Self Worth and Finding FulFilling Relationships
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Finding love can often feel like an elusive pursuit, as we navigate the complexities of relationships and attachment. It seems paradoxical that in a world with seemingly endless options for connection, genuine and lasting love can be so hard to find. The quest for healthy relationships requires us to confront our own insecurities and fears of inadequacy, questioning whether we are too defective to be loved. However, the first step to finding love lies in recognizing that we are deserving of it and capable of forming meaningful connections. In today's society, therapy has become increasingly popular as people seek guidance in self-exploration and understanding, engaging in exercises to unearth their true selves. This process helps individuals identify what they truly need in a partner and discern the person who fits for them amidst the overwhelming paradox of choice. It's important to challenge the notion of finding the "right" or "perfect" person, understanding that flaws and imperfections are inherent in all relationships. When issues inevitably arise, it's crucial to approach them with empathy and communication, viewing negatives as opportunities for growth rather than reasons to retreat. By embracing both our negative and true selves, we pave the way for authentic connections and fulfilling relationships.
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles and books in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
00:00 Introduction
00:46 Finding love and attachment
01:14 How do you find healthy relationships?
01:49 Too defective to be loved?
02:20 First step to finding love
02:35 Why therapy is more popular now
03:02 Self exploration exercise
04:09 Finding the person who fits for you
04:23 Paradox of choice
05:45 Are they “right” to “perfect”
06:21 When issues arise
07:36 How to look at negatives
09:00 Your negative and true self
Happy Valentine's day Dr. Fox! 💕 much love to you and your family!
Love to Dr Fox and to all my fellow complicated souls working hard to learn heal and grow 🤗 Happy Valentines Day.
Had a HUUUUUGE breakthrough with my therapist last week. It was surreal, and as a result I've gained more emotional intelligence...something I never ever had before. As for a "love life" it remains null and void only because I'm not ready to go "there" yet. I'm hopeful for the near future. THANK YOU, Dr. Fox!
I had that experience on a paid dating site. Guy said he had no baggage, and when I said that my past trials and tribulations make me who I am today, he ghosted me. I have faced my past, though there was still stuff for me to learn and figure out, mourn and heal from, I expect it may never be finished, but I'm no spring daisy either, and never will be again. It was as if he wanted a 26 year old, before life has dulled her. I don't see how any 50 year old man could have a failed marriage, move provinces to run away from it, and NOT have his own baggage. That's just life!
“The one” doesn’t exist. I blame movies and the seeds that were planted in our heads about Prince Charming at a young age with the princess movies. You have to find someone that is willing to learn you and grow with you and vise versa
Thank you for this video. I found it super helpful in seeing where I need to improve but also focusing on my positive attributes (something I struggle with). I also liked the concept of realizing that our partner isn't going to be perfect and I can tolerate their imperfections without writing them off.
" I am so broken, no one gonna love me"...
Yes, that's it. Also, at this point of my life, I am started to manipulate myself, into thinking the other way:
" I am so broken, I can not love anyone( but dogs)"
Wich is some kind of empowerment, in a way, like if I am not afraid of the others anymore, of their rejection. I try to not be ashamed of being a wild type of emotional landscape, and that means that I can not really domesticate it, neither could a relations with an hypothetic partner.
But to aknowledge that is not really my fault, not that I am not absolutely disgusting and toxic( deeply engraved beliefs of mine),
I am just not wired to deal with the complexity of human's intimate relationships; not if they try to get too close, or have desires.
The pressure of the society is so intense and humiliating when you are single, and not into dating. It makes me feel like if I were some old medieval monk lost in the sexual hurricane of the 21st century( well I am 37, and I am a funny gay man.. so I dont know who I should be🤯)..
You have such a wonderful personality. Thank you so much for all you bring to our awareness. I have to make a list of my positives instead of just my negative aspects.
I think every clinic needs a personality disorder specialist that will to see the value of individuals living with BPD. What do others think about this?
I agree 😔 Yesterday I had very traumatic experience with new therapist, it's a public clinic, of course I can't afford private therapy. She did few bad things earlier, after first meeting I hurt myself even though I wasn't doing it for long time. But yesterday 😭 She was asking me about my goal and I said I want to feel less and control emotions better and she said "we all feel emotions, I won't and can't help you with this" 😟 Then she said I don't want to feel better because I don't answer what's my goal and I said that I answered that question, I want to control my emotions better, for now this. And she was only focused on job, I have no job because people are making me feel too much and other stuff, I know you here understand. Plus I've got depression and other issues. I said please, I want to do something what will help me to survive, I don't want to be scared, stressed out, depressed every single day, job is not priority now because I can't even have relationship or my own family but she was making me feel worthless like my goal is not goal. I can't calm down till now and I don't know what to do. I cry all the time. I wish therapists understand our problems. Last one I had for years and she said success is for example that I trust her after few years because at the beginning I didn't and she was seeing my little pathetic improvements like something really good and worth praise 😢 I know I won't do great progress, I don't know why I am this way but why would therapist say I want feel bad? I try for years and years. Why would I want to feel only bad things??? I am beyond tired 😭 I wanted to kill myself yesterday but my brother will have baby and I can't hurt my sister-in-law and my family, I'm not scared of death anymore
She was pointing out that I talk with family only and job requires talking to people, I said I cut myself off because I was impulsive and I was doing myself big harm when I had more contacts. And that I have friends and why she didn't ask me and assumed that I don't, can't like this, why she behaves that way
Right on Dr. Fox!🤗
How can I have a secure attachment with BPD
Thank you Dr. Fox, you're the best! Excellent, excellent video! You're going to make me feel like I'm too attached😂😂
Happy Valentine's day doctor! I would love your insight into the relation between BPD, maladaptive habits and sexual disorders, paraphilias like fetichism and masochism. How we could break a circle and core beliefs so strong and destructive like sexual disorders and how we could cope with a sense of shame that brings into. It is something very rarely and not very easily discussed
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your thoughts on this sensitive subject. It's important to have open discussions about topics like these to break the stigma and provide support. I'll try my best to shed some light on the relation between BPD, maladaptive habits, and sexual disorders, as well as offer strategies for breaking destructive core beliefs and coping with shame.
My therapist is always trying to convince me that all my problems will be solved when I find someone... I need to go out and start looking for a relationship!
But the thing is... After growing up and being in nothing but toxic relationships... social and romantic... I DON'T want to be in a relationship! Yes I get bored and sometimes a little lonely, But all in all.. I am happy being on my own! I don't feel the NEED or the DRIVE to 'couple'.
But she is constantly trying to drill it into me that "Humans and social creatures, we NEED companionship...." But surely, there is always the exception to the rule?
Sure! I'm sure people can find loving relationships... But to try and convince me that all I need is someone else to "fix my problems" isn't she just trying to force me into another toxic, codependent relationship? Isn't that just going to cause more harm than good? Whats the problem with ..... Just being alone, if I am happy and oddly MORE stable? Or is it my past 'trauma' making me think that way?
I'm not professional but I think she should not say this 😟 "Relationship will fix all problems" is something what we BPD people often think and it's not healthy way of thinking 😢 Maybe try to find other therapist and discuss this? Be ok friend ❤
@@karolinanie5946 Thanks for the reply, Nice to know someone else thinks that, and I'm not overthinking it! lol You be well too! :D
I’ve seen therapists regularly since I was 19-years-old, I’m 46 now. Over half of them were not good fits for me; some were shitty therapists, some were downright disrespectful. You, my friend, have a shitty AND disrespectful therapist. Her trying to push you to find a partner that you may or may not be ready for, but more importantly, DON’T FUCKING WANT, is unconscionable. You need to start looking for a new therapist.
If I use grey thinking when it comes to relationships aren't I doing myself a disservice? I want a black or white future. Exclusive or not, marriage or not. The other person's intentions are this or that, marriage or a fun time.
So in BPD we are taught use shades of grey in thinking but in relationships shouldn't we be black and white. Who wants to settle, or be strung along on a nice journey when there is no real commitment by the other person? This is where the black n white or grey thinking is confusing. I want 'this' not 'that', not going with the flow.
I did my positives/negatives list, and proved to myself that I don't want a man.
Thank you for sharing your personal insight! It's empowering to know what you want.
@@DrDanielFox I am happier with just a poster on the wall than a real man around the house. I still like men, and still need the brawn of a man for some tasks, but I have a home, and I make enough money. Sure, if I was knocked unconscious, there would be no one to call 911, and if I died in my house, no one would know about it for days. But I think if I did get a man, it would be for all the wrong reasons. Anyway, the two I kissed after my husband, neither of them felt right. They were the wrong shape. My husband was the perfect shape. ANd I don't want to mess with my child's sense of family. I used to need a man before I inherited, for financial reasons, but not anymore. And to get one just for personal validation, to be shown that I'm valid and worthy of love that's the wrong reason.
Hey doctor fox I’ve recently got diagnosed with bpd and I just feel like there’s no hope for me to have a normal life
I'm here to support you and remind you that there is always hope. You're not alone in this journey.
I need your help
I don't try and win the lottery.
I don't try and climb Mt. Everest.
I don't hunt for cryptids or UFOs.
I don't look for love.
Feels weird you're telling me not to walk away when I am never the one doing it.
I have always been dumped. I try my hardest to show people all this love I have inside and everyone rejects it/me and then either they rapidly cut me out (ghost) or in super rare cases, I cut them out but not without saying goodbye forever.
Love is a lie/fiction/myth made up by hollywood is the only thing that brings me any slight comfort now.
It's tough when it feels like you're always the one left behind. Stay strong and keep being true to yourself.
Love ain't real. You just finding someone you enjoy getting through the day while sharing values and conflict resolution style
I'm going to be honest, that just sounds like a standard friendship. If that's true then that's depressing as hell to me, and I'd rather stay single 😂
I just hope to find a life long companion that is male, that could lead to marriage one day. I do not have bpd, I have traits but have dealt with, and hopefully if God sends someone my way, he will be a blessing
It sounds like you might not be ready for love, I hear that religion and cultures you get taught a different way of how love is like in Islam - you never be with a woman alone until your married where you then lead their life under consent to the marriage, but this comes with a price you effectively don't have the same values and bonding to help them finding themselves under protecting under allah
Nah, love is real, and greater than the paltry sum you described.