System Changes and Surprising Symptoms
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- Опубліковано 30 вер 2024
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Just a comment about the alter that wanted (was it your partner?) to be her dad?
We had a really weird thing happen the other week. Our psychiatrist (a man) and our therapist (a woman) have been with us for about 6 years now. And recently, they’ve been the only people we want to hear from. Especially when distressed. The only people we want assurance from. And I don’t know if it was an alter or just a thought from everyone, was “they’re mum and dad”. And it freaked us the hell out. We didn’t say anything about it for like 2 weeks. Then one day, on the phone to our therapist, we were upset and was trying to explain how for some reason her and our doctor meant more right now than ever. And she slowly pressed us to explain more but I couldn’t say it out loud. Then she asked “do you think of us as mum and dad?” And I said yes and cried out of embarrassment and relief and I don’t know. And she said it was completely understandable and at our next face to face session she explained this whole thing (using some toy figurines she has) about how and why her and our doctor feel like that to us and that it’s ok.
But man, it freaked us out at first. Coz it felt wrong and stupid.
But yeah. Hope that made some sense (sorry I couldn’t go into details and stuff) but yeah.
Jessie Irvine I can understand how youd feel that way but I'm glad that it's alright and worked out for you guys ♡
Oh bless you. I began crying for you as I read this when I saw you started crying out of embarrassment!
It's completely normal for sure. Because parents are supposed to encompass our first safe connection, a foundation that is supposed to keep us grounded and seek support and direction from.
Whether you got that from your parents or not, the concept of parents still mostly means that to most of us, so it makes sense we can kinda associate people who provide those things to us, with that.
It's not like you handed them adoption papers or anything that'd cross a line, but in terms of the purely emotional aspect of it, it definitely makes sense.
I'm glad they were able to understand before it was said so they could help you process it safely. :3
I've recently found out that I'm the current host of a system, not the original host but the host split off into me and then someone else, I was created to continue the host job without realizing that I'm in a system. Been doing the job unknowingly for about 5 years, I think? It's weird. Anyways, I think one of us is really scared of integrating. Any time I read or think about it, I kinda get shoved to the back of front and they took control of the body, so I started sobbing without any emotional reason to? And then it stopped, like a minute later. I have a migraine lol
Wow your therapist sounds AMAZING ❤️❤️❤️❤️
*Opens the video, sees the bow in the hair* Hi Kit.
"I'm Kit"
Nailed it.
Poor Jonathan. 😞
What a experience for Wyn and all of you. Litterly mindblowing.
And Kit, you are doing great and explaining everything so clear and I love your bow...Take care you guys....
Jonathan, I remember your video, you are the must loving person I have ever met.
Don't let this hurt you, you are pure love 💕 I would love to see you more often, to hear what you have to say, because you are important, many of us are here to support you the same way we do to Wyn and the rest of you.
1. Andrew is amazing
2. Your therapist sounds absolutely fantastic
3. We've experienced this a few times. Jade, one of our littles, holds some memories of our most severe trauma. When she is triggered, much like how an extreme emotion like anxiety or fear or anger and echo throughout the system, so can the incredibly intense flashbacks. Even alters like Sara or W that aren't trauma touched at all have dealt with either the sleep paralysis flashbacks or the full blown hallucinations while they are fully conscious and with Jade very much inspace. It's frankly one of the most terrifying things we've dealt with as a system, because the first time that happens, we also had no idea what the fuck was going on. They are still terrifying because they are so disjointed and the way the hallucinations stack on top of reality is incredibly distressing for everyone. We usually light a candle and blast music to ground our senses, but mostly we just have to ride it out.
Y'all (including Saint Andrew) deserve awards for continually exhibiting strength, patience, and empathy throughout this difficult process that is everyday existence. I so admire your commitment to each other and to the betterment of this world by sharing your stories.
I really admire how brave and confident you all are to share such a personal story in the name of education. Keep up the great work, I really love your videos, and I hope everything works out for you guys :)
Can I just say that Andrew really is a lovely husband to help Karen and Todd like that. I'm not sure how they are lately but from your previous videos they seem very shy and often scared, but overall they seem like nice littles so I'm glad that Andrew could make them feel more comfortable. I hope Jonathan feels better soon, and since you mentioned that he's coming out more often maybe we'll see him sometime soon?
We'll certainly see! I've offered him an invitation to be out more and to participate with the channel. And yes, Andrew is the greatest. -Wyn
Aw Andrew is actually the sweetest.
I feel so amazingly blessed to have both a husband like Andrew and a therapist who cares that much. I credit them both quite a bit when it comes to how well I function. -Wyn
Wow! I would've never thought this was possible. Honestly the whole experience sounds terrifying and I'm sorry you had to go through that, my goodness. I also want to say that I personally feel for Jonathon. It must have been quite a tough time for him but I'm glad that he's calmed down and everything has settled a bit. It's always awesome to watch your videos and I can't wait for the next one. I wish you good luck!
Hey! I have a question
How can Kit talk very clearly about what Wyn felt? It's like you both are getting closer ♥️
Any of you are just a piece, you are important. Love you all 💕 thanks for keeping us updated!
Kit's and my communication has gotten very, very good. I was able to share the whole experience with her after I came down. -Wyn
At like 14 minutes, Kit talks about how even though yes you are all pieces of a whole, you are definitely your own unique and important individuals and I don't think I've thought of it that way but it makes a lot of sense and I'm so happy that Jonathon was validated and given comfort and some peace, im glad Karen was given you and comfort as well as Josh and I'm just very thankful that you are all in safe hands ❤ not knowing about the hallucination situation sounds scary as all hell and I'm glad you guys are all okay👍
Hiya Kit! Yes, we have (particularly me as host!) experienced hallucinations when others have been in flashback. So much so way back in therapy 15 years ago we were put on a mild antipsychotic to try to control it. It helped quite a lot (it didn't effect the inside at all) and after the flashbacks lessened we came off it again. It totally freaked me out at first but I was also told it was quite common and nothing to be afraid of (ha!). Love the channel and love you all, we opted to all stay around rather than integrate and we have had 16 years trauma and DID therapy between us all. What we did learn was there is no predicting what would happen next with DID, it's as different for each system as all of us are different people. Love the hair bow! -Lin
Johnathan sounds a lot like my alter Twilla, she's a wolf. She had the femine role that i couldn't fill, but when my partner helped me with that fear and i got more comfortable, twilla got really mad and left (we think she integrated for a month). But she came back and her role changed to the caregiver who stays in the back and calms everyone. ^_^ I LOVE ALL YOUR VIDEOS!!!! Thank you
Andrew seems like an absolutely amazing person.
Congrats to Karen and good luck to Jonathan!
So, I'm undiagnosed but i have experienced vivid hallucinations brought on by my alters when i was repressing. It actually gave me so much turmoil that a new alter named Jarred was formed to comfort me.
I’m so annoyed that when I’m trying to read comments under videos about dissociation, my eyes get blurry coz my brains try to protect me and it’s really frustrating 😖
That sounds like a really terrifying hallucination... I absolutly hate mine, and they're ussually so much smaller... I'm glad you got it all cleared up. Good luck to you guys and Jonathon and everyone and adapting. Great video!
Loving the bow clip and the silvery eyeshadow!!
Oh, wow!
Poor Jonathan. I can only barely begin to imagine the fear, panic and confusion he must have felt. However, just like a person who is a doctor is not JUST a doctor, none of you guys are JUST any particular thing. You're whole, amazing and wonderful people, each with so much to give to the world! I'd love for us all to get to know Jonathan better, but if he is uncomfortable filming much, it still brings me happiness to know that he'd like to be out more and find his own interests outside, and kind of reorient himself. He has always seemed such an wonderfully compassionate and kind person, and I am so glad his anxieties are fading to rest. My mother only had those alters integrate which wanted to and she agreed with; the others are still with her, though the capacities in which they're needed for support have changed greatly, and now they all mostly relax and get to just pursue their own interests. They're just like the closest of friends and family. I very much wish that Jonathan will be able to find a new meaning and peaceful enjoyment for himself and the system. We all change throughout life and now he is finding a new path and way to support the system while also discovering more for just himself, and that should be an exciting time for him if he can let the anxieties be put to bed, and be assured that he doesn't have to take that journey alone if he doesn't want to.
On related note, I am so, so pleased to hear that Josh and Karen are doing so well, it sounds like they are moving towards some healing and happier, healthier place.
I can't imagine how disorienting and scary the flashback hallucinations must have been for Wyn. And poor Jonathan, too!
I have had many instances of sleep paralysis, and even knowing what's happening, it can be quite panic inducing. Your therapist however sounds really lovely and I'm glad the experience was clarified, if a bit late!
Also, Kit, I absolutely love your bow! It is freaking awesome. I'm glad you've been given your proper title and more importantly, recognition for the boots you've filled lately.
Phew, this video was just an emotional rollercoaster, but I surely am grateful you chose to share all of this with us. I always love any chance to get to know the system more and very much enjoy both the educational and then fun videos. In my perspective, it's incredibly important and beneficial work that you guys do, and I can't express adequately how much it has positively affected my mother and I to have your videos to look forward to and be able to show other people. So thank you, for everything you all do. 💞
thank you for keeping us updated, it’s so interesting to know about your system, keep going
Thanks so much for this informative video! It makes so much sense, what your T told you about the connection between hallucinations and other alter's experiences! I'm glad your therapist was able to help provide you with good information about the link between DID and hallucinations--like, really, this was awesome to discover for me.
I have DID (tho my system functions more like OSDD) and have experienced hallucinations and psychosis since early childhood. While I was sometimes able to tell that my hallucinations were related to other alter's experiences, I wasn't sure about this, and have never heard the correlation stated so clearly from a professional source, so thank you so much for sharing! I have always had the intuition that they were related to my being part of a system, and never found meds helpful in decreasing the symptoms so now I manage without. (Btw, I thought you did a great job describing your hallucinatory experience, I find them so surreal and hard to put to words!)
Also, if you're feeling worried at all about hallucinating feel free to reach out to talk. My T (who isn't a DID specialist but is a trauma specialist and really great) explained to me that I don't have to be scared of the fact that I experience hallucinations. Like emotions, hallucinations are neither good nor bad, they just are; It doesn't mean I'm "crazy" and I don't need to internalize a sense of stigma or shame. Now, instead of being scared of hallucinating, I see them simply as my subconscious sharing information with me (like a window into another alter's experience). Now I've learned to approach my experiences of psychosis with mindfulness, curiosity, and acceptance--in the same way that I've learned to accept other aspects of my psychological experience like my thoughts and emotions--and I find approaching hallucinations this way to be helpful.
Also, Kit, congrats on co-host! (or at least the co-host title, since you already were, lol!) That's exciting you want to connect to the outside world and I'm glad you get the opportunity! And that's really sweet about the younger parts, that's so nice to hear you have a partner who is understanding and I'm glad the younger parts feel safe with him! :) Take care e'eryone!
Wow! So happy to hear that Andrew and your therapist are so supportive- that's great! That's how it should be. :)
I have experience with sleep paralysis, for the past couple of years when it happens it’s like a guy (sometimes a real guy I’ve been with and sometimes a made up guy) is spooning me from behind and putting his arms around me. At first I was scared but then I started to feel more comfortable with it and enjoy the snuggling.
Do you know some system thats older than 20-30 years old? I'm very courius- are there some bigger changes when people are older? What is happening if someone with did has dementia or alzheimer?
zarogiem I’ve wondered that too! Every one I’ve seen is in their 20s and 30s.
@@Kelly-xp3wm I understand that older people may not use yt or other social media but i hope that maybe someone who knows older system would share some informations. All systems on yt tells us that they try to have 'normal' life but none of them have kids (for example). I'm curious
zarogiem Right!
zarogiem I believe her name is multiplicity and me, she is young but she just had a baby!
CHloE748 She’s still only like 26, though, and just had the baby. I need to watch some of her new videos, I haven’t caught up since the baby was born.
This happens to us too, so youre definitely not alone. Not just with flashbacks but one of our littles has paranoid visual halucinations when he's triggered and whoever is in the body at the time will see like a "watered down" version of it.
We have had lots of hallucination-like things happen to us, for the most of our lives. Which is contributing to our past of a lot of misdiagnosis…
Wow I just came across your video and when you said that you lost time I got really scared because I've worked on trauma as a child with a therapist and I thought I had done the work. But what I've been noticing and I guess I didn't accept it or think about it until I listened or saw your video is that I think I'm losing time which is really scary. My friends will say that they told me something just different situations like I thought maybe I'm getting early onset dementia. I knew I had some sort of dissociative disorder but I thought I controlled it. Now I don't think I am I don't know if this is making any sense I haven't really said these words out loud. My friends have said that they told me something or why didn't I call them as we have made plans to go have lunch over the weekend and I have no memory of it. I just say oh I forgot I forget a lot I haven't said this out loud to myself watching your video something clicked in my head and it can be very scary I haven't said this out loud I hope this makes sense probably not
This brought a lot of peace to my system, thank you. This video made us so emotional. ;O; You guys are wonderful, just subscribed and will be checking out other videos.
Me and my alter Psycho are the only ones who hallucinate and hear voices in our entire system.
Hey Kit and the rest of the system. I have a suggestion for a show about DID. It is a k-drama (Korean drama) and you can find it on the app/website Dramafever. I would really like it if you reviewed to show in the same fashion you did the video about the movies about DID. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing! It's really helpful to learn about something like this could happen so we aren't that overwhelmed IF it ever happens. Hope that makes any sense. Hope you have a good week xx
First of all, Andrew is AMAZING. Straight up amazing. I’m sorry that Jonathan was so upset because of that. Don’t let that hurt you. You are still nothing but love. Your role in the system is still so important 💗 YOU are important. Always be who YOU want to be 💗
Sleep paralysis is so terrifying! I’ve experienced it ONCE in my entire life. I couldn’t imagine experiencing it over and over and over again. & Your therapist is so amazing. So smart. So supportive. And I’m glad she got to talk to Jonathan about his fears & he got to calm/settle down and feels more comfortable with himself and in the system.
Much love for you all. 💗
wow! intense + complicated ! great therapist* :) I'm not DID, but what u said seems to apply to my life right now~ i no longer can 'box myself in' to an IDENTITY...So like u said, i can adjust & move on & grow & stuff. Thank You heart heart heart heart heart
Hope everyone feels better! I am the caretaker of the littles in our system and they've said that I'm like an older brother to them. I totally understand (or at least have some understanding) of that fear -kai
this is so great to learn about. i don’t have DID, nor do i know anyone who has it. thank you for being so informative. :))
Wow. So glad you are all ok. I hope you get more answers the more you look. ❤️
We’re not sure what kind of system we are, but we are trying to research as much as we can. We get really worried about the way our system functions because we have lots of fictives and some of them are from recent media. Yes, we know new fictives can form due to recent trauma and we have definitely been having a hard time. But we still worry, y’know? System denial is a hell of a drug. Videos like this help us understand that every system functions differently but we’re all valid
I love this comment section!! People are so nice
I’ve had this happen to me, I’ve got DID and my system has just recently undergone a similar situation however my psychiatrist is a bit skeptical of what is my reality so I haven’t yet gotten an official diagnosis. I’ve been wanting to start my own UA-cam channel on my experiences with DID, but am not sure the exact details yet.
I have hallucinations too, and I found out that I didn't "actually have any" they did a day long EEG and when I recorded I had hallucinations for the test, they said I had none in the scans.
Maybe this is a DID thing....? I know I have alters and I have times when I can hear talking of songs but only briefly. Like how you described a song but louder
All of the things you say click with me honestly
It all makes sense now
Although, I might have to find a new therapist... She is taking steps to diagnose me but is it right for her to stay "this therapy is about you, not your multiple personalities"? For one thing it's alters, not multiple personalities...,,, Secondly I'd told her an alter was causing significant trouble for me and harmed the body. Why would she say this...?
similarly ... if someone is sleeping and I am awake, I experience their dream states ... took me a while to figure that freaky situation out :) I also get everyone's flashbacks as visual layering over my own present visual reality (feels a bit like hallucinations) - we are really co-conscious so in such situations I get to see everyone's trauma and can therefore assist in the moment with working through trauma and helping with the healing process. Glad you guys are doing so great! So happy for happy littles. x
I'm not sure if anyone has said this in the comments, and I'm not a doctor or a person with DID, BUT I do take Viibryd so I wanted to share. If I take it at the same time everyday, I'm fine. But if I miss it, or take it late, I have awful sleep paralysis and these brain zaps that are MISERABLE.
Brain zaps are the WORST!!! -Kit
Our little calls our host's fiance "big brother", because she sees the host as a big sister, so she put two and two together, and decided he's her brother. He's been really cool about it, thankfully, and proves he'll be a good dad by how he interacts with her when she is fronting.
When you were describing this it reminded me of my own sleep paralysis. It used to be a radio playing quite often and every time I started to realize it was sleep paralysis it would start over again so that is extremely relatable, to me.
I get sleep paralysis ALL the time & even though I'm now aware that that is what's happening (almost lucid dreaming), it's still really frightening. Once my mom was staying over & she's almost 70 & can't sleep on my couch so I let her sleep next to me. At some point in the night I "saw" her walk around the bed and as she walked by me she lunged her face towards me, then walked through the wall, even though I could still feel her next to me. It was so real that when I could finally, actually wake up I had to stay still & listen for her breathing, because I thought, "what if she had passed away & I had just seen her soul". Other times (this is the most frequent thing that happens), I am having hallucinations of various events...all very bizarre & I'm trying to turn my lamp on, but it won''t turn on. I go through about 4-5 cycles of thinking I'm awake & trying to turn on the lamp before I can actually pull myself out of it.
kit i enjoy your videos so thoroughly! you’re so articulate and insightful its amazing. hope you all are doing well❤️
Kit! You and i must be "soul" sisters, our personalities are so much alike, in the inner world i even look a lot like you down to wearing a bow in my hair and i'm one of just a couple of alters that wear make up in our system, and i am one of four co-host fronting alters. Regarding the video, we do suffer from flashbacks and have had hallucinations although not as much now as we have had in the past. Our "littles" also call our partner Dad and Daddy, it took a long time for them to realize he wasn't going to be another "bad" daddy though but things all work out with time and patience. Thank you Entropy System for all of your educational videos, they are quite helpful even for us much older systems. ♥ donna ♥
Do you guys have individual voices in the headspace? I'm just wondering what it sounds like when Jonathan sings..
Hi! For one, I love your guys videos. Although I'm ashamed to admit it, I believed a lot of those stereotypes about DID for the longest time but now I'm so interested in it and you guys helped me understand it so well! I know that I don't have as much information as I should, but coming from someone who is apart of the mental health community and wants to possibly go into psychology or be children's therapist, This 1. Helps me a lot to try and help others who may be going through the same thing, and 2. Warms my heart to see that stereotypes around DID and mental health in general are changing. You guys helped make a place were I can feel ok to talk about what is actually going on, and I thank you so much for that.
Kit! I love the fashion changes! You've said before fashion interests you, so it makes sense you'd wanna wear more than just one thing! Mixing it up is everything.
We have those sleep issues as well. They are terrifying! We also see things that aren't there. Which is terrifying. But never second hand flashbacks that bad. We feel the anxiety and fear.
Great video kit! I feel like you’re maturing so much and becoming such an important part of your system. Amazing!
I think what Jonathan needs to understand is that when he integrates, he's actually more important than ever, because at that point, he will have fused with Wyn and, therefore, forever be an important part of her life. He has self esteem issues and doesn't wanna feel like he's not needed anymore. Almost like he's forgotten that he's a fragment of Wyn's memories, and therefore, always important, no matter the situation. I'm glad your amazing therapist calmed him down. I hope you never lose her, cuz she sounds fantastic.
Oh my gosh I can’t imagine what you all are going through. I mean beyond usual haha. That’s a so many changes to have in a short period though. I’m impressed at how well you all are doing though 💙 I’m also glad that Jonathan is doing better. It’s different, totally, but I’ve had times where in my friend groups my role in them changed as the group changed and it’s scary. You start to wonder why you’re in the group, what your purpose is. But at the end of the day, roles are not definitions of self. I’m glad he’s starting to figure that out. 😊
As for sleep paralysis turned hallucinations, omfg that sounds terrifying. I’m glad Wyn was able to bring herself out of the hallucinations with the basically sensory overload. Personally I’ve never had full blown hallucinations but I’ve experienced waking dreams/waking nightmares which is a form of intense sleep paralysis basically. It’s basically like I’m having a dream (or nightmare) set in the space where I am but my eyes are open and I’m aware that what’s happening around me should not be (example my bf being on his side next to me and rubbing my arm while I’m freaking out cause I didn’t want him judging my messy room lol) but I can’t move or speak or change anything. In general waking dreams are neutral dreams for me, not particularly good or bad. Or there’ll be a good thing happening but my anxiety is going off about something making it neutral overall. As for waking nightmares, its like it sounds. I have felt the both hot and cold breath of a shadow demon leering over me and I couldn’t move.
But yeah those are my thoughts on the video. I love all of you guys so much! Byyyeee
Thank you Kit for explaining this! You did a great job. How Jonathan feels is kinda how I feel. I'm not a system, but I am the second oldest of 8 close-knit cousins. I'm second by a few months and the oldest girl, so I have had to be the leader a big sister to all of them, and a second big sister to the two youngest who have the two other girls in the family as their sister. As we are getting older, I'm needed in a friend role and not as much a parent role (though I do have to correct the older kids on occasion) instead of herding a bunch of cats who all want and need my attention right then and there. It's hard to accept that your role has changed, but accepting and moving into that role at your own pace helps. It is easier for me to hang out with the girls and talk about stuff now that both girls are older and we can all have big girl chats, and it's way easier to 'parent' just one crazy boy than to try herding 3 boys including a young toddler and 2 girls. I'm glad all 8 of us are growing, but it's hard to accept that you need to be a friend more than a parent figure. I hope this helps❤️
I'd really be interested in understanding why integration is your goal.
Daniel explains this in his video on multiplicity and integration. -Wyn
Can someone give Jonathan a hug for me? Probably won't mean much, but my heart goes out to everyone in the system. Thanks for letting people like me (people watching youtube) be part of this journey.
I just wanted to thank you for this. It is possible that I'm living with DID, and it's been suggested to me that this might to be the case by a therapist. When I started - very very reluctantly just a few days ago - to seriously consider the possibility, there was a massive sense of panic from all the other "parts" of me (Alters?) that have distinct roles and personalities in my life. They were TERRIFIED of being forced to disappear. Just an overwhelming scream of "nooooooooooo" from all directions to the idea of integrating in any way. All of me decided not to seek out therapy because of that. The stress of the idea was too much. When you were talking about your therapist reassuring Johnathan that he wasn't being asked to integrate, all of me got instantly more calm and relaxed. You just helped me out of what was feeling like a crisis. Thank you so much!
Your therapist is amazing! ❤
Kit we can tell it’s you the second you say hi you don’t even need a bow! You’re cheery voice is great giveaway
Woah this video made me feel a whole bunch of emotions
I'm super happy to know that everyone is doing better now, even if you had a hard time!
I'll send you all the best of vibes and hope you keep on healing and getting more comfortable with yourselves as individuals 💕 love you, guys!
This video should come with a disclaimer...."have kleenex on hand"
I have DID and schizophrenia so I hallucinate too. Losing touch is scary.💔 my heart goes out to you guys.💞
I'm glad you guys are doing better! Lots of love from Mexico :)
Can completely relate to this.
It’s absolutely horrendous when an Alter who isn’t or doesn’t front gets massively triggered.
Sometimes it can be multiple Alters all going off at the same time...though don’t know if this only happens in polyfragmented systems.
For us personally the worst is when a whole group of Littles completely loses it because it throws the whole system out.
It always surprises and fascinates me how alive and human everyone in the system is. It's just sad that you have to go through the shitty stuff.
Do you think your therapist will ever write a book?
I am usually a silent watcher, but I just love How supportive everyone is and I am so happy for you, for all the Support and love your getting. It makes be believe we achieve more awarness and Support for people with did and other mental ilness'
lol sleep paralysis though D: too real. too. real. I've had it happen regularly since I was 9yrs old and even though I have a recurring "hallucination" and am aware that it's not real on one level, there's a level that's always terrified until I can force myself awake. Alas, ha. I hear you on not wanting to go back to sleep; super annoying.
So, genuinely curious. You've mentioned before that your alters have different memories. It seems that memories aren't individual though; when the front personality experiences something, let's say meeting someone new, could a different alter recall meeting that person, despite not being the one that actually met them?
utterly amazing!! i studied psych in college (major) specialized in, then known as, MPD, but have never heard of this. that must have been so scary for you all!! glad you are all feeling better about it though. and your therapist sounds amazing!!
Sorry but...when I'm really into the video, as I generally am when I watch Entropy stuff, I do NOT need ADS 😡😡😡😡
Man, That's wild... And thank you for sharing with us! I'm honestly surprised that something like that hasn't happened to us yet if it ever were to happen!
I have a father figure alter, who's cofronting as I type this, and he really resonated with Jonathan's fear/concern of becoming obscure. So much so that he started tearing up... I hadn't even realized that he'd had similar concerns... He does tend to be silent about his troubles...
omg, now i understand why got jonathan so upset on tumblr that day. thank you to kit for explaining it so beautifully and thanks to all of you in the system for sharing this part of your journey with us. and kit! it's cool that you've taken on co-hosting, i'm looking forward to hearing for from you! :)
we have DID and have sleep paralysis and have our whole existence
*squints*
I just find it kind of intriguing that the brain can literally process trauma in so many different ways to the point it is almost kind of unique to the person but also shared among others.
I'm also kind of curious how many children growing up "seeing/hearing ghosts" who "grew out of it" really just had alters that gave up on getting the hosts attention or integrated before the host realized they actually had a real disorder.
I'm not including alters that of course are ghosts because I'm just commenting on the likelihood that children who hallucinated ghosts, voices, paranormal activity, ect could have actually had or have undiagnosed disorders like DID or such.
The hallucinations/sleep paralysis flashback thing? OH yeah! Definitely happened to us - one of the things that got us to finally seek out help because it was absolutely horrifying.... We didn't know we were a system them so even more messy.... fdjsakfsdj;lj horrid
Brains are very complicated.
Stuff happens does.
D- I get attacks at 4am most nights in innerworld I go to areas where horrific things happen and the body keeps sitting up in bed and writhing around. The fact you explained this was so helpful because I've felt so alone with these nightly horrors and I felt like I hallucinate and it damages the body this was the best video on close to what I experienced
On the edge of sleep, people perceive things within the Occult realm. With this being partially inside of the body in the partially outside of the body, with E.A. Koetting referring to this as Theta-Gamma Sync.
Sleep paralysis is terrifying. Utterly terrifying.
We've learned to... fight it? Enough to make noise and alert our wife, who then wakes us up. But it's still so so so scary.
And FWIW... we have an average of 3 or 4 hallucinations every day. We had to start logging them in order to determine if there is a pattern or meaning to them. So nope, you're not alone in that!
We’ve had a very similar experience with flashbacks before it is terrifying and your therapist is amazing- Leo
I love you guys all so much I hope your system is doing well!!
Thank you for being brave enough to share such a personal/vulnerable experience in order to educate. You guys are so amazing. I've never heard of this before, I'm sad there's apparently no other websites or books discussing it but I will attempt to research it because of how fascinating it is. x
We were able to find a few sources after Kit recorded this. You can find them in the description. -Wyn
The Entropy System Thank you!
Drugs that forcibly activate the dissociation response, like ketamine and PCP, are known to cause hallucinations. I'm not surprised that dissociative disorders can come with hallucinations too.
I don't have any diagnosable dissociative disorders, but I experience more derealization than is good for me, and I've seen waviness and objects growing or shrinking or breathing while I was experiencing a peak of derealization. It never seemed like much of an issue, but my emotions are wacky, and it's not clear I could have been scared at the time.
I don't have DID but I do have a neurological disorder that includes sleep paralysis and it can be absolutely terrifying. Sleep paralysis also comes with hallucinations (I'm lucky in that I don't have that part of it often and when I do it's mild)... so I'm not surprised to hear that happened to your system, especially with Johnathan being an alter who can communicate through dreams. Every time you mention your therapist she seems so skilled, it appears as though she really understands your system.Not to make this comment all about me, but I'm a therapist too (in the UK) and it's inspiring to hear about how she helps you guys, as I'm fairly early in my career. It sounds like a really intense experience for you all from start to finish, so I'm glad you've all been able to find some clarity about this and use it to keep learning about yourselves as a system. x
Thanks for talking about this, Kit. And thanks to Wyn and Jonathan for agreeing to let it be shared. It's an important aspect of DID that I haven't seen mentioned much. And it will help others experiencing/experienced it to know they are not alone in having had hallucinations.
Guess for me i would think integration wouldnt be non existence for the alter but becoming closer to wyn as one of the whole and not to be looked at as a death but the opening of a new beginning ! I could be wrong just a thought .
That's how most of us view it but apparently Jonathan had a different understanding. -Wyn
so does it has something to do with you(Kit) becoming co-host ?
The two things aren't connected. Kit just decided to talk about them in one video. -Wyn
Wat???? This can actually happen? 😲
*nods* Yup
Hey one question I have about integration: I thought it means merging the two identities like literally, meaning no parts "lost", so eg Wyn and Mistletoe integrating is afterwards like an adding combination of the two (the "sum" so to speak), both being present as the one, so why would Jonathan be afraid of integration if he's not disappearing?
I'm coming back to you guys' videos after a year or two and it is refreshing to feel like life is starting to make sense again. I've finally decided I'm going to therapy for the first time, and I eventually want to get a diagnosis but I'm so terrified that I will get someone that doesn't know much about DID or pushes stigma about it. Watching all of your videos and hearing the experiences you all have with your therapist makes me feel a little more confident about trying to find someone that is good for me :) Thank you all and stay blessed!
I’ve like accepted that people in my system randomly sing and then I get a song stuck in my own head that I don’t remember listening to recently. One of my alters recently got headphones for her phone and was just listening to panic at the disco on her phone and singing it to herself.
One of the first alters likes fucking with me when he’s close to the front and having me see him cause he thinks it’s funny not maliciously cause it is funny when I see him and say “what the fuck dude?”. I hear conversations when I’m listening to music it’s more annoying than anything.
My cohost/protector/caretaker has extreme flashbacks and I feel and see some of it. I have physical flashbacks for my sexual assault PTSD but her’s I feel the fear and the trauma and see what she sees as a hallucination when the people in the flashback live in another state. It’s weird and I’m getting used to it mostly cause I’m a newer system
I have had hallucinations and have DID
Hoping that your journey goes well
Be Well and Stay Safe.
It sounds like Jonathan was like an older sibling who had to help raise their siblings and then their mom remarries :/ I'm glad it's all sorted and returning to normal though, much love!!
I can’t help but think of the possible Macro implications of personalities/souls of all of us. Do we all come from the same host, then when we die we go back and integrate in heaven/god/universe? Perhaps it’s not a normal occurrence to split in one body, but identical twins are the same DNA but completely different people. I am just thinking too much.
If you don't have anxiety at the time, sleep paralysis is great fun. It feels pleasantly numb, and you can slowly and gently dip your toes into dreaming without giving up control. I've found a drug combination that feels the same, and I have every intention of trying it again.
I have Did and I've experienced visual and audio hallucinations while I was in crisis before. I thought I was the only one but it's good to know that it's a thing that can happen.
Very interesting and enjoyable video 👍🏻😘