Self-Improvement is a lie. Here's why.
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- Опубліковано 13 жов 2024
- For information on 1-on-1 coaching, click here! www.andrewvanh...
In this video, we discuss the problem with so-called self-improvement, our societal obsession with perfection and competition, and our seemingly endless desire for external fulfillment for our inner feelings of lack.
To be clear there's absolutely nothing wrong with improving your "life". But it is our culture's obsession with the idea that you CAN improve yourself that leads to the basic separation and feeling of lack that perpetuates the process in the first place.
If there is any such thing as an "improved" self, it is to be found in the stripping away of the negative beliefs, habits, and patterns that are obscuring the true power of your authentic self. It is not to be found in "adding" more external things in the form of power or prestige. These only serve as external shields that we use to project an image of security to mask our inner vulnerability and fear.
Great video!! You really make me see things in other ways I didn't before. Btw, I took some notes if anyone is interested:
- Ask myself: would I improve myself if I was honestly happy?
- ''Something is not ''alright'' or not how I want it to, so I work to improve it.'' This way of thinking is self-demand, not self-acceptance
- That potential confidence that the improvement supposedly gives, never comes (never is enough because there isn't a healthy foundation)
- Building self-worth among imaginary concepts and words makes it easy to be destroyed by imaginary ideas too
- I can't really change myself, my essence is changeless
- To do things from being full-filled, satisfied and self-loved (not from thinking that I will feel better because of it (because deeply I feel I'm not enough)
- Ask myself: why am I doing this thing? (like hobbies...)
- I don't have to do more, but to do less (and because I genuinely enjoy it)
- Radical self-acceptance
- Stop wanting to be that ''perfect version'' of myself and instead start being who I actually am
- Stop ''self-improving'' and continue to improve my life
This video resonates so much!! I used to force myself to exercise and eat healthy to lose weight. It was from a place of insecurity because I thought the only thing that was really important was looking skinny/fit. NOW I am shifting to a place where I WANT to eat well and exercise to nourish my body and live longer. It is so much more that just about my weight. Do I feel good and am I scientifically doing the right amount of eating/exercise for longevity? That is my focus. It's ok to let go.
Thank you for sharing your experience, that's so cool to hear!
It's so sad that our culture tends to motivate "improvement" from a place of insecurity/fear/anxiety rather than a place of love and acceptance.
It seems like in so many ways that anxious motivation tends to cannibalize itself. We become like crabs stuck in a bucket. When one tries to escape, the other ones drag them down.
So many people have "friends" who will make fun of them for taking better care of themselves or trying to live a healthier life. Because we're all used to that comparison mentality, you losing weight becomes a threat to my self image. It's all so stupid, but it really does a lot of damage to people. Especially people who are stepping out of their comfort zones to try new things and get shut down by the people who should theoretically be supporting them.
Once you reach that understanding though, as you have now, where you're more motivated by overall health and a place of "self love", if you will. Then you start to want to encourage other people to grow. And that's super cool! That opens up the opportunity for better community and relationship with other people who also care about their health!
Im laying in bed, in 1 hour i will turn 20 years old, I have never felt more comfortable and peaceful before an upcoming birthday, i spend my last 2 hours binge watching your videos cause it really resonates with me especially the part at the end of the video where you talk about always knewing the truth in the back of your head always knowing we are lying to ourselves and the only way is right through the heart accepting the current moment and in the next and the next and the next until eternity.
I always realised this but you hit the nail on the head i guess there is some sick psycho aspect of our ego that is addicted to the addiction to the feeling of constantly looking outside for the "right" situacion yk. Nonetheless finding your channel at this time is a blessing and you seem like an awesome friend to hang out with, maybe one day we will go fishing or whatever (I never went fishing in my life and I live on the other side of the planet lol)
Lalo
Thanks for sharing your insights Lalo!
It's definitely an interesting thing, this life of ours. And I certainly don't have the secret mastered quite yet. But I do believe there's a lot to be said for starting with accepting and embracing the present moment fully.
Most of us spend so much time and energy always trying to be somewhere else, and as you mentioned in your other comment, we could very well end up in our 90s realizing we've never really BEEN where we are.
There's a tremendous amount of freedom in surrendering to the journey. And enjoying where you are when you're there, even if it's difficult!
Of course, that conflicts with our egoic desire to control the situation, the narrative, the outcome, all the perspectives and perceptions involved, and so on.
I think really it comes down to an inner understanding of embracing your "spiritual" life-affirming, small inner voice that encourages you to grow and learn and move on from things that no longer serve you. And knowing when to release the grip on the egoic fear based "always stay in your familiar comfort zone" voice.
And then having compassion for ourselves when we fail. Not beating ourselves up when we're down. I think those things combined is at the very least, starting things off in the right direction.
As for the fishing, no promises since I'm not necessarily an expert fisherman either, but if the occasion arises I'd certainly be down for it hahaha
Something crucial you mentioned aswell is the importance of the expirience the real raw sensation of letting go in contrast to the fantazising about a "tool" that can be used to gain peace and happiness, this i observed in a video called "96 year old philosopher facing death" in which an old man is overwhelmed of his last weeks on this planet, even tho he has been "preparing" all his life even wrote a book about death. And still he was utterly griefing not having apreciated life more like the majority of old people. This just goes to show that the only thing that really matters at the end is your willingness to expirience life as deeply as possible with all its "blessings" and "horrors". That is it. No secret. No need to study university for years write books etc. Thoughts words memories and concepts are like you said nothing but illusions and God has given us the chance to either allow whatever happens to us liberate us or to suffer with it from the first moment of our life to the last.
I really like your way of seeing the world, and you have such an engaging way of expressing and articulating your points. Thanks for all the wisdom you share with us
My pleasure! Thanks for watching
Nicely done video, good message, I hope your channel will blow up one day.
Andrew, YOU ARE THE GUY