"Be Yourself" is Terrible Advice (and a Better Way to Look at it)
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- Опубліковано 9 лют 2019
- We get told to "be yourself" all the time, but it isn't the greatest advice.
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#BeYourself #BeYourselfIsBadAdvice
When people say "be yourself" I ask "which self?" and people typically respond with confusion.
Sometimes I say " Well, there's my polished self, my more authentic self, my creative self, etc., etc."
Being creative or not for example is not being one person or another like do you consider every skill you have and every thing you do as different self ? Cause your self is not only one thing
"Let's not kid ourselves. We are on UA-cam." - My favourite quote on UA-cam.
"Just be yourself! You'll do great" Most people do NOT like when I'm myself! How tragic for them.
"You get to the moon by going up" 😂😂 that was hilarious dude
Saw this commend at the right time... woah
Right?! 😂 I laughed so hard!
"Follow your heart" is also lousy advice.
Not necessarily. If your heart is in the right place, it's the best advice.
I agree, my heart is an idiot that will chase guys that are all wrong for me and will smash my idiot heart to little pieces. Luckily my brain has identified this and is all "stop, that is a bad idea. Look ice cream and fried chicken." ... and my heart has been much happier since my brain has taken over.
I think it's more so, follow your heart in what you know would be good for you, and essentially- it
Does not apply to following those situations which you know are actually toxic for you, and don't ignore red flags
Following your heart does not mean don't listen to your head
I always hated that advice. It's so vague on purpose and then, when you *are* yourself, then people get crappy on you for ... being yourself? Oh. Ok. What you said makes a million times more sense and I appreciate that so much! Thank you for all that you do. Your videos help a lot.
Word
Fr it feels like they’re just saying an empty word. Like what does it mean to be oneself it just makes me overthink. We are a million things I don’t get that.
True. To me, "Be yourself" is like an advice when one has nothing worth to say anything cheering. Lol. It's such a heartless advice..!
@@septicvortex8114 I had the same problem for a long time because the phrase doesn’t really much sense if a person doesn’t tell you the meaning of it but be yourself means don’t be be anything else like don’t pretend your someone your not or try to be different than what you are like don’t change to let your natural self and your natural personality you have been given which doesn’t need any changes to show itself. Be yourself is really good advice and I do it everyday and it makes me feel like I’m not wearing a mask because for years I’ve been t trying to be someone I’m not and I’ve actually grown to like myself and relate to others who be themselves. The UA-camr called IceColdJT has a video on how to be yourself which is called “Stop trying to be normal” which explains it.
I consider the advice "Be Yourself" to mean don't let others define who you are. It's important to have your own goals that will be fulfilling to you and not just to pander to what society tells you is good for you. Society is, by and large, maladjusted; so striving to "fit in" should never be the goal. Move in directions that will take you closer to your goals regardless if this means moving out of your comfort zone from time to time. Just always be checking to make sure it's still your agenda and it hasn't become tainted by expectations that are not your own. Peace.
So the actual advice according to you : don't conform your identity to society.
Which is way better and clearer than "be yourself".
True. To some certain extent one must adapt to society. As far as it goes for a person to still be happy.
@@fl1ntcrafter788 adapting to society makes me depressed. 🤣 Society is F'd up - in my opinion. lol
As an introvert, I'd like to stay home, sure, it is my comfort zone. But I'd like to travel, too, and it is... intimidating. It means that I must leave my comfot zone! Frustrating... I read a lot of books about different countries, and it is ok, I like it, it is what introverts do, right?.. Read books and stay home. I think I should adapt and use my advantages, prepare... and just move on. But I'll never do, if I'll just "Be myself". Here is it.
I totally agree but I would call this definition "staying true" to yourself rather than "being" yourself...
“Who is myself?” Is the question I just cannot figure out.... sometimes I think I know who I am but then I start thinking too much and suddenly I’m not sure how I feel. Other than anxious or overwhelmed...
most if not all social situations are like this for me.
I can usually present myself quite well but inside I’m thinking and over thinking.
I’m a business owner and I’m still not even sure that what I want to do.
🤦🏼♀️
EXACTLY I’m a million things how do we “be ourself” we’re so much more complex than that. I’m tired of limiting who I think I am to people
I’m sure u got this. It might seem impossible but you can be in your power
Who you are is the person you are when you don’t try to change who you are the phrase be yourself is weird because it makes yourself think you have to be something but it actually means you have to stop being anything else and let your natural self which has been given be on display so it means don’t change and be yourself is very good advice and lol I dealt with the same problem not knowing what it meant it was annoying because certain people wouldn’t explain what it meant to but instead just told me to be myself
Yes, we need to aim to be the best version of ourselves
Spot on. So, “be yourself” sounds as useful as saying “be something,” or “be one of the ongoing many number of things that you could possibly be” or “be one of the many things that you already are.” Actually, I’m thinking now that “be yourself” is problematic because it is entirely missing the relational piece - who we “are” is always in relation to our environment and the people in it and our perceptions of what those things are and how they relate to other things; so to say to be yourself is only half of the equation. It is missing all of the context. At the very least we would need to say to “be yourself in this specific situation right now,” but we also need to add something about what specific outcome we desire from the being of oneself (happiness? Making others happy? Getting a successful result on the task at hand? A creative spark? Connection? Etc).
The 'be yourself' thing is really odd.. never really got it. Aren't we always ourselves, irrespective of what we try to do based on others' ideas of "who we are"? If anything isn't it limiting? ...to only act and behave in ways one is familiar with? How can we learn and grow like that? I don't know.
Great discussion, FJ. And your hair-beard ensemble is on point :D
"Be yourself!"
INFJ Internally: 😐😐😐...what are you saying!?!?! Splain yourself!!!!😭😥
INFJ Externally: 😔😐😓😬😬
I'm an INTP and I can never figure out what these emojis mean
I literally had this reaction as i read the title. I'm also an INFJ
Great subject - I was just reading about this the other day! I definitely relate. I'm an INFP 4w5, so being "in my head" and feeling not easily understandable is a struggle. While trying to overcome my social anxiety, I've realised that thinking "just be myself" isn't necessarily helpful. I end up feeling a bit lost and probably looking sullen or distant, over-analysing myself, and find it harder to focus in class. It's far better to think "be your /best/ self" - also, focus on others and what makes them interesting or what you'd like to learn about/from them, instead of thinking about how you are coming across all the time. Be kind on yourself and remember that you can learn a lot from your mistakes.
I barely ever initiate conversation with people I don't know well, but I followed my intuition one time and ended up having a fun conversation - I was proud of myself! I mean, there was awkwardness of course, but I showed myself that I can do it. Knocked down a self-limiting belief! I'm still anxious but I can see I'm slowly improving. Like you said in another video, the extraverts just have a higher failure rate.
Exactly!
This is also so me
😂😂😂 it never works being yourself Frank ...You just scare people😂😂 and they run ...
@Ange Lom Its like when you are dating ,the person says be yourself , i want to know the real you 😂😂, then after a few months they are gone😂😂..
Works that way for you, too? *facepalm*
😂Yeah
its better they run if they cannot accept who you are
@Ange Lom 😂😂
I’m gonna sound like a Contrary Mary even though I pretty much agree with you, but “to thine own self be true” is a good mantra for me. Maybe this sounds goofy, but I’ve always had a very consistent personality/concept of “who I am.” It’s hard to tangibly define what makes me “me,” but I’ve always instinctually known what I do and do not f with, haha.
That being said, I can’t use knowing who I am as an excuse to be a stagnant person - in fact, I think a dedication to growing/learning is a huge part of who I am. One thing that I personally need to be really careful of, though, is examining my motives when I try to push myself. It’s easy to go to extremes and lose yourself when your desire to “push yourself” is coming from a place of self-hatred and wanting to change who you are at your core.
I always think about when I joined a sorority in college so I could “come out of my shell.” In the end, I had to come to the realization that I wasn’t “coming out of my shell” and growing so much as I was stifling my true self with alcohol and Mean Girls-esque friendships as a result of low self-esteem. 🙃 I felt kinda bad for doorslamming that part of my life and reverting to my old self once I found a partner who was down to be a loser homebody with me...but I’d do the same thing a million times over if I had to, and I’ve grown so much more from that choice than I would’ve if I had kept trying to “push myself” to right some perceived flaw. All part of the ~finding yourself~ process, I guess! 🤷🏻♀️
Yes!!
What you are defining is the never ending path to self-actualization. Living in the "true" self and not allowing outside factors define you. It's the optimal way to live as a person because without knowing who you are and living out who you are it causes unalignment with your soul and usually the main reason why people suffer from depression or other consistent emotional issues. "Be yourself" is the best advice you can give to anyone and I would disagree with anyone who would say otherwise. Also, the "self" is always changing or should I say evolving and one must allow this processes to happen in a healthy way, but you mentioned this already.
Strangely enough, as I matured, listening sometimes to sensors making small talk has given me a benefit I took for granted. It made me take things simply, which is good, because intuitives are so much more likely to overthink all the time. Listening to sensor small talk grounds me, really, because they’re so much more willing to just go “do things,” while I can get stuck in my thought loops for hours. I have an ESFJ mom, and I find that I’m rather attached to her times of gossip because her simplistic way of seeing the world really calms me down. She just. . . she takes things one day at a time, and for someone who worries about the future all the time, this is refreshing. She’s not really gossiping as in making fun of them, I realize, she seems to be more gossiping about people’s lives around her to plan how to help them. I looked down on gossip before, but she actually uses it for good. So often intuitives debate larger societal issues but they don’t really focus on the people in front of them they can actually help with action, and I learned a lot from that. Se user cousins also help me get out of the house sometimes, become more physically fit, and realize that to get me out of writer’s block or being stuck on purpose, I just have to get out there and see new things. Really. And that helps. They’re also, being Se rather than Si users, more willing to buy new stuff than me. And while I looked down at that as shallow, new resources for hobbies really help deepen my talents, creativity and skills I need to grow. Sometimes you just need new stuff sometimes, I guess.
Thank you. It's so much more comfortable to say "that's who I am and fuck off" than to question yourself and try to work on it...
Oh boy, I struggled this for years, but on the opposite side of the spectrum. I used to force myself to act/think/feel like people who I saw as being more happy and attractive because I didn't see any inherent value in my own feelings and preferences. The logic being: if I am not happy, I must find something that looks happy and become that instead, because clearly what I have isn't working. After having an emotional breakdown, I began to stop trying to change my feelings and started to do things I felt like doing, even if they seemed stupid (as long as no one else is getting hurt by them), just to get a taste of what it's like to fully accept myself.
The caveat to this was that I also had to accept that people who disagree with me might think or speak negatively of me. If I am able to exercise my own free will, then they should be able to do so as well, even if it involves rejecting me. As long as they're not actively violating my rights like being physically violent or refusing service when I am clearly following the rules, then I am okay with that :) I think this is HIGHLY variable from person to person. Some people intrinsically value social harmony and being accepted into the community, and to tell them to sacrifice this in order to "be yourself" and end up being ostracized, would be quite cruel. Personally, being disliked doesn't bother me too much, as long as I can still do what I want to do (buy things, rent, etc.), so I am willing to do the whole "be yourself" thing even with the consequences of doing so. On the other hand, forcing myself to conform actually does take its toll on me mentally (I become suicidal), so that's something I have chosen not to do.
Get in touch with how you really feel, over a long period of time. And listen to perspectives from both sides and pay attention to how you respond to that. Then make your own choice. That's what I think is best.
I have this set of people that I copy on various ocassions because I feel like my personality isn't enough, like people cannot be happy around actual me, I cannot MAKE anyone that I like happy.
And I also feel like I myself don't like who I really am, I don't like my own personality, so I try to copy others whom I like and it feels unnatural and results in depression. It's so fucking exhausting.
I just hardly find anything about me likeable, so I kind of always reject who I really am and repress my "wrong" emotions.
I certainly need to do something.
@@alext-rex5492 My first question is "enough" for what? enough to make them happy? I suppose we DO influence people but the responsibility of their happiness lies within them. I think its a life journey to "Make yourself happy". Happy is such a fleeting emotion that comes and goes. It can get someone addicted to chasing happiness. In Spanish there is a complete separation between the words happy and content. To be content is MUCH more important for them in that language.
There is nothing wrong with copying people to achieve desired results. It is done all the time. I would say more times than not. Story lines copied from storylines. Jokes copied from other jokes. There is scientific evidence that copying the body language of a confident person makes one feel more confident. Copying HAS a purpose.
"hardly find anything" means there ARE things you like about you. Focusing on those things you like about yourself and the act of acknowledging that EVERYONE has "wrong" and "bad" emotions and thoughts might make you accept it more. Everyone's nightmares are themselves doing those "wrong" or "bad" things. It can be shocking and uncomfortable. Somehow, for some reason, when I learned that my entire body including all of my organs are being tramatized and going through my nightmares, I didnt have them as much anymore. I do lucid dream though and was able to calm myself down in my dream so I wouldn't hurt my own body with my "unacceptable" thoughts. I still have uncomfortable dreams though. I could go on and on about what I just dreamt last night but they do include "wrong" emotions.
I like your breakdown. What do you mean when saying your organs are harmed from dreaming?
I keep experiencing this with my friends. If I am into something new or if I try to change the way I dress or my hair color they'd always throw that line "this is not like you" I mean how do you know what's what! I'm growing and of course changing! People cast us in roles and trap us in them.
Needed to hear this.
Exactly!
I can see how “be yourself” could be hazardous advice. I agree that people may not know who they truly are. This advice could seem half hearted and confusing. Others could define who they are by their circumstances and experiences. What if they have a low socioeconomic status and have been through rough times all their life? They could believe that this is who they are and all they will ever be. “Be yourself” could be more of a crutch...never allowing room for change. It makes it seem that it’s ok to remain stagnant, unyielding, and closed off to new thoughts and ideas. It can be very dangerous when people use this “be yourself” mentality to defend their actions of racism, homophobia...etc. I believe that as a child you are molded into what your caregivers want you to be. Some grow up to realize that they want to be different or to even be better. Others remain with the same ideals. It’s very difficult to truly find out who you are. I think it is a very profound thing when you do know. I think a better statement to tell a child, for instance, is to just be kind.
For me it's more the people-putting-others-in-small-boxes, regarding acceptable behavior and looks. But it's alright I guess, the box people balance out my spacy, 'out there', adventurous mind.
easytoslip I can see that. People tend to compartmentalize others.
"Just be yourself, follow your heart." I was told a handful of days ago by a friend I had taken the risk to attempt to explain myself to. I'd been really working up my courage to do so, since every time I've tried to explain things from my perspective, no one understood me. Best case scenarios they just gave me a weird look, and more commonly, worst case scenarios, I get minimized, brushed off, basically bullied, etc.
So when I finally worked up the courage, and the time was right, and I tried to talk aboit it, and I was met with that sentence, it just threw me into an existential crisis that completely overwhelmed me. My social battery had been redlining for a little while, and so when I got hit with that line, and my brain managed to process it, I ended up almost doorslamming them, but I managed to keep my cool long enough to instead, as politely as I could, explain that I was going to have to disappear for several days.
As soon as I had finished explaining that, I instantaneously lost my mind, started doubting myself, all my perfectionistic qualities started kicking in, my confidence hit rock bottom, holes were being poked everywhere in my identity.
"Who am I, really?" I started asking myself, and yet again, I started doubting if I was an INFJ, then I felt like a liar, fraud, and a sham, and like I had lost the only thing that I could claim as what "I" was (am), I remembered that I hated being quantified by people who didn't understand me, and realized that I didn't understand me so I started hating myself for trying to quantify myself but kept trying to do so cause I didn't know what else to do, then I started trying to figure out what I had missed, cause clearly I had to have missed something that explained who I actually was, and then as some more time passed, and I managed to calm down slightly, I then very carefully pieced what little confidence I still had left back together, took the time to disprove as many of my doubts about my identity as I could, managed to half convince myself I hadn't been living a lie all this time, and only earlier today did I manage to finally (mostly) get over it. I'm still a little shaky, and am probably going to have doubts poking around for a while longer, but I'm mostly okay now.
TL;DR, telling me to be myself when I've worked up the courage to talk to you about myself is the big red button that causes me to go into existential crisis mode.
It's another disappointment to the pile, it's a miracle I haven't given up yet... Guess that's the idealist in me... I'm sorry if there are any run on sentences, I just sorta started rambling since there was no one to interrupt me and I'm bad at talking about my past, even if it's from a couple days ago.
Anyways, I hope whoever's reading this, or rather, I hope everyone is having a better day than I have been lately.
I think sometimes the "Just be yourself and follow your heart" is them saying when you are seeking advice.... "Well heck if I know!"
Incredible comment. I like how you politely explained that you'd be disappearing.
Do you think your friend realized how they deeply affected you? Or would you ever let them know that those type of phrases send you into a questioning frenzy?
@@allyson-- I'm sure they realised it after my reaction; they didn't press the issue at the time because they understood I needed some space.
It's been almost two years since then- I'm pretty sure. A lot has gone on in that time: I've gotten much better at sorting myself out, and communicating when things bother me. I'm still not great at it, but the effort is there, and I'm making strides to improve, albeit small ones.
If my friends say something that bothers me, then I'll tell them. I'm not quite as good at that with strangers or acquaintances, or even family for that matter. I'm managing though, still generally stressed and anxious, but I've been blessed with having found people who care, and that helps a lot.
It's hard for an INFJ, because 'who we are' at any given time is situationally dependent. It's just a side-effect of having Fe in our ego. We can be rational, we can care about peoples feelings, we can be direct, we can help bring order to chaotic situations, but it all depends on what the situation calls for. Who I am at this moment is who I need to be, there are so many facets to the INFJs personality, that I think we feel lost like we don't know who we 'really' are, but that we only know who we are manifesting. That knowing and having that feeling of certainty is an Fi thing. But I do know more about myself now, I can express the main parts of who I am. For example, I care about people. I want to improve people. I want to improve systems so that they can help people better. I have integrity and will stand up for others who cannot stand up for themselves. I'm constantly searching for truth and meaning. Now that I know these things about myself, I can better express it to those who would appreciate what I might have to offer.
This made me think of making a meme using the bird pelican picture template thing.. Starting at the top with someone saying 'be yourself' and then ending with it singing 'but I'm a creeeeeeep I'm a weeeeiirdoooo...' 😂😂
Also I'm developing my meme making talents and myself is fabulous (because leo ego) 😂
Good advice frank.. It's not just a case of knowing your limits..its equally as important to trust how far your limits can go before you burn out.. Personlly speaking from an infj perspective we need to trust our intuition much more then We/I do. To internally witness and judge our good and bad decisions through life....then being yourself can gradually be mastered....I'm getting old.. believe me when I say this slowly comes together..EDIT..I'm unsure if my piont is going to come across. But the trust you've had in being yourself has got you to franks channel...
UGH!!!!! I apologize to ALL those i told to "Be Yourself." Im learning a lesson on how it really "feels" to say that!! Thank you, Frank James for that lesson.
Stay cool and attractive, FJ. ~#ISTP
One way to look at it is this: there is a higher self and a lower self. The lower self is your flaws, insecurities, weaknesses and addictions. Meanwhile, the higher self is what you COULD be, aka your dreams, your values, your the DEVELOPED version of yourself. These two forces are always at odds. And our daily choices determine whether we are creating more of our lower self or striving toward our highest self.
Sahil Pandit yes!
I'd say about 99% of the time someone told me to be myself it was right after they told me to change something about myself. Lol! I'm myself all the time and I'm happy with that.
I love the way you think
Truth!! Being myself would be me being annoyed 40% of the time. I'd be a legit grinch, stay home and wouldn't want to meet new ppl. I would never do things that I've convinced my self that I can't do. I wouldn't grow.I sometimes force myself to do the opposite of what I'm thinking or feeling because "being myself" isn't always healthy. Great video Frank. You are such a thinker!
What i personally concluded from this is basically don't think about being yourself, it's already a struggle to figure which parts of your behavior are authentic, and a lot of things you feel comfortable doing are toxic and should be changed.
What i do is set PRIORITIES. Religion, health, family, career. If something about me needs to be changed to take care of those priorities I'll change it. If something doesn't effect those i won't spend energy trying to change it. If you set your mind to aim for your priorities all of this anxiety of trying to fit in and to be socially cool will just fade away.
Sorry I missed the Saturday Live. I hate things like Be Yourself, Follow Your Heart, trite little ditsy sayings like that. I tell my kids (and myself), Be a Blessing. I feel like it puts our personal focus on the interplay between ourselves and others. It's a good check and encouragement. Loved this post, FJ. Love you.
I just wanted to say i really do appreciate your videos and you became my personal growth mentor and i am very thankful for that. Please never stop uploading
I 1000% agree! I'm also going to take it a step further and say what I've learned. In a relationship it's better to hold back a little. I think we are told to find our soul mate, and they'll love us unconditionally. I've been married 16 years, I married way young so I'm actually only a few years older than you. I use to just say whatever I felt, and figured he's my soul mate I'm myself 100%. It turned out to not be a good idea, people really internalize venting and bad moods. I've really turned things around by not being myself 100% of the time. I am not phony but my issues are mine, and I tend to work on them more internally, and if I am talking I'm really aware of what I'm saying. In that way I am more of myself because it's very intentional what I'm putting out there. It kind of goes with what your saying. If you understand your strength, and understand you can use them to overcome your weakness what you put out is intentional, and isn't that more you? Good video as always!
Ooh, this is a small window that opens on a big space. Reining yourself in when you are aware of maybe hurting someone. A very nuanced tough call but can be done correctly Arjuna yes. Still understanding for those who can 't rein that in. Arggh. Maybe I'm being too comfortable with those too close. I see this flaw and feeling the guilt. It's o.k., motivation to change.
This balancing act is hard. Think circus gymnastics!
That's the beauty of staying with someone through the years and through the faults, we learn more than just blaming someone else and moving on to someone less self confronting
This is so helpful! Thank you! "Owning my limitations but not letting my limitations definite me." SO GOOD!! 👌🏾🔥💥
I agree that “be yourself” is BS. Yes it’s good to play to your strengths. I think they are trying to say “be confident”, but it’s obviously not working that way. I agree that playing to your strengths is a much better way to go about it and build your weaknesses. (This is why I like MBTI so you can illuminate your natural strengths and weaknesses)
Same! 😊
I've always founded this advice useless because every once in a while I learn something new about myself. Being in some situations I couldn't ever think that I would handle some things, but I do, and that's not because I was who I am, but because I pushed myself.
Thank you for your videos. One day (today), Life could be much different, I am trying to figure out the memory game and at times. Someone says, "I see you, and you are going to go places that I cannot." - And I will be happy to hear it.
Be who you should and can be.
You r so right…you really speak to me, but practically make my brain explode because you are so smart!
I have watched this three times as I needed to really get what you were saying and it was very profound and timely. Thank you Frank.
YOU SAID IT ALL! there are some traits we think define us but are actually sometimes just whims or mental states or simply limitations! there is only a part of us that is us, the rest is practically filled from our environment or experiences, sometimes positive sometimes negative; and self-defining by those can be destructive. We only have to look for the part that is truly the "self" to explore it, the rest is to be worked on in order to grow.
lol Word. Context is everything. I remember I was maybe 6 and attending Catholic School where I had to wear a uniform. One day was "Casual Day" and I misunderstood it to be "Be Yourself" day. I was stoked. I rolled out of bed with my favorite too tight green shirt with horizontal yellow stripes and a sunflower that was falling off. I also wore mis matched sox cause I liked how the colors blended. I got sent home early that day....so it was a win win for me as a kid.
Thanks! Yes, I totally relate to this! Thank you! I often wondered about this!
Awesome video FJ! I couldn't have put it better myself. Understanding one's own limitations is an important first step. The question is always, what's the next way around this so I can get closer to what I want to be?
My strategies as an INFJ to Be Myself is to "wing it" with my actions until I can claim it- [ Like quote in movie Field of Dreams " If you build it, they will come."-I learn at least one new thing every day to improve myself & since I think out of the box I decided sometimes you just have to physically make yourself get out of that box ; your comfort zone. I may have pushed that limit to the extreme; 20 years ago I decided to try skydiving. Somehow by letting go of the outcome [ the control ] the fact I could die; I felt a connection what it means to fully live in the moment..... I was focused on the experience & felt peace & not fear. Now in some areas of my life are a shambles; I can procrastinate with the best. And have I learned the hard way why you need to have strong boundaries for yourself. I tend to be a magnet for covert narcissists( which they will use that info to hurt you later). So in lasting relationships I need to take time & see what people's true motives are; do their actions conflict with their words? They have to prove to me that they are trustworthy before I will share my vulnerable side. I give short answers; very surface & neutral & then quickly turn it back to them; tell me about yourself? If they push for me to open up too quickly my stock reply is " Why do you want to know ?" or "I don't share my personal information until I know someone better." I think it's a great way to eliminate toxic people early on because they aren't getting what they want from you. But the caring, honest, loyal one's with good intent will be patient & stick around & value you more. It all will work out if it's meant to be. I have struggled with setting boundaries for myself because my FE is in overdrive; I always have strangers come to me to tell me their problems or I will go talk with them & give them some insight & lift them up with my words or prayers. There is just so much power in a smile or giving another person a moment of your time to let let them know that you see them; that is my purpose in life. But I do have to isolate at times to recharge so I don't burnout & I have to visulize all the troubles & feelings of others as opening my hands & letting go by seeing birds take flight from my finger tips. [ Hmmm - I hope Frank reads this as I just got an insight into art he showed; we are connected by what I call strands of light to God & others. We are in 2 realms at the same time; one this world that weighs us down & we feel life as much more mechanical ( the more gravity the larger the pulley ) & the other the spiritual realm ] Funny thing is I struggle with my own identity but I do have to get alone & journal to get insight into my own life & separate what are "my feelings" versus others as my NI is in overdrive also. I hope this makes sense, seems pretty disjointed after reading it backto myself
This could not have been a more INFJ discussion! 😂 It came across my feed today and I couldn't remember what you had said in it (since I saw it before).
I love the angst about being yourself! I was picturing myself at 5-7 years old asking myself, 'Well, who am I? What are my strengths?" before trying to play with the other kids. Lol.
So funny, Frank, but I do see your points, (even though this was 5 years ago). 😊✌️
GOD! Never thought I would find someone who could describe my problems so damn accurate. Thank u so much, Frank! You would have my vote as the president of Introvert Nation. :) u awesome!
Thanks FJ appreciate you just to help me just start the day, one of the best self help videos for INFJ's. My best strategy is too not make a big plan but a have a few goals for the day and get through using my best skills.
It takes one heck of a lot of self reflection and time to even begin to figure out who "yourself" is because the majority of the time we are busy trying to fill the expectations of others ideals of who they think we should be.
This is the societal norm so don't blame your "self" "pun intended".
To develop a healthy self, self image you have to get to know you. Become your own best friend and enjoy what you see in the mirror instead of judging yourself for feeling inadequate.
Figure out what you like, what you dislike, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel bad, happy, sad,etc. Form a true identity and then you can be "yourself".🤗
As a person who was told to be myself in my own country and while watching Hollywood movies but was skeptical about the message, I could really relate to this video. This clip made me clearly see the point why those words sounded so empty sometimes. (And glad that I did not comply to that message, as this intp girl's life would have been even lazier and more disorganized if I did so, haha)
Even though I subscribed to this channel because of comedy sketches that I play over and over, oftentimes I find myself loving these past videos even more. They are so deep and genuine:)
The path of authenticity doesn't allow excuses. People may try to use that as a mechanism of avoidance but ultimately unhappiness creeps in. I moved countries for self expansion and growth. It's hard but it's worth it.
I don't know... I've spent too long trying to accept myself that to be anything else now and/or what people want me to be is futile.
My phrase: you take me as you find me 😊
Don't be yourself, Be the best version of yourself !!
I completely agree!❤️❤️❤️❤️
/ I’m so proud of myself because I understand what you are saying here.. and I am so happy that you are actually LEADING in the advice you share. You are a good teacher. 🍎🍏🍇
I love this reply I also like your user name too. My user name on Bebo was Miss Very Merry Cherry Berries. Lol 😁
Hey Dexter Morgan, be yourself!!!
Frank, will you consider producing a video about "shadow work" someday? Authenticity and quality of (individual's) life includes acceptance, tolerance, and discipline in consistently integrating our Light and Dark in a balanced way.
Maybe if you see fit you can tie it in with the hypnosis video you did last year.
Hi Frank, I went thru the same thing in my 20s, 30s,& 40s, Always playing the chameleon & wearing masks for different people & places. When you hit 50-you say f--k it & relax. Because in the end, if they can't accept you for who you are, you don't need them. It gets better as you age. Most of them are not going to be around in 10 years anyhow. Be yourself, you're beautiful just the way you are. Which is, Raw & Real. We need more of that in this world. Be an example for others. You're unique, thrive in that.
Very insightful Frank, you're right, thank you ❤️
When I am "being myself" I scare people off lol (INFP here). And being myself means I'm always changing like the seasons. We won't ever "know ourselves" fully because we are always gaining new experiences as we grow older. I won't know my 80 year old self because I haven't experienced it yet. So I can totally get behind this kind of thinking. Thanks for sharing.
I thought about this last night (WhAt A cOiNcIdEnCe). I want to progress on life but felt really low. Someone telling to be myself would have made me feel hopeless because I'm usually an authentic woman and this is where I am now. What you said, on the other hand, makes more sense. I know my strength and I can use it to achieve my (scary and anxiety-inducing) goals. Nice hair btw 10/10.
Good piece of advice and nuance to Being Myself! If we don't know, we have to learn more about who we are and decide how we want to move in the world and then develop that and doing it! Thanks Frank!
I wish I'd realized this a long time ago. I have many versions of myself that work better depending on the situation. Cultivating those different versions or perhaps even discovering new ones is helpful to social growth.
This is where I go into the philosophical rabit hole of asking "does the self exist?" Lol. I came to the same conclusion that while we do have parts of our identities which are innate and relatively constant, the "self" is never fixed. We shouldn't be confined by our notions of who we are. I agree that the best balance is to go out of your comfort zone while still being authentic to your core.
Also, I have the same distate with "be yourself" as i do with the cliche of finding yourself. If it's something you can find, that indicates a fixed identity. In reality we create ourselves through the narratives we write for our lives. We are the ones who reflect on our past and create meaning from it. We have the power over our narratives. That's the beauty of knowing that the self is not an unchanging thing which we are meant to discover. Sorry for rant I just think about this constantly and am so grateful you brought this up.
Excellent
I understand being open to where I can make improvements and criticism. I do own up.to flaws and mistakes.
I’ve always thought of ‘being yourself’ was like just letting go and to just be. I do believe this, however I do like the insight that this ‘person’ I’m being isn’t really all that tangible, and that no matter how much I think I’m letting go, I can’t shake the fact I’m still constrained by an ego.
LOL! I'm not sure I know exactly who I am because I evolve. Your videos always lift my mood. 😊
For me "Be yourself" was actually a good advice to me. It helped me be more assertive and do what's right.
As you said "Be yourself" means "Don't be something that you're not". Throughout my childhood till my late teens I was somone else.
Once I started to not care what others think . I'm open to improve but in a way that I want , if it works idc if it's slower, if the faster method is very uncomfortable to me then I won't do it.
Around 2:42 reminded me of when I was a young teenager and my Youth leader was teaching a class at church. He mentioned how many will say, “well I’m just quiet. I can’t do ‘this or that’. This is just the way I am.”
This has stuck with me for years, as I finally was able to realize that by saying or feeling this way, I was putting limitations on my own growth in more areas than one- just as FJ mentions. This is a continual process, trying to grow out of that mindset. It’s not impossible.
I write this in hopes that it might be encouraging to someone.
I totally feel the same. Also it induces a sense of guilt because it's an advice that is so commonly used and always leaves me feeling like I don't know how being myself will translate in reality or that actually being myself (which can be mistaken by 'acting instinctivly') will have disastrous consequences in some situations :P
Hey bud, INTJ here, 1 year late. Man am I glad. I had not considered this. I’ve been struggling all my life. I think I kept to myself entirely, you know, in general, I don’t pay attention to what most people have to say about us. I’ve been getting some important comments from my best friend (an INFJ) about this, and I do listen to those closest to me. I usually am myself, hate it or love it, or i wear very subtle masks. Your point is very, very interesting because I just realized that by playing the “hate it or love it”, I only ended up inhibiting myself and my development. I love that. Thank you.
Please forgive me if I fail to develop solid “S” skills 😂
Yeah I'd say I agree with all of this. Self-actualization isn't as simple as just "being true to oneself" although that's part of it. Your explanation was pretty legit. Self acceptance doesn't equate complacency. Some people are too accepting and don't work hard enough towards the goal of a better self. I for one am naturally an overachiever so I have the other problem of trying to be something I'm not. But I know myself very well and that's the first step to reaching a productive state of authenticity (as opposed to a lazy one) 🙂 I catch myself when I'm doing that(trying to be something I'm not)
this is why i prefer "do what you honestly want to do. You don't owe anyone an explanation" than "be yourself"
He is such a gem....puts so many things into perspective for me.
“Tell me about yourself” ... major crickets and panic! My response: “Happy Birthday!” 🤦🏻♀️🤣 Ok maybe I exaggerate. Worst question in online dating .. “What do you do for fun?” .. uhhh .. no thank you .. no fun for me. Too dangerous 🤣
That makes two of us! Well…I don't online date (or do social media for that matter) but when someone asks 'so what do you do for fun?' or that dreaded interview question, ummmm…
Periwinkleeyes70 heck yes!
@Periwinkleeyes70 I wonder if responding 'Well, what do you wanna know?' is a legit answer? Like what's it look like, going on interviews is my hobby /:
Being comfortably quiet and observant is never comfortable for others.
LOVE THIS POSITIVITY AND WISDOM, LETS GOO FJ
I be myself when I don’t try to force my opinions on others to just believe that they are true” i stick to them but I don’t expect people to do that . It’s that feeling when I don’t force myself to do things I don’t like to just be liked by others . Instead i do things I don’t like to grow and create a light moment to remember in the sea of dark waves. I be myself when I don’t compare. Comparison can easily take you out of your identity like a kryptonite :] i be myself when I know I don’t have to impress people or try to meet their expectations. I only challenge me and i do it for me .
I enjoyed your video. "Being Yourself" is definitely a bit of an abstract thing. I can be shy and outgoing, it depends how I feel or what I am doing. I am so many things that "being myself" is not something I can define or really know what that is. aha .
Be yourself.
If you know yourself.
To know yourself, decide which questions to ask yourself, to get you (your physical, mental, and spiritual ideas, ideals, experiences, memories, beliefs, or impulses) out of the way of your Self.
Know Thyself
To thine own Self be true
I am a spirit in search of experience.
I embrace the highest motives of man to create.
I have faith which signifies that I live a spiritual life.
I overcome adversity with an open heart and an open mind.
Be blessed y'all 🙏
Throughout my teenage years, I answered every question about myself with "I don't know". It was kinda like my catch phrase. It wasn't the most enthralling or flattering catch phrase but it was applicable to a wide array circumstances and it gave me universal appeal and the air of a mystic wise man that I delighted in. I'm now finding at age 22 that it's helpful to know something about myself and to know how to express it vocally, especially when it comes to job interviews and relationships - not essential, but unequivocally helpful. I much prefer to not talk about what I'm doing or what I'm good at.
Graham Nash "Songs for Beginners" is a great album. Thanks for reminding me.
Great video !
Thanks Frank!
Thank you, it helped me a lot ♥
I don't know exactly what does it mean to be myself but i know how i feel when i 'am not me. Being in my shoes it's an (so good) energy, being out of my shoes it's a thought, something out.
I kinda thought this video was all over the place. Love your videos by the way!
As an INTJ I wouldn't know how not to be myself all the time, so this advice had been always quite confusing for me. I absolutely loved your explanation, thank you! ❤️
this was inspiring. Thanks.
“It might actually be hazardous in the long run” 😂 you’re actually a very funny human.
But yeah personal identity is weird man lol I’m very aware of my strengths and weaknesses. My hobby is perpetually fueling my own self growth. People think that’s boring. I’m ok being boring though ... it’s my own game, and I like it?
So I guess for me being myself means always being in a place of growth... fo eva.
That was so helpful what you said to see okay I’m good at THAT but I can’t do that because I’m bad at THIS so I have to work on this to actually perform at what I’m good at... if that makes sense.
Facepalm advice. “Talking is easy, just say something. Getting something is easy, just find it. “
This is so true 😩
I always took the advice as "drop the pressure of trying and just be". Then some things would fall into a place. Or not
Yeah being myself is when I get depressed and call everyone I've ever met about it, and then everyone is annoyed at me!
I think that you can still be yourself, if “being yourself” still includes improvement, and an honest, constructive look at yourself
To be your true self you got to love yourself which is too hard for most people.
This is great.
I thought of this concept and knew this for a longgggg time ago lol 😂 but then when I tell ppl this they think I’m crazy.
This👏🏼is👏🏼very👏🏼true👏🏼
"How can I be myself if I also want to grow?" is a question that I've asked myself, too. I've lately been discussing with people about my future studies and stuff, because I have to choose what to do quite soon. I'm very easily affected by other people's opinions. Someone came up with a bunch of good reasons why I should study abroad and convinced me to think it's a good idea as well. The next person told me it's better to stay in Finland and I was like "yes, that's what I'm going to do!". So what is my own opinion and what do I want, when am I being myself?
I'm not sure yet if this one is a good piece of advice, since I haven't tested it, but: someone suggested that I could pretend for one day that I had chosen one option, and try how it makes me feel. The next day I'd try with the other option.
Agreed🙌 I grew up hearing this all my life, and it's never helped
Myself has many facets....
Also, there's a Shakespearean love poem in the wrapper of that chocolate I mentioned on your art video.