How to Create a Safe Relationship - Teal Swan
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- Опубліковано 15 жов 2024
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In this episode of Ask Teal, Teal Swan talks about How to Create a Safe Relationship and gives relationship advice about relationship troubles. We are often distrusting, not committed and fearing of troubles in our relationships. This video will show you how to create a safe relationship.
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👉 Who Is Teal Swan?
Teal Swan is a New Thought Leader and a Bestselling Author who is an expert in human development and relationships. She has over a decade of experience working with people of all walks of life with a mission to reduce human suffering.
Today, she’s also become an International Speaker, having facilitated retreats and life changing workshops in large venues worldwide. Teal was ranked 15th on The Watkins Most Spiritually Influential Living People in 2023.
If you are in a crisis or if you or any other person may be feeling suicidal or in danger, the following resources can provide you with immediate help: tealswan.vip/Help
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That first line struck a chord because I’ve been trying to create safe relationships with people that were uninterested in safe relationships with me
Me too, i attract emotionally unavailable partners
@@kah3773 Same. It's a pattern from childhood. We recreate the conditions of 'love' we grew up with in an attempt to heal from them. The only way to stop the cycle of repeatedly ending up with emotionally unavailable partners is to do our own psychological work (that means therapy of some sort or other and avoiding 'spiritual bypassing' at all costs). Good luck to you both.
I feel offended by your name =)) I'm 23 and this is news to me :))
I understand what you saying maybe it's shame that have me the way i am trying to change it I'll tell you how it goes I thank you for always being there U will talk about things over and over with out getting vex and still keep your coolnis thanks U
@@melinda-elisatatar4253 just to check, you know of Blink 182?
I realized the relationship with myself is the most important.
Let me oppose that with the following statement; a good relationship is the best invitation to get to know yourself. So if you have a good relationship with someone else but less with yourself it will challenge you to enhance the relationship with yourself. And as we're social human beings that means we can't learn to get to know ourselves well and become aware of ourselves and also be learning to Love ourselves without others. Spend a life in total isolation. What are you really gonna learn about yourself? Nothing, you'll die. Or not, but if that's your choice you'll have to be confident by being all alone.
@@FBAV 👍🌺
Yes you are very right..for that you have to acknowledge your existence first without somebody or something else to identify with
We are one. So saying that "your relationship with yourself is the most important one" means "your relationship with them/everything is the most important one" at the same time.
BS@@FBAV
Teal, If you're reading this, I just want to say that this concept of making somebody else a part of yourself to identify whether or not you love them or viceversa is a genius concept. It had changed my entire perspective on how I relate with others ever since I first heard of this concept in one of your other videos. Thank you Teal for being the person that you are. You are not just a great human being, but an amazing woman too. Its refreshing to see a woman like you in this day and age embody the feminine essence with such grace, beauty, and intelligence.
It's not always easy to distinguish the difference between feeling unsafe because of a bad relationship, or feeling unsafe because of a general lack of trust in people. Especially when your feelings for someone are very strong, it's tempting to think you're just oversensitive. The confusion becomes complete when the person that makes you feel unsafe, somehow feels like the only and last refuge.
curiosity saved the cat I would rather jack off than have a relationship. At least your feelings don't get hurt when the woman leaves you
curiosity saved the cat Your screename hits home for me. “Knowledge is the way out.”
The understanding that someone else might feel unsafe, as "trust issues" is a popular turn of phrase. When we want to trust instead of always letting go
The unknown is not always the darkest?
i have found that my feelings were always correct. Me trying to make it work with someone or putting myself in situations that didn't feel quite right, because I assumed i was to blame, ALWAYS ended in disaster eventually
it's very rare to find people that don't activate your hot buttons or trust issues but they're out there. to force urself to be around those who don't feel good to be around is a symptom of a psyche that always blames itself for everything.
it's not your fault but it is your problem-only be around people who feel good. it's really that easy
the mind saying 'oh but you should do this' runs counter to your emotions. your feeling and emotions process information 30,000X faster than the logical mind and should pretty much always be deferred to.
you can then use your mind to figure out how to follow your emotions rather than how to fight them, this is when resolve and healing takes place. we give too much authority to the logical mind, it is a servant to our intuitions. our intuitions should be the thing making our life decisions. then the logical mind is put in it's place and can serve that rather than fighting everything
On that end note, sometimes people feel unsafe in a relationship because they have a bad relationship with themselves, so any relationship they enter is automatically doomed regardless of the actions of the other party and despite the extent to which that person demonstrates 'ownership' of the other as the former never 'owned' themselves and therefore is incapable of even embracing the 'ownership' of the latter.
I agree you can only do so much on your end to alleviate your pain and their pain
Not a lack of love. The lack of attunememt prevents love
This really touched me. I’ve gone at so many angles using the word safe. But what really triggered my subconscious mind was when you said having my best interest in mind. That created a whole new understanding of why I never felt safe in relationship. I would love for you to consider at some point doing a video specifically on separation anxiety. Thank you so much for what you do!
Teal!!! I'm a 20 years old girl and I've been watching your videos for 4 years now! :) Please make a video about work and it's meaning in our lives. A lot of love sent from me all the way from Portugal to you! Have a good week ;)
her video called the rat cage or rat race is mostly about work, or better say, todays way of life
ua-cam.com/video/0MDuXR_g1B4/v-deo.html ;)
I know you posted awhile ago. But I can totally get this question!
How to create safe relationships?
Get safe for other people first.
Thanks teal!
Teal please don’t ever stop doing what your doing. Thank you for helping me understand my path right now. Thank you.
I am just soooooo grateful for Teal's existence. Her work absolutely transformed my life. I hope she does the same for you ✨
I'm not powerless, but I'm surrendered to sharing this reality with other people. For better or worse.
You are saving my marriage from fear and doubt. Thank you so much!
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, just by watching your videos you make my life go back on track, your teachings is better than any religion iv ever known, thank you teal swan. ❤
A Course in Miracles teaches: "We teach best what we need to learn". Miss Teal is no exception. Luv u Teal.
Teal, it feels as if youre single handedly changing my life 💕
same :)
Same 🙌😍
I lost count how much I watched and re-watched your videos! 🥰
Teal could you possibly do a video on the difference between "non-resistance" vs being resigned.
I find it very hard to know what the difference between acceptance to pain and unhappiness is vs resignation to it.
Usually its sped up but I enjoyed slowing this one down.
😍😍😍 You’re so beautiful, inside and out! And your videos are ALWAYS what I need. Thank you 🙏
Yes, Unserstand!
If we focus on loving....we will only give why we want to receive....not what they need.
I like what you say about ownership......and responsibility.
I have believed ownership is negative and about control and enslavement.
I feel invited to adopt your idea of ownership.
Thank you!
Awesome you posted this on My 28th Birthday Teal thankyou this is so synchronistic cuz I am dealing with relationship issues at the moment 👌
Ohhh thank you for link the videos in the description!!!
I wish you were friend of mine... I think you are a wonderful person with a big heart, empathy and understanding... I could really need someone like you.
I feel so unsafe to be myself around others. Thanks for the video teal. Means a lot
Thank you. This is so timely. Great as always.
Omg that last point based on powerlessness was seriously so deep !
Thank you for the insights dear Teal. I must admit I find it hard to understand why a relationship is inherently powerless and why we need to accept that what defines it as good or bad (if there is no "good" and "bad"...) is what we feel about being out of control. If I understood it right, in a good relationship that feels safe in a bad one it feels unsafe.
I believe that a good relationship must be about authenticity and vulnerability but also based on autonomy and self-responsibility. Cooperation/inter-dependence but not co-dependency...
What she’s describe is precisely inter-dependence
I love you!
Seriously. Thank you.
Hey Teal I know this could be hard for you but please make a video on Post-Traumatic Stress. Thank you for everything so far!!
Thank you!
I'm grateful for her content and great teaching. I've been watching them for a while and realized I was not subscribed. I'd think I was. Subscribed!
Your videos saved me. Thank you.
Teal , could you use the same audio system as old videos? I have been following you for years, but old videos you were truly engaged. Thanx and i love you
Deeply grateful for your usual consistent profound wisdom. It soo helps in our growth you're such an evolved old soul Teal beautiful inside & out Every word Is Absolutely brilliant. confirmation that resonates The last comment about safety with another can be tricky tho. As if someone is unhealed they may not recognise a safe person. Who deeply loves & empathises. With them. Hopefully they will. feel it. Over time & consistency ❤️I pray for everyone in the world to grow the garden of love iin every one of ourselves & in every connection & relationship in our lives ❤️ & may all the precious animals & all beings live in safety & love ❤️ too 🙏
What’s the old saying, “Walk a mile in their shoes”?
You won’t here that much these days, because there’s a new culture,
“Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.”
― Steve Martin
you ended it beautifully. good concluding words. made sense .
I wish she would do one about single life/never having a relationship. Non of these relationship videos are relevant to people who have been alone their whole lives :(
Can't believe I only clicked on this today. Thank you Teal, as always.
Thank you so much Teal for the amazing work you are doing! Much love and infinite blessings 🙏💛🌹☀️🕊️
Very interesting subject. You are perfectly right to love somebody is like to love that person as you love yourself. Here is the problem we only know to love with our words..But the real love is faraway.
I have something very complicated that I'm wondering about...
First I want to say that I believe and love everything you said and can completely understand how it can and should work.... the problem is, so many are unhealthy, not necessarily by their own doing in the beginning, but because the people (parents, etc) that raised them were not completely aware or healthy, but then that wasn't necessarily the parents fault either because the (grandparents, Etc) were unhealthy and so on. However I do realize that once we are on our own or become adults, we have to do our own work to become healthy and if we choose not to do the work it does become own fault or problem. Because there are so many toxic people in the world today, a lot of people will end up being abused, manipulated and exploited if they go into the relationship with the mindset that you were talking about, especially if they aren't able to discern what is healthy and unhealthy.
I am trying to help some children (age 17 and up) whose parent has made them an extension of herself but in a toxic way. If you need to understand more on what I'm talking about, look up, Parental Alienation (PA), Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS), Parentification, Triangulation, Enmeshment, Emotional Incest, Etc. The toxic parent has been teaching the children for the last 8 years, to hate their other parent and or to see their healthy parent as bad. Example: telling each child individually that their healthy parent love's their sibling more than they love the other child, and so many more toxic things that I'm not going to list. So if you understand what I'm saying is that she's using the same idea that you're talking about, yet by being an unhealthy parent it's turning out badly. Somehow I need to be able to discreetly and kindly teach them everything you're talking about today without putting the toxic parent down, yet teaching them the difference between being a positive extension and a toxic extension of others. I do feel like the children are realizing that the toxic parent doesn't make them feel good a lot of the time, yet because they are in that parents presents 98% of the time, the toxicity is continuously being drilled in their head. I feel they have some sort of a disconnection or confusion about life even though they're trying to understand. I feel like they're trying to understand or find some kind of an explanation as to what is going on since the older they get nothing makes sense anymore and they aren't quite as blindly following along like they used to when they were younger. It's almost more then I as an adult can understand as to why a parent would do that to their children and the only reason I can understand is because I understand toxicity, so I can't even imagine what they are going through... Traditional counseling isn't really an option since most counselors try to make valid what the child is feeling and what the children have been taught to feel is hatred and anger. I know it probably doesn't make sense, but if the children can't see through the toxic parent and the toxic parent is lying and or making things up to the counselor while sounding very legitament, true help is never achieved and this could go on for so many years. With the way our court system is, very few judges are educated to see manipulation and if you look at anything pertaining to parental alienation, you will notice that a lot of people believe and those who have dealt with the court system, believe the system doesn't want to understand because it wouldn't bring in as much money. I realize to know the truth, we sometimes have to go through a lot of pain and for myself, it has always worth it in the end to have the truth. I guess I'm wanting to put the children through the least amount of pain possible, so I'm trying to figure out a way to quietly and kindly show the difference between toxic and healthy attachment or extension styles.
I sincerely hope I haven't made everything too confusing as I would love for someone to give me an idea on how to help these hurting children.... I more recently found out I'm an INFJ, which helped me understand why a lot of people are confused by how my mind thinks and or works...
Thanks again for taking the time to educate and teach healthy mindsets and boundaries ❤
J W
Your good man.Same here.Id say you simply lead by example.Embody what your trying to teach them,And I believe that with time and persistence they will eventually recognize the difference between how you treat yourself and others compared to the unhealthy environment they’re used to.Keep in mind where they’re at,physically mentally and emotionally.Keep the long term goal in mind of helping them but don’t always sacrifice the here and now.
Also as an extra piece of advice, work on your Fe (Extraverted feeling).By that I mean don’t allow your sense of self worth to depend on your ability to help others.Your problems are yours and your responsibility,the same applies for others,Everyone should be responsible for their own and the ability to recognize and discern when,where and how to take responsibility is key.However if you have the ability to help someone out please do so,just make sure your doing it for the sake of helping.Not any other underlying issues your trying to resolve by helping others.If so question your incentive or mode for helping.
This is what I offer you.from my experiences and worldview
You look so beautiful. Relationships are very difficult. A lady told me that year's ago. I love you and your videos. No matter what you talk about it's very interesting to me. Besides you being easy to look at. Please stay safe in these times we are living in.
💋
amazing video! I am going to share this with all that I love. ps, love the background with your artwork!!!
This was so good. Thank you, Teal.
Empathy
Emotional Presence-Connection
Vulnerability
If your partner doesn’t feel safe with you, especially when they are vulnerable and feeling close to you, the relationship will not sustain; Emotional barriers will be created.
Powerful and wise words ❤
Thank you, a basic thing as love has been such a mystery; this has been one of the best explanations!
Thank you 🙏🏻
Wise words Teal - thanX 💝
Most everything i say, again, i validate shortly after.. albeit worded gracefully from Teal
thank you for this, i appreciated your input. I am always nervous around proclaimation and monism myself, as i don't think any expression of association ('this means this') is universal and constant, or even factual... just ascribed meaning, a way of thinking. but the thinking that underpins our behaviour is childish, perhaps... perhaps accounting for my imbalanced desire to speak compared to listening ('action beget gain', extroversion). I always like to identify what is behind a persons behaviour.. in your case a desire for understanding, and the will to provide it, i suppose (INTJ). May these relations between ourselves and within ourselves flourish as we become ever more refined and developed in our abilities to achieve meaningfulness.
3 years after and I'm writing here a comment :) I love Teal Swan videos but in this specific video there is something that is not clear to me .
One of the most hurtful thing that one can experience is when you put the other person as he is yourself, and invest all of yourself in this, but the other side don't do the same. And things like that it takes time to realize it, and then you are ruined because of the person.
Second thing, I was on a relationship like that the we both felt one with each other. Truelly. But because of mental- psychological problems it didn't work and it was horrible. So that means there is more into it. Being one is not always enough ...
You aint ruined. You are just hurt. Heal and move on. The pain is extreme and i know exactly how it is. Going through that for several months rn.
Wow your videos are helping me so much,I think everyone needs to hear what you have to say,, I finally feel positive about life and that by atuning to myself I can be happy :) so many of your videos have suddenly helped me see clearly and help me not be so afraid. Thankyou xxxx
What about enmeshed relationships? What is the difference between what Teal is saying and toxic or emeshed relationships ?
I have a friend who is very controlling and as I am struggling with something she said I WONT LET YOU FAIL! I feel unsafe in this relationship because SHE needs control
A microphone would take this message to the next level. 🙌🏼
THANK YOU
It's somewhat of a paradox isn't it Teal: being guided to your inner truth by someone else.
The cosmic radio is an interesting concept I first heard about in the electric kool-aid acid test novel. It's about cycronisity atunement and personal perspective.
What happens when your partner defines being able to trust you with you doing everything EXACTLY the way they do it? Something as dumb as going to the grocery store and getting the 18 count eggs instead of the 12 they asked for can be seen as not being able to trust you to some people. Please build out this idea, I'm sure I'm not the only one wondering how to have a fully, 100% relationship when there is seldom 100% cross-over in wants and needs, so if someone takes someone elses best interest as their own, it would seem they have to lessen their own wants/neeed/best interests in various areas.
I think she would say it’s a matter of compatibility at that point and suggest you watch her vids on those topics/ not compromising
Thanks Teal
You have great wisdom 🙏
Soooo Gemini in this one. Love u girl no matter what the haters say !✊❣️💥
Backhanded compliment 😆😆😆
Thank you for sharing and helping us.may my lord Krishna bless you
So how do I get a match to people who want to create safe relationships? Do I need to show up more loving towards myself first? That seems to work so slowly to me...
The result of a full understanding of life!
I feel you radiate in this video differently.
Something is more positive about your attitude, charisma or whatever here then in your previous videos. I might be wrong or just subjective but that's what I felt watching this and it was instantly at the begining. Presentation was really refreshing somehow.
All the best. :P
Teal Swan tears off with one idea the dirty crust on the surface of your wounds, exposing them in the open and leaving it up to you to cure them, while with another idea she gives you a preventive band-aid to make you feel warm even when you have no wounds.
Tears are coming from my eyes
Good thinking
Teal , can you tell me about narcissistic abuse ? I feel i have been so.
I feel awful about it.
And i dont know what to say or do.
love you more, Teal.... :)thank you...
I am really digging that art work, and as always good info, Teal!
2:45 I did that a lot.
Problem is, so far it's been only one way roads throughout my life.
I feel/felt like, people didn't want to do this with me, ever ... :'(
Thank you, Teal ❤️
To the core, we can all make video's talking about the same scar on the soul, form a different POV. In the end, it provides only pain which is converted to energy. A base to make it a tool to teach others to prevent hurting the same way you was done.
I love you so much teal 💝
Teal, you are a saviour.
Your hair is beautiful
... Gratitude🌼
Yep.👼
@Teal Swan , what is your opinion about female exhibitionism ? How it affects realationships? Can You make a video about it ?
I think it negatively affects…
can you please do a video on what happens to pets after they pass and any insight to the relationships we have with pets? Thank you.
Thank you Teal xx
What I got is to stop loving them and start understanding them ❤
Yeah cuz once you understand them you can really start loving them…
Having what is "best" for the "other" means also what is "best" for my Self. Simple!
And isnt that the whole Truth and NO Thing But.
Seems also a valuable measurement point by which to "guage" both the "safety" and "commitment" levels of one=another vs One and/or Other;
to determine actual "viabity" in the long-run.
In*DEED
🙌🙌🙌
Gratitude Teal 🕊🌹🕊
Skip psycho babble-y-on and listen to Teals offerings.
Sage. 🤙
It takes two to tango.
Bunny McBunnyBun one sided relations can be positive it depends on how much you love the other person. If you love and they don't doesn't matter?
"100% of all relationships absent of trust end"
i agree with the point being made here, but like..
eventually 100% of all relationships end :0
Not true. Relationship can go beyond death as souls.
I wish you could make a guided meditation video for us or suggest some to us
Amazing video!! Thank you!!
xoxo from Hungary
What happens if the other person thinks they want material things when they really need understanding. What can we do..
Penso que estes pensamentos ESTÃO CERTOS ! .....
If someone is in pain. We cant solve it. As who r we to judge. If they dont wish to be out of pain how can we maintain a relationship.. if we get to a stage where people cant get out. Then do we just go into that pain amd let them bring us down too??
Ty Teal. Maybe one day you could talk about confidence in approaching a possible new relationship. Im sure im not asking this right but im sure you can answer it right.
Thank you, Teal! Very inspirational thoughts! /The Swedish Witches in the Tower
So true.
Truth.
“The face of evil is always the face of total need.”
- William S. Burroughs
From 6:15 in. I can relate
Hello. Could you do a video about Sacral chakra? Thank you.
You should talk about your other related videos at the end of vid I found it hard to concentrate,sorry just saying but dig the teachings 😄
wow just the first line of this video