Why does he have to be a servant of Jesus to qualify as a partner to mankind, if just one person could show love to people without having to justify it behind a veil of religions bullshit then they would have my FULL RESPECT
@@michaelvance1118 he doesn't HAVE to be a servant of Jesus...he just is. Please be careful of the narrative that may create a cognitive distortion and misinterpret what was said. The OP, who identifies as Buddhist was merely respecting that this guy is a Christian, Christian means Christ follower. NO ONE is saying anyone has to be any thing.
Mate, lol this is the best series of videos I have ever come across in my life! It has taken me 35 years of turmoil trouble heartbreak and strife to get to process to understand as much as I have on my own up to about the halfway point through this video I am so wrapped to have found this it’s honestly the greatest blessing and you are phenomenal Tim Thankyou so so much I am so grateful. Ah 🥲thanks for real. Blessings. 🙏💪😊
Amen!!🙏🙌wow this is me😢I'm a survivor of childhood abuse by my father who was a functioning drug addict and alcoholic NARCISSIST. He abused me for 20 + years sadly. I'm a cancer survivor coming out of a abusive marriage of 9 years. These series are really helping me to see why I feel like I have for 30 years. God bless you 🙏 ❤️
Hey girl I’m so proud of you not giving up ❤️ and having the courage to face and end some horrible situations. Never feel alone God is with you all the time. He will help you in your healing. Believe me good people do exist 🙏 may your bonds fill with compassion and your eyes smile again 🤍
Woa! That ending was ‼️ God used 4 morally bankrupt women to bring forth the coming of The Christ.🤯 God will take the broken and use the skills, character and strength gained to overcome that brokenness to help the world. Changed forever by this talk🙏🏾❤
I pray that Christ continues to lead you on your healing journey. I am in the same boat at 61. I KNOW where my shame comes from ( a mother whom I adored, yet who was just perpetuating what she learned) but its so HARD to put shame to bed. I think studying with Tim is being on the right path. He has helped me more than ANY counselor.
I didn't get diagnosed until I was 38 (this year). Then the diagnoses rushed in all at once - CPTSD, BPD, ADHD, GAD, MDD. But now, watching these videos, I'm beginning to see it all comes back to the big fat chicken of CPTSD that sprang the eggs of all the other disorders. This material is invaluable, and combined with my current DBT and medication, gives me a lot of hope. Thank you tremendously.
Yeah. I definitely have suffered from ADHD symptoms for years and couldn't figure out why the meds didn't seem to help me like they do others. It's CPTSD.
Pastor Tim, I have found your videos so remarkably accurate, true and it's a hard thing to swallow. I feel like past generations due to lack of this discovery passed on lots of shame to us. I feel like that reflects also in the world that is today. No moral values, consumerism at it's peak, less connection than ever before, explosion in mental illness and many more. I hope that you can come to every part of the world and make this available and known to everyone. Human race needs healing and it would be remarkable to see it happen. I believe we can do that. Please please make yourself known to other parts of the world because not many people know about your work. Thank you and God Bless
Tim Fletcher you are one of God's gifts to humanity and your series are invaluable to those of us with complex trauma. I will say, (maybe a new finding) emotional neglect is abandonment (ambiguous but none the less abandonment)....like estrangement vs. an actual death, the impact to mental health on the individual who experiences emotional neglect in childhood is as severe, if not more so than abandonment. For me, the biggest surprise I have had is the realization that 'shame' and 'grief' are so HUGE in terms of what I carry around and cannot get past (and subconscious most of it), Thanks you again for your many series and this one in particular!
When he says to understand shame is very painful…it is. I’ve been having breakdowns before and after work all week since I started watching this series. I’ve turned to God for connection but I still end up crying. I feel unworthy of his love and at the same time, afraid to lose it. Like I’m risking my heart again in a vulnerable way and it’s so scary.
I had exactly the same experience that you describe with God: I tried to believe it intellectually that he loved me, but I could not feel it. I needed to feel the kind of unconditional acceptance from a human being. It was too abstract for me that "even if my mother would forsake me, God will love me", because I didn't have an idea what it felt to be loved. I projected the thing I knew as love to God, which was "I accept you IF you do what I expect from you". Plus most of the preachings at church were about "what we had to repent from, and in what way we had to change".
I LOVE this teacher and his therapy sessions ! I happen to be a Christian woman but I love seeing everyone (religious or not) being helped by this extraordinary servant of Christ. I have never heard the PUMA women thing but I often joke at 61 (when a woman can no longer be called a COUGAR the next step in the chain is to be a KRUEGER! lol. Thank you Tim for all the great work you do in HIS name. Amen
The first half of Tim's talks are amazing. He is a powerfully clear communicator and speaks the truth (again, for the first half only!). Thank you Tim, and thank you so much for compartmentalizing your messages. So many of us only want the first part.
It did my soul and heart so much good to hear him say that you don't kill people with Alzheimer's, because they have value in spite of their disease. My Complex PTSD was triggered by my siblings' plot to do just that to our mother, who has Alzheimer's. I visited from out of state because there was so much that wasn't adding up over the phone from those two and I wanted to check to be sure my mother was okay. My mother had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance when I saw her and the battle for her life began in the hospital and later in a guardianship court in my state. The hospital fought alongside me on my mother's behalf and the court ruled in my favor. That was 5.5 years ago and my mother is still alive. But it was extremely traumatic for me to have to face how conscienceless my siblings really are, including discovering the history of financial abuse once I had access to her financial information. Of course my siblings accused me of wanting to do everything they had done against my mother and, being out of state, there was no chance for me to prove otherwise. They caused terrible family estrangement for me from my extended family members, to this day. Although, I also had to accept that if those family members wanted to know my side of the story, they would have contacted me, which they never did. So, I no longer feel the loss of their estrangement. I'm glad to be rid of them all. Needless to say: A LOT of family dysfunction.
God bless you for sharing this and for advocating for your dear mother. I paid a high price as well and relate to much of what you said. Lessons learned from love and from loss are highly valuable.
And then at 60 you're like holy smokes bc you've retired from a job that you chose to work 20 hour days ( I obviously got fuel from that bc I'm the prettiest and I work the hardest) and I took care of other people ( I'm a nurse) and now I have too much time on my hands and shit wants to explode out of me but I'm fighting hard to not let that happen. I'm sick all the time, I have fibro, chronic fatigue syndrome, some other "syndromes" arthritis, blah blah blah. I have depression, severe anxiety, I take all kinds of meds, I don't have the energy to exercise to get better, and I see my therapist once a week. My life is a mess but I'm trying. And I'm getting more help from this man than the therapist I've been seeing ❤
This gives understanding how I "work" but also how everybody else does too and i get angry to myself alot and to other people too and the anger is basically frustration and it comes out from not just understanding.. thank you ! Great work !
Lately I am growing tired of my coping mechanisms for the shame that I carry, and I can't maintain them as I did in the past yet I haven't healed my shameful parts and this makes for an interesting limbo, that at times I feel I'd rather sit with the painful parts of myself than exhaust even a drop of energy to distract, hide, etc.
Until you resolve your own complex trauma your future relationships will suffer. I have been working myself for 5 years. Understanding my complex trauma from vulnerable narcissistic mother, co depending father, harshly bullied. Crazy ex girlfriends, a narcissistic ex wife. Bully bosses. The trouble I attract by the bad coping mechanisms of my own complex trauma. Did not realise until this series how much a core problem of Shame has affected me. And used by others against me.
Sounds exactly like me! Im on my 4th marriage and 2 years into it it’s falling apart … I’m pretty sure two of the four are narcissistic… but regardless it’s my mess and it feels hopeless
Amazing you've done the work! I'm curious if you have any tips to share? Going through a healing process myself and need all the tips I can possibly get 🙏🏼☀️
I had to be involved in the adult industry to survive. It has me indeed led down Into a trail of even more shame. Double life, crippling shame, secrets. Women use different names, create a different persona that is working. So you are right, total cognitive dissonance. Every women I met in this industry has shame, sometimes they cover it with over confidence, but in the sad moments when they had to much to drink, they tell you how they feel. Everyone lies, because people will treat them very badly if they knew. Its a viscious and terribel circle
When my mother said 'Jesus is watching you' when I was behaving 'badly ' I felt confused.Did He love me, was He spying on me,did He feel like her and not cope with me.What did she mean!
When you're not ashamed, thats when your accusers get angry! Be very careful with Shame. Shame can be weaponised. I'm really starting to see why it's important to breathe in a certain way to manipulate the temper.
As a man we're inundated with "men must provide" and success is attractive. I'm not too successful, so in society and dating, I'm worthless. Makes sense but it still really hurts knowing I'm not a "good catch" to a woman.
The right women won’t care about status… I came from a wealthy family, married a college educated man and thought I had the ideal life … until I woke up from all my programming and left hell based religion and fear based thinking… started choosing me- I am divorced-family shunned me, and now I am in a relationship with my person, who is a blue collar worker and he’s my person, I never thought anything less of him and I am here bc of him, he triggered me in the beginning and that led me to find out about attachment styles… he’s avoidant and has deep shame and I have the joy and privilege of loving him the way he’s never been … so don’t fear your status, look for the character and looks… status won’t matter to a person, who knows unconditional love @varnishyourboard
"How long do you think you need to be punished (for failure in certain areas)?" My answer honestly is FOREVER. I don't feel like I EVER will deserve to be out of the "doghouse".
Thank you again for putting these talks on UA-cam. You really understand, and you speak wisdom. Question: you say people with npd have more shame than others - that’s what makes them that way. Then you say about those who get mistreated by them, “the more shame you have the more you are mistreated.” I understand most of that, but where is the dividing line between having so much shame that you mistreat others and getting mistreated? I hope I explained this clearly, it’s just confusing.
I was born with a learning difference auditory processing disorder dyslexia. I acquired ADHD and shame through abuse at home and in school and the fact that I was never going to be able to compete at the level of children without learning disabilities was a constant reminder that you are different and it was reinforced through bullying name-calling and disappointment at home and in school. There's another diagnosis on top of that CPTSD and this one is a fun one disorganized attachment disorder attachment behavior from early childhood guides brain development impacts the levels of cortisol released in response to stress and has important consequences for emotional and social development. Prolonged or repeated arousal of the stress response a characteristic of modern life can have harmful physical and psychological consequences including heart disease diabetes anxiety and depression. Ambivalence is a state of having simultaneous conflicting reactions beliefs or feelings towards some object. For me that means doubt hesitancy uncertainty hesitation indecision fluctuation quandary muddle Haze tentativeness unsureness. In psychology ambivalence is defined as a mental disharmony or disconnect or disconnect a person may feel when having both positive and negative feelings regarding the same individual. As long as everything is black-and-white I have no problem when you get into abstract thinking I'm blown out of the water. Because I don't know what to do I experience what American academic Mary Main called fear without solution and end up behaving in bizarre ways because the neural pathways that organize later behavior in many domains and it provides the foundation for self regulation. Neuroscientist believe that attachment is such a primal need that there are networks of neurons in the brain dedicated to setting it in motion in the first place and a hormone oxytocin to foster the process. That's why I stay out of relationships when there is a coexistence of opposing emotions and desires towards the other person that creates in uncertainty about being in the relationship.
My little girl was just diagnosed with dyslexia ( 2nd grade ). Shes already noticing shes different from her peers. It's so hard to see her go through this.
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO I also have this. I ended up a pregnant addict and high school drop out as no one understood me and they were dealing with their own trauma unsuccessfully. It took a lot of help but I was able to turn my life around finish college and go on to help others. Your child is blessed with having a mom who will have more tools and understanding to help her navigate the challenges that will come her way.
Im only half way though this powerful video and I feel like my butt is being kicked while my wounds are being healed simultaneously--if that is even possible.
I found myself attracted to talking to people with depression. Now I am getting worse. I hope that they feel better. And I am sorry if I hurt someone unless they are truly toxic people who would drive me crazy.
I'm a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser, and I'm incredibly thankful all the time to be a 6'3", well-muscled, deep-voiced, articulate white man. So it's rare that I feel taken advantage of (at work I just suppress my compulsion to apologize before and after every communication). Now if I could just feel respected and understood and like I'm worthy of being in a relationship! Sorry to take your time with this stupid, offensive comment
We hear our elders say that nothing bad happens to good little kids that go to Sunday School. I do not hear you speaking about the rapes that happen in Sunday school, and the shame this produces. Why did he pick me to rape? This is not prostitution, this is the act that may precede it. It is horribly shameful and we never believe the same things about the God who let it happen. Deep deep shame, we believe the lie that we did that, because 'consent' is not taught as it should be. I am listening for it, and not hearing it. Why did God do that to me? Takes years to understand we did not do that at all, it was done to us, by liars in the pulpit. I get rid of it by naming it, at great risk. Amen
I and so sorry you had that happen, and all the pain, bewilderment and shame. Have you seen his other talks about why God doesn't interfere with some human behavior? That to have the free will to love God, humans have to be able to have the opposite choice available too. That if we only loved God, and then one another, we would essentially be robots...in a way, forced to love God. Because of this, there are many horrible consequences of living out of love to God (and others). Anything that is not of love, is often hurtful. Churches are far from perfect. Sometimes, there are incredibly loving people there...and sometimes there are evil that hide within the realms of the church, sometimes overlooked because too many people (parents) assume that others in the church are "safe". I hope you can find the talks that explain it better. I hope you can find healing and peace.
How would you present respect to a narcissistic sadistic mother? I still feel sorry for her.. and I know she is human/ I understand something have happened to her to become a monster to her own child. But , how do you feel respect for a sadistic person who beats and humiliates her own child and feels no remorse?
Great presentation - thank you so much. The slide at 30.42 should include the level and depth of intoxication and different kinds of addictions, shouldn't it? Or, is that just my shameful perfectionist overachiever that comes online 😂
finding this channel on youtube like finding a treasure 🥰
🎉
Amen ❤
Amen 🙏🏽
This is a great man. A true servant of Jesus for these degenerate times. I am a Buddhist but hugely appreciate this incredible work.
if you're a buddhist then you shouldn't have called anything a degenerate time, that type of judgement is antithetical to your whole religion.
@@kevinbissinger That's not true. Buddhists can believe that humanity needs spiritual awakening just as much as anyone else.
Why does he have to be a servant of Jesus to qualify as a partner to mankind, if just one person could show love to people without having to justify it behind a veil of religions bullshit then they would have my FULL RESPECT
@@michaelvance1118 he doesn't HAVE to be a servant of Jesus...he just is. Please be careful of the narrative that may create a cognitive distortion and misinterpret what was said.
The OP, who identifies as Buddhist was merely respecting that this guy is a Christian, Christian means Christ follower.
NO ONE is saying anyone has to be any thing.
Degenerate times? shame based ridicule.
This has been the most important series I’ve watched on UA-cam. God bless you.
Life changing
Mate, lol this is the best series of videos I have ever come across in my life! It has taken me 35 years of turmoil trouble heartbreak and strife to get to process to understand as much as I have on my own up to about the halfway point through this video I am so wrapped to have found this it’s honestly the greatest blessing and you are phenomenal Tim Thankyou so so much I am so grateful. Ah 🥲thanks for real. Blessings. 🙏💪😊
He’s gold ❤
Amen!
the #1 thing that impresses me about this is the brutal thoroughness!
Mr. Fletcher ❤ thank you for saying yes to Jesus.
AMEN!
Amen ❤
The amount of insight this man has is outstanding
God gives him this support to help us
guys wathcing this, do you also remember memories while listening to this that you completely forgot until this moment?
Yeah...
Yes 💯
I lost my job recently and wow the impact of self, diminishing into deep depression because of no identity 😢
Wow, that must be tough. I'm sorry to hear it
Amen!!🙏🙌wow this is me😢I'm a survivor of childhood abuse by my father who was a functioning drug addict and alcoholic NARCISSIST. He abused me for 20 + years sadly. I'm a cancer survivor coming out of a abusive marriage of 9 years. These series are really helping me to see why I feel like I have for 30 years. God bless you 🙏 ❤️
Hey girl I’m so proud of you not giving up ❤️ and having the courage to face and end some horrible situations. Never feel alone God is with you all the time. He will help you in your healing. Believe me good people do exist 🙏 may your bonds fill with compassion and your eyes smile again 🤍
Woa! That ending was ‼️ God used 4 morally bankrupt women to bring forth the coming of The Christ.🤯 God will take the broken and use the skills, character and strength gained to overcome that brokenness to help the world. Changed forever by this talk🙏🏾❤
Outstanding session - we have value as human beings if not anything else
This shame series is the best I’ve ever listened to. Thank you so much for your work, it means more than you know!
This dude is awesome-
accurate and constantly resonating
I desire so deeply to heal my shame.
I pray that Christ continues to lead you on your healing journey. I am in the same boat at 61. I KNOW where my shame comes from ( a mother whom I adored, yet who was just perpetuating what she learned) but its so HARD to put shame to bed. I think studying with Tim is being on the right path. He has helped me more than ANY counselor.
Jesus became shame for us so your shame is on him
I didn't get diagnosed until I was 38 (this year). Then the diagnoses rushed in all at once - CPTSD, BPD, ADHD, GAD, MDD. But now, watching these videos, I'm beginning to see it all comes back to the big fat chicken of CPTSD that sprang the eggs of all the other disorders. This material is invaluable, and combined with my current DBT and medication, gives me a lot of hope. Thank you tremendously.
Yeah. I definitely have suffered from ADHD symptoms for years and couldn't figure out why the meds didn't seem to help me like they do others. It's CPTSD.
Pastor Tim, I have found your videos so remarkably accurate, true and it's a hard thing to swallow. I feel like past generations due to lack of this discovery passed on lots of shame to us. I feel like that reflects also in the world that is today. No moral values, consumerism at it's peak, less connection than ever before, explosion in mental illness and many more. I hope that you can come to every part of the world and make this available and known to everyone. Human race needs healing and it would be remarkable to see it happen. I believe we can do that. Please please make yourself known to other parts of the world because not many people know about your work. Thank you and God Bless
human is our species (not our race), but yes let this message of trauma impact and recovery be spread wide and far!
Tim Fletcher you are one of God's gifts to humanity and your series are invaluable to those of us with complex trauma.
I will say, (maybe a new finding) emotional neglect is abandonment (ambiguous but none the less abandonment)....like estrangement vs. an actual death, the impact to mental health on the individual who experiences emotional neglect in childhood is as severe, if not more so than abandonment. For me, the biggest surprise I have had is the realization that 'shame' and 'grief' are so HUGE in terms of what I carry around and cannot get past (and subconscious most of it), Thanks you again for your many series and this one in particular!
This series is really all encompassing and so helpful and validating. 💜
Thank you so much. This series has the potential of changing so many lives for the better
Wow. I've known this about myself for a long time but didn't have the words
These videos are incredibly accurate. Thank you for these.
These videos have me in tears every single time without fail
When he says to understand shame is very painful…it is.
I’ve been having breakdowns before and after work all week since I started watching this series. I’ve turned to God for connection but I still end up crying. I feel unworthy of his love and at the same time, afraid to lose it. Like I’m risking my heart again in a vulnerable way and it’s so scary.
I had exactly the same experience that you describe with God: I tried to believe it intellectually that he loved me, but I could not feel it. I needed to feel the kind of unconditional acceptance from a human being. It was too abstract for me that "even if my mother would forsake me, God will love me", because I didn't have an idea what it felt to be loved. I projected the thing I knew as love to God, which was "I accept you IF you do what I expect from you". Plus most of the preachings at church were about "what we had to repent from, and in what way we had to change".
That is so true, preaching part
Such a blessing. So grateful. Hope everyone is well this weekend - ❤
I realize it's kind of randomly asking but does anyone know of a good place to stream newly released series online?
@Major Jason I watch on flixzone. Just google for it =)
Thank you God for giving this humble man the task and knowledge to help so many of us. 🙏 for your health and your ability to still do this work. Amen.
I LOVE this teacher and his therapy sessions ! I happen to be a Christian woman but I love seeing everyone (religious or not) being helped by this extraordinary servant of Christ. I have never heard the PUMA women thing but I often joke at 61 (when a woman can no longer be called a COUGAR the next step in the chain is to be a KRUEGER! lol. Thank you Tim for all the great work you do in HIS name. Amen
Tim you are a God send.. Plz keep it up we are learning.. After 10 years i have realized that i am suffering from shame..
Iv been healing and liberated so much from hearing so many things this man speaks about what iv been through amazing
I love this man. Saving lives. God bless you.
The first half of Tim's talks are amazing. He is a powerfully clear communicator and speaks the truth (again, for the first half only!). Thank you Tim, and thank you so much for compartmentalizing your messages. So many of us only want the first part.
He does clearly say in many of his videos if you only want to watch the first part then only watch the first part. There js no compulsion on his part.
These teachings have helped me so much as a counselor.
Now, we can pay it forward and help others
Amazing and so helpful thank you Tim
A gem of a video.
I'm crying. This is too accurate. Idk what to do
me toooooo m crying.......m shocked
How are you doing now
This series causes me to want to run to Jesus, accept Him as Savior and curl up in His arms.
This guy is amazing.
Very uplifting message in the Christian part of this talk. Thank you so much!
Yes it's a cuddlemuff message. He twists scripture to prop up his teachings, to make you FEEL better
It did my soul and heart so much good to hear him say that you don't kill people with Alzheimer's, because they have value in spite of their disease. My Complex PTSD was triggered by my siblings' plot to do just that to our mother, who has Alzheimer's. I visited from out of state because there was so much that wasn't adding up over the phone from those two and I wanted to check to be sure my mother was okay. My mother had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance when I saw her and the battle for her life began in the hospital and later in a guardianship court in my state. The hospital fought alongside me on my mother's behalf and the court ruled in my favor. That was 5.5 years ago and my mother is still alive. But it was extremely traumatic for me to have to face how conscienceless my siblings really are, including discovering the history of financial abuse once I had access to her financial information. Of course my siblings accused me of wanting to do everything they had done against my mother and, being out of state, there was no chance for me to prove otherwise. They caused terrible family estrangement for me from my extended family members, to this day. Although, I also had to accept that if those family members wanted to know my side of the story, they would have contacted me, which they never did. So, I no longer feel the loss of their estrangement. I'm glad to be rid of them all. Needless to say: A LOT of family dysfunction.
God bless you for sharing this and for advocating for your dear mother. I paid a high price as well and relate to much of what you said. Lessons learned from love and from loss are highly valuable.
Ditto
I love this man ❤ thank you so much for your work.
Life-changing teachings
Thank you so much for teaching all this. It is HARD, but I’m very willing to work through to overcome shame.
May all in the comment section find a way to heal!
Omg I thought it read 'H*LL' lmao right that's it I'm getting my eyes checked 😂
I love when you tell the stories.
The 1st part are always good & valuable but its really the stories that keeps me coming back.
Thank you for sharing these videos with us, Pastor Tim! I always learn something new.
You are a beautiful, powerful man. You know what else isn’t love? Torturing the innocent and defenceless for pure greed.
Okay the first 3 minutes and 20 seconds of this video should be made into a very short video: it's so concise and informative!
And then at 60 you're like holy smokes bc you've retired from a job that you chose to work 20 hour days ( I obviously got fuel from that bc I'm the prettiest and I work the hardest) and I took care of other people ( I'm a nurse) and now I have too much time on my hands and shit wants to explode out of me but I'm fighting hard to not let that happen. I'm sick all the time, I have fibro, chronic fatigue syndrome, some other "syndromes" arthritis, blah blah blah. I have depression, severe anxiety, I take all kinds of meds, I don't have the energy to exercise to get better, and I see my therapist once a week. My life is a mess but I'm trying. And I'm getting more help from this man than the therapist I've been seeing ❤
Huge hugs to you.
Thank you! Very eye opening! Appreciate all you pour out for healing sake!
This gives understanding how I "work" but also how everybody else does too and i get angry to myself alot and to other people too and the anger is basically frustration and it comes out from not just understanding.. thank you ! Great work !
Lately I am growing tired of my coping mechanisms for the shame that I carry, and I can't maintain them as I did in the past yet I haven't healed my shameful parts and this makes for an interesting limbo, that at times I feel I'd rather sit with the painful parts of myself than exhaust even a drop of energy to distract, hide, etc.
The first 15 seconds are very awesome. Thank you. I am much better now and really looking forward to learn more in other areas of trauma complex.
Very bold and very wise . Grattitude to u
Until you resolve your own complex trauma your future relationships will suffer.
I have been working myself for 5 years. Understanding my complex trauma from vulnerable narcissistic mother, co depending father, harshly bullied. Crazy ex girlfriends, a narcissistic ex wife. Bully bosses. The trouble I attract by the bad coping mechanisms of my own complex trauma.
Did not realise until this series how much a core problem of Shame has affected me. And used by others against me.
That's the thing. People use shame to control others.
Sounds exactly like me! Im on my 4th marriage and 2 years into it it’s falling apart … I’m pretty sure two of the four are narcissistic… but regardless it’s my mess and it feels hopeless
Amazing you've done the work! I'm curious if you have any tips to share? Going through a healing process myself and need all the tips I can possibly get 🙏🏼☀️
I had to be involved in the adult industry to survive. It has me indeed led down Into a trail of even more shame. Double life, crippling shame, secrets. Women use different names, create a different persona that is working. So you are right, total cognitive dissonance. Every women I met in this industry has shame, sometimes they cover it with over confidence, but in the sad moments when they had to much to drink, they tell you how they feel. Everyone lies, because people will treat them very badly if they knew. Its a viscious and terribel circle
Thanks. This has answered my question of how narcissists are made.
Not a fan of the Christian stuff, but the psych stuff is awesome! Thank you.
I am blessed - ❤
Your work is so so appreciated.
Thank you! You have incredible insight. Very helpful video. God bless you man :)
When my mother said 'Jesus is watching you' when I was behaving 'badly ' I felt confused.Did He love me, was He spying on me,did He feel like her and not cope with me.What did she mean!
She intimidated
She was really good at manipulating your conscience and instilling fear. 😮
Wish you will be delivered from all the lies.😊
When you're not ashamed, thats when your accusers get angry! Be very careful with Shame. Shame can be weaponised. I'm really starting to see why it's important to breathe in a certain way to manipulate the temper.
This was an amazing teaching. Thank you :)
As a man we're inundated with "men must provide" and success is attractive. I'm not too successful, so in society and dating, I'm worthless. Makes sense but it still really hurts knowing I'm not a "good catch" to a woman.
Many women aren't even worth catching these days. Give yourself time for success and be picky about the type of woman you're looking for.
The right women won’t care about status… I came from a wealthy family, married a college educated man and thought I had the ideal life … until I woke up from all my programming and left hell based religion and fear based thinking… started choosing me- I am divorced-family shunned me, and now I am in a relationship with my person, who is a blue collar worker and he’s my person, I never thought anything less of him and I am here bc of him, he triggered me in the beginning and that led me to find out about attachment styles… he’s avoidant and has deep shame and I have the joy and privilege of loving him the way he’s never been … so don’t fear your status, look for the character and looks… status won’t matter to a person, who knows unconditional love @varnishyourboard
I was caught off guard from the mentioning of Winnipeg truly
22:57 so true , #3 strategy for narcs
I finally did start to open up and let people see the real me and I’m still getting abused, neglected and abandoned. 😢
Wow! I’ve been looking for this information for a long time! Thank you!
Thank you so very much!😊
"How long do you think you need to be punished (for failure in certain areas)?" My answer honestly is FOREVER. I don't feel like I EVER will deserve to be out of the "doghouse".
Thank you again for putting these talks on UA-cam. You really understand, and you speak wisdom.
Question: you say people with npd have more shame than others - that’s what makes them that way. Then you say about those who get mistreated by them, “the more shame you have the more you are mistreated.” I understand most of that, but where is the dividing line between having so much shame that you mistreat others and getting mistreated? I hope I explained this clearly, it’s just confusing.
Get ready for some abuse,it's a wake up call
Thank you so much
I was born with a learning difference auditory processing disorder dyslexia. I acquired ADHD and shame through abuse at home and in school and the fact that I was never going to be able to compete at the level of children without learning disabilities was a constant reminder that you are different and it was reinforced through bullying name-calling and disappointment at home and in school. There's another diagnosis on top of that CPTSD and this one is a fun one disorganized attachment disorder attachment behavior from early childhood guides brain development impacts the levels of cortisol released in response to stress and has important consequences for emotional and social development. Prolonged or repeated arousal of the stress response a characteristic of modern life can have harmful physical and psychological consequences including heart disease diabetes anxiety and depression. Ambivalence is a state of having simultaneous conflicting reactions beliefs or feelings towards some object. For me that means doubt hesitancy uncertainty hesitation indecision fluctuation quandary muddle Haze tentativeness unsureness. In psychology ambivalence is defined as a mental disharmony or disconnect or disconnect a person may feel when having both positive and negative feelings regarding the same individual. As long as everything is black-and-white I have no problem when you get into abstract thinking I'm blown out of the water. Because I don't know what to do I experience what American academic Mary Main called fear without solution and end up behaving in bizarre ways because the neural pathways that organize later behavior in many domains and it provides the foundation for self regulation. Neuroscientist believe that attachment is such a primal need that there are networks of neurons in the brain dedicated to setting it in motion in the first place and a hormone oxytocin to foster the process. That's why I stay out of relationships when there is a coexistence of opposing emotions and desires towards the other person that creates in uncertainty about being in the relationship.
My little girl was just diagnosed with dyslexia ( 2nd grade ). Shes already noticing shes different from her peers. It's so hard to see her go through this.
@@yourenough3 ua-cam.com/video/28hqxbdS7EQ/v-deo.html
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO I also have this. I ended up a pregnant addict and high school drop out as no one understood me and they were dealing with their own trauma unsuccessfully. It took a lot of help but I was able to turn my life around finish college and go on to help others. Your child is blessed with having a mom who will have more tools and understanding to help her navigate the challenges that will come her way.
I have a lot of anxiety about this too. I'm in a Relationship where I have conflicted feelings and fear.
Tim, can't thank you enough ❤
under the shame there is a deep deep anger.
❤️🙏🏽 God bless you!
Who knew hiding all these childhood secrets for 50 years was shaming myself? I just thought I was protecting myself from future suffering...oh boy.
Yes but God is faithful we are his creation and wants to help us thru others
Im only half way though this powerful video and I feel like my butt is being kicked while my wounds are being healed simultaneously--if that is even possible.
Thank you Tim
I keep picturing this guy with a ponytail.
😂
Beta male
LOVE THIS ❤️ TRUTH 👊
Thankyou.
Hoping to get some suggestions on how to integrate shame into self and develop past
That is amazing!
Thank you Tim. ❤❤🙏
I found myself attracted to talking to people with depression. Now I am getting worse. I hope that they feel better. And I am sorry if I hurt someone unless they are truly toxic people who would drive me crazy.
A year on from this comment, how have you developed? 👐
I'm a conflict-avoidant people-pleaser, and I'm incredibly thankful all the time to be a 6'3", well-muscled, deep-voiced, articulate white man.
So it's rare that I feel taken advantage of (at work I just suppress my compulsion to apologize before and after every communication). Now if I could just feel respected and understood and like I'm worthy of being in a relationship!
Sorry to take your time with this stupid, offensive comment
Thank you for this.
Glad you keep the religion completely separate. Appreciated
We hear our elders say that nothing bad happens to good little kids that go to Sunday School. I do not hear you speaking about the rapes that happen in Sunday school, and the shame this produces. Why did he pick me to rape? This is not prostitution, this is the act that may precede it. It is horribly shameful and we never believe the same things about the God who let it happen. Deep deep shame, we believe the lie that we did that, because 'consent' is not taught as it should be. I am listening for it, and not hearing it. Why did God do that to me? Takes years to understand we did not do that at all, it was done to us, by liars in the pulpit. I get rid of it by naming it, at great risk. Amen
I and so sorry you had that happen, and all the pain, bewilderment and shame.
Have you seen his other talks about why God doesn't interfere with some human behavior? That to have the free will to love God, humans have to be able to have the opposite choice available too. That if we only loved God, and then one another, we would essentially be robots...in a way, forced to love God. Because of this, there are many horrible consequences of living out of love to God (and others). Anything that is not of love, is often hurtful. Churches are far from perfect. Sometimes, there are incredibly loving people there...and sometimes there are evil that hide within the realms of the church, sometimes overlooked because too many people (parents) assume that others in the church are "safe".
I hope you can find the talks that explain it better.
I hope you can find healing and peace.
22:50 narcist twist conflict to make you wrong out of deep shame hiding behind twisting reality
Okay, i understand the science but how exactly do we heal shame? What can we do to practically heal from it?
25:19 😮My favorite technique
16:00 you are valuable 🩷
How would you present respect to a narcissistic sadistic mother? I still feel sorry for her.. and I know she is human/ I understand something have happened to her to become a monster to her own child.
But , how do you feel respect for a sadistic person who beats and humiliates her own child and feels no remorse?
Great presentation - thank you so much.
The slide at 30.42 should include the level and depth of intoxication and different kinds of addictions, shouldn't it?
Or, is that just my shameful perfectionist overachiever that comes online 😂
Hi! Part 2/7 and 3/7 from shame is exactly the same video. You post it 2 times the same video. Can you change the mistake? Is important for people.
Wow, what he claims.people being able to fix shame ia more than half the population. The internet and tik tok makes everything worst.
Great vid thx a lot 🖤
Brilliant! ❤
Thanks!