah. The responsibility falls upon the individual when they realize that some dysfunction lies within them, so to correct that dysfunction to the best of their ability. Also, prayer is a powerful tool. Dua works. Science confirms it many, many ways. We as Muslims are meant to be engaged in dua (conversing with God our Creator about what we need, etc and expressing our thankfulness for His loving presence and guidance in our lives) throughout the day. If you find you’re not able to do anything else for another human being, pray for them. God will find the best way of help them. There is more help available than we can consciously discern with our limited, logical minds. Please keep at it and do your part and keep a positive mental attitude. Worse situations were overcome by people in the past. We as Muslims certainly can overcome this.
@@behtereen4187 I wanted to add something further hence the second comment. The Sister here has already made it clear that Allah SWT sent Islam to abolish any slave-master relationships. Parents abusing their children are in essence lording their power over their helpless children. By the terms explained earlier, this is impermissible in Islam. The HOW maybe was not described in detail in Islamic literature, however there is ample information available out there from modern psychology that you can use to figure out how (which is what my last message was about). Allah SWT says to repel evil with that which is better. If you are repelling trauma and abuse with therapy and self healing, seems to be you are doing exactly the thing that Allah SWT had asked. The Holy Quran wasn’t explicit about the how, perhaps because it is supposed to be a book for the ages, and the how changes with time - I’m guessing. In either case, that God’s work is Perfect and Without Fault, we can be sure of this much. What isn’t perfect is our knowledge and our understanding. Many of us struggled in our deens because we thought limitations existed where it really didn’t. Why? Because of our faulty understanding. Not because God’s word was faulty (astaghfirulla). So again, I urge you to keep trying. The way is out there. Your situation is unique so I cannot say what you specifically should do. However, I would recommend you to make dua specifically to ask Allah SWT to heal you, AND to seek the help of a caring and knowledgeable therapist. The mind needs a doctor when sick, just like the body. And that’s what good therapists do: help and guide them mind to go towards healing gently. The solutions are out there. Please seek them.
@@Ana-rb7ws Your comment that Allah SWT sent Islam to end all slave-master relationships makes fascinating reading. Kindly share your thoughts about the Holy Quranic verse and the Hadith-e-Mubarika referenced below. You can Google for further such authentic holy texts: Forbidding Women Already Married, Except for Female Slaves Allah said, وَالْمُحْصَنَـتُ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess.) The Ayah means, you are prohibited from marrying women who are already married, إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ (except those whom your right hands possess)........for you are allowed such women....... Imam Ahmad recorded that Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri said, "We captured some women from the area of Awtas who were already married, and we disliked having sexual relations with them because they already had husbands. So, we asked the Prophet about this matter, and this Ayah was revealed, وَالْمُحْصَنَـتُ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess). Consequently, we had sexual relations with these women."
#narcistic household, advice please djazakallahghairan,Allah will inshaAllah grant you many blessings for helping me out !!!!! :Because Ive went trough sexual abuse done by my sibling and my parents putted it away as if nothing happened, even putted me after that in the same room to sleep in same room of this abusing sibling for two years on a couch at the age of 8-14. My youth was never the same again. I always was depressed and confused of whats happening on young age. I was also never allowed to have friends cuz my parents and siblings would always interfere with it tryna have controle over éverything, so i never enjoyed friendships cuz of their overcontrolling behaviour that i didnt want friendships at all anymore cuz of the negative vibes they gave me. They would have always things to say about any of my friends behaviour and even the clothes they wear when they are with me.They told me i couldnt hang out with this friend anymore and i should thell em that untill they changed their clothed they are not allowed to hang out with me. Meanwhile my brothers were allowed to behave and do anything they liked and go out with any kinds of friends anywhere even if they are convicted criminals, they still were allowed. The opposite of what i and friends wear,behave and location of going was all monitored and controlled and discussed or insulted anytime. My mum would always come in between whenever we had visit of famly or relative, she never allowed me to talk, when i talked she would punish me afterwards instead by insults and arguing of discouraging communication with family or friends. Or had to put me on some kind of pedestal, instead of just be normal. Overeating was also a big thing, she forced me always to eat more than i could every meal, every day, gets angry when i say no i already have enough on my plate thank u. so i was always overweight to just keep the sanity at home. Once a relative noticed and told my mum it is abuse to keep your kid overweight indulging them with to much food instead of letting them just be kids and make them happy or communicate their needs. mum never changed and was always overweight herself too. i was only allowed to go to home or school. All my succeses or wants were either or put away or fully openly told to their relatives, they never kept anything between me and them as an amana,all my personal stuff was always put out there weirdly enough. My brother was even laughing in a bullying way with my father about my first new job and said like gerarrahere,we dont care about you and your job etc.my first job wich i was so proud and happy about.My brothers always would stalk me sometime unto my workplace or school, they would suddenly just show up out of nothing there. I could never keep a job because i never had a stable emotional growth cuz of them and anxieties everytime of the day. i always felt sick on the inside as i had to always keep strong outside. Always felt afraid to connect with people cuz i wasnt able to keep healthy relationships/communication, afraid telling anyone what i went trough as they wouldnt understand as i didnt even understand what was happening sometimes, cuz thats what narcists do, they attack you in very viscious ways,you almost cant even describe what just even happened. They are untill this day agressive and rage unto a point they are pushing me with their hands or even sometimes my mum hitted me when i was in a depressed and sick era after all this struggeling on my own with all this mental abuse when i was in my early twenties, my body just gave up,mentally. My mum was never allowed to work by my father,not allowed to have her own money troughout her whole life, so she relies untill this day on us the children. All the normal kids i knew always got a lil amount of money to buy little stuff but i never got it, not even the childcare money by law meant for the kids. My parents argue and yell at eachother exactly évery time they are talking with eachother,évery meal when together. My father has no compasion or imediate understanding when talking with him about anything whatsoever, hes narcistic and my mum eventually more so too. My mum got breastcancer eventually, and knee replacement surgery, cuz her body couldnt even stand all the damage of her being married to my dad, he was way more narcistic than her and anyone can ever handle. So thats why im very traumatised and wont settle for anyone to be married with cuz i get agatated or anxieties dealing with people who seem to have same narcistic traits. Im im my thirties now, i dont think ill ever marry (happily) cuz of all the traumas and i keep atracting toxic people, my parents and siblings always wanted a arranged marriage for me. Mum has some narcistic traits as well as she never had a mum in her upbringing herself, her mum died at an early age of 7 and is traumatised ever since, cuz she got abused as well by her stepmothers, and eventually fell in the arms of my narcistic father to marry him on a early age of around 16,and got her first kid this young, so it was an escape for her to marry him growing up in poor conditions without her biological mother. She seemed never really happy in her marriage with my dad cuz he isolated her fully of everything and everyone. I dont think mum has much more to live after her last surgery. I am only thankfull for her to have cared for me as she brought me up even if she did it mostly in a narcistic way by love bombing and after that attacking every action and word with my siblings or father but she did it whole heartedly with all she could and had. So im the one in very much pain right now cuz they are all i have left in my life even after all the narcistic abuse. And for my dad even he narcistic, he always tried to teach me about islam. Ive diceded for my own sanity and health when i was around 27 years to became more and more distant with them cuz i dont want to end up all sick to the point as like my mum but its also impossible to fully avoid your parents whom were with you your whole life and not having any other (good) people around as we mentioned above. I always think like, if i were a other kid, they wouldve left lóng time ago when the abuse began around 12 years old, but i probly wouldve ended on the streets, worse than i am now, cuz the help is very bad overhere for (muslim) children.
السلام عليكم انا اتابعك من الجزائر و لقد استفدت كثيرا من الموضوع. كنت ابحث في كيفية التعامل مع الاهل النرجسيين مما سمح لي مصادفة قناتك، شكراً جزيلا وبارك الله فيك
@@themuslimnarcissistbook JezakAllahkhair. May you be rewarded. It really is very tricky as it's not a situation that I'm aware of any of the scholars have commented on which is reasonably analogous. Added to that, I am adopted, which makes it difficult for me to take scholarly opinions "off the shelf" as their logic often relates to bearing you and special bonds around that etc. Also, it's very common for one parent to be narcissist and the other anxious codependent as they sort of naturally attach so perhaps that angle would be relevant to many people in that situation. Salam Alaikum.
aslm i am still suffering from my mother till today im 39 yrs old and my son is 3yrs old.....this has been goin on for 25 yrs and i see it effecting my son's upbringing.....i been thru counselling with my mommy an she always manipulates the therapists an counsellers to be on her side then i always look like the crazy ungrateful one....i dunno what to do coz im always told janaah is under the feet of my mother but she jus controls every aspect of my life....i even developed a drug addiction from her controllin and emotional and verbal abuse towards me and all family members in our house....i was married then got divorced coz my ex wife an her family cudnt deal with her
I have an very abusive narcissistic mother, she is the type to curse at you attack you when she’s angry and then blame you for it or lie to my father about it she has chased away all of my siblings none of us has a good bond with her none of us can have a conversation with her without it turning into an argument then she uses allah against us like anytime you make your mom mad you will never be happy allah will never give you a good life she beats and yell at me and my siblings it got so bad the cops got involved she lied her way out of it like always when people ask about me she always has bad things to say about me she called me a fake Muslim and cursed me. She’s the reason I have all these marks on my face she’s wished death onto all her kids it got so bad that I started wishing death onto myself begging allah to take me so she’ll live the life she want she don’t understand that I wasn’t born this way she raise me and my siblings to be so hateful may allah forgive her I’m only 15 i don’t know how long I haven to deal with this..
My family has gas lighted me soo much, told me im toxic, im crazy, paranoid, over sensitive, cahse all the drama, how i've made my kids like me, they ig ire me, provoke me, do things together and leavee out of it, their kids will nit interact with my kids amd then blame me for teaching my kids to not interact with them....i seem to be the root of all evil for them, and then theyvare surprised that i limit my contact with them andthen they blame me for having no relationships with them even though no will will directly reach out toe for a phone call or to physically meet in person.... Im thinking are they right about me or not...i am to blame for reacting when i cant deal with it anymore, but there are days wether i think how can it be all of them wrong and me just feeling what im feeling....am i the narc??
I want to adress another issue why it is okay to cut contact in my view. May Allah forgive me if I am wrong. It is just my opinion. If you want to protect your Children because you Are seeing with your Aqil that they Are harming their Development than I think it is at least ok to cut contact with narc parents until your children are grown up. Also the issue with mental health and affecting your other responsibilities, e.g. home, husband, religious etc. Than I think it is okay. Remember that it is not our only responsibility to make our parents feel good. We have other responsibilities to Which Are far more Important. Our husband and especially children Need us more. And our parents are grown up people who can look up After themselves. And they will find other scapegoats immediately you cut contact. They dont love you they just love the way you Make them feel - powerful and in Control. And Even by cutting them Off you Are doing a favor for them - with hope maybe they will understand. (Which I think only a few would understand.) So all in all, You have also rights as a Child. and also as a human to protect yourself, your own family, your belongings (house etc) if someone tries to harm you you can attack back. But in this Situation with Parents it is not fighting back - but just cutting off contact or limiting contact only in eid messages.
I agree but what also needs to be understood you can not cut ties completely god will not ask how often you saw your mum or dad and why you didn’t spend x amount of time but that fact that there was occasionally hi how are hope your well, Eid Mubarak, Ramadan that kind of maintenance to say yes there was an element of communication as you can not completely cut ties. Allah will test you in life through marriage, wealth, health and relations everything in life will be tested to an element as Muslims out lives are not perfect and never will be because it’s a test!
I can't tell if my dad is narcissistic. My parents divorced, and my dad raised me as a single parent after my mom passed away when I was 8. Growing up, my dad often spoke negatively about my mom and compared me to her, which made me feel uncomfortable since I was just a child. He has been married multiple times, and one of his ex-wives was abusive towards me. He keeps recounting that he left her and my half-sister because of me, and in return, I haven't been good to him. He often talks about everything he's done for me and how everyone has wronged him. He accuses me of hurting him and not listening to him, even though I've tried my best to please him and make him happy throughout my life. I have depression, but he tends to dismiss it, thinking I'm faking it or trying to manipulate him. However, he did take me to a therapist when I asked him to, which leaves me feeling conflicted. He keeps saying why are you depressed when I have given you everything. I keep wanting to avoid him because every conversation only involves criticism or manipulation to get me to do what he wants. And then he blames me for staying away. The more i try to get away, the worse it gets. He's gotten me married but still wants. to keep me close to him, doesn't want us to leave the country. He paid for my education and now keeps slapping it in my face, saying I've wasted his money. andit's going to result in nothing, trying to convince me to do what he wants.
Assalaam. Im sorry for your pain.Alhamdullilah for you, you are married and even have a husband who is looking to move out the country. Whats good about it? Your husband is your main mahram now, and the distance from such a parent would be good and can preserve and even grow your emaan. I would- plan the move with my husband and inform my father that I will stay in contact, and contact him on holidays, and send money here and there when I can MAYBE but nothing beyond that. Enjoy the peace. Dont let this matter sway you to be complacent to his abuse. He IS a narcissist. Thats the thing, us victims get to mentally manipulated, we lose our sense of recognizing when our rights are being taken from us.To me? This is not an issue. You are free. You can breath better now knowing you have someone to start a beautiful, loving, non toxic life with and have their support- your husbands. I would like this problem of yours actually ukhti *smiles*
*Id like your problem meaning- the part where you dont know if you should move with your husband not the abuse, its horrible, I've been oppressed too and still impacted. Restarted my life for what seems like many times.
Great topic. Being a parent isn't a green card to heaven. Patents, too, will be questioned on the day of judgment, and i remind my mother of that. But, girl, im not sure about cutting ties. That's too much. Change your approach again and again until you find the most appropriate approach (maybe not perfect).
agree, living separately away from them is the starting point 😊. you'll loose most bitterness in your heart & have empathy...
I had to cut ties, the suicidal ideations were getting dangerous, my marriage was suffering and I had a miscarriage. I still pray for them everyday and pray that Allah makes my relationship with them easier. But since limiting contact, I have gotten closer to Allah, my relationship with my husband has gotten better, and Alhumdulillah mentally getting better. Thank you for this episode, I needed to hear this today. Especially because I have been feeling sad and guilty about the limited contact
They want to push you to suicide
Is what psychopaths do
Islam is the one religion that is known not to associate partners with Allah. Yet the ego of the parents on children actually creates a character of association with Allah. My parents have treated me more like a burden than they ever have as a gift. follows my heart and treats others equally with love and respect. I am ashamed that they are so far gone in their ego and it will always be justified by my other siblings who fight for their validation and the only way to gain it is by coming together to hate, specially me. My father never protected me as a child, neither has my mother. I finally developed a relationship with my youngest brother and bc of him I’ve gained strength that I haven’t felt before. They are doing their best to
Please dont think that, those human beings will go to hell
I am so happy to hear that finally a islamic person is admitting this. It's always taboo and parents are always seen as little angels. May Allah richly reward you. This hurts so much, if you've narcissistic parents. :(
Narcissistic parent act as if treating your kids with respect is haraam.
I’ve been oppressed by my parents since a child and dealing with depression and anxiety to the point I can barely cope on a daily because of the torture I went through with them. Topics like this should be talk about more in Islam.
where are you from i went thru the same treatment
@@Taahirnumber1 from USA (Atlanta, Georgia)
@@Taahirnumber1 may Allah make it easy on you.
shukran its been really hard an im in therapy for it
@@AnonymousOne-bb6bq
@@AnonymousOne-bb6bq oh wow so this is happening all over the world my mother always uses religion whenever i try to defend myself or make a point
I am hearing you and can’t stop crying… I have been abused for so many years and now I try to understand why I am so depressed all the time
I hope the podcast has given you some healing and understanding x
Just hearing you validating the feelings of abused children brought so much peace. Thank you, May Allah bless you.
Salam Sister.... unfortunately Narcism people doesn't change. We must to be far from them and that's it, cos they drive people around them crazy.
May god bless you sister… I have been feeling guilty for months for cutting ties with my mother… as my father was dying she turned him and all my brothers against me, the pain was unbearable… instead I’d grieving the loss of my father, I had deal with her drama and turning my brothers against me… she did much more. I cut her off and felt so guilty and depressed but she crossed so many lines and insisted she is innocent. You have relieved me from a heavy burden , may Allah reward you.
Send hugs for you….
I find the manipulative behavior of my narc mom is burdening too, and making everyone turn against me just to have the control is sickening.
I wish you get the healing you need
I wish you all the best this sounds really bad 😢! May allah give you the strength to go through this
Allahumma Ameen, we pray for all of us going through something similar.
❤❤❤
In my case, when i found out that my mom is a narc, i got flashbacks of how her family treated me, it turned out that my grandma, my aunts, all of them from my mom’s family were showing the behavior of narcs. They all abused me mentally & verbally. And my mom also abused me mentally & verbally, plus physically (behind the door). When outsiders presented, she acted like an ideal mom. But when it’s just me & my mom, she turned devilish. She also always compared me n my sis, made my sis hate me & didn’t want to get along with me. And so many other things that Narcs did that I can’t write all of them here.
I grew up with anxiety disorder & depression. Alhamdulillah i am muslim, islam helped me to have patient and not to kill myself when i was at my lowest. Islam also guides me to not lose hope. And islam also taught me that Allah will give me justice and that He loves us more than our parents, so i can rely on His love only. And not be so upset that i didn’t get the love from my mom.
i am going through the same thing here. =) you are not alone
thus are all that happend to my life bro 😭😭😭but Allah is with us ❤😍😭😭
You confirmed my doubts . Im so tired and I still try to show respect by occasionally calling them . Even those phone calls are freaking tiring .
Don’t bother it doesn’t get any better 😂
The fact that you don't have much subs proves how little muslims discuss about this or watch topics about this....By the way, new sub here. May Allah grow your channel more.
Ameen thank you 🙏 and yes unfortunately channels like mine don’t grow like the ones that aren’t beneficial. Most people don’t want the truth 😶
@@themuslimnarcissistbook By the way, you could try sponsors (halal ofc) or reacting to trending narcissistic behaviours of celebrities or adding hashtags with your videos. If your views are 20% of your subscription count (example if you have 40 subs, you should expect 8 views per video) then you are doing well & your channel will continue to grow if you keep posting & if not don't worry, that means you need to improve more which is also fine.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook
I agree, most people don't want to hear the truth. But I deed the truth sets us free!!!
JazakAllah hu Khair Sister, may your words, advice, support and guidance help those who are seeking it Ameen.
You have helped me so much in my understanding and I have recommended your book to my sister's as well! ❤❤❤
Glad someone is finally speaking about this in a frank manner
My goodness this is what I needed to hear this OPENED MY EYES. I am 32 years old and I am going through this still with my stepfather and mother ever since I was little. I am going to buy the book and read it inshallah ❤❤❤
Jazakallahu Khairan, sister for this discussion. I think it's important, though, that we recognize that abuse can also be psychological and emotional. Which is what I went through. I wasnt beaten at all, much less until I was black and I feel for anyone who that example rings true for. The psychological abuse I dealt with at the hands of my narcissistic mother set me up for my current relationship with my narcissistic husband. Thankful for this resource and discussion.
Thank you. Am crying. Am deeply hurt.
Praying for your healing and inner peace sister
Thank you for speaking about a topic most in the community ignore and try to justify!
You're welcome :)
Where were you 25 years ago😭😭😭 they have already ruined my life. Am having flash backs and hurting so bad these days.
This is called complex ptsd my love .
This is what they bring
ptsd in your life
Me to...ima 41 year old mum with kids of my own...dealing with it now and trying hard to cope ..if u want to talk leet me know xx
I hope Allah makes it easier for you, my mother is the best
May ALLAH ease your pain sis and bless you immensely for all that you have endured.
😢
Thank you so much... I have narcissist parents and narcissist mother in law and most of my in-laws....i was searching for Islamic point of view on the topic because my all parents ( including inlaws) are pious and religious people and i was the problem..my father is now constantly telling me from last few months to seek forgiveness from him " i forgive you because you are my child but Allah will only forgive you if you seek forgiveness from your parents. Because you are committing a major sin...." These are his words.. and the sin i committed is to just confront him for his cruel behavior.
Thank you so much for this effort. You are helping so much Muslim people dealing with it. There is almost nothing on internet about Muslim narcissism. May Allah bless you ❤
My grandmother makes my mother and her siblings go through hell and nobody understands,I've never seen a wicked mother😭😭😭😭😭😭😭,she is sunshine to others and very evil towards her children and grandchildren she is literally firauns sister,relatives pick her side my mom and her siblings are traumatized only us direct recipients of her narcissism understand,we've tried dua nothing works she will never change
She’s a narcissist after all. Moving out and going no contact might be the only solution
This is SO important, thank you for adressing this topic. I thought like this as well when I was younger and didnt know my father was a narcissist. I realised a few months ago and stopped talking to him. I feel alive after decades. There is a lot of work to do, but now that I know the problem, inshaallah it will be easy. The hopelessness was the worst part.. that ayat about losing hope made me feel so bad, and I tried but couldnt... crying as I write this. Sister, there is a huge need to rise awareness in the muslim community. I dont know much about YT algorhythm and stuff but maybe you can make a interview with another islamic channel with wide range? The views are really not in proportion with the need imho.. jazakallah khair and keep up the good work ❤
My narcissistic family they’re all called me crazy bcuz I have big boundaries for them.
Amazing podcast. I learned certain aspects about Islam that I never did before. I feel so alleviated and grateful. There's no doubt in my mind that Allah meant for me to cross paths with you as a form of "with difficulty comes ease". InshaAllah that my MIL is cut off. 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🕋🕋🕋
Thank you so much :) I'm so glad it's been beneficial for you!
@@themuslimnarcissistbook JazaakAllahukhair!!!
السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته
Mind you sister, I came on UA-cam searching for “how to deal with narcissistic people in Islam, came across this video & thought it was a miracle. I can safely say that 90% of the people in my family that mean something to me have pulled my hair out of my head emotionally but you said something that kind of ticked me out of my love for Allah (swt).
You know Allah doesn’t have a give and take relationship because even the very people who continue to deny his existence and curse out his final message he sustains with mercy. Allah (swt) thinks of his creation to the very last moment regardless of who they are and they’re actions just like he did with Pharoah.
Best of luck
السلام عليكم 🌷
Ibrahim (as) used to pray for his father who had him thrown into the fire . It’s a super level of empath or islamically it’s called “ehsaan”. I guess it’s just best to do ur part & remain patience. They’re a test as well.
Thanks for this podcast.
But Allah Said dont pray for him.
This channel is SOOOO needed in the Muslim mainstream
Alhamdouliah. Thank you ❤ i needed to hear someone telling me i am not necessarily destined to jahanam. ❤🤲🤲
This brought alot of calmness and serenity to my heart, thank you
Another brilliant podcast sister! I've listened to them all now. Touched me so deeply 😢😢 I don't have Muslim mum but still applied it. I read and hear so many lectures obeying our mothers and the guilt is unreal with no contact. You've touched on so many issues for me. Your doing great works. Allah bless you always 💕💕
Thank you so much I'm so glad it's benefitted you :)
Subhan Allah the sheik I asked didn’t help me much but your video is absolutely amazing and you articulated yourself perfectly
Alhamdulilah jazak Allah khair, glad it helped :)
JazakAllah sister for explaining such a touching topic ,I'm from Pakistan and there is no schooler to touch this topic in such a beautiful way as you explain .
I asked a Mufti sab about this he said tolerate. tolerate,only a psychologist guide me that your family members are narcist so make boundaries.
But our socity have no awareness about this
JazakAllah sis always remember you in my prayers you clear the many complications of my matter .I think this video is made for me
You're most welcome, I'm so glad it helped :)
Absolutely amazing. Allahumma baarik
Alhamdulillah I've found it earlier and now I'm afraid that they can ruin my life but as a 15 yr old I've no power, they are emotionally abusive too. I'm praying to Allah, He is my Creator and surely Allah will take care of me.
Jazaak Allah for this comprehensive video. I completely agree with this balanced approach. I am a revert with a history of domestic violence and when I brought up this topic in Islamic class I was met with a stern attitude from the teacher. At first I thought it was the teacher who had a strict interpretation of the Quran and Sunnah about the rights of children in Islam but when I tried to google for videos on the topic by famous Islamic sheiks (Omar Suleiman, of all people, gives a number of answers filled with the wording "the Prophet pbuh" with known statement on the rights of parents and vague advice for mild situations, but never addressing the cases of real abuse) I realised this is a taboo topic. I found this video to be the most compassionate and thoughtful on the subject. The damage abuse and violence can make can be life threatening, making you feel life isn't worth living. Allah SWT being merciful can't ask to carry a burden we can't bear, I believe this is said in different verses in the Qur'an.
You're welcome, I'm glad it helped. Thank you for your feedback x
Thank you for sharing, your wisdom and words bring energy and encouragement to let go of childhood trauma.
You're welcome, I'm glad :)
Assalamualaikum sister...
Religious trauma is so painful... As a Muslim who is still learning Islam after years of religious trauma this is what I have been looking for, alhamdulillah... My parents read Quran but never read Sunnah nor have they ever applied either in their everyday lives!!! In my family I have seen dysfunctionality, hygiene issues, poor or even no role modeling, even shirk... The quality of Islamic education in my country is very low, so even the identity of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w) is still a mystery to many. Restudying the Quran and Sunnah once again made me realize that this is the sort of behavior that is the most haram in Islam...! I realize Allah would never have accepted abusing humans in the name of religion... Sadly many Muslim communities I see suffer from all sorts of problems... forced marriages, school bullying, bad education, abusive parents, sectarian violence, no one doing anything about mental health, zina, haram and sins committed in the name of Allah, bid'ah and even shirk.
These things were so normalized that practicing Islam traumatizes me to the point where I became an atheist in my mid to late teens, now after returning and restudying Islam I realized the hard way that real problem was the people in my community did not practice Islam properly!!!
Thank you for saying what needs to be said... May Allah SWT bless you in this dunya and the akhirah
Edit: added the "assalamualaikum sister"
I was raised with Christian values the topics you cover crossover it’s in the 10 commandments honor thy father and mother. When you have been abused this is not an easy thing to do. When you’re young you just have to suck it up. And later you feel you have betrayed your system of values for been weak and distancing. It’s very confusing. Thank you DR Mona for bringing clarity to this topic. Peace be with you. I just listened for a second time. To hear that Allah loves you more than your parents is very comforting.
@@petermeah you’re welcome Peter I’m glad it helped :)
thank you my dear. finally someone who is open to those kind of subjects. everybody is somehow afraid to talk such a topic. bless your heart
Thank you for erasing the guilt Thank you. May Allah bless you with and exalt your position in Jannah.
May Allah bless you Sister! It's sooo difficult to cope from this and havd cptsd too as well but people and even scholars who don't know and leave no stone unturned to blame and guilt us or they don't want to discuss on this sensitive topic anf they often don't know much about narcissism or cluster-B's but thank you sooo much for helping and guiding us..much love to you ❤
Listening to this video made me realize how wrong i have been thinking about myself. I always blamed myself for everything, and after listening to a few scholars, i would cry and be ashamed of what kind of a daughter i am, that maybe my parents deserve someone better and that im not a good muslim. It made me feel like Islam is hard and unfair while it is really not. Thank you so much for this video, it has really helped me alot. May Allah SWT make it easy for all those having to deal with narcassistic parents.
Grateful for your heart-warming speech. you nailed it! My narcissistic mother weaponizes Islam against me to enable her abuse as she knows my faith, however, I couldn't let her anyway.. thanks to Allah through you, the invalid heavy guilt burden released 💗
Alhamdulilah ♥️
1000 percent
Jazakallah kheir. Eloquently spoken mashallah. May Allah increase your wisdom. Ameen
Ameen wa iyyak brother thank you for your kind comment, much appreciated. I'm glad you found it helpful :)
This had to addressed! Thank you so much for detailed explanation on this topic 👏
Thank you Mona, this is so needed in this dúnya.
Thank you for doing the work, and creating this.
May Allah S.W.T bless you.
Masha'Allah, this make sense... jazakallah kheir... please talk more more about this. Thank you
May Allah bless you immensely sister for bringing this crucial subject to surface! ❤❤❤
Islam says that it is not ok to tolerate abuse. And we must walk away from oppressors whosoever they are... its a sin to tolerate abuse by anyone... islam says that
Some Human beings just manipulate the islamic teachings..
wow! thanks, true actually it's even a sin.
I really enjoyed your video. It was beautifully explained .
thank you
the schoolars, are mostly not up to date and understand the issue, it's a very tricky topic, mashallah sister may allah keep helping you with your work.
Jazak Allah Khair - Again
🙏🙏
I don't have job, single 35 , and I am responsible for not getting married and I never dated. I do hijab, and was recently labelled characterless... for trying to find a spouse by legal halal means
You can start now. You have a right to have a good, normal married life. If you haven’t done anything wrong, then they should fear the day Allah SWT takes recompense. Start now, sister. Time is short and valuable.
😢may Allah make it easy for you and open doors for you. Ameen
Sister you are honoured in the eyes of Allah and that's what matters.
You are a chaste and loved women.
You are a woman of dignity.
This is exactly what my mother says to me every time and many for things I feel like my mother is a shame to motherhood.
The amount of her and pain she gave me is pain ful
May Allah reward you for what you do. It’s such a struggle to grapple with this matter and your content has been such a useful guide to navigate this. Jazakallahu Khairan
May Allah reward you immensely
Very good video sister and insightful mashallah!
My mother has caused me severe depression and anxiety. She’s all alone because of her own nature and I feel guilty to create that distance but I have no option. She crushes everyone’s heart and then deny it and everybody has left her but she still thinks she is the one who’s innocent. 😢
@@dotbliss the next podcast is about this
Jazak Allahu Khayran. You speak so beautifully thank you so much for this i needed to hear this! May Allah (SWT) reward you immensely In Sha Allah 🤍
I really needed to hear this soooooo much❤ I also cut ties with my mom but I have to because of my children and husband
I’m suffering with narcissistic parents been so long. I’m praying 🤲. Alhamdullilah my life gets better easier now. My parents keep saying You should getting out of the house and cursing 🤬 bad words to me. Somehow I’m breakdown in da toilet crying 😭. My parents they’re never stop cursing on me ever though I do nothing wrong 😑.
May Allah help you through this trials
😢
My mother told my crying wife that her tears dont matter to her if her own daughter (my sister) is also crying and complaining. She openly said that she cant be just when her children her own complaining as well. This is a person who is extremely religious, wakes up for night prayer, fasts throughout the year, listens to islamic lectures, etc. Yet she isn't open to the idea that she can be at fault.
Jazakallah khair ❤ this is immensely helpful, love you for the sake of allah
Wonderful speech, much needed. Unfortunately the islamic view on parents is generally an automated respond. But there has to be more clarifications on narcissistic abuse to children like this video. Thank you so much on your efforts and expertise on the field
You're welcome and thank you for the feedback :) You may find podcast 39 helpful too, it's more focused on the children and how they were raised.
Jazak Allahu Khayran ✨
My parents are extremely narcissistic and they have ruined my life in more ways then one .but my life is not getting better and the test does not end im facing trials of all sorts ...ive tried everything wazifa istaghfar tahajud but the test does not end .im loosing it. Im 32 yrs old
yes it feels overwhelming, You are allowed to live the life which provides best dien circumstances. they made you stronger then you know yet. but Allah first❤
32:06 Most important message from this entire talk
If Allah SWT is not forgiving the zalims unless they repent why would anyone else?
Jazak Allah Khair
I'm really really grateful for your book and your podcast.
I would like to ask, those people who are healed from the abuse, couldn't they be affected by the narcissist and come back the old feelings and need again therapy?
I'm asking this because I think one person can be healed, but not the narcissistic parents, so it's like a gun always shooting!
Thank you so much I'm really glad :) Once you understand why your parents are the way they are, it's easier to be more compassionate. Yes things they do will always trigger you, but no longer affect you like it once did once you're healed :)
May I add something about the verse in surat Al hijr when God says lower the guard of mercy, and God please have mercy on them as they raised me in a younger age..I personally believe Allah is speaking about mercy its mentioned twice in the verse and I think what it's saying is to say God have mercy on them as they had mercy on me at a young age..mercy
Great content.
One point i would like to clarify, is that no where in Quran, Allaah asked children to be "obedient" to their parents, rather he asked them to be "dutiful and kind". Reason being that obedience is only towards Allaah.
Obedience is only given when someone has responsibility over you. Being dutiful and kind to parents is after the age of puberty when we know right from wrong as a result of correct upbringing.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook These issues will only result after puberty, which constitutes major phase of one's life. Moreover, pen is lifted pre-puberty hence the issues pre-puberty are not considered anyway.
Is there any chance we will find your book in audible soon? :)
Yes, unfortunately it's all about control. This ends up ruining the lives of their children
Amazing podcast 👏 😊
Can you put these in the podcast app?Would love to listen to this on my walk
They're also in Spotify :)
@@themuslimnarcissistbook YES
Very insightful video. Wish it came about sooner. I have a question to ask you. Where is the best place to ask if you don’t mind?
You can email me: author@themuslimnarcissist.com or ask it here, perhaps others may benefit from your question too
Regarding the dua 'My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small':
I'm wondering , could it be understood to mean that Allah's mercy would be proportional to how merciful our parents were to us? In other words, if parents showed little mercy in raising their children, would they receive little mercy in return? Does the Arabic grammar or context support such an interpretation?
I would appreciate insights about whether this is a linguistically possible reading of the Arabic text, or if this understanding contradicts the intended meaning of the dua.
It's meant to encourage parents to do their best with their children, so if they love and raise them with love and mercy, they will receive love and mercy from their children when they're adults and this includes sincere dua. It basically means, parents will reap what they sow and that children need to take into consideration the hardships parents face when raising them, before they are rude to them etc. This verse isn't about abusive parents who didn't show love and mercy, it's for those who did :)
As Salaam alaykum
Where is the best place to buy your book that's most profitable to you?
Mashallah, I really appreciate you sharing this knowledge Allah blessed you with and would love to support you in the best means possible
Wa alaikom al salaam Gabby, thank you so much I really appreciate your kind comment :) You can purchase it from Amazon (Book Printing UK Author Arena Seller)
Thank you so much for this ❤️
JazakAllah ❤
My mom is a narcissist and my dad was complicit to her abuse towards me growing up. He was also neglectful. My mom was brutal and made my childhood alla the way to my adulthood misareble. I’m in my late 20s now and I have suffered from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem my entire life. I’m struggling with my friendships, i hate work, I am not close to getting married and I stay in bed all day. I am so resentful towards them especially towards my dad because he knows something is wrong with her but according to him it’s “whatever” “it is what it is”, he tells me to move on and forgive and forget. I live with them but I keep fighting with them about this because I’m mad that they keep denying that they have ruined me. This affects my deen because I feel like why should I pray if I’m fighting with my parents? Am I in the wrong if I stop talking to them and focus on my relationship with Allah?
I want to add that they don’t abuse me today in the same extent but I’m angry about the past and therefore I fight with them. However my mom is obviously still a narcissist and humiliates me occasionally, uses her favors to me against me, being mean etc. But
Sister. Get out of there as soon as possible first. You wont see or feel peace in your life in your oppressors presence.You are now questioning your faith. I've been there. Plan your way out ASAP & Leave and WATCH how you turn to Allah. The peace is unmistakeable when it floods in after that.
can someone give me good advice on this one than?: I have cut most of the ties with both my parents, but got nightmares that this year would be the last year seeing my both parents. So all out of a sudden a day after nightmare my father kept ringing agresively at my homedoor and at the neighbours doors asking for me. I went nuts of the ringing so had to let my father in. He went agressive about why i didnt came by as much anymore etc. But both my parents are narcists, many abuse went on in my life mentally, physically, etc so now i dont know how to keep boundaries when they might die anytime soon and im the youngest sibling and am in my best years of age, but really cannot rely on my parents with almost anything at all cuz they are narcistic.
Thank God someone is talking some sense
Thank you🎀
I have no duty whatsoever
Duty comes when you are raised by a parent who made sacrifices to see you the best version of yourself. Not the other way around
I believe good people should only pour energy into cups of goodness
Do the Holy Qur'an and the Holy Prophet pubh have anything to say specifically about narcissistic sadistic parents of Little Children and the serious damage they inflict upon them? If so please share.
Salaam Tariq, please check out my previous podcast for your answer: ua-cam.com/video/xb8fxhLaZRk/v-deo.html
@@themuslimnarcissistbook
Unfortunately, in your video, I haven't found any explanation or technique for say, how a 0 to 5 year baby can protect herself from her pathologically narcissistic mother/father. These early years of trauma are often enough to permanently damage and destroy the child. 😪 Just look around and you'll see plenty of wrecks who, but for their parents could have been happy productive adults. Do you really think that repeating "Allah is All Merciful Ghafoor ur rahim" over and over is of any use to the traumatised child ?
@@behtereen4187 Salam. Trauma done on such a child at such an early age is very unfortunate, especially in that nothing can be done about what has already been done. However, something can be done by the child when s/he grows into an adult. If you’ve looked into trauma therapy, which I have extensively, there are ways to go back into the subconscious mind of the child from that age, and release the pent up hurt and pain and be able to move on with some degree of peace. An abused child and an unabused child will never be the same. However, most people face some form of trauma or other in life, whether at the hands of parents or from elsewhere. Meaning, trauma seems to be a fact of life unfortunately, especially in this day and age I guess. What I’m trying to say is, things aren’t as hopeless as you seem to be feeling (from what I’m picking up in your message). There IS a way out, but it requires a commitment to heal and tremendous work on the part of the abused when they are an adult. Of course, things need to be changed at the parenting level to ensure that this doesn’t happen in the first place, but I am not knowledgeable about that and cannot speak about that. There is a concept in trauma work, that even though I am not responsible for the pain caused, I am still responsible for the healing. Furthermore, another part of healing is to ensure that the abused never gets put into a similar situation again. In the process of healing, the abused will learn of the ways the parents abused their power against their child, and the now grown child will understand the dynamics of power and influence and learn to use it in a way that prevents any more abuse in the future. This is a long process. It does take a lot of time, and sometimes maybe becomes a life’s work, but healing IS possible. Islamic scholars haven’t delved too much into this so maybe you won’t find the answers you seek from Islamic scholars about the nitty gritty of healing, but trauma healing in and of itself has been hugely studied. Gabor Maté, Bassel van der Kolk, Peter Levine etc. have done excellent work on trauma healing. Knowledge is power. As you learn more, parts of your mind that were shut will begin to open, and new feelings will flow in, and healing will come in time God willing. Oh and don’t forget to pray for help and guidance from Allah SWT. He will guide your steps in miraculous ways for complete healing Insha’Allah. Evil has been done, but there is a way to undo it. The mark will always be there, but not the damage Insha’Allah. Don’t give up. Everything good is possible.
Edit: I wanted to put in one disclaimer. Everything I’ve written is from my knowledge and experience. And what I’ve seen is, every time some said “so and so cannot be done,” it was proved to be untrue sometime down the line. In other words, if you believe something better can be done than what I said, I believe you’re right. They used to say that trauma can’t be healed without an expert helping and guiding the process. Turned out to be false. They said the brain cannot heal itself. Turned out to be false. So don’t take the limitations in my answers to be absolute, concrete facts. There IS a better way I’m sure, but this is what I know so far. And it’s a good place to start. What I’m trying very hard to get you to understand is: things aren’t as hopeless as you feel they are. Everything has a solution Insha’Allah. Keep at it, and you’ll find it. Others have found solutions to problems that were considered impossible countless before. You can too. As for your specific answer to what a child that age can do: the mind is extremely adept at doing things to protect itself. These are called the defense mechanisms of the mind. So, without you knowing, the child’s mind had already taken measures to protect itself. Sometimes those measures, though appropriate in the moment, can turn out to be harmful in the long run. Therefore, it then becomes the responsibility of the adult to correct those defense mechanisms and adopt healthier ways to deal with the past and the present from an adult’s stance. For example: some people use shopping as a way to relive anxiety (or anything else). In some cases, this is a beneficial thing. Instead of, let’s say, going out and hurting others or themselves, the person chose the relatively benign way of dealing with their problems by shopping. In the moment, this was a good thing. However, if left unaddressed, over the course of time this will have a definite detrimental impact upon the individual. It will then becomes the adult’s responsibility to understand why they shop so much, address the trauma at the subconscious level, then replace that behavior with a more adaptive coping mechanism, for example, exercising. So, Allah SWT has already put in mechanisms in every individual to survive even horrific situations. However, when the person is conscious and noticing that something isn’t working in their lives as an adult, they would then be responsible for correcting that thing in themselves. The mind and body are extremely malleable and adaptable, and geared towards survival. So these are things you don’t have to worry about Insha’Allah. The responsibility falls upon the individual when they realize that some dysfunction lies within them, so to correct that dysfunction to the best of their ability. Also, prayer is a powerful tool. Dua works. Science confirms it many, many ways. We as Muslims are meant to be engaged in dua (conversing with God our Creator about what we need, etc and expressing our thankfulness for His loving presence and guidance in our lives) throughout the day. If you find you’re not able to do anything else for another human being, pray for them. God will find the best way of help them. There is more help available than we can consciously discern with our limited, logical minds. Please keep at it and do your part and keep a positive mental attitude. Worse situations were overcome by people in the past. We as Muslims certainly can overcome this.
@@behtereen4187 I wanted to add something further hence the second comment. The Sister here has already made it clear that Allah SWT sent Islam to abolish any slave-master relationships. Parents abusing their children are in essence lording their power over their helpless children. By the terms explained earlier, this is impermissible in Islam. The HOW maybe was not described in detail in Islamic literature, however there is ample information available out there from modern psychology that you can use to figure out how (which is what my last message was about). Allah SWT says to repel evil with that which is better. If you are repelling trauma and abuse with therapy and self healing, seems to be you are doing exactly the thing that Allah SWT had asked. The Holy Quran wasn’t explicit about the how, perhaps because it is supposed to be a book for the ages, and the how changes with time - I’m guessing. In either case, that God’s work is Perfect and Without Fault, we can be sure of this much. What isn’t perfect is our knowledge and our understanding. Many of us struggled in our deens because we thought limitations existed where it really didn’t. Why? Because of our faulty understanding. Not because God’s word was faulty (astaghfirulla). So again, I urge you to keep trying. The way is out there. Your situation is unique so I cannot say what you specifically should do. However, I would recommend you to make dua specifically to ask Allah SWT to heal you, AND to seek the help of a caring and knowledgeable therapist. The mind needs a doctor when sick, just like the body. And that’s what good therapists do: help and guide them mind to go towards healing gently. The solutions are out there. Please seek them.
@@Ana-rb7ws
Your comment that Allah SWT sent Islam to end all slave-master relationships makes fascinating reading. Kindly share your thoughts about the Holy Quranic verse and the Hadith-e-Mubarika referenced below. You can Google for further such authentic holy texts:
Forbidding Women Already Married, Except for Female Slaves
Allah said,
وَالْمُحْصَنَـتُ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ
Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess.) The Ayah means, you are prohibited from marrying women who are already married,
إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ
(except those whom your right hands possess)........for you are allowed such women.......
Imam Ahmad recorded that Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri said, "We captured some women from the area of Awtas who were already married, and we disliked having sexual relations with them because they already had husbands. So, we asked the Prophet about this matter, and this Ayah was revealed,
وَالْمُحْصَنَـتُ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ
Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess). Consequently, we had sexual relations with these women."
Subhanllah
#narcistic household, advice please djazakallahghairan,Allah will inshaAllah grant you many blessings for helping me out !!!!!
:Because Ive went trough sexual abuse done by my sibling and my parents putted it away as if nothing happened, even putted me after that in the same room to sleep in same room of this abusing sibling for two years on a couch at the age of 8-14. My youth was never the same again. I always was depressed and confused of whats happening on young age. I was also never allowed to have friends cuz my parents and siblings would always interfere with it tryna have controle over éverything, so i never enjoyed friendships cuz of their overcontrolling behaviour that i didnt want friendships at all anymore cuz of the negative vibes they gave me. They would have always things to say about any of my friends behaviour and even the clothes they wear when they are with me.They told me i couldnt hang out with this friend anymore and i should thell em that untill they changed their clothed they are not allowed to hang out with me. Meanwhile my brothers were allowed to behave and do anything they liked and go out with any kinds of friends anywhere even if they are convicted criminals, they still were allowed. The opposite of what i and friends wear,behave and location of going was all monitored and controlled and discussed or insulted anytime.
My mum would always come in between whenever we had visit of famly or relative, she never allowed me to talk, when i talked she would punish me afterwards instead by insults and arguing of discouraging communication with family or friends. Or had to put me on some kind of pedestal, instead of just be normal.
Overeating was also a big thing, she forced me always to eat more than i could every meal, every day, gets angry when i say no i already have enough on my plate thank u. so i was always overweight to just keep the sanity at home. Once a relative noticed and told my mum it is abuse to keep your kid overweight indulging them with to much food instead of letting them just be kids and make them happy or communicate their needs. mum never changed and was always overweight herself too.
i was only allowed to go to home or school. All my succeses or wants were either or put away or fully openly told to their relatives, they never kept anything between me and them as an amana,all my personal stuff was always put out there weirdly enough. My brother was even laughing in a bullying way with my father about my first new job and said like gerarrahere,we dont care about you and your job etc.my first job wich i was so proud and happy about.My brothers always would stalk me sometime unto my workplace or school, they would suddenly just show up out of nothing there. I could never keep a job because i never had a stable emotional growth cuz of them and anxieties everytime of the day. i always felt sick on the inside as i had to always keep strong outside. Always felt afraid to connect with people cuz i wasnt able to keep healthy relationships/communication, afraid telling anyone what i went trough as they wouldnt understand as i didnt even understand what was happening sometimes, cuz thats what narcists do, they attack you in very viscious ways,you almost cant even describe what just even happened.
They are untill this day agressive and rage unto a point they are pushing me with their hands or even sometimes my mum hitted me when i was in a depressed and sick era after all this struggeling on my own with all this mental abuse when i was in my early twenties, my body just gave up,mentally.
My mum was never allowed to work by my father,not allowed to have her own money troughout her whole life, so she relies untill this day on us the children. All the normal kids i knew always got a lil amount of money to buy little stuff but i never got it, not even the childcare money by law meant for the kids.
My parents argue and yell at eachother exactly évery time they are talking with eachother,évery meal when together. My father has no compasion or imediate understanding when talking with him about anything whatsoever, hes narcistic and my mum eventually more so too. My mum got breastcancer eventually, and knee replacement surgery, cuz her body couldnt even stand all the damage of her being married to my dad, he was way more narcistic than her and anyone can ever handle. So thats why im very traumatised and wont settle for anyone to be married with cuz i get agatated or anxieties dealing with people who seem to have same narcistic traits. Im im my thirties now, i dont think ill ever marry (happily) cuz of all the traumas and i keep atracting toxic people, my parents and siblings always wanted a arranged marriage for me.
Mum has some narcistic traits as well as she never had a mum in her upbringing herself, her mum died at an early age of 7 and is traumatised ever since, cuz she got abused as well by her stepmothers, and eventually fell in the arms of my narcistic father to marry him on a early age of around 16,and got her first kid this young, so it was an escape for her to marry him growing up in poor conditions without her biological mother. She seemed never really happy in her marriage with my dad cuz he isolated her fully of everything and everyone. I dont think mum has much more to live after her last surgery. I am only thankfull for her to have cared for me as she brought me up even if she did it mostly in a narcistic way by love bombing and after that attacking every action and word with my siblings or father but she did it whole heartedly with all she could and had.
So im the one in very much pain right now cuz they are all i have left in my life even after all the narcistic abuse. And for my dad even he narcistic, he always tried to teach me about islam.
Ive diceded for my own sanity and health when i was around 27 years to became more and more distant with them cuz i dont want to end up all sick to the point as like my mum but its also impossible to fully avoid your parents whom were with you your whole life and not having any other (good) people around as we mentioned above. I always think like, if i were a other kid, they wouldve left lóng time ago when the abuse began around 12 years old, but i probly wouldve ended on the streets, worse than i am now, cuz the help is very bad overhere for (muslim) children.
السلام عليكم
انا اتابعك من الجزائر و لقد استفدت كثيرا من الموضوع.
كنت ابحث في كيفية التعامل مع الاهل النرجسيين مما سمح لي مصادفة قناتك،
شكراً جزيلا وبارك الله فيك
Salam Alaikum, would you consider doing a short update video for reverts who have Narcissistic non-muslim parents?
Wa alaikom al salaam, yes that's a good idea, thank you I will add that to the list :)
@@themuslimnarcissistbook JezakAllahkhair. May you be rewarded. It really is very tricky as it's not a situation that I'm aware of any of the scholars have commented on which is reasonably analogous. Added to that, I am adopted, which makes it difficult for me to take scholarly opinions "off the shelf" as their logic often relates to bearing you and special bonds around that etc.
Also, it's very common for one parent to be narcissist and the other anxious codependent as they sort of naturally attach so perhaps that angle would be relevant to many people in that situation.
Salam Alaikum.
@@tinkeringtim7999 All noted :) it will most likely be released in July inshallah
@Understanding the Muslim Narcissist Wonderful! Subscribed!
So true 👍
aslm i am still suffering from my mother till today im 39 yrs old and my son is 3yrs old.....this has been goin on for 25 yrs and i see it effecting my son's upbringing.....i been thru counselling with my mommy an she always manipulates the therapists an counsellers to be on her side then i always look like the crazy ungrateful one....i dunno what to do coz im always told janaah is under the feet of my mother but she jus controls every aspect of my life....i even developed a drug addiction from her controllin and emotional and verbal abuse towards me and all family members in our house....i was married then got divorced coz my ex wife an her family cudnt deal with her
My mother is pressuring me into marriage now and I feel so overwhelmed
Don’t marry if you don’t want to
Remember it’s YOUR LIFE
Love shouldn’t be forced. Say no to her respectfully, you don’t owe her yes , you shouldn’t say yes to everything, there’s limits in life.
I have an very abusive narcissistic mother, she is the type to curse at you attack you when she’s angry and then blame you for it or lie to my father about it she has chased away all of my siblings none of us has a good bond with her none of us can have a conversation with her without it turning into an argument then she uses allah against us like anytime you make your mom mad you will never be happy allah will never give you a good life she beats and yell at me and my siblings it got so bad the cops got involved she lied her way out of it like always when people ask about me she always has bad things to say about me she called me a fake Muslim and cursed me. She’s the reason I have all these marks on my face she’s wished death onto all her kids it got so bad that I started wishing death onto myself begging allah to take me so she’ll live the life she want she don’t understand that I wasn’t born this way she raise me and my siblings to be so hateful may allah forgive her I’m only 15 i don’t know how long I haven to deal with this..
My family has gas lighted me soo much, told me im toxic, im crazy, paranoid, over sensitive, cahse all the drama, how i've made my kids like me, they ig ire me, provoke me, do things together and leavee out of it, their kids will nit interact with my kids amd then blame me for teaching my kids to not interact with them....i seem to be the root of all evil for them, and then theyvare surprised that i limit my contact with them andthen they blame me for having no relationships with them even though no will will directly reach out toe for a phone call or to physically meet in person.... Im thinking are they right about me or not...i am to blame for reacting when i cant deal with it anymore, but there are days wether i think how can it be all of them wrong and me just feeling what im feeling....am i the narc??
I want to adress another issue why it is okay to cut contact in my view. May Allah forgive me if I am wrong. It is just my opinion. If you want to protect your Children because you Are seeing with your Aqil that they Are harming their Development than I think it is at least ok to cut contact with narc parents until your children are grown up.
Also the issue with mental health and affecting your other responsibilities, e.g. home, husband, religious etc. Than I think it is okay.
Remember that it is not our only responsibility to make our parents feel good. We have other responsibilities to Which Are far more Important. Our husband and especially children Need us more.
And our parents are grown up people who can look up After themselves. And they will find other scapegoats immediately you cut contact. They dont love you they just love the way you Make them feel - powerful and in Control. And Even by cutting them Off you Are doing a favor for them - with hope maybe they will understand. (Which I think only a few would understand.)
So all in all, You have also rights as a Child. and also as a human to protect yourself, your own family, your belongings (house etc) if someone tries to harm you you can attack back. But in this Situation with Parents it is not fighting back - but just cutting off contact or limiting contact only in eid messages.
@@psychologiepodcast yes, check out podcasts 93 and 94 I answer this there :)
I agree but what also needs to be understood you can not cut ties completely god will not ask how often you saw your mum or dad and why you didn’t spend x amount of time but that fact that there was occasionally hi how are hope your well, Eid Mubarak, Ramadan that kind of maintenance to say yes there was an element of communication as you can not completely cut ties. Allah will test you in life through marriage, wealth, health and relations everything in life will be tested to an element as Muslims out lives are not perfect and never will be because it’s a test!
I can't tell if my dad is narcissistic. My parents divorced, and my dad raised me as a single parent after my mom passed away when I was 8. Growing up, my dad often spoke negatively about my mom and compared me to her, which made me feel uncomfortable since I was just a child.
He has been married multiple times, and one of his ex-wives was abusive towards me. He keeps recounting that he left her and my half-sister because of me, and in return, I haven't been good to him.
He often talks about everything he's done for me and how everyone has wronged him. He accuses me of hurting him and not listening to him, even though I've tried my best to please him and make him happy throughout my life. I have depression, but he tends to dismiss it, thinking I'm faking it or trying to manipulate him. However, he did take me to a therapist when I asked him to, which leaves me feeling conflicted. He keeps saying why are you depressed when I have given you everything. I keep wanting to avoid him because every conversation only involves criticism or manipulation to get me to do what he wants. And then he blames me for staying away. The more i try to get away, the worse it gets. He's gotten me married but still wants. to keep me close to him, doesn't want us to leave the country. He paid for my education and now keeps slapping it in my face, saying I've wasted his money. andit's going to result in nothing, trying to convince me to do what he wants.
Assalaam. Im sorry for your pain.Alhamdullilah for you, you are married and even have a husband who is looking to move out the country. Whats good about it? Your husband is your main mahram now, and the distance from such a parent would be good and can preserve and even grow your emaan. I would- plan the move with my husband and inform my father that I will stay in contact, and contact him on holidays, and send money here and there when I can MAYBE but nothing beyond that. Enjoy the peace. Dont let this matter sway you to be complacent to his abuse. He IS a narcissist. Thats the thing, us victims get to mentally manipulated, we lose our sense of recognizing when our rights are being taken from us.To me? This is not an issue. You are free. You can breath better now knowing you have someone to start a beautiful, loving, non toxic life with and have their support- your husbands. I would like this problem of yours actually ukhti *smiles*
*Id like your problem meaning- the part where you dont know if you should move with your husband not the abuse, its horrible, I've been oppressed too and still impacted. Restarted my life for what seems like many times.
Great topic. Being a parent isn't a green card to heaven. Patents, too, will be questioned on the day of judgment, and i remind my mother of that. But, girl, im not sure about cutting ties. That's too much. Change your approach again and again until you find the most appropriate approach (maybe not perfect).
@@Me-vq7sy I never said to cut ties :) I said to create a big enough distance that’s safe.
Assalamu alaykum, is there anyway we can get this book pdf??
do you reply to comments? i have a question but i don’t want to say it yet since im not sure if you do reply
Yes I do :)
@@viviannebeads I’d distance yourself as much as possible and is needed to protect your mental health without cutting ties completely.
@@themuslimnarcissistbook thank you
This is scary 😟