INTJ | Fe Chasing the Human Experience
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- Опубліковано 19 бер 2019
- Rather read about this topic? Enjoy some extra sensory (omg) via my blog post on ithinkifeel, read it here: www.ithinkifeel.com/
Questions about my Fe journey, or are you trying to figure it out yourself? I love to hear from you internet friend, lets continue the conversation in the comment section.
Typing disclaimer: Hi my name is Lindsay, I'm an actual INTJ typed by actual professionals. I didn't choose this profile, it chose me.
"I would be amiss if I didn't take advantage of that opportunity [of acting like a human being with feelings]." That might just be the most INTJ thing I have ever heard. Haha. I approve. But seriously, I love how humble, introspective, reflective and compassionate this video was. I am sorry you did not have a better grasp of what to do for that girl, but the fact that it bothered you so much shows how much of a human you were already. I have the same struggle to interpret the feelings of those around me and the same desire to be present for them in that capacity. It would be so cool to see a short snippet of one of your aerial art performances, but I would totally get if it was too personal to put on UA-cam. Another excellent video, Lindsay.
Ok wow I wasn’t ready for a comment like that so early. 😭🖤 thank you.
I will share some aerial footage sometime!
@@InternetLiJo Awesome :)
There's a very occasional snippet of aerial footage on Instagram 🤩
I thought I was wierd. Than I found out I am INTJ.
Hahah same!
I thought everyone else was weird. Then I found out I was an INTJ and still thought everyone else was weird. But I logically understood I must be different. But why am I the only one being right?
Why are my parents immature? Etc.. :p
(Semi-kidding)
100%. I grew up thinking something was wrong with me before MBTI.
I thought I was mildly autistic!! Then I found out I'm intj, which is an 'alien like' kind of personality, but alien is better than autistic so I'm grateful. Lol.
same for me. I thought i was most unloved and lonely child. But in the end it wasn't that others stayed away more that I kept them at two arms length. Why? Cuz that's what I always been.
As an INTJ, I really relate to this story. When I had a similar experience I was able to wing it, but yeah it was definitely stressful.
(Work colleague hears news off sudden death and bursts into tears).
Te (Parent)- This is unusual. What do we do?
Ni (Hero)- Find a INFJ? ENFJ? ISFJ?
Te- No one else is here. How about the manager?
Ni- The manager? On the shop floor? Likely a minimum 6 hour wait.
Se (Inferior)- I cannot concentrate at all with this crying/sensory overload. I'm not going to be able to work too now.
Te- We're trying. Any other ideas Ni?
Ni- Do I look like Fe?
Te- Well I'm out of ideas.
Ni- Oh. That's unusual. Normally we can Ni:Te out of problems. Ask Fi what to do?
Te- Are you sure?
Ni- Well, we've got no choice.
Te- What do you say, Fi?
Fi (child)- I'm sad.
Te- Why?
Fi- I don't like when people cry. Stop the crying.
Te- How?
Fi- A hug?
Te- What do you think Ni?
Ni- What data do you have on this?
Te- Well I recall 2 hugs in a 20 year period...
Ni- What? I can not see any patterns or correlations based on just 2 data points. We will be going blind.
Te- Yes. They call it the INTJ Fe blind spot.
Wait... there are more hug data if we include family.
Ni- Making assumptions increases the risks of being wrong. Any other options?
Te- Do nothing.
Se- I don't like that option. I cannot work with the crying.
Fi- Stop the crying. It's making me sad.
Ni- I don't know how.
Fi- Stop the crying. It's making me sad.
Ni- I don't know how.
Te- Calm down. We don't want to go into an Ni:Fi loop and INTJ paralysis.
Ni- So what do we do Te? A hug?
Te- ''When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth''.
- (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, stated by Sherlock Holmes)
Ni- And the risks?
Te- I'm not Fe... I mean, will we be accused of sexual harassment? Hugging a female colleague?
Fi- Have the courage to do the right thing.
Ni- What did Fi say?
Te- "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
- (Nelson Mandela)
Ni- Ok- let's give a rare INTJ hug.
(work colleague stops crying)
Se- I can concentrate now and work. The crying has stopped.
Fi- Hooray!
Te- We still have 6 reports to do...
Ni- How long did this Fe fiasco take?
Te- 5 minutes
Ni- Wow it felt like a life time. How much time do we have to do the reports?
Te- 6 hours.
Ni- Great We will be going home on time today.
Addendum: Work colleague felt she was well supported. INTJ nods and runs off, as INTJs don't discuss feelings...
Nods and runs off - lmao yes.... there is no other way to end an interaction like that
OMG! I love that dialogue! We need more of that in the MBTI community. As I read, I felt like I was watching a new Inside Out movie!
@@patientlips LOL. That was a great film!
Wow, this was so good! The dialogue sounded very natural and I laughed all the way through..
Oh no, we have a huge problem, how do we go about solving this?
Fi: I’m sad :(
Anyone with Fi in a nutshell
This confirms you being an INTJ, loved hearing about how you tapped into your own Fi and in turn where able to experience Fe at it’s core. Bravo! Who knew we work so differently.
I appreciate any INTJ who tries to master Fe Trickster. I’m an INFJ, so Fe is basically almost a primary mode of operation for me, and it’s such a nice sign of self-mastery to see it in others.
It inspires me to want to master my own Te Trickster. Love this!
Trickster?
T
Yes. The Trickster function is in the shadow side. It represents that of which the person is unaware. INTJs have Fe trickster, which means they are generally unaware of how other people feel.
It can later be used aspirationally as a master function.
This comes from Dr. John Beebe, by the way.
@@borisvandruff7532 thanks. It's interesting considering that INTJs are considered empaths and yet we struggle to read people's feelings. I feel like I am sometimes able to tell something is wrong with someone but I am generally quite awful at reading or interacting with people. I feel like my greatest difficulties are social interaction.
As an INTP self depreciating humor always works. Someone would attempt a compliment at my fresh hair cut, I would say, ' 'thanks, it's the receding hairline.' If i'm at a party, I would introduce myself and say I got out of prison early for good behavior and was looking to chat up some old hens.
Lmao 😆
You have such a friendly and warm demeanor. Just the way you speak to us in your videos feels like Fe to me. The fact that you smile and have such a genuine desire to develop Fe sends an Fe vibe to me as a viewer because it shows me that you really care about other people and want to be the best human you can be. Very endearing.
Thank you! You don’t know how much work I’ve put into it 👽 I’m going to be a real human, ain’t nobody stopping me!
Omg the title.. and INTJ WOULD describe Fe this way. hehe. *ok watching now*
This may be just personal to me, but as an ENFJ, if I was in the girl's position and crying my eyes out (I actually did do this at work when my grandma passed btw) I would never EVER EVER EVER expect anyone to do anything for me. All I want is the freedom to express. My Fe knows that people are different and experience emotions differently, and your reaction was just as valid. It makes me feel so sad that you felt like any less of a human for not extraverting your emotions. All I ever want from people is just to feel comfortable being themselves and responding as is. There is no right or wrong way to respond.
I also want to add, not to take away or negate any of your points, but I also feel like an alien. :D but to me, I can't relate to the limiting beliefs/logic that people hang on to hold themselves back from chasing their heart's desires. and wahoo! I am great at marketing, I know when there is a market value and I use my Ti to try and troubleshoot how to deliver that value to people. I never question the value.
"sometimes what people like doesn't always make sense." - amen.
Regarding what you were talking about around the 9:15 mark.. I think that Fe knows that we are not alone. Whenever I feel an emotion, I express to find my people who have felt the same way I have felt before. Interesting to hear how your tertiary Fi makes you somewhat shocked to find out that you are not alone and that your emotion exists elsewhere.
let me know if you need help with your Fe experiment!! I loved this video.. Te is very useful. I tend to just exclaim "uhmmm that's not how humans work???" But I could NEVER explain exactly how we work and how we don't work in a logical way, as you did.
awwwww, you're going to die trying.
Hey Meghan! This is great feedback coming from someone with Fe! I had to wait till I could properly respond because I didn't want to rush past your points.
1. Crying situation: Totally. And I know she (nor anyone else) would expect something in that moment. I mean why would they be thinking about what I am, or am not doing when they are clearly dealing with something more traumatic than my scared ass lol. The thing was, I wanted to be able to do something and the fact that I couldn't is what shocked me more than anything else. I'm not used to feeling that powerless, so it really illuminated an area of growth for me. You're right, there is no wrong or right way to respond in a moment like that, I just want to be able to figure it out better, because I don't like (Fi) feeling that way and I also want to (Te) help.
2. I'm glad that you also feel like an alien! That means that other aliens like you will find their tribe with you (which they clearly already are).
3.Of course you're great at marketing! I wish I could harness that Fe instinct for a day without being so damn analytical about the sensible nature of everything. I really am trying to understand it better though. Obviously lol
4. Thank you! I would love to pick your brain sometime and extract some Fe nuggets from it. My experiments... lol they are constant, ongoing, everyone who interacts with me is participating, I'm learning so much about people now that I've learned to value understanding them.
5. I am going to die trying :) thanks for getting that. I'm interested to understand more about what you mean about "the confidence to share (your) thoughts". One of my best friends is an ENFJ. I always tell her - Grace, your knowledge is valuable to people, you know things about things!
@@InternetLiJo I'd definitely love to chat more sometime about this, and potentially collaborate on a video! It seems like we are both similarly trying to improve our weaknesses right now. I've been obsessed with learning about Te!
I am also an ENFJ who has been the cryer in the scenario and it's reassuring to hear that person not running to my aid is paralysed by wanting to correctly help, not just devoid of any concern. Thanks for the video and this comment. Your response is very compassionate Meghan :)
I type INFJ.
I’ve always had life goals/desires related to serving others or the betterment of the human collective. I thought I practiced self-awareness healthily.
But it wasn’t until this past spring that I was able to realize my PINPOINT vision of what I truly wanted in life, and is now what I believe is my life/soul purpose...and I think a big part of that attributes to me making the choice to consciously activate and integrate my Fi (shadow function).
Fe is essentially my driving force (Ni is heaven), but without accessing Fi...my internal world fell short of sustainable happiness and authenticity or even that pinpoint destination I needed for my gps.
I believe that integrating/activating each personality type’s shadow functions is one of the best tools/practices which can offer an individual how to expand/upgrade one’s consciousness.
In terms of cognitive f(x)s, Fe’s have so much opportunity to learn from Fi’s and vice versa.
Humanity is meant to find success through an INTERdependent society. Harmony via integrating our internal and external polarities!
I totally refer to Everything as learning how to be a functional human
I was like this when I was younger (INTJ) but now I comfort people, hug them I say everything will be all right or tell them that I am sorry. I bring them a drink and just listen or sit there without saying anything. After I see that stop crying or feeling better I appologize and leave the room. But I only do these when I know that the person is going over something that they have no control over (death of a love one or someone broke up with them ect.). Otherwise, I just ignore them because the problem can be solved and they don't wanna hear that most of the time (and maybe I sound like an ass but venting makes me super sad too lol)
You are definitely an INTJ, I have have been their with you in not knowing how to handle someone crying, I just have a real hard time with the feelings and why unless I have experience3d the situation myself.
Yeah, it’s weird. I think I have some better tools now so hopefully I can manage the next situation better. 🤷🏼♀️😬
As an INTP, I’m fascinated by Fi. I mean, my Fe is strong enough to pick up subtle cues...read the room so to speak, but have no idea how I myself feel about it. It’s like a void.
I’m trying to actually access it but I think it’s because it’s very undeveloped in me that it’s basically groundless. At best, it’s like “anything goes, whatever”; at worst, it’s like “I don’t care if I hurt someone’s feeling for no apparent reason.”
It’s very weird to me it’s like my Fi has no principle to latch on even though there are lots of principles that I’m aware of. 🤷🏽♂️
You know what... you get a like and a subscribe from me. As an Intj, I've actually caught myself referring to people as "these humans" and I have to remind myself that I'm human myself lol. I can relate to 99٪ of everything I've researched on my personality type. When something emotional comes up in a conversation, I freeze because I don't know what to do or say. Ever since I discovered my MBTI type, I've realized over the past couple of weeks that I really need to come out of my cocoon and start interacting more with others. I hope to learn as much as possible about emotions and the human experience. Keep making these videos, please lol. We need them. Until next time, LJ... good luck on your journey! 😁
Hey there! Glad you made it my channel. Welcome, you’ve found the others 👽
i think the basic premise of Fi is that the personal *is* the universal, and the more you expose yourself to different experiences and observe your own emotional reactions to them, the more you can extrapolate and apply what you’ve learned to other humans. maybe you’ve never had exactly the same experience as someone else but something similar enough to be able to imagine the kinds of ways they might feel in that experience. so eventually you will get to the same place as Fe but from the opposite angle. and both approaches are equally valid.
Is this right ?
This is my experience of it (INFP)
Agreed! Being a successful human requires an interest in how people feel.
It does!! The more I realize that the more it blows my mind.
As an INFJ I'm like "yes! Bravo, you nailed it!" When ever i see someone pushing for growth i get excited. It shows so much maturity.
It's strange to me how unnatural emotions feel to you when their second nature to me. I once saw a young girl (18 maybe) speaking in front of a crowd at a Christian bible camp. I sensed her getting nervous, then getting quiet. Everything screamed within me to run down stage and give her a hug. I also knew this girl so I knew it'd be appreciated by her. But since I was young, 16 maybe, I didn't have the confidence to do it. The girl began getting so nervous that she was fighting to hold tears back. Then her mother walked down to her and gave her a hug. We all cheered for her and she felt better and finished her speaking.
Since then I always act on my gut feeling of when to offer emotional support.
But I'm sure the way INTJ's view logic is as foreign to me as they are foreign to emotion. Lol. But I try to grow in that department as you try to grow in the emotional department.
Thanks Chris :)
I actually prefer logic over emotions when communicating with MOST people (depends case by case), usually bc logic is more digestible/comfortable for them and met with less skepticism...and so I use my Fe to gauge which approach is more likely to offer the other person a more sustainable and positive impact for his/her situation.
...but isn’t this what just most people do? isn’t it just exercising our emotional intelligence?
I’m fairly new to cognitive f(x)s but def grateful for this new life tool which has helped me better understand my own mind and how to more effectively communicate with others 👍🏼
@@JC-wr9fx lets define logic: if I do "this" then "that" will happen. Logic is fact based, it already knows the outcome.
Emotional casts aside logical and goes off what feels right. In my example I had no prior experiences to go off of, I just felt that I should go down and hug her. Which is what her mother did, and it worked, proving my "feelings" were correct. So in a way it became a future logical conclusion, but some people never get those feelings in the first place. Which was the premise of LiJo's story.
LiJo didn't know what to do in her scenario because she is very logical, and she had no if / than experiences to fall back on. Which led her to figure out "if / than" sceneries so she could be prepared for future similar situations.
I like to think I'm balanced between logical and emotional reasoning, but I'm sure I slide further emotional. One thing that fascinates me about the ENFP's is their ability to start a conversation with anyone. Almost as if they know (by feeling?) how to begin a conversation. I'm just as a deer in headlights about that as LiJo didn't know what to do when someone was emotionally hurt.
Hope this helps. I'm on a journey myself figuring all this out. ^^
Chris Lisk ah yass I see what you mean when you make that distinction!
You’re correct, bc technically I suppose I am using my intuition to gauge what approach would be better for that person’s overall emotional well-being...even if the communication/expression is more logic-based.
Question: would you agree that most INFJs experience a sense of...uncertainty in one’s life purpose (that pinpoint vision, their highest passion) until they begin utilizing their Fi shadow function?
Or maybe this is a sentiment or functionality all humans can resonate with..
@@JC-wr9fx I don't know how to answer that by citing functions and how I use them, I'm not versed well enough in them. Although, you might could piece it together from my response. This may sound ranty lol, but I am very personal with this question.
I would say yes because our intuition comes up with so many possible futures of all which we have equal interest in - or lack of. When asked - when I was younger - what I wanted to do when I grew up, my reply was "make money." I had no particular interest in any one field, any would do. I was afterward plagued with doubt of purpose because so many others seemed to have passionate interest in the field they pursued. Also add to that our ability to path an idea out to our literal death where we ask ourself "was it worth it." Of which most ideas aren't.
We want something timeless, and it involves helping others.
For me, I found purpose when I found God, and I find happiness when helping others. I have found peace.
I would encourage reading the book of Ecclesiastes if you haven't. It starts out saying "Meaningless, meaningless, everything is meaningless" lol, sounds like something an INFJ would say. Then the writer goes on to how to find meaning in life.
Touche. I as INTJ can relate. I could figure out things pretty easily but couldnt figure out human beings until I knew I was INTJ, what it means and what other combinations mean. Now it feels like I am reading the instruction of human beings as a product
That was a very needed experience for you. It didn't leave you alone and as an INTJ you had gone away thinking and pondering and felt the call of duty to reflect on why "it was the greatest human failure" of your life thus far. Warmin up a bit. Lotta smiles in this video...thats FE.
This is the most NT I've ever seen you 😂
Looking forward to see you on this journey of upgrading your car!
Oh my🥺🤦♀️🥺I can ‘see’ you my INTJ girly💯👌Your self awareness is astonishing 🙏🤛lots love from ENFJ 💐❤️
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve been working on my Fe for about a year or two now 👍🏼 Well worth the trial and error 😁
you’re such an interesting human being! i just LOVE the way you think. :)
😭🖤
That’s crazy, yo. I had a similar life changing event with regard to being emotionally unavailable that basically threw me into this 3-4 year pursuit of...well, basically, having feelings lol. It’s taken 3-4 years but I truly have connected way more with myself and have learned to get out of my head and I to my body and feelings, but if I’m not constantly up on my meditation and such every single day, then I snap back into head mode 24/7 dialogue and analyzing and stressing and all that and then don’t have room for any feelings because I’m so up tight
And wow yeah you explaining that experience with that woman after your aerial show...I finally, recently, had what felt like a human, connected experience with someone. An experience where I finally felt like I didn’t have to hide myself and opened up to a friend and we were just sitting there together. Took 4 years and I finally got there. I was like wow. This is an amazing experience. Connection. Not sure if I’ll be able to do that again lol but hopefully. It’s just hard because I wanna focus on my career and work! Lol. And then I get in take over the world mode. And then I do less of the slowing down and meditating type stuff. Ugh. Balance is hard. Slowing down is hard
I love how committed you are to doing the human thing. Crazy. Yeah cause literally I’ve been doing the same thing these past 4 years. How old r u? I’m 27
Sorry for the ranting and if my message is all fragmented. I commented different parts of it during diff parts of your video and added things in
A few points:
1) The background music in this video is what you'd expect to hear when listening to an infomercial discussing why you should purchase the new Hoover Deluxe vacuum cleaner. It's not appropriate for the topic you were discussing.
2) You're absolutely gorgeous!!!
3) There is a TED Talk on the internet presented by Chris Hadfield, the prominent Canadian astronaut, where he discusses the topic of fear. It's well worth watching if you're at all interested in what it was like to be inside the Space Shuttle during a launch and to go on a space walk. Aside from this he also discusses why, for someone who lives in Canada, the fear invoked when walking through a spiders web is irrational. The reason being that there is only one spider in Canada that is actually venomous - the Black Widow - which lives in holes in the ground (not up in trees) and, whilst its bite hurts, it isn't fatal. The point made from this example is, in his words, "the danger is entirely different than the fear." This same principle can be applied to emotion in general. Emotions are invoked by our perception of the world. If this perception doesn't reflect reality, then the emotions invoked will be irrational. Given that our perception of the world is distorted by personal opinion and adulterated by past events, the emotional reaction to a situation may bear no relevance to objective reality. Personality can therefore be likened to light passing through distorted glass. The light entering the glass represents a true picture of an event at a moment in time. The image seen on the other side of the glass is recognizable for what it is but not a true depiction. When we seek to understand someone deeply, we are really constructing a picture of the distorted lense through which that person views the world. I don't see anything deep about this at all. If you're after personal growth, wouldn't it be more useful to iron out the distortions that cloud your view of the world rather than worrying about other people's? The discoveries you list at 11:17 are essentially an illustration of how the field of human relationships centers around compensating for other's insecurities whilst they compensate for yours in return. People have a perpetual desire to have their own feelings validated and to know that they have a place in the lives of others. This is how they measure their self worth. In Buddhist parlance, they are clinging. Getting involved in this farce is akin to building your house on quicksand. Find yourself a more stable foundation upon which to base your existence.
A most excellent video. Thank you.
As an ENFP I find this very interesting and I find it so natural to forgive you.
Thanks Tim, that’s a very supportive thing to say.
Forgive?
What is there to forgive?
Are you forgiving her (other INTJs like myself) for the crime of not being what a valid human should be?
This is a real question.
I can completely relate and understand how it feels to be helpless in situations when you don't know how to respond to emotions of people, being an INTJ is really tough coz people think we don't care about their emotions but it's actually we, struggling inside to figure out how to respond. You are doing an amazing job of experimenting with emotions and understanding them, every Fi function people need to learn this, I too started with this experimenting thing 2 years ago and now there's improvement, i can relate to people's feelings and convey them mine, not competently but there's a lot improvement, so it has been a year for you too, i hope you too would have started seeing the difference. We as an INTJ, need a challenging thing to do and understanding Fe functions would be good enough challenge for us!
I have never related to a video so much. I also have taken the time to develop my Fe since being in my mid 20s. I'm 30 now and it is something that is starting to come more naturally. Not everything needs to be fixed, sometimes all people need is to be listened to. If it's what someone needs, it becomes more of a logical choice when you see the benefits of it - even if it feels forced, it will come more naturally when you learn what works and what doesn't. It's also beneficial in that it keeps you socially relevant in other people's lives. I drove people away when i was in my early 20s and was actually told by a housemate "getting emotion out of you is like getting blood out of a stone!". By exploring Fe I have found that I am much less socially isolated, can market my business much more efficiently (I'm a dog trainer which requires problem solving skills but also a LOT of human communication - many people are at the end of their tether and emotional.) Developing my Fe has been life changing, and I really do empathise with people much more than I ever have :)
Wow thanks for sharing all that. It’s such an amazing journey isn’t it? This life :)
Lindsay, thank you for sharing this- even though i'm Fe 2nd, I felt a similar way when I was on the phone to a crying friend or someone was going through some uncomfortable situations and i had no idea what to say, how to say it or how to help. Deep down i just wished that i could say the perfect thing to take their suffering away but i didn't know the best way and i was so frustrated with myself.
What really really helped me was understanding/respecting my own emotions and creating a space for my own feelings (even if i really didn't want to) e.g. through therapy/counselling, journalling and eventually talking to family/friends- like letting myself cry and just experiencing uncomfortable emotions without reasoning with them first. It's slowly getting easier to sit through uncomfortable emotional situations with people without needing to fix it i.e. treating myself as human helps me treat others like humans..
And when i have no idea how to help or what to say- i'm usually just honest/try to be authentic and/or i ask them what's the best way to help..e.g. i'm not really sure what to say but you're going through a lot of pain...i'm wondering what would help you the most? would you like some space? Do you have someone to talk to?'
Also on a random note- i'm not sure if you have this in the US, but in the UK, i did an introductory counselling course for 10 weeks, that really shone a light onto Fe and practising it.
I hope your experiments are going well!! Thank you for being inspiring and choosing growth!
Awesome this is such good processing. It’s clear you’re really working with a growth mindset. I love your tips... those are some ones I’m keeping for the bank :)
I encourage you very much. Good luck.
Good stuff, it came down pretty fast so I missed some. Still wonderful to hear you.
It´s fine L J .You are perfect INTJ like me. When my uncles and aunties died i haven´t felt anything.I had to pretend that i felt something because i felt like a would be seen as a weirdo otherwise. We INTJs ´just process emotions in a different way... sometimes it hits me like a month later or more than that ...What the hell has happened? ..and i find myself really sad or even have tears in my eyes.
Lindsay, and everyone, have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.
I'm an INTJ nurse!
Very cool Carrie!
I do visual art (drawing, painting, etc) and have often had the goal of moving people, making them feel, etc, but generally it seems to be lacking and the only person that REALLY got into anything I made was also an INTJ.
I totally agree it is something we can get better at and it's worthwhile to get better at.
Yep! Practice is key 🔑
Life became much easier for me once I realized that social bonding is a Biophysical process, not an intellectual process! Basically, how do animals console one another? They cuddle and groom each other right? By inventing language, humans actually made things more complicated than it needs to be. Basically since social norms consider random touching to be sexual harassment and consider someone crazy if he just talks to himself, social bonding has instead become unloading whatever is clogging your mind in the presence of another warm-blooded presence (doesn't have to be human, a dog or cat gets the job done too).
This makes my one on one interactions so much easier, but I still haven't figured out what to do when there's a group of people.
The loss of my parents & primarily my mother a couple years ago completely changed me. Especially with how I function as intj, I use to be much more cold & have more walls. But now when it comes to emotions I feel like a hyper-sensitive malfunctional intj at times.
My type is still the same but it’s made how my insides “feel” a bit different and a bit deeper.
However I still struggle with the same, Fe is ridiculously foreign to me, even when I do the socially appropriate thing for someone it feels unnatural to me.
Probably because when I am crying or emotional I just like to be left alone.
So I immediately assume other people want that too.
.
Anyhow, yes intj’s can truly be socially oblivious...
Liked the vid :)
Thanks Ande, glad you could feel where I was coming from.
@@InternetLiJo Yeah. I've come to realize that Fi vs Fe is essentially [sympathy vs empathy].
Empaths can pick up on other people's feelings because it distracts us (and this is coming from an INTP who is low on the feeling scale anyway but am slightly prodded by other people's emotions).
The downside of empathy however is once we're physically removed from the presence of the other person we're able to easily shake it off, and get back to our feelings afterwards. So that can come off as cold as well (especially if you're a low Fe like us INTP's).
The UPSIDE of sympaths and Fi is that once you do go through a similar experience it lights a fire inside you that you can't shake off. If a sympath Fi type goes through an extreme experience of injustice for example they can become champions of such a cause. Which is why ENFP's who have Fi as their auxiliary function are known as campaigners.
The only problem with sympath Fi's like INTJ's is that old adage [Pain Retains] is especially necessary for them. In order to understand not to touch a hot stove, some people NEED to touch a hot stove. In order to understand other people's pain, THEY have to go through similar pain.
Hi, L J. Good video (especially with the changing eye shadow effect, that was awesome), first time watching your stuff (IIRC), so apologies if I'm preaching to the choir.
Trying to "use" or "develop" you Fe seems to be a completely and utterly futile task, our "Trickster" (as I know them) functions are unreliable, however we can "emulate" the function by combining our "Parent" (2nd function) and "Child" (3rd function) to temporarily have a functioning replacement and that's what I believe you're learning to do, from your description.
As an INTJ, it should go something like this (according to CS Joseph's theory of Jungian Analytical Psychology): You want to do something, great start, Ni's triggered and you're best when thinking out loud (Te), with that giant Fi Child heart and desperate need to give a good experience.
If you "think out loud" how you're feeling and how you'd like to be comforted while watching emotional scenes on TV, you'll learn what to expect others to appreciate in those situations. How you feel in those situations is simply a very innocent twist on how they're feeling in that situation, but you need to learn the right vocabulary for certain situations, thus the TV emotions and verbalising/practising your part.
Of course, you need to able to overcome the fear of making things worse, but you're naturally already learning one all the time as it's a constant fear .
Video specifically about this topic: ua-cam.com/video/oKBeENBXrl0/v-deo.html
I can tell you haven’t seen her videos because your comment sounds like mansplaining to an expert. Get to know someone before assuming you have a deeper understanding. You make a good point but I’m just saying the elementary detail isn’t needed.
Considering all what you said, my Fe is okay. I can connect with people and empathize (even though I can't find it in myself to sympathize always). I still dislike crowds and shrug away when people cry.
Please do a video of ENTJs vs INTJs in your opinion + personal experience
Love this insight!
I try to emulate what I think needs to be inserted, from watching movies, other people. And I do it so poorly.
I watched all these vids (Ni is interested in INTJ at the moment) and am now commenting. But just wanted to say cudos. Your hunt for Fe is admirable. I should work on my Te but don't know where to begin...I think I use it very lightly as in research but then again that might just be Ni curiosity? So I'm not sure...anyways cudos.
I was also thinking - it makes sense that you moved the lady with your acrobatics. Fi went through Se - sounds rather ISFP when you think about it. They just use it all the time but you have the same two functions to pull from.
Then also you can put that pure Fi child through your other extroverted function in the form of vocabulary Te to emmulate or communicate your emotions when happy or sad w/e etc.
I really like your systemitization of understanding anothers emotions, you put out a video on it and I can't remember the title but, it was impressive. Te trickster observing Te savior. Utterly impressed.
Also 1 very important thing worth mentioning about Fe as an Fe savior I have noticed my ISTJ friend misses sometimes, is that Fe is also about vibing. Whereas Te is a straight line from point A to point B, Fe is the opposite. What is the opposite of a straight line? A curve. A circle. A twirl-a-whirl. It basically just "vibes" with no particular destination.
SO: when you see people "small talking" or even joking around in their nonsensical ways just know that that is what they are doing. If they are talking to you and start to veer from the "point" or purpose/original intent of the meeting perhaps you could just pretend to listen as you let them fly their kite and then after some time say something like - hey, sorry to interrupt (even if you're not. Fe apologizes alot) but really quickly, back to... (enter original purpose)... and carry on. If they are an SFP they may have forgotten. If they are an NFJ they just enjoy peoples company but will probably snap back into Ti mode. Fe has no point really but to feel good / make one feel good/comfortable. And a big insider trick to Fe also is that a high Fe user will usually start a conversation with a little chitter chatter of some kind before jumping right to business. A brief few moments is enough but usually break the ice with a light hearted comment or joking remark. This is just to "loosen up". Then they find it "appropriate" to get to work. You might try that also (or notice when someone does this realize they are a high Fe user and just copy them for later) and then stay true to your INTJ ways (Fe may overwhelm an IxTJ if they try to carry on in it for too long) by verbalizing your intentions in a light hearted way by saying something like, "okay but enough joking around for now guys, I really want to get to (insert purpose)... So..(carry on)." Simple enough, but sets the expectation for your future conduct so no one is guessing but at the same time faints that you are "open to vibing" without actually doing so because at that point the Fe user will understand you want to work and will be cool with it. I wish I could make it more formulaic but smh Te trickster lol...
Just a few observations I've made...hope it can be of some use. Great video as always. Peace!
Thank you. As an INTJ your explanation of Te from their perspective was really helpful for understanding. And providing specific examples makes it stick with me for future reference.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts -Fellow INTJ
Thanks for swinging by!
I liked this video VERY much. I'd like to add the next 3 hours on this topic, but have no clue where to jump in, lol. I'm INTP with lead sleep, I think. Not sure. Anyway, i loved the vid.😍
I'd like to offer some advice from a different perspective. Take the situation with your coworker losing her parent. I suddenly lost my mom when I was 25 and essentially was that woman. No one knows what's to say or do in those situations. It's a guessing game. Until I felt that pain for myself I used to try and comfort them by asking them if they want to talk, try to explain things will be ok, help them with things they may need done, etc. After my own loss my approach is slightly different. I let them know I'm willing to talk, I've been where they are and explain that the pain and sorrow you feel doesn't go away, it just gets easier to deal with. It's all about relating rather than knowing what exactly to say/do.
Part of Fe is experiencing the emotion together. Walking in their shoes. We all just want someone to understand what we're going through, whether that be a loss, a love, or even just thinking different. Think back on growing up thinking/feeling misunderstood because no one seems to get you. Now imagine someone came up to you during that time and explained your own feelings to yourself, like they're going through the exact same feelings themselves. That's what Fe is like.
Think of a compass where north is logic and reason, and south is emotion. They are polar opposites. You can't be facing north and south at the same time, therefore the more you're facing one direction the less the other is observable. Strong emotions are irrational, the reasoning may be there but it's not visible for the user. Just as a logical decision can be void of ones own emotion. Realizing the correlation between the two may help you better understand and deal with others emotions.
So my advise would be to avoid looking for the reason or solution to someone else's emotions using logic. Realize emotions are not problems to be solved but waves to be ridden. Imagine if it happened to you, and think about what you would want someone to say or do and try that.
Putting your own emotions into something is a great way to spark others emotions. It's the difference between a good song and a great song. Music can be broken down to a logical formula, but the songs that really speak to people are the ones where the artist really pours their heart and soul into it. This may sound like a odd statement, but bear with me. It's like having a third nipple and trying to find another person with a third nipple, yet you refuse to take your shirt off. Chances are they also refuse to take their shirt off. How do you find each other? Until you start showing people that personal thing about yourself, you'll never know who else has a third nipple so speak. Hopefully you understand what I mean by that.
I feel like my I over explained my explanation.
I completely understand what you’re saying and agree with you. It’s a very Fi perspective for getting to a pseudo Fe. Excellent. I do this in a lot of ways (or attempt to) hah.
@@InternetLiJo I've been watching a lot of your videos lately _(clearly)._ I believe I'm an INFJ and in an attempt to better understand myself and advance my communication skills with others I've been watching other types describe their views. If you're always looking through the same window you'll never see the view from across the street.
I've noticed that INTJs and INFJs are traveling on parallel paths to get to the same place. We observe things in almost the same manner yet process things in the opposite direction and yet still arrive at the same destination. I find it incredibly interesting to see how you think and compare it to my own. I've actually learned quite a bit watching your videos. It's like a perpetual "aha" moment for me. I find it very easy to understand you and at the same time never would have approached things the way you do. I'm genuinely glad I found your channel. Thank you for putting yourself out there.
...The human experience on my way to conquer the world. Love this and 100% am in-like with this! Lol! Exactly my sentiment
Heyy! Awesome Mark :)
Your video helped clear up some confusion that has made me wonder why being an INTJ I am able to comfort distressed people and end up feeling the pain they are going through even though I’m not sure if empathy is supposed to be one of my strengths. Thanks for bringing this to my attention in your presentation.
Thanks again. Your presentation was insightful.
Hey, thanks so much for letting me know you connected with this! So I’m not sure if it’s empathy but I can tell you a piece of what it is for sure- it’s our Te wanting to help the outside world but not being as connected with the emotional spectrum. Te wants to fix, it wants to make things work. As INTJ’s we often see people more as entities (like things) and so if we see one that seems broken our initial reaction is - shoot I should help fix this! However, not all feelings need fixing, and the lack of ability to help in that area causes some turmoil in our Fi. We are emotional beings! Those emotions are just hidden by a layer of analytical weirdness... lol
Thank you so very much for that explanation. I only knew that I was an INTJ because I took the Myers Briggs test in college. I am quite glad that I now can contact someone that knows this information at a deeper level. Looking forward to communicating with you regarding my self awareness in the future. Thanks very much again
Thanks again. Sorry but I forgot the last lol on my last response lol 😂
OMG, that's so true. I should do this because it is necessary to have this experience considering I am a human. Therefore I will do it.
Hey that’s the thing! Might as well since we’re here right?
as an intj myself, i ALWAYS felt alien.
BUT, the older that ive gotten, the less that ive cared about 'fitting in' and/or chasing the human experience.
YES, i have my limited feels. and, THATS OK. despite that all, i have found that if you CAN HELP OTHERS IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER then; THERE YA GO - SUCCESS, INDEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I thought the noise in the video was being caused by a bad connection in my headphones. I was just about to stop the video and start troubleshooting the problem when you said it was a problem with your mic. Thanks for doing that.
I'm terrible at marketing. I certainly need to work on it. I'm also terrible at consoling upset people. I want to be better at it, but wonder how to that.
When I was a kid, I used to imagine and pretend that I was an alien or robot. Even today, I still think like I'd rather be a robot than a human.
Good advice on growing one's Fe here.
Love you, fellow Human!
xo,
Puddle
Omg girl you should have seen me hiding my tears in the corner of the healing circle today. Luckily I got a phone call before I totally collapsed.
I have no idea on how to deal with peoples emotions... I am an INTJ and I’m so bad at consoling and comforting.
I’m the same exact way. It’s how I got involved in type in the first place.
I love cars so i love your analogy of upgrading and installing things... my question to you is: what car are you? And what car would you want to be?
Oh gosh... I have no idea. Like a real car? I mean... I drive a 2009 Prius and I think it’s pretty great haha.
I meant more symbolically haha. So of ANY car in the world youd want to be an 09 prius? Lmao
Omg I had the same situation. Was sitting with my 3yo niece and she started to cry very bad cause here parents left her. I was just going through the options in my head what humans do in such situation. I figured out to sit next to her and pat her back few times and returned to my business. Nothing had changed, she stopped crying after some time by herself. I felt myself awful.
I have trouble with scenarios.... I always look pained or annoyed... Shock might show.. But I've been trying to share something similar to the situation. Before id say that sucks nn change the subject. I'm 43... I have been thinking. Might be why I don't have many friends.. No connection. But with a very few. Thnx for this.
Hey LiJo Arial dance is so cool! I love that you shared that, kind of inspired to find out more about it. What concrete steps did you take towards Fe? I'm an ISTP and would love to learn more about Fe!!
Concrete steps towards Fe - Studying humans that were great at it, and adopting, writing down phrases that could be good tools when I don't know what to say in a particular situation. :)
Only an INTJ would make such a journey I think, I've been 'forced' into consideration of others.... however the result is not a natural awareness of others emotions, instead just a set of learned behaviours which elicit the preferred response...
Not quite sure if I'm overly capable of more except with exceedingly rare individuals who can connect with my own internal emotional side...
LiJo... do you know how often I have walked away from those crying and showing emotions? I was disturbed by my lack of response and I’ve pondered this a lot. I’ve internalized this a great deal and my Ni revealed to me that I didn’t know how this particular person likes to be comforted or maybe they don’t want the attention of being comforted. So, I realized that indeed I am still human!! I just didn’t know how the person wanted as a response. I am trying to learned external cues to show me what an individual experience would call for. Comfort or give them space??
What I’ve learned is just to let them know you’re there if they need you. That seems to mean a lot.
I had somewhat of a similar experience! I froze and didn't know what to do - this also made me feel like a complete failure as a human 😔I am going on the same journey in trying to improve my extroverted feeling.
Yo! We are on that journey together. Happy to have you 😎
Nice video, I've been trying to improve my Fe too, it's definitely not an easy task and is extremely exhausting haha.
Sooo exhausting. But worthy of practice.
Well, I basically felt shi**y after I told my mother to stop crying and go call her siblings that their mother (my grandma) has passed. I mean, she has just passed and my mother had the right to cry but I was thinking of what to do next. Then I had to process things up afterwards to make sense as to why my mother has to cry, since my grandma was already old and needs to "rest". I was close to my granny and I mostly nursed her during her last couple of years because she had non-diabetic foot gangrene. My mother sometimes if not always criticized my grandmother, so it didn't make sense to me as to why she was crying (when in fact it should be me to cry since I loved my grandma dearly.) I even told my mother, right then, "This is why you should love people when they are alive so you don't have to bawl in their death." God help my INTJ!!!
Such eye contact
Hello there!
I thought I was the only one still trying to learn to be human
By being a less natural with the Fe cognitive function there is a positive social trade-off too, other rationals and other Fi users will probably be more comfortable around you and relate to you more (these are people who could use a person or two who is easier to understand and be around). I guess to me Fe comes off as a stage show or like it is trying to get some kind of thing to occur outside their own body, while my natural understanding of emotions is that they are just something I feel but not something that I direct so much or use for any particular purpose (for some reason this seems more authentic to me). Te can be used as an "emulator" if you need to try to figure out what facial expression someone needs you to have or something. Someone showing me a thousand pictures of their baby or something can rapidly overwhelm my ability to fake a reaction though lol.
I know the experience, I suspect we've all been there. In those situations I'm usually (confused?), I mean on an intelectual level I know they probably need some support, but I honestly just don't know what to do. So I just accepted the idea that I just think differently and stopped attempting to try and condole their feelings by using feelings - if I tried it wouldn't be authentic anyway, so when in those situations I just stick with logic.
Fe is more effective socially. I'm actually doing the same thing right now with music (Developing Fe).
Nice!
. . .Upgrayedd
This is pretty cool, I like her.
Thanks Jason
alsdghdglaj;s As I was watching this an acquaintance texted me saying she was having an anxiety attack and to distract her and she felt like she was going to throw up. I responded with "If throwing up helps do that. I am letters on a screen."
I remember when I was 15 or 16 yo and my best friend was dealing with her parents' divorce. She told me what was happening in tears and I didn't know what to do. I felt weird and awkward. I hugged her but kept thinking "am I doing it right?"
Haha it sounds like you did the right thing
hey @L-J i have a question to you.
so as an infp. i feel my te is quite strong. but my fi is stronger
i can see in myself the fi-te relationship. i would often get lost in dreams, ideas, ect....but then i would take a few of those ideas and make it a reality. im guessing since te is higher in your function stack, your dreams are closer to reality, tho i can dream of anything, and some how try to make it fit with my inferior te,
how does the fi-te relationship work for you ??
Interesting! So what you’re saying about your Fi and Te is really present in your Ne language “to dream”. So for me, having Te above Fi means that I’ll sometimes sacrifice my Fi values, or what’s important to me, for the sake of the success of the project or vision at hand (Ni/Te). Because you have Fi on top, you are less likely to make this sort of sacrifice. The good thing about it is I’m highly productive and efficient with my time. The bad part is, I often run over what’s important to me for the sake of completing the very important thing.
Great question too!
I do a ton of experiments on how people behave. I do things, set things up and let events things play out to analyze what happens tho tbf most of this is online...
Usually I watch a ton of sad stuff so I can see my Fi working then I have countless scenarios in my head of how a ton of fictional events made me feel so I can get a broader range so if someone is sad on a similar event I can come up with what reasons made them sad. This may be really inaccurate from what other people have told me, but I have managed to help some people kind of...
I've just learned that
Crazy right?!
Fe being in the 7th/trickster slot(John Beebe model) makes it a blind spot, and Se in the 4th/inferior spot means giving someone a bad experience is a continuous source of insecurity. So INTJs would have the double whammy of being insecure about making it worse, and also not knowing what to do in the first place. I can relate.
I'm still a student at this stuff, but I like to talk about it like I actually know what I'm talking about LOL
I always felt I was the only one who experienced that
Grow as a human lol
Do you think that, with Dave's system, it's possible to get good at typing people within minutes of getting to know them?
Identify functions being used - yes. Fully tying a person, absolutely not. That’s the whole premise behind their system is to track patterns and not make assumptions
As INTP I'd act the same, exept no Fi = no regrets.
As an ENTP I can appreciate & recognize others’ feelings but consoling is still awkward. There’s an NT issue with practicing the social niceties. Like when someone asks how it’s going & they want you to say fine but I actually answer how my day is going so far & it’s boring, creating an awkward moment of silence!
I would quibble on one point. Dogs have feelings as do many other animals. What really makes us human is an amazing ability to think. I am not deprecating the need to empathize, but I disagree that that is in any way more human than thinking logically. It may in fact be the opposite, for many people who use emotions very well do incredibly destructive things because it feels right to do it. Perhaps it is only semantics. In any case that does not distract from your valid points in your video!
I think the most amazing school I had on Fe was becoming a father and dealing with the emotions of my children. My oldest boy is an extrovert and had all sorts of needs and desires that I had no clue about before he came along. My younger son is an introvert but he also is not an INTJ, and there was a huge learning curve there as well. My ESTP wife has been another school of emotions that I have been "attending" for nearly 45 years now. She has been my teacher, my helper, as I have tried to deal with social situations. She can tell me when I have "gone astray" and been unknowingly rude so some oaf who upset me. :-)
Give me a guitar and a microphone and I will be very much at ease in as large a group as you care to put in front of me. But make me socialize with them and I feel like a fish out of water.
My mother was diagnosed with multiple blockages to her heart. I got the news when I was at work. All I wanted was my boss to okay my leaving, because I was heading out the door in either case. I didn't care about anyone else caring about me, I had things to do. I needed them to get out of my way.
One time at work I got a call from my wife which for a time confounded me. She was in tears and told me about her identical twin sister being hit by a train. I lost a grandfather who was hit by a train and I was trying to figure out how I would comfort my wife in this tragedy. Then after she had been going for a time, she finally let me know that her sister was still alive. Her extroverted feeling had me dangling for a good long time before she let me know that all was okay.
I lost both of my parents in very nasty ways. My father died in 1973, at the age of 45. I was 21 and had a son who had celebrated his first birthday the day before my father was in a propane explosion which took his life about 24 hours after it happened. My mother died just short of 40 years later, from Alzheimer's. I thought my father's death was horrible. This was far worse. I was once at the bedside of my mother's second husband as he passed away, and some guy from my mother's church thought putting his arm around me was a good idea, as if he were comforting me. I was not bereaved at the time, I didn't like the man (I was there for my mother who was still so early in her own illness that I had not detected it yet), and my gut reaction was to punch the deacon. I didn't do it, but I think he saw the look in my eye and quickly backed off. Most people tend to do what they think they would want others to do in the same circumstances. This Fe guy was wrong in what he assumed I wanted.
Anyway, my point is that I use the golden rule in such cases. I want to be left alone in my own state of grief, stress or whatever, and so I give others the same courtesy. I don't think my approach is any less human than what a feeler might do, even if I am way outside the standard behavior curve on that score.
My mother often told me that my logical approach was very helpful to her with her emotional problems with my alcoholic father. I was very good at reading the mental state of both my parents even at a young age. It was understanding, not Fe empathy. I loved them both dearly but I operated from a utilitarian viewpoint. I watched them playing out their dysfunctional scripts and could identify the points where things always broke down. I just offered alternatives to what they were doing, whenever they were listening to me, which wasn't all that often.
I have been effective in counseling others when they have had traumatic events in their lives. But I have also been at a complete loss at times. For example, I once had a subordinate come to me on my last ship, when I was still in the Navy, and as soon as we were alone in my office he broke down in tears and said his wife was in love with another woman. All I could tell him was that I was not qualified to deal with that problem and sent him to talk with the ship's expert in all things emotional, the chaplain. The chaplain served many secular and even psychological functions on the ship in addition to holding religious services. Just in case you were wondering. But even though I didn't have the answers personally for this guy, I did have directions to where he could find the answers.
I always search for solutions rather than empathy. My sympathy is rooted in not enjoying seeing someone who is very upset, rather than actually feeling their pain, as though it were happening to me.
One final point, what you are describing is a lot more like simulating Fe rather than expressing it. You tweak things that you have logically calculated as being likely to work. You test them, and if they are successful, you retain that in your toolkit to use again. If they are not successful you go back to the drawing board and decide whether to modify it or just reject it permanently. This is all very INTJ stuff. :-) You have a limited time on planet Earth. You get to choose what you spend it on. (That too is human, because animals have little say in their life story really. They are at the mercy of their circumstances and their instincts.) If you want to invest time in simulating Fe, that is absolutely cool, if it is important to you. But you will be sacrificing something else because time is a zero sum game; you have x amount of time, and no more.
Excellent video! Whenever a video gets me thinking, I like it. :-)
Yes the toolkit!! Do you know how much I use that analogy? All of the time 😂 also I TOTALLY agree with you on the animal aspect. I actually think animals are often better feelers than humans because that’s all they have- feeling and instinct. Maybe I should have replaced human with a sentient being? At the same time, the exchange of emotions, the ability to share, exchange, and work through them collectively falls more on the human side generally. I’m not sure. And yes children- those will really press your Fe! Maybe that’s the reason I don’t want any? Haha. But yes, my toolbox... I just want it to be equipt with the most select and important tools. Efficiency in handling any situation. Thanks for sharing your thoughts as always!
@@InternetLiJo I knew you would understand where I was coming from; you're an INTJ. :-)
How do you feel about "thinkiest feelers"? Im infj...
No one discuss INTJ personality unless he is an INTJ
Fe is in your superego. The superego starts out demonic but can be tamed and become angelic ❤
ISFJ
Si
Fe
Ti
Ne
I have had a lot of experience with this myself last 3 months. Experimenting too.
/INTJ
Are you an ISFJ?
@@InternetLiJo No I am an INTJ. But our Superego is ISFJ according to the model CS Joseph presents. Which I stand behind as the most accurate model I have come across. (4 sides of the mind).
As a performer you are activating your subconscious ESFP...
Se -> 💃
Fi
Te
Ni
...and the human connection described where you extroverted Fe is due to ISFJ superego. Because that's where Fe is the 2nd function.
If the superego is immature, (which it is at the beginning of your life) you can use it for human "dis"connection (:p) because you can extrovert "bad feelings".
I.e scream and yell at people to "win" an intense conflict (judge jury executioner style).
You probably now what I mean!
Si -> Ragey experience
Fe -> 😡
Ti -> (immature thinking)
Ne -> do not care about the consequencea for other peoples
As you clearly have matured very much you now notice something different. Your superego is more "angelic" than "demonic"
Si -> Enjoying it 😇
Fe -> ❤
Ti -> Don't think you need to reason with the other
Ne -> Doesn't try to change the other persons future (just engaged in the present)
So you have tamed your demonic superego. Bravo! 👍
I'm also working on that part of myself. My Fe is pretty undeveloped right now, and I would have felt the same way in the situation you were describing in the beginning. It's really hard work. I try to do ordinary stuff like buy food and offer it to people at the office. Things like that. I have a long way to go...
Be useful - I try and do the same. It’s such a default of the Te function. Hey we both have a long way to go, but it nice knowing people are walking in the same direction with you.
I tend to be of the mindset that emotions always impede on a pragmatic solution, which calls for rational, if not logistical, strategies for a changing world that if applied properly, will remain relevant ten steps down the line. That is simply the matter of conserving natural law, not preserving it by way of 'consumption'.
Recently, a colleague (Rachel) discovered her boyfriend had cheated on her for six months before she kicked him out; since then, she has been in constant communication with me as to what to do. I observed things in him, just in photographs, that no one else (not even Rachel) had, such as his eyes were glazed over eyes due to his marijuana habit prior to their meeting, and what she had just learned was a meth addiction. He was not well-groomed hygienically, and he even appeared withdrawn, nigh oblivious to the outside world, almost like a parasite might to its host animal. He is still trapped in a pitiless cycle of addiction and physical dependence on a 5'6", 300 pound women to supply him with drugs; who, in return, demanded him to have sex with her to the point of filming them 'in the act', where he was also forced into making derogatory comments about Rachel. Had I been Rachel, I'd have quickly personally broken up with him and fix it to where he'd never existed in my life in any way. This is my usual method of ending friendships or otherwise: I simply make sure that the finality of my decision is clear and present for all. As it stands, he is on a path to self-destruct, with many of her friends having stated he will be lucky to live another two years at his present rate.
The woman herself is a piece of work. Two nights ago, I learned she is apparently suicidal, after knowing that she has the potential to behave irrationally to the point of violence. When Rachel asked (perhaps rhetorically) what to do, I said to first seek police protection, including a restraint order. The second point I made was to say (rather ruthlessly) to *not stop the woman from committing suicide, because there is no reason to interrupt your opponent if she is in the middle of making a mistake - and of course, I explained to Rachel that if this woman attempts suicide, there's nothing anyone can do to stop her. She is a danger now to Rachel and her ex-boyfriend (they are both in the preliminary stage of 'working things out'), and so far as I'm concerned, the 'homewrecker' is not of much use to the world alive, and apparently if she behaves this way, she cannot be of any use to herself either. But I stressed to Rachel, too, this fact: a person with nothing materially to lose in her mind is a dangerous individual, and that she should prepare herself accordingly, and very quickly.
Interesting story! Sounds like a lot of people stuff I would probably avoid at all costs haha. Emotions don’t usually have functions for solving problems. But emotions do have function for solving personal and relational understanding. Totally different fields of application. If you’re T over F, feelings are always going to seem without reason.
@@InternetLiJo One thing I've used to describe how an INTJ perceives reality is that we constantly absorb information almost like it is 'a living stream of consciousness', to borrow the literary term most attributed to James Joyce ('Ulysses', 'Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man', 'Finnegan's Wake', etc.). As I am new to the whole typology science with respect to explaining away primary/secondary/tertiary functions, etc., my points in some aspects may make better sense in some replies than others. Do forgive me for that.
I wonder how many INTJ's also have the condition known as Synesthesia. I only recently learned of the term after Googling for details regarding my ability to sort of 'See music' (i.e., look at notes and immediately hear the song in my head, or at times how I associate certain visuals, scents, or numbers with colors, etc.). You should read some of the stuff I've written regarding the process I use for poetry, or when I'm writing articles. It's quite odd.
The SF struggle is real
Yeahhh you know ... last place demon SF consume is weird
What should an INTJ guy do when confronted by woman in emotional pain?
It might be different than when a woman INTJ interacts with a woman in pain. If guy touches her on the shoulder he could get into legal trouble. She could think he was coming on to her.
The guy should just leave her alone right even though he might feel compelled to comfort right?
I think you're sort of playing into the idea of something is better than the other, i myself saw it the same way that maybe being an intj would've been better, i couldn't have my own feelings and that is perceived by most people as inhuman. Fe sounds great on the surface, but without Fi I've been accused as cold and i myself don't get to "feel" love, rather i get to feel loved and i can then reciprocate it. The point of my rant is, neither is better it seems both intx struggle with their low emotional intelligence and for me personally it has become something i openly bring to light and let people know that I'm not the guy they should come to for emotional support. -intp
Absolutely! I don’t think there is any such thing as a better function or a better type. But I DO believe in balance. And while I’ll never have Fe or be able to fake it all that well, being conscious of its attributes and learning skills from people who are good with Fe is valuable to my long term growth and what I’m looking to achieve. Trust me... nobody is ever going to come to me with their emotional problems... they run from me lol. But I would like to have the ability to fear other people’s emotions less.
@@InternetLiJo i have the reverse issue, people come to me with emotional problems and end up disliking me for trying to provide them with solutions ;-; but for social situations i personally would just fake it, unless i find someone who i want to have a proper connection with in which case I'd go super honest. Also don't worry i don't even have enough emotional problems to go to people with, mostly existential and loneliness issues xD and i hope you get over your fear, people's emotions can be a dangerous thing.
Well you and your existential loneliness issues are always welcome here.
@@InternetLiJo thanks, that's why i subbed. Listening to you is very relatable and calming. I appreciate the support.
I am an INTJ, I take acting classes. They will beat the Fe into you, or you will be destroyed. Acting is like an Fe gym. Well not really, but you'll end up playing a character with Fe, and especially if you're on camera where your face is close up. You really gotta master Fe. Granted its forced, and conscious. You'll still know when you get the taste of it. You'll know when it's right, and the footage will prove it. Like an Fe laboratory a lotta times.
They have a lot of methods, you'd spend a lotta time researching, and it gets very in depth.
I totally agree!! This is why I loved theatre majors when I was in school. Sooo much Fe. They were absolutely contagious to be around 🖤
why did you put the background music, nice eyes btw
Is the music good or am I high
BOTH
Wow, this is strange. I've been open to the possibility of being either INTJ, INFJ or ISTP for a lil while now. The fact I have no idea what you're talking about, or how you could not relate to as you say "Other members of your species" suggests I use Fe right? Damn.... Nobody wants to be an NF type! xD
Hahah this is amazing triangulation!! So the idea that you don’t resonant with that language I think would exclude you from the IxxJ category. We tend to “thingify” people.
@@InternetLiJo So you'd suggest I'm an ISTP? I categorize people for sure, and am told I systemize things too much and my obsession with typology is a reflection of this, and that people aren't how I suggest they are. I've been fairly certain I'm an INFJ for a while but am very open to suggestion, especially as early on the typology journey, it's suggested that FJ's are 'special' somehow. I definitely don't think I'm an Fi user, and come across more softly spoken and 'like a human' than most INTJs tend to. :) Also in Daves system, my ease would definitely be ego and people whereas my issue is control and chaos (I can't grasp the sensory at all beyond thinking things are beautiful etc) but I don't see how I could be an ExxP.
@@InternetLiJo Self typing is just the worst I guess.
On what people need, use this: "People dont really want solutions to problems, they want other idiots to suffer with them." Thats how they bond. Think of it how the lack of education and respect for authority is promoted by gangs. Bond over their celebration for materialistic things. crabs in a bucket they are, best to avoid 'em. In order to console most women properly: Remove the idiot part and anything else that might prevent you from getting laid after. Be strategic..
I'd like to live in a world where solutions to the actual problem is more preferable to a bandage. As I see it, solving the problem causing the emotional disturbance should put out the fire but they are like: "no, just watch me burn for a while.."
Great :|
But... you don't have to try. You're doing it.
Thanks :)
Here's to one giant experiment on Fe! Can it be unlocked in an INTJ through practice and effort....hmmm, let's at least try. Shoot for the stars and clear the trees....ha!
That's what I'm after! let me know how I do...
@@InternetLiJo You know i will, ha! You are doing great!
For me. Healthy Si activities has helped trigge the Fe.
Nature, classical music, learning to play cello, meditation.
Interesting - you have not learned masking at all? Imagining options of potential reactions? Something corporate environments force INTJs to learn to be functional or advance.
I've learned a bit about it :)
@@InternetLiJo heh, oh good, lol. :)
And thank you for your videos, btw. Appreciate your work.
2:48 oh come on...lol..really..wow.
getting more understanding of functions that you don't have is s different from doing it , let me explain:
I'm Ti user , and in general Ti users find Te very superficial, but some of Ti users who have more deep consciousness , knows is Te very necessary to keep the world busy in reailty more than in minds , the Ti shouldn't try to learn Te , it's waste of time , instead , helping Te and not let Ti ego controls , this is the right way , because Ti like to do everthing alone , its deep and personal..
What i mean by this, you can help people emotionally or your self by offer emotional support in (Fi way) , like allowing more people to enter your personal Fi for short time until they calm down for example , you know already Fi can act similar to Fe when you care a lot about someone , like your husband, but you can't doing this with others because Fi like castle, only those who invited ( and they are very few ) can enter , so simply allow more people to enter in short time in some circumstances , than after everything ok you can led them out of your castle politely , just like how wounded strange girl ask for help ( cry ) and no house in the area but yours , you can invite her ( like hug ) and after that she will leave...
One more thing define humans by Fe only is wrong, humans means they are different , comblex, and each one of them have role to play , if all people can do Fe they will look like robots too , programmed to please others blindly..
Move your Fi ego aside, and you will see you no longer need run for something (Fe) that you know deeply it is not you , just be better Fi ..
Let more people come in , instead you go out.
You’re a Ti user?! No way!! 😉
I understand what you’re saying, and that’s why I referenced using my Fi through aerial to connect on a level of pseudo Fe. I know that Fe will never be me, I will never have that function. Trust me, I have put a lot of time and research into studying all of the functions and how they translate into skills that apply in the real world. Yes, I’m getting to “Fe” by using my Fi, and my Te for that matter. What’s important here is that I’m fixing my mind on a goal of something to be conscious of. I’m learning from the Fe function and the Fe users of the world on how to best translate reality using the functions I do have. Focused growth, is always a positive thing when it’s in the right direction.
It's like my brain made a video lol
Yayy! That’s how it should feel!