Piecing together your personality
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- Опубліковано 14 лип 2024
- Take bits and pieces from the people around you to improve yourself.
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This makes so much sense wow. I remember writing a poem about this a few months ago
I'm fragments of other people,
Sewed together by a needle,
Piercing my body to the cadence of words from known strangers;
Piecing each part of my damned soul so unseemly,
That I've forgotten who I am completely.
It looks good from afar,
Almost picturesque,
But the more you come close the more it inevitably becomes grotesque;
I want to tear it apart,
Thread to thread,
To take back all the things I've said;
To make people stay,
Only to eventually drive them away.
I love it omg! Mad respect
Ohhh that's beautiful wonderful actually thanks for sharing
Your videos always leave me a little bit wiser than I was before.
Your profile pic is everything!
Hahahahahaha
Your authenticity is so charming. There’s something special about you. I’m happy to see you found your purpose ☺️
"Wow, you're such a weird person." That's a compliment in my eyes. It means you're interesting, captivating. Your personality is really great to see, even on the bad days. I have such a weird sense of humor but I can't tell a joke in person to save my life. I can be funny sarcastically, though, but I really wish I could be super funny. I'm jelly of your ability to make me laugh because that's super rare for me to find and I wanna be able to do that for others. Your delivery is 💯. We are a product of our choices. If we like and respect someone, we tend to emulate them, everyone does. We ARE unique and being ourselves because we choose what we want to take on, who we want to be. I mean without observing other humans and how they act, we'd be animalistic like feral children who were raised with wolves. So, it's funny how people say "just be yourself." Even that saying has been used so many times that it's not an original thought in itself. Crazy world.
When he said “I can see how I’m pieces of other ppl cobbled together” I paused the video and screamed ME for 10 minutes
Hey, Frank.
You ever find yourself using a phrase someone close to you uses often? In moments like that I realize how easily we absorb habits of others without even trying.
Growing up I would gain inspiration from strong movie characters. If I was a fan of their swagger or the way they phrased things, I'd pick it up along the way.
I love that you mentioned acting. I was a mere theatre minor, but when I delivered monologues or portrayed the drunken porter it was all about finding inspiration from sources around me.
I suppose that could easily be the case in real life.
Can you imitate a British accent? Ya know, for the full McCartney effect.
I honestly thought I was the only one to do that or to be aware of doing that. So I guess it’s an INFJ thing too to add to the list. No wonder I feel weird.
Yep
I think most people try to be like someone else at times, but then you grow up and understand that you are who you are. Its a confidence issue. Infjs are usually very critical about themselves so it may occur more for them
I do that a lot as well! I'm just not that aware of it, so thank you for maiking me understand it better! ♥️
It's not just you or just INFJ's, though I do feel like it's more common in people with them Feeling trait as a dominant function, but everyone assimilates to some degree whether conscious or unconscious. You can still be yourself while channeling things you've picked up from others, you aren't a copy of the other people, you still portray those aspects in your own way & relate to the world in your own way. Everyone has pieces of others they carry within them but that doesn't mean they're not still their own person.
This is what I wrote into my journal 4 days ago:
"Wherever I go and whoever I'm with, I become someone else and I never know who of all those people I am, is me."
I can definitely relate a lot. The way I talk changes, my posture changes, the way I move, the pitch of my voice (usually deeper when I'm with girls because I feel intimidated by them since I used to get bullied exclusevly by girls, and higher when I'm with guys), everything changes. The fact that I am this way often makes me feel empty because I feel as though I'm no one, like a "fake".
Exactly! Thank u
It's not fake and it's still being true to yourself. I used to subconsciously do this all the time, not so much in the past few years though. I always felt it was a residual after effect of the empathic part of my INFJ personality. I use to feel like Rogue from the X-men, after she touched someone and obsorbs part of them. I used to feel that way emotionally and I'd pick up weird traits from friends, family, coworkers, etc. It was annoying at first, but highly empathic INFJ's I think just get use to it over time, because it really does happen often. For INFJ's to really understand almost everyone, we have to see things from dozens to hundreds of people's different perspectives all at once. I'd say enjoy it and appreciate it, we're chameleons.
I think it's healthy to adopt useful traits and affectations. It means on some level, a person knows there is room for growth. Just try to avoid toxic, or lazy coping skills...you know...don't be a d*ck. :-)
Well said.
Same. Just. Now that I'm like..25 years old, I have people always complimenting me on my chraming personality, and how unique I am....and I know that I'm a personality Frankenstein monster. I have watched so many tv shows with so many characters and built my personality on theirs. And I did it without knowing it. But then once a girl in my study group in University told me "Wow, you really copy people you like, don't you?" Because I was copying a certain teacher I admired.
My friend tells me I have such an amazing sense of humor, but it's really just me having watched so many comedy shows and having a good memory. Using patterns of jokes with different concepts.
So this is so relatable. There is this character Abed in a tv show called Community . He does that too. And he once said "When you know who you are, it's not that hard chaging yourself for others" It's not actually a very healthy position, but you get what I mean haha I hope
FJ it's like you're invading my head and explaining my whole experience. Especially the intentionally adopting stuff from people you find super admirable...... I think part of it comes from a severe lack of self identity and need for acceptance. The other thing is I find myself paying a lot of attention to people I find interesting or unique and casually mirroring them after a while... Even if we never speak
I do this too, where I embody their persona. It comes in handy when I'm in a situation that makes me uncomfortable, I can use someone else's confidence, etc. I befriend people who have what I want to have or get better understanding on, and then I can use it in my own life. It's the best. I love it.
There’s nothing wrong with picking bits & pieces of other personalites to better yourself. I find myself doing it too! I don’t know if it’s just an INFJ thing, but you’re not alone in that lol ☺️
Yes, we learn pieces of our environment that make us up, things we admire, and sometimes even things we don’t. I think it is natural process of human beings trying to learn to be effective in their environments.
We are walking, talking, sponges. However we are absorbing the parts that go deep. I wonder if we are just very honest about it and “know” that we do it. Isn’t everyone a conglomeration of their experience? Frank, you ARE yourself. Just a very AWARE self. In my eyes, you, being yourself is why I tune in to your videos. You have MY brand of charisma. Thanks, my friend.
I have a visualisation I came up with around 3 years ago whilst rebuilding character after having yet another "nervous breakdown" which is sponge related.... Working in a depot with a floating population of about 120 mostly men, I figured that I should see myself wringing out of a sponge in my hands all and any negative opinions and vibrations of others that I'd picked up and release all that viscous gunk and keep my sponge dry. I wrote it down at the time. Coming back to those words Iater I could see how someone else would categorise me yet again as kooky, but I wonder if anyone else here can relate?
I have always felt this. Every little thing about me has been influenced and even not influenced by so many people. For example, my humour, my handwriting, how I dress, my grammar and style of talking writing etc. And it's not just me but everyone is an amalgamation of so many personalities.
It makes me wonder who was the initial person who influenced others and helped be an idol for others to emulate.
And what would happen if you decided not to be influenced by anyone , how would that work out.
Bcos I'm timid and soft spoken, I emulate the character of some of my friends and relatives to overcome this inhibition. It helps me let go of the anxiety that people will perceive me a certain way and instead I feel justified bcos I'm just playing a role or a character.
Huh, I thought everyone did that.
Everyone does that, but INFJs are aware of it and preoccupied by it.
I've been binge watching all your videos while working on a model all night
glad to keep you company
I love that state of mind
I'm a personality magpie. No one has EVER called me normal, whew!
I have modeled myself on George Costanza, Homer Simpson, and Fred Flintstone. The result: fat, lazy, and selfish. Your video has made me realize that perhaps I should rethink this.
Jonathan Locke lol that's quite the combo!
I know, right? You can imagine what it's like inside this old noggin of mine. Let's just say, not always pretty.
Jonathan Locke Lol. A mirrored maze at times?
Yaaassss, King!
Yes, Melanie, very well put!
What a freeing attitude! I copy other people (esp. their witty phrases) all the time, yet I struggle with the question “am I being authentic to myself?”. You make a great point, though. We’re a reflection of the people we spend time with/listen to. We’re all a culmination of the people we’ve met through our lives, and I think that’s pretty beautiful.
I can absolutely relate to this, but I think that’s where alone time is so beneficial because when you sit with yourself you can uncover more of what is “you” versus the way you act to fit into a group. I think there are pros and cons of this, and you mentioned a lot of the pros, but I’ve lost myself in relationships when I’ve taken this too far, so I think the awareness of it is key.
Thank you, Frank.
This is actually liberating to hear! We constantly learn from each other, thank you for enlightening this perspective🙏🏽
I speak a lot like my INFJ friend. I think a similar case has happened with me too. During the "self-discovery" years, I used to spend most of my time with my INFJ friend and I've absorbed her funny yet mellow personality trait.
Weird observation - It's really evident when I start behaving/talking like the other person and this happens unknowingly.
I guess we do possess OUR strong core values but in day-to-day situations, we just come off as a blend of all the people we're surrounded by.
just like how I’ve been binge watching your videos for the past few days now I am talking slightly more like you in certain conversations
I say this as an INFJ, man you live inside your head!
You're being your authentic self by creating a patchwork. It's your patchwork and your creation. It's uniquely your life. And maybe INFJs in particular are patchwork makers.
It may feel like you're copying other people, but it would be more accurate to say that they're inspiring you to access and use some aspect of yourself. All of everything exists in you already as a potentiality. We just get into habits of which parts we use.
Yes, we are more than just the bits of personality we are drawing upon today or in this moment. Who we are is ever-evolving and ever-developing. But, at the same time, the core of who we are is the potentiality for all things and, in a sense, that is a solid, stable, unbreakable thing. The palette of discovery is infinite.
I feel like you said all the thoughts that I’ve been having for years.
Actually, that’s more of a literal thing than a “feel like” thing lol. That’s pretty awesome tho. I’m glad I watched this.
Thanks for posting videos like this. They’re super relatable
I was just talking about this very subject with a friend earlier tonight, then discovered this video in my feed. The universe conspires.
Originally, we were looking at it from the angle of collaboration (using the gifts of others to sharpen my ideas and help find more dots to create a clearer pattern), but this morphed into much of what you were saying and also how impressionable I can be. In my early 20s, this was a very bad thing - "Hey everybody, watch me contort to be who I think you want me to be. An extrovert who loves socializing? Yea, I can definitely do that." It wasn't pretty. But, as I've gotten more comfortable (usually) with who I am (most of the time), I agree that we can learn from those around us without compromising who we are at the core.
Back to being impressionable, I found your channel a few weeks ago and have watched almost all of your posts as well as listened to your podcasts. *Thank you, by the way, for helping me permanently settle the INFP-INFJ conundrum.* In the last few days, however, I've said things and made gestures and facial expressions (all unconsciously) that were distinctly Frank-Jamesian in inflection and aspect. You've apparently moved on from speaking my thoughts to invading my brain and taking over my actions. Is this some sort of Ni-Fe phishing scam?! 😅
PS. I'm too lazy to go find a post where this is more content-appropriate, but I was listening to the "Hidden Brain" podcast and was struck by how close-to-home this episode was for INFJs (at least to me). If you squint though, it kind of relates to taking qualities from others and applying them. Here's the link if anyone gets this far down one very long-winded "comment":
www.npr.org/2018/09/17/648781756/the-cassandra-curse-why-we-heed-some-warnings-and-ignore-others
I totally agree with you. And I also want to thank you for introducing Charisma on Command, it's very helpful.
Omg I feel this so much. I remember how during high school I realized at one point that I was subconsciously imitating a friend of mine, then I realized how people around me influence me and I got depressed cause I kept asking myself on whether I was authentic or not and I got depressed. Now I'm fine because I came to the conclusion that is the way that you assemble that pattern that makes you unique, the things that you like and how you try to keep them by stealing them there's no one that will do it your same way. I loved this video thank you so much!
holy shit. i am always so mind blown how you put these feelings into words. I've always felt like this and thought it was just me.. crazy wow lol
I am different too..i empathise with people and I relate with them individually. I adapt to my surroundings. I have different ways of relating with different people. I have a lot of varied interests so I can relate with people in many different ways. It gives some people the idea that I have changed or that I am different than I was when I am not. I am always truly me. There's just more to me than one facet.
I get irritated with "copying". As in, intentionally ripping off someone's style, attitude, etc and pretending to be someone else. I think that's totally different than adopting things you like and relate to and incorporating it into who you are. When you admire something and borrow it, you can give credit to the person you admire. When you pick up.on something it is,an influence. I do admire things about people or characters, but I don't want to be "like them". I just relate with them. Authenticity, I think, comes from how you feel inside. How you express that depends on a lot of other things. Some days I express myself more freely and openly than others. It depends a lot on my surroundings and what i pick up on from the people there. I am a "vibey" person. If the vibes are off-putting, then how I express myself will be very controlled and sometimes intentionally reflective and questioning to bring about a positive change. If the vibes are good, my expression is much more fluid and relaxed.
I don't consider any family member or friend immitable, (or anyone else). I have this weighty sense of individuality and authenticity. I pick up on when there is someone/s who has been trying to push certain influences to generate some sort of change they desire and I resist, confront and retreat unless it is something inline with my desires.
So yes, my self expressions are weird too, Frank, but in a different way.
intristing stuff, in many ways same here. I used to be a maleable personality, also picking up on styles from other people, like he described in the video. Eventually that and other thins lead me to a crisis and made me crave and search for authenticity and truth. I don't want to say i found either but maybe i'm a little closer. Now i'm rather reserved most of the time, kinda all the time, i don't play with masks or just as much as i need in order to not expose myself infront of just anyone. In a way i feel better being seen as a weirdo than i used to feel as an adequate person. I don't know if ignoring social conventions isn't reserved to the really special ones to which i'm not sure i can count myself. In the end what i try is not to be fake, not to force things on myself or in connecting with others. well...
wow you are not a weird person, everyone is at least a little bit weird...every video is helping me more and more ..you are right with saying that people imitate parents, not only humans but also animals do it, but then I was thinking to myself "yes it is normal almost everyone does it but..I am taking to extremes sometimes" and right after that you said you do it too. Your videos help me a lot by showing me it is not just me doing these things or thinking these things. For example I quit my job a month ago because I was unhappy, and I realized I need a contact with people, be in charge (especially if things are handled well) and *help* people, and just a few minutes ago I watched your video "stregthening identity..." which title does not say anything about carreer advice but you talked exactly about those things I realised this year. + my dream was always to have my own business. So anyway thank you so much for your videos and please keep up with the awesome work sharing those details!
I don't normally see others in myself, but when you pointed it out, I could relate. Totally.
This helped me. Thanks.
I think i have some issues with self esteem which makes me very anxious when talking to people. Unless its someone I'm comfortable talking to, i just kind of stop trying to say things in a grp of ppl.
I'm, in a way, scared of cool and confident ppl.
But I'll try to be more confident while talking to others.
I relate. I had a big problem when I was growing up where I felt like I didn't really have a personality. I felt that myself was just pieces of the parts that I liked in people.
I have certainly heard my mother's words coming from my lips. We do absorb other people's personalities, even if it is just unconsciously. Great video! :)
I saw one of Hozier's videos only recently and I cannot unsee it anymore, Frank. Holy hell.
This is honestly something I think of all the time! I'll even reflect on things I do or say and link them to the people I got those traits(?) from. It makes me somewhat happy to see parts of the people I love dearly rub off on myself. One of my biggest fears is also becoming someone I know that I don't want to become, I'll even go as far as using that person as an example of how not to become. I feel INFJ's are strangely aware of how we mirror everyone around us.
P.s. In the past couple of days of binging your video's since discovering your channel you've mentioned two other channels that I really enjoy watching (DaveSuperpowers and CharismaOnCommand) and my Ni is running overdrive hahah. I wish I could be your friend and talk to you about objective personality typing and the meaning of life and stuff
I do that all the time. I try to take things I like from other people's personality to improve myself. It's still important to respect my personal values though.
...some have absorbed your words into our ever changing cobbled together personalities. ☮️☯️
We are often attracted to people we admire and want to be like. In some ways I don't see it as copying people, but more like we are being mentored by them and learning how to aquire the traits we like in others. It's not about imitation, it's about learning and evolving as a person. Very human. ❤😊
I really do this all the damn time. I dont have a long paragraph to write, just agreeing with every word you said and expressing how it resonated with me. And maybe mention that I do this so intensely its always happening beyond my control, even when watching TV shows with intense characters I wish I could be like. I think, act and talk like them, and I'm aware of it but I cant stop it. I do this with people too it's just less noticeable in myself because real life personalities are not usually as intense as TV ones. Well I guess it did become a paragraph. Anyway thank you for the insightful video, really enjoyed it keep up the great content :)
We often don't "know" or aren't conscious of all we have absorbed, I think.
I see a lot of questions and answers I've struggled with here on this vlog -And in the many smart conversations it inspires.
It really fills a need,. FJ is just like Us magnified and multiplied magnificently. Thanks Frank james...
"imitation is the sincerest form of flattery", I've heard from my Mom, and we try on all kinds of actions and attitudes etc, to see what fits and feels good and effortless. (and also what might work better to get you closer to a goal!)
05:41
"being unique is just stealing a bunch of things from other people and putting it together in a way that no one else has"
09:11 "... copy the best people that you see around you like see see how you can take from from the best and make it part of you"
I agree, and I totally realize this, it's so true !
And .. 32 years and I do it again sometimes.
2 month ago, while watching MV from one of my favorite kpop group "Seventeen". I found the total white outfit beautiful and a little out of the ordinary. Realize I didn't have white clothes, I bought 2 white clothes during sales.
We are still influenced by what we like.
Many things I see and I like might influence my look (if I have one XD), my ideas, my paintings, my acts, decisions, point of views...
All theses little things/détails which might affect/change us.
As your videos, the things you tell and share, influence me, cause it resonate in me.
I do this all the time. I guess I never thought about it. I have always been silly and talked with different accents etc. so I don't ever think you're weird, I think you're "normal" in my mind because that is how I act. I just took the Meyers Briggs test a couple of months ago and found out I was an INFJ which led me to your channel. Now this is going to sound dorky, but I have felt like saying we're "Twinsies" as my daughter would say. However since I'm a middle aged, married, mom of four girls, we're far from being "Twinsies." Lol It definitely must be the INFJ thing.
I have been relating to you since I first clicked on. I have laughed and felt so "not alone" for the first time in my life.
Back to topic at hand, yes I think we can totally absorb and imitate people without even trying. I had a boss point out to me that whenever I worked with another co-worker I would become very negative. I think I absorbed her negativity. I think it would be a stretch to absorb a super bubbly everything is coming up aces type personality though. My default is more mellow, witty, sassy, funny, but also melancholy.
Interesting ideas. I've never really tried to copy others explicitly.
But, often feels like this whole thing is a play, and I'm born an actor to a role I was never meant for, not want. When I fail to learn to learn the lines and play the part, the whole world feels like it's collapsing in on me. But there's no way out. Forced to play a part built from the expectations and assumptions of others, an I hold onto it in fear of judgement. All that surrounds me, all that I like, all that I do, is a constant reminder I'm not comfortable in my own skin.
Suppose that's the ego right? It plays tricks on you.
Thank you kindly ✍️
I relate so much... even though I’m not an INFJ (I don’t think). I used to freak out worrying I was being too “fake” but now I realize it’s not that simple at all. Something I’ve felt myself being pulled towards is trying to be more confident in who I am, not in a shallow way, but in kind of a natural way, even if it means piggy backing off of others’ attitudes a bit until I get the hang of it.
There have been times when I've seen myself channeling a member of my family - it gets more tolerable as you get older. It did for me at least, since I don't see them much and I've lost some of them. I don't consciously copy other people, but I've found myself mirroring the person I'm with, it seems to be in order to make them feel more comfortable being around me. It doesn't happen all the time, so it's a surprise sometimes when I find myself doing it.
I remember sitting in bed with one of my babies and emulating her body language and sounds. I immediately started to feel/see how she might be "feel/seeing"
“Imitation is suicide” Ralph Waldo Emerson (this touches on identity too)..... however you’re correct. (You tend to “profile” a lot) So when you mimic someone you can see where they’re coming from and what they’re thinking. Also! - When coming up with new ideas you take from one idea and make it your own. ‘Cause where do good ideas come from??? 😊
(Side note) you’re the type of dude I’d have coffee with..... honestly I just sit and listen to you ramble on lol. I enjoy your flow for sure.
Yes. Me. I feel like often people think that I’m very much like them, and in reality I just accidentaly talked, moved and acted like them and now they think we are compatible or alike. I often fool myself with this too. Just because infjs manage to get along with someone, doesn’t mean they are ”their type of person”
I think this is one way infjs are able to understand other people so well. What better way to understand and feel the emotions of another than to become them.
Maybe Paul McCartney will volunteer his type info some day. To imitate is to compliment. Not mockingly. I stumbled upon this one day many years ago, if someone's humor makes you laugh, guess what. . . It is also your humor. They just vocalized it and you enjoyed it. Very comforting! Also, we all learn to speak a native tongue, even though you imitated sounds, enunciations, etc. The way you express yourself is uniquely you. When you phone someone, the friend on the other end knows you by your voice. And it is always great to make improvements, if we don't like some aspect of ourselves. Great video!
Totaly agree, I understand what you mean FJ, thanks for this video
I get you on such a deep level
You can be your self by doing the things u love and makes u happy, and when u stop comparing yourself to others or care about what they think about you..
You are refreshingly transparent and hilarious... not a freak, lol
Hello there, Frank
I do this "copy" thing since I was a kid. I always find a person to become a role model. I will start observe and absorb this person in detail. Then, try to living my life as this person point of view, way of thinking, etc. I can say, I prefer shaping my true self by copy what my role model do.
I never tell anyone I'm doing this. But, knowing you as a fellow INFJ, doing the exact same thing as me, I can say that you boost my confidence to keep doing this copy thing. Because all this time, I think its wrong to do that. Now I know, theres nothing wrong doing this
Thank you so much Frank, you've been inspiring myself a lot. Bcs of you, I start to believe in myself and push myself out of my worst state. I really believe that I'm not alone surviving as infj
Really, thank you FJ. Keep cool and attractive!🖖🏻
FJ, another very interesting topic you came up with tonight. I really appreciate that. To tell you the truth, I've been kind of down and flat lately so I just watch a Frank James video and adopt your facial expressions and hand gestures and sideways eye glances and looking up at the ceiling. I hope that's okay with you. Have a fantastic day.🍸 Cheers to you!
does mimicking his expressivity actually help you feel better? Like, is it momentary or does it last for as long as you keep the mimicry going (as in it could be for months if u keep the roleplay going)?
@@cummmer Actually, it makes me smile and stops me from just sitting with my arms wrapped around myself and trying to self comfort when I am ignoring suicidal thoughts. Frank is very full of expressive movements even when he's been crying before he made a video and I suppose before he gets back in bed when he's in a depression he also tried to not give into it. So, yes..I think forcing myself to smile and using my hands in an expressive manner reminds me of frank and his brave journey through life as an oversensitive INFJ. And, as he says we all adopt actions of others that we look up to and adopt them into our own personalities. I hope this answered your question, Cummer. And, if you unfortunately also suffer from the deep pain of clinical depression, I'm sure you more than understand how mocking someone who makes you smile to your bones is much better than mimicking the last person you heard about that hung themselves with a belt to escape. Have a wonderful and happy evening. ❣
Cool! Ye, that makes sense. In my head, and this might be wrong, it's like you've tethered certain thoughts/reminders to his actions and it kinda... changes how your internal world is functioning? Regardless of its inner machinations, it's clearly helping your mood, so woo! cool to know. Thank ya xD.
and to address the possibility you mentioned: no, I'm not suffering from a lot of deep clinical depression pain. I just also mimic certain behaviors/ways of speaking and I was curious to know how other people are using it and the effects they get out of it, and you did JUST THAT! so yayyy! ty
We mimic and it’s normal. If you spend enough time with someone you’ll naturally take on their mannerisms or even channel them in certain situations, especially if you’re uncomfortable in that situation and don’t feel confident enough in your own personality to handle it. Good video 👍
I totally know what you're saying. I do same thing. It's always bothered me, I don't truly feel like "myself". I've never really taken on things on purpose, though.
I wish I could copy the way you talk. To articulate my many thoughts with such beauty and wisdom ;)
(Binging your videos again, maybe I'll get better at it).
I see soooo much why us ENFP's get on SO well, we love to explore and experience life SO much and as we go through life we decide what suits us and its down to like a strong feeling for one thing out of the selections over all the others.
Even then I'm still VERY open to new things and adapting, for example I was living in a very stale way for a long ass time, I wasn't able to socialise too well and way too often I worried about being judged. So I began to watch movies and certain TV shows in my own time the less I hung out with friends (even to the degree that I considered certain Podcasters whom I'd never met my friends).
The mixing pot was set though for to develop many of my unusual social differences by this though.
At this point I'll do almost anything for a laugh, but here's the important thing, NOT for people who judge me as weird, attention seeking or as stupid, only for those whom I feel accepted by already. There in lies my authenticity, because laughing with them and making them laugh is a real enjoyment of mine.
It us useful to take on another person's mannerisms and some of their philosophies, but making sure that you are accepted for both your fun, medium AND dark sides is vital to no longer feel weird and outcasted.
Be yourself probably means; "Don't just entertain me and put on a show, bring to the table your weirdness and come be down with me, because being your darker side with people helps you find those whom accept ALL of you, not just the you that you wear to be accepted by those who wouldn't accept the WHOLE you"
Probs a lil bit drawn out, but you mentioned how you didn't even know who you are, so "being yourself" was quite a difficult concept to understand.
I will say now that I fully accept you and while I do enjoy your playfulness I also want you to feel fully secure and able to let out your darker side and I hope that one day you find the courage to show that to someone who is truly special and whom changes your whole world when they walk into your life 😁🌍🤗
Aw I love this!!! ❤️ Amen to that enfp brother. Well stated.
Hey Frank, I consider that a form of skill, if we are aware we are actually doing it and not imitating only unconsciously. Then, we can use it when need be. For example: I was working as a research assistant and the professors responsible wanted to do a conference. I had no problem with planning it, but my coworker had to do a talk in the conference and I was left with executing the plan, including delegating tasks and welcoming the attendants. With my limited experience at the time, it was a lot on my default skills, so to speak. I "channeled" or "imitated" my coworker, who was good at these things, a social butterfly. By the end of the conference, the professors looked at me like I had two heads and thanked me with awe, because they haven't seen me do this before. I think I have the ability but watching my coworker at it helped me use my ability to use what's needed in the situation. Over time, I consciously use it when needed. I think some Fi users will use this as proof of inauthentic behavior lol. But, I think it's authentic to admit and say some people are capable of that. If we go into moral and ethical discussions, yeah some may misuse it, though, that doesn't mean it's a negative thing. Anything can be misused or abused. My brother can imitate accents and social behaviors almost immediately as if he's part of that community (he's an ISTJ). I think part of it comes from catching the pattern and repeating it.
Best regards!
Zee
With EVERY video I watch with my husband, who is an ENFP, I find myself relating 100% knowing what’s about to come out of Frank James’ mouth and why he’s laughing or making the faces that he does and my husband just gives me that look of “Huh, okay. Well she makes more sense now. But what’s so funny.?” LMAO THANK YOU FOR THESE VIDEOS! (If you even check the comments.lol) I LOVE THEM!
By sharing you help me find myself.
Yes! I can relate. But I'm always evolving. That's what I'm doing and sometimes people may misunderstand that I'm actually on this path and I'm learning. Quickly.
I've always played roles lmao. I don't even know how to "be yourself"
So, apparently, world, I’m not the only one strange around here! (take no offense). It is freaking mind blowing to finally find out that there are other people out there to whom I can relate in a certain way, and that the name to that is INFJ...It feels hard even to write down these few words here without judging myself with the fact that I think that I’m going to be judged (what?!) 🤯 haha well, anyways, since I’ve been binging on the stuff you post here I find it quite fair to pass by and thank you for showing people like us that we “fit” in some sort of way, even though most of the time it seems like we don’t (you’re unbelievably good at keeping it real and human!). Having said that, sorry for any english mistakes and greetings from Brazil!! 🖖🏻👽
Holy shit...yes. When I was a kid, I would study my classmates and absorb their mannerisms, handwriting, hand gestures...whatever I liked, I adopted. A few years ago, for instructor training at work, video was taken during my presentations... I couldn’t believe how much I reminded myself of a best friend I had during my early 20’s. Speech pattern, gestures, and voice inflection...
dude, bro...Frank, FJ...you make me feel normal. Thank you.
Wow. What a good FJ throwback. Probably my favorite from last year!
Man this video is amazing! I totally get what you mean, I feel the same way. I know this is an old video, and I love the videos you do now, and you gotta do what makes you happy and pay the bills, but if you ever did more videos like this again I wouldn’t complain. 🤷
I do this so often, especially with people I look up to. I used to really let go and get into a character when I was a kid, and I think I did it because I felt like I empathized with them more when I dove in like that. lol this might be weird but I've actually integrated parts of your personality from watching so many of your videos
When someone says you have a weird personality, take it as a compliment! :)
I think you're right by saying that people are creatures of imitation. We're usually somewhat of a reflection of the people we surround ourselves with. It's interesting to think about how we can all sort of mimic the quirks/idiosyncrasies of people we admire. My best friend in HS was very outgoing, bubbly and flirtatious. She would embarrass me in some of our classes together, though. Our teachers couldn't understand how we were even friends and would poke fun at me for being friends with an airhead. I admired her nonchalant attitude toward everything. I think we got along so well because we both had traits that the other needed to work on.
This topic reminds me of a conversation I've had in the past. A mentor of mine had taught me to focus on the positive traits of leaders I looked up to when building my own leadership style. He said to incorporate those traits into my own personality. I think this can be related to personal identity and becoming who we're meant to be (or, who we would like to eventually become).
When you say you're *copying* these people, it could be perceived as you not having a personality of your own. I don't believe this is how you're trying to come across. Haha. It sounds similar to *mirroring* traits or characteristics of people that have a higher social status or who have that "thing" that we admire for whatever reason (because other people have a high regard for them). We're all kind of programmed to do this, I think. I could be wrong. :-/ I don't think you're copying people. Mirroring people can be taken as a compliment by the other party. Perhaps it's a way to get people to like/accept you?
Anyway ... This post is too long (sorry!). I just deleted another paragraph. I think this caffeine is getting to me. This video reminded me of Identity vs. Role Confusion (one of Erik Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development).
www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html
Awesome thumbnail, btw. 😂 That’s how I’ve been feeling lately with realizing that I’m probably an ISFJ. My initials are in it, too!! 🤯 Cue the Twilight Zone music 🎶
I enjoy all your videos. My youngest son is an INFJ, as well as my good friends. I'm an extreme ENFJ, and my oldest son is ESTJ. WHEN MY SONS WERE GROWING UP, I WAS TOLD THAT I HAD 2 TOTALLY DIFFERENT CHILDREN. ONE IS 100 % EXTROVERTED, LIKE ME. BUT ANDREW WAS INFJ, so we were always dragging him around. I'm fasinatedwith how we are so different.
You have a Great personality.
My best friend is INFJ, and I gave him your videos. When I first meth8m, I told him that he Was INFJ, BECAUSE HE WAS TALKING ABOUT HIS DEPRESSION. HE TOLD ME TH3 DOCTOR TOLD HIM HE WAS DESENSITIZED. I SAID, NO YOU ARE JUST AN INFJ. HE JUST TOOK THE TEST THIS YEAR, AND I WAS RIGHT ON.... HE L9VES YOUR VIDEOS NOW.
YEA, IM AN ENFJ. 100 PERCENT EXTROVERTED,
I started watching videos and copy ur way of explaining stuff and giving words to experiences.....not all but at certain level I have smiliar situation .....and now watching u explaining it..
You're not weird. I love your personality.
Ahh I totally get what you're saying! And I love your personality btw, you make me laugh :)
That was amazingly well spoken... you should write a book!
Others may view personality as rigid. That is their perception issue. I’ve been doing this with my friend who is much better at sticking up for herself-trying anyway. Who wouldn’t want to learn from the best? Trying on different aspects of another’s personality allows you to see if it is congruent with you.
Be you FJ-and anyone else who may read this. Only you get to define what that means.
Binging these videos is painful. They just really highlight how odd I must appear, despite an uncanny ability to bond with just about anyone. And then while surrounded by people, feel completely alone. That kind of reality is a hilarious cosmic joke. THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP, FRANK, GEEZ.
I do this too! I pick up things from my friends (and family) and I even will hang out with people who have a trait that I would like to have. Just being around them helps me to pick up and internalize those traits. It's part of that chameleon trait we have. INFJ's "blend" with the people they spend time with.
I relate! I have noticed myself "absorbing" the behaviour of people around me. I've copied facial expressions and postures and and I've started to use words and phrases that someone else uses. I might have copied something from you too by watching your videos, that little awkward laugh in a situation where a thing comes to your mind while trying to explain something, and you consider whether you should say it out loud or not :)
Dogwalker here ... very interesting topic and the concept of finding a person to copy in order to learn ... I never thought of it this way ... basically you are talking about finding a mentor. I have always taken finding a mentor literally ... meaning I needed to actually meet and know personally my mentor . You have set me free Frank with your simple advice. Thank you ... and I am not being sarcastic ... you really have helped me with this video 😍
Somewhere I read that an IFJF can mimic any personality type. That’s absolutely true. I can be anybody, at anytime, anywhere I choose. I’ve wondered when I was younger who I was. Now I realize it’s just my “adaptability”. I even feel that at times I take on the appearance of those that I’m talking to. If you feel this way and realize it you’re entirely normal. Sorry for the short post. Working through issues.
Good to see you in the comments, Randy, hope you're doing well.
I agree about roles, I played « the dancer », « the writer », « the sexy », « the therapist »!
Paul has come to the point in life where he just knows it doesn’t matter what the media say he has led a good lifestyle and worked hard for what he has and he knows what is real and lasting compared to what is here today and gone tomorrow so he can truly relax with everyone... is my personal opinion
I do it too. I don't know my type but I have always had to get into character around others. Did it all the time in my youth and I had tons of friends but I always felt false. So I don't do it as much and I'm much less social but I feel more at peace with myself when I don't have to pretend.
Can you bring back these types of videos? I really enjoy these laid back, thoughtful little talking videos.
I think what you speak of is the difference between personality and attitude, as in my experience your personality, your "true" character at your core, usually consists of a self repeating but consistent pattern of traits and trait-knots you can usually perceive in every area of your personality and life. The way you display the knots, though, adopting behaviors and healthy mechanisms (sometimes unhealthy ones), the more shallow things, I think are really attitude, and that's quite changeable and depends on surroundings and people around you. Do I even word things in a way that makes sense right now?
I really want to write about this in debt someday, but there's just not enough time at the moment. Great video again :)
I think, by the way, that's also where authenticity and inauthenticity sets in, if there's too much of a dissonance between personality and attitude. Like, you can adopt a lot of behaviors you find helpful and still be completely authentic if you apply them in ways that are reasonable within your personality patterns, but when you start counter playing them, that's when it starts being fake and people notice and usually perceive it negatively
I think everybody do this, and the important thing is to pick up habits or characteristics that will improve yourself instead of picking them up because you want to change your true self.
Aren’t we all always changing? Don’t we all have aspirations to be/show/develop other facets of ourselves? If we think we are done, “this is who I am”, we are dead. I say yea to copying what we like in others and showing our highest selves for others to admire!
This was one of my biggest questions about myself. I had finally asked the question, because this trait in myself sometimes worries me without knowing if it was a mental disorder like DID or something else completely unrelated. I can do this so naturally, while still maintaining the understanding that I’m still me, just mirroring other characters. The characters I take on depend on the circumstances of the situation. I take a lot from shows, usually a main character with a lot of darker emotions and struggles with reality. Like the show Hannibal for instance, specifically Will G. Because his character has the same way of becoming someone else so throughly that he is them, even if only momentarily. But I recognized this in myself immediately and related so intensely that It gave me anxiety. Which in turn brought me to typology and frank James constantly validating my irrational/rational traits as an INFJ
Hey Frank, I agree with what you're saying. I have come to realise this over the years. I believe we an accumulation of experiences - both good and bad. I'm not sure if I jameard that from someone or not. We are made up of experiences. I'd give your video a million like if I could.
I relate so much to this!! this hits home in ways I can't really explain. INFP here, btw.
I'm just impressed by how many hairstyles you can pull off
Excellent 🤓