I was born into a solidly narcissistic family system-then did not recognize these patterns in my other relationships. Late to the game but now I’m aware. It’s so hard not knowing what I had been missing until I was repeatedly entangled in similar relationships. Including painful loyalty to my family. My codependent traits attracted narcissistic people. Grieving the wasted years. 😢
It takes a lot of strength to accept that something you’ve invested so much into, isn’t working. It’s a bit like frantically trying to resuscitate a patient who’s gone. At some point you have to accept it, stop the chest compressions, and call time of death.
Great metaphor-having literally resuscitated many in my profession, it resonates. My worries now more about the Zombie after effect - I finally call it then they being mortally “offended” choose to haunt and punish me to infinity and back … through possession of others if possible in order to continue wounding by proxy 😬
@@Jodeekowgirl So true. You're right, the longer it goes on, the deeper the investment. They know that leaving them will be the hardest thing we'll ever do, so they count on us never having the strength to do it.
Narcissists have demonic energies and they are broken people who just want the worst for you. My own mother and sister both are narcissists and finally after years of abuse, I left my home as I didn’t have any other option. Still struggling to heal myself..
My ex husband is a current church goer, and we even met in Christian college, but he used the term “sin nature” to normalize his abuse towards me. For instance “We’ll always have a sin nature so I can’t guarantee I’ll never yell at you again, even though you’ve told me it scares you.” He had the audacity to tell me he felt called to preach 😂
Remember people: it might feel awful for the time being, but in the end you did yourself a favour by cutting out a toxic person, who only wanted the worst for you. At some point there's a choice to be made: either suffer more from all their projections and unhealed crap they fail to address or free yourself and get a chance at being happy again.
I really wish classes like this were taught in the last year of our teenagers secondary school year (16yrs) I think our teenagers having a psychology class like this could help prepare them for what qualities to avoid in a partner that they my choose in there lives! This is such a wonderful life lesson that I wish I’d of had all those years ago and then I might not of made the disastrous choices I’ve made in life!
I find in my journey, forgiveness was never an issue because _healing_ resulted in "no need" to forgive (them). Forgiving oneself - you're right on - an entirely other ability. Beautiful words, man. You've moved me forward so quickly. Love the purple, btw!
God delivers, God heals, God restores. Grow closer to Jesus Christ and you will make it through your terrible season without a doubt. See your pain and suffering as blessings not curses, an opportunity to grow and apply what you learned in your future life and relationships. Amen
For some reason, this comment makes me angry. I hear people say this all the time with good intentions, but I honestly feel like God let me down and he didn't protect me. I have to forgive God for allowing people to harm me so severely in his house/church.
@@user-di7ou1pc1g encountering evil people in church doesnt make God bad. I am gone through lot of suffering, my wife betrayed me and destroyed our beautiful family, only prayers and and the peace that Jesus Christ is giving me makes me feel better… I am sorry if it makes you angry, but this is my experience
I feel like that’s like saying that Jesus died in the cross not for us, but for Himself. He didn’t do it for himself. He cried tears of blood and almost couldn't do it. But he did it for us
I stopped watching the vids as wanted to move my mind away from narcassism. Then these popped up so watched again it's amazing how when you start healing and watch them again compared to when you watch in the mist of hell. The seeds were planted though and I can't thank you enough for being part of my journey Richard. Thank you and once I said why don't you move away from narcassism I was wrong to say that as now I realise how much your videos have helped my brain to eventually click and stay there. Keep telling us off too... test our egos and get them in check!! Again thank you xx
There comes a time when you have to say to the universe, "I surrender". It doesnr mean you are a quitter. It means you know when its time to walk away.
Humility is my word for the moment I’m being hit over the head with it so I’m paying attention. Thank you Richard Also, in surrender, holding up the white flag etc.,… I learned in my current study of good boundaries and goodbyes, that I can reframe it from I failed to I accept the reality that this relationship is unsustainable.😢 I don’t want to go through this after near 25 years but I must. I did all I could I have to let go.
You "forgive" them in your heart. They are long gone. It is YOU deciding their abuse can't hurt you anymore. You forgive yourself for having loved them. You pat yourself on the back for having tried. Damned hard, but it works. And geting out in Nature doesn't hurt, either 🙂. Thanks Richard.
This has nothing to do with the perpetrator whatsoever this is all about you and you processing your wounded feelings, because if you make it any more than this, you've already crossed the line into vengeance, saying things like they don't deserve to be forgiven and so on and so forth. Ultimately when you think about it, the physical perpetrator has nothing to do with your inner life experience. Because in reality if somebody offended you, it really is you who is responding to the offense, that makes the difference of weather that action is considered an offense, and that is determined by your own conscience and heart volition and mind , within your soul. We are supposed to have a parent child relationship with our feelings, our consciousness, is the parent and our feelings are the child. we have a parent child relationship to our feelings emotions and issues, so that we must learn how to acknowledge and accept our wounded feelings , emotions, and issues. As a loving parent acknowledges and accepts their own wounded child. And as we do, our wounded feelings emotions and issues, become transformed into healing, as we place upon them, acknowledgement and acceptance and loving-kindness necessary, for feelings emotions and issues to transform. For example: if your physical child, was wounded and hurting , and you placed upon him or her, acknowledgement and acceptance with loving kindness and gave him or her space To be. How do you think your child would respond to you? Well in my assessment your child would give you back more acceptance and loving-kindness more than what you, could well imagine! This process is much like a caterpillar who represents our woundedness transforming into a butterfly representing our healing! Now our wounded feelings , emotions and issues, that we all tend to suppress because they are inconvenient and uncomfortable and thus those feelings emotions and issues remain with us perverting our past, and plaguing our present and our future. Because we don't know that we need to allow these negative and wounded feelings and emotions etc. To be processed by being acknowledged and accepted. Thus completely restoring from "glory to glory", the psychological heart of the NARC VICTIM. And if you practice this method, you would find a sense of personal acceptance, that you have never known in your life, As you place value acknowledgement and acceptance primarily to your wounded feelings and emotions etc. Then your feelings pay you back, with the very same feeling of acknowledgement and acceptance that you get to carry along with you all day long, along with the value and loving kindness, that you also place upon them. It is the best investment in yourself you can ever make. For as you learn how to make your feelings emotions your top priority so will your feelings and emotion make you their top priority! For as you value and accept yourself you value and accept others! SIDENOTE: The pathological narcissist does not have the capability, (unless he or she hits rock bottom) for change. But those with only narcissistic traits, can and will if given the opportunity and taken out of their narcissistic influenced environment can, revert back to their status quo, empathetic personality type, Which was true in my own case, I am proof that this method works and is life-changing! Please feel free to comment!
Take up a new hobby or pastime as well. Have something new that they had NOTHING to do with, no reminders or room for rumination! I'm learning paragliding.
They mess up your minds and para sympathetic nervous system. Its so sad and hurtful. I would NEVET forgive my sick mother and sister for the torture... Never!!!!!
Healing is experiencing the opposite. I didn’t know anything about narcissism 5 years ago but I knew enough to leave a toxic environment that I could not heal while in that space. Experience the opposite- I rented a house and when I moved there I felt a peace flow over me for I was now removed from the place that was toxic. And that was only the environment I’m talking about. But, it’s where I first started on my way to healing.
Forgive myself - that's something I am still struggling with. It was me who let this happen. The signs were there from the start. I tolerated this behavior and remained complacent. It wasn't even as much love as it was codependency. Ugh!!!
I cried because of what you said at the beginning. What hurts the most, I think, is the fact that I loved someone who never loved me in return. That I spent countless nights over the years we were together pouring my heart out to him for him to just blame me or give me the silent treatment. He tortured my pets, cheated, broke me, treated me like his maid, whistled at me like a dog, laughed about training me right to his friends, and sexually abused me for years in front of our child. He put down everything I liked. He treated me like dirt, and I loved him. I left him though, I had the courage, I felt it in my heart, and I told myself that this was the last time I would ever let him hurt me again. I didn't let him break what little self-worth I had left. I was so scared that he was right when he would tell me no one would ever put up with me like he did. For so long I felt like I deserved everything he did to me. But I freaking did it. And it's crazy how free and hopeful I feel. I don't know who I am. I don't know anything about myself. I'm worried that he was right, that I did deserve it, and that no one would ever love me. But I could love myself. My son loves me, my family loves me, so why can't I love me? P.s. I LOVE the LOTR! He actually laughed at me for liking it and would bully me for watching the movies. I was reading The Hobbit and he told me "Why can't you just like something normal?". That mf would rip books out of my hands just to look at them and tell me I wasn't normal. He hated it when I read, and I stopped reading for a few years because of it. I'm reading books again though and IT FEELS AMAZING.
LOTR is classic literature! It's usually required reading as well. Being well read is a sign of intelligence, so I would take it as he's an idiot.😅 I accused my NPD of only being capable of liking "My little pony."🐎 I know how you feel.
First paragraph of what you said hit home. It is heartbreaking when the realisation sets in that all the vulnerabilities and your deepest fears that you shared with a person end up being used against you further down the line I have been through that as well / the betrayal that one feels is hard to put into words. But I applaud you for coming out on the other end Narcissistic relationships have the capacity to ruin us; if you grew up w a narcissistic parent as I did, it ends up clouding any and all further relationships / and if we then encounter a narcissist in our adult life, we attract them (or they us) like a moth to a flame. But we all have the capacity and ability to come out on the other end and it seems that you did just that.
My EX took my Spiritual books from my bedside and threw them away, because according to him, my love for Jesus prevented me from accepting his porn addiction. I was forced to watch porn with him and had to visit strip clubs with him and had to listen to him telling the table dancers (young women) how beautiful they were, while I was never told that I was beautiful.
Thanks, Richard. Neuroplasticity. Yin state. Done with the need to be right. Grateful for all your teachings. I hope you’re well. Have a peaceful weekend.
Hi Richard I’m Looking Forward To This Video I’m Severely Trauma Bonded I Was Recently Discarded Cruelly I’m Being Treated As If I Never Existed. I’m Struggling To Disconnect Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
Demi, you’re words resonate strongly with me. I was there exactly where you are. And yes it is brutal. Like they’ve took your very spirit away. Making you feel as weak as a kitten. Hang in there. Your spirit is still there and you will grow stronger. One day you will see it was them who never existed. You don’t need anything from them-certainly not their validation. One day you will see them for the pathetic useless parasite they are , and you will regain your spirit and your strength. In fact you will be stronger. You are not alone. Good luck Demi x
Sending you lots of love & healing energy. This happened to me, it’s been a lifetime of work , since my childhood was riddled with so many different types of abuse. Stay strong, in the most gentle way.
I'm likely about to be the subject of a smear campaign too. I've already had multiple ones ran against me in the past by a mother and a wife. It hurts, but I have clear conscience knowing I only tried to do good things. I don't like to explain too much bc my information is connected to their computer with some "interesting" software. Can't believe I'm going thru this again.. wanting to give up.
My psychologist says you need to “pardon” people instead of forgive them. You aren’t going to forgive them cuz they don’t deserve it, but you can give them pardon so you can let it go and move on.
This has nothing to do with the perpetrator whatsoever this is all about you and you processing your wounded feelings, because if you make it any more than this, you've already crossed the line into vengeance, saying things like they don't deserve to be forgiven and so on and so forth. Ultimately when you think about it, the physical perpetrator has nothing to do with your inner life experience. Because in reality if somebody offended you, it really is you who is responding to the offense, that makes the difference of weather that action is considered an offense, and that is determined by your own conscience and heart volition and mind , within your soul. We are supposed to have a parent child relationship with our feelings, our consciousness, is the parent and our feelings are the child. we have a parent child relationship to our feelings emotions and issues, so that we must learn how to acknowledge and accept our wounded feelings , emotions, and issues. As a loving parent acknowledges and accepts their own wounded child. And as we do, our wounded feelings emotions and issues, become transformed into healing, as we place upon them, acknowledgement and acceptance and loving-kindness necessary, for feelings emotions and issues to transform. For example: if your physical child, was wounded and hurting , and you placed upon him or her, acknowledgement and acceptance with loving kindness and gave him or her space To be. How do you think your child would respond to you? Well in my assessment your child would give you back more acceptance and loving-kindness more than what you, could well imagine! This process is much like a caterpillar who represents our woundedness transforming into a butterfly representing our healing! Now our wounded feelings , emotions and issues, that we all tend to suppress because they are inconvenient and uncomfortable and thus those feelings emotions and issues remain with us perverting our past, and plaguing our present and our future. Because we don't know that we need to allow these negative and wounded feelings and emotions etc. To be processed by being acknowledged and accepted. Thus completely restoring from "glory to glory", the psychological heart of the NARC VICTIM. And if you practice this method, you would find a sense of personal acceptance, that you have never known in your life, As you place value acknowledgement and acceptance primarily to your wounded feelings and emotions etc. Then your feelings pay you back, with the very same feeling of acknowledgement and acceptance that you get to carry along with you all day long, along with the value and loving kindness, that you also place upon them. It is the best investment in yourself you can ever make. For as you learn how to make your feelings emotions your top priority so will your feelings and emotion make you their top priority! For as you value and accept yourself you value and accept others! SIDENOTE: The pathological narcissist does not have the capability, (unless he or she hits rock bottom) for change. But those with only narcissistic traits, can and will if given the opportunity and taken out of their narcissistic influenced environment can, revert back to their status quo, empathetic personality type, Which was true in my own case, I am proof that this method works and is life-changing! Please feel free to comment!
💛 consistent content that truly makes sense and really changes paradigm of overcoming such abusive episodes in life. no more being stuck in victimhood.
No it's not a sin, especially having the capability to see beyond how rotten that person you really loved was. That is what makes us better then they are. We have the capability to see the good in people, especially if they are rotten as hell. That is what separates us from them.
Kristen that resonates with me. I always looked for the good in people, and focusing on that too much was one of the reasons I remained in abusive and narcissistic relationships. I know now it is important to see everything and not keep just shining a spotlight on their goos traits. Especially when they are a means to ensnare you.
Thank you for your videos, going through a ridiculous divorce with my exhusband… these videos are helping me make sense of everything that happened to me…. And I don’t feel crazy anymore!! Which is allowing me to heal 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I've learnt to forgive them. I don't accept what certain ppl from my past have done. But I accepted the problems and now I'm learning to move forward and heal ✨️
I've not - tried many times, but we share a child now and she has continued to try to do maximum damage to my life and relationships (with a lot of success, unfortunately) plus just her incessant idiocy and contempt always lurking at the edge, plus trying to make sure my daughter is safe from the abuse which is very subtle with her, much of the time - verbal and emotional.
I’ve been following you for a couple of years. I really like the way you’re setting up these new YT videos. Very organized. With the order and topic covered by minutes in the info section, it really helps to follow and go back to the section i need to recap. Thanks for all you do.
I'm disappointed. This is the first video by Mr. Grannon. I've listened to other counselors for several yrs. Still not able to find my situation. I grew up in a family of 11 people and very angry, judging, religious. So many r talking about my mistake, my learning to be wiser, etc. I married a Narc, n now have 3 grown Narc. children who I can't just cut off. I'm REALLY very depressed for 5 yr. Everybody has a course etc
Richard, you have such a gift! Your lectures have really helped me feel clarification and validation which has been enormously healing. May you be blessed abundantly for your hard work. To "detach" and to "individuate", as you have said, is to feel freedom and bliss. Godspeed! 🐬🌊
Richard my ex partner (narcissist) is a psychotherapist! Im almost 2 years out of the relationship and still working so hard to heal. This is no easy road 🤯😖 Still have work to do but thank you! Your talks have been invaluable in helping me come through this horrible tangle of destruction. 🙌🙏
MINE TOO. So fkn disturbing.. she can work with people all day (although, in retrospect, I really doubt much of what she told me - probably just using it as narcissistic supply endlessly yuk)! When we were dating, having met on a site called "Spiritual Singles" (irony from hell - a Cluster B is literally the OPPOSITE of anything related to spirituality and growth! I mean the beginning of all spiritual work is to admit where you are, who you are, how you got there, who you hurt etc. e.g. Self-assessment and Making Amends) and she even used it as a tool to get my defenses down/rescuer mode going (not that I have much of one, eg non-codependent but I am a male and feel the protector role with my family and people) about how this other guy she met ran for the hills when she told him she was in therapy for BPD - I immediately thought (as intended) "what a jerk!" How could you judge some one when you don't even know them etc. - at that point I still thought it was something like bipolar, or mild schizoid tendencies or whatever. Which, I am mainly ok with - if some one is doing the work on themselves, I believe in second chances etc. But apparently this guy's ex-wife was Borderline too, so obvs he was terrified/pre-no-contact and not going to go ANYWHERE NEAR another one of those.. no matter the particular flavor. Oh, the wisdom of hindsight! Now I know why. But she used it all as a sympathy play - and can talk about psychological and even spiritual matters all day, but some how - none of it applies to her or her life, or her responses, or abuse etc. The no internal locus of authority is really big with her - she will insist on going to people in professions which she studied (has 2 master's degrees) who have less knowledge than her, and go with what they say - even if she knows it to not be accurate, or best current information and theory. Really, really mind blowing. Also, she lied and forged all her supervised hours, which I didn't think much of at the time - she had just graduated, so I thought it was cool she was starting her own practice. Now, I understand a lot more - and can guess and fill in the blanks of those things I don't have direct knowledge of. She goes into an absolute rage when called on any of her shit, ever. Nothing a PD hates more than the incontrovertible truth!
Thanks for your honesty. My two past friends are psychologists and one is a manipulator and narcissist and the other is a case for a psychatrist. I've left both friendships and it was hard. They're so egoistic- it's crazy that they go into psychology sessions and try to heal others.😅
@@jchula My GF and I hired a shrink for online couple's counseling a few years ago. Told the guy that I won't be having the covid vaccines, because I felt they were not at all what we were being told that they were for and apparently he strongly disagreed with me on that. So, he said I have a "need to be right" (which I do not at all have). About a year and a half later I found the same guy posting videos of himself complaining about being "duped by big pharma" regarding the efficacy of the vaccines. lol Interesting how a Narcy will try to project their own issues onto others like that.
Learning to love and respect yourself. You don't hold on to people like this. It's there job to respect you if they want to be in your life. It's not going to be easy for them because it's there way and they need to respect everyone. That only comes when they wake up, but remember they think they are clever at what they are doing. A loss may only help them see.
He certainly has colonized my super ego and corrupted my morality. Unfortunately he is my landlord...an i have a neurological illness. I have to see his face as theres a housing crisis...scary and humbling.
It's a brilliant video. Every second communicates strong bits of truth. Thanks very much for sharing this. Wish I knew this last year... but through experience I got to learn what you're talking about.
If you think about narcisstic abuse is an opportunity to learn how to stop being codependent, how to start healing your own childhood traumas, how to focus on yourself and what you like and what you want to do in life, instead of ruminating and spending time thinking about person who doesn’t deserve it, you already have won the battle
Richard, I find your work very well informed and of all the "experts" who claim to be experts in these topics, (of which I am not) at least with your contents, it comes across as being genuinely informed safety driven and helpful, instead of from a precarious place of being about payback and revenge on the narcissist teachings. Thankyou Richard.
This is what I need. I’m stuck bc my mom is covert narcissist and so is my mother in law. I can get away from/create distance from my mom, but my husband doesn’t see or understand his mom (who was adoptive at 13 to him). So I don’t think he actually knows her. She’s been incredibly abusive to me and hurt me so badly, except I can’t move on. My husband and I have 3 kids. Thank you for your video.
I love this guy! I’ve learnt so much in 3 wks about the narcissist I’ve been living with, than I’ve ever learnt in years of therapy! Totally amazing teacher!
I like to say I understand the narcissist rather than I forgive them. I forgive myself and nurture myself back to psychological health. I recognise narcissism and know how to protect myself. I won't lower my morals to accommodate the narcissist.
Thanks for your insight and dedication, Richard. I’ve been a fan for about 1.5 years now. Ever since exiting a toxic marriage. You e inspired me to keep going and examine the role I played in the train wreck. I have learned so much for you. I believe that I walked past you today. Or, it was your doppelgänger! We’re you by chance at a government building in Dubai today? 😊😊. It would have been amazing to have said hello. But ‘you’ seemed in a hurry and I had a car waiting. If this was indeed you, we passed on the stairs. I’m an occupational psychologist who studied in London. I’m expanding my consultancy and have just launched in Dubai.
Six months and it's done? Wow! I'm going to therapies with pauses 18 years, last 5 months on EMDR and I feel like we are on the begining. I just woke up after life long night mare 🎉 I'm from narcisstic family (i realised just 2 years ago) and there were except psycho terror with alcoholism also sexual abuse (suppressed memory)... But I don't see the end of it, even if I started going to a gym, learn English, drawing again, knitting, working more, almost quit drinking and smoking, working with my shadows, etc. But i feel helpless sometimes because of everyday pain in body and i don't know if i'm doing one step forward and how many backwards 🤦 I think worst thing of it is that i'm lonely, even my friendships was mostly dissaster, because i was choosing people to my life with voices of my parents and i was trained to be a good girl. But i was not 😅 So the thing is that i would like finally to live MY LIFE really not just out there, but feel myself inside, in my heart and feel that i am good and alive mother. What else i can do?
To start a new life, I had to wait 4 years. Finally I can move from a toxic town 🤘 I need to be part of the community. I feel stronger and ready. Thank you 🙏❤
Exactly! Exploited, imprisoned (isolated, socially, financially) and tortured (emotionally, mentally) every moment of every day. Physical dangers a constant. The unseen scars never go away, I choose to be thankful to God I am physically free. Healing is a long journey.
Just as I tried to heal from the abuse and reconnect with people, the pandemic hit and I was forced into isolation time after time even though it was probably the worst thing for me to sit alone with the trauma. Medical care was also not available for everybody. If you didn't vaccinate yourself you couldn't go to the doctor. Now it's nearly impossible to get an appointment with a therapist (if you don't have a lot of money) because everybody has mental issues after the pandemic. Therapists are full booked basically. It has been a struggle from the pits of hell. I'm in Europe.
I just saw this and thought I would share what I did when I found myself in need of professional help I couldn't trust or begin to afford. I just got a job at a mental hospital as a mental health specialist and studied anything I could to learn what I was going through and how to not let it get me. Just a thought. I put the energy into helping people and it helped me also.
I met a narcissist while in a narcissistic relationship….Iong story short i left one for the other, (don’t judge lol) started noticing things in the new relationship, and in one stupendous maneuver I left her ass too 🤷🏾♂️ Now I can actually work on myself ✊🏾🤣
Great work with so much clarity! And i would like to add the healing of the nervous system as part of our body-mind- connection- we need this rewireing of our " feeling - part"
@@RICHARDGRANNON have you looked much at the vagus nerve connection, and other systems - re-regulating and recalibrating them? You might do a great interview set with some people if not personally. I love your focus on the psychic and philosophical side of things.. have just had a bit of luck looking in to the physical nervous systems and how to start repairs there (and gut/biota - this gets out of whack and can be really hard to put back!! Anxiety gets created and recreated endlessly once we are in the loops...)
Take it from a bilingual person who was born and grew up in the U.S. and has since moved to Germany and has become a German citizen: "Über-Ich" does NOT mean "over EYE," but "over I" - the official translation is the superego. Your translation nonethess has a higher meaning in that the Uber-Ich" is a kind of EYE that watches unremittingly-- frrom inside your mind- - over´everything ta´that you say,, think, and feel. For people with a weak ego in the psycholatical sense,there is no umpire or referee to keep the "id," the bodily impulses, and that "super-ego," the result of strict upbringing by parents and society, within their respective limits so that something tantamount to happiness becomes possilble. Putting it briefly, n psychoanalysis, the ego iis the voice of reason which arbitrates between blind impulse and blind self-punishment.
"Things can be true without being real" that pretty much sums it up. Thank you, Richard. You have helped change my life for the better over the last few months 😊
Thank you for saying that! ..me genuinely loving and trusting them was NOT wrong. 😢 I needed that confirmation from at least ONE other human saying it! 😭 My god …my hormones are all over today 😧☺️😂❤️
Absolutely. I have recently realised I have become a mirror of my OH. I don't like what I have become but I find it necessary for survival. How sad is that 🥺
Its sad for sure. My mum became mean and so did I. Im lucky bcoz i got a chance to turn it around. 2 yrs ago i got on my knees and asked my children to forgive me. They did, the damage was done tho, so i work hard at accountability and creating a loving home. My mother was normal, then she turned. I was normal, then i turned. But i turned back bych and we're breaking generational chains out here! ✨✨✨
He showed he don’t care I’m showing I don’t care anymore & it’s making him sick but still have his poker face on..But he’s soo mad that I’m not bothered and ignoring him
Best medicine for me was, got a really nice hotel room far away for the weekend and do whatever you’re lil broken heart desires cry, kick, scream , melt whatever it is you need to do and do it with a smile on your face. Just knowing you are nothing like them will make you feel better🤘🏽
Richard what about self-protection after ending mainly friendships but also other relationships (romantic etc) with very narcissistic people? I am not interested in revenge, although it has been a feeling that I’ve initially had. I’ve realised what I actually want is to protect myself from these people. As I understand it, people with NPD never let go of others, especially if the other made the decision to cut them out of their life. I can, at times, find myself feeling paranoid over them just waiting for the right time to hurt me in some way (future career opportunities or other relationships that they know I value etc) .. I’ve gone no contact, even deleted my social media accounts (Facebook and instagram). Is that all one can and needs to do and then just hope for the best? Or are there any other advice you can give?
No forgiveness here. Too much abuse of everyone around him. Too damn much damage. When they start abusing your children & the law is involved… no forgiveness…when they r criminal…no forgiveness. Move on & that’s that! No contact FOREVER!
Healing / grieving from a narcissist that took his life & last thing he texted me was that I wanted him to die & a bunch of ugly things. 😢. Thank u for this video 💪🏼🙏
It's been 3 years since I left my ex-husband, but unfortunately I let him back in my head. Mainly be because I needed financial help. If he sees me happy, he feels very threatened. He also threatens me. I'm not speaking to him anymore. I forgive myself. I really tried to make our 26 year marriage work. I'm now 47 and moving on.
I have been watching your videos since I discovered my 18 year marriage was toxic and that I wasn't crazy. Thank you so much for all these amazing videos! Has helped me so much have the strength and knowledge to walk away. Watching your videos have been a daily routine during my healing process. ❤❤❤
Sméagol/Gollum - Covert to Overt. Greed turned her and when she got her hands on the Precious (the One Farm), the selfishness morphed into betrayal and viciousness. The rest of your steps I had done on my own but “othering” is a new idea which, when practiced, does produce fairer results. It’s been nearly two years (+27 married) and labelling her as Sméagol/Gollum has enabled a distance from the personal hurt and even assists with forgiveness - the Sméagol I thought I knew was corrupted and “even Gollum may yet have a part to play” rings true. She led me through the gates of hell to synthesise a curious alchemy within which, “but for [her]…would have been in vain”. Thank you for the perspective
Once I heard you say that Forguveness is something that you must do for the narcissist for everything they did, you almost had me! 😂 This is the exact spiritual abuse that I have been experiencing in church for YEARS. I love the Lord and I love Jesus, but many churches in the US take this forgiveness thing way too far. It’s the most common phrase. “Jesus died for everyone and if you don’t forgive then Jesus can’t forgive you.” That would mean that I deserve to be abused on earth, and if I can’t accept that, then I will suffer even more in the afterlife. My SIL just gave me that exact sentiment. I will pay for my actions, now and forever. Even my pastor told me to take responsibility. How? For abuse that I didn’t ask for? Nah, read Galatians chapter 1. Christian are the first victims of narcissists in the church. That’s why they warn you about wolves in sheep’s clothing. The churches are full of them.
I KNOW i have cptsd and codependency. I grew up with two addicts as an only child, i learned to be as invisible and people pleasing as possible to avoid making them more stressed. Needless to say, this pattern gave me some really unhealthy coping mechanisms and certainly affects how i attract intimate partners. 😢
I was born into a solidly narcissistic family system-then did not recognize these patterns in my other relationships. Late to the game but now I’m aware. It’s so hard not knowing what I had been missing until I was repeatedly entangled in similar relationships. Including painful loyalty to my family. My codependent traits attracted narcissistic people. Grieving the wasted years. 😢
Same here. Toxicity is normalized in a narcissistic family system. I didn’t know anything better. I made excuses for bad behavior.
Me too
Both my parents are narcissists. I feel your pain. Look at at this way my boy….WE FREEEEE💙
Same here, I am just finding the same things out and endured this all my life! Same repetitive cycle. I am now healing❤
Sadly your words are so so true, my darling!
It takes a lot of strength to accept that something you’ve invested so much into, isn’t working. It’s a bit like frantically trying to resuscitate a patient who’s gone. At some point you have to accept it, stop the chest compressions, and call time of death.
Great metaphor-having literally resuscitated many in my profession, it resonates. My worries now more about the Zombie after effect - I finally call it then they being mortally “offended” choose to haunt and punish me to infinity and back … through possession of others if possible in order to continue wounding by proxy 😬
Amazing Analogy
Well said. Good analogy
Love this analogy. And it's the sunk cost fallacy. Sunk so much energy into it, can't admit that it's not worth it to leave
@@Jodeekowgirl So true. You're right, the longer it goes on, the deeper the investment. They know that leaving them will be the hardest thing we'll ever do, so they count on us never having the strength to do it.
Breathwork, massage, self care, saunas, loving your time alone.. and finding things that you love to do is key ❤️ all love x
Yes 🙌
Narcissists have demonic energies and they are broken people who just want the worst for you. My own mother and sister both are narcissists and finally after years of abuse, I left my home as I didn’t have any other option. Still struggling to heal myself..
You're not alone keep fighting!
My ex husband is a current church goer, and we even met in Christian college, but he used the term “sin nature” to normalize his abuse towards me. For instance “We’ll always have a sin nature so I can’t guarantee I’ll never yell at you again, even though you’ve told me it scares you.” He had the audacity to tell me he felt called to preach 😂
Remember people: it might feel awful for the time being, but in the end you did yourself a favour by cutting out a toxic person, who only wanted the worst for you. At some point there's a choice to be made: either suffer more from all their projections and unhealed crap they fail to address or free yourself and get a chance at being happy again.
I needed to hear that
Right? It’s not about forgiveness and reconciliation.
It’s about moving in and letting go.
Cut the cord.
I choose the latter … thank you ❤
I really wish classes like this were taught in the last year of our teenagers secondary school year (16yrs) I think our teenagers having a psychology class like this could help prepare them for what qualities to avoid in a partner that they my choose in there lives! This is such a wonderful life lesson that I wish I’d of had all those years ago and then I might not of made the disastrous choices I’ve made in life!
and more. the 'red flags' of narcissism that they may best avoid these horrendously abusive predators.
i had no idea they existed so close to me.
I think this all the time.
For sure. Most subjects at school are useless
I find in my journey, forgiveness was never an issue because _healing_ resulted in "no need" to forgive (them). Forgiving oneself - you're right on - an entirely other ability. Beautiful words, man. You've moved me forward so quickly. Love the purple, btw!
Glad you gained value and thank you for watching 😎
God delivers, God heals, God restores. Grow closer to Jesus Christ and you will make it through your terrible season without a doubt. See your pain and suffering as blessings not curses, an opportunity to grow and apply what you learned in your future life and relationships. Amen
For some reason, this comment makes me angry. I hear people say this all the time with good intentions, but I honestly feel like God let me down and he didn't protect me. I have to forgive God for allowing people to harm me so severely in his house/church.
@@user-di7ou1pc1g encountering evil people in church doesnt make God bad. I am gone through lot of suffering, my wife betrayed me and destroyed our beautiful family, only prayers and and the peace that Jesus Christ is giving me makes me feel better… I am sorry if it makes you angry, but this is my experience
Amen!!
The Forgiveness - It's not for them. It's for you.
I feel like that’s like saying that Jesus died in the cross not for us, but for Himself.
He didn’t do it for himself. He cried tears of blood and almost couldn't do it. But he did it for us
Yes...forgive from far. It doesn't make their actions ok...but you forgive from a distance to heal
For some reason, I hate that phrase.
I got rid of my ex, broke bond, but now I just feel so lonely. Next step is to find a group or community, and start a new relationship with myself
Same here!!😢
You think they love you but they're actually trying to kill you.
It's a terrible shock when you realise the truth.
Im there now
I stopped watching the vids as wanted to move my mind away from narcassism. Then these popped up so watched again it's amazing how when you start healing and watch them again compared to when you watch in the mist of hell. The seeds were planted though and I can't thank you enough for being part of my journey Richard. Thank you and once I said why don't you move away from narcassism I was wrong to say that as now I realise how much your videos have helped my brain to eventually click and stay there. Keep telling us off too... test our egos and get them in check!! Again thank you xx
I was destroyed, I lost everything but now I have peace, and peace is everything🙌🏽
YES!!!
There comes a time when you have to say to the universe, "I surrender". It doesnr mean you are a quitter. It means you know when its time to walk away.
Humility is my word for the moment
I’m being hit over the head with it so I’m paying attention. Thank you Richard
Also, in surrender, holding up the white flag etc.,… I learned in my current study of good boundaries and goodbyes, that I can reframe it from I failed to I accept the reality that this relationship is unsustainable.😢 I don’t want to go through this after near 25 years but I must.
I did all I could
I have to let go.
_Forgiveness Is Giving Up All Hope of a Better Past_
Wow thank you!😢 this is beautiful
You "forgive" them in your heart. They are long gone. It is YOU deciding their abuse can't hurt you anymore. You forgive yourself for having loved them. You pat yourself on the back for having tried. Damned hard, but it works. And geting out in Nature doesn't hurt, either 🙂. Thanks Richard.
This has nothing to do with the perpetrator whatsoever this is all about you and you processing your wounded feelings, because if you make it any more than this, you've already crossed the line into vengeance, saying things like they don't deserve to be forgiven and so on and so forth. Ultimately when you think about it, the physical perpetrator has nothing to do with your inner life experience. Because in reality if somebody offended you, it really is you who is responding to the offense, that makes the difference of weather that action is considered an offense, and that is determined by your own conscience and heart volition and mind , within your soul.
We are supposed to have a parent child relationship with our feelings, our consciousness, is the parent and our feelings are the child.
we have a parent child relationship to our feelings emotions and issues, so that we must learn how to acknowledge and accept our wounded feelings , emotions, and issues.
As a loving parent acknowledges and accepts their own wounded child. And as we do, our wounded feelings emotions and issues, become transformed into healing, as we place upon them, acknowledgement and acceptance and loving-kindness necessary, for feelings emotions and issues to transform.
For example: if your physical child, was wounded and hurting , and you placed upon him or her, acknowledgement and acceptance with loving kindness and gave him or her space To be. How do you think your child would respond to you? Well in my assessment your child would give you back more acceptance and loving-kindness more than what you, could well imagine!
This process is much like a caterpillar who represents our woundedness transforming into a butterfly representing our healing!
Now our wounded feelings , emotions and issues, that we all tend to suppress because they are inconvenient and uncomfortable and thus those feelings emotions and issues remain with us perverting our past, and plaguing our present and our future.
Because we don't know that we need to allow these negative and wounded feelings and emotions etc. To be processed by being acknowledged and accepted. Thus completely restoring from "glory to glory", the psychological heart of the NARC VICTIM.
And if you practice this method, you would find a sense of personal acceptance, that you have never known in your life, As you place value acknowledgement and acceptance primarily to your wounded feelings and emotions etc. Then your feelings pay you back, with the very same feeling of acknowledgement and acceptance that you get to carry along with you all day long, along with the value and loving kindness, that you also place upon them. It is the best investment in yourself you can ever make. For as you learn how to make your feelings emotions your top priority so will your feelings and emotion make you their top priority!
For as you value and accept yourself you value and accept others!
SIDENOTE: The pathological narcissist does not have the capability, (unless he or she hits rock bottom) for change. But those with only narcissistic traits, can and will if given the opportunity and taken out of their narcissistic influenced environment can, revert back to their status quo, empathetic personality type, Which was true in my own case, I am proof that this method works and is life-changing!
Please feel free to comment!
Has taking walks helped you heal at all? I'm thinking of trying it.
Absolutely 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯
@@sarahthompson7037 forest walks and barefoot when you can really bump up the benefits! exchanging electrons
Take up a new hobby or pastime as well. Have something new that they had NOTHING to do with, no reminders or room for rumination! I'm learning paragliding.
They mess up your minds and para sympathetic nervous system. Its so sad and hurtful. I would NEVET forgive my sick mother and sister for the torture... Never!!!!!
Healing is experiencing the opposite. I didn’t know anything about narcissism 5 years ago but I knew enough to leave a toxic environment that I could not heal while in that space. Experience the opposite- I rented a house and when I moved there I felt a peace flow over me for I was now removed from the place that was toxic. And that was only the environment I’m talking about. But, it’s where I first started on my way to healing.
Ur right. Humility first. I admit I lost. I failed. Then give it up and walk away to find peace, leaving guilt behind, forgiveness of self.
Forgive myself - that's something I am still struggling with. It was me who let this happen. The signs were there from the start. I tolerated this behavior and remained complacent. It wasn't even as much love as it was codependency. Ugh!!!
I cried because of what you said at the beginning. What hurts the most, I think, is the fact that I loved someone who never loved me in return. That I spent countless nights over the years we were together pouring my heart out to him for him to just blame me or give me the silent treatment. He tortured my pets, cheated, broke me, treated me like his maid, whistled at me like a dog, laughed about training me right to his friends, and sexually abused me for years in front of our child. He put down everything I liked. He treated me like dirt, and I loved him.
I left him though, I had the courage, I felt it in my heart, and I told myself that this was the last time I would ever let him hurt me again. I didn't let him break what little self-worth I had left. I was so scared that he was right when he would tell me no one would ever put up with me like he did. For so long I felt like I deserved everything he did to me. But I freaking did it. And it's crazy how free and hopeful I feel. I don't know who I am. I don't know anything about myself. I'm worried that he was right, that I did deserve it, and that no one would ever love me.
But I could love myself. My son loves me, my family loves me, so why can't I love me?
P.s. I LOVE the LOTR! He actually laughed at me for liking it and would bully me for watching the movies. I was reading The Hobbit and he told me "Why can't you just like something normal?". That mf would rip books out of my hands just to look at them and tell me I wasn't normal. He hated it when I read, and I stopped reading for a few years because of it. I'm reading books again though and IT FEELS AMAZING.
Hey, just thought i'd let you know, you are more normal than the narc will ever hope to be. Sending you warm wishes in your recovery. Dont give up.
LOTR is classic literature! It's usually required reading as well.
Being well read is a sign of intelligence, so I would take it as he's an idiot.😅
I accused my NPD of only being capable of liking "My little pony."🐎
I know how you feel.
It's worse when you're told by the narcissist/psycho that you never loved (when you actually did)
First paragraph of what you said hit home.
It is heartbreaking when the realisation sets in that all the vulnerabilities and your deepest fears that you shared with a person end up being used against you further down the line
I have been through that as well / the betrayal that one feels is hard to put into words.
But I applaud you for coming out on the other end
Narcissistic relationships have the capacity to ruin us; if you grew up w a narcissistic parent as I did, it ends up clouding any and all further relationships / and if we then encounter a narcissist in our adult life, we attract them (or they us) like a moth to a flame.
But we all have the capacity and ability to come out on the other end and it seems that you did just that.
My EX took my Spiritual books from my bedside and threw them away, because according to him, my love for Jesus prevented me from accepting his porn addiction. I was forced to watch porn with him and had to visit strip clubs with him and had to listen to him telling the table dancers (young women) how beautiful they were, while I was never told that I was beautiful.
Thanks, Richard. Neuroplasticity. Yin state. Done with the need to be right. Grateful for all your teachings. I hope you’re well. Have a peaceful weekend.
This is so true and helpful to people. Forgiveness ? We forgive ourselves. We do not need to justify our being ,our intentions, our experiences.
Bingo 🎉
Hi Richard I’m Looking Forward To This
Video I’m Severely Trauma Bonded I Was Recently Discarded Cruelly
I’m Being Treated As If I Never Existed.
I’m Struggling To Disconnect Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal
💓💓💓
Thinking of you 🌺🌺🌺
Demi, you’re words resonate strongly with me. I was there exactly where you are. And yes it is brutal. Like they’ve took your very spirit away. Making you feel as weak as a kitten. Hang in there. Your spirit is still there and you will grow stronger. One day you will see it was them who never existed. You don’t need anything from them-certainly not their validation. One day you will see them for the pathetic useless parasite they are , and you will regain your spirit and your strength. In fact you will be stronger. You are not alone. Good luck Demi x
Meditate....
You will let go. Trust and believe in yourself.
Sending you lots of love & healing energy. This happened to me, it’s been a lifetime of work , since my childhood was riddled with so many different types of abuse. Stay strong, in the most gentle way.
It's been 40 years and only just starting to work shit out . Best medicine I have had ❤
After the smear campaign it's very hard not to hide.
The smearing is very , very damaging.
It is but I have strong church support. God 1st.
I'm likely about to be the subject of a smear campaign too. I've already had multiple ones ran against me in the past by a mother and a wife. It hurts, but I have clear conscience knowing I only tried to do good things. I don't like to explain too much bc my information is connected to their computer with some "interesting" software. Can't believe I'm going thru this again.. wanting to give up.
My psychologist says you need to “pardon” people instead of forgive them. You aren’t going to forgive them cuz they don’t deserve it, but you can give them pardon so you can let it go and move on.
GREAT INSIGHT
What is the difference between pardoning and forgiving?
oooooh i like that ! it has undertones of authority too which is great for the victim
I like the phrase "pardon" much better.
Thanks.
This has nothing to do with the perpetrator whatsoever this is all about you and you processing your wounded feelings, because if you make it any more than this, you've already crossed the line into vengeance, saying things like they don't deserve to be forgiven and so on and so forth. Ultimately when you think about it, the physical perpetrator has nothing to do with your inner life experience. Because in reality if somebody offended you, it really is you who is responding to the offense, that makes the difference of weather that action is considered an offense, and that is determined by your own conscience and heart volition and mind , within your soul.
We are supposed to have a parent child relationship with our feelings, our consciousness, is the parent and our feelings are the child.
we have a parent child relationship to our feelings emotions and issues, so that we must learn how to acknowledge and accept our wounded feelings , emotions, and issues.
As a loving parent acknowledges and accepts their own wounded child. And as we do, our wounded feelings emotions and issues, become transformed into healing, as we place upon them, acknowledgement and acceptance and loving-kindness necessary, for feelings emotions and issues to transform.
For example: if your physical child, was wounded and hurting , and you placed upon him or her, acknowledgement and acceptance with loving kindness and gave him or her space To be. How do you think your child would respond to you? Well in my assessment your child would give you back more acceptance and loving-kindness more than what you, could well imagine!
This process is much like a caterpillar who represents our woundedness transforming into a butterfly representing our healing!
Now our wounded feelings , emotions and issues, that we all tend to suppress because they are inconvenient and uncomfortable and thus those feelings emotions and issues remain with us perverting our past, and plaguing our present and our future.
Because we don't know that we need to allow these negative and wounded feelings and emotions etc. To be processed by being acknowledged and accepted. Thus completely restoring from "glory to glory", the psychological heart of the NARC VICTIM.
And if you practice this method, you would find a sense of personal acceptance, that you have never known in your life, As you place value acknowledgement and acceptance primarily to your wounded feelings and emotions etc. Then your feelings pay you back, with the very same feeling of acknowledgement and acceptance that you get to carry along with you all day long, along with the value and loving kindness, that you also place upon them. It is the best investment in yourself you can ever make. For as you learn how to make your feelings emotions your top priority so will your feelings and emotion make you their top priority!
For as you value and accept yourself you value and accept others!
SIDENOTE: The pathological narcissist does not have the capability, (unless he or she hits rock bottom) for change. But those with only narcissistic traits, can and will if given the opportunity and taken out of their narcissistic influenced environment can, revert back to their status quo, empathetic personality type, Which was true in my own case, I am proof that this method works and is life-changing!
Please feel free to comment!
💛 consistent content that truly makes sense and really changes paradigm of overcoming such abusive episodes in life. no more being stuck in victimhood.
Good like your logo😉
No it's not a sin, especially having the capability to see beyond how rotten that person you really loved was. That is what makes us better then they are. We have the capability to see the good in people, especially if they are rotten as hell. That is what separates us from them.
Kristen that resonates with me. I always looked for the good in people, and focusing on that too much was one of the reasons I remained in abusive and narcissistic relationships. I know now it is important to see everything and not keep just shining a spotlight on their goos traits. Especially when they are a means to ensnare you.
I just fucken cried...I am now in therapy....a survivor....6mths @ $190pw....OMG....the cost of being "love bombed"
Picture of Trauma is closest to Reality..
Masking (smile face)..I'm tired of 😁
I forgive myself for loving and serving a demonic mother
Forgive who? 👉YOU!
Brilliant presentation and the intentional use of words. Thank you! 🙌🔥💪💜
Thank you for your videos, going through a ridiculous divorce with my exhusband… these videos are helping me make sense of everything that happened to me…. And I don’t feel crazy anymore!! Which is allowing me to heal 🙏🏼🙏🏼
I've learnt to forgive them. I don't accept what certain ppl from my past have done. But I accepted the problems and now I'm learning to move forward and heal ✨️
Good
I've not - tried many times, but we share a child now and she has continued to try to do maximum damage to my life and relationships (with a lot of success, unfortunately) plus just her incessant idiocy and contempt always lurking at the edge, plus trying to make sure my daughter is safe from the abuse which is very subtle with her, much of the time - verbal and emotional.
I’ve been following you for a couple of years. I really like the way you’re setting up these new YT videos. Very organized. With the order and topic covered by minutes in the info section, it really helps to follow and go back to the section i need to recap. Thanks for all you do.
it's a definite blessing - he's a life saver for REAL!
Coming through to the other side of it feels like a different world. Thanks for all your help
Pause at forgiveness.
Your absolutely right.
Forgiveness is Not a conscious act. It's the result of our actions. Forgiveness comes after letting go.
I'm disappointed. This is the first video by Mr. Grannon. I've listened to other counselors for several yrs.
Still not able to find my situation. I grew up in a family of 11 people and very angry, judging, religious.
So many r talking about my mistake, my learning to be wiser, etc.
I married a Narc, n now have 3 grown Narc. children who I can't just cut off.
I'm REALLY very depressed for 5 yr.
Everybody has a course etc
Richard, you have such a gift! Your lectures have really helped me feel clarification and validation which has been enormously healing. May you be blessed abundantly for your hard work. To "detach" and to "individuate", as you have said, is to feel freedom and bliss. Godspeed! 🐬🌊
Richard my ex partner (narcissist) is a psychotherapist! Im almost 2 years out of the relationship and still working so hard to heal. This is no easy road 🤯😖
Still have work to do but thank you! Your talks have been invaluable in helping me come through this horrible tangle of destruction. 🙌🙏
MINE TOO. So fkn disturbing.. she can work with people all day (although, in retrospect, I really doubt much of what she told me - probably just using it as narcissistic supply endlessly yuk)! When we were dating, having met on a site called "Spiritual Singles" (irony from hell - a Cluster B is literally the OPPOSITE of anything related to spirituality and growth! I mean the beginning of all spiritual work is to admit where you are, who you are, how you got there, who you hurt etc. e.g. Self-assessment and Making Amends) and she even used it as a tool to get my defenses down/rescuer mode going (not that I have much of one, eg non-codependent but I am a male and feel the protector role with my family and people) about how this other guy she met ran for the hills when she told him she was in therapy for BPD - I immediately thought (as intended) "what a jerk!" How could you judge some one when you don't even know them etc. - at that point I still thought it was something like bipolar, or mild schizoid tendencies or whatever. Which, I am mainly ok with - if some one is doing the work on themselves, I believe in second chances etc. But apparently this guy's ex-wife was Borderline too, so obvs he was terrified/pre-no-contact and not going to go ANYWHERE NEAR another one of those.. no matter the particular flavor. Oh, the wisdom of hindsight! Now I know why. But she used it all as a sympathy play - and can talk about psychological and even spiritual matters all day, but some how - none of it applies to her or her life, or her responses, or abuse etc. The no internal locus of authority is really big with her - she will insist on going to people in professions which she studied (has 2 master's degrees) who have less knowledge than her, and go with what they say - even if she knows it to not be accurate, or best current information and theory. Really, really mind blowing.
Also, she lied and forged all her supervised hours, which I didn't think much of at the time - she had just graduated, so I thought it was cool she was starting her own practice. Now, I understand a lot more - and can guess and fill in the blanks of those things I don't have direct knowledge of. She goes into an absolute rage when called on any of her shit, ever. Nothing a PD hates more than the incontrovertible truth!
He's a Psycho therapist, aye? haha
Thanks for your honesty. My two past friends are psychologists and one is a manipulator and narcissist and the other is a case for a psychatrist. I've left both friendships and it was hard. They're so egoistic- it's crazy that they go into psychology sessions and try to heal others.😅
@@jchula My GF and I hired a shrink for online couple's counseling a few years ago. Told the guy that I won't be having the covid vaccines, because I felt they were not at all what we were being told that they were for and apparently he strongly disagreed with me on that.
So, he said I have a "need to be right" (which I do not at all have).
About a year and a half later I found the same guy posting videos of himself complaining about being "duped by big pharma" regarding the efficacy of the vaccines. lol
Interesting how a Narcy will try to project their own issues onto others like that.
Learning to love and respect yourself. You don't hold on to people like this. It's there job to respect you if they want to be in your life. It's not going to be easy for them because it's there way and they need to respect everyone. That only comes when they wake up, but remember they think they are clever at what they are doing. A loss may only help them see.
I also put up with it for seven years thinking he would grow up eventually. He didn’t. Staying for so long, was my bad. I was wrong for that as well.
He certainly has colonized my super ego and corrupted my morality. Unfortunately he is my landlord...an i have a neurological illness. I have to see his face as theres a housing crisis...scary and humbling.
It's a brilliant video. Every second communicates strong bits of truth. Thanks very much for sharing this. Wish I knew this last year... but through experience I got to learn what you're talking about.
He's on point - been dialing it in for 10 or so years I think!!
If you think about narcisstic abuse is an opportunity to learn how to stop being codependent, how to start healing your own childhood traumas, how to focus on yourself and what you like and what you want to do in life, instead of ruminating and spending time thinking about person who doesn’t deserve it, you already have won the battle
YES!!!!
Richard, I find your work very well informed and of all the "experts" who claim to be experts in these topics, (of which I am not) at least with your contents, it comes across as being genuinely informed safety driven and helpful, instead of from a precarious place of being about payback and revenge on the narcissist teachings.
Thankyou Richard.
Lol, the trauma pic remind me of myself. The normal childhood pictures of me with this face. I can't find the right words to explain.
This is what I need. I’m stuck bc my mom is covert narcissist and so is my mother in law. I can get away from/create distance from my mom, but my husband doesn’t see or understand his mom (who was adoptive at 13 to him). So I don’t think he actually knows her. She’s been incredibly abusive to me and hurt me so badly, except I can’t move on. My husband and I have 3 kids. Thank you for your video.
When you forgive you Heal. If you don't Forgive them you won't heal within
I love this guy! I’ve learnt so much in 3 wks about the narcissist I’ve been living with, than I’ve ever learnt in years of therapy! Totally amazing teacher!
I like to say I understand the narcissist rather than I forgive them. I forgive myself and nurture myself back to psychological health. I recognise narcissism and know how to protect myself. I won't lower my morals to accommodate the narcissist.
Thanks for your insight and dedication, Richard. I’ve been a fan for about 1.5 years now. Ever since exiting a toxic marriage. You e inspired me to keep going and examine the role I played in the train wreck. I have learned so much for you.
I believe that I walked past you today. Or, it was your doppelgänger! We’re you by chance at a government building in Dubai today? 😊😊. It would have been amazing to have said hello. But ‘you’ seemed in a hurry and I had a car waiting. If this was indeed you, we passed on the stairs. I’m an occupational psychologist who studied in London. I’m expanding my consultancy and have just launched in Dubai.
Six months and it's done? Wow!
I'm going to therapies with pauses 18 years, last 5 months on EMDR and I feel like we are on the begining. I just woke up after life long night mare 🎉
I'm from narcisstic family (i realised just 2 years ago) and there were except psycho terror with alcoholism also sexual abuse (suppressed memory)...
But I don't see the end of it, even if I started going to a gym, learn English, drawing again, knitting, working more, almost quit drinking and smoking, working with my shadows, etc.
But i feel helpless sometimes because of everyday pain in body and i don't know if i'm doing one step forward and how many backwards 🤦
I think worst thing of it is that i'm lonely, even my friendships was mostly dissaster, because i was choosing people to my life with voices of my parents and i was trained to be a good girl. But i was not 😅
So the thing is that i would like finally to live MY LIFE really not just out there, but feel myself inside, in my heart and feel that i am good and alive mother. What else i can do?
🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤we the special big hearted one forgive and heal you first 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯💜💜💡
Then walk in new found freedom…. knowing you have been freed….. by the Lord Jesus…. through Holy Spirit …. ❤
The community part is like the best the thing. It’s really helping with the CPTSD bodily issues I’m having.
To start a new life, I had to wait 4 years. Finally I can move from a toxic town 🤘
I need to be part of the community. I feel stronger and ready. Thank you 🙏❤
The whole damn town? What did you sleep around with the whole town or something lol. It might not be the town thats toxic my dear 🤔
@@beatdown3361 yikes.
Karen. I thought the same thing. Yikes!!!
I know exactly what you mean. 🎯 🥰
@@beatdown3361Stop projecting, ya dirty hoo-or 😂🤡
Exactly! Exploited, imprisoned (isolated, socially, financially) and tortured (emotionally, mentally) every moment of every day. Physical dangers a constant. The unseen scars never go away, I choose to be thankful to God I am physically free. Healing is a long journey.
I forgive myself for thinking I could fix him.
Almost lost myself for refusing to accept that I could not.
Pride is a helluva drug.
After pride comes the fall
Thanks Richard
Very transparent what we have to do
And very hopeful for a bright future with this knowledge
This man made me a very strong individual a few years back. I appreciate your educational advice. You're a good dude.
Just as I tried to heal from the abuse and reconnect with people, the pandemic hit and I was forced into isolation time after time even though it was probably the worst thing for me to sit alone with the trauma. Medical care was also not available for everybody. If you didn't vaccinate yourself you couldn't go to the doctor. Now it's nearly impossible to get an appointment with a therapist (if you don't have a lot of money) because everybody has mental issues after the pandemic. Therapists are full booked basically. It has been a struggle from the pits of hell. I'm in Europe.
I just saw this and thought I would share what I did when I found myself in need of professional help I couldn't trust or begin to afford. I just got a job at a mental hospital as a mental health specialist and studied anything I could to learn what I was going through and how to not let it get me. Just a thought. I put the energy into helping people and it helped me also.
I met a narcissist while in a narcissistic relationship….Iong story short i left one for the other, (don’t judge lol) started noticing things in the new relationship, and in one stupendous maneuver I left her ass too 🤷🏾♂️
Now I can actually work on myself ✊🏾🤣
This made me cry, but it helped me help. I especially like how you said it was not wrong to love another human being. Thank you so much.
Its so very hard to move on. I don't cry anymore. Such lies all the time.
His name is shay, my name is Corina. He used to call us shaRina. Lol helpful tip. I am getting over shaRina
How should we communicate to new healthy partners in how we were abused without scaring them off?
Great work with so much clarity! And i would like to add the healing of the nervous system as part of our body-mind- connection- we need this rewireing of our " feeling - part"
Glad you enjoyed it and gained value. Thank you for watching !
@@RICHARDGRANNON have you looked much at the vagus nerve connection, and other systems - re-regulating and recalibrating them? You might do a great interview set with some people if not personally. I love your focus on the psychic and philosophical side of things.. have just had a bit of luck looking in to the physical nervous systems and how to start repairs there (and gut/biota - this gets out of whack and can be really hard to put back!! Anxiety gets created and recreated endlessly once we are in the loops...)
Agree you must forgive yourself through prayer 🙏 ministry….. and deliverance from the spirit behind…. the behaviours…. ❤
Just chucked the biggest giggle seeing the thumbnail, life is good 💎❤️
One of your best videos, Richard
Take it from a bilingual person who was born and grew up in the U.S. and has since moved to Germany and has become a German citizen: "Über-Ich" does NOT mean "over EYE," but "over I" - the official translation is the superego. Your translation nonethess has a higher meaning in that the Uber-Ich" is a kind of EYE that watches unremittingly-- frrom inside your mind- - over´everything ta´that you say,, think, and feel. For people with a weak ego in the psycholatical sense,there is no umpire or referee to keep the "id," the bodily impulses, and that "super-ego," the result of strict upbringing by parents and society, within their respective limits so that something tantamount to happiness becomes possilble. Putting it briefly, n psychoanalysis, the ego iis the voice of reason which arbitrates between blind impulse and blind self-punishment.
Let's forgive ourselves. And also, let's remember that narcissists are everywhere, so that we would not get traumabonded by an nother narcissist.
Thank you so much for this video Richard. This one really hits home for me
"Things can be true without being real" that pretty much sums it up. Thank you, Richard. You have helped change my life for the better over the last few months 😊
Thank you for your content! I am going through a really dark place right now and these things help me a lot
Be strong. So am I. It's helping but it's hard
Thank you for saying that! ..me genuinely loving and trusting them was NOT wrong. 😢 I needed that confirmation from at least ONE other human saying it! 😭
My god …my hormones are all over today 😧☺️😂❤️
Been a long time since you made me cry Richard. Needed to hear this today❤ been angry again lately
Why am I horny when I’m angry??? Not WHEN, but after😳Tf?!? Just realized that 😳 omg I’m REALLY ill 🤒 😂😂 my masculine side is a perverted savage 🤪😂😂
❤❤
Heh heh 😏
God Bless You, Richard
Thank you so much for these directions.
Absolutely. I have recently realised I have become a mirror of my OH. I don't like what I have become but I find it necessary for survival. How sad is that 🥺
Its sad for sure. My mum became mean and so did I. Im lucky bcoz i got a chance to turn it around. 2 yrs ago i got on my knees and asked my children to forgive me. They did, the damage was done tho, so i work hard at accountability and creating a loving home. My mother was normal, then she turned. I was normal, then i turned. But i turned back bych and we're breaking generational chains out here! ✨✨✨
@@lisas1625 nice to hear
I’m breaking generational curses as well.
Best to us
He showed he don’t care I’m showing I don’t care anymore & it’s making him sick but still have his poker face on..But he’s soo mad that I’m not bothered and ignoring him
Thank you for your work Richard. I have to admit my failure and return to zero and rebuild myself again.
Best medicine for me was, got a really nice hotel room far away for the weekend and do whatever you’re lil broken heart desires cry, kick, scream , melt whatever it is you need to do and do it with a smile on your face. Just knowing you are nothing like them will make you feel better🤘🏽
I didn't realize I had narcissist around. I just thought they were manipulative mean or fake people.
They were love hate relationships 😂
Richard what about self-protection after ending mainly friendships but also other relationships (romantic etc) with very narcissistic people? I am not interested in revenge, although it has been a feeling that I’ve initially had. I’ve realised what I actually want is to protect myself from these people. As I understand it, people with NPD never let go of others, especially if the other made the decision to cut them out of their life. I can, at times, find myself feeling paranoid over them just waiting for the right time to hurt me in some way (future career opportunities or other relationships that they know I value etc) .. I’ve gone no contact, even deleted my social media accounts (Facebook and instagram). Is that all one can and needs to do and then just hope for the best? Or are there any other advice you can give?
This is a good question. Would be interested to hear any tips as I am at a similar point. Best wishes
I needed this, thank you ❤
FORGIVENESS =
ACKNOWLEDGEMENT & ACCEPTANCE
Correction: it helped me HEAL.
No forgiveness here. Too much abuse of everyone around him. Too damn much damage. When they start abusing your children & the law is involved… no forgiveness…when they r criminal…no forgiveness. Move on & that’s that! No contact FOREVER!
I took too much acid in my teens approach 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Healing / grieving from a narcissist that took his life & last thing he texted me was that I wanted him to die & a bunch of ugly things. 😢. Thank u for this video 💪🏼🙏
It's been 3 years since I left my ex-husband, but unfortunately I let him back in my head. Mainly be because I needed financial help. If he sees me happy, he feels very threatened. He also threatens me. I'm not speaking to him anymore. I forgive myself. I really tried to make our 26 year marriage work. I'm now 47 and moving on.
I have been watching your videos since I discovered my 18 year marriage was toxic and that I wasn't crazy.
Thank you so much for all these amazing videos! Has helped me so much have the strength and knowledge to walk away.
Watching your videos have been a daily routine during my healing process.
❤❤❤
:)) Unplug from the Matrix :)) that's trans-inclusive. But never ever letting you go with this ever!! :D I must get more attentive to details.
Sméagol/Gollum - Covert to Overt.
Greed turned her and when she got her hands on the Precious (the One Farm), the selfishness morphed into betrayal and viciousness. The rest of your steps I had done on my own but “othering” is a new idea which, when practiced, does produce fairer results.
It’s been nearly two years (+27 married) and labelling her as Sméagol/Gollum has enabled a distance from the personal hurt and even assists with forgiveness - the Sméagol I thought I knew was corrupted and “even Gollum may yet have a part to play” rings true. She led me through the gates of hell to synthesise a curious alchemy within which, “but for [her]…would have been in vain”.
Thank you for the perspective
Amazing Richard you talk about neurplasticity, neurophysiology etc - beautiful and often left out.
Give up and walk away!
I already did the forgiveness thing multiple times!!!
my Dad was right! I am gullible!
stupid me!
Once I heard you say that Forguveness is something that you must do for the narcissist for everything they did, you almost had me! 😂
This is the exact spiritual abuse that I have been experiencing in church for YEARS. I love the Lord and I love Jesus, but many churches in the US take this forgiveness thing way too far. It’s the most common phrase. “Jesus died for everyone and if you don’t forgive then Jesus can’t forgive you.”
That would mean that I deserve to be abused on earth, and if I can’t accept that, then I will suffer even more in the afterlife. My SIL just gave me that exact sentiment. I will pay for my actions, now and forever.
Even my pastor told me to take responsibility. How?
For abuse that I didn’t ask for?
Nah, read Galatians chapter 1.
Christian are the first victims of narcissists in the church.
That’s why they warn you about wolves in sheep’s clothing. The churches are full of them.
I KNOW i have cptsd and codependency. I grew up with two addicts as an only child, i learned to be as invisible and people pleasing as possible to avoid making them more stressed. Needless to say, this pattern gave me some really unhealthy coping mechanisms and certainly affects how i attract intimate partners. 😢