Pushing yourself. (And other things you won't want to hear)
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- Опубліковано 21 сер 2024
- For an INFJ to grow, you need to push yourself in the areas where you don't feel comfortable. You need to let go of parts of your identity that are holding you back. You may not like to hear that! But maybe you will? Who knows. This is a #FridayFreestyle. So that means it's even less organized than usual.
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I love to be anonymous among the crowds of people. It’s so energizing.
Just watched a walk through London city between the crowds, it was nice from behind the screen.
Totally! Cant get anyone to understand how an introvert can enjoy being in a crowd. As long as they aren't focused on you you get cheerful low stakes spontaneous interaction with a quick moving on.
@@mariposa9506 I love people watching too, I'm very visual.
i’ve been going out alone into the world basically all my life, specially in the last 4 years since I moved to uk, but I find interesting being like a ghost watching others people lifes
The other side of the introverts
I feel like I'm looking into a mirror and having a conversation with the slightly more eccentric male version of myself whenever I watch your videos. :)
Oh good, ha ha ;)
Those words you hear~ I think you might be hearing the voice of your perfect match of generational wisdom.
Frank you should organise an international infj conference so all us weirdos can get together! 😆
me too. Except I feel more eccentric than F.J.
The more I listen to the channel, the more I hear myself....
.............
This is why I love living in a city...I can be surrounded by people without having to interact with any of them. I find I love humanity more when I feel like a quiet witness to little bits of their life, where I can feel their energy without the walls put up during social interaction. It really is like seeing the many faces of God
Sarah, I agree in a way. I like observing normal interactions and activities of people when they aren't aware of it, just in passing. I think sometimes people are too suspicious of others, sometimes too judgemental. When that element is missing and also the pretentious element, you get such honesty and realness. Being an INFJ is hard because all we want is someone to be real with us and I don't think we get that often enough. We always know when we aren't getting it from the people we encounter. One reason we just kind of become loners, I think.
My issue recently has been this awareness of others' anger, in such an empathic way that I feel others' anger in my heart, it's horrible. I never feel that around animals or in nature, it's so different being around people and I often don't enjoy adult humans. Kids are wonderful. But yeah, still avoiding adult humans for the most part. p.s. you can use extraverted feeling in writing and art, you don't need people to use it.
@@easytoslip Thanks for this comment. I never fail to feel other people's rage. I feel it, even amongst random strangers walking along the streets and it always hits me like a tonne of bricks. Its for this reason that even though I would love to make eye contact with other people while walking along the streets, I'd rather not, coz I see way too much disturbing things. They eyes are the windows to the soul, as they say, and some souls are truly the darkest of the dark. Soulless is more like it. Very disturbing, it takes me days to get over it.
I would DIE of boredom in the country. Even going from a city of 3 million to a city of 1 million has been haaaaard at times. Of course it forced me to make friends in a small city wheras in a big city i was OK just taking it all in. Now i have actual people in my life instead of just around my life.
@@easytoslip try interact with old people
Maybe that empty office you passed is visual art, symbolizing how when you get shit on at work so many times, you eventually leave.
Dang !! Who knows ?
5:39
frank this feeling is literally called
Sonder
Sonder is that feeling when you realize that everyone you see, everyone who passes you by has their own complex life. Their life has the same kind of feelings as yours does - with heartache and happiness, and routines, family, and everything else that happens in life. Every person out there has their own filled life - just like you.
dictionary of obscure sorrows
Totally agree. Interaction with people is important, even if it's indirect interaction. We are our most happy when we have people to grow with and help develop though. I don't have friends in the place where I live and I don't want to go out alone, but I will try to interact with people.
Also, you need better friends, I would have gotten a drink with you, 15 mins is nothing for a friend.
Ha ha, well thanks. They're very new friends, so I can't blame them too much. In fact "friends" is probably a generous term at this point, but you gotta start somewhere.
New friends? That's cool. I hope they start being a little more friendly soon. d:
It’s so refreshing to hear words that few people use. And I miss having these kinds of conversations with anyone.
I had a friend with whom I used to talk like this but we don't talk anymore so this channel has been a blessing!
@@relei Same here, but the language is different, it's the energy that's familiar and comforting.
Can’t agree more...
Ugh this is so true. Being around people always makes me feel better. I think my circumstances in life have molded me into an unhealthy infj. I'm too afraid to be honest with people because I'm terrified they will judge me so I just isolate myself. But it hurts so much not being able to confide in people. It's the worst feeling.
Yes!! Me too! 😟
Well you can only get gutted like a fish so many times by sharing before you clam up and isolate. You're not alone.
You are not alone. I'm getting back from a dark place where I had given up on people. Being misunderstood, laugh at, called crazy. Push past the fear.
I'm in the same situation too, but I think we need to keep our hearts open and just try.
1) You need an extroverted wingman...you: reserved, cerebral, intuitive, prescient, strategic planner; him: gregarious, spontaneous, hilarious, incautious, fun in the moment. Like an ENTP, for example. What a pair you could be...him the ice breaker and jokester, you the straight man and damage-control. Complementary styles, partners in crime. Bring out the extroverted side of your INFJ.
Sound advice, Ray.
@ray caster
Great analogy. lol
2) Cognitive functions develop on an age-related basis, i.e., they mature. Now, your dominant Ni (pilot) begins to integrate with Fe (your shadow function Fi will try to claw back a bit, but will be unsuccessful, as Fe grows). Co-dominant (co-pilot) Fe then redirects Ni outward, towards people and warmth. Also, at your age, inferior Se (the impetuous toddler in the back seat beyond the reach of daddy's arm!) can upset things -- partying heartily, sleeping late, sloth, whoring around, pigging out on pizza, vaping, etc.), until tertiary Ti (the sharp inquisitive child in the back seat that sees everything and asks about it) comes on board and restores order (that's when you start figuring everything out). Later, we’ll see Ni -Ti balance against Fe-Se, until finally your Ni-Fe-Ti-Se become one and you may assume your full INFJ superpower! All right before our eyes.
A true INFJ guy may need only two friends, a guy friend and the girlfriend.
Ni: introverted intuition
Fe: extroverted feeling
Ti: introverted thinking
Se: extroverted sensing
3) The religious stuff is OK...for now...and I know what I say to you will not fall on deaf ears or incite ego defenses.
I'll be patient as your Ti develops fully, then, logical and interpretive insights come with a more open mind, and Truth becomes your quest.
It's good your work gives you some STEM understanding, but, then, you will need a “de-education in faith.”
Let me know when you are ready.
Above ALL, truth, INFJ
Agreed - I'd recommend ENFP - much more gentle for a growing INFJ.
please don't publicly film my office it is where i do my important work
Bro your spiritual description is the type of stuff I ponder a lot. You're super refreshing.
I love everything you said about the authentic self being malleable. I find that so accurate, and to me it seems that you are finding the beauty in the growth mindset while being surrounded by a world of stagnant people who refuse to grow and get stuck in that introverted negative outlook. This made me so happy and hopeful to watch, to see a positive outlook and an attempt at growth and pushing boundaries by stepping out of comfort zones. This actually helped me a lot because ive also been confused about what the authentic self is, this gave me a lot to think about and I enjoy listening to you thoughts thank you for sharing! :)
Lizzy Agreed! Well said!
Beautifully said Lizzy
I’ve been thinking about the authentic self as well and his thoughts are helping me in my self analysis
It’s interesting to listen to your thoughts. Thank you for sharing.
Cloister
Horsedrawn carriage
Calcified
Ironclad
*swoon*
I'm really enjoying these vids. I no longer feel alone. Keep going! You're awesome...the toilet paper roll was intriguing and I love how you tied it in with existentialism. You speak my language!💗💗
The toilet paper roll is so that the person can blow their nose.
I admire your courage to talk about these things. It's hard for me to even make a comment, let alone open up enough to share the feelings and thoughts. Well done.
i've been binging your videos and i have honestly never felt more understood. just hearing you talk about your life experiences and reading other people's comments is so comforting because now i know that i'm not alone! i've tried explaining some of the concepts and ideas of your videos to my friends (before i even watched ur videos actually) and i'm always met with confusion and nobody really gets it. maybe its an old soul thing too considering i'm 15?? anyway i feel like this channel is like a big infj therapy group filled with people trying to get to know themselves better :) so yeah i guess my point is thank you and keep up the awesome content !
thanks ivana :)
Your theory about the creator is the same one I formed in my thirties and still believe to this day. It's like he decided to shatter into a million pieces as a way of experiencing every possible set of outlooks and conditions, good and evil, victimhood and saviorhood, all at the same time. I also think most people are uncomfortable with such deep topics so you have to choose wisely with whom you will discuss such things, and you certainly have to monitor your intensity and guard against trying to convince some people to think about this stuff when all they care about is their sports teams or who they favor on American Idol. That stuff must be somehow important for the creator to experience in an oblivious way, too, I guess. And it may be why our efforts to engage with some people end in solitary walks looking in windows and drinking alone or, in my case, a gigantic pot of soup and food that nobody came and ate today for various last minute excuses and other plans that suddenly came up. I'm trying not to feel too hurt and instead be proud of myself for making the effort to try once again to host a gathering. Actually, my favorite sister, daughter, and daughter-in-law did come and we had a really nice afternoon. I just have to accept that I am more of a peripheral member of the group and it is time to make some new friends.
amjPeace yes !!!! I have the same theory
I'm living in Japan right now, and I feel that so hard. I'm a Christian but I am drawn to Eastern philosophy. It is totally biblical and total truth dude... God wants us to observe and to soak in humanity, relationships and connection. He is hidden through out ALL creation. So feel and experience and live for Christ with these enlightening thoughts.
I've found myself in that sort of loop recently. I want to be around people, I want to interact with people, but I'm too afraid of being rejected or misunderstood, like it frequently happens with me. I've tried to push myself, but it just turned out me trying to look like an extrovert, so that made me feel miserable.
I think you're right about going out there, because I personally can't imagine my life without some people. I just need to learn how to both stay true to myself and at the same push myself to communicate with others more.
I have been in a sort if isolated world for the longest time, seeing people I like come and go and not trying to really build friendships. I took a leap of faith a few months ago and asked someone to keep in touch and become friends and it was one of the most embarrassing experiences ever. I was so afraid to be rejected. Afterwards I felt a strong sense of relief, whatever the outcome. But that decision changed me. Since then I've been much more authentic and open and my relationships have gotten stronger and closer. And I'm still building that friendship :)
We don't have to stick to old patterns of behaviour or stale identities. We are so vast, so changing, so rich.
We can be engaging or introverting, whatever our types are. And INFJ thrive on close friendships, which are possible only if we have the courage to be vulnerable. We don't have to be loners, even though we can be.
I think people need to accept too though that the value of solitude has been lost in western society with the rise of big business in the early 1900s and the extrovert ideal that followed! Is there even a derogatory word like loner for someone who spends time around people too much and ignores their own issues?
Just found your channel and loving it. Speaking as an English, extremely introverted and dry-humoured INFJ, there's something about you that's so engaging. Probably the fact that I can relate to everything you say...unique in a world where nearly everyone I come across finds me too 'aloof/quiet/deep/sullen/moody' or any other (usually negative) permeation.
Glad you're here
I like 'coming out of my shell'. I don't even have to interact or talk with others, either. I'm a BIG fan of 'people watching'. The only actual friends I have are people I've been friends with for 15+ yrs. They know I'm odd. A few of my friends are in bands and they think it's interesting how I'll go to one of their shows & wiggle my way up to the front row....not even to watch them play. Just to turn around and watch the audience. Feel the waves of energy coming forth because in all the times I've done that, the energy is NEVER negative. It's a massive boost for me and my weird friends adore my level of weirdness. Gotta love em. 😜
Yes! I love your videos, including ones that do not include INFJ content. Having said that, as a fellow 30 year old INFJ that realized I needed to be social in order to feel whole and balanced overall, its nice to hear that others are challenging themselves to continually grow too. You might appreciate some of Brene Brown's books if you haven't already checked her out. Your ability to be vulnerable is unique,I hope you can hold on to that.
Frank; you’re an INFJ, and I am also. Ignore that label for the moment. You only grow in personal maturity when you step outside of your comfort zone. Try to develop a sense where you have no comfort zone, so it’s always easy try something new, and to grow. I’m always comfortable in any social situation. I may not enjoy it, but I’m not uncomfortable. I can function. And sometimes that’s the best you can hope for. Meanwhile, back to my books and personal space.
@ Randy Collins You hit it right on the head! Absolutely key if you're going to grow.
Frank, you're really hitting it with your videos! Becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable until it feels comfortable is a huge part of our growth. You're definitely on the path.
, I really needed to hear this.. Thank you(:
Agree. Don't let being an INFJ 'limit' you or box you. It's not the point of being human.
I also am a Christian and I draw comfort that God has a plan for my life that includes the p people that I share it with.
I'm comforted that I don't have to know all the answers. That I can trust God, that He knows what He's doing.
Btw, thank you for your videos Brother.
I've been watching you for over 2 years and I have to say this is one of my top five. (INFP-T)
INFJ, empath, or even a narcissist all need a social life.. it's all about balance and discernment. U take 1 step forward just to take 5 back by hanging with random people. Our kind need a certain type of fellowship to thrive. Do not let desperation cloud your analytical mentality. Patients, is the most valuable emotional virtue an INFJ/empath can utilize.
As an INFJ...many days I say "I'm not fit for human consumption". 😳 Haha.. I know it's silly but it's just a line that comes to mind when I don't either feel myself like going out and interacting with others, or when I don't think others will accept me :)
I love what you said about our identities sometimes becoming calcified and how it doesnt have to be that way. We can choose and grow. And what you said is totally biblical. I believe that God does look through everyones eyes. I was watching the movie "In Your Eyes" (2014) and it hit me that this is how intimate God is with humanity, through all the joy and pain, looking and living through everyone's eyes. That is why Jesus says on judgment day, "Whatever you've done to the least of these, you've done it to me." And every quark molecule has a name, not just a number :) Big, big God.
I've felt this so much in the last year- needing people. It's difficult though and I go back and forth, especially when no one is there when I finally muster up the assertiveness to ask.
We like being around people only if they are happy, positive people. Negativity drains us
Thank you so much for this. This is definitely something I've needed to hear because for a couple years now I have felt way too social to be an introvert and it's made me question my identity a lot and freak out about it. I realized that no matter how much I love people or how easy it can be for me to talk to people or do certain things that I feel like as a true introvert I shouldn't do, or that it at least shouldn't come naturally to me, I am still me. At the end of the day I am a deep person who enjoys solitude and generally spends a lot of time in their own head. But I love people. And they need me. I have felt so much less lonely when I have found the people who appreciate me because I am always authentically me, no matter what, even when that authentic self is a little malleable. Don't stop. Your videos are wonderful. You truly have a beautiful mind.
This helps me more than words can say. I have been spending more time alone lately because of a relationship kind of dwindling down and I’m just changing a lot spiritually mentally just going through a lot of changes so I have been by myself a lot so this was really good to hear I needed to hear a friendly voice thank you
And I totally agree, when I’m at home I get so wrapped up in my thoughts and then I get out around people and I just feel like there’s purpose and so I do have friends I do have connections but I’m so in my head that I really like the fact that you pointed out we need people cause I agree we really really need people so thank you
Personality doesn’t really change. Yes, try to push yourself, but know that you are pushing against the grain of your personality. My experiences are such that I love being around people I feel safe with who respond and understand me. It’s most everyone else I can’t deal with.
Now 45, I don’t push myself anymore. I just try to keep the people in my life who get me and leave it at that. My personality is essentially the same as it’s always been regardless of how I’ve pushed myself in the past.
yes YES! Maybe subconsciously, I always choose jobs like "this will bring me out of my shell" or "that will help me be more communicative" etc and it was all fun and worked for a while, but eventually I got tired from 'pushing myself'..
* inserting the second part of your comment * :D :)
I just bumped into a theory that suggests there are two types of people: one has a fixed mindset(deterministic view of the world), the other has a growth mindset(greater free will). While personality doesn't change much, thinking and intelligence can and should.
I know its old, but best video yet I've seen from you. Having some personality type doesn't mean limiting growing and changing. I turned 40 this year and this video resonates with me. My thirties is when I really felt much of what you convey here.
My favorite type of socializing is alone around town.....looking, sensing, observing, thinking and every now and then talk to someone :) I am filled up inside during times like this. I like this video. Thanks 😊.
Me too!
I truly love and value u sharing ur perspective. As I was Watching this video, I became so circumspect and noticed in amazement the similarities in our habits, thoughts, perspective in life and spirit. Surprisingly, I became a little shocked by urs and my awareness. It caught me a little unaware even though I've watched several of ur videos. I truly believe ur videos to be a way of guidance. Very happy to have come across ur videos and to join u in ur path!
I absolutely love your brain. As an INFJ and aquarian, i appriciate your videos! Please keep posting and sharing
Your information is making my headaches go away. Thank you for allowing yourself to be so vulnerable to a widespread audience. I know I appreciate it
Hey Frank. Thanks so much for making these videos. You have shed some much light for me on the nature of myself :) Keep it up!
You're so right, I do love people. I just tell myself I hate them, because it's easier than allowing myself to be hurt by someone.
I recently discovered your videos. I often laugh out loud. Your insight and mannerisms and way of relating your thoughts is refreshing and so relatable. Your quirkiness makes me go YES! THAT!
Frank, you are so brave. I admire so much your vulnerability in this video. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions, you are reaching many lonely people, we need to know what we feel Is valid and Is something that so much people deal with. Thank you. INTJ here.
I often use the fact that I'm an introvert as an excuse not to engage in social situations. And when I make contact I often pick those fellow introverts who don't respond properly and who aren't interested in talking to me. I sometimes say to myself that it's okay not to push myself but always end up unhappy and ignored.
Recently, I have changed that because one day, it seemed like I woke up and realized that I don't have the connections I want and need with people around me. It wasn't till then that I saw all these other people having their meaningful relationships opposed to me, sitting alone at home.
Being not really happy with that, I tried to push my existing group of friends but that was really hard, them being all introverts.
I feel like we're somehow drawn to more introverted people, knowing that they have faced the same struggles and that we'll be enough for them in the long run. My extraverted always turn to other people rather than me, because I don't push myself enough for them.
I really liked your video because it describes the realization that I've come to quite well. I'm always glad to here your voice talking about the same problems I know from my life and realizing I'm not alone :)
Wow. I relate so much I'm not even sure what to say about it. You put things into words that I've never been able to. Thanks for that.
Glad to hear that :)
I totally agree that us INFJs are more sociable than we think. When i am alone for long periods of time i feel very lonely and just need to be around people. Even though we may not be super outgoing or party animals, we still need to be around people or have some friends.
Yup
I really appreciate this channel. I think it’s very down to earth and extremely accurate. I feel a connection with each video and grow from them. Keep it up!
thanks :)
Donne said it: No man is an island. I think that the myth of the self-made and independent person can be damaging to our well-being. I love that you spent time wondering what was going on in that vacant office. I think it's the sign of a great storyteller to be curious about people's stories. I used to travel - a lot - and I was always on my own. I found that I really felt connected, just being out and in the rush of people, even if they were speaking a language that I didn't know. Life IS amazing - you're right. I'm sorry if you find yourself feeling rejected at times. For anyone to grow, we need to stretch in areas where we aren't comfortable, yet. Taking the risk and staying open is scary but you've just shown that the rewards are amazing, irrespective of the response that comes back to you. Keep rolling those dice.
"I could stare at this for HOURS, this is fascinating"...
"I didn't stay for hours; it wasn't that long. I stayed for about 2 minutes".
I died 😂😂😂
Imtryingtofindtherightwordsforeverysituationwhenimedoneiusuallythinkicouldhavesaiditabetterway
You are wonderful when you're vulnerable and sincere like this...
A true Yogi vibe...
You’re so sweet and authentic FJ. I so identify. I make no effort anymore towards ppl at all anymore.
This video make me realize : the jobs I done where I was happy, were the jobs where I got a good connection with coworkers or people/public, and where the people were good for me (respectfull, open-minded, aware, not judging me), people where I find good vibes on them.
Even if the job itself, is not totally for me, if I am feel good in this workplace and theses people, it make me happy, and happy to go work just to be in this place with theses people. Like an other home, a place where I am feel good. Where people likes you not only for your work, but because you feel they appreciate you, and your personality.
At the end of my first job, was a one year contract, when I arrived at home, I cried. Not cause the job was ended, but I cried cause I meet nice and adorable people, and I felt like a link, a connection had broken. As if I lost a part of myself.
It’s true, even if as introvert we prefer to spend most of our time alone, like the cats. We need a connection with people (the ones whom we feel a minimum of connection, the nice or healthy ones), even if we don’t talk to them, a sort of mind or soul connection.
As you said in some others video : the balance, we need it.
I'm smiling Frank, you get the authenticity thing my friend! It took me a lot longer to realize I didn't have to participate in large social scenes if that wasn't really part of my core essence.
Yes, INFJ's are extraverted feelers and can be very social within smaller more intimate groups or one on one interaction. Not only that, we INFJ's can go very deep which doesn't usually fit into the larger extroverted scene of small talk and chit-chat. We like to know what makes people "tick".
I’m an INFJ and I work as an ICU nurse. I do love taking care of people. Being around them. Outside of work, I feel the fade and a certain awkwardness in some social circumstances.
There's so much about this that resonates. I think there is a kind of experience that INFJs really get.
Finally someone who can express the way I have felt all of my life!
I stepped on a similar broken office once, in my town. There, in that spot, it happened to be non stopping open and closing many shops, one after the other, leaving the office vacant after a little while. You know, I found myself staring at it with teary eyes.
I imagine that office to be myself 😢
I am an atheist, and I totally experience that overwhelming sense of human connection you talk about. I feel an intense love for people when I’m observing them like you talk about - it’s the individuals that can really suck.
egos
5:02-11:00 was profound. 9:00-9:09 made me cry. Thank you for sharing. I relate to this
Isn't it amazing that people are still commenting on your videos four years later? When you're a different person now too? It's nice seeing what you've done with yourself and how you've figured out what youtube viewers want. It's also really nice seeing that now, in 2022, you have taken your gifts and made something positive and cheerful from them. Metamorphosis.
Of course, I love both!
I wish I could drink some wine and stay up all night talking to this guy; on a quiet rooftop cradled by the city & stars and just share our idea on life, the universe, and everything.
Walking thru the street observing other individuals and realizing that each one has a deep, complex lives.. I think it’s called “Sonder”
Huh that word sounds familiar. Is that English or a loanword?
Between my anxiety, depression, and my INFJ nature, it is like tearing off pieces of myself to get out of the house and be among people. I can feel that it is doing something to me, making my even more distance from people. I think I found this video just in time. I needed a little kick to get outside. I don't have many friends in the area. But, I really need to start dragging the ones I do have out.
Love how you're just spilling your thoughts to the world. There's so much depth and interesting insights that we can all learn from. And i subscribe to the "pushing yourself" mentality. It's always great to do new things to know your capabilities and potential. And yes, it kinda sucks having that paradoxical mindset being an INFJ. Like...there's so many fucking things you wanna do but dont do it coz you rather be lazy and think of philosophies and the shitty life you've been living.. not to mention the many faults you have as a person. Anyway, thanks again for the vid. Looking forward for the next one.
If there ever Was any hope for me to leave the house and become a little more “socially” connected, that all ended when I stumbled upon FJ!
I am now, officially a FJ junkie! I watch these videos hour upon hour upon hour! Yes, FJ, you are Fascinating, Mesmerizing , Charismatic and all around Adorable! But I am NO stranger to Obsessive Behavior! I Obsess over EVERYTHING! After seeing Bohemian Rhapsody, I couldn’t just leave the theater and say to myself, wow, great movie! I had to, and still do, research every morsel of info on this band! Just one tiny example!
It’s Everything! And it is Debilitating, to say the least! If I “like” something, I LOVE it and cannot get Enough of it!!
I do not know anyone else who has this type of Behavior!
Actually, FJ’s channel and all the people’s comments are very comforting to me on so many levels! So my Question, for Anyone, is
Does Anyone have this same situation going on?? These Obsessive attachments and Extreme devotions to Whatever???
Thank you FJ and Thank you Everyone! Sending you All Love and Light on your Journeys!!!!❤️
Bro I hear you with that. This stigma that associates with INFJ is obnoxious, and I think it’s just this “trendy, I wanna be a special person cuz I feel depressing feelings and INFJ must be my personality type”... like people will own INFJ like it’s an excuse to feel and be melancholy. So because they are recluse they find they can relate to INFJ qualities.. when we’re so much more than a bunch of hermits.
You said that we need people... not necessarily to interact with but just to be around. I’m happy you’re speaking about this because it’s true! I mean how else are we to feel fulfillment without people? Personally, I can’t find fulfillment unless I’m giving something of myself to someone else. Even if it’s just my perspective and silent observations. People are damn interesting, and even though the world can be a shitty place, I wanna find the authenticity in human interactions. Thanks for opening my eyes a bit to that!
Have you ever seen the movie “into the wild”?
If not, ya should check it out. It speaks on too much to really type out, but there’s an emphasis on relationships. You’d appreciate it.
Also, do you ever envision yourself as a “separate being” other than who you’re perceiving through your own eyes?
You spoke about taking risks and just getting out there and experimenting.
Often times I’ll try something socially reckless and just watch how people react to it. It’s like I’m a scientist with a long lab coat taking notes on how my assigned human gets reactions from others.
Im weird bro lol
Anyways, I hope you read this, and sorry if it doesn’t make any sense at all lol
agreed
i'm infj and i'm very opposite, my extroverted feeling used to be very strong and i think that's partly who you hang around
i notice the best balance is people your comfortable with + trying new things because you still have that comfort of that person to lean back on and it makes you bolder naturally (not to mention you feed off of others emotions and energy when you're an infj so having good energy around you helps)
but now i have reverted inward and in the whole 'people suck' phase because i got hurt very badly (i had to get a restraining order)
so while you feel like yours isn't developed enough i feel like i had it developed quite well but i regressed because of extreme hurt
something i learned about myself (and i feel like is similar to a lot of infjs) is that i'm very attracted to people with problems because i find them interesting or that i want to help them but that leaves you very vulnerable and open to get hurt and when i get hurt like that i withdraw
despite it all, i still find that infjs should be more sociable because we are 'the counselor' and can help a lot of people just by listening an giving advice
even when i was more social i found a way to be myself, you can still have your alone hobbies, you can still take that time to recharge and you don't have to give your life story if you don't want to most people just appreciate you listening and helping and once you feel comfortable enough go for it
I love your channel!
On contrary to what you said, I find your Fe is quite well developed, especially for being self-aware of what kind of practical application you need for yourself in social situations.
I have my share of anxiety around people, especially when I feel more responsible for their emotions whether I actually am or not. I wasn't the only kid getting bullied growing up in Japan, but being an INFJ and later finding myself born gay on the top was a bit tough. In most of my teenage, I think I was almost having an identity crisis. I remember trying so hard to be "normal" amongst other kids, absorbing their energies around not necessarily knowing how to properly filter them through before they'd reach me. As the result, I started putting other people's needs before my own and that was probably one of the biggest reasons why I didn't come out to my parents till later on when I finally became an adult.
I'm still really bad at being vocal about my own needs unless I absolutely feel safe with the people I am with. I don't have any problem of speaking for other people, which is an Fe projection of my own value, but somehow it feels "wrong" to apply the same process to my own fair share. Your video made me realize that my version of "pushing myself" is gonna be about speaking up for my own needs!
I think there's definitely a relation between this idea you mentioned that our bodies are just a vehicle of the divine consciousness, and how we generally refer to the concept of collective unconsciousness. I don't necessarily consider myself as a spiritual person, but Japan is a very religiously open country with a lot of cultural mixture in that particular sense. That may also be a reason why I feel so different living in the western culture now in Canada.
Thank you very much for your great videos!
"That's not really me. That's just where I found the most comfort." Preach.
We are humans, pack-animals, so we do need other people. I thought myself highly introverted before. When I went to high school and have to be around people 7am to 3pm and often after that too, I skipped some days just to recharge. But when I went to Uni, suddenly just a couple of classes in a week, I found myself lonely - maybe for the first time feeling really lonely and bored on my own. I started going out more, doing things I liked and meeting people along they way that some of them now are my friends. It's important for our mental health I think, to be around people, reacharge and go out again.
I am an ENFP and I struggle with coming out of my shell too. I am extremely shy and perhaps even self conscious. Ok ok...I'm self conscious! I think INFJs are the cool people. I am often alone and I like that but there are times where I need people too.
This one is really deep. I am quite a bit older than you but I relate to what you are experiencing as a INJF. Get this we don't need that many friends on a given day 2 is enough or too many, stick with the ones that stay with you over the years and that is all you will need. And someday you should get married to someone who gets you in the mean time care about yourself instead of worrying so much.
“We need to experiment with the world” is such a demon Se life lesson 😂
pushing ourselves is going to look different for different people, but yes, idea is the same
I’ve always loved concerts. One day, after analyzing why I do, when I detest small gatherings, or crowded restaurants, is that I don’t have to interact with anyone or fear be focused on, and still get to people-watch, observe, and enjoy.
Walking through a crowded restaurant nearly makes me faint.
I soo needed to hear this. It's funny, coz I'm in a bit of a rut at the moment, coming out of a narcissistic relationship... so I've been watching motivational videos and educational videos for recovery. They all have good content, but it's like you speak my language and say it exactly how I need to hear it.
You get me, because you know yourself, and we're from the same pod.
Thanks brother, stay cool 👊😎
Yeah coming out of your shell doesn’t usually work. You can’t really goad or prod yourself into being more socially disposed, you will gravitate towards that on your accord, and on the parameters set by subconscious/feelings of competence and confort. Gradually you can get those parameters to relax as you are exploring and experimenting and growing into your style, and being able to see your perspective and outlook as facets of yourself that you can embellish and feel that you can channel and carry yourself with. And by being consistent in this pursuit, you will reconcile with and learn new things, become more curious, and strengthen your believe in yourself. Thank you putting out this video too, i can relate to your style, I’m not an introvert myself, I’ve been through something pretty similar that led to a pretty messy event in my life which I am trying to mend back, and now I’m often trying to sift and reflect through my thoughts as well, which is what a good amount of my life revolves around, since I don’t have and close links or connections. But I think it’s really cool that you made this video to encapsulate some of your musings about being social and your fond thoughts about people, I agree with and inspired by your cheerful perspective- humans are fricking effervescent 😄
“All progress takes place outside your comfort zone.” Thank you for your insight. Subscribed
Your right on....We are all candles from one big light. You sounded like you were so present. I believe in reincarnation so we can have as many experiences as possible so we can really 'know ourselves' I love how you have the courage to put your neck out there. And I am also malleable. I would actually like more friends but I don't think I can just let everyone in. I do kinda cloister myself. I need to get out more for sure. You are so deep for a 30 year old. You do a lot of thinking and self reflection. Thanks for the tip :)
I love you man! You frickin crack me up. I am an ENFP just starting to date an INFJ after not seeing each other for 27 years!!! Both divorced. I love her but dont dare state it. Of course, she already knows it. She is keeping me at arms length, but calls me twice a day. I dont think I will ever get inside her walls...I am about to punt...🙄
4:15 It is biblical dude. That epiphany is not always revealed to anyone. I like you were so open up to share non-popular issues on your channel. I just simply love it.
You are definitely reaching people and connecting on various levels-look at all the comments you are getting! I wish I had a group of 12 people who I could text to see if they wanted to get a drink... or do I really? lol
You nailed it.
This was one of the best, most honest vids... The reason you locked onto that room with a chair is... It made no normal (Our normal) sense. Do they get paid to sit there? did something happen to them? are they recruiting?... and so on. We make friends easily, but we creep the others out a little sometimes. A general detachment attachment... I have had friends not want me to go out with them as we are construed as "Peculiar" ... and one day, something will break inside you and you will flip sides and be overly outward but not necessarily desired. I can be alone in the house, but cant "Live" alone... I've been called the cool guy walking around, and it confused me... If I approach a woman, I get results... even if I didnt necessarily want it to go that far... This could go foreva...
I understand your spiritual perspective on how god is everyone having a different experience. This is the way I choose to see life and it really is beautiful when you can touch someone's life and feel that divine connection that we all have inside.
I relate a lot and do experiments too. I’ve gotten shot down a lot. It works out for me more when I’m around people and they “invite” me it goes a lot better.
You make a good point. I love it that we need to be around people sometimes. When I was unemployed before I used to wait for daylight for the birds to sing. We do have to get outside our heads and live mindfully. Maybe the office is an art installation. Or maybe a business was down-sized. I have been in empty offices. I hurt when i look at empty buildings because I see what could be- places for people to live and practice their arts. Sometimes I can almost feel the previous lives of the buildings. Weird, huh. I agreed that God is in all of us and believe that He rejoices in our experience, laughs and cries with us. Wants us to enjoy nature and help one another My beliefs, nobody has to agree. I am sorry if you felt lonely or let down. When I went through the recession, I learned to limit how far I drive. We don't know what someone else if going through, what financial constraints they are experiencing, the real reason why they don't drive somewhere. When I didn't have money for rent, I have had people shame me "come on- I only live a half hour away." I tried to explain to them that this is not an emotional barrier, it is a financial one. Sometimes it seems like the coolest people are a distance away. I agree that if their is no financial barrier, we need to fellowship with one another- to encourage and brace one another up. Everybody hurts and questions- it is good to contribute back.
Thank you Needed this conversation right now, totally share your perspective...I'm an INFJ
I really enjoy people watching, whether I am in a restaurant, a store, a parking lot, an amusement par,. Listening, watching emotions, seeing how much someone enjoys tasting something. Watching adults react with children.
Muchbetterthanabar
Very much relate to the risk of reaching out and connecting to others.
Very refreshing. I usually do not subscribe and I never comment. Enderingly self-effacing and honest. I’m hoping you are expressing yourself artisicly as well.
I also always wanted to hang out with people and I had the desire to enjoy my life and my time with others. However, I hardly had chances so I kind of had to force for something to happen as I am not really going to lots of places where natural chances could occur. However, the desk at the beginning of the video actually gave me a motivational idea. Maybe I should consider working on someplace different than my room.
Good talk. Learning yourself and accepting it all well change your life
“What happens if...” is a sign of awakening
It's actually pretty funny how looking at an empty room is more fascinating than socializing with other people🤷
You are me. But you are more eccentric and you're a dude. But I get you 💯
I recently found your channel because I just found out I am an infj. I feel so much better that I'm not the only one like this. Your content has been a live saver, I found your videos on a bad day where I was deep in that depression loop! (Can't believe I can just say this) but yeah. I get you 💯.
"I see trees of green, red roses too... what a wonderful world." As much as I know all of this already and have experienced it myself, it's still hard to want to go out, or feel like I will enjoy it. It's 50/50 between fulfilling, to isolating. If spiritual health isn't motivation enough, it always makes for good writing inspiration, great fodder all around.
I grew up in the 70 &80 and spent my entire life trying to be an extrovert, it wasn't until graduate school that I learned I was an INFJ and it changed my world but wasn't until just recently that I have embraced my introverted self. I feel so at home now and no longer have to be someone I am not. I would say most people think I am an extrovert because I have developed those skill but it is not who I truly am. I can use those skills as needed but no longer judge myself for parts of me I thought were wrong.It was liberating. I really enjoy your videos Frank and have gained much insight about myself and others. I love the book reviews. Thank you for what you do, it makes a difference. I just found you on UTUBE and feel like I have a met someone who understands or gets me.
I find that I think in metaphors in relating the physical world to spiritual. Dreams are very metaphorical too. Last night I danced like crazy at my nieces wedding reception. I like the performing side of myself.
I find the more playful you can be, the more likely you can get others to engage with you. But, you must be in the moment. If you're too much in your head, you aren't present. And how is someone to engage with you when you aren't in the moment with them?
For myself, I begin by going for a walk and get into a rhythm to loosen me up and be in the present. Then, I will work on my smiling. It's important to get control of your facial expressions. Once I got some bounce in my walk and at least a smirk on my face, I can move into basic engagements with strangers I pass by. By the time I reach my destination, I've conditioned myself to be more extroverted. And I've found it very helpful in engaging with others and being more comfortable.
When you can be playful, you are confident. You also are more willing to take risks and not give a shit, in a positive way. All this also allows for you to be authentic and not feel like you are forcing anything. You are finding a rhythm for yourself that can work for you. And that is attractive to everyone.
Anyway,
That's my 2 cents.
As an INFJ, our extroverted feelings can be a great strength to us. It just takes a lot of practice and desire to get a good handle on it.