💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I am and am not. I've been harping for years how more complex real ptsd, trauma, depression is a real disease. And it's not just bucking up. But people don't want to be around you. Just when you need them most. It's practically unlivable...but I've been this way since 12 .. It's something needing more intimate talk of. Not sex. But groups. Safe groups to share things.
@@TinyGrim-vx1luI understand what you're saying and felt like that for years. I'm also living with mental illness since 12. I've been in therapy for more than 20 years. The last years I've found a coach and dramatherapy (DVT) that helps me to learn to refulate my nervous system and to delay and relax and constantly asking myself "what does my nervous system need right now". And now all of the sudden I can feel what Tim is saying and I feel what I want and like and don't like, etc. I've always had friends leaving me, never had a intimate relationship, but now that is all changing. I'm more relaxed, more authenticiteit and transparant and that avoids conflicts, because I set boundaries and ask for what I want and need. So please know that things can change...it just takes a lot of time and someone that helps you to regulate your nervous system and helps and is there for you. In my case a coach. She helps me at home, with co-regulating, with taking steps towards friendships or clubs or whatever. Please keep faith and know healing is possible. I dont see myself as broken or sick anymore, I see myself learning to know who I am, because I never learned that. Love for you and your healing journey ❤
Someone said that daydreaming or even making future plans is a self soothing mechanism. It's a 'comfort drug' not an actual step forward. That made SO MUCH sense to me. It is like pretending you move forward TO YOURSELF, just to regulate your nervous system. But it is not actually moving forward nor facing fears. 😢
I justified that as a child by saying its because im poor. I dont have the privilege to get a second chance. I only have one chance. So i need to measure twice cut once. I need to do it perfectly the first time. Im thinking because it costs me nothing and I can fail in my head by getting to a dead end rather than failing in real like and hitting a dead end for reals. As an adult, I realize there arent many dead ends. Even if I went to prison, there would be a second chance. But im also thankful to how i did it when i was younger, cuz ut brought me to a better place where I can now just fail, whatever that means. Im failing right now being unemployed, but i have enough money saved to sustain myself. And going theough this time is giving me a peace of mind to get back into the world again, grinding, and also planning to not come back to this place...
Growing up in a chaotic environment we tend to try to take ourselves to a better place, or strive to make better goals. Some more grandiose than others and often times borders on what some might consider narcissistic tendencies or traits.
I started watching the first 20 minutes, found it too overwhelming (absolutely on point, though), so I put it off for four hours and then came back to it. I started crying when I tried to think of my earliest memory of procrastination. I find this so soothing, I feel seen. It's like feeling there is no way your misery can be put into words and then you said them all. I really appreciate this video, it's helping me so much.
I recently discovered that I have Inattentive type ADHD along with c-ptsd. (I find that people who have both c-ptsd and ADHD are the worst procrastinators. They put everything off to their detriment.) Procrastination was my middle name. However, I have worked really hard on this over the past few years because I also needed to lose weight and get my finances in order. To do that I had to become more disciplined. Oddly enough, I love to write out lists for my day and checking things off I accomplished. It is a little self-empowering ritual that helps me to see things through. It works for me, and I find I don't procrastinate as much as I used to. I also went through eight months of Trauma Therapy. It helped, but I continue the work on my own and am actually putting together a protocol for myself to continue healing.
I also have Inattentive ADHD and CPTSD. I also struggle with this. I have want seems like a mountain of stuff to do and I feel like I go to the freeze response because I am overwhelmed. I never ask for help with anything. Im tired of this behavior and I'm going to get more organized and start using lists. Thank you.
That test though 😢 full score on all. My life has been one big procrastination night. Always starting things on and after deadlines. Bad grades at school because I was «lazy». Shamed from parents, myself and teachers. Never able to do decisions I need to take. Just paralyzed. Thank you, Tim ❤️😭
And he's invested in one helluva microphone! It's big. It's bold. Not one of those invisible clip-ons... A great sign of a real UA-cam professional with a successful channel ;-)
This episode has rocked me to my core…it describes, as he said, the internal battle I have been having for quite some time…in the last few years it has worsened. Wow….I am speechless…
As a parentilzed child at 10 years old, I agree with this. I'm 40 years old now, have a 20 yo, and have been struggling a lot with procratination all my life. I've always felt overwhelmed by responsabilities, paralized by them, or got burned out after three months in a job. I'm working on it now.
A "quiet" uncluttered environment doesn't create the constant stress and chaos of my childhood. Although I understand what I am doing by creating chaos in my living space, I have great difficulty stopping the behavior. It is starting to spill out into my little yard space....stuff that needs to be stored or trashed. The storage is all full of chaos and clutter already.
This is what I was waiting for. Now I got a full grip on what is going on with me. Thank you Sir! This comes to the right time. Finally light on the dark spot I was nibbling around. Now you brought me the right tools to get it done. Good news is I made it last week to call my Therapist and got an appointment on Tuesday. The snail is marching on! Kind regards from Germany!
gosh, i hate being in this state. There are so many things I like to do but in the end I don't have the energy. Thank you for your help and information.
Tim, you have in every video I have watched in the past 24 hours since I discovered you, been hitting every nail on the head. You have spoke with understanding of my C-PSTD. I'm 61 this year and WOW still trying to overcome this sickness. I'm trying to heal by myself, it's not easy. I don't means to get professional help other than what is shared on UA-cam. I sooo wished and prayed for someone like your self. All the better, you are a God Loving person, you understanding and focused on helping C-PSTD people. Thank you God Bless You Sir. Thank God for sending your channel to me. I have been listening to your teachings and appreciate you and thankful for you. God bless you 🙏👍✌️
I hear you. Throughout all my years in school my mom acted the same way, threatened to give away my cat when I was in 2nd grade if I didn't raise my grade in math from a C (no offers to help, showed no interest in my school work, that generation of parents didn't do that), I distinctly remember showing her my report card at the end of my junior year, she barely looked at it and simply threw it aside, that really pissed me off so just for the hell of it, I didn't show her my report card for a year just to see if she would notice, she never even asked for it my whole my senior year.
@@e9s42tv69mo my heart breaks for you as a 2nd grader to hear that. Thats awful and unloving. I hope these videos lead you to peace and understanding in your healing journey.
I think procrastination when it comes to PTSD and the freeze response is a massive symptom of emotional dysregulation. It is about a maladaptive response to the nervous system being too activated at times and being way to under activated at others. I have been procrastinating for years due to PTSD for a trauma event that happened in my past and got roots in childhood.I will only do anything last minute if there is a penalty for me, should I not do it on time. But the cost is the pressure I put on myself for doing it last minute. I am trying to understand this in a different way because the old way of forcing myself to do something involves a tremendous amount of effort. Basically sometimes I feel like the juice is not worth the squeeze. I know part of the procrastination is an overwhelm of so much that needs to be tended to emotionally on the inside but also practical things that need to be done on the outer world. I have noticed there is very little pleasure in my life and when I do attempt something pleasurable I don't feel it in my body as I feel disassociated alot of the time. This is a perfect storm with so many things propping up the problem. I have tried so many approaches. Now I am working on developing a new self concept as I have tried different things and some results happened but nothing major. I am looking to seeing who I can become and start moving towards proving to myself that I act according to my new self concept. I think anything else will take years to figure out. Simply because there are way too many layers to unpick to release and heal. I am also looking at actively consciously changing how I respond to life, be it to thoughts, feelings etc.. I want to be more integrated, meaning not everything during the day needs a mental response. But I am curious to see how I can learn how to use all of me to respond to life as that addresses my self abandonment and fragmentation of the self. I have discovered the gift of healing from PTSD and I have seen first hand that are many great gifts, is to learn how to relate to myself in a new and improved way. Healing is not complete without this. So now I make it a part of my day when I notice I am having the same thoughts, reactions etc... " how else can I interpret this?" "what evidence have I got that this is so?" "what could be a more beneficial than this thought/action/response" etc..I called this active belief replacement because in my experience using affirmations to change deeply entrenched beliefs that are related to shame, self criticism and worthiness does not work by repeating new affirmations. I think for me, my subconscious mind will only take new beliefs that are not long or deeply held and that are not deeply shamed based. I have started to see some slow but permanent results. I just want everyone to know that thriving from PTSD is very possible, just don't give up on yourself. Everyone's recovery journey is different, but if you persist I am sure you will find that what is underneath the trauma is a beautiful soul waiting for expression.
@lulusworld2703 ...thanks so much for the detail of your share, I feel very similar things have been happening for me but I haven't had the ability to see a lot of it.
Wow, the timing of this video... I completely failed that test, but I already knew I would. I procrastinate so much that I sometimes can't sleep because I feel so sick to my stomach like I'm going to vomit. I don't know why I put myself through this torture instead of simply DOING what I know needs to be done. I've really failed myself in my personal and professional life many times over. Thank you for making this video. I'm going to finish it now and hope to have some clarity by the end.
WoW 🔥 As an adult, diagnosed ADHD, yep. My father raised 6 kids military-style, super religious with shame, fear & guilt as the hammer. You make so much sense ✨
I'm not joking this video has been open in a tab for 3 days now. Pills help me focus, concentrate, remember and stay on track... but they don't help with procrastination. I still have to force myself to start using psychological tricks.
I just deleted my comment… I need to watch the whole thing before I start asking questions and commenting, because you always answer them! Thank you so so much💕🙏🏼
If you don’t have a friend, bring a pet as encouragement. I admit that I enjoy the company of a friend to get things done or to try new things. But so many times, a “friend” was not interested or reliable. Now I bring my buddy dog and he loves it! For those of you that spend a lot of time alone, a pet might be something to consider.
WOW!... TIM, you are amazing!.. This is me.. I felt like you were describing ME... diagnosed with adhd last Nov.. Complex childhood TRAUMA-PROCRASTINATION has ruled my life... But the yoke is loosening each day. I am having therapy(had it for years and years) and only recently have begun to understand how emotionally horrendous my childhood was..... Accepting this as reality... Not making excuses for my family anymore(I do accept inter-generational trauma and have compassion for them too) Having compassion for myself has been alien( criticism was a constant as a child), but I am winning!.. I send my LOVE to all here.. You can free yourself of this god awful prison... OM SHANTI. 🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
TIM you are amazing at breaking this down. I’ve talked to a hundred therapists in person and online and NONE have ever been helpful. I fired every therapist and psychiatrist I’ve ever had. You explain things down to minuute detail. I really have withdrawn from any so called relationships I’ve ever had but really for good reasons bc I find ppl most ppl are narcissistic and/or dismissive of me or tell me I’m too deep , too negative whatever. Most ppl never examine their own families of origin therefore haven’t got a clue about their own issues thus fail to understand anything about me. So be it. They’re exhausting for me. Maybe I’m narcissistic in a benign way for letting go of them for these reasons. I’ve become avoidant.
The test yes to most of the above. I get paralyzed in getting started. Found out recently from the German psychiatrist that not only do I come from childhood trauma I come from Ambient nonstop non verbal trauma. He says this is extreme coercive control. he also said that ambient trauma is the most severe of all trauma. I walked on eggshells 24/7. I was parentified at age 7. I was only child for 7 years then my father came home from the military so my mother became pregnant with 6 more children all 15 months apart. My first sibling born was shoved on to me for bottling. Changing rocking putting into crib to sleep. My life was miserable. Loved my younger siblings but resented them nonstop. I hated my parents & finally had to quit college at 19 and get a car, job, moved out on my own. My college goals were sabotaged by my parents. Even becoming a mother was sabotaged bc by the time I was 19 it was like BEEN THERE DONE THAT as far as ever wanting children. I was also molested at age 5 by my “wonderful father “. After years of recovery process starting at 32 years old I went no contact permanently to this day. I was also the scapegoat which motivated me to finally cut them out of my life. Hopefully you can respond to this.
I'm sorry all this happened to you. You are very strong and courageous for handling it like you did. I pray the rest of your days on this earth are spent in peace 🕊️
That crappy family was not your choice.... We haven't got an option to choose where we want to be born.... But we can always choose with whom to stay and to have a happy peaceful life... 😊 ..live free .. live happy
6:00 "someone who doesn't deserve respect". Well, that is sickness of our time in many places that one only deserves respect if someone is perfect. People don't accept mental ilness or weaknes anymore. Then they lose respect for that person and feel they can abuse them. Those who do this are many and it isolates those who struggle with themselves and with their surroundings. People are so focussed on performance regardles of how to get it. They have no morals. They respect and reward psychopats and narcissists. Their perception of right and wrong is corrupt. If you want to disrespect and abuse someone than do that to those who are abusive. It is very sad that people with mentall illness feel they don't deserve respect that they feel unworthy because they can't conform to the wishes and standards of their psychopatic surroundings.
My life exploded. Literally, pieces of me everywhere. How do you heal a wounded child when all you can do is commiserate? I am by no means in a place of safety, nothing is secure, my daily needs are often not met. All I can do is cry along with my inner imp.
If there is no safety please seek help with a professional. Counselor, therapist, hotline most ERs have a 72hr evaluation for suicidal ideation etc but that first step could lead you to a safe option for help moving forward...✌️💜☀️🌙✨🎶
I am in an unsafe situation too and it feels like a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like when there is no path to safety. I’m constantly having to choose between my own needs and throwing some of them overboard for the sake of survival, which doesn’t leave me with much.
Thank you, Tim. Some great clarity. I never thought of it as a way to get attention and also a way to be invisible, which feels like a paradox but I suspect both were major to me. The practical tools are excellent and also the distinction in allowing for rest and thinking through carefully are messages I needed to hear as I obsess while needing rest then I don't properly rest and feel exhausted which enables the avoidance cycle. Thank you for the opportunity to escape this paradox.
I love you, Tim, for doing God’s work and helping so many people. You have been an integral resource to my healing my past. I’m well on my way and will one day soon be helping others as you have helped me. God bless you.
This makes so much sense. I procrastinate until I get very pissed off at myself. For some reason until I get super angry with myself only then do I literally move get up & do something. Getting angry at myself seems to be a great motivator but why does it have to go that far. I don’t like this & don’t know how to change it.
Hello, I am good with others roleplaying, but in the same boat with the topic.😅 You get attention with youre issues when the topic has been hot🌶️, you learned that 2 step way for solution: 1. Your alter ego gets frustrated (previously a parent/ teacher/ parent figure) and force you to act/do something. Not a way to use in long term. I would suggest to get better with+ self talk 🎉cheer yourself even if it's a trial. Asking for help or body double is also a good beginning. You are lacking of gentle selftalk, soothing your inner child 🚸 with companion,sing slow.Give yourself time and patience that what you missed... by growing up. Nature is a good teacher the caterpillar 🐛 needs food and time and rest to beginn a new form of life 🧬,the same being ,but mean to fly. 😉🫂🥹🦋 Wishing you Love and strength, another weird 🪲😊
As a kid I was the youngest of just me and my brother. And he is four years older than I am. My earliest memory of procrastination is we were home alone after school. We had a list of chores we both had to do before our mom got home from work. And I saw that my brother was goofing around and playing Nintendo and or watching his shows and didn’t get to doing his chores. I followed his lead a lot. But o also knew that we needed to have the chores done before mom got home. I didn’t like to wait but I did wait because he did. Then it would be five minutes before mom was supposed to get home and we would in a mad rush try to get them all done. It was a lousy attempt I’m sure. But I remember the feelings I had in those early days of learning to procrastinate. I felt: shame, concern, fear of not knowing the consequences, I felt adrenaline when it was time to get it done or else we would be caught that we procrastinated. I felt excited that mom didn’t know or notice or didn’t say anything. I felt if my brother didn’t do it until the last minute then I wasn’t going to do it until he did his chores. Because I wasn’t going to let him make me do his chores too. I think I had fallen for that before. So yeah I felt bad for putting the chores off as a kid. Later, after he left the home , I felt better about just doing the chores to get them done and I was free to do whatever after and didn’t have to worry about being caught procrastinating. But then I went back to playing first and procrastinating is my middle name after I got married. I didn’t have the fear for motivation anymore.
All so true! Especially as relates to ADD. Tim I can only remember a few moments of My childhood so no hope of remembering when it started; any further advice around this please? Great topic Sir. Thank You
Tim, you have been the most helpful person I have ever found on UA-cam. Everything you say is so clear, thoughtful, and easy to understand. Your explanations help me remember that I am more than my truama and my messed up brain.
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR VIDEOS, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE HELPING ME IN MY HEALING JOURNEY, AND IN UNDERSTANDING MY BRAIN AND MY PATTERNES ❤🙏🙏
This men is saving lifes for free here on UA-cam, bless you, I need this kind of thing, I don’t have access to a therapist or anything like that, because of both money and location, I’m good at helping myself heal but I can’t without the proper information, so, thank you so so much ❤❤❤
Thank you very much for this video. It's already helped me make connections I'd never made before, even with my therapist. It made me feel very sad, but also more hopeful. The subjects that you talk about are so difficult, but the way in which you speak is full of compassion and empathy. I really appreciate this :)
Thank you so much. I never thought it might have something to do with my childhood . Looking back . I understand that it’s possible that criticism and perfection played a big roll and I am I passed it down to my children . I am so ashamed 😢
Been watching for years and was also part of LIFT group years back but wow… these vids are getting better and better, the information, the delivery , excellent thank you ✨
Regarding point F in the Practical tools section: I sometimes can't work at my desk, but just putting a few pillows on the floor and moving my laptop there makes a difference.
When I go back to my earliest Procrastination as a kid in the 70's, I don't recall fear but anger and Rebellion. She couldn't make me, so I wouldn't. It felt like heaven, to hold that power, to be able to send that message. Too guilty perhaps for driving my dad away (she was quite proud of it,) my mom just let me do whatever. I WON. She couldn't make me clean my room, and I didn't. 50 years later, I really want a Nice Room. It's like being in Chains.
Avoiding doing the task for fear of being shamed. Or punished bcz, as a creative child, I would approach the task from a different mindset, and the result, even tho task completed, was not the desired end result from a linear thinking parent.... BAM! Not "right".
You are Brilliant Tim! Thank you for your wisdom and genuine concern for us humans with broken souls. Who knew that all the chaos and drama from our childhoods hangs onto us as adults. I wish I would have heard all of this 30 years ago!
Dear Tim, Just to let you know: I’ve adopted you as my internet daddy. I’m calling it my “iDaddy”. I only found you last week but you’ve already changed my life. Thank you for the work you’re doing. Best, Someone who would subscribe twice if she could
I know it’s toxic for me to be living at my moms. My mom herself is not blatantly toxic, but living with her is a trigger. For one, so much has happened in this house with my dad (the alcoholic) and I do believe memories and energies stay in places. And for two, the way she lives reminds me of my childhood and all the reasons I’m fucked up today. My mom is and always has been a severe workaholic who is constantly infront of her computer, while everything around her is neglected. We have water damage & mold in the house but she won’t do anything about it, overflowing trash, furniture falling apart. But our town has had a huge influx of people in the past 3 years and our cost of living has tripled. My friends are working 2-3 jobs to pay rent. I don’t want to have to do that when I can just live at my moms. It’s a tough position to be in. I left town for 3 months to work on a farm across country, and it felt so amazing I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to come back and keep working on building my business so I can get out for good.
💜 Please be aware of scammers impersonating Tim or the Tim Fletcher team! We do not provide any phone numbers in the comments and Tim does not chat privately with viewers. We will never ask you to join us on a messaging app. When in doubt, reach out to us via our website at timfletcher.ca. Stay safe and scam-aware. With Love, The Tim Fletcher Team.
I’m glad I found this guy.
I am and am not.
I've been harping for years how more complex real ptsd, trauma, depression is a real disease.
And it's not just bucking up.
But people don't want to be around you.
Just when you need them most.
It's practically unlivable...but I've been this way since 12 ..
It's something needing more intimate talk of. Not sex.
But groups. Safe groups to share things.
We all are ❤
@@TinyGrim-vx1luI understand what you're saying and felt like that for years. I'm also living with mental illness since 12. I've been in therapy for more than 20 years. The last years I've found a coach and dramatherapy (DVT) that helps me to learn to refulate my nervous system and to delay and relax and constantly asking myself "what does my nervous system need right now". And now all of the sudden I can feel what Tim is saying and I feel what I want and like and don't like, etc. I've always had friends leaving me, never had a intimate relationship, but now that is all changing. I'm more relaxed, more authenticiteit and transparant and that avoids conflicts, because I set boundaries and ask for what I want and need. So please know that things can change...it just takes a lot of time and someone that helps you to regulate your nervous system and helps and is there for you. In my case a coach. She helps me at home, with co-regulating, with taking steps towards friendships or clubs or whatever. Please keep faith and know healing is possible. I dont see myself as broken or sick anymore, I see myself learning to know who I am, because I never learned that. Love for you and your healing journey ❤
I am. Really helpful alongside therapy I’ve just started. A brilliant man.
God bless him and us, broken people
"Well welcome to another Friday night" is now one my favorite phrases 😊
Lol likewise
Someone said that daydreaming or even making future plans is a self soothing mechanism. It's a 'comfort drug' not an actual step forward. That made SO MUCH sense to me. It is like pretending you move forward TO YOURSELF, just to regulate your nervous system. But it is not actually moving forward nor facing fears. 😢
😮😮 wow! I resonated with this! 😢
I justified that as a child by saying its because im poor. I dont have the privilege to get a second chance. I only have one chance. So i need to measure twice cut once. I need to do it perfectly the first time. Im thinking because it costs me nothing and I can fail in my head by getting to a dead end rather than failing in real like and hitting a dead end for reals.
As an adult, I realize there arent many dead ends. Even if I went to prison, there would be a second chance. But im also thankful to how i did it when i was younger, cuz ut brought me to a better place where I can now just fail, whatever that means. Im failing right now being unemployed, but i have enough money saved to sustain myself. And going theough this time is giving me a peace of mind to get back into the world again, grinding, and also planning to not come back to this place...
Growing up in a chaotic environment we tend to try to take ourselves to a better place, or strive to make better goals. Some more grandiose than others and often times borders on what some might consider narcissistic tendencies or traits.
Omg…yes!
I think the goal is to self regulate. Future plans are fine but if it turns into worry about the future then it is out of balance.
Tim Fletcher, you’re a gift.
❤❤❤❤❤❤yes sir
Where is Tim located ❓❓
Yes I agree. Tim is a genius at understanding all of this.
@@laraoneal7284 I actually wanted to know that too. I think he might be in Canada.
I started watching the first 20 minutes, found it too overwhelming (absolutely on point, though), so I put it off for four hours and then came back to it. I started crying when I tried to think of my earliest memory of procrastination. I find this so soothing, I feel seen. It's like feeling there is no way your misery can be put into words and then you said them all. I really appreciate this video, it's helping me so much.
🙏
Same. It’s so difficult to watch
This guy is an absolute treasure.
Ok... Here it is.. all my life problems in one video... Scored high😢
I recently discovered that I have Inattentive type ADHD along with c-ptsd. (I find that people who have both c-ptsd and ADHD are the worst procrastinators. They put everything off to their detriment.) Procrastination was my middle name. However, I have worked really hard on this over the past few years because I also needed to lose weight and get my finances in order. To do that I had to become more disciplined. Oddly enough, I love to write out lists for my day and checking things off I accomplished. It is a little self-empowering ritual that helps me to see things through. It works for me, and I find I don't procrastinate as much as I used to. I also went through eight months of Trauma Therapy. It helped, but I continue the work on my own and am actually putting together a protocol for myself to continue healing.
Im on this same journey .i have my finances worked out. Now to fight my food addiction dopamine demons
I also have Inattentive ADHD and CPTSD. I also struggle with this. I have want seems like a mountain of stuff to do and I feel like I go to the freeze response because I
am overwhelmed. I never ask for help with anything. Im tired of this behavior and I'm going to get more organized and start using lists. Thank you.
*what ...not want
it is a make believe disorder. There's nothing wrong with your brain. Don't take their drugs. Destroyed my life.
That test though 😢 full score on all. My life has been one big procrastination night. Always starting things on and after deadlines. Bad grades at school because I was «lazy». Shamed from parents, myself and teachers. Never able to do decisions I need to take. Just paralyzed. Thank you, Tim ❤️😭
I appreciate that you talk loudly and clearly
And he's invested in one helluva microphone! It's big. It's bold. Not one of those invisible clip-ons... A great sign of a real UA-cam professional with a successful channel ;-)
This episode has rocked me to my core…it describes, as he said, the internal battle I have been having for quite some time…in the last few years it has worsened. Wow….I am speechless…
Same
@@lyndan438 same
As a parentilzed child at 10 years old, I agree with this. I'm 40 years old now, have a 20 yo, and have been struggling a lot with procratination all my life. I've always felt overwhelmed by responsabilities, paralized by them, or got burned out after three months in a job. I'm working on it now.
Omg I didn’t even realize how never getting help with things growing up affected me 😮
A "quiet" uncluttered environment doesn't create the constant stress and chaos of my childhood. Although I understand what I am doing by creating chaos in my living space, I have great difficulty stopping the behavior. It is starting to spill out into my little yard space....stuff that needs to be stored or trashed. The storage is all full of chaos and clutter already.
This is what I was waiting for. Now I got a full grip on what is going on with me. Thank you Sir! This comes to the right time. Finally light on the dark spot I was nibbling around. Now you brought me the right tools to get it done.
Good news is I made it last week to call my Therapist and got an appointment on Tuesday. The snail is marching on!
Kind regards from Germany!
The timing for me has been so incredibly spot on! Amazing . Devine intervention
🐌 💪 🙏
@@tanyacarlyle1422 🤗
gosh, i hate being in this state.
There are so many things I like to do but in the end I don't have the energy.
Thank you for your help and information.
Welcome to another Friday night!
Tim, you have in every video I have watched in the past 24 hours since I discovered you, been hitting every nail on the head. You have spoke with understanding of my C-PSTD. I'm 61 this year and WOW still trying to overcome this sickness. I'm trying to heal by myself, it's not easy. I don't means to get professional help other than what is shared on UA-cam. I sooo wished and prayed for someone like your self. All the better, you are a God Loving person, you understanding and focused on helping C-PSTD people.
Thank you God Bless You Sir. Thank God for sending your channel to me. I have been listening to your teachings and appreciate you and thankful for you. God bless you 🙏👍✌️
You're a god send man, Tim. Thank you so much for everything. ❤
@20:50 My parents didn't care about my school or personal pursuits unless I was behind on homework, otherwise they didn't care about me.
I hear you. Throughout all my years in school my mom acted the same way, threatened to give away my cat when I was in 2nd grade if I didn't raise my grade in math from a C (no offers to help, showed no interest in my school work, that generation of parents didn't do that), I distinctly remember showing her my report card at the end of my junior year, she barely looked at it and simply threw it aside, that really pissed me off so just for the hell of it, I didn't show her my report card for a year just to see if she would notice, she never even asked for it my whole my senior year.
@@e9s42tv69mo my heart breaks for you as a 2nd grader to hear that. Thats awful and unloving. I hope these videos lead you to peace and understanding in your healing journey.
I think procrastination when it comes to PTSD and the freeze response is a massive symptom of emotional dysregulation. It is about a maladaptive response to the nervous system being too activated at times and being way to under activated at others. I have been procrastinating for years due to PTSD for a trauma event that happened in my past and got roots in childhood.I will only do anything last minute if there is a penalty for me, should I not do it on time. But the cost is the pressure I put on myself for doing it last minute. I am trying to understand this in a different way because the old way of forcing myself to do something involves a tremendous amount of effort. Basically sometimes I feel like the juice is not worth the squeeze. I know part of the procrastination is an overwhelm of so much that needs to be tended to emotionally on the inside but also practical things that need to be done on the outer world.
I have noticed there is very little pleasure in my life and when I do attempt something pleasurable I don't feel it in my body as I feel disassociated alot of the time. This is a perfect storm with so many things propping up the problem. I have tried so many approaches. Now I am working on developing a new self concept as I have tried different things and some results happened but nothing major. I am looking to seeing who I can become and start moving towards proving to myself that I act according to my new self concept. I think anything else will take years to figure out. Simply because there are way too many layers to unpick to release and heal. I am also looking at actively consciously changing how I respond to life, be it to thoughts, feelings etc.. I want to be more integrated, meaning not everything during the day needs a mental response. But I am curious to see how I can learn how to use all of me to respond to life as that addresses my self abandonment and fragmentation of the self. I have discovered the gift of healing from PTSD and I have seen first hand that are many great gifts, is to learn how to relate to myself in a new and improved way. Healing is not complete without this. So now I make it a part of my day when I notice I am having the same thoughts, reactions etc... " how else can I interpret this?" "what evidence have I got that this is so?" "what could be a more beneficial than this thought/action/response" etc..I called this active belief replacement because in my experience using affirmations to change deeply entrenched beliefs that are related to shame, self criticism and worthiness does not work by repeating new affirmations. I think for me, my subconscious mind will only take new beliefs that are not long or deeply held and that are not deeply shamed based. I have started to see some slow but permanent results. I just want everyone to know that thriving from PTSD is very possible, just don't give up on yourself. Everyone's recovery journey is different, but if you persist I am sure you will find that what is underneath the trauma is a beautiful soul waiting for expression.
@lulusworld2703 ...thanks so much for the detail of your share, I feel very similar things have been happening for me but I haven't had the ability to see a lot of it.
Wow, the timing of this video... I completely failed that test, but I already knew I would. I procrastinate so much that I sometimes can't sleep because I feel so sick to my stomach like I'm going to vomit. I don't know why I put myself through this torture instead of simply DOING what I know needs to be done. I've really failed myself in my personal and professional life many times over.
Thank you for making this video. I'm going to finish it now and hope to have some clarity by the end.
WoW 🔥 As an adult, diagnosed ADHD, yep. My father raised 6 kids military-style, super religious with shame, fear & guilt as the hammer. You make so much sense ✨
I’m supposed to do an important task right now but am listening to you instead. How ironic. Seriously, you are helping me
Me too 😥
I'm not joking this video has been open in a tab for 3 days now. Pills help me focus, concentrate, remember and stay on track... but they don't help with procrastination. I still have to force myself to start using psychological tricks.
I just deleted my comment… I need to watch the whole thing before I start asking questions and commenting, because you always answer them! Thank you so so much💕🙏🏼
My childhood didn’t have trauma, it was trauma. This entire series is essential and insightful. Fight the fight. It’s worth it
This explains my life SO well. Absolutely mind-blown right now. Thank you for sharing this; now I can bring it to therapy.
If you don’t have a friend, bring a pet as encouragement. I admit that I enjoy the company of a friend to get things done or to try new things. But so many times, a “friend” was not interested or reliable. Now I bring my buddy dog and he loves it! For those of you that spend a lot of time alone, a pet might be something to consider.
WOW!... TIM, you are amazing!.. This is me.. I felt like you were describing ME... diagnosed with adhd last Nov.. Complex childhood TRAUMA-PROCRASTINATION has ruled my life... But the yoke is loosening each day. I am having therapy(had it for years and years) and only recently have begun to understand how emotionally horrendous my childhood was..... Accepting this as reality... Not making excuses for my family anymore(I do accept inter-generational trauma and have compassion for them too)
Having compassion for myself has been alien( criticism was a constant as a child), but I am winning!..
I send my LOVE to all here.. You can free yourself of this god awful prison...
OM SHANTI.
🙏❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Best channel about psychology
TIM you are amazing at breaking this down. I’ve talked to a hundred therapists in person and online and NONE have ever been helpful. I fired every therapist and psychiatrist I’ve ever had. You explain things down to minuute detail. I really have withdrawn from any so called relationships I’ve ever had but really for good reasons bc I find ppl most ppl are narcissistic and/or dismissive of me or tell me I’m too deep , too negative whatever. Most ppl never examine their own families of origin therefore haven’t got a clue about their own issues thus fail to understand anything about me. So be it. They’re exhausting for me. Maybe I’m narcissistic in a benign way for letting go of them for these reasons. I’ve become avoidant.
Wow I’m all of these things.
The test yes to most of the above. I get paralyzed in getting started. Found out recently from the German psychiatrist that not only do I come from childhood trauma I come from Ambient nonstop non verbal trauma. He says this is extreme coercive control. he also said that ambient trauma is the most severe of all trauma. I walked on eggshells 24/7. I was parentified at age 7. I was only child for 7 years then my father came home from the military so my mother became pregnant with 6 more children all 15 months apart. My first sibling born was shoved on to me for bottling. Changing rocking putting into crib to sleep. My life was miserable. Loved my younger siblings but resented them nonstop. I hated my parents & finally had to quit college at 19 and get a car, job, moved out on my own. My college goals were sabotaged by my parents. Even becoming a mother was sabotaged bc by the time I was 19 it was like BEEN THERE DONE THAT as far as ever wanting children. I was also molested at age 5 by my “wonderful father “. After years of recovery process starting at 32 years old I went no contact permanently to this day. I was also the scapegoat which motivated me to finally cut them out of my life. Hopefully you can respond to this.
I'm sorry all this happened to you. You are very strong and courageous for handling it like you did. I pray the rest of your days on this earth are spent in peace 🕊️
That crappy family was not your choice.... We haven't got an option to choose where we want to be born.... But we can always choose with whom to stay and to have a happy peaceful life... 😊 ..live free .. live happy
Prison is the perfect word.
Yes! ...calling it that, is helping me 'get present to it'.
6:00 "someone who doesn't deserve respect". Well, that is sickness of our time in many places that one only deserves respect if someone is perfect. People don't accept mental ilness or weaknes anymore. Then they lose respect for that person and feel they can abuse them. Those who do this are many and it isolates those who struggle with themselves and with their surroundings. People are so focussed on performance regardles of how to get it. They have no morals. They respect and reward psychopats and narcissists. Their perception of right and wrong is corrupt. If you want to disrespect and abuse someone than do that to those who are abusive. It is very sad that people with mentall illness feel they don't deserve respect that they feel unworthy because they can't conform to the wishes and standards of their psychopatic surroundings.
My life exploded. Literally, pieces of me everywhere. How do you heal a wounded child when all you can do is commiserate? I am by no means in a place of safety, nothing is secure, my daily needs are often not met. All I can do is cry along with my inner imp.
Trusting God is what carries me through. It's too much for me, but not for Him.
Ask Abba Father YAHUAH to open doors.
Keep asking for help.
I'm praying for you.
If there is no safety please seek help with a professional. Counselor, therapist, hotline most ERs have a 72hr evaluation for suicidal ideation etc but that first step could lead you to a safe option for help moving forward...✌️💜☀️🌙✨🎶
I am in an unsafe situation too and it feels like a lot of people don’t understand what it’s like when there is no path to safety. I’m constantly having to choose between my own needs and throwing some of them overboard for the sake of survival, which doesn’t leave me with much.
@@alexasaltz4229 how are you doing now?
Man of God..to help us ..thank you Lord for Tim fletcher
Thank you for talking on procrastination , it's a serious problem for surviver of Cptsd.
Makes alot of sense. I mostly relate to not having the tools and being spoilt..and now I've passed that onto my kids.
Thank you, Tim. Some great clarity. I never thought of it as a way to get attention and also a way to be invisible, which feels like a paradox but I suspect both were major to me. The practical tools are excellent and also the distinction in allowing for rest and thinking through carefully are messages I needed to hear as I obsess while needing rest then I don't properly rest and feel exhausted which enables the avoidance cycle. Thank you for the opportunity to escape this paradox.
I'm 7 min in. It feels good to be seen and understood.
I love you, Tim, for doing God’s work and helping so many people. You have been an integral resource to my healing my past. I’m well on my way and will one day soon be helping others as you have helped me. God bless you.
This makes so much sense. I procrastinate until I get very pissed off at myself. For some reason until I get super angry with myself only then do I literally move get up & do something. Getting angry at myself seems to be a great motivator but why does it have to go that far. I don’t like this & don’t know how to change it.
Hello, I am good with others roleplaying, but in the same boat with the topic.😅
You get attention with youre issues when the topic has been hot🌶️, you learned that 2 step way for solution: 1. Your alter ego gets frustrated (previously a parent/ teacher/ parent figure) and force you to act/do something.
Not a way to use in long term. I would suggest to get better with+ self talk 🎉cheer yourself even if it's a trial. Asking for help or body double is also a good beginning. You are lacking of gentle selftalk, soothing your inner child 🚸 with companion,sing slow.Give yourself time and patience that what you missed... by growing up. Nature is a good teacher the caterpillar 🐛 needs food and time and rest to beginn a new form of life 🧬,the same being ,but mean to fly. 😉🫂🥹🦋
Wishing you Love and strength, another weird 🪲😊
As a kid I was the youngest of just me and my brother. And he is four years older than I am. My earliest memory of procrastination is we were home alone after school. We had a list of chores we both had to do before our mom got home from work. And I saw that my brother was goofing around and playing Nintendo and or watching his shows and didn’t get to doing his chores. I followed his lead a lot. But o also knew that we needed to have the chores done before mom got home. I didn’t like to wait but I did wait because he did. Then it would be five minutes before mom was supposed to get home and we would in a mad rush try to get them all done.
It was a lousy attempt I’m sure.
But I remember the feelings I had in those early days of learning to procrastinate.
I felt: shame, concern, fear of not knowing the consequences, I felt adrenaline when it was time to get it done or else we would be caught that we procrastinated. I felt excited that mom didn’t know or notice or didn’t say anything. I felt if my brother didn’t do it until the last minute then I wasn’t going to do it until he did his chores. Because I wasn’t going to let him make me do his chores too.
I think I had fallen for that before.
So yeah I felt bad for putting the chores off as a kid. Later, after he left the home , I felt better about just doing the chores to get them done and I was free to do whatever after and didn’t have to worry about being caught procrastinating.
But then I went back to playing first and procrastinating is my middle name after I got married. I didn’t have the fear for motivation anymore.
Thank YOU for being here, Tim
Thank you Tim. You help me understand what is going on on the inside of me.
I'm 26 years old,watching this video today sept 08,2024. I'm glad I found this video. Thanks man youtube is a saviour sometimes.
This hits so hard and soothed my core. I need this.
All so true!
Especially as relates to ADD.
Tim I can only remember a few moments of My childhood so no hope of remembering when it started;
any further advice around this please?
Great topic Sir.
Thank You
...I am every type of procrastinator 😭
Similar for me. I answered 18 of the 20 questions with 5 or 6.
I am too 😮💨
Me too.
@@josefn.8297I'm glad I'm not alone.
But what's the solution now🥺
Thank you so much for this
So true, ive been procrastinating for a while
Frick this hits WAY too hard as a habitual dreamer procrastinator
A heartfelt thank you💫
Brilliant and practical. Thank you for your time and wisdom!
Tim, you have been the most helpful person I have ever found on UA-cam. Everything you say is so clear, thoughtful, and easy to understand. Your explanations help me remember that I am more than my truama and my messed up brain.
The best explanation ever
Thank you, Sir. You have helped me see things at 60 that are changing my life.
This is so accurate 😮 Thank you so much for helping people like me with these videos 🙏
This explains so, so, soooo much!
Wow! This is exactly what I needed to hear. You're awesome :D
We live in a scary world we are parlised before so much fear
My most helpful UA-cam discovery yet.. God bless you Mr Fletcher
THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR VIDEOS, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU ARE HELPING ME IN MY HEALING JOURNEY, AND IN UNDERSTANDING MY BRAIN AND MY PATTERNES ❤🙏🙏
I don't ask help to nobody, although I procrastinate. So I don't get angry demanding help
This man and his words are a blessing- simple as that.
Wow! Tim nailed it again. Got to the root of my procrastination. Thanks so much for shining a light on this issue and how to heal from it. ❤
This men is saving lifes for free here on UA-cam, bless you, I need this kind of thing, I don’t have access to a therapist or anything like that, because of both money and location, I’m good at helping myself heal but I can’t without the proper information, so, thank you so so much ❤❤❤
Thank you very much for this video. It's already helped me make connections I'd never made before, even with my therapist. It made me feel very sad, but also more hopeful.
The subjects that you talk about are so difficult, but the way in which you speak is full of compassion and empathy. I really appreciate this :)
40 years if challenging misdiagnosis. I knew they were not right. FINALLY, I hear and believe.
It ABSOLUTELY helps--in a painful sort of way 🤕 Because , well, TRUTH hurts. Thanks for being a truth teller 😊
Thank you so much. I never thought it might have something to do with my childhood . Looking back . I understand that it’s possible that criticism and perfection played a big roll and I am I passed it down to my children . I am so ashamed 😢
❤ Thank you so much Tim Fletcher
This is amazing help thank u
Been watching for years and was also part of LIFT group years back but wow… these vids are getting better and better, the information, the delivery , excellent thank you ✨
Omg. I needed this video.
Regarding point F in the Practical tools section: I sometimes can't work at my desk, but just putting a few pillows on the floor and moving my laptop there makes a difference.
Thank you for helping me understand myself 🙏🏽❤️
Please consider putting these out as podcasts
Gosh thank you, that was SO Helpful, bless you for all you teach and for all the people and wounded children you help ❤
My problem is simply that I dont want to do the things I should be doing. The only thing I'm being protected from is not having fun.
Very interesting thank you. I found the reason why I procrastinate and have no notion of time, it helps a lot.
Profoundly useful for me
You are amazing, Mr. Fletcher. Thank you a million times for this.
You are amazing!!!❤❤❤
It isn't ADD I suffer from it is AAD (Apathy Abundance Disorder). Insufficient motivation (anger) to overcome the apathy.
Where did you get that term . . . AAD ?
Excellent. I identified with almost every word. So helpful. If anything, I like myself more. Thank you!
When I go back to my earliest Procrastination as a kid in the 70's, I don't recall fear but anger and Rebellion. She couldn't make me, so I wouldn't. It felt like heaven, to hold that power, to be able to send that message. Too guilty perhaps for driving my dad away (she was quite proud of it,) my mom just let me do whatever. I WON. She couldn't make me clean my room, and I didn't. 50 years later, I really want a Nice Room. It's like being in Chains.
I’ve been looking for this conversation for so long, I’m so happy and blessed that I found this. So Good!
Wow! Learned so much! Procrastinate about so much but mostly things for me
My father was a violent alcoholic and you have described me to a T. Nothing ever seems to stick and the constant cycle repeats.
Avoiding doing the task for fear of being shamed.
Or punished bcz, as a creative child, I would approach the task from a
different mindset, and the result, even tho task completed, was not the desired end result from a linear thinking parent....
BAM! Not "right".
You are Brilliant Tim! Thank you for your wisdom and genuine concern for us humans with broken souls. Who knew that all the chaos and drama from our childhoods hangs onto us as adults. I wish I would have heard all of this 30 years ago!
Prison. Exactly. Heavy duty for 13 years now... Hard to break out permanently.. a day here, there just isn't enough. Neither is medicine.
Dear Tim,
Just to let you know: I’ve adopted you as my internet daddy. I’m calling it my “iDaddy”. I only found you last week but you’ve already changed my life. Thank you for the work you’re doing.
Best,
Someone who would subscribe twice if she could
God bless you. ❤
I know it’s toxic for me to be living at my moms. My mom herself is not blatantly toxic, but living with her is a trigger. For one, so much has happened in this house with my dad (the alcoholic) and I do believe memories and energies stay in places. And for two, the way she lives reminds me of my childhood and all the reasons I’m fucked up today. My mom is and always has been a severe workaholic who is constantly infront of her computer, while everything around her is neglected. We have water damage & mold in the house but she won’t do anything about it, overflowing trash, furniture falling apart. But our town has had a huge influx of people in the past 3 years and our cost of living has tripled. My friends are working 2-3 jobs to pay rent. I don’t want to have to do that when I can just live at my moms. It’s a tough position to be in. I left town for 3 months to work on a farm across country, and it felt so amazing I didn’t want to leave, but I knew I had to come back and keep working on building my business so I can get out for good.
I was told you can't heal in the place that made you sick. I have a deep empathy for you and your situation. Good luck.
Thank you so much Tim, this is really, really helpful!!!