6 Self Sabotage Behaviors That Affect Cptsd Recovery
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- Опубліковано 7 лип 2024
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My narcissist parents never encouraged me to do anything; they were too busy focusing on themselves.
Narcissist tend to cause their children to be codependent on them.
But you CAN overcome in Jesus name. No matter how old you are, or whatever the case maybe.
I feel like if I had my skin peeled off. So, I have a hard time going out and the pandemic lock down made it even worse. I have been so comfortable staying away, dwelling in my shell that even though I crave interactions with other people I'm scared of anyone; I find people boring, untrustworthy. Noisy.
Thanks. I will keep the video so I can watch it again and digest it. 😉👍
No. I'm not scared; I just don't want to be bother anymore. Trying getting to know anyone doesn't feel appealing anylonger.
I feel the SAME EXACT WAY! This must be a demon spirit. Let’s rebuke it in the Name of Jesus! 🎺Hoshana Rabbah🎺
@@Lyrielonwind I really relate to that feeling of having had your skin peeled off! Very well said. Since the pandemic I’ve had a really time being in the world, especially public places. And I’ve grown to love this time to myself. Writing stuff in a comment section of UA-cam might not be the greatest form of socialization but it is something and makes you part of a community. And people who watch videos like this always seem more worth connecting to. So, maybe you’re socializing and finding connection in ways you don’t realize.
I feel like I don’t enjoy the inauthentic friendships I had before, because really I was just always pretending I was okay instead of just being true to the fact that I was deeply traumatized. Since the pandemic, I’m more true to myself and unable to go along with the false fronts I used to. It’s both good and bad, but hoping more good.
Hey Christina; I’m just now seeing this video, and your comment stuck out to me. They pandemic has really affected how I’m moving through life now. If you need a friend, I’m here! ❤
Wonderful video! Thank you my dear 😘
No. 1 is really the most difficult one 🙄
1. Impatience
2. Inability to feel comfortable with discomfort
3. We get triggered on the healing journey and therefore quit
I use this mantra and it helps me a lot "triggers are my best friend"
4. They shift but stop the journey before new behaviours become the default behaviors
5. The positive changes on the healing journey result in negative painful consequences by narcissist
6. Disempowering beliefs
Here my favorite one: being in denial
Thank you for the mantra: "triggers are my best friend" Eye opening!!
Hi, I'm afraid I didn't get what you meant by " triggers are your best friend". Would you please mind explaining a bit. That would be a great help because triggers are one of the demons that eat up my healing. And what are the ways one can handle triggers?
@@nazifatashfia7168 if you know what certain things make you upset you can better know what parts of you to work on. If you become triggered by something then you know you need to lean into that trigger and figure it out. Dissect it and plan a strategy for not being triggered by that in the future. Triggers reveal your weak spots, your blind spots that need investigation. You have to sit with the uncomfortable things and let yourself feel them instead of stuffing them away. If you stuff it down, then it just blows up worse later. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable, and you will learn a ton about yourself: what upsets you and how to not be upset in the future. Teaches you how to observe your behaviors with curiosity instead of letting those things drown you. We all are in pain, and if you learn your pain, you can heal better. It's difficult to explain. I hope that helped.
OH my word. Such intense cruelty. And you are so absolutely right. My therapist also didn't understand narcissism. She didn't recognise that my mother is one. She didn't recognise that my husband was. No contact with them both. They survive and thrive on my pain which they inflicted!
When I first started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it was terrifying. My family history was a minefield of guilt, abandonment, physical and sexual abuse, whatever our parents could think of to make us hate ourselves, which somehow made them feel better about themselves. I have spent most of my life walking alone through a hostile universe with a heart like an open wound. It’s going have to hurt to get better, but not as much as not getting better.
1. Impatience with self (deja vue childhood experience)
2. Comfortable with the discomfort (brain societe with danger) overwhelming
3. Getting Trigged (fight or flight) authentic self is scarying
4. Shift but stop the healing journey
5. Dynamic change in a Coodependent- Narcissist relation
6. Subconsciousness mind set
I feel like at various points I’ve had all of these. When I was going for therapy and was pulling away from my narcissistic mother, she really fell apart. She became depressed, anxious, and eventually psychotic and needed to be heavily medicated. It was very hard not feel guilty and responsible for her meltdown.
i can relate to this. as i heal i realize now that i was a source of supply for my narc mom. being a single parent , she finds some way to nitpick my parenting or look for holes due to me being as such .
BUT now that i've been busy doing the work with addressing my codependency , raised boundaries and started to really progress, she found herself in desperate need for an attention supply . it's sad because she is now addicted to dating apps for attention supply and even getting scammed by fake profiles of men. other ways she would assert this desperate need are showing her friends her authoritativeness in her friendships, her thinking people are always jealous of her and other truly "dysfunctional" ways of thinking. the getting scammed is the saddest part tho because it happens continuously . i just hope she doesnt run out of money again and ends up asking us to sustain her. and well, eventually i hopw she realizes that she too needs a head check but you know what they say, narcs never think anything is wrong with them lol
That is heartbreaking I hope she’s doing alright
But it’s not your fault
I’m going to watch a again - really great insight that you
Have to repeat it a few times to really remember
When my ex gets mad at me. I feel myself pulling back and I want validation from him.
I hate it . But I do have to reassure myself it’s ok . He knows what he is doing. And I’m so happy I noticed the pattern. But I need to tell myself it’s ok you will be ok .. I will move forward. I don’t need his approval. I’m safe and I’m grown enough to make decisions.
We were together 22 years .. i let him control my-life. I never saw the patterns . ( fear maybe) Till one day I got so depressed I wanted to end life. It took me 2 years More trama before I left 3/2019 and it’s been a ride but I’m proud of me. At 27 months of separation I’m proud that it I can say no to lots of things now .
And accepting that there is no change. Even when it seems as though he has changed. And how his change is to hook me again.
I pray your strength in the Lord. You deserve better in Jesus name. I pray that you focus on building a loving, healthy, and complete relationship with Christ and self in Jesus name. All IS well. Block and delete him if you have to. So, you can heal and move forward completely.
Subconscious beliefs:
If i heal, my mother and father "die"
I'm broken
I'm unworthy of ever being loved
I have realized that I've been isolating myself for too long, and it's probably preventing me from healing. Then immediately I came across this verse:
Proverbs 18:1
"A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment."
I find it amazing that God showed me this verse right when I was thinking about isolation. I guess this means that at least one of my motivations for isolating myself was really just wanting to do my own thing instead of getting together with others and doing what they want to do. It's caring about my own issues and doing what I enjoy more than caring about other people. So that should motivate me to come out of isolation. It's also some other motives, but making myself be more friendly will help with those motives too. So thank you, God, for your guidance, and thank you Michele, for having a hand in it!
I'm only learning to be comfortable being my authentic self recently because theater teachers, screenwriting teachers and acting teachers have taught me that it's okay to be authentic. It's unfortunate that parents, teachers in school and society in general tends to shame people who are being authentic and real. This past year and a half I have built up my confidence and part of it is I think not being around negative energy people.
I only figured out not long ago that my mother actually hates my authentic self. She won't stop covert manipulation to destroy it with her comments and demure when I am with her. I have had to suppress me and my husband also invalidates me constantly.
There's a different thing that's held me back. I can't trust anyone now. Like I cat let any body I to my life not even really friends. I pushed them all away when I was being gaslighted and lovebombed and now I'm alone and I don't want to give any one the chance of hurting me
All five resonated with me. I have been working on self-sabotaging beliefs and limiting thoughts. I kind of knew patience was going to be key. Until just recently I realized that more patients is required. It feels like I'm in a big hurry to go back on the autopilot. I know it's going to be a little while and I'm okay with that. I am making progress and moving forward and that's a good thing.
I feel like that (intro) .... and I've felt this way for a long time. It's been 2 years and I can't see how I can find another relationship. I am starting to think that I will be alone from now on ... and I'm only in my 40s. I don't know how to even cross the line to start a relationship. I don't get to meet anyone nowadays (friends or otherwise) due to circumstances.
Before I forget...point one; I'm rushing myself to heal the same way my parents and family have always rushed me to do anything, everything.
I'm judging my recovery under their standar although, in their eyes, I won't ever recover since there is nothing to be recovered. A worthless person has nothing to recover because they were never ok.
I'm treating myself like shit due to their idea of myself not being fast enough, good enough...not worth a try 😢
Don't give up! I have been feeling the same way
This content is the best coaching I have found, in my past decades of searching. The tools provided in her online courses allow a person to uncover and work through their own issues. I am just getting started on one of her courses, but so far it has taken me farther than all of my counseling sessions put together!
Definitely having impatience issues. And I think that I have been noticing my inner wounds and its trying to make me shut back down
First one was mind blowing!
being comfortable with someone not validating my thoughts , presence or opinions was something definitely uncomfortable to me. whether it be in person , or through a comment on social media or even at work..i find my body being a bit shaky due to anger being triggered or my brain racing with thinking about how to respond whenever there was a moment where somebody disagreed with me or did not validate my work or my thoughts ...it was through meditation and doing the work that i really learned how to be comfortable with the thought that the only validation that mattered was mine and that i dont need anyone to validate me ....
Bravo! Oh Captain! My (SWEET!) Captain! -stop the pain. 🤗
1 & 6 are my self sabotaging patterns. Still working on them
I am the queen of self sabotage. Sadly every time I was pulling myself out and making progress something or someone else would step in to do the job. Even if it was a health issue or the covid rubbish. I have now lost the will to even try at 55.
youre my fave, youre so easy to understand. i do so good, and than suddenly i mess up...ill drown in sugar or junk when ive been eating veggies, fruit and herbs for months and BAM, guilt sets in......at first i thought it was the weather or lack of sleep, but NO, im afraid of success. im so used to failure, its comforting, so when i start to feel good and look good, i freak out. this needs to STOP.
This happened to me the other day. I work in the mental health field and provided psycho education to a caregiver about trauma, I felt confident, and then I had a panic attack afterwards, my heart was beating fast and I started having spasms. I texted my supervisor and was doubting myself, but noticed I was triggered by the confidence I had.
Thank you Michele
You’re a blessing. God bless you. I hope to meet a partner soon just like you, caring and giving. 2 giving people together is the best.
Thank you Michelle, excellent insights 👍🌟
Excellent points! Thank you!
Truly wise person ... Bless you girl
Great video! So grateful for you!
I get a validation problem when narcissists ask: “why only you are getting bothered and no one else”
Yes, but part of the issue is being open to receive validation...from someone who only gives invalidation (the narcissist). It's like eating food received from a known poisoner. But yeah, at the beginning when we are starved of validation we tend to take any morsel we can get.
#6 resinates with me. Thank you Michelle
thank you so much Michelle for bringing such valuable resources for us
Thank you 💐
One of your best videos.
This is a brilliant video, thank you x
Can the amygdala / the limbic system be healed after CPTSD? I do the procrastination and self sabotage now. I went with the 3rd F - Fight Flight >>>Freeze
of course - they are affected due to negative neuroplasticity and can be healed via positive neuroplasticity
Spot on.
What a great video! How can we heal our subconscious when we have these thought patterns? I have a lot of negative self talk.
Woooh 🎈🎈🎈. It's very Encouraging 🙏🙏🙏.
Thank You 🌹🌹🌹🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
Thank you ❤
Your realisations on these deep sensitive issues have really helped me to understand myself the why I feel and/or act in many ways that have for a very lonnnnng time seemed like an undecipherable mystery of my mind!
Thank you dear Michelle 💝
All of the above with 4 & 5 being the most dominant ones.
I feel like I get stuck because I start to work on myself and I feel really good about how I am handling my responses but then something happens and I react in a way I didn’t intend to my narcissistic husband and I get pulled back in to thinking about not just what he is doing but that he pretends that everything is great and that nothing is wrong. So he will pick a fight to get a reaction and then act like that argument didn’t happen. Or maybe he’ll give me the silent treatment for several days and just start talking like this break didn’t occur. I get focused on him instead of working on myself and figuring how to leave this marriage. Or I will get stuck feeling guilty and thinking that I should never have let this relationship occur. Or I should have realized things sooner.
That's my marriage you're describing too. It's not our fault. We were sold a lie. Hugs
@@ritaodriscoll2093 thank you. I guess I feel like yes it’s not our fault but I just wish I could have been awakened sooner.
@@diane2413 I'm 30 years married last September. I'm 60 yrs old now. After a health scare the last 3 years I he'll bent my next 20 are going to be happy ones. While there's breath in your body and you can appreciate beauty and experience joy it's never too late.
Self sabotaging...
Wow, I am listening 🤕
Michelle ❤️❤️❤️😉
Sometimes you think you know things & then you watch videos on UA-cam & they confirm it for you. This is one of those times.
Why do I keep going back to my parents? Could it have to do with the narcissistic and toxic boyfriend relationship I have triggering me back into it even though I have known & accepted for years that my parents are sick? & as you have said. Yes. That would 1,000% be a reason why I keep chasing my father and mother.
ABEY ABHI HHI KR RHIII WOO
I wast allowed to do anything, I ran away at 15 bc of her.
Nearly all of these are a problem for me. :’(
My mor mix we approached with that impatiens ki ab tak healing nahin Hui to fir kabhi nahin hogi
God dont find myselft love try and puch and forse that can do it can reach if i dont am died very scare .lost tje love so in selfsabotage can funktion showe eat sleap and whant to heal fast get litle relize than smach com in fight and fligt and puning to me like an a faulier and going to if can lot of fear and trach me down. Be nice to your self can get kontakt with my selflove .all your points were right
I'm stuck
It took me a lot of helaing to not go back m wish her pride month ouvtof tetvprogramming like when w Sethi in og not tk meet him
What happens if you don't have a narcissistic, version of the complex PTSD, I just had something else happen in my childhood, like many traumas what because I can't see a narcissist did this to me.
I don't think C-PTSD has to be from a narcissist exactly, it's more a case of trauma that happened repeatedly over time.
Look up Gabor Mate and adverse childhood experiences.
This
Fortunately, I give zero fucks now. My triggers is dealing with assholes. My mom feeds it, and can rage...
Is what suhani used to dooo
I'm a very angry person bc of her.
👌💙❤️♥️
A degree in narcology 🤣 excellent
She texted me ustni raat ko in middle of ym bearkfoenbit want my fialy my dad was ebating my mom j like knemt childhood
You had 3 days: to be sick, depressed, sad, in pain & then told, get up & go! or You would be degraded by Mom & siblings... Get over it... Are you a Weakling or a Leader