How to be a Friend to Yourself
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- Опубліковано 28 вер 2024
- The person we may find it hardest to be kind and sympathetic to is, surprisingly, ourselves. Yet being a friend to ourselves provides the only viable basis for living an emotionally fulfilled life.
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FURTHER READING
“Polite people have it instilled in them from an early age that they should not talk too much about themselves. A few comments aside, they should - to prove appealing - always ask the other about their lives or stick to impersonal topics found in newspapers, lest they be accused of that heinous charge: self-absorption…”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/9hTxYK
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I want three lumpy monsters as friends
Hi, That would be so Awesome!:) Thanks.
I have 3 lumpy monsters "as friends"...........LOL
Chiara Biasotti came in this section to ask for the same.. Now where are those 3 friends I ordered for myself 😂
Chiara Biasotti me too
I'm a Cookie Monster. Is that lumpy enough? ;)
The School of Life is becoming the best friend I ever had.
yes so true school of life is indeed a good friend
Yes agreed, I listen to some of their videos on repeat so that the information sinks in and plus it is comforting.
The best friend I never had
Agreed!!!
True
After going through the worst depression of my life, I remember stopping on a whim, & buying myself a Dairy Queen Blizzard.
I was amazed how good that tasted after the hell I had been through.
Give YOURSELF a RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS.
You'll feel better.
And you'll enjoy it everytime you think about it. Even year's later.
Large Georgia Mud Fudge, if you were curious.
how did you get over it?
When I was feeling sad I buy myself things but still couldn't move on about such events that had happened to me, I hope I could be like you.
true!
Andra 23 ;
I learned that two things caused most of my problems; Memory & Imagination.
I was getting upset (be that rage or tears) by the memory of abuse from Toxic family.
Ditto by thinking of what MIGHT happen if I allowed these people back into my life.
You must understand, In 2016, after a lifetime of abuse, I cut those Toxic people from my life. I went 100% NO CONTACT.
Yet the worst depression came a year later. I continued reliving all their toxic behavior. Decade's of it!
Then I realized it wasn't necessary. I was wasting my freedom from those people by thinking about all the times they had wronged me. I was getting upset at these Memories.
I started reminding myself, they are only memories now. And I will NEVER allow those toxic people back into my life. So STOP thinking about them! Think about something else. They are NOT worth all the effort. They are TOXIC, & they are NEVER going to change! Stop wasting my freedom from them by thinking about them.
Likewise, STOP playing WHAT IF, because they will NEVER AGAIN be allowed in my life.
Don't waste your time or emotions on Memory & Imagination. Live your life. Make NEW memories to replace the old ones.
No, you will not completely forget the bad. Just don't focus on it. Think of the good times in your life, if you must look back.
Better to look forward. Move away from the bad, so you aren't around the reminders everyday. Take no reminders with you. Start fresh. Make new memories. Try not to look back. It's a waste of time, energy, & effort. So is playing WHAT IF....
Memory & Imagination.
They can be your friend or your enemy. For me, they were the enemy. But no longer. I focus on the good times from my past, & I don't play what if...
And if I find myself thinking about my Toxic family, I remind myself I cannot truly allow myself to get upset by Memory & Imagination. It's a waste of time.
I hope this helps.
Best Wishes.
Interesting how I was just thinking of getting myself one 5 seconds ago
It's so weird hearing his calming voice say things like "shit head"
Jackie House hahaha 👌👌🤣😍
Lmao me too.
I'm sure Alain relishes the opportunity to do so too.
Omg 🤣
Me too I didn't think they swear in those videos.
Ever since I become best friend to my own self, I discover that I could love others better especially my own family. I become a better person, calmer than my old self. And..people can feel that. They compliment me more and they look sincere delivering those compliments. I think loving myself is simply magic.😊
Well said
Self love is the key to happiness ❤️
Yes❤️
That's cool and all but how did you get there? Daily journaling? Meditation? (I'm doing that).
@@cesar3989 talking to yourself also helps
“It never ceases to amaze me: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care about their opinions more than our own.” - Marcus Aurelius
Good quote but I don’t care what other people think about me.
@@auraandrei146 then I guess it wasn’t a quote for you.
I don’t love myself but I am self-centered and yet I still care about what other people think...a paradox.
This is totally not true for everyone,
The content and themes developed in this channel are so interesting, but the art in it is SOOO OUTSTANDING. It's really creative and calming to see. It express the things that are being said pretty well. Beautiful, thank you.
Lots of love and blessings from Argentina.
Faia Halo I agree
Faia Halo que lindo ver otro argentino por acá! nice channel.
Marina Rivosecchi oh sí, saludos querida Marina ! 💠
¡Hola Faio Halo y Marina Rivosecchi! Otro argentino acá. ¡Saludos cordiales a las dos!
Así me dan ganas de armar un grupo Argento!
Mirá qué loco.. a una hora de distancia
"Love yourself, then you'll love your neighbor" ~ Wisdom.
No, some neighbors are just pieces of shit.
Stupid Flanders.
I hate my neighbors! Snitches!!!
The problem is, friends don't know us like we know ourselves. That's why it's so hard to give ourselves encouragement, or the benefit of the doubt, because deep down we know why we deserve the hate we give ourselves.
18YOLOL Bull. Too much self-hatred is as bad as too much self-love. Both are based on self-deception. You are human. You will screw up sometimes. Learn from your mistakes. Forgive yourself and move on.
there is no such thing as too much self love. You think of the blindness that comes with people you know that like to express their love for themselves, but that is narcism, it's the exclusive love for oneself. And what they lack is sight, but the pure love for oneself can never be bad.
18YOLOL that is a very valid point. However, I think that sometimes we are overly confident that we understand ourselves very well although our self image may be very skewed depending on recent circumstances.
Please, don't do it. I lost my friend because he thinks he does not deserve me. I told him I love him and that I don't care about his mistakes, I have mine too, but he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I don't know what to do, I love him and miss him so much. But for some reason (maybe he wants to make me hate him or distance himself from me) he is being rude. I can't hate him abd I hope someday he is going to talk to me again.
18YOLOL but does it matter? Ur friends have real reasons why they fail, yet u accept and care for them. Why shouldn't u do that for yourself?
Life, is going to be great...
mark burg Sure
Love that Trainspotting reference.
Don`t forget that it`s all we have,so we should make it great...
............Who are you lying too.
Dragon Ball Super Is NOT Canon 4t5 revue
I've yet to do anything more difficult in my life than trying to get back up from years and years of ever-growing self-hatred. Thanks to this channel, some really thoughtful comments and a couple of books I've finally made some progress, even though it's still pretty minor when considering the big picture. It feels good, but damn is it hard and easy to slip up!
Undoing existing pattern in our life is very challenging, but it is a work that one must do to be truly independent, free, and mature. Props to you for doing your work!
After 5+ years of being friends with this other guy.
Only now did i open up and share some of my true self.
Turned out to be well received and i'm glad i did it.
Feel a lot closer now.
Holy god, this was really helpful. I actually have a lot of trouble making the most out of the "me" time I have when all my friends ditch me sometimes, and this video (along with several others) always makes me hopeful that I can cope with the ups and down of life. So thank you :)
Thank you (: I often forget to care/support myself like I do for my friends or even strangers like the video said . I got arrested reminding people to be happy (graffiti) and not to be to hard on themselves lol.
tye boyce aww
lol
bloody criminal
You seem like a cool guy, Tye. I like your graffitte idea.
We all have the ability to be good and bad also building lists isn't the best idea but you're hearts in the right place. It's about choice. World greatest criminal graffiti master me lol all I will say with graff is make sure you can run faster then the police.
youve got a friend in you
Thanks. I needed this.
Me three
Logan Same,
same
How can we remind ourselves daily about it?
I love how this channel gives profound messages in a digestible format. This is actually a very deep life realization that many people only realize late in life.
This came out 7 years ago, but it resonates so much. Thank you so much for this. Sending love to whoever reads this :) You're not alone. It's never too late to learn how to love yourself.
My only friend is my crippling depression
Hi Cynic, Been there but I got help by joining a therapy group and with their help I found a new way of dealing with a lot of my depression and anxieties.
Just talking it out can do a world of good and being with other people, in itself makes you feel better. Give it a try! Good Luck. Thanks.
Move to Cleveland! That's their major export!
@Cynic That's what it wants you to think. ;)
My simple advice to you is: Be grateful. Consider every little thing at the end of the day and say thank you for it. It may work for you too.
"Hello darkness my old friend..."
This is what I really now! Sometimes I forget to be friends with myself at times.
All i want is a good caring friend but nowadays "friends" make excuses that they are too busy to hang out with u(not even 1h a week or in a month, u can see that u arent important to them anymore). I am really caring, friendly and like hanging out but since they get distant and don´t put effort keeping the friendship alive then WHY DO U EVEN BOTHER??? Social media has RUINED EVERYTHING. People don´t even give compliments anymore which can make your mood better, boost confidence etc.
Alice Madness i wouldn't agree with the whole statement. i found that I'm distancing myself from some of my friends, not wanting to spend time with them on weekends etc but enjoying their company in school or so. and it definitely doesn't have anything to do with social media, it is specifically about them
Alice Madness yet i still have friends who i care about, even though I'm not so good at showing it. my point is, maybe they're just not friends for you. don't blame social media, if anyone seems to be affected by them - dump them immediately
Alice Madness it was always like this hahah, it's not about them but more about you. dont make it something Special to have friends. just enjoy life by yourself, have your shit together and people will be there to have fun with. just accept it as it is
Hi Alice, I tend to agree. The only "Real People" I in my life are the other members of my therapy group, otherwise it's communication through this mechanical box, day in and day out!:P
I think we've lost a big part of our shared humanity to technology and convince. We live our lives from "Screen to Screen" and real life just get's in the way. That's why a whole lot of us are just sad and lonely.
Btw, I like your name, it made me smile:) Thanks.
maybe ppeople think you're clingy and annoying
The Beauty of Freedom is Immeasurable
The Satisfaction of Dignity is Divine
You Do Not Need to be Someone You Are Not
JUST you are FINE
The world Needs You
Because There is Only One You
And Only You Can Be You, Like You Do
LOVE from Cappadocia!
Im here because after the lockdown I'm going to tell my "friend" that I don't want to be her friend anymore. Because life is leading me to another path. I want to start everything all over again.
Same
"I love you, school of life" was the first thing I found myself mumbling once the video was finished. I love you, school of life. You are helping me through a lot, specifically through this difficult phase of my life. Please, don't ever stop
You’ve done more for me than a thousand therapy session combined ever could
Another great video! I often hold my own hand when I feel like I need to be my own friend. It's a symbolic gesture saying " I have my own back" and it often leaves me feeling better
Oh my god thank you so much for making this video. Recently i felt like no one's really care about me, and i stressed a lot on how i was losing my trust in my own ability. I feel like im not capable of doing anything the way i expect myself to be.This video gave me enlightenment and comfort. I'll try my best to be my very own best friend :)
3:28 that rain cloud and gesture with the umbrella is such a relatable metaphor
Let's just take a moment to appreciate how beautiful this animation is.
Having that point of view, being a friend to your own self can truly change your life. It gives you that distance you need to evaluate situations and be sensible about what happens in your life. You just become less harsh to yourslef and that's a truly beautiful act. Great video as always thanks to the School of life ❤
Not am I only a bad friend to myself, I'm a bad friend with others
Nice.
I don't know how to thank you but these videos have helped me so much with getting out of a rut. It's nice to be reminded that life is difficult, success isn't straight forward and self compassion is as needed as self criticism. Thank you!
Lets get some enthusiasm in the depressed comment section.
Yay, happy times. Woo
Areté i cant be enthusiastic but here it is, some positive nihilism. It’s all going to be fine and you can’t change it. It’s the universe’s way and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Stop trying and accept you’re a cool fucking human ( or god, fae, what-fucking-ever-i-dont-discriminate)
YEEEAAAAHHH!!
i sometimes repeatedly watch this channel's videos and cry on the corner alone.
I love those blue red yellow things they are so cuuute :)
Thank you for this! Thinking of yourself as a friend to yourself puts things in such a different perspective, especially in times when you're being particularly hard on yourself. It'd make life so much easier if we always treated ourselves like a good friend would. Thanks for reminding us!
"Jaha kahi pe kuch bhi nahi tha, wahi tha wahi tha"
Translation - Where there was nothing, it was there only.
These lines made me speechless 😶😶
i would rather write you all in "school of life" a personal email of sorts. but this video is okay too i guess. ill have to say that you have helped me find answers and solutions to most of my personal problems and existential crisis. ive gone through most of my life in missery. being a self loathing, self destructive philosopher, I have not been very kind to myself. both mentally and physically. only the last couple of weeks Ive learned to look in the mirror and feel something else than disgust. and believing in myself and what i am capable of.
Ive got to thank you for providing this content, and for being a source of information for people like me. to help bring out the best in ourselves.
Best, Tom
Alain, you're one of the best things to ever happen to this planet. I'm deeply thankful.
love love love this 💞 be a good friend to yourself
This channel is just too beautiful... I feel incredibly lucky to have found its videos
I am not going to go easy on myself, I'm too much of a fuck up for that.
Dylan Salvitti Friends who want you to grow won't enable you to screw up. They will simply ask you: "what are you going to do about it?" and leave you to learn the hard way.
I just find the idea as forgiving to myself as i am to my friends kind of shortsighted, i know myself far too much to be forgiving and enough of them to know why i should be for them. Whenever i work with other people, i ensure that whenever i make i'm upfront about it and do try to fix it or make sure i bear the brunt of whatever damage it causes. I forgive other people because i don't know them as well as myself but that's no excuse not to be hard on people and yourself when needed.
Dylan Salvitti you'll use this method of learning until it exhausts you (or vice versa) and realize you have a choice. to choose how you think and feel about yourself despite the circumstance.
to honestly be conscious and try and say the statement you just did is hardly possible, simply because you know it not to be true. fear and false ego feed from your negativity. deep down you know you are lovable, you are loved and worthy of it, and what you "deserve" if anything is true acceptance for who you are, which you can start by owning where you are and accepting/forgiving the pitfalls, faults, you think you have or have experienced
"screwing up" is heavily and badly stigmatized. failure is the recipe for success but peeps like to put on this show of invulnerability or say that losing is bad. our culture has us confused with its perceived vulnerability and fear
Definitely want to be a better friend to myself. I think being a better friend to myself may help me be a better friend to someone else.
it's said that "the enemy of my enemy, is my friend" .. but if I'm the enemy of myself, am I also my friend?..*sips on a cup of coffee*
Thamer_ss no one drinks coffee anymore. Its TEA. Ok sorry for the random reply. Although i see what u mean 🤔🤔 *hmmmm*
No one drinks tea anymore. Everyone drinks boba
I really needed this today.
Thanks for pointing out not only how to encourage myself, but also know what to see in a 'true' friend. :)
I hope everyone has a great day~
Be yourself. Figure out what you love and do it everyday. Ignore what other people think, and you'll notice that the right people will begin to gravitate towards you. You'll also start to notice that you care less and less about what others think, because you're perfect the way you are.
I'm missing the link to our emotional and rational ways of thinking. Being rational towards friends is easier because there are (in my case) no emotions getting in the way of seeing things clearly. If I have to ask myself what I need and how to make me feel better about myself, I get conflicted in knowing what is best for me rationally, but emotionally not being able to take the next step. Emotion gives comfort in some way. For example: What I'm doing to make myself feel better doesn't mean it is good for me (i.e., Staying up late, overworking, self-loathing).
I can see why people forget to be a friend to themselves. Great video!
The School of Life definitely, definitely changed my life...for better! I feel more realistic about every situation in my life and with that, more confident.
I usually recommend to everybody
Know a lot of people (especially myself) that can relate to this thanks School of Life!!
When you're so lonely you try to befriend yourself, and you decline
Well put!
My real name. The most important thing that I've learned from my failures in life is that I just don't give a s**t anymore about most everything, including most family members (but not all). And I've been growing more and more happier each and every day because I just don't care anymore. It seems to be very liberating! I think I'm beginning to realize that I've missed a lifetime because I refused to be a "friend to myself".
Thank you for this video.
TSL has the best video editing on YT.
We need our friendship with ourselves the most coz no one has lived and gone through things exactly like us :).thanks for the video .Really good animation and conveys the message clearly !
I've started to tell myself... "It's okay buddy. We all make mistakes. We're only human You're a great person. " And it does help.
Though I do find (and try to catch myself) falling back into beating myself up.
I don't know how to keep a conversation engaging, barely know how to talk to ppl
I've often felt like that. Practice will help. I suggest you research a list and visit some area Toastmasters clubs, then join one (or an Agora Speakers club). These are non profit groups that don't advertise much so few know they even exist let alone how beneficial they are. Gaining new skills and interacting with positive, encouraging people makes most people feel better! It's fun and you help others too. Many felt the same as you. Research a list of questions to ask OTHERS. Most people like to talk about themselves. Sounds odd but they'll remember YOU being an interesting person if you get them to talk about themselves. You get to practice listening skills which are even more important.
You learn through struggle and confusion. Get away from the comforts, they will devour your person.
The book "intimate connections" by david burns addresses this and it's not because you're boring or dull that you feel the need to bail, it's your fear of intimacy and lack of self esteem. Give yourself a fucking hug and chant "i'm a fucking winner/I'm unstoppable/the world can suck my nuts" every day until you believe yourself in the mirror as corny as it sounds. Good luck buddy.
Practice active listening. Pick up what your conversation partner is talking about and pull the strings on it. Engage them by asking about their opinions and their plans on what they mentioned. Challenge them so as to generate banter.
Most of all: practice makes perfect. No one becomes a master speaker by sitting home alone. Go out there and makes mistakes. It's the only way to learn.
dabidoe is it a good read?
I use to be a bad friend to myself and others but I have gotten better over they years
Next time when someone says I drink too much booze, I'll just say "It's okay. It's for a friend."
Those last words really got to me
Hi, The problem is that I don't have any close friends so I don't have anyone to compare this too. How do you open up and bring people into your life?
I can go a whole week without talking to a real person:/
Maybe I'm spending too much time in the computer? But I don't have anything else, Thanks.
Michael Pesavento I have no close friends either. Every time I have had one it's just gone weird.
I suggest you research a list and visit some area Toastmasters clubs, then join one (or an Agora Speakers club). Gaining new skills and interacting with positive, encouraging people makes most people feel better! It's fun and you help others too. Many felt the same as you. When you've got more confidence, then go on Meetup and find clubs that interest you, or start your own. Find your 'tribe' (See "Tribes" by Seth Godin). Chances are there are others out there with similar interests or causes.
Michael Pesavento I don't know I was never liked much. girls always hated me cause of how I dressed and guys always flirted. I'm unusual and bold. nobody ever excepted me .
Hi Holly, Sometimes it just takes finding the right kind of friends.
I'm part of a therapy group we meet once a week and we are all going through different things but we all have our own challenges and we are able to share our own uniqueness and we all learn from each other. I hope to be able to make some friends from these diverse and interesting people. I suggest you give it a try. Thanks.
Hi, Thanks for the advice, I never heard of those groups but they sound ideal and well worth the effort. Like a good place to start. Thanks.
This is also a brilliant reminder of what a good friend is
I need re-watch it over time.
I'm so easy to forget
Hey School of Life,
Can you perhaps make a video about 'How much is too much' regarding the control your parents have over your life?
Idk if 'Asian' perspective can be kept in mind or not but yeah that's the situation i'm in.
so the point is to accept who we are and that we can be better although we are good enough. failur is part of the process. and to compliments on our good and not emphasize our bad
I don't know, it seems that every time I try to be a friend with myself,
I end up being a friend with benefits.
I'm glad that I'm already good at this. I learned this from experience a while back and the lesson demolished my personal self consciousness. Thanks for spreading it.
P.S. I love the animation quality as always! Keep it up, you are currently my favorite UA-cam channel.
Nothing better than School of life, on a bad day or a good day 🤓
Damn this is the type of mentality I wished I had when self-reflecting. I often over-emphasise my bad traits,like being anti-social while never looking at the good. If I could adopt this type of thinking I think I would be able to truly improve myself for the better.
I struggle with this. I'm still in the process of loving myself. Right now it's still in the self-hate mode, which I know a lot of people deal with.
learning how to love ourselves in healthy realistic way is crucial to a healthy society.
***Who is here because you dont have a bestfriend or a friend?***
Me and I've learned to be ok with it
we are also kind to others, often because we are projecting what we most want to recieve or believe about ourselves. also, as most of us are operating from our reptile brain much of the time, we often offer reactive positivity to friends, rather than honest or balanced responses, so that we'll feel safe with that friend, and out of fear of losing them.
ah, nothing better than my daily dosage of depression.
loloismydaddy This has been commented below quite a bit of their videos. Except this time it's just wrong... how was this one depressing
True that
This was the opposite of depressing..
Z ayyyyyy
The only way I can think of this as being a dose of depression is that one may not have someone to consider as a friend. But even then it's OK, because one will always have itself waiting to be befriended.
You are a good friend indeed
What a wonderfully charming way to tell the story of such a common human experience. One of life's greatest ironies is that we often find it so hard to be a friend to the one who needs our friendship the most, ourselves. 🌟⭐️💫
Thanks for the reminder :)
Man...the good this channel is doing
I'm here after a lot of your videos. I've learned a lot and your advices will accompany me through all my life.
I am now a true friend to my self. So you reached exactly the pourpose of what you're doing, and the least I can do to thank you is to tell you succeeded in changing a person's life. Again, whit all my heart, thank you,
Hello darkness my old friend...
I don't know what friendship feels like. I've been a loner my whole life. Though I am my own friend I hear that voice in the back of my mind all the time.
lately, my mood has been watch videos like this and cry
Can this nigga come to my house and read me a bedtime story?
Hey watch ur mouth nigga
Look at your inner being and contemplate about it. Would you befriend it?
Just wanted to note that the animation here is brilliant and frames the content in such a beautiful way 🤗
Where have you beeen alll my lifeeee im going to binge watch
Love Lies Beneath all of the painful stories we have about ourselves.
Slowly setting out to be my best friend and it is tricky. Progress seems slow but I'm getting there. Goodluck to anyone else in the same room boat.
This is so important to remember.
thank you thank you for helping me overcome my head when it's in the worst condition
Even tho I'm three years late , but here's what I ve been doing , whenever I feel like it I try to imagine myself as someone else a real person with name and I try to help that person from an outsider perspective , for example if I did bad in a test , I imagine my friend who's done bad in the test and I will try to comfort them and give them hope that they can do better , It kinda of working for me , because I can see the proplem from kinder view and same with word we would never call a friend ugly yet we say it all the time to ourselves , it doesn't work for every situation tho , I'm still working on myself and trying to accept
Idk but I thought I will throw my ideas out here maybe they could help someone
Thank you for the reminder that we have to be our own friends too. ❣
That was intense to realize that it's ok to be a bit selfish, a bit obsessed with ourselves only to actually understand who we are better. In our society it's acceptable to be selfless. And this is not a bad quality but it's how some people can privately be filled with hatred of themselves when they are selfless. But maybe being friends with yourself can actually change you.
I think that if we could treat ourselves as a friend, the concept of "friend as someone else" would fall in a very short time. Like if a friend's role is to keep memory of the things that are ok in us, it's because we can't do that by ourselves, and in fact we keep repeating our failures and, well, the video already said it . So.
Being your own best friend is the buffer to keep solo from turning to lonliness.
Tbh I really can have incedible times with my own company. I think of all sorts of funny things that just crack me up real bad. I guess I have quite a vivid imagination. That being said, I have to work on the loving side of friendships. I find myself cussing and calling myself names all the time. I never had issues with this, but during breakup and constant feelings of regret, it is driving me crazy. I'll try to be a better friend to myself thanks
love your neighbors as you love yourself -Jesus
Thank you. This is just in time. Feeling especially down tonight, and have been watching the video for several times. Thank you.
Love this video , such an important message :)
What a beautiful video, thank you so much for creating this message!
A real freind is kind.compassionate and loving.......not mean and cold.
Ha jokes on you I don't have any friends.
I'm really lonely.
Tony Redgrave wooosh.
Then be your own friend dummy.