The default in life is settling for less than what we are fully capable of. Are you doing this to yourself? Also we find out who today's friskiest pony is.
I do have something to add here. Sometimes never settling, because you always see something better up ahead, can leave one never fulfilled and never really happy. Sometimes you need to look around and appreciate what you've got. Maybe what you're looking for is right in front of you. You're just too busy looking for something better to realize it.
I haven't ever been looking for "better". I haven't ever searched for anything. If it's something in my power, I work toward it. If it's not, it's in God's hands. I don't hunt or search. That's not my way. Life unfolds, it isn't hunted down. Adults do not live in Oz or in movies, books or games. Our homes and lives are what we make them to be.
Lori M but if your in circumstances where you can hardly ever ever be happy a risk is worth it. Remember we as INFJs can have a epic fail and turn it into something remarkable and beautiful...
Great point! I do think though that maybe he was talking more about striving to 'be' one's best rather than to 'do' (or have/acquire better)... but I could be wrong.
one of my worst fears relationship wise is settling for mediocrity or settling for someone i dont like where one/neither of us are happy. it just traps the two of you in a situation where neither of you are truly content and youre just pretending, i just think its one of the saddest and wasteful things
“What!? Are you new here? I don’t give concrete examples. It’s just not what I do.” 🤣🤣🤣Story of my life. Great video, Frank James! Totally needed to hear this 🙏🏽💙
The part that resonated with me most was the idea of strategically settling in certain areas of life. Not sure why that was so mind-blowing, but it was. My parents are chronic non-settlers, so I guess I was raised under the umbrella of “if you’re going to spend your time on something, you better be excelling at it”. From careers to hobbies to relationships to fitness...that’s exhausting. I think I smell some checks and balances coming in 2019. Thanks for the lift, FJ.
Man this really resonates. I think a lot of us get a bit hung up on having this like “objective” view of ourselves and our abilities, when in reality that’s impossible since everything in life is ultimately subjective. So when you experience “failure” or any setbacks its easy to just settle and be like “Yeah I can’t do this, so I’m not even going to try” when that’s not really the case at all, since it might be that your best effort at something was better than another persons outcome. I mean, it’s all different for everyone and we just need to shake off the desire to judge our attempts at stuff and just take more risks and not attach our self worth to the outcomes of all these situations and you never know, but things might turn out great eventually! Also that typeface on the “Friskiest Ponies”… classic 😂
Overthinkers. When i ask a question, I already know an answer, and have moved on 300 thoughts ago. We can and will out think ourselves out of anything.
Not settling is hard, nerve wracking, and usually drawn out. It may not bring you to exactly what you wanted, but I believe it ultimately brings peace of mind, in a place better than what you imagined. Where you end up is your choice, no one else's - only you know whether you've settled or reached a goal, and only your opinion about that matters.
"I could have been a contender!" but I woke up 18 minutes too late. Good message, FJ. It's not depressing. It had a positive spin so thanks. That 31st year look you've got going on is working for ya! Go out and slay the day, bruh!
As someone who has certain circumstances that constrict me from pursuing the life that I really want; all I want to do sometimes is firmly yet politely tell people that if they have the chance to do what they always wanted to, they should do it. Don't ever settle for anything. Don't grow complacent, it'll only kill you on the inside. We only have this one life and we should live it the way we fancy. Don't let yourself stand in the way of your own happiness. Thank you for this, Frank. Great video.
I agree. If you feel like you want more, GO FOR IT. And don't let ANYONE tell you, show you, or convince you differently! On the other hand, If you feel compelled to settle, do that. It all comes down to personal preference, imo.
That horse-stake metaphor was spot on. Thanks for this video, I was starting to feel unhappy with where I was, and recognised it was because I had settled in a life that wasn’t for me. Just recently I decided to pull the ‘stake a little harder’, and this video gave me that little bit more a push to get it completely out of the ground and go wherever I want! Love it! PS, the facial hair is ace 👍
As an INFJ I feel like a lot of the times (like everyday) I need to remind myself that "mediocre" is OK too! (Also I think the word mediocre is horrible ;) But I get your point here, thank you for standing up for OUR GREAT POTENTIAL!!! And reminding us how pain, risk and failure are just natural parts of thinking big
I needed this message today. I've gotta push those ceilings and those barriers, all the way. Thanks, FJ 🙏 And what do you know? It rhymes. You're welcome.
FJ there must be a reason why I found your channel. Suprisingly you always talk about exactly what is on my mind. Do INFJs automatically synchronize somehow? Disillusioned about some part of life, I sobered up and kinda want to settle my life as it is now, while at the same time having doubts in mind. You are right. I should not be caught in the moments and let failures affect my big decisions. Thanks FJ!
Thank you for this message Frank, it was very apropos to what's going on in my life right now. You're right I think we do settle sometimes because it's like you said society forces us to just keep going without taking the time to be really introspective. It's like we're forced to just memorize information without being analytical about it throughout school and then they throw you into the world. It really makes you question everything, at times everything you believe and thought was true until you pull the curtain back like in the Wizard of Oz and see that everything is smoke and mirrors. It might take more time to be at a position in life that you really want to be, but it's worth it, why settle? (Rhetorical question) 😉
Only FJ can deliver a video with a serious topic, and still make it humorous. I can have hopeful thoughts of the future, while being entertained with his jokes and endearing mannerisms. Just graduated from college this December and hoping to get my dream job. Afraid of settling just to make ends meet. Nothing beats doing what you were created to do. I believe that’s where true satisfaction in life begins.
Although we're strangers I've found myself regularly hoping that you're feeling better. You appear to be on a healing path. Sending positive energy your way...
“You are way more capable of accomplishing great things than you think you are.” YES!!!! That goes for you, too!!! Whenever you get that feeling of, “meh, I don’t feel like doing *insert mild task here* right now...” kick yourself in the butt and tell yourself that you’re wasting your potential!! Stop coming up with excuses and start coming up with solutions. 2018 is about to finally be over 😅. Ain’t nothin’ gonna drag me down in 2019!! 💪🏼💪🏼 And if it does, I’ll come back swingin’ 🥊. Happy Friday!
+Andi Loveall I hear you! I think people who are always that negative are threatened by you in some way. Just a bunch of negative Nancy’s bringing down the vibe! 🙅🏼♀️
I naturally do what you advice in the video ever since I remember. I just visualize in my mind that I achieve a goal - let it be anything, a master's degree, a job, a new skill - and if I am really committed then I find a way to work it out. Most of the time I work so hard that I come out of the situation with an outstanding result and with great satisfaction. I think I never did this on purpose it just came somehow but it always worked for me. If I can imagine it, I can reach it, haha, I sound like a cheap life coach. 😅 I guess it has something to do with my ENFJ personality though. And I encourage all the others along the way, of course! Thanks for the awesome content again, I am so glad I have found your channel.
I... Well... just thank you for that. This Video was sent by the universe because you just said the right words! I needed to force myself to take the leap of faith and risk possible failure. I knew it is a step dad needs to be done but I was too afraid. Thanks Frank')
It can be not having a specific vision for one's life that leads to settling. But it can also be having an unrealistic one too and being too idealistic. And refusing to let go of it. I think this can lead to hiding away from reality and just entering into this fantasy existance where you have the life you imagine and being disconnected with the actual reality. Because the reality is so painful to face. I do agree though that we need to just go all out for it in a few areas of our lives, and learn to face the reality in others. I don't really consider this settling as much as facing and embracing one's new reality so they don't keep falling off emotional cliffs when certain things just never happen. The key is to strike a balance between knowing when to go all in for certain things and never give up, but also waving the white flag of surrender on others and saying, there is probably a 90% chance this will never happen. But if it doesn't I will still be okay because I've balanced my life out in other areas. And yes, we are stronger and capable of much more than we think. This includes you too. What inside you is longing to get out in a way that makes your life sustainable for the sake of your own physical and emotional stability? As NF types, I've discovered that redefining what we consider long term sustainability is the key to our emotional stability. I know I am not an infj but I think it still applies. Surrendering in a few areas of life never means we are giving up on life in general. It just means we are finally balancing our idealism with realism. Having both in a healthy ratio is where the magic is.
Wow, this was a really insightful comment, thanks for taking the time to write it out, man. You were able to put into words the feelings and thoughts I was still trying to identify.
I never doubt you, FJ. I'm trying to stay cool and attractive. LOL My husband and I laughed about how some Christmas songs...with kids, are just weird. "Grandma Got run over by A Reindeer" and "Santa Baby" and also "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"....unfortunately our 5 year old daughter has been heard in her room singing "Santa Baby"....Oops.
Settling. FJ,. For me, settling is the fear of Risk, to Reward, for the effort. I fall into “ this is good enough” thinking. You are so on point. We are capable of much more than we give yourselves credit for. Question for me becomes, When and on what do I push past that wall?. For sure, it’s usually gratifying to push yourself. But, I don’t think it’s needed or even healthy choice to push on everything. Guess I need to “push on” my ability to see the difference. After all, if you’re happy,....so to speak, most of the time,... isn’t THAT, good decision making?.... Happy New Year. Thanks for your honest sharing and insights.
Good points! Esp. about knowing when and where to push... and why with the risk / reward ratio. For me, with my idealism and perfectionist tendencies in a world where "good enough" seemed the motto and excuse of not merely the mediocre but the sub-par - basically a cop out - It has been enormously helpful to retrain myself that sometimes "good enough" really is just that. :)
Since no one is perfect, and no one can be (since we're ALL flawed), there will be certain things we should settle for in life, and certain things we should strive to change or achieve. I think the trick for the most happiness in life is learning which aspects of life these are for YOU. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your SO. FOR YOU! Find the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to tell the difference...and all that.
Thanks so much for the pep talk. As always, very insightful. You're a cool human, Frank, definitely one of my favorite people. 😄 Glad to see that it seems like you're doing better today too! Keep up the good work!
Hey Frank, Just one pony here who hasn't been feeling so frisky of late. Einstein, while obviously a superstar was famously terrible at personal relationships; so perhaps there is something to what you say. While I agree that most of us are probably capable of so much more than we realize, perhaps there are also those who know their potential but may be facing significant obstacles. Additionally, I think it is possible to consciously live a meaningful and satisfying existence within the realm of the mundane; perhaps sometimes it is more about whatever you bring to wherever you are. We can't all be rockstars like you, man! ;) You're on point with a degree of detachment enabling achievement. I am not sure it is all about the risk though. Additionally, it might have to do with perspective, objectivity, motivation, and yes also risk. Sometimes I can fake myself out and pretend I am doing work for someone else to help keep from getting stuck. Applying this in a broader sense, I have sometimes found it helpful to sort of pretend to be my own personal life-coach. Sounds so silly, right?! And yet, it seems similar to aspects of mindfulness practice. I apologize that I have not been commenting for a long time, nor even following as much as I had been; I always feel like I have so much I want to say and then I think, "What's the point?" You already have so many fabulous followers with great comments... (Yeah, I wouldn't let that fly from any of my friends either but you inspire me to push my comfort zone a little and be open about something I've been struggling with both here and in life.) Losing one's 'voice' must be significant for anyone but I think it is especially so for writers and similar. I wonder, does this sometimes happen to you?
Detachment and flexibility. We don't know what we don't know and when we move on, opportunities emerge. The world offers so much even if you aren't a world traveler. Don't stand on your own lead.
I've told myself that this year there will be no resolutions because I never keep them. What I have instead is a great debt that I owe myself. And it must be paid in full. I may fail. It may work out differently than I plan. Probably will. But I owe, and I'm really good at paying for things. I think that's going to be my way of detaching and managing myself in the coming year.
i'm sorry you're in pain , i can feel that i don't know. you are capable of doing a lottt just when you feel it's right set your goals and start. i've been feeling depressed for more than a week now not being able to do anything or focusing and really start studing for my finals which are in less that 2 weeks from now. i have an idea why i'm feeling like that but at the same time i don't, i just lose focus and think of nothing. i love dentistry and that is definitely not the reason . anw i hope things get better for everyone and for you frank.
Maybe it’s just because I’m on winter break and I’ve all but dropped out of society to play video games, but I feel like in the latter part of the video, you’re basically asking me what I’d do if I was controlling a Sim version of myself. Speaking from past experience, the answer would probably be “cheat so I have lots of money, build a gigantic house, and fight all my neighbors.” Sadly, those are all things I don’t think I’ll be doing in real life. 😂 I stayed in my childhood bedroom over the holidays, and on the white board on my wall, there was a quote by FDR that I’d copied down back in high school. “Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” I think that quote still sums up the motivating factors in my life so well. I’m fine with a simple or even “mediocre” (in the eyes of others) life as long as I’m achieving some demonstrable good and am creatively fulfilled. I’m stubborn enough to know that I will refuse to settle and peace out of a situation if I don’t feel like those things are happening, even if it’s difficult or takes time. To quote my girl Fiona Apple (really drawing from diverse sources today), “I’m good at being uncomfortable, so I can’t stop changing all the time.”
Nour Naji Ayyy, there ya go. 💪🏻 Working and going to school at the same time is hard! What’s sad about me is that I’m a teacher, not a student, and I still have no motivation to get stuff done. 😂 But this video did inspire me to put on real clothes instead of pajamas and actually catch up on grading/clean the dumpster fire that is my classroom, so yayyyy. 👏🏻
really enjoyed your comment... & nice FDR quote... i think the real truth kernel is in the latter part... that the effort is the most important part & is its own achievement...
I don't feel I've ever settled for less. I've always done what I want or what I thought was best or some combination of the two. I am 44. I live, learn and love and that's not settling for less. That's life. I am always doing what I think is best for me and my daughters and others as well at times. I think spiritually from different perspectives and make the best decisions for myself and others. No one should be making you try to second guess yourself. Tell them to eff off. Your goals should be yours alone, no one should be telling you what your goals should be. No one has the same tastes, beliefs, desires and dreams and that's as it should be. I don't make resolutions. I never really have. If I want to reach a goal, I will work on that. It's not usually new year related.
Season's greetings Frank! Hmm, I think part of me is incapable of settling. I get depressed just thinking I would. Of course, no judgment for the ones who do. Part of it is a matter of life view. Thanks for the food for thought. Best regards
I think a way I’ve settled is almost counterintuitive; that somehow where I am isn’t good enough, that I need to keep working to do better, become better, be better. I’ve had times where I’ve been in a bad job, bad relationship, etc a little (or a lot) too long and had to make realize I deserve more. Right now I’m having to look at my situation and what others think and define for myself what that situation means for me; if I don’t reach this goal does it define my worth? The answer is no. Also I’ve always been “moving,” what can I learn about myself from being still? So I have no New Years resolution (that I wouldn’t stick to anyway). I have no goals, realizing I will accomplish more than nothing but nowhere close to perfection and I’m going to try to let myself be ok with that. Lol
@@qu0thraven yeah that's where my thoughts also went... sometimes it's acceptance & learning to enjoy things & not about "settling." perhaps if it feels good & positive, then one may be more in acceptance mode...as opposed to if it feels more bad & unsatisfying, then maybe it's more "settling"...i think it will be pretty clear to a person which they are in....
I agree. I guess my situation involves both. It’s a long story but part of me feels like I’m settling by not moving forward, another part tells me that it is not about settling but accepting myself.
Sometimes it is only by accepting oneself, and truly acknowledging the parameters of one's circumstances, that we can move forward. And sometimes perhaps we need to be in a relative rest state before we can make a push. And I think as Frank suggested, we need a certain focus and confidence in ourselves to make that advancement a successful one, no matter the material outcome.
Hi Frank, I enjoy your videos very much it has taught about INFJ's a lot, I am an INFP but have a cousin who is an INFJ. He is a wonderful man married for 33 years to a nasty narcissistic woman, but he seems to have settled, you should see the way she belittles him. How can I convince him to leave her, they don't even love each other any more, he's afraid of her response all the time. I want him to be happy, and what you said really hit a nerve, thank you Frank...Maria
Umm.. yeah, well... I've been told that I'm "capable of so much more" so often and that I'm a "wise" person for so long! So I "settled" in my life and I always have this gut feeling that there is MORE to life! It ALWAYS sits in me! Oh, when it if I "manage someone".. I put ALL of me into something! It's like a walking ME walking around! I've "sponged" it all! What's wrong with me?? Oh, I never make new years resolutions. I just "resolve" to work on something better for the upcoming year and work on it over the course of the upcoming months and year.
I think its too easy to look at someone else and say they settled. But we don't really know that. Happiness and fulfillment are defined by different things by each person. I know people that are happy working at McDonalds because they don't like the pressure of other jobs, and they like having time for their family. I know other people that would be miserable working at any type of restaurant, their lives are defined by the work they do. And that is what makes them happy.
Don't Ever settle, Settling sounds like Fate, It's a Prison. Forever keep searching, keep wondering and wandering. I don't ever want to stay. That way I belong to no one and nothing. I don't doubt you. Doubting is very judgy. Thank You for the video and advice! And for making us frisky ponies. I like it! ♡
Thank you for this talk and perspective. I really need this one today for what I been feeling lately. I feel you just helped me to release my imaginary tethers. Thank you....
FRANK...DO NOT MAKE ANY RESOLUTIONS YET. If You never listen to another thing in Your life You've got to listen to this. Those two times that You felt better than normal....I'm going to touch on that. This is totally surreal to Me. This is NOT a BIG DEAL, but You WERE RIGHT, BEFORE and there IS an "other hand" since Were nature. So AT THE SAME TIME, ITS A VERY BIG DEAL, BECAUSE ITS OUR MINDS, & ITS OUR LIVES. If ANYTHING had happened different, at any time, within those two Years leading up to being forced to surrender Your will, then everything could be different now, as You would have done different. (We only KNOW "instant everything", though, & don't understand the concept of a process, OR how to follow through or to maintain anything). I've been watching the patterns on Your channel for months & trying to get through. I've got FAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR too much into this to screw it up now. (MY LIFE. I have LIVED THIS on a scale COMPLETELY & TOTALLY UNHEARD OF, FULL BORE, IN HYPERDRIVE to finally get what WORKS & just be DONE, and have never even FOUND anyone else TRYING. Each time that We do the "regroup" as to keep going it builds up and effects us long term. Have You ever thought about what the "will" is, which We can use to either push & force, OR surrender it and change the state of the CNS for LIFE, or oven short term to lesser degrees over, & over, & over, and also what's happening in the body & mind when We do this? Remember, its NOT a BIG DEAL. How about "spirit" levels? I remember being stronger & smarter as a kid & watching the depression come in in perfect correlation to being told what I wanted, being taught, vs allowed to learn, and not knowing exactly what I wanted, but We can't speak to say what We mean). I'm not TALKING about spirituality or psychology, & our "healing". I mean simply getting strong again & returning to our natural state and undoing the problems and being happy, though the rest of the world "does what we're supposed to" as individuals and the world continues to get WORSE. I also did this because I watched the "infj" stuff along, w/ other things, coming on and I, TOO, knew that I was capable of far more and that "what's done can be undone". And I'm NOT who You'll HEAR speaking, & there IS no way to DO THIS. WE ALL HEAR THE SAME, though WE can't realize it. REMEMBER, I was interpreting things per BIO/NATURE & COMMON SENSE on My 20 year mission w/ not only doctors & healers, but ALSO the pioneers, & engineers, & biological researcher, and the times that You felt "better than 'normal'" or "better than Your self", FOR A FEW DAYS....THAT is the state that I'd told the doctors, healers, etc. about for 20 years. NO ONE EVER KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. These answers that You were finally forced to do when You DID AT LEAST KNOW that You were capable of far more, couldn't get what You needed & got the same answers for 2 nearly years that I got for 20, in 10 states & 3 countries, and from everyone that I'd ever TRIED to speak to, but I HAD A DIFFERENT INTENTION THAN EVERYONE ELSE WHEN THEY HAVE A PROBLEM, and while I WAS THE "FJ" and NOT BEING A "QUEAKY WHEEL" OR DOING OR SAYING WHAT OTHERS DO & ENDED UP REPEATING THE SAME PATTERNS OVER & OVER & HEALING ONE THING ONLY TO GET ANOTHER WHICH HAPPENS W/ THESE "INFJ" TYPE THINGS....then You were pushed to the point of anger, and ended up not feeling like Yourself, not knowing what You wanted, etc.....THAT is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER from these answers and "MANNING UP" and trying to FORCE to do what EVERYONE ELSE DOES since THEY CAN'T HEAR US, (THEN WE CAN'T EITHER, INDEFINITELY, & DO THE SAME THINGS ONCE WE DO THE ANSWERS), and feeling bad about being depressed, etc., and the more We slow down & ELIMINATE the things We're supposed to do, the more We can see it. ITS HARD THOUGH BECAUSE WE AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT WE THINK WE WANT, AND WE'RE HEAR TOGETHER AND EVERYONE IS ALWAYS FOCUSED ON US, AS WELL & TRYING TO STOP US IF WE THINK FOR OURSELVES & DO WHAT WE WANT, & WE'RE RESPOSIBLE FOR THEM & THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR US, SINCE WE'RE STILL REPEATING THE SAME PROGRAMS FROM CHILDHOOD & ARE FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF US ALL BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR JUST ONE PERSON. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEPRESSED WHEN WE CAN'T GET WHAT WE NEED AND CA'T SPEAK, NOT just do what everyone else does willingly and doesn't WANT better for themselves, then NOT EVEN SEE THAT WE'RE NOT DOING WHAT WE WANTED and are accommodating everyone ELSE while We're DOING the answers & doing what THEY wanted for us to do, & "helping" them while they help US to remain STUCK in the same patterns & never being IN-dependent while doing the answers. WE DON'T HELP EACH OTHER, WE HELP OUR SELVES. (I'm SORRY. I KNOW that its not "nice", & I didn't SAY that I don't LIKE everyone else but I'm not THEM & the REALITY is that EVERYTHING that EVERYONE does, INCLUDING ourselves is because of HOW IT FEELS, & I remember thinking that as a kid, and dumbing down to adapt & survive, & I want MY life back). Do You remember as kids every one spoke in limitations, ("no" & "cant"), and also, when We spoke reality, We were told, "don't say that"? (I thought "why not, its just REAL"). NOW its "don't say that, You'll create Your reality", which is NOT TRUE. THAT is what it LOOKS like because We're dumbed down and can't see beyond the surface and We listen to everyone ELSE who is in the already dumbed down state of consciousness and who interprets everything, including the biology of belief backwards. MY answer to the biology of belief is "DON'T BELIEVE....LEARN, for REAL & KNOW". Also, every time something happens that We don't UNDERSTAND or recognize We think the instant thoughts that We're conditioned w/ like its something creepy, and We punish our SELVES for making ourselves comfortable. (I'm NOT being WEIRD, You just don't understand WHY I'm saying what I'm saying yet. If We want for others to understand us, We have to give them a chance. Please bear with Me). Do You notice the common theme of immobilization and the only answers are TO REPEAT INSANTY, and DUMB OURSELVES BACK DOWN so We can TOLERATE IT and just find new ways to accommodate everyone else and not even SEE IT since We're NOT going to get what We need. I KNOW I'm "dumbed down". THEN when We get a little bit of hope or when something good happens to get our SPIRIT UP or when We finally feel GOOD, WE jump right into "instant adult" on autopilot, or as taught, and We try to start a life doing what We THINK WE WANT, without STOPPING FIRST to get back to ourselves and to get strong enough, and the same things happen again, OR We keep doing what We THINK We wanted for LIFE and keep lying to ourselves and TELLING ourselves that We're happy, which is what We all do unconsciously and We are speaking a different language than what We're really saying, rather than take the time to undo the conditioning and learn how to speak or to get the mind & body back in sync, which equals HOMEOSTASIS, so We'd be stronger. (Do You notice that whenever anyone is happy they can't HEAR)? That question that You asked, "HOW DO I TRUST MYSELF", in the video about CONTROLLING Your emotions, and "beating Yourself up" & giving Yourself some structure and discipline was a VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY good question. After You read this, please stop and think further. You WILL start feeling good over the next few days. SAVE IT FOR YOURSELF. FRANK...It took My entire life, but I have learned that We do different than what We LEARNED and would typically THINK to do, and our bodies would stop us on autopilot, then different things happen, and its NOTHING WEIRD OR CREEPY, but its REALLY GOOD. We won't DO IT because any time that We try to do anything DIFFERENT our bodies are still replaying the programs of fear of getting in trouble. And I need to reiterate that I am NOT ADVOCATING BIZARRE, BY ANY MEANS. If We even see ENOUGH information then We may just NOT READ the whole thing where the answers lie because its not FAMILIAR. Do You remember when I said that adults cause their own problems and think the answer is to TALK about them? That's what everyone does, and We can't see either to see the answers because it will seem WEIRD to whatever our bodies have adjusted to or the "current norm". Do You notice that You're speaking in solutions? But remember that We won't SEE the answers to things whenever We feel okay, & We'll defeat ourselves and waste more time doing what We THINK We wanted, so think further. Yes, its "both" & We'll not see and waste time when We're doing the answers and dumbing down FURTHER, AND when We're "ourselves". We're ALWAYS ourselves and there's all sorts of things happening that are defeating us, and We can't even talk about it to correct it because if We TALK about it, it sounds WEIRD to our egomaniacal minds and because We fear what We don't understand. I'll be back.
WE SPREAD OUR ATTENTION or CONSCIOUSNESS TOO THIN from all that We focus on and the information that We take in (and some process more than others), and We can't "see" or think further, or put enough time into things to do it until its done or to get strong FIRST before doing anything, and We can't THINK to see what We really wanted, and of course We can't get what We need because WE ARE HERE TOGETHER, and no one else helps THEM selves, and We THINK that We "know ourselves". I don't CARE about any of that stuff about the real self and the false self, but WE ARE all conditioned w/ the SAME "FALSE SELF". Notice when You try to speak Your not allowed, but when You finally do, it turns out EVERYONE ELSE is thinking the same things? WHENEVER ANYONE gets their spirit up they don't stop and they INSTANTLY do whatever feels comfortable by habit. WE DO, TOO. We CAN'T do what WE actually want because We have to break the patterns and the "fear", so to speak keeps us from seeing further. ALSO...We THINK & act, THINK & act, THINK & act. And EVERY time that something good happens or when We HEAR anything or "learn" as WE know, We instantly, on autopilot, tell others or We TEACH what We LEARNED from OUR already conditioned, faulty, adult perspective, and don't think further and ask what We DON'T KNOW. Remember the discussions about the biology of BELIEF? All We need to do is BELIEVE that We know something and We'll produce SOME of the life sustaining chemicals that promote homeostasis. We get our life sustaining chemicals produced from THINKING We know rather than from actually KNOWING & LEARNING. Do You notice that when You get an insight there's a charge in the BODY rather than the MIND? BELIEVING that We're good enough, smart, etc., is enough to change the body and make people receptive to us, & We only listen to the people who can speak well or who have their CNS in a state where they can speak w/ conviction. So everything that's being taught is wrong. Or it may be right ON THE ONE hand. But We lose the capacity to understand that just because one thing is right, it doesn't mean that something ELSE may be so as well. I'm TRYING to give You some answers, on the FUNDAMENTAL level, but I don't FEEL like doing it, and I'm NOT "good" like everyone else. I want to do what I want to do, and I will TELL YOU THAT. Do You notice that when We do something when We're already strong or when We WANT to, then We feel better or get stronger, but when We don't then We'll get weaker and produce chemicals that make us weaker or "Lose energy"? And our only answers are to tell each other to push & force rather than to do something FIRST and give what is required to make it EFFORTLESS. I can't get the CLARITY to explain it in a manner that You will understand. Its NOT that I'm weird or stupid. I'll get back to this when I can. Please remember to read the rest forgivingly. My mind is SO TIRED from NOT surrendering My will as much and from needing to manipulate My body & mind. Plus We have to spend SO much energy trying to write these things so that they can be understood. In reality, our mind "pick" too much at the punctuation & whatnot, and if We did NOT then We could learn that We don't even NEED to BE writing things and could just be like the ancients again and understand everything. I KNOW that sounds crazy. Its actually quite SIMPLE. We just don't understand things until We've had, or learned by the experience.
So on Christmas night I had to put a limit to the relationship I had with this person for almost a year, and he's supposed to enter a clinic rehab sometime the next week. I am starting my own 'rehab' through self development strategies to stop being what they call a 'care giver' - pretty name for codependent. Because I'm tough, and I never allow someone to become physical on me I didn't quite realize how emotional manipulation, and psychological strategies were actually keeping me taking in everything and giving, running on empty. So now my 2019 resolution's about taking care of myself, being selfish in a healthy way without becoming a jerk, and making sure I won't become prey to narcissistic behavior never the f*ck again - sorry for the language. I don't feel bad, I don't feel guilt or shame, and I don't hate him. I don't judge, if I had his childhood I'd be pretty messed up too, but it's all up to him to be humble and ask for professional help at this point. So after the breakup, I had this headache that made me want to jump through the ceiling, and the first thing I did was to get into this beautiful gym outside my apartment and subscribe to their fitness plan as I need to be stronger on a muscular level, mine's about as good as an 80 year old lady. So there you go, I've got plenty of work to do for 2019 and by now I'm just spending time with my family because no matter how difficult our relationship may be we don't know how much longer we have to hang out and get along together and deadlines, no matter what, set our priorities straight in life. Now I can't wait for this very ambitious professional project that starts January 9 that includes developing a career on Luxury Travel Advisory, and I worked myself hard to get it. It's a dream job for many people but I made it because I believed. And hard work can make up for whatever you think you're missing to be able to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams, it's true, I made it. Cheers for new beginnings.
Hey Mr. FJ, I just remembered a thing about settling, thing you mentioned, I remember back in high school I realized that the last semester of math I was going to fail and so I did, on purpose because I wanted to focus on other subjects, and so I failed math but then on the correctional exam, I was the first in points, not gonna lie, felt good man, sounds like a movie thing or a fictional story, but I swear it happened… Also, dat hair and beard are on point, man! Keep it up!
ha ha, thanks, Tin. Your story is pretty funny, a good illustration of focusing your attention on other things when you know you're gonna fail something anyway!
@@FrankJames You would not believe how furious the math professor was when she found out that I actually gave up on "her" subject, she took it so incredibly personal!
I had so much on my mind that I wanted to comment but typing midway I got carried away, cried a bit but nevermind. I feel legit feel every word you say in some of your videos, this is one of them. Thank you.
How about both, being satisfied with your actual situation yet having a vision to aim for and the will to accomplish it… we all fantasize about how better we could be, yet our fantasies are so far away, that when we look to ourselves we feel silly… The gap is way too big, therefore “move like the wind, its lullaby, sculpting mountains“, gradually and slowly but constant, only comparing yourself with the one you were yesterday. Don’t work yourself too hard and enjoy the moment yet make a sacrifice of that present for a better future
Whether you're primarily a slacker, and you're bad at everything, or an over-achiever who does everything well. If you're unhappy with who you are as a whole, you will feel the same results - like you're settling. Like you NEED to change something about yourself. Happiness dosen't FORCE change in you. It comes naturally.
I've settled for less many times, because there are things I wish that seem so impossible to get, things that I want and like that never happen or to be with someone I truly deeply love. It just seems that my INFJ way of feeling and seeing life is so out of reality... I feel what I want will never come true that I set and choose less or far away of what I really want. P.S: I love your new hair style!
This is exactly how I've been feeling this month. Ending 2018 and moving into 2019 with not settling!! Health issues has had me down and just settling for how I've been feeling. I had accepted it as my new "norm" ..not anymore!
hey frank! would be interested in a vid about the weird "hook up culture" that is modern dating. feel like i end up settling for short term things because no one is really interested in anything serious (or because people are too scared to). & there's inherently nothing wrong with that, except i am actually spending a lot of time & energy with people that i actually have a deeper connection with (& they share similar feelings) but it seems like there is this weird hesitancy to come across as interested in someone for the fear of appearing "clingy". there's also a hesitancy to put labels on anything so you go through these weird stages of "talking" or seeing each other quite a lot but not wanting to be exclusive for fear of getting hurt, and then you get hurt anyways. and when it ends you almost feel guilty for being sad about it because there was no real label, so it somehow shouldn't matter? i think we are in an age where we can be in contact with so many people that people become almost disposable. no one really wants to commit, yet we are statistically having less sex than the previous generation & have more reported feelings of loneliness. -- an infj gal tired of games
Before I even watch this Video: you are looking great! Edit: this was a very inspirational video and the end made me very happy for some reason :) hope you have a great 2019
I’m usually always depressed on some level so I’ve just learned to live with it. The political system we live in alone is plenty to be depressed about. I’ve gotten too WOKE if that’s possible. I’ve had to back off too much research.
I think it’s also fear of going out of your comfort zone; I speak from experience. So much time wasted tho, I didn’t want to settle for less and I searched and searched; but at least I am now where I should be even tho it’s ages later /:
YOU ARE ENOUGH. NEVER SETTLE. NEVER GIVE UP; LEVEL UP. What makes a mother lift up a vehicle that is crushing her child? Who sings that song "can you still call me Superman? itsi running through my head, the tune. not 3 doors down, or is it? Not Stone Temple Pilots Not STAIND,,,IT IS 3 DOORS DOWN! KRYPTONITE BE KRYPTONITE!
When we settle for less we are the horse with a stake in the ground; when we aim for more, we pull the stake out of the ground and roam free, transforming into the friskiest of frisky ponies. And that is the tea
Oh shit was this whole video actually just FJ giving himself a pep talk about how his Friskiest Ponies wall is good enough and he should keep doing it even though it makes him feel embarrassed?! Jk this is the pep talk I needed today, too. Much love!
![[UA] Team Vitality проти NAVI | IEM Cologne 2024](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wttO1zVRTC0/mqdefault.jpg)
I got to say FJ, the hair and beard combo game is on point my man!
I like the hair. So smooth and soft looking.
it really is
Tom Lansbury Yea FJ is just too cool 😎 and attractive. Lol
Should we do a haircare/beard-care video.. ..
I do have something to add here. Sometimes never settling, because you always see something better up ahead, can leave one never fulfilled and never really happy. Sometimes you need to look around and appreciate what you've got. Maybe what you're looking for is right in front of you. You're just too busy looking for something better to realize it.
Exactly. Remind's me what Dorothy went through in The Wizard of Oz. What she was looking for was always there. "There's no place like home."
I haven't ever been looking for "better". I haven't ever searched for anything. If it's something in my power, I work toward it. If it's not, it's in God's hands. I don't hunt or search. That's not my way. Life unfolds, it isn't hunted down.
Adults do not live in Oz or in movies, books or games. Our homes and lives are what we make them to be.
Lori M but if your in circumstances where you can hardly ever ever be happy a risk is worth it. Remember we as INFJs can have a epic fail and turn it into something remarkable and beautiful...
I believe the two aren't mutually exclusive. You can be mindful, practice graditude and continue to persue your passions.
Great point! I do think though that maybe he was talking more about striving to 'be' one's best rather than to 'do' (or have/acquire better)... but I could be wrong.
There's no way a frisky pony can stay tied to a small stake.
one of my worst fears relationship wise is settling for mediocrity or settling for someone i dont like where one/neither of us are happy. it just traps the two of you in a situation where neither of you are truly content and youre just pretending, i just think its one of the saddest and wasteful things
@@AndiLoveall I just believe in having friends and staying single. Relationships most of the time hurts
“What!? Are you new here? I don’t give concrete examples. It’s just not what I do.” 🤣🤣🤣Story of my life.
Great video, Frank James! Totally needed to hear this 🙏🏽💙
The part that resonated with me most was the idea of strategically settling in certain areas of life. Not sure why that was so mind-blowing, but it was.
My parents are chronic non-settlers, so I guess I was raised under the umbrella of “if you’re going to spend your time on something, you better be excelling at it”. From careers to hobbies to relationships to fitness...that’s exhausting.
I think I smell some checks and balances coming in 2019. Thanks for the lift, FJ.
Man this really resonates. I think a lot of us get a bit hung up on having this like “objective” view of ourselves and our abilities, when in reality that’s impossible since everything in life is ultimately subjective. So when you experience “failure” or any setbacks its easy to just settle and be like “Yeah I can’t do this, so I’m not even going to try” when that’s not really the case at all, since it might be that your best effort at something was better than another persons outcome. I mean, it’s all different for everyone and we just need to shake off the desire to judge our attempts at stuff and just take more risks and not attach our self worth to the outcomes of all these situations and you never know, but things might turn out great eventually!
Also that typeface on the “Friskiest Ponies”… classic 😂
Overthinkers. When i ask a question, I already know an answer, and have moved on 300 thoughts ago. We can and will out think ourselves out of anything.
I love how you mentioned that we attach our self-worth to the outcomes.
Wow that beard has me feeling.... Feelings.
Hahaha saame
Lmao!
Not settling is hard, nerve wracking, and usually drawn out. It may not bring you to exactly what you wanted, but I believe it ultimately brings peace of mind, in a place better than what you imagined. Where you end up is your choice, no one else's - only you know whether you've settled or reached a goal, and only your opinion about that matters.
"I could have been a contender!" but I woke up 18 minutes too late. Good message, FJ. It's not depressing. It had a positive spin so thanks. That 31st year look you've got going on is working for ya! Go out and slay the day, bruh!
This is Shia Labeouf “Just Do It” INFJ style! Thank you for the much needed nudge and not screaming at us! 😁💜
As someone who has certain circumstances that constrict me from pursuing the life that I really want; all I want to do sometimes is firmly yet politely tell people that if they have the chance to do what they always wanted to, they should do it. Don't ever settle for anything. Don't grow complacent, it'll only kill you on the inside. We only have this one life and we should live it the way we fancy. Don't let yourself stand in the way of your own happiness.
Thank you for this, Frank. Great video.
I agree. If you feel like you want more, GO FOR IT. And don't let ANYONE tell you, show you, or convince you differently!
On the other hand, If you feel compelled to settle, do that.
It all comes down to personal preference, imo.
That horse-stake metaphor was spot on. Thanks for this video, I was starting to feel unhappy with where I was, and recognised it was because I had settled in a life that wasn’t for me. Just recently I decided to pull the ‘stake a little harder’, and this video gave me that little bit more a push to get it completely out of the ground and go wherever I want! Love it!
PS, the facial hair is ace 👍
I agree, great metaphor indeed! Sometimes I feel like I am in shackles and chains but once again I am thinking, "maybe if I pull a little harder."
As an INFJ I feel like a lot of the times (like everyday) I need to remind myself that "mediocre" is OK too! (Also I think the word mediocre is horrible ;) But I get your point here, thank you for standing up for OUR GREAT POTENTIAL!!! And reminding us how pain, risk and failure are just natural parts of thinking big
I needed this message today. I've gotta push those ceilings and those barriers, all the way. Thanks, FJ 🙏
And what do you know? It rhymes. You're welcome.
FJ there must be a reason why I found your channel. Suprisingly you always talk about exactly what is on my mind. Do INFJs automatically synchronize somehow? Disillusioned about some part of life, I sobered up and kinda want to settle my life as it is now, while at the same time having doubts in mind. You are right. I should not be caught in the moments and let failures affect my big decisions. Thanks FJ!
Thank you, Frank. Even if I am stuck right now. I feel within me there is hope. Hope for something amazing. I can’t accept giving up.
This one hit close to home.. thanks for the word. Great message
Thank you for this message Frank, it was very apropos to what's going on in my life right now. You're right I think we do settle sometimes because it's like you said society forces us to just keep going without taking the time to be really introspective. It's like we're forced to just memorize information without being analytical about it throughout school and then they throw you into the world. It really makes you question everything, at times everything you believe and thought was true until you pull the curtain back like in the Wizard of Oz and see that everything is smoke and mirrors. It might take more time to be at a position in life that you really want to be, but it's worth it, why settle? (Rhetorical question) 😉
And that’s why I love you , it’s like you’re a friend talking to me, making actual change in my life ..how great is that!
Only FJ can deliver a video with a serious topic, and still make it humorous. I can have hopeful thoughts of the future, while being entertained with his jokes and endearing mannerisms. Just graduated from college this December and hoping to get my dream job. Afraid of settling just to make ends meet. Nothing beats doing what you were created to do. I believe that’s where true satisfaction in life begins.
Although we're strangers I've found myself regularly hoping that you're feeling better. You appear to be on a healing path. Sending positive energy your way...
Your videography is growing in entertainment value and as usual enticing intellectual food for thought keep up the good work FJ!
“You are way more capable of accomplishing great things than you think you are.” YES!!!! That goes for you, too!!! Whenever you get that feeling of, “meh, I don’t feel like doing *insert mild task here* right now...” kick yourself in the butt and tell yourself that you’re wasting your potential!! Stop coming up with excuses and start coming up with solutions. 2018 is about to finally be over 😅. Ain’t nothin’ gonna drag me down in 2019!! 💪🏼💪🏼 And if it does, I’ll come back swingin’ 🥊. Happy Friday!
+Andi Loveall I hear you! I think people who are always that negative are threatened by you in some way. Just a bunch of negative Nancy’s bringing down the vibe! 🙅🏼♀️
I naturally do what you advice in the video ever since I remember. I just visualize in my mind that I achieve a goal - let it be anything, a master's degree, a job, a new skill - and if I am really committed then I find a way to work it out. Most of the time I work so hard that I come out of the situation with an outstanding result and with great satisfaction. I think I never did this on purpose it just came somehow but it always worked for me. If I can imagine it, I can reach it, haha, I sound like a cheap life coach. 😅 I guess it has something to do with my ENFJ personality though. And I encourage all the others along the way, of course! Thanks for the awesome content again, I am so glad I have found your channel.
I... Well... just thank you for that. This Video was sent by the universe because you just said the right words! I needed to force myself to take the leap of faith and risk possible failure. I knew it is a step dad needs to be done but I was too afraid. Thanks Frank')
It can be not having a specific vision for one's life that leads to settling. But it can also be having an unrealistic one too and being too idealistic. And refusing to let go of it. I think this can lead to hiding away from reality and just entering into this fantasy existance where you have the life you imagine and being disconnected with the actual reality. Because the reality is so painful to face. I do agree though that we need to just go all out for it in a few areas of our lives, and learn to face the reality in others. I don't really consider this settling as much as facing and embracing one's new reality so they don't keep falling off emotional cliffs when certain things just never happen. The key is to strike a balance between knowing when to go all in for certain things and never give up, but also waving the white flag of surrender on others and saying, there is probably a 90% chance this will never happen. But if it doesn't I will still be okay because I've balanced my life out in other areas. And yes, we are stronger and capable of much more than we think. This includes you too. What inside you is longing to get out in a way that makes your life sustainable for the sake of your own physical and emotional stability? As NF types, I've discovered that redefining what we consider long term sustainability is the key to our emotional stability. I know I am not an infj but I think it still applies. Surrendering in a few areas of life never means we are giving up on life in general. It just means we are finally balancing our idealism with realism. Having both in a healthy ratio is where the magic is.
Wow, this was a really insightful comment, thanks for taking the time to write it out, man. You were able to put into words the feelings and thoughts I was still trying to identify.
@@solarcatt Thanks so much for your response :) Glad I could help!
I never doubt you, FJ. I'm trying to stay cool and attractive. LOL My husband and I laughed about how some Christmas songs...with kids, are just weird. "Grandma Got run over by A Reindeer" and "Santa Baby" and also "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"....unfortunately our 5 year old daughter has been heard in her room singing "Santa Baby"....Oops.
what is wrong with the younger generation these days
Everytime i feel down , i watch your video , and just look at your video, you cheer me up again. Something magical in here
Settling. FJ,. For me, settling is the fear of Risk, to Reward, for the effort. I fall into “ this is good enough” thinking. You are so on point. We are capable of much more than we give yourselves credit for. Question for me becomes, When and on what do I push past that wall?. For sure, it’s usually gratifying to push yourself. But, I don’t think it’s needed or even healthy choice to push on everything. Guess I need to “push on” my ability to see the difference. After all, if you’re happy,....so to speak, most of the time,... isn’t THAT, good decision making?.... Happy New Year. Thanks for your honest sharing and insights.
Good points! Esp. about knowing when and where to push... and why with the risk / reward ratio.
For me, with my idealism and perfectionist tendencies in a world where "good enough" seemed the motto and excuse of not merely the mediocre but the sub-par - basically a cop out - It has been enormously helpful to retrain myself that sometimes "good enough" really is just that. :)
Great way to explain it with the horse..Makes sense!
I’m settling for less stress in my life ;D
FJ: Are you getting depressed yet? Are you sad yet?
Me: Oh, Frank, I’m always sad
Vision without action is daydream
Action without vision is nightmare
- Japanese proverb
Since no one is perfect, and no one can be (since we're ALL flawed), there will be certain things we should settle for in life, and certain things we should strive to change or achieve.
I think the trick for the most happiness in life is learning which aspects of life these are for YOU. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your SO.
FOR YOU!
Find the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to tell the difference...and all that.
Thanks so much for the pep talk. As always, very insightful. You're a cool human, Frank, definitely one of my favorite people. 😄
Glad to see that it seems like you're doing better today too! Keep up the good work!
Hey Frank, Just one pony here who hasn't been feeling so frisky of late. Einstein, while obviously a superstar was famously terrible at personal relationships; so perhaps there is something to what you say. While I agree that most of us are probably capable of so much more than we realize, perhaps there are also those who know their potential but may be facing significant obstacles. Additionally, I think it is possible to consciously live a meaningful and satisfying existence within the realm of the mundane; perhaps sometimes it is more about whatever you bring to wherever you are. We can't all be rockstars like you, man! ;)
You're on point with a degree of detachment enabling achievement. I am not sure it is all about the risk though. Additionally, it might have to do with perspective, objectivity, motivation, and yes also risk. Sometimes I can fake myself out and pretend I am doing work for someone else to help keep from getting stuck. Applying this in a broader sense, I have sometimes found it helpful to sort of pretend to be my own personal life-coach. Sounds so silly, right?! And yet, it seems similar to aspects of mindfulness practice.
I apologize that I have not been commenting for a long time, nor even following as much as I had been; I always feel like I have so much I want to say and then I think, "What's the point?" You already have so many fabulous followers with great comments... (Yeah, I wouldn't let that fly from any of my friends either but you inspire me to push my comfort zone a little and be open about something I've been struggling with both here and in life.) Losing one's 'voice' must be significant for anyone but I think it is especially so for writers and similar. I wonder, does this sometimes happen to you?
The part about having yourself run someone else’s life... brilliant!
Patterns are learned and can be unlearned. The Hoffman Process might be an interesting pick on this topic. …love your metaphors here James.
Detachment and flexibility. We don't know what we don't know and when we move on, opportunities emerge. The world offers so much even if you aren't a world traveler. Don't stand on your own lead.
I've told myself that this year there will be no resolutions because I never keep them. What I have instead is a great debt that I owe myself. And it must be paid in full. I may fail. It may work out differently than I plan. Probably will. But I owe, and I'm really good at paying for things. I think that's going to be my way of detaching and managing myself in the coming year.
i'm sorry you're in pain , i can feel that i don't know. you are capable of doing a lottt just when you feel it's right set your goals and start. i've been feeling depressed for more than a week now not being able to do anything or focusing and really start studing for my finals which are in less that 2 weeks from now. i have an idea why i'm feeling like that but at the same time i don't, i just lose focus and think of nothing. i love dentistry and that is definitely not the reason . anw i hope things get better for everyone and for you frank.
I hope both of you feel better. 🌻
Yes! That´s the way I like to see my FJ guy! Life is about growing, making mistakes, learning from them. Thats it!
Yes! That was an important take away here too; mistakes and failures are just all part of the process.
Maybe it’s just because I’m on winter break and I’ve all but dropped out of society to play video games, but I feel like in the latter part of the video, you’re basically asking me what I’d do if I was controlling a Sim version of myself. Speaking from past experience, the answer would probably be “cheat so I have lots of money, build a gigantic house, and fight all my neighbors.” Sadly, those are all things I don’t think I’ll be doing in real life. 😂
I stayed in my childhood bedroom over the holidays, and on the white board on my wall, there was a quote by FDR that I’d copied down back in high school. “Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of creative effort.” I think that quote still sums up the motivating factors in my life so well. I’m fine with a simple or even “mediocre” (in the eyes of others) life as long as I’m achieving some demonstrable good and am creatively fulfilled. I’m stubborn enough to know that I will refuse to settle and peace out of a situation if I don’t feel like those things are happening, even if it’s difficult or takes time. To quote my girl Fiona Apple (really drawing from diverse sources today), “I’m good at being uncomfortable, so I can’t stop changing all the time.”
Nour Naji Ayyy, there ya go. 💪🏻 Working and going to school at the same time is hard! What’s sad about me is that I’m a teacher, not a student, and I still have no motivation to get stuff done. 😂 But this video did inspire me to put on real clothes instead of pajamas and actually catch up on grading/clean the dumpster fire that is my classroom, so yayyyy. 👏🏻
really enjoyed your comment... & nice FDR quote... i think the real truth kernel is in the latter part... that the effort is the most important part & is its own achievement...
I don't feel I've ever settled for less. I've always done what I want or what I thought was best or some combination of the two. I am 44. I live, learn and love and that's not settling for less. That's life. I am always doing what I think is best for me and my daughters and others as well at times. I think spiritually from different perspectives and make the best decisions for myself and others. No one should be making you try to second guess yourself. Tell them to eff off.
Your goals should be yours alone, no one should be telling you what your goals should be. No one has the same tastes, beliefs, desires and dreams and that's as it should be.
I don't make resolutions. I never really have. If I want to reach a goal, I will work on that. It's not usually new year related.
Season's greetings Frank!
Hmm, I think part of me is incapable of settling. I get depressed just thinking I would. Of course, no judgment for the ones who do. Part of it is a matter of life view.
Thanks for the food for thought.
Best regards
4:32 Haha! I love your rhetorical quips to imagined complaints.
What a goof.
Hahaha.
Love it.
I think a way I’ve settled is almost counterintuitive; that somehow where I am isn’t good enough, that I need to keep working to do better, become better, be better.
I’ve had times where I’ve been in a bad job, bad relationship, etc a little (or a lot) too long and had to make realize I deserve more.
Right now I’m having to look at my situation and what others think and define for myself what that situation means for me; if I don’t reach this goal does it define my worth? The answer is no.
Also I’ve always been “moving,” what can I learn about myself from being still?
So I have no New Years resolution (that I wouldn’t stick to anyway). I have no goals, realizing I will accomplish more than nothing but nowhere close to perfection and I’m going to try to let myself be ok with that. Lol
Acceptance is powerful, next-level stuff in itself. I don't think that is the same thing as 'settling.'
@@qu0thraven yeah that's where my thoughts also went... sometimes it's acceptance & learning to enjoy things & not about "settling." perhaps if it feels good & positive, then one may be more in acceptance mode...as opposed to if it feels more bad & unsatisfying, then maybe it's more "settling"...i think it will be pretty clear to a person which they are in....
I agree. I guess my situation involves both. It’s a long story but part of me feels like I’m settling by not moving forward, another part tells me that it is not about settling but accepting myself.
Sometimes it is only by accepting oneself, and truly acknowledging the parameters of one's circumstances, that we can move forward. And sometimes perhaps we need to be in a relative rest state before we can make a push. And I think as Frank suggested, we need a certain focus and confidence in ourselves to make that advancement a successful one, no matter the material outcome.
I like that, thanks quothraven
I love these deep conversations that open up in the comments. ❤️
It's like you and me have the same thoughts. Haha. I can totally relate with you.
Hi Frank, I enjoy your videos very much it has taught about INFJ's a lot, I am an INFP but have a cousin who is an INFJ. He is a wonderful man married for 33 years to a nasty narcissistic woman, but he seems to have settled, you should see the way she belittles him. How can I convince him to leave her, they don't even love each other any more, he's afraid of her response all the time. I want him to be happy, and what you said really hit a nerve, thank you Frank...Maria
Way to not settle for the supposed limits of an 8x11 paper. Little do they know you have an entire wall
Maaaaan you’re the best. Thanks for being you. I appreciate your videos, honesty and openness so much.
Umm.. yeah, well... I've been told that I'm "capable of so much more" so often and that I'm a "wise" person for so long!
So I "settled" in my life and I always have this gut feeling that there is MORE to life! It ALWAYS sits in me!
Oh, when it if I "manage someone".. I put ALL of me into something! It's like a walking ME walking around! I've "sponged" it all!
What's wrong with me??
Oh, I never make new years resolutions. I just "resolve" to work on something better for the upcoming year and work on it over the course of the upcoming months and year.
The pep talk I didn't know I needed! Thanks, FJ 👍
Yayyy nice new vid! Happy vibes across the global interwebs. Keep it up mate
OmG. Not the horse again. Lol, I have overheared the horse. XD But its amazing.
I think its too easy to look at someone else and say they settled. But we don't really know that. Happiness and fulfillment are defined by different things by each person. I know people that are happy working at McDonalds because they don't like the pressure of other jobs, and they like having time for their family. I know other people that would be miserable working at any type of restaurant, their lives are defined by the work they do. And that is what makes them happy.
This was a hard one to get through. But we did it. Now we can all settle... down
Thank you. ..just, thanks.
Don't Ever settle, Settling sounds like Fate, It's a Prison. Forever keep searching, keep wondering and wandering. I don't ever want to stay. That way I belong to no one and nothing.
I don't doubt you. Doubting is very judgy. Thank You for the video and advice! And for making us frisky ponies. I like it! ♡
Thank you for this talk and perspective. I really need this one today for what I been feeling lately. I feel you just helped me to release my imaginary tethers. Thank you....
FRANK...DO NOT MAKE ANY RESOLUTIONS YET. If You never listen to another thing in Your life You've got to listen to this. Those two times that You felt better than normal....I'm going to touch on that. This is totally surreal to Me. This is NOT a BIG DEAL, but You WERE RIGHT, BEFORE and there IS an "other hand" since Were nature. So AT THE SAME TIME, ITS A VERY BIG DEAL, BECAUSE ITS OUR MINDS, & ITS OUR LIVES. If ANYTHING had happened different, at any time, within those two Years leading up to being forced to surrender Your will, then everything could be different now, as You would have done different. (We only KNOW "instant everything", though, & don't understand the concept of a process, OR how to follow through or to maintain anything). I've been watching the patterns on Your channel for months & trying to get through. I've got FAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR too much into this to screw it up now. (MY LIFE. I have LIVED THIS on a scale COMPLETELY & TOTALLY UNHEARD OF, FULL BORE, IN HYPERDRIVE to finally get what WORKS & just be DONE, and have never even FOUND anyone else TRYING. Each time that We do the "regroup" as to keep going it builds up and effects us long term. Have You ever thought about what the "will" is, which We can use to either push & force, OR surrender it and change the state of the CNS for LIFE, or oven short term to lesser degrees over, & over, & over, and also what's happening in the body & mind when We do this? Remember, its NOT a BIG DEAL. How about "spirit" levels? I remember being stronger & smarter as a kid & watching the depression come in in perfect correlation to being told what I wanted, being taught, vs allowed to learn, and not knowing exactly what I wanted, but We can't speak to say what We mean). I'm not TALKING about spirituality or psychology, & our "healing". I mean simply getting strong again & returning to our natural state and undoing the problems and being happy, though the rest of the world "does what we're supposed to" as individuals and the world continues to get WORSE. I also did this because I watched the "infj" stuff along, w/ other things, coming on and I, TOO, knew that I was capable of far more and that "what's done can be undone". And I'm NOT who You'll HEAR speaking, & there IS no way to DO THIS. WE ALL HEAR THE SAME, though WE can't realize it. REMEMBER, I was interpreting things per BIO/NATURE & COMMON SENSE on My 20 year mission w/ not only doctors & healers, but ALSO the pioneers, & engineers, & biological researcher, and the times that You felt "better than 'normal'" or "better than Your self", FOR A FEW DAYS....THAT is the state that I'd told the doctors, healers, etc. about for 20 years. NO ONE EVER KNEW WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. These answers that You were finally forced to do when You DID AT LEAST KNOW that You were capable of far more, couldn't get what You needed & got the same answers for 2 nearly years that I got for 20, in 10 states & 3 countries, and from everyone that I'd ever TRIED to speak to, but I HAD A DIFFERENT INTENTION THAN EVERYONE ELSE WHEN THEY HAVE A PROBLEM, and while I WAS THE "FJ" and NOT BEING A "QUEAKY WHEEL" OR DOING OR SAYING WHAT OTHERS DO & ENDED UP REPEATING THE SAME PATTERNS OVER & OVER & HEALING ONE THING ONLY TO GET ANOTHER WHICH HAPPENS W/ THESE "INFJ" TYPE THINGS....then You were pushed to the point of anger, and ended up not feeling like Yourself, not knowing what You wanted, etc.....THAT is EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS OVER & OVER & OVER & OVER from these answers and "MANNING UP" and trying to FORCE to do what EVERYONE ELSE DOES since THEY CAN'T HEAR US, (THEN WE CAN'T EITHER, INDEFINITELY, & DO THE SAME THINGS ONCE WE DO THE ANSWERS), and feeling bad about being depressed, etc., and the more We slow down & ELIMINATE the things We're supposed to do, the more We can see it. ITS HARD THOUGH BECAUSE WE AUTOMATICALLY DO WHAT WE THINK WE WANT, AND WE'RE HEAR TOGETHER AND EVERYONE IS ALWAYS FOCUSED ON US, AS WELL & TRYING TO STOP US IF WE THINK FOR OURSELVES & DO WHAT WE WANT, & WE'RE RESPOSIBLE FOR THEM & THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR US, SINCE WE'RE STILL REPEATING THE SAME PROGRAMS FROM CHILDHOOD & ARE FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF US ALL BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR JUST ONE PERSON. WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEPRESSED WHEN WE CAN'T GET WHAT WE NEED AND CA'T SPEAK, NOT just do what everyone else does willingly and doesn't WANT better for themselves, then NOT EVEN SEE THAT WE'RE NOT DOING WHAT WE WANTED and are accommodating everyone ELSE while We're DOING the answers & doing what THEY wanted for us to do, & "helping" them while they help US to remain STUCK in the same patterns & never being IN-dependent while doing the answers. WE DON'T HELP EACH OTHER, WE HELP OUR SELVES. (I'm SORRY. I KNOW that its not "nice", & I didn't SAY that I don't LIKE everyone else but I'm not THEM & the REALITY is that EVERYTHING that EVERYONE does, INCLUDING ourselves is because of HOW IT FEELS, & I remember thinking that as a kid, and dumbing down to adapt & survive, & I want MY life back). Do You remember as kids every one spoke in limitations, ("no" & "cant"), and also, when We spoke reality, We were told, "don't say that"? (I thought "why not, its just REAL"). NOW its "don't say that, You'll create Your reality", which is NOT TRUE. THAT is what it LOOKS like because We're dumbed down and can't see beyond the surface and We listen to everyone ELSE who is in the already dumbed down state of consciousness and who interprets everything, including the biology of belief backwards. MY answer to the biology of belief is "DON'T BELIEVE....LEARN, for REAL & KNOW". Also, every time something happens that We don't UNDERSTAND or recognize We think the instant thoughts that We're conditioned w/ like its something creepy, and We punish our SELVES for making ourselves comfortable. (I'm NOT being WEIRD, You just don't understand WHY I'm saying what I'm saying yet. If We want for others to understand us, We have to give them a chance. Please bear with Me). Do You notice the common theme of immobilization and the only answers are TO REPEAT INSANTY, and DUMB OURSELVES BACK DOWN so We can TOLERATE IT and just find new ways to accommodate everyone else and not even SEE IT since We're NOT going to get what We need. I KNOW I'm "dumbed down". THEN when We get a little bit of hope or when something good happens to get our SPIRIT UP or when We finally feel GOOD, WE jump right into "instant adult" on autopilot, or as taught, and We try to start a life doing what We THINK WE WANT, without STOPPING FIRST to get back to ourselves and to get strong enough, and the same things happen again, OR We keep doing what We THINK We wanted for LIFE and keep lying to ourselves and TELLING ourselves that We're happy, which is what We all do unconsciously and We are speaking a different language than what We're really saying, rather than take the time to undo the conditioning and learn how to speak or to get the mind & body back in sync, which equals HOMEOSTASIS, so We'd be stronger. (Do You notice that whenever anyone is happy they can't HEAR)? That question that You asked, "HOW DO I TRUST MYSELF", in the video about CONTROLLING Your emotions, and "beating Yourself up" & giving Yourself some structure and discipline was a VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY good question. After You read this, please stop and think further. You WILL start feeling good over the next few days. SAVE IT FOR YOURSELF. FRANK...It took My entire life, but I have learned that We do different than what We LEARNED and would typically THINK to do, and our bodies would stop us on autopilot, then different things happen, and its NOTHING WEIRD OR CREEPY, but its REALLY GOOD. We won't DO IT because any time that We try to do anything DIFFERENT our bodies are still replaying the programs of fear of getting in trouble. And I need to reiterate that I am NOT ADVOCATING BIZARRE, BY ANY MEANS. If We even see ENOUGH information then We may just NOT READ the whole thing where the answers lie because its not FAMILIAR. Do You remember when I said that adults cause their own problems and think the answer is to TALK about them? That's what everyone does, and We can't see either to see the answers because it will seem WEIRD to whatever our bodies have adjusted to or the "current norm". Do You notice that You're speaking in solutions? But remember that We won't SEE the answers to things whenever We feel okay, & We'll defeat ourselves and waste more time doing what We THINK We wanted, so think further. Yes, its "both" & We'll not see and waste time when We're doing the answers and dumbing down FURTHER, AND when We're "ourselves". We're ALWAYS ourselves and there's all sorts of things happening that are defeating us, and We can't even talk about it to correct it because if We TALK about it, it sounds WEIRD to our egomaniacal minds and because We fear what We don't understand. I'll be back.
WE SPREAD OUR ATTENTION or CONSCIOUSNESS TOO THIN from all that We focus on and the information that We take in (and some process more than others), and We can't "see" or think further, or put enough time into things to do it until its done or to get strong FIRST before doing anything, and We can't THINK to see what We really wanted, and of course We can't get what We need because WE ARE HERE TOGETHER, and no one else helps THEM selves, and We THINK that We "know ourselves". I don't CARE about any of that stuff about the real self and the false self, but WE ARE all conditioned w/ the SAME "FALSE SELF". Notice when You try to speak Your not allowed, but when You finally do, it turns out EVERYONE ELSE is thinking the same things? WHENEVER ANYONE gets their spirit up they don't stop and they INSTANTLY do whatever feels comfortable by habit. WE DO, TOO. We CAN'T do what WE actually want because We have to break the patterns and the "fear", so to speak keeps us from seeing further. ALSO...We THINK & act, THINK & act, THINK & act. And EVERY time that something good happens or when We HEAR anything or "learn" as WE know, We instantly, on autopilot, tell others or We TEACH what We LEARNED from OUR already conditioned, faulty, adult perspective, and don't think further and ask what We DON'T KNOW. Remember the discussions about the biology of BELIEF? All We need to do is BELIEVE that We know something and We'll produce SOME of the life sustaining chemicals that promote homeostasis. We get our life sustaining chemicals produced from THINKING We know rather than from actually KNOWING & LEARNING. Do You notice that when You get an insight there's a charge in the BODY rather than the MIND? BELIEVING that We're good enough, smart, etc., is enough to change the body and make people receptive to us, & We only listen to the people who can speak well or who have their CNS in a state where they can speak w/ conviction. So everything that's being taught is wrong. Or it may be right ON THE ONE hand. But We lose the capacity to understand that just because one thing is right, it doesn't mean that something ELSE may be so as well. I'm TRYING to give You some answers, on the FUNDAMENTAL level, but I don't FEEL like doing it, and I'm NOT "good" like everyone else. I want to do what I want to do, and I will TELL YOU THAT. Do You notice that when We do something when We're already strong or when We WANT to, then We feel better or get stronger, but when We don't then We'll get weaker and produce chemicals that make us weaker or "Lose energy"? And our only answers are to tell each other to push & force rather than to do something FIRST and give what is required to make it EFFORTLESS. I can't get the CLARITY to explain it in a manner that You will understand. Its NOT that I'm weird or stupid. I'll get back to this when I can. Please remember to read the rest forgivingly. My mind is SO TIRED from NOT surrendering My will as much and from needing to manipulate My body & mind. Plus We have to spend SO much energy trying to write these things so that they can be understood. In reality, our mind "pick" too much at the punctuation & whatnot, and if We did NOT then We could learn that We don't even NEED to BE writing things and could just be like the ancients again and understand everything. I KNOW that sounds crazy. Its actually quite SIMPLE. We just don't understand things until We've had, or learned by the experience.
So on Christmas night I had to put a limit to the relationship I had with this person for almost a year, and he's supposed to enter a clinic rehab sometime the next week. I am starting my own 'rehab' through self development strategies to stop being what they call a 'care giver' - pretty name for codependent. Because I'm tough, and I never allow someone to become physical on me I didn't quite realize how emotional manipulation, and psychological strategies were actually keeping me taking in everything and giving, running on empty. So now my 2019 resolution's about taking care of myself, being selfish in a healthy way without becoming a jerk, and making sure I won't become prey to narcissistic behavior never the f*ck again - sorry for the language. I don't feel bad, I don't feel guilt or shame, and I don't hate him. I don't judge, if I had his childhood I'd be pretty messed up too, but it's all up to him to be humble and ask for professional help at this point. So after the breakup, I had this headache that made me want to jump through the ceiling, and the first thing I did was to get into this beautiful gym outside my apartment and subscribe to their fitness plan as I need to be stronger on a muscular level, mine's about as good as an 80 year old lady. So there you go, I've got plenty of work to do for 2019 and by now I'm just spending time with my family because no matter how difficult our relationship may be we don't know how much longer we have to hang out and get along together and deadlines, no matter what, set our priorities straight in life. Now I can't wait for this very ambitious professional project that starts January 9 that includes developing a career on Luxury Travel Advisory, and I worked myself hard to get it. It's a dream job for many people but I made it because I believed. And hard work can make up for whatever you think you're missing to be able to reach your goals and fulfill your dreams, it's true, I made it. Cheers for new beginnings.
I have a feeling that paper is gonna grow to have layers
Hey Mr. FJ, I just remembered a thing about settling, thing you mentioned, I remember back in high school I realized that the last semester of math I was going to fail and so I did, on purpose because I wanted to focus on other subjects, and so I failed math but then on the correctional exam, I was the first in points, not gonna lie, felt good man, sounds like a movie thing or a fictional story, but I swear it happened… Also, dat hair and beard are on point, man! Keep it up!
ha ha, thanks, Tin. Your story is pretty funny, a good illustration of focusing your attention on other things when you know you're gonna fail something anyway!
@@FrankJames You would not believe how furious the math professor was when she found out that I actually gave up on "her" subject, she took it so incredibly personal!
I had so much on my mind that I wanted to comment but typing midway I got carried away, cried a bit but nevermind. I feel legit feel every word you say in some of your videos, this is one of them. Thank you.
I hear you!
How about both, being satisfied with your actual situation yet having a vision to aim for and the will to accomplish it… we all fantasize about how better we could be, yet our fantasies are so far away, that when we look to ourselves we feel silly… The gap is way too big, therefore “move like the wind, its lullaby, sculpting mountains“, gradually and slowly but constant, only comparing yourself with the one you were yesterday.
Don’t work yourself too hard and enjoy the moment yet make a sacrifice of that present for a better future
So beautifully put!
Whether you're primarily a slacker, and you're bad at everything, or an over-achiever who does everything well.
If you're unhappy with who you are as a whole, you will feel the same results - like you're settling. Like you NEED to change something about yourself.
Happiness dosen't FORCE change in you. It comes naturally.
dang this is well stated. a lot of truth there.
Thanks, my favorite UA-camr
Why is there always so much guilt attached though??
Because we care too much.. and don't want to.
I've settled for less many times, because there are things I wish that seem so impossible to get, things that I want and like that never happen or to be with someone I truly deeply love. It just seems that my INFJ way of feeling and seeing life is so out of reality... I feel what I want will never come true that I set and choose less or far away of what I really want.
P.S: I love your new hair style!
~ The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for. ~ Maureen Dowd
resolutions are bs. every day is another chance to turn it around. but sadly most settle for less..
Concrete personal examples would feel less detached 🤣
On the one hand, these videos are well crafted and very good salves for the modern soul. On the other hand we see that we actually only have one hand.
This is exactly how I've been feeling this month. Ending 2018 and moving into 2019 with not settling!! Health issues has had me down and just settling for how I've been feeling. I had accepted it as my new "norm" ..not anymore!
Well said.
hey frank! would be interested in a vid about the weird "hook up culture" that is modern dating. feel like i end up settling for short term things because no one is really interested in anything serious (or because people are too scared to). & there's inherently nothing wrong with that, except i am actually spending a lot of time & energy with people that i actually have a deeper connection with (& they share similar feelings) but it seems like there is this weird hesitancy to come across as interested in someone for the fear of appearing "clingy". there's also a hesitancy to put labels on anything so you go through these weird stages of "talking" or seeing each other quite a lot but not wanting to be exclusive for fear of getting hurt, and then you get hurt anyways. and when it ends you almost feel guilty for being sad about it because there was no real label, so it somehow shouldn't matter? i think we are in an age where we can be in contact with so many people that people become almost disposable. no one really wants to commit, yet we are statistically having less sex than the previous generation & have more reported feelings of loneliness.
-- an infj gal tired of games
Before I even watch this Video: you are looking great!
Edit: this was a very inspirational video and the end made me very happy for some reason :) hope you have a great 2019
The hypnotic thumbnail caught my eye :D
Someday you should do a meet up that’s just a chill seminar circle with donuts and tea
I’m usually always depressed on some level so I’ve just learned to live with it. The political system we live in alone is plenty to be depressed about. I’ve gotten too WOKE if that’s possible. I’ve had to back off too much research.
I think it’s also fear of going out of your comfort zone; I speak from experience. So much time wasted tho, I didn’t want to settle for less and I searched and searched; but at least I am now where I should be even tho it’s ages later /:
Handsome as hell🤩🤩🤩🤩💞
Ahhhh I couldn't concentrate on what he is saying. He looks so handsome.
i'm not even an FJ , but i really like watching your videos. they help me a lot.
OMG FRANK can you make more videos like this? Thanks :)
I'm OK being average I'm comfortable and I'm happy
YOU ARE ENOUGH. NEVER SETTLE. NEVER GIVE UP; LEVEL UP. What makes a mother lift up a vehicle that is crushing her child? Who sings that song "can you still call me Superman? itsi running through my head, the tune. not 3 doors down, or is it? Not Stone Temple Pilots Not STAIND,,,IT IS 3 DOORS DOWN! KRYPTONITE BE KRYPTONITE!
My favorite video of yours by far, so far. Keep it going :D
The Frisky Pony watercolor illustration by Sir Alfred Munnings- now there’s a pony that isn’t settling
I was going to ask for a link but I found eet!
www.artnet.com/artists/sir-alfred-munnings/the-frisky-pony-7sq3oLjVclCfBoeQbkcpyQ2
This popped up in my recommendations, and it honestly couldn’t have come at a better time.
When we settle for less we are the horse with a stake in the ground; when we aim for more, we pull the stake out of the ground and roam free, transforming into the friskiest of frisky ponies. And that is the tea
love dis, great way of looking at resolutions, “where you settlin’?”
Oh shit was this whole video actually just FJ giving himself a pep talk about how his Friskiest Ponies wall is good enough and he should keep doing it even though it makes him feel embarrassed?!
Jk this is the pep talk I needed today, too. Much love!
Have a great weekend Frank! :)
I have to set my bar low enough to reach the alcohol. 😉
This is such a great video! What ur saying resonates with me...thank u for making these videos 🙂