Why Your Ex Comes Back After You Distance
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- Why Your Ex comes back after you distance. In this video, psychotherapists (and dating coaches) Craig Kenneth and Victoria Rivera discuss the importance of understanding the dynamics of re-attraction.
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Get Victoria's help personally: www.askcraig.net/victoria
Craig's workbook series: www.askcraig.net/workbooks-1/
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I am subscribed. I would not post the whole story in the comments. I just thought you had an email for people who want to tell their story. I listen to your video 8 hours a day. You and Margaret helped me so much and I have become a life coach from listening to you. I already had education for counseling rape victims and children of sexual assault. I was in law enforcement for 6 years. However if interest just let me know. If not that is ok as well. Great work you do. ❤️
@@tonidenicola9222 Sorry, I do not read any emails without a coaching. There is simply too much demand for my time! Just sign up for a coaching if you'd like my help personally.
@@CoachCraigKenneth Thank you Craig. I don’t need help at this time. All is good. Like I said great work!
😊
They come back after you stop caring about them, because they feed off your energetic pull, and are worthless without it, screw em.
"Everybody wants a different amount of closeness". This is an amazing statement you made.
1 year of “space”… still working on myself 😂
Unless you did something egregious to drive them away, you don't actually want them back - you want the validation that they gave you back. Been there, got the t-shirt(s).
Take care of yourself and become better than you were (in any form!) than you were when you were with them. You won't need the validation anymore.
Love you
Agreed. I did nothing egregious, not needy, respectful, yet he's taken distance multiple times. It's not me.
Everything you said is absolutely true!!!! I am currently experiencing everything you mentioned, I have been watching your videos since the beginning of my brake up and it's been a few months. I think I can write a book with everything I've been through. Your videos have helped me out through this entire process. After almost 3 months of no contact he reached out, and now wants to work things out.......
Of course everything I say is true. Know what else is true… When you don’t do the work, it falls apart again. #TheKnowledge 😉
@@CoachCraigKenneth I agree 100%
Has it continued to move forward? Best of luck!
Yay!
I can only dream my ex would come back. She jumped into a rebound the same week we broke up after a 4 yr relationship. Has been with him for 2 months now. And this guy is the complete OPPOSITE of me on EVERY level you can imagine. 31 yr old who still lives with his parents, Ugly, no education, low income, no hair etc
... Me I'm better looking, have hair, Masters degree, 6 figure income, Christian, own my own house and 2 paid off cars, in great shape, Etc etc
She reached out 1 time but haven't heard from her now for over a month.
I’m watching this at 2 in the morning on day 6 of no contact. It’s a so tough to fathom the breakup and it’s killing me inside. Your videos give me the strength to carry on at the moment. Honestly I don’t know where I’d be without them ❤
Any update ?
update?
Update?
I love and appreciate the sense of humor the two of you have. I really need the laughter. It helps so much. Also, you both are great at supplying a good dose of reality which can sometimes be hard to face when you're going through these things. RIP Margaret.
If someone says they will never leave you they should honour their vow. People used to honour their promises.
You guys have been helping me get through my current situation. The girl I was dating asked for some space due to some personal problems in her personal life. So I’m just gonna focus on the gym and becoming a firefighter.
How’s the fire fighter thing going?
Victoria just mentioned it's like when you're little and waiting for a parent to come home. Now I know how my dog feels when we leave the house to go to the store for 15 min and he acts like he hasn't seen me in a month lol
I am absolutely ecstatic to come across this video. Thank you so so much for your efforts in repairing impulsive behavior... A problem I've experienced for far to long without a doubt. I need to fix my immature perspective and acknowledge my wrong doings through a perspective like the one you've gifted me throughout this video. Once again, thank you so much.
You two are so good and you have such pleasant voices.
Yup and the connection was crazy.. he was in my everyday life for 3.5 yrs
This is very helpful thank you for sharing. 🙏♥️🙌
Excellent points. Thank you both ❤
You guys are Awesome..so glad to come across your channel ... to laugh n cry the same time
This guy saved my life and changed my entire perspective on day 3 of my breakup. Allowed me to get out of bed and fully function with motivation. Craig, thank you man. (LDR of 3 years, broke up with doubt but still broken up). NC ever since.
@@sloanmagnum5009 of course we did. We were together about 2 weeks out of every month.
any update?
@@WalaSTH yep. Stayed focused on myself, journaled my feelings daily until I could tell I was healed and worked on things that I did wrong in my relationship and ended up meeting the most incredible person I could have ever imagined 7 months later. It will all work out. I do not think about my ex anymore in any way.
You guys are the best. You motivate me everyday. You helped me to heal from two breakups. I can not thank you guys enough ❤
Any luck after 5 months?
No exactly an ex, coworker-situationship kind of thing, we did made up twice and had a long friendship. When I wanted more from her she said she isn't interested but wish I will stay as her friend for life. I told her we need to back off from each other and only stay on professional work business matters. She contacted me to tell me she misses me a lot but I told her again to respect it and give me space.
I feel terrible that I said that to her, she got hurt and ignored me completely when I mer her physically at the office.
I feel like I regret it even..
Great video, it's logical. Thank you!
Thanks for the update on the topic
Thank you for the reassurance, I just don't want to be forgotten about, is what he makes it seems like he has.
needing some motivation to stay in no contact :( It has been about 1 month, the only contact we had after the breakup was for exchanging things, maybe 4 texts back and forth. And that was it.
I'm really struggling today. I've always been a firm believer of NC, and I know I'm not going to break it, but I'm struggling to deal with the agony of it all - the constant mental battle and the insidious longing and want.
I'm still trying to kill false hope, I haven't yet. It's just really hard today.
I feel you, I've been there myself. I Prayed & Prayed & now I'm feeling good.
Hang in there. I know how you feel, after I broke up with my first ex, I did NC for a few months. The only contact I had with her after that was like you said, she asked her shoes were still at my place. I took that as a sign as she wanted to initiate contact again, but was wrong. After my birthday passed a week after that and she didn’t say anything, i knew it was over for good. Don’t worry though, it’s cliche but God truly does work in mysterious ways. As hurt as I was, that breakup led me to quit drinking alcohol (after drinking every day for 7 years) and also quitting smoking. I quit because i thought it would make her come back. It didn’t, but now I feel and look way healthier. God bless my friend
Look at it this way.. if there was any chance of rekindling things with your ex. It’s 100% walking away and not reaching out especially if they ended it with you. Stay strong
Any updates ???
@@user-qx3gg6dl7x my birthday just came and went... total silence. Haven't heard from my ex at all. I'm still sad about it, honestly a lot of ups and downs. I feel like I'm on autopilot most days. Other than breakup blues, life is good though
the silence motivates to also stay in NC too. It would be a total of 6 months since the breakup.
Great video dynamic duo...
Most of the time it's because they want to use you not necessarily because they are in love with you or they have no one else around to tolerate their crap again. It's rare when they come back for genuine reasons but most of the time it's usually never really good reason.
Hi Craig and Victoria, could you please create a video on how to manage circumstances when a DA man monkey branches? How to recover, what to maybe expect. Nothing has ever hurt me like this situation, after an 18 month relationship.
Thanks for this GREAT video that give me guidance.....I walked out on the 25th March 2023 after my fiance said he cannot be with me any more.....during the 1st 3weeks he contact me about 3 cd's that he missing.....after I expalined to him in a email.....that I do not have it.....I am not making contact again....Its hard.....but I also contact the pastor and is having appointments with the pastor .....I also started to excercise........But yes today it is a month after I moved out......😔💔
Thanks to you 2. He broke up 6 weeks ago...there have been some conflictual emails 10 days ago...since then strictly in no contact...yesterday was his birthday, I did NOT contact him. Am doing things for myself and I feel good but I have to admit I miss him...he is an avoidant I confirm...not easy.
Any updates?
You speak the truth
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
Stay strong. Same happened to me and I wasted TWO years where you are now. Don't do this to yourself.
Stay strong.
How are you doing bro? Did she try coming back?
How are you going? Seems time of n/c is up?
I’m in the same boat man. My girl walked out on me and my son and moved 1700 miles away. I’m broken inside. It’s been 3 weeks no contact
I really hope my relationship turns around. I miss her, I miss us. We've been together for 2 years. She needed space & time so I backed off completely & haven't reached out once. It's been almost 2 months & she came over 3 weeks ago like she missed me. She didn't pick up all her stuff & it's still here. I think about her all the time.
Keeping you as an option mate
Great video! I went no contact 3 months now and I noticed my photos are still on her social media. These are photos of both of us kissing and hugging. I’m trying to understand why my photos are still up.
Can you do a video about when you work with your ex’s immediate family member? That’s my situation, and I’m not sure what the best way is to handle it.
If living together that can be tough in that situation of space..but it can be worked..sadly i didn’t realize it till after the fact..since didn’t know about these Attachment issues being a thing until after the breakup.hopefully if there is a restart the. We can better be equipped with communication and boundaries..
Seems like my wife and I go through this every five years. I used no contact last time and it worked but can it work again? We still love each other very much but she feels like we are just growing apart. I totally respect her but I just feel this can be easily worked through.
Sometimes guilt is more successful if the relationship trended towards codependency
we had a good relationship, her anxious attachment style put a wedge between us. She didnt think I gave her enough attention. Together 5-1/2 years and engaged. I did the begging and pleading at first, we tried talking things out but we didnt progress. I started no contact and I think it threw her off. She would go a week at a time then contact me, I would answer politely and to the point. This has been going on for a couple of months now, I finally asked her to get together and she agreed but ultimately backed out at the last minute.
She blocked me recently however, our anniversary came and everything was unblocked..she either intended to contact me or see if I would contact her. Its been 4 months total apart, I think everything has been delayed due to us having so much contact with each other in the beginning. I am wearing down and about to throw in the towel though, my life has been on hold since the breakup. I care about her and want to spend my life with her, she blames me for the breakup but the reality is her attachment style didnt help and that needs to be addressed as well. And yes she asked about the cat a couple of times.
Personal and mental health 💯
Do you have any advice or videos on being frozen after breakup? Not being able to get out of bed, shower, shave, etc
This is one of your best explanations of NO-Contact 😊....I love your energy with your NEWER partner 😊❤😊!!!! Thank you 🎉
That is the very strange thing about life, things do CHANGE constantly....even sometimes by the hour.
I started watching this channel 2 years ago, we were 10 years together, I did the workbooks. I did not make any major mistake, I let her contact me and we met a couple of times however she started dating a new dude and they are now together 1.5+ years. Maybe I am one of the rare cases where this advice don't work. I tried to date other girls but I only experienced rejection so far. I spent 2 years "working on myself" but nothing worked, I am happy with my life now but I am extremely lonely, my ex never came back and other girls are not interested. I don't see my situation changing anytime soon.
A couple of things you said and here it doesn’t make any sense. You said that you’re happy with your life right now but you’re extremely lonely. That doesn’t sound very happy to me. The term “working on myself” can be very subjective. What did you do to work on yourself?
It sounds like your ex lost attraction for you and you gave up
It has never worked for me either.
I had a similar experience.
Been over a year, still going strong but still really missing her
Split 10th December got a date valentines night yippee I did no contact unless she contacted me
6 year relationship
Thanks graig with all your help over these dreadful times
Worst time of my life
Great point
My ex dissmissive avoidant broke up with me and I was in no contact. I opened thr door and he reached out. I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I think i messed it up. Thanks for this information.
How did you open the door ?
Ok I may never get a response but I gotta try, right?
Does this apply to short term dating situations aswell? All these videos seem to be aimed at those who were in long term relationships. For example, I was dating someone for 6 weeks but we connected strongly and spent a lot of time together. She broke up with me just over a month ago but I did develop strong feelings for her. I've been in no contact ever since and never once begged her or anything like that, I just told her get in touch with me if she ever wants to connect. But do these no contact rules and principals apply to me and others in a similar situation? There doesn't seem to be any advice out there for us and it feels like we are being left out.
Great video as always coach and Victoria. 👏
Married almost 3 years been separated for a damn month I went off social media didn’t text unless she text me ask stupid ass question before she text me I went 19 days no contact but haven’t had contact with her since a week ago she is heart less she doesn’t miss or love me like wth is all this for like a rock in a hard place
What if you live with your soon to be ex husband/wife as roommates mates due to financial reasons.
What's the best way to go about it?.
the question is how much distance? how much space to give and when to realize that they are not coming back? No contact is for yourself and if u are hoping working on yourself during this time will have a better chance for them to come back u are lying to yourself. u cant read their mind and if they wanna come back they will but most often than not they wont
Split up 8 weeks ago. I've gone nearly 45 days no contact, he hasnt reached out. Dont.think.his bothered .I've give up
I miss my ex boyfriend we werent together long (4 mnths) but i felt emotionally safe with him and miss that connrction. He didnt feel the same way and left because he no longer believed i was 'the one', it hurts that he left just when the relationship needed commitment and vulnerability on his part. He failed to heal from his previous breakup and brought his baggage and doubts onto us. Its day 1 NC and he's pretty stubborn about things once his mind is made up thats it. I hope he reaches out in time, it was all his stuff to be dealt with and he knows that.
Damn. Hope things are working out in your life ❤
Any update??
Almost 3 years Nothing at all. I don't think so . I don't even care about him anymore. He's not the same person
After 3 years, he never reached out?
What if you really want to apologize for your part in the last argument?
Staying single is so much better! No attachments No Drama No disappointments case closed!
Bluuuh nah,
being in a relationship is so much fun!
It's different for everyone
I have never been single since I was 17. I am 54 how do YOU IT? HELP. It's hard for me
It is about don’t spend 24/7 all day, get some space each other and do something at home. Think your brain what to discuss, no BS drama.
Thanks there but my ex has already in relationship leading both of to married.how will it possible to come back while the last time she boasting about her new relationship
I did not contact him for a month then when I contacted him asking for the apartment .. not even asking hm to come back to me.. but he still act so cold and doesn’t even care.. what should I do.. can anyone help me
Trust the process! Stay in NCR. She texted me last friday after 60 days of no contact. She wanted to talk and ask for a closure. Lol! I don't get it. She initiated the break up not me and now she is asking for a closure. Well maybe she just wanted to see me. 😅
Updates ?
update???
What about LDRS break up with avoidant ? Avoidant left her for another girl and he is arranging to marry new girl after one month relationship
Been 3 months since my dismissive avoidant ex left me. They move on real quick and I'm left traumatised and a distant memory to her. I did no contact by the book.
What's update now?
@SurajMishra-wg9rx it's been 10 months now. I finally reached out after 5 months. She was polite and kind but no intention of getting back, only said would be nice to be friends. We have not spoken since. She said she was still single at that time. I know that suits her to have multiple FWB even though she wants a long term relationship her avoidant will always come out in her. I've finally healed and am much better now, happy, single and will find someone when I'm ready again.
I am in no contact for 5 days.. my ex cheated me. I post stories on my wattsap and always watch my stories.. is this breaking the no contact rule?
i am very much single dude fallen inlove to a woman with kids, accepts and love her with all my heart, i understand that her time is focused with her kids and i strongly believed that it is the right thing to do and its alright with me. she has been into 2 separate toxic relationship and i think weve fallin inlove to each other in a wrong time because of the trauma shes in. one day i feel like shes being cold to me so i ask her in a good manner, she told me that she wants me to be happy with someone else not her because of her current situation.. i know how much i love her so i respect her decision. i politely say goodbye and i ddin't beg or ask to stay even if wanted to, i care for her wellbeing than mine. to this day i ask myself what have i done wrong. i blocked her socmed and no matter how much i want to contact her and tell how much i miss her i decided not to. i will give her space and hoping oneday she will reachout to me and im willing to give it a second chance.
What happened? I'm going through the same thing...
But I told him that I don't wanna keep in touch. So how to undo this now? I thought I shouldn't be in touch during no contact. He was reaching out I blocked him and he emailed me to unblock him. So how can I undo this so he knows he can reach out.
I agreed to be friends at first... Then after a while it hurt too much and told her that we need space and time apart and she said ok guess I'll never hear from you again. I told her I love her and if she wants to try again later on when she heals to give me a text or call.... Hope I did the right thing...
Any updates
I would like to see NC video on breakup caused by cheating . Do cheaters go through same stages ? How does distance help with a cheater? Is Once a cheater always a cheater ?
My ex cheated on me too. I made the mistake of forgiving them and taking them back. A few months later, they cheated on me again. Cheaters can't be trusted. They have a character flaw that can't be fixed.
I had to give my girl distance because I kept catching her in lies I also did the no contact thing as well . I left the relationship because I felt like I couldn’t trust her . Now I can be honest with you I find myself missing her here and there Is this normal ? It’s going on a month with no communication .
I'm finding it hard after a break up after 20 years , I really love her and want to spend life with her and I know distance will create a better situation for me , but there are children involved and I've never missed a day in their lifes but I really wanna create that distance, I just don't know how to be there for my kids and creating enough distance for my ex to miss me. I need advice
How’s everything going brother ?
Not always true
Given her 8 years of space, she has a new fella. I wish her all the best.
And I wish you all the best 😊
Why are you looking? You've been hung up on them that long?
What about someone with bpd?. My ex told me she has bpd but I didn't know anything about it. We dated for 5 months roughly. We were expressing our feelings talks of love and all that jazz. Everyone was happy then we talked on the phone said our I love you I miss you making plans for the next weekend. Then not even 24 hours later it was over. We haven't talked since which was like a month ago.
Look up Coach Ken's UA-cam channel. He has a bunch of videos on BPD and breakups. You REALLY need to educate yourself on BPD.
What if they don't come back?😭😭
Question: What would avoidantly attached people have done about 50 years ago when marriage was the norm? Just live an unhappy life with a distant partner?
Were these the people who cheated more often or who would run away from home?
I need this off my chest, me and my ex have had a lot of ups and downs and split up so much my frieds dont want to know anymore. We have the most intense sex lofe either of us ever had. Loved being together most times, even liked the smell of each other lol. But after i lost my job, lost my friend and then my cousin, almost lost my home, then my car had an expensive problem, she then left me just before Christmas, she came back one night and then turned super cold. To the point she said shes moved on a few days later! It has almost killed me! She said i couldnt leave her alone, I dont get why, but i will not let her destroy me!
3 years... He broke up with me and yesterday he wrote me on facebook messenger. If i want to drink coffee with him
Any updates ???
I like your explanations 😂😂
He reached out after a few days so I took it to call and I think I’ve messed up everything.
How do you keep distance when you have a child
2 weeks into no contact since the breakup, but we share the same friend group and my closest friend (sister in law) and my ex have started talking and hanging out again. How do I handle the friend group situation while in no contact
That’s tough 😭
Just mirror her communication and stance on things. If she starts conversations reciprocate the energy. If she tells you she’s missing you, play it cool. Let her do the work but don’t play it like you not bothered because she’ll never reach out. You actually in a good position too start the rebuilding
@@remyd1984 I’m actually like ostracized from the whole friend group at the moment, haven’t got any invites or anyone came to talk to me catching up how I’m doing, nothing from my ex or anyone else from social media, but yet my ex was being dramatic in wanting to talk to my best friend (sister in law) and rekindled their friendship on their end
He hasnt come back and it has been over 2 months :( i would do anything to make things right again but i wont try. I could not risk failing and starting all over again with no contact.
sometimes it takes longer. did you hear from him yet?❤
What happens if I’m the avoidant try to get my ex or gf back and we are on a break? Should I still do no contact..
What about if you broke up with them and you know it’s over (you’ve tried twice) but it’s really hard not to reach out.
Oh wow, how long have you been togerher?
They don't come back if they left you for there X
Coach Margaret passed away? I had no idea 😢
but what about if you both doing no contact watching those kind of videos then the contact will never be !! ? established again
First it was a offside 2nd the whole circumference of the ball didn’t cross the goal line
Hello community of broken heart people hello coach. I am in a three weeks no contact. She went back to her ex. On Friday I was with a friend and I saw her. We stood in front of each other without speaking any words, them I left. I wasn't able to fake anything I just freeze, so her. I don't know what to think. Thank you
How long was you with her? How long was she with her ex?
@@remyd1984 2 months, but we know each other since the last summer. With her ex 10 years
@@assedio3631 I’m afraid you was the rebound! Move on mate because you’ve got no chance with 10 years of history. Get back out there, you’ll soon chalk the 8 weeks up to experience!
@@remyd1984 too hard to swallow mate. I shouldn't get involved in the first place. So angry
@@Xxxxxrrr6464 ty brother
Does this also apply to situationships??
Your relationship shouldn’t be a situation. If it wasn’t a situationship you’d be in a relationship
i dont want her back i tried for 4 years but see all the mistakes. If she loved me or cared she would of came back or stayed when i we were talking but new guy has her attention she can have her fuck the last 10 years because she NEVER loved me or cared if they do love you YOU find a way to fix it period
I don't allow any ex to come back. They were an ex for a reason. I have made mistakes of letting exes come back in the past and they all at end up as exes at the end. It takes a lot for people to change and some people, just never will. 😬
All ways hope and if its really love and no major problems they will see that ur worth and best option
Sound like you might be the common denominator. After each breakup, what did you self reflect on?
Same. 😉
and yet somehow you’re still looking for guidance on here.
@@kita0918 I don't get these comments on this channel. It's like they're subconsciously want their ex back.
I really like what coach Victoria bring to the channel but she looks too much like my ex who's also Italian, unfortunately my ex only had her looks and not her relationship skills...
I messed up yesterday I broke the contact and did impulsively texting cause I was hurt.. so I’m sure he’ll never reach out to me now.. although he was the cause of our breakup
Just don’t reach out ever again.. if you want any chance of getting him back. Walk away and let him reach out to you. Trust me.
@@georgepanagiotou8673 thank you.. if not it’s not meant to be..
@@Xxxxxrrr6464 thank you I am
Don't bother with them
Does this work after 8 months of chasing ?
Probably not
How about husbands not bf or gf
I have a great story… but… there is no email address that I can send to you. You could use in a video but not sure how to send. It is a crazy story. Please let me know if there is an address to send it to. Thank you!
Is it a success story?
@@CoachCraigKenneth OMG yes plus an ex from 40 years ago showed up and wanted to marry me after 3 marriages and 5 kids. Lol.
Wow. Email me at AskCraigKenneth@gmail.com
Make sure you put success story in the heading. Let me know when you see this so I can take it down. I don’t want my assistant flooded with emails
My husband left 2 weeks ago after 25 years to go back to his ex wife. I just want him to man up and accept his cc debt and stop being in denial.
Damn. There really is always that one girl 😢
Does this work when they’re already in a new relationship though? 😢 it just seems so hopeless.
He’s made videos covering this topic. They’re so helpful
Hahaha "Guilt kink community!"
"Guilt kink community!"😂😂 As a Jew, I can relate as well😂
However, I definitely know that my ex has a SHAME kink that seems to have been activated even more since he ended things with me 2 weeks ago.