The Secret of Successful Relationships: Rupture and Repair
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- Опубліковано 16 тра 2024
- No relationship is ever stable; each goes through a regular cycle of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair’. A healthy relationship is not one in which ruptures never occur, but one where both parties are willing and able to repair them.
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FURTHER READING
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“Many tensions within relationships can usefully be looked at through the prism of a concept much used within psychotherapy: the idea of ‘rupture’ and ‘repair.’ For psychotherapists, every relationship is at risk of moments of frustration or as the term has it, of ‘rupture’, when we suffer a loss of trust in another person as someone in whom we can safely deposit our love, and whom we believe can be kind and understanding of our needs. The ruptures are often quite small, and to outside observers perhaps imperceptible: one person fails to respond warmly to another’s greeting; someone tries to explain an idea to their partner who shrugs and says off-handedly that they have no idea what they’re on about; in front of friends, a lover shares an anecdote which casts the partner in a less than flattering light. Or the rupture can be more serious: someone calls someone a stupid fool and breaks a door. A birthday is forgotten. An affair begins…”
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1. The ability to apologize
2. The ability to forgive
3. The ability to teach
4. The ability to learn
Goods list
Or just swxbots rather than humans.
thanku for this .
@@paulcolin9071 q
@Cassondra Perry the ability to reflect. (And then apologize, self-teach and learn;) )
“You can learn a lot from your mistakes when you aren't busy denying them.”
― Oscar Auliq-Ice
my husband beat the crap out of me. i should learn from my mistake and learn to repair what i've done. i don't yet know what i've done, but i am sure it is bad. since he keeps beating me up. i should learn to be the bigger person and keep repairing our relationship. he beats me, and i cook him dinner in return, to repair.
this video was an eye opener(at 2:25) i now know why he does not apologize. it's because he doesn't consider himself worthy enough. awww... that's so cute, i started to cry, and it hurts because my left eye is closed shut, black and swollen, and it hurts. my poor hubby thinks he is not good enough to apologize.
This is great!
@@Gordanmgleb Be strong and leave HIM!
@@glennbrown3426 i just made that sarcastic comment to prove the fallacy of this "enlighten video"
@@Gordanmgleb got ya.
Realizing that the other person is not evil is the first step to forgiveness, seeing that they made a mistake because they were desperate or weak not because they were evil. But accepting their weakness and forgiving them for not being strong is the bigger and more challenging step.
Also you need to be able to discern evil first. Forgiving people can be very oblivious to the presence of evil.
Actually sometimes extrem weakness is part of Being evil.:(
@@alejandramarquez6804 I would phrase it differently… I would say sometimes people need to be on their own to work out their issues if the problems persist in harmful ways. Not evil, but not something to ignore and say “it’s ok” to either.
@@justinemassey not evil, but then, you have to decide if that affects you or not, move on or stay..
"Forgive but don't forget..."
The worst feeling is when you get misunderstood by the very own people who care for you
My entire life.
Ur entire life has been on dope. No wonder u were never understood
@@patricktong8967
Wow! Are your meds not working today?
Explain again, explain better
Here I thought being on fire then eaten by pirahna was.
The ability to apologize is a really important aspect of every relationship along with the ability to forgive.
Hmmm I wish more people understood that.
@Deep Dish Philosopher Not if they're willing to apologize back. See how that works? Both ways! My mom never apologized for anything, now she's dead and I hope she rots in hell.
Absolutely. For me, learning how to release my desire to be 'right' was so essential to apologizng, taking responsibiltiy or co-responsibility in conflict, and beginning repair. Sometimes that is so much harder than it sounds or needs to be.
Only with humans. With a non-human relationship, say with a tulpa or sexbot, one partner will never need to apologise.
@Deep Dish Philosopher your type of mentality is why relationships don’t last anymore. Apart from cheating and abuse, everything else is something that can be fixed. No one is perfect. Every one makes mistakes. People are easily misunderstood
Apologizing does not make you weak. It takes strength to recognize your wrong doings and try to make repairs.
Apologizing is the easiest thing to do if you're a narcissistic asshole.. the words are easy if you dont mean it.. i dont listen to words.. i listen to actions.. most people will tell you who they are and what theyve learned from , but only when your back is turned... you have to learn to never give your back
Don't listen to words, don't believe in actions, believe in patterns!
That's a hard one to accept when you have to apologize for something you didn't do. And to add, are continuously treated like your apology wasn't enough to begin the healing process.😢
Only softies apologize
@@gains5732 only emotionally immature people don’t...
I’d examine the origin of your narrative (which reeks of cognitive distortion)...
I think that marrying someone you respect is very underrated. We may think that loving someone automatically implies that we respect them too but then we ourselves derogate oir partners, make fun of their incompetancy and insult them from time to time.
Respect is notoriously hard to maintain, from both perspectives.
That is so true. Love can fade away but if you truly understand that person and respect them enough, you won't intentionally make them feel small. Respect is a truly underrated aspect when we talk about romantic relationships.
I've always found respect mandatory. I just can't see myself long term with someone I don't respect and even admire.
John Gottman has commented on this very matter, saying that respect for your partner is one of the core fundamentals of maintaining a healthy, long-term marriage.
Agree, respect is absolutely vital.
To whoever is animating these videos, you are doing an absolutely fantastic job. It made me laugh and smile so many times. Keep up the good work!
💯% , the artist is brilliant. Not only did I enjoy the premise of the video but it was touching from a visual perspective. I 👍🤩
The clown flopping over made me chortle!
That is so thoughtful :)
the affair scene made me laugh lol
Its so nice to see such positive comments on a video. I wholeheartedly agree 💛
Relationships can be simple but not easy. The matters of the heart rarely are. Socrates said ― “Life contains but two tragedies. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”
I've seen this quote "by Socrates", or "by Oscar Wilde" or by other famous people. I'm pretty sure none of them really said that.
@@silver5962 George Bernard Shaw said it
Yeah that doesn't sound quite like Socrates!
According to Philipp Mainlander there is only one tragedy - to BE Alive. With company, bigger the tragedy.
I get the 'not getting your heart's desire' but how is getting what you desire a tragedy??
My mom always taught me that when you’re arguing with someone it has to be progressive. DON’T insult your partner, instead talk about the problem that is happening!
Works great if your partner is unwilling to talk about the problem in the first place. Sometimes it's better just to quit.
@@Asto508 I never said that it’s not good to quit. If your partner doesn’t change their attitude about problem solving then you shouldn’t date them anymore
I wish my parents taught me this too instead of insulting each other and their children at slighted discomfort. I’m learning through my own mistakes as an adult.
Lucky u. Bodes well for ur future. Ive seen my parents always fighting abusive and violent.
Sounds like you have a great mom.
We forget that no one can read our mind the same way we do, we assume people who are close to us should know what to say or do all the time when we're around them because they know us. We have high expectations, sometimes not knowing this, and we get heavily disappointed when we're not acknowledged or heard or appreciated by them. We're all complex human beings with mood swings. We're emotional creatures who sometimes think logically. Oh life.
Very true. Honest communication is the remedy for it.
We should not give our partners unreasonable expectations in our head
Best of luck to all the people whose relations have been strained due to the pandemic.
THANK YOU
🙂
How do you know this?
😔
💪
Thank you, School of Life, for being our therapist when we can’t afford one.
"You can't talk your way out of a problem you behaved your way into"
These guys are a big inspiration to my Channel 💪🏾
🇳🇬🇳🇬
Watching your stuff now, seeing you here makes your stuff much more researched, thought out and sense based to me
Good luck from Lagos, Bruv.
Good points, but there needs to be a conversation about boundaries on this also. Because otherwise someone can easily fall into an abusive relationship, feeling like they keep needing to 'fix things' when what they actually need to do is walk away.
I've never tried to fix things in the relationship I'm in. Relationship needs some repair though, hoping we can try if it's not too late
Agree, I respect and appreciate my ex and think he's a good person, but I can't be around to wait for him to figure out how to accept my affection and not speak to be badly and put me down when he's uncomfortable
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours
oh thank you for saying that. I find that video dangerous, it can leads to people stay in really awful situation
@@amyrocks88ss My thoughts exactly.
Not every relationship should be fixed tho. If you know that that person is not right for you or is not willing to change then you can’t fix anything. Best thing to do is walk away.
Exactly! Can't help those who won't help themselves.
This is especially true with people who are narcissists. They'll never change, and they don't care.
Walk away, and never look back.
I just learned this a couple of weeks ago and honestly it was a major relief 😌
Never looking back at someone you chose and loved says as much about you as them.
angelica -- to walk away with compassion and grace = taking responsibility for one's part in the problem, address it honestly with one's partner WITHOUT BLAMING, and taking time to disentangle the details of the separation in a fair and kind way.
This almost never happens in divorce.
The ones who are most hurt are the children.
My divorce attorney told me most divorces involve one partner who is already in an affair.
It's great if both partners are agreeable. Both will end up apologizing, giving others the benefit of doubt, and forgiving one another.
However it is important to acknowledge that too much agreeableness will cause unspoken issue to occur, because both people will silently loath issues that they don't feel are important enough to cause a fuss over bringing up. Silent loathing can break a relationship. So if you are ever in this case remember that you have to bring up an issue if it truely bothers you.
@@EmmaHopman Was going to say this too. It's important for us agreeable types to speak our minds when we feel ourselves becoming resentful (a project on which I've made much slower progress than I'd like)
@@EmmaHopman I agree.
@@EmmaHopman hm i'd argue that if one grows resentful one is not truly agreeable though, merely yielding
@@EmmaHopman Yeah my partner was so laid back, he hated conflict. When something bothers me I've learned to let the other person know because if I dont nothing will change.
My partner would get drunk and tell me everything that bothered him that week.
It made me feel like I was being attacked. I told him constantly that he needed to change this, that it wasn't healthy. He never listened so I had to leave.
When your partner doesn't listen to you,that is disrespect. To me that means that person never loved me.
Forgiving & thus repairing a relationship are true signs of emotional maturity
Man the main question should be if she cheats on you, should you forgive her?
Some people aren't mature enough to forgive or take responsibility for their contribution. The ultimate sign of immaturity is someone that ghosts.
Never forgive a cheater. Point blank.
@@hollyn.johnson5883
What if the person who cheated is sincerely remorseful?
Remorseful? You make me laugh. Cheating is a conscience decision. You dont have sex with someone else if you love someone. If you do. Leave the one you cheated on. You didn't love who you were with. We teach ppl how to treat us. If they stay with the cheater or go back they're saying its ok to cheat. I'll take you back. So no. You cheat. It's over. Forever. There is no going back. Children or not. Same goes for the children. Do you want them to think thats tolerable behavior? If theyre in their teens or when they do grow up. Set standards. Never faulter. Let it hurt now or later. Later will be worse the hurt gets worse the betrayal. Its a never ending vicious circle. Grow some. Cut the cord move on. Some take longer and suffer. I did. I am done. My revenge is happily moving on to better myself to attract someone better. Going to enjoy the process at my pace. Screw the past and everyone from it. Next. Not sorry.
"If you want to please everybody, you will have to compromise your happiness. An upright person will always have some haters."
I don't know.. I think I've fallen in love with being single. I've never been happier. But yet here I am watching a video about relationships. Fml
A lot of the stuff applies to even like regular like non romantic relationships like you'd have with a friend or a family member.
My husband and I watched this together and really felt like it was talking about us. Possibly one of my favorite TSOL videos to date.
If this isn't the most enriching UA-cam channel, I don't know which one is.
healthygamer_gg
In case no one has told you today, Keep pushing through the heartache, lack of motivation & self doubt. When you feel lost, that’s the perfect opportunity to find a reroute. There’s so much you’re meant to do in this lifetime, don’t give up on it. Hope our channel helps you on your journey ✌
Thank you
@@pieckfinger7169 🙏❤
Your videos over the past year have been so deeply comforting for me. I'm in a 10 year relationship and it is HARD. And I used to be the person who would say "if it's hard it's not right"... but guess what... 10 years of history is complex and you can love someone with your whole being and it still be a lot of work.
I have so many questions i want to ask you dude you have no idea. If you don't mind me asking was there a brief period of time (I'm talking months) when you thought the both of you had fallen out of love. I know this is a v personal question so only if you really don't mind.
I also have so many questions to ask you 😭 like I’m deadass down to DM tbh but it’s okay if not
@@abhayn9615 it can be. How are you doing now?? your oa
They broke up
@@lauren.1234 The secret is to be willing to stay in something that makes you suffer and drains your soul because you are a masochist.
I’ve been single so long , I mentally applied this whole video to friendships
It’s ok to be a bit misunderstood, even by someone who loves us very much. This hit me hard ! ❤️ As a romantic this simple life truth is so easy to forget and get frustrated by.
Currently trying to Repair my marriage. Someone cross your fingers!
Fingers crossed. Best of luck to you and your partner!
Wishing you and your partner all the best!
If I may, I would recommend a book that has become my second favourite of all times. I read "The five languages of love" by Gary Chapman about a week ago and I must say it's an amazing book. It felt like I found the Holy Grail.
Best of luck and lots of love ❤❤❤
@@grasunichia I've heard great things about this book. Best of luck
🤞
Fingers crossed! I wish you two all the best, it's good to hear someone trying to repair instead of giving up. Kudos to you!
This video just saved my relationship. I showed it to her and immediately we were able to open a healthy dialogue. Thank you school of life.
luckly for you i just watched this we broke up last day and now i'm watching this just to be better for her till next time if we still have the chance to come back
Are you still together?
@@rillededany updates?
My partner is very clear in communicating with me and not eating things up -- often, I felt criticized or like it was the end of it, but he always did so in attempt to show me what we both need to do better. I am more insecure and immature than him, he will almost never complain but when he does it feels like the end of the world. So far he hasn't given up on me, no matter how harsh the feedback was. We also apologize to each other when things get out of hand and I think we can both forgive each other. I wish I could find the strength to stop ruminating and enjoy being with this wonderful person who frustrates me so much sometimes. And vice versa.
I'm glad it manage to end well in your place, give me a bit of hope in my side.
In my case it's a friend and I'm the harsh one in this part and had exploded. She apologize but jt honestly just made me mad more as it felt more like about her and her feelings than me, exactly one of the things I complained to her and yet she still does it and I'm growing tired from it.
@@Italsik It’s been close to two years now and still great :) so I hope that it gives you strength/hope! I’ve gotten a lot better with the insecurity aspect.
But yeah, I was talking about he genuine apologies. Not the ones where you’ll keep doing it.
Rumination is in the mind. My ex was just like you. If you look back at every issue you have had, you’ll realized that the way you got to where you are is overcoming, growing and leave it behind. Rumination and thinking in black and white will quickly ruin a great relationship that I’m sure you are dreaming of. Therapy will help you figure out why you can’t seem to “let go”
Communication is they key to a healthy relationship.
Yes, if there is proper reception. Otherwise, is not the key of a healthy relationship.
After hearing this, I am encouraged to love. I look forward to loving through the raptures and repairs. Not to blow my own horn, but I'm gonna make a bloody good lover. I'm at a place where I love myself, I'm kind and patient towards myself. It shows I'll do the same with anothers heart.
Good luck! :)
I hope you next partner is the same. Good luck!
@@kyzertv8443 If he isn't the same, she'll need a lot more luck than you wished her. I, too, wish her luck
"In spite of being broken,
Or because of being broken,
Rise up, and build anew."
-Ruyard Kipling, in 'Hymn to the Breaking Strain'
Rupture suggests movement, so it's as important in a relationship as repair. As long as the relationship moves, it has a chance for greater intimacy.
Oh Gosh I've learned more in these 8 minutes than in 22 years of life.
I know
Some ruptures cannot and should not be repaired. Sometimes you have to put yourself and your emotional and mental well being in front of the love you feel for someone else.
You sayyy, we got nothing in common, no common ground to stomp on...and we're falling apart..
I tried to repair and the other person wasn't willing at all. It seems his ego ia more important than this relationship or his child for him.
He is physically abused me 3 times in five yrs... I have conveyed to him on multiple occasions as to why it's destroyed our relationship.. still i was willing to give him a chance because i loved him.. i just wanted him to say he will never raise his hands on me again, but he's like but if u trigger me?!? So he didn't commit. He says am forcing him into doing a promise he won't. I learnt my lesson.
I have to walk away i guess. Wish him all goodness.
When you’ve been burnt over and over and over in life forgiveness is a hard lesson to learn.
Don’t forgive anyone who doesn’t earn your forgiveness. They don’t deserve it. Only trust someone who has earned your trust.
@@tnijoo5109 i think of forgiveness and reconciliation as two different things, i believe you should always forgive others, that shows maturity and acceptance of the human nature, also not forgiving someone feels (to me atleast) as a burden, carrying that weight around with you can be detrimental to your health, in a way it becomes resentment, a really poisonous feeling. So you can, and probably should always forgive not just for others but for yourself, and if the other person fails to recognize they are flawed then you just walk away, as reconciliation is not possible if both parts are not equally interested in preserving the relationship. But that's just my opinion coming from the little experience i have. (sorry if my english is bad, not my first language)
Try trust
@@tnijoo5109 forgiveness is not about the other person.
Ultimately, you have to draw your boundary, it doesn’t mean you let someone back into your life.
You cannot though be in a healthy relationship with someone if you cannot forgive them. It’s impossible.
@@lpslancelot05 I mean I’m assuming if you don’t forgive someone you’re not going to be in a relationship with them. I have a lot of books on forgiveness. It’s not anything as easy as people think it is, or at least act like it is when they tell others they need to forgive. The word “forgiven” can mean so many different things in different contexts. I think my comment before is in a different meaning and context than what you are maybe saying here. I’m talking about forgiveness that is about the other person, not your inner feelings of forgiving what’s been done to you. I used to be too forgiving, too understanding, and overall too kind. I guess that’s where my first comment was coming from and is for- people that forgive someone when they really shouldn’t. Sometimes things are unforgivable. You can come up with terms or ways to think of it so it doesn’t poison you, and even when you think you’ve forgiven, maybe there’s a piece cog your psyche that never really can forgive it. Forgiving is so many things and includes so multitudes of many complicated challenging aspects. My comment before was of the simplest version. Not about forgiving someone for yourself or your own well-being. If a person can do that, great. But my comment was about having enough self respect that you don’t forgive someone who doesn’t deserve it. And you don’t go back to trusting them if they don’t do anything to regain your trust.
It’s totally about the relationship, not about higher minded concepts of forgiveness. It’s about walking away from people that don’t have real remorse and not feeling guilty about not forgiving them. It’s a comment for overly kind people that have been raised to let people walk all over them. Maybe now you can imagine possibly the way my message was intended. Hope that’s more clear.
Just got out of a relationship of nearly 4 years with who I thought was the love of my life, she never could apologize for anything no matter how minor. Never wanted to take responsibility for upsetting me but would be appalled whenever I’d get angry. Didn’t want to learn or grow. Really hard to have a partnership without these abilities. Sucks loving someone like that.
I never knew about this, but I witnessed in my relationship. We actually talked about breaking up, and after that everything was like day 1 for me. Huge surprise 😄 I think it has a lot to do with stating your limits and boundaries, also forgiving
Still, you should know your red flags when to leave a relationship.
To apologize, to accept apology, to teach, to learn, are very difficult to do once he or she is no longer in love with you.
“Someone who is kind and understands our needs” such a big one because empathy is hard to teach
The Kintsugi reference was so beautifully added ✨ Plus the steps of self acceptance, patience, humility, and courage are golden. 💛
DAMN IT, SCHOOL OF LIFE: ARE YOU SPYING ON ME?
No, I am.
Hey dayane....where are you from..?
I Am from Asia
@@rajkumar-ux2qg Brazil!
@@bubby3007 awesome....how's everything there......
I've never been to Brazil .....i really want to see the Christo redenter
Tell me are you from Rio de janeiro ?
@@rajkumar-ux2qg No, I'm not from Rio, I'm closer to São Paulo. Everything is pretty terrible around here theses days...
What about you, where are you from exactly?
These videos feel as if they're stepping closer and closer towards being an advert for the School of Life's psychotherapy services
Maybe but there are far worse things you could be advertising. Junk food, alcohol, pointless insurance policies.... And those are widely accepted and rarely challenged. If everyone who needed it had access to a quality and affordable psychotherapy service, the world might be a better place.
@@annabelsmith7970 I agree wholeheartedly. The fact that psychotherapists charge upwards of £100 an hour is the biggest barrier to what is one of the best forms of therapy around. I recommend it to everybody, but maybe only 1 in 10 who really need it, can afford it. Roll on the legalisation of psychedelic therapy!
I've found the best relationships are those that have had to overcome huge obstacles. Some were forced on me, like the 30 or so of us that were together through four years at the Naval Academy. Others I chose, like with with my wife. I've found that bond much stronger than the more normal relationships I've had. Not the easiest relationships, but the most important and fulfilling.
How’d you know she was the one
@@brooklyn3299 There is no "the one", but she was definitely "a one". And it has worked be have busted our butts to maintain it. And along with the great and good times, we have both made major sacrifices.
The respect for decisions the other individual makes even if it sounds arguable sometimes keeps a relationship intact. Respect is the word, doesn't matter if it comes natural or consciously at moments.
*Dont be selfish and learn to listen and compromise* 🙏
I hv to learn this too even if it’s painful for the ego
Somehow, this channel always hits me with the exact kind of video I need at the moment
i’ve been watching a few of these videos and even though most of them don’t even apply to my current situation, i’m tearing up because: wow these words are so beautifully chosen
Learning the art of constantly patching up ruptures in relationships with precious emotional gold (self acceptance, humility, courage, and patience) ❤
I love how you structurize and organize in concepts and clear ideas, what we sort of deep down already feel and know about ourselves and our relationships
Self-Love is Love for life ❤
These videos always come at such a right time. Thank you all for your work. You all really help people
I just had to do this today, a really big rupture and repair, mostly caused by me. Happy to report it worked, talking through my problems and taking the time to compromise and talk to my partner made me feel more like an adult. It really helped.
How long did the rupture last?
@@charlichaplean1113 a week maybe two give or take.
@@duwudud I know it depends from the relationship, but it hasn’t been going well with my 6 months partner theses weeks. I said I needed a break, The. wanted to work it out together. But he broke up 3 days ago. I realize it was necessary for both us, to reflect on our own, but I can’t help but hope he’ll come back…
@@charlichaplean1113hey, how are you right now? Sorry if this is weird but just wanted to know, you don’t have to respond
Love this series, we are all perfectly imperfect & that makes us human!
Humility is important. Many people have too much pride
I absolutely loved this video. I now see my husband and I have been able to mend our ruptures and repair our relationship. 10 years together and married 5.
Quite incredible how common splitting is. Would be wonderful to see a video about how to encourage more nuance and live happily with ambivalence
Hello
I literally have an impending life event happening this week that will require this information. Thank you.
Good luck
Good luck
Good luck. :)
Blessings to you.
Did everything go okay?
I've been in a long term relationship for 2.5 years and my god it was a whole new world. How much I grew up in this time is unimaginable, the way I think and see the world has changed so much compared to the me from 2 years ago.
I had always had this idealised, romanticized idea of love, which I blame on films, dramas and tv shows which shows that once you're in love it'll be smooth sailing....nope.
You have to remember love is not a feeling, but the commitment to love, and that means commitment to listen to the other person, commitment to accept that the other person will have differences to you, to accept that YOU YOURSELF will have flaws, and that the other person will be accepting of your ways and your flaws too.
There is too much fantastical stories out there about love, which I feel like skews a whole generation of people who think that love is a certain way, and doesn't understand that love is nothing like the movies.
Well said!
Well said
Emotional gold. Such a great phrase. Another compassionate message. Thank you.
Everyone in this world gets to screw me over... once. That's what having boundaries is.
This video is perfect for the situation I currently find myself in. Thank you!
I used to really get upset a few years ago at this channel for neglecting certain areas of relationships. I even stopped watching regularly. I'm actually quite amazed at the depth this video actually is. Great job. Seriously. You've repaired my trust in you sir. thank you. sincerely, Bruno Berry
Without a doubt, one of the best videos from this lovely channel. Too bad most people are too self-centered and immature to be willing to do these things
Watching this video has made me a realize among most of my relationships (not just romantic) the ones where repair came into play actually feel a lot more enriching. Being with someone who has seen very ugly parts of you but still love to be in your company is comforting (and it goes both ways!). When the roles of teaching and learning tend to switch between the two of you, it shows you’ve got something really good.
You may laugh at me but in every relationship that i have, i always try to apply this bible verse first and foremost: that love is patient and love is kind. It has given me astonishing ability to forgive, to apologize, to be gentle
WOW! This came timely! 😀 Thank you! The thing which I am attempting to do is not actually full madness, but very mature way of addressing the situation. It is hard to see it as such as society does not normally show examples of this. That's why I felt like shooting to the dark. Thank you dearly of this priceless wisdom!!! 🏆🏆🏆
I needed the see this video. I get frustrated when I try to explain something to a loved one and they get upset thinking I am picking instead of listening and seeing my point/view which can cause arguments. It's good to know this is a common problem and I will try to approach it in a more calm way when they get upset and keep trying to explain in different ways, throughout time until they can understand what I am trying to say.
You just explain what always happens with me.
You may not believe in astrology, but certainly you believe in different personality types. Some people will never truly get each other. Summer people can't understand Winter people.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 I do believe in astrology! I also believe that even if we don't think about things the same way we can learn to step back and respect the differences :)hear the other person out, know where they are coming from and move forward with understanding.
The day I realized certain people are never going to listen or care about my side of the story, was the day I finally began to let go.
your partner should also try to be mature about it and not take them personally enough to get so upset,dont forget dont just do all the work yourself
This is definitely an area that my parents never taught and embodied to us, and now I'm really taking my time to painfully teach myself. I wish I learned this when I was a child. I'm learning this now so if/when I have children of my own, I can give them the advantage in their emotional intelligence.
This video finally put an end to a trend of videos on this channel on how to break up or move away from a (former) loved one. I was going through a big rupture in my relationship and those videos did not help at all, quite the opposite. Fortunately we both did therapy and we're better than ever.
Really? Do tell.
@@lizxu322 Hey, Liz. I won't go too much in detail about my personal life, but I'll tell you this much: never underestimate the healing power of an excellent psychologist. They can really turn your life around quickly and make you see things clearly again. Also, don't let anxious, destructive thoughts destroy something you know is beautiful. Stay well!
@@TrophyJourney thank you. I think where I went wrong was having an ex who was reluctant to go to therapy 😂 even for his mental health, nevermind the relationship. You keep safe too x
The one mind-blowing concept of this video for me was Kintsugi. Wow... Most of my 'broken vases' were unceremoniously tossed in the trash never to be seen or heard from again.
Completely just changed my outlook on my current relationship. Thank you.
Thanks school of life. So far my favourite lesson ever.
I always get something pretty profound out of each video, this is by far the channel that has helped me with self-improvement more than any other.
My girlfriend has matured a lot while she's been with me but still often gets defensive when I try to point out a problem in the relationship so I really thought the bit about understanding the human mind's reaction and giving them time was extremely helpful.
The Four Pillars of a healthy relationship in which if one has collapsed, everything will follow. Great essay. This is how we grow, feeding ourselves an essential needs not just physically but both in emotions and in mental aspects
Repair is so important. It takes humility to repair successful. Its not easy to do but essential.
I’ve been in a relationship now for 30 years, and Ican say it does not get easier with time. In fact, this year I have the impression it has been one of the hardest on our couple. But there’s something inside of me that somehow continues to believe in us. Believing that our couple will survive if we continue with some simple rules of engagement. Love thyself as you love the other, forgive yourself as you would forgive the other. Start every day fresh without having grudges about yesterday. Mostly: respect, love, and admire the person you’re with, and help them be the best version of themselves.
Thanks again, School of Life. I've been practicing internalizing your ideas for years now, and they've helped a lot. It's not easy to change one's way of thinking, but when you're finally able to, the peace is worth it.
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours..
These videos are special. They should be part of education. They could save a lot of heart ache, depression and anxiety.
This is beautiful! This is the first time I have heard Kintsugi being compared to a relationship. Thank you so much for your great videos!! 💝♥️🙏
The 4 abilities:
1. Ability to apologise
2. Ability to forgive
3. Ability to teach
4. Ability to learn
Nice vid, Kintsugi!
Brilliant, just bloody brilliant. Once again. Thank you.
Thank you from the bottom of my soul for the video. I am going through a moment of finally repairing myself and my relationship , these last few weeks I realized that I hurt my partner so much with things that I had not even thought about in years and that caused a huge invisible rupture between us. I still have a lot to learn and to teach too, but although those moments of rupture are ugly and seen as impossible to overcome, they are 100% necessary, otherwise the relationship never advances, it never matures and it remains there like a fragile vessel that looks perfect from the outside at any moment can fall and break into 1000 pieces and never could be repaired again.
One of the best videos of yours on the subject, well done!!!!
The school that I never went to, thank you TSOL!
I’m not married yet, but I think the Japanese Kintsugi analogy just made it into my vows.
Thanks for this input and explanation. I think the main secret of successful relationship is ability to listen to each other. Every couple has its owns rules. These rules also help you communicate, set healthy boundaries, build intimacy, strengthen your connection, and cut out misunderstandings. You can both get together and discuss your romantic relationship rules. Find common ground, and make your partnership pact to help you be stronger in your relationship with each other.
My husband and I have been together since 2010 (married since 2012), and we follow our relationship rules. Each of us contributes a big part of the success of our relationship to that pact.
There's so many people on this planet... only settle when meeting perfection. Nothing less. Best of luck!
I needed this. Six months ago as well as right now.
The intimacy of being listened to and understood
the content of school of life videos is always comforting to me when i feel so much chaos and confusion in myself or in my relationships, but the very way the videos are made and the sound of the narrator's voice are also really comforting to me. i feel so much anxiety curled around my chest and bouncing around in my head and these videos always manage to make me feel at least a little bit settled.
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours..
@✛2348113028928👈⏩⏩눈‸눈..
this feels like a slightly more cognitive description of something that also happens at the level of your nervous system - feeling safe in your body, feeling in alignment with another...or not. Something found through combining Self Awareness (especially bodily sensations /emotional awareness of your *own* feelings inside you), and Communication (to confirm the other person's viewpoint, feelings and inner sense of safety), and letting that go back and forth until you land somewhere that feels like understanding.
Glad that Rupture and Repair is getting talked about more as a skill one can learn to solve a lot of problems.
Repair
1. Ability to apologize
2. Ability to forgive
3. Ability to teach
Probably not a surprise I haven't been successful in relationships when my mind is convinced "as soon as I upset or disappoint her once, all is lost and no repair is possible."
These videos are truly beautiful. I am a trained theologian and I just love these and thank my God of love for you who made them.
Thank you for explaining why some people just are not able to apologize.
It hurts so much when someone you love doesn't want to work on your relationship because they are not enough mature even to want one and just carry on without comunicating their needs waiting when it ends
Same what happened with me
I wish I can have another chance to fix my flaws with my past lover😞 and teach her what I have learned and to repair our love life, so we can grow stronger together. Our love would be as precious as the Japanese vases.
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours..
@✛2348113028928👈⏩⏩눈‸눈..
I like this philosophy.. Apologize, Forgive, Teach, and Learn
I love my partner so much.... I am still working on myself and focusing on my own goals but I hope that he doesn't forget about me or lose interest in me entirely. I hope he comes back to me on his own terms. I hope he wants to. Some day.... until then, I will keep doing the right thing and leading a positive healthy and productive life. With him on my mind everyday, behind every choice I make for the rest of my life. If he ever fully falls back into my arms by his own will, I will have found true happiness and success.