I think I can relate to this, I was raised in a poor family. I don't have nice clothes so I felt insecure hanging out with friends. My house is a mess that I don't want friends to come over. I have ugly teeth, out of place and not do anything to fix it (don't have money to go to the doctor) and never thought to fix it until now.
people treat me like im so shallow and always expect my kindness to be fake (ironic). They just dont understand i never used to be beautiful, in fact nobody ever treated me like i was a day in my life. Inside or out. So i grew my qualities and grew into my face as well. Now people doubt if i have a good personality and treat my interests like they are something i am faking for relatability.
My whole like ive been made to feel like a bug, and now theyd smite me for being a butterfly. Ive decided in whatever game this is i cant win. But i can fly! Ill just enjoy the sun when its on my face and sleep peacefully knowing i try my best.
I was the girl that all the guys would joke about. They’d come up to me and be like ”Hey, [friend x] has a crush on you” and immediately burst into laughter and go ”EWWWWW NEVER!!!” because the mere concept of anybody ever thinking i was even somewhat desirable was so outlandish and unbelievable to them. They did this all the time and the fact that everyone immediately understood that it was a joke speaks volumes..
@@SonyeoMargit Ummmm thats easier said than done. Im sorry but saying ”just be confident” or anything similar to someone who’s been told that theyre hideous their entire life is just as effective as trying to eat soup with a fork.
Thats because men are only nice to women who are attractive. That goes for any setting btw. Men will deny women opportunities if they dont find them attractive
Mostly because men getting pretty privilege is extraordinarily rare...... 99.999% of men have to attain their privileges in other ways. Usually status, positions of power, money. So the discussion of pretty privilege would effectively be about female privilege and THAT doesn't optic well for the eternal victim of men status.
Some of my classmates once said that I was very ugly and needed a full makeover. Whenever I look in the mirror, I try to see what they see, but I can't. I mean, I've got acne, I don't wear makeup and my hair's not that pretty. But that doesn't make me ugly. And that made me think that it's not a me problem, but a them problem. If they can't see my beauty, then that's their loss. I feel beautiful either way
I'm lucky enough to always have been feeling neutral towards my appearance and how it doesn't really fit society's definition of beauty. Especially when i see how creepy men can behave around my attractive friends, even the decent dudes. Do i want to stay "ugly" and be invisible or do whatever i can (cosmetic procedures/surgery etc) so creepy men will pay attention to me? Yeah nah, i'll stay "ugly"
@@chloebywater174 this!!!! i think it stems from an expectation and an anger towards someone daring to step out of that expectation. they are mad that you have the confidence they don't, and they're mad you don't fall into line like they do societally, so they lash out. at the end of the day it's not "eww lol can you believe she's not wearing makeup" it's more like "how dare she not wear make up!" if that makes sense.
Pretty sure they were projecting. You are probably absolutely fine and just slightly looks similar to them (maybe the same skin or hair colour or something else what reminds them about themselves) so they kinda like tried to talk to you as themselves. I am really glad it didn't affect your mindset. Probably a healthy family relationships you have 😊
It scares me that everything I do is motivated by the desire to be loved. It's just coming from a very unhealthy place and trauma. I'm afraid of changes for the better, because it may turn out that everything I have been doing for years has lost its meaning.
Lol let me tell you that no matter what you do in life you're gonna look back like "how tf did I end up here ". There is no set plan, you can be broke at 30 years old and a millionaire at 35 (uncommon but you get the point). Obviously don't throw away good opportunities though. People are just hardwired to find love we aren't robots
No, she is absolutely correct. When I was a young adult, i was considered attractive. Later, i gained a bunch of weight and cut my hair short. The way people treated me was VERY different. Men absolutely stopped talking to me. Some of them would look offended if I tried to talk to them. Women were actually slightly nicer to me but when I was in public, I felt worse than invisible. I felt disgusting. Later, i lost some weight and my hair grew back out and yes, men treat me differently. But now, I hate them all. Because I know it's all shallow, and when I was "ugly" they didnt even treat me like a person.
It’s to be expected. No offence. Sex and intimate relationships are the ultimate goal in life. Men will think about this first when looking at women so you turning them off is a result of them being repulsed by the idea of having you as a sexual partner. Girls are the same way except their benchmarks for sexual partners varies based off men’s physical attractiveness mixed with confidence
Nah it's man who treated women only as a sex partners. It's a big news for women when they talk with man friendly and man thinks it's a flirt. Because man only talking friendly with sexually attractive people. No women not like that. Gross
The sad part is, a lot of men think these women are not suffering enough like them… they think ugly women can get laid easily or find a bf easily… but like.. they can’t. It’s the incel mindset and it divides everyone for no reason.. ugh
They can though. Try it for yourself. Make two dating app profiles, one with an average looking guy and one with an ugly woman and see who can get laid first. It won’t take more than a day, an hour even, for the woman. If a woman truly has the motivation to get some, she absolutely can the same day. The problem women have though… they only want to date up…
Isn't this women who say they ugly and can't find anyone reject all "incel" guys. You as a guy can try to connect with someone who say "i am rejected by everyone" and get rejected by them. Lol. It looks like this women want attention not from any guys but only subset of desired guys
As a guy who was ugly in school, I can say that i relate alot, although I feel ugly boys have easier time making friends than ugly girls because men care less about how other guys look
We care less because we're not as shallow and have other traits to make up for it. Whereas girls are more monolithic and average personality wise, with beauty being their only considerable difference between each other
@eddiesmith7867 this is a mindset created by patriarchy and spread by men, not women... man are shallow and only care about appearance, it's only a matter of observing how many couples there are where the woman is more attractive than the men
Been a ghost girl my whole life, I detest dating apps, opportunities to date never came. I was straight up ugly and weird as a teen. Even after glowing up and improving my appaerence guys didn’t show any concrete signs of interest, so maybe I can’t attract anyone because I’m just too reserved and have low social battery, maybe because I’m surrounded by girls prettier and bubblier than me who get all the attention. I wish I could share my life with someone, but if that is not meant to be, then I’ll surrender it to God, as I’m learning about His Wisdom every day.
I guarantee it’s because you’re reserved. There are many men who are attracted to you im certain of it. But guess who tends to like shy girls the most… shy guys. Bubbly girls put themselves out there to the point even shy guys can talk to them. But if you’re both shy then it never happens. Im certain if you take the first step and put yourself infront of guys you’ll find success
@@Birdlegs14 shy guys: if you catch one, you might as well consider yourself a certified professional deer hunter 🦌 This may actually be a good tip, I don’t know what _kind_ of man I should look for. Better go, wish me luck- *loads old-fashioned rifle*
@@orangeyellow-me1pzwaw. Thats some incel shit right there. Dont go down that road. Dont bunch people in to groups. It doesnt help. I could be an ass about your missguided comment but, lets try this. Someone probs hurt u didnt they? What happened?
@@orangeyellow-me1pz I had many crushes over the years, all were one-sided. I’d wait and look for signs, but in the end I would always be the one to make the first move to start things, each time they’d either not reciprocate, ignore me or reject me. You can tell when a guy is interested in you, if he doesn’t show willingness to get close to you in *any* way, he doesn’t want you.
The harsh reality is that women have to rely on their looks more than men do to get what they want. Men can make up for it in other areas but women don't get the same results. They can be funny, have a great personality, and display decent character, but if they're not perceived as good looking, they are less likely to get opportunities, and if they do, it's seldom as a first choice. The truth is, we can empower ourselves as much as we like and tell ourselves that looks don't matter. But at the end of the day, people like who they like, and they disregard the ones they don't like or put them in second place. We may not like or agree with any of it, but it's what happens, and we need to roll with the punches.
That's what men tell themselves until people are brainwashed to think that they should settle for any guy, but vice versa, we are way to critical of women in any field
Just ugliness in general sadly. There are countless studies showing that being unattractive disadvantages you in nearly every possible way. You are less likely to get a job, paid less, more likely to be convicted, get longer sentences when convicted, more likely to be a victim of a violent crime, more likely to be impoverished and it just keeps going. It is horrifying.
Being an ugly woman is a bigger disadvantage than being an ugly man, but ugly men are more likely to be convicted of crimes than handsome men, ugh!!! 😖
You will get paid the normal amount if you are ugly. If you are pretty that might change. Nobody pays you less because you are ugly, they just pay you the right amount.
Even after a glow-up and weightloss. I’ve kept the fatgirl mentality. And now in my 20s I absolutely despise everyone. At least if they’re a stranger. I see everyone who’s a complete stranger as a detriment and a threat. You will still get bullied in adulthood if you’re in college or workplace.
I had a glow up and even tho I feel more attractive now, ppl will still bully you irl. Esp if you're a woc. I personally ignore ppl bc if they treat me like that then I'd rather be alone
i swear it took me a decade after i finished high school to not be scared of random teenagers on the street because i was sure that they don't like me and therefore will bully me. i'm now nearly 30 and i have to consciously tell myself all the time when i'm out and about that random people, especially teenagers, don't spend thinking about me for more than these 5 seconds i spend on thinking about them when i pass them on the street or see them somewhere. the fear is real for a long time when you get bullied in school, it really messes with your brain
Having a positive mindset is attractive. You need to heal from your trama and let it go for your mental health. Dont be mean too people or despise people.... I wasnt physically attractive as a kid and people tried to bully me, but I never took value of what they said. I guess i unnerve them, they ended up leaving me alone. If you mean to mee and i didnt do anything wrong, I'll assume your either jealous of mee/ intimidated by me or you have mental struggles. Reacting to them, gives them power. so dont give them the time of day.
the hating yourself becoming a safe space is so real. when you've been hating yourself for so long, it's like you don't even know who you are outside of that pain.
this!! i’ve been trying to work on my self esteem but since i’ve been hating myself for so long it’s just weird. and when i get those setbacks of comparing myself to other people i feel like it’s all for no reason and go back to that comfort of constantly beating myself up.
3:26 “turn down invites to come to parties” some ppl didn’t have that. it’s not that the “negative thinking” of “I don’t have friends” or “no one wants me there” but some ppl literally don’t have a social circle. Or have the social opportunities.
This is so true. I've been isolating myself since the pandemic, eventually I stopped having "friends" (they were like 3 or 4 maybe). This was 3 years ago, now I simply have no one to talk to, no one who invites me to anywhere (even that causes me social anxiety) I'm really...alone
I feel i dont rlly have friends and i just know these ppl cus of school. I’ll never get invited to things, but ill have to hear all about their plans to hang. But im only there if you need someone to seat with at lunch or in class. Then if they have their friends it might as well not matter if I seat there or not.
I don’t aside from online friends I’m meeting up with and they live hours away. I don’t know how to make friends I tried bumble bff but I don’t know how to talk to people and it’s mainly guys who wanted to talk, my pics are flattering too, not like that irl. I don’t see why anyone would want to be my friend, I rely on alcohol to not feel insanely social anxious. I just don’t know what to do
For me, one thing that developed from being labelled as the ugly girl (ugly and weird, since I was left to the side also for other aspects of my life and my identity, not only my body) was the frustration for all the experiences I was missing, and often resentment against the people who were chosing to push me away. I became very anxious and the voice in my head kept telling me that I would grow old and reach the end of my life without ever having known many of the things that "normal people" take for granted. I'm 31 today, and my heart still sinks when I hear someone telling stories of youth, full of parties, teenage loves, trips with friends, camping holidays... I feel like I skipped that part of my life, like I woke up one day realizing I had adult responsabilities but I couldn't believe it was happening, because the day before I was still feeling like a little child waiting for the day I would start having some fun.
I'm sorry you have to experience this feeling of missing out on "the joys of youth," but honestly it's the people that make the memories and having those experiences with fake superficial people 👎🏿 I hope you're able to find the time to discover your youthful adventures with people who are worth being in your life 🥰
Let me tell you something, being ugly doesn’t do that to you, I have seen and I don’t wanna be rude but ugly people having parties, friends, being popular and doing all sorts of stuff, and then you have the person who is a loner, wants Freinds and popularity but doesn’t make an effort for it, deep down knows they can fix it but hides the thought, blames it on something else that they can’t control as a way to cope
@@17denbyhum..i dont know about this. Because i was the ugly, kind girl and everytime someone said a bad thing about me i would laugh with them...just to be included. Even tho i was kind,supportive and a people pleasure,i wasn't invited to partied and i didnt had lots of friends,... I was a joke to them. I did try to socialize,get invited to parties,... Maybe i did something "wrong" but i dont know what i could've done more to make them like me.
It's good to see women open up about their invisibility, as a guy I was just accepting that I was not attractive to women but how must it feel to be ugly when your suppose to be good looking from birth? That is a new level of hurt that guys will never understand, atleast it's kinda acceptable for guys to just do their own stuff like only focus on work, if women do that the hordes of men who come saying biological clock, your value as a women ect. Women are not baby factories. Men are not ATMs on demand. But most people don't want to stop judging others because they want to feel better about others not wanting them. Such a sad thing really. Thats why I stoped watching male content on the internet, they never stop whining about women whos opinions they allegedly "dOn'T cArE fOr".
@@DagoturYou might have misunderstood. Women are supposed to be good looking from birth. Society expects women to be beautiful, and once you’re not beautiful as a woman you’re seen as defective.
While your take has some merit .It's a stretch at best because the views your talking about are from red pill content creators that are at the extreme end . If you actually live life outside and not on your phone you'll find that a lot of people don't think like that . And while I can understand where Christina is coming from with here opinion I can't shake this feeling that if she got attention from men she would start complaining about the male gaze . The lesson here should be to stop living life online because it will definitely warp your perception of reality because of how the algorithm works .
In my experience, almost all of the men who approach me either want a hookup or they're actively talking about how they "can't get a girl" before focusing their attention on me. When I'm at the club with my friends, I'm the one that men avoid eye contact with when they approach the other girls to talk. Basically, I've been the last resort for a long time, and I'm over it. I don't date for a reason.
I feel like being a woman there's these things that should "just be". Like no I don't have the looks, the charisma, my body is the universally hated apple shape, my mannerisms are considered weird and not quirky. For the longest my inability to be a woman really made me wonder my womanhood. You think you can find love and understanding with other underachievers but you can tell they're always looking out for the chance to catch a real hottie. I think staying away from men and people in general is better for my mental well-being.
@@scorpieeeee well no, being a woman quite literally just means adult human female but that was the messaging that I received from all the adult figures in my life. Even my own parents have called me a failure of a woman for not living up to the beauty standards that were quite literally beaten into me. But frankly I do like myself too much to even try to conform anymore.
@@isa-morena Beauty standards change every 10 years, which already suggests that they cannot determine someone's objective value. Marilyn Monroe is "fattie" these days. but I won't argue that participating in the beauty standards race brings you more social status and expands your dating circle but that doesn't mean you won't find love or friends, not everyone believes in the standards of beauty at heart, although most give credit to those who participate your parents told you nonsense, even if it was for “good” reasons. you can't treat your children like that. I hope you have recovered from this treatment.
@@55CINCO55 then explain the phenomenon of beauty standards and the beauty industry especially if you look at how these standards have changed over the centuries so explain what you are saying?
I was always undesirable, with a lot of trauma at that. Abandonment issues, little to none self esteem, ED, depression. A weird girl. An ugly and weird nerd. I'm grown up and have a healthy relationship now, but even when my boyfriend tries to show that I am desirable, or interesting, or pretty to him, I have like a wall inside me, I just can't genuinely and fully believe that someone can even see me as pretty, it's just something impossible and I can't get rid of it.
i feel you, this is so relatable. especially, the feeling that you can't fully believe that someone seeing you as "pretty" or "desirable". sometimes, it transfers to "nah, their compliment isn't genuine" or "no, they're just comforting me."
@@meyxhua7312I also cant believe it when people compliment me because I feel like they’re playing a joke I’m not in on because thats how it was in most of my school years :/ I remember my boyfriend (my first relationship) being suprised when I told him no guy has ever liked me/asked me out in high school because he finds me really pretty and even then I didn’t believe a word he said. I love my boyfriend but I’m still incredibly paranoid of being “the ugly girlfriend “ his friends might mock him for, which makes me feel disgusting whenever we leave the house together unless I dress up nice and do my makeup even if hes dressed as a hobo
I hate the fact that part of coming to peace with yourself is also accepting your physical side, I can't do it, I can't help but see myself feeling disgusted
If you find it disgusting it's accepting you're disgusting But I don't really believe you'd look at yourself and make the same face as you would if someone tried feeding you poop 💩 That would really be more disgusting I have seen people use "hate" or " disgusting" for things that aren't really that extreme Maybe it's the way you word your self talk what you do day to day that keeps you blind to whatever good things you Happen to have physically
I was the invisible person in every group for most of my life. People started noticing me when I started doing my own thing and not caring of anyone else. My mindset is “if nobody is going to show up for myself, I need to do it for me, because I am stuck with me” I moved to another country, I started posting more photos of me, I started to live for me. And out of nowhere people who forgot me, started to to message me and telling me “oh, you look so cute!”, “omg, you are so beautiful!” And all of those messages makes me feel nothing. I’m dead inside. The only joy I feel regarding positive words are from me because throughout all my life no one showed up for me. I kinda want to start believing again in other people, but is really hard. It baffles me because I reached a point in my life that I attempted self harm just to end it, but before that I asked for help to people I thought we were friends. No one answer. Deep down I want to believe someday I’ll find a true connection, but in the meantime I’m going to live for myself.
True connection is rare. Maybe Allah will make it happen. But if not... Live for Allah, ignore shallowness, n remember that this is not our true home. Much love.
I'm sorry you didn't have people who stood up for you and reassured you that you mattered to them. I feel like oddly enough that's the bare minimum. I think it's very human to want a real friend or a real connection. I hope you're doing well, and I promise it will get better. I think it doesn't matter if someone is pretty or ugly (beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway) and it's not like beauty should be a factor when it comes to friendship. To me that's kinda crazy...but it's become normal and that sucks.
As I got older I learned that a lot of people have the same insecurities. I don’t love myself, I doubt I ever will but I hate myself less everyday. Go find a hobby, and talk to the people in those communities. You will end up finding a lot of friendships as long as you are proactive and is willing to approach people.
I am going to assume my daughter has been watching your videos on my account and I would like to say thank you for your efforts to reinforce confidence in young women and girls.
some of the best advice ive learned is that "it is worse to look at a situation and see the potential negative outcomes. It is better to look at a situation and see the potential positive outcomes. Chase that potential positive, and if you did your part to make the good outcome, its the fault of others that things went bad. Just do your part" it changed my life. I learned this from a dude who i knew for 2 days whose name I cant even remember
Imaging going through all that and then your own family bullies you for the way you look. You expect your loved once to understand you, but instead they started it all before outsiders started bullying you.
Being ugly as a man is pretty bad but i can't imagine how hard it must be for a woman. It's good that someone speaks about this and the advice here is great. I really like the part about accepting yourself and not making up for your looks with other aspects of your life. However, that shouldn't be interpreted as self improvement being useless. Having hobbies, a positive personality and all of the small things mentioned in the video will make you miles more attractive and likeable, regardless of your appearence. Do it for the right reasons and choose things that you value.
Amazing video. I am almost 62 and was one of 2 black girls in my class in London. I struggled with everything you have mentioned. I love how gen z are able to articulate so much of what I was feeling but was not allowed to voice back in the 70s. Splitting generations up is deliberate and damaging. We all learn from each other at all ages. I'm gonna share this with my daughter who undoubtedly has her own struggles. Thank you for this video. It clarifies so much and will help me to continue healing my younger self. It has cone at a critical moment in my journey with self. New older subscriber .
not a woman and not able to relate on that particular level. but i am able to empathize. i love that youtube has given so many people the avenue and platforms to speak about these things. I’ve come across a lot of channels that tackle topics like yours on this video and thank you for sharing about it.
Oh boy. I remember being the forgotten boy in MS/HS. Girls would ignore me/bully me for being so lonely. I would go on a “date” with few of them and they would ghost me all the time. When I turned 20, I moved out the state and even lived in Japan for a few years. Some people were keeping up with me after I left, others continued to ignore me, whatever. Ever since I moved back to the states, I’ve hit the gym, some people might call me attractive, and I just feel healthier overall. Women are asking to hang out with me, and wanting me to be around them. I have a beautiful fiancée now, and I realize that I seek compliments from her all the time. Not because she doesn’t make me feel like that, but because I was the ugly kid before that never used to hear that. It’s not her fault, but that thing really never goes away. Fast forward 9yrs since one of those same girls that would ghost me, saw me. She approached me with my then gf (now fiancée). She tried so hard to get a hug, but I’ll never forget how she made me feel. I gave into this hug she wanted. Yes, I’ve forgiven her, but I don’t want those emotions anymore. Remember, we’re not ugly, people are ugly. Edit: many grammar mistakes lol
I am glad to hear you found love. I would have refused the hugs though and pretend jokingly saying smth like you really put me through hell didntya?! And then: you know I always joke around right. Things like that
It does good to remember that they were also just kids, and kids can be mean/project their own insecurities onto other people. Not that adults don’t also do the same but some kids grow up to be better and understand more.
Im 31 and I’ve only JUST taken the time to reflect how feeling ugly my whole life has shaped me. It’s weird because I often feel like the ugliest person in the room but then I’ll have people compliment my looks out of the blue, and because I’ve felt so ugly and invisible growing up I genuinely have no idea what I look like and almost use other people compliments as a “meter”. I know looks nor what other people think of me should ever define me, but it’s easier said than done with you’ve felt deprived of the same type of attention that seems so commonplace for everyone around you.
Same age, same situation -- I wish you all the luck with this! I wrote a whole elaboration but it's gonna take a bit for me to even digest let alone see typed out and shared
I have had the same issue. I have been called pretty and cute, before but I have also had guys ghost me after I sent them my pictures and or being invisible to men. So I have no idea. What am I suppose to accept when I have had such contradictory reactions?
I never thought I was ugly but I’m definitely not attractive to men. They have never been interested. I always thought it was some kind of vibe I gave off not necessarily me not being “hot”. Idk. But honestly men don’t seem worth it at this point. So now I dress up for me and I’m gaining confidence. It might be for the best that guys weren’t interested because my self esteem was so low I would have done anything they asked. I’m a people pleaser and it was so much worse when I was younger. I just wanted friends or a boyfriend. Anything. I felt left out. I was sick a lot as a kid and had FOMO before it was a thing. But now I enjoy my time alone. But I also had a great friend group (I had to move so we’re very far apart now) and I am making new friends. So who cares what others think. I’m still working on myself but I’m a lot better.
I got extremely thin because of stomach bug that lasted few months and got treated like a princess, everyone took me seriously, but I felt brittle and malnourished because of lack of nutrients in my disease-specific diet. When it got treated I gained some weight and it is crazy, even the doctors scoff me away and write everything up to my diet, although I try to explain I felt same symptoms when I was thin and ate like a rabbit, they don't listen or care. It's as if I'm only good enough as comic relief.
As the ugliest hairiest, Chubbiest girl in Primary, Secondary and then Sixth form and then Uni. The acceptance of being ugly really what set me free. Once you realise okay I am ugly it is what it is. You kind of just start expecting to be lonely or exiled from your peers and thats why you just live freely. You do what you want because you know, nobody will really care. Wear what you want sit how you want walk how you want, go wherever you want nobody will bother you.
Thank you for making this video. I often feel invisible. Guys hardly ever ask me out. When they do, they never follow through which makes me wonder if they just ask me out as a joke or until someone they really want comes along.
Then they don’t deserve you fr If they don’t follow through it shows they’re too immature for you❤️🔥 Good thing you didn’t waste time with those boogers
omg i know what you mean, i once had a guy ask me out as a JOKE but i thought he was being for real so i said yes 🤡🤡🤡🙃 so then i spent the whole week being like... why isn't he with me all the time, why isn't he sitting with me at lunch. then i heard him making fun of me on the bus and i realised lol🥲
ngl, most guys aren't asking anyone out, for many reasons, It's not just you. But I think we need to collectively have a reality check because our ideas of what "normal man and women" look like, and actually are, are probably too different things. As far as I'm aware (being a guy myself), most guys growing up are invisible, that's because what the "average guy" is actually like is closer to the "school loser" who gets no attention and is brushed off by everyone else, than probably the "average guy" you might (or might not) be thinking about. Another thing, the attention you think you might want from guys, like getting asked out, is really not all it's cracked up to be. This is the same for both men and women, but moreso men as it's more normalized in our culture. A lot of guys out there are pretty scummy, (weather they're doing it on purpose or not) and will probably not have the best relationship skills, it's something we have to work on, but sadly never get the chance to, so a lot of guys default to just asking women out for sex and jump right into the deep end, without seeking to build a healthy relationship where both partners understand each other and are on equal footing. If you want more interaction with guys that doesn't make you feel as invisible, I'd try to start as friends with some, a low emotional investment point easy to bail on if things turn sour, just be sure to make things CRYSTAL (and I mean as clear as humanly possible) clear where you stand with your guy friends, you might have to be painfully honest, and if you're worried about it hurting your friendships, then they weren't friends worth having in the first place if they bail on you because you "friendzone" them or whatever. But being the centre of attention, especially from men, is really not good for you, or probably what will make you happier, in my opinion.
@@handlebar4520 I have lots of guy friends. None of those friendships have ever turned into a relationship. If the attraction isn't there, I don't force it. The few times I have been asked out, the guy either bullies me for not having sex with him which isn't much time at all. I'm talking after a couple weeks and that it doesn't even come up in conversation, they just default to bullying. Why do men sex zone women without getting to know them?
Growing up I was constantly called ugly, but then looking back, I wasn’t actually ugly. To compare to make a point, some of the kids calling me names were worse looking than I ever was. I now realize it wasn’t my physical appearance, but my personality. I later noticed that kids who I perceived as ‘unattractive’ had a lot of friends. My appearance never made me ugly, but my autism did. This was a revelation that made me spiral for years.
The ugly mentality will always follow you around. When I was a kid, I tried so hard in school so I could grow up and make money and control my life and somewhat my looks. I am now hyper independent and look better but I am not sure I will ever feel good enough.
I had a major glow up a few months before I graduated. Nothing improved beside a couple guys wanting me but solely for shallow things. Some didn’t even recognized ne but once they remembered ghosted me bc I was forever branded the weird ugly chubby girl no matter how much I changed to ppl. Friends never stick unless they want something from me. I got bullied for a new reason then as well, lots of jealousy most likely. Turns out everyone was just hell bent on bullying no matter I changed
Then they are the problem, not you. I don't know you but if you can see how awful their actions are then you are far better than them. I know it's hard but you're genuinely better off without that kind of shallowness
I guess some men don't realize that yhea, society treats woman that "aren't pretty" like trash, the reddit post of the 26 year old got me bc yhea, it is truth, ppl think it's easy being confident but, how are you going to be confident if you don't feel desirable? (i guess for aroace ppl it might not be a big deal but for some people it is) I only been int terrible online dating (the one like trauma and pretty bad stuff) end up that now i'm really hypersexual and only think that men will want me if i spoil them with expensive stuff and sex all the time, otherwise he will leave me alone and trade me for a "pretty" girl, but still have severe paranoia that he might cheat on me even if i do that for him. Finally i still remember coming back from the drugstore smiling bc i bought a perfume that i really liked i passed torugh two boys and i heard them whispering that i was ugly, it broke me (if any misspells is bc english isn't my frist language)
I’m so sorry you had that experience. 😢 Boys in general are very mean, because they don’t feel like anyone loves them. Don’t listen to people who have bad, hateful hearts. They are hurting, so they want you to hurt too. I just want you to know that there are people in this world that will care about you, and will think your looks and your heart are gorgeous. If you feel sad, that’s okay. It will pass, but don’t lose those feelings. They will transform into something beautiful one day, and you will be more beautiful for having created them. Enjoy your perfume, I hope you always try your best to be happy. 🌼🌸🌼🌸
Wow you touched on all the points! Beautifully said and concise! I agree with this bc it’s actually rooted in psychology. The more insecure you are, the more you will just blame it on your looks and keep yourself from changing the inside. It’s a cop out narcissistic way of viewing yourself. For example some of the MOST beautiful women have this very negative view of themselves which keeps them from seeing their beauty even if the whole world tells them otherwise. And like you said, the left out friend is usually the “boring” friend bc they are avoidant and never truly let their personality shine bc at home their parents would shame them for every little thing or for just being themselves.
I grew up one of the only white kids in an indigenous school. My hair was frizzy and always looked greasy if i straightened it (and boy did i). My skin pale, sickly, and covered in acne. My body hair dark and stood out, and i was tiny and malnourished surrounded by tall, strong, athletic, long and pin needle straight haired beautiful women with perfect skin and eyebrows. I was often told so many negative things about me so casually, and if theu wanted to hide what they were saying they would just say it in mohawk
My skin, my hair, my home, where i lived, how tall i was, what i ate, how i danced, what i wore, whay i sang, whay god i believed in, what sport i played. There was nothing i could do right in the eyes of the people around me. I was the butt end of almost every joke for years within evem my friend circles. I didnt want to befriend a lot of the other white people in school because they were from very conservative (hella racist and homophobic) families, and our views just did not align. When i started to self harm, i was publicly humiliated by my best friend. I was the bug in the room it felt everyone wanted to squash and i became a very angry person for a very long time.
Eventually i just lost me. I didnt know who i was, what i wanted, what i looked like. I was just a shell and people did with me whatever they pleased. I became someone who would cross the line by any means to get people to just leave me alone and leave me to nyself in peace. I spent years isolated and hiding in a bedroom just rotting and coping with music. I was suicidal, i was a mess. Slowly over time my fire relit again with academics and by the time i went to college at 21, i guess id gotten prettier
Maybe i was always pretty. Maybe im full of myself now. College changed things? I guess people did find me attractive. But by then i just didnt care. My biggest wish was to be so ugly people would leave me in a cave and never look to me again. I thought that i was completely unloveable. A decade of dedicating myself to neurology and body neutrality. An autism diagnosis, years of domestic violence counseling and therapy. One beautiful daughter and a career in healthcare that i love. 2 cute cats and a car that helps me traverse any backroad with cute flowers i can find. I can say i am finally happy. Maybe that is what is beautiful about me now. I am still often ashamed of things about me that i know i cannot change. But im going to keep trying. I would love to find a peaceful and beautiful way to express these feelings so that i can let them go in a place i feel is worthy to be the burial of my grief. But maybe that is just an excuse that i use to hold onto it for longer than i should.
I know that my experience is not common for people of my background and i dont want to allow myself or anyone else to utilize it as a form of erasure towards millions of minorities that have to face this every single day of their lives, and for the rest of their lives. My childhood: i can walk out of with no visible scars or traits that give away my struggle. It is something i can set down, something that i am able to leave behind. The color of my skin is a privilege and i do not deny the privileges that come with it. I hope that my experience, if anything, will help other to know that they are not alone. I see you, and i send nothing but love to you 💗
I'm 25 and have never even held hands romantically. This is a safe space and I believe all of us relate to feeling undesirable. When I see how other people cope (like the example you shared of the girl who was overly sexual) I feel even more hopeless. Because I can't even allow myself to go on dates, let alone kiss someone or get physically intimate. My level of insecurity (and this isn't the struggle Olympics by any means haha) is so engulfing that I can't even do that! So, to me, they're miles ahead!
i feel you. 27 and same! well, i did have a few dates before but they were all terrible experiences. i don't regret them because i learned a lot about myself but it sucks. it hurts. i feel so hopeless and genuinely scared things won't change. like i'm TRYING so why it doesn't get better? 💔😞
People had called me ugly and however, Every guy who had approached me were after my body. Nothing else. Not a single one wanted to seriously date me. You know how that made me feel. Am i not someone worthy of love?
can the men in the comments stop saying “welcome to the average life of dudes”? like it sucks for everyone!! we get it. but can women not have 1 video without y’all whining about this being normal for you? as if it’s some kind of competition. it’s literally a video directed at women it’s not for you, it’s not about you, you’re not the target audience. so if you wanna be here, be respectful of the target audience. also i have seen far more women give dude’s a chance than a dude will give them a chance - don’t shoot the messenger.
I've been invisible my whole life. I recently had a glow up and it's so confusing that people now notice me, talk to me, remember me. I've gotten so used to no one noticing me that it's become a principle of faith and I feel so uncomfortable when I'm actually noticed.
I don’t want to dwell on my looks but it I keep getting reminded of it. People treat me differently. There’s been plenty of times where someone would continue to be rude to me even though the day before they said I was sweet. I can meet new people and I do have friends but I know my life would be different if I looked different
I had a classmate in school, she was so beautiful. A school topper, popular girl. Most of the school knew her and was friends with her and even teachers loved her. She was all this soft femininity type, laughed softly her moves were so soft. One day she got braces and she started to smile with her lips closed or started to laugh by keeping her hand over her mouth. The entire class got to make her laugh like she used to. And when she did the entire class rejoiced. By her description seems like this good beautiful girl right? Well no, she was a mean girl (secretly) at least with me, i had joined the school alomg with her and i and her looked similar except i am not attractive. I clearly remember she had said to me once laughing that people asked her whether her and i were related and she said can you even imagine me being related to you? That day i felt so bad. About my existence. It was just one of that incidents there were several others that she had done and each one made me feel the worst about myself.
@171_indranildutta6 not trynna play vp but just an experience. I bet she must be a better person now that all of us have grown up its just an experience i had which i felt was relevant to the vedio. Sorry if i hurted your feelings unintentionally.... Edit:- vc***
Watching this as a guy because your videos are fire. I've started to feel more and more lonely despite feeling just about as isolated if not less than I used to be. I feel the parts about self hate and not knowing how i could ever get into a romantic relationship. Idk how some people just have it so easy with that stuff. My home life, social isolation and fear of opening up due to low confidence makes a romantic relationship feel unachievable for another like 5 years or something and even friendships feel difficult to keep and maintain due to me not knowing how to keep more than like 3 friends and yet again the fear of opening up.
Yeah I find myself reminding myself that I can’t spend all my time at home and need to get out sometimes. Not necessarily to find a gf, but more bc it’s important to socialize outside of a work setting
Thank you for this video, i don't see this topic getting talked about often it's usually "how pretty girls have it hard" or something like "hating yourself and thinking your ugly is giving negative aura or jealous or a pretty girl" like no. I genuinley struggle with hating myself and I still struggle with facial dysmorphia but I would never ever bring another person down for my insecurities! never once have I ever did that. My only wish is to treat myself the way I treat others. To be more gentler with myself, kind, loving. Because I've struggled so much and it's people who make you feel this way about yourself. They used to make me feel stupid, ugly, they would point out my flaws that I thought was only visible to my eyes... it hurts so much. But i loved your message at the end it's so beautiful and well said!
i was always told you have to fake to you make it oh it’s just where you live it’s how you dress etc i’ve tried it all and i still get the same reactions. i’ve come to realize that yes i am ugly but i’ve accepted that so i do just focus on myself. the achievements i’ve reached are b/c i worked hard to achieve them. and i’m proud of them they weren’t tied to any self hatred or self loathing and that’s why i’m so proud of them. no matter what happens i will always have my achievements. and what i worked for so what if i’m ugly at least i’m smart
As a man I've felt invisible or ostracized, but obviously I haven't ever experienced being invisible in this way. Thanks for creating the video and sharing this perspective. Much appreciated.
Sounds exactly what both average or ugly guys go through as well lol… Guys just seem used to it and more equipped to deal with this in my opinion, they’re pressured to deal with it themselves or they’re deemed losers. Guys are pressured to take action, they don’t have time to dwell in self hate. It’s a blessing but a curse.
as a man, I've definitely felt invisible before, many times. So much Now I've gotten used to living in isolation, maybe you're one of the lucky few who doesn't get glossed over by everyone else, but that's the experience for about 60% of guys growing up.
@@handlebar4520 I said I've felt invisible or ostracized before. I'm sure most people have at one point or another. I've just never experienced it the way she described it. The "reasons" were different. I've never spoken with a man that described their experience like this either. If you're saying you have to experienced loneliness and invisibility in the same way as she has described, I think that's interesting. As an added addendum to this I'd like to say that when I declared my gender in my comment it was just for clarity. I don't speak for all men and I think it's weird when anyone does that.
@@Ryanthebrobdingnagian No I don't think I've experienced it in exactly the same way, everyone's experience of invisibility is going to be different, there are of course differences in the circumstances between guy's and girl's loneliness, but there are plenty of parallels and similarities, mostly because everyone is a lot more isolated and closed off today than ever before in post modern history. I would say a larger proportion of guys are invisible than women's are in the same population sizes, but I think guys circumstances are somewhat more internal and women's are more external/out of their control unfortunately.
@@handlebar4520 I disagree we are more closed off. I can video call someone in the rice fields of Thailand from my couch in the U.S. I'm currently talking to you, someone I've never met, about our collective experiences. Feels pretty connected to me. Not sure why the portions matter. I like learning about other peoples experiences, especially if they are different from my own.
Growing up as someone who thought they were ugly in school, I realized I was just hating myself based on what other people projected on me. People didn’t like that I was more masculine presenting, or that I was stimming a lot during class unknown to them that I’m autistic. But that doesn’t make my value as a person any less than them. Once I surrounded myself with other people like myself I found that I am not the ugly friend or ugly anything. Dating apps and The pandemic definitely did not help with trying to grow myself esteem or to be social. But as of now 2024 im doing new things, meeting new people to socialize with.
I recently experienced a younger woman that said to me that I was ugly and that she was sorry for the parents that made me. I did let her words hurt me at the time, but I know it's not true what she said her words are just words
people usually stare at me and sometimes they even call me pretty. I knew I was average, but after listening this I guess I am just ugly, because this is exactly my life
I'm glad you talked about putting in effort into building relationships and dating. That's why I stopped dating. I felt like I was the one doing everything always. Carrying the conversation, planning the dates and paying, etc while the women I date were just sitting there and judging. I understand with gender roles its expected that the man lead, but its nice if my effort and interest was reciprocated. When you mentioned people doing more in relationships when they feel less attractive might be true. Which is why the dynamic especially gets on my nerves. I usually don't feel less attractive than the women I date, but I still feel like I'm always jumping through hoops while they sit there and don't even try to demonstrate any qualities that would make them a long term partner.
The single piece of advice I have for both men, women, and everyone else in between struggling with dating is to try to do some early vetting (a video call before an in person date) so you can get a feel before you commit to possibly an unpleasant evening. Good luck to you all, I know it sucks. I really hate dating as a concept.
Unfortunately, being raw about this: there's no winning. I grew up ugly, the guys I had crushes on were disgusted by me and I was the punching bag for my friends. Then I had a little glow up after highschool and I was TERRIFIED of compliments (since whenever I heard them thus far it was as a joke). Then I had another glow up and men were really into me, but I was never taken seriously. I have hundreds of likes per day on dating apps, but not a single one is actually interesting. The compliments I get feel shallow and pointless. I don't take them as truth. At this point I try to work on myself, I workout, my face is not as hideous, I know how to dress, I know how to do my makeup and hair right, but I just feel like everyone is better than me, nothing is never enough, and I'm just numb. The trauma honestly ruptures your soul. I'm 26 and I just feel like I'll be old and regretful of everything in the future. I'm a shell of a human
It was great being an ugly girl, no sexual harassment (well, almost), no mysogyny directed at me, great career and great husband and children, being appreciated for who I am and not my appearance. Not being someone's status symbol, just being an equal partner was great, I am 70 now. And yes, I had lots of friends growing up, attractive and unattractive.
What a time to be alive I also miss that time, don't get me wrong who doesn't want a hubba hubba or a hot babe but not being in the limelight is very nice especially if all you want is the simple life. I miss my wife blonde hair blue eyes very much a plain Jane as is myself we loved having tea time. "for ever in my heart 2007 Samantha" great now someone is cutting onions, 😭 STOP IT
Society would be amazing if it was like this, but sadly we are going backwards, the social media generations have been brought up to see attractiveness as the no 1. Trait
@@piratesfan123 Only for dumb, uneducated people. There are many plain Janes (and Jacks) doing just fine and many "beautiful people" with messed-up lives. Society has many layers. None of my four adult children spend any time on social media. They communicate only with their real-life friends and colleagues and have soul mates as partners.
Some people are ugly and that's a fact. It's like saying no one is short. Everyone is tall. Ugly isn't my identity or "safe space" but I am ugly. We don't tell short people to just believe that they're tall and then they too will be able to get things from the top shelf without using a stool.
Just watched a video on male loneliness and it made me realize that even at the most desperate level of loneliness men compared themselves with and looked for a solution in attractive girls… It’s like a girl who’s not attractive isn’t even considered in the conversation. Like they do not exist. It’s just men (any men) and pretty girls. It’s so bizarre.
yhea! i see a lot of "ugly loney men" seeing the comfort in attractive girls, never i seen a guy talking about "ugly" girls in a good light is always the "fat, woke, lesbian, feminist" (like that the words that i seen of a guy describing an "ugly" girl)
That's why I don't feel bad for them. They all go for the same girls and will NEVER try to settle when it comes to looks. They'd rather complain and be alone then date someone they consider unattractive.
@@nessinay1535 It’s not even about dating. They don’t befriend “invisible” girls and don’t form any connections bc yeah… Whatever they say, their loneliness is about dating at the end of the day.
Let's face it. Most women only bring their body to the table. Very few women have fun or attractive personalities. Most aren't willing or able to have intellectual discussions. More often than not, a girlfriend is just an inoffensive person you don't mind being around because you occasionally get to have sex with her. If the physical attraction isn't there, there's nothing left. That's a no-win situation. So...yes. Unattractive women functionally don't exist to most men.
Looks matter more for men than they do for women. As a woman who's been on both sides of the attractiveness spectrum, I have experienced this, and looking at behavior from women competing for a mate, I have also seen this. However it doesn't mean that women would go for unattractive men either. A lot of men do focus more on looks, and everything else comes close, but still second. Historically women couldn't pick the men that they desired, and the men that were chosen for them had more to do with money than looks. But its different now for most of the world, as we can (and we do) pick for looks as well as money. For women now, the ideal man means looks, money, and personality. For men, the ideal woman has always been about looks, and everything else is blurred.
23 about to hit 24 and still no glow up, but it’s mostly because I’ve just given up. After hearing so many negative comments about yourself, it’s like you can’t live without them. I’ve become words that I’ve hated, to lessen their blow and make them my truth. Not at all healthy, but it’s just where I’ve ended up after all these years.
Being stubborn is what helped me the most.. Reject these destructive attributes that came from the outside, you don’t have to accept what mean-spirited people throw at you.
Yes! Ive started to focus on my own happiness instead of friends or relationships and its made it easier to be social! I dont think im ugly, but i do feel like im not normal compared to everyone else and it makes me insecure. I agree that focusing on your hobbies, career, and goals you want to achieve (outside of how you look) will get you out this negative mindset and make life enjoyable! Wishing everyone well on their journey 🍃
@@battlefuta9953 i mean if you were surrounded by other hot girls doesn’t that make you a less of a shine?they take a part mabye most of the attantion that you’r trying to get
@@battlefuta9953 also hot doesn’t mean successful If try to reach the aura that you’r talking about then i will try to be friends with the smart and wise eduacated onse Still don’t get it
@@-akaf depends , on the settings. Sometimes you want contrast to look better. But in high status fields generally it's preferred to be surrounded by high status people,
you nailed how exhausting it is to fight against yourself, putting everything u can give into becoming someone worthy of or able to make friendships. it sucks and isolating myself and remaining hopelessly lonely feels easier to endure than putting in all of the work and not getting the relationships u hoped for.
Pretty privilege is real. I shaved my head about a year ago and I suddenly became invisible. At this point, I’m more focused on me and don’t really have a desire to date or be with anyone. I just want to feel confident in myself again and it’s so hard.
Being invisible is hard. I usually don't care and live my life but when my own classmates don't know about my existence and act like they have never seen or noticed it does feel a bit ...weird and triggers my fear of ending up all alone
As a guy, i can say males also experience this ugly disparity and most of the sad realities that she mentioned. Theres absolutely a beauty bias, life's unfair :/
I was the invisible girl. The only people who seemed to get attention from when I was a teenager, were adult men. You can guess how that turned out. I came out of it confused, angry and traumatized. I'm now 24, married and have two children. I married a man who used to be the invisible boy. We're alright just with the two of us, but I especially sometimes wish we had friends. I'm still at home with the kids and it gets lonely sometimes. I don't have a single friendship from my school years, I don't keep in contact with my former colleagues other than some smalltalk and pleasantries every now and then. I haven't made new friendships from playdates or mommy groups. It feels like everybody is already busy with their own lives and established social circles that I just... don't fit in. It's not for a lack of trying, I've gone to events and workshops, connected with other women in similar life stages in my area, I've started going to church again, I've invited people over for coffee and dinner etc, but to no success. I thought being a teenager with no solid friend group was bad, because I was always the one to be left out and forgotten. At least some of ir was out of my control due to having strict parents that never allowed me to go anywhere or put me into extracurriculars. But it's somehow almost more sad now as an adult, because I'm responsible for my own social life. Not having it makes me feel almost like a failure. I also feel like I don't have a right to complain, because at least I have my husband and kids.
I definitely don’t hate myself. But I was genuinely treated as if I didn’t exist growing up(the only time my existence was acknowledged is when I was bullied) I’ve never had a boyfriend men have never noticed me and I never had friends then. It was a very difficult time and it made me realise a harsh truth people are very shallow.
Having a facial deformity from childhood cancer made life hell. Always labeled the ugly or should have been aborted; I wanted to have the simplest life experiences but nope.
sure but when I was skinny and felt the worst I ever did inside people treated me so much nicer and saw me. So the fact is that your internal mindset can only do so much to combat the way the world treats you.
at the same time it pains me to know that so many people went through the same thing as me, I kinda feel less alone. I'm still afraid, because being loved is something I've never experienced, but maybe one day. Till then, I'll try to grow stronger, I'll try to achieve the lifestyle I want for myself, I'll take care of my pets, my family, my house and my health without expecting nothing in return. I'll try to be truly happy by myself, for no other reason besides treasuring everything that brings me joy
As a guy going through this it’s tough, occasionally I’d feel confident enough but only to get put down. Post glow up blues sucks I just stick to myself now since the outside breaks me
this video made me realize so much about myself. thank you. truly. I've had so much problems in my friendships and relationships and I now realized it's because I've been scared. I was always the second choice as a kid, no boys ever noticed me, etc. I've done everything possible to make myself feel beautiful, dye my hair, starve my body, get into sports and over exercise, wear makeup, and change my clothes, and while I'm passable today (at least I think I am) there is still that insecurity. nobody talks about how debilitating that thought in the back of your mind is, but you did. thank you so much again.
As someone in my mid 40s who has always been called ugly and just doesn't really fit in, I would say the friendship thing is the worst part. Looks for everyone tend to decline over the years so you in general you stand out less as different among your peers as you age but the friendship challenges become incredibly ingrained. I definitely have had some horrible transactional friendships that I only realised were like that late on when I was feeling hurt by another person. I think I care a little less about some of it as a middle aged person but it's also tiring to see the patterns repeating endlessly.
There are people who have been in terrible accidents or incidents that have destroyed what they used to look like and they still have been able to get married and some even have kids so if they can find someone in this shallow world so can you it just might not be time for you to find that person yet work on your personal happiness
It’s true I keep seeing videos where cute/pretty girls are like “just love yourself” or “be more confident follow these easy steps” even my therapist told me the same and I’m like you don’t get it you never been ignored quite literally all your life you never been hoping one of the boys asks you to prom or dance while all of your friends do except you and when u do decide and have the courage to ask someone out they laugh say no or when you tell someone you like them they even get offended/mad bc your so ugly it “insults” them how Dare you? Think Somome cute or pretty can go out with you specially if you are a female you should talk about that next for some reason girls can ignore looks and focus on personality that’s why you see pretty girls with ugly guys but your rarely see an attractive/cute guy with an ugly girl right ? Sh!t sometimes I even hear females say well I don’t like him (chemistry wise) but ima give him a chance but NOT guys like if your not cute or pretty don’t even look at me
That is cal girls can’t ignore looks it’s the biggest lie society fed boys since they are young that girls only care about personality it’s a whole lot of 🐂💩
The fact that a “less desirable” woman can’t be in a relationship with an attractive man in a TV SHOW shows just how little we have budged on this issue. People assume that if a hot girl is with an ugly guy, it’s because he’s rich. But if an ugly girl is with a hot guy, it’s basically a crime and the vitriol she will receive, even from other women, is vile.
@@jmarshalIt's because any attractive guy can get an attractive girl so why should he go for an ugly one? there are not many attractive men like there are women, plus makeup and other factors therefore the ratio will be like for every attractive man there are 5 attractive women, then if he his rich and has a good personality he can attract more and more attractive women but he should skip them to prove a point.
@@Jaxes6 he’s not “proving a point” by being with “an ugly girl”. Maybe he, yknow? Likes her? Same as an “ugly guy” with an “attractive girl”. The point is people don’t need to match each other in levels of hotness because these are arbitrary and totally conditional and subjective. But people get perplexingly angry when a hot guy is with an ugly girl and it’s weird.
I typically don't comment, but it hit really close. One thing I noticed is also how much our perception of us influences our attitude. I've always felt uninteresting and ugly, so people often mistook my insecurity with coldness or just being stuck-up. Judging yourself is easy, but it's as easy to believe that every interaction with others will lead to being humiliated or made fun of. Being kind and (more) open, without expecting the worst, has helped tremendously❤
I relate to feeling invisible and ugly growing up, but I feel like it’s not a good message to say that everyone should just except that they are unattractive. In my situation I grew from feeling depressed and worthless by changing my habits, instead of looking at myself in the mirror and pointing out my flaws I started calling myself pretty even if I didn’t believe it. And you know what it worked! I eventually my fake compliments towards myself became genuine and I saw an insane difference in how I carried myself, i suddenly started to get a ton of attention, people calling me pretty (which I never experienced before), I started to feel confident enough to post in filtered pictures of myself. So moral of the story everyone’s journey to self love isn’t the same maybe just accepting and doing nothing to change your situation helps you, or maybe what I did could help you. It really depends on what the pin point of your insecurity comes from which takes a lot of self evaluation.
girlie, i'm not even exaggerating when i say that this video couldn't have popped up on my tl at a better time so thank you for that. as someone who grew up "ugly", i am always that one girl in class that is never chosen. as you had so eloquently put it, "always a friend but never a best friend". i've felt invisible, underappreciated, and unworthy for so long that i can't even remember when it all started. to be quite honest, even though i have come a long way from being extremely insecure of myself, the shadows of that mindset still looms over me . sure, it has gotten easier for me to treat myself with compassion but i recently just realized that compassion only comes easy when it's convenient. i notice that i would almost instantly succumb into the self-loathing inner talk whenever things get challenging or hard and it's a habit i'm slowly trying my best to unlearn and rewire. the entire process can feel extremely lonely and isolating at times, though, so these kind of videos always feel like a warm hug. thank you
I was asked out as a fcking JOKE to be made fun of as a teen and now, in my early 20's, i can't take it serious if people are actually showing interest in me and dogde it (which happens like 1 every 6 months but still a cringe and uncomfortable feeling)😭
@pinkturtle2016 I'm in a committed relationship. I just wanna understand how my girlfriend felt when she was younger since she seems to agree with this video.
As a man who was extremely overweight in high school, I feel this. Being thin in college made me realize exactly how superficial people are (it's also why I made literally no friends in college)
I always had a mean way of comforting myself. I had known people who were terrible people; or literally smelled so bad that you couldnt really be in enclosed spaces with them - that got partners and friends that valued them; so there's no way that i cant find someone, right? Once i gained confidence and i literally could care less about wanting a partner is when i finally found one. When i finally stopped bristling at the sight of couples in public; I focused on the value of my friendships and of myself. Like losing smth and trying to look for it - you wont find it until you stop looking and happen upon it by chance later
It's not only about being Ugly the character and the social skills must be your first thing to develop there are many unattractive people in the world but they overcome it by money, character and charm . Just stop being toxic toward yourself with time you will see results I am at this point of my life where I try to appreciate every blessing I have and take baby steps toward fixing what I had once considered flaws in me ❤
It's isn't just ugly .it's also poor or even kids with neglectful parents .
THIS!!!!
Growing up just above the poverty line definitely affected me as a kid and it resulted in behavioral issues too because I wasn't accepted as I am.
fr
Please turn to Jesus he loves you so much
I think I can relate to this, I was raised in a poor family. I don't have nice clothes so I felt insecure hanging out with friends. My house is a mess that I don't want friends to come over. I have ugly teeth, out of place and not do anything to fix it (don't have money to go to the doctor) and never thought to fix it until now.
no one talks about the confusion when you actually have a glow up and how much the past affects your mindset even after you start looking better
yup
people treat me like im so shallow and always expect my kindness to be fake (ironic). They just dont understand i never used to be beautiful, in fact nobody ever treated me like i was a day in my life. Inside or out. So i grew my qualities and grew into my face as well. Now people doubt if i have a good personality and treat my interests like they are something i am faking for relatability.
My whole like ive been made to feel like a bug, and now theyd smite me for being a butterfly. Ive decided in whatever game this is i cant win. But i can fly! Ill just enjoy the sun when its on my face and sleep peacefully knowing i try my best.
What about the ugly people who never even get a glow up....
I "glew up" - and these last few years have been the most depressing of my life. It made me hate people in general
I was the girl that all the guys would joke about. They’d come up to me and be like ”Hey, [friend x] has a crush on you” and immediately burst into laughter and go ”EWWWWW NEVER!!!” because the mere concept of anybody ever thinking i was even somewhat desirable was so outlandish and unbelievable to them. They did this all the time and the fact that everyone immediately understood that it was a joke speaks volumes..
Sad to hear. Dont belive them. You have to reverse it yourself now.
i knew someone from my school years who shared your experience.
That’s too bad. So sorry about that
@@SonyeoMargit Ummmm thats easier said than done. Im sorry but saying ”just be confident” or anything similar to someone who’s been told that theyre hideous their entire life is just as effective as trying to eat soup with a fork.
dont cry about them, they probably dont wash their hands after using toilet lmao
Pretty is a big privilege that doesn't get talked about much.
Pretty women are devastated later in life when they loose their looks.
Thats because men are only nice to women who are attractive. That goes for any setting btw. Men will deny women opportunities if they dont find them attractive
Mostly because men getting pretty privilege is extraordinarily rare...... 99.999% of men have to attain their privileges in other ways. Usually status, positions of power, money. So the discussion of pretty privilege would effectively be about female privilege and THAT doesn't optic well for the eternal victim of men status.
@@lennylink8772 They go for cosmetic surgery and look grotesque and pathetic.
What?? Yes it does… it gets talked about tons. Where have you been? 😅
Some of my classmates once said that I was very ugly and needed a full makeover. Whenever I look in the mirror, I try to see what they see, but I can't. I mean, I've got acne, I don't wear makeup and my hair's not that pretty. But that doesn't make me ugly. And that made me think that it's not a me problem, but a them problem. If they can't see my beauty, then that's their loss. I feel beautiful either way
Hell yeah sister! That's the best way to look at it
Yeah I think this is less about ugliness and way more about the harsh expectations and lack of empathy too many people have
I'm lucky enough to always have been feeling neutral towards my appearance and how it doesn't really fit society's definition of beauty. Especially when i see how creepy men can behave around my attractive friends, even the decent dudes. Do i want to stay "ugly" and be invisible or do whatever i can (cosmetic procedures/surgery etc) so creepy men will pay attention to me? Yeah nah, i'll stay "ugly"
@@chloebywater174 this!!!! i think it stems from an expectation and an anger towards someone daring to step out of that expectation. they are mad that you have the confidence they don't, and they're mad you don't fall into line like they do societally, so they lash out. at the end of the day it's not "eww lol can you believe she's not wearing makeup" it's more like "how dare she not wear make up!" if that makes sense.
Pretty sure they were projecting. You are probably absolutely fine and just slightly looks similar to them (maybe the same skin or hair colour or something else what reminds them about themselves) so they kinda like tried to talk to you as themselves. I am really glad it didn't affect your mindset. Probably a healthy family relationships you have 😊
It scares me that everything I do is motivated by the desire to be loved. It's just coming from a very unhealthy place and trauma. I'm afraid of changes for the better, because it may turn out that everything I have been doing for years has lost its meaning.
You can always depend on ✝️.
Maybe you should ask yourself what do you really want to do in life and not what others wants you to do in life
Well, the desire to be loved is a natural human trait. So you can’t really escape it
Girl I feel it ❤
Lol let me tell you that no matter what you do in life you're gonna look back like "how tf did I end up here ". There is no set plan, you can be broke at 30 years old and a millionaire at 35 (uncommon but you get the point). Obviously don't throw away good opportunities though. People are just hardwired to find love we aren't robots
No, she is absolutely correct. When I was a young adult, i was considered attractive. Later, i gained a bunch of weight and cut my hair short. The way people treated me was VERY different. Men absolutely stopped talking to me. Some of them would look offended if I tried to talk to them. Women were actually slightly nicer to me but when I was in public, I felt worse than invisible. I felt disgusting. Later, i lost some weight and my hair grew back out and yes, men treat me differently. But now, I hate them all. Because I know it's all shallow, and when I was "ugly" they didnt even treat me like a person.
It’s to be expected. No offence. Sex and intimate relationships are the ultimate goal in life. Men will think about this first when looking at women so you turning them off is a result of them being repulsed by the idea of having you as a sexual partner. Girls are the same way except their benchmarks for sexual partners varies based off men’s physical attractiveness mixed with confidence
@@brandonlamb9067Dude thinks he has all the answers.
@@nessinay1535 Think? I don't do that. I either know or I don't. In this case, I do
Nah it's man who treated women only as a sex partners. It's a big news for women when they talk with man friendly and man thinks it's a flirt. Because man only talking friendly with sexually attractive people. No women not like that. Gross
@@brandonlamb9067"think? i dont do that" yeah it shows lmao 💀
The sad part is, a lot of men think these women are not suffering enough like them… they think ugly women can get laid easily or find a bf easily… but like.. they can’t. It’s the incel mindset and it divides everyone for no reason.. ugh
They can though. Try it for yourself. Make two dating app profiles, one with an average looking guy and one with an ugly woman and see who can get laid first. It won’t take more than a day, an hour even, for the woman. If a woman truly has the motivation to get some, she absolutely can the same day. The problem women have though… they only want to date up…
This is false. Those women have options, they just don’t like the options. Male incels have no options at all.
@@steveo4991
You are talking about a casual one night stands.
Ugly girls CANT get *boyfriends*
One night stands are not love or having a boyfriend@@Ghragle-
Isn't this women who say they ugly and can't find anyone reject all "incel" guys. You as a guy can try to connect with someone who say "i am rejected by everyone" and get rejected by them. Lol. It looks like this women want attention not from any guys but only subset of desired guys
As a guy who was ugly in school, I can say that i relate alot, although I feel ugly boys have easier time making friends than ugly girls because men care less about how other guys look
Friends for sure but if you don't have money it's over for you in case of dating.
Even though that is true you will get the least respect in the group
@@badge5575 facts lmao
We care less because we're not as shallow and have other traits to make up for it.
Whereas girls are more monolithic and average personality wise, with beauty being their only considerable difference between each other
@eddiesmith7867 this is a mindset created by patriarchy and spread by men, not women... man are shallow and only care about appearance, it's only a matter of observing how many couples there are where the woman is more attractive than the men
Been a ghost girl my whole life, I detest dating apps, opportunities to date never came. I was straight up ugly and weird as a teen. Even after glowing up and improving my appaerence guys didn’t show any concrete signs of interest, so maybe I can’t attract anyone because I’m just too reserved and have low social battery, maybe because I’m surrounded by girls prettier and bubblier than me who get all the attention. I wish I could share my life with someone, but if that is not meant to be, then I’ll surrender it to God, as I’m learning about His Wisdom every day.
I guarantee it’s because you’re reserved. There are many men who are attracted to you im certain of it. But guess who tends to like shy girls the most… shy guys. Bubbly girls put themselves out there to the point even shy guys can talk to them. But if you’re both shy then it never happens. Im certain if you take the first step and put yourself infront of guys you’ll find success
@@Birdlegs14 shy guys: if you catch one, you might as well consider yourself a certified professional deer hunter 🦌
This may actually be a good tip, I don’t know what _kind_ of man I should look for.
Better go, wish me luck-
*loads old-fashioned rifle*
This is some BS. most girls get hit on; they're just picky and normally all want the same dudes.
@@orangeyellow-me1pzwaw. Thats some incel shit right there. Dont go down that road. Dont bunch people in to groups. It doesnt help. I could be an ass about your missguided comment but, lets try this. Someone probs hurt u didnt they? What happened?
@@orangeyellow-me1pz I had many crushes over the years, all were one-sided. I’d wait and look for signs, but in the end I would always be the one to make the first move to start things, each time they’d either not reciprocate, ignore me or reject me. You can tell when a guy is interested in you, if he doesn’t show willingness to get close to you in *any* way, he doesn’t want you.
The harsh reality is that women have to rely on their looks more than men do to get what they want. Men can make up for it in other areas but women don't get the same results. They can be funny, have a great personality, and display decent character, but if they're not perceived as good looking, they are less likely to get opportunities, and if they do, it's seldom as a first choice.
The truth is, we can empower ourselves as much as we like and tell ourselves that looks don't matter. But at the end of the day, people like who they like, and they disregard the ones they don't like or put them in second place. We may not like or agree with any of it, but it's what happens, and we need to roll with the punches.
Offf your comment is so true😢
That's what men tell themselves until people are brainwashed to think that they should settle for any guy, but vice versa, we are way to critical of women in any field
Talking about the first thing, men usually don't have the choice to take care of their looks that much because it's seen as femenine by society sadly
@@BvstJungkookist they do have the choice, they're just too lazy
@@BvstJungkookist It's true that its seen as feminine if they go overboard. But the thing is, they don't even do the basics most of the time.
“hating yourself becomes your safe space” real
Just ugliness in general sadly. There are countless studies showing that being unattractive disadvantages you in nearly every possible way. You are less likely to get a job, paid less, more likely to be convicted, get longer sentences when convicted, more likely to be a victim of a violent crime, more likely to be impoverished and it just keeps going. It is horrifying.
Being an ugly woman is a bigger disadvantage than being an ugly man, but ugly men are more likely to be convicted of crimes than handsome men, ugh!!! 😖
And the incels says that only Men suffer from lookism
You will get paid the normal amount if you are ugly. If you are pretty that might change. Nobody pays you less because you are ugly, they just pay you the right amount.
Even after a glow-up and weightloss. I’ve kept the fatgirl mentality. And now in my 20s I absolutely despise everyone. At least if they’re a stranger. I see everyone who’s a complete stranger as a detriment and a threat. You will still get bullied in adulthood if you’re in college or workplace.
I had a glow up and even tho I feel more attractive now, ppl will still bully you irl. Esp if you're a woc. I personally ignore ppl bc if they treat me like that then I'd rather be alone
This is so real I don't know how to choose who to interact with because everyone is a potential threat
i swear it took me a decade after i finished high school to not be scared of random teenagers on the street because i was sure that they don't like me and therefore will bully me. i'm now nearly 30 and i have to consciously tell myself all the time when i'm out and about that random people, especially teenagers, don't spend thinking about me for more than these 5 seconds i spend on thinking about them when i pass them on the street or see them somewhere. the fear is real for a long time when you get bullied in school, it really messes with your brain
Having a positive mindset is attractive. You need to heal from your trama and let it go for your mental health. Dont be mean too people or despise people....
I wasnt physically attractive as a kid and people tried to bully me, but I never took value of what they said. I guess i unnerve them, they ended up leaving me alone. If you mean to mee and i didnt do anything wrong, I'll assume your either jealous of mee/ intimidated by me or you have mental struggles. Reacting to them, gives them power. so dont give them the time of day.
I can relate. Being in my 20s now and I feel like I’ve became colder.
the hating yourself becoming a safe space is so real. when you've been hating yourself for so long, it's like you don't even know who you are outside of that pain.
yeah i felt that 🥲
agree so hard
Real.
this!! i’ve been trying to work on my self esteem but since i’ve been hating myself for so long it’s just weird. and when i get those setbacks of comparing myself to other people i feel like it’s all for no reason and go back to that comfort of constantly beating myself up.
@@luvtwin you worded this exactly how i feel perfectly tbh and im sorry you have these feelings bc it sucks
3:26 “turn down invites to come to parties” some ppl didn’t have that. it’s not that the “negative thinking” of “I don’t have friends” or “no one wants me there” but some ppl literally don’t have a social circle. Or have the social opportunities.
This is so true. I've been isolating myself since the pandemic, eventually I stopped having "friends" (they were like 3 or 4 maybe). This was 3 years ago, now I simply have no one to talk to, no one who invites me to anywhere (even that causes me social anxiety) I'm really...alone
I feel i dont rlly have friends and i just know these ppl cus of school. I’ll never get invited to things, but ill have to hear all about their plans to hang. But im only there if you need someone to seat with at lunch or in class. Then if they have their friends it might as well not matter if I seat there or not.
I dont have friends. And my family is also not supportive
@@soph4299 same bro 🥲 kinda sad I cannot fully express myself
I don’t aside from online friends I’m meeting up with and they live hours away. I don’t know how to make friends I tried bumble bff but I don’t know how to talk to people and it’s mainly guys who wanted to talk, my pics are flattering too, not like that irl. I don’t see why anyone would want to be my friend, I rely on alcohol to not feel insanely social anxious. I just don’t know what to do
For me, one thing that developed from being labelled as the ugly girl (ugly and weird, since I was left to the side also for other aspects of my life and my identity, not only my body) was the frustration for all the experiences I was missing, and often resentment against the people who were chosing to push me away. I became very anxious and the voice in my head kept telling me that I would grow old and reach the end of my life without ever having known many of the things that "normal people" take for granted. I'm 31 today, and my heart still sinks when I hear someone telling stories of youth, full of parties, teenage loves, trips with friends, camping holidays... I feel like I skipped that part of my life, like I woke up one day realizing I had adult responsabilities but I couldn't believe it was happening, because the day before I was still feeling like a little child waiting for the day I would start having some fun.
I'm sorry you have to experience this feeling of missing out on "the joys of youth," but honestly it's the people that make the memories and having those experiences with fake superficial people 👎🏿 I hope you're able to find the time to discover your youthful adventures with people who are worth being in your life 🥰
Let me tell you something, being ugly doesn’t do that to you, I have seen and I don’t wanna be rude but ugly people having parties, friends, being popular and doing all sorts of stuff, and then you have the person who is a loner, wants Freinds and popularity but doesn’t make an effort for it, deep down knows they can fix it but hides the thought, blames it on something else that they can’t control as a way to cope
@@17denbyhum..i dont know about this. Because i was the ugly, kind girl and everytime someone said a bad thing about me i would laugh with them...just to be included. Even tho i was kind,supportive and a people pleasure,i wasn't invited to partied and i didnt had lots of friends,...
I was a joke to them.
I did try to socialize,get invited to parties,...
Maybe i did something "wrong" but i dont know what i could've done more to make them like me.
It's good to see women open up about their invisibility, as a guy I was just accepting that I was not attractive to women but how must it feel to be ugly when your suppose to be good looking from birth? That is a new level of hurt that guys will never understand, atleast it's kinda acceptable for guys to just do their own stuff like only focus on work, if women do that the hordes of men who come saying biological clock, your value as a women ect.
Women are not baby factories. Men are not ATMs on demand. But most people don't want to stop judging others because they want to feel better about others not wanting them. Such a sad thing really. Thats why I stoped watching male content on the internet, they never stop whining about women whos opinions they allegedly "dOn'T cArE fOr".
Good looking from birth? You gotta be trolling bro
@@DagoturI was a really sexy baby. The doctors even came back and spanked me one more time for good measure
@@Dagotur the point Is being born in races that are attractive
@@DagoturYou might have misunderstood. Women are supposed to be good looking from birth. Society expects women to be beautiful, and once you’re not beautiful as a woman you’re seen as defective.
While your take has some merit .It's a stretch at best because the views your talking about are from red pill content creators that are at the extreme end . If you actually live life outside and not on your phone you'll find that a lot of people don't think like that . And while I can understand where Christina is coming from with here opinion I can't shake this feeling that if she got attention from men she would start complaining about the male gaze . The lesson here should be to stop living life online because it will definitely warp your perception of reality because of how the algorithm works .
In my experience, almost all of the men who approach me either want a hookup or they're actively talking about how they "can't get a girl" before focusing their attention on me. When I'm at the club with my friends, I'm the one that men avoid eye contact with when they approach the other girls to talk. Basically, I've been the last resort for a long time, and I'm over it. I don't date for a reason.
Same
Why would anyone want to "date" a club girl?
@@SeethingSimp bc club guy exist and they match well
Lucky you. Strange men hold eye contact with me when I’m walking, it make me feel like they want to do something.
Same.
I feel like being a woman there's these things that should "just be". Like no I don't have the looks, the charisma, my body is the universally hated apple shape, my mannerisms are considered weird and not quirky. For the longest my inability to be a woman really made me wonder my womanhood.
You think you can find love and understanding with other underachievers but you can tell they're always looking out for the chance to catch a real hottie. I think staying away from men and people in general is better for my mental well-being.
being a woman = being a consumer of the beauty industry and being dependent on other people's attention?
@@scorpieeeee well no, being a woman quite literally just means adult human female but that was the messaging that I received from all the adult figures in my life.
Even my own parents have called me a failure of a woman for not living up to the beauty standards that were quite literally beaten into me. But frankly I do like myself too much to even try to conform anymore.
@@isa-morena Beauty standards change every 10 years, which already suggests that they cannot determine someone's objective value. Marilyn Monroe is "fattie" these days.
but I won't argue that participating in the beauty standards race brings you more social status and expands your dating circle
but that doesn't mean you won't find love or friends, not everyone believes in the standards of beauty at heart, although most give credit to those who participate
your parents told you nonsense, even if it was for “good” reasons. you can't treat your children like that. I hope you have recovered from this treatment.
@@scorpieeeee What humans find attractive doesn't change (at least during the period of a human lifespan). What are you saying??
@@55CINCO55 then explain the phenomenon of beauty standards and the beauty industry
especially if you look at how these standards have changed over the centuries
so explain what you are saying?
I was always undesirable, with a lot of trauma at that. Abandonment issues, little to none self esteem, ED, depression. A weird girl. An ugly and weird nerd.
I'm grown up and have a healthy relationship now, but even when my boyfriend tries to show that I am desirable, or interesting, or pretty to him, I have like a wall inside me, I just can't genuinely and fully believe that someone can even see me as pretty, it's just something impossible and I can't get rid of it.
i feel you, this is so relatable. especially, the feeling that you can't fully believe that someone seeing you as "pretty" or "desirable". sometimes, it transfers to "nah, their compliment isn't genuine" or "no, they're just comforting me."
@@meyxhua7312I also cant believe it when people compliment me because I feel like they’re playing a joke I’m not in on because thats how it was in most of my school years :/
I remember my boyfriend (my first relationship) being suprised when I told him no guy has ever liked me/asked me out in high school because he finds me really pretty and even then I didn’t believe a word he said. I love my boyfriend but I’m still incredibly paranoid of being “the ugly girlfriend “ his friends might mock him for, which makes me feel disgusting whenever we leave the house together unless I dress up nice and do my makeup even if hes dressed as a hobo
@@meyxhua7312as much as i appreciate the things they say, they don’t seem to matter unless I believe them or see it within myself
Omg me too 😭every time my bf says I'm sexy, I always resort to thinking "how tf did he come to that conclusion? Is he joking?"
I relate heavily Angel
I hate the fact that part of coming to peace with yourself is also accepting your physical side, I can't do it, I can't help but see myself feeling disgusted
Idk if it's you in the pfp but anyway you're really pretty and I believe you are a sweet person too
body neutrality will save you. look into it i think it’ll help
If you find it disgusting it's accepting you're disgusting
But I don't really believe you'd look at yourself and make the same face as you would if someone tried feeding you poop 💩
That would really be more disgusting
I have seen people use "hate" or " disgusting" for things that aren't really that extreme
Maybe it's the way you word your self talk what you do day to day that keeps you blind to whatever good things you Happen to have physically
I was the invisible person in every group for most of my life. People started noticing me when I started doing my own thing and not caring of anyone else. My mindset is “if nobody is going to show up for myself, I need to do it for me, because I am stuck with me”
I moved to another country, I started posting more photos of me, I started to live for me. And out of nowhere people who forgot me, started to to message me and telling me “oh, you look so cute!”, “omg, you are so beautiful!”
And all of those messages makes me feel nothing. I’m dead inside. The only joy I feel regarding positive words are from me because throughout all my life no one showed up for me. I kinda want to start believing again in other people, but is really hard.
It baffles me because I reached a point in my life that I attempted self harm just to end it, but before that I asked for help to people I thought we were friends. No one answer.
Deep down I want to believe someday I’ll find a true connection, but in the meantime I’m going to live for myself.
True connection is rare. Maybe Allah will make it happen. But if not...
Live for Allah, ignore shallowness, n remember that this is not our true home.
Much love.
Moving on is the best you can do, and find new connections when the time feels right.
Las conexiones no llegan cuando las pide el ego
I'm sorry you didn't have people who stood up for you and reassured you that you mattered to them. I feel like oddly enough that's the bare minimum. I think it's very human to want a real friend or a real connection. I hope you're doing well, and I promise it will get better.
I think it doesn't matter if someone is pretty or ugly (beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyway) and it's not like beauty should be a factor when it comes to friendship. To me that's kinda crazy...but it's become normal and that sucks.
As I got older I learned that a lot of people have the same insecurities. I don’t love myself, I doubt I ever will but I hate myself less everyday. Go find a hobby, and talk to the people in those communities. You will end up finding a lot of friendships as long as you are proactive and is willing to approach people.
People treat you as a side character and it hurts, Sometimes being alone is better than being people's options
I am going to assume my daughter has been watching your videos on my account and I would like to say thank you for your efforts to reinforce confidence in young women and girls.
some of the best advice ive learned is that "it is worse to look at a situation and see the potential negative outcomes. It is better to look at a situation and see the potential positive outcomes. Chase that potential positive, and if you did your part to make the good outcome, its the fault of others that things went bad. Just do your part" it changed my life. I learned this from a dude who i knew for 2 days whose name I cant even remember
You’re right i’ll stop looking before crossing the road. I could get rich by suing or stop needing money
Fear shall not steal my opportunities
@@reedy_9619I almost passed out 🤣🤣🤣
High hopes but low expectations
He was there to tell you that. Mission accomplished
Imaging going through all that and then your own family bullies you for the way you look. You expect your loved once to understand you, but instead they started it all before outsiders started bullying you.
Being ugly as a man is pretty bad but i can't imagine how hard it must be for a woman. It's good that someone speaks about this and the advice here is great.
I really like the part about accepting yourself and not making up for your looks with other aspects of your life. However, that shouldn't be interpreted as self improvement being useless. Having hobbies, a positive personality and all of the small things mentioned in the video will make you miles more attractive and likeable, regardless of your appearence. Do it for the right reasons and choose things that you value.
Being an ugly man is harder
@@badge5575you've tested both?
@@simon_777quite easy to do in 2024😂
@badge5575 Scientifically been proven is a lot harder for women.
Thank you for validating us. You are a kind man. That is good.
Amazing video. I am almost 62 and was one of 2 black girls in my class in London. I struggled with everything you have mentioned. I love how gen z are able to articulate so much of what I was feeling but was not allowed to voice back in the 70s. Splitting generations up is deliberate and damaging. We all learn from each other at all ages. I'm gonna share this with my daughter who undoubtedly has her own struggles. Thank you for this video. It clarifies so much and will help me to continue healing my younger self. It has cone at a critical moment in my journey with self. New older subscriber .
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
not a woman and not able to relate on that particular level. but i am able to empathize. i love that youtube has given so many people the avenue and platforms to speak about these things. I’ve come across a lot of channels that tackle topics like yours on this video and thank you for sharing about it.
She’s actually so pretty
No she’s not, you need glasses and open vogue
@@heatherchando5873 I'm very sorry to hear that your brain has been replaced with a potato, but Imjustkendall is right, she does look very pretty.
ikr
@@HannahAthyaladamn
Yes
Oh boy. I remember being the forgotten boy in MS/HS. Girls would ignore me/bully me for being so lonely. I would go on a “date” with few of them and they would ghost me all the time. When I turned 20, I moved out the state and even lived in Japan for a few years. Some people were keeping up with me after I left, others continued to ignore me, whatever. Ever since I moved back to the states, I’ve hit the gym, some people might call me attractive, and I just feel healthier overall. Women are asking to hang out with me, and wanting me to be around them. I have a beautiful fiancée now, and I realize that I seek compliments from her all the time. Not because she doesn’t make me feel like that, but because I was the ugly kid before that never used to hear that. It’s not her fault, but that thing really never goes away.
Fast forward 9yrs since one of those same girls that would ghost me, saw me. She approached me with my then gf (now fiancée). She tried so hard to get a hug, but I’ll never forget how she made me feel. I gave into this hug she wanted. Yes, I’ve forgiven her, but I don’t want those emotions anymore. Remember, we’re not ugly, people are ugly.
Edit: many grammar mistakes lol
thank you for writing this
how tall are you
I am glad to hear you found love. I would have refused the hugs though and pretend jokingly saying smth like you really put me through hell didntya?! And then: you know I always joke around right. Things like that
It does good to remember that they were also just kids, and kids can be mean/project their own insecurities onto other people. Not that adults don’t also do the same but some kids grow up to be better and understand more.
@@ilbebackkk667 haha, not some giant, I’m 5’7.
Im 31 and I’ve only JUST taken the time to reflect how feeling ugly my whole life has shaped me. It’s weird because I often feel like the ugliest person in the room but then I’ll have people compliment my looks out of the blue, and because I’ve felt so ugly and invisible growing up I genuinely have no idea what I look like and almost use other people compliments as a “meter”. I know looks nor what other people think of me should ever define me, but it’s easier said than done with you’ve felt deprived of the same type of attention that seems so commonplace for everyone around you.
Same age, same situation -- I wish you all the luck with this! I wrote a whole elaboration but it's gonna take a bit for me to even digest let alone see typed out and shared
I have had the same issue. I have been called pretty and cute, before but I have also had guys ghost me after I sent them my pictures and or being invisible to men. So I have no idea. What am I suppose to accept when I have had such contradictory reactions?
Felt attacked for 18 minutes straight, but feel I came out more confident and secure in myself. Thank you.
I never thought I was ugly but I’m definitely not attractive to men. They have never been interested. I always thought it was some kind of vibe I gave off not necessarily me not being “hot”. Idk. But honestly men don’t seem worth it at this point. So now I dress up for me and I’m gaining confidence. It might be for the best that guys weren’t interested because my self esteem was so low I would have done anything they asked. I’m a people pleaser and it was so much worse when I was younger. I just wanted friends or a boyfriend. Anything. I felt left out. I was sick a lot as a kid and had FOMO before it was a thing. But now I enjoy my time alone. But I also had a great friend group (I had to move so we’re very far apart now) and I am making new friends. So who cares what others think. I’m still working on myself but I’m a lot better.
I was concidered the need or “ugly girl” until I lost the weight and people started treating me nicer and judged me less. The switch up is crazy.
I got extremely thin because of stomach bug that lasted few months and got treated like a princess, everyone took me seriously, but I felt brittle and malnourished because of lack of nutrients in my disease-specific diet. When it got treated I gained some weight and it is crazy, even the doctors scoff me away and write everything up to my diet, although I try to explain I felt same symptoms when I was thin and ate like a rabbit, they don't listen or care. It's as if I'm only good enough as comic relief.
As the ugliest hairiest, Chubbiest girl in Primary, Secondary and then Sixth form and then Uni. The acceptance of being ugly really what set me free. Once you realise okay I am ugly it is what it is. You kind of just start expecting to be lonely or exiled from your peers and thats why you just live freely. You do what you want because you know, nobody will really care. Wear what you want sit how you want walk how you want, go wherever you want nobody will bother you.
"Comparison is the thief of joy" - someone
Thank you for making this video. I often feel invisible. Guys hardly ever ask me out. When they do, they never follow through which makes me wonder if they just ask me out as a joke or until someone they really want comes along.
Then they don’t deserve you fr
If they don’t follow through it shows they’re too immature for you❤️🔥
Good thing you didn’t waste time with those boogers
omg i know what you mean, i once had a guy ask me out as a JOKE but i thought he was being for real so i said yes 🤡🤡🤡🙃 so then i spent the whole week being like... why isn't he with me all the time, why isn't he sitting with me at lunch. then i heard him making fun of me on the bus and i realised lol🥲
@ChristinaAaliyah wow that's mean.
ngl, most guys aren't asking anyone out, for many reasons, It's not just you. But I think we need to collectively have a reality check because our ideas of what "normal man and women" look like, and actually are, are probably too different things.
As far as I'm aware (being a guy myself), most guys growing up are invisible, that's because what the "average guy" is actually like is closer to the "school loser" who gets no attention and is brushed off by everyone else, than probably the "average guy" you might (or might not) be thinking about.
Another thing, the attention you think you might want from guys, like getting asked out, is really not all it's cracked up to be. This is the same for both men and women, but moreso men as it's more normalized in our culture. A lot of guys out there are pretty scummy, (weather they're doing it on purpose or not) and will probably not have the best relationship skills, it's something we have to work on, but sadly never get the chance to, so a lot of guys default to just asking women out for sex and jump right into the deep end, without seeking to build a healthy relationship where both partners understand each other and are on equal footing.
If you want more interaction with guys that doesn't make you feel as invisible, I'd try to start as friends with some, a low emotional investment point easy to bail on if things turn sour, just be sure to make things CRYSTAL (and I mean as clear as humanly possible) clear where you stand with your guy friends, you might have to be painfully honest, and if you're worried about it hurting your friendships, then they weren't friends worth having in the first place if they bail on you because you "friendzone" them or whatever. But being the centre of attention, especially from men, is really not good for you, or probably what will make you happier, in my opinion.
@@handlebar4520 I have lots of guy friends. None of those friendships have ever turned into a relationship. If the attraction isn't there, I don't force it. The few times I have been asked out, the guy either bullies me for not having sex with him which isn't much time at all. I'm talking after a couple weeks and that it doesn't even come up in conversation, they just default to bullying. Why do men sex zone women without getting to know them?
Growing up I was constantly called ugly, but then looking back, I wasn’t actually ugly. To compare to make a point, some of the kids calling me names were worse looking than I ever was. I now realize it wasn’t my physical appearance, but my personality. I later noticed that kids who I perceived as ‘unattractive’ had a lot of friends. My appearance never made me ugly, but my autism did. This was a revelation that made me spiral for years.
The ugly mentality will always follow you around. When I was a kid, I tried so hard in school so I could grow up and make money and control my life and somewhat my looks. I am now hyper independent and look better but I am not sure I will ever feel good enough.
I had a major glow up a few months before I graduated. Nothing improved beside a couple guys wanting me but solely for shallow things. Some didn’t even recognized ne but once they remembered ghosted me bc I was forever branded the weird ugly chubby girl no matter how much I changed to ppl. Friends never stick unless they want something from me. I got bullied for a new reason then as well, lots of jealousy most likely. Turns out everyone was just hell bent on bullying no matter I changed
Then they are the problem, not you. I don't know you but if you can see how awful their actions are then you are far better than them. I know it's hard but you're genuinely better off without that kind of shallowness
I guess some men don't realize that yhea, society treats woman that "aren't pretty" like trash, the reddit post of the 26 year old got me bc yhea, it is truth, ppl think it's easy being confident but, how are you going to be confident if you don't feel desirable? (i guess for aroace ppl it might not be a big deal but for some people it is) I only been int terrible online dating (the one like trauma and pretty bad stuff) end up that now i'm really hypersexual and only think that men will want me if i spoil them with expensive stuff and sex all the time, otherwise he will leave me alone and trade me for a "pretty" girl, but still have severe paranoia that he might cheat on me even if i do that for him. Finally i still remember coming back from the drugstore smiling bc i bought a perfume that i really liked i passed torugh two boys and i heard them whispering that i was ugly, it broke me (if any misspells is bc english isn't my frist language)
That makes you a kindred spirit of most men. Cheers!
I’m so sorry you had that experience. 😢 Boys in general are very mean, because they don’t feel like anyone loves them.
Don’t listen to people who have bad, hateful hearts. They are hurting, so they want you to hurt too.
I just want you to know that there are people in this world that will care about you, and will think your looks and your heart are gorgeous.
If you feel sad, that’s okay. It will pass, but don’t lose those feelings. They will transform into something beautiful one day, and you will be more beautiful for having created them.
Enjoy your perfume, I hope you always try your best to be happy. 🌼🌸🌼🌸
So does women will u accept a man with bald head and empty pocket??? Damn sure u won't
Wow you touched on all the points! Beautifully said and concise! I agree with this bc it’s actually rooted in psychology. The more insecure you are, the more you will just blame it on your looks and keep yourself from changing the inside. It’s a cop out narcissistic way of viewing yourself. For example some of the MOST beautiful women have this very negative view of themselves which keeps them from seeing their beauty even if the whole world tells them otherwise. And like you said, the left out friend is usually the “boring” friend bc they are avoidant and never truly let their personality shine bc at home their parents would shame them for every little thing or for just being themselves.
this
not every mistreatment happens at home, this gets so boring.
I grew up one of the only white kids in an indigenous school. My hair was frizzy and always looked greasy if i straightened it (and boy did i). My skin pale, sickly, and covered in acne. My body hair dark and stood out, and i was tiny and malnourished surrounded by tall, strong, athletic, long and pin needle straight haired beautiful women with perfect skin and eyebrows. I was often told so many negative things about me so casually, and if theu wanted to hide what they were saying they would just say it in mohawk
My skin, my hair, my home, where i lived, how tall i was, what i ate, how i danced, what i wore, whay i sang, whay god i believed in, what sport i played. There was nothing i could do right in the eyes of the people around me. I was the butt end of almost every joke for years within evem my friend circles. I didnt want to befriend a lot of the other white people in school because they were from very conservative (hella racist and homophobic) families, and our views just did not align. When i started to self harm, i was publicly humiliated by my best friend. I was the bug in the room it felt everyone wanted to squash and i became a very angry person for a very long time.
Eventually i just lost me. I didnt know who i was, what i wanted, what i looked like. I was just a shell and people did with me whatever they pleased. I became someone who would cross the line by any means to get people to just leave me alone and leave me to nyself in peace. I spent years isolated and hiding in a bedroom just rotting and coping with music. I was suicidal, i was a mess. Slowly over time my fire relit again with academics and by the time i went to college at 21, i guess id gotten prettier
Maybe i was always pretty. Maybe im full of myself now. College changed things? I guess people did find me attractive. But by then i just didnt care. My biggest wish was to be so ugly people would leave me in a cave and never look to me again. I thought that i was completely unloveable. A decade of dedicating myself to neurology and body neutrality. An autism diagnosis, years of domestic violence counseling and therapy. One beautiful daughter and a career in healthcare that i love. 2 cute cats and a car that helps me traverse any backroad with cute flowers i can find. I can say i am finally happy. Maybe that is what is beautiful about me now. I am still often ashamed of things about me that i know i cannot change. But im going to keep trying. I would love to find a peaceful and beautiful way to express these feelings so that i can let them go in a place i feel is worthy to be the burial of my grief. But maybe that is just an excuse that i use to hold onto it for longer than i should.
I know that my experience is not common for people of my background and i dont want to allow myself or anyone else to utilize it as a form of erasure towards millions of minorities that have to face this every single day of their lives, and for the rest of their lives. My childhood: i can walk out of with no visible scars or traits that give away my struggle. It is something i can set down, something that i am able to leave behind. The color of my skin is a privilege and i do not deny the privileges that come with it. I hope that my experience, if anything, will help other to know that they are not alone. I see you, and i send nothing but love to you 💗
im sorry to hear that. people can be nasty
I'm 25 and have never even held hands romantically. This is a safe space and I believe all of us relate to feeling undesirable. When I see how other people cope (like the example you shared of the girl who was overly sexual) I feel even more hopeless. Because I can't even allow myself to go on dates, let alone kiss someone or get physically intimate. My level of insecurity (and this isn't the struggle Olympics by any means haha) is so engulfing that I can't even do that! So, to me, they're miles ahead!
i feel you. 27 and same! well, i did have a few dates before but they were all terrible experiences. i don't regret them because i learned a lot about myself but it sucks. it hurts. i feel so hopeless and genuinely scared things won't change. like i'm TRYING so why it doesn't get better? 💔😞
The girl she talked about in the intro feels like she just described me......, It do hurts to be ugly
Eh I doubt it remember the person you see in the mirror is not the person others see
Going from an autistic ugly girl to an autistic, beautiful young woman is wild. It fucks with me all the time.
Right here with ya sister
People had called me ugly and however, Every guy who had approached me were after my body. Nothing else. Not a single one wanted to seriously date me. You know how that made me feel. Am i not someone worthy of love?
Dunno, but there are many kinds of love, not just romantic
can the men in the comments stop saying “welcome to the average life of dudes”?
like it sucks for everyone!! we get it. but can women not have 1 video without y’all whining about this being normal for you? as if it’s some kind of competition. it’s literally a video directed at women it’s not for you, it’s not about you, you’re not the target audience. so if you wanna be here, be respectful of the target audience.
also i have seen far more women give dude’s a chance than a dude will give them a chance - don’t shoot the messenger.
Boohoo go hit the gym and get some money and maybe then you can get a 6'6 boyfriend that you desire
You are crazy if you think most women give dudes a chance go ask those dudes that got a chance how many rejections they faced before getting a chance
@@TiktokBro154 dude, don’t unload your fantasy onto me and try to pass it off as mine
@@badge5575 i don’t have to ask they whine about it all the time in the comments section
@@rat_priestess What fantasy? Isn't a tall man every woman's dream guy?
I've been invisible my whole life. I recently had a glow up and it's so confusing that people now notice me, talk to me, remember me. I've gotten so used to no one noticing me that it's become a principle of faith and I feel so uncomfortable when I'm actually noticed.
I don’t want to dwell on my looks but it I keep getting reminded of it. People treat me differently. There’s been plenty of times where someone would continue to be rude to me even though the day before they said I was sweet. I can meet new people and I do have friends but I know my life would be different if I looked different
True if you were born attractive or in a wealthy attractive family or in royal family life would be different
This is why I need to constantly look at the mirror. I forget what my face looks like and feel like my old self.
I had a classmate in school, she was so beautiful. A school topper, popular girl. Most of the school knew her and was friends with her and even teachers loved her.
She was all this soft femininity type, laughed softly her moves were so soft. One day she got braces and she started to smile with her lips closed or started to laugh by keeping her hand over her mouth. The entire class got to make her laugh like she used to. And when she did the entire class rejoiced.
By her description seems like this good beautiful girl right? Well no, she was a mean girl (secretly) at least with me, i had joined the school alomg with her and i and her looked similar except i am not attractive. I clearly remember she had said to me once laughing that people asked her whether her and i were related and she said can you even imagine me being related to you?
That day i felt so bad. About my existence. It was just one of that incidents there were several others that she had done and each one made me feel the worst about myself.
Stop playing victim card while putting that dp
@171_indranildutta6 not trynna play vp but just an experience. I bet she must be a better person now that all of us have grown up its just an experience i had which i felt was relevant to the vedio. Sorry if i hurted your feelings unintentionally....
Edit:- vc***
@@nidhipawar8222 inam just trying to tell u stop playing as if u PPL r the only ones to be bullied everyone has been at some point in their life
@@171_indranildutta6genuinely, what issue do you have with their comment?? They’re just sharing their experiences.
@@Cherylmayblii indeed playing victim cards all over the places haha
The title is calling me out so hard rn staph it-----
Is the ugly in the room with us?
Watching this as a guy because your videos are fire. I've started to feel more and more lonely despite feeling just about as isolated if not less than I used to be. I feel the parts about self hate and not knowing how i could ever get into a romantic relationship. Idk how some people just have it so easy with that stuff. My home life, social isolation and fear of opening up due to low confidence makes a romantic relationship feel unachievable for another like 5 years or something and even friendships feel difficult to keep and maintain due to me not knowing how to keep more than like 3 friends and yet again the fear of opening up.
Yeah I find myself reminding myself that I can’t spend all my time at home and need to get out sometimes. Not necessarily to find a gf, but more bc it’s important to socialize outside of a work setting
Hating yourself becomes your safespace - yes! For some reason, it feels awful but comforting, it's messed up
Thank you for this video, i don't see this topic getting talked about often it's usually "how pretty girls have it hard" or something like "hating yourself and thinking your ugly is giving negative aura or jealous or a pretty girl" like no. I genuinley struggle with hating myself and I still struggle with facial dysmorphia but I would never ever bring another person down for my insecurities! never once have I ever did that. My only wish is to treat myself the way I treat others. To be more gentler with myself, kind, loving. Because I've struggled so much and it's people who make you feel this way about yourself. They used to make me feel stupid, ugly, they would point out my flaws that I thought was only visible to my eyes... it hurts so much. But i loved your message at the end it's so beautiful and well said!
i was always told you have to fake to you make it oh it’s just where you live it’s how you dress etc i’ve tried it all and i still get the same reactions. i’ve come to realize that yes i am ugly but i’ve accepted that so i do just focus on myself. the achievements i’ve reached are b/c i worked hard to achieve them. and i’m proud of them they weren’t tied to any self hatred or self loathing and that’s why i’m so proud of them. no matter what happens i will always have my achievements. and what i worked for so what if i’m ugly at least i’m smart
As a man I've felt invisible or ostracized, but obviously I haven't ever experienced being invisible in this way.
Thanks for creating the video and sharing this perspective. Much appreciated.
Sounds exactly what both average or ugly guys go through as well lol… Guys just seem used to it and more equipped to deal with this in my opinion, they’re pressured to deal with it themselves or they’re deemed losers. Guys are pressured to take action, they don’t have time to dwell in self hate. It’s a blessing but a curse.
as a man, I've definitely felt invisible before, many times. So much Now I've gotten used to living in isolation, maybe you're one of the lucky few who doesn't get glossed over by everyone else, but that's the experience for about 60% of guys growing up.
@@handlebar4520 I said I've felt invisible or ostracized before. I'm sure most people have at one point or another. I've just never experienced it the way she described it. The "reasons" were different. I've never spoken with a man that described their experience like this either.
If you're saying you have to experienced loneliness and invisibility in the same way as she has described, I think that's interesting.
As an added addendum to this I'd like to say that when I declared my gender in my comment it was just for clarity. I don't speak for all men and I think it's weird when anyone does that.
@@Ryanthebrobdingnagian No I don't think I've experienced it in exactly the same way, everyone's experience of invisibility is going to be different, there are of course differences in the circumstances between guy's and girl's loneliness, but there are plenty of parallels and similarities, mostly because everyone is a lot more isolated and closed off today than ever before in post modern history.
I would say a larger proportion of guys are invisible than women's are in the same population sizes, but I think guys circumstances are somewhat more internal and women's are more external/out of their control unfortunately.
@@handlebar4520 I disagree we are more closed off. I can video call someone in the rice fields of Thailand from my couch in the U.S.
I'm currently talking to you, someone I've never met, about our collective experiences.
Feels pretty connected to me.
Not sure why the portions matter.
I like learning about other peoples experiences, especially if they are different from my own.
Growing up as someone who thought they were ugly in school, I realized I was just hating myself based on what other people projected on me. People didn’t like that I was more masculine presenting, or that I was stimming a lot during class unknown to them that I’m autistic. But that doesn’t make my value as a person any less than them. Once I surrounded myself with other people like myself I found that I am not the ugly friend or ugly anything. Dating apps and The pandemic definitely did not help with trying to grow myself esteem or to be social. But as of now 2024 im doing new things, meeting new people to socialize with.
I recently experienced a younger woman that said to me that I was ugly and that she was sorry for the parents that made me. I did let her words hurt me at the time, but I know it's not true what she said her words are just words
What the fuck? I'm so sorry about that😟 I'm glad you got over it but you still didn't deserve such an awful comment.
I am so sorry you had to hear tbat😢
She was probably projecting
THANK YOUUU omg so relevant and did not expect this specific topic 😭
your welcome queen
people usually stare at me and sometimes they even call me pretty. I knew I was average, but after listening this I guess I am just ugly, because this is exactly my life
I'm glad you talked about putting in effort into building relationships and dating. That's why I stopped dating. I felt like I was the one doing everything always. Carrying the conversation, planning the dates and paying, etc while the women I date were just sitting there and judging. I understand with gender roles its expected that the man lead, but its nice if my effort and interest was reciprocated.
When you mentioned people doing more in relationships when they feel less attractive might be true. Which is why the dynamic especially gets on my nerves. I usually don't feel less attractive than the women I date, but I still feel like I'm always jumping through hoops while they sit there and don't even try to demonstrate any qualities that would make them a long term partner.
I experience this all the time and I'm a woman kkkk that's why I gave up on men
The single piece of advice I have for both men, women, and everyone else in between struggling with dating is to try to do some early vetting (a video call before an in person date) so you can get a feel before you commit to possibly an unpleasant evening.
Good luck to you all, I know it sucks. I really hate dating as a concept.
Unfortunately, being raw about this: there's no winning. I grew up ugly, the guys I had crushes on were disgusted by me and I was the punching bag for my friends. Then I had a little glow up after highschool and I was TERRIFIED of compliments (since whenever I heard them thus far it was as a joke). Then I had another glow up and men were really into me, but I was never taken seriously. I have hundreds of likes per day on dating apps, but not a single one is actually interesting. The compliments I get feel shallow and pointless. I don't take them as truth. At this point I try to work on myself, I workout, my face is not as hideous, I know how to dress, I know how to do my makeup and hair right, but I just feel like everyone is better than me, nothing is never enough, and I'm just numb. The trauma honestly ruptures your soul. I'm 26 and I just feel like I'll be old and regretful of everything in the future. I'm a shell of a human
It was great being an ugly girl, no sexual harassment (well, almost), no mysogyny directed at me, great career and great husband and children, being appreciated for who I am and not my appearance. Not being someone's status symbol, just being an equal partner was great, I am 70 now. And yes, I had lots of friends growing up, attractive and unattractive.
What a time to be alive I also miss that time,
don't get me wrong who doesn't want a hubba hubba or a hot babe but not being in the limelight is very nice especially if all you want is the simple life.
I miss my wife blonde hair blue eyes very much a plain Jane as is myself we loved having tea time.
"for ever in my heart 2007 Samantha" great now someone is cutting onions, 😭 STOP IT
@@THEMANWITHTHEYELLOWHAT.I’m sorry for your loss 💔
Society would be amazing if it was like this, but sadly we are going backwards, the social media generations have been brought up to see attractiveness as the no 1. Trait
@@piratesfan123 Only for dumb, uneducated people. There are many plain Janes (and Jacks) doing just fine and many "beautiful people" with messed-up lives. Society has many layers. None of my four adult children spend any time on social media. They communicate only with their real-life friends and colleagues and have soul mates as partners.
Sexual harassment was never about attractiveness.
Some people are ugly and that's a fact. It's like saying no one is short. Everyone is tall. Ugly isn't my identity or "safe space" but I am ugly. We don't tell short people to just believe that they're tall and then they too will be able to get things from the top shelf without using a stool.
Just watched a video on male loneliness and it made me realize that even at the most desperate level of loneliness men compared themselves with and looked for a solution in attractive girls… It’s like a girl who’s not attractive isn’t even considered in the conversation. Like they do not exist. It’s just men (any men) and pretty girls. It’s so bizarre.
yhea! i see a lot of "ugly loney men" seeing the comfort in attractive girls, never i seen a guy talking about "ugly" girls in a good light is always the "fat, woke, lesbian, feminist" (like that the words that i seen of a guy describing an "ugly" girl)
That's why I don't feel bad for them. They all go for the same girls and will NEVER try to settle when it comes to looks. They'd rather complain and be alone then date someone they consider unattractive.
@@nessinay1535 It’s not even about dating. They don’t befriend “invisible” girls and don’t form any connections bc yeah… Whatever they say, their loneliness is about dating at the end of the day.
Let's face it. Most women only bring their body to the table.
Very few women have fun or attractive personalities. Most aren't willing or able to have intellectual discussions.
More often than not, a girlfriend is just an inoffensive person you don't mind being around because you occasionally get to have sex with her.
If the physical attraction isn't there, there's nothing left. That's a no-win situation.
So...yes. Unattractive women functionally don't exist to most men.
Looks matter more for men than they do for women. As a woman who's been on both sides of the attractiveness spectrum, I have experienced this, and looking at behavior from women competing for a mate, I have also seen this. However it doesn't mean that women would go for unattractive men either.
A lot of men do focus more on looks, and everything else comes close, but still second. Historically women couldn't pick the men that they desired, and the men that were chosen for them had more to do with money than looks. But its different now for most of the world, as we can (and we do) pick for looks as well as money.
For women now, the ideal man means looks, money, and personality. For men, the ideal woman has always been about looks, and everything else is blurred.
23 about to hit 24 and still no glow up, but it’s mostly because I’ve just given up.
After hearing so many negative comments about yourself, it’s like you can’t live without them. I’ve become words that I’ve hated, to lessen their blow and make them my truth. Not at all healthy, but it’s just where I’ve ended up after all these years.
Being stubborn is what helped me the most.. Reject these destructive attributes that came from the outside, you don’t have to accept what mean-spirited people throw at you.
Yes! Ive started to focus on my own happiness instead of friends or relationships and its made it easier to be social! I dont think im ugly, but i do feel like im not normal compared to everyone else and it makes me insecure. I agree that focusing on your hobbies, career, and goals you want to achieve (outside of how you look) will get you out this negative mindset and make life enjoyable! Wishing everyone well on their journey 🍃
I don’t understand why a friend wants you to be attractive,why they care about looks?
Cause it's a status symbol like any other, being surrounded by hot and gorgeous people give you certain aura, of power and success
@@battlefuta9953 i mean if you were surrounded by other hot girls doesn’t that make you a less of a shine?they take a part mabye most of the attantion that you’r trying to get
@@battlefuta9953 also hot doesn’t mean successful
If try to reach the aura that you’r talking about then i will try to be friends with the smart and wise eduacated onse
Still don’t get it
@@-akaf it's about first impressions, for that reason some man hire escort for important meeting and such
@@-akaf depends , on the settings. Sometimes you want contrast to look better. But in high status fields generally it's preferred to be surrounded by high status people,
you nailed how exhausting it is to fight against yourself, putting everything u can give into becoming someone worthy of or able to make friendships. it sucks and isolating myself and remaining hopelessly lonely feels easier to endure than putting in all of the work and not getting the relationships u hoped for.
Pretty privilege is real. I shaved my head about a year ago and I suddenly became invisible. At this point, I’m more focused on me and don’t really have a desire to date or be with anyone. I just want to feel confident in myself again and it’s so hard.
Being invisible is hard. I usually don't care and live my life but when my own classmates don't know about my existence and act like they have never seen or noticed it does feel a bit ...weird and triggers my fear of ending up all alone
As a guy, i can say males also experience this ugly disparity and most of the sad realities that she mentioned. Theres absolutely a beauty bias, life's unfair :/
I was the invisible girl. The only people who seemed to get attention from when I was a teenager, were adult men. You can guess how that turned out. I came out of it confused, angry and traumatized.
I'm now 24, married and have two children. I married a man who used to be the invisible boy. We're alright just with the two of us, but I especially sometimes wish we had friends. I'm still at home with the kids and it gets lonely sometimes. I don't have a single friendship from my school years, I don't keep in contact with my former colleagues other than some smalltalk and pleasantries every now and then. I haven't made new friendships from playdates or mommy groups. It feels like everybody is already busy with their own lives and established social circles that I just... don't fit in. It's not for a lack of trying, I've gone to events and workshops, connected with other women in similar life stages in my area, I've started going to church again, I've invited people over for coffee and dinner etc, but to no success. I thought being a teenager with no solid friend group was bad, because I was always the one to be left out and forgotten. At least some of ir was out of my control due to having strict parents that never allowed me to go anywhere or put me into extracurriculars. But it's somehow almost more sad now as an adult, because I'm responsible for my own social life. Not having it makes me feel almost like a failure. I also feel like I don't have a right to complain, because at least I have my husband and kids.
wishing for community is totally understandable!
Hidden Manifestation by Oliver Mercer (thank me later)
No
No way 1k people in this comment section read that book lol
You can view liked comments so its probably a bookmark lol@@vincenthighwind7622
Manifestation high key made me become pretty
What is it about
I definitely don’t hate myself. But I was genuinely treated as if I didn’t exist growing up(the only time my existence was acknowledged is when I was bullied) I’ve never had a boyfriend men have never noticed me and I never had friends then. It was a very difficult time and it made me realise a harsh truth people are very shallow.
Having a facial deformity from childhood cancer made life hell. Always labeled the ugly or should have been aborted; I wanted to have the simplest life experiences but nope.
Have the same thing, but not cuz I'm ugly it's cuz I barley speak, I can enter convos and exit, without anyone noticing
and im not saying i am a 9 outta 10 lookin guy btw
sure but when I was skinny and felt the worst I ever did inside people treated me so much nicer and saw me. So the fact is that your internal mindset can only do so much to combat the way the world treats you.
preach. i may be ugly but being skinny makes it suck less lol
at the same time it pains me to know that so many people went through the same thing as me, I kinda feel less alone.
I'm still afraid, because being loved is something I've never experienced, but maybe one day. Till then, I'll try to grow stronger, I'll try to achieve the lifestyle I want for myself, I'll take care of my pets, my family, my house and my health without expecting nothing in return. I'll try to be truly happy by myself, for no other reason besides treasuring everything that brings me joy
Cheering for you, goody two shoes 🫶🏿
As a guy going through this it’s tough, occasionally I’d feel confident enough but only to get put down. Post glow up blues sucks I just stick to myself now since the outside breaks me
this video made me realize so much about myself. thank you. truly. I've had so much problems in my friendships and relationships and I now realized it's because I've been scared. I was always the second choice as a kid, no boys ever noticed me, etc. I've done everything possible to make myself feel beautiful, dye my hair, starve my body, get into sports and over exercise, wear makeup, and change my clothes, and while I'm passable today (at least I think I am) there is still that insecurity. nobody talks about how debilitating that thought in the back of your mind is, but you did. thank you so much again.
The algorithm is scary I was litterly breaking down crying over being exactly this and then this was recommended
I think it's not only happen at teens time of age but it happens for the rest of our lives. There's always something to compare even when we get older
As someone in my mid 40s who has always been called ugly and just doesn't really fit in, I would say the friendship thing is the worst part. Looks for everyone tend to decline over the years so you in general you stand out less as different among your peers as you age but the friendship challenges become incredibly ingrained. I definitely have had some horrible transactional friendships that I only realised were like that late on when I was feeling hurt by another person. I think I care a little less about some of it as a middle aged person but it's also tiring to see the patterns repeating endlessly.
There are people who have been in terrible accidents or incidents that have destroyed what they used to look like and they still have been able to get married and some even have kids so if they can find someone in this shallow world so can you it just might not be time for you to find that person yet work on your personal happiness
It’s true I keep seeing videos where cute/pretty girls are like “just love yourself” or “be more confident follow these easy steps” even my therapist told me the same and I’m like you don’t get it you never been ignored quite literally all your life you never been hoping one of the boys asks you to prom or dance while all of your friends do except you and when u do decide and have the courage to ask someone out they laugh say no or when you tell someone you like them they even get offended/mad bc your so ugly it “insults” them how Dare you? Think Somome cute or pretty can go out with you specially if you are a female you should talk about that next for some reason girls can ignore looks and focus on personality that’s why you see pretty girls with ugly guys but your rarely see an attractive/cute guy with an ugly girl right ? Sh!t sometimes I even hear females say well I don’t like him (chemistry wise) but ima give him a chance but NOT guys like if your not cute or pretty don’t even look at me
That is cal girls can’t ignore looks it’s the biggest lie society fed boys since they are young that girls only care about personality it’s a whole lot of 🐂💩
Statistics say otherwise you can look it up rich not women find 80% of men unattractive
The fact that a “less desirable” woman can’t be in a relationship with an attractive man in a TV SHOW shows just how little we have budged on this issue. People assume that if a hot girl is with an ugly guy, it’s because he’s rich. But if an ugly girl is with a hot guy, it’s basically a crime and the vitriol she will receive, even from other women, is vile.
@@jmarshalIt's because any attractive guy can get an attractive girl so why should he go for an ugly one? there are not many attractive men like there are women, plus makeup and other factors therefore the ratio will be like for every attractive man there are 5 attractive women, then if he his rich and has a good personality he can attract more and more attractive women but he should skip them to prove a point.
@@Jaxes6 he’s not “proving a point” by being with “an ugly girl”. Maybe he, yknow? Likes her? Same as an “ugly guy” with an “attractive girl”. The point is people don’t need to match each other in levels of hotness because these are arbitrary and totally conditional and subjective. But people get perplexingly angry when a hot guy is with an ugly girl and it’s weird.
I typically don't comment, but it hit really close. One thing I noticed is also how much our perception of us influences our attitude. I've always felt uninteresting and ugly, so people often mistook my insecurity with coldness or just being stuck-up. Judging yourself is easy, but it's as easy to believe that every interaction with others will lead to being humiliated or made fun of. Being kind and (more) open, without expecting the worst, has helped tremendously❤
I relate to feeling invisible and ugly growing up, but I feel like it’s not a good message to say that everyone should just except that they are unattractive. In my situation I grew from feeling depressed and worthless by changing my habits, instead of looking at myself in the mirror and pointing out my flaws I started calling myself pretty even if I didn’t believe it. And you know what it worked! I eventually my fake compliments towards myself became genuine and I saw an insane difference in how I carried myself, i suddenly started to get a ton of attention, people calling me pretty (which I never experienced before), I started to feel confident enough to post in filtered pictures of myself. So moral of the story everyone’s journey to self love isn’t the same maybe just accepting and doing nothing to change your situation helps you, or maybe what I did could help you. It really depends on what the pin point of your insecurity comes from which takes a lot of self evaluation.
Same
girlie, i'm not even exaggerating when i say that this video couldn't have popped up on my tl at a better time so thank you for that. as someone who grew up "ugly", i am always that one girl in class that is never chosen. as you had so eloquently put it, "always a friend but never a best friend". i've felt invisible, underappreciated, and unworthy for so long that i can't even remember when it all started. to be quite honest, even though i have come a long way from being extremely insecure of myself, the shadows of that mindset still looms over me . sure, it has gotten easier for me to treat myself with compassion but i recently just realized that compassion only comes easy when it's convenient. i notice that i would almost instantly succumb into the self-loathing inner talk whenever things get challenging or hard and it's a habit i'm slowly trying my best to unlearn and rewire. the entire process can feel extremely lonely and isolating at times, though, so these kind of videos always feel like a warm hug. thank you
I was asked out as a fcking JOKE to be made fun of as a teen and now, in my early 20's, i can't take it serious if people are actually showing interest in me and dogde it (which happens like 1 every 6 months but still a cringe and uncomfortable feeling)😭
I'm a guy, and I clicked on this video to try and understand women better.
@pinkturtle2016 I'm in a committed relationship. I just wanna understand how my girlfriend felt when she was younger since she seems to agree with this video.
In the real world after high school, being pretty helps but it's not the whole deal. Being in shape, friendly, and stylish go a long way.
As a man who was extremely overweight in high school, I feel this. Being thin in college made me realize exactly how superficial people are (it's also why I made literally no friends in college)
I always had a mean way of comforting myself. I had known people who were terrible people; or literally smelled so bad that you couldnt really be in enclosed spaces with them - that got partners and friends that valued them; so there's no way that i cant find someone, right? Once i gained confidence and i literally could care less about wanting a partner is when i finally found one. When i finally stopped bristling at the sight of couples in public; I focused on the value of my friendships and of myself. Like losing smth and trying to look for it - you wont find it until you stop looking and happen upon it by chance later
thank you for being awesome :D
thanks, right back at u
It's not only about being Ugly the character and the social skills must be your first thing to develop there are many unattractive people in the world but they overcome it by money, character and charm . Just stop being toxic toward yourself with time you will see results I am at this point of my life where I try to appreciate every blessing I have and take baby steps toward fixing what I had once considered flaws in me ❤