@@Valeria-sx7uvpersonality is a response to our traits + our environment (ie trauma). Shame is the core of the personalities 2,3 and 4 on the enneagram.
I’ve been trying to learn how to heal for 30 years, & listening to many others about trauma & recovery. This is the most on-point treatment of shame I’ve heard!
I wish I would’ve known this in my early 20s. This is THE MOST profound and on Point class about this I’ve ever listened to. I’m 38 yrs old and have had little to no hope all my life. SHAME IS A TRICKY and horrible thing. I’m so grateful to the father and Tim.
Reading your comment felt almost like taboo lmao, caught me off guard. I was kind of wrestling with my shame to not admit that and then bam, its spelled out here haha. Kinda liberating tho best of luck on your journey, person
I accept the coping mechanisms that protected me when I had no choice... now as an adult I take full responsibility to heal wounds inside me in order to enjoy my life
this series has made me make some painful realizations. very insightful, but painful. Now i need to work on unlearning all the bad reactions and habits i’ve developed over the years. it’s so hard
I am in bed just listening and taking notes. This is so eye opening. This is the answer to all the turmoil I could not understand. I am 49 better late than never. Thank you for this.
When you have lived broken, hurting surviving, drugging, using manipulating isolating as raw as this sounds to me, it’s an ice cold glass of water in the desert
Thank you for this powerful 6 part series. You may never know just how many souls you have reserected and saved from much monkey mind and despair. Thank you Teacher Tim Fletcher
I agree but there's a chasm between quickly checking yourself out (normal) vs some people obsess over every small detail and mentally block out everyone else in the photo. I knew someone who would do this to the point of it ruining her day if she saw a less than perfect picture of herself. Whereas I just check my fly was up and i don't have a booger 😂
I do - Not because I think I'm "all that" but because I don't and I am hoping for at least one photo of myself where I am not cringing because I look like an ugly dork :)
I'm so happy that I found these videos when I'm 22 years old. I still have so much to do in life. I want to take the right steps and have the life I want. Shame has been a part of my life since i was 4-5 years old and it just created nothing but pain. I'm so tired of feeling lonely. Even though I have close friends, I could never open myself up and trust people. There have always been this fear of losing the people I love so I decided to put a wall against them. I never had a relationship or a date so it also makes me feel like I will die alone it's been scaring me to death for years. I thought that I was making all these things up and being ''dramatic'' but now I understand that it all comes from shame and fear of abandonment. It is normal that I felt this way cuz my dad abandoned, neglected and emotionally/verbally/physically abused us for many years. The only thing I want in life is to feel lovable and be loved for who I am. I guess it starts with loving and accepting myself first. Thank you for these lectures! You are helping us a lot!!
God man !!!! How I can ever thank you !!!!!! These are things to be reached in general not for specific people it seems to be that 99 percent of humanity needs this knowledge .. even if they don’t suffer from shame or on a very little scale they need to understand others who do feel it !!!! This will change sooooooooo much .. thank you again and I wish one day I will help spread the word .. awareness !!!!! Is the light
daaamn the 20th question blew me away as I knowingly dress with old and/or ripped clothes and feel they reflect the way I feel about myself but it's somewhat of a style that i like. I've never linked it to shame until now though
Same here. I can't believe more people are not aware of finding freedom. I hope everybody shares these videos. They can help anybody, if they want to be helped.
@@tarar.7617 Yeah, Tara! In my case, as a brazilian, I'm lucky my family made me learn english at an early age. This is not true for most people in my country, so I cannot help many by sharing this videos. I can advise them however to try and read some literature on the subject. Thanks! I wish you all the best!!
You have illuminated so much for me, my gosh. I wouldn't know where to begin - so I will start with this for now: THANK YOU!!! Lightbulbs exploding all over the place in terms of myself, my relationships, and people in general. Wow!!!
The older I get, and the more that is revealed around me I feel less and less shame I feel. Compared to alot of other people, ive been doing pretty good!
I envy non-traumatized, non-shame based people because it's like they live in another dimension and think we're all sad and demented when the reality is that they would be too if they had to go through what we've all endured to survive. It's effed up to be judged for being the way that I am when they could give two sh*ts about WHY I have "abnormal" responses to "harmless" environmental stimuli.
Your healing journey is a blessing and deep commitment to life God didn’t give others. healing traumatic experiences that live in the body makes you wise and resilient to the reality we’re in. Also everyone has shame and trauma whether big or small. The awareness to it is what’s being learnt nowadays
I’m so thankful for this information! I do not care who the messenger is in regards to his faith. I will use this help to facilitate growth and release of my shame. I wish the same for everyone. We are all worthy.
I’ve had ONE healthy relationship…one…in 57 years. I found him boring as can be as there was nothing I could help, change, rescue, or fix. Poor guy, I broke his ❤
YEP! This was me in High School! I HAD TO have someone where I was constantly having to "re-earn" their love and respect - at the first sign of someone actually liking ME "just because" I instantly lost attraction...
I thought I'd have been rid of these things much earlier in my life. There have been times I have been much healthier than I am now, but some really traumatic things happened to me in the last few years that have destroyed my confidence all over again. How could this happen? How can I still be this broken at 40? And I've walked with the Lord for 21 years.
Thank you so much for this free series. It is supremely helpful. Also, now I understand why cats have been admired by humans for centuries. They have zero shame.
After 5 years pf therapy, doing 12 steps for children of alcoholic I got only 8 responses above 7. The Therapy was a nightmare but fruitful with time. I can see changes. Still struggle with work and having freinds who don't want only meet to drink alcohol. I really like this talks but I can't find in this presentation a complete guideline how to overcome it. Thank you for your comments, i find them interesting and helpful that I am not alone in this situation.
If I go to a place with toxic individuals. I will not look them in the eyes. I will go and take care of business then leave. It's unreal the level of glares I get from the toxic dogs in a room when I don't even acknowledge them.
They glare at u cause they expect u to worship them and u dont_ so they attempt to get your worship through threatening u_ that's how I can figure out they are toxic_ it's best not to look at them_ just get away from them
At first this seemed helpful but I've listened to 3 hours now of him basically describing in great detail all the way you can be ashamed .. with like one or two tiny suggestions for how to deal with it. I wanted to be able to recommend this to my friends but that's pretty brutal.
This was a hard watch, though incredibly informative despite bringing back the memories of almost every traumatic event I've experienced. From an abusive childhood by parents/siblings, schools, work, to my first/last ex love of my life who cheated and left me broken; evolving into living life with such crippling anxiety, repressed emotions, resentment, shame and loneliness (even more so now). I'm 30 years old, and starting to realize all the bullshit uttered by family/peers who propagated/programed my mind that I will always be inadequate which stunted my true growth/potential during my teens and twenties; and this video confirmed everything I knew deep down in my heart as well as the back of mind... That what was drilled into my head is not true and that I'm not alone. Thank you for this video and maybe being the only man on UA-cam who really understands what complex trauma is all about and how to heal from it. That being said I will dedicate the rest of my life, starting with my 30's to be the most productive decade I've ever experienced which I know will lead me to a happier if not fulfilled life (for the most part). Good luck to everyone who chose to walk a new path as I am now, and please don't listen to that bastard voice in your head telling you that you are nothing because you are something. Take care ❤
A bonus about the ❤ of God for each of us. Please read Ps 139 out Loud! As often as you want and believe what he is saying to you. Be healed by his love. He cares for you. Psalms 139:17-18 TPT [17-18] Every single moment you are thinking of me! How precious and wonderful to consider that you cherish me constantly in your every thought! O God, your desires toward me are more than the grains of sand on every shore! When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.😊
I have MOST of these to some degree (some HIGH some mid one or 2 low or none) but one of the highest scores is my lack of boundaries with the people who are the most important in my life...
My gift is Pratical Helps, God wired me that way and I get a lot of joy of helping - professionally & personally blessing & being blessed. I’m not a martyr and have good boundaries. I don’t become resentful of don’t put expectations on others. I have learned to communicate my needs. I wouldn’t change a thing. I do know those though that complain they are not being appreciated etc which makes me wonder what their motivation is. These 40+ points aren’t always related to past trauma. Personality & maturity level are big factors also
I like this very much. However Isaiah 41:10 says ( KJV ) he will uphold us with the rt hand of his righteousness. We must be righteous….he hears the prayers of the righteous….the bible is very conditional!. I have searched scriptures for a very long time. My fav pastor has defined and broken down scripture…who knew how important verbs were!. We must be taught the precise correct knowledge of God. May I suggest to anyone that wants to know the truth-David Middleton. He is the absolute best!…love this man and his knowledge for truth!. Blessings to all!.
Thank You Sir, it's coming all out of respect ,thank you for helping me to meet my own self 🙏 I will now all my life be infinitely grateful to you. To me it all the sessions so far felt like a msg from God that I felt would never see me worthy of his love but now I know whose love is here to heal me through you. A big thank you.. His love has no judgement. And at the deeper sense I am now going to commit to my own self and I understand I am not being selfish but caring for self and that's important to my wellbeing and all others that I care for.
For those at home with parents still: to allow your cortex the ability to reparent your limbic brain, 🧠 , you have to defuse from thinking and feeling(they connected) and to do this you need to get into more of a centra vagal state where you are reaching higher, but to do this, you can’t constantly be triggered. I will say, being at home with a hypercritical parent, what seems to have helped the most was getting a single induction burner that I could bring in basement, to seperate the actual cooking from the spaces they hang out. Plus this helped with unresolved or sensory differences as well as sense of smell goes to amygdala, you won’t be able to get them to problem solve ever if it’s a smell issue they are sensative too as well. The nice thing about induction is I can easily take this anywhere and I can plug in as long as extension cord was propped wattage, and I can precisely set temp below smoke point of oil I use. Then no smoke. I have a pan I got for myself too, cast iron carbon steel(they are healthy along with stainless steel) It’s just what I’m pointing out is i spent way too much time pleading with and trying to encourage them to work with me and problem solve and in reality what I should have done upfront was buy a single induction burner, gone in the basement with my own pan, and separated activities of daily living from them. This has helped a lot.
Just a question for anyone out there who cares to answer it: Do any of you also have OCD with your shame trauma? I am 61 years old and i still run around the house every day before I leave, making sure there are no dangerous situations that I need to take care of (running water, a burner that was left one, open refridgerator etc, that, if I don't see and take care of might cause irrieparable damage or at the very least BLAME (which will increase my shame even more) - the OCD kicks in because it makes me question question myself regarding what I am seeing - ex: it LOOKS like the water isn't running BUT what if it is? (Yes a horrible way to live)
The perpetrators of trauma see it as their greatest task or the most satisfying side effect for them to cause shame in the victim. Shame that cannot simply be resolved because it is not self-generated. In most cases, the victim's belief and value systems are also betrayed, which makes comforting healing very difficult. Yet unperverted shame is a very sensitive and empathic way for people to recognise their own limitations.
I wish he had a link for the paper he is talking about, to check each question to see if we struggle with the different shame indicators. Does anyone know?
❤Everyones an addict this is an addictive society, our brains have addictive qualities. They used to feed the slaves beer to improve productivity increase incentive.
Thank you sir for these messages I LOVE THEM I love that this is biblically based truth. I have been needing these but but never heard this approach before its wonderful.
I personally don't believe you can intelectualize yourself out of shame , I know he's qualified and has worked with a lot of people and this might work for them , but for people who have an intrusive component to their self talk this won't work . I have a lot of trauma around this , I would shut down and walk out of a therapist office If they suggest to me just contradict your beliefs, because I did that in the past , I trusted them and it made things a lot worse. So let's ilustrate one thing , I don't have OCD but a lot of times I have moral panics , I believe I am that bad I ran out of things I know I am bad about so I imagine myself being an even worse person : I don't want to be a bad person but at some point I will be , I am even capable of killing people , that's how bad I am . If I try to intelectualize myself out of this outrageous belief I won't go anywhere, in fact I will spiral so bad for days because I am not able to convince myself I won't kill people , instead I never contradict this belief, I treat it like an intrusive thought , I don't fight with it . This is an extreme example that is ironically easier to catch and deal with than the more subtile ones, I also had to fragment my inner dialogue into the one that is exclusively negative and the one that observes it and never judges it , to do this I had to accept that I might have no inner self , that everything that I think I am is someone else so let's instead indetify with the one that's not fully formed .
But he openly says himself at about 23:30 that the intellectual component to healing from shame is just one element and just talking to yourself the truth about shame will not be enough.
Plus he says it's a gradual process to learn to notice when you're limbic brain kicks in and try to remind your self of the facts thus switching to the cortexe.
Is there such a thing as a double mirror? As in, what if someone is not used to hearing positive things about themselves, BUT they've also been told complimentary things to people that were truly insincere and/or compliments were used to manipulate you? I can tell you it makes it even more difficult to navigate.
Yes. I have experienced this also. People complementing me to manipulate me. Now when someone complements me I don't know if it's genuine or if it's just because they want something from me.
A lot of that self defalcating think feeling and acting is born out of being emotionally abandoned in childhood and being in agreement with your abusers you had to cohabitate with, at 8 years old what options or alternatives do you have at 8 years old? Also the assumption of your silence and submissiveness as to the abuse is assumed and demanded or else you will die, you have to place yourself as a 8 year old boy facing a life or death scenario the killer or potential killer is your own biological mother, desperate situations demand desperate responses
You are a son of the King…I am praying you feel HIS love for you today and always!! You are lovable…you are worthy…sending hugs to you! Keep working on changing your inner thoughts to positive…Jeremiah 29:11…let go of everyone who brings the negative and surround yourself with positive!
Wow- this is exactly how I am feeling-neglect and psychological/ emotional abuse from s mentally I’ll, shame-filled and angry mother. I discounted this (myself) because it was clear she was damaged. You’ll probably never see this comment, but thank you’
One key issue being 3 videos into this lecture is you rarely mention how unconscious these processes are. If someone has dissociation all they will do is observe this operating system of ego defences in action with no real defence as the trauma ( flashbacks, dissociations & distortions) act in an occult way. For example, drinking for me isnt purely shame based. Ive stopped now because i havw fewer inplicit flashbacks. But attacking and trying to micro-manage trauma defence systems without healing is just more shaming. It's like telling a schizophrenic to stop talking to themselves. Im not even going to into cluster B personalities. As functioning or non-functioning they are they have lost touched with reality.
Okay, I've been listening to various videos about shame recently because UA-cam popped them into my stream and it's made me pretty convinced, as I thought, that shame hasn't played much of a role in my life. I do recognize quite a bit in how this particular guy describes how parents talk to you so that you end up with shame, from my time of having been badly otherized in England. That's a matter of shame on them. It was a horrible experience. I do now constantly say that I "stupidly" did this or "stupidly" did that. I have to stop doing that. It's... stupid. 😂
It's like my whole personality is trauma responses
Yeah I thought they were all my good traits too.
Everything he is saying here can be anyone/everyone. Pull what you need to move forward.
Meditate
Lol @@keriannbyrnes8823
Sadly it is really hard to separate personality from trauma responses, especially if trauma has happened when you was really young :(
@@Valeria-sx7uvpersonality is a response to our traits + our environment (ie trauma). Shame is the core of the personalities 2,3 and 4 on the enneagram.
What this man does for people with trauma is incredible. Thank you from all my heart ❤
I’ve been trying to learn how to heal for 30 years, & listening to many others about trauma & recovery. This is the most on-point treatment of shame I’ve heard!
I wish I would’ve known this in my early 20s. This is THE MOST profound and on Point class about this I’ve ever listened to. I’m 38 yrs old and have had little to no hope all my life. SHAME IS A TRICKY and horrible thing.
I’m so grateful to the father and Tim.
38 years old as well ;) This series has truly been a blessing
@@TheWordMercy82 I'm so much older...I wish this was available years ago....
Try 48
It’s shameful
Narcissism starts in early childhood. Deception is a horrible thing. Narcissists are great actors!.
I have never had a healthy relationship-- NOW I KNOW WHY!!
What is a healthy relationship toxic is all I understand
Same
Reading your comment felt almost like taboo lmao, caught me off guard. I was kind of wrestling with my shame to not admit that and then bam, its spelled out here haha. Kinda liberating tho
best of luck on your journey, person
ditto😮
Same here and now I know sadly
I accept the coping mechanisms that protected me when I had no choice... now as an adult I take full responsibility to heal wounds inside me in order to enjoy my life
Shame started being apart of my life when I was 8 years old
this series has made me make some painful realizations. very insightful, but painful. Now i need to work on unlearning all the bad reactions and habits i’ve developed over the years. it’s so hard
Knowing how hard it is to us is like a big secret to overcoming and becoming wholeness.
I am in bed just listening and taking notes. This is so eye opening. This is the answer to all the turmoil I could not understand. I am 49 better late than never. Thank you for this.
Man this is rough stuff. But the alternative, continuing to live as before is even rougher
When you have lived broken, hurting surviving, drugging, using manipulating isolating as raw as this sounds to me, it’s an ice cold glass of water in the desert
It's good to see so many men here admitting to living with this
This is painful and liberating at the same time
Thank you for this powerful 6 part series. You may never know just how many souls you have reserected and saved from much monkey mind and despair. Thank you Teacher Tim Fletcher
"Shame is a soul-eating emotion."
- Carl Jung
The phony me was created from a life threatening situation I experienced at 8 years old thanks for vocalizing these things it’s miraculous to me
Everyone looks for themselves first in photos
I agree but there's a chasm between quickly checking yourself out (normal) vs some people obsess over every small detail and mentally block out everyone else in the photo. I knew someone who would do this to the point of it ruining her day if she saw a less than perfect picture of herself. Whereas I just check my fly was up and i don't have a booger 😂
Thank you
This lol
Agreed
I do - Not because I think I'm "all that" but because I don't and I am hoping for at least one photo of myself where I am not cringing because I look like an ugly dork :)
I'm so happy that I found these videos when I'm 22 years old. I still have so much to do in life. I want to take the right steps and have the life I want. Shame has been a part of my life since i was 4-5 years old and it just created nothing but pain. I'm so tired of feeling lonely. Even though I have close friends, I could never open myself up and trust people. There have always been this fear of losing the people I love so I decided to put a wall against them. I never had a relationship or a date so it also makes me feel like I will die alone it's been scaring me to death for years.
I thought that I was making all these things up and being ''dramatic'' but now I understand that it all comes from shame and fear of abandonment. It is normal that I felt this way cuz my dad abandoned, neglected and emotionally/verbally/physically abused us for many years.
The only thing I want in life is to feel lovable and be loved for who I am. I guess it starts with loving and accepting myself first. Thank you for these lectures! You are helping us a lot!!
So sad for how u feeling. U r wounds can be healed. Lots starts with attachment theories in childhood. Blessings and healing to u!.
This is the most helpful series I’ve found on UA-cam. I’m so grateful for your ministry.❤
Same ❤
God man !!!! How I can ever thank you !!!!!! These are things to be reached in general not for specific people it seems to be that 99 percent of humanity needs this knowledge .. even if they don’t suffer from shame or on a very little scale they need to understand others who do feel it !!!! This will change sooooooooo much .. thank you again and I wish one day I will help spread the word .. awareness !!!!! Is the light
daaamn the 20th question blew me away as I knowingly dress with old and/or ripped clothes and feel they reflect the way I feel about myself but it's somewhat of a style that i like. I've never linked it to shame until now though
Sir, you've been helping me a lot!! Nothing to say but: thank you so much!!
Same here. I can't believe more people are not aware of finding freedom. I hope everybody shares these videos. They can help anybody, if they want to be helped.
@@tarar.7617 Yeah, Tara! In my case, as a brazilian, I'm lucky my family made me learn english at an early age. This is not true for most people in my country, so I cannot help many by sharing this videos.
I can advise them however to try and read some literature on the subject. Thanks! I wish you all the best!!
I came here thinking I had no shame only to realize it's actually my whole personality. 🤣
Just watching these videos are healing and transformative. Absolutely amazing.
Tim is rolling out a blue print of my thinking, feeling, acting the mechanics of my world
You have illuminated so much for me, my gosh. I wouldn't know where to begin - so I will start with this for now: THANK YOU!!! Lightbulbs exploding all over the place in terms of myself, my relationships, and people in general. Wow!!!
The older I get, and the more that is revealed around me I feel less and less shame I feel. Compared to alot of other people, ive been doing pretty good!
Tim, you're a gift from God.Thank you.
Excellent! Excellent! Excellent! This man basically hit on the one thing that is kryptonite to all humans and it is SHAME. 🎉🎉🎉🎉
OMG..I'm screwed 🙄
You are absolutely brilliant!🙌
This video was so painful and eye opening , watched this thinking I have no to little shame and the rest really hit hard ! Yea I need to sign up .
I envy non-traumatized, non-shame based people because it's like they live in another dimension and think we're all sad and demented when the reality is that they would be too if they had to go through what we've all endured to survive. It's effed up to be judged for being the way that I am when they could give two sh*ts about WHY I have "abnormal" responses to "harmless" environmental stimuli.
Your healing journey is a blessing and deep commitment to life God didn’t give others. healing traumatic experiences that live in the body makes you wise and resilient to the reality we’re in.
Also everyone has shame and trauma whether big or small. The awareness to it is what’s being learnt nowadays
I’m so thankful for this information! I do not care who the messenger is in regards to his faith. I will use this help to facilitate growth and release of my shame. I wish the same for everyone. We are all worthy.
I’ve had ONE healthy relationship…one…in 57 years. I found him boring as can be as there was nothing I could help, change, rescue, or fix. Poor guy, I broke his ❤
YEP! This was me in High School! I HAD TO have someone where I was constantly having to "re-earn" their love and respect - at the first sign of someone actually liking ME "just because" I instantly lost attraction...
This is more helpful than anything I’ve done in my 54 years. 😢
This was awesome 👌. I'm so excited to start changing that limbic brain to cortex.
I thought I'd have been rid of these things much earlier in my life. There have been times I have been much healthier than I am now, but some really traumatic things happened to me in the last few years that have destroyed my confidence all over again. How could this happen? How can I still be this broken at 40? And I've walked with the Lord for 21 years.
How are you doing now?
Thank you so much for this free series. It is supremely helpful. Also, now I understand why cats have been admired by humans for centuries. They have zero shame.
😂😂
Growing up poor, having low self-esteem and shame becoming codependent, taking advantage of being helpful or doing the right thing
You are not alone ❤
After 5 years pf therapy, doing 12 steps for children of alcoholic I got only 8 responses above 7. The Therapy was a nightmare but fruitful with time. I can see changes. Still struggle with work and having freinds who don't want only meet to drink alcohol. I really like this talks but I can't find in this presentation a complete guideline how to overcome it. Thank you for your comments, i find them interesting and helpful that I am not alone in this situation.
If I go to a place with toxic individuals. I will not look them in the eyes. I will go and take care of business then leave. It's unreal the level of glares I get from the toxic dogs in a room when I don't even acknowledge them.
Oh yes.
They glare at u cause they expect u to worship them and u dont_ so they attempt to get your worship through threatening u_ that's how I can figure out they are toxic_ it's best not to look at them_ just get away from them
Ooh yes, avoid the eyes at all costs. Get in and out! You owe a toxic person ✨nothing✨
At first this seemed helpful but I've listened to 3 hours now of him basically describing in great detail all the way you can be ashamed .. with like one or two tiny suggestions for how to deal with it. I wanted to be able to recommend this to my friends but that's pretty brutal.
You have to listen to the whole series. This is only one part. He talks about how to heal from it in the later episodes.
Oh yes now it all makes sense that's the feeling i get after knowing this guy .he is such a blessing
This was a hard watch, though incredibly informative despite bringing back the memories of almost every traumatic event I've experienced.
From an abusive childhood by parents/siblings, schools, work, to my first/last ex love of my life who cheated and left me broken; evolving into living life with such crippling anxiety, repressed emotions, resentment, shame and loneliness (even more so now).
I'm 30 years old, and starting to realize all the bullshit uttered by family/peers who propagated/programed my mind that I will always be inadequate which stunted my true growth/potential during my teens and twenties; and this video confirmed everything I knew deep down in my heart as well as the back of mind... That what was drilled into my head is not true and that I'm not alone.
Thank you for this video and maybe being the only man on UA-cam who really understands what complex trauma is all about and how to heal from it.
That being said I will dedicate the rest of my life, starting with my 30's to be the most productive decade I've ever experienced which I know will lead me to a happier if not fulfilled life (for the most part).
Good luck to everyone who chose to walk a new path as I am now, and please don't listen to that bastard voice in your head telling you that you are nothing because you are something.
Take care ❤
The Lord is near unto them that are of a broken heart, and saves such as be of a contrite spirit. Psalm 34
Who else is there
I feel broken Beyond repair right now
Many of us do. But the fact, that we are here, looking for a solution, is enough for knowing that we are on the right path.
Sure, with this information at hand, you can only go up. Find the strength to rise, it's within you.
@@acjom101That or just beat into submission by the algorithm exploiting our biases and self loathing.
🙏🙏🙏
Same.
I love your videos, explanations. Pls keep posting them. Super helpful!!! ❤❤❤🙏
Wow, its like there is nothing but shame. Like everything I do in my life and who I am is shame.
Thank you. That was SUCH a helpful list.
Thank you Tim, RIP Pete Gerlach. Your work is deeply appreciated
A bonus about the ❤ of God for each of us.
Please read Ps 139 out Loud! As often as you want and believe what he is saying to you.
Be healed by his love. He cares for you.
Psalms 139:17-18 TPT
[17-18] Every single moment you are thinking of me! How precious and wonderful to consider that you cherish me constantly in your every thought! O God, your desires toward me are more than the grains of sand on every shore! When I awake each morning, you’re still with me.😊
Amazing stuff right here, truly amazing
I have MOST of these to some degree (some HIGH some mid one or 2 low or none) but one of the highest scores is my lack of boundaries with the people who are the most important in my life...
My gift is Pratical Helps, God wired me that way and I get a lot of joy of helping - professionally & personally blessing & being blessed. I’m not a martyr and have good boundaries. I don’t become resentful of don’t put expectations on others. I have learned to communicate my needs. I wouldn’t change a thing. I do know those though that complain they are not being appreciated etc which makes me wonder what their motivation is. These 40+ points aren’t always related to past trauma. Personality & maturity level are big factors also
Aren't you a lucky one, this podcast obviously not for you. You were blessed hope you get that.
Everyone of these!!! 😢 I thought I was the only one with problems like this. Maybe there’s hope.
Right now iam alone eating ice-cream at 11am, so there's THAT
Its ok. Eat icecream dear.
Hey, we all do it. I'm alone most of the time. Let's be friends 😂
You are giving me hope ❤️
I really hope that I can change my self image and lift myself somehow in my value. I can't possibly work on all that points individually 😂
I like this very much. However Isaiah 41:10 says ( KJV ) he will uphold us with the rt hand of his righteousness. We must be righteous….he hears the prayers of the righteous….the bible is very conditional!. I have searched scriptures for a very long time. My fav pastor has defined and broken down scripture…who knew how important verbs were!. We must be taught the precise correct knowledge of God. May I suggest to anyone that wants to know the truth-David Middleton. He is the absolute best!…love this man and his knowledge for truth!. Blessings to all!.
Thank You Sir, it's coming all out of respect ,thank you for helping me to meet my own self 🙏 I will now all my life be infinitely grateful to you. To me it all the sessions so far felt like a msg from God that I felt would never see me worthy of his love but now I know whose love is here to heal me through you. A big thank you.. His love has no judgement. And at the deeper sense I am now going to commit to my own self and I understand I am not being selfish but caring for self and that's important to my wellbeing and all others that I care for.
27:17 is extremely important and oh boy, it never too late to relearn what I already thought I know…
Cortex: hold my beer, Limbic…
Limbic: make me…
This man is amazing.
For those at home with parents still: to allow your cortex the ability to reparent your limbic brain, 🧠 , you have to defuse from thinking and feeling(they connected) and to do this you need to get into more of a centra vagal state where you are reaching higher, but to do this, you can’t constantly be triggered. I will say, being at home with a hypercritical parent, what seems to have helped the most was getting a single induction burner that I could bring in basement, to seperate the actual cooking from the spaces they hang out. Plus this helped with unresolved or sensory differences as well as sense of smell goes to amygdala, you won’t be able to get them to problem solve ever if it’s a smell issue they are sensative too as well. The nice thing about induction is I can easily take this anywhere and I can plug in as long as extension cord was propped wattage, and I can precisely set temp below smoke point of oil I use. Then no smoke. I have a pan I got for myself too, cast iron carbon steel(they are healthy along with stainless steel) It’s just what I’m pointing out is i spent way too much time pleading with and trying to encourage them to work with me and problem solve and in reality what I should have done upfront was buy a single induction burner, gone in the basement with my own pan, and separated activities of daily living from them. This has helped a lot.
Very practical. Thanks for sharing.
@@rabbitcreative yeah just also know if not working especially, late tv is the sunshine at night that keeps you up
Just a question for anyone out there who cares to answer it: Do any of you also have OCD with your shame trauma? I am 61 years old and i still run around the house every day before I leave, making sure there are no dangerous situations that I need to take care of (running water, a burner that was left one, open refridgerator etc, that, if I don't see and take care of might cause irrieparable damage or at the very least BLAME (which will increase my shame even more) - the OCD kicks in because it makes me question question myself regarding what I am seeing - ex: it LOOKS like the water isn't running BUT what if it is? (Yes a horrible way to live)
Such wisdom
Passed with flying colours! 😢
The perpetrators of trauma see it as their greatest task or the most satisfying side effect for them to cause shame in the victim. Shame that cannot simply be resolved because it is not self-generated. In most cases, the victim's belief and value systems are also betrayed, which makes comforting healing very difficult. Yet unperverted shame is a very sensitive and empathic way for people to recognise their own limitations.
I wish he had a link for the paper he is talking about, to check each question to see if we struggle with the different shame indicators. Does anyone know?
Screen shots?
This is some awesome work here.
❤Everyones an addict this is an addictive society, our brains have addictive qualities. They used to feed the slaves beer to improve productivity increase incentive.
Cortex vs limbic brain! Never thought of this...
Thank you sir for these messages I LOVE THEM I love that this is biblically based truth. I have been needing these but but never heard this approach before its wonderful.
You're exposing our naked self
It's like coffee and cream once mixed how do you separate shame and disorganized attachment disorder.
❤️
I personally don't believe you can intelectualize yourself out of shame , I know he's qualified and has worked with a lot of people and this might work for them , but for people who have an intrusive component to their self talk this won't work . I have a lot of trauma around this , I would shut down and walk out of a therapist office If they suggest to me just contradict your beliefs, because I did that in the past , I trusted them and it made things a lot worse. So let's ilustrate one thing , I don't have OCD but a lot of times I have moral panics , I believe I am that bad I ran out of things I know I am bad about so I imagine myself being an even worse person : I don't want to be a bad person but at some point I will be , I am even capable of killing people , that's how bad I am . If I try to intelectualize myself out of this outrageous belief I won't go anywhere, in fact I will spiral so bad for days because I am not able to convince myself I won't kill people , instead I never contradict this belief, I treat it like an intrusive thought , I don't fight with it . This is an extreme example that is ironically easier to catch and deal with than the more subtile ones, I also had to fragment my inner dialogue into the one that is exclusively negative and the one that observes it and never judges it , to do this I had to accept that I might have no inner self , that everything that I think I am is someone else so let's instead indetify with the one that's not fully formed .
But he openly says himself at about 23:30 that the intellectual component to healing from shame is just one element and just talking to yourself the truth about shame will not be enough.
Plus he says it's a gradual process to learn to notice when you're limbic brain kicks in and try to remind your self of the facts thus switching to the cortexe.
Wow, thank you for this Very helpful video. I will listen a few more times.😁Blessings
Thank you 🙂
Thx. Mom. Doin great 🤪
Thank you for this
Basically being a human being
This is a brilliant series. So true about me.
Thank you!!
Amazing...explained a lot about everyone of us❤
Is there such a thing as a double mirror? As in, what if someone is not used to hearing positive things about themselves, BUT they've also been told complimentary things to people that were truly insincere and/or compliments were used to manipulate you? I can tell you it makes it even more difficult to navigate.
Yes. I have experienced this also. People complementing me to manipulate me. Now when someone complements me I don't know if it's genuine or if it's just because they want something from me.
How much shame do i have? Lets see.... im a quart low. guess it's time to visit mom!😢
A lot of that self defalcating think feeling and acting is born out of being emotionally abandoned in childhood and being in agreement with your abusers you had to cohabitate with, at 8 years old what options or alternatives do you have at 8 years old? Also the assumption of your silence and submissiveness as to the abuse is assumed and demanded or else you will die, you have to place yourself as a 8 year old boy facing a life or death scenario the killer or potential killer is your own biological mother, desperate situations demand desperate responses
You are a son of the King…I am praying you feel HIS love for you today and always!! You are lovable…you are worthy…sending hugs to you! Keep working on changing your inner thoughts to positive…Jeremiah 29:11…let go of everyone who brings the negative and surround yourself with positive!
Wow- this is exactly how I am feeling-neglect and psychological/ emotional abuse from s mentally I’ll, shame-filled and angry mother. I discounted this (myself) because it was clear she was damaged. You’ll probably never see this comment, but thank you’
This is a key concept. 🗝
So heavy I just wanna give up
Thank you for this video
Wow, thank you!!!! ❤❤❤🎉
I always thought that my family was normal. And I always flunk this kind of test.
I have all of these issues less than or greater than
Thanks. Also again for separating the religion
Is there a PDF or link to the questions to print off?
I don't believe in blame, a unified self, or even free will, except when it comes to me, lol
One key issue being 3 videos into this lecture is you rarely mention how unconscious these processes are. If someone has dissociation all they will do is observe this operating system of ego defences in action with no real defence as the trauma ( flashbacks, dissociations & distortions) act in an occult way. For example, drinking for me isnt purely shame based. Ive stopped now because i havw fewer inplicit flashbacks. But attacking and trying to micro-manage trauma defence systems without healing is just more shaming. It's like telling a schizophrenic to stop talking to themselves. Im not even going to into cluster B personalities. As functioning or non-functioning they are they have lost touched with reality.
Serious question.....are there any people in this world who don't have shame at all? Please respond, thanks 🙏🏾
Does this relate to shame of been cheated on?
Okay, I've been listening to various videos about shame recently because UA-cam popped them into my stream and it's made me pretty convinced, as I thought, that shame hasn't played much of a role in my life. I do recognize quite a bit in how this particular guy describes how parents talk to you so that you end up with shame, from my time of having been badly otherized in England. That's a matter of shame on them. It was a horrible experience.
I do now constantly say that I "stupidly" did this or "stupidly" did that. I have to stop doing that. It's... stupid. 😂
Wow! Just wow! 😔
So is the checklist of shame then describing narcissists and empaths ? Very similar characteristics.