personal breakthroughs we’ve had in our twenties (+ the mountains we’re STILL climbing)
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- Опубліковано 26 лип 2022
- Sierra Schultzzie, Riayn Christina, and Paloma Malfavon share the personal and mental breakthroughs they've had in their 20's so far, and the mountains they're still climbing.
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About Twenty Whatever
Twenty Whatever features Sierra Schultzzie, Riayn Christina, and Paloma Malfavon talking candidly about navigating your 20's with your friends through different phases of life. (formerly Sierra Unfiltered)
personal breakthroughs we’ve had in our twenties (+ the mountains we’re STILL climbing)
• personal breakthroughs... - Розваги
I've been loving the podcast ladies! 💗 I think it would be great if you guys each talked about your week or anything else that's on your mind before jumping into the main subject of the podcast, sometimes it feels kind of rushed. I love when podcasts talk about the highs and lows of their week, or chit chat for a bit before getting into the main subject and having to perform and give thoughtful responses
Yes like a weekly scoop kind of vibe
Maybe “what’s the vibe?” To go with the groove theme?
This is a great idea! I think we’re going to try to implement something like this when we film next 😊 we already have the next few episodes filmed so it’ll be a few weeks but will definitely take this into consideration! Thank you for the feedback! - Sierra
I was coming here to comment this!! Also-introducing yourselves at the beginning.
I’m 50whatever and it took beating cancer 3 years ago to have some of these same breakthroughs. Sierra the body positive one is huge and so happy you had the breakthrough at your age!
Dear Sierra, Rian, and Paloma.
Thank you for this podcast. I’m 24 years old, 4 in adult years. And this podcast has been my escape from the real world for a while. This episode in particular. If anybody is willing to read my breakthrough, I have a really big one and it kind of resonates with Paloma’s/ Sierra’s. My whole life, I’ve always felt like I needed to be there for other people because if I’m not there for them, they won’t be there for me. I never wanted to upset somebody by telling them no, or telling them I’m not available. I feel this constant need to be available for everybody. And it weighed down on me a lot in my teen years. It wasn’t until a year ago when I met my new/current boyfriend where i felt like I don’t always need to be available to people who aren’t there for me. He taught me that. Whether it was in my family, friends, or job. I truly feel like he taught me to take life for myself. To make myself feel good in order to make others feel good. He told me to quit my job and for a year took care of me while I took care of myself and getting myself back to a better mental state. I took time away from friends and family because there is toxicity in both of those areas of my life. And after a year, I finally found a new job, I finally feel like I’ve kept the friends who give my life purpose, and I stand up for myself when my family tries to put me down. (It’s not as bad at it sounds i just don’t feel the need to always be available when they are and that never being reciprocated) and it has been the hugest blessing for me and my life. I owe him a lot of the credit, but at the end of the day I’m the one who did it. Ultimately I made that change and I am thankful everyday I was given the proper tools to be able to do that. Thanks for making me feel like I can share my small story here.
On a side note; you guys should do commenter’s corners where you read and respond to comments or questions on previous podcasts! I love this podcast so much and thank you guys for it! Never stop doing it 😊😊😊
A breakthrough I had recently: you will never love 100% of someone. You just have to accept their flaws and love them anyway. You can’t change them, you can only accept them
The begging to be loved section of this podcast omfg hit so hard
RIAYN. Ohmygoodness. You just made me feel NOT ALONE for the first time in a year. When you said if i don’t have you i have nothing…that resonated to the core. I’m going through that with a best friend who was like a sister until she started pushing me away. I went so crazy i didn’t/don’t recognize myself. I have never in my life had that reaction or turned into someone practically begging for love. And it only made her push me away further. I feel like she is a stranger now and the grief swallows me every single day and it’s all i think about. The empty space she once filled throbs. I thought i was the only one. And I’m 37. Thank you thank you for getting me without even knowing me🙏
it’s hard bc it felt like it was a little too easy to lose my identity in them but when it came to the point where i needed it back i couldn’t find it. 😅 i totally get!!
OMG I experienced almost the same thing! It has been like 2 years but still bothers me that I don't know the reason ! I feel like I couldn't get closure and still catch myself blaming me for not being a good friend!
If a stranger didn't like me idc but coming from a person u thought they are your friend is so hard.
@@tomafa100 i blame myself too. Nobody really talks about the profound grief of a best-friendship ending. It is so so painful💔
this set is seriously so cool. i would love to see a vid on how jess did it!
One of my biggest breakthroughs lately is that you're never going to know everything, even when you think you do. And it's perfectly okay and normal to be uncertain about ourselves. We look around and feel like everyone has it so much more together than us and we might even convince ourselves that we *are* one of those people for a little while, but Taylor said it best with "how can a person know everything at 18 but nothing at 22?" I'm 23 and only just now starting to figure things out, and it's okay to be living in this moment of knowing nothing
one of the things ive had to realize as a side effect of moving out of my childhood home and cutting contact with my parents is that im not responsible for the well being and relationships of those in my family. any other eldest daughters out there, i know youll feel me on this one. i was hugely parentified as a child, essentially put in the role of a guardian in a lot of ways to both my younger siblings, and made to feel like i had to hold my family unit together, and be PERFECT while doing it, too. i wasnt allowed to have problems, or express negative emotions, because my parents' relationship was so unhealthy and one of my younger siblings had severe mental health struggles growing up, so i had to be the strong one, the smart one, the perfect one - all the time. Part of that expectation was making sure things functioned at a bare minimum level so that no one outside the home could see how problematic what was going on was. especially as ive gotten older, ive had to realize that doing that, being that nexus for holding things together, parenting my siblings, trying to be a go-between with my parents in a lot of ways, wasnt healthy and wasnt (and isnt) my job. particularly because both my siblings are legal adults now, i have to enforce that boundary of "i can be supportive, but it actually isnt my job and isnt even my place to run their lives for them". still something i struggle with in a lot of ways.
First of all: I am absolutely obsessed with this podcast and find myself waiting for the next one already!!!
A recent break through I had was (as a 21 year old) to stop forcing connections to try and find relationships and truly waiting until something finds me. I do not need a man or someone else to make me happy. I need to make myself happy!
THIS EPISODE IS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I am going to have to come back and listen to it over & over again.
I am a people pleasure too & currently working with my therapist to try to learn what my own wants & needs are…. Being the easy going daughter & the one they don’t have to worry about is not always that easy!!
Thank you for making me feel less alone in that!!
As a 24 year old, its so interesting to hear topics like this. I feel like I don't get to have really deep conversations like this but I feel like I'm right there with you!
I agree with another comment about starting off with a vibe check. Also I think it would be great if there was another camera angle showing Jess! I feel like as the podcast grows, it will be interesting to hear her opinion as well.
I'm 31 years old and super on to this
As a fellow 20 whatever I love this podcast. This hits so deep and just goes to show how similar we all are. Thank you!!
These girls just give me the positivity and the strength I need to go through life challenges. First no one can be over dramatic, and if you are then I say thanks. Due to my disability/disorder I can't feel emotions like other people at all times. I get a lot of "don't you think that's sad" or "don't you feel anything towards (whatever the subject is)". The truth is am not being cold or distant I just don't have the right emotions that the person/people want me to have. So to Riayn, Paloma, and Sierra be your self because no one else is going to do it for you. Thank you so much.
One of my breakthroughs has been setting boundaries and standing up for myself and those boundaries no matter what. It's not someone else's place to tell you what's right/wrong for you and your life. Everyone is different and has different wants and needs. I have let so many people over the years just walk all over me just to make sure that they aren't upset with me, and to keep them happy. And after 27 years of people pleasing my way through life, I finally have gotten to the point where I will not let someone make me feel invalid about my choices or feelings anymore. I'm finally standing up for myself and it feels REALLY good to finally be in my own corner for once.☺️💜
Ok again, I’m thirty but damn Paloma, I’m such a people pleaser it’s not even cute anymore. That’s definitely one of my break throughs. And going to therapy and realizing that’s totally ok.
Ugh, you 3 are amazing. I’ve got goosebumps! Sierra, you have been a massive part of my life over the last 5+ years. It’s because of you embracing your body that I was like “oh, I can do that too!?” I started wearing crop tops at 23/24, whereas previously I was like “only skinny girls can”. I had weight loss surgery 4 months ago and I remember telling my partner, the surgeon and the psychologist that it was the right time for me mentally to do it because I was focused on my health, whereas even 2 years ago, i would’ve been doing it mainly to be smaller. I realised over time and through many body sizes that I was never truly happy once I reached my goal weight or whatever. Had to do a lot of mental work to realise happiness comes from within and around me, not my damn body!
I’m only 17 but listening to you guys and your story’s really helps ease my anxiety towards the future and growing up so thank you!!!
Even though I’m only 16 I found this episode so valuable and relatable. I recently had a breakthrough similar to Paloma’s about not everyone liking her. Instead of people saying I was “too much/too loud” they’d say I’m too quiet and boring. I now have really amazing friends that value me and tell me they love spending time with me because I’m so calm and considerate.
I love that you guys talk about not being happy but being content. When my husband asks me how I am, I usually say content and he HATES it. He has such a negative association with that concept and I think it is my goal. I want to be content in life and not searching for happiness all the time.
I just get such a huge smile on my face genuinely from each one of you. Powerpuff girl energy! Love yall!!!!
Ahh yes 😄😄
Yes yes YES!!!!!! Needed to hear so many of these things! Ugh such a great trio I love this new podcast, seriously.
I just want to say I love this podcast. I missed Sierra's podcast and I am so happy it is back!
Guys. Honestly, I needed this. Thank you for being vulnerable. 💕
The opening "hi, hey, hello" is music to my eaaaaars
So appreciative of y’all three! I have desperately needing some much needed big sis advice! Thanks for so being so open and vulnerable 💕
i am loving this podcast, I am older and a lot of the things you all are saying are like hitting me like.... DAMN. Thank you for these amazing podcasts to get us all thinking!
Turning off your emotions will and does lead to an eruption. My husband did this for YEARS after his dad, mom, and brother all died in the span of 5 years, among other things. And he just kept going and going, slowly becoming more and more angry and nothing else. After meeting and over the years he slowly began to chip away at these things and realize why he was angry and couldn't remember things from the past because he had let them go and didn't feel nothing. It is truly real. My husband says he is a better man today than another time in his life, only because he began to pull back layers of built of emotions in his life. He is 40 by the way and this had only begun 5 years ago. Crazy. Thank you ladies for the conversations!!
I need to stop watching these at work cause I just end up balling every episode. I love y'all so much❤️ such inspiring, strong and wonderful women!!
Ugh I love the dynamic of you all. I feel like I’m just sitting right down with you and talking.
Literally sending this conversation to everyone because wow. Like I know all of this but it’s such a good reminder to hear it from other people!
i have no idea what’s going on here and i’ll be 35 in 1 week! 😂😂😩😩🫣🫣and you will have the same breakthroughs just from a different standpoint! love this podcast!
Ryan's breakthrough reminded me of Elyse Myers "go find less" and that has been a huge thing for me. If I'm too much for you go find less
Just want to say thank you because I feel like I’m learning so much about myself by listening to this podcast. This episode especially, but all of them so far. I think it’s rare to find genuine reflection online and this was really inspiring. It’s necessary to do this kind of inner work and personal growth but I don’t think it’s talked about much in personal circles and I think a lot of people don’t like to admit that they were a certain way and have grown since then. Online culture makes it seem so scary to admit to failures, but it feels way less scary when I feel like we’re all in this together.
Beautiful conversation, thank you endlessly for it!! 💓💓 Contentment vs Happiness is a concept that deserves to be brought into the light more, shout out to Ryan for highlighting that!! 💡🔦
Riayn killed it this episode. She came out the gate spitting facts, and I really appreciate the vulnerability and honesty you all bring to the table. So refreshing and welcoming to discuss real life tough scenarios. I agree with others comments about “what’s the vibe”, commenters corner/questions from previous episodes, and including a “Jess shot” when she poses a different perspective/question ♥️♥️ keep being bright lights ladies!
One of the greatest breakthrough I had was, when giving advice or helping someone, that loving someone truly is not taking them or guiding them toward who you want them or what you want them to achieve but who they want to be or achieve. Made all the difference and gave me a great sense of relief and humbled me to know that it's not my role to know for others.
I never loved a podcast the way I loved u and skylar… but now that I am in a different state of life THIS PODCAST IS LITERALLY PERFECTION!! Thank u thank u thank u for bringing this back in a new ligh
I love this episode topic! I relate in the way of trying to be ok with people not liking me. It plays a part in my trauma/being a people pleaser but can’t please them all! And that’s ok. A good reminder :)
Needed this ❤️ love you ladies. My niece and I watch this together. She's 21 and I'm 29.
Omg yess now while i drive for work i can listen !!!😊👏🏼🤩love you guys
I related to the “too dramatic” so much. I have always felt my feelings very deeply. I was always told I was too dramatic or overreacting. Flash forward to freshman year of college getting diagnosed with GAD, and everything makes sense. I still have to remind myself that my feelings are okay and make me human.
What i learnt in this podcast: be authentic and people will love you 🥰
Omg when Rian said she didn’t know where her value came from and she just exists, I felt that. Thank you for saying that as I have felt so alone
This has been my favorite episode so far!! Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I could relate to everything you said, it was like you could read my mind! Officially my new favorite podcast!! It feels like I’m hanging out with 3 of my best friends!
Ps: you should bring back hot takes!!
I'm so glad you guys found each other and decided to bring this podcast together! Listening to you guys talk is exactly the group of girlfriends that I need to not feel alone and feel like I'm not the only one going through these things. Especially since I don't really have any friends anymore after leaving a high control religion that caused most of my friends to shun me. I really appreciate hearing from you guys ❤
Hello, I just want to say that I am really loving this podcast a lot. I’m 25 and am finding it very helpful and relatable to my life struggles right now and it feels nice as someone with not many girlfriends to feel like I have someplace to come and it feels like a hang.
I’ve recently been working on a breakthrough of you just can’t please everyone in life, so you might as well just do what makes YOU feel good. To make a long story short, I’m just tired of being treated poorly and have decided to start standing up for myself and having a voice. It’s very difficult, but it feels good to set boundaries and stick to them.
I love you all a lot and always feel such a positive inner peace after listening to you all talk💕
Love this podcast so much!!!!
Loved this episode. As a 28 year old, a major breakthrough I had was learning not to assume responsibility for things outside of my control; especially for other people’s feelings. I learned that this was something I did that really fueled my people pleasing. I would be so concerned about micromanaging everyone else’s emotions and expectations that I would censor myself around them, walk on eggshells in conversation, steer conversations toward “safe” topics, and completely lose sight of my own priorities. And I got so much positive reinforcement from other people for doing this. I’d hear, “you’re so easygoing, you’re such a great listener,” etc. and I would put up this front that I was this cool, calm, and collected person who got along with everybody - meanwhile, I was on high alert the whole time trying to read the other person, read the room, and manage everyone else’s feelings and expectations. The result was that I became this hyper anxious person who wasn’t even aware that I put myself and my own happiness, needs, and boundaries last. Looking back, I am so grateful for the work I put into my own personal growth between the ages 25-28 to get to where I am now (and I’m still growing).
I love this podcast so much! 💕
This is my favorite episode so far. Riayn’s explanation of not begging for love …. Wow that hit home.
I just got out of an 8 year relationship earlier this year we were even engaged. And let me tell you, it’s been an eye opener… I then fell in love with my best friend and the difference and the two relationships my god. I was begging for love before and now I don’t beg for anything and it just feels like home and I’m content and I can’t believe I settled for anything less or tried by to hold on to something that had to be let go of and it feels good to finally let go and not keep holding on.
i’m so happy you’ve found home in your person!! you deserve it 🤎🤎
Listening while I’m getting ready for my wedding!! Love y’all 💜💜
This is so f-fing incredible. I'm 22 (2 in adult years which I really vibe with) and I have no idea what I'm doing in life, this is a breath of fresh air
I just let's saying FACTS this whole episode. I NEEDED this
I grew up in Essex, England and moved to Glasgow, Scotland (400 miles away) around 7 years ago. It was only going to be for a couple of years but we decided to stay and now we have a house, a 9 month old baby and established careers. Before we had our baby I felt it was my responsibility to always make the effort to visit people when we travelled back yet some people haven't come to see us. We spend a lot of money travelling back 3ish times a year and once I got pregnant and couldn't drive the 9 hour journey I realised that just because I made such a big decision to move away it doesn't mean I owe anyone anything and I don't have to make up for it all the time. We moved for financial reasons and we moved to where we had other family but I felt guilty for moving even though it was the best decision we made. Now I have my son I will still make the effort to go back but if someone isn't going to make the effort to see me while I am there that is their problem and they'll have to wait until the next time I am down (possibly in 4 months time) or they can come and visit us.
Excited to watch this later!!!
"The goal is the feel content" 100% love this!
I can really relate to Paloma when she talked about feeling like she had to be something by that was always what everyone said she is, especially when it is a “positive” thing. I have always been the person who succeeds, works really hard, and is responsible… but recently i’ve been tired of that! it is exhausting and this girl want to relax! still trying to work through this and realize that i don’t have to be perfect all the time.🙃
29 and here are some of my breakthroughs so far
No is a complete sentence
You do not have to sacrifice your comfort and safety for someone else
Bring pretty/attractive/beautiful/etc is not the rent you pay to live in this world
If someone wants to walk out of your life, let them
I'm sure there are more and I'll continue having breakthroughs
Sierra your first breakthrough is my constant struggle at 32 (today). I’ve missed out on trips, lots of pool time, delaying pregnancy etc etc
Paloma’s discussion on being called dramatic and it’s effect on how I react to others’ emotions hit so close to home. I didn’t even realize how much it stemmed from my own experience as a child. It’s crazy to look back and see the correlation.
OOOH Rian quoting Maya Angelou! Yes the queen of life lessons 🙌
This was incredible.
Loved these vulnerable conversations ♥️
The thing about apologizing is so true 💔 Working on that too, hard! Love your podcast 😍
thank you for this episode, and specifically, thank you to Ryan for saying "you should not convince someone to be with you or convince someone to love you"... that was something I desperately needed to hear right now.
The girls are back in town!
I started exercising and eating better during lock down, and lost a bunch of weight. I then intermittent fasted but took it too far coz of all the compliments and ate one small meal a day. But then I realized no compliment could fill this void. And now I have no desire to exercise and diet, and the void is still there.
I think it is important to be self aware enough so that if you are a unliked by many you can then evaluate if there is something inherently wrong about what you’re doing or the vibes you’re putting out there. Sometimes it is a toxic trait within yourself that is off putting to others
My husband started telling me it’s ok to have an opinion like 6 years ago…. I am still working on it and probably will my whole life, but that was the first indicator I had a problem. Being picky and difficult was discouraged when I was young so I’m still trying to figure out who I am and what I want.
You all should look into the Bio-Social theory, which is taught in dialectical behavioral therapy. It basically describes that some people are born highly emotional. I think that was what Riayn was getting at in the podcast episode. It might blow your minds. !!!
My personal breakthroughs have been in the vein of growing up with emotional immature/unavailable parents and how that's affected me. I recognize that my parents are their own people with their own unprocessed trauma.
I LOVE THIS PODCAST!!! i am only 16 but i relate to all the things you guys talk about on this podcast! i also feel like if you guys added something unique to the beginning of the podcast (ex. question of the day, highlight of the day, something new you learned, current obsession etc...) it would make it so much better!! NOT saying i dont love your podcast alreay i am OBSESSED with it, just a little something you could add to the intro could be so fun!
I love this podcast because it is all of the things I love to talk about but as u said it is not a daily conversation you can have. And it is hard to find ppl that want to have those conversations.
One of my breakthroughs has been it’s okay to have differing opinions, but still be friends or even just being cordial.
It took having my son for my to realize I'm a serial apologist. Like if I don't answer a text right away I say "I'm sorry and explanation" but now I'm like no, why am I sorry for living life and being present with my child and our little family? It took becoming a mom to make me realize that i only owe myself and my time to those I choose to.
A breakthrough I went through in the past couple years (I'm 22) is that I don't have to have an opinion about everything. If I don't know enough about a certain topic or person, I don't have to come up with something to say. It's okay to say "i don't know enough to speak on that" especially when it comes to people, because thinking you have to come up with an opinion about someone when others are maybe talking shit, only causes drama and gossip. I'm glad I realize that now
it is like each and everyone of you it's a part of me , not because of weight but because I never felt like I fitted in so I thought that once I've changed everything about myself like not Having ADHD And autism espectrum features all and all fixed myself I'd be happy. And I'm happy with knowing that I'm not the source of the world's every wicking problem.
Love the podcast and I feel 20 whatever although I am 30 whatever 💙
PALOMA!!! Same!! Ma’am?! Are we people pleasing twins?! 🤣 I swear you just told all my 👏🏼business👏🏼 that I talk about in therapy! 😂✌🏼
The “what’s next? When are you going to find a boyfriend, marry, and have a kid?” Questions at family gatherings make me dread going to them. People don’t realize how hurtful those questions can be and how much pressure they put on you by asking. You’re not showing interest in my life, you’re showing your idea of what my life should be.
My recent breakthrough: I don’t need to meet my family’s expectations, for my job or my life in general, and it’s ok if I go another direction at my own pace.
yes yes yessssssss
Here we go again, Nancy relating to Paloma to a tea.
hi just a suggestion to you Sierra and friends. maybe have a guest on to discuss your topics or Stephen.
you know people who didn't have your thoughts and feelings, didn't think about themselves in a negative way could maybe give all 3
of you perspective, advice and inspiration or ways of looking at it and things. and also there may be more viewers that follow this
channel who could relate to topics you speak about.
Oh god, the “just you wait”. I dont have kids and i want them for sure. But the amount of people that say “oh you just wait until you have kids”. But in a negative way. Which hurts me very badly tho. It feels like they are all saying that me wanting kids is a bad idea. It stresses me out so much :(
Breakthrough: I can only control myself and how I react to certain situations and I can't control how others will react. Ex. If I'm in a fight with a family member, I can only control how I react and my emotions. I can't change or control how they will respond to me. Setting no expectations for the response
The breakthrough I’ve had in my late 20’s is that I don’t have to justify saying no to things that don’t fulfill me. I would always say “No, I’m sorry.. I can’t because” and come up with a reason to justify my response. No is no in 2022.
This podcast has been extremely reassuring to me.
I am 26, but constantly feeling behind or like a hamster spinning on a wheel. But that is part of the twenty whatever.
Question: How do you finally break old habits. (Unhealthy eating, working out or just being able to actually act on the daily routine you have always told yourself to start)
I feel like for years I tell my self just do these little things each day, but some how my mind will always convince me otherwise.
I apologize all the time and for the littlest things…. I started a new job and was being shadowed - for example - any wrong button I pushed, I would apologize. It was pointed out to me by my boss… and since then I’ve really tried to be self aware about it. And get down to the why of where that comes from.
Nice
Everything u’ve said is so me
OOF out here saying you can’t force someone to love you… struggling with this now. Crying real tears.
Would be awesome to see you guys react to some AITA Reddit posts both serious and non serious ones
Been there. Spent a marriage trying to get someone's attention when they didn't want to be there. Had the boyfriend in high school who was possessive and threatening. I'm guilty of waiting to live my life until..... I can relate to everything you are saying in different parts of my life. This was a great discussion.
Perfect timing for my hot girl walk
I hate it when people say, 'it's not that deep.' All that means is it's not that deep ~to you~
My last boyfriend wouldn't talk to me I had to message him first and he blamed me for not talking and being clingy he didn't tell me I had to get my best friend to message him for answers why he left me
"if i'm too much, then go find less"
got a lil deep there 😅
I’ve been engaged for four months and although my journey with accepting my body in day to day life is going okay, I can’t commit to making any wedding plans because I don’t want my memories of my wedding to be in this body as it is today. A hard thing to admit and my rational brain knows it doesn’t matter, but I’ve put off planning anything because of it.