My mom is in a trauma bonded marriage. Without the trauma there isn't much. Her version of "not engaging" is creating a web of lies to "avoid conversation" with my stepfather. She drags those around her into her mess of little white lies. Everyone else has to keep up with these lies. This creates SO much anxiety for her cuz of the idea that the house of cards will come crumbling down if even one person doesn't remember the "story". My stepfather isn't a narc but these lessons will be such a help to her. I pray she's humble enough to watch some of them ❤Thank you Doc 😊
My aunt told me to pick a word and focus on it as I prepare to leave my narcissistic husband. I chose peace. I haven’t had a break from chaos cruelty and neglect in years. I started self caring last night. I painted my toe nails and gave myself a facial. It probably sounds silly but I haven’t spent an evening just taking care of myself in so long. Such wise advice! I can tell you’ve been there.
Healing means forgiving yourself and letting go of the emotional and spiritual ties to this person. Separation and elevation. Rebuilding your self-esteem and practicing self-love.
Why should I forgive myself????. I had no idea as a child what narcisissm is. I went into a relationship and let go after reading years of my writings about my experience. I chose my sanity and peace of mind. 7 years no contact it gets easier to release the emotional entanglement.
@@mayleneharrison691I'm sorry you went through that, and am glad you don't feel you've got anything to forgive yourself for, but many of us do. If nothing else, I've had to forgive myself for not trusting and loving myself enough to get away sooner. I've also apologized for the things I said when I was hurt, not because they deserved it, but because I needed to acknowledge where I fell short of my own standards.
True, if we're really nit picking, there was no self blame to be felt in the first place. Healing is realising that. Also self love isn't something you do on demand. You can't just ''practice it'', so don't be too hard on yourself! You will simply acquire the feeling after a while, through facing your life the way that you chose. Good luck!
They suck the life out of you - out of entire families. You're advised to "set boundaries " - that only amps up the abuse AND THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING. I am so sick of the denial around this. These people aren't simply "toxic". They are destroyers. God bless you Dr. Ramani.
Exactly... After 10 years with my narc ex I developed an autoimmune disease. I was mentally and physically on point zero.. Now after 3 years without him I slowly recover and he still tries to hoover now and then. I do ignore it of course, I did the break up, he wanted to stay.. I'm so proud I made it but my health was ruined!
Yes, they function like a black hole, sucking others in, and we disappear. Because they have been destroyed, they are driven to destroy others. That we escape them is miraculous and a triumph of love.
@@Chrisy0850same here, RA, fibromyalgia, sensory issues, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and ADHD and 3 months ago was tested and uncovered I was autistic! I knew I had always felt different and self diagnosed a year ago. Was told I was a hypochondriac and take a 1000 pills a day, and “when is this gonna stop??”. I feel like a beaten down horse that is beyond exhausted and can barely get out of bed most days. Anyway, you’re not alone, saying a prayer for you.
I’m a male in my early 30s. Was in a 8 year relationship, engaged 6 months and was going to marry in 8 months. I found your channel by what feels like a miracle. I called off the wedding and broke off the the narcissistic relationship thanks to your advise. Knowing why I was feeling how I was feeling was so empowering. Thank you and just want you to know you saved a life…well probably thousands and thousands at this point.
I wish I was in a space to walk away .. I am so so happy for you. Reading comments like yours gives me hope. Now I need to get out of my own way & just let myself grieve and cry until I can’t anymore 😢😢😢
It’s been half a year since my comment and just felt like providing an update hoping it helps someone. I stopped all communications with my now ex-fiancée. That first month was the hardest. I had to prepare for all that was to come including texts, phone calls, etc. but I always reminded myself that I’ve never really made a decision thinking of ME. And only me. Every decision I’ve made always felt like it was with someone else’s feelings in mind. It was difficult but after h to at first month, I began to get a lot of desire to go out and take on new hobbies, or do things I used to do when I was single. And that brought me a lot of happiness and a feeling of fulfillment and I hope more people think of themselves in situations where they can still walk away. Be kind to yourself.
@@LuisRodriguez-gs1iv ~ this is a wonderful update !! Thank you for sharing your success in getting out, being safe, strong and most of all caring for yourself. I’m starting to do little things to stay afloat .. can’t wait until I get to where you are. Positive vibes and peace for many more years of loving yourself 🧸💞💫
Luis God bless you for sharing. You had the healthiest reaction so yo get yourself back and enjoy freedom. I go indifferent and that helps me a lot to get the abusive attitude off of me. I manage and praying for wise navigation of my narc.
I love the introducing ourselves to ourselves again.I was with a malignant from ages 15 to 55. Am 70 now. Have painted every damn square inch of MY house and furniture. And u know what? People started calling me an artist.
Same, I like to look back at egregious texts of narc ex falsely accusing me of things and going into a rage, responding I should lose his number when I texted him I was sick (he’s a medical doctor), all the nasty put downs. Viewing those texts really helps disrupt euphoric recall.
You've just described my definition of forgiveness. It has nothing to do with reconciliation. Forgiveness is letting go - the narcissists worst nightmare.
I’ve found that it’s fully accepting the fact that he outcome you got couldn’t have turned out any differently. That’s what HAD to happen. And once you truly accept that, the path to healing becomes clear so you move on.
I can never thank you enough for all those words. Doctor Ramani, I know you saved a lot of lives! The little girl with braids can be so proud of herself. Thank her for having the courage to talk out loud
When it comes to healing from a narcissistic relationship it’s like finding light in a dark storm. It’s a tough journey, but with time and support, you can come out stronger than ever before.
I do struggle with being the bad person in my relationship. As a woman, you are taught to forgive, swallow, look the other way, devalue your own wants and needs, and put your husband/family first. My break from the narcissist has created a lot of conflict inside of me as I do feel like I’m the one who is breaking up our family. I have days where I think if I could just endure it a little bit longer everything will be fine. That’s the cost of hope though, my mental and physical sanity. I have to remember the narcissist cannot and will not change.
Completely understand the guilt as a women and nurturing mother the guilt floods your mind at night that maybe I should have just tried harder. If you have children get out now. The fact you even have thoughts maybe more giving could be the fix shows you are empathic and not a user like narcissistic people. Being alone may be needed to reflect, rebuild your energy and heal.
Same here. Getting those ingrained thoughts and feelings out of my head is a constant battle. Getting myself to really feel that my thoughts, feelings, and my self worth are just as important as other peoples' - - I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to achieve that. It's all too ingrained from my earliest experiences. Makes me really sad, as I'm running out of time/life.
After 45 years of marriage, my narcissist decided to kill me. He became very interested in my life insurance policy and kept throwing out questionable comments. Then, he became much more direct with his threats. My sons told me to leave and helped me to get out.
Writing your story down is such sound advice. When we want so badly for it to have been different than it actually was, it makes us more prone to forgetting how bad it actually was. In moments of doubt, remembering keeps us safe. I resorted to recording a lot of rants and rages. Not to show others, though that may have saved me some family relationships, but so I would never forget how serious the abuse really was. Watching them from time to time has helped me maintain no-contact.
I never EVER FELT,THAT WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME ,DEFINED WHO I AM!! I AM STRONG AND OF SOUND MIND!! it's a bit of a challenge leaving and not knowing where I am going!!. I don't believe this demon can change ,or do I care to change them!! I have learned to play his game!!
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Dr. Ramani, you have been my teacher and mentor for a couple of years. And you still help me navigate my healing journey out of narcissist abuse. Because of your teaching, I am learning to like and even love myself again. The world needs you, and I send my love and respect your way!
I had no idea about this until a narc turned my life upside down. 6 months of pure hell. They left today, thank God. I don't think I'd be alive if it had continued.
Hardest part is trauma bond and cognitive dissonance, also since self esteem was also attacked you are never sure about the future with someone else.. all three things needs to come together, healing is how much damage was done, how much in love and trauma bond we are in, and to move forward with life just like narcissist does. Gotta dig deep are we co dependant, anxiously attached, empath with no boundaries then fix those along with all the trauma bond, this takes time and lots of self care and a strong will. Stay blessed people, self care will build self esteem and confidence, knowledge will build stronger boundaries and experience you just got will make you aware what to look for in next person.. they can still fool you thats why takes things slowly..
BRAVO!!!! So needed!!! Im 97% detached from my dirtbag oppressor and I've filed for divorce and moving into my new place in 3 weeks!!! Im so ready to kick him to the curb. You saved my life Dr Ramani!!!!
0:22 I really help here, what do you do when someone you love passes away and you've cut all family ties with your siblings who will also be attending the funeral I really don't want to ever see them again. What should I do?
Oh my goodness!!! I work in schools in the UK and there’s just an evil ‘fear based’ culture in so many of them. Kids getting punished for such small, unimportant things and staff refusing to show empathy towards those with complex needs. Huge turnovers of staff when there’s a toxic senior leadership team. If you google ‘Flattening the Grass Outwood Grange Academy’ you find links to a truly awful story. There are many others I suspect.
Yes, I had a terrible childhood and thought it was normal for a while until I got older and went to friends or cousins houses to find out their parents didn’t treat them the way my mother treated me. She truly damaged me… and I had to watch her damage my two younger sisters. This was was more painful to me that what she did to me. I’m letting it go now , she died in 2016. She still wasn’t a proper mother. I did love her but, a psychiatrist said once that I didn’t love her but, I did. All I can do is let go - at my age of 72.
I've just started my no contact with my narcissist ex..and yes it does make me sick to my stomach so hard..I do feel like the bad 1..so thanku for this I really needed it.
Worse part for me is sleep- can’t sleep well. Have let go of the fantasy of who I thought that person was but once I wake up, the rumination starts. Really about finances only since headed for divorce. Don’t care one iota about the narc.
I didn’t know any different till several years ago after listening to you several others, and realized that what I was going through now is the exact same thing I grew up with. It was just what I knew.
Me too. Both my mom and dad have lots of narcissistic traits in them. They had a hard time growing up, specially my dad, and they became bitter about life, I would say. They provided me a good school, good clothing, good food, but when it was about emotional support, love through understanding and patience and acceptance of what's different, I didn't have that. Then guess what? I ended up dating a stron narcissist for three years. I'm healing and taking care of myself and setting my boundaries each time more and more. It's difficult, because I learned how to be compassionate, which is good, but OVERLY COMPASSIONATE only breaks you. People take advantage of me cause they see me as too kind hearted, and I know it's because I still don't set enough boundaries, and that's why they abuse me. But I'm healing and learning, for sure. God is helping me. He makes justice. We just need to do our part and wait, and everyone will receive what they deserve, I mean, everyone reap what they sow, and narcissists always pay for it. I can see my mom paying for the bad she has done to me, l I can see my dad paying the bad he has done to my mom and to me. God never fails. I hope all of us have a blessed life! 🙏🏻
When ruminating about this relationship, I can't believe that i 'went along' with Mr. Narc's abuse behavior towards me! I feel ashamed of myself that I 'let' him treat me that way. I just wanted to be 'wanted' and loved but it doesn't excuse his horrid treatment. I am trying to heal and forgive myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wisdom and your book! xoxo
Same here. Ashamed, can not beleive what I endured, how many times I looked away, rationalised his covert abuse. However... this was so damaging... that I had to leave to save my life... and it pushed me to find STRENGHT and COURAGE in myself I never knew I have. So... all this abuse gave me opportunuty to heal also from my childhood emotional neglect/abuse. And I have found out (via recovery and YT vids) that I am not (only) damaged by narcs... but am also an INTROVERT, and I love this awareness - I enjoy being the loving empathic introverted ME now. ❤ ❤
Healing and love to you all. Eagles are hatching 3 eggs on live tv, BigBear live cam Jackie and Shadow have hatch eggs before. 3 is unusual. Eagles soaring in the sunshine, bringing healing. Thank you drRamani; Your healing is spreading far and wide!
I am in the beginning of no contact with my narc. And boy, do I ever feel like the bad person! I'm definitely an empath, and I have begun radical acceptance, but my guilt over being the bad person is fighting it. I wish I could fast forward through this period. It's so painful to feel this way. Even when I read over some of the crappy texts he has sent, I STILL feel guilty 😢
I needed to hear this! I’m currently in the process of healing after leaving my husband and I am in the middle of reading your book. Thank you so much for all you do!
Yes. I walked away. Tired of being screamed at, told to flush my psych meds, to drink wine and being asked for money every other day. I can’t believe I even put up with it for 3 months. I’m feeling sad and my mind is trying to gaslight me into being the bad person and taking the blame for how others behaved. “Maybe I’m just weak”, “Maybe it’s just a bad day” blah blah blah NO! I’m done! I don’t deserve it and I never did. I’m not perfect by any means, and I can even be an asshole, but I’m not doing THAT! Live and let live, but they can live away from me and scream at someone “Strong enough” to handle it. Maybe unconditional love isn’t possible after all. Maybe it’s a trap. Not just heavy…my blood pressure became dangerously high engaging with this person. Headaches, anxiety when their name came up on my phone, because they demanded a great deal of time daily. Hours. No. Done. Over it. Sorry not sorry.
Letting go was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The day I sat down & wrote down everything he did & said to me, & then read it back to myself, I cried. I cried because I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do/plan/say to fix the problems he caused in the relationship. At that moment I chose to mourn the relationship...and then I left him. Since then, every day feels a little bit lighter & brighter. And every day I make plans to do fun stuff & meet new (nice) people. I am happier for it.
Yes! Knowing validated me, but letting go is healing me! And yes, it's challenging...it was "normal" to me because I was the scapegoat of a narc mom, then unwittingly married (42 yrs) a narc man. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, tried counseling, groups, books, looked high & low for answers, tried to love more, be better....then, finally, at 60 yrs old, I found narcissism. What relief, and grief. Grief of the loss of so many yrs, & worse, the hope of change. Thank you, & by the way, knowledge & radical acceptance is exactly what I needed to start healing!
Dr. Ramani thank you for caring and sharing. Jeremiah 17:14 Lord heal me and I will be healed. Narcissist Melford Morris really is a demon, I have come a long way in my healing journey. Prayers Psalm 54-64🙏🇯🇲
Dr Ramani .... You are my surrogate Mother. 14 yrs an orphan and i eventually feel so close to her as I know she sits with me listening to you , and everything you describe , was her husband , my dad . Last thing she said was, I feel sorry for you having to deal with him on your own once I've gone. I'm 48 this year.
Dad died 2 yrs after .. No other family. Them only single children and out of all the 4 other possibilities.. no family.. Big Heavy Duty 💪 Matriach shit . I've left 2 boys from 2 different families and god knows wtf 🤣🤣🤣
Yes--sick to my stomach for days after walking out during an abusive episode. Got nothing done in my own life those days. Part of my problem, though, was knowing I'd have to re-engage. Can't just dump all of my elderly mother's needs in my sister's lap.
Energy, financial and time vampires. I am so behind in personal responsibilities before meeting him made me feel ashamed. It was a result of sleep deprivation and constant mental chaos.
I'm not reading that book no less than 20x. I will never again put myself or my children through this. Amazing what having kids will force a parent to deal with for them. Thank you, and God bless.
@D.m_on_T.elegram_DoctorRamani Oh wow, what an honor. I mean, if anyone knows what I'm going through, it's you. Would the latest page of my journal help? I titled it, "What hurts the most?" You've been such an inspiration to me during this incredibly difficult time.
@numa333 The vision of the terror on my teenage son's face after being threatened with violence from malignant narc was the last & final safety order I sought & received Followed by divorce This abuse was not going to be passed down & most certainly not to one of my children That image is etched in my memory and will forever be my reminder for the rest of my life
When you get there, it's awesome! After two years of fighting in divorce court, therapy and your podcast... It hit me when I took my personal items out of my house/prison. The freedom is amazing. ❤
Radical Acceptance is a blessing when we recognize it. Slowly but surely the RA is like a blooming of perennial flowers. They are beautiful in bloom and you can enjoy, but remember they are only there for a season.
Thanks for sharing. I am noticing that a lot of recent videos have been shifting their emphasis from the games of the Narc to how they impact on the people who are around them, how to break free, to how to heal from having been trauma bonded to an N. It is like an experiential walk through of a process to recognizing what is happening, disengaging from it, and then healing from having been in such a relationship.
It is funny that I found this link the first thing this morning. Out of curiosity yesterday I googled a former colleague's daughter. I wondered if she had gotten married (hoping she had escaped her mother's influence). The first link that came up was not about the daughter but rather her mother and my former colleagues. I was amazed how fast all the pain of that position washed over me. It brought up feelings I did not even know were there. It was like PTSD. It even spilled into my morning meditation this morning. I really needed to hear this talk today. I clearly have more work to do. Thank you again Dr. Ramini
Yes, I still feel this heaviness after I walked away, moved away from the narcissist & went No contact! I’m so sad today of all He has done to hurt me & not care at all about my value!
I feel like there is something wrong with me because I dont feel lighter recognizing the narcissism. It makes me angry because i finally realize that I dont deserve this behavior
The guilt I feel about cutting off my best friend is agonising - I’m so angry at her and so hurt by her words and actions and just EXHAUSTED by her but I still care so much… even though having her in my life is torture, not having her in my life hurts almost as much
I just bought your new book! I reached radical acceptance in 2009 after a 30 year marriage. I quit trying to make it better for his constant unhappiness. His mantra was “I’m miserable and it’s all your fault.” I gave up. We still live in the same house, but I decided I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do; going somewhere with him was awful because he used the no-escape car trip to berate and belittle me. He has stage 4 dementia now, so I have no choice but to hang around until I can place him in a center.
Have experienced soooo much loss this past year. All this information has been greatly appreciated and helped. NOTE: Finding myself now with reality and totally alone except with those next to me in a grocery store on the couple times a month I venture out as Also grieving unexpectedly loss of Husband - the very last part of this video (around 45 min. ) helped. Husband was exceptional in many ways. Sooooo many ways. Sooooooooo many ways that the loss am feeling has been so great and scary? The last part of this video has given me some tools how I might be able to reframe my way of Being and baby steps can take to climb up and become active in my life🌺 Thank you for all your work and sharing 🌺❤️🎈
I am very introverted myself and I understand where you’re coming from. When you talk about the cat the TV and the couch I work in retail and when I get off work, I come home and I close the door behind me and let the world pass like having alone time, I don’t wanna be alone the rest of my life but I do need space and a lot of quiet time
This is such a powerful message! Even the thought of Finding meaning and purpose and finding the happy me existed before the marriage was a heavy thought/ burden. Thank you for simplifying it and showing that it is doable if we don’t overburden ourselves by carrying all unnecessary excess baggage🙏🙏
13:38 something lifts. Something moves on she’s absolutely right. I live through 20 years as a kid growing up not understanding. I am at 30 years in a marriage and only two or three years ago listening to other people, but it really took Dr. Romani breaking it down and making me understandfor my aha moments. I’ve listened to countless others and many that have come online since and the pain is real. I regain my life.
I listen read and write daily. I learn daily. Recovery healing and growth is so important. I never want to not know or not understand. Knowledge and information and education are of paramount importance to me Thank you for your incredibly input into my life daily. I'm so grateful to you
I've had no choice but to change my personality. Life made me change. I had to stop ppl pleasing. I had to stop caring what ppl think & say about me. I love me way too much for ppl to bring me down. I gave my life to JESUS CHRIST & he gave me a King David attitude, which isn't perfect but strong for righteousness. I try to chase evil ppl away!!
this one has spoken to me where I am right now. I cannot leave but you answered for me what I still can do and live with and still enjoy what's left of my 84 year life. A great feeling of freedom and peace.
I know there are so many more horrific things that people are capable of, but I still find it so difficult to believe someone u loved could be so so cruel and heartless. I accept it but I still find it incredulous.
Thank you for your help. I have adopted your method. I tell myself that I do what I do in the house is for me, not for recognition, but I am being me. It's hard, and everyday I remind myself. We watched a documentary last night, the partner was saying nasty things,my partner was sanctimonious as usual. How awful to say that etc. I reminded her of how many times she said she wouldn't care if I dried. She claimed it was a joke and I m playing the victim. I just gave a kiss goodnight and laughed. Yes it hurts, but I will never let her see that. We are a female couple
I wish to God I could talk to you privately. I just want to thank you for all your work and help to all of us! You're most definitely an ANGEL!! THANK YOU so much for all you do! I'm so thankful for you!
Thank you, Dr. Ramni I watch your videos a lot and I do appreciate your input. The thing that I struggle with with my ex and understand it’s been over two years is the fact that with the new supply they do all kinds of activities with them, they go places concerts, the parks, comedy clubs, you name it. They’re doing it when I was with the narc we did nothing, for some reason that just really gets under my skin so bad and thank God this relationship only lasted six months that’s really all I could stomach so I hear people say well the new supplies going to get the same treatment you got well I don’t see any evidence of this, but of course I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors either I do know that a narcissist is different when they get you home than how they treat you in public so I still struggle with triggers however, I will say I am much better than I used to be but I’m gonna keep going to therapy and talking to people and doing things to make me happy again I do appreciate you ma’am
Oh my word. I did feel so hopeless so stuck. Shocked at times that just shut down and cried. Felt it was me. Thank you Dr Ramani listening to many of your podcasts i m seeing light at end of long tunnel.
Exactly. It's never taught or talked about. I didn't know what was happening. The constant theme of my life "It's all my fault". Yup, abuse was normalized & set the stage for the abusive relationships I got into.
I’ve been needed to deal with my ptsd, it’s causeinf blocks in my growth. Knowing to take care of myself is huge. Knowing the high percentage of how they will not get better or change makes me feel strong with closing the door. My parents were like this they would not change they couldn’t change. I am not at fault. This is a common current mantra lately. I would like to say this in a positive sentence. I am doing all I can, I am doing great. Take a second to accept and appreciate all that we do, how we handle to situations. Thanks Dr Ramni for all your light you have shed💡🔦☀️🌞🌅🌄🌇
I’m in the meaning and purpose part of my healing journey and I definitely needed the reminder that it’s ok to not go do something really big and to just focus on living an authentic, little life. Thanks Dr Ramani.
You’ve been there! Your wisdom comes from pain and experience. That automatically makes me listen to you. You’ve been in the arena. Thank you for explaining the self-damage we do to ourselves.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani. Your videos have helped me so much. Never really looked into this topic, as it wasn't part of my life, til my last relationship. The whole playbook.... it blows my mind. Thank you ❤
Wow on the radical acceptance! I didn't know that's what it was at the time, but it felt so very different to all other realisations I had about the relationship with my ex up until that point. For me, it was a very, very calm state of knowing. No anger, no hurt no fighting against it. Of course there were many emotions before and after, but I'm so grateful it happened, and thank you for helping me name what it was ❤
It has been about 5 years now since my diagnosis of PTSD (CPTSD). I am pretty much at this point now after 50 plus years of pondering the subject of the relationship.
Thank you Dr Ramani’s team for posting content every day. You guys must be so tired with all the book promotions. Just wanted to take a moment to thank the team behind Dr Ramani, we appreciate you all so much. ❤
I am so grateful to be myself and for your videos that give me permission to live my purpose!! Being me and freedom from abusive people! Thank you thank you 🙏 ❤
Love,love,love this most necessary reminder that surviving and eventually thriving is a process worth striving toward and managing the seemingly endless grieving is possible! Learning to Let Go of so much while helping offspring navigate the collateral damage is an interesting journey. Thank you for your always timely encouragement Dr. Ramani! Congratulations again on finally getting to wear that “purple dress”!It is most beautifully fitting!❤️
Dear Ramani Durvasula. 1st I was getting very annoyed with this video you made, considered switching it off at about 30 minutes, but thankfully watched it to the end. I really appreciate what you've done here and what you showed of your own journey. Your a rare beauty 🙏
Thank you so much for your research and being compelled to share. You are helping heal people that may be the most empathetic caring people of all. That's why we were chosen. People so loyal and dedicated they help on through horrible things that anyone else would have not. I say these things only because I praise you in this. My husband diagnosed ASPD in prison. Thought enough love would cure all. 20 year marriage to follow. Trama Bonded and Betrayl Trama. Went through hell. Still he'll getting over it. Thank you again.
So true about all the messages to "stay together, make it work," etc. (e.g., Murray Bowen's commitment to keeping family together). I can't tell you how many times I've stayed to long: with family, with approach-avoidant "boyfriend," etc. @4:50 "...no longer equating chaos and love."
Replace the relationship with peace and well being. Replace the narc with self care .
I love the peace and self care.
My mom is in a trauma bonded marriage. Without the trauma there isn't much. Her version of "not engaging" is creating a web of lies to "avoid conversation" with my stepfather. She drags those around her into her mess of little white lies. Everyone else has to keep up with these lies. This creates SO much anxiety for her cuz of the idea that the house of cards will come crumbling down if even one person doesn't remember the "story". My stepfather isn't a narc but these lessons will be such a help to her. I pray she's humble enough to watch some of them ❤Thank you Doc 😊
Been working on the wisdom part for fifty years.
My aunt told me to pick a word and focus on it as I prepare to leave my narcissistic husband. I chose peace. I haven’t had a break from chaos cruelty and neglect in years. I started self caring last night. I painted my toe nails and gave myself a facial. It probably sounds silly but I haven’t spent an evening just taking care of myself in so long. Such wise advice! I can tell you’ve been there.
Love love love this❤❤❤
Healing means forgiving yourself and letting go of the emotional and spiritual ties to this person. Separation and elevation. Rebuilding your self-esteem and practicing self-love.
Why should I forgive myself????. I had no idea as a child what narcisissm is. I went into a relationship and let go after reading years of my writings about my experience. I chose my sanity and peace of mind. 7 years no contact it gets easier to release the emotional entanglement.
@@mayleneharrison691I'm sorry you went through that, and am glad you don't feel you've got anything to forgive yourself for, but many of us do. If nothing else, I've had to forgive myself for not trusting and loving myself enough to get away sooner. I've also apologized for the things I said when I was hurt, not because they deserved it, but because I needed to acknowledge where I fell short of my own standards.
True, if we're really nit picking, there was no self blame to be felt in the first place. Healing is realising that.
Also self love isn't something you do on demand. You can't just ''practice it'', so don't be too hard on yourself! You will simply acquire the feeling after a while, through facing your life the way that you chose.
Good luck!
I am having trouble letting go and forgiving myself for letting him I to my heart.
I don't know your story, but I don't see love as something you could ever be blamed for, even when there are red flags about the person you love.
Narcissists are truly terrible these films have saved my mind
me too tbh
Same
Thank you ❤
Same … seriously
Yes me too. Therapist did a lot of victim blaming.
They suck the life out of you - out of entire families. You're advised to "set boundaries " - that only amps up the abuse AND THEY WILL STOP AT NOTHING. I am so sick of the denial around this. These people aren't simply "toxic". They are destroyers. God bless you Dr. Ramani.
Exactly... After 10 years with my narc ex I developed an autoimmune disease. I was mentally and physically on point zero.. Now after 3 years without him I slowly recover and he still tries to hoover now and then. I do ignore it of course, I did the break up, he wanted to stay.. I'm so proud I made it but my health was ruined!
Destroyers is the Perfect word to describe them. Peace to all Survivors.
Yes, they function like a black hole, sucking others in, and we disappear. Because they have been destroyed, they are driven to destroy others. That we escape them is miraculous and a triumph of love.
Apollyon = The Destroyer
Satan = The Adversary
They act like their father. They have fully joined evil to do what malignant covert narcs do.
@@Chrisy0850same here, RA, fibromyalgia, sensory issues, PTSD, anxiety, depression, and ADHD and 3 months ago was tested and uncovered I was autistic! I knew I had always felt different and self diagnosed a year ago. Was told I was a hypochondriac and take a 1000 pills a day, and “when is this gonna stop??”. I feel like a beaten down horse that is beyond exhausted and can barely get out of bed most days. Anyway, you’re not alone, saying a prayer for you.
I’m a male in my early 30s. Was in a 8 year relationship, engaged 6 months and was going to marry in 8 months. I found your channel by what feels like a miracle. I called off the wedding and broke off the the narcissistic relationship thanks to your advise. Knowing why I was feeling how I was feeling was so empowering. Thank you and just want you to know you saved a life…well probably thousands and thousands at this point.
I wish I was in a space to walk away .. I am so so happy for you. Reading comments like yours gives me hope. Now I need to get out of my own way & just let myself grieve and cry until I can’t anymore 😢😢😢
I am so heartbroken.. Extremely tired… just want to walk the healing path
It’s been half a year since my comment and just felt like providing an update hoping it helps someone. I stopped all communications with my now ex-fiancée. That first month was the hardest. I had to prepare for all that was to come including texts, phone calls, etc. but I always reminded myself that I’ve never really made a decision thinking of ME. And only me. Every decision I’ve made always felt like it was with someone else’s feelings in mind. It was difficult but after h to at first month, I began to get a lot of desire to go out and take on new hobbies, or do things I used to do when I was single. And that brought me a lot of happiness and a feeling of fulfillment and I hope more people think of themselves in situations where they can still walk away. Be kind to yourself.
@@LuisRodriguez-gs1iv ~ this is a wonderful update !! Thank you for sharing your success in getting out, being safe, strong and most of all caring for yourself. I’m starting to do little things to stay afloat ..
can’t wait until I get to where you are. Positive vibes and peace for many more years of loving yourself 🧸💞💫
Luis God bless you for sharing. You had the healthiest reaction so yo get yourself back and enjoy freedom. I go indifferent and that helps me a lot to get the abusive attitude off of me. I manage and praying for wise navigation of my narc.
I love the introducing ourselves to ourselves again.I was with a malignant from ages 15 to 55. Am 70 now. Have painted every damn square inch of MY house and furniture. And u know what? People started calling me an artist.
Glad you got to meet yourself again
I have had a similar life from same age with 53 yrs marriage……age 72…..time to heal
Good on you. ❤
I remodeled my bathrooms and redecorated my house. Staying busy doing productive projects is much better than hanging out with a narcissist.
❤
Saving the old texts the narc sent has been a great way of not contacting when I feel empathy for them.
Same, I like to look back at egregious texts of narc ex falsely accusing me of things and going into a rage, responding I should lose his number when I texted him I was sick (he’s a medical doctor), all the nasty put downs. Viewing those texts really helps disrupt euphoric recall.
For me radical acceptance is not forgiveness. It is letting go of whatever I thought it was and moving on.
You've just described my definition of forgiveness. It has nothing to do with reconciliation. Forgiveness is letting go - the narcissists worst nightmare.
Letting go completely, hard to do but absolutely vital.
I’ve found that it’s fully accepting the fact that he outcome you got couldn’t have turned out any differently. That’s what HAD to happen. And once you truly accept that, the path to healing becomes clear so you move on.
I can never thank you enough for all those words. Doctor Ramani, I know you saved a lot of lives! The little girl with braids can be so proud of herself. Thank her for having the courage to talk out loud
When it comes to healing from a narcissistic relationship it’s like finding light in a dark storm. It’s a tough journey, but with time and support, you can come out stronger than ever before.
Thank you for your insight .and for the hope
The hell that youre going through will be nothing compared to the person that it couldn't kill
I do struggle with being the bad person in my relationship. As a woman, you are taught to forgive, swallow, look the other way, devalue your own wants and needs, and put your husband/family first. My break from the narcissist has created a lot of conflict inside of me as I do feel like I’m the one who is breaking up our family. I have days where I think if I could just endure it a little bit longer everything will be fine. That’s the cost of hope though, my mental and physical sanity. I have to remember the narcissist cannot and will not change.
Completely understand the guilt as a women and nurturing mother the guilt floods your mind at night that maybe I should have just tried harder. If you have children get out now. The fact you even have thoughts maybe more giving could be the fix shows you are empathic and not a user like narcissistic people. Being alone may be needed to reflect, rebuild your energy and heal.
Same here. Getting those ingrained thoughts and feelings out of my head is a constant battle. Getting myself to really feel that my thoughts, feelings, and my self worth are just as important as other peoples' - -
I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to achieve that. It's all too ingrained from my earliest experiences. Makes me really sad, as I'm running out of time/life.
Your comment just made me tear up as I'm going through the same emotions. I wish you the best you're definitely not alone ❤
Wow it’s like I wrote this comment myself. Stay strong, you’re not alone.
After 45 years of marriage, my narcissist decided to kill me. He became very interested in my life insurance policy and kept throwing out questionable comments. Then, he became much more direct with his threats. My sons told me to leave and helped me to get out.
Writing your story down is such sound advice. When we want so badly for it to have been different than it actually was, it makes us more prone to forgetting how bad it actually was. In moments of doubt, remembering keeps us safe. I resorted to recording a lot of rants and rages. Not to show others, though that may have saved me some family relationships, but so I would never forget how serious the abuse really was. Watching them from time to time has helped me maintain no-contact.
I never EVER FELT,THAT WHAT HE SAID ABOUT ME ,DEFINED WHO I AM!! I AM STRONG AND OF SOUND MIND!! it's a bit of a challenge leaving and not knowing where I am going!!. I don't believe this demon can change ,or do I care to change them!! I have learned to play his game!!
😢😢😢😢😢💜💜💜💜💜Sending Love to all those having a hard time getting out. Be blessed and be a blessing!!
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
Dr. Ramani, you have been my teacher and mentor for a couple of years. And you still help me navigate my healing journey out of narcissist abuse. Because of your teaching, I am learning to like and even love myself again. The world needs you, and I send my love and respect your way!
I've had to learn how to stand up for myself, which feels so counterintuitive.
I had no idea about this until a narc turned my life upside down. 6 months of pure hell. They left today, thank God. I don't think I'd be alive if it had continued.
Hardest part is trauma bond and cognitive dissonance, also since self esteem was also attacked you are never sure about the future with someone else.. all three things needs to come together, healing is how much damage was done, how much in love and trauma bond we are in, and to move forward with life just like narcissist does. Gotta dig deep are we co dependant, anxiously attached, empath with no boundaries then fix those along with all the trauma bond, this takes time and lots of self care and a strong will. Stay blessed people, self care will build self esteem and confidence, knowledge will build stronger boundaries and experience you just got will make you aware what to look for in next person.. they can still fool you thats why takes things slowly..
BRAVO!!!! So needed!!! Im 97% detached from my dirtbag oppressor and I've filed for divorce and moving into my new place in 3 weeks!!! Im so ready to kick him to the curb. You saved my life Dr Ramani!!!!
0:22 I really help here, what do you do when someone you love passes away and you've cut all family ties with your siblings who will also be attending the funeral
I really don't want to ever see them again. What should I do?
💪💪💪💪💪💪🍀🍀🍀
These are golden words -in every sentence you said, Dr. Ramani
I would love it if you did a video on narcissistic adults within the school systems that prey on kids. Its extremely relevant in today's world.
Yes! Kids and co-workers.
Narcissisic adult parents of children or did you mean adults employed by the school system?
Both apply I'm sure.
@@jaxjaxr0se Adults in the power system of the school. Although both so apply
Oh my goodness!!! I work in schools in the UK and there’s just an evil ‘fear based’ culture in so many of them. Kids getting punished for such small, unimportant things and staff refusing to show empathy towards those with complex needs. Huge turnovers of staff when there’s a toxic senior leadership team.
If you google ‘Flattening the Grass Outwood Grange Academy’ you find links to a truly awful story. There are many others I suspect.
Yes - a real problem !
Serenity Prayer
God grant me SERENITY to accept the things I can not change, COURAGE to change the things I can and the WISDOM to know the difference.
Yes, indeed, the narc is something we cannot change, and there is serenity in knowing this!
Yes, I had a terrible childhood and thought it was normal for a while until I got older and went to friends or cousins houses to find out their parents didn’t treat them the way my mother treated me. She truly damaged me… and I had to watch her damage my two younger sisters. This was was more painful to me that what she did to me. I’m letting it go now , she died in 2016. She still wasn’t a proper mother. I did love her but, a psychiatrist said once that I didn’t love her but, I did. All I can do is let go - at my age of 72.
Knowledge ❤ Wisdom to Radically ACCEPT❤ Autonomy ❤ Heal ❤Thrive
I've just started my no contact with my narcissist ex..and yes it does make me sick to my stomach so hard..I do feel like the bad 1..so thanku for this I really needed it.
@@angiemaniapoto8176 stay on your path, seek help, you are important and your feelings matter.
Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me to understand that just standing here as my true self has immeasurable meaning and purpose
Stay strong
Worse part for me is sleep- can’t sleep well. Have let go of the fantasy of who I thought that person was but once I wake up, the rumination starts. Really about finances only since headed for divorce. Don’t care one iota about the narc.
I didn’t know any different till several years ago after listening to you several others, and realized that what I was going through now is the exact same thing I grew up with. It was just what I knew.
Me too. Both my mom and dad have lots of narcissistic traits in them. They had a hard time growing up, specially my dad, and they became bitter about life, I would say. They provided me a good school, good clothing, good food, but when it was about emotional support, love through understanding and patience and acceptance of what's different, I didn't have that. Then guess what? I ended up dating a stron narcissist for three years. I'm healing and taking care of myself and setting my boundaries each time more and more. It's difficult, because I learned how to be compassionate, which is good, but OVERLY COMPASSIONATE only breaks you. People take advantage of me cause they see me as too kind hearted, and I know it's because I still don't set enough boundaries, and that's why they abuse me. But I'm healing and learning, for sure. God is helping me. He makes justice. We just need to do our part and wait, and everyone will receive what they deserve, I mean, everyone reap what they sow, and narcissists always pay for it. I can see my mom paying for the bad she has done to me, l I can see my dad paying the bad he has done to my mom and to me. God never fails. I hope all of us have a blessed life! 🙏🏻
I learned it as well
When ruminating about this relationship, I can't believe that i 'went along' with Mr. Narc's abuse behavior towards me! I feel ashamed of myself that I 'let' him treat me that way. I just wanted to be 'wanted' and loved but it doesn't excuse his horrid treatment. I am trying to heal and forgive myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for your wisdom and your book! xoxo
I have the same feelings 😊
Same here. Ashamed, can not beleive what I endured, how many times I looked away, rationalised his covert abuse.
However... this was so damaging... that I had to leave to save my life... and it pushed me to find STRENGHT and COURAGE in myself I never knew I have. So... all this abuse gave me opportunuty to heal also from my childhood emotional neglect/abuse.
And I have found out (via recovery and YT vids) that I am not (only) damaged by narcs... but am also an INTROVERT, and I love this awareness - I enjoy being the loving empathic introverted ME now. ❤ ❤
Healing and love to you all.
Eagles are hatching 3 eggs on live tv,
BigBear live cam
Jackie and Shadow have hatch eggs before.
3 is unusual.
Eagles soaring in the sunshine, bringing healing.
Thank you drRamani; Your healing is spreading far and wide!
I am in the beginning of no contact with my narc. And boy, do I ever feel like the bad person! I'm definitely an empath, and I have begun radical acceptance, but my guilt over being the bad person is fighting it. I wish I could fast forward through this period. It's so painful to feel this way. Even when I read over some of the crappy texts he has sent, I STILL feel guilty 😢
This is kind of what is stopping me from leaving and I hate myself for it.
Introverts rock and roll. ❤
Just keep reminding yourself of all they have done to you and others
I needed to hear this! I’m currently in the process of healing after leaving my husband and I am in the middle of reading your book. Thank you so much for all you do!
Yes. I walked away. Tired of being screamed at, told to flush my psych meds, to drink wine and being asked for money every other day. I can’t believe I even put up with it for 3 months. I’m feeling sad and my mind is trying to gaslight me into being the bad person and taking the blame for how others behaved. “Maybe I’m just weak”, “Maybe it’s just a bad day” blah blah blah NO! I’m done! I don’t deserve it and I never did. I’m not perfect by any means, and I can even be an asshole, but I’m not doing THAT! Live and let live, but they can live away from me and scream at someone “Strong enough” to handle it. Maybe unconditional love isn’t possible after all. Maybe it’s a trap. Not just heavy…my blood pressure became dangerously high engaging with this person. Headaches, anxiety when their name came up on my phone, because they demanded a great deal of time daily. Hours. No. Done. Over it. Sorry not sorry.
Letting go was the hardest thing I ever had to do. The day I sat down & wrote down everything he did & said to me, & then read it back to myself, I cried. I cried because I realized that there was absolutely nothing I could do/plan/say to fix the problems he caused in the relationship. At that moment I chose to mourn the relationship...and then I left him. Since then, every day feels a little bit lighter & brighter. And every day I make plans to do fun stuff & meet new (nice) people. I am happier for it.
Yes! Knowing validated me, but letting go is healing me! And yes, it's challenging...it was "normal" to me because I was the scapegoat of a narc mom, then unwittingly married (42 yrs) a narc man. I've struggled with depression, anxiety, tried counseling, groups, books, looked high & low for answers, tried to love more, be better....then, finally, at 60 yrs old, I found narcissism. What relief, and grief. Grief of the loss of so many yrs, & worse, the hope of change. Thank you, & by the way, knowledge & radical acceptance is exactly what I needed to start healing!
Isto i ja.
Olaksanje kad shvatis da nije do tebe.
Dr. Ramani thank you for caring and sharing. Jeremiah 17:14 Lord heal me and I will be healed. Narcissist Melford Morris really is a demon, I have come a long way in my healing journey. Prayers Psalm 54-64🙏🇯🇲
Dr Ramani .... You are my surrogate Mother. 14 yrs an orphan and i eventually feel so close to her as I know she sits with me listening to you , and everything you describe , was her husband , my dad . Last thing she said was, I feel sorry for you having to deal with him on your own once I've gone. I'm 48 this year.
Dad died 2 yrs after .. No other family. Them only single children and out of all the 4 other possibilities.. no family.. Big Heavy Duty 💪 Matriach shit . I've left 2 boys from 2 different families and god knows wtf 🤣🤣🤣
So true, my wisdom filled father always said to me: don’t care what other people think
Yes--sick to my stomach for days after walking out during an abusive episode. Got nothing done in my own life those days. Part of my problem, though, was knowing I'd have to re-engage. Can't just dump all of my elderly mother's needs in my sister's lap.
Energy, financial and time vampires. I am so behind in personal responsibilities before meeting him made me feel ashamed. It was a result of sleep deprivation and constant mental chaos.
Amen! Knowledge is healing in this arena! Thank you for your work!
I'm not reading that book no less than 20x. I will never again put myself or my children through this. Amazing what having kids will force a parent to deal with for them. Thank you, and God bless.
@D.m_on_T.elegram_DoctorRamani Oh wow, what an honor. I mean, if anyone knows what I'm going through, it's you. Would the latest page of my journal help? I titled it, "What hurts the most?" You've been such an inspiration to me during this incredibly difficult time.
@numa333
The vision of the terror on my teenage son's face after being threatened with violence from malignant narc was the last & final safety order I sought & received
Followed by divorce
This abuse was not going to be passed down & most certainly not to one of my children
That image is etched in my memory and will forever be my reminder for the rest of my life
When you get there, it's awesome! After two years of fighting in divorce court, therapy and your podcast... It hit me when I took my personal items out of my house/prison. The freedom is amazing. ❤
Radical Acceptance is a blessing when we recognize it. Slowly but surely the RA is like a blooming of perennial flowers. They are beautiful in bloom and you can enjoy, but remember they are only there for a season.
She is the best
Thanks for sharing. I am noticing that a lot of recent videos have been shifting their emphasis from the games of the Narc to how they impact on the people who are around them, how to break free, to how to heal from having been trauma bonded to an N. It is like an experiential walk through of a process to recognizing what is happening, disengaging from it, and then healing from having been in such a relationship.
It is funny that I found this link the first thing this morning. Out of curiosity yesterday I googled a former colleague's daughter. I wondered if she had gotten married (hoping she had escaped her mother's influence). The first link that came up was not about the daughter but rather her mother and my former colleagues. I was amazed how fast all the pain of that position washed over me. It brought up feelings I did not even know were there. It was like PTSD. It even spilled into my morning meditation this morning. I really needed to hear this talk today. I clearly have more work to do. Thank you again Dr. Ramini
Thanks & good job. Psychology has ruined me. I see narcissism/psychopathy everywhere. Don't settle! Break the cycle! We got this!
Yes, I still feel this heaviness after I walked away, moved away from the narcissist & went No contact! I’m so sad today of all He has done to hurt me & not care at all about my value!
I feel like there is something wrong with me because I dont feel lighter recognizing the narcissism. It makes me angry because i finally realize that I dont deserve this behavior
He ended the relationship but got upset and slammed the door behind me when I left because I didn't beg and cry. I just calmly walked away.
That's what I intend to do!!
Good for you. You acted with dignity and he acted worse than a rabid dog.
My just treathened with ending. And I calmly and firmly waked away. Best thing ever! 🤸🏼♀️
I imagine that will be the scenario with me and my mom, and I will feel so good, possibly badass afterwards 😂
The guilt I feel about cutting off my best friend is agonising - I’m so angry at her and so hurt by her words and actions and just EXHAUSTED by her but I still care so much… even though having her in my life is torture, not having her in my life hurts almost as much
It is gaining in freedom. Self sufficieny and resilience. And a dynamic of continued growth.
I've been watching Dr. Ramani for months now. I'm starting to feel something akin to normal - not defective. Thank you.
I just bought your new book! I reached radical acceptance in 2009 after a 30 year marriage. I quit trying to make it better for his constant unhappiness. His mantra was “I’m miserable and it’s all your fault.” I gave up. We still live in the same house, but I decided I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to do; going somewhere with him was awful because he used the no-escape car trip to berate and belittle me. He has stage 4 dementia now, so I have no choice but to hang around until I can place him in a center.
🙏🏽
Sending prayers and best wishes from the Isle of Wight, England.
How old is he?
Thank you❤so very much ! This helps me so much !
Thank you Dr Ramani for helping me to see that I am not the bad person and that self care can be a long process and it can be.
Have experienced soooo much loss this past year. All this information has been greatly appreciated and helped.
NOTE: Finding myself now with reality and totally alone except with those next to me in a grocery store on the couple times a month I venture out as Also grieving unexpectedly loss of Husband - the very last part of this video (around 45 min. ) helped. Husband was exceptional in many ways. Sooooo many ways. Sooooooooo many ways that the loss am feeling has been so great and scary? The last part of this video has given me some tools how I might be able to reframe my way of Being and baby steps can take to climb up and become active in my life🌺
Thank you for all your work and sharing 🌺❤️🎈
Now I am going to watch and listen on TV. Have a blessed day.
ty robbie
I am very introverted myself and I understand where you’re coming from. When you talk about the cat the TV and the couch I work in retail and when I get off work, I come home and I close the door behind me and let the world pass like having alone time, I don’t wanna be alone the rest of my life but I do need space and a lot of quiet time
Glad to know that I was correct in deducing that the narc BF was never going to change, and my only option was to get out.
Narcissist person is a not easy person. Thanks
This is such a powerful message! Even the thought of Finding meaning and purpose and finding the happy me existed before the marriage was a heavy thought/ burden. Thank you for simplifying it and showing that it is doable if we don’t overburden ourselves by carrying all unnecessary excess baggage🙏🙏
Excellent Dr Ramani...Full of content & value. Many years wasted. Remember: 'I Am Enough' 💪🌟💎💖 xXx
gifted your amazing book twice! 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤
There’s no way I can tell you how much I needed this today.❤❤❤
13:38 something lifts. Something moves on she’s absolutely right. I live through 20 years as a kid growing up not understanding. I am at 30 years in a marriage and only two or three years ago listening to other people, but it really took Dr. Romani breaking it down and making me understandfor my aha moments. I’ve listened to countless others and many that have come online since and the pain is real. I regain my life.
I listen read and write daily. I learn daily. Recovery healing and growth is so important.
I never want to not know or not understand. Knowledge and information and education are of paramount importance to me
Thank you for your incredibly input into my life daily. I'm so grateful to you
Dr Ramani ty so much for your videos and free time I wish I could pay to see you😊 your in my ear all day today 🎉
You got it right, money is his blanket
Thank u so much for this talk, i needed to hear there is no wrong way to heal and I dont have to do anything to prove to the world I am healing❤
I've had no choice but to change my personality. Life made me change. I had to stop ppl pleasing. I had to stop caring what ppl think & say about me. I love me way too much for ppl to bring me down. I gave my life to JESUS CHRIST & he gave me a King David attitude, which isn't perfect but strong for righteousness. I try to chase evil ppl away!!
this one has spoken to me where I am right now. I cannot leave but you answered for me what I still can do and live with and still enjoy what's left of my 84 year life. A great feeling of freedom and peace.
I know there are so many more horrific things that people are capable of, but I still find it so difficult to believe someone u loved could be so so cruel and heartless. I accept it but I still find it incredulous.
Thank you for your help. I have adopted your method. I tell myself that I do what I do in the house is for me, not for recognition, but I am being me. It's hard, and everyday I remind myself. We watched a documentary last night, the partner was saying nasty things,my partner was sanctimonious as usual. How awful to say that etc. I reminded her of how many times she said she wouldn't care if I dried. She claimed it was a joke and I m playing the victim. I just gave a kiss goodnight and laughed. Yes it hurts, but I will never let her see that. We are a female couple
I wish to God I could talk to you privately. I just want to thank you for all your work and help to all of us! You're most definitely an ANGEL!! THANK YOU so much for all you do! I'm so thankful for you!
You call it radical acceptance, I call it making up your HEART about it.
Thank you, Dr. Ramni I watch your videos a lot and I do appreciate your input. The thing that I struggle with with my ex and understand it’s been over two years is the fact that with the new supply they do all kinds of activities with them, they go places concerts, the parks, comedy clubs, you name it. They’re doing it when I was with the narc we did nothing, for some reason that just really gets under my skin so bad and thank God this relationship only lasted six months that’s really all I could stomach so I hear people say well the new supplies going to get the same treatment you got well I don’t see any evidence of this, but of course I don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors either I do know that a narcissist is different when they get you home than how they treat you in public so I still struggle with triggers however, I will say I am much better than I used to be but I’m gonna keep going to therapy and talking to people and doing things to make me happy again I do appreciate you ma’am
Oh my word. I did feel so hopeless so stuck. Shocked at times that just shut down and cried. Felt it was me. Thank you Dr Ramani listening to many of your podcasts i m seeing light at end of long tunnel.
Exactly. It's never taught or talked about. I didn't know what was happening. The constant theme of my life "It's all my fault". Yup, abuse was normalized & set the stage for the abusive relationships I got into.
I’ve been needed to deal with my ptsd, it’s causeinf blocks in my growth. Knowing to take care of myself is huge. Knowing the high percentage of how they will not get better or change makes me feel strong with closing the door. My parents were like this they would not change they couldn’t change. I am not at fault. This is a common current mantra lately.
I would like to say this in a positive sentence. I am doing all I can, I am doing great. Take a second to accept and appreciate all that we do, how we handle to situations. Thanks Dr Ramni for all your light you have shed💡🔦☀️🌞🌅🌄🌇
I’m in the meaning and purpose part of my healing journey and I definitely needed the reminder that it’s ok to not go do something really big and to just focus on living an authentic, little life. Thanks Dr Ramani.
You’ve been there! Your wisdom comes from pain and experience. That automatically makes me listen to you. You’ve been in the arena. Thank you for explaining the self-damage we do to ourselves.
Thank you so much Dr Ramani. Your videos have helped me so much. Never really looked into this topic, as it wasn't part of my life, til my last relationship. The whole playbook.... it blows my mind. Thank you ❤
I have radically excepted,no guilt. I wish the best,im done & not looking back.
She couldn’t say this any better as a 16 yr old dealing with a narcissist listening to her made me realize the reality
The best person u r, people around u whom r big in narcisism will totally talk to u in a way for u want to put up with everythg.
Wow on the radical acceptance! I didn't know that's what it was at the time, but it felt so very different to all other realisations I had about the relationship with my ex up until that point. For me, it was a very, very calm state of knowing. No anger, no hurt no fighting against it. Of course there were many emotions before and after, but I'm so grateful it happened, and thank you for helping me name what it was ❤
48. years of abuse from my family. I am 12 days into no contact. They probably haven’t even noticed since they were giving me the silent treatment.
Crazy it is like you’re reading my mind ! It's comforting to know that I have not losing my mind. Very helpful thank you.
The best explanation I heard! Thank you so so much!
It has been about 5 years now since my diagnosis of PTSD (CPTSD). I am pretty much at this point now after 50 plus years of pondering the subject of the relationship.
Thank you Dr Ramani’s team for posting content every day. You guys must be so tired with all the book promotions. Just wanted to take a moment to thank the team behind Dr Ramani, we appreciate you all so much. ❤
I am so grateful to be myself and for your videos that give me permission to live my purpose!! Being me and freedom from abusive people! Thank you thank you 🙏 ❤
You CAN do all of those things, but you don't HAVE to do it to PROVE your worth or your healing. You ARE worthy.
Love,love,love this most necessary reminder that surviving and eventually thriving is a process worth striving toward and managing the seemingly endless grieving is possible! Learning to Let Go of so much while helping offspring navigate the collateral damage is an interesting journey. Thank you for your always timely encouragement Dr. Ramani! Congratulations again on finally getting to wear that “purple dress”!It is most beautifully fitting!❤️
Dear Ramani Durvasula. 1st I was getting very annoyed with this video you made, considered switching it off at about 30 minutes, but thankfully watched it to the end. I really appreciate what you've done here and what you showed of your own journey.
Your a rare beauty 🙏
Thank you! I'm on my healing journey...It's hard, tough and hoping I can make it..
Thank you so much for your research and being compelled to share. You are helping heal people that may be the most empathetic caring people of all. That's why we were chosen. People so loyal and dedicated they help on through horrible things that anyone else would have not.
I say these things only because I praise you in this.
My husband diagnosed ASPD in prison. Thought enough love would cure all.
20 year marriage to follow.
Trama Bonded and Betrayl Trama.
Went through hell. Still he'll getting over it.
Thank you again.
So true about all the messages to "stay together, make it work," etc. (e.g., Murray Bowen's commitment to keeping family together). I can't tell you how many times I've stayed to long: with family, with approach-avoidant "boyfriend," etc. @4:50 "...no longer equating chaos and love."