Making & Maintaining Adult Friendships (it’s hard af)
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- Опубліковано 19 лип 2022
- Making friends in your 20's is hard af- today Sierra, Riayn, & Paloma get into the good the bad and the busy of making and maintaining adult friendships.
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About Twenty Whatever
Twenty Whatever features Sierra Schultzzie, Riayn Christina, and Paloma Malfavon talking candidly about navigating your 20's with your friends through different phases of life. (formerly Sierra Unfiltered)
Making & Maintaining Adult Friendships (its hard af)
• Making & Maintaining A... - Розваги
You guys need “Twenty Something” coral colored white claw koozies that way your White claws can stay cold while you gab. Could be a cute merch idea! Really feeling this topic today.
I was thinking a travel cup in general! That way we can all pour our drinks and watch with…no matter the drink, alcohol or not! 💛💛
This is such a good idea!!
The way Riayn is literally speaking to my soul about craving authentic black woman friendships omg I love her!!!!!!!!
OMG-I feel the exactly same🫶🏾
Even though I'm not black, I totally feel her and relate in a way of wanting friendships with women of same background/experiences!!
I truthfully wasn’t sure I would like the podcast without Skylar. I really miss her! But I’m loving getting to know Riayn and Paloma. The three of you together are delightful. Thank you for everything you do🙏
Same like I miss Skyler & was hoping after she came back with the podcast that there would be an alternating co host or that Carrie would be the co host but I love Paloma and Riayn
One of the hardest times to retain friendships is after retirement. You lose co worker relationships, other retirees are busy with travel, grandkids, health issues or caring for aging parents. This is when you enjoy those friendships that have survived the test of time. Even if you don't talk every day or week you can call them and they are there for you.
I am so happy y’all talked about how making friends is basically like dating! I met one of my friends and we were so scared to even ask the other to meet up to get food! Making friends in our 20s is rough and y’all perfectly described it
The relationship talk is so real. I’m 25 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for seven years and sometimes I find myself neglecting my friends. This year we have been trying to prioritize our friendships outside of each other.
Love you all! This podcast is the best ❤️
Being the one that is always single really does truly suck! So many of my friends just sit there and oogle about their boyfriends the whole time and I am like "Hey I am single af and if I hear about your man one more time I will cry."
I know that this is Twenty Whatever but I'm a 45 year old woman...and I'm feeling all of this so far. And making friends at my age is just as difficult. At least, for me.... Ugh being an adult is hard af...😅
46:22 ish.. this, but people with kids. I have mom friends (no kids myself) who just assume that when I want to get together with them, that I want to see their kid too. Why is it a package deal? I love my friends kids, but exactly what you all said -- we had a friendship before the +1 came into the picture and I'd like to maintain that.
Not to be a jerk, but I don't want to go to dinner with someone's toddler--it's a distraction. We can talk about your kid, sure. I get that they're your world. But maybe leave them with your husband for 2 hours, every 6-8 months?
Losing my dog earlier this month truly showed me who is there for me. No one could fix the situation - but the people who were willing to listen and sit with me while I cried meant everything to me.
This podcast couldn’t have come at any better time. I just caught up with a friend from high school for the first time in 2 years today. No hard feeling from either of us and the conversation picked up just like it was nothing.
Not me crying at the end with y’all 😭😭😭 this feels like therapy lmao
Girl you are not alone, i feel you !!!
This was much needed. Struggling to find friends as an adult, in a new city and in a post pandemic world. And 100% get what Riayn is saying about wanting friends who are same ethnicity… people who just relate. Love this ♥️ Thanks girls ♥️
I think it depends on how close of friends you are on whether you fizzle or do a conversation. I had a friend who we were super close, hung out all the time, constantly had multiple conversations going over several platforms daily, talked hours over the phone and told each other everything and then all of a sudden within a month she started being distant and didn't want to hang out. I asked her if I'd done anything to upset her and she said no and just didn't feel like we meshed anymore. I tried pushing for what happened because it was so sudden but she wouldn't tell me. It's been years and I still have a hard time with that because I really want to know what I did, even if there was no way to fix it between us, I'd like to know so I don't repeat the same mistakes again
So a few years ago I actually dealt with a friendship fizzling out. So about a year or two later she texted me asking if we could talk and it turned into a very healthy conversation about why our friendship ended. We talked about how thankful we were for our friendship and how if anything ever happened or anything that we could absolutely reach out to the other person. For instance, my mom passed away last year and we haven’t talked in years but she reached out to me for weeks after to just check in with me. We’re happy for each other. In another friendship they were being SUPER crappy friend to me and I ended up opening up to them trying to fix our friendship. I wasn’t mean or accusing but just sharing how I had been feeling and how their actions affected me. They weren’t open to that convo and just ghosted me and left my life. That hurt a lot
OH my… i am in my 40’s. My ‘friends’ are facebook friends. I have very few friends who i actually see. The friends i had when i did parent clubs when my daughter was young… have all gone different ways. And man, is it hard to make friends as a person who can’t drive.
I relate so hard to this topic and I'm so glad that you girls deep dived into it. Makes me not feel so alone and like an outcast in this situation. I was fulfilled in my friendships but as these couple of years went by, my fulfillment has changed and I have defined friendships differently. I guess I have explored my definition of friendships more and that has changed the type of friendships/people I really want in the era I'm living now.
Loved this podcast. I want to add that I really related to what you were talking about with fixing things by myself and how hard that is and how you sometimes need someone to just listen. I started seeing a therapist and was talking about how I always pretend I’m fine with everyone and don’t let them in on my feelings. Trying to be better at that. These conversations you’re having are really important and I love listening to you!
I promise I’ll send a separate appreciation text but I wanna take the time to say how much you, Sierra, have been there for me in the past few years… I found your content in 2020 and I spent a lot of time watching all of your videos just to pass the time inside and feel like I have someone there with me and I don’t comment much but I think you should know how much your content means to me and so many people and that if it ever feels like what you’re doing is trivial know that you’re a companion for so many people in their times of need even through the degrees of separation of a screen and even if we’ve never met… it helps!! So thank you for your work, your words, and for being you!! 💕💕
I loved this conversation! I would love if there was more space for Riayn to speak because I think she has an important perspective to give as a Black woman navigating friendships. Other than that amazing conversation and much needed talk on navigating adult friendships bc it can definitely be tricky!
I love how real and unapologetic this episode felt. Thanks for being our digital friends!
I just messaged my friend Danny and said thank you for being my friend and being a part of my life and letting me be open about my struggles. Over the past month I’ve talked a lot to him about my mental health and my family life and not once has he pushed me away for it or told me I’m too much ( I can get very heated and overwhelmed, and I try to ask him as often as I can if it’s okay to rant, sometimes I forget in the heat of the moment and I apologize for it after because it can be overwhelming having all that dropped on you without warning). He’s been such a good friend and a big help just existing in my life the past few months and he’s someone I can see myself being friends with for a long time. I have no idea how such a close friend came from buying a stuffed animal at a six flags but hey if a stuffed lobster named jerry is the price I have to pay I’d do it anytime for someone like him.
I loved what you said about friendships picking up where they left off! My high school best friend and I used to spend every day we possibly could with each other and then when we both went to college we didn’t talk as much as we used to because we were extremely busy. But now when we come home for breaks, I value that time much more than when we used to spend every day together because we pick up exactly where we left off! It’s so true! We don’t have to wonder if we’re not as close as before because we just know.
This is so needed!! This makes me want to message all my friends and tell them how much I love and appreciate them.
Love this episode 💕 Friendships in your 20s can be so hard, but also can be so amazing. I “broke up” with a longtime friend about 9 months ago and I’m still dealing with guilt about it, so I really appreciate these conversations.
Making new friends as a late twenty something has been really difficult and something that I've been struggling with. Trying to make work friends into outside of work friends is hard and especially during the panny. Now I feel like i've gotten a late start to trying to find outside connections on top of rejection and abandonment issues
I'm 36 and was just having this exact conversation a few weeks ago. I don't think this ever changes 😅
I am loving the way you guys are doing the podcast! You had me practically cheering in agreement and tearing up all in the same episode...while I'm at work lol
Lol I love you 3!! I'm so glad you are making these podcast and it makes me even happier that episodes are a hour long. Please keep them an hour long.
This podcast is everything!! Thank you!
This topic was amazing. It really made me think of my friendships and the ones i hold near and dear.
Love so much of this podcast. What I love to do when I don’t want to hang out with a girlfriend’s boyfriend, my go to is “oh, I thought it would be fun to do a girls night/girls hang/etc.” I feel like people resonate with that idea more than “don’t bring them” because it feels like it’s less about their partner and more about hanging out with your friend. Also, I ALWAYS ask when I’m not sure if it’s just the girls thing or if we’re bringing our S.O.’s. I feel like getting in that habit is such a good way to keep those boundaries in place.
Also though, I’ve had a couple friends who were in super controlling relationships where the other person didn’t want them to hang out with other people without them, which is definitely not a good situation. Just a thought that maybe it’s not always the girl who is dragging her boyfriend along, sometimes it comes from the other side which is when it becomes toxic.
Great video! I used to be that someone that always brought my significant other and it was because I suffered from debilitating anxiety and he was my safe space. Thankfully I've learned how to manage my anxiety and no longer need him there all the time! I've also recently broken up with a 20+ year friendship and while I didn't communicate why, I simply said this isn't working for me anymore and I don't think I can continue being friends with you anymore. There were a number of factors but the most imp one was I didn't like how I felt after we hung out or spoke.
OMG I NEEDED THIS CONVERSATION !!!!!! I thought I was going crazy trying to understand friendships at the age of 25.
Another great episode! Friendships are a part of life that transcends time! Lots of good information. Well done ladies! 👏🏾♥️
Such good timing! I finally reconnected with a friend I had been out of touch with for awhile just yesterday. I had been meaning to text her for so long, but then felt shame at having not responded to her sooner that I kept closing the message thread before replying, and it started this vicious feedback loop and the time stretched out longer and longer. I was still feeling fearful and guilty, but I forced myself to text her and hit send before my anxiety could exit out, and guess what? It was fine! We met up and she didn't hate me or judge me for being unresponsive for so long, and we got to laugh and cry and remember why we had become friends in the first place.
If you're in a similar spot, let this be your sign to text them! I'm so glad I stopped letting the fear hold me back, because now I get to have this relationship back in my life, when the only thing preventing it was me. It's often not the deal breaker we think it is, people want to give each other grace.
Riayn's outfit it fire and so is this topic. Everyone I know is struggling with adult friendship.
LOVE LOVE LOVE this pod so much! Just a note for the video version: Sierra, not sure if it's the mic placement or the camera angle, but your mic blocks your face in a lot of the shots. Try pulling it down a little like Paloma's so we can see you. :)
Agree. It’s blocking her face.
Yay living for the topics!!
Didn’t get the notification for this one!! Luckily I saw it on my Home Screen just now. So excited to watch :)
Woah thank you for this. Just, thank you!
Love P bringing up long term friendships. I have a lifelong friend that I struggle with. I rarely get back what I put in but I enjoy our time together. I’ve brought it up and received a forced apology but the behavior never changes. I’ve pulled back but hate that I’m so emotionally invested…it sucks!
I love this podcast! Thank you
aw yay new ep!! go off ladies
Totally relatable conversation. I moved to another state and lost touch with all my friends and have struggled to meet new friends but I'm getting better now and being more comfortable talking to new people.
Loved this episode so much ❤ I'm turning 30 and scares me as not where I want to be but watching this reminded me I have friends who have been there when family haven't and who have encouraged me to reach my goals and been there when struggling
Luv this podcast❤️….I’m not in my twenties and this episode was spot on about making friends. I actually find that I too find that making friends in my 30’s has been a challenge.
I am planning a wedding right now and oh boy do I feel like I have no friends and my fiancé has like a million friends. I’ve been navigating that sad feeling recently, I miss a lot of my friends from college that I haven’t seen since we graduated and then the pandemic made things way more difficult and it feels like I’ve lost a lot of them since then. Thanks for talking about this, your podcast already makes me feel less alone!
I can’t listen to your opening laugh without laughing 😂 IYKYK
This conversation was so important and I relate completely
Making friends is HARD! I’ve signed myself up to pottery and pole dancing in hopes of simultaneously learning a new skill and finding friends. I stopped trying with one of my friends from high school because it just got too hard to coordinate a time and place and she was always busier than me. But she’d still see other, more convenient friends and post on social media, so it was a constant kick in the guts. I’ve connected with so many lovely people on Instagram though through my dog’s IG (don’t judge me), so maybe I’ll have to give Bumble BFF a go - it worked in finding me a boyfriend 5 years ago 😂
Omg I relate to you!!! Great job on signing up for those social activities, good luck! I'm about to do the same thing :) I hope Bumble BFF goes well. I was always skeptical and felt towards that but maybe I gotta try it too. On a different note, it's a good thing you stopped putting your energy towards that friendship with your friend. It takes two to tango. It's better to prioritize that energy towards people who reciprocate just as much as you do.
What Paloma said about college friends is so true. When I left highschool I still had my highschool friends (only one of which I still have), but most of them were friends of circumstance. Same town, same group of people our whole lives. Going to college I thought ok here is where I'll meet my life long group because it just felt like that is what was suppose to happen now that I was in a new environment. And especially living in a dorm everyone on my floor was all of a sudden in a big group of BFFs from day one. Even when we moved out to separate apartments for 2 and 3rd year, we still hungout. When I graduated I realized did I have ANYTHING in common with these people except we were going to college? No. Haven't talked to any of them since. And that's totally okay. Being an adult and looking back at all the friends you've made and "lost" is so interesting. As an adult I've never been more happy with the friends I have because they're the ones who have been around through different cycles of life so I know those connections are the truest ones.
Okayyy sierra with the pulp fiction quotes! When you can enjoy the uncomfortable silence 😊
Loving this discussion!
Can you guys make a Facebook group for this podcast? I feel like I can meet a lot of friends through this audience.
Riayn has such a soothing voice!
I could listen to you three all day
I feel like Paloma’s come to life and I love it
Making friends as an adult is stupid hard. I’ve moved around a few times in my 20s(I’m 25) and the only “friends” I had were my coworkers and that’s still true today. It’s hard to find that bff once your out of college and all that.
I loved this episode bc I think about this alllllll the time!
Recently went through a friendship breakup so I NEEDED this!!!
Friends is something I’m struggling with so much right now. I feel like i never see any of my really close friends from highschool anymore and even though we still hang out and talk every once in awhile, because of college, it seems like everyone is just always super busy and i do my best to reach out to them and ask how they’re doing and stuff but I’m really missing those super close connections we used to have but i have no idea where to even begin to try and form those with anyone else. It’s especially rough because I’m just a super awkward person and I’m really hard to get to know and other than my boyfriend i really feel like i have no one. The only people i really hang out with are people I met through my boyfriend and i love them and they’re so great and i enjoy hanging out with them so much but i also feel like they’re my boyfriend’s friends and i don’t know if they’d hang out with me outside of him or maybe I’m even “the boyfriend” in this situation where they’re like “oh you’re bringing her again?” But are just nice people so they try and make me feel included anyway.
Lol thanks for making me cry at the end
friends are hard in your 30s too!! it seriously is like dating!! 😂😂love this episode!
Riayn I’m an adoptee whose indigenous and from global south and finding a transracial adoptee community has been life changing. Isn’t finding your community so bountiful !
I love how Jess jumps in too!
With your mom friends, you should mention you do a podcast called Twenty-whatever, explain the theme, and they should check it out if they are interested! I feel like the podcast might be a more chill way to introduce them to your work, since lots of people with different types of businesses have podcasts! Also, on the subject of not bringing boyfriends to a girl/friend get-together, you should specifically label it as a "girls night," or something that effect if it's a mix, so your friend gets the vibe and you are telling all your friends (if there is more than her attending) so she isn't singled out!
Listened on spotify and had to come to youtube to comment!! i feel like the struggle with setting boundaries with friends vs. family is that there is an expectation of unconditional love with family, where many feel that even if major disagreements happen, your family has to be there to love and care for you anyway. (not saying i agree with that expectation, but the subconscious conditioning of the nuclear family unit as a necessary part of being "acceptable" to society has engrained that in Americans' minds). in contrast, because not as much emphasis is put on community and friend relationships, they are seen as much more conditional subconsciously than familial relationships are (i.e. relationships of convenience, or something that isnt "needed" to be a productive cog in the consumer/capitalist framework). therefore, boundary setting might not be as scary with family because you feel like, even if they disagree/you get a negative reaction, theyre still obligated by societal norms to keep that familial relationship alive; whereas, in friendships, there isnt that same societal obligation to keep being friends with someone that does something you dont like - friends are more "disposable" or "unnecessary" than that core nuclear family.
side note: definitely not saying i agree with any of this, but ive studied quite a bit about the post-WWII era and how people outside the white picket fence with a husband, a wife, a dog and two kids - the nuclear family - were delegitimized both legally and socially. friendships dont fit into that nuclear family framework, and how we prioritize relationships now in a lot of US society - family over friends - stems quite a bit from that conditioning that came as part of the post-WWII consumerist boom.
I’m 27 and I’ve moved around so much the last few years, and haven’t been in one place for more than 2 years.
It’s been so difficult to maintain any friendships I had before I started moving a lot, and even more difficult to make friends since I haven’t been very stable in life. I feel like my old friendships are fizzling out due to the distance and time apart.
I just wish I had someone to talk to other than my husband since he doesn’t need to nor should not fulfill every need I have. Being in your twenties is hard af.
i've had so many friends that i've felt insecure after i leave hanging out with them.
such a great ep!
I’m so glad for this podcast while I’m packing up to move to a new apartment :)
Pardon as i get distracted by the toes on the bottom left corner of the video at 4:43 lol, great topic btw, I’ve talked to a friend about this before and something interesting i brought up was how when we were raised as kids, since our parents didn’t let us go out and hang out with friends, we found it to be a lot harder to make friends and maintain them and understand what it meant to have a friend or a best friend and what does that look like. So our attempts in making friends were very awkward because it was unclear the purpose of friendship and the “right” way to do it..
You guys should get matching cups-that way it’s cohesive but you can all drink whatever 💛
Such a great topic!
I'm great at making friends but I too am also really bad at keeping up. Same as Sierra being a mom, working full time. It's hard, but also I feel like a lot of the friends I end up making also don't make the effort either to want to keep me as a friend. 🤷🏼♀️ I feel like I am the one that has to always reach out and no one reaches out to me first. So my depression ends up just making me think no one cares 😂
friendships are definitely harder when you're older and have more responsibilities. but lately people are talking about having only friends who are "at their level"; and unfortunately that equates to "freakin' productivity", same financial, goal orientated, etc. sometimes we miss out on great people who might not want the same things as us and are actually happy with what and who they are. and they can help us be in the moment in this whole damn "production-orientated" world!!! sorry for rant!!!
I LOVED this episode
If I'm not currently close to my friends I know it's largely on me. I don't text or call as I should. My friends I've have since I was pre-teen are living their own lives. 2 out of 3 were like my little sisters. When I went off to college I didn't really hang with them like I should but I was legit busy with school and band and traveling. I was very close to my friends in college. But 4 years ago each one moved away to either Texas or Georgia. Yall have inspired me to text them and reach out. It's hard out here
One suggestion that I have for this podcast is in the beginning doing like a catch up in the week or like an intro game.
love this!
Ex theatre kid submitting my application to be y’all’s friend! 🖐
Current theater kid: can I submit an application as well?
I love this podcast.
Hanging out without partners is so difficult. Best friend is gay and girls night out she brings her partner, couple night she brings her partner, all her hobbies are what her girlfriend wants to do. Sad cause I miss her. She isn’t the same person when girlfriend is there. Girlfriend is drama and toxic. Ugh. 😢
just finished watching the first episode now on to the next
Ry cracks me up omgghg
Loving the podcast. I wish I didn't have a fear of rejection. The last time I asked to do something with a girl she totally said she didn't have time. Which is fine but it still hurt. I'm totally the annoying one and have always been. Same thing with losing potential friends. It's always me saying or doing something that was misconstrued. But yet 3veryone says I'm so nice. Well obviously not if I don't have any friends lol. It sucks. Shoot and I'm not even in my 20s anymore lol.
An issue I have with making friends is I don’t relate to a lot of people my age and it’s hard to connect with others when there’s nothing in common. At least for me anyway
this is such a great topic and i love the pod!! but just a small technical note, im not sure what is going on with riayn's audio but it sounds like it keeps weirdly cutting out, almost like you guys are recording over zoom or something? I kept noticing it throughout the episode and it was pretty distracting and made it hard to hear exactly what she was saying :-)
it gets pretty bad at about 24:37 when riayn says "I definitely think it's like that, and obviously like there are people there who are not black and...." as an example of what I mean :)
I’m obsessed with this rebrand
omg I feel early! ❤️
Good Show . You young ladies fit perfect
Random question, but where is the couch from? 😍
Maybe you could mention doing a shoot or something Sierra? Like “oh what’re you doing this weekend? Oh I have a shoot for work” etc
But also if they have your number saved on their phones or social medias there is a reasonable chance they’ve had your TikToks show up on their FYP.
People accept that family and friends are not always available to answer the phone but there is pressure to answer a text immediately
I definitely just let it fizzle. 😂 I ghosted my ex about 6 months ago.
This podcast is making me wanna check up on the friends im closest to 🤭
Loving the podcast
❤️❤️❤️
I love how you all take a turn speaking your voice......three different point of views no hate ❤️❤️❤️❤️