Why You're Confused by Your Emotions
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2024
- The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
This video explores various aspects related to emotions, facts, and their influence on relationships. It delves into the definition of emotions and facts, highlighting the amplification of emotions and the role they play in shaping relationships. Communication, trust, and the complex nature of emotions are discussed, emphasizing that emotions are not inherently right or wrong and can be unpredictable. The video touches on the connection between mental health and emotions, as well as the impact of personality disorders. It also addresses the fallacy of emotional beliefs and emphasizes the importance of balancing emotions and facts in navigating relationships.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
00:00 Introduction
00:41 What are emotions
00:52 What's a fact?
01:27 Amplified emotions
02:25 Facts of your relationship
02:53 Communication and your relationship
03:07 Relationship trust
03:42 Complex emotions
04:35 Emotions aren’t right or wrong
05:45 Unpredictable emotions
06:13 Your mental health and emotions
06:24 Personality disorders and emotions
06:55 Fallacy of emotional beliefs
07:13 Balance of emotions and facts
“Emotions aren’t right or wrong, they just are.” I love that because having emotions aren’t bad. I was raised to not have emotions or deal with them so I am now learning in my late 20s almost early 30s that it’s okay to feel and have emotions but what isn’t okay is acting on them. Like hurting people, ignoring how I feel, etc. I’ve been in therapy for the past 2 1/2 years and have noticed a significant difference in how I respond to people and situations. I’m less triggered to respond and do more self control because not everything deserves my attention or effort.
Thank you for sharing your experience! It's amazing how therapy can help us understand and manage our emotions better. Keep up the great work on your journey of self-discovery and self-control!
What Helped Me was to Learn that Anger/Depression are a Signs of Pain/Or Fear Of It, Ask Self What Hurts?
Anger is a secondary emotion that stems from primary emotions such as hurt / pain, sadness, shame, guilt, resentment, embarrassment, disappointment, fear, feelings of neglect or abandonment, betrayal, disrespect, invalidation, de-valuation, helplessness, hopelessness, frustration...and so on.
Ok. So what happens when we discover that our toxic job hurts us and we cannot quit this mobbing place due to finances?
What then, CBT tells us to do?
This is taboo topic for CBT - since CBT explains us that we are always the problem. God forbid that capitalist system is the problem.
Can anybody explain me why so many people seem to hate the ones suffering with BPD ? I see a lot of channels, where so called experts teach people to run away from BPDs. I had a relationship with a BPD woman. She was extremely smart, but I could see that see was trying to hide her insecurities. We were long distance and I messed up because I treated her harshly and being pushy. But I will always respect her and care.
Thank you for the answer. I think you are right.
I choose to pray for them and I have a lot of compassion for someone who can't regulate his / her emotions.
@@marianpotcovaru1609 well, as an individual who live with BPD I appreciate that. It's a very difficult disorder to live with, and manage at times. I can tell you that I don't choose to have my BPD symptoms. I ruined alot of relationships before I got my diagnosis, and did regretful things. I do however try very hard to hold myself accountable. I call it hell on earth.
@@amberp1 Amber, would you be so kind to give me a piece of advice ? We were in a long distance relationship, we met in March, last year. On the last day, I started a big argument with her, while drinking, because of something that seemed to me like cheating. Maybe I was wrong. But my attitude was rude. She got scared. After I left her country, we still spoke with ups and downs for another 4 weeks. I was sometimes abusive, because I felt like discarded. At that time I had no clue about BPD. Eventually she had no choice but to block me everywhere. I chased her from different numbers, she blocked all those numbers, but always reading and answering back literally within one minute. Angry at me, calling me selfish, controlling, jealous. 6 months ago I texted her that I will stop chasing here, which I did until last Sunday, when I texted her friendly, asking her to forgive me with the pass of the time for everything that I told and did to her. Nothing more. She answered back right away, saying that everything I say can't erase all I did and said. And that she doesn't want to keep in touch, because I didn't appreciate everything she did for me. Wished me to find another girl that I can be better with and blocked the number again.
I know that she was at least in two other relationships after me.
I did recovery therapy, which made me understand BPD. My therapist told me that he doesn't feel like I am a bad person, but everything we say can hurt the other person somehow.
I still love her, even though I no longer suffer. I would like to help her, I would like to understand her better. I really feel sorry for everything I said to her.
Would you please help me understand what I can do so she can understand that my words were stupid, but my heart was genuine ?
I truly appreciate your advice. God bless you !
"why so many people seem to hate the ones suffering with BPD"
Because BPD is half baked narcissism- it is toxic to others.
Just look at the comments, there are people who order the author of this video about his music in the background. That is extremely rude and inconsiderate and tyrannical - and BPD person is not aware how damaging is to complain other person all the time about the smallest insignificant thing in life.
@@ranc1977 I love her no matter what. And I love you for making me understand, once again ❤️
I love this so much! This is where I get so confused, I'm unable to know the difference between my feelings, and/or my "gut instincts" and simply facts in situations, which often gives me an inaccurate reading on people, whether they are good people or bad people.
I think your delivery is great in these videos, they have a positive outlook =) Many thanks, Dr. Fox!!
Because you eat meat...! You can't expect a healthy gut when you eat dead beings...! Emotions never lie, humans do. Jesus walking on "water" means that he, like Bruce Lee, was in his emotions. Since water is the element of feeling. Fire is acting (spirituality). Earth is being (I am), physical. And LASTLY, air... Which is mental (I observe because it's not supposed to "think")...! The true teachings of Christ. 🤙🙏
Anyone that eats meat is inherently bad, because they kill and eat other beings. You can't really expect your gut to guide you when you don't listen to its basic needs. Peace out:) and good luck!
It is very dangerous to believe that other person can provide us the truth.
This way we can become mindless zombie who is codependent on other people to straighten us up.
In real world, a lot of people with true personality disorder (anti-social) walk around, they will harm us, and they are pathological liars.
So they will present themselves as the only truth - and due to CBT message that we cannot trust our emotions - we will ignore our red flag signals to avoid this person - and we will become stuck in narc relationships at family, job, "friendships".
CBT ought to be banned - it is doing so much incredible psychological damage by providing half information which is distorted and directed against ourselves.
I like to, first, notice my emotion, and then use the STOP skill. I then check the facts and I find CBT Thought Records useful. I also ask myself what the urge of the emotion is and what need I have. All this helps my awareness, and adds a delay to respond more effectively.
U r soo compassionate n kind I wish more ppl were like u 😭
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
This is actually what I really need! Thank you so much for all the amazing videos. Please kindly don't add a music background, it becomes hard for me to focus on what you are saying. And I listen eagerly to all of your videos.
What about people who like music?
Should they obey to your wishes? Are you entitled to your preferences over others? Are others less worthy?
I would prefer no background music.😢
^ yes, it feels awkward.
Love the content and the music is distracting to me. A touch of music at certain parts of the talk would be fine though!
But you are not creator of this video. You cannot impose your rules on other people, that is intrusive and anti-social.
@@ranc1977 and this is called the comment section to express our thoughts & opinions. 🖕🏼chill out
@@SaturnianTenshi Tell this to yourself in the mirror.
Thank you so much for breaking this down 🙏🏼 This is really helpful for me at the moment!
Yet, like any CBT therapist - it lacks the core message of what traumatized people need to hear: validation, acceptance, self love. These always escape emotion-less DSM zombies in medical industry. This way we stay stuck codependent on person who claims has all the answers while we are permanent victim who is helpless and cannot pick oneself up - Karpman Drama Triangle.
Any kind of patronizing to ACE ACoA survivor is like touching the 3rd degree burn skin - and this is what CBT cannot understand since CBT is pathologizing emotions.
And CBT is pathologizing emotions not because emotions are bad and misleading as CBT brainwash us into believing - but because DSM cannot measure emotions - it is impossible to detect them and find a scale how to measure scientific way - and emotions can be fake, too. So DSM and CBT came up with "brilliant" plan - to blame emotions for all evil on this world - while in the same time narcs and predators walk away hands free from the crime scene, perpetrators who traumatized us are never blamed at all.
But our emotions are scapegoated by CBT.
CBT ought to be banned - it is doing incredible psychological damage to anyone who was traumatized and now labeled as sick by DSM.
Great video, it was perfect timing for me. I'm looking forward to understanding my emotions better and not being controlled by them any longer. I've spent most of my life disconnected from and/or stuffing my emotions so I realize the need to be able to feel them and process them in a healthy way. Thanks for doing what you do. (I was feeling grateful there... 😉)
Distrusting our emotions is not help at all.
Loved it! Such insightful food for thought! 👏
It is filled with misinformation and self blame. And you thank him?
My Dad had amplified opinions. Whatever HIS opinion was was a fact! NO argument! Then my Mom, my mom denies the facts. She twists logic into a disgusting slimy mess of confused and manipulated reality. Belief based NOT on fact. It horrifies me really, and makes me feel powerless. Myself, I don't trust my feelings any more. Like nothing is reliable or real. When what I think and how I feel can be changed by a pill, how can one? Existence is strange and beautiful and meaningless. So I look at the stars. They seem removed from it all. They're real. They don't mess around. They don't have endorphins or neurochemicals or hormones.
Yes, it's true my husband and I stopped talking because our relationship became unstable and unsuccessful, not the other way around. Talking proved ineffective, so we struggled on in silence and denial for a while til it made us sick.
I had an emotion the other day that wasn't in my wheel of feels... restlessness/agitation. Feeling like I've forgotten something and continually getting up and walking to the kitchen trying to think what I forgot. Couldn't settle. This is not a new feeling, but I decided that perhaps I needed to scale back my SSRI intake.
Another feeling I had yesterday which was not on my wheel, was content motherliness. I felt contently resigned to my station in life, with maturity and peacefulness, and proud of the ability to pass that along to others and benefit and calm them. "Settled" maybe. Turning my wheel though, the closest match was happy>peaceful>loving.
Last summer I had an emotional outburst and apparently hurt someone. I lost them, and I learned not to... actually, I'm not sure what I learned not to do. Should I not tell people how I feel if it means losing them? Should I not get angry? Or should I just not keep people who can't handle my truth or don't like me being honest, or pay me the bare minimum of regard? Doesn't my anger count too? I'm also worried about people hating me, building up more haters in the hater basket of life, than lovers in the loving basket. Do other people's opinions really matter anyway? I'm confused. They say you are measured not by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others (Wizzard of Oz). Is that true? So I should aim to make people love me? Or will they love me whether I try or not? Cuz my Dad didn't, and I tried hard. Feels really futile if you can't make your own Dad care. Or your own Mum see reason. I don't want any emotional dimensions of my situations! I just wanna know the facts! Make me a Vulcan!
I also wonder if I'm not just in perimenopause and my emotions getting off kilter 'cuz of that. My forgetfulness too is worse than ever before. My hair is greying before my eyes, I've got turkey neck starting, and liver spots. OTOH, turning 50 brings a sense of relief, because I no longer can be manipulated by, sheltered by, or have my things not looked after by, my mother any more (too much I had to sell because she wouldn't store it for me while I was homeless in my 40's). She no longer has that power over me.
I like this comment ❤
It's just that we at an younger age don't get to know the reality of our parents..their fear and anxiety while parenting children..so we perceive their emotional reactions to be centred around and directed to us..this foster perceptive distortion in us during childhood..as to how we should behave and act around others.. to be loved appreciated and cared by them..this forms the core of the problem giving rise to subjective reactions on objective reality..cause we constantly foster the emotional child within us rather than being honest with our parents about our childhood and verify our perceptions and their intentions about them..This helps alot in differentiating our negative interpretations with the reality of our childhood..
@@user-fc6vt5hu3r Thanks. I did write such a letter to my dad in 2014. Said a lot of things that had been building up in me my whole life, and carefully crafted, but because he was a narcissist, he took it badly and accused me of being "mean to an old man", said I was "holding a grudge". He then disinherited me. He hardly put any time or care into his reply. My Mom used to be good, if materialistic, but in around 2016, she became a born again Evangelical christian. SHe's always been very open with me. Too open really. But I half believe she had me more as an accessory than anything else. Because her girlfriends had one, she had to have one. Dad never wanted a child. SHe get pregnant with me against his wishes. SO I know that now and it explains a lot. I think Dad did pretty well given the circumstances.
CBT has no answer for Double Binding and Dualism.
CBT hides away these facts of life - that any person can interpret the fact as truth - and hence we end up controlled by them because we are not trusting our own common sense.
CBT ought to be banned - it is doing incredible psychological damage to any person who was traumatized by narcs who twist truths.
Very helpful, thanks!
CBT is filled with self blame and half information. And you thank him?
I have trouble separating depression and anxiety. When I experience one, I experience the other. It complicates how I see things, even though, I am all about facts, logic and critical thinking. I know when something is irrational, but, sometimes my limbic system overrides my frontal lobes.
While CBT orders us to make focus on our reactions to predators - narcissistic PD predator walks away free from his crime scene.
Not a fan of the background music, otherwise an interesting video thank you so much for your hard work 🙏🏻🥰
Inability to focus on talking with music is a sign of neurodivergent mind - ADHD and Autism, but CBT keeps many secrets away from us, so that we stay stuck with pharma mafia and misdiagnosis - and hence paying coaches and therapy parasites all our lives.
What I'm most curious about is, what do you do when you feel something intense and also have some evidence to support this? For instance, if I feel like people don't care about me, and I have evidence towards their actions or lack thereof, how do I distinguish between this evidence and the actual facts?
"what do you do when you feel something intense and also have some evidence to support this?"
CBT does not has answer for this real life situation - because CBT is form of lobotomy. Its own goal is to make us self blame ourselves all the time, to keep us passive and frozen - while external reality is not important to CBT.
This is because CBT is actually targeting criminally insane - like serial murders - who ironically will never watch this videos due to their abnormal grandiose mind. Yet due to 0,00001% of chance that some abnormal criminally insane predator will expose himself to CBT (like in movie Clockwork orange) - we are all collateral damage to CBT. We are not important to CBT.
All these information and data about labeling our emotions as abnormal and shameful - are not directed to us.
We are willingly exposing ourselves to CBT messages due to desire to heal trauma - which in reality are not intended for us at all.
We all have choice. I agree.
No $hit, Sherlock..
Thank you Dr. Daniel Fox! I liked the video, although, I thought you were going to get into why people have a hard time describing or understanding the emoji faces and what they really mean; I know I do. Can that be related to BPD?
Facts don't care about feelings.
Interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing.
It's a quote from Ben Shapiro. 😊
That is interesting. Facts cannot care about feelings, because they mean nothing subjective. Feelings are ALL subjective.
Fact - the train is running 10 mins late.
Feelings for passenger 1 - damn! I'm gonna be late for work! ("bad" fact)
Feelings for passenger 2 - yay! I'm running late but I haven't missed the train ("good" fact).
The fact does not change. It just exists. Every single thing is a fact. And it's only how we experience them that give power, context and meaning to the facts.
@@ladybaabaa3294 I'm just quoting a common republican quote. Don't overanalyze it. Was meant as a joke for his title.
@@Tailionis I get it! I liked the quote! I just also found it interesting.
Dr. Fox, have a comment/question please. I referring to your comment about fact vs feelings. I have BPD and I notice that when something happens to “flip” me into an avalanche of emotion RIGHT at the almost same moment the facts and real experience that triggered the “avalanche” to happen….. it is “the intersection “ of to my mind where borderline personality disorder occurs. 1. Is that basically true? 2. Is that why meditation and learning to manage your thoughts helps? Last 3. Is there a benefit from neurofeedback to help people like me with this condition? I have read your book done your workbook and am far far healthier and happier than anytime in many years. I am 69 years old. And the losses great but with much of the information and insights coming from your you tube channel and books I think I am going to be ok. Thank you sir.
1. When we are traumatized, our amygdala is hijacked and our Cortex brain is offline- this means we won't be able to process data or become aware of what is true.
2. Nope. Our emotions go haywire due to toxic people - and those broken relationships need fixing - not our brain,, our reactions to predators
Feelings aren't facts. So, how do you validate your feelings then if they are factual. I struggle with when to trust myself in situations because I've been told feelings aren't facts. It's so confusing and hard 😔
When we are confused - we are much easier to control and manipulate and we become slave to scammers who suck money away from us - to explain us what is real.
We call it," EMOS" best not to show your emotions . People see us as weak if we display emotions.
Not everyone. If you have some safe people you trust, you can show them your emotions.
"People see us as weak if we display emotions."
But why other people's opinion would be our own GPS?
Why we would let other people's opinion let us control us and hover above our choices and decisions?
CBT has no answer to this - and this is how we end up with self blame and herd mentality, and codependent.
CBT will make us mentally ill.
@@ladybaabaa3294 "People see us as weak if we display emotions."
But why other people's opinion would be our own GPS?
Why we would let other people's opinion let us control us and hover above our choices and decisions?
CBT has no answer to this - and this is how we end up with self blame and herd mentality, and codependent.
CBT will make us mentally ill.
Interesting you mention that Emotions don't have a valence. Aren't sad and angry negative and happy and serene positive but they also have Intensity such as High and Low?
CBT can't answer these questions because DSM dismisses all emotions - because emotions are not measurable.
There is no instrument that can test the authenticity of emotions nor intensity not even the correct label for emotion - this is all fuzzy to any science. This way CBT is forcing us to become a machine and that we suppress our emotions.
100 years ago, thanks to Freud, it was discovered that suppressing emotions leads to severe mental illness, also discovered 25 years earlier by Charcot. This information is being banned after 1960s, when CBT was invented as a tool of mass lobotomy - of any person seeking honest and authentic answers for injustice and broken relationships both personal romance and business friendship like.
Personality disorder definition is very distorted here.
6:27 "Personality disorders are prolonged beliefs, behaviors, and patterns that have typically been aversive to the individual and the way they see themselves, others and their relationships"
Personality disorders is inability to become aware how one's behavior is affecting others.
CBT's definition tells us that there exists come kind of magical fantasy book that will tell us what is aversive. And then we must follow this non-existent law rule book how to exist.
This way Martha Mitchel will be labeled as nut just because she talks facts about corruption of Nixon's administration.
First of all you're the first doctor that has ever gotten through to me and I trusted about BPD. That said, I hope you reconsider these silly UA-cam thumbnails chasing the algorithm. I understand it's what they say to do to reach a larger audience, but it's a credibility killer to me. Are you trying to help people cause you are a good caring person or just want my click?
this is an extremely petty criticism. the dude is helping you for free. get off his back.
It wasn't intended to be petty. I worked in that business for a long time. It does bother me and from my experience I probably speak for a lot of people who won't take the time to say something, because they get attacked for being "petty" for voicing something that doesn't fit in and tow the line. If I go to a physical building for therapy and it has pictures of clowns all over the door I am going to be turned off. I don't think Dr. Fox intended to turn anyone off and was trying to draw more people in as I stated in the original message. I was just saying be careful going overboard it can also be a turnoff. Some of us would rather the topic be addressed more seriously. Also again you got to the crux of what I was saying when you brought up how it is "free." So I and others only deserve help if we pay for it? I am dead broke, lost my job during my last BPD episode and I ended up still buying Dr. Fox's workbook. I probably would not have done that had the channel been filled with thumbnails more silly like this when I first found him. So again, if it's down to just money, my advice, and again I'm sure I speak for many who won't take the time to say it, can also be viewed as helping the bottom line if you need that.
@@veryimportantperson3657
CBT does not want help anyone. CBT is about business and money making and following right-wing mafia to make us into obedient sheep who distrust own emotions and then follow herd mentality like a sheep.
@@veryimportantperson3657 CBT does not want help anyone. CBT is about business and money making and following right-wing mafia to make us into obedient sheep who distrust own emotions and then follow herd mentality like a sheep.