After someone dumps you and goes for someone else, they devalue everything you two had. If you were good to them and they took you for granted because of it, never take them back and let them face life without you, let them settle for your downgrades and you reinvent yourself back to that confident individual who isn't afraid of commitment. Relationships require sharing respect, dreams, understanding and empathy. Those that check out cause they're bored and lazy to ride out the everyday struggles, they're worth absolutely nothing to anyone including themselves. Only take an ex back if they make up for all the pain they've caused you and prove their worth, but do not count on it as they're unlikely to ever admit that they were the problem.
I can go both ways if you were a good boyfriend or girlfriend. They will definetly remember you always and the moment something bad start to happen in their new relationship they might start thinking of you and is up to you how to behave to get them back or just walk away and find some one. I personaly am not a fan of getting an ex back if she decided to leave me or cheat for some one else is never a good sing. You want some one who is willing to be with you on hard times ans good ones.
NO ONE,NO ONE EVER COMES BACK. They just don’t. life isn’t a movie if anyone thinks for one minute that anyone is going to wind up considering reaching out they won’t. it will not happen. i’m sorry. trust me i know the song.
Honestly, the only good and healthy way to reconnect with an ex is to get yourself into a state where it doesn’t matter if you get back with them or not. You need to take time away from them and let everything quiet down. Now would you say in that time you’re not dating them that you shouldn’t try things with someone new if you get the opportunity? Of course not. So why does it matter if they do? At the end of the day if that new person ends up marrying them then they were meant to be and you were not. But most of the time it’ll end just like your relationship. You shouldn’t worry about it, just enjoy your life and be someone your ex, or someone else, would want to get to know again.
Just had this, girl i was seeing a few months ago. Found out shes seeing someone new. Felt really bummed out at first, but it actually made me feel better about the whole thing. Now i wont spend my time looking for signs, looking for breadcrumbs etc. I feel liberated
I just had a conversation with my ex since we’ve broken up because I was going though a really tough time. After having a great two hour conversation, I asked if he’s seeing anyone and he is. It hurt but it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. I think it’s just going to help me move on.
Honestly, I think it's easier to move on and do stuff for yourself for a while. I had two break ups in a year. First one was a 4 year relationship i ended as I felt we were both settling. The second was a 5 month relationship with someone who I believe is a narcissist who did not treat me well. 6 months post breakup and 5 months of no contact later, I'm doing really well ALONE! Got a new job, starting a business....things are looking up 😊 Not ready to start dating again as I know I'm not quite over my ex and that would be unfair to me and the people I would be going on dates with. I think instead of trying to get your ex back, give it time and try to enjoy your life ....let them do whatever they want. At the end of the day it's YOUR life. I don't wanna waste any more time thinking about my ex, this is my time to live ☺️❤️
@@esdrasmanrique6457 No, I had emotionally checked out of the 4 year relationship a few months before I actually ended it. I'm bad at making decisions and was terrified of hurting him so had to be sure it was the right decision (which is definitely was). The 5 month relationship was a whirlwind with someone who had been a friend but turned out to be narcissistic and discarded me when I needed him most. No, I'm not quite moved on yet but am getting closer every day. I can now look back and see how messed up he was. I have a secure attachment style and he gaslighted me a lot.
@@missscarling where you talking to the friend when you were in the 4 year relationship? Did you know you were sexually attracted to him while in the 4 year? This is my problem, I have dated a lot of women who moved on to a “friend” after we broke up. This friend was there our whole relationship. That gut feeling never lies
The being there method can also make a controlling ex think she can walk all over you with some other partner if things get rough because she expects you to stick around no matter what. So it really depends on the situation, the type of girl, etc. Don't do that shit with people who cheated, found a rebound fast, or flirted with other people while you were together.
Yes exactly that. My ex wanted to have her cake and eat it to, having a new bf but keeping me around for some fucking reason which at this point is too much to ask. Clearly she was on a fence and chose the other person so I wished her the best and told her I’m leaving the situation.
My ex just left me two weeks ago and she's met someone new, she's planning on proposing to him on Christmas Day. I'm devastated. I can't eat, I can't sleep and when I do sleep I have nightmares about the breakup. I'm heartbroken. Thing is I still love her and I always will. I want her back so much. I'd do anything to win her back. We're trying to be friends, but I'm scared that if she does propose it's gonna tip me over the edge.
u need to stop being her friend because she'll just keep u in the friendzone, tell her u love her more than that and you cant be her friend. the only way you can be in her life is through a relationship
Why would anyone want someone back after they’ve been with someone else? That’s disgusting. They literally have lost all value at that point . Obviously they didn’t love , they were able to be with someone else . That’s not love . And since they’ve done what they did, they can’t be trusted not to do it again .
Maybe you can do that if you still feel very strong attraction for them. And, heres the most important part, you were the one who treated them bad during your relationship in the first place (for example smashing other girls and being pathologically jealous at the same time). In that case you would deserve that they have a rebound. But also, it would be very difficult to see them come back to you.
@ITSRAYANNNN I didn't check your picture before answering. Glad i did now..Anyways. I apologize. Should have said "other people" to be more inclusive! But i still believe in everything i wrote. Unfortunately
Smart as always,...especially if we watch the video about why to take him back, and the other about how to move on. Life gives you surprises, but good luck has to find you working! ❤
Do you really want to get back with an ex who is an Avoidant? Hell no, especially if they haven't dealt with their toxic behaviours and childhood traumas. They are ticking time bombs
So im curious let's say the ex comes back. I haven't stop thinking about her I miss and love her but I can't get over the fact she didn't choose me. So should I even try because I feel like if she came back I would feel like I was a last resort. I don't even know if I could even trust their love anymore. Guess I should just continue working on myself and being more secure within myself. Maybe I'm just lonely and fantasize about her coming back idk lol.
I read several times that many ex's that get back together do not work out. Especially if they were dating someone else and then came back to you. Don't get me wrong, some couples are more happy the 2nd time around. It all depends on their rebound, what broke you two up, and finally, if you BOTH work on the relationship.
After years of being married and having it end in divorce, I told myself I would never be anyone’s second choice. So you have to ask yourself, are you their second choice? Because if the other person left your ex, you most likely are their second choice… and that doesn’t bode well in any kind of relationship hopes.
But are you the second choice if they choose you again ? I mean, wanting to try again a relationship that didn't work out the first time is bold and scary, it takes courage, it means they really appreciate you if they want to try again, especially if they're avoidant. The second and easy choice was the person they date when they left you.
Ex was dating someone new, they broke up two days ago and she’s heart broken, it hurt me that’s she’s feeling this way and she’s been reaching out to tell me about it. I’ve tried being supportive but also told her how she’s feeling now is how I’ve been since she left me
5 місяців тому+1
Noooooo. You're now sounding way to supportive. Instead, just say that sucks. And tell her your new "friend" is really Klingy. True or not true, it will make her jealous.
She blocked me after a argue, now she has feelings for someone else and sees me in a negative light (as a manipulator, stalker, etc.). I think it's over, and she won't come back, even if she has an avoidant attachment style
If they said no to you once, you're never good enough again. Don't fall for it. Don't hope. The second they end it, they are dead as far as you're concerned.
Everything is based on maturity. If they move on term it a rebound or whatever, if they are matured enough and says, im done changing colours or chasing happiness, I'll stay here no matter what and I'll work on it
She cries and says she loves me but isn’t ready for a relationship. I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s with someone else. Four months and it feels like it was yesterday.
5 місяців тому
Talk to her about non relationship issues. Ask her opinion about anything, but do not discuss love or memories. That's what sends avoidants into panic and they Ghost you. Keep it very casual like she's an ugly but nice neighbor.
This is a FANTASTIC video Chris. I love your approach. Thanks so much for your research, technique, and application. My DA is in a rebound right now. We loved each other incredibly deeply but insecurity wedged us apart from both sides. I want to be with her again, and am hopeful the rebound ends and she finds the feelings to reach back to me. Right now, I am carefully riding the line between detaching myself from all outcomes and growing myself, while also being prepared and educated in case we rekindle something. Your videos have helped me greatly during this time. Thank you!
Need help quick...went no contact and 2 and a half month later she came bacc and for 7days she tried to get my attention and showed me vulnerability...Like an idiot I kinda pushed her away when I now realize that it was clear she wanted me to tell her that we where getting back together but I didn't and now she found a rebound...I pushed her into is harm and it's killing me inside so NOW WHAT!? Do I go no contact onother 2month and let the honey moon pass even tho she's only been with 8m for 9days and she wanted me back rmtwo weeks ago??? Her birthday is this Sunday the 13 do I use that occasion to write her a msg asking to be just friends so I can start trying the "being there method" right away???
So it's over. I wasn't better. I wasn't with him long enough. We were not more serious than they are. she has a secure attachment, so if he's avoidant, he will become secure with her while he sees me as toxic and since she showed up, he became completely distant from me and doesn't talk to me AT ALL. Took days to reply to one message I sent and never replied to another where I was being his friend. So...I can't "be there". Because he doesn't want me there. He's happy with her. He was not happy with me.
@@asill.6668 true. After letting her walk all over me for months, he finally told me she was lying to everyone about them. He only saw her as a friend but she made everyone think they were a couple. He apologized. Now he has a new girlfriend. I assume, but...very likely. He has it all. Good looks, charm, social life, sweet talk...
5 місяців тому
It seems like you'll never get over it but you will I promise. But don't sit around. Get in great physical shape and visualize yourself with a guy that's way better than he was. Visualize it constantly and it will be. I promise you. Never try to forget, it won't work. Instead, fill your head with new memories and experiences Daly. Get busy being around people. People will fill your life with new hope.
I really like your videos and like how you always try to encourage people to actually move on from their ex. Sadly people dont want to do that, they actually want to make their ex's new partner insecure as a demented strategy to get them back
So I found out this video after my recent ex who I stayed friend with told me that me texting her makes her new bf feel threatened/uncomfortable (I didn't know she had one), she even deleted the initial message and rewrote it in a more firm way, just in case he reads it, as apparently he keeps hearing I was a good guy, what should I do, just disappear ? She was the one who asked to stay friends when she broke up with me lol
It is true that I am a Nigerian and I want to see that I am in a relationship with a girl from another country in Amman. I don't know how to find someone who will take care of me.
In other words, it’s a waste of time to go back to a fearful avoidant ex. I don’t know why anyone bothers. You know what you’re going to get based on the past. That’s the definition of crazy.
Is this about if they came out of a long term relationship? Do they ever go back to one of the rebounds or short relationships after breaking up with them and dating other people?
I'm still in no contqct from the first break up. Buuuut I'm indirect present. We share same community of people. Parallel lives. And it drives him crazy. I'll present myself again soon. He needs more quiet time. And even when I do present myself it will only be me in body. Not one on one and me reaching out. And I'm sticking firm on JUST friends when I show up again
Hi Chris, thx you for the videos they have been helping me a lot. I come here since my ex dumped almost 3 weeks ago. Your attachment style videos helped me see that I am anxious and she is a dismissive avoidant. I am in no contact with her and it’s day 17 out of 90. Since the last time we spoke. So my question is what does a FEMALE dismissive avoidant go through during no contact? Is it the same as a male DA or different? Also is it possible to get them back? If so, how? Side note: my avoidant ex has also used the infamous lines of “I’m not ready, you deserve better, it won’t work in the future”
Ex text me, wanted a booty call while with rebound. I went off at him sent her the texts. They’re still together. Have I ruined the being there method? Should I reach out to him?
5 місяців тому+1
Patience and silence. Never reach out to them. Always let them come to you. It will empower you, and they will notice they dont have you anymore.
Your situation is obviously painful Tiffany, but I do tend to agree with Anne that you need to consider the possibility that you were the “rebound”. It sux that some people don’t have the introspection to heal themselves before they find another partner, as it just hurts another innocent person. Be kind to yourself.
@@tiffanyko1175 you’re welcome Tiffany. As a 52 y/o bloke, I’ve been where you’re at a couple of times & what’s worked for me is to get back in touch with nature. Go surfing, kayaking, hiking,camping & really feel the solace & safety in doing that, it worked for me.
One thing is not mentioned here. If a man was good and desired by the ex then she starts pushing away him not to get into temptation. Women usually want to show that the new guy is better every way. Usually the new is better only some way. It means several aspects will be missed by the ex. But she does not want to show it. Show she starts to avoid the ex actively.
If she ever comes back into my life, I'm simply just gonna walk away without saying a word. Just a show and clear symbol that I moved on already and no longer have the desirable feeling to commit to her ever again.
He still contacts me, he left me and has new one. I really don’t like it now, I feel I cannot get over if I keep talking to him, but I don’t know how to stop talking to him forever.
5 місяців тому
You're being kept on the side in case he needs a backup. You can however, make him jealous by asking him advice about how to tell a new friend of yours that you're interested in him. It will bug the shit out of your ex.😂
I don't get this... some say be there some say no contact... i am confused
5 місяців тому+1
Victim or Victor, which do you want to be? Never reach out to somebody that left you. Never. They always come crawling back when they see how easy they were for you to accept them leaving.
I really don’t want him back I’m glad he moved on. I need to move on too. It’s been 5 years. He’s been dating probably almost everyone in Germany and United States no thanks🤮. But I think he’s trying to say people want what they can’t have 😅 my ex goes through that cycle 😂he says everyone cheats on him. Plus it doesn’t bother me. My exes mom still talks to me like we’re dating she’s not close to the new girlfriend
My exwife and I havs been on and off for 15 years. This time shes head ovee heels for her new man. At least that what she acts like.. it hearts my heart but I am healthier without her. Day by day is easier.
My ex is getting serious to her new relationship eventhough she said she loves me before we broke up. She dumped me because she didn't see direction to our relationship. What should I do to get her back?
Get busy and let her see you happy not needing her. And never reach out to her. She will contact you and that's where you need to be the newer, happier more confident you. And don't show any love interest in her. That's when she will be challenged to see if she can win again.
My ex lost her mind and constantly watches my stories after I broke up with her for catching her cheating. I don’t really care if she tries to come back. After 2 weeks of no contact she sends me a friend request and asks how I’m doing? Bread Crumbing and shit talking is all I get every couple weeks. Is she an avoidant idfk and i don't care. She monkey branched and i never took our relationship seriously so idk man
Apparently I ruined my exes new years because I saw he was online on discord and told him to celebrate with the rest, referring to our friends who originally was his friend group, and their celebration in discord that I wasn't a part of as I was away celebrating with my own friend. His new girlfriend saw the message and misunderstood it as me telling him to celebrate with me, and got super jealous, leading to an argument. He complained to our friends earlier today saying how he was having a nice new years until I ruined it, and when I talked to them alone later I was confused as to how telling him he should celebrate with them and then wishing him a happy new years ruined anything. I showed them the messages I had sent him and everyone started laughing hysterically because my actions truly were completely innocent, and didn't match his recount of the situation at all. I'm happy to say that it looks like the being there method is working, but I believe your actions truly have to be intended as innocent for them to work. I didn't message him to ruin his night, I messaged him because I care about him and wanted him to have fun with his friends, just like I was having fun with mine. I have completely friendzoned myself and I'm honestly fine with just being friends with him. I want him back, but I don't need him back, and I'm not going to maliciously try to sabotage his relationship. If the relationship truly is a good one me being there as just a friend would not be a threat to the relationship at all. But if my presence is a threat it tells me this relationship isn't a good one, and probably won't last. I don't know if I want him back as a boyfriend, but I do enjoy his presence as a friend so I will keep doing as I have so far and we will see what happens. Most important part is to love yourself, and it took me a long time but I finally feel like I made it. Life is smiling at the moment, and I smile back!
If you just want him as a friend and you are in some way in the way of him moving forward or working with his new girl you should step back. For them and you.
Please help me understand ! 1) we knew each other for 20 years, almost 18 years of marriage, and two kids together. 2) we broke up at the end of August 2022, and she started dating two weeks later, middle of September 2022 3) she was dating a guy in October and November 2022, but then came back to me at the end of November, and she was hot and cold, but we were still seeing each other in December, January, and February 2023… there were numerous times when she told me that she does not have any feelings or emotions or connection to me, but other times we were fine and sleeping together… she would also say that she was confused. 4) end of February 2023 she cut me off again, and at the end of March 2023 (recently) she went back to the same guy that she was seeing in October and November 2022… now she’s telling me that she is in a relationship with him, she has feelings for him, she loves him, and they have already been sleeping together. 5) she has been continuously telling me to start dating and for me to move on… what should I do? What can I do? Is it over for us? Please help me understand 🙏
Hey man I'm sorry to hear about your 18 plus years and I hope you're doing okay. please don't ever go off the edge and always reach out for help in those darkest times! The only thing I could say is I had 11-year marriage went to the military all for someone to say if I was still in the service and we were suppressing each other's feelings we would be together. What I've learned from all this was I wasn't a monster that she tried to paint me out to be an Etc and that she cheated and all that crazy stuff. And that made me realize that even though it hurts you will have to go through the emotions and you will! Also that you're better than that because when I watch this video it was because I stumbled on it not because I want my ex back and I did find someone new that does appreciate me. So I feel like from the way you're describing it she's just using you at this point bouncing back and forward because if she was back she would have stayed back granted if she was true she would have never left but that's not the case. Now all this is said easier than done but personally I wouldn't do it I would just walk away go through the emotions and find someone that actually cares about you! Lastly random internet stranger for the love of God Jesus or anything good please if you find yourself in that dark emotional Cloud where it is beyond painful and tentacles are slapping you and the tentacles are thoughts of torture such as you're not worthy Etc please remember that you are worthy and even if you made a mistake and was the cause of all this or you were innocent or both you're still Worthy so don't let that Darkness ever get you thoughts and prayers God bless!
It sounds like she became limerant for this other man. I would move on if I were you. She will most likely be back but it might take a long time. You deserve so much better.
5 місяців тому
Keep her close. While you find a new love. But you must get out there and find a new girl. This way, she gets to watch you fall in love again and slowly dicard her. It will completely change how she sees you and she'll want back what she had.
If so an true thank you thank God no longer my burden or problem now maybe I can heal not from a break up or person bur go deeper from the hovering devaluing always in fear going to try an love bomb not fear but a monkey on shoulder watching hoping it never happens but have the eyes of monkey looking out for me
If so an true thank you thank God no longer my burden or problem now maybe I can heal not from a break up or person bur go deeper from the hovering devaluing always in fear going to try an love bomb not fear but a monkey on shoulder watching hoping it never happens but have the eyes of monkey looking out for me
Who wants to go back with someone who's been sleeping with another person after you? Not me... Love yourself.
Agree
Yep
Learn from me folks. I couldn’t get past it and ended up breaking it off
Just don’t go there folks. Also your health is more important than secks
Amen! I would go further and say the minute she entertains the thought of dating someone else it is over, let alone actually dating....
What the "love yourself" means? Masturbating?
😅🤣🤣
After someone dumps you and goes for someone else, they devalue everything you two had. If you were good to them and they took you for granted because of it, never take them back and let them face life without you, let them settle for your downgrades and you reinvent yourself back to that confident individual who isn't afraid of commitment. Relationships require sharing respect, dreams, understanding and empathy. Those that check out cause they're bored and lazy to ride out the everyday struggles, they're worth absolutely nothing to anyone including themselves. Only take an ex back if they make up for all the pain they've caused you and prove their worth, but do not count on it as they're unlikely to ever admit that they were the problem.
This!
Very wise words ❤
Love this
What do you do when YOU took them for granted but they ghost you and move on with someone new in under 2 weeks?
@@east90ninegive an apology and let it be, move on with your life.
They come back after dating someone new because they realise that they can't replace you!
Not always actually very rarely. People move on because they found a better connection. It’s life.
Yes but that's dependent on how good there ex was! Think the Alpha, Favourite Person, Imprinting! @@abes2758
@@abes2758wrong thinking
@@abes2758 Why they come back then?
I can go both ways if you were a good boyfriend or girlfriend. They will definetly remember you always and the moment something bad start to happen in their new relationship they might start thinking of you and is up to you how to behave to get them back or just walk away and find some one. I personaly am not a fan of getting an ex back if she decided to leave me or cheat for some one else is never a good sing. You want some one who is willing to be with you on hard times ans good ones.
Honestly the only reason I want her to come back is to smash her hopes into the ground. No one deserves to be a backup.
same
NO ONE,NO ONE EVER COMES BACK. They just don’t. life isn’t a movie if anyone thinks for one minute that anyone is going to wind up considering reaching out they won’t. it will not happen. i’m sorry. trust me i know the song.
@@martinfoy9327 In my experience they almost always come back
@@martinfoy9327they always comeback and it’s up to you to decide if you want revenge or forgive
I can not remember an ex that didn’t come back at some point. Just this week, I had an ex return, and was all in.
Honestly, the only good and healthy way to reconnect with an ex is to get yourself into a state where it doesn’t matter if you get back with them or not. You need to take time away from them and let everything quiet down. Now would you say in that time you’re not dating them that you shouldn’t try things with someone new if you get the opportunity? Of course not. So why does it matter if they do? At the end of the day if that new person ends up marrying them then they were meant to be and you were not. But most of the time it’ll end just like your relationship. You shouldn’t worry about it, just enjoy your life and be someone your ex, or someone else, would want to get to know again.
Hello my dear I recommend you to grant man who help me get my ex boyfriend back.....
+234
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Just had this, girl i was seeing a few months ago. Found out shes seeing someone new. Felt really bummed out at first, but it actually made me feel better about the whole thing.
Now i wont spend my time looking for signs, looking for breadcrumbs etc.
I feel liberated
I needed this, thankyou🙏 I hope you’re doing well.
I just had a conversation with my ex since we’ve broken up because I was going though a really tough time. After having a great two hour conversation, I asked if he’s seeing anyone and he is. It hurt but it didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. I think it’s just going to help me move on.
Honestly, I think it's easier to move on and do stuff for yourself for a while. I had two break ups in a year. First one was a 4 year relationship i ended as I felt we were both settling. The second was a 5 month relationship with someone who I believe is a narcissist who did not treat me well. 6 months post breakup and 5 months of no contact later, I'm doing really well ALONE! Got a new job, starting a business....things are looking up 😊 Not ready to start dating again as I know I'm not quite over my ex and that would be unfair to me and the people I would be going on dates with. I think instead of trying to get your ex back, give it time and try to enjoy your life ....let them do whatever they want. At the end of the day it's YOUR life. I don't wanna waste any more time thinking about my ex, this is my time to live ☺️❤️
Hi when u say u not over ur ex do u mean the 4 year relationship?
@@esdrasmanrique6457 No, I had emotionally checked out of the 4 year relationship a few months before I actually ended it. I'm bad at making decisions and was terrified of hurting him so had to be sure it was the right decision (which is definitely was). The 5 month relationship was a whirlwind with someone who had been a friend but turned out to be narcissistic and discarded me when I needed him most. No, I'm not quite moved on yet but am getting closer every day. I can now look back and see how messed up he was. I have a secure attachment style and he gaslighted me a lot.
@@missscarling I see thank you for sharing that. Wishing you the best.
@@esdrasmanrique6457 Thanks, you too ☺️
@@missscarling where you talking to the friend when you were in the 4 year relationship? Did you know you were sexually attracted to him while in the 4 year? This is my problem, I have dated a lot of women who moved on to a “friend” after we broke up. This friend was there our whole relationship. That gut feeling never lies
The being there method can also make a controlling ex think she can walk all over you with some other partner if things get rough because she expects you to stick around no matter what. So it really depends on the situation, the type of girl, etc. Don't do that shit with people who cheated, found a rebound fast, or flirted with other people while you were together.
Yes exactly that. My ex wanted to have her cake and eat it to, having a new bf but keeping me around for some fucking reason which at this point is too much to ask. Clearly she was on a fence and chose the other person so I wished her the best and told her I’m leaving the situation.
I don't fancy being my husbands rebound after he was with the rebound. I don't take sloppy seconds. The rebound can have mine!
My ex just left me two weeks ago and she's met someone new, she's planning on proposing to him on Christmas Day. I'm devastated. I can't eat, I can't sleep and when I do sleep I have nightmares about the breakup. I'm heartbroken. Thing is I still love her and I always will. I want her back so much. I'd do anything to win her back. We're trying to be friends, but I'm scared that if she does propose it's gonna tip me over the edge.
u need to stop being her friend because she'll just keep u in the friendzone, tell her u love her more than that and you cant be her friend. the only way you can be in her life is through a relationship
I really hope you stopped being friends, she not worth it.
she Basically Cheated On U whilst yall was together.. even worse stay strong myG🤘🏾❄️💯
Dafaq, why are you still friends with her?
Let her go cut all ties
Nah, Stay no contact.
Avoidants move on very fast
That’s the thing is that they don’t, they just bury and suppress their feelings rather than face their problems. They bury it deep down.
Why would anyone want someone back after they’ve been with someone else? That’s disgusting. They literally have lost all value at that point . Obviously they didn’t love , they were able to be with someone else . That’s not love .
And since they’ve done what they did, they can’t be trusted not to do it again .
Maybe you can do that if you still feel very strong attraction for them. And, heres the most important part, you were the one who treated them bad during your relationship in the first place (for example smashing other girls and being pathologically jealous at the same time). In that case you would deserve that they have a rebound. But also, it would be very difficult to see them come back to you.
@@RoaulDuke2717 I'm not gay.
@ITSRAYANNNN I didn't check your picture before answering. Glad i did now..Anyways. I apologize. Should have said "other people" to be more inclusive! But i still believe in everything i wrote. Unfortunately
Smart as always,...especially if we watch the video about why to take him back, and the other about how to move on. Life gives you surprises, but good luck has to find you working! ❤
Do you really want to get back with an ex who is an Avoidant?
Hell no, especially if they haven't dealt with their toxic behaviours and childhood traumas. They are ticking time bombs
I don't want her after she done been in these streets
So im curious let's say the ex comes back. I haven't stop thinking about her I miss and love her but I can't get over the fact she didn't choose me. So should I even try because I feel like if she came back I would feel like I was a last resort. I don't even know if I could even trust their love anymore. Guess I should just continue working on myself and being more secure within myself. Maybe I'm just lonely and fantasize about her coming back idk lol.
I took my ex back and the same thing happen again. So i wouldn't if i were you.
I read several times that many ex's that get back together do not work out. Especially if they were dating someone else and then came back to you. Don't get me wrong, some couples are more happy the 2nd time around. It all depends on their rebound, what broke you two up, and finally, if you BOTH work on the relationship.
After years of being married and having it end in divorce, I told myself I would never be anyone’s second choice.
So you have to ask yourself, are you their second choice? Because if the other person left your ex, you most likely are their second choice… and that doesn’t bode well in any kind of relationship hopes.
Don’t go back. Just use them for whatever you need but never let yourself go back/be loyal to them
But are you the second choice if they choose you again ? I mean, wanting to try again a relationship that didn't work out the first time is bold and scary, it takes courage, it means they really appreciate you if they want to try again, especially if they're avoidant. The second and easy choice was the person they date when they left you.
Ex was dating someone new, they broke up two days ago and she’s heart broken, it hurt me that’s she’s feeling this way and she’s been reaching out to tell me about it. I’ve tried being supportive but also told her how she’s feeling now is how I’ve been since she left me
Noooooo. You're now sounding way to supportive. Instead, just say that sucks. And tell her your new "friend" is really Klingy. True or not true, it will make her jealous.
Once they get intimate with someone else and want to come back, it's bye forever
what if an ex has a string of other exes around?! I wouldn't want that kind of competition!
This goes completely against the no contact rule. Where they can't miss you
She blocked me after a argue, now she has feelings for someone else and sees me in a negative light (as a manipulator, stalker, etc.). I think it's over, and she won't come back, even if she has an avoidant attachment style
If they said no to you once, you're never good enough again. Don't fall for it. Don't hope. The second they end it, they are dead as far as you're concerned.
Everything is based on maturity. If they move on term it a rebound or whatever, if they are matured enough and says, im done changing colours or chasing happiness, I'll stay here no matter what and I'll work on it
But he watches all my stories and wants to stay friends while asking me if i'm seeing someone🙄
of course it’s good news. now someone else will go through the same pain as I did
This is always great news once you keep looking forward and not back.
"break up industry". You already know what these videos are about
Isnt being there method opposite of no-contact?
Presumably this is after you've done no contact for 45 days
What if the dumper was anxiously attached and got into a new relationship only a few months after the breakup of a relationship of over 3 years?
She cries and says she loves me but isn’t ready for a relationship. I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s with someone else. Four months and it feels like it was yesterday.
Talk to her about non relationship issues. Ask her opinion about anything, but do not discuss love or memories. That's what sends avoidants into panic and they Ghost you.
Keep it very casual like she's an ugly but nice neighbor.
This is a FANTASTIC video Chris. I love your approach. Thanks so much for your research, technique, and application.
My DA is in a rebound right now. We loved each other incredibly deeply but insecurity wedged us apart from both sides. I want to be with her again, and am hopeful the rebound ends and she finds the feelings to reach back to me. Right now, I am carefully riding the line between detaching myself from all outcomes and growing myself, while also being prepared and educated in case we rekindle something. Your videos have helped me greatly during this time. Thank you!
thanks chris, can I go back to no contact if i already used being there method while my ex in honeymoon period?
Need help quick...went no contact and 2 and a half month later she came bacc and for 7days she tried to get my attention and showed me vulnerability...Like an idiot I kinda pushed her away when I now realize that it was clear she wanted me to tell her that we where getting back together but I didn't and now she found a rebound...I pushed her into is harm and it's killing me inside so NOW WHAT!? Do I go no contact onother 2month and let the honey moon pass even tho she's only been with 8m for 9days and she wanted me back rmtwo weeks ago??? Her birthday is this Sunday the 13 do I use that occasion to write her a msg asking to be just friends so I can start trying the "being there method" right away???
So it's over.
I wasn't better. I wasn't with him long enough. We were not more serious than they are. she has a secure attachment, so if he's avoidant, he will become secure with her while he sees me as toxic and since she showed up, he became completely distant from me and doesn't talk to me AT ALL. Took days to reply to one message I sent and never replied to another where I was being his friend. So...I can't "be there". Because he doesn't want me there. He's happy with her. He was not happy with me.
im sorry. I feel like its me talking.a re you better?
You don’t know if he's really happy with her. Don't assume anything!
@@asill.6668 true. After letting her walk all over me for months, he finally told me she was lying to everyone about them. He only saw her as a friend but she made everyone think they were a couple. He apologized. Now he has a new girlfriend. I assume, but...very likely. He has it all. Good looks, charm, social life, sweet talk...
It seems like you'll never get over it but you will I promise. But don't sit around. Get in great physical shape and visualize yourself with a guy that's way better than he was. Visualize it constantly and it will be. I promise you.
Never try to forget, it won't work. Instead, fill your head with new memories and experiences Daly. Get busy being around people. People will fill your life with new hope.
I really like your videos and like how you always try to encourage people to actually move on from their ex. Sadly people dont want to do that, they actually want to make their ex's new partner insecure as a demented strategy to get them back
So I found out this video after my recent ex who I stayed friend with told me that me texting her makes her new bf feel threatened/uncomfortable (I didn't know she had one), she even deleted the initial message and rewrote it in a more firm way, just in case he reads it, as apparently he keeps hearing I was a good guy, what should I do, just disappear ? She was the one who asked to stay friends when she broke up with me lol
It is true that I am a Nigerian and I want to see that I am in a relationship with a girl from another country in Amman. I don't know how to find someone who will take care of me.
I am a DA but I'm not the one that rebound, I have dealing my problem. I believe my ex was an AP she rebounded as soon as left.
In other words, it’s a waste of time to go back to a fearful avoidant ex. I don’t know why anyone bothers. You know what you’re going to get based on the past. That’s the definition of crazy.
Is this about if they came out of a long term relationship? Do they ever go back to one of the rebounds or short relationships after breaking up with them and dating other people?
I'm still in no contqct from the first break up. Buuuut I'm indirect present. We share same community of people. Parallel lives. And it drives him crazy. I'll present myself again soon. He needs more quiet time. And even when I do present myself it will only be me in body. Not one on one and me reaching out. And I'm sticking firm on JUST friends when I show up again
What if he finds someone new in the last stage? And dates her, not me.
Hi Chris, thx you for the videos they have been helping me a lot. I come here since my ex dumped almost 3 weeks ago. Your attachment style videos helped me see that I am anxious and she is a dismissive avoidant. I am in no contact with her and it’s day 17 out of 90. Since the last time we spoke. So my question is what does a FEMALE dismissive avoidant go through during no contact? Is it the same as a male DA or different? Also is it possible to get them back? If so, how?
Side note: my avoidant ex has also used the infamous lines of “I’m not ready, you deserve better, it won’t work in the future”
Ex text me, wanted a booty call while with rebound. I went off at him sent her the texts. They’re still together. Have I ruined the being there method? Should I reach out to him?
Patience and silence. Never reach out to them. Always let them come to you. It will empower you, and they will notice they dont have you anymore.
Why would you want an ass like that back?
If he'll cheat on her, he'll cheat on you. Probably already has.
Wait, so how does the “being there” method work with “no contact” ?
Everyone of my exes ended up with there life husband's right after me...
How about if my ex went back to his ex? 😢 I was with him for 10 months. He broke up with me and went back to his ex.
You were the rebound :(
Your situation is obviously painful Tiffany, but I do tend to agree with Anne that you need to consider the possibility that you were the “rebound”. It sux that some people don’t have the introspection to heal themselves before they find another partner, as it just hurts another innocent person. Be kind to yourself.
@@assplundah That’s true. It’s not fair for innocent people like me. Thank you Nickboy❤️
@@tiffanyko1175 you’re welcome Tiffany. As a 52 y/o bloke, I’ve been where you’re at a couple of times & what’s worked for me is to get back in touch with nature. Go surfing, kayaking, hiking,camping & really feel the solace & safety in doing that, it worked for me.
One thing is not mentioned here. If a man was good and desired by the ex then she starts pushing away him not to get into temptation. Women usually want to show that the new guy is better every way. Usually the new is better only some way. It means several aspects will be missed by the ex. But she does not want to show it. Show she starts to avoid the ex actively.
You’re keeping me sane right now
If she ever comes back into my life, I'm simply just gonna walk away without saying a word. Just a show and clear symbol that I moved on already and no longer have the desirable feeling to commit to her ever again.
So basically, friend zone yourself. Umm, NO!
He still contacts me, he left me and has new one. I really don’t like it now, I feel I cannot get over if I keep talking to him, but I don’t know how to stop talking to him forever.
You're being kept on the side in case he needs a backup.
You can however, make him jealous by asking him advice about how to tell a new friend of yours that you're interested in him.
It will bug the shit out of your ex.😂
I don't get this... some say be there some say no contact... i am confused
Victim or Victor, which do you want to be? Never reach out to somebody that left you. Never.
They always come crawling back when they see how easy they were for you to accept them leaving.
I really don’t want him back I’m glad he moved on. I need to move on too. It’s been 5 years. He’s been dating probably almost everyone in Germany and United States no thanks🤮. But I think he’s trying to say people want what they can’t have 😅 my ex goes through that cycle 😂he says everyone cheats on him. Plus it doesn’t bother me. My exes mom still talks to me like we’re dating she’s not close to the new girlfriend
Wow girl we are in the same boat want to talk? About it?
I'm a DA/FA. Why are all the videos about DA being the dumper? What at as a dumpee?
Usually avoidant are the dumpers
My exwife and I havs been on and off for 15 years. This time shes head ovee heels for her new man. At least that what she acts like.. it hearts my heart but I am healthier without her. Day by day is easier.
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Does this apply to both the dumper and the dumpee?
So do i still post as normal ect and wait for them to reach out or can i send menes ect
My ex is getting serious to her new relationship eventhough she said she loves me before we broke up. She dumped me because she didn't see direction to our relationship.
What should I do to get her back?
Leave it be
Upgrade bro and watch
Any updates soldier... Are you guys together??
Get busy and let her see you happy not needing her. And never reach out to her. She will contact you and that's where you need to be the newer, happier more confident you. And don't show any love interest in her. That's when she will be challenged to see if she can win again.
My ex left ny state 5 years ago
What ? Take someone back ????????
thank you so very much!
My ex wife of 23 years just informed me she is seeing someone which devastated me
How do you even process this no way I could handle this 😢
@@yc8408 I am having such a rough time with it, and I want to know more as my mind is racing, but I will not give this guy any credence by asking her
@@yc8408 it’s beyond difficult
My ex lost her mind and constantly watches my stories after I broke up with her for catching her cheating. I don’t really care if she tries to come back. After 2 weeks of no contact she sends me a friend request and asks how I’m doing? Bread Crumbing and shit talking is all I get every couple weeks. Is she an avoidant idfk and i don't care. She monkey branched and i never took our relationship seriously so idk man
3:34 dont do the same mistakes
Apparently I ruined my exes new years because I saw he was online on discord and told him to celebrate with the rest, referring to our friends who originally was his friend group, and their celebration in discord that I wasn't a part of as I was away celebrating with my own friend. His new girlfriend saw the message and misunderstood it as me telling him to celebrate with me, and got super jealous, leading to an argument.
He complained to our friends earlier today saying how he was having a nice new years until I ruined it, and when I talked to them alone later I was confused as to how telling him he should celebrate with them and then wishing him a happy new years ruined anything. I showed them the messages I had sent him and everyone started laughing hysterically because my actions truly were completely innocent, and didn't match his recount of the situation at all.
I'm happy to say that it looks like the being there method is working, but I believe your actions truly have to be intended as innocent for them to work. I didn't message him to ruin his night, I messaged him because I care about him and wanted him to have fun with his friends, just like I was having fun with mine. I have completely friendzoned myself and I'm honestly fine with just being friends with him. I want him back, but I don't need him back, and I'm not going to maliciously try to sabotage his relationship. If the relationship truly is a good one me being there as just a friend would not be a threat to the relationship at all. But if my presence is a threat it tells me this relationship isn't a good one, and probably won't last.
I don't know if I want him back as a boyfriend, but I do enjoy his presence as a friend so I will keep doing as I have so far and we will see what happens. Most important part is to love yourself, and it took me a long time but I finally feel like I made it. Life is smiling at the moment, and I smile back!
If you just want him as a friend and you are in some way in the way of him moving forward or working with his new girl you should step back. For them and you.
Please help me understand !
1) we knew each other for 20 years, almost 18 years of marriage, and two kids together.
2) we broke up at the end of August 2022, and she started dating two weeks later, middle of September 2022
3) she was dating a guy in October and November 2022, but then came back to me at the end of November, and she was hot and cold, but we were still seeing each other in December, January, and February 2023… there were numerous times when she told me that she does not have any feelings or emotions or connection to me, but other times we were fine and sleeping together… she would also say that she was confused.
4) end of February 2023 she cut me off again, and at the end of March 2023 (recently) she went back to the same guy that she was seeing in October and November 2022… now she’s telling me that she is in a relationship with him, she has feelings for him, she loves him, and they have already been sleeping together.
5) she has been continuously telling me to start dating and for me to move on… what should I do?
What can I do? Is it over for us?
Please help me understand 🙏
Hey man I'm sorry to hear about your 18 plus years and I hope you're doing okay. please don't ever go off the edge and always reach out for help in those darkest times! The only thing I could say is I had 11-year marriage went to the military all for someone to say if I was still in the service and we were suppressing each other's feelings we would be together. What I've learned from all this was I wasn't a monster that she tried to paint me out to be an Etc and that she cheated and all that crazy stuff. And that made me realize that even though it hurts you will have to go through the emotions and you will! Also that you're better than that because when I watch this video it was because I stumbled on it not because I want my ex back and I did find someone new that does appreciate me. So I feel like from the way you're describing it she's just using you at this point bouncing back and forward because if she was back she would have stayed back granted if she was true she would have never left but that's not the case. Now all this is said easier than done but personally I wouldn't do it I would just walk away go through the emotions and find someone that actually cares about you! Lastly random internet stranger for the love of God Jesus or anything good please if you find yourself in that dark emotional Cloud where it is beyond painful and tentacles are slapping you and the tentacles are thoughts of torture such as you're not worthy Etc please remember that you are worthy and even if you made a mistake and was the cause of all this or you were innocent or both you're still Worthy so don't let that Darkness ever get you thoughts and prayers God bless!
It sounds like she became limerant for this other man. I would move on if I were you. She will most likely be back but it might take a long time. You deserve so much better.
Keep her close. While you find a new love. But you must get out there and find a new girl.
This way, she gets to watch you fall in love again and slowly dicard her. It will completely change how she sees you and she'll want back what she had.
Just over his high body count just to prove he can get over me. He never will
Sounds impossible for her to come back
My ex found someone better so she did replace me
Pretty sure he’s an avoidant but that he hates me.
Yep, that’s her
Well this is a vwry interesting idea in this video
An "avoidant?" What the hell. Endless new terms to continue to objectify ourselves.
If so an true thank you thank God no longer my burden or problem now maybe I can heal not from a break up or person bur go deeper from the hovering devaluing always in fear going to try an love bomb not fear but a monkey on shoulder watching hoping it never happens but have the eyes of monkey looking out for me
Que sera, sera.
My ex won't stop chatting to me and just said he loves me and he's girlfirend
I'm in new relationship still want my ex
Same. I always thinking about her..
That seems unfair to your current partner.
Forget her brothers you deserve better and you got one
💔I hope you were honest with the new partner.
Tell ur current partner. U know well enough how being heart broken feels
Only the very weak man would take a woman back after she was with another man. No thank-you.
Getting back with an ex is gross
Probably the reason is because I keep you as a option
Hello my dear I recommend you to grant man who help me get my ex boyfriend back.....
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Your shit with comments
If so an true thank you thank God no longer my burden or problem now maybe I can heal not from a break up or person bur go deeper from the hovering devaluing always in fear going to try an love bomb not fear but a monkey on shoulder watching hoping it never happens but have the eyes of monkey looking out for me