More like impossible task. And not just because there arent many... They just dont feel safe. And other messed up people wont like it when you suddenly start deveroping boundaries.
I'd think it would be more desirable to find someone who is identically damaged? Someone who isn't thus damaged would seem to be someone who has never encountered the same monsters you have. In which case, I'd imagine it would be incumbent upon you to educate (i.e. damage) them? Unless they had some sort of miraculous ability to be able to bring you into their bubble of ignorance?
@@MadMakerWorkshopIt is a task that I am currently experiencing. It is possible. I was doing inner work before me and him reconnected(I was too toxic during our previous attempts). I do still have my habits of wanting to self sabotage but I’m taking it day by day with my inner work. I get very scared and self conscious of my damaged parts but he is so patient with me and accepting. I am fulfilling my responsibilities of doing the inner work though to become better and he is super supportive. He isn’t perfect either though. But he loves my imperfections and perfections. He said it’s a nice balance. Plus, I keep God as my focus not him. Not trying to pry my religious beliefs onto you. I just wanted to encourage you that it is possible, it will be scary at times, and it will likely take time but it will all be worth it. I love a good healthy thrill so I am enjoying the experiences more now lol.
I think ultimately we have to learn to trust ourselves. We have to listen to our intuition and realize we have them for a reason. Its a hard task indeed.
I think part of the problem is having the expectation that trustworthy people will not harm you. Everyone will fail in one way or another. Some may even be healthy at one point and become toxic over the years. Human love is fallible.
I also want to add that nobody is going to fulfill all your wishes. You can't lay the burden of your scars on their shoulders and expect them to coddle you either. Friendship is give and take. It will never be equal, but it should be fair.
@@robertdeskoski9783yes rupture and repair, that’s a healing topic to dwell on and dig into as well. Learning to trust and to be trustworthy has to include small hurts and repairs… that’s why it’s so scary to try.
When it comes to an intimate partner relationship, I agree with you. I never had a healthy relationship due to attracting narcissists. When it comes to friendships, I have learned that reciprocal interest is one key to discerning a true friend from one who is not. I find that very few women I try to have reciprocal friendships with initiate contact as often as I do. I don't know if Covid caused people to not reach out years ago and the habit is now ingrained or what. It's hard to find a true friend, but I think I have 2. Two others moved out of state, so we talk on the phone. Hope you can find safe people.
Thank you so much, Tim, for your videos. They have been a huge help for me. I'm a 54 year old mom for two kids trying to heal by myself. With no therapy. I haven't found something in the country I live in and also couldn't pay for it. Your videos helped me to see the truth and what is healthy and what is not. Thank you! May God bless your life and reward the good you do for many people!
i once had someone sit me down and demand that i trust them implicitly and then they said that they expected me to earn their trust. i trusted them somewhat before that but stopped trusting them at all when they came out with that. complete loss of respect. I have also had people pretend to be my friend and then they say "i just wanted to help you out of your shell." I went through your Lift program and found it immensely helpful. i am slowly starting to trust again.
You choose to trust. I'm learning to trust people again with the knowledge that they could let me down and I appreciate when others trust me even though I too am not completely trustworthy. Choosing not to trust anyone ever is equal to a baby throwing all his toys out of his crib because he didn't get what he wanted. Being vulnerable and having the sack to ante up again after being disappointment is difficult but it's part of being an adult.
These all seem like very good points and things to watch out for. I believe I have had trust issues for a long time, and while watching this video I realised that I've never even been able to trust my own body until very recently. Hopefully this continues to improve and helps my progression into a healthier state of being. I hope everyone reading this finds someone or something to trust in their lives!
Every time I start to think that I can learn to trust again, someone comes along and reminds me that it's a bad idea. Even tiny little 1% risks end not so well. Also, a double ad at less than a minute thirty? Great way to help people there.
You can trust people to be people, flawed. I accept that people will be there until they no longer choose to. Most importantly, watching red flags. Jealousy handicaps trust. If you notice jealously, back away no matter how much you like them.
Thank you for sharing this. To address the trust issue is needed. To build this takes two. And I have not have anyone who steps up with me together. Fully aware it's my own inner work. In my area you wait two years for a therapist. Thank you for pointing out to be a trustworthy person one self.
Energy vampires. They don't have to be narcissists, but they'll suck you into their drama. If anyone wants you to rescue them, or if you heave a sad sigh when you're going to see them, let them go.
I still don't know where to start and to look for that person, but at least I regained the openness to it again after a long long time of mistrusting everyone. I don't want to walk blindly and needy into a person. It is okay for me to be cautious. There it is, a little trust into me is finally back. Thanks to you!
Keep your mind and heart open. I did not like my best friend when I first met him. When I figured out he just has no filters, we got along. We've been texting and/or talking almost daily for 20 years now.
@@Mermare Good for you! Well it seems to me it is hard to find new friends when getting old. Thank you for sharing and greetings to your friend! i know there are good people out there. And maybe I get in contact one day, or not.
At this point I think you never actually know anyone. I'd rather just enjoy my solitude than invite more bullshit into my life. That's healthy for me, not wasting yet more precious time on relationshits.
After 5 bad marriages it's time to give up already. You've "felt that oxytocin" before - it's a trap! (I read it as "oxycontin lol - I think that's legitimate).
The terms you set out to start to trust again - these have persuaded me that the whole enterprise is impossible in the modern world. There can be no trust as long as there's no accountability for those in positions of power.
I'm stuck living with parent who severely neglected me as a child, I'm stuck in deep dissociation and derealization, and when that wears off I feel sheer terror/suicidal I have no idea how to help this, I'm stuck
Those are trauma symptoms. 😢🙏 You need therapy and to talk to someone you can trust. Are you at least 18? You could try calling Tim Fletcher's office, maybe. Meanwhile, you can google some grounding techniques and try them. I hope you have a friend or at least a pet to talk to. And if it's pretty bad, please call the suicidal hot line. You can google their number, too. Hope you experience healing. Jesus loves you.
@Doesitmatter-by3xb Then it was not the right method for you - please keep trying. Try a different approach. If you are still in the abusive dynamic day in and day out really the first step for you is to get out of it and be able to fully protect yourself. Being able to feel safe and secure by and for yourself - this was my first big move in the right direction. I'm 48 and was able to free myself from 19 years of abusive relationships. It took a full year to feel safe, another year to feel any other feelings. I'm almost at the 4 year mark and still have yet for some hallmark feelings to show up but I know they will come when I'm ready. It's a long process and that's okay - because even this long and sometimes tedious journey is so much better than where I was. There are days I experience such relief, peace and calmness in my body that it proves I'm getting better if even slowly and by degrees. Therapy was helpful when I was in crisis, but I understand about the re-tramatizing - which happened to me at a certain point with therapy. I've been going at it by myself, in my own time, with helpful teachers like Pastor Fletcher guiding me. Taking one lesson at a time, taking notes, and letting them sink in. I also think something that will be very helpful is to try Somatic therapy - which is a way to release stuck energy, trauma and emotions from the body. Just keep going, keep trying, you ARE worth it!!!
I would think that the most important first step would be to find someone with common values and aspirations. Because how can you ever trust someone to treat you righteously and honorably if you aren't in agreement over what righteousness and honor mean?
My group therapist (licensed PhD CGP), created a group of people with childhood adverse events who trust too quickly and made a cult to take advantage of them for personal emotional and financial needs.
Yes…Jesus Proved Himself trustworthy by dying in our place so we could be forgiven and made new. He IS love, if we reject Him, we have not learned love.
Trust yourself first. Trust others in everyday ways, like when we trust another driver to stay on their side of the yellow line. God bless you in your life journey.
I find that keeping things superficial with some people works because my heart is not involved. I have just a few people in my life, other women, with whom I can open my heart. Maybe that's enough.
I have epic trust issues. I also understand there's a difference between intentional abandonment or betrayal, and life's circumstances simply preventing one from always meeting their commitments. People will let you down; sometimes because of things beyond their control. It doesn't make people universally untrustworthy. Not trusting people because no one can control everything is unreasonable. If we don't see and accept the difference we doom ourselves to a life without real intimacy or connection. Having said that, trustworthy people seem to be exceptionally rare and will see through 🐂💩 sooner or later. So it follows if we want trustworthy people in our lives we must be trustworthy ourselves. And reasonable if we want others to see reason when life makes us unreliable. If more people did this trustworthy people wouldn't be so rare.
The specialized trauma therapist I found for childhood cptsd turned out to be a emotional manipulator/covert narcissist... Be Aware!!! Robbed me of my life savings and my very psyche.
The little things are where it’s at, being willing to risk things I’m willing to lose Cool video thanks Also I have comedy skits on my channel about my own trust issues in life that you might like too
I don’t need to trust it’s not necessary people are strangers always have been always will be that’s human nature it would be outrageous to try to befriend anyone or everyone I’m not a schmoozer I’m not in daycare I’m an adult wth do I need that for I’m emotionally stable it’s leave me alone now this is my time you had your chance I don’t need that in my life it’s quiet now nobody to monopolize my time and space. I own me, get it? I own my life not anyone else I make the decisions I call my own shots
question.. Any of the beneficial principles being discussed here. Where in our society are these nurtured? Your job? Your education? Mass media? Meaningful connections don't happen anywhere. Our problem is systemic. We all have the same need. Until we accept this we're gonna need endlessss UA-cam videos to reaffirm the obvious. This isn't our world. We didn't create this problem.
The world is comprised of good and evil. I really denied that evil was real up until it was proven to me and it really killed my faith in humanity. However... I know that for example I am not evil. I might make mistakes and drop the ball occasionally but for the most part - I value being a good person and doing good things. I value that in myself and when I see it in action in others. I think place to look for people who could go from 0% - 1% trust might be looking for me, too. As surely as I exist, so do others with the same levels of trustworthiness. Not every church, but maybe A church. Maybe A support group. Maybe it's not even in person but an online group? You don't have to go out with the intention of committing anything at all - only looking and getting to know, staying at 0% - until at some point you feel this person would be worth giving a 1% chance to. Human touch and connection is a human need and we are all deserving of it. Don't give up.
Finding someone healthy AND then for some reason wanting to have a relationship with you (who is damaged) seems like a TALL TASK
More like impossible task. And not just because there arent many... They just dont feel safe. And other messed up people wont like it when you suddenly start deveroping boundaries.
It’s possible. I’m rooting for you❤
We are imperfect beings .
I'd think it would be more desirable to find someone who is identically damaged? Someone who isn't thus damaged would seem to be someone who has never encountered the same monsters you have. In which case, I'd imagine it would be incumbent upon you to educate (i.e. damage) them? Unless they had some sort of miraculous ability to be able to bring you into their bubble of ignorance?
@@MadMakerWorkshopIt is a task that I am currently experiencing. It is possible. I was doing inner work before me and him reconnected(I was too toxic during our previous attempts). I do still have my habits of wanting to self sabotage but I’m taking it day by day with my inner work. I get very scared and self conscious of my damaged parts but he is so patient with me and accepting. I am fulfilling my responsibilities of doing the inner work though to become better and he is super supportive. He isn’t perfect either though. But he loves my imperfections and perfections. He said it’s a nice balance. Plus, I keep God as my focus not him. Not trying to pry my religious beliefs onto you. I just wanted to encourage you that it is possible, it will be scary at times, and it will likely take time but it will all be worth it. I love a good healthy thrill so I am enjoying the experiences more now lol.
I think ultimately we have to learn to trust ourselves. We have to listen to our intuition and realize we have them for a reason. Its a hard task indeed.
Dr Tim Fletcher is such an incredibly inspiring orator and coach, guide!!
I think part of the problem is having the expectation that trustworthy people will not harm you. Everyone will fail in one way or another. Some may even be healthy at one point and become toxic over the years. Human love is fallible.
I also want to add that nobody is going to fulfill all your wishes. You can't lay the burden of your scars on their shoulders and expect them to coddle you either. Friendship is give and take. It will never be equal, but it should be fair.
Humans are fallible. That's what rupture and repair is about.
@@robertdeskoski9783yes rupture and repair, that’s a healing topic to dwell on and dig into as well. Learning to trust and to be trustworthy has to include small hurts and repairs… that’s why it’s so scary to try.
God bless you Tim.
It's very hard for me to imagine someone who is safe.
When it comes to an intimate partner relationship, I agree with you. I never had a healthy relationship due to attracting narcissists. When it comes to friendships, I have learned that reciprocal interest is one key to discerning a true friend from one who is not. I find that very few women I try to have reciprocal friendships with initiate contact as often as I do. I don't know if Covid caused people to not reach out years ago and the habit is now ingrained or what. It's hard to find a true friend, but I think I have 2. Two others moved out of state, so we talk on the phone. Hope you can find safe people.
Me too...
Thank you so much, Tim, for your videos. They have been a huge help for me. I'm a 54 year old mom for two kids trying to heal by myself. With no therapy. I haven't found something in the country I live in and also couldn't pay for it. Your videos helped me to see the truth and what is healthy and what is not. Thank you! May God bless your life and reward the good you do for many people!
i once had someone sit me down and demand that i trust them implicitly and then they said that they expected me to earn their trust. i trusted them somewhat before that but stopped trusting them at all when they came out with that. complete loss of respect. I have also had people pretend to be my friend and then they say "i just wanted to help you out of your shell." I went through your Lift program and found it immensely helpful. i am slowly starting to trust again.
never trust people who demand your trust seems to be the rule. Someone whorty of trust is understanding trust is a long process.
Blessings from Sweden 🇸🇪
You choose to trust. I'm learning to trust people again with the knowledge that they could let me down and I appreciate when others trust me even though I too am not completely trustworthy. Choosing not to trust anyone ever is equal to a baby throwing all his toys out of his crib because he didn't get what he wanted. Being vulnerable and having the sack to ante up again after being disappointment is difficult but it's part of being an adult.
These all seem like very good points and things to watch out for. I believe I have had trust issues for a long time, and while watching this video I realised that I've never even been able to trust my own body until very recently. Hopefully this continues to improve and helps my progression into a healthier state of being.
I hope everyone reading this finds someone or something to trust in their lives!
Every time I start to think that I can learn to trust again, someone comes along and reminds me that it's a bad idea. Even tiny little 1% risks end not so well.
Also, a double ad at less than a minute thirty? Great way to help people there.
I think the turn point when a person to whom you trust is yourself. Then life will start talk to you healthy way.
I agree.
The portion I need each day his word all then of my day is to his glory❤
You can trust people to be people, flawed. I accept that people will be there until they no longer choose to. Most importantly, watching red flags. Jealousy handicaps trust. If you notice jealously, back away no matter how much you like them.
Thank you for sharing this.
To address the trust issue is needed. To build this takes two. And I have not have anyone who steps up with me together.
Fully aware it's my own inner work.
In my area you wait two years for a therapist.
Thank you for pointing out to be a trustworthy person one self.
Energy vampires. They don't have to be narcissists, but they'll suck you into their drama. If anyone wants you to rescue them, or if you heave a sad sigh when you're going to see them, let them go.
Good advice. Thanks.
Sadly most people in my life have proved to me that they are untrustworthy when I give them the entry-level test😂.
Thank You brother Tim, God Bless You!
I still don't know where to start and to look for that person, but at least I regained the openness to it again after a long long time of mistrusting everyone.
I don't want to walk blindly and needy into a person. It is okay for me to be cautious. There it is, a little trust into me is finally back. Thanks to you!
Keep your mind and heart open. I did not like my best friend when I first met him. When I figured out he just has no filters, we got along. We've been texting and/or talking almost daily for 20 years now.
@@Mermare Good for you!
Well it seems to me it is hard to find new friends when getting old.
Thank you for sharing and greetings to your friend! i know there are good people out there. And maybe I get in contact one day, or not.
@@skjelm6363 It is definitely harder when you get older, especially when your group is in the child rearing years.
God said I don't have to change but trust him only❤
Thank you. ✨️🕊
Thank you very much!!
At this point I think you never actually know anyone. I'd rather just enjoy my solitude than invite more bullshit into my life. That's healthy for me, not wasting yet more precious time on relationshits.
On some level you are right, no one knows another completely. Our human relationships only can go so far. It does not fully satisfy
Facts
Thank you. I've met someone, after 5 bad marriages. We are both feeling that oxytocin. I'm gonna share this video with him.
Takes two years to know someone so go slow plz😅
After 5 bad marriages it's time to give up already. You've "felt that oxytocin" before - it's a trap! (I read it as "oxycontin lol - I think that's legitimate).
Great video
The terms you set out to start to trust again - these have persuaded me that the whole enterprise is impossible in the modern world. There can be no trust as long as there's no accountability for those in positions of power.
I'm stuck living with parent who severely neglected me as a child, I'm stuck in deep dissociation and derealization, and when that wears off I feel sheer terror/suicidal
I have no idea how to help this, I'm stuck
Those are trauma symptoms. 😢🙏 You need therapy and to talk to someone you can trust. Are you at least 18? You could try calling Tim Fletcher's office, maybe. Meanwhile, you can google some grounding techniques and try them. I hope you have a friend or at least a pet to talk to. And if it's pretty bad, please call the suicidal hot line. You can google their number, too. Hope you experience healing. Jesus loves you.
I've been seeing a psychologist but after doing emdr therapy have been retraumatized
Thankyou for the kind words I hope things can get better somehow
@Doesitmatter-by3xb Then it was not the right method for you - please keep trying. Try a different approach. If you are still in the abusive dynamic day in and day out really the first step for you is to get out of it and be able to fully protect yourself. Being able to feel safe and secure by and for yourself - this was my first big move in the right direction. I'm 48 and was able to free myself from 19 years of abusive relationships. It took a full year to feel safe, another year to feel any other feelings. I'm almost at the 4 year mark and still have yet for some hallmark feelings to show up but I know they will come when I'm ready. It's a long process and that's okay - because even this long and sometimes tedious journey is so much better than where I was. There are days I experience such relief, peace and calmness in my body that it proves I'm getting better if even slowly and by degrees. Therapy was helpful when I was in crisis, but I understand about the re-tramatizing - which happened to me at a certain point with therapy. I've been going at it by myself, in my own time, with helpful teachers like Pastor Fletcher guiding me. Taking one lesson at a time, taking notes, and letting them sink in. I also think something that will be very helpful is to try Somatic therapy - which is a way to release stuck energy, trauma and emotions from the body. Just keep going, keep trying, you ARE worth it!!!
Thanks Tim🩵
God fights for me ❤
So good
I would think that the most important first step would be to find someone with common values and aspirations. Because how can you ever trust someone to treat you righteously and honorably if you aren't in agreement over what righteousness and honor mean?
My group therapist (licensed PhD CGP), created a group of people with childhood adverse events who trust too quickly and made a cult to take advantage of them for personal emotional and financial needs.
You should try it it's not by works but by faith and God's word I'm saved he knows the depth of my heart and soul I say thank you for who God made me❤
I trust God's word and my wife and daughter who God gave me❤
If I or my partner don't know Jesus,we really dont know love
Yes…Jesus Proved Himself trustworthy by dying in our place so we could be forgiven and made new. He IS love, if we reject Him, we have not learned love.
Soooo true
There are Christian frauds, wolves in sheep's clothing and these should never marry because they ruin their spouses.
It’s possible. ❤️
There's no one that's proven to be safe or trustworthy to heal with.
I don’t know how I’m going to trust again after this last circus I just left in January
No one ever is to be trusted. I will never trust anyone ever. Those that justify this are naive
Trust yourself first. Trust others in everyday ways, like when we trust another driver to stay on their side of the yellow line. God bless you in your life journey.
I find that keeping things superficial with some people works because my heart is not involved. I have just a few people in my life, other women, with whom I can open my heart. Maybe that's enough.
I have epic trust issues. I also understand there's a difference between intentional abandonment or betrayal, and life's circumstances simply preventing one from always meeting their commitments. People will let you down; sometimes because of things beyond their control. It doesn't make people universally untrustworthy. Not trusting people because no one can control everything is unreasonable.
If we don't see and accept the difference we doom ourselves to a life without real intimacy or connection.
Having said that, trustworthy people seem to be exceptionally rare and will see through 🐂💩 sooner or later.
So it follows if we want trustworthy people in our lives we must be trustworthy ourselves. And reasonable if we want others to see reason when life makes us unreliable.
If more people did this trustworthy people wouldn't be so rare.
The specialized trauma therapist I found for childhood cptsd turned out to be a emotional manipulator/covert narcissist... Be Aware!!!
Robbed me of my life savings and my very psyche.
Oh no. I'm sorry that happened to you.
If you trust you get burned. Not sure who your points of reference are.
🙏🏼
The little things are where it’s at, being willing to risk things I’m willing to lose
Cool video thanks
Also I have comedy skits on my channel about my own trust issues in life that you might like too
❤❤❤
Sometimes the only thing there is left to do is to migrate to another country or continent.
Has to know God at least and then there’s so much more to look for
I don’t need to trust it’s not necessary people are strangers always have been always will be that’s human nature it would be outrageous to try to befriend anyone or everyone I’m not a schmoozer I’m not in daycare I’m an adult wth do I need that for I’m emotionally stable it’s leave me alone now this is my time you had your chance I don’t need that in my life it’s quiet now nobody to monopolize my time and space. I own me, get it? I own my life not anyone else I make the decisions I call my own shots
Well fun fact 98% if people have not worked on their wounds . So either way they are hiding. Be careful
I only trust god.. no human is trustworthy
question.. Any of the beneficial principles being discussed here. Where in our society are these nurtured? Your job? Your education? Mass media? Meaningful connections don't happen anywhere. Our problem is systemic. We all have the same need. Until we accept this we're gonna need endlessss UA-cam videos to reaffirm the obvious. This isn't our world. We didn't create this problem.
The world is comprised of good and evil. I really denied that evil was real up until it was proven to me and it really killed my faith in humanity. However... I know that for example I am not evil. I might make mistakes and drop the ball occasionally but for the most part - I value being a good person and doing good things. I value that in myself and when I see it in action in others. I think place to look for people who could go from 0% - 1% trust might be looking for me, too. As surely as I exist, so do others with the same levels of trustworthiness. Not every church, but maybe A church. Maybe A support group. Maybe it's not even in person but an online group? You don't have to go out with the intention of committing anything at all - only looking and getting to know, staying at 0% - until at some point you feel this person would be worth giving a 1% chance to. Human touch and connection is a human need and we are all deserving of it. Don't give up.
Thank you so much❤