I'm 65 years old and just now learning about these issues concerning complex PTSD developmental trauma survival styles. I haven't been in a relationship in 65 years, a real one. I've been single for almost 40 years, no relationships other than a couple of dogs here and there, but most of them left got old and died. Been reading this book complex PTSD from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker. I don't think a lot of these issues really have come to the forefront until now. If I had these tools 40 years ago, my life would've been different, more fulfilling.
He mightve said it but another thing that's hard about facing the shame is you have to face most of your life felt like a lie and you have to face you don't really know who you are because you were in survival mode
@@leahflower9924 We've sacrificed our authenticity as children in order to survive and get love from our parents, and now we don't know who we are because we suppressed that authenticity. Although it makes for a difficult life being confused about our authentic personality, one thing Ive realized is that we arent our personalities anyway, We Are Consciousness Itself. God communion and transcendence of the body-mind ego-identity is the process that leads to ultimate Truth and True Salvation. Rather than build a personality we need to surrender our presumed separate identity to God.
@@rickp.6251 Healing from a compromised, abusive childhood is possible, rediscovering your identity after distancing yourself from the abusive family of origin. Being a sacrifice to God is possible in any moment of Divine Communion, it is not about having an identity, it is about remembering God in your feeling Heart instead of your own mind, content, concerns, which most people mistakenly consider their "identity".
@@HeartFeltGesturethis is terrible advice. Talk about not at all facing the problem and being your own abuser by keeping yourself lost. Loss of identity makes mental illness so much more harder to fight. Good luck.
It’s not easy to unlearn what we were taught about ourselves when we were so innocent and naive. I’ve been trying to recreate myself as long as I remember and I’m still not there. It’s a life long process.
You are an acceptable, lovable person, Sherri. I'm seeking nothing from you. I know this won't solve the problems you are dealing with, but, it IS true, despite what you've learned through your unfortunate circumstances. I'm in your shoes (give or take), as any and all of us who received shame messages through our early years are fighting the lies we had to accept from our wounded and therefore wounding "caregivers". My prayers are with all of us suffering from such atrocities. 🙏
this guy is basically laying out my who life as an adult, mentally, emotionally and physically, I dont let anyone close to me, humor, masks, isolation, hiding, we switch masks to fit in and get acceptance, it's all role play to get accepted, so so me, i will be whatever you want me to do just dont reject me, so true to my behavior.
A big ah-ha for me was hearing someone say that when we modify, cover who we are, pretend to be what others want...we are rejecting ourselves. It is the ultimate self betrayal. We are repeating the pattern of rejection. In trying to avoid rejection, it requires that we self reject. Once I understood that, I was done. I want to be me and the only way I can find my tribe, so to show up for myself. No one will show up for me, if I don't. If I reject myself, others will too. I'm modifying ourselves, we can get resentful, and deeply lonely...because we aren't known. The only chance for allowing true connection, is to stop rejecting ourselves to be something else for others! I hope you are doing well!
It's crazy I still have a drop of hope that someday I'll get to live... I'm 49, I spent my whole life hateing my whole being and trying to get away from myself. I just want to be ok
I seriously cannot believe how incredible Tim is at describing shame and all the other mental health issues he goes over and symptoms of complex trauma. I feel extremely grateful to have come across his messages as they have been an absolute pillar in my recovery. Thank you Tim.
victim of childhood abuse here! everything about this video rings so true for me. i think I've spent years of my life, from as far back as I can remember, switching from trying to be a people pleaser to creating an image to putting no effort. i'm definitely in the no effort stage at the moment. like i don't care anymore about anything and i kinda just wanna give up on everything. i've started my recovery almost a year ago now and i'm sure a lot of people going through the same thing would agree that this ain't easy. truth be told, i still see myself as that helpless child who just want the right kind of love and the right kind of affection from the right kind of people. sighhh
Ryan C So glad you are on the road of recovery. You are so right when you say this isn't easy!! It's a journey of extreme high peaks, middles and lows. You have a great advantage I'm not sure you are aware of.....you are young...you have realized that you were in a dysfunctional upbringing etc, you are seeking recovery while young. Your future is going to be so awesome because you are aware of your needs, desires, wants. Most individuals, like me, have already lived over half of their life before "waking up" so to speak. I'm 54 yrs old, female, I'm in my S4 on year of recovery. I've already went through the process of trying to get the past back for a doever. I've let it go. It's all about finding self and wellness now. I'm rambling, but just wanted to make sure you realize you aren't alone. You can do this. Wishing you well on this toad. It's so worth it. Don't stop.
Ultimately these are things as adults we need to give ourselves directly and indirectly in terms of what conditions and people we allow in our lives.This process will slowly rebuild the child inside to feel more empowered and trusting of the self
Dont you hate when people just invalidate your trauma and basically tell you to stop being a bitch? No empathy for men suffering from abuse unless its sexual.
@@Tightness8 that is true. If they see a person with no arms and legs they go: Wow, you've been throught a lot. But if someone has not been sexually/physically abused as a kid - but tortured psychologically by monsters... That's like "What's wrong with you? Pull uourself together".
Have you attended any ACA support meetings? they may be helpful...others healing from thier childhood abuse...I love a good group...you are not alone...
I'm 38 and discovering now how my life has been limited because of childhood complex trauma. I'm grateful to God I came across Tim Fletcher; every thing is now perfectly making meaning
You saved a life Tim. Thank you for sharing these lectures. I've watched over 30 of your videos and got to understand myself better and take on the world better.
This man is absolutely brilliant. I feel totally called out by this video ... the mirror analogy is so perfect. I've been to so many therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, and nobody could identify and explain the shame I've felt my entire life. Thank you so much for this ... now I can finally figure out how to let go of the bad habits I've developed because of my childhood.
So true! In the bigger picture, most of us are addicts and disconnected from our true selves because our culture promotes complex trauma. Most people I know are hiding. And they're addicted to games, social media, image-polishing, and on and on. We are bullies to those who refuse to follow our values, as well as to ourselves. We are addicted and lost. We have to search long and hard for people who have truly escaped this or overcome it to become genuine and self-determined. Thank God for UA-cam where we can study their perspectives. I believe humanity is climbing out of this paradigm ... and this work is helping us. We're pioneers in genuineness and reclaimed spirits. 💞
Internalizing is our worst enemy. Trauma reinforces that notion. An important video. I hope this gets viewed by millions. I would venture to say every Adult has experienced some form of trauma in their life; some, have denied it, but if they dig deep, they too, would know. No one is immune, let me just say.
I have lived with a Shame identity fir 70+ yrs. I am longing to be authentic, whole, loving. I took on the many roles of survival and battling enormous fear and anger ( turned on myself ) the black sheep, less than scape goat. Having been in this much suppressed emotional needs, my days have been rarely happy...blah blah. I am getting such a tremendous benefit from your heartfelt lectures! Blessings all round!
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I feel like I've learnt more about myself in watching just 2 of your videos (so far) than I have in over 2 years of therapy and hundreds of hours of watching other videos on here! You truly are amazing, thank you x
Awesome explanation. Not only for those with addiction. Anyone with CT can benefit . Thank you for sharing this. For anyone going thru self help, healing from past traumas, these videos are excellent tools to get a better understanding, of themselves, their past, and present ..and gives hope for a better, mentally, emotional future
Narcissist are constantly changing their relationships they can’t keep the mask on. I met a narcissist dated him for 8 months now I’m in therapy for complex PTSD! He was cruel, in raged, and value and devalued me and cheated. They need help!
@@007lutherking Its very much BPD Boarderline personality disorder only that is an EXTREME COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER around abandonment I was treated using DBT Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. it is an intensive treatment lasting 18 months. It is incredible and also led to a spiritual awakening. Im free and they cover giving you life skills which none of us have with CPTSD and you get 1 hour individual therapy aswell as 24 hour on call therapist which is extremely poweful.
I really want to thank you for doing those videos. People like me that cannot afford therapy been living like the ogre that no one wants and been carrying this overwhelming feeling of not being good enough. And being able to unpack those feelings and sort them out knowing that nothing is wrong with me is the most wonderful thing that have happened to me in a long time. Even though I am still crying while a type I have this desire to feel better and to make peace with all the crap I put myself thru. I feel eager to brighten my life and step in into the best person that I was born to be.
Thank God I was guided here. Eye-opening and easy to understand. Finally after so many years I feel like coming back to myself. Fuck the discomfort I just want to be authentic to me
I’m sitting here sobbing. I just finished your last part, a lot of which I knew but was nonetheless equal parts validating and terrifying. I’ve worked on things (via treatment, hospitals, therapists, counselors.. everything) to a degree that allows me to understand the main factors and main emotions behind my emotional and life dysfunction/instability. However, that awareness doesn’t allow me to heal. The deep underlying shame and toxic guilt and just despair and pain and fear and anxiety control me. My life is meaningless, purposeless and I’m trying so hard not to sabotage the only thing I have in my life: my undergrad studies. And even school is very fresh. I can’t see myself finishing it. I’ve never finished anything- and I absolutely cannot handle full-time studies. I can’t even manage part-time. I’m so lost. Anytime I see someone, they tell me the most basic shit. Skills I learned when I was like 16. Oh, breathing exercises for overwhelming emotions? Groundbreaking. Oh, why don’t I use my phone calendar for my ADD symptoms? So helpful. I’ve hit a wall. I’m 26. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Fantastic information, and incredibly validating! Even though some things are hard to accept, the fact that they are categorized in a way that makes sense with how it came from trauma also validates that angle of CT experience. I am really grateful for these videos, and for just running across them!
For me this lesson hits hard. At age 6 my brother age 5 drowned and I was told it should have been me. This had me trying to prove I had value. It was a life long struggle. I am now 63. I understand those words were not truly meant but at age 6 you don't have that understanding. This issue was never addressed with council and I also struggled with survivors guilt for decades. Any relationship I had I was always expecting that other would leave me so eventually I would push them away. I have now been in a relationship for 20 years. For the first 10 it was because I refused to give up then 5 years of conflict these last 5 I am comfortable and believe my person truly loves me mostly because he stuck by me when I was at my worst for the ten years previous to the last 5. I buried that hurtful statement in the deep recession of my mind but it subconsciously drove my behavior. Being comfortable in my own skin was elusive.
My mother's brother drowned before she was born. The ramifications it continues to cause 90 years later are profound. I understand what you are saying.
The words 'deal with' are not helpful for those of us who struggle with CPTSD. Every time I hear it, it reminds me of the burden I thought I was to those who were suppose to love and care for me. Also we do not 'get over' this we get through it. Words from the wise. Peace.
Hi, deal with... is indeed, maybe careless wording. it's not easy to predict what words do to the other when you speak them. Try to find someone that can listen, truthfully and shares your pain. Share your experiences and read the pain on the face of the other. Feel confirmation that it wasn't all your fault. You probably know that, intellectually, but you have to get it into you heart. Grieve about the losses you have had. Try to let go of the anger deep inside you. This will slowly heal you, bit by bit. I's not easy.
@@hvbuitenen my anger has deeply rooted inside me ,1st because I never told anyone. 2nd because I left it too late to tell them that they then called me a lier, 3rd when I told the adopted father what happend he called me a lier so I said i might as well hang myself then he replied get on with it then. ..and so I did, the anger just took over, the disgust in my head of myself. 4th they had no charges brought against them. 5th finding my true identity my birth name i have now changed it back to. 6th the things that they said about my Irish brothers and sisters of Ireland knowing that I was an Irish child. The anger in me will never go.
I love this guy!! I had no idea why I was the way I am or even that the environment I grew up in had so much of a negative affect on my life. I have watched quite a few of Tim’s videos now and I learn something new about myself every time. ❤
Well the diagnosis is spot on, but the remedy seems impossible for me at this stage in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so hopeless. I have no idea how to fix things. The shame is so melded into my identity that I don’t think I could believe otherwise. I’ve met with so much rejection in life that it must be me.
Im at that point now. I have this strange dynamic with the voice in my head. The logical part of me KNOWS that the people who were suppose to love, protect, guide me were simply incompetent and had their own trauma that they refuse to acknowledge. They were also very selfish and 1 was an addict while the other protected him instead of me. So I know all of this to be true, yet i can't seem to accept that I'm not the stupid joke of a child they made me out to be. It doesn't make sense to know something and not be able to know it at the same time
@@erdinczor1 I have not done anything specific. I tried therapy in the past, but it didn’t work. I’ve just pretty much decided to withdraw and isolate and focus on enjoying good books. I’ve never been good at relationships and I’m 59 and fat. Nobody is all that interested in me and I doubt that would change in the future. Add all my baggage and it’s just hopeless. I don’t even think I want to get “cure” or whatever. Too much of my life has gone. But don’t let me discourage you from getting help. I’m actually at peace with being alone. But that doesn’t work for everyone. I pray you find the happiness you desire.
Watching this series. Thank you for all your hard work in this field. It's so complex. Pun intended. Very painful malady and effects me on such a subconscious level. Literally every part of my life has been effected and needs healing.And after I get over one hill there's a mountain to climb on the other side. Thanks again. God Bless you and your work.
Glory glory to his name. Thanks I listen to you several times a day. So glad to be here with all of you. This is a great space. A really good comfortable real space. There is no place I would rather be right now but here with you. All of you. 😢Love from Southwest Houston
victim of childhood abuse. fortunately I have a strong mind and strong will. but until recently I never had my own identity. I was told as a child i was useless, ugly, unlovable, unwanted and lazy. Meanwhile I was a TAG student. this made me vulnerable to every kind of predator. I let people treat me poorly because while very intelligent, I had poor self worth. everyday I have to walk myself back from the edge of darkness, remind myself these things aren't true. the damage these ppl did was disgusting. Because of this I never developed a me. who would want to be this bad person. And on the outside, my parents portray the perfect family.
i found tim's videos today and ive been bawling my eyes out watching them.. i always felt like id be better off de*d because even if i getter better ill never be the person i feel i could be if i havent experienced/felt all these things, and everyday is such a struggle just to keep myself alive that i dont think its worth it to try to get better because i lost so much time already.
My mother abused me and then my brothers did and the sisters joined in. My Dad did not know until it was too late. Now I am a crumpled up ball of a person unable to do a thing. There is no point in me. I can't explain to these people how I became brain damaged by them. They need me to be this way. It makes them feel better.to have me be disabled, unhappy and unable to get a job, unable to have relationships, sad. I was happy once, they needed me to be sad.
Very astute. It’s these roles-and if we step off the hamster wheel and no longer play the assigned role-that means everyone in the system must look at their own roles and possibly shift and that takes effort.
Thank you so much for this CPTSD series. (I wish I had found it several years sooner). This is eye opening. You warned us at the start of this video that it could bring up lots of difficult emotions. You were not kidding. I’m only 8 minutes in, but I need to take a break to process (and cry). Thank you!!!
my narcisstic father died recently and cursed me before he died. i just realized he envied me and taught my sisters to also so they whole cycle is invalidation, envy and competition. i learned to sabatoge myself so that i dont get rejected, gaslighted, shamed, blamed, guilted triagulated or whatever strategy to avoid the wrath of my family system or my inner critic.
Thank youuuu so much ,this video helped me get over the guilt of serial dating,it's so judged that it further made me rebellious I guess in that rage of not being understood
This man single handedly describes how narcissm works, having the inner child not loved and rejected, creating an image and keeping that image up but hurting others to keep that image up so they do not need to look at their trueselves that didn’t got the love and the shame combined, because being alone they have to deal with themselves that they can’t have and run away from. By finding others to keep giving and to keep that mask up, all to not see their true selves and to run away from at the expense of others. Because they can not handle the shame of their true selves and their true inner hurt. From the hurt they experienced. That’s also why they hurt others if they are higher than their value and mask to keep it up and higher and become abusive at the expense of others for themselves. Destroying others life as well. It’s all to maintain that mask and to keep it up all the time. At the expense of others.
I heard if you are ignored and dismissed you are more likely to be a narcissist, and if you're actually abused and paid attention to but in a negative way you're more likely to be borderline
I cry everytime I come here. Maybe it's his unpreaching, straight voice. His voice neither presses on the pain, nor the solution, but on the symptoms. It's freeing in a way to have them spelled out.
45 years of struggling with severe substance abuse, countless therapists, several physiatrists and rehab programs and no one ever mentioned CPSD. I am heartbroken and enraged for all of the time wasted because I was never given the tools that I needed to truly recover.
My grandma took care of me untill I was 8.She had alcohol adicction and she was humiliated by all family members, beaten by my grandpa' and by my mother also. They all pointing her problem while she lost her parents at 9 year old, had been separated from her brothers and had to marrie at 14 with my angry rightheous grandfather . Nobody wanted to see her trauma, they only saw what they wanted to justify them behavior.
I think they get taught to not give "tools" to the patients, or they will soon be out of a job... I've read this in a few comments from therapists on crappy childhood fairy. That is not just a shame- that seems to be withholding important information.
I have only listened to video 1 at the mo. Everything that is spoken is me. Because experienced all what you have said. Listening to number 2. Av struggled all my life lonely and can't let anyone in. Everyone likes me. Shame is my biggest wall..
I get the feeling often when displaying the real me, the authentic me with sadness, fears and guilt issues, people dont like it, they even criticize me talking about it
I didn’t hide but people continued to treat me with a reciprocal respect to my degree of self esteem. Even when I smile and try my best, it just shows and bleeds into everything: my work, my studying, my day to day interactions…
Wow!! This gentleman described my childhood in a nutshell. Unfortunately, everywhere I went after my teens, I encountered the same distorted mirror. Abuse and bullying continued well into my 20s and still happens occasionally. How you don’t believe when the mirror follows you everywhere?
This is me. How unfortunate! Hearing this is so horrible , but now I can die an unhappy man. I think there are a lot of people who suffer with this !!!
I have to agree with the below comments. I just found this information very recently, he covers every issue I've ever had and then some. And it is only Part 2 .
My value comes from my body and looks!! DAMN !! Yessss now it makes sense why I allowed myself to serial date ,I now realise it was a way to take the wrath of frustration to feel valued and like a matter. I have also felt sense of value seeking from career and accomplishments & it was always a war of somehow seeking value from something so the core must be quivering to be relevant & really matter to someone
I've heard from more than one source that fibromyalgia is from fluoride toxicity. Do you drink tap water? Fluoride is known to collect in the bones and of the soft tissue of the body, the pineal gland.
yes fibromyalgia has been proven to be w/o pathology having no actual cause other than psychological. It is all in the head. Dr. William Glasser has a good book on this phantom disease.
@Tracy Burgess I have the same problem with remembering my childhood. It’s like whenever I try to go back it’s like a black fog and then I start to tear up in frustration because I know SOMETHING happened to me for me to block out large portions of my childhood memories but I don’t know what or why. My family’s thing was you don’t talk about your emotions. Period. My mother was never good with emotions or talking about basic things like periods or the sex talk with me and my sisters, we had to learn that from my aunt and my dad couldn’t be there for us because of his mental illness. Not even to mention me exhibiting sexual behaviors at a young age……. It’s was like you just don’t talk about that stuff because it’s taboo but then when you start to withdraw or lash then they want to ship you off to shrink because they don’t know what to do with you. I hope this culture of the strongest survive and the weak dies a horrible, violent death to be honest.
Wow. You really nail this. I have CPTSD and now studying psychology in undergrad (at 50). I have not heard a more clear and accessible way to describe what this thing is. It would be great if all levels of education understood this for the kids going through critical life stages that need fulfilling. Learning that if one fails, that need is carried forward to the next phases until the inevitable happens...In my case that was losing my little brother to suicide. He suffered from the same. Problem is it's not considered a "real illness" in society. Not like cancer. I can compare the two with lived experience. This illness did not matter. Yet, the person with cancer lives on (and it wasn't cancer) while my brother is dead. Let's not compare what illness matters more in society.
We're not alone and have the greatest love of all. Getting away from family we want to help is traumatic in itself. They don't have a clue what they did and doing. Narcissistic family smear campaign.
After 61 years I’ve finally found out my diagnosis. I am too old to even begin to recover from this deep convoluted trauma, so I’ll continue to do what I’ve been doing for 61 yrs! “Wait to Die” I disappeared myself from family friends, 2 1/2 yrs ago because I gave up, then. Not surprisingly, no one ever came looking for me! That’s a clue eh? I’m GLAD there is a name for ME... but I can’t begin to try to fix this!
I’m similar age and l actually agree with you. I think it puts false pressure on me to expect to heal whatever that means. The most l can do is deeply accept myself and be kind to myself. But the history of this is so deep and long standing that chances of transformation is unlikely and l feel more peace by accepting this It seems so unacceptable to this community to say this which l find curious Like l am being shamed for being honest about my situation
Does anybody know if he has content about how to stop self-sabotage? Coping strategies for when I’m scared of moving forward in life and need strategies to push through my need to run/cancel/quit/give up?
It is a bit overwhelming to learn that the entire manner in which I approach life is all wrong. At 45 years old it seems that I have wasted my entire life chasing something that could never work because it isn’t even what I want.
I am also 45 and feel the exact same way! I hope that we can both find ourselves. The little girls who were never seen. May we grow into strong women who know who we are and what we want 🙂
Much of what you are saying has felt like shaming to me (it's been triggering). I've struggled with your examples only being about a malicious father who is intentionally and purposefully causing trauma to all around him. In working with my therapist I've begun to uncover that as a child I experienced complex trauma that was not exclusively from my father. When I became a father I didn't know that I was passing on a problem from my childhood. No matter how hard I tried to do things different/better than my childhood I didn't have the tools or knowledge to fix the root cause. So, I encourage you to come up with examples of other authority figures (older siblings, kids at school, babysitters, teachers, even counselors and therapists), and acknowledge that very often people are not doing it maliciously, but because they haven't healed. Otherwise I appreciate your message.
I get this but the perceived and severe sexual trauma at age 8 with the added attempt to shame me by paying me a quarter for being good from a doctor that skipped town after traumatizing a room full of children younger than myself. I became shameless. I accepted myself and liked myself fully without much insecurity; no anxiety and no panic or depression. I was built to be strong and resilient and began to study human dynamics as participant and observer. Addiction to cigarettes, and binge drinking helped expose my stance and brought up shame and guilt in being addicted. I’ve never been a facade, I was always myself just needed to escape due to major physical injuries that were pure accidents. I’ve been pretty set and balanced. But I did switch from escape and not comfortable with being alone, to isolating myself to. One. To terms with all these deep seated concepts. I’ve gone through a life transformation now for 11 years of self understanding. Not doing and being patient for the right path. Facing the insecurities after Katrina hit and I lost everything has been rewarding. Family reinforces blame and shame and use abandonment but I understand that those are their inadequacies and problem. I do have self esteem and self confidence nether do I feel inferior even though family does a good good to prove it to me by pointing out my flaws. It’s control and abuse that runs deep in their life of judging and doubting me due to my pattens. Got that rush back. Yes, I’m working on boundaries and giving proper messages by being patient. They need to see themselves and their truths. Yes, clear conscious is on the menu to revel my strengths. I talk they shut me out and shut me up. But with patience this is being revealed slowly through my insight and truths. I’m on this journey. Thanks, love your process through trauma. ETA 🌹
I love the video- and, i can relate to what everyone wrote below. Parents gone. Siblings- i've distanced due to unsafe relating, and, to figure out what i need. I now talk a bit to 2 siblings. But, at 64, i'm wondering what now? And, i am not too comfortable with most people.
I'm 65 years old and just now learning about these issues concerning complex PTSD developmental trauma survival styles. I haven't been in a relationship in 65 years, a real one. I've been single for almost 40 years, no relationships other than a couple of dogs here and there, but most of them left got old and died. Been reading this book complex PTSD from surviving to thriving by Pete Walker. I don't think a lot of these issues really have come to the forefront until now. If I had these tools 40 years ago, my life would've been different, more fulfilling.
I am 47 and have been single my entire life. Your story is very familiar to mine. I wish you all the best!
G.D., I feel you. You are not alone and I hope/pray for your continued healing.
I am 45 ..single all my life... terrified of love n marriage.. feel unsafe in close relations..feel safe when I am all alone with my books
Dan ❤️🌞❤️🌞❤️
@@netizen5 same
15 minutes of this video has been more helpful than my 50 sessions with my psychologist ..... I wish he would get straight to the point like Tim
He mightve said it but another thing that's hard about facing the shame is you have to face most of your life felt like a lie and you have to face you don't really know who you are because you were in survival mode
@@leahflower9924 We've sacrificed our authenticity as children in order to survive and get love from our parents, and now we don't know who we are because we suppressed that authenticity.
Although it makes for a difficult life being confused about our authentic personality, one thing Ive realized is that we arent our personalities anyway, We Are Consciousness Itself. God communion and transcendence of the body-mind ego-identity is the process that leads to ultimate Truth and True Salvation. Rather than build a personality we need to surrender our presumed separate identity to God.
@@rickp.6251 Healing from a compromised, abusive childhood is possible, rediscovering your identity after distancing yourself from the abusive family of origin. Being a sacrifice to God is possible in any moment of Divine Communion, it is not about having an identity, it is about remembering God in your feeling Heart instead of your own mind, content, concerns, which most people mistakenly consider their "identity".
He's the first to help me understand my Panic Attack and Agoraphobia
@@HeartFeltGesturethis is terrible advice. Talk about not at all facing the problem and being your own abuser by keeping yourself lost. Loss of identity makes mental illness so much more harder to fight. Good luck.
It’s not easy to unlearn what we were taught about ourselves when we were so innocent and naive. I’ve been trying to recreate myself as long as I remember and I’m still not there. It’s a life long process.
No one has ever said to me that I am an acceptable, lovable, human being. Unless they were getting something out of me.
You are an acceptable, lovable person, Sherri. I'm seeking nothing from you. I know this won't solve the problems you are dealing with, but, it IS true, despite what you've learned through your unfortunate circumstances. I'm in your shoes (give or take), as any and all of us who received shame messages through our early years are fighting the lies we had to accept from our wounded and therefore wounding "caregivers". My prayers are with all of us suffering from such atrocities. 🙏
You’re worthy and loveable☺️❤️
You are perfectly okay human being. I sincerely wish you do well in life.
well. you are lovable! ❤
Clearly I am not but certain ppl are but trust that I know who I am and how insecure you are
Most tragic thing of all this, is, that so many suffering people will not have a chance to hear Tim Fletcher's knowledge & work
this guy is basically laying out my who life as an adult, mentally, emotionally and physically, I dont let anyone close to me, humor, masks, isolation, hiding, we switch masks to fit in and get acceptance, it's all role play to get accepted, so so me, i will be whatever you want me to do just dont reject me, so true to my behavior.
Ditto. Same here David. Just started learning any of this complex trauma a year ago at age 48.
@@97escort I hope you're both doing okay. I was in the same boat... good therapy and lectures like this have really helped a lot.
Exactly the same here.
A big ah-ha for me was hearing someone say that when we modify, cover who we are, pretend to be what others want...we are rejecting ourselves. It is the ultimate self betrayal. We are repeating the pattern of rejection.
In trying to avoid rejection, it requires that we self reject. Once I understood that, I was done. I want to be me and the only way I can find my tribe, so to show up for myself. No one will show up for me, if I don't. If I reject myself, others will too.
I'm modifying ourselves, we can get resentful, and deeply lonely...because we aren't known. The only chance for allowing true connection, is to stop rejecting ourselves to be something else for others!
I hope you are doing well!
Same
It's crazy I still have a drop of hope that someday I'll get to live... I'm 49, I spent my whole life hateing my whole being and trying to get away from myself. I just want to be ok
I am the same here. Fifty in a year… keep going … you matter. I’m proud of you.
@@sarahbyrne8501 thank you Sarah, I'm here for you if you need any support, I'm trying to grow up, maybe I can help sometime xo
It gets better ♥️
I really hope you found deep peace and true happiness. 🌻
how’ve you been since posting this last year?
I seriously cannot believe how incredible Tim is at describing shame and all the other mental health issues he goes over and symptoms of complex trauma. I feel extremely grateful to have come across his messages as they have been an absolute pillar in my recovery. Thank you Tim.
victim of childhood abuse here! everything about this video rings so true for me. i think I've spent years of my life, from as far back as I can remember, switching from trying to be a people pleaser to creating an image to putting no effort. i'm definitely in the no effort stage at the moment. like i don't care anymore about anything and i kinda just wanna give up on everything. i've started my recovery almost a year ago now and i'm sure a lot of people going through the same thing would agree that this ain't easy. truth be told, i still see myself as that helpless child who just want the right kind of love and the right kind of affection from the right kind of people. sighhh
Ryan C
So glad you are on the road of recovery. You are so right when you say this isn't easy!!
It's a journey of extreme high peaks, middles and lows. You have a great advantage I'm not sure you are aware of.....you are young...you have realized that you were in a dysfunctional upbringing etc, you are seeking recovery while young. Your future is going to be so awesome because you are aware of your needs, desires, wants. Most individuals, like me, have already lived over half of their life before "waking up" so to speak. I'm 54 yrs old, female, I'm in my S4 on year of recovery. I've already went through the process of trying to get the past back for a doever. I've let it go. It's all about finding self and wellness now. I'm rambling, but just wanted to make sure you realize you aren't alone. You can do this. Wishing you well on this toad. It's so worth it. Don't stop.
Ultimately these are things as adults we need to give ourselves directly and indirectly in terms of what conditions and people we allow in our lives.This process will slowly rebuild the child inside to feel more empowered and trusting of the self
Dont you hate when people just invalidate your trauma and basically tell you to stop being a bitch? No empathy for men suffering from abuse unless its sexual.
@@Tightness8 that is true. If they see a person with no arms and legs they go: Wow, you've been throught a lot. But if someone has not been sexually/physically abused as a kid - but tortured psychologically by monsters... That's like "What's wrong with you? Pull uourself together".
Have you attended any ACA support meetings? they may be helpful...others healing from thier childhood abuse...I love a good group...you are not alone...
I'm 38 and discovering now how my life has been limited because of childhood complex trauma. I'm grateful to God I came across Tim Fletcher; every thing is now perfectly making meaning
You saved a life Tim. Thank you for sharing these lectures. I've watched over 30 of your videos and got to understand myself better and take on the world better.
This man is absolutely brilliant. I feel totally called out by this video ... the mirror analogy is so perfect. I've been to so many therapists, psychiatrists, doctors, and nobody could identify and explain the shame I've felt my entire life. Thank you so much for this ... now I can finally figure out how to let go of the bad habits I've developed because of my childhood.
Yikes. This man knowing me better than I know myself.
I KNOW🤦 me too🙄😑 but Im finding out so much😂😩😂😂 keep having to stop and write stuff down
We all need to be human beings before we are human ‘doings’. Thank you for saying it’s so beautifully.
So true! In the bigger picture, most of us are addicts and disconnected from our true selves because our culture promotes complex trauma. Most people I know are hiding. And they're addicted to games, social media, image-polishing, and on and on. We are bullies to those who refuse to follow our values, as well as to ourselves. We are addicted and lost. We have to search long and hard for people who have truly escaped this or overcome it to become genuine and self-determined. Thank God for UA-cam where we can study their perspectives. I believe humanity is climbing out of this paradigm ... and this work is helping us. We're pioneers in genuineness and reclaimed spirits. 💞
Incredibly well put. Thanks for such a healing lesson!
I'm sincerely thankful for these insights. I pray to be free from the darkness in my past someday soon.
Thank you Tim Fletcher! You've really made me realise something. I've begun my journey finally.
Internalizing is our worst enemy. Trauma reinforces that notion. An important video. I hope this gets viewed by millions. I would venture to say every Adult has experienced some form of trauma in their life; some, have denied it, but if they dig deep, they too, would know. No one is immune, let me just say.
These talks are cutting edge- Beyond Narcissism. Tim address's the cause which is more constructive! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I have lived with a Shame identity fir 70+ yrs. I am longing to be authentic, whole, loving.
I took on the many roles of survival and battling enormous fear and anger ( turned on myself ) the black sheep, less than scape goat. Having been in this much suppressed emotional needs, my days have been rarely happy...blah blah.
I am getting such a tremendous benefit from your heartfelt lectures! Blessings all round!
Thank you so much for doing what you do. I feel like I've learnt more about myself in watching just 2 of your videos (so far) than I have in over 2 years of therapy and hundreds of hours of watching other videos on here! You truly are amazing, thank you x
Awesome explanation.
Not only for those with addiction.
Anyone with CT can benefit .
Thank you for sharing this.
For anyone going thru self help, healing from past traumas, these videos are excellent tools to get a better understanding, of themselves, their past, and present ..and gives hope for a better, mentally, emotional future
This hit home for me. Thankful i ran across these videos.
🙏 I'm glad to know it. Take care. I just found it too. There are people out there who care.
Narcissist are constantly changing their relationships they can’t keep the mask on. I met a narcissist dated him for 8 months now I’m in therapy for complex PTSD! He was cruel, in raged, and value and devalued me and cheated. They need help!
Amazing I'm crying I'm recovered Boarderline and have dumped the waste feel so very very fortunate to get another go
How did you recover?
@@007lutherking Its very much BPD Boarderline personality disorder only that is an EXTREME COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER around abandonment I was treated using DBT Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. it is an intensive treatment lasting 18 months. It is incredible and also led to a spiritual awakening. Im free and they cover giving you life skills which none of us have with CPTSD and you get 1 hour individual therapy aswell as 24 hour on call therapist which is extremely poweful.
@@Spirituallove2000AD That's awesome! Happy for you!
Can you describe your spiritual awakening? I've always wondered what's initiation like for women.
You description of shame Totally describes me. Sherry=shame=Sherry. It is one in the same.
That was so honest. It literally made me feel love for you. Good work!😍
I really want to thank you for doing those videos. People like me that cannot afford therapy been living like the ogre that no one wants and been carrying this overwhelming feeling of not being good enough. And being able to unpack those feelings and sort them out knowing that nothing is wrong with me is the most wonderful thing that have happened to me in a long time. Even though I am still crying while a type I have this desire to feel better and to make peace with all the crap I put myself thru. I feel eager to brighten my life and step in into the best person that I was born to be.
You have already started on the journey towards healing
I'm right there with you ❤
You have fantastic insight into this!
How many ppl ruin their lives living from those very old beliefs day by day?
It is a cancer in society.
This is one of the very best explanations of the origins of complex trauma that I have seen, and I have looked for a lot of them!
My dear grandma 89 years young recommend you , and all I have to say is WOW 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I can't put into words how much I appreciate those lectures. So eye opening. I wish I've found this sooner.
Thank God I was guided here. Eye-opening and easy to understand. Finally after so many years I feel like coming back to myself. Fuck the discomfort I just want to be authentic to me
Yes exactly
Yes ❤
Im thankful to understand why. It has been torture. 😢 Its sad
I’m sitting here sobbing.
I just finished your last part, a lot of which I knew but was nonetheless equal parts validating and terrifying. I’ve worked on things (via treatment, hospitals, therapists, counselors.. everything) to a degree that allows me to understand the main factors and main emotions behind my emotional and life dysfunction/instability. However, that awareness doesn’t allow me to heal. The deep underlying shame and toxic guilt and just despair and pain and fear and anxiety control me. My life is meaningless, purposeless and I’m trying so hard not to sabotage the only thing I have in my life: my undergrad studies. And even school is very fresh. I can’t see myself finishing it. I’ve never finished anything- and I absolutely cannot handle full-time studies. I can’t even manage part-time.
I’m so lost. Anytime I see someone, they tell me the most basic shit. Skills I learned when I was like 16. Oh, breathing exercises for overwhelming emotions? Groundbreaking. Oh, why don’t I use my phone calendar for my ADD symptoms? So helpful.
I’ve hit a wall. I’m 26. I don’t know what to do anymore.
wow
I hear you and identify with you. I hope you are doing ok?
Ditto the last comment. Hope you're doing ok
I know it's been a year since you wrote this. Sending you love and heartfelt intentions for your well-being. I pray it's gotten better.
Yes if this guy got a penny for every one of our tears he would be rich lol
Fantastic information, and incredibly validating! Even though some things are hard to accept, the fact that they are categorized in a way that makes sense with how it came from trauma also validates that angle of CT experience. I am really grateful for these videos, and for just running across them!
Thank you for making me understand me FINALLY, Tim Fletcher!
Everything I needed to learn and understand. I'm so grateful to you.
For me this lesson hits hard. At age 6 my brother age 5 drowned and I was told it should have been me. This had me trying to prove I had value. It was a life long struggle. I am now 63. I understand those words were not truly meant but at age 6 you don't have that understanding. This issue was never addressed with council and I also struggled with survivors guilt for decades. Any relationship I had I was always expecting that other would leave me so eventually I would push them away. I have now been in a relationship for 20 years. For the first 10 it was because I refused to give up then 5 years of conflict these last 5 I am comfortable and believe my person truly loves me mostly because he stuck by me when I was at my worst for the ten years previous to the last 5.
I buried that hurtful statement in the deep recession of my mind but it subconsciously drove my behavior. Being comfortable in my own skin was elusive.
My mother's brother drowned before she was born. The ramifications it continues to cause 90 years later are profound. I understand what you are saying.
The words 'deal with' are not helpful for those of us who struggle with CPTSD. Every time I hear it, it reminds me of the burden I thought I was to those who were suppose to love and care for me. Also we do not 'get over' this we get through it. Words from the wise. Peace.
Hi, deal with... is indeed, maybe careless wording. it's not easy to predict what words do to the other when you speak them.
Try to find someone that can listen, truthfully and shares your pain. Share your experiences and read the pain on the face of the other. Feel confirmation that it wasn't all your fault. You probably know that, intellectually, but you have to get it into you heart. Grieve about the losses you have had. Try to let go of the anger deep inside you. This will slowly heal you, bit by bit. I's not easy.
Thank you for responding. I am in kind and gentle hands.
R
Truth! Thanks for speaking it!
@@hvbuitenen my anger has deeply rooted inside me ,1st because I never told anyone. 2nd because I left it too late to tell them that they then called me a lier, 3rd when I told the adopted father what happend he called me a lier so I said i might as well hang myself then he replied get on with it then. ..and so I did, the anger just took over, the disgust in my head of myself. 4th they had no charges brought against them. 5th finding my true identity my birth name i have now changed it back to. 6th the things that they said about my Irish brothers and sisters of Ireland knowing that I was an Irish child.
The anger in me will never go.
This is by far the best talk I’ve ever heard on trauma and identity. Great insights.
I love this guy!! I had no idea why I was the way I am or even that the environment I grew up in had so much of a negative affect on my life. I have watched quite a few of Tim’s videos now and I learn something new about myself every time. ❤
Well the diagnosis is spot on, but the remedy seems impossible for me at this stage in my life. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so hopeless. I have no idea how to fix things. The shame is so melded into my identity that I don’t think I could believe otherwise. I’ve met with so much rejection in life that it must be me.
We become the distorted reflection in the mirror--freaks, monsters.
Im at that point now. I have this strange dynamic with the voice in my head. The logical part of me KNOWS that the people who were suppose to love, protect, guide me were simply incompetent and had their own trauma that they refuse to acknowledge. They were also very selfish and 1 was an addict while the other protected him instead of me.
So I know all of this to be true, yet i can't seem to accept that I'm not the stupid joke of a child they made me out to be. It doesn't make sense to know something and not be able to know it at the same time
Have you dealt with this? It's been 3 months since your comment. Any changes?
@@erdinczor1 I have not done anything specific. I tried therapy in the past, but it didn’t work. I’ve just pretty much decided to withdraw and isolate and focus on enjoying good books. I’ve never been good at relationships and I’m 59 and fat. Nobody is all that interested in me and I doubt that would change in the future. Add all my baggage and it’s just hopeless. I don’t even think I want to get “cure” or whatever. Too much of my life has gone. But don’t let me discourage you from getting help. I’m actually at peace with being alone. But that doesn’t work for everyone. I pray you find the happiness you desire.
Probably the most important content I have ever listened to on UA-cam. Thank you is not enough! 🙏
Watching this series. Thank you for all your hard work in this field. It's so complex. Pun intended. Very painful malady and effects me on such a subconscious level. Literally every part of my life has been effected and needs healing.And after I get over one hill there's a mountain to climb on the other side. Thanks again. God Bless you and your work.
Wow thanks for this! It’s never too late to learn about ourselves. This hit home.
How grateful I am to Mr. Fletcher. You are saving my life, Sir.
This has described my whole life 🥺😭
Glory glory to his name. Thanks I listen to you several times a day. So glad to be here with all of you. This is a great space. A really good comfortable real space. There is no place I would rather be right now but here with you. All of you. 😢Love from Southwest Houston
This is exactly what I've been feeling for a year. Now I fully understand what's happening with me. Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and wisdom, Tim. You make some of these issues so very clear!
victim of childhood abuse. fortunately I have a strong mind and strong will. but until recently I never had my own identity. I was told as a child i was useless, ugly, unlovable, unwanted and lazy. Meanwhile I was a TAG student. this made me vulnerable to every kind of predator. I let people treat me poorly because while very intelligent, I had poor self worth. everyday I have to walk myself back from the edge of darkness, remind myself these things aren't true. the damage these ppl did was disgusting. Because of this I never developed a me. who would want to be this bad person. And on the outside, my parents portray the perfect family.
i found tim's videos today and ive been bawling my eyes out watching them.. i always felt like id be better off de*d because even if i getter better ill never be the person i feel i could be if i havent experienced/felt all these things, and everyday is such a struggle just to keep myself alive that i dont think its worth it to try to get better because i lost so much time already.
Wow. Just amazing. 👏👏👏👏👏. Thank you for recording this and making it accessible to a broader audience!
My mother abused me and then my brothers did and the sisters joined in. My Dad did not know until it was too late. Now I am a crumpled up ball of a person unable to do a thing. There is no point in me. I can't explain to these people how I became brain damaged by them. They need me to be this way. It makes them feel better.to have me be disabled, unhappy and unable to get a job, unable to have relationships, sad. I was happy once, they needed me to be sad.
Very astute. It’s these roles-and if we step off the hamster wheel and no longer play the assigned role-that means everyone in the system must look at their own roles and possibly shift and that takes effort.
Thank you so much for this CPTSD series. (I wish I had found it several years sooner).
This is eye opening. You warned us at the start of this video that it could bring up lots of difficult emotions. You were not kidding. I’m only 8 minutes in, but I need to take a break to process (and cry). Thank you!!!
Thank you Tim
This is such important content..
thank you
my narcisstic father died recently and cursed me before he died. i just realized he envied me and taught my sisters to also so they whole cycle is invalidation, envy and competition. i learned to sabatoge myself so that i dont get rejected, gaslighted, shamed, blamed, guilted triagulated or whatever strategy to avoid the wrath of my family system or my inner critic.
Attachment trauma -> toxic shame -> complex (lifetime) trauma -> distorted scripts ->
this is so profound i am blown away. holy crap
ya. me too.
Thank youuuu so much ,this video helped me get over the guilt of serial dating,it's so judged that it further made me rebellious I guess in that rage of not being understood
This guy is exceptional. Thank you.
This man single handedly describes how narcissm works, having the inner child not loved and rejected, creating an image and keeping that image up but hurting others to keep that image up so they do not need to look at their trueselves that didn’t got the love and the shame combined, because being alone they have to deal with themselves that they can’t have and run away from. By finding others to keep giving and to keep that mask up, all to not see their true selves and to run away from at the expense of others. Because they can not handle the shame of their true selves and their true inner hurt. From the hurt they experienced. That’s also why they hurt others if they are higher than their value and mask to keep it up and higher and become abusive at the expense of others for themselves. Destroying others life as well. It’s all to maintain that mask and to keep it up all the time. At the expense of others.
I heard if you are ignored and dismissed you are more likely to be a narcissist, and if you're actually abused and paid attention to but in a negative way you're more likely to be borderline
@@leahflower9924Interesting perspective. I'm going to ponder that one.
I cry everytime I come here. Maybe it's his unpreaching, straight voice. His voice neither presses on the pain, nor the solution, but on the symptoms. It's freeing in a way to have them spelled out.
45 years of struggling with severe substance abuse, countless therapists, several physiatrists and rehab programs and no one ever mentioned CPSD. I am heartbroken and enraged for all of the time wasted because I was never given the tools that I needed to truly recover.
My grandma took care of me untill I was 8.She had alcohol adicction and she was humiliated by all family members, beaten by my grandpa' and by my mother also. They all pointing her problem while she lost her parents at 9 year old, had been separated from her brothers and had to marrie at 14 with my angry rightheous grandfather . Nobody wanted to see her trauma, they only saw what they wanted to justify them behavior.
Same
Brilliantly explained
Wow! This video just blows my mind! Thank you for helping us all!💖🙌
Wow this is spot on! Describes me to a t. How come therapists don't ever inform us of the topic of shame and CT???
I think they get taught to not give "tools" to the patients, or they will soon be out of a job... I've read this in a few comments from therapists on crappy childhood fairy.
That is not just a shame- that seems to be withholding important information.
Wow. The distorted mirror!!
This is so important!
I have only listened to video 1 at the mo. Everything that is spoken is me. Because experienced all what you have said. Listening to number 2. Av struggled all my life lonely and can't let anyone in. Everyone likes me. Shame is my biggest wall..
I get the feeling often when displaying the real me, the authentic me with sadness, fears and guilt issues, people dont like it, they even criticize me talking about it
Only thing I wanna say about value from beauty is it works the other way too if you get rejected and called ugly you also associate beauty with value
Keep away from those people and make room for the people who will support your growth.
This describes so accurately so much of my life. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I didn’t hide but people continued to treat me with a reciprocal respect to my degree of self esteem. Even when I smile and try my best, it just shows and bleeds into everything: my work, my studying, my day to day interactions…
Wow!! This gentleman described my childhood in a nutshell. Unfortunately, everywhere I went after my teens, I encountered the same distorted mirror. Abuse and bullying continued well into my 20s and still happens occasionally. How you don’t believe when the mirror follows you everywhere?
I have body dysmorphia so the distorted mirror isn't just an example it's real
This is me. How unfortunate! Hearing this is so horrible , but now I can die an unhappy man. I think there are a lot of people who suffer with this !!!
I'm the ancestor that breaks the chain and changes the game for my successors.
Awesome you ditched mohammed!
I have to agree with the below comments. I just found this information very recently, he covers every issue I've ever had and then some. And it is only Part 2 .
My value comes from my body and looks!! DAMN !! Yessss now it makes sense why I allowed myself to serial date ,I now realise it was a way to take the wrath of frustration to feel valued and like a matter. I have also felt sense of value seeking from career and accomplishments & it was always a war of somehow seeking value from something so the core must be quivering to be relevant & really matter to someone
Thank You for sharing this with the world!!! It is very much appreciated!!!❤
OMG you have me pegged. That means I'm not the only one.
this is the only person I ever heard that explains what is going on inside me
22:21 shame makes me wants to hide from MYSELF ☹️ 22:41 shame sets you up for addiction bc you need to numb your self hatred 💔
I have fibromyalgia for years and I'm sure it started with a toxic mother. My whole body is in pain constantly. I need healing on many know
I recommend Nicole Sachs’ The Cure for Chronic Pain UA-cam channel.
I've heard from more than one source that fibromyalgia is from fluoride toxicity. Do you drink tap water? Fluoride is known to collect in the bones and of the soft tissue of the body, the pineal gland.
yes fibromyalgia has been proven to be w/o pathology having no actual cause other than psychological. It is all in the head. Dr. William Glasser has a good book on this phantom disease.
@Tracy Burgess I have the same problem with remembering my childhood. It’s like whenever I try to go back it’s like a black fog and then I start to tear up in frustration because I know SOMETHING happened to me for me to block out large portions of my childhood memories but I don’t know what or why. My family’s thing was you don’t talk about your emotions. Period. My mother was never good with emotions or talking about basic things like periods or the sex talk with me and my sisters, we had to learn that from my aunt and my dad couldn’t be there for us because of his mental illness. Not even to mention me exhibiting sexual behaviors at a young age……. It’s was like you just don’t talk about that stuff because it’s taboo but then when you start to withdraw or lash then they want to ship you off to shrink because they don’t know what to do with you. I hope this culture of the strongest survive and the weak dies a horrible, violent death to be honest.
Wow. You really nail this. I have CPTSD and now studying psychology in undergrad (at 50). I have not heard a more clear and accessible way to describe what this thing is. It would be great if all levels of education understood this for the kids going through critical life stages that need fulfilling. Learning that if one fails, that need is carried forward to the next phases until the inevitable happens...In my case that was losing my little brother to suicide. He suffered from the same. Problem is it's not considered a "real illness" in society. Not like cancer. I can compare the two with lived experience. This illness did not matter. Yet, the person with cancer lives on (and it wasn't cancer) while my brother is dead. Let's not compare what illness matters more in society.
We're not alone and have the greatest love of all. Getting away from family we want to help is traumatic in itself. They don't have a clue what they did and doing. Narcissistic family smear campaign.
The comments, OMG, it’s good to know I’m not alone.
After 61 years I’ve finally found out my diagnosis.
I am too old to even begin to recover from this deep convoluted trauma, so I’ll continue to do what I’ve been doing for 61 yrs!
“Wait to Die”
I disappeared myself from family friends, 2 1/2 yrs ago because I gave up, then.
Not surprisingly, no one ever came looking for me!
That’s a clue eh?
I’m GLAD there is a name for ME... but I can’t begin to try to fix this!
❤ to you
As long as u r alive there is still time to heal
No you are not to old
In 10 years you will look back and see how young 61 is. Get up and get after it.
I’m similar age and l actually agree with you. I think it puts false pressure on me to expect to heal whatever that means. The most l can do is deeply accept myself and be kind to myself. But the history of this is so deep and long standing that chances of transformation is unlikely and l feel more peace by accepting this It seems so unacceptable to this community to say this which l find curious Like l am being shamed for being honest about my situation
Listening to this reminds me of sitting in church and the preacher is talking directly to me…
as a kid I was anything but myself, because that got me hurt
REALLY stings finding that out
Does anybody know if he has content about how to stop self-sabotage? Coping strategies for when I’m scared of moving forward in life and need strategies to push through my need to run/cancel/quit/give up?
It is a bit overwhelming to learn that the entire manner in which I approach life is all wrong. At 45 years old it seems that I have wasted my entire life chasing something that could never work because it isn’t even what I want.
I am also 45 and feel the exact same way! I hope that we can both find ourselves. The little girls who were never seen. May we grow into strong women who know who we are and what we want 🙂
@@rlane1lsuI wish you the best of luck in your journey! 🤗
Sooo painful! To add to the pain is that the people close to you dont understand. They just see the behaviors
Much of what you are saying has felt like shaming to me (it's been triggering). I've struggled with your examples only being about a malicious father who is intentionally and purposefully causing trauma to all around him. In working with my therapist I've begun to uncover that as a child I experienced complex trauma that was not exclusively from my father. When I became a father I didn't know that I was passing on a problem from my childhood. No matter how hard I tried to do things different/better than my childhood I didn't have the tools or knowledge to fix the root cause. So, I encourage you to come up with examples of other authority figures (older siblings, kids at school, babysitters, teachers, even counselors and therapists), and acknowledge that very often people are not doing it maliciously, but because they haven't healed. Otherwise I appreciate your message.
Just fantastic thank you so very much.❤
I too, am very grateful for your work.
Ability to create the image of success.... The house of cards... And then the relationships break. All of them.
I get this but the perceived and severe sexual trauma at age 8 with the added attempt to shame me by paying me a quarter for being good from a doctor that skipped town after traumatizing a room full of children younger than myself. I became shameless. I accepted myself and liked myself fully without much insecurity; no anxiety and no panic or depression. I was built to be strong and resilient and began to study human dynamics as participant and observer.
Addiction to cigarettes, and binge drinking helped expose my stance and brought up shame and guilt in being addicted.
I’ve never been a facade, I was always myself just needed to escape due to major physical injuries that were pure accidents.
I’ve been pretty set and balanced. But I did switch from escape and not comfortable with being alone, to isolating myself to. One. To terms with all these deep seated concepts. I’ve gone through a life transformation now for 11 years of self understanding.
Not doing and being patient for the right path. Facing the insecurities after Katrina hit and I lost everything has been rewarding.
Family reinforces blame and shame and use abandonment but I understand that those are their inadequacies and problem.
I do have self esteem and self confidence nether do I feel inferior even though family does a good good to prove it to me by pointing out my flaws. It’s control and abuse that runs deep in their life of judging and doubting me due to my pattens.
Got that rush back. Yes, I’m working on boundaries and giving proper messages by being patient. They need to see themselves and their truths.
Yes, clear conscious is on the menu to revel my strengths. I talk they shut me out and shut me up. But with patience this is being revealed slowly through my insight and truths.
I’m on this journey.
Thanks, love your process through trauma.
ETA 🌹
I love the video- and, i can relate to what everyone wrote below. Parents gone. Siblings- i've distanced due to unsafe relating, and, to figure out what i need. I now talk a bit to 2 siblings. But, at 64, i'm wondering what now? And, i am not too comfortable with most people.