Right, and upon re-examination, we might discover that what was then has been changed or worked through. It can now be perceived as irrational and this cure us by taking the emotion out of the trigger.
Often true, but not always. You won't feel better about your child dying from cot death by judging it a benefit since you don't have to get up at night anymore, will you? And if you do feel better thinking that it's probably better not to spread your genes.
"Ah jeez, that guy just had his legs broken and all his money taken in broad daylight. It's fine though, my judgment on the situation is it didn't happen to me so lmao"
if you have trauma from past or anything, your anxiety will be triggered even tho there is no danger right now. We'll carry that fear with us for many years to come and it will affect every aspect of our life. It's basically like an invisible handicap
Yes, our survival brain is on high alert all the time. Instead of returning to a calm state, we are always at 80. So some things trigger us and it looks like our anxiety goes from 0 to 100, when it really goes from like 80 to 100.
I don't think we should be thinking about it as a handicap. It's difficult to work through and deal with but existing solely through the lens of our trauma keeps us victimized.
you can see the same in dogs from a shelter: sometimes they are very fearful and then attack just because someone dropped a coin. You don't know what happened to them.
@@chipbuttytime3396 You’re absolutely right that it doesn’t solve the issue of being triggered. Nonetheless, I find it helpful for putting the current, triggering issue in perspective. It helps me to take a breath and think, “Okay, what’s this REALLY about?” which helps avoid a knee-jerk reaction. On occasion, it has even stopped me from saying something I might later regret. THEN taking steps to calm down the triggering is another matter. The perspective of understanding helps me stay out of the depths of the all-too-familiar pit.
It is very important to understand your triggers and where they come from, almost all of them are deep rooted in the childhood. Going back to your inner child and understanding what and how it felt and giving yourself permission to navigate helps a lot. Personally self awareness of myself took lot of time and looking at yourself as an outsider helps to see what you are feeling rather than absorbing in the feeling it self. Go back to your childhood and come back with lessons and please forgive yourself and accept everything that’s the only way folks. Wish you all healing ❤
Repent for sins in Jesus name sothat your conscience can stop convicting you and that spiritual attacks can't rise up against you. Jesus died for our sins sothat we could turn from sins and be saved to heaven instead of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Read bible book Matthew to be saved in Jesus
Another useful tool I've learned to use myself comes from Stoicism; specifically a realization of the fact that you can't control what other people do/say/think/feel/etc.; only how you choose to react to them.
@@Signaman-z9d Accept the fact that you can only change yourself and how you view and react to the world. Everything else is, at least for the most part, out of your hands. Especially what other people choose to think and believe in, so don't get upset about it as it will only lead to frustration and even anger that you can't do anything about anyway.
Triggers by their nature, are just that! They can't be controlled else they wouldn't be triggers. It's automatic, impulsive, subconscious, involuntary. There is no choice! What you're talking about is true but more in terms of psychoanalysis and personal acceptance.
Been trying to recover from trauma: psychedelics helped to start the ball rolling, IFS therapy for almost a year now. But what really started to shift things was working on forgiveness (it's been very hard and painful work). It's interesting as I get triggered less. It's like the more I am able to work on forgiveness the safer my inner child feels. Perhaps it sees it like that: if I am able to consider forgiveness that means the events happened in the PAST, that I am safe NOW. That I am mature now, I can defend myself now and manage my emotions. With trauma the concept of time is very important. Our inner child/children usually are stuck in the past. Once we start inviting them into the PRESENT and show them that it is safe now they relax. As a result we relax too. Trauma changes the brain. The amygdala becomes over-reactive whereas pre frontal cortex gets under active. Result: when triggered we feel strong emotions first, then we don't understand why we react that way. Good news are: it's possible to reverse that.
Complex PTSD here (neglected child etc...), with occasional violently sorrowful and hopeless emotional flashbacks that go on for hours. A lifetime of self reflection, four years of therapy, psychedelics and tDCS have only helped that much. It's really frustrating.
According to this video, I did everything right. I'm on my way to recovery. Analyzing your fears works, I was shocked when I found that out, but I'm glad I did, and you should definitely try it for yourselves. It's the highest and the healthiest buzz I've ever caught, I still cannot believe this happened and I think everybody deserves to experience it
“We can’t distinguish between something they’ve done that got them sent to prison and something we’ve done that won’t ever be noticed”. I relate to that SO BADLY.
Still working on mine. Discovering trauma based therapy was a true revelation for me. I had been in traditional therapy for so long, and hit a wall. The best thing about trauma based therapy is that many organizations that deal with domestic/child abuse, and the YWCA provide this free or at a low cost. Breathing exercises, grounding mindfulness practices, and loving kindness and gratitude exercises along with yoga and walking my dog are super helpful for me. Having a dog is wonderful in so many ways. They love you. You can cuddle them. They need to go out, so you need to exercise, and consider another creature's well being.
@@alexandrugheorghe5610 I'm so sorry about your fur friend. That is the worst. It really is. I hope someday another will wiggle it's way into your heart. I was chosen by the sweetest little kitter cat one snowy day.
"We want our awful hunches confirmed" this really resonated with me because I'm always wondering why I actively look at things that I know are gonna trigger me. It never made sense to me why I did this. Been working on my Shadow for over 2 years now, sometimes it feels like I'll never heal this wound.
It may not seem like it heals becuase it will leave a scar. But you are making progress and it is a process. Even if you dont realize it, you are making progress. Love you.
I use to think I would never heal but after a big trigger today I realised that I have healed as there is no hurt in my soul anymore. I suppose what is left are scars and I just have to ride through the emotions, put myself in observer mood and painfully go back in my past as to when the same situation arose. I need to give myself time to process. I am hugely highly sensitive and find it very challenging living in this world and having relationships with people. I am going to try and go with the flow and my heart but feel I must accept I will keep having these triggers if I want to have relationships with people. I just wish people would be nice and just do the basics. I just find it unbelievable the way people are and why this keeps happening. It is groundhog day all the time.....I do not think it will bloody stop until I pass over lol. 😂
@@nicholabrown11 I agree. I think the fairy tale that we can be "cured" of our life experience is . . . a fairy tale and pretty naive of those who believe it. I think an expectation of "cure" is not helpful because it's expecting the cavalry to come over a ridge and everything is magically hunky dory. I don't think life is really like that. I think we have to learn how to keep making adjustments, and sometimes call others on their shit, and figure out what our own shit is, and learn to like ourselves in the way we like our friends: we can tease them about their faults and all of you laugh because what you are really saying is "we see your flaws, but we love you anyway."
Love to you, I know that feeling of injustice and gas lighting. Now, I have to talk myself out of reacting like I’m 9 years old with no power or control, and no way out. It’s overwhelming sometimes, especially when those who were complicit are still determined to be oblivious.
@@bdjjosh1268 Adopting a heroic attitude towards life. Yes, life is hard. But stop being a victim, lamenting, and start to live proactively with courage towards meaningful goals and ideals.
I would love a video distinguishing triggers and re traumatization. We normalize a lot of mistreatment and abuse in society and people who were abused before correctly identify mistreatment but they are told they are " just being triggered" basically they are being gaslighted again into normalizing mistreatment and made to gaslight themselves also again. It's not the same to be in a safe situation and have a memory of an unsafe experience than to again be in another unsafe situation. Although now being adults, there are so many adults in positions of vulnerability that make it very similar to being a child. You can't quit that job, you can't get out of that relationship, you can't afford therapy, or a gym, etc. Not everyone actually have these options. Sometimes people try to do it anyways and end up in even more vulnerability without the job, etc We need to acknowledge trigger is not the same as re traumatization
Thank you for this!! I am finally coming to the realization that my current experience with a narcissist coworker isn't just my reactions and being triggered, I'm being re-traumatized right now. That is actually what's happening. This was the final piece of "evidence" I needed to allow myself to actually focus on healing and self care now that I'm on sick leave because of this person.
Thank you for this. The drawing with the family where the mother is close to one child but the other child stands alone. I have a photo where my mother and brother stand close to each other and I am standing alone. I was neglected and alone all my childhood while my mother and brother were best buddies. I get triggered a lot and my family just don't understands. This is hell sometimes for everyone but I am getting better.
I’m 63 and only when I turned 50 did I realise all this terror and instability was PTSD and late diagnosis ADHD. In the last few years I can identify a trigger…..but not all of them, still working on it. Take it easy everyone, a good friend of mine said “ that’s why we live so long we have much to learn. Do it with grace and kindness.
I always understand why i am triggered. Given enough time, i can competently calm myself. But in the moment, i need to behave well in spite of my horrendeous anxiety.
I've found taking time to process whatever emotions I'm going through over a number of days helps. Listening to the emotion, then from my higher self reminding myself there are other emotions, other healthier responses, I can be open minded & creative & maybe a new solution will come to mind in my imagination to guide me that will help me solve my issues one step at a time. With patience, everything can be resolved, with calm .😊
All emotional triggers are due to feelings of low self-worth AKA "are we worthy of connecting with other people". This is rooted in childhood if our parents tended to our needs or not. If they consistently neglected our needs, we feel unaccepted and unworthy of love. This manifests in our future lives when we perceive that we are being devalued, triggering our old feelings of unworthiness. "Perceived" is the key word here because it can be something like someone not replying to our text quickly enough, someone disagreeing with our opinions, or even seeing a person who's more successful than us in some aspect. It triggers the deeply rooted core belief within us that we are worthless and don't matter even if there are no ill-intentions. Truly, I don't know how to heal a person who's been wounded like this, and looking at the general population it looks like most people don't as well. All I know is that it can be prevented. So, try your best not to F your kids up.
Its so ironic because the person I’m dealing with appears to have a huge ego while my gut tells me that they are weak and fragile underneath the facade.
So true, to not f..k up your kids! I’ve been working on my childhood trauma for years, I feel like I’ll never really overcome it, but finally, I look at my 4 beautiful grandchildren, brought up by parents who understand trauma, and yet have not passed it on. That’s special and makes me so proud ❤❤❤
Whoa! Hearing you say that we are often drawn to our triggers through a compulsive sense of familiarity sparked an instant enlightenment within me as to why I repeatedly chosen partners who are emotionally unavailable to me, exactly how my childhood caregivers were. Thank you!
I always feel guilty for my social anxiety. I wish I could be more receptive and honest but my brain literally turns off in 99.999% of social situations lately.
omg ! I needed this so much i get triggered very much when someone raises their voice or when someone is disrespectful to me it just makes me go back that fearful blank moment where I feel like I have 0 control over my life and I'm drowning, this made me feel a lot better ❤
5:17 is frighteningly accurate as someone who had a depressing 10 years of adulthood. When I gave into my triggers they became familiar to me and I began seeking out people and things to confirm what I was going through, no matter how harmful they were, while shunning experiences that didn't conform to what I felt inside. As a result I ended up pushing away family and friends. I'm glad I was able to get the help from a therapist and through practicing mindfulness it helped me to avoid negative experiences and accept influence from role models in my life. In turn the love of people in my life also helped with coming to terms with what was triggering me. To those of you going through the process of grief know that there are people who care, you need only seek them out.
Triggers are often an expression of trauma. People need to respond with compassion. Not everyone has had the ability to deal with it or had the support to deal with it. First step is to understand what your triggers are and having a strategy for dealing with it. A lot of my triggers are about my self image because of my formative life experiences that were out of my control. Does that mean I should be responsible for dealing with them? Yes. But I also need the people around to me know about the emotional toll it takes to deal with it. I am learning to love myself and appreciate me. It’s taken me years but it’s mainly because I could never really afford good therapy so I have taken it on myself to fix the broken parts of myself. I have come a long way but like everything in life your human frailties are a constant work in progress. So my advice to everyone is to keep learning and growing. We are never the finished article and everybody has issues. Don’t bear yourself up if you have triggers, I think most humans do, the trick is to learn what they are so you can deal with it. Thanks for the video, thought provoking.
I have a trigger that surfaces around a relative who exhibits narcissist behaviors, verbal abuse and toxic gossip. I've gone no contact as much as possible but at family gatherings I can't get out of, my body reacts with panic. I'm trying to fix it but it's harder when someone else is involved.
I, too have that experience, and reaction. I've managed to go no contact but now I have a coworker who reminds me so deeply of this person. I can't go no contact with my coworker, I can't run away from them. I can't confront them so I'm currently on sick leave while fawning for them so they won't make me relive my trauma to the fullest by bringing out the narcissistic rage, which I have seen before, but not directed at me - so far. I'm struggling with this but fully recognising it's because of my past trauma with that family member is slowly shifting my mindset, I feel. I hope you can find relief and peace from your past trauma❤
This actually really resonates with me. Last Saturday I went to a local (relatively big) choir for the first time, and the teacher separated us in the usual groups: sopranos, contraltos, tenors, etc. The criteria for this separation is generically the extension of voice, i.g., higher pitch female voices sing as sopranos and lower pitch female voices sing as altos. I haven't frequented such a big choir in years. I did sing in my university choir for a bit last year, but it was just starting out, besides, most people who were there were learning how to sing for the first time, whereas I have had individual and choir lessons since a was a child. I actually stopped attending such lessons during my highschool years, so I'd be able to cram for my university entrance exam, (that was four years ago). Moreover, I was always told by my teachers that I was a soprano, and that I didn't reach the characteristically high notes that I was supposed to "because I was too nervous". This made some sense, as I managed to sing them quite well in my bathroom shower, when I thought no one was listening. I was always very insecure and shy when it came to my voice. Anyways, I knew that I was a medium fish in a very small pond in my university choir. I knew I had not done any exercises seriously in years, and even if I did, I could not expect myself to sing like a Maria Callas or Anna Netbreko. Also, voices change as they mature, even female voices. I knew all these things. Still, I was very surprised when I was put to sing with the altos! "But why?" I asked my teacher, already feeling a little unbalanced. "Because you are a mezzo soprano." She answered. "You may have those high notes, but it's your lower tones that are the most lovely!" she said. She then started looking at me rather concerned. And that was when I noticed I had started crying. Convulsively and unconsciously, there I stood, my tears pouring more and more as I tried to hide my face with my hands, -- not myself understanding why I was having such an extreme reaction to being told I was a mezzo soprano. And my gentle teacher let me cry. She then said that it was okay for me to react that way, that maybe I was feeling overwhelmed because I was finally going to sing in a group again, and that maybe I should find a therapist to talk to. "Maybe," She said, "It's okay to cry. I cry at 61 like a child, and you are just 19. You don't have to hold yourself back from what you are feeling. There is no need to feel embarrassed. But why don't you try to find out what is really hurting you?" I am actually so grateful that she was there for me at that moment. I did already imagine that I had a few issues from my childhood or adolescence that associate my self-image to my singing voice. That's probably the reason why I did not get back to my lessons as soon as I entered university. Nevertheless, I thought that I had automatically overcome them, after all, "that was all in the past". Now I am beginning to accept that that's not the case, and that singing is not something trivial to me. It's an important part of my life and identity, and I should not stop myself from acknowledging that just because I that feel my singing is inadequate and not as good as it should be. To sing is one of the greatest wonders in my life. And, Thank you, School of life, for the wonderful video!
I love this video. 90% of the population are getting triggered every single day and instead of dealing with it they’ll overeat, take drugs, drink alcohol, scroll through social media or seek attention in destructive ways. Keep up the good work 👏 #growthmindset
Venting doesn't release pressure. It only intensifies it later from the training effect. When people cheer and shout for their team, they don't feel less jubilant. Contrary. They feel more jubilation and the next time it grows. Awareness of your emotional response is the first step. Then you must practice the control. The training effect can work for you just as it can work against you. Take control. Use the training effect to practice your intended response. It takes time and effort, but you can overcome all the negative programming in your biocomputer by practicing your intentions more than your automatics. You must be the master programmer of your bio computer!
Yeah vent and you hope the person solves your problem. When they don't or can't you.have 2 problems! But if you're able to simplify w a reduced comment sometimes you get validation and that does help
I've been going through this my whole adult life, and I still feel kind of like I'm just getting started. Like a few others have said, trauma is stored in the body, as well as in the mind. As someone else said, sometimes you're triggered by a legitimate problem that's in front of you; sometimes by something trivial that reminds you of the distant past. Sometimes it's both. I have come to think of it as "little me" reacting like a child; there's almost two of me there, the adult self, and the little one, kind of competing for control. There are lots of things I've tried that work for me; none of them by themselves. It takes everything: * inner child work -- when I get upset, sometimes I just sit down and have a quiet conversation with "little me," offering to be their protector and nurturer, stay with them, and give them the things that they didn't get when they were little. * EMDR -- in a safe and calm environment, carefully sort back through the past, finding what's associated with this triggering experience; and lovingly rewrite that memory, so that the vulnerable me who was so deeply injured has emotional tools and support that he didn't have at the time. So the next time my mind chooses to rewind to that place, it finds a less volatile memory to draw on. * "feeling my feelings" -- sitting or lying down and meditating, keeping myself calm through breath control and the like, and asking myself "how do I feel right now?" and letting myself answer that question honestly. Asking only how I feel, and not why, because my emotional self has no idea why. * When I'm not in the middle of a triggered episode, using my logical brain to sort through all this other crap, and figure out what I really need to move forward. I used to think that nothing would help; but since learning a whole bunch of tools, and getting a whole bunch of support from people who legit understand, I've actually cast off triggers. There are memories and experiences that I used to be paralyzed by, that are trivial now. I don't know what works for other people, but these things truly work for me.
I found that being able to choose from 4 options and labeling the trigger pattern helped enormously ...1..blocking me for no good reason 2 .expectations not bappening 3.something not said or expressed 4 denial of existence ..the last one would devastate me ,but as a child if I didn't " follow the narcissists script " I'd be blasted even for little things ...if rejected in any way it would bring all that ba ck . Now I just name the trigger and the emotion disappears as not relevant to the situation present day . Your presentation was the clearest I have ever heard ,thankyou ...I'll passit on
As someone who gets very triggered with blood and graphic bodily injuries and is working in medical field, this was comforting to watch. I know my many triggers, but I'm struggling to overcome them.
Take a few years to get qualified to can change professions without leaving the medical industry...a position where you are unlikely to see blood. Preventive medicine, Nutrition or hospital administration or staffing.
to those confused about managing triggers. first and foremost, trigger is like a stimuli. it is something that is very spontaneous and may seem uncontrollable at first, but is usually from a stressor rooted by our past. what i learned from this video and in real life is that no matter how negative our thoughts may bring us, its almost always 99% worrying and 1% of whats actually happening. trigger management will never be the same as managing anxiety and/or depression. the latter is quite more complicated esp when it is bounded by ptsd too. for those ppl suffering in these mental health issues, just know that no person has 100% healthy mind and coping. we just have to learn how to find our internal zen and practice restrain rather than bursting out our emotions. not only that its very draining, it is really energy consuming. studies already proved that restrain is better than venting out especially in triggers when the stress level is still at its manageable point. and btw, i have a bg in psychology thats why i really appreciated this video for being precise about trigger management
As a teacher of Spinoza and Gurdjieff philosophies and teachings. I have learned the importance of triggers. Events that are disappointed, when desires are not met, feelings of rejection, or being misunderstood. Our emotions are being triggered. Emotions of desire, pain, hate, and anger, communicate our state of being confused. We cannot willfully change or stop triggers. Growth is seeing and understand our triggers. I am looking for students who want a meaningful and purposeful life.
Good one. I gave up on any self-help videos long ago, but this one was simple, clear and irrefutable. Added, it helps getting older. You've heard old adages so much through the years, it becomes buried and forgotten. I've resurrected some and it helps tremendously,i.e., "Keep it simple, stupid!"
I like the statement that feelings are our own signals to ourself about our needs. Feelings, and by extension trauma and triggered feelings, tell us about our needs and our experience and perception of whether they are / are not being met or will / will not be met. Been learning to listen to my traumatic feelings as not a fixed external reality but as telling me what I'm anticipating and what I need, a signal that can help me meet those needs.
I have been suffering from triggers of unworthiness, inability, imperfection and the feeling of being unlovable for well over 3 years know without even know, except that now it has become so much worse I have realized there is definitely something wrong here. Nonetheless, videos like is is why I subscribed to this channel, a deep and profound, not-so-long explanation, that certainly serves as a reminder.
Damn. Really needed this rn. Never really knew what it was for the longest time but after some time and some growing up, i'm beginning to understand. Thanks for your vids, they've been a great help through my hellish yet progressive journey. ♡
This was so helpful for me at the moment, I cant thank you enough. A person in the street is spreading lies to our neighbours about me and my husband following a falling out. The person is a sad individual with too much time on his hands. My husband laughs at it and is completely unaffected, and as much as I know it is childish behaviour from an adult, every time I see him or hear something he has said about us, I feel incredibly anxious and cant stop thinking about it for the whole day, completely losing perspective on the ridiculous and small thing that it really is - as the brilliant video says - catapulted into despair and terror! I've always been like this and never understood why. Now it makes sense - thankyou.
I love this video, though I might suggest that while triggers are often an overreaction to something many people would find blameless, it isn’t necessarily so. It can as well be an intense emotional reaction to something people might also have a response towards, but the key here is that while many move past that situation, the triggered person experiences much stronger emotions and it is harder for them to move past that situation. Triggers are not just pointed at “harmless” things, but can also be an initial normal reaction to an adequated situation, that then escalates into bigger emotions.
You deserve kindness. You are enough. You are not made less or obligated. You are worthy. People are kind and you can learn to relieve it. I hope you start trying.
It sounds like you don’t trust kindness. Be truly kind to yourself one minute, one day, one step and build on that. Other people can be truly kind but not always.
I just don't know how to heal from the endless oceans of rage and grief in me. At the beginning of this year, The man whom I revered as my best friend, abandoned and betrayed me. He replaced me. Now... My 53-year old cousin, just suddenly tragically passed. Alone. In his sleep. Unexpectedly. On 10/09/23. RIP cuz. I LOVE YOU ✨💛
I need a video that literally just reminds me I live on a turning rock in space and that my anger at some inane idiot online is so hilariously unimportant I’m wasting my precious time and energy even having read their comment. I need to be reminded how real life is and how ridiculous being online is to do anything other than connect with friends and wind down.
I have only a couple of triggers and now go out of my way to avoid the situations where I can likely foresee something happening. In the last couple of years my anxiety has decreased significantly because of the strategizing. :)
I get triggered when I meet people that are clearly the type that thinks mockery and "bullying" is a fun way to bond, you know the classical bantering that some people see as "fun". I see this as a sign to know which people I should stay away from, I don't need that negative energy in my life. Confrontation doesn't work since they will only answer "It was only a joke, don't be so sensitive". That's the call sign for a bully or narcissist and those have no place in my life. Often times the bantering gone too far is a way to mask their own insecurities and since they don't have the social competence to have a normal sincere conversation they will turn to bantering or make everything a joke. You never know where you have those people.
Once I detached from people they failed to trigger me. I’m around people but they’re just objects in my path. I’m self absorbed and all about me now🧚🏾♀️💕🥰😎
@@unknownfromkashmir Stop having a 'way' that people can get into. Then they won't be able to get in the 'way.' (Here's an amusing contrast to point out my concept: "I wish you'd get the hell INTO my way, dammit!")
I would warn against detachment because it can snowball into emotional numbness and disconnect. Better to work on those triggers, and use triggering people for practice.
Wow, I really needed this, just, as a reminder of sorts. I have CPTSD and because of the violent nature that a loved one died, it haunts me every day, especially since I was the last person to talk to them. This happened years ago though, and I've been trying to work on it daily. A problem arises because I already have festering agoraphobia contributed to by vicarious trauma (I used to watch a lot of true crime and I live in the United States so the media & the state of the country truly don't help). Being physically present on campus doesn't help either, because earlier in the year there was an incident with an individual and it was not a drill (even though the school immediately covered it up). The person didn't hurt anyone nor was there an actual gun (just BB) because it was a personal fight. This incident, however, really messed me up because I was doing so well before it. I ended up having a panic attack in a classroom closet full of kids because I didn't know if it was real or not and they refused to be quiet. Even the fact that I'm about to leave high school can't comfort me enough when I have to focus during the day because of just, this buildup of anxieties. A quick example is, kids stampede through the hallways when I'm in select classes because... they're freshmen (I guess? lol) and they're skipping class so they're running from the admins. My main PTSD trigger, from my major trauma, comes from loud sounds in general so that really disturbs me. I think being in a stressful environment so often has really taken a toll on me. I've been forgetting to eat and struggle to get even basic assignments done. And since my anxiety has been through the roof, I'm more prone to outbursts and even my already-crap memory keeps acting up more than usual. Sadly, physical attendance is mandatory due to the nature of my classes and I'll have to try to survive. On a positive note though, I'm getting closer to my friends so although I can't fully open up to them, I feel warm inside from just having them as company. So that's the love I can attest to for healing. And it's Thursday, so tomorrow is Friday, and then it'll be the weekend! I have an appointment today with my therapist so hopefully, we can try to think about ways to improve this stress. Thanks for reading this far 🤎
Just wanted to share a kind word-that all sounds so difficult. I don’t know you, but, I’m proud of you! Keep going! And contact your school administrators for any counseling options. It won’t be perfect, but it’s a place to start!
Sometimes when I get triggered (usually by memories of embarrassment or guilt) my eyes get more opened, my hands and/or my head starts to shake and my breathing accelerates. It only lasts a few seconds. Is it normal?
Touch. I love to hug, but only for some people & family. Yet I hate to be touched without my permission. I am now classed as PTSD with anxiety. I don't like loud noises yet and cannot sleep without noise. If it's too quiet my mind goes searching for danger. SA, Harassment , bullying, loneliness/neglect, comparison with others. Then I did that to my sons, for shame.
This is a good description of how and why we get triggered but it massively over simplifies how to deal with being triggered. Knowing the origin of triggers is a useful component of self awareness but the most powerful and essential element of responding to triggers is to develop self regulation. That can take time and practice and may require professional support. Best wishes to anyone suffering dysregulated responses. There is help available.
Such an important video, saving for reference. 💛💛💛 a lot of my triggers are smell related, which is specific to my trauma. Any gas smell, rotting anything, hospital smells, etc. I've done a lot of work however and these things become a bit more manageable heading into my 30's. Stable emotional regulation is still a long and difficult process!
Certainly sounds deeply relatable to a situation I was living these days. My history of hostile, violent or otherwise unpleasant rejections has made me extremely wary of putting myself out there, and these days I'm regretting not taking a step forward towards someone potentially interested just because I was too afraid to be violently rejected again. I haven't started working on it recently but quite a while ago. And it'll take a while more by the looks of it.
this is my biggest problem for social media my mom and dad took my phone away when i first started high school because i just came out and told them i was gay (still am) they thought social media made me gay, but i realized i was gay wayyyy before highschool and it made me so mad and sad because i didnt have friends since i was an introvert and everybody knew i was gay and theres that stigma of "who wants to be seen hanging out with a gay kid who dresses feminine" my parents straight up said "if u were straight we wouldnt have taken your phone" but my lil brother got an iphone and hes only 11 yo?! it made me so enraged at that time because i didnt have any friends and all my friends were online. I'm 18 now w an iphone 14 and I hate to think about the situation but "its over now" so my family just acts like it didnt happen and swep it under the rug. but they "still and always loved me" though but never even wanted to hear/care/tried to understand my point of view of being gay..im shaking rn typing this out because of the past intense emotions of sadness and rage that i dont wana to come back up again. I am still gay.
Oh my God, I’m so sorry you went through this. Now you’re master of your own life and no one can take away your phone. You have the strength to overcome any obstacle and believe me there are people out there who love and accept you for who you are ❤️
Be proud of who you are and surround yourself with people who truly love you regardless of your sexual orientation. Have you tried having an honest conversation about how they treated with you with your parents? Forgive them.
sometimes it is both something in the past and something in the present needing addressing.dont avoid triggers. feel the feelings know the story and change the ending this time in the present. This Rewires the brain and gives us Confidence Outcomes Can Change.
Yes this is so very true but unfortunately on platforms like twitter, people can't seem to figure out the meaning of that. That is why I like it here on YT. Empathetic and compassionate discussions that are not always perfect, but also not entirely subjective either.
i experienced something like this just last week. it left me quite puzzling and i was not able to identify that i was triggered. so glad i seeked out this video. "the triggers tell us about our histories", this is so very true. my past indeed shapes us and this process of reverse engineering my fears is actually really insightful. unexplored and unknown events in the past which have gone unaddressed can manifest in ways like disproportionate responses and being triggered by events which are seemingly normal.
Get to the root of the cause, understand that it's our inner child being triggered in those moments, take care of it and we'll never be triggered again.
I agree with the first half, but not the never being triggered again. That isn't something any of us get to decide. We do get to become very well versed at spotting, accepting, and working through our triggers. Making a declaration of never being triggered again seems like a sure fire way to invite negative self talk when you inevitably get trigged, and for a time forget the progress you've made. Longer than need be. Think about it, it's something you've never experienced, and have no way of knowing if anyone at all has experienced it. Dealing with them as they arise is enough for most of us I'd say.
As much as I agree with your premise, I want to focus a key concept: Understanding. There are two types of understanding intellectual and emotional, and both have several degrees. The deeper one's understanding of oneself (and by extension others), the less they are triggered (in both frequency and intensity). This deep understanding can only come with repetition of healthy behaviors over time. My advice is then, take your time, learn, don't hate yourself when you slip, and learn from your successes and mistakes.
@@psyhense Agreed. If you set that high of a bar, you set yourself up for "failure." It's similar to declaring on Dec 31 that you're going to exercise every single day from now on -- eventually, you'll miss a day, then two, then three, because it's easier and more comfortable -- or so it seems in the moment -- to do the familiar thing that you've been doing all along than it is to do the hard thing that makes you struggle. If you've been triggered your whole life and then at 30, 40, 50 years old think, "I'll just do some inner work and put this all behind me," then when you backside, which you will, you'll feel like, "Great. Here's yet another thing I suck at. I can't even control my own self!" and now you've got not only your triggers to deal with, but another nail in the low-self-esteem coffin.
I grew up in New Jersey in the 60's and 70's The whole reason for being back then was to trigger people...Getting a rise out of was considered "a win"...NOT being triggered was an absolute necessity to remaining viable...Once people knew they could push your buttons the harassment never stopped
My therapist said that other people wouldn't change. And they are not in your control. I needed to hear that. Acceptance gives us little peace to handle the encounters.
This is the BEST healing information EVER for those of us who were so traumatized in childhood that our whole lives were ruined. You deserve a medal of freedom ❤️
The “wasn’t listened to” really strikes home. No emotions, reactions, needs were allowed. Instead, it was all about shaming and judging and controlled!
You guys really need to share the audio from the videos to either SoundCloud or Spotify, there’s no other content that I’ve actually wanted to listen to while keeping my eyes closed
Im so glad he is speaking again! It was hard listening to the chick, it wasnt the same. I dont know what it is about his voice. He sounds so wise. I love it.
Although relationships can survive if one person gets easily triggered and lashes out whereas the other person has worked through their stuff and "loves" their acting-out partner, it is waaaaaay better if both people have done their personal work to manage their triggers without inflicting them on their partner.
I know exactly what triggers me and why and what causes my anxiety and depression, It is something I have lived with all my life and will be like this till the day I die. All you can do is learn to cope with it better.
I'm struggling with the same. I was bullied verbally and teased by group of boys when I was in my engineering because they found me very weak, thin in frame and with very strange high pitched voice for a boy. I wasn't well built like them all. Later I had to drop off for one year because I had failed in one subject for more than twice because of depression and anxiety. I couldn't concentrate on studies at all. Anxiety was on peak when I was there. Later when I came back to clear that subject, I had to leave hostel and live in a PG where my juniors were also having residence. One night even those juniors knocked my doors hard when they were intoxicated and I refused to smoke cigarettes with them. I was alone. These kinds of things were happening with me since I was a kid. People found out something funny or strange about me and they used to mock me in groups or torture me with words. My friends used to say I've a different personality which sometimes comes out very intimidating as I used to carry a lot of confidence for a thin man. I've been battling with depression for more than 10 years as far as I can remember. I get triggered whenever I recall those moments and whenever anyone mentions how my voice sounds. I've done a lot of things to change but nothing worked. So many exercises to deepen my voice but still. Maybe I look like a child for a man of over 25 years of age. I often link it with me being born a gay. I don't know if I'm completely a gay man or it's just because I've been always forced to never look at girls, talk to them and understand them. Otherwise I could have been a bisexual. God knows. In my mind every time I get triggered as I think I'm not a man manly enough to survive in this world, I blame my parents for giving me bad genes. Especially I think I should have not born to my dad because he has manly personality but is thin frame and can't rock muscles. I find his voice too a strange one. My mother is beautiful and has everything perfect for her physically. I blame God for whatever he has made me. Why he's to make me a man when he can't give me everything a man desires. Why should he make a man effeminate and weak? I often feel so lonely and fear of loneliness grips me very hard. I solace myself that I've to live life happily as much time as I'm healthy and energetic. Later on I can end my life anyway. Better live a good life than a long life.
Take care! You have been through a lot… and know that you deserve so much love!! I wish you health, love, freedom, confidence and so many happy moments ahead! Life isn’t always fair but you are stronger 🙏
Have you had your hormone levels checked? Maybe you would benefit from TRT for example. This might make your muscles grow easier and lower the pitch of your voice. Just an idea.
I grew up with awful bullying, low self esteem, anxiety, depression - real tough times…. And I thank God for each and every one of those challenges. They are a large part of what finally forged me into a man in the truly magical 50th decade of life (otherwise known as the 40’s). What makes this decade so great? The gives a f*** gene turns OFF and you are finally free from giving 2 shits about what anyone thinks or says whatsoever. You’ve seen it all, you’ve been through most of it. You go to the grocery store in your dirtiest clothes and your shades on slick…You’re finally ready. So stick it out with your training young Padawans! It’s worth it.
The best advice I have learned is that when triggered lean back not forward. I used to go into freeze/fawn response but now on the rare occasion it happens, I go to rage. Becoming a Christian changed it overnight, it only comes back when I go in the wrong direction spiritually. When angered I tend to lean into a fight and usually the person who triggered me was already looking for a fight. They tend to be provocative cluster B personalities who trigger people anyway as they are the most drama seeking provocative personality types. A non-disordered person can state and express differences without conflict or confrontation. This is impossible for an intrinsically disordered person as they view everything as competition.
0:18 to be triggered is responding with intense fear and anger here and now I mportant to know when situations demand to be fearful or angry 1:10 how the mechanism operates The mind of a triggered when it believes it t recognises around it a situation that it feels from memory is going to be highly damaging and dangerous 1:20 Triggers tell us about things that we were once very afraid of. 1:35 We are triggered by now, by what we were devastated by then 1:50 This is good because we can reverse engineer our triggers 2:25 triggers maps on to a traumatic (emotionally distressing) event 2:59 the person has been triggered because the contemporary event contains the essence of a profoundly traumatic dynamic in earlier life 3:38 the tragedy of triggering is it fails to notice the difference between then and now 5:18 escaping triggers 5:50 the cure for triggering is love 6:10 what does my fear of what could happen tell me about what did happen
Thoughts themselves are neither positive or negative but our opinion about these thoughts whether they are good or bad triggers all the emotions. These emotions has some inertia unlike thoughts which come and go in our mind. The emotions than make us feel exhausted making us to be in the past or future preventing us to be in our present moment.
This a great video!! Thanks for creating one! I’ve been fighting how to control my trigger, and it has been futile. My mom left me when I was young (divorce my dad and left the fam), and I subconsciously blame myself for it. I didn’t know this at first. As I grow older, I get triggered if I am accused of doing something wrong, even when the discussion might be hypothetical. I did some reflection and realised where the trigger comes from, but I have no way of controlling it. This video has given me a change perspective which I hope it can be helpful to overcome my issue. Thank you 🙏🏽
Here is a process I’m using to manage my anxiety and feelings of worthlessness, and express my feelings and needs. I think they are taken from Patricia DeYoung’s book on chronic shame and Pete Walker’s CPTSD book. 1. Be aware of the feeling I'm having, and give myself permission to feel it. It may feel silly or scary or ridiculous, but giving myself permission to feel it makes it less scary. Don't compare myself with what I think of as normal, or to others. They may seem like they have it all together, but I'm probably comparing my insides to their outsides. Maybe inside they are just as lost and cowardly as I am. 2. Explore where this feeling comes from. I don't think I need to explore my whole past, but I need to ask myself the simple question: "Is this a feeling about NOW or about the past?" Usually, because I was discouraged from feeling certain feelings as a child, the intense feelings are from the past. Resmaa Menakem says, "Whatever is hysterical is historical." 3. Ask myself if that feeling is warranted given the present circumstances. 4. If not, I don't berate myself for having those feelings, and I don't give myself permission to be passive. I try to live in this moment, responding to this moment and not reacting to the past. So, I feel the feeling and 'do it anyway.' Here's an example. I want to ask my boss for a few days off. 1. I feel anxious, fluttery heart, tension in my forearms. Others may not feel anxious asking their boss for a few days off, but I do. So it's okay to feel that feeling. What am I afraid of? I'm afraid my boss will make a scene and make me feel bad. I'm afraid others will see me asking for a day off and think I'm a shirker. I'm afraid I won't get the time off, so my plans will be ruined. I'm afraid of causing a hassle for my boss and my co-workers . . . 2. I remember being teased by my older siblings for showing any sort of emotional neediness, like I was too sensitive. I also remember being praised by my parents for never complaining, and for feeling shamed whenever I asked for something. Like somehow my desires weren’t valid, no matter how simple they were. 3. This feeling can't be about today because my boss is very sweet, and it's in our contract that we can ask for vacation days. I see lots of others asking for days off, and he always approves them without any sort of protestation. 4. Ok. So, just feel those feelings, feel that anxiety. I settle my body a bit by breathing deeply and rhythmically for a few moments. I dont’ expect the anxiety to disappear altogether, but just reduce it a bit so I have a bit more conscious control . .Then I go ask my boss for a few days off. This routine has really helped me see what fears are from the past AND to live in the moment without denying my feelings or cowering in the corner. And every time I feel the fear and do it anyway, every time I exercise my will, I exorcise my demons and become more fully whole, a bit more healed. More able to feel and act. More able to have and express my feelings. A few more thoughts. Oftentimes neglect is a more powerful form of hurt than abuse. If my feelings, my being is not even noticed, my being alive must really be inconsequential. I must really be invisible. I must be worthless. If someone abuses me, at least I know that someone sees me and I'm worth being, if only to be abused. Oftentimes vulnerability is equated with sharing of weaknesses. I think sharing our strengths and enthusiasms can also be quite vulnerable. If I show my talents others can criticize or ignore; if I share my enthusiasm, I can be shamed and ridiculed. So we learn not to shine. All this self-work has not only helped me be more compassionate with myself, but also to treat others with love, with compassion and curiosity rather than judgement. I'm starting to see people as children who happen to have aged. We're all just looking for love and acceptance, for someone to notice us and value us, and how we were raised influences how we attempt to get those needs met.
@@sobrevida157 thank you for sharing, veryinspiring🙏. I'm doing therapy, but I feel stuck, with grief, anxiety, guilt and self blaming, and especially after my mom died 3 - 4 months ago, it has become worse. It is very challenging
@Rose Marie Bey I can if you wish, and you can just copy and paste it to a google doc as well. I'm happy that you found value in my writing.. peace to you
Truth is we all thrive for people to tell us what we know about what we should do to be complete with ourselves and never actually do something to empower ourselves or to put ourselves at risk in life. We comfort ourselves in the fact that "we know things".
The title of this video is very misleading. you spend 90% of the video talking about what a trigger is and then the 10% of how to not be triggered, jammed into a minute.... the answer is love? and working backwards to understand the trigger? im sorry, how exactly? Ya know, I get all worried that my content is going to be controversial but at least I don't claim to stop triggers forever, and slap that title on a video which does no such thing. Disgraceful.
You need to rewatch the video and you will understand . Understanding what and why one is triggered, will stop one being triggered in the first place.. quite simple.
My confusion lies in: 1) Recently seeing the dark truths of my narcissistic mother’s comments as self-serving and belittling and 2) Being able to recognize if I am now creating Untruths about her and others around me from being overly triggered.
Seems like everyone in my town took your advice - nobody wants to work, nobody wants to socialize (other than in mandatory settings), no one cares about big issues, no one cares about their impact on others/environment... all they care about is $$$ and making it".
He's talking about a kind of dramatic trigger that I call reacting. but there is an ongoing low grade triggering which I call being defensive that seems to be more pervasive.
Forgiveness and showering my inner child with love. My parents did the best they could... they did more good than bad. My parents wasn't taught to self love in a world that hates and mistreats black people. Now, I live in the present moment and only create intentional moments and I take nothing personal... I just send people love. If all humans were taught self love... all the wars, poverty, violence, and unkindness would disappear. When you love self... you can't hurt another living being.
You're describing Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to avoid relationships now coz they are far too triggering, taking me back to a jealous place when I was 5 & my brother told me he loved my sister's. I end up as a prisoner in my own head and nothing helps.
No matter how good we do for others, No matter how best we do in our lives....We get rejected we get isolated, we get ignored, we get bullied, we are always a laughing stock for all..And atlast, we are to blame for everything....
@@kashish291_0 35 years and counting of never knowing any form of romantic love due to crippling abandonment issues. I'll take any form of heartbreak over it any day of the week. At least then you can look back at some moment and say to yourself - at this moment in time I was genuinely loved by someone. No matter how brief. Because as it stands, there's only feelings of hopelessness and being unlovable.
"We're triggered now by what we devasted by then" - Beautifully put :'")
Right, and upon re-examination, we might discover that what was then has been changed or worked through. It can now be perceived as irrational and this cure us by taking the emotion out of the trigger.
"What disturbs people are not THINGS themselves but their JUDGMENTS about the THINGS." ~ Epictetus
A very wise thought from a very wise man!
@@theschooloflifetv Epictetus and the Stoic philosophers have made a tremendous impact on my mental health. ❤️
Often true, but not always. You won't feel better about your child dying from cot death by judging it a benefit since you don't have to get up at night anymore, will you? And if you do feel better thinking that it's probably better not to spread your genes.
@@annnee6818 L opinion
"Ah jeez, that guy just had his legs broken and all his money taken in broad daylight. It's fine though, my judgment on the situation is it didn't happen to me so lmao"
We suffer more in imagination than in reality!
Some people suffer more than anyone could imagine.
Agreed, although imagination is part of reality. And can lead to physical suffering. Stupid universe
This notion is wrong. Are you raised in a patriarchial family?
Seneca 😊
Jokes on you, I suffer on reality more than in imagination.
The eyes turning into scribbles that eventually fill the screen is so creepy and so accurate to the feeling
Don’t like it, it makes my skin itch
Yes, the scary thing is that we are losing our minds
if you have trauma from past or anything, your anxiety will be triggered even tho there is no danger right now. We'll carry that fear with us for many years to come and it will affect every aspect of our life. It's basically like an invisible handicap
Yes, our survival brain is on high alert all the time. Instead of returning to a calm state, we are always at 80. So some things trigger us and it looks like our anxiety goes from 0 to 100, when it really goes from like 80 to 100.
The most annoying thing ever :/
I don't think we should be thinking about it as a handicap. It's difficult to work through and deal with but existing solely through the lens of our trauma keeps us victimized.
you can see the same in dogs from a shelter: sometimes they are very fearful and then attack just because someone dropped a coin. You don't know what happened to them.
TOXIC NOSTALGIA.
This video is remarkably accurate! My therapist has said, “If a response is hysterical, it’s historical.”
thats amazing, thanks for sharing
but it doesn't solve the issue of being triggered. That is embedded and untouchable so your therapist spouting buzz phrases means nothing
@@chipbuttytime3396 You’re absolutely right that it doesn’t solve the issue of being triggered. Nonetheless, I find it helpful for putting the current, triggering issue in perspective. It helps me to take a breath and think, “Okay, what’s this REALLY about?” which helps avoid a knee-jerk reaction. On occasion, it has even stopped me from saying something I might later regret. THEN taking steps to calm down the triggering is another matter. The perspective of understanding helps me stay out of the depths of the all-too-familiar pit.
@@chipbuttytime3396 It's one statement within the context of ongoing therapy. It's not meant to solve the issue. It's meant to help understand it.
@@chipbuttytime3396i might be wrong but a therapist fix nothing. It clears the emotions fogs to help yourself sees your own fix
It is very important to understand your triggers and where they come from, almost all of them are deep rooted in the childhood. Going back to your inner child and understanding what and how it felt and giving yourself permission to navigate helps a lot. Personally self awareness of myself took lot of time and looking at yourself as an outsider helps to see what you are feeling rather than absorbing in the feeling it self. Go back to your childhood and come back with lessons and please forgive yourself and accept everything that’s the only way folks. Wish you all healing ❤
Wonderful words
So true. Childhood trauma is usually the root of it all.
Sp true. I'm working on myself from that perspective now. 💕
Repent for sins in Jesus name sothat your conscience can stop convicting you and that spiritual attacks can't rise up against you. Jesus died for our sins sothat we could turn from sins and be saved to heaven instead of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Read bible book Matthew to be saved in Jesus
Grow up. Nobody has memories of what was done to them as a baby but I suppose its okay for some people who were denied ice cream one day.
Another useful tool I've learned to use myself comes from Stoicism; specifically a realization of the fact that you can't control what other people do/say/think/feel/etc.; only how you choose to react to them.
What's your solution 🤔☘️
@@Signaman-z9d Accept the fact that you can only change yourself and how you view and react to the world. Everything else is, at least for the most part, out of your hands. Especially what other people choose to think and believe in, so don't get upset about it as it will only lead to frustration and even anger that you can't do anything about anyway.
Exactly! Changing your reactions is extremely difficult.
But changing everyone else is impossible.
@@thomasferranti6736 Well said 👍
Triggers by their nature, are just that! They can't be controlled else they wouldn't be triggers. It's automatic, impulsive, subconscious, involuntary. There is no choice! What you're talking about is true but more in terms of psychoanalysis and personal acceptance.
Been trying to recover from trauma: psychedelics helped to start the ball rolling, IFS therapy for almost a year now. But what really started to shift things was working on forgiveness (it's been very hard and painful work). It's interesting as I get triggered less. It's like the more I am able to work on forgiveness the safer my inner child feels. Perhaps it sees it like that: if I am able to consider forgiveness that means the events happened in the PAST, that I am safe NOW. That I am mature now, I can defend myself now and manage my emotions.
With trauma the concept of time is very important. Our inner child/children usually are stuck in the past. Once we start inviting them into the PRESENT and show them that it is safe now they relax. As a result we relax too.
Trauma changes the brain. The amygdala becomes over-reactive whereas pre frontal cortex gets under active. Result: when triggered we feel strong emotions first, then we don't understand why we react that way. Good news are: it's possible to reverse that.
Beautiful to hear
Thank you for sharing your perspective. You've opened my eyes to a few things 💞
Psychedelics helped me a lot, Ayahuasca was a life changing experience.
🙇🙏
Complex PTSD here (neglected child etc...), with occasional violently sorrowful and hopeless emotional flashbacks that go on for hours. A lifetime of self reflection, four years of therapy, psychedelics and tDCS have only helped that much. It's really frustrating.
According to this video, I did everything right. I'm on my way to recovery. Analyzing your fears works, I was shocked when I found that out, but I'm glad I did, and you should definitely try it for yourselves. It's the highest and the healthiest buzz I've ever caught, I still cannot believe this happened and I think everybody deserves to experience it
“We can’t distinguish between something they’ve done that got them sent to prison and something we’ve done that won’t ever be noticed”.
I relate to that SO BADLY.
me too. That line really stuck out.
Me too! Happy to know I’m not alone in that!
Still working on mine. Discovering trauma based therapy was a true revelation for me. I had been in traditional therapy for so long, and hit a wall. The best thing about trauma based therapy is that many organizations that deal with domestic/child abuse, and the YWCA provide this free or at a low cost. Breathing exercises, grounding mindfulness practices, and loving kindness and gratitude exercises along with yoga and walking my dog are super helpful for me. Having a dog is wonderful in so many ways. They love you. You can cuddle them. They need to go out, so you need to exercise, and consider another creature's well being.
@@alexandrugheorghe5610 I'm so sorry about your fur friend. That is the worst. It really is. I hope someday another will wiggle it's way into your heart. I was chosen by the sweetest little kitter cat one snowy day.
Dogs trigger me
@@RioRavOh. Sorry.😔
@@JLakis❤❤❤
"We want our awful hunches confirmed" this really resonated with me because I'm always wondering why I actively look at things that I know are gonna trigger me. It never made sense to me why I did this. Been working on my Shadow for over 2 years now, sometimes it feels like I'll never heal this wound.
It may not seem like it heals becuase it will leave a scar. But you are making progress and it is a process. Even if you dont realize it, you are making progress. Love you.
@@xw591 I really appreciate that. Thank you 💚
I use to think I would never heal but after a big trigger today I realised that I have healed as there is no hurt in my soul anymore. I suppose what is left are scars and I just have to ride through the emotions, put myself in observer mood and painfully go back in my past as to when the same situation arose. I need to give myself time to process. I am hugely highly sensitive and find it very challenging living in this world and having relationships with people. I am going to try and go with the flow and my heart but feel I must accept I will keep having these triggers if I want to have relationships with people. I just wish people would be nice and just do the basics. I just find it unbelievable the way people are and why this keeps happening. It is groundhog day all the time.....I do not think it will bloody stop until I pass over lol. 😂
@@nicholabrown11 I agree. I think the fairy tale that we can be "cured" of our life experience is . . . a fairy tale and pretty naive of those who believe it. I think an expectation of "cure" is not helpful because it's expecting the cavalry to come over a ridge and everything is magically hunky dory. I don't think life is really like that. I think we have to learn how to keep making adjustments, and sometimes call others on their shit, and figure out what our own shit is, and learn to like ourselves in the way we like our friends: we can tease them about their faults and all of you laugh because what you are really saying is "we see your flaws, but we love you anyway."
You'll be healed temporarily and laugh about it later but it comes back unless your inner child is healed
also remember to forgive yourself when you are triggered. It will take a while for us all to process what is actually happening
Yeah forgive ourself. I now say "here it comes again. I'm triggered" Before I'd admonish "Oh I'm so lazy! What's wrong w me!?!"
Yes.
I'm triggered by everyone giving advice...
Family scapegoat. The holidays wore my defenses down, plus a flashback. Tomorrow starts fresh but today was messy. Rewatching this. Thank you. Bless.
Love to you, I know that feeling of injustice and gas lighting. Now, I have to talk myself out of reacting like I’m 9 years old with no power or control, and no way out. It’s overwhelming sometimes, especially when those who were complicit are still determined to be oblivious.
Being alive is so hard
Why so ?
Change your attitude! You’re making a self-fulfilling prophecy ;)
@@Gabriel-fj7hm how dear??
@@Gabriel-fj7hm how dear
@@bdjjosh1268 Adopting a heroic attitude towards life. Yes, life is hard. But stop being a victim, lamenting, and start to live proactively with courage towards meaningful goals and ideals.
I would love a video distinguishing triggers and re traumatization.
We normalize a lot of mistreatment and abuse in society and people who were abused before correctly identify mistreatment but they are told they are " just being triggered" basically they are being gaslighted again into normalizing mistreatment and made to gaslight themselves also again.
It's not the same to be in a safe situation and have a memory of an unsafe experience than to again be in another unsafe situation.
Although now being adults, there are so many adults in positions of vulnerability that make it very similar to being a child. You can't quit that job, you can't get out of that relationship, you can't afford therapy, or a gym, etc. Not everyone actually have these options. Sometimes people try to do it anyways and end up in even more vulnerability without the job, etc
We need to acknowledge trigger is not the same as re traumatization
True
A great example of this is Systemic Sexual Abuse. I live it every day of my life.
So True !!!!
@@Bhlisse Thank you for understanding and supporting raising awareness. Happy holidays to you 🤗
Thank you for this!! I am finally coming to the realization that my current experience with a narcissist coworker isn't just my reactions and being triggered, I'm being re-traumatized right now. That is actually what's happening. This was the final piece of "evidence" I needed to allow myself to actually focus on healing and self care now that I'm on sick leave because of this person.
Thank you for this. The drawing with the family where the mother is close to one child but the other child stands alone. I have a photo where my mother and brother stand close to each other and I am standing alone. I was neglected and alone all my childhood while my mother and brother were best buddies. I get triggered a lot and my family just don't understands. This is hell sometimes for everyone but I am getting better.
scapegoat
At least you understand your triggers.
I’m 63 and only when I turned 50 did I realise all this terror and instability was PTSD and late diagnosis ADHD.
In the last few years I can identify a trigger…..but not all of them, still working on it.
Take it easy everyone, a good friend of mine said “ that’s why we live so long we have much to learn.
Do it with grace and kindness.
@@margo3367 I know. This is really fortunate. I do not see myself as a crazed person anymore and I understand my reactions.
One day at a time.. You got this!!! ❤️
I always understand why i am triggered. Given enough time, i can competently calm myself. But in the moment, i need to behave well in spite of my horrendeous anxiety.
i get this so much
I've found taking time to process whatever emotions I'm going through over a number of days helps. Listening to the emotion, then from my higher self reminding myself there are other emotions, other healthier responses, I can be open minded & creative & maybe a new solution will come to mind in my imagination to guide me that will help me solve my issues one step at a time. With patience, everything can be resolved, with calm .😊
This helps me feel better about when I’m triggered. More self compassion.
How do you have self compassion when you hate yourself?
@@brightmooninthenight2111 You go to a good therapist and work through the self-hate. And if you have chemical imbalances, you take prescribed meds.
All emotional triggers are due to feelings of low self-worth AKA "are we worthy of connecting with other people". This is rooted in childhood if our parents tended to our needs or not. If they consistently neglected our needs, we feel unaccepted and unworthy of love. This manifests in our future lives when we perceive that we are being devalued, triggering our old feelings of unworthiness. "Perceived" is the key word here because it can be something like someone not replying to our text quickly enough, someone disagreeing with our opinions, or even seeing a person who's more successful than us in some aspect. It triggers the deeply rooted core belief within us that we are worthless and don't matter even if there are no ill-intentions. Truly, I don't know how to heal a person who's been wounded like this, and looking at the general population it looks like most people don't as well. All I know is that it can be prevented. So, try your best not to F your kids up.
Gosh your words so resonated with me! I could not face having children of my own. I hate being ignored by people!
Its so ironic because the person I’m dealing with appears to have a huge ego while my gut tells me that they are weak and fragile underneath the facade.
I can't emphasize more about how true this is, I've the same issue and thia is exactly what goes inside me ,idk what to do of it though
So true, to not f..k up your kids! I’ve been working on my childhood trauma for years, I feel like I’ll never really overcome it, but finally, I look at my 4 beautiful grandchildren, brought up by parents who understand trauma, and yet have not passed it on. That’s special and makes me so proud ❤❤❤
Whoa! Hearing you say that we are often drawn to our triggers through a compulsive sense of familiarity sparked an instant enlightenment within me as to why I repeatedly chosen partners who are emotionally unavailable to me, exactly how my childhood caregivers were. Thank you!
I always feel guilty for my social anxiety. I wish I could be more receptive and honest but my brain literally turns off in 99.999% of social situations lately.
It has never turned off. Until u are dead
I feel you, It sucks because you don’t reply the way you want to.
@@phaij4623 yeah man its like I know there’s more to me, I’ve seen it, but I’m hiding from myself.
I can completely relate!
Same it is soo annoying and isolating. I come across like I don’t care about anyone around me. But my brain just freezes, I can’t relax
unless you have people in your life that trigger you on purpose
Best thing for that. Try to ignore it.
There are people that tend to love to trigger others.
@@jamiecee4960 Lots of them! Childish.
Boundaries
omg ! I needed this so much i get triggered very much when someone raises their voice or when someone is disrespectful to me it just makes me go back that fearful blank moment where I feel like I have 0 control over my life and I'm drowning, this made me feel a lot better ❤
5:17 is frighteningly accurate as someone who had a depressing 10 years of adulthood. When I gave into my triggers they became familiar to me and I began seeking out people and things to confirm what I was going through, no matter how harmful they were, while shunning experiences that didn't conform to what I felt inside. As a result I ended up pushing away family and friends.
I'm glad I was able to get the help from a therapist and through practicing mindfulness it helped me to avoid negative experiences and accept influence from role models in my life. In turn the love of people in my life also helped with coming to terms with what was triggering me.
To those of you going through the process of grief know that there are people who care, you need only seek them out.
Triggers are often an expression of trauma. People need to respond with compassion. Not everyone has had the ability to deal with it or had the support to deal with it. First step is to understand what your triggers are and having a strategy for dealing with it. A lot of my triggers are about my self image because of my formative life experiences that were out of my control. Does that mean I should be responsible for dealing with them? Yes. But I also need the people around to me know about the emotional toll it takes to deal with it. I am learning to love myself and appreciate me. It’s taken me years but it’s mainly because I could never really afford good therapy so I have taken it on myself to fix the broken parts of myself. I have come a long way but like everything in life your human frailties are a constant work in progress. So my advice to everyone is to keep learning and growing. We are never the finished article and everybody has issues. Don’t bear yourself up if you have triggers, I think most humans do, the trick is to learn what they are so you can deal with it. Thanks for the video, thought provoking.
Narcissists they are everywhere
I have a trigger that surfaces around a relative who exhibits narcissist behaviors, verbal abuse and toxic gossip. I've gone no contact as much as possible but at family gatherings I can't get out of, my body reacts with panic. I'm trying to fix it but it's harder when someone else is involved.
I, too have that experience, and reaction. I've managed to go no contact but now I have a coworker who reminds me so deeply of this person. I can't go no contact with my coworker, I can't run away from them. I can't confront them so I'm currently on sick leave while fawning for them so they won't make me relive my trauma to the fullest by bringing out the narcissistic rage, which I have seen before, but not directed at me - so far. I'm struggling with this but fully recognising it's because of my past trauma with that family member is slowly shifting my mindset, I feel.
I hope you can find relief and peace from your past trauma❤
Please try mindful meditation of unpleasant things buddy you cannot control what comes but how it leaves through your body
Even if you fix him there will be others
Please focus on yourself and don’t let words affect you
It’s a never ending cycle
This actually really resonates with me.
Last Saturday I went to a local (relatively big) choir for the first time, and the teacher separated us in the usual groups: sopranos, contraltos, tenors, etc. The criteria for this separation is generically the extension of voice, i.g., higher pitch female voices sing as sopranos and lower pitch female voices sing as altos. I haven't frequented such a big choir in years. I did sing in my university choir for a bit last year, but it was just starting out, besides, most people who were there were learning how to sing for the first time, whereas I have had individual and choir lessons since a was a child. I actually stopped attending such lessons during my highschool years, so I'd be able to cram for my university entrance exam, (that was four years ago). Moreover, I was always told by my teachers that I was a soprano, and that I didn't reach the characteristically high notes that I was supposed to "because I was too nervous". This made some sense, as I managed to sing them quite well in my bathroom shower, when I thought no one was listening. I was always very insecure and shy when it came to my voice.
Anyways, I knew that I was a medium fish in a very small pond in my university choir. I knew I had not done any exercises seriously in years, and even if I did, I could not expect myself to sing like a Maria Callas or Anna Netbreko. Also, voices change as they mature, even female voices. I knew all these things. Still, I was very surprised when I was put to sing with the altos!
"But why?" I asked my teacher, already feeling a little unbalanced.
"Because you are a mezzo soprano." She answered. "You may have those high notes, but it's your lower tones that are the most lovely!" she said.
She then started looking at me rather concerned. And that was when I noticed I had started crying. Convulsively and unconsciously, there I stood, my tears pouring more and more as I tried to hide my face with my hands, -- not myself understanding why I was having such an extreme reaction to being told I was a mezzo soprano. And my gentle teacher let me cry. She then said that it was okay for me to react that way, that maybe I was feeling overwhelmed because I was finally going to sing in a group again, and that maybe I should find a therapist to talk to. "Maybe," She said, "It's okay to cry. I cry at 61 like a child, and you are just 19. You don't have to hold yourself back from what you are feeling. There is no need to feel embarrassed. But why don't you try to find out what is really hurting you?"
I am actually so grateful that she was there for me at that moment. I did already imagine that I had a few issues from my childhood or adolescence that associate my self-image to my singing voice. That's probably the reason why I did not get back to my lessons as soon as I entered university. Nevertheless, I thought that I had automatically overcome them, after all, "that was all in the past". Now I am beginning to accept that that's not the case, and that singing is not something trivial to me. It's an important part of my life and identity, and I should not stop myself from acknowledging that just because I that feel my singing is inadequate and not as good as it should be. To sing is one of the greatest wonders in my life.
And, Thank you, School of life, for the wonderful video!
it's beautiful to find someone with such a similar struggle with the musical crux of their identity as me. Best of luck to you
@@wistfuloptimist1238 you too! ^^
What a lovely teacher. I'm sure you'll enjoy this new choir ❤
I love this video.
90% of the population are getting triggered every single day and instead of dealing with it they’ll overeat, take drugs, drink alcohol, scroll through social media or seek attention in destructive ways.
Keep up the good work 👏
#growthmindset
Venting doesn't release pressure. It only intensifies it later from the training effect. When people cheer and shout for their team, they don't feel less jubilant. Contrary. They feel more jubilation and the next time it grows.
Awareness of your emotional response is the first step. Then you must practice the control. The training effect can work for you just as it can work against you.
Take control. Use the training effect to practice your intended response. It takes time and effort, but you can overcome all the negative programming in your biocomputer by practicing your intentions more than your automatics. You must be the master programmer of your bio computer!
Yeah vent and you hope the person solves your problem. When they don't or can't you.have 2 problems!
But if you're able to simplify w a reduced comment sometimes you get validation and that does help
Venting is only a consequence not a cause, healthy release of anger is important
I've been going through this my whole adult life, and I still feel kind of like I'm just getting started. Like a few others have said, trauma is stored in the body, as well as in the mind. As someone else said, sometimes you're triggered by a legitimate problem that's in front of you; sometimes by something trivial that reminds you of the distant past. Sometimes it's both. I have come to think of it as "little me" reacting like a child; there's almost two of me there, the adult self, and the little one, kind of competing for control.
There are lots of things I've tried that work for me; none of them by themselves. It takes everything:
* inner child work -- when I get upset, sometimes I just sit down and have a quiet conversation with "little me," offering to be their protector and nurturer, stay with them, and give them the things that they didn't get when they were little.
* EMDR -- in a safe and calm environment, carefully sort back through the past, finding what's associated with this triggering experience; and lovingly rewrite that memory, so that the vulnerable me who was so deeply injured has emotional tools and support that he didn't have at the time. So the next time my mind chooses to rewind to that place, it finds a less volatile memory to draw on.
* "feeling my feelings" -- sitting or lying down and meditating, keeping myself calm through breath control and the like, and asking myself "how do I feel right now?" and letting myself answer that question honestly. Asking only how I feel, and not why, because my emotional self has no idea why.
* When I'm not in the middle of a triggered episode, using my logical brain to sort through all this other crap, and figure out what I really need to move forward.
I used to think that nothing would help; but since learning a whole bunch of tools, and getting a whole bunch of support from people who legit understand, I've actually cast off triggers. There are memories and experiences that I used to be paralyzed by, that are trivial now. I don't know what works for other people, but these things truly work for me.
Thank you for sharing that.
Thank you for sharing what works for you x
Thank you for sharing this. Really appreciate the tools you've shared, gives me hope that triggers can truly be cast off. So much gratitude🌻
I found that being able to choose from 4 options and labeling the trigger pattern helped enormously ...1..blocking me for no good reason 2 .expectations not bappening 3.something not said or expressed 4 denial of existence ..the last one would devastate me ,but as a child if I didn't " follow the narcissists script " I'd be blasted even for little things ...if rejected in any way it would bring all that ba ck . Now I just name the trigger and the emotion disappears as not relevant to the situation present day .
Your presentation was the clearest I have ever heard ,thankyou ...I'll passit on
As someone who gets very triggered with blood and graphic bodily injuries and is working in medical field, this was comforting to watch. I know my many triggers, but I'm struggling to overcome them.
Take a few years to get qualified to can change professions without leaving the medical industry...a position where you are unlikely to see blood. Preventive medicine, Nutrition or hospital administration or staffing.
to those confused about managing triggers. first and foremost, trigger is like a stimuli. it is something that is very spontaneous and may seem uncontrollable at first, but is usually from a stressor rooted by our past. what i learned from this video and in real life is that no matter how negative our thoughts may bring us, its almost always 99% worrying and 1% of whats actually happening.
trigger management will never be the same as managing anxiety and/or depression. the latter is quite more complicated esp when it is bounded by ptsd too.
for those ppl suffering in these mental health issues, just know that no person has 100% healthy mind and coping.
we just have to learn how to find our internal zen and practice restrain rather than bursting out our emotions. not only that its very draining, it is really energy consuming.
studies already proved that restrain is better than venting out especially in triggers when the stress level is still at its manageable point.
and btw, i have a bg in psychology thats why i really appreciated this video for being precise about trigger management
Thank you
As a teacher of Spinoza and Gurdjieff philosophies and teachings. I have learned the importance of triggers. Events that are disappointed, when desires are not met, feelings of rejection, or being misunderstood. Our emotions are being triggered. Emotions of desire, pain, hate, and anger, communicate our state of being confused. We cannot willfully change or stop triggers. Growth is seeing and understand our triggers. I am looking for students who want a meaningful and purposeful life.
Please would love to be your student
Good one. I gave up on any self-help videos long ago, but this one was simple, clear and
irrefutable. Added, it helps getting older. You've heard old adages so much through the years,
it becomes buried and forgotten. I've resurrected some and it helps tremendously,i.e., "Keep it
simple, stupid!"
I like the statement that feelings are our own signals to ourself about our needs. Feelings, and by extension trauma and triggered feelings, tell us about our needs and our experience and perception of whether they are / are not being met or will / will not be met. Been learning to listen to my traumatic feelings as not a fixed external reality but as telling me what I'm anticipating and what I need, a signal that can help me meet those needs.
"What does my worry about what will happen, tell me about what did happen?"
Missed Alain's voice so much. TSOL videos hit different when it's him
I was looking for this comment ❤️
Hello 👋🏼
I have been suffering from triggers of unworthiness, inability, imperfection and the feeling of being unlovable for well over 3 years know without even know, except that now it has become so much worse I have realized there is definitely something wrong here. Nonetheless, videos like is is why I subscribed to this channel, a deep and profound, not-so-long explanation, that certainly serves as a reminder.
go easy on yourself. Just keep learning and insights will come. There will be relief.
if you haven't discovered Gabor Mate yet it could be good to do so.
Damn. Really needed this rn. Never really knew what it was for the longest time but after some time and some growing up, i'm beginning to understand. Thanks for your vids, they've been a great help through my hellish yet progressive journey. ♡
Whatever the question/problem, the answer/solution is love
In many cases is self love.
Blah blah blah... how do you love yourself in a world full of lies, hate and violence? I'm not some uberbuddhist...
@@BobHill-s2cby not being them
This was so helpful for me at the moment, I cant thank you enough. A person in the street is spreading lies to our neighbours about me and my husband following a falling out. The person is a sad individual with too much time on his hands. My husband laughs at it and is completely unaffected, and as much as I know it is childish behaviour from an adult, every time I see him or hear something he has said about us, I feel incredibly anxious and cant stop thinking about it for the whole day, completely losing perspective on the ridiculous and small thing that it really is - as the brilliant video says - catapulted into despair and terror! I've always been like this and never understood why. Now it makes sense - thankyou.
Love is the answer? Being hugged is the answer? Good thing I’ve got my Sailor Moon hug pillow.
Man of taste
I love this video, though I might suggest that while triggers are often an overreaction to something many people would find blameless, it isn’t necessarily so. It can as well be an intense emotional reaction to something people might also have a response towards, but the key here is that while many move past that situation, the triggered person experiences much stronger emotions and it is harder for them to move past that situation. Triggers are not just pointed at “harmless” things, but can also be an initial normal reaction to an adequated situation, that then escalates into bigger emotions.
I can't stand kindness. The smallest amount brings me to tears. I can't stand it. I don't know it.
You deserve kindness. You are enough. You are not made less or obligated. You are worthy. People are kind and you can learn to relieve it. I hope you start trying.
Ok
@@andyc9902 lol thanks.
@@JohnnyCatFitz Thank you.
It sounds like you don’t trust kindness. Be truly kind to yourself one minute, one day, one step and build on that. Other people can be truly kind but not always.
I just don't know how to heal
from the endless oceans
of rage and grief in me.
At the beginning of this year,
The man whom I revered
as my best friend,
abandoned and betrayed me.
He replaced me.
Now...
My 53-year old cousin,
just suddenly tragically passed.
Alone. In his sleep.
Unexpectedly.
On 10/09/23.
RIP cuz. I LOVE YOU ✨💛
I need a video that literally just reminds me I live on a turning rock in space and that my anger at some inane idiot online is so hilariously unimportant I’m wasting my precious time and energy even having read their comment. I need to be reminded how real life is and how ridiculous being online is to do anything other than connect with friends and wind down.
I have only a couple of triggers and now go out of my way to avoid the situations where I can likely foresee something happening. In the last couple of years my anxiety has decreased significantly because of the strategizing. :)
I get triggered when I meet people that are clearly the type that thinks mockery and "bullying" is a fun way to bond, you know the classical bantering that some people see as "fun". I see this as a sign to know which people I should stay away from, I don't need that negative energy in my life. Confrontation doesn't work since they will only answer "It was only a joke, don't be so sensitive". That's the call sign for a bully or narcissist and those have no place in my life. Often times the bantering gone too far is a way to mask their own insecurities and since they don't have the social competence to have a normal sincere conversation they will turn to bantering or make everything a joke. You never know where you have those people.
Once I detached from people they failed to trigger me. I’m around people but they’re just objects in my path. I’m self absorbed and all about me now🧚🏾♀️💕🥰😎
this is an interesting idea. I'm trying to detach from people as well. But they keep getting in my way deliberately. Any tips ?
@@unknownfromkashmir Stop having a 'way' that people can get into. Then they won't be able to get in the 'way.'
(Here's an amusing contrast to point out my concept: "I wish you'd get the hell INTO my way, dammit!")
I would warn against detachment because it can snowball into emotional numbness and disconnect. Better to work on those triggers, and use triggering people for practice.
@@borysvengerov3398 but how
Wow, I really needed this, just, as a reminder of sorts. I have CPTSD and because of the violent nature that a loved one died, it haunts me every day, especially since I was the last person to talk to them. This happened years ago though, and I've been trying to work on it daily. A problem arises because I already have festering agoraphobia contributed to by vicarious trauma (I used to watch a lot of true crime and I live in the United States so the media & the state of the country truly don't help). Being physically present on campus doesn't help either, because earlier in the year there was an incident with an individual and it was not a drill (even though the school immediately covered it up). The person didn't hurt anyone nor was there an actual gun (just BB) because it was a personal fight. This incident, however, really messed me up because I was doing so well before it. I ended up having a panic attack in a classroom closet full of kids because I didn't know if it was real or not and they refused to be quiet.
Even the fact that I'm about to leave high school can't comfort me enough when I have to focus during the day because of just, this buildup of anxieties. A quick example is, kids stampede through the hallways when I'm in select classes because... they're freshmen (I guess? lol) and they're skipping class so they're running from the admins. My main PTSD trigger, from my major trauma, comes from loud sounds in general so that really disturbs me. I think being in a stressful environment so often has really taken a toll on me. I've been forgetting to eat and struggle to get even basic assignments done. And since my anxiety has been through the roof, I'm more prone to outbursts and even my already-crap memory keeps acting up more than usual. Sadly, physical attendance is mandatory due to the nature of my classes and I'll have to try to survive.
On a positive note though, I'm getting closer to my friends so although I can't fully open up to them, I feel warm inside from just having them as company. So that's the love I can attest to for healing. And it's Thursday, so tomorrow is Friday, and then it'll be the weekend! I have an appointment today with my therapist so hopefully, we can try to think about ways to improve this stress.
Thanks for reading this far 🤎
Just wanted to share a kind word-that all sounds so difficult. I don’t know you, but, I’m proud of you! Keep going! And contact your school administrators for any counseling options. It won’t be perfect, but it’s a place to start!
i spent years slowly figuring out for myself what the school of life just gave many of us the answer to in six minutes. thank you, thank you thank you
Do you have triggers? Where might they have come from? If you don't mind sharing, let us know in the comments.
Abandonment, betrayal. Songs mostly, some smells.
I have a lot of triggers. They come mostly from rape.
Sometimes when I get triggered (usually by memories of embarrassment or guilt) my eyes get more opened, my hands and/or my head starts to shake and my breathing accelerates. It only lasts a few seconds. Is it normal?
Touch. I love to hug, but only for some people & family. Yet I hate to be touched without my permission. I am now classed as PTSD with anxiety. I don't like loud noises yet and cannot sleep without noise. If it's too quiet my mind goes searching for danger. SA, Harassment , bullying, loneliness/neglect, comparison with others. Then I did that to my sons, for shame.
Screaming, when certain things are said and tone used
This is a good description of how and why we get triggered but it massively over simplifies how to deal with being triggered. Knowing the origin of triggers is a useful component of self awareness but the most powerful and essential element of responding to triggers is to develop self regulation. That can take time and practice and may require professional support. Best wishes to anyone suffering dysregulated responses. There is help available.
Such an important video, saving for reference. 💛💛💛 a lot of my triggers are smell related, which is specific to my trauma. Any gas smell, rotting anything, hospital smells, etc. I've done a lot of work however and these things become a bit more manageable heading into my 30's. Stable emotional regulation is still a long and difficult process!
Certainly sounds deeply relatable to a situation I was living these days. My history of hostile, violent or otherwise unpleasant rejections has made me extremely wary of putting myself out there, and these days I'm regretting not taking a step forward towards someone potentially interested just because I was too afraid to be violently rejected again.
I haven't started working on it recently but quite a while ago. And it'll take a while more by the looks of it.
this is my biggest problem for social media my mom and dad took my phone away when i first started high school because i just came out and told them i was gay (still am) they thought social media made me gay, but i realized i was gay wayyyy before highschool and it made me so mad and sad because i didnt have friends since i was an introvert and everybody knew i was gay and theres that stigma of "who wants to be seen hanging out with a gay kid who dresses feminine" my parents straight up said "if u were straight we wouldnt have taken your phone" but my lil brother got an iphone and hes only 11 yo?! it made me so enraged at that time because i didnt have any friends and all my friends were online. I'm 18 now w an iphone 14 and I hate to think about the situation but "its over now" so my family just acts like it didnt happen and swep it under the rug. but they "still and always loved me" though but never even wanted to hear/care/tried to understand my point of view of being gay..im shaking rn typing this out because of the past intense emotions of sadness and rage that i dont wana to come back up again. I am still gay.
Oh my God, I’m so sorry you went through this. Now you’re master of your own life and no one can take away your phone. You have the strength to overcome any obstacle and believe me there are people out there who love and accept you for who you are ❤️
Be proud of who you are and surround yourself with people who truly love you regardless of your sexual orientation. Have you tried having an honest conversation about how they treated with you with your parents? Forgive them.
sometimes it is both something in the past and something in the present needing addressing.dont avoid triggers. feel the feelings know the story and change the ending this time in the present. This Rewires the brain and gives us Confidence Outcomes Can Change.
Yes this is so very true but unfortunately on platforms like twitter, people can't seem to figure out the meaning of that. That is why I like it here on YT. Empathetic and compassionate discussions that are not always perfect, but also not entirely subjective either.
But how do we change the ending? We relentlessly try to change it only to find it some other way.
@@lu-themadpillow2985 Sometimes it means cutting a person out, changing jobs, speaking up for oneself, asserting boundaries 💛
@@ootenba5910 cutting people every time we're wronged is dissociation
This was so beautifully and clearly articulated. Thank you.
i experienced something like this just last week. it left me quite puzzling and i was not able to identify that i was triggered. so glad i seeked out this video. "the triggers tell us about our histories", this is so very true. my past indeed shapes us and this process of reverse engineering my fears is actually really insightful. unexplored and unknown events in the past which have gone unaddressed can manifest in ways like disproportionate responses and being triggered by events which are seemingly normal.
Get to the root of the cause, understand that it's our inner child being triggered in those moments, take care of it and we'll never be triggered again.
I agree with the first half, but not the never being triggered again. That isn't something any of us get to decide. We do get to become very well versed at spotting, accepting, and working through our triggers.
Making a declaration of never being triggered again seems like a sure fire way to invite negative self talk when you inevitably get trigged, and for a time forget the progress you've made. Longer than need be. Think about it, it's something you've never experienced, and have no way of knowing if anyone at all has experienced it.
Dealing with them as they arise is enough for most of us I'd say.
As much as I agree with your premise, I want to focus a key concept: Understanding.
There are two types of understanding intellectual and emotional, and both have several degrees. The deeper one's understanding of oneself (and by extension others), the less they are triggered (in both frequency and intensity).
This deep understanding can only come with repetition of healthy behaviors over time. My advice is then, take your time, learn, don't hate yourself when you slip, and learn from your successes and mistakes.
@@psyhense Agreed. If you set that high of a bar, you set yourself up for "failure." It's similar to declaring on Dec 31 that you're going to exercise every single day from now on -- eventually, you'll miss a day, then two, then three, because it's easier and more comfortable -- or so it seems in the moment -- to do the familiar thing that you've been doing all along than it is to do the hard thing that makes you struggle.
If you've been triggered your whole life and then at 30, 40, 50 years old think, "I'll just do some inner work and put this all behind me," then when you backside, which you will, you'll feel like, "Great. Here's yet another thing I suck at. I can't even control my own self!" and now you've got not only your triggers to deal with, but another nail in the low-self-esteem coffin.
This video triggered me by reminding me that no one in my circle is capable of showing love... well, my dogs. 🐕
I grew up in New Jersey in the 60's and 70's The whole reason for being back then was to trigger people...Getting a rise out of was considered "a win"...NOT being triggered was an absolute necessity to remaining viable...Once people knew they could push your buttons the harassment never stopped
School was like that back then ....
My therapist said that other people wouldn't change. And they are not in your control. I needed to hear that. Acceptance gives us little peace to handle the encounters.
This is the BEST healing information EVER for those of us who were so traumatized in childhood that our whole lives were ruined. You deserve a medal of freedom ❤️
The “wasn’t listened to” really strikes home. No emotions, reactions, needs were allowed. Instead, it was all about shaming and judging and controlled!
You guys really need to share the audio from the videos to either SoundCloud or Spotify, there’s no other content that I’ve actually wanted to listen to while keeping my eyes closed
Why not listen here and close your eyes?
Im so glad he is speaking again! It was hard listening to the chick, it wasnt the same. I dont know what it is about his voice. He sounds so wise. I love it.
Although relationships can survive if one person gets easily triggered and lashes out whereas the other person has worked through their stuff and "loves" their acting-out partner, it is waaaaaay better if both people have done their personal work to manage their triggers without inflicting them on their partner.
I know exactly what triggers me and why and what causes my anxiety and depression, It is something I have lived with all my life and will be like this till the day I die. All you can do is learn to cope with it better.
I'm struggling with the same. I was bullied verbally and teased by group of boys when I was in my engineering because they found me very weak, thin in frame and with very strange high pitched voice for a boy. I wasn't well built like them all. Later I had to drop off for one year because I had failed in one subject for more than twice because of depression and anxiety. I couldn't concentrate on studies at all. Anxiety was on peak when I was there. Later when I came back to clear that subject, I had to leave hostel and live in a PG where my juniors were also having residence. One night even those juniors knocked my doors hard when they were intoxicated and I refused to smoke cigarettes with them. I was alone. These kinds of things were happening with me since I was a kid. People found out something funny or strange about me and they used to mock me in groups or torture me with words. My friends used to say I've a different personality which sometimes comes out very intimidating as I used to carry a lot of confidence for a thin man.
I've been battling with depression for more than 10 years as far as I can remember. I get triggered whenever I recall those moments and whenever anyone mentions how my voice sounds. I've done a lot of things to change but nothing worked. So many exercises to deepen my voice but still. Maybe I look like a child for a man of over 25 years of age.
I often link it with me being born a gay. I don't know if I'm completely a gay man or it's just because I've been always forced to never look at girls, talk to them and understand them. Otherwise I could have been a bisexual. God knows.
In my mind every time I get triggered as I think I'm not a man manly enough to survive in this world, I blame my parents for giving me bad genes. Especially I think I should have not born to my dad because he has manly personality but is thin frame and can't rock muscles. I find his voice too a strange one. My mother is beautiful and has everything perfect for her physically. I blame God for whatever he has made me. Why he's to make me a man when he can't give me everything a man desires. Why should he make a man effeminate and weak?
I often feel so lonely and fear of loneliness grips me very hard. I solace myself that I've to live life happily as much time as I'm healthy and energetic. Later on I can end my life anyway. Better live a good life than a long life.
I hope you'll find good people, our body is just a vessel, keep going, take care ❤️
Take care! You have been through a lot… and know that you deserve so much love!! I wish you health, love, freedom, confidence and so many happy moments ahead! Life isn’t always fair but you are stronger 🙏
@@chauminhpham6351 Thank you
Have you had your hormone levels checked? Maybe you would benefit from TRT for example. This might make your muscles grow easier and lower the pitch of your voice. Just an idea.
@@michaelgraflmusic What hormones? Testosterone? It's more than enough. No problem with that.
We need to respond to the threats that come our way with creativity ! VERY well said !
A very, VERY timely video. I needed this so much.
I grew up with awful bullying, low self esteem, anxiety, depression - real tough times…. And I thank God for each and every one of those challenges. They are a large part of what finally forged me into a man in the truly magical 50th decade of life (otherwise known as the 40’s). What makes this decade so great? The gives a f*** gene turns OFF and you are finally free from giving 2 shits about what anyone thinks or says whatsoever. You’ve seen it all, you’ve been through most of it. You go to the grocery store in your dirtiest clothes and your shades on slick…You’re finally ready. So stick it out with your training young Padawans! It’s worth it.
Thank you! Your videos are ever so helpful 🙏🏼
Thank you for watching Krutika!
The best advice I have learned is that when triggered lean back not forward. I used to go into freeze/fawn response but now on the rare occasion it happens, I go to rage. Becoming a Christian changed it overnight, it only comes back when I go in the wrong direction spiritually. When angered I tend to lean into a fight and usually the person who triggered me was already looking for a fight. They tend to be provocative cluster B personalities who trigger people anyway as they are the most drama seeking provocative personality types. A non-disordered person can state and express differences without conflict or confrontation. This is impossible for an intrinsically disordered person as they view everything as competition.
These videos always make me feel so validated.
What does it even mean?!
@@BobHill-s2c you lack comprehension?
@@breakfastonuranus no,.I'm triggered by your comment. 😃😅😀😆😀😁
0:18 to be triggered is responding with intense fear and anger here and now
I mportant to know when situations demand to be fearful or angry
1:10 how the mechanism operates
The mind of a triggered when it believes it t recognises around it a situation that it feels from memory is going to be highly damaging and dangerous
1:20 Triggers tell us about things that we were once very afraid of. 1:35 We are triggered by now, by what we were devastated by then
1:50 This is good because we can reverse engineer our triggers
2:25 triggers maps on to a traumatic (emotionally distressing) event
2:59 the person has been triggered because the contemporary event contains the essence of a profoundly traumatic dynamic in earlier life
3:38 the tragedy of triggering is it fails to notice the difference between then and now
5:18 escaping triggers
5:50 the cure for triggering is love
6:10 what does my fear of what could happen tell me about what did happen
The crazy scribble eyes is exactly how it feels lol
I totally go into tunnel vision
Yes out of control smh
Hahaha 😂 I think my eye’s literally change
Thoughts themselves are neither positive or negative but our opinion about these thoughts whether they are good or bad triggers all the emotions. These emotions has some inertia unlike thoughts which come and go in our mind. The emotions than make us feel exhausted making us to be in the past or future preventing us to be in our present moment.
This a great video!! Thanks for creating one!
I’ve been fighting how to control my trigger, and it has been futile. My mom left me when I was young (divorce my dad and left the fam), and I subconsciously blame myself for it. I didn’t know this at first. As I grow older, I get triggered if I am accused of doing something wrong, even when the discussion might be hypothetical. I did some reflection and realised where the trigger comes from, but I have no way of controlling it.
This video has given me a change perspective which I hope it can be helpful to overcome my issue. Thank you 🙏🏽
Have you tried therapy?
Here is a process I’m using to manage my anxiety and feelings of worthlessness, and express my feelings and needs. I think they are taken from Patricia DeYoung’s book on chronic shame and Pete Walker’s CPTSD book.
1. Be aware of the feeling I'm having, and give myself permission to feel it. It may feel silly or scary or ridiculous, but giving myself permission to feel it makes it less scary. Don't compare myself with what I think of as normal, or to others. They may seem like they have it all together, but I'm probably comparing my insides to their outsides. Maybe inside they are just as lost and cowardly as I am.
2. Explore where this feeling comes from. I don't think I need to explore my whole past, but I need to ask myself the simple question: "Is this a feeling about NOW or about the past?" Usually, because I was discouraged from feeling certain feelings as a child, the intense feelings are from the past. Resmaa Menakem says, "Whatever is hysterical is historical."
3. Ask myself if that feeling is warranted given the present circumstances.
4. If not, I don't berate myself for having those feelings, and I don't give myself permission to be passive. I try to live in this moment, responding to this moment and not reacting to the past. So, I feel the feeling and 'do it anyway.'
Here's an example. I want to ask my boss for a few days off.
1. I feel anxious, fluttery heart, tension in my forearms. Others may not feel anxious asking their boss for a few days off, but I do. So it's okay to feel that feeling. What am I afraid of? I'm afraid my boss will make a scene and make me feel bad. I'm afraid others will see me asking for a day off and think I'm a shirker. I'm afraid I won't get the time off, so my plans will be ruined. I'm afraid of causing a hassle for my boss and my co-workers . . .
2. I remember being teased by my older siblings for showing any sort of emotional neediness, like I was too sensitive. I also remember being praised by my parents for never complaining, and for feeling shamed whenever I asked for something. Like somehow my desires weren’t valid, no matter how simple they were.
3. This feeling can't be about today because my boss is very sweet, and it's in our contract that we can ask for vacation days. I see lots of others asking for days off, and he always approves them without any sort of protestation.
4. Ok. So, just feel those feelings, feel that anxiety. I settle my body a bit by breathing deeply and rhythmically for a few moments. I dont’ expect the anxiety to disappear altogether, but just reduce it a bit so I have a bit more conscious control . .Then I go ask my boss for a few days off.
This routine has really helped me see what fears are from the past AND to live in the moment without denying my feelings or cowering in the corner. And every time I feel the fear and do it anyway, every time I exercise my will, I exorcise my demons and become more fully whole, a bit more healed. More able to feel and act. More able to have and express my feelings.
A few more thoughts.
Oftentimes neglect is a more powerful form of hurt than abuse. If my feelings, my being is not even noticed, my being alive must really be inconsequential. I must really be invisible. I must be worthless. If someone abuses me, at least I know that someone sees me and I'm worth being, if only to be abused.
Oftentimes vulnerability is equated with sharing of weaknesses. I think sharing our strengths and enthusiasms can also be quite vulnerable. If I show my talents others can criticize or ignore; if I share my enthusiasm, I can be shamed and ridiculed. So we learn not to shine.
All this self-work has not only helped me be more compassionate with myself, but also to treat others with love, with compassion and curiosity rather than judgement. I'm starting to see people as children who happen to have aged. We're all just looking for love and acceptance, for someone to notice us and value us, and how we were raised influences how we attempt to get those needs met.
@@sobrevida157 thank you for sharing, veryinspiring🙏. I'm doing therapy, but I feel stuck, with grief, anxiety, guilt and self blaming, and especially after my mom died 3 - 4 months ago, it has become worse.
It is very challenging
@Rose Marie Bey I can if you wish, and you can just copy and paste it to a google doc as well. I'm happy that you found value in my writing.. peace to you
Truth is we all thrive for people to tell us what we know about what we should do to be complete with ourselves and never actually do something to empower ourselves or to put ourselves at risk in life. We comfort ourselves in the fact that "we know things".
Salt shaker
🧂🎶
Never thought that way!
Thanks.
It triggers me! >:(
(Joking)
@@briananeuraysem3321 hahaha! That was funny!
@@briananeuraysem3321Don’t be salty.
(Joke) 🧂🎶
This needs to be an add broadcasted on billboards and tiktok :') much needed in today's world
FOR ME, THE MOST DIFFICULT THING IS TO RECOGNIZE THAT I AM BEING TRIGGERED BEFORE THE ADRENALINE KICKS IN.
Thanks
The title of this video is very misleading. you spend 90% of the video talking about what a trigger is and then the 10% of how to not be triggered, jammed into a minute.... the answer is love? and working backwards to understand the trigger? im sorry, how exactly? Ya know, I get all worried that my content is going to be controversial but at least I don't claim to stop triggers forever, and slap that title on a video which does no such thing. Disgraceful.
Why are you so triggered? 🤭
You need to rewatch the video and you will understand .
Understanding what and why one is triggered, will stop one being triggered in the first place.. quite simple.
My confusion lies in: 1) Recently seeing the dark truths of my narcissistic mother’s comments as self-serving and belittling and 2) Being able to recognize if I am now creating Untruths about her and others around me from being overly triggered.
To stop caring is the 1 stop shop to stop ourselves from getting triggered
😂
It is the easy out for sure
Seems like everyone in my town took your advice - nobody wants to work, nobody wants to socialize (other than in mandatory settings), no one cares about big issues, no one cares about their impact on others/environment... all they care about is $$$ and making it".
Our greatest fears are not what might happen but what has already happened.
He's talking about a kind of dramatic trigger that I call reacting. but there is an ongoing low grade triggering which I call being defensive that seems to be more pervasive.
Forgiveness and showering my inner child with love. My parents did the best they could... they did more good than bad. My parents wasn't taught to self love in a world that hates and mistreats black people. Now, I live in the present moment and only create intentional moments and I take nothing personal... I just send people love. If all humans were taught self love... all the wars, poverty, violence, and unkindness would disappear. When you love self... you can't hurt another living being.
I love Alain’s voice
You're describing Borderline Personality Disorder. I have to avoid relationships now coz they are far too triggering, taking me back to a jealous place when I was 5 & my brother told me he loved my sister's.
I end up as a prisoner in my own head and nothing helps.
I have always love your videos, very adequate, clear, and inspiring. Doing shorts is okay but I prefer the longer and animated ones.
No matter how good we do for others, No matter how best we do in our lives....We get rejected we get isolated, we get ignored, we get bullied, we are always a laughing stock for all..And atlast, we are to blame for everything....
So many live alone. Shunned by abusive family, abandoned by "friends". Love from others is a myth.
a myth and its hurts so bad when you get your first heartbreak
@@kashish291_0 35 years and counting of never knowing any form of romantic love due to crippling abandonment issues. I'll take any form of heartbreak over it any day of the week.
At least then you can look back at some moment and say to yourself - at this moment in time I was genuinely loved by someone. No matter how brief. Because as it stands, there's only feelings of hopelessness and being unlovable.
Great post. Very insightful.
I can vouch for love, I experience love and I practice it aswell.
Oh? Love for ourselves is a myth as well??