I think this is one of the biggest impacts of bpd. I cannot seem to keep a job for longer than a year. I always start out so well but eventually the pressure and negative self talk build up so much that I end up quitting from the intense build up of stress. I’m 35 and my resume looks crazy because I’ve had so many jobs!
Same here, I have tried many but havent last that long xd and also a lot of relationships over the years (mainly online that havent worked IRL). I have BPD + HSP + Depression. Thanks for the videos and blessings from Mexico 💜
Same!!!! Until I got my diagnosis (and even still now) I berate myself for not being able to hold down a job, despite having been a high achiever at school. So I just feel like a complete and utter failure of a person.
I have same situation, my resume is impressive albeit my work is often 1-2yrs per job. I start off well but something or someone will trigger me, and all my anger will boil and brew for months. I have anxiety but my main problem is anger. This is cos my dad bullied me a lot and i was not given much support in life. It means my tolerance for people, unfairness and bad behaviour of others such as bullying, arrogance and machiavellianism is low, i tend to target people with such traits and it endd up in conflict. Eventually, either I win or lose with such situations, and I can quit or be fired. Mainly my life as been treated unfairly means it triggers my anger when I see it, while normal people can tolerate it or just turn a blimd eye to it. Only repeating many years did I realise it was me and these situations occur everywhere. At least now, i can not be angered so easy and accept it better.
You can work but it's going to be fucking HARD. The more I'm learning about BPD, the more I don't want to exist. I've been working on my BPD for 2 years and I'm ready to swallow a bullet at this point. Shit's never ending. Not only that, but people don't want nothing to do with us. So, we're bound to walk alone forever. There's no point to that.
Please understand life with bpd is tough. But life is worth it. You are loved and valued even if it's not obvious. I want to give you a huge hug. Keep fighting. It is worth it
@ScottVeggies thankyou. I just understand a life where everything is painful. Empathy needs to be more common. None of us with bpd deserve this but we have to make to best of a bad situation. Take control of the things you can control. It really is a great feeling
That sucks so much and not being able to solve it with a piece of advice sucks as well...deep down somewhere we are capable of making it through this world, not unscathed though Also, I don't know if this is going to mean anything at all but do you know the leading therapist for BPD, Marsha Linehan, herself had BPD that she kept from the public for the longest, she talked about radical acceptance, maybe something to look into, either way, hang in there one day at a time
So true and real. We are parias. No one( but npds that feel the sadistic need of torturing us, like we were made to be their toys..),wants anything to do with bpd people. I am too ashamed of myself to try to be hire anywhere anymore: I know I am broken, and it will show at one point, then people will use it against me... so I ll end more traumatized and terrified of society.. I ll go as far as I can, in this life, it has always been a cruel, losing game, so as long as some hope are still creating the illusion that I am not definitely in hell, I ll try. But at 37, I already feel like an old, scared, used and inadapted person. Idont really see how my life will improve, as I am getting older, and lonelier, I sense that is gonna be pretty gloomy.
For me, relationships fuck up everything. I can be on such a good streak with work and life in general, but as soon as I get a partner, I want to spend all my time with them and can’t stand to be away from them for 8 hours every day. I just quit my job a couple days ago for this exact reason. I really liked the job too. Part of me regrets it, but the other part is glad to have more time to spend with my partner. It’s so unhealthy.
Omg I totally relate to this I loved him so intensely (if love is the word tbh) and I couldn't stand being away from him it was unbearable to be at work
This is probably one of the most challenging impacts with my BPD. I can’t seem to hold down a job for more than 3 months. I find it difficult to regulate myself when I’m at work and thus my emotional extremes come out and are hard to manage. It’s like the slightest bit of stress can make me completely shut down and give up. Then the emptiness/depression kicks in and I just don’t feel like I have the energy for anything. I want to have and keep a job. I want to have more stability and a good source of income. I just don’t know how to have those things with my BPD. It does help to know that I’m not alone.
It's about how we can make strategies to cope up with unwanted situation and big feelings! Be patient with yourself and practice everyday! It's hard but not impossible. Good luck to you
If they didn't have a choice they would keep their jobs if they truly needed them they would do what it takes if nobody else is supporting them if they cannot be parasitic p they too have to do what they got to do some places if you don't work you don't eat
I have never been employed for longer than five months as someone with severe bpd. I don’t qualify for disability and I don’t have a means to go to work now without a vehicle even if I could find a job. I am so exhausted from consistently trying to make something of myself only to never make anything except a gigantic, expensive mess I can’t afford.
I shut down completely when I get stressed and it makes me so unreliable on a daily basis. I'm jealous you can last 5 months. :D Walking on eggshells 24/7 is so exhausting.
@@uxtalzon it’s not that I “last” that long, I’m a frequent call out type of person. That five months only refers to my last job (which is the third job I’ve ever had and I’m turning 30 this year) as a bartender where I wasn’t necessarily “needed” to be there every shift I was scheduled to work. I could call out and it wouldn’t affect anything. But that was one job and before the bar closed down. I wouldn’t be able to “last” that long anywhere else that wasn’t flexible like the bar was.
@@redrumnoir7552 Sorry for misunderstanding. Still, I'm envious. Bartender, dealing with people? Nope. Can't do it. 39 here and my resume is blank. Almost no different than being in a prison cell for 25 years. You've got hope, young lady. :P
I've never been fired but I always end up quitting because I just feel so overwhelmed. The longest I've worked since 2016/2017 is about 1 year or up to about 6-8 months. Typically at the 4 month mark things start to get a lot harder and I start to feel overwhelmed. I often don't have time for appointments. I feel like I have less time for therapy so I'll often end up stopping therapy or I won't even start it again. I also feel like there’s too much to do at home. For me having clean space does help me feel calm and more able to do other tasks. But I keep pushing myself with out giving much time to myself. So I'll end up getting burnt out. I typically quit when I'm crying every morning before work and when my mood there isn't up to "standard".
Same here , all of this, I'm at the 3 month mark at my job and the dread is starting to creep in no matter how positive I try to be. And the overwhelm :/
Can we have a support group😂 I literally just wrote a comment describing the same thing that by 4 months I become overwhelmed/too comfortable and self sabatoge somehow/ or the top one which is getting totally burnt out.. I think I'll force myself to take a vacation every 6 months or so (at the start of a new job I cant take a vacation before my 6 months are completed in my country.) and maybe that fixes the burn out problem and hopefully the issue 🥲..not having proper support system (honestly NONE) outside of work does not help either 🫥
It's exhausting. I'm 58 and have suffered my intire life with these issues. Throw in pms and being sick 2 weeks out of the month.....I'm on a really good cocktail of meds now, it's really helped. But I did just quit my job yesterday. Lol. I can't deal with people at all! I've walked out of more jobs than I can count! Thank you for you're content. You nail it!
Hey I hope you get better, hearing you getting sick all the time sounds horrible, have you tried any alternatives? Like diet? I can recommend some UA-camrs that do a low carb diet (carnivore/keto) there is many stories of them reversing a lot of diseases and sickness. I highly recommend Shawn baker, Dr Eric burg, Dr Anthony chaffee videos hope this helps ❤️
This is the most challenging part of my BPD. I have very spotty employment. I will be a job for two or three months and then get in an argument with someone at work. I often feel that my bounderies have been violated get triggered and feel that I have to defend myself. I wish I could have job stability.
I wish I could just not care about how people feel about me or how I affect others, not feel in the way and taking up space and a burden and annoyance. Not worry whether I am doing or saying things wrong or projecting negative energy or hurting people. I want to be a ray of sunshine instead of a dark cloud. I feel like a child begging to feel accepted when interacting with anyone. I wish I could try it all over again.
One thing I struggle with personally, is that I barely manage my own stuff on my own recovery journey. Then, in dealing with the public, other people (who likely aren't putting the effort into their behavior) make their problems mine by being awful. Like, no dude, get your problems away from me. I have enough for at least two people, if not more... Not cool. It's super frustrating to be working towards healing when "normal" people just get to be jerks and not do a thing to fix their abhorrent behavioral patterns.
I am in my 50,s now and have held onto a part time job for almost 10 years, this is in my opinion has been one of my biggest achievements as in my younger years I lost count of how many jobs I walked out of or got sacked.
Iv been forced to overnight shifts as the only way I can remain employed with the level of severity of my Complex BPD. Even then I’m still struggling even with limited coworker interactions and the fear of not being able to support myself while being declined for disability despite 8 hospitalizations, intermittent homelessness, and much more …. The fear is real but I’m trying and your workbook and videos are part of the support network/resources I have built up for myself. Thank you Dr. Fox!
I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing, but I'm glad that my videos and workbook are providing some support for you. Keep trying and don't give up, you're stronger than you realize!
I lost my job two months ago (some would say voluntarily) because of BPD. I got so mad, but couldn't express my feelings in a way that wouldn't get me fired, so I left, and I couldn't continue working without expressing my thoughts. Thanks for this, I'm still looking for a job that will keep me for more than a year
I understand you that's mostly my reason due lack of not being able to express myself and violating my own needs and rights quitting is my only escape.I had so many jobs and it lasted anything from few months until maximum 1,5 and ending with extreme burnout and ocean of emptiness😢
The fantastic Dr Fox strikes again 😊 Self sabotage, self deprication, negative talk, over working to prove ones worth, paranoia, spidey senses on over-drive, sensitivity to criticism turned to the max, supporting and rescuing others your main mission, feeling of not fitting in, I don't belong feelings, self-isolating, eager to impress yet modest and deflective to praise, but crushed if efforts not valued. Thoughts of leaving begin to build, convince yourself its the right thing to do in order to survive, leave then feel like a loser, quitter, never gonna reach your full potential hopeless case - sigh
This is the most relatable comment I have ever read! fucking rinse and repeat! I know what my issues are, and I'm in a better place than I once was, but I don't know how to fully prevent these feelings from compounding. It's exhausting to not feel stable emotionally or economically. I can go so long without an episode, I can be doing so well, and then out of nowhere something throws my emotional state into a complete 180. It's like all my hard work is cancelled out in an instant, and how the hell did I ever for one moment believe I could be competent and reliable? I feel ashamed that my bosses and coworkers saw my mask slip. I can't stand to face them afterwards. I don't want to look them in the face.
@@bethanywalker4120 understanding what is happening to us makes it easier. Dr Fox helps us here massively. We can prevent the spiral down when triggered by recognising what is happening inside. I wish I had understood years before but hey ho, just feel blessed for better insight now. When I look back, at my public meltdowns, work colleagues were empathetic and caring. Again it's self sabotage that made me run for the hills every time. Gotta try and learn to regroup, reset and recover after recognising the trigger and the body's reaction. Also we need to forgive ourselves......we struggle because something bad happened to us.......but we can choose a different outcome to the one we were handed. It's hard work, but we are worth it. Like in Japan when a broken pot is repaired with gold (Kintsugi) - we are worth repairing, and will be all the more beautiful for it xx
I’ve had the same job for 15 years. For most of that time (until recently) I have felt detached from my career and my personal life. I could never explain this but I’d come home and not feeling like I was that person that just worked. Recently however, I have felt more of a connection with all aspects of my life and life experiences. I am seeing a therapist so I think that might be why I am beginning to feel that connection.
Yes I swear I'm on auto pilot at my job, to the point of dissociating... And then when I get to the gym or home I come out of it and feel like a different person.... I've held jobs for 4+ years..
that seems to be the key, not sure whether it's dysfunctional, probably is but that works, being one kind of a person at work and a different one outside of work. Most people have a different face they put on at work but it seems for BPD that there is more of a divide or more of a walled fence.
I quit my last job as a receptionist suddenly because of poor boundaries on both our part, between me and my boss, who treated me like a BFF and told me all her confessions and secrets and problems as if I was some kind of indentured servant, meanwhile flattering me unreasonably and inviting me to personal outings. Histrionic? I had to listen to her because she controlled my hours and my salary. And because of my naturally helpful nature and difficulty telling her that that's really not an appropriate topic to discuss with me. I mean your employee is not your therapist! I liked the job though and I miss it sometimes, just not her. She was weird from the get-go though, far too familiar and casual. One day I couldn't take it anymore and my anger escalated and I quit without notice. Couldn't stand to see her one more time. I now have a job where I work alone, just getting a task completed and done well (a janitrix), and I like that, but it's only seasonal. Don't make as much money, and I won't be able to claim unemployment insurance when it finishes because I won't have enough hours. So back onto looking for a new job come September. And it's a small place, there aren't many businesses. Gives me added anxiety. Sucks.
The one thing that makes it hard is i feel like a literal child, no self esteem so anyone can put me down and i wont be able to stick up for myself. I almost feel as though everyone is an authority figure and im like the child.
I understand how you feel. It can be tough to have low self-esteem, but remember that everyone has their own insecurities. You are not alone in this journey of building confidence and finding your voice.
Severe BPD, told by family and therapists that I'm far away from being employed because I'm still very unstable. Unfortunately, they've been saying that for 25 years now. The lack of earning an income to feel accomplished and rewarding is extremely depressing.
hey, I just want to say that "earning an income" is a bit overrated. I mean, we're all for having money, right? But don't trip yourself up thinking we have it better over in job land. I've DREADED going to work for the past 35 years. There have been moments where I've felt my "career" was in a good place, where I'm doing something that I care about, but honestly, dealing with all the policies and personalities at a job is often very difficult. Many of us are barely getting by and we wish we did not have to work. Truly. It's got to be one of the most oppressive aspects of our existence.
@@florencehenderson3707 Money makes the world go 'round.I view having a job as being able to show some sort of independence and a step towards meeting life's goals. If I can't improve even that much, homelessness or some sort of permanent inpatient stay.
@@uxtalzon I really get it. I certainly wouldn't want to insult anyone's goals when they are well meaning. Yeah, I think I'm just venting but also serious .. 🤔
YOU CAN COLLECT an income SSDI what people don't know is THE ONLY THING IMPORTANT IN THIS TEMPORARY FALLEN WORLD IS where is our souls spending eternity? Everyone must have a relationship with Jesus Christ and become spiritually born again Christian Jesus is the way the only WAY TO ETERNAL LIFE 🔒 SECURED as you all can see we are living in the end times there's a savior coming like any minute STAY PRAYED UP so you all will get taken up
That's one of the issues with BPD I am having, I never had a job longer than 11 months, and the one before that was 8 months, I only pulled 11 last time because I liked the job I was at, but after around 9 months my mental health started declining, and 2 months of forcing myself to keep working made my mental health so bad that I had to isolate myself completely for 8 months, I quit it when I couldn't physically go anymore.
I've realized like I love working with kids and thr youth. Those were the jobs where I could long. Also a job working with plants was really nice. I got to take care of them and arrange them for displays so it was relaxing at times.
@@premoallah7032 yeah that was typically the case. Sometimes I felt like the extra workload became a lot. But most often I had a problem that I made up in my head with my coworkers. I notice that if there is dynamic that mimics my household growing up or my mother specifically I tend to have a problem with them. And I have found that that they don’t have a problem with me at all it's just me that thinks that. I also have a hard time taking criticism. Things I want to work on.
BPD has the MOST functional impairment across the life course of any mental illness. BPD has one of the highest mortality rates of any mental disorder ( anorexia nerovosa taking first place). I believe the lack of academic research & government resources into BPD is a reflection of medical misogyny ( historically, BPD has been associated with females). I recently completed a Master's in Criminology. My dissertation was a qualitative thematic analysis, comparing men/women in the mental health courts. Psychiatrists' explanations of women's offending, who have a diagnosis of BPD ( frequently with other comborbidities) label their symptoms as " pseudo hallucinations " & do NOT produce exculpatory narratives regarding the impact of their symptoms on their offending. Much work is urgently needed to support those with a BPD diagnosis. Thank you for your work, Dr. Fox. You are a rare 💎.
I relate to so much of this. I often think people dislike me and think I'm lazy or unreliable, even though I've had feedback to the contrary. I get pangs of guilt when I believe I've said the wrong thing and I tend to believe what I've said or done is unforgivable. Sometimes the guilt subsides. I was also misdiagnosed with asperger's, in part because I get anxious and shut down in unstructured, unpredictable environments. For a while I couldn't make sense of why I seemed to require so much external structure while also having restless, wayward tendencies. I was later diagnosed with BPD and learning about the nuances of it and the trauma that often precedes it has opened my eyes. Thank you for making this content.
I have BPD, ADD, and possible autism. I am fixing to retire at 41. I have never had a job. Retirement doesn't stop me from having a job, but having it will make my life easier. I will never be able to have a full time job, but with retirement benefits, due to illness, I will be able to have a part time job without fear of losing everything if I fail.
My goodness thank you so much for explaining the lack of boundaries so well in the workplace. I always wondered when I was unsure of my job title, I constantly felt uneasy and something bad was going to happen. My current job has a strong structure and work ethic set in place since it's a corporation. Having hard working coworkers and an understanding manager is also a major help.
I would like to share my experience. I am 34 year old female and I struggle to keep a job for longer than a year. My recent job was as a cashier and it started off really well. It brought me lots of satisfaction in self and helped bring me a positive outlook on myself- however there was about 3 different times I couldn’t regulate my emotions and I ended up bursting into tears. It was always around how the customers behaved. If I faced any conflict it made me feel so overwhelmed. I also will read into how my colleagues act (not with just this job but others too) where I’ll start to think people don’t like me from some subtle things like if they seem to distant themselves from me. One of the times I was on a shift and I walked out half way through and went home because I felt so overwhelmed by how a customer spoke meanly to me.
I wish you and your expert knowledge of BPD in the workplace had been around to help me all those years ago. Everything you say is how I experienced it, serial jobs, lack of structure, triggering of trauma, overwhelm (this, especially). I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. But it was so painful. I wish you had been around then, Dr Fox! Thank you
the in-between of having a job and losing is panic attacks, anxiety, interpersonal issues, tears and either overperformaing or underperforming under constant scrutiny until you break under the pressure and either get fired or storm out
Such an extremely important topic. I feel I was not meant to be in the trenches but am forced to just to live. Against my whole nature & being & infinite intelligence telling me this is all wrong.
I used work to distract myself from self-destructive thoughts, it proved quite effective. Of course, I didn't believe a word when I got complimented for my achievements, I chalked it up to working a lot, not being good at my job. I probably qualify for "high functioning", though I consider it more to be good at masking. It's exhausting.
9 months to a year is all I have ever managed before quitting. Sometimes I’ll even have a meltdown and get fired. My solution to this has been taking only contract short terms jobs that have a clear defined end date so I can “hold on” til the end date.
Been in the same company since 2015, got promoted a few times, too. It's still extremely difficult to even get up in the morning, let alone do your job.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's comforting to know that even with promotions, some mornings can still be tough. Your honesty is appreciated!
The longest time I had a job was at Target cafe for two years, it was oretty relaxing. I just lost my job today after four months, first time I've ever been in so much trouble at work. I'm quiet BPD, so I usually repress everything.. but as the years go by its only gotten worse. I am very lucky I make great first impressions and was hired on the spot at another place on my only day off last week. I just wish I could get out of food/retail. At least I'll be making more than minimum wage.
Have worked in corporate recruiting for over 20 years and got my dream job with Amazon last year. Of course once I got the job, I immediately focused on self sabotage and destroying it and myself. In the end, got caught up in the mass layoffs that happened in January and losing it sent me into a total tailspin. Haven't been able to find another spot since and my BPD Depression is at an all time high. I think what's best for me moving forward will be working for myself which is something I did for a long time before taking the Amazon job. Never have to worry about the days when I can't get out of bed and after so many years of being misdiagnosed, finally got the right diagnose of my BPD which falls under quiet so now able to put a support system in place so i can focus on the parts of my job I am best at and what interests me so i can avoid blowing it up again.
@@DrDanielFox Dr. Fox, i just wanted to thank you for your videos and passion for this. As someone only recently diagnosed after a lifetime of being misdiagnosed, your content is incredibly infotmative and easy to follow especially for someone like myself who is trying to come to grips with BPD. Thank you for your efforts.
I get excruciatingly bored at work. I absolutely hate working. Also, my social life in the workplace almost always ends in social catastrophe, and vitriolic arguments.
I can't hold down a job the stress of one brings on psychosis I'm 56 now and just diagnosed as no one could tell me what was happening to me finally got a diagnosis but feel my life is over at 56. Thank you for your insight.
As I approach the opportunity of a new job, botched opportunities of the past are taking the shine off my true potential to be great at it. I am a former CEO and the history of crash and burns after it look like a Fast and Furious montage. I will stay positive, aware, and continue exploring information on this condition. Thank you for your expertise, compassion, and help. From Maine USA.
It's completely natural to feel apprehensive about new opportunities, especially considering your past experiences. Remember, every setback is a stepping stone to success. Stay positive, and I believe you’ll shine in your new role!
I was going around asking my coworkers if they were interested in our company hosting a festival. Kinda like a country festival we could have a live band and games. Someone said "wow that sounds like a great idea. A lot of work though that's gonna be tough". I heard my stepdad's voice telling me that I was a loser and that I would never do anything and that I always fail. I quit my job that day and got a train ticket back to my hometown as soon as I could. Never went back. I have never been diagnosed with BPD and I am too nervous to talk to a therapist. But I see some symptoms in myself that I am sure I have something. My mother forced me to talk to a counselor when I was a child. The counselor told my mom that her and her boyfriends alcoholism and abuse were causing me to have issues. My mom would then stop taking me to them and send me to someone else. This happened a total of 4 times. My mom gave up and said she refused to believe she was responsible for my depression and that all these people were wrong. So I guess I just never went back because I hated opening up to people. I can't even open up to my husband who knows I have issues too that I need deal with.
I am amazed that your mom even took you to one counselor, much less FOUR! I'm so sorry it hurt your trust in therapy, but understandable. I hope you can try again as an adult now who doesn't have to rely on a parent that is the source of the problem. 🤗
@@WhatsMarlyUpTo Thank you 🙂. Honestly it's been weighing more heavily on my mind since my son was born. I feel like I need to be the best mom I can be for him.
WOW!! My CEO (Who was great) was fired yesterday by a conglomerate and my team and I are facing uncertainty. I had to not go into a tailspin, which I did okay but now I have to embrace changes and "prove" myself to this new group of people. I don't know if this is a BPD thing, but I suffer from Impostor Syndrome badly!!!! I always say I am of average intelligence, but I don't think I am even that smart. But, I have been able to trick people when I need to...But it's exhausting. When do we get to the point of comfort, and not wait for the other shoe to fall (IT ALWAYS FALLS)
Having a job solves 75% of my mental anguish. With a job comes financial stability, routine, and confidence. I also have joy in my hobbies because I feel financially secure.
I have 20 hours a week working from home. I have a lovely boss. I can get very overwhelmed as it’s intense work and you have to know your stuff. I avoided learning within my field because it was triggering of memories in which I nearly died so I have to use almost a different part of my brain to get through. On a plus side I learn do quickly, can assimilate knowledge and deliver it in s simple way that is understood. I can have loads of compassion until it is just too much and I think 15 hours wd suit better to be more regulated. I have time to work on myself. I have pressure and resentment from my husband who can be quite the narcissist. Thought I would share 😊
Absolutely! Because the workforce is ran by narcissists. You can codependent, or trauma bond or become the scapegoat. Remind the narc boss how amazing they are, let them take credit for your work, act desperate and fearful of being fired...you can do this! And when you get fired anyway, allow your unbridled emotions to created a scene that requires a 911 call.
I've had few jobs for longer than a year but usually I end up getting fired or walking out because I can't handle my shit. It's funny I was getting the sense that I was going to get fired today but it didn't happen. Yet.
I have/had 8 out of the 9 traits. I'm working 30 years, I've never been fired from a job. Spraying cars for 26 years with 10 of them running my own business.
@@DrDanielFox you are one of the good one's, you can feel the passion you have for helping people like ourselves which is great because as you know, we are not all bad.
It’s a fear of the connection with my co workers as I progress and when I try to set my own boundaries with awareness I end up with a split. I attack myself and snowball. I spiral into self hate and fear because of how I interact with people and how I’m viewed. It’s ridiculous but true.
I'm 32, diagnosed with BPD, unemployed and I debt. I got out of psych ward six months ago and because of my anxiety I can't find a job. At this point I don't see hope anymore.
I suffer with severe bpd all my adult life and never ever been able to hold down a job for longer than several months. I'm 52 and haven't worked for the last 6 years.
This is totally true...this is why I abandoned 4 jobs...I also woud like to add that at least in my case.I feet better when working something and having a job, if I don't have a job, my mind/brain tends to produce 1000 thougths mostly negative ones...and those thoughts race.
I really struggle with work and not understood completely why, this video helped me understand some. I’m young and I’ve tried two jobs, one at a retail store that lasted three weeks and another one was several months cleaning. I could only see the job I’d be successful doing is if I didn’t have to interact with anyone. I feel completely lost in life but hope in time I can deal with my mental health and things will change. I don’t know why but I avoided having any kind of relationship with people I worked with because it felt unsafe. I think that’s another barrier I need to get though.
From what I have observed from experience with people battling this. Is that they truly don’t want to work. The perfect world for them would be to have others maintain all of the responsibilities…make sure they are fed clothed sheltered; and their preferred substance in full supply at all times. Then they are good. Take away any of this, or have them be responsible for themselves, basically any kind of adult thinking or behavior, then the tiger is unleashed.
You're a lifesaver, doc! My first and longest lasting psychologist happened to specialize in career advice/orientation, and I still to this day years later have not been able to get my footing that well. Although detrimental for men and women both, I imagine this to be one of the topmost difficult aspects of having borderline disorder for males. Career success is crucial to our image, which is shaky enough as it is under this disorder, and the cause for a lot of angst. I've managed to get by well enough doing mostly gig work up until now, but my longterm goal is entrepreneurship. Hopefully, when I reach that goal, it'll inspire others who deal with mental health problems as well as healthy individuals.
Thank you very much for making these videos. They help me tremendously! I've been working hard at my job and I'm coming up on 2 years now which is a first for me with bpd, this video was perfect timing 💜
I’m 24 and I really struggle with work, I have governmental assistance in Switzerland and im trying to do an apprenticeship in IT. I did almost 2 years and then I was on health certificate and then I swapped to an other apprenticeship in IT too but I feel like I don’t want to do anything I don’t even make money I make 3$ an hour and I hate waking up for something I don’t care about, it seems like life is already very hard for myself but then I have to give my time to some dumb shit and I very often hope that a truck would hit my car and kill me on the road to work or school. I’ve talked about saying I just can’t do this anymore and ask for definite financial compensation but I keep trying to find a way to work and to have some kind of autonomy in the future I hope I will get to this. But your videos helps lot, they seem to comfort my heart a little when I feel like I’m bleeding out so thanks a lot ❤
Thank you for making a video I wrote a comment a few weeks ago about wanting this and so when I saw this on my feed I got so happy!!! appreciate all your efforts doc.😊🙏🏻
Between this and social anxiety, I feel so screwed. ive had over 20 jobs the past decade, and I wouldn't go back to a single one of them. I'm grateful I tried different things but if anything I feel more lost, erratic and fragile. I think the unstable sense of self also affects employment. It's so hard to find a career I remotely like or feel safe in--it's a constant battle to manage my symptoms, and not enough time spent to see if the job even matches my interests or values in the first place
Thank you Dr Daniel for this video. Everytime I watch your videos about a particular struggle due to my BPD I feel a bit better. Your channel and videos make me feel empowered and I understand myself more because of you. The information you share is very insightful and has made a profound impact on my life. So thank you once again! Keep up the amazing work that you do.
I have had over 25 jobs and I'm 27. I threw in the towel at least for now and am living with my parents who support me financially; state medicaid covers my treatments
I really enjoy your videos Dr. Fox, but I am a Middle-Aged Black Lesbian in America, there is no way in hell any company no matter what experience, achievements, and credentials I have will allow me to continue to work at their company if they knew I had BPD too. I'd be an HR nightmare HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA............ I laugh, but that's the truth. Companies say they want to embrace the disabled, Neurodivergent, and Mentally Ill, but they still struggle with racism (This shit is en-vogue), gender bias, sexual- orientation, and sexual identity....I got enough strikes, I'm good.
WOW 😮😲😮 Awesome explanation. I could definitely write a book about my employment history. A lot of paranoia and social anxiety at work. Thankfully after years of DBT able to have steady employment, but always on the edge it can be gone in a second. Winning the lottery would be beneficial. 😅😊
This totally explains why covid was so hard for employment. Every day was a shit show. It wasn't my failure, it was my BPD and being triggered by that an abusive boss.
God knows I’ve tried. Longest job 4 years, bullied the whole time but at least I had a job. No one wants to hire me now. I turned to the creative arts but doesn’t pay the bills. The hardest part is the lack of support and connection and the disconnect between my goals and desires and not being able to achieve them and not understanding why I can’t make it like others. Why can they do it and I can’t?
Its so hard to work, even when i aviod any type of conversation because i always feel like people are judging me based on how i look. My voice even depends on who i am talking to and i often feel like a crazy person because one minute i feel like i can take on anything and the next i deal with horrible anxiety and im scared of everything hurting me
I love your videos. I have bpd and have a really difficult time with finding a purpose on life. I don't know what I am supposed to do and I am 24 now. I dropped out of school, I was in a good university but I felt miserable. I got a job and then got fired. can you share a video about this? what do you recommend? I feel like I am too late and feel like I shouldn't be alive tbh. I have some dreams but there is also shtty economy in my country that makes everything almost impossible. idk how to get out of this
I quit a job after a week and am on sick leave fr the rest of the week after being at a new job as a sales assistant at a local boutique for a week too. I feel like im nt made to work. I WANT to work but i just dun wna feel like shit and be so stressed out all the time
It’s hard to keep a job past 3-4 months and the 3 months is usually 2 months and 3 going on 4 weeks. It’s so sad but I honestly can’t stand to be around ppl. I always end up quitting. I’m thinking about leaving my current job. Ppl are no good and stress me out too much. I wish I could work online. I’m always very good at my job but can’t ever stay bc I get stressed out too much.
I've been at my current job for over 2 years. This is the longest time that I've held onto a job for. I'm at a point where the biggest thing that's holding me back from moving up from Salon Assistant to Junior Stylist is my BPD flare-ups. It's something that I've had talks about with my manager, and the salon owners. The talent is there, but unfortunately, so are my demons, and those demons are screaming out loud. I'm on my final strike. I'm so scared of losing control, because I'll be out.
Why is it assumed that having a job is normal and something to aspire to? Can we admit that most jobs are horrible ? For some reason we are expected to conform. I appreciate the concept of this video, just wanted to say maybe we should live differently.
@bij pls bij, I understand. But don't you think we have a bigger purpose besides making money for someone else? What if you had been clued in to your own talents at a very early age? Kids spend 6 hours a day in school for 10+ years and how much of that is spent on understanding who they are as people? In the end it's about passing some tests and then working for someone else, trying to fit in and make it work 🤪
My beloved wife is dealing with this now . She has BPD , and recently was hired on for a job she enjoys . A week after getting hired she received a frontal concussion after a large dog tried to bite her and wound up almost breaking her nose .
If my mom wasn't a narcissist and my sister hadn't died, maybe. I'm on SSDI. I have a problem with people of a higher title thinking they're better than others, treating them poorly or unjustly. So I would probably "go off" on one of them because of something they did to me or something I saw them say or do to someone else. Well, I would go off on pretty much any employee I see messing with others. I'm good. I have free insurance. I hate capitalism. I don't want to be a slave to the wage. The only thing that bothers me is people looking down on me for not working, but I get to be with my kids full time, so screw other people.
I always feel like I have to defend myself at work. And I cause tension. And doubt my abilities to be competent. I feel often unsafe like I will have a panic attack in front of these people. And embarrass myself
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way at work. It can be tough when you feel like you have to constantly defend yourself. Remember to focus on your strengths and try to build a support network that can help boost your confidence.
Yeah I had 12 jobs in 20yrs as a professional engineer, but lucky I work as a contractor 1-2yr term. My cv looks crazy but some employers like it because I have a massive skillset and willing to work on fix term contracts. Either way, i dont have the self image issue , but more that i dont deal with people and bad situations well. My tolerance is low. I also dont cope well with stress and every job has its low and peaks. The peaks is what kills me. Part of it is my anxiety also, and added angry boss...i might just quit.
What I hate about my job is that it’s hard to find some material sometimes and I feel like I’m taking to much time trying to find things then I start overthinking that I might get let go for taking to much time. Very stressful. I don’t like when people try to get close to me. Probably a way of protecting myself
exactly, lack of proper feedback has us guessing whether we're doing a good job or not and then like you said people try to get close but it seems because they're bored so they either want to talk your ear off or get to know you on a personal level way too fast, it can all get a bit much
When I was younger I was able to hold jobs...since I became 40 I have not been able to work...I'm not sure why I became worse with age...I thought age would help me heal, especially since I've been in therapy since I was 20 years old
so what job would be good for us? i’m thinking medical lab technicians for me… it’s stable, still some type of interesting things with the samples & i don’t have to talk to anyone but my colleagues. i just don’t trust myself with going to school & sticking through it for 2 years
I've only been in my job for 11 years due to moving around alot. The last 3 years has put me back on sertraline as ive been based with the same 1 person and jeeeez its been a tough one. I'm working so hard on self awareness and stepping out of my comfort zone. It is exhausting but worth it ❤
I conquer, exhausting and worth it. I'm 63 and finally have a job I really like and have gotten a therapist finally that I can stay on with and it's covered by our health system in Ontario. At the first appointment with her she asked me what goals do I have that this therapy can help me with. I immediately said I need to learn how to recognize triggers are happening in the moment. Also, I need to learn which skills of CBT and DBT that can help me in real time. My job is a constant source of topics to discuss in our sessions. Keep on progressing and I'll be doing the same!!
That's fantastic ❤ I'm now taking time out of work to help recovery. I love working with children but unfortunately you always get a few adults that don't treat you with respect and invalidate you. I lost who I was and was sinking quickly... plus perimenopause is kicking in so my rage was beginning to show which is unlike me as I'm quiet BPD. We got this ❤
Yeah i feel this the longest job ive ever had was two years everything else was months i always wondered why and know thanks to dr fox im starting to understand thank you sir
Work always ends up becoming my identity. If I do a good job. I am a good person. If I don't I am a failure. One of my schemas is unrelenting standards. If i dont make mistakes I can't be rejected. If I work 17hrs when my day should be 7.5 and constantly graft. I will be valued and will have self worth. When my working week is over and I have no structure or plans. I often don't know what to do. I start a hobby get bored or tell myself how crap I am at it. External validation because "I" just exist and fill a role in life. As long as I play that role well. I am stable. Is everyone else OK? Yes, then that is all that matters. Sad eh..
I think this is one of the biggest impacts of bpd. I cannot seem to keep a job for longer than a year. I always start out so well but eventually the pressure and negative self talk build up so much that I end up quitting from the intense build up of stress. I’m 35 and my resume looks crazy because I’ve had so many jobs!
Hey. At least you have a resume. Practically the same, though.
Same here, I have tried many but havent last that long xd and also a lot of relationships over the years (mainly online that havent worked IRL). I have BPD + HSP + Depression. Thanks for the videos and blessings from Mexico 💜
Same! 9 months to a year. I’ve learned to only take contract jobs with end dates. There HAS to be an end date!
Same!!!! Until I got my diagnosis (and even still now) I berate myself for not being able to hold down a job, despite having been a high achiever at school. So I just feel like a complete and utter failure of a person.
I have same situation, my resume is impressive albeit my work is often 1-2yrs per job. I start off well but something or someone will trigger me, and all my anger will boil and brew for months. I have anxiety but my main problem is anger. This is cos my dad bullied me a lot and i was not given much support in life.
It means my tolerance for people, unfairness and bad behaviour of others such as bullying, arrogance and machiavellianism is low, i tend to target people with such traits and it endd up in conflict. Eventually, either I win or lose with such situations, and I can quit or be fired.
Mainly my life as been treated unfairly means it triggers my anger when I see it, while normal people can tolerate it or just turn a blimd eye to it. Only repeating many years did I realise it was me and these situations occur everywhere. At least now, i can not be angered so easy and accept it better.
I survived in my job for 11 years by being detached. I never made real friends. Im healing and recovering slowly. ❤
I wish you well.
I relate to this being detached, if i may ask, what do you do to heal this?
You can work but it's going to be fucking HARD. The more I'm learning about BPD, the more I don't want to exist. I've been working on my BPD for 2 years and I'm ready to swallow a bullet at this point. Shit's never ending. Not only that, but people don't want nothing to do with us. So, we're bound to walk alone forever. There's no point to that.
Please understand life with bpd is tough. But life is worth it. You are loved and valued even if it's not obvious. I want to give you a huge hug. Keep fighting. It is worth it
@@stupud818 you're a kind hearted person.
@ScottVeggies thankyou. I just understand a life where everything is painful. Empathy needs to be more common. None of us with bpd deserve this but we have to make to best of a bad situation. Take control of the things you can control. It really is a great feeling
That sucks so much and not being able to solve it with a piece of advice sucks as well...deep down somewhere we are capable of making it through this world, not unscathed though
Also, I don't know if this is going to mean anything at all but do you know the leading therapist for BPD, Marsha Linehan, herself had BPD that she kept from the public for the longest, she talked about radical acceptance, maybe something to look into, either way, hang in there one day at a time
So true and real.
We are parias.
No one( but npds that feel the sadistic need of torturing us, like we were made to be their toys..),wants anything to do with bpd people.
I am too ashamed of myself to try to be hire anywhere anymore: I know I am broken, and it will show at one point, then people will use it against me... so I ll end more traumatized and terrified of society..
I ll go as far as I can, in this life, it has always been a cruel, losing game, so as long as some hope are still creating the illusion that I am not definitely in hell, I ll try. But at 37, I already feel like an old, scared, used and inadapted person. Idont really see how my life will improve, as I am getting older, and lonelier, I sense that is gonna be pretty gloomy.
For me, relationships fuck up everything. I can be on such a good streak with work and life in general, but as soon as I get a partner, I want to spend all my time with them and can’t stand to be away from them for 8 hours every day. I just quit my job a couple days ago for this exact reason. I really liked the job too. Part of me regrets it, but the other part is glad to have more time to spend with my partner. It’s so unhealthy.
Omg I totally relate to this I loved him so intensely (if love is the word tbh) and I couldn't stand being away from him it was unbearable to be at work
Can relate. Limerence makes my otherwise driven self lazy and h*rny.
That’s how I am too so I try to avoid men all together now and work on therapy
God I relate to this
This is probably one of the most challenging impacts with my BPD. I can’t seem to hold down a job for more than 3 months. I find it difficult to regulate myself when I’m at work and thus my emotional extremes come out and are hard to manage. It’s like the slightest bit of stress can make me completely shut down and give up. Then the emptiness/depression kicks in and I just don’t feel like I have the energy for anything.
I want to have and keep a job. I want to have more stability and a good source of income. I just don’t know how to have those things with my BPD.
It does help to know that I’m not alone.
Stop running off your emotions, nobody wants to go to work, nobody
It's about how we can make strategies to cope up with unwanted situation and big feelings! Be patient with yourself and practice everyday! It's hard but not impossible. Good luck to you
If they didn't have a choice they would keep their jobs if they truly needed them they would do what it takes if nobody else is supporting them if they cannot be parasitic p they too have to do what they got to do some places if you don't work you don't eat
Just another one of their excuses why they don't have a job
@@user-ft5ev1ds4nyou literally have no clue what you're talking about
I have never been employed for longer than five months as someone with severe bpd. I don’t qualify for disability and I don’t have a means to go to work now without a vehicle even if I could find a job. I am so exhausted from consistently trying to make something of myself only to never make anything except a gigantic, expensive mess I can’t afford.
I'm in the exact same boat.
I thought it was just me.
Sucks you are dealing with that too, but it is nice to know it's not just a me thing.
I shut down completely when I get stressed and it makes me so unreliable on a daily basis. I'm jealous you can last 5 months. :D
Walking on eggshells 24/7 is so exhausting.
@@uxtalzon it’s not that I “last” that long, I’m a frequent call out type of person. That five months only refers to my last job (which is the third job I’ve ever had and I’m turning 30 this year) as a bartender where I wasn’t necessarily “needed” to be there every shift I was scheduled to work. I could call out and it wouldn’t affect anything. But that was one job and before the bar closed down. I wouldn’t be able to “last” that long anywhere else that wasn’t flexible like the bar was.
@@DrunknDumplin I’m glad I’m not alone, too. I thought it was me too. 🥹🩵
@@redrumnoir7552 Sorry for misunderstanding. Still, I'm envious. Bartender, dealing with people? Nope. Can't do it.
39 here and my resume is blank. Almost no different than being in a prison cell for 25 years. You've got hope, young lady. :P
I've never been fired but I always end up quitting because I just feel so overwhelmed. The longest I've worked since 2016/2017 is about 1 year or up to about 6-8 months. Typically at the 4 month mark things start to get a lot harder and I start to feel overwhelmed. I often don't have time for appointments. I feel like I have less time for therapy so I'll often end up stopping therapy or I won't even start it again. I also feel like there’s too much to do at home. For me having clean space does help me feel calm and more able to do other tasks. But I keep pushing myself with out giving much time to myself. So I'll end up getting burnt out. I typically quit when I'm crying every morning before work and when my mood there isn't up to "standard".
Same here , all of this, I'm at the 3 month mark at my job and the dread is starting to creep in no matter how positive I try to be. And the overwhelm :/
Can we have a support group😂 I literally just wrote a comment describing the same thing that by 4 months I become overwhelmed/too comfortable and self sabatoge somehow/ or the top one which is getting totally burnt out..
I think I'll force myself to take a vacation every 6 months or so (at the start of a new job I cant take a vacation before my 6 months are completed in my country.) and maybe that fixes the burn out problem and hopefully the issue 🥲..not having proper support system (honestly NONE) outside of work does not help either 🫥
I feel seen af because same
Thank you for this comment, I swear I feel the same thing especially the crying in the morning and I end walking out
It's exhausting. I'm 58 and have suffered my intire life with these issues. Throw in pms and being sick 2 weeks out of the month.....I'm on a really good cocktail of meds now, it's really helped. But I did just quit my job yesterday. Lol. I can't deal with people at all! I've walked out of more jobs than I can count! Thank you for you're content. You nail it!
Hey I hope you get better, hearing you getting sick all the time sounds horrible, have you tried any alternatives? Like diet? I can recommend some UA-camrs that do a low carb diet (carnivore/keto) there is many stories of them reversing a lot of diseases and sickness. I highly recommend Shawn baker, Dr Eric burg, Dr Anthony chaffee videos hope this helps ❤️
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MEDICATION DOES NOT WORK and dangerous on liver and brain over time BPD is neurological meds dull their creativity
This is the most challenging part of my BPD. I have very spotty employment. I will be a job for two or three months and then get in an argument with someone at work. I often feel that my bounderies have been violated get triggered and feel that I have to defend myself. I wish I could have job stability.
Insight is a powerful thing. Use it to learn about yourself and to build adaptive strategies to help yourself. Be well.
It doesn't help that workplaces typically come with small talk, asking personal questions, asking fun facts, pushy engagement practices and so on...
I wish I could just not care about how people feel about me or how I affect others, not feel in the way and taking up space and a burden and annoyance. Not worry whether I am doing or saying things wrong or projecting negative energy or hurting people. I want to be a ray of sunshine instead of a dark cloud. I feel like a child begging to feel accepted when interacting with anyone. I wish I could try it all over again.
Real
One thing I struggle with personally, is that I barely manage my own stuff on my own recovery journey. Then, in dealing with the public, other people (who likely aren't putting the effort into their behavior) make their problems mine by being awful. Like, no dude, get your problems away from me. I have enough for at least two people, if not more... Not cool. It's super frustrating to be working towards healing when "normal" people just get to be jerks and not do a thing to fix their abhorrent behavioral patterns.
I am in my 50,s now and have held onto a part time job for almost 10 years, this is in my opinion has been one of my biggest achievements as in my younger years I lost count of how many jobs I walked out of or got sacked.
You're awesome
Iv been forced to overnight shifts as the only way I can remain employed with the level of severity of my Complex BPD. Even then I’m still struggling even with limited coworker interactions and the fear of not being able to support myself while being declined for disability despite 8 hospitalizations, intermittent homelessness, and much more …. The fear is real but I’m trying and your workbook and videos are part of the support network/resources I have built up for myself. Thank you Dr. Fox!
I'm so sorry to hear about the challenges you're facing, but I'm glad that my videos and workbook are providing some support for you. Keep trying and don't give up, you're stronger than you realize!
Dr fox been reading my diary again
I lost my job two months ago (some would say voluntarily) because of BPD. I got so mad, but couldn't express my feelings in a way that wouldn't get me fired, so I left, and I couldn't continue working without expressing my thoughts. Thanks for this, I'm still looking for a job that will keep me for more than a year
I understand you that's mostly my reason due lack of not being able to express myself and violating my own needs and rights quitting is my only escape.I had so many jobs and it lasted anything from few months until maximum 1,5 and ending with extreme burnout and ocean of emptiness😢
The fantastic Dr Fox strikes again 😊
Self sabotage, self deprication, negative talk, over working to prove ones worth, paranoia, spidey senses on over-drive, sensitivity to criticism turned to the max, supporting and rescuing others your main mission, feeling of not fitting in, I don't belong feelings, self-isolating, eager to impress yet modest and deflective to praise, but crushed if efforts not valued. Thoughts of leaving begin to build, convince yourself its the right thing to do in order to survive, leave then feel like a loser, quitter, never gonna reach your full potential hopeless case - sigh
This is the most relatable comment I have ever read! fucking rinse and repeat! I know what my issues are, and I'm in a better place than I once was, but I don't know how to fully prevent these feelings from compounding. It's exhausting to not feel stable emotionally or economically. I can go so long without an episode, I can be doing so well, and then out of nowhere something throws my emotional state into a complete 180. It's like all my hard work is cancelled out in an instant, and how the hell did I ever for one moment believe I could be competent and reliable? I feel ashamed that my bosses and coworkers saw my mask slip. I can't stand to face them afterwards. I don't want to look them in the face.
@@bethanywalker4120 understanding what is happening to us makes it easier. Dr Fox helps us here massively. We can prevent the spiral down when triggered by recognising what is happening inside. I wish I had understood years before but hey ho, just feel blessed for better insight now. When I look back, at my public meltdowns, work colleagues were empathetic and caring. Again it's self sabotage that made me run for the hills every time. Gotta try and learn to regroup, reset and recover after recognising the trigger and the body's reaction. Also we need to forgive ourselves......we struggle because something bad happened to us.......but we can choose a different outcome to the one we were handed. It's hard work, but we are worth it. Like in Japan when a broken pot is repaired with gold (Kintsugi) - we are worth repairing, and will be all the more beautiful for it xx
I’ve had the same job for 15 years. For most of that time (until recently) I have felt detached from my career and my personal life. I could never explain this but I’d come home and not feeling like I was that person that just worked. Recently however, I have felt more of a connection with all aspects of my life and life experiences. I am seeing a therapist so I think that might be why I am beginning to feel that connection.
Yes I swear I'm on auto pilot at my job, to the point of dissociating... And then when I get to the gym or home I come out of it and feel like a different person.... I've held jobs for 4+ years..
Omg u're do lucky, couldn't keep a job more than 1 year
that seems to be the key, not sure whether it's dysfunctional, probably is but that works, being one kind of a person at work and a different one outside of work. Most people have a different face they put on at work but it seems for BPD that there is more of a divide or more of a walled fence.
That’s amazing! 4 years, I hope it continues this way despite feeling dissociated. I have come to accept the dissociation
It is definitely hard and I hope you find more stability in this area. It truly can be hard
I quit my last job as a receptionist suddenly because of poor boundaries on both our part, between me and my boss, who treated me like a BFF and told me all her confessions and secrets and problems as if I was some kind of indentured servant, meanwhile flattering me unreasonably and inviting me to personal outings. Histrionic? I had to listen to her because she controlled my hours and my salary. And because of my naturally helpful nature and difficulty telling her that that's really not an appropriate topic to discuss with me. I mean your employee is not your therapist! I liked the job though and I miss it sometimes, just not her. She was weird from the get-go though, far too familiar and casual. One day I couldn't take it anymore and my anger escalated and I quit without notice. Couldn't stand to see her one more time. I now have a job where I work alone, just getting a task completed and done well (a janitrix), and I like that, but it's only seasonal. Don't make as much money, and I won't be able to claim unemployment insurance when it finishes because I won't have enough hours. So back onto looking for a new job come September. And it's a small place, there aren't many businesses. Gives me added anxiety. Sucks.
The one thing that makes it hard is i feel like a literal child, no self esteem so anyone can put me down and i wont be able to stick up for myself. I almost feel as though everyone is an authority figure and im like the child.
I understand how you feel. It can be tough to have low self-esteem, but remember that everyone has their own insecurities. You are not alone in this journey of building confidence and finding your voice.
Severe BPD, told by family and therapists that I'm far away from being employed because I'm still very unstable. Unfortunately, they've been saying that for 25 years now. The lack of earning an income to feel accomplished and rewarding is extremely depressing.
hey, I just want to say that "earning an income" is a bit overrated. I mean, we're all for having money, right? But don't trip yourself up thinking we have it better over in job land. I've DREADED going to work for the past 35 years. There have been moments where I've felt my "career" was in a good place, where I'm doing something that I care about, but honestly, dealing with all the policies and personalities at a job is often very difficult. Many of us are barely getting by and we wish we did not have to work. Truly. It's got to be one of the most oppressive aspects of our existence.
@@florencehenderson3707 Money makes the world go 'round.I view having a job as being able to show some sort of independence and a step towards meeting life's goals. If I can't improve even that much, homelessness or some sort of permanent inpatient stay.
@@uxtalzon I really get it. I certainly wouldn't want to insult anyone's goals when they are well meaning. Yeah, I think I'm just venting but also serious .. 🤔
YOU CAN COLLECT an income SSDI what people don't know is THE ONLY THING IMPORTANT IN THIS TEMPORARY FALLEN WORLD IS where is our souls spending eternity? Everyone must have a relationship with Jesus Christ and become spiritually born again Christian Jesus is the way the only WAY TO ETERNAL LIFE 🔒 SECURED as you all can see we are living in the end times there's a savior coming like any minute STAY PRAYED UP so you all will get taken up
Have you not even attempted to have a job in the last 25 years?
That's one of the issues with BPD I am having, I never had a job longer than 11 months, and the one before that was 8 months, I only pulled 11 last time because I liked the job I was at, but after around 9 months my mental health started declining, and 2 months of forcing myself to keep working made my mental health so bad that I had to isolate myself completely for 8 months, I quit it when I couldn't physically go anymore.
I've realized like I love working with kids and thr youth. Those were the jobs where I could long. Also a job working with plants was really nice. I got to take care of them and arrange them for displays so it was relaxing at times.
Love that so much :) My life dream would be to create a place where kids, plants and animals could all work together
How did that also translate to working with your co-workers? Was their a disparity between your love of the job and interacting with your co-workers?
@@premoallah7032 yeah that was typically the case. Sometimes I felt like the extra workload became a lot. But most often I had a problem that I made up in my head with my coworkers. I notice that if there is dynamic that mimics my household growing up or my mother specifically I tend to have a problem with them. And I have found that that they don’t have a problem with me at all it's just me that thinks that. I also have a hard time taking criticism. Things I want to work on.
BPD has the MOST functional impairment across the life course of any mental illness. BPD has one of the highest mortality rates of any mental disorder ( anorexia nerovosa taking first place).
I believe the lack of academic research & government resources into BPD is a reflection of medical misogyny ( historically, BPD has been associated with females).
I recently completed a Master's in Criminology. My dissertation was a qualitative thematic analysis, comparing men/women in the mental health courts.
Psychiatrists' explanations of women's offending, who have a diagnosis of BPD ( frequently with other comborbidities) label their symptoms as " pseudo hallucinations " & do NOT produce exculpatory narratives regarding the impact of their symptoms on their offending.
Much work is urgently needed to support those with a BPD diagnosis. Thank you for your work, Dr. Fox. You are a rare 💎.
interesting comment, and well said.
I relate to so much of this. I often think people dislike me and think I'm lazy or unreliable, even though I've had feedback to the contrary. I get pangs of guilt when I believe I've said the wrong thing and I tend to believe what I've said or done is unforgivable. Sometimes the guilt subsides. I was also misdiagnosed with asperger's, in part because I get anxious and shut down in unstructured, unpredictable environments. For a while I couldn't make sense of why I seemed to require so much external structure while also having restless, wayward tendencies. I was later diagnosed with BPD and learning about the nuances of it and the trauma that often precedes it has opened my eyes.
Thank you for making this content.
I have BPD, ADD, and possible autism. I am fixing to retire at 41. I have never had a job. Retirement doesn't stop me from having a job, but having it will make my life easier. I will never be able to have a full time job, but with retirement benefits, due to illness, I will be able to have a part time job without fear of losing everything if I fail.
My goodness thank you so much for explaining the lack of boundaries so well in the workplace. I always wondered when I was unsure of my job title, I constantly felt uneasy and something bad was going to happen. My current job has a strong structure and work ethic set in place since it's a corporation. Having hard working coworkers and an understanding manager is also a major help.
I don’t understand why this amazing Dr Fox doesn’t have more subs
I would like to share my experience. I am 34 year old female and I struggle to keep a job for longer than a year. My recent job was as a cashier and it started off really well. It brought me lots of satisfaction in self and helped bring me a positive outlook on myself- however there was about 3 different times I couldn’t regulate my emotions and I ended up bursting into tears. It was always around how the customers behaved. If I faced any conflict it made me feel so overwhelmed. I also will read into how my colleagues act (not with just this job but others too) where I’ll start to think people don’t like me from some subtle things like if they seem to distant themselves from me. One of the times I was on a shift and I walked out half way through and went home because I felt so overwhelmed by how a customer spoke meanly to me.
I wish you and your expert knowledge of BPD in the workplace had been around to help me all those years ago. Everything you say is how I experienced it, serial jobs, lack of structure, triggering of trauma, overwhelm (this, especially). I didn't know what the hell was wrong with me. But it was so painful. I wish you had been around then, Dr Fox! Thank you
Thanks Dr Fox. You always know exactly how I/we feel. I wish there were more people like you in the world
Thank you so much for your kind words and I’m so glad that you find my material helpful. I wish you all the best.
the in-between of having a job and losing is panic attacks, anxiety, interpersonal issues, tears and either overperformaing or underperforming under constant scrutiny until you break under the pressure and either get fired or storm out
Such an extremely important topic.
I feel I was not meant to be in the trenches but am forced to just to live. Against my whole nature & being & infinite intelligence telling me this is all wrong.
I used work to distract myself from self-destructive thoughts, it proved quite effective.
Of course, I didn't believe a word when I got complimented for my achievements, I chalked it up to working a lot, not being good at my job.
I probably qualify for "high functioning", though I consider it more to be good at masking.
It's exhausting.
9 months to a year is all I have ever managed before quitting. Sometimes I’ll even have a meltdown and get fired. My solution to this has been taking only contract short terms jobs that have a clear defined end date so I can “hold on” til the end date.
That’s a good idea
Been in the same company since 2015, got promoted a few times, too. It's still extremely difficult to even get up in the morning, let alone do your job.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's comforting to know that even with promotions, some mornings can still be tough. Your honesty is appreciated!
I feel really blessed to have a found a job that my boss gets that I struggle and is lenient with me.
this comment section is so reassuring
The longest time I had a job was at Target cafe for two years, it was oretty relaxing. I just lost my job today after four months, first time I've ever been in so much trouble at work. I'm quiet BPD, so I usually repress everything.. but as the years go by its only gotten worse. I am very lucky I make great first impressions and was hired on the spot at another place on my only day off last week. I just wish I could get out of food/retail. At least I'll be making more than minimum wage.
I’m glad you found this video helpful.
Have worked in corporate recruiting for over 20 years and got my dream job with Amazon last year. Of course once I got the job, I immediately focused on self sabotage and destroying it and myself. In the end, got caught up in the mass layoffs that happened in January and losing it sent me into a total tailspin. Haven't been able to find another spot since and my BPD Depression is at an all time high. I think what's best for me moving forward will be working for myself which is something I did for a long time before taking the Amazon job. Never have to worry about the days when I can't get out of bed and after so many years of being misdiagnosed, finally got the right diagnose of my BPD which falls under quiet so now able to put a support system in place so i can focus on the parts of my job I am best at and what interests me so i can avoid blowing it up again.
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox Dr. Fox, i just wanted to thank you for your videos and passion for this. As someone only recently diagnosed after a lifetime of being misdiagnosed, your content is incredibly infotmative and easy to follow especially for someone like myself who is trying to come to grips with BPD. Thank you for your efforts.
I get excruciatingly bored at work.
I absolutely hate working.
Also, my social life in the workplace almost always ends in social catastrophe, and vitriolic arguments.
I can't hold down a job the stress of one brings on psychosis I'm 56 now and just diagnosed as no one could tell me what was happening to me finally got a diagnosis but feel my life is over at 56. Thank you for your insight.
It’s not over. No way. You can manage your symptoms. It’s never too late.
As I approach the opportunity of a new job, botched opportunities of the past are taking the shine off my true potential to be great at it. I am a former CEO and the history of crash and burns after it look like a Fast and Furious montage.
I will stay positive, aware, and continue exploring information on this condition.
Thank you for your expertise, compassion, and help. From Maine USA.
It's completely natural to feel apprehensive about new opportunities, especially considering your past experiences. Remember, every setback is a stepping stone to success. Stay positive, and I believe you’ll shine in your new role!
I was going around asking my coworkers if they were interested in our company hosting a festival. Kinda like a country festival we could have a live band and games. Someone said "wow that sounds like a great idea. A lot of work though that's gonna be tough". I heard my stepdad's voice telling me that I was a loser and that I would never do anything and that I always fail. I quit my job that day and got a train ticket back to my hometown as soon as I could. Never went back. I have never been diagnosed with BPD and I am too nervous to talk to a therapist. But I see some symptoms in myself that I am sure I have something. My mother forced me to talk to a counselor when I was a child. The counselor told my mom that her and her boyfriends alcoholism and abuse were causing me to have issues. My mom would then stop taking me to them and send me to someone else. This happened a total of 4 times. My mom gave up and said she refused to believe she was responsible for my depression and that all these people were wrong. So I guess I just never went back because I hated opening up to people. I can't even open up to my husband who knows I have issues too that I need deal with.
I am amazed that your mom even took you to one counselor, much less FOUR! I'm so sorry it hurt your trust in therapy, but understandable. I hope you can try again as an adult now who doesn't have to rely on a parent that is the source of the problem. 🤗
@@WhatsMarlyUpTo Thank you 🙂. Honestly it's been weighing more heavily on my mind since my son was born. I feel like I need to be the best mom I can be for him.
WOW!! My CEO (Who was great) was fired yesterday by a conglomerate and my team and I are facing uncertainty. I had to not go into a tailspin, which I did okay but now I have to embrace changes and "prove" myself to this new group of people. I don't know if this is a BPD thing, but I suffer from Impostor Syndrome badly!!!! I always say I am of average intelligence, but I don't think I am even that smart. But, I have been able to trick people when I need to...But it's exhausting. When do we get to the point of comfort, and not wait for the other shoe to fall (IT ALWAYS FALLS)
Having a job solves 75% of my mental anguish. With a job comes financial stability, routine, and confidence. I also have joy in my hobbies because I feel financially secure.
I have 20 hours a week working from home. I have a lovely boss. I can get very overwhelmed as it’s intense work and you have to know your stuff. I avoided learning within my field because it was triggering of memories in which I nearly died so I have to use almost a different part of my brain to get through. On a plus side I learn do quickly, can assimilate knowledge and deliver it in s simple way that is understood. I can have loads of compassion until it is just too much and I think 15 hours wd suit better to be more regulated. I have time to work on myself. I have pressure and resentment from my husband who can be quite the narcissist. Thought I would share 😊
I’m currently working at my current job longer than any other. Because this is my first work from home job.
My best friend highly recommends wfh jobs for me. What do you do?
Sadly has has impacted my employment. Being Severe BPD is the hardest diagnosis too accept on the spectrum. Thankyou Dr Fox .
Thank you, I really struggle at work. Your insights are really helpful
Absolutely!
Because the workforce is ran by narcissists. You can codependent, or trauma bond or become the scapegoat. Remind the narc boss how amazing they are, let them take credit for your work, act desperate and fearful of being fired...you can do this!
And when you get fired anyway, allow your unbridled emotions to created a scene that requires a 911 call.
I've had few jobs for longer than a year but usually I end up getting fired or walking out because I can't handle my shit. It's funny I was getting the sense that I was going to get fired today but it didn't happen. Yet.
Insight is a powerful thing. Use it to learn about yourself and to build adaptive strategies to help yourself. Be well.
I have/had 8 out of the 9 traits. I'm working 30 years, I've never been fired from a job. Spraying cars for 26 years with 10 of them running my own business.
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
@@DrDanielFox you are one of the good one's, you can feel the passion you have for helping people like ourselves which is great because as you know, we are not all bad.
It’s a fear of the connection with my co workers as I progress and when I try to set my own boundaries with awareness I end up with a split. I attack myself and snowball. I spiral into self hate and fear because of how I interact with people and how I’m viewed. It’s ridiculous but true.
I'm 32, diagnosed with BPD, unemployed and I debt. I got out of psych ward six months ago and because of my anxiety I can't find a job. At this point I don't see hope anymore.
Never let go of hope. Find support and grow. It’s possible.
I suffer with severe bpd all my adult life and never ever been able to hold down a job for longer than several months. I'm 52 and haven't worked for the last 6 years.
This is totally true...this is why I abandoned 4 jobs...I also woud like to add that at least in my case.I feet better when working something and having a job, if I don't have a job, my mind/brain tends to produce 1000 thougths mostly negative ones...and those thoughts race.
I really struggle with work and not understood completely why, this video helped me understand some. I’m young and I’ve tried two jobs, one at a retail store that lasted three weeks and another one was several months cleaning. I could only see the job I’d be successful doing is if I didn’t have to interact with anyone.
I feel completely lost in life but hope in time I can deal with my mental health and things will change. I don’t know why but I avoided having any kind of relationship with people I worked with because it felt unsafe. I think that’s another barrier I need to get though.
From what I have observed from experience with people battling this. Is that they truly don’t want to work.
The perfect world for them would be to have others maintain all of the responsibilities…make sure they are fed clothed sheltered; and their preferred substance in full supply at all times. Then they are good.
Take away any of this, or have them be responsible for themselves, basically any kind of adult thinking or behavior, then the tiger is unleashed.
It was brutal. Had to retire early.
You're a lifesaver, doc! My first and longest lasting psychologist happened to specialize in career advice/orientation, and I still to this day years later have not been able to get my footing that well. Although detrimental for men and women both, I imagine this to be one of the topmost difficult aspects of having borderline disorder for males. Career success is crucial to our image, which is shaky enough as it is under this disorder, and the cause for a lot of angst. I've managed to get by well enough doing mostly gig work up until now, but my longterm goal is entrepreneurship. Hopefully, when I reach that goal, it'll inspire others who deal with mental health problems as well as healthy individuals.
Thank you very much for making these videos. They help me tremendously! I've been working hard at my job and I'm coming up on 2 years now which is a first for me with bpd, this video was perfect timing 💜
I’m 24 and I really struggle with work, I have governmental assistance in Switzerland and im trying to do an apprenticeship in IT. I did almost 2 years and then I was on health certificate and then I swapped to an other apprenticeship in IT too but I feel like I don’t want to do anything I don’t even make money I make 3$ an hour and I hate waking up for something I don’t care about, it seems like life is already very hard for myself but then I have to give my time to some dumb shit and I very often hope that a truck would hit my car and kill me on the road to work or school.
I’ve talked about saying I just can’t do this anymore and ask for definite financial compensation but I keep trying to find a way to work and to have some kind of autonomy in the future I hope I will get to this.
But your videos helps lot, they seem to comfort my heart a little when I feel like I’m bleeding out so thanks a lot ❤
Thank you for making a video I wrote a comment a few weeks ago about wanting this and so when I saw this on my feed I got so happy!!! appreciate all your efforts doc.😊🙏🏻
Thank you for sharing all you can with us stuck aimlessly in our own mess
You’re very welcome and I am glad that you find my material helpful.
Thanks for the video. I don't really get fired, I quit! over 150 jobs in my life so far
Between this and social anxiety, I feel so screwed. ive had over 20 jobs the past decade, and I wouldn't go back to a single one of them. I'm grateful I tried different things but if anything I feel more lost, erratic and fragile. I think the unstable sense of self also affects employment. It's so hard to find a career I remotely like or feel safe in--it's a constant battle to manage my symptoms, and not enough time spent to see if the job even matches my interests or values in the first place
Try the self direct search. I’ve done it with many of my clients to help them find their interest areas and explore options. Never give up.
Thank you Dr Daniel for this video. Everytime I watch your videos about a particular struggle due to my BPD I feel a bit better. Your channel and videos make me feel empowered and I understand myself more because of you. The information you share is very insightful and has made a profound impact on my life. So thank you once again! Keep up the amazing work that you do.
Glad it was helpful!
I have had over 25 jobs and I'm 27. I threw in the towel at least for now and am living with my parents who support me financially; state medicaid covers my treatments
I really enjoy your videos Dr. Fox, but I am a Middle-Aged Black Lesbian in America, there is no way in hell any company no matter what experience, achievements, and credentials I have will allow me to continue to work at their company if they knew I had BPD too. I'd be an HR nightmare HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA............ I laugh, but that's the truth. Companies say they want to embrace the disabled, Neurodivergent, and Mentally Ill, but they still struggle with racism (This shit is en-vogue), gender bias, sexual- orientation, and sexual identity....I got enough strikes, I'm good.
Thank you for the comment. Be well and take care.
I've been on SSI Disability for 20 years now. I suck at trying to hold down a job. I get overwhelmed and lose the plot. I feel incredibly stupid.
Try and push back against those negative thoughts that perpetuate low self worth.
@@DrDanielFox Thanks so much for your kind words and encouragement, Dr. Fox. I love your channel!😊
cannot thank you enough for covering this topic!! ❤
You're so welcome!
I've been working alone for the longest time. Now I have a good new job with others. If I mess this up like I used to I'm going to die.
did u?
@@riprogue nope. I somehow didn't f it up lol
WOW 😮😲😮 Awesome explanation. I could definitely write a book about my employment history. A lot of paranoia and social anxiety at work. Thankfully after years of DBT able to have steady employment, but always on the edge it can be gone in a second. Winning the lottery would be beneficial. 😅😊
Thank you ❤ .... do you have any videos about constantly feeling scared or in trouble (every time you speak you are bad and wrong in trouble)
This totally explains why covid was so hard for employment. Every day was a shit show. It wasn't my failure, it was my BPD and being triggered by that an abusive boss.
God knows I’ve tried. Longest job 4 years, bullied the whole time but at least I had a job. No one wants to hire me now. I turned to the creative arts but doesn’t pay the bills. The hardest part is the lack of support and connection and the disconnect between my goals and desires and not being able to achieve them and not understanding why I can’t make it like others. Why can they do it and I can’t?
Amazing video! Needed this soo bad!
Its so hard to work, even when i aviod any type of conversation because i always feel like people are judging me based on how i look. My voice even depends on who i am talking to and i often feel like a crazy person because one minute i feel like i can take on anything and the next i deal with horrible anxiety and im scared of everything hurting me
Some individuals may have learning disabilities as co occurring in employment that can also contribute to employment difficulties.
I love your videos. I have bpd and have a really difficult time with finding a purpose on life. I don't know what I am supposed to do and I am 24 now. I dropped out of school, I was in a good university but I felt miserable. I got a job and then got fired. can you share a video about this? what do you recommend? I feel like I am too late and feel like I shouldn't be alive tbh. I have some dreams but there is also shtty economy in my country that makes everything almost impossible. idk how to get out of this
I'm in the same boat. I'm 23 and could only hold a job for a month at most :/
I quit a job after a week and am on sick leave fr the rest of the week after being at a new job as a sales assistant at a local boutique for a week too. I feel like im nt made to work. I WANT to work but i just dun wna feel like shit and be so stressed out all the time
It’s hard to keep a job past 3-4 months and the 3 months is usually 2 months and 3 going on 4 weeks. It’s so sad but I honestly can’t stand to be around ppl. I always end up quitting. I’m thinking about leaving my current job. Ppl are no good and stress me out too much. I wish I could work online. I’m always very good at my job but can’t ever stay bc I get stressed out too much.
I've been at my current job for over 2 years. This is the longest time that I've held onto a job for. I'm at a point where the biggest thing that's holding me back from moving up from Salon Assistant to Junior Stylist is my BPD flare-ups. It's something that I've had talks about with my manager, and the salon owners. The talent is there, but unfortunately, so are my demons, and those demons are screaming out loud. I'm on my final strike. I'm so scared of losing control, because I'll be out.
Why is it assumed that having a job is normal and something to aspire to? Can we admit that most jobs are horrible ? For some reason we are expected to conform. I appreciate the concept of this video, just wanted to say maybe we should live differently.
@bij pls bij, I understand. But don't you think we have a bigger purpose besides making money for someone else? What if you had been clued in to your own talents at a very early age? Kids spend 6 hours a day in school for 10+ years and how much of that is spent on understanding who they are as people? In the end it's about passing some tests and then working for someone else, trying to fit in and make it work 🤪
What can we do to learn appropriate boundaries?
I actually have videos on this that you might find helpful.
My beloved wife is dealing with this now . She has BPD , and recently was hired on for a job she enjoys . A week after getting hired she received a frontal concussion after a large dog tried to bite her and wound up almost breaking her nose .
Thank you Sir for making a video about this. I so longed for this video. This puts some hope in me.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 You are helpful beyond words sir
You are very welcome
If my mom wasn't a narcissist and my sister hadn't died, maybe. I'm on SSDI.
I have a problem with people of a higher title thinking they're better than others, treating them poorly or unjustly. So I would probably "go off" on one of them because of something they did to me or something I saw them say or do to someone else. Well, I would go off on pretty much any employee I see messing with others.
I'm good. I have free insurance. I hate capitalism. I don't want to be a slave to the wage.
The only thing that bothers me is people looking down on me for not working, but I get to be with my kids full time, so screw other people.
I always feel like I have to defend myself at work. And I cause tension. And doubt my abilities to be competent. I feel often unsafe like I will have a panic attack in front of these people. And embarrass myself
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way at work. It can be tough when you feel like you have to constantly defend yourself. Remember to focus on your strengths and try to build a support network that can help boost your confidence.
38 jobs in 24 years of working. 26 moves in 20 years.
Thank you so much Doctor Fox
You are a game changer
You’re very kind. Thanks and be well.
Dr. Daniel, thank you so much!
Glad it was helpful!
Yeah I had 12 jobs in 20yrs as a professional engineer, but lucky I work as a contractor 1-2yr term.
My cv looks crazy but some employers like it because I have a massive skillset and willing to work on fix term contracts.
Either way, i dont have the self image issue , but more that i dont deal with people and bad situations well. My tolerance is low.
I also dont cope well with stress and every job has its low and peaks. The peaks is what kills me. Part of it is my anxiety also, and added angry boss...i might just quit.
What I hate about my job is that it’s hard to find some material sometimes and I feel like I’m taking to much time trying to find things then I start overthinking that I might get let go for taking to much time. Very stressful. I don’t like when people try to get close to me. Probably a way of protecting myself
exactly, lack of proper feedback has us guessing whether we're doing a good job or not and then like you said people try to get close but it seems because they're bored so they either want to talk your ear off or get to know you on a personal level way too fast, it can all get a bit much
i cant even get through an interview anymore
When I was younger I was able to hold jobs...since I became 40 I have not been able to work...I'm not sure why I became worse with age...I thought age would help me heal, especially since I've been in therapy since I was 20 years old
Same
so what job would be good for us? i’m thinking medical lab technicians for me… it’s stable, still some type of interesting things with the samples & i don’t have to talk to anyone but my colleagues. i just don’t trust myself with going to school & sticking through it for 2 years
I've only been in my job for 11 years due to moving around alot. The last 3 years has put me back on sertraline as ive been based with the same 1 person and jeeeez its been a tough one. I'm working so hard on self awareness and stepping out of my comfort zone. It is exhausting but worth it ❤
I conquer, exhausting and worth it. I'm 63 and finally have a job I really like and have gotten a therapist finally that I can stay on with and it's covered by our health system in Ontario. At the first appointment with her she asked me what goals do I have that this therapy can help me with. I immediately said I need to learn how to recognize triggers are happening in the moment. Also, I need to learn which skills of CBT and DBT that can help me in real time. My job is a constant source of topics to discuss in our sessions. Keep on progressing and I'll be doing the same!!
That's fantastic ❤ I'm now taking time out of work to help recovery. I love working with children but unfortunately you always get a few adults that don't treat you with respect and invalidate you. I lost who I was and was sinking quickly... plus perimenopause is kicking in so my rage was beginning to show which is unlike me as I'm quiet BPD. We got this ❤
Yeah i feel this the longest job ive ever had was two years everything else was months i always wondered why and know thanks to dr fox im starting to understand thank you sir
Work always ends up becoming my identity. If I do a good job. I am a good person. If I don't I am a failure. One of my schemas is unrelenting standards. If i dont make mistakes I can't be rejected. If I work 17hrs when my day should be 7.5 and constantly graft. I will be valued and will have self worth. When my working week is over and I have no structure or plans. I often don't know what to do. I start a hobby get bored or tell myself how crap I am at it. External validation because "I" just exist and fill a role in life. As long as I play that role well. I am stable. Is everyone else OK? Yes, then that is all that matters. Sad eh..
Thank you for this @Dr.DanielFox much appreciated 😊
Thank you so much for your kind words, and I wish you all the best.