Everytime I watch a new episode I get to like Lornzie more. She's the friend who's always there for her friends, lets them talk, you'd just feel her presence and it matters. She's lovely, classy and consistent. I stan
So guys, if you don't tell me as your hubby, boyfriend or partner what you spend on hair, clothes, shoes etc.. what happens when you can't pay for them yourself? You will shock me by telling me you spend 5k on hair, 4k on nails and buy two pairs of shoes at 8k every two months? If I don't know and don't get used to the costs it will always seem expensive. Let your man know. That way he knows what to expect. I think this conversation needs a male perspective. Relationships are about two people and so far what am hearing is very subjective. I believe if you want honesty it can't be conditional. TRUST guys! That is the word.
I agree with your perspective cause I was quite shocked for majority of the conversation. For a long term relationship, it's important to think as one 💯
I can't agree more. It is all about trust. I saw this with my parents. My father disclosed everything and he had even gave my mother a legal authorization to handle every thing related to money coz he trusted her. In my opinion it is all about opening up to each other, knowing what you are facing together. We as a women and men tend to provide and receive in a different way financially, emotionally etc.. A man can provide and support the family from A to Z; but in some point if i felt that my man is struggling financially and i have that sort of money i would help him happily without counting.
Doesn't this equate to prostitution? Sex for money?! This is such a trifling view on the complexities of the relationship between men and women. In the end, remember, he who has the money calls the shots....
Hi please, I feel like a celeb now. Woohooo. We don't have a joint account. We both have our own separate (multiple) accounts. We agree on what needs doing in the house and then do it depending on who can bring what. He can use 'my' money and I can use 'his'. Even savings are different. We invest together and separately, and we have full knowledge of what we're both doing. We don't declare day by day what we spend money on (that's punitive and we trust each other). I has worked well for us for 10 years
Yes! Yes! On Ivy’s point. My mom told me long before I got married, that whatever money I declare to my partner, it will find a use. So declare that which you are ready to part with.
At first I thought that this was a sensitive talk for Lorna but on second thoughts I was like she's taking in a few tips from her girls and carefully giving her feedback... Julia makes me feel so normal yaaani,wacha tu This episode should have a part 2
I think the discussion about financial transparency in relationships/marriage is very individual and shaped by culture/ society, experience, upbringing and so on. My personal experience is that I am married to a man who initially did not earn more than me and still doesn’t but he has more to offer than just finances. Although finances is always a big thing in relationships especially in marriage, I believe how you act and behave in a marriage that determine how well it works or doesn’t. Yes, ideally I would want man who can provide and my money is mine like what Lornzie said but reality is that is not always the case. Financial transparency is all very dependant on a persons values. As long as a man is not complacent and always strives to become better for himself and the family, that for me is the most important thing.
As a Muslim girl my money is my money and my husband's money is my money but I can help him if I choose to. It's the man's responsibility to provide for his family.
Julez is my spirit animal. I like how genuine she is and that's not just from this video. Always wonder why she's still single. She'll make an awesome wife and mum someday. #wifegoals
Preach girl preach, Lornzie!! 12:01. That is exactly me... I am a proponent of disclosing once you are committed to one another especially if your partner has proved that he can take care of you 100% without questioning your expenses. I make a fifth of my husband's income, and we have joint accounts, joint investments, and I have never regretted it. I think I would say every relationship is different, whatever rocks your boat. I think it depends on one's relationship with money...I have been married for16 yrs, and I have never regretted having our finances in the same pot, all our money flows in the same stream and I just do not think about it. When dating I never declared.
Yaani you can be with someone commited long term and have kids and still not trust each other with money? Like what is the point of being together? How do you save for investments or buying home, how do you plan for kids? How do you plan for holidays? Like this is your life partner, your thoughts this episode are really shocking 😅
@@renee7171 Then I am sure you know marriage has its own lessons. I had the same mindest as you mami. Its not that we dnt have trust but we have learnt the hard way. I cant and will never trust a man 100% with my money and the situation is always a different ball game if you are earning more than him. Wangu knew about my money even when we were dating. Putting money together is definitely the ideal situation but when someone is taking advantage of the other and relaxing cs everything is provided for let's just stick to the basics. People have crazy experiences out here and especially women. You just learn the hard way unfortunately.
Loved this episode. In the past I have been guilty of carry more of the financial weight and that destroyed the relationship because deep down I knew he was free loading and I was using money to keep him happy. Now I have matured and have established boundaries. My earnings is the reward for my labour and I will contribute freely once it's within established boundaries. It makes life easier.
I am from the school of thought that it is OUR money if we are married. We all have one pot that we take from and there is one hundred percent transparency. We were made to be ONE when we got married. If you chose your partner right I don't think it should be an issue. In our household we have a financial meeting we know what we are saving towards everything.
as long as you are ready to shut it so others can speak lol. it takes some level of maturity which all the ladies display cause they give each other chance
I started watching your content when I turned 25, I turn 27 on 31st May. Your content is literally some of what is holding this over 25 shit show together. Thank you always ❤️
Property inherited does not form part of matrimonial property for the record. As a family lawyer it is amusing to hear this thoughts on non- disclosure of what one earns , in my assessment this attributes to many divorces as their is no trust between the partners. It's also sad when we do succession and the family cannot even trace the properties that a deceased spouse / relative had
That's actually a huge issue. All the hard earned money is lost since it wasn't disclosed. Disclosure and transparency doesn't mean that the partner should take or use.
The first conversation I had with my then partner was about our finances. I am fully aware of how much he has, which is about 20 million. Still, I will not allow myself or him to feel like he needs to take care of me. I refuse to lose my independence. What I get paid in a month is what he uses in a week and a half. My current challenge is that his goals and projected goals for us are so big that I am basically useless and it's a lot of pressure because like Jules, I have been the wealthier one but here in this relationship, I am not. My independence and financial security are very important to me, the thought of losing them is hard. Then there's the whole paradox of "let men lead". Okay, cool, I am but I am a person too, I need to be able to take care of myself and be my own backup plan. RELATIONSHIPS AND MONEY ARE COMPLICATED. I am just happy that our problem is not that we don't have, it's that we have and we both have egos. It's very comfortable and paralyzing at the same time.
A man taking care of you is not synonymous with you losing independence. Your skills don't magically disappear because somebody is taking care of you. Don't fall into the trap of believing a man who takes care of you will magically become a monster and it is your money that is making him not be a monster.
Question 1: You need full transparency of how much you both earn to influence decisions on where to invest (home ownership for example needs full disclosure from both partners. The bank needs this information for example and they advise on the maximum you can borrow). 2. There's a need for full transparency to plan rent, choice of school for the kids, career breaks and general standards of living. So if you are not transparent, how do you go about the first 2 points? Question 2: Is the issue that if you show a man you can pay, you end up paying for everything OR is the issue his relationship with money? is it guaranteed that if you show don't show him you CAN, then he will continue paying? Question 3: How does the lack of transparency manifest into trust issues and other relationship dynamics?
I still believe there should be a lot of Financial transparency is all marriages. It's easy to say you hide when you are earning alot. When you don't have that money, you will want to be supported.
I'm not married yet but from the outside looking in, I see a lot of financial trauma probably innate, drawn from past experiences or based on societal experiences and even just self preservation. I don't think there's a one size-fits all answer regarding financial transparency in marriage/relationship. I think before taking that step, you need to incorporate financial counselling as part of marriage counselling. Consult lawyers privately and as a couple, know your rights and put appropriate safeguards in place. Because it's absurd to trust someone with your life and the lives of your innocent children but not trust them with your money. We've heard stories where husbands have died leaving their families in chaos because of hidden property, wives being landlords while their husbands struggle to pay rent...it's sad. Break the cycle.
i don't think its natural for men to want to provide. This is especially when they know you are capable of pitching in. They feel the pinch just like any human being. However,this is different if they can do it comfortably without any hustle. This is true for any human being.
This episode came at the right time for me, thanks! Currently reading rich dad poor dad ,I'd recommend it to anyone ,its quite helpful in creating and managing finances.
1.Financial transparency is key in long term relationships. Finances are used to plan & make decisions such as lifestyle and home ownership(mortgage) as a long term investment. 2.Patriarchy is outdated. Case scenario: a man is expected to provide and the woman is to take care of the house right? The man provides, are you staying at home? No! Times have changed you’ve got a career to build. Ulienda shule ukaange kwa nyumba?? You need the income. Self fulfillment when you work perhaps? Marriage ni 50/50.
thank you Ivy, i was just thinking that and then you said it. When a woman loses her wetness in a relationship where it was gushing before, its because the guy is tripping. It will affect it. Guys, there you have it. If she is dry, its you. Its not about the sex, you have dropped the ball in some area. If she is mad at you but still wet, you are fine. If she does not 'appear' mad at you but she is dry, you are in troubleee.
Msichange wenye mko kama Julia. There are guys like myself who are out here looking for women like you and want to take care of and protect you. Hii ingine ni arrogance yenye inafanya we don't feel appreciated as your men. We want to feel cared for too and it doesn't even have to be about you spending money on us, we don't even really want that. Just the thought counts and makes us feel more comfortable working and providing for us. The moment I am in a relationship with someone like Ivy I eventually start wondering if I am really cared for. When it feels like your woman has an overinflated ego, problems start. You almost feel trapped and enslaved.
Happy Turning to you guys. I love what Jules has said. If there's anything that has taught me, is this Covid-19 period, guys have lost their jobs and others have received paycuts. So, in as much as a man feels his most confidence self when he provides for his fam, but then the pandemic happened, the wife, if she's in a position to, will step up. Let's support each other to work hard so that when one partner's season is on the low, the other can support the fam.
Ivy's views are so extreme for me...lol I didn't know that we give men sex in exchange for them taking care of us....I thought in the 21st century we are putting it on each other. Such views justify violence on women, so he is entitled to your body because he provides? For me I just want a good partner, hardworking, kind, we go hard for each other .....we support each other through the seasons of life. Please don't get me wrong I don't want a leech, I am hardworking and demand the same from my significant other....but we are a team. We win together. Also I am not foolish as to have someone take advantage of me and my hardwork or prejudice my future and my love for the soft life. I am challenging women and men to do better as partners.
But how did her view justify violence on women? She clearly supports the notion for a man should be the provider for her..and i agree with her.Just the same way you've said you love the soft life and wouldnt want anyone to take advantage of you.Same belief different wording thats all
You took a huge unnecessary jump from providing to entitlement and violence. Kila Mtu na maisha yake. You can't impose your life, beliefs and choices on others and say those who dont choose it will end up in violence. Hakuna cha 'WE women' in this situation Kila mtu na nyumba yake.
Great show! This quadruplet has proven that women are naturally hypergamous. They desire a man that has what they have, and much more. Unfortunately, Kenya is a 3rd world country, poverty levels are extremely high. Women have to settle for average earners, the 100% providers are extremely rare & have lots of options. Modern women are dying alone, waiting for non existent characters. As long as both parties are bringing their A game, respectful & loyal, give it a chance. Modern women are truly talented, many are making more than their partners. This is one of the major reasons why relationships are failing. In Africa, we are primitively groomed to believe that a woman can’t out earn her man. Let’s support each other & allow the most talented to excel. The primitive mindset “your money is ours, my money is mine” is sending men to the grave early.
It gives a man some sense of pride when he knows he can provide for his family. Taking those responsibilities makes you work even harder because you have some objectives you have to meet for your family,a woman comes into the equation when there some small responsibilities that I would wish I am not reminded of. Being reminded of buying tokens ,paying for garbage then that would be extra.Financial responsibility class 101 sit down and have a conversation before the journey takes off.
@@LolaBugzy85 A red flag you ignored or you were so much in love you ignored the small details you felt you were overdoing but hoped things will change when he is financially stable,you took charge of what you would have been provided with. I also expect to be shown some kind of appreciation by taken out for dinner once in a while but I should be the one who run the show on initiating and paying for dates. All these is gone what next? Building the future with what you have now and that involves letting your partner know that there is a role he has to play,I don't know you will deal with this where kids are involved but I believe in the playing the I don't have the money game and see what will happen.What about talking to close friends or bringing the topic when with friends who share your opinions . Maybe it can work.
@@LolaBugzy85 Imagine waking up everyday with a problem you know you are helpless on solving it and you never know if there will be a day when things will change, hugs for being a strong person and always hoping that one day things will change, some of us would have given up but I still believe one day you will wake up and say all these is a past. Whether feminism or women empowerment is on the rise the position of a man as a provider should not be distracted by all these factors ,when we tell men to man up it is not about being strong physically strong but taking their manly responsibilities seriously. Me and any other person who is going to see your comment will hope that communication can solve this but if it doesn't work where does your elastic limit start? when will your emotional part will refuse to take it anymore? I think a man who is not ready to provide for his family should never ask somebody's daughter for a hand in marriage . I believe communication is the greatest asset we possess and if it can't work with communication, I will through the towel. Everyone deserve happiness and if you cant find it at home that is the genesis of mental and emotional torture and you can achieve nothing in life ,after all the hard job related stress we wish to go home to a peaceful haven and happiness. Wish you all the best in life ,it is not all lost ,maybe ,yes maybe things will change one day.
@@LolaBugzy85 I'm sorry about what you're going through, I've seen you in a number of comments venting, and I'm hoping that everything gets sorted out. Hugs:-)
I think Lornzie perspective is very correct. The Corona period really taught me alot on transparency and accountability with money especially in marriage!!
Hey, Before we talk about finances in context of a relationship,do we know and understand; 1. Our money/wealth personality? 2. Our influences when it comes to money and their origins? 3. Our money insecurities? 4. Our money aspirations and what has informed them? This allows one to come to the conversation ready to unpack what it means to them, whilst more open to listen to where their partner is coming from. Money personality changes based on many factors, having frequent money dates allows each of you to know where one is based on the season.
Savings/Investments and Debts are two sides of the same coin....especially if they are material...they can be deal breakers...a lot of it has trust is involved...great conversation....please consider adding other people to the conversation...
Gosh this is really good conversation. My fiancé (baby daddy) we do disclose the exact amount we do earn. I feel we should leave 15% not declare it. I recently decided to not disclose everything Incase anything happens. For my next job and business and savings he won’t know haki 🤦🏾♀️
The difference between most men and women I believe is, whenever I get paid and I get my per diems and feel like I have extra chumz, the pride I feel going back to almost zero just knowing nimelipa bills kadhaa nikabeba mbuzi toka kichinjio iko kwa freezer, kuna a variety of fruits toka wakulima to last a week or two na nimebaki na fare tu. It's scary not to have a backup but my family is all I work for, bila my wife sina haja ya kuhama ata home 😂😂😂
Jules is my girl...hahahaha! I can relate to how you feel. We're telling aren't we?..LOL...I understand how it's tricky to tell but not disclosing is tricky too. Savings are easy to keep to yourself though.
The opening statement by Ivy is really sad and here is why I think so. Imagine you are in a marriage with someone you apparently love and loves you and this person does not know how much money you earn This means that fundamentally, TRUST is an issue in the relationship. Now if TRUST is an issue, what the heck is that relationship built on. The pillar of any marital relationship is TRUST and if that pillar is missing, what do you have. In this world, material things come and go. Trust me, speaking as a woman married over 20 years! Material things come and go, but trust love and friendship in marriage will whether all the material issues. If you cannot tell your woman or man what you are earning, it is time to look at yourselves and ask each other, what exactly the two of you are doing. That is my two cents.
Just wanted to add, my salary and hubby#s salary goes into the same account. So we both know what is going in. So now I am wondering, how do you plan holidays, investments... yaani.... mpaka, I am shocked at how people are running their relationships.
@@mremboblog people are so different . What works for you , won't work for the other. So as they said the major financial goals they do together . Savings , Investments and all but I think they want to be left with something by the side for their peace of mind . For instance as Jules said , a guy will wonder how is a wig this much and that's like let's say 30- 40k. You just don't want the hustle of disclosing everything not that it's a bad thing but wouldn't work with every guy
As a woman I would only be comfortable disclosing to someone who earns more than me. Even then I would be a bit jittery and would need to know this person first and understand their personality. Everyone wants a normal kind hearted person with good intentions, but sometimes you get a manipulative one or a user.
A relationship should be built on trust right from inception. Trust and Respect are the evidence of True Love. Trust requires transparency. I have heard the reasons given why not to be transparent and those are actually red flags in a relationship. Why be in a relationship if such concerns exist and if the solution is to be less transparent and secretive. If your partner is slacking and taking advantage, address it truthfully and lovingly. Say I won't pay for ABCD because you are just sat on the couch and I feel you are taking advantage. You help them and you help yourself, the relationship flourishes even more. If you are not comfortable in them knowing you spend 5k every month then your conscience is already your judge. You'd rather have an argument over how much you spend and reach an amicable consensus, that way everytime you look good you can be proud of it instead of guilt tripping yourself and being ashamed. Financial discipline is the true key to financial freedom.
I just felt I should add these. I got this advice from Steve Harvey and later my parents told me they practise it. A married couple should have a joint account that they opened when they got engaged. Pre wedding the joint account is used for the wedding and preparation for the marriage. Both couples commit to an amount they are comfortable with for the wedding. After the wedding the joint account now becomes their main accounts where all their income is deposited. From this account all the common bills and expenses are paid (rent, mortgage, school fees, food etc). They also open a joint savings account where the decide to be saving a certain percentage after the expenses are sorted. The money that is left after saving is shared among the couple. usually the lady gets a bigger share say 60% or 70%. The split can also be adjusted to reflect current circumstances. Each couple takes their split and does whatever they want but it is recommended that you divide it still and have a personal current account and a personal savings account. Live within your means.
Everytime I watch a new episode I get to like Lornzie more. She's the friend who's always there for her friends, lets them talk, you'd just feel her presence and it matters. She's lovely, classy and consistent. I stan
I'm like lornzie, I don't talk when everyone else is talking. I listen & give my opinion when time is right. I love you Lornzie
I actually admire that🥳
I love Lornzie for this alwaaays❤️❤️
You see this is what I'm talking about. Sio poa kuongea wote kwapamoja hata sielewi sometimes naskia tu kelele
She is so mature
When Ivy said 'If you show during dating that you can,you will continue to can" I felt that
Haha Same same
It's really true
😂I did too
That's exactly the problem I created. I am undoing it in my marriage.
True
So guys, if you don't tell me as your hubby, boyfriend or partner what you spend on hair, clothes, shoes etc.. what happens when you can't pay for them yourself? You will shock me by telling me you spend 5k on hair, 4k on nails and buy two pairs of shoes at 8k every two months? If I don't know and don't get used to the costs it will always seem expensive. Let your man know. That way he knows what to expect. I think this conversation needs a male perspective. Relationships are about two people and so far what am hearing is very subjective. I believe if you want honesty it can't be conditional. TRUST guys! That is the word.
I wish they can invite you to represent guys who are transparent with their money among the other guys
Agreed. This conversation needs a man's perspective. A husband.
I agree with your perspective cause I was quite shocked for majority of the conversation. For a long term relationship, it's important to think as one 💯
Yes please
Let them do a part two and have men na ikiwezekana they invite you
I can't agree more. It is all about trust. I saw this with my parents. My father disclosed everything and he had even gave my mother a legal authorization to handle every thing related to money coz he trusted her. In my opinion it is all about opening up to each other, knowing what you are facing together. We as a women and men tend to provide and receive in a different way financially, emotionally etc.. A man can provide and support the family from A to Z; but in some point if i felt that my man is struggling financially and i have that sort of money i would help him happily without counting.
"Financial stability to a woman is what sex is to a man"...
I felt that💯💯
True
💯
Nope
💯
Doesn't this equate to prostitution? Sex for money?! This is such a trifling view on the complexities of the relationship between men and women. In the end, remember, he who has the money calls the shots....
Hi please, I feel like a celeb now. Woohooo. We don't have a joint account. We both have our own separate (multiple) accounts. We agree on what needs doing in the house and then do it depending on who can bring what. He can use 'my' money and I can use 'his'. Even savings are different. We invest together and separately, and we have full knowledge of what we're both doing. We don't declare day by day what we spend money on (that's punitive and we trust each other). I has worked well for us for 10 years
Kiiiiiiiiitttt🥰🥰you are here..me I just love you
Wow this is awesome. "Trust wins"
Yes! Yes! On Ivy’s point. My mom told me long before I got married, that whatever money I declare to my partner, it will find a use. So declare that which you are ready to part with.
Weka za kesho na kesho kutwa. And incase things pungulukana
Omg...very true
Foolish me.. nilimuonyesha niko na pesa na independence.
"You are not what you earn ,you are what you save", Ivy ~2021
Why does Ivy make me so happy. She is so engaging and captivating.
Literally bumped into this just as I was about to make a financially life ruining decision for a man..Bless you girls!
Lornzie oozes so much grace...
Can we have this conversation again. Possibly with a psychologist, financial adviser and lawyer present.
Sure!
They should also include the Lads a well to capture views across the board
At first I thought that this was a sensitive talk for Lorna but on second thoughts I was like she's taking in a few tips from her girls and carefully giving her feedback...
Julia makes me feel so normal yaaani,wacha tu
This episode should have a part 2
I think the discussion about financial transparency in relationships/marriage is very individual and shaped by culture/ society, experience, upbringing and so on. My personal experience is that I am married to a man who initially did not earn more than me and still doesn’t but he has more to offer than just finances. Although finances is always a big thing in relationships especially in marriage, I believe how you act and behave in a marriage that determine how well it works or doesn’t. Yes, ideally I would want man who can provide and my money is mine like what Lornzie said but reality is that is not always the case. Financial transparency is all very dependant on a persons values. As long as a man is not complacent and always strives to become better for himself and the family, that for me is the most important thing.
I love this comment!!
This is brilliant 👍👍
Realest comment so far.bila ubaguzi
💯
As a Muslim girl my money is my money and my husband's money is my money but I can help him if I choose to. It's the man's responsibility to provide for his family.
Wow. Ain't you lucky
Not me enjoying this "serious" topics at 18😅I've learnt alot..Love you guys❤️❤️
*_Notification gang... happy 5 years!! we want a special episode where you edit all your best episodes/bloopers that never made it_* 😅😅😅
I second this😅💯
Yassss😂💯
@@kimathijackie2310 hopefully they'll see our petition
@@livingwithwanjiku 😅😅
Yaaaaasss... I hope they see this!!
If you have a man who wants to use your money all the time because they know how much you earn... he doesn't deserve you PERIODT. That's a gold digger
Julez is my spirit animal. I like how genuine she is and that's not just from this video. Always wonder why she's still single. She'll make an awesome wife and mum someday. #wifegoals
In dating - NO
In marriage - YES BUT... ( depends on your partner, wengine ni nyang’au 😂😂)
🤣🤣
💯
😂😂😂😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣
Surely! 😂😂😂😂heavy on the BUT!!!
Julia is my spirit animal in relationships. We need more of her very relatable relationship stories.
Follow her UA-cam channel, My Tiny Little Channel, she talks about her relationships in some segments.
The financial literacy in Ivy! I want 📌🤗
Hello Jules. The epitome of class, beauty & brains. Not to mention intellectual flawless, yet single. You make me feel normal.
Preach girl preach, Lornzie!! 12:01. That is exactly me... I am a proponent of disclosing once you are committed to one another especially if your partner has proved that he can take care of you 100% without questioning your expenses. I make a fifth of my husband's income, and we have joint accounts, joint investments, and I have never regretted it. I think I would say every relationship is different, whatever rocks your boat. I think it depends on one's relationship with money...I have been married for16 yrs, and I have never regretted having our finances in the same pot, all our money flows in the same stream and I just do not think about it. When dating I never declared.
Yaani you can be with someone commited long term and have kids and still not trust each other with money? Like what is the point of being together? How do you save for investments or buying home, how do you plan for kids? How do you plan for holidays? Like this is your life partner, your thoughts this episode are really shocking 😅
True especially ivy and shikkie
Are you married?
@@LolaBugzy85 yes I am
Ikr
@@renee7171 Then I am sure you know marriage has its own lessons. I had the same mindest as you mami. Its not that we dnt have trust but we have learnt the hard way. I cant and will never trust a man 100% with my money and the situation is always a different ball game if you are earning more than him. Wangu knew about my money even when we were dating. Putting money together is definitely the ideal situation but when someone is taking advantage of the other and relaxing cs everything is provided for let's just stick to the basics. People have crazy experiences out here and especially women. You just learn the hard way unfortunately.
Congratulations on 5 years!! So much love from Nigeria 🇳🇬 💕
Loved this episode. In the past I have been guilty of carry more of the financial weight and that destroyed the relationship because deep down I knew he was free loading and I was using money to keep him happy. Now I have matured and have established boundaries. My earnings is the reward for my labour and I will contribute freely once it's within established boundaries. It makes life easier.
😍😍😍😍
I died when Julia got to defence mode as soon as Shiki said long term relationships 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I am from the school of thought that it is OUR money if we are married. We all have one pot that we take from and there is one hundred percent transparency. We were made to be ONE when we got married. If you chose your partner right I don't think it should be an issue. In our household we have a financial meeting we know what we are saving towards everything.
I almost forgot Lorna was in the episode until 11:53. The patience! she just listened
really, i was just looking at her while the others spoke. beautiful woman. she speaks when she has something to say. No need to fight to speak lol.
One have to be a good listener 💯👌
Wow Lorna....this girl spoke at min 12....it could never be me or Juli..we love talking
as long as you are ready to shut it so others can speak lol. it takes some level of maturity which all the ladies display cause they give each other chance
And there's no problem in that. Not everyone likes commenting in everything. If that's when she felt like she needed to give input, then that's that.
This is an important conversation. My opinion is FULL DISCLOSURE. Either that or just stay single.. Maoni yangu tu.
I started watching your content when I turned 25, I turn 27 on 31st May. Your content is literally some of what is holding this over 25 shit show together. Thank you always ❤️
You get to truly know and understand a man when he has money and you get to truly know and understand a woman when she doesn’t have money!
I am 22 years and i swear I learn alot from you guys...mad love❤️❤️❤️
This conversation made me rethink of so many things... I love love it.
Property inherited does not form part of matrimonial property for the record. As a family lawyer it is amusing to hear this thoughts on non- disclosure of what one earns , in my assessment this attributes to many divorces as their is no trust between the partners. It's also sad when we do succession and the family cannot even trace the properties that a deceased spouse / relative had
That's actually a huge issue. All the hard earned money is lost since it wasn't disclosed.
Disclosure and transparency doesn't mean that the partner should take or use.
@@leotunapika6835 valid point
The first conversation I had with my then partner was about our finances. I am fully aware of how much he has, which is about 20 million. Still, I will not allow myself or him to feel like he needs to take care of me. I refuse to lose my independence. What I get paid in a month is what he uses in a week and a half. My current challenge is that his goals and projected goals for us are so big that I am basically useless and it's a lot of pressure because like Jules, I have been the wealthier one but here in this relationship, I am not. My independence and financial security are very important to me, the thought of losing them is hard. Then there's the whole paradox of "let men lead". Okay, cool, I am but I am a person too, I need to be able to take care of myself and be my own backup plan. RELATIONSHIPS AND MONEY ARE COMPLICATED. I am just happy that our problem is not that we don't have, it's that we have and we both have egos. It's very comfortable and paralyzing at the same time.
Girrll, you left me at 20 million
A man taking care of you is not synonymous with you losing independence.
Your skills don't magically disappear because somebody is taking care of you. Don't fall into the trap of believing a man who takes care of you will magically become a monster and it is your money that is making him not be a monster.
@@gracemureithi1430 Doesn't sound much when he reads it $200k but I did the math lol
Re-watching this episode and i feel like you should do another one with the boys..i'd like to hear their perspective on money in relationships
Question 1: You need full transparency of how much you both earn to influence decisions on where to invest (home ownership for example needs full disclosure from both partners. The bank needs this information for example and they advise on the maximum you can borrow). 2. There's a need for full transparency to plan rent, choice of school for the kids, career breaks and general standards of living. So if you are not transparent, how do you go about the first 2 points?
Question 2: Is the issue that if you show a man you can pay, you end up paying for everything OR is the issue his relationship with money? is it guaranteed that if you show don't show him you CAN, then he will continue paying?
Question 3: How does the lack of transparency manifest into trust issues and other relationship dynamics?
I still believe there should be a lot of Financial transparency is all marriages. It's easy to say you hide when you are earning alot. When you don't have that money, you will want to be supported.
Is there such a thing as "A level of transparency?" It's either you are transparent or not, there is no in-between.🤷♀️
Eti Jules collects red flags?! 🤣🤣🤣 that just hilarious 😂
I feel Jules when she says, my feelings died when i ended up paying for everything whenever we go out.
Men feel the same. Lol
I relate so much to Julia
Me too,i love her alot
I love Jules.... I soo relate with her in soo many ways....
You are so real........
I'm not married yet but from the outside looking in, I see a lot of financial trauma probably innate, drawn from past experiences or based on societal experiences and even just self preservation. I don't think there's a one size-fits all answer regarding financial transparency in marriage/relationship. I think before taking that step, you need to incorporate financial counselling as part of marriage counselling. Consult lawyers privately and as a couple, know your rights and put appropriate safeguards in place. Because it's absurd to trust someone with your life and the lives of your innocent children but not trust them with your money.
We've heard stories where husbands have died leaving their families in chaos because of hidden property, wives being landlords while their husbands struggle to pay rent...it's sad. Break the cycle.
I love the way Jules throws her hands ... You must get the point.
I subscribe ❤️
i don't think its natural for men to want to provide. This is especially when they know you are capable of pitching in. They feel the pinch just like any human being. However,this is different if they can do it comfortably without any hustle. This is true for any human being.
How would you know what is natural if you aren't a man?
I agree
I love ivy, she's total energy ,
This episode came at the right time for me, thanks!
Currently reading rich dad poor dad ,I'd recommend it to anyone ,its quite helpful in creating and managing finances.
Ivy the way you explained Benjamin Zulu way of talking is true...,😂😂 Plus you are what you save not what you earn.
I really resonate with Julia stories😂😂😂hizi streets 😭😭😭
Mimi I want to be spoiled 😂😂
Always feels like am catching up with my elder sisters whenever am here.....😍love you guys.
1.Financial transparency is key in long term relationships. Finances are used to plan & make decisions such as lifestyle and home ownership(mortgage) as a long term investment.
2.Patriarchy is outdated. Case scenario: a man is expected to provide and the woman is to take care of the house right? The man provides, are you staying at home? No! Times have changed you’ve got a career to build. Ulienda shule ukaange kwa nyumba?? You need the income. Self fulfillment when you work perhaps?
Marriage ni 50/50.
100% Ivy! Once you declare the money, it finds ways to be put to use.
I love today's episode, money in relationships is a conversation we skirt around yet it's a vital factor! as Jules said it's a make it or break it!
We need a part two and please bring the guys we hear their maoni for us singles to be more equipped mentally financialwise when we get into it
thank you Ivy, i was just thinking that and then you said it. When a woman loses her wetness in a relationship where it was gushing before, its because the guy is tripping. It will affect it. Guys, there you have it. If she is dry, its you. Its not about the sex, you have dropped the ball in some area. If she is mad at you but still wet, you are fine. If she does not 'appear' mad at you but she is dry, you are in troubleee.
Just stumbled on this nikibrowse streets za UA-cam. Love your content, love the realness and calling it is,i think am gona still around.
Shiko is soo gracious.. I love her ❤️
SITUATIONAL WISDOM !!! I love that term!! Catch me using it for the rest of my life 28:21
Julia has actually tangazad my life on this internets...eeeeyy chest pains😂
😂😂😂Same here
😂😂😂😂
😂😂
Msichange wenye mko kama Julia. There are guys like myself who are out here looking for women like you and want to take care of and protect you. Hii ingine ni arrogance yenye inafanya we don't feel appreciated as your men. We want to feel cared for too and it doesn't even have to be about you spending money on us, we don't even really want that. Just the thought counts and makes us feel more comfortable working and providing for us. The moment I am in a relationship with someone like Ivy I eventually start wondering if I am really cared for. When it feels like your woman has an overinflated ego, problems start. You almost feel trapped and enslaved.
I've been watching since I left form four three years ago I love how all the conversations have elevated
throughout that period
Ivy gets me every time... She brings out to life all the thoughts that I have in my head...
I have died at 39.04 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Happy Turning to you guys. I love what Jules has said.
If there's anything that has taught me, is this Covid-19 period, guys have lost their jobs and others have received paycuts. So, in as much as a man feels his most confidence self when he provides for his fam, but then the pandemic happened, the wife, if she's in a position to, will step up.
Let's support each other to work hard so that when one partner's season is on the low, the other can support the fam.
What works out is dont ever disclose what you earn, every human have a tendency of depending if he/she knows the significant other can provide.
Well done ladies... Relate so much with Jules here.
Honestly this chanel is ao underrated, should be road to a mili now
Ivy's views are so extreme for me...lol I didn't know that we give men sex in exchange for them taking care of us....I thought in the 21st century we are putting it on each other. Such views justify violence on women, so he is entitled to your body because he provides? For me I just want a good partner, hardworking, kind, we go hard for each other .....we support each other through the seasons of life. Please don't get me wrong I don't want a leech, I am hardworking and demand the same from my significant other....but we are a team. We win together. Also I am not foolish as to have someone take advantage of me and my hardwork or prejudice my future and my love for the soft life. I am challenging women and men to do better as partners.
Agreed Miriam. I cannot sit in the dark and I have 500 bob to pay for electricity...
I like her,but sometimes I think she's off🤗
But how did her view justify violence on women? She clearly supports the notion for a man should be the provider for her..and i agree with her.Just the same way you've said you love the soft life and wouldnt want anyone to take advantage of you.Same belief different wording thats all
You took a huge unnecessary jump from providing to entitlement and violence. Kila Mtu na maisha yake. You can't impose your life, beliefs and choices on others and say those who dont choose it will end up in violence. Hakuna cha 'WE women' in this situation Kila mtu na nyumba yake.
Great show! This quadruplet has proven that women are naturally hypergamous. They desire a man that has what they have, and much more. Unfortunately, Kenya is a 3rd world country, poverty levels are extremely high. Women have to settle for average earners, the 100% providers are extremely rare & have lots of options. Modern women are dying alone, waiting for non existent characters. As long as both parties are bringing their A game, respectful & loyal, give it a chance. Modern women are truly talented, many are making more than their partners. This is one of the major reasons why relationships are failing. In Africa, we are primitively groomed to believe that a woman can’t out earn her man. Let’s support each other & allow the most talented to excel. The primitive mindset “your money is ours, my money is mine” is sending men to the grave early.
I agree
Man, very smart comment
It gives a man some sense of pride when he knows he can provide for his family. Taking those responsibilities makes you work even harder because you have some objectives you have to meet for your family,a woman comes into the equation when there some small responsibilities that I would wish I am not reminded of. Being reminded of buying tokens ,paying for garbage then that would be extra.Financial responsibility class 101 sit down and have a conversation before the journey takes off.
@@LolaBugzy85 A red flag you ignored or you were so much in love you ignored the small details you felt you were overdoing but hoped things will change when he is financially stable,you took charge of what you would have been provided with. I also expect to be shown some kind of appreciation by taken out for dinner once in a while but I should be the one who run the show on initiating and paying for dates. All these is gone what next?
Building the future with what you have now and that involves letting your partner know that there is a role he has to play,I don't know you will deal with this where kids are involved but I believe in the playing the I don't have the money game and see what will happen.What about talking to close friends or bringing the topic when with friends who share your opinions . Maybe it can work.
That sitting down and discussing bit is 🔑
@@LolaBugzy85 Imagine waking up everyday with a problem you know you are helpless on solving it and you never know if there will be a day when things will change, hugs for being a strong person and always hoping that one day things will change, some of us would have given up but I still believe one day you will wake up and say all these is a past. Whether feminism or women empowerment is on the rise the position of a man as a provider should not be distracted by all these factors ,when we tell men to man up it is not about being strong physically strong but taking their manly responsibilities seriously. Me and any other person who is going to see your comment will hope that communication can solve this but if it doesn't work where does your elastic limit start? when will your emotional part will refuse to take it anymore? I think a man who is not ready to provide for his family should never ask somebody's daughter for a hand in marriage . I believe communication is the greatest asset we possess and if it can't work with communication, I will through the towel. Everyone deserve happiness and if you cant find it at home that is the genesis of mental and emotional torture and you can achieve nothing in life ,after all the hard job related stress we wish to go home to a peaceful haven and happiness. Wish you all the best in life ,it is not all lost ,maybe ,yes maybe things will change one day.
@@LolaBugzy85 Why doesn't he want to be a provider? was his father the same way? or does he just not make enough money?
@@LolaBugzy85 I'm sorry about what you're going through, I've seen you in a number of comments venting, and I'm hoping that everything gets sorted out. Hugs:-)
I would definitely love to see Kitt Kiarie on an episode
No thank you
@@Angel-xe1xg why?
I think Lornzie perspective is very correct. The Corona period really taught me alot on transparency and accountability with money especially in marriage!!
Wow, this was such a nice conversation, I wish there was a part 2 I feel like a lot was left unsaid like expectations, boundaries...
Julia are you me? Am I you? Great episode.
Hey,
Before we talk about finances in context of a relationship,do we know and understand;
1. Our money/wealth personality?
2. Our influences when it comes to money and their origins?
3. Our money insecurities?
4. Our money aspirations and what has informed them?
This allows one to come to the conversation ready to unpack what it means to them, whilst more open to listen to where their partner is coming from.
Money personality changes based on many factors, having frequent money dates allows each of you to know where one is based on the season.
It is shocking how I relate to you guys despite the age huge difference😆. Mob love😍
Such an important conversation ladies, love your Monday morning videos 👌🏽
Just realised that I have been watching these episodes bile kusubscibe🤦♂️🤦♂️😂😂finally remembered to hit the subscribe button
Situational wisdom! Well said.
This episode brings into perspective very many marriages/situation-ships all around us.
100% Trust on your partner = 100% Transparency Financially.
Savings/Investments and Debts are two sides of the same coin....especially if they are material...they can be deal breakers...a lot of it has trust is involved...great conversation....please consider adding other people to the conversation...
Wow!!this episode!!
I learnt the hard way not to disclose my financial status
Gosh this is really good conversation. My fiancé (baby daddy) we do disclose the exact amount we do earn. I feel we should leave 15% not declare it. I recently decided to not disclose everything Incase anything happens. For my next job and business and savings he won’t know haki 🤦🏾♀️
The difference between most men and women I believe is, whenever I get paid and I get my per diems and feel like I have extra chumz, the pride I feel going back to almost zero just knowing nimelipa bills kadhaa nikabeba mbuzi toka kichinjio iko kwa freezer, kuna a variety of fruits toka wakulima to last a week or two na nimebaki na fare tu. It's scary not to have a backup but my family is all I work for, bila my wife sina haja ya kuhama ata home 😂😂😂
I think all our mums love Benjamin Zulu🤣
Who doesn't love Benjamin Zulu?
Who doesn't love Benjamin Zulu?
Can we get this same topic with men around to get their insights.
Yes please!!
I second this. Yes please
Yes
Jules is my girl...hahahaha! I can relate to how you feel. We're telling aren't we?..LOL...I understand how it's tricky to tell but not disclosing is tricky too. Savings are easy to keep to yourself though.
Benjamin Zulu!! I really like his message....esp for under25s..(never mind the way its delivered).... :)
@over25 you guys should have a male version of this conversation 💯.
Woooommmeeennnn......!! I have to shout this one.......keep your money private. Listen to Ivy and Shiks. Love you lovelies
just found out that I was among the 60% ........ so I had to hit the subscription button and the bell of course
@ivy ancestral property is NOT matrimonial Property.
The opening statement by Ivy is really sad and here is why I think so. Imagine you are in a marriage with someone you apparently love and loves you and this person does not know how much money you earn This means that fundamentally, TRUST is an issue in the relationship. Now if TRUST is an issue, what the heck is that relationship built on. The pillar of any marital relationship is TRUST and if that pillar is missing, what do you have. In this world, material things come and go. Trust me, speaking as a woman married over 20 years! Material things come and go, but trust love and friendship in marriage will whether all the material issues.
If you cannot tell your woman or man what you are earning, it is time to look at yourselves and ask each other, what exactly the two of you are doing. That is my two cents.
Just wanted to add, my salary and hubby#s salary goes into the same account. So we both know what is going in. So now I am wondering, how do you plan holidays, investments... yaani.... mpaka, I am shocked at how people are running their relationships.
@@mremboblog people are so different . What works for you , won't work for the other. So as they said the major financial goals they do together . Savings , Investments and all but I think they want to be left with something by the side for their peace of mind . For instance as Jules said , a guy will wonder how is a wig this much and that's like let's say 30- 40k. You just don't want the hustle of disclosing everything not that it's a bad thing but wouldn't work with every guy
@@tabithamunyoki5145 what you have said proves my point of lack of trust. As you have said ...kila mtu kivyake.
!!!!!!
As a woman I would only be comfortable disclosing to someone who earns more than me. Even then I would be a bit jittery and would need to know this person first and understand their personality. Everyone wants a normal kind hearted person with good intentions, but sometimes you get a manipulative one or a user.
miss Tiramisu,your entire look is 🔥🔥🔥.the outfit the hair,make up 👌
A relationship should be built on trust right from inception. Trust and Respect are the evidence of True Love. Trust requires transparency. I have heard the reasons given why not to be transparent and those are actually red flags in a relationship. Why be in a relationship if such concerns exist and if the solution is to be less transparent and secretive. If your partner is slacking and taking advantage, address it truthfully and lovingly. Say I won't pay for ABCD because you are just sat on the couch and I feel you are taking advantage. You help them and you help yourself, the relationship flourishes even more. If you are not comfortable in them knowing you spend 5k every month then your conscience is already your judge. You'd rather have an argument over how much you spend and reach an amicable consensus, that way everytime you look good you can be proud of it instead of guilt tripping yourself and being ashamed. Financial discipline is the true key to financial freedom.
I just felt I should add these. I got this advice from Steve Harvey and later my parents told me they practise it. A married couple should have a joint account that they opened when they got engaged. Pre wedding the joint account is used for the wedding and preparation for the marriage. Both couples commit to an amount they are comfortable with for the wedding. After the wedding the joint account now becomes their main accounts where all their income is deposited. From this account all the common bills and expenses are paid (rent, mortgage, school fees, food etc). They also open a joint savings account where the decide to be saving a certain percentage after the expenses are sorted. The money that is left after saving is shared among the couple. usually the lady gets a bigger share say 60% or 70%. The split can also be adjusted to reflect current circumstances. Each couple takes their split and does whatever they want but it is recommended that you divide it still and have a personal current account and a personal savings account.
Live within your means.
Golden rule: have your own money.
I love this conversation I was soo torn in between declaring and not. Now I know why not. Thanks.