How to Talk to People | INTJ Perspective
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- Опубліковано 9 лип 2024
- Hey friends, so I wrote about this subject for a blog here: www.ithinkifeel.com/home/2019...
Please keep the conversation going below, how do you talk to people? What is socially awkward for you? Let me know if you have any subjects you would like covered for future videos!
Typing disclaimer: Hi my name is Lindsay, I'm an actual INTJ typed by actual professionals using the scientific method on a 512 scale. I didn't choose this profile, it chose me.
#INTJ #16Personalities #Communication
This video started off hilarious, turned instructive and ended heartwarming. Like an episode of Full House only better acted and actually enjoyable to watch.
The INTJ struggle to have meaningful conversations with people is real, but you did a great job turning the conversational lemons into lemonade by trying to identify where each person can let their own little light shine. It's true that everyone has something to offer if you know how to look. I'm glad you made this video even though you "are one of the worst suited people to make a video on this subject." Totes not true.
Ok, you hit me right in the Fi 🖤😭 thank you.
Mamma Lindsay is an angel 😘🍉😘
"Understanding someone...is how we say, "I value you". This is golden!
It’s 110% the truth 🖤
@@InternetLiJo 99.99% surity is better than +100 per hundred.
"We like to study people." Why does it sound like we're aliens... xD
To people who have personality types that are very different from ours, we probably do seem like aliens.
We are
Sometimes I think THEY are all aliens. Like I landed on the wrong planet and will eventually get picked up and taken home, so I’m learning and observing all I can in the meantime.
Very likely are alien, that is starseed, although a deeper exploration would reveal all humans have interstellar connections/origins.
So many people say I'm quiet. I just know nothing I want to say with align with the person I'm with, so I just save the energy and don't say anything. Or just ask questions.
EXACTLY
When I'm in public I try not to get into eye contact with anyone cause then I have to say something to them. I have an escape plan ready just in case conversations take too long. I love it when a third person joins the conversation because then it gives me a chance to escape. I prefer to just stand back and watch everyone.
Hahah the escape 😂 I do the same
it's like trying to avoid a trainer battle encounter
"For fun"
We all know that any INTJ who discusses world domination means every word of it.
- INTJ
It’s the best kind of meaning behind “fun” 😉
@@InternetLiJo
True dat! 😂
Yes! and Why don't they all see that we could organize, structure and prioritize the world (from our own island) so much better...sheesh!
Objectivist INTJ
From what I've found some do. There seems to be psychopathic individuals who think they're intj and like the idea of taking over the world cause they like power.
@@Scoring57
I wouldn't mind ruling the world.
As an INTJ, before knowing my personality type lol, I really find myself different from others. I don't like gossips because I find it waste of time and nonsense and I always wonder why people like gossips and such like talking about their crushes or something lol. It's really hard for me to talk about something that interest me or having deep conversations because they find me really weird so communications and making friends is very hard for me. I still make friends when someone wants me to be their friend and I won't mind if they enter in my life because they help me to socialize with other people that's why I value them. I'm happy that they had fun talking with me and find me smart because I'm talking random stuffs that they find helpful or knowledgeable for them (but I'm really dumb in person lol).
What a great quote at 5:31
“Personality theory opened me up to a more nuanced, sequence of questioning that opened me up to be able to extract the info I was looking for when speaking w/ someone”
Very true
Must extract the information! So much Te lol 😂
L J
Hahaha, I rely on my Ti to find possibilities to what they mean. Sometimes I don’t even think I understand the literal context of the concept, just a figment of my imagination.
Experienced INTJ here. Most people are approachable in a limited conversations. A smaller intimate group are a joy. An undetermined number are willfully ignorant and therefore toxic to INTJs. So don't even offer them your coolaid, never drink theirs.
Lol! Yeah most people get too drunk on my koolaid and wonder what the heck happened 😂
For me it's become a time management proposition. Why not prioritize? Find the coolest, meaningful folks first, talk to everyone else you can learn from with boundaries and avoid toxicity. Might be tough if your celebrity takes off. My name is Michael (obviously). I live in Portland Maine, good luck with your project
It's great to see how we think the same in a lot of things, me being an INTJ as well. Because we are often mistyped as being assholes or antisocial, when in reality I get a vision of how important it is to have sound social skills and learn from others. Probably the most strategically valuable skill.
💯yes
"If you think you are so smart and you are wasting your energy listening to someone who you don't deem as smart as you are, you're the one who is actually not as intelligent". Bingo! This is something that comes with age and wisdom (one hopes). Many young INTJs or mistyped edgelords act this way. Disabusing yourself of this notion and learning some tact are two skills INTJs must learn. It's an important part of peopling and adulting. Most people can teach you something.
Yesss. You said it perfectly.
@@InternetLiJo I've just discovered your channel. I like it very much. You speak a lot of truth.
I am saddened there are so few women in my life that are interested in talking about AI and black holes. :/
Red-pilled INTJ here. After small talks, I discover that most people are just average guys/girls who have meaningless lifes, completely brainwashed, most of the times ideologized who won't improve anything in my life. I do agree that we (INTJs) should try to diminish our inherent flaws, but I feel like a loser who gives to many and receives too little in exchange. Last summer I wouldn't mumble a single word to anyone but my superiors, thus scaring my workmates. It was fun! Our zen-like presence has no equal in other types of personality.
Dear UA-camr, where shall I find the INTJs paradise? I like your smile btw...
Thank you very much for your contribution to INTJ community.
Why do you feel like a loser?
@@t5396 Short answer: "loser" 'cause no profit gained + time wasted
Long answer: Let's say you are a handsome, mysterious INTJ. You are attractive, smart and quite interesting in the eyes of most. People would ask you on a wide array of topics (politics, personal info, entertainment, etc.) because they see you as a smart-ass guy. And that's a problem for me because I attract too much attention and receive stupid questions that really make me angry. Most of the times I answer stupid stuff in order to disguise my precious hard-earned knowledge (and as we all know, knowledge is power) and to get rid of idiots in my inner-circle. I prefer to disguise myself as a sheep and get rid of the attention. However, it's easier said than done.
@@t5396 You may also like to check BlairWaldorf2013's comment down below with which I fully agree :)
@@lachezarvalentinov8751 I don't have to worry about that because people don't even seem interested in talking to me.
@@t5396 I think initially you can't get away without saying something about yourself. If you're so introverted that you don't confess your weaknesses as other guy suggested in the comments, then with time people will lose interest with talking to you. But not all of them.
Since I started researching personality theory and the cognitive functions, I've found that talking to people who are difficult for me to relate to has become much easier and more enjoyable. A lot of the people around me prefer talking about the metaphorical weather over discussing abstract ideas. I'm okay with small-talk, but can't do it for long without feeling drained because I like to connect with people and see what's going on beneath the surface. But now, I look at those conversations (and also the ones between other people that I would have deemed boring in the past) as opportunities to look for manifestations of the different cognitive functions and gain a better understanding of the theory. It's fun for me to see real life examples of the personality types. It really is like a learning game. The theory helps me better understand and appreciate the people around me and the people help me better understand and appreciate the theory. Also, "Make it your quest to find what that person is brilliant in" are words to live by. :D Thanks for this video.
“If you need something, find it yourself, or better yet, learn to do without.”
-Secondhand Lions
I chose the second.
I often find that what I like and enjoy, people find odd and disinteresting . And I find what they like dull and not stimulating . With that said, I prefere to listen to other people and just shrug their questions for me off with shallow answers. I was ecstatic to hear about the nerd talk . That is the one that feels the best , but really feels rare.
One of the main problems experienced during social interaction is a lack of understanding between the people communicating together. Therefore, a useful solution is simply to explain your interaction style to others I.e. tell them you're bad at small talk, tell them you're analytical, tell them you're quite introverted etc. When you do this the individual or group will have a better understanding of why you are the way you are and will be less judgemental of you. It shows a little vulnerability, communicates your strengths and weaknesses and leads people to be more accepting of who you are. I've used this quite recently to great effect.
In a nutshell:
Just embrace your type and let others know this is the way you are.
#INTJ
I totally agree!! Haha I totally use this platform to serve that purpose.
@@InternetLiJo lol yes, the humans must be educated in our ways 😅
@Michael Pullins There's that low Se talking
@Michael Pullins It's more than Se too but if you understand the way the world functions and work with that reality (Se) then you should be able to adapt your strategy and approach accordingly. Also I'm an INFJ so it's easier for me to say than for you to do.
In true intj style, I appreciate that you get to the point in your videos and don't waste time rambling :)
😉
This is one area we differ on. I use to talk constantly as a kid. I have figured out why over the years but I used it as a sort of echo location for learning. You throw information at someone and they usually will throw information back. It is not always useful but surprisingly at time it was. Over the years though that source of information dried up as people tend to have the most superficial information and I got to the point where I wasn't getting anything back. I remember I kept trying this trick I learned as a child and people just seemed like they all got dumb. It frustrated me for years. Then, lol, I developed a habit that likely drove people nuts, I would speak to people as if they understood the conversation. They no longer needed to participate. I am sure I confused the shit out of more than one random person or another. LOL I soon recognized how crazy that looked from the outside so I now make the effort to not do this. I now find myself with no desire to speak to other humans. I speak to my dogs and my bees, hell any wildlife (I have a fair bit of experience working with non-verbal people, animals understand a thousand fold of what society tells us) but I feel let down when I speak to humans. I try to make my interactions as quick as possible so I don't find out what a sheep or amoral person someone is. I think is INTJ's looked at human interaction as more of a way to gather information then they would likely seek out and develop those skills. And if you are wondering why I am making so many comments on your videos's, I am not trying to bogart you or your channel I promise. You are a person online and you are real but you are also kinda abstract as you are not real to me. And I am not singling you out, I also mean the internet in general. I find talking or yelling online is like talking or yelling into the void. I used twitter to get all my yelling done so here I sit with a new box of curiosity call "INTJ". Plus, I'm glad it turned out I am just a odd personality and not some alien stuck in a human body :).
LOL LiJo, you realize you basically use "cold reading" to carry on conversations with strangers right? lol I love it :D
Relatable. Ordinary people have no valuable information to collect anymore => no point to talk with them anymore
You've got some real gold in this video. I believe you're not as inept in this area as you believe you are. You just don't have a typical approach, but your execution is no different than anyone else.
For example a "deep" conversation is an extraction of thoughts, reasons, and emotions. Your gaining your valued information to better understand, relate and progress the relationship. It's almost irrelevant that you prefer information over emotion. It's the same end goal.
The nonintellectual intellectual is %1000 accurate. Excellent insight and advice. It's the same for crazy people. Legitimate crazy people don't believe their crazy. Yet people who think they're crazy are 9 times out of 10 are not.
Thanks a lot Koff, I appreciate that you can see what I’m trying to communicate in my videos :)
I really liked the part around 9:00 to 10:00 so relatable. Most times, I really like being able to converse with someone about something they have knowledge on because its a topic that is useful and a way to communicate with them just for the sake of communicating(not something I personally want to do but they may like it, I mean who wouldn't want someone to listen to them talk about their favorite thing)
"You can't just take control of the conversation and start talking about black holes with someone who doesn't want to talk about black holes."
Story of my life.
HAHAHA RELATABLE
Small talk is garbage, pointless words that don't make any sense.
Yep! Control that conversation ya know?
Turn it into big talk. With 99% of the folks out there it is rather easy to do.
Learn the Socratic Dialog for asking gentle questions that engage your interlocutor.
Big facts
small talk and gossip are really the things that mentally drain me
SAME
Do you find it easier to talk to guys? I feel like I have more to discuss with them, or when not, they don’t mind the silence as much. I have the most trouble with “sorority “ type woman. They seem to have actual animosity towards me. I really wouldn’t care, but the nature of my work requires me to make some polite bla bla bla, and when people don’t like me it hurts business. I often feel like the cat in that meme where the blond lady is screaming and pointing, and the cat is sitting in front of his plate of food like “what?”. (I’m a woman, btw).
It’s easy for me to be friends with guys if I choose to be, and I’m friends with women who are badasses and not the ones that aren’t 😉
Thanks LiJo, helpful tips. We are so rare and as female INTJs we are so much more rare, that it's always been difficult to connect, bond, retain those relationships with other people, that as we grow older , 'STUDYING PEOPLE' is what we require ourselves to do and in the process we find out that we actually also enjoy the process.
What you said was 100% relatable since I myself am an INTJ. I hate being forced to talk. You are an amazing person, Lindsay. Please keep on helping INTJs like me, who is through their teenage and trying to find a better space for themselves. Love your content so much. ❤️
I hate phone talk i can imagine people here agree with that one. lol i even let it ring to the answerphone thinking if it is important they will leave a message.
I do the same thing!! And I’ve had my vm disabled for...years lol.
My default mode unless you are in my inner circle.. Even then I always have to call them back because my phone is forever in silent mode..
I hate talking on the phone too!
Speaking on the phone is a little death to me. I wont suicide in this way.
@@hannyjaimin8382 Wow, my phone is also permanently on silent mode! I can't stand the vibrations nor those noises when someone is calling...
I was a swimming instructor at a wave pool. One day a female coworker asked me "why don't you ever say anything. I replied "I have nothing to say". She said "fair enough" and that was the end of it. The girl actually developed a crush on me and found out I was taking PE class that year. She said she hoped we were in the same class, and I just looked at her asked why she wanted to be in the same class as me. She turned red and couldn't say anything. I felt kind of bad because I knew the answer before I asked. I just don't like indirect talk like that. The conversation really needs to be direct or interesting or I just hate engaging.
I think your glasses are DOPE !
You are dope!
As an INTJ I LOVE this approach I will give it up a try this weekend "social research"
Let me know how it goes!
I agree/identify with nearly all of that, especially the theme that it takes conscious work on our part and that everyone has something to offer. Since this video we've had COVID and the rise of Zoom type meetings in lieu of in person. Initially I liked the switch - saves time, more focused, less personal. But now I miss being able to read the room, there is definitely less needed data coming through. But I do love watching a Zoom meeting go down the wrong road for a minute and then asking that one question that makes everyone realize they're on the wrong track. You can watch the realization come across all their little faces on the screen.
INFJ here. Awesome insight, I'll definitely apply these lessons because I certainly suck at conversations where I know they'll be short lived. I agree that conversations where the other person is not afraid to be vulnerable make for the best conversations. If there's a person I want to know more about then somewhere in the conversation I'll show a vulnerability first, to subtly show them that I want to go deeper into sharing about ourselves. I'm pretty good at telling if people are holding back, if they are then I lose motivation to speak with them.
Vulnerability is key to human connection! Huge lesson that I’ve learned.
@@InternetLiJo I told an INFJ girl that she will need to be vulnerable if she wanted me to continue seeing her. I dumped her after that as she was not sure and trust issues. She was brilliant in social interactions, but I noticed the manipulative side as well hence the reason for not being vulnerable.
With ENFP however its so easy, as they would be the one to show their vulnerability. Almost immediately a bond is created. And i have been friends with three ENFPs, and all of them were easy, sweet, vulnerable, honest, but being an INTJ i was completely oblivious to their intentions DOH.
I solve the problem by saying "What are you passionate about?" That way they can give me information so I can solve or give more information about their passions.
Great plan. Yes!
I used to wonder to myself: I have such interesting conversations in my head, why can't I speak well to anybody else?"
Eventually I came to the conclusion that people tend to speak in one of two ways:
1. About people, experiences and things (i.e. celebrities, what kind of cheesecake is best etc)
2. Ideas and hypothetical situations
(i.e. the good kind)
On mulling over this information I came to the conclusion that while I could teach myself to be as good at these conversations as others who engage in them, I would never get much out of them. Better to set the precedent of being reasonably nice but untalkative, so people don't expect me to participate in every conversation.
TLDR intuitive type surrounded by sensers
Thanks a lot! You got me at the small talk. I feel struggled every time the weather's becoming a topic... Wouldn't go that far, to change it towards black holes, (like how lucky would I be to meet a stranger and immediately start talking about physics ^^,) but my mind's in the state of "yeah sun's still out there, didn't blow up until now". "But did you see how the last sunspots changed?"
Black holes 4 life!!
Not an INTJ but I interacted with INTJs before. To sum up, kind INTJs are quite rare in the INTJ community. I know they're not comfortable holding a conversation with me (I see right through you haha) but they do it anyways. And I'll talk to them again even if they don't like it. Maybe because I learnt so much from seeing things from their perspective and that what keeps me going. I don't steer away regardless of their respond/ body language. And I know that even though I cannot give back valuable info that they wish they have, to show my appreciation, i try giving back in other ways which I think some INTJs don't seem to comprehend this idea. Or maybe they simply don't see or appreciate lol. And about those sitting on the high horse, I get that their time is precious and they're smart and all but still. It's like they have everything, yet, none.
I think this is the only video I've seen so far on how to live as an INTJ that has actually been helpful. Thank you so much.
This may be easier for me to appreciate and understand because I already have a small part of the "instruction" in play. My go-to question when talking to new people is "so, what do you do when you're not working?" If they can answer that, and a surprisingly large number of people can't, then you are guaranteed a topic they are interested in.
Golden content. You're becoming my favorite youtuber! Thank you for this
Ahh thanks so much!
I have been having walks because I have become very unhealthy, I just don't talk to anyone. Then I had an idea on one of those regular walks that I should get better at talking with people, may be it may help.
That's what led me to your video, thanks for the tips.
And actually this is my first action of getting good at talking with people, because I binge your videos and never leave a comment.
Lindsay, this has helped me so much! Thank you!
I’m so happy to find someone who totally understands me!
That’s why I’m here!
Happened today!
Co worker: I would never pick up an unknown call
Me: Cool i don't pick up any call
Co worker: Would you pick up if i would call?
Me: probably not, but who knows
Co worker: OMG you are so rude bla bla bla
Me: Okay so tell me what makes more sense to you
1. I tell you what i think good or bad honestly to your face so no surprses or
2. I pretend i'm your best friend and when you not around i complain how much i hate you!
He did chose 2. and i almost got a mental breakdown xD
Hahahaha
WOW, why?
It's amazing how low truth is on some people's priority lists.
I have learned so much from watching your videos. One thing is that I'm not an INTJ! Another is that I love the INTJ mind. This was such a different perspective and so useful as I also really struggle with chit chat. The weather is one thing but also my worst thing is what the roads are like and if it's busy on them etc. All of that makes me want to bang my head on a table but you're do right that I need to take more initiative in directing conversation. I love to learn but I tend to wait for conversation to progress so as not to seem too directive and controlling but I need to work on that and not care so much about what others think.
I had an ESFP friend. I learned a lot from him. I also tried helping him as much as I could. He ended up basically backstabbing me in my social circles... I'm INTJ btw
Oh yeah, that’s why avoiding the social circles is optimal lol it’s a hard battle.
I rarely comment but it's like I took notes abt myself and then you made this vid from them (sometimes i think I'm the only intj) ha, glad i found this channel, subbed! feel better after long day of strained comms, I watch on 1.5, excellent 👍👍
Oh wow the taking notes thing and making the video - that’s how I feel when talking to other real INTJs haha
I had an English teacher that I admired a lot and you’re just like her! Amazing
Girl I love you ! Thank you for the amazing video ! 💕💕💕
Thank you!!
I been training myself to be "social" for about 10 years. And the best approach seems to:
1) be genuinely interested in them
2) ask interesting lead questions
3) listen
Most people will tell you something that you can ask another thing about.
Its just has to be asked not in a way if job interview, but empathic way.
Curated thought in written form. YES! The distillation of thought helps me crystallize my thoughts to myself as well as present them more coherently to someone else. I like the concise purity of that type of thought. Wish I did Ni better, but I wouldn't relinquish Ne for it (INFP). Listening to an INTJ talk about black holes would be like opium.
Absolutely! Online forums and social media is so wonderful! If I could communicate with everyone through those sites all the time, it would be wonderful. I am so much better at typing my thoughts than I am at speaking them out loud in front of another person.
One of my favorite ways to take a frivolous topic of conversation and as gently as I can, turn it toward something I'm actually interested in. In the weather example, I like to move on from general observations of how the weather feels at this given moment (which is about as exciting as commenting on the fact rain is wet) to how the recent weather is effecting other things such as the quality and quantity of the upcoming wheat harvest, a very important thing given how many foods we eat that are made from wheat, for example. If that person has the time, the conversation could go as deep as the possible future ramifications of the drought continuing for the rest of the growing season.
The most awkward situation for me is when someone I know is hurting emotionally and needs comforted. I want to provide them with comfort because I care about them and it hurts me emotionally to see them feeling so badly. However, I rarely know what to say. It seems like no matter what I say, it usually seems like the worst thing I could have said. So, what I do, so far anyway - until I learn a better technique, is to say as little as possible and just listen to them. I let them go on and on about what is upsetting them, even if it takes a really long time. I do my best to tell the thousands of ideas that I have running through my head all of the time to be quiet so that I can focus on this person's emotional problem. I try to encourage them to keep talking about it when they say that I probably don't want to hear about their problem. It's not easy for me. It can feel like torture at times, but if I manage to do this for someone and listen to their problems for a long time, without interrupting, it means that I love that person very much.
The problem with talking to people in the everyday sense is that most people don’t have anything worth spending more than 5mins of an INTJ’s time to talk about.
But those people believe what they’re talking about is worthy of 30-45mins so an INTJ finds themselves at an impasse because we know society *expects* us to care when we don’t.
So we end up learning over time that the only way an INTJ will make it is by accepting that in order to get to the INTJ’s goal the INTJ will have to move through the moment.
It’s having a far reaching understanding of *strategy* by means of *tactics* and once the INTJ realizes that it’s not as bad listening to so and so talk about their damn dog or whatever for the hundredth time. If it means when I need them later on I can get what I need with no hesitation on the other person’s part.
Also, why the hell do people like talking about the metaphorical weather in the first damn place 🤷🏽♀️
Hahah I agree! I’m a very good listener.
holy shit... you just.. explained it so perfectly.
@@InternetLiJo what other types might not like talking about the weather? By brother, who is deceased, was like that, but not introverted like I am. From my perspective, he was afraid to be alone with his own thoughts (perhaps unfair of me, but that's one of the ways I very extroverted people).
If you want a job properly done, you better do it yourself!
@@lachezarvalentinov8751 how is this relevant?
your videos make me think that i'm not by myself in the club, you help me better understanding and embracing more who am really are and how is my brain wiring
Conversations is generally an intergation (in the nicest way, because spending time to speak to you already means we value you.) It's a way of finding patterns of common ground - we're searching for a data point that will allow cognitive integration.
Poor human interaction & inability to connect with others is also exacerbated by social media and the normalization of para-social relationships.
You seem like a very thoughtful person seeing how thorough these videos are, I've only recently discovered the Myers-Briggs content and your channel was the first I found that was most informative. Thank you.
Everyone is good at something. I just need to ascertain what that thing is, and then figure out if it can be of use to my ever evolving master plan!
I go back to this topic when I get to far ahead/deep into analysis / studying people
Thank you :)
Your Videos are so helpful for me as a INTJ
I am Also a person who believe There is sth in every single person That is valuable and we can learn.
I love this perspective! Will definitely try these techniques
Awesome! I’m glad my perspective made sense :)
Finding people to 'nerd talk' to has to be the greatest challenges in life for us. I've only managed to do it a handful of times in my entire life... Quite unfortunate, to be honest.
You are a great, very smart girl!
The way you talk is wonderfully technical.
Thanks for the appreciation Sean
Good advice on the last bit. If I find the person totally uninteresting or seemingly superficial and dumb, thats a good strategy. Thats the hardest of all for me. i just dont respect it i guess. but ill try that next time.
It takes years of experience to be able to have a weather conversation lol
I know this is a real late comment but this videos great at explaining how intjs can work around with their main tool kit in a discussion because honestly whenever im in a social situation i get drained 100% because i naturally incline to my other toolkit, the isfj. This means I'm still me but I'm not using the tools my brain is 100% comfortable using therefore draining me.
Thats why when Im tired my brain defaults to intj and i cant bring myself to be the isfj people are used to. so when like that in social situations people would either conclude bad hair day or an off day for me
WHICH HURTS BECAUSE IMAGINE people thinking my real self is what i present them because they like that more and when im my real self shit goes down because Im too unequipped to use my intj toolkit when with people and this video helped me so thankie
I have been told it is not fair for me to chat or text. They want to have instant dialog so they can control the movement. Not easy to talk about things others think are important to them but it is important to be able to have that conversation. But I have walked away when I no longer could focus and participate in the areas they choose. BUT not so many want to chat with me because I am after the meat not the milk.
Your advice on brilliance is awesome, and definitely correct. Another thing that I might add, and it addresses something you mentioned in another video, which while so antithetical to what we find as authentic, is tragically a reality that we must accept. People choose what they like, and what feels good. Now, it may feel inauthentic for you to say "I want people to like me, to choose me. I care about what they think, especially after we part ways.", because that is just WAAAAYYYY more fucks than we are willing to invest in others' feelz, for one, and two, we may not consciously have those feelings at all, however, if we reframe that, and instead of taking an inventory of our feelings, we look at it from a perspective of seeking strategic advantage, then all of a sudden we have fucks for days on this one.
So here's the fast track on that one, and it will help you later, too. Follow Lindsay's advice to the letter, and while you are probing them for information, recognize at least one thing that they share with you as being cool, not just interesting, like they are just some little specimen beneath your mighty logic'ing microscope of extra-terrestrial curiosity, but "pretty cool", or even "very cool", and if they have more to offer than the "don't be like me" lesson, you could invite them to tell you more about that topic later, in a kind of compelling way that says you want further interaction, and that it's not a brush off, but rather that you want to give that topic special attention another time. "Whoa, I want to hear more about that later, but as you were saying about....". Now you have just validated them as being far more than just another single-serving nobody, and established their credential as a person of further interest. You have given their ego the little boost that it needed to confirm that you can make them feel good and valid/valuable, especially by someone who may have a reputation as being kind of cold, and not easily impressed. In their eyes, you just made them special as fuck. But don't overdo it, or it will come off as cheap, or creepy.
Just keep that feather in your cap for later use, and when you are assigning a name to their face, or you put them in your contacts, use their last name as their middle name, and use their interest as their last name. This will help you when you need to gather further information on their interest, or when you come across something that you can recall someone in your contacts having an interest in, you can find who that is quickly, and shoot them a text telling them what you came across, and how it reminded you about their interest in it, and chances are, somewhere, somehow, they will be opening a door for you, perhaps one so far off your radar as to be utterly devoid of context, but almost invariably, those doors come in handy at some point.
Be careful not to give them the idea that you are trying to flirt with them, (unless you are), and don't pat yourself on the back too much, just file it away, and carry on. If you do this even a handful of times, even though you never answer your phone and are rarely available, your presence will accrue value, probably even more so due to scarcity.
So... why does any of that matter? Very simply, when faced with a locked door, it is infinitely more preferable to use a bypass than to try and pick it open. Hope you find this to be of help.
Yesss OMG though I'm an INFJ but I get super duper excited talking about the applications of Te vs Ti or anything related to mbti cognitive functions😆
Communication is a skill like any other, you have to practice to become a master and of course, for talented people it's way easier. It took me years to understand that people are not interested in "smart" talks and that explaining wouldn't help in order to make people understand me. Shortly since I write this often below your videos I was unhealthy but luckily found the right path. Even though I got better in expressing ideas (speaking in order, more details and less metaphores, more focusing on what I talk about instead of letting my mind wander too far and so on) and I even got better in small talk, I also work more with my Ni alone so extracting ideas from Ni to Te is sometimes... hard. I study MBTI for last couple of months and understanding my cognitive functions better helps me use them more efficiently. However at the same time it changes my previous autopilot so lately I surprise myself quite often 😄
Once, instead of saying '"I'm interested in you", I said "I'm in love with the beautiful brain (mind) of yours" 😂😂
Oh no not the L word.
@@zjaivoncole7269 I mean not L word directed to that person right. That word is expensive
Can you pls make a video on the differences bitween INFJ and INTJ ? Very interesting content btw !
I’ll totally consider this! I am actually pretty good friends with a few INFJs now
@@InternetLiJo get them to join you on camera. It would be interesting. I don't know any INFJs personally.
I am not here for advice, I am investigating you, INTJ.
"Everything is brilliant in something." This is something that I have said so many times, especially if someone comments on my engineering degree or something. I don't think I am better or smarter, there are so many things that I am bad at. And everyone is great at something. I am INTJ, my INFJ husband does not seem to have the same outlook haha.
My mood always improves when watching your videos.
You are just so interesting and likeable.
Also I really enjoy hearing your perspective. It´s really hard to find good content about the INTJ female and you are doing a great job at helping me learn about you girls from first hand experience.
Also I would love to see another video with your husband if you guys are up for it. It was fascinating to see the dynamic between the two of you and I just had a very calm and relaxed feeling watching the video. At the same time the content was very interesting and seeing you guys have such a cool conversation gave me a very warm and happy feeling.
Thanks so much Jonathan!
I’m sure Ben will come back eventually, those ENFPs are hard to schedule lol
Great content
I'm totally interested in all of the topics you like :)
There are some things which simply CANNOT be made "palatable"..."oh, you won't understand", "oh, it doesn't matter, it's not applicable and you won't be able to fathom it"
ME: (mentally rubs hands together, eager to put LJ's advice into practice) So, what's new in the world of [blank]?
NEWFOUND CONVERSATION PARTNER: Oh, God, I'd rather not talk about work - I hate my job. I'm sorry.
ME: Okay.... well... what did you do this past weekend?
NEWFOUND CONVERSATION PARTNER: (with a deadpan expression) I went to work.
Lololol ahhhhh sorry. Tell them to quit and build their own empire ✊🏻
Just me and my INTJ friend.
A good trick, for "weather" talk is to ask why. Sometimes people get shocked, but if you explore that route we can get to interesting places. Sometimes they maybe be shocked by such an obvious question... which is fun anyways. haha
I had some classes when i was 20 to work on my social skills.
I really enjoy your content!
Thanks Dawson! I really enjoyed this comment!
Being an active listener is something that I practice. I can't say that I am good at it, but I try. Like you say, if I can find some nugget of interest, and draw it out, I can talk with most people and stay engaged. Food, gardening, cars, fine; current events, political-economics, their effects on stock, bond and currency markets, better; art, literature, drama, philosophy, science and engineering, right on!; even the weather, for a minute or two, if it is notable (wind storm blew the roof off a neighboring building. Wow, anybody hurt, no? good.). The one thing that I simply cannot bring myself to care about is team sports. Individual athletic talent, working as a team, the tactics and strategies and motivational skill of a coach, OK. But the whole my team "Yay" / your team "Boo", group Rah-rah Fe thing? Pffft! Cannot care less. As a guy, this can be a challenge.
So cool I was just watching a video on active listening!! We are on the same page for sure.
Since I realized that awkward silence was way worse for others to endure, I kind of like sitting through it instead of talking about the weather.. seems a bit mean now that I am writing it down ;D
Game theory! I do this with my son. He is FAR more interested when we turn things into a game.
Yes! It's fantastic!
As an INTJ-T one of the most uncomfortable things for me is when somebody calls me smart I always think like no I'm not smart, I have more intelligence in one thing than you but you're smarter than me in another manner.
From the first second i found my personality already
Basically, just be pleasant. Most people are just not gonna' understand you. Talk about tge weather, how much time it takes to drive somewhere, daylight savings time or ask about their hobby. Then go home and detox.
My daughter an INTP asking how to make friends. Me an INTJ not knowing how to answer her - I'm not good at this myself! Usually friends find me.
That’s how it works!
Nailed it! - INTJ
I prefer to listen to people and accumulate information about their experiences or ideas, rather than saturate them with more of my own.
for me it's the need to experiment... like I might say something out of ordinary just to see how they will react most of the times it's pretty boring but sometimes it works wonders and the conversation turns out to be bit more interesting than usual. :d
At first I was like, "I don't care enough to talk to anyone" but then you said "think of it like social research" and then I was like "hell yeah"
Socratic Dialog uses gentle questions to engage your interlocutor.
"You can learn something from anyone"
You are vastly overestimating some of my coworkers.
The answer: don’t, don’t talk to anyone
The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene
And
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
I hate when my phone rings..... with a passion.
I don’t have a hard time talking to people, I have a hard time talking to incompetent people.
We do like to study people, it helps in communication. Otherwise, it gets awkward to short talk.
Indeed!
Nice tip!
I rarely do talk to people. I only usually do if its absolutely necessary for a task or I have to come up with a proper justification for myself to do so. I can't talk to people for no reason like some people can with their small talk. I find most chats outside talking about my own interests come into play is when I'm listening to someone and they want a practical solution from me.