I've tried saving people all my adult life...homeless, drug adficts, I fed all kids that wanted a meal. I'm finally setting boundaries at 56 because I'm realizing I can't change anyone but myself and all the guidance I shared has been ignored...wish I'd of woke up sooner.
Same here at 50. I could've bought my home with the money I gave to the toxic ungrateful abusers in my life, or could've improved my own health with the energy I wasted on poisonous people.
But not ALL advice is ignored. I’ve tried to help also in my life and it was resisted but over the years people have told me and I have seen that Some people did listen and did improve their lives. I think the point is to take care of yourself definitely and set up boundaries but you can still have moments where helpful words can make a difference in people’s lives
@@socratese5 For sure. I've noticed the same. The difference may be in - "trying to save someone" vs "share experience and insight with someone." - "their problem is my problem and I do it for them" vs "their problem is still *their* problem and I do it *with* them"
Man, do I feel for this woman. Absolutely empathize. Why do we set ourselves up with liars? SO ready to only deal with people who are above board and taking responsibility for their _own_ situations.
Wonderful video. May I add that suffering religious trauma (on top of abuse) can contribute immensely to the "savior complex" as we can rationalize to ourselves that because we self sacrifice, are altruistic, we are more "Christ like" Even if we secretly HATE religion, guilt and dogmatic fear can reinforce the behavior, and when it comes to shame, religion can be like gasoline on a fire. Also as a male, I can attest that the idea of being a "Hero" is VERY tempting to someone with damaged self esteem. BTW 14:15 LOL!
Kudos to this woman. Too many people aren’t willing to question this mentality, and still fewer are able to admit that their “projects” deserve to be seen as autonomous human beings and not damsels to project their savior fantasies onto.
I was involved with a man who had issues and he had an adult son who had many issues.. once he said to me “I need you to save me and my son”.. I could not run away fast enough and never looked back
I've been close friends almost exclusively with damaged people who I've tried to "fix" continuously since I was 12-13 :(. I've recently realized that I was addicted to the feeling that someone needed me, even if interacting with them was damaging me emotionally more and more over time.
OMG, Anna. You have such a talent. You have such insight. You are so intelligent. You say you are not a professional therapist. You are so much more. I am so impressed at how you answer this letter.
I have felt the depths of self-loathing before and it is so, so painful. I wish this person all the self-compassion in the world as she embarks on the difficult journey of healing.
Anna-- You are a full circle survivor-- you are heroic to me. You've been hurt in multiple ways, you did and continue to do the work to keep yourself healthy & most remarkably, you take your pain, turn it into a skill and use it to help others who are struggling while exercising boundaries! I'm so grateful because you are the real deal! Anyone CPTSD or not could learn a lot from you regarding hard conversations! Thank you for sharing with all of us!
Gawd, did I learn this the hard way when I was 19! It was a very dark traumatic time in my life on top of childhood trauma! 🤦🏻♀️. I didnot do it for the reason you said, but I felt bad for him and felt like I wanted to help him, since he appeared to be a sweet person.
The more I listen to you, the more I realise I'm just a CPTSD cliché. Everything I do, feel, think, dream, and don't is a symptom of CPTSD. If there was a cure, I'd just vanish in thin air. It's embarrassing how I'm a text-book case. I thought I was unique. Even that turned out to be a symptom, too.
WOW! She is always on the nose! I really felt this, and completely identify with all that she is saying. I waisted decades on trying to "fix" the men I dated. This was a very profound lesson for me. I gave 110% to them, and it never worked. To find out that I have savior complex, was both a relief and a lot of shame. I am now aware of it, so I work on it.
Well the reason why i am attracted to the. Is because I feel that I relate to them. People who have it "together" also treat me poorly or like so type of untouchable.
I needed this 10 years ago! Thank you for putting out this content and shout out to the brave soul who wrote in. I’m curious…is being a damsel in distress the flip side of being the savior? I’ve been both and in the same relationship.
i hope she can heal. aiming for unavailable people (vulnerable ones who can't bring themselves equally to the relationship) it is both repeating the pattern from childhood of mistaking that imablance for the truest expression of love and holding real connection at an arm's length because it's a concept that got paired with pain in previous experiences; she deserves and is capable of something better.
Funny, I've called myself an "emotional parasite" before. After a breakup, when he wanted to be friends, and I said I knew I could not do that. But I went into a self-loathing rant about how I work in a hospital and with dementia patients because it's the only safe way to get affection (they even tell me they love me! Even if they think I'm their daughter/sister/whatever, they know I'm taking care of them and they're grateful😢). I realize how fucked up it is on all levels. I read some of the texts we exchanged to a friend (one from a healthier home) and she told me that some of the things I said made her worry about me. That it was okay to feel good and be happy when doing things for other people, and that for that to even be the primary motivation for why you do it.
I've been doing this in a pattern for my whole dating life. Because the people I tried to "save" were already deeply traumatized, four of my partners have died through the years, subsequently traumatizing me more. I have healed a lot, but horribly lonely from trying to keep myself safe from this pattern
The savior complex describes me to a tee. I’ve been listening to Anna for a while now and have overcome limerence but the stage in my healing that I’m at is exactly here - how to stop ruining relationships with friends and family from a savior complex. Anna, you mentioned there are many good books to help - can you recommend a few? Thanks for all your work. Your videos help me so much.
This was so good, thank you so much. I'm grateful to have had a huge amount of healing in Codependents Anonymous, both from this area directly and (as is so prominent in this video) the heavy inner critic amplifying self shame and guilt. CoDA is (or should be) particularly boundaried about advice-giving and over-dictatorial sponsors.
All the details about the sickness (it IS a sickness) are right on, but the possibility of healing is impossible. We might bring off some of the rougher edges, but the reality will remain. I'm 79 worked all my life to get it right and the result is that can't wait for this torcherous experience to end.
Anna, you’re amazing! You do good work. Thank you so much. I have this relationship with my students. We’re constantly pushed to prod, change, and control every aspect of our day and environment. I know this video relates to family / romantic relationships but this is useful in ever aspect of my life. Thank you ❤.
I can relate to so much of this. It took a really awful and traumatic event whilst I was pregnant with my daughter for me to finally snap out of limerence and my need to ‘save people’ and face up to what I was actually doing in my life ( chasing beautiful yet troubled and traumatised men in an attempt to win their love and devotion) Having my daughter has also helped in my recovery. I love her so much, and through my love for her I’ve finally stopped hating myself. It’s been the most healing experience. I’ll do whatever it takes. These videos are so helpful, I see a bit of my story in many of the letters and i finally have compassion for myself. I wish this lady peace and joy in her life.
Thank you Anna for all you do. I have been on a two year journey of healing from my CPTSD. I could not get to the bottom of things and did not know how to progress but your videos have given me the tools I needed. In just one week of using the Daily Practice I have noticed a tremendous reduction in the ruminating thoughts which I have struggled for 2 years. Literally life changing. Thanks for everyone who share their stories. It is good to hear them. This one really hit home. Stay blessed.
Thank you for this precious comment which can hopefully be a beautiful encouragement for others to try Anna's free course. We're so glad to hear the Daily Practice has helped you! Keep up the great work! Nika@TeamFairy
Based off of your advice I know I did not pick my partner correctly and we've already been going through a rough patch, every time I listen to your advice it just makes me feel like I should get a divorce and find someone the correct way this time. I can't believe that I have a Savior complex and I am with somebody that doesn't want to live and it's very difficult when I have a sex addiction too because I'm traumatized. I almost want to brag about it because I've been through so much but I am waking up wanting to you and fix myself. I can tell you that one of the biggest desires I have right now is just leave and clear my head. But I still believe my wife and I are starting to heal together but I'm just being limerant half the time and manufacturing hope?
I still feel guilt at times about a dear friend of mine who was murdered by her fiance,even though there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.... And in a way,I think this why I choose to stay single...
I try and empathize with women who are dealing with alcoholic compulsive liars that is not just occasional but every time you talk to him. Making up excuses a form of lying to put any responsibility towards myself, my partner likes to look to push aside everything is in entire on my responsibility. It is so tiresome seeing a empty body the mind shrink to dementia and doctors of his in such denial also to order special to examine his abusive behavior. 😮
I've started working on my need to fix people, but it's very difficult. My narcissistic, emotionally incestuous mother made me responsible for her emotions and made affection dependent on my earning it. I literally feel like I am unworthy of love, and have no way to show love, if I'm not being , what I now understand to be, overbearing. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
This is my situation, too. I've found the quantum healing sessions of Melanie Tonia Evans helpful, and also Brain Education TV on UA-cam does a bunch of good chakra healing meditations. They just put up a new one on loving yourself (heart chakra). I also occasionally listen to Blue sky hypnosis -he does a self-love session. There's a lot of free help out there if you look for it, even if no "miracle cure". Good luck ❤️
I don't necessarily feel the need to 'save' people (because there are plenty of people I walk away from and don't care about anymore). But occasionally when it's someone I really like and they have some terrible flaw, I do find myself wanting to help them way more than I should. I think it stems from having so many deeply flawed people around me that after a while you start to see there aren't that many normal, functional people out there wanyway. So you start to accept some flaws you shouldn't in people who have other qualities you like. Overall, I'm pretty good at writing people off as lost causes now though and I'm pretty proud of that. I especially have zero tolerance for alcoholics and druggies in my space. I just think they get way too many chances in general and usually still end up failing horribly at life while harming those around them.
Imo, a situationship is somewhere between a friend with benefits and a relationship… so it makes sense that she is using the term “cheat” and “other woman” … it’s grey… hence the term…
Example: Jada saying she "needed" to "heal" her teen son's friend... by jumping his bones. Uh uh. That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works! 😮
I can see this lady’s position from 2 different angles. I’m totally a self-trasher (I know…), but the roles are reversed in that an acquaintance/friend with limerence on social media attached to me, which I didn’t know about for a few years. For one thing, I’m too much of a mess for a romantic relationship… I still apologize to my husband’s grave for his having married me (I know…), but that aside, this person is the same sex as me, and I’m just not gay. I made that clear multiple times, but it didn’t seem to matter… I’ve kept my distance for the most part so as not to lead her on. The other stickler is that I’ve “collected” a few friends with cptsd over the years… I just can’t relate much to those without it (I also have ptsd from adult trauma). One of those friends is gay and we’ve been friends for 25 years. So damaged me felt that this very damaged person & I could be friends once it was accepted that I’m not gay. But it didn’t work out that way and now she’s totally pissed at me for not feeling the way she does, and she’s been cruel. But again, damaged me feels responsible that “I” was the reason she’s upset (I know…). So, I’m thinking about totally divorcing myself from social media (she’s on ALL the platforms), but that especially sucks for me because I’m homebound due to disability. 😣
I do not agree we should reject our love for people we feel like need to be healed or supported for their traumas or experience. It can be a calm journey where you give them the calmth and space to reflect on themselves and find their best selves. It should indeed not be forced onto them. However, if they confirm your view on what is broken, why not support them fix themselves? Is this view dangerous for falling back onto the urge of control? Or is it just plain wrong to see a relationship like this? If so, let me know, I'm open for a discussion in the reply section.
How do you know the difference between helping someone and trying to “fix” them? We all know people that need help or struggle with problems How can you tell the difference? Wouldn’t you say counselors or mental health professionals choose their career for those reasons? 🤷♂️
Some do. But many enjoy the application of their science to help people for society reasons. Recognising boundaries and keeping them is key as well. Regular clinical supervision and knowing it’s a career - which has the secondary gain of helping others is a must. Having your own life with balance, hobbies, self care and time for yourself means you won’t be living to be needed. Those who live to work....think alarm bells.
Does the same hold true if you are degreed in the helping professions, I am a nonprofit accountant, and I help as many people as I can through volunteer work.
Self defense. Life has demands at times. Earlier Late this Evening i was contacted by way of text messages very well informed matters . Soon after i considered the cost of buying a sidearm. Relaxing with my thoughts knowing whats best for me. Anna this has happened once before long after my divorce. Im fine and doing okay.
There are shortages of healthy people for women clearly in Ontario Canada. I spent 60 looking at so how much time do you think you need to spend looking?
Just say it , sex without marriage goes no place . For onething ,the guy does not want to live --- then sex, no , no, it is never as good idea . See a pastor or a good therapist that is a pastor type . Why not its their job and they are in the healing bussiness , better this way .
I do read all the UA-cam comments, and I wish I could personally reply to all the e-mails I receive, but this is such a big vibrant community that I focus my efforts on the membership community, and live calls I do with anyone who wants to learn my Daily Practice. I also offer courses, monthly webinars, and a book on my healing method that comes out in October.
That person is a professional novelist. I think they wrote this letter to hear their prose out loud and maybe they are writing a story where the main character interacts with a UA-cam therapist and this is research. 🤣
I wish instead of reading letters, you would actually just discuss what you put in the title. Instead you read letters and barely address what you claim you will. I'm tired of listening to people's letters. These videos can go on forever without actually addressing what you're saying you're going to talk about. It's clickbait.
She discussed throughout the video how trying to “save” people is no good for anyone? This letter writer in particular had a lot of insight already and Anna showed her the way forward.
@@varsha8592 I disagree. I've watched many of her videos and I wish she would just address the topic and if she wants to go into the letter, she can do that at the end. It's frustrating. These videos are hour and a half long and they still are mostly letters.
Thank you for this video. I think you may have saved my life.
I think this video saved my ex wife’s life!
“Help is the sunny side of control” I’m guilty of over helping.
“I don’t romanticly like anyone who isn’t disfunctional and doesn’t need me to be a caregiver” HITS HARD
I've tried saving people all my adult life...homeless, drug adficts, I fed all kids that wanted a meal. I'm finally setting boundaries at 56 because I'm realizing I can't change anyone but myself and all the guidance I shared has been ignored...wish I'd of woke up sooner.
Same here at 50. I could've bought my home with the money I gave to the toxic ungrateful abusers in my life, or could've improved my own health with the energy I wasted on poisonous people.
But not ALL advice is ignored.
I’ve tried to help also in my life and it was resisted but over the years people have told me and I have seen that
Some people did listen and did improve their lives.
I think the point is to take care of yourself definitely and set up boundaries but you can still have moments where helpful words can make a difference in people’s lives
@@socratese5 For sure. I've noticed the same. The difference may be in
- "trying to save someone" vs "share experience and insight with someone."
- "their problem is my problem and I do it for them" vs "their problem is still *their* problem and I do it *with* them"
I feel the same. 🤗
@@triplemania5550 hundred percent 👍
I feel like those of us who are helpers feel better about ourselves when we surround ourselves with broken people😢
Excellent point.
Even more because the other way around would be becoming the brokest in the room ourselves
Yeah definitely have learned NOT to sleep with someone. Enough time goes by and i got tired of wanting to leave and being bonnded to them physically.
Man, do I feel for this woman. Absolutely empathize. Why do we set ourselves up with liars? SO ready to only deal with people who are above board and taking responsibility for their _own_ situations.
Wonderful video. May I add that suffering religious trauma (on top of abuse) can contribute immensely to the "savior complex" as we can rationalize to ourselves that because we self sacrifice, are altruistic, we are more "Christ like" Even if we secretly HATE religion, guilt and dogmatic fear can reinforce the behavior, and when it comes to shame, religion can be like gasoline on a fire. Also as a male, I can attest that the idea of being a "Hero" is VERY tempting to someone with damaged self esteem. BTW 14:15 LOL!
Kudos to this woman. Too many people aren’t willing to question this mentality, and still fewer are able to admit that their “projects” deserve to be seen as autonomous human beings and not damsels to project their savior fantasies onto.
I was involved with a man who had issues and he had an adult son who had many issues.. once he said to me “I need you to save me and my son”.. I could not run away fast enough and never looked back
I've been close friends almost exclusively with damaged people who I've tried to "fix" continuously since I was 12-13 :(. I've recently realized that I was addicted to the feeling that someone needed me, even if interacting with them was damaging me emotionally more and more over time.
What a powerful self-reflection. I'm so glad you're here, we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Im going through this now. Looking at relationships and seems most resembled my childhood.
OMG, Anna. You have such a talent. You have such insight. You are so intelligent. You say you are not a professional therapist. You are so much more. I am so impressed at how you answer this letter.
I could not agree more!!! So sincere, such hard earned knowledge and she's incredibly brave!
Thank you for your kind words! I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I'm glad she wrote the letter.
I have felt the depths of self-loathing before and it is so, so painful. I wish this person all the self-compassion in the world as she embarks on the difficult journey of healing.
Anna-- You are a full circle survivor-- you are heroic to me. You've been hurt in multiple ways, you did and continue to do the work to keep yourself healthy & most remarkably, you take your pain, turn it into a skill and use it to help others who are struggling while exercising boundaries! I'm so grateful because you are the real deal! Anyone CPTSD or not could learn a lot from you regarding hard conversations! Thank you for sharing with all of us!
She’s like the online version of the mother I wished for growing up. She’s an inspiration to me ☺️
Damn you slapped me in the face with the fairy stick with this one ✨😅✨
I have done a lot of work. But i realized I am codependent, i have started going to codependents anonymous. There is help and healing out there.
Same!
Same
Gawd, did I learn this the hard way when I was 19! It was a very dark traumatic time in my life on top of childhood trauma! 🤦🏻♀️. I didnot do it for the reason you said, but I felt bad for him and felt like I wanted to help him, since he appeared to be a sweet person.
The more I listen to you, the more I realise I'm just a CPTSD cliché. Everything I do, feel, think, dream, and don't is a symptom of CPTSD. If there was a cure, I'd just vanish in thin air. It's embarrassing how I'm a text-book case. I thought I was unique. Even that turned out to be a symptom, too.
I am so glad and so happy that I found you. I watch your videos everyday and now I began to see my blind spots. I cannot thank you enough❤
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ❤️❤️
WOW! She is always on the nose! I really felt this, and completely identify with all that she is saying. I waisted decades on trying to "fix" the men I dated. This was a very profound lesson for me. I gave 110% to them, and it never worked. To find out that I have savior complex, was both a relief and a lot of shame. I am now aware of it, so I work on it.
Well the reason why i am attracted to the. Is because I feel that I relate to them. People who have it "together" also treat me poorly or like so type of untouchable.
I needed this 10 years ago! Thank you for putting out this content and shout out to the brave soul who wrote in. I’m curious…is being a damsel in distress the flip side of being the savior? I’ve been both and in the same relationship.
i hope she can heal. aiming for unavailable people (vulnerable ones who can't bring themselves equally to the relationship) it is both repeating the pattern from childhood of mistaking that imablance for the truest expression of love and holding real connection at an arm's length because it's a concept that got paired with pain in previous experiences; she deserves and is capable of something better.
I hadn't understood the denial piece so clearly until now. Very helpful.
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Funny, I've called myself an "emotional parasite" before. After a breakup, when he wanted to be friends, and I said I knew I could not do that. But I went into a self-loathing rant about how I work in a hospital and with dementia patients because it's the only safe way to get affection (they even tell me they love me! Even if they think I'm their daughter/sister/whatever, they know I'm taking care of them and they're grateful😢). I realize how fucked up it is on all levels. I read some of the texts we exchanged to a friend (one from a healthier home) and she told me that some of the things I said made her worry about me. That it was okay to feel good and be happy when doing things for other people, and that for that to even be the primary motivation for why you do it.
I am happily single... And plan on staying that way!!...
I can relate... I struggle with shame and guilt all the time.. 😢...
You're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This hit HARD!
I usually get tricked into believing their narrative. I get gut feelings and can't trust my judgment. Just got my heart broken once again. 😢
Love this video. It has opened my eyes to some of my behaviors. I keep watching and learning
Been there, done that.
I've been doing this in a pattern for my whole dating life. Because the people I tried to "save" were already deeply traumatized, four of my partners have died through the years, subsequently traumatizing me more. I have healed a lot, but horribly lonely from trying to keep myself safe from this pattern
A lot to relate to here from my past I had not fully considered before. Hoping the very best for her. ❤
The savior complex describes me to a tee. I’ve been listening to Anna for a while now and have overcome limerence but the stage in my healing that I’m at is exactly here - how to stop ruining relationships with friends and family from a savior complex. Anna, you mentioned there are many good books to help - can you recommend a few? Thanks for all your work. Your videos help me so much.
This was so good, thank you so much. I'm grateful to have had a huge amount of healing in Codependents Anonymous, both from this area directly and (as is so prominent in this video) the heavy inner critic amplifying self shame and guilt. CoDA is (or should be) particularly boundaried about advice-giving and over-dictatorial sponsors.
I was the same. I wish you all the healing in the world
the author of this letter has a great deal of insight, and an eloquent way with words that would make them really great at creative writing
Thank you for this channel. You are helping me so much ❤
A situationship is not anything like 'friends with benefits'.
They’re all under the category of non-commital/non-relationships.
All the details about the sickness (it IS a sickness) are right on, but the possibility of healing is impossible. We might bring off some of the rougher edges, but the reality will remain. I'm 79 worked all my life to get it right and the result is that can't wait for this torcherous experience to end.
Anna, you’re amazing! You do good work. Thank you so much. I have this relationship with my students. We’re constantly pushed to prod, change, and control every aspect of our day and environment. I know this video relates to family / romantic relationships but this is useful in ever aspect of my life. Thank you ❤.
I can relate to so much of this.
It took a really awful and traumatic event whilst I was pregnant with my daughter for me to finally snap out of limerence and my need to ‘save people’ and face up to what I was actually doing in my life ( chasing beautiful yet troubled and traumatised men in an attempt to win their love and devotion)
Having my daughter has also helped in my recovery. I love her so much, and through my love for her I’ve finally stopped hating myself. It’s been the most healing experience. I’ll do whatever it takes.
These videos are so helpful, I see a bit of my story in many of the letters and i finally have compassion for myself.
I wish this lady peace and joy in her life.
Thank you Anna for all you do. I have been on a two year journey of healing from my CPTSD. I could not get to the bottom of things and did not know how to progress but your videos have given me the tools I needed. In just one week of using the Daily Practice I have noticed a tremendous reduction in the ruminating thoughts which I have struggled for 2 years. Literally life changing. Thanks for everyone who share their stories. It is good to hear them. This one really hit home. Stay blessed.
Thank you for this precious comment which can hopefully be a beautiful encouragement for others to try Anna's free course. We're so glad to hear the Daily Practice has helped you! Keep up the great work!
Nika@TeamFairy
Anna, you can sense when I’m beginning subconsciously to circle someone like a shark, on my way to “help”.
I sure wish I knew this information in my twenties.
Me too....😔
Kind, helpful coaching ❤ for a lot of relatable stuff. Thanks 👍
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes. I wish I saw this two years ago.
Two days ago - exactly 2 years also !!
@@Berkovicka I wish you did not have the same. For me today 2 years exactly since I accepted pink roses from this person.
You are an angel 😢❤
Thank you❤ sending love to the whole team❤
Based off of your advice I know I did not pick my partner correctly and we've already been going through a rough patch, every time I listen to your advice it just makes me feel like I should get a divorce and find someone the correct way this time. I can't believe that I have a Savior complex and I am with somebody that doesn't want to live and it's very difficult when I have a sex addiction too because I'm traumatized. I almost want to brag about it because I've been through so much but I am waking up wanting to you and fix myself. I can tell you that one of the biggest desires I have right now is just leave and clear my head. But I still believe my wife and I are starting to heal together but I'm just being limerant half the time and manufacturing hope?
I still feel guilt at times about a dear friend of mine who was murdered by her fiance,even though there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.... And in a way,I think this why I choose to stay single...
❤ extremely difficult situation. Ultimately the fiance is 100% responsible for the murder
I try and empathize with women who are dealing with alcoholic compulsive liars that is not just occasional but every time you talk to him. Making up excuses a form of lying to put any responsibility towards myself, my partner likes to look to push aside everything is in entire on my responsibility. It is so tiresome seeing a empty body the mind shrink to dementia and doctors of his in such denial also to order special to examine his abusive behavior. 😮
I've started working on my need to fix people, but it's very difficult. My narcissistic, emotionally incestuous mother made me responsible for her emotions and made affection dependent on my earning it. I literally feel like I am unworthy of love, and have no way to show love, if I'm not being , what I now understand to be, overbearing. Damned if I do, damned if I don't.
This is my situation, too. I've found the quantum healing sessions of Melanie Tonia Evans helpful, and also Brain Education TV on UA-cam does a bunch of good chakra healing meditations. They just put up a new one on loving yourself (heart chakra). I also occasionally listen to Blue sky hypnosis -he does a self-love session. There's a lot of free help out there if you look for it, even if no "miracle cure". Good luck ❤️
I love you, you save my life at every video❤
You are just brilliant fairy.....you are saving lives....❤
I don't necessarily feel the need to 'save' people (because there are plenty of people I walk away from and don't care about anymore). But occasionally when it's someone I really like and they have some terrible flaw, I do find myself wanting to help them way more than I should. I think it stems from having so many deeply flawed people around me that after a while you start to see there aren't that many normal, functional people out there wanyway. So you start to accept some flaws you shouldn't in people who have other qualities you like. Overall, I'm pretty good at writing people off as lost causes now though and I'm pretty proud of that. I especially have zero tolerance for alcoholics and druggies in my space. I just think they get way too many chances in general and usually still end up failing horribly at life while harming those around them.
Imo, a situationship is somewhere between a friend with benefits and a relationship… so it makes sense that she is using the term “cheat” and “other woman” … it’s grey… hence the term…
Hi Fairy, you chose a Gaelic name! So cool. 🇮🇪
guilty, of trying to fix my romantic partner. limerence it still lingering around but I notice when it starts
Example: Jada saying she "needed" to "heal" her teen son's friend... by jumping his bones. Uh uh. That's not how this works, that's not how any of this works! 😮
Truth.
I can see this lady’s position from 2 different angles. I’m totally a self-trasher (I know…), but the roles are reversed in that an acquaintance/friend with limerence on social media attached to me, which I didn’t know about for a few years. For one thing, I’m too much of a mess for a romantic relationship… I still apologize to my husband’s grave for his having married me (I know…), but that aside, this person is the same sex as me, and I’m just not gay. I made that clear multiple times, but it didn’t seem to matter… I’ve kept my distance for the most part so as not to lead her on. The other stickler is that I’ve “collected” a few friends with cptsd over the years… I just can’t relate much to those without it (I also have ptsd from adult trauma). One of those friends is gay and we’ve been friends for 25 years.
So damaged me felt that this very damaged person & I could be friends once it was accepted that I’m not gay. But it didn’t work out that way and now she’s totally pissed at me for not feeling the way she does, and she’s been cruel. But again, damaged me feels responsible that “I” was the reason she’s upset (I know…). So, I’m thinking about totally divorcing myself from social media (she’s on ALL the platforms), but that especially sucks for me because I’m homebound due to disability. 😣
Thank you for sharing this❤
I do this, its not good to be stuck like this 😢
Anna is awesome❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I do not agree we should reject our love for people we feel like need to be healed or supported for their traumas or experience. It can be a calm journey where you give them the calmth and space to reflect on themselves and find their best selves. It should indeed not be forced onto them. However, if they confirm your view on what is broken, why not support them fix themselves?
Is this view dangerous for falling back onto the urge of control? Or is it just plain wrong to see a relationship like this? If so, let me know, I'm open for a discussion in the reply section.
Thank you anne 😊🎉 have a great day 👍
Thank you
I have seen daily young women now finding bad relationships narcissistic men abusing women.
And, remember, no one is coming to save you while you’re busy trying to fix everyone else
I think the 'disgusting and dehumanising' self criticism is a parental voice
How do you know the difference between helping someone and trying to “fix” them? We all know people that need help or struggle with problems
How can you tell the difference?
Wouldn’t you say counselors or mental health professionals choose their career for those reasons?
🤷♂️
Some do. But many enjoy the application of their science to help people for society reasons. Recognising boundaries and keeping them is key as well. Regular clinical supervision and knowing it’s a career - which has the secondary gain of helping others is a must.
Having your own life with balance, hobbies, self care and time for yourself means you won’t be living to be needed. Those who live to work....think alarm bells.
Does the same hold true if you are degreed in the helping professions, I am a nonprofit accountant, and I help as many people as I can through volunteer work.
I've looked at the 12 step programme onlie, I can't afford the cost. I'm disabled on benefits I can't work because of my CPTSD 😢
Nerves are wires made of flesh.
Self defense. Life has demands at times. Earlier Late this Evening i was contacted by way of text messages very well informed matters . Soon after i considered the cost of buying a sidearm. Relaxing with my thoughts knowing whats best for me. Anna this has happened once before long after my divorce. Im fine and doing okay.
There are shortages of healthy people for women clearly in Ontario Canada. I spent 60 looking at so how much time do you think you need to spend looking?
Sounds like me
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
Messianic Complex!
This is so me. Ugh
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Hi Are you looking for a professional UA-cam thumbnails designer?
Just say it , sex without marriage goes no place . For onething ,the guy does not want to live --- then sex, no , no, it is never as good idea . See a pastor or a good therapist that is a pastor type . Why not its their job and they are in the healing bussiness , better this way .
Hey.... I don't know if you read youtube comments. However, I sent you two emails. If you could reply, that'd be appreciated.
Have a good friday,
I do read all the UA-cam comments, and I wish I could personally reply to all the e-mails I receive, but this is such a big vibrant community that I focus my efforts on the membership community, and live calls I do with anyone who wants to learn my Daily Practice. I also offer courses, monthly webinars, and a book on my healing method that comes out in October.
That person is a professional novelist. I think they wrote this letter to hear their prose out loud and maybe they are writing a story where the main character interacts with a UA-cam therapist and this is research. 🤣
Why do you say this? I see a lot of sincere emotions she’s struggling to contain.
Woah, maybe you are.
Horrible
What?
I wish instead of reading letters, you would actually just discuss what you put in the title. Instead you read letters and barely address what you claim you will. I'm tired of listening to people's letters. These videos can go on forever without actually addressing what you're saying you're going to talk about. It's clickbait.
She discussed throughout the video how trying to “save” people is no good for anyone? This letter writer in particular had a lot of insight already and Anna showed her the way forward.
@@varsha8592 I disagree. I've watched many of her videos and I wish she would just address the topic and if she wants to go into the letter, she can do that at the end. It's frustrating. These videos are hour and a half long and they still are mostly letters.
"Let him have the truth of his feelings" - Anna talking about giving space to her son to cry. So eloquent 🫶