Adult Narcissistic Children
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
- This video addresses the questions around the relationship between a parent and a narcissistic adult child, the family conflict and triangulation with other siblings. Looking also at elder abuse and manipulation.
Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos in the comment section.
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#narcissisticfamily #narcissisticson #narcissisticdaughter
Please feel free to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in future videos
Hello Darren ☀️ Have you done a deep dive on the manipulation tactics of a narcissist? Or their underdeveloped conscience? Both of these topics interest and baffle me greatly. Thank you ☮️
Hi there yes I’ve made videos on both overt and covert manipulation tactics as well as how they make victims look like villains etc. I’ll look into the underdeveloped conscious, thank you for the suggestion
Thank you for your response, Darren. I will look that up now. I appreciate you and your work immensely. ☀️ ❤️ ☮️
Please talk about covert narcissist MIL; after a period of no ties; and now we’re grey rocking her, she’s being the kind and nice lady in front of her son and family to make the DIL look bad; what would you do?
If a covert narcissist (unaware) struggles with anxiety and depression and seeks help for this from a mental health professional, what is the probability that the therapist discoveres that the person is in fact a covert narcissist? If the therapist does discover it, will he/she then confront the narcissist about it?
There is a deep and heavy grief when you recognize your relationship with your narcissistic child will never be what you had hoped. Love to all parents who are learning to navigate that grief.
Thanks 😊
Yes but the acceptance that you can not change narcisstic people brings peace.
Befriend others in your situation ..there are a lot of us out there who have been kicked and abused by their adult children
It’s so sad when you hear them lying about you and belittling, demeaning, name calling. I know I didn’t raise him that way.
The grief is very deep it doesn't go away overnight it takes constant grounding for me ♥️
@@StarseedAgenda yes I’m learning this now
What a sick world. End times. Children will dishonor their parents.
Yep..The love of many will grow cold..
And they wonder why their life is upside down..Dishonoring your parents comes with hefty consequences. These kids and adult kids don't see this.They disrespect and destroy themselves and then blame us ...
My parents were emotionally immature. They were “there but not there”. We need to avoid going into black and white judgement about “honor thy father and mother”. The truth is in the nuanced grey area usually. My parents were inept to parent in a “good enough” way. It’s generational trauma passed down. I stay away from my parents for my self preservation. It’s sad and tragic. I need to honor thyself. When I visit them after I always feel really stressed out. No one acknowledges the level of mistrust and pain in the air. There are no easy answers, just “ how’s the weather?”.💜
@@tigress725 I don't know, you can love somebody but that doesn't mean you can trust them. Send someone will say they love you but they know nothing but contempt and disrespect for you. I'd rather be told straight say it like it is. I don't like two faced people including family. I have no problem saying I love you but I don't trust you I love you but I don't like you. I keep my distance at this point. From a distance I would fall on the sword for them put under no condition will I tolerate any more abuse and I don't care who it's coming from. I don't have to tolerate abuse from anybody. I'm not being abusive I walk the talk don't be abusive to me.
100% what is happening.
I have 3 grown children, all narcissistic. I've been to hell with them. I've tried to fix things I got blamed for everything that they went through. They told so many lies about me, they disrespect me, I only hear from them when they want something, I've been called names used, you name it, I've been there. I've cried so many times over them. I found out 3 years ago what I was dealing with. I had to go gray rock I had to heal the pain they put me through. I know they will never change but I still pray and love them. Its so hard. I got out of a 10 year torture chamber with one only to realize my kids were narcissistic too. Its a sad lonely life. God bless, stay strong.❤❤❤❤❤😢😢😢🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I have 2 children. I was sure 1 was a narc but now coming to realize the other is...I been trying build a relationship with her and family for several years and blew up and blamed me for talking to the other child 😢. I understand what your going thru..hang I'm there...
@@Threedivasgrandma its hard I know, I've been blamed for things that never happened. I can't change them, I also tried for years. I had to go grey rock, but I know how to deal with them now and I let go of all the stuff they punt me through. I wish things were normal with them but its not and I can't make them better, I did everything constantly for them, all the times. With not as much as a thank you. Swell. Over been through too much. With my ex narc, my dad, and my. Kids no, more. I love them but it has to be from a distance most of the time now.I can't and I won't play. Their games anymore where I'm always the loosed. Stay strong, we got this, just don't react, don't argue and don't let them see you upset, they love it, it makes them feel. Good when they can make you feel bad. Don't do it.❤❤❤❤🙏🙏👍👍👍👍
I have twin 38 yr old narcissist sons. So hateful. My youngest son treats me well. We are in a farming business together, but the insanity of these 2 is very stressful. They say I favor my youngest son & as well I should. He takes care of me, laughs with me, & respects me. I wake each morning feeling scared inside. Too much stress.
My narcissistic mother would say this!
@@toddhastings5548 would say what? Please explain.
When your children are young they dance on your feet .Some when they are older dance on your heart
A broken hearted mom .
Indeed. Though i would say they 'trample' on your heart.
And probably dance on our graves.. 💔
My adult daughter is a narcissist. I'd been pacifying and enabling her most of her life and finally I had enough of her bullying. Long story short, she has cut off all contact. I haven't seen my grandsons in years. I am working on healing, but it's been a long, painful journey. I'll always love her, but I see no path forward with her.
We're in the same boat. For me, I am just realizing this. I was just thinking that if I pacified her, she would have the control she wanted. It's been 20+ years of this and I am just now getting it. We look at partners, friends, even sibling or other family members, but your own child??? It is very painful realization that you have been bullied for years and you were unaware. When it finally hits you, it feels like a ton of bricks. I decided that I should distance myself now, having been shunned and isolated for so long. She reacted as expected.
😔
I'm so afraid of losing her completely. It's why I continue to try, knowing how she'll talk to me when we talk. She's my only child! I can't let go. 😪
My daughter cut contact with me this week, forever she says. I feel your pain. ❤
This happened to me just today. My adult daughter discarded me. I have grandchildren too, and I am sure it'll be the same for us. I feel for everyone going through this. Prayers to you!!
I learned something very important from this challenging relationship with my adult daughter. I thought if I could be kind enough or generous enough than she wouldn't be so difficult and she would love me and be appreciative of all I've done for her. HA! Fat chance! As long as I kept giving she kept taking. I had to end it once my tolerance level hit an all time high. I've spent the time away from her healing myself and giving me the love and kindness I gave her. I'm loving me and it's been an enjoyable ride. Maybe I have given her an incentive to change or maybe not. Either way I am FREE!
I hear ya. I know the story too well.
Lucky you I'm still suffering
@@ladyredd6857 I am still suffering. Since I backed away she made an evil switch and has now done the unthinkable!
Congratulations! I’ve just started my healing. 😊💕
I just blocked my abusive daughter in all way! She took money from me one day ago, when in bad mood she accused me as abusive mother all along, I asked if so why she asked money from me and took it and then gets nasty, she said my generosity was just to gain control over her, how ridiculous that is.
I have 2 highly narcissistic adult children. It's the same no matter what. You have to go no contact to protect your sanity.
Me too. 2+ years now of almost no contact with my two adult kids. After a brief one on one visit with them this summer I am closing the door further. There is nothing to be done and I need to live my own toxic free life.
Peace!
My daughter beat on me for four hours one day and she was smiling. She is sadistic. I am over 70 years old. She even turned a dinner table upside down over onto the floor at a family Christmas dinner inside of a restaurant and then stomped out of the restaurant disrupting all of the guests and staff and we had to immediately get out.
I totally agree. The less contact I have with my narcissist daughter the more peace their us in my life.
Maybe you need to focus inward. Blaming your children and going no contact with TWO of YOUR OWN kids says a lot more about you than them. A narcissist doesn’t come out of nowhere.
@@Teenywing Sunshine stay in your own lane you do not know what you are talking about. Walk a mile in our moccasins. You are giving advice without the degree.
Yup. Feeling blamed. For everything. I'm not perfect. I've apologize for that. For 15 years. I've had enough shunning. Moving on.
I hear you. I was a single parent, no help from their Dad. Now he's a Saint, and I was wrong. Hang in there. We learn to live with the pain, don't we?
@@ladyliberty5771 Yes. 💗
I told my daughter that the ball and chain coming off. And if she rather hates me and the love she might have for me is not enough, so be it. It's time to find someone else to blame for EVERYTHING.
You must move on. For your own self preservation.
An adult child with borderline personality disorder is equally devastating for the parent and anyone else who loves the child. Absolute nightmare..
The parent is the problem
Ok but bpd has a lot to do with trauma and most people with it go into remission, especially with help.
People with bpd are also very likely to try to hurt or kill themselves so maybbbeeeee word things a little less horribly
@@thisperson9758 😢😢😢yes! It’s the most painful mental illness there is,…
Hellooooooo
This describes my eldest daughter. It is exhausting dealing with this with anyone close to you not just a partner. My daughter is 43 years old and she is getting worse as she ages. It's aweful, I just told her not to come to my home anymore.
She comes here disrupts my household to an extreme and abuses me in front of my grandchildren. While using foul language puts me down, gaslights me, etc.
She lies about me to people and is extremely jealous of me. She has turned my two granddaughters against me. She is also very entitled, minipulative and controlling to an extreme. This leaves me a mess for weeks after she leaves and hurts deeply. I've tried so hard to have a healthy relationship with a very unhealthy daughter. She goes to therapy in short spurts and lies to and minipulates the therapist. She gets young new therapists that are trying to get their license, so have little experience. She then quits after a few visits. I can't and won't do it anymore.
My daughter does the same. Weaponizes the grandchildren against me. I may go no contact with the entire tribe
@@rochellet1333 I finally realized I have no choice, but to stay away from her and my 3 grandchildren. 2 of which are turning out like her. I tried really, really tried, but you cannot have a healthy relationship with a very mentally unhealthy person.
Stay away from her
You are just describing my 32 year old daughter. I have just taken time out from her and I feel so good mentally.
Been there too. I feel for you. That must hurt so bad. Both my kids took after their father, who is Narc + Bipolar. It took me decades of marriage 25 yrs to find out. I knew he was bipolar but later realized he is a Malignant Narcissist too. Both kids turned out to be Narcs too. Devastating. They don't want to see me, but use me when they need free labor or dog sitting. I'm going grey rock now. Stay strong. It is a lonely path but I intend to enjoy it.
My eldest daughter is really narcissistic. Her father was really narcissistic. The older she gets the worse it gets. It is so horrible to deal with. She is disrespectful to an extreme, blames me for everything that she did wrong in her life. She rages continuously, makes false accusations, puts me down, smears me to others, uses my grandchildren as a weapon, only is nice when she wants something from me and once she gets it, she goes back to the mean, disrespectful behavior, she is so jealous of me and I could never understand this, on & on
I know what you’re talking about. It is so painful. My only daughter & her husband got everything from me but my skin for their drum. She is so entitled to everything, so manipulative even for giving me a chance to see the grandkids.
My daughter does the same thing to me it's so bad she won't let me see my first grand baby, talks bad about me to others, she's constantly talking about the past trying to make me feel bad .I'm done with the foolishness, I refuse to live the rest of my life stressful. Outta site Outta mind
It’s the toughest!
I know this so well. My heart breaks.
Hi no worries God has the last call n say .I feel your pain. The best thing to do is stay far away from her n her madness
My ex-husband (diagnosed narcissist) negatively affected my daughter, despite my best efforts. She is 39. I do not have a genuine relationship with her, as she will not allow it. I have been fighting FOR HER, to no avail. And I’m exhausted. I’ve had to remove myself from her target field. It is heartbreaking.
I am thankful my son sees the reality of our situation.
So many heart-breaking stories, clearly, I am not alone. I am 59 with stage 4 cancer and I mentioned to my daughter about her lack of contact, now doesn't want to speak to me. Father's Day just passed without so much as a text. Her mother is a narcist and feeds into my daughter's narcissistic behaviors and acceptance, no longer looking to the other parent for a different outlook. Her mother is saying don't worry about having kids and a family, even though her mother has had the full benefit of having a family. I am most assuredly heartbroken, but mostly I fear the very unhappy life she will have ahead of her when her life breaks down and she has nobody left.
The sad truth is that turnips don't produce peaches. If you've been abused and rejected by an adult child, count your blessings; the scapegoat escapes! This is your chance to finially work on yourself as we surely needed to, whether we knew it or not, before we had children. It may feel like your life was misspent but it's not over. Learn to parent yourself. Heal and build some healthy relationships while you still can.
Wise words.
Yes, it's been years now and life is just slipping away. Opportunities gone. Credit ruined. No hope. How did this get so bad? Morality & Respect seem to have hitailed it outta here. The undermining head games are dangerous.
Wow, my own kid. Who would have thought?
@rosejett32 Yes, Rose, it's dreadful. Going through the day-to-day, caring for our children, no one imagines the rejection, the neglect, the abuse that so many now suffer. It's unimaginable. But here we are at our final chapters. We still have choices to make. Nearly everyone who enters this realm will experience betrayal to one degree or another. It's one of life's greatest tests. Even Jesus, the Son of God, endured betrayal. How we deal with betrayal and who we are on the other side of it is more significant than the betrayal itself. All I know is that, if you allow it, bitterness will smother out our faith and all hope. Unforgiveness and self-righteousness, if we harbor them, will choke the love of God right out of our hearts. This is the real battle we face, every moment of every day... I prayed that I might see them as God sees them, love them as God loves them, and forgive them as God forgives them. I chose to love from a distance if necessary. Just the other day, I met with my daughter after two years. We both agreed that we didn't want the last time we'd seen each other to be the last time. We can do better. So I treated this visit that just happened as if it were the last time I'd ever see her. I wanted her to feel loved, accepted, appreciated and forgiven so that when I'm gone she will be able to feel good about me, about herself and about our relationship. It was a good visit...
❤
@@SaintTrinianz Raising my daughter was the best years of my life until she became a covert narcissist. I tried desperately to make something of our relationship. Impossible!!! Now, I’m feeling confident and hopeful that my final years are going to be my best.
Finally had a nervous breakdown and heartattack and realized I needed to cut ties for my own safety...they have lied soooo much and put me in harms way I'm literally afraid of them
My husband and both adult daughters are Narcissistic, I am the scapegoat. I am in therapy as a result. I am 66. I feel like running away.
You cutt of from them?
@@sharoncowart2206 Do it! But take your husband to the bank first.
There’s running away, and, there’s running towards. I’d say you’d be running towards. Towards a happy, peaceful life. ❤️
My son is a cruel sadistic narcissist. He has no moral compass, no love or empathy. My husband died from covid 23 months ago. We told him he couldnt come here with the virus. He came anyway. Gave it to me and his dad. My husband was dead in 4 days. My son showed no emotion or empathy. Not one tear. He abandoned me totally the day my husband died. Left me here all alone in shock and grief. Didnt call or text. He moved in with some random girl we had never even met. I hsd a total mental breakdown. I never thought id recover from and was diagnosed with severe PTSD. My own.son has tried to destroy my very soul. Hes malicious has has no heart or soul. I decided if he kept this behavior towards me, it would kill me. So i decided no contact in any way. No mother deserves this abuse. Im still recovering from the breakdown. If i keep on with his cruel behavior ill be in a mental institution or worse. This all started the day my husbsnd of 47 years died from Covid. All i think is "why" !!😢😢
God have mercy. My son is close to thus but I think yours is worse. Sooo incredible wrong. I'm having to cut contact with my 36 year old son. I have been cussed threatened and bullied to unbelievable measures to the near edge of mental breakdown. He has tried unbelievable tactics. I believe the only thing left is physical violence. I'm at a point of working on saving my own life after macectomy stage 3b breast cancer. And other health issues. He speaks of getting my $$$ what I have when I pass away and how he will abandon me when I'm in Desperate need. I understand what your dealing with
I’m so sorry and i’m praying God help and hold you up. In Jesus name🙏✝️🕊❤️🩹amen
@@SherryBowie-j4m Narcissism is a demonic spirit that has taken hold of your son. He has allowed it but now has lost control. Stay away from him. Let him go.
@@pcarr51 I’m changing my power of attorney and living trust because I believe it’s dangerous to allow a narcissist to have control over an elderly person. All narcissists love money. Some how I will convey to my child that the living trust she has is changed.
This was like hearing a description read out of our daughter and her behaviour. She’s in her early 40s, very physically beautiful, twice divorced and has three daughters who haven’t seen their father for many years and are now estranged from their loving stepfather as well. I was her target from the time she was a child but she now refuses to speak to her father, and has convinced her older brother to see us in the same light she does, after we’d had a close relationship with him and his wife and children. Our youngest son is a little more able to see what’s happening, but she’s trying hard to rope him in as well. We’ve had to step back and bear the heart break of realising that this may never change, and that our grandchildren may never be part of our lives. We love them all deeply and pray for them and that they’re happy and successful without hurting others. We get on with our lives and are grateful for the tender mercies of God.
@@sandyg7291 It’s just not enough for a narcissist to hate you, but they want everyone else to hate you too.
My daughter is trying to triangulate my dear husband against me but to no avail because we have a good relationship. He doesn’t want anything to do with her. He finally sees the insanity on his own.
We had to break all ties with our son he was so toxic. We realized he was going to kill us one way or another. Our life is the best it's ever been. We're retired and are like two school kids. We never realized how he was affecting our lives. Don't let anyone ruin your life or make you sick just because they are family. You'll never believe the relief you'll feel after they are truly out of your life for good!
Thank you for this!
You can only keep trying for so long.
@@kathleenchapman3890 The same with me and my husband. After the dust settled from being discarded, we realized our whole future is wide open. The possibilities are endless. What a blessing in disguise.
It's totally heartbreaking when you finally realize there is nothing you can do. I pray continually for my daughter who suffers from this personality disorder. It has affected the whole family, and her only grandparents still alive. It is truly a sad thing.
I have only one daughter. She destroyed me. She changed drastically the moment she got married so I'm thinking that her husband may be behind it because I never see him, he never calls and when we do meet, there is no eye contact and he avoids me. I've done all I can to help her with her children. To be honest, for the sake of the children, whom I adore, I've taken a lot of abuse. Now I'm being punished for daring to question something she did to me. She kicked me out of her house and told me never to go again. A few years ago, I might have called and begged to see the children, but I've now reached a point where I just can't take anymore of her disrespectful and often abusive behaviour. I miss my grandchildren and I fear they'll forget the bond we've forged between us.😢
I’ve given up hope of having a relationship with my only granddaughter. I can’t bear to see the terrible parenting anyway. They leave her 10 days at one family and a month later 5 days with another family in another state. They’re incredibly selfish, materialistic and conceited. Good riddance.
@@beaglerescue5281 I'm so sorry you, too, are going through this nightmare. But don't grandparents have some visitations rights in the US? We don't have any rights here in my country, unfortunately, which is so unfair. You could check with your legal advisor maybe. Best of luck, dear.
@@szendrich I get to see her about once a month for an hour or two when I use to take care of her 3-6 days a week. It’s best for my mental health to let her go and enjoy the times I do get to be with her.
@@beaglerescue5281 You're right. At least you do get to see her once a month. Seeing her on an almost daily basis will make it harder for you to let go. I used to see my grandchildren once a week. Now I haven't seen them for over a month and don't know if I ever will again. It broke my heart, but I can't take anymore abuse from their mother, so unless her attitude changes, it's best for my mental health to stay away. Thanks very much for sharing your experience. It makes me feel less alone to know there are others like me. xx
@@szendrich Empaths have a responsibility to change our behavior. A great quote is “People treat you how you let them.” I was hoping my daughter would grow out of this bad behavior. I didn’t know she was a narcissist until a few months ago. Now I know it’s never going to change. In fact, many comments say it gets worse with age. I finally have the support of my husband who use to say I was too sensitive. Now he is a target of her manipulation and he’s in shock. They’re not going to change but we can, and I already have. I use grey rock all the time and it’s so incredibly powerful. Because I got over her and my granddaughter fairly quick, my daughter attempted a love bombing phone call. I was so ready. We were chatting like old times but I didn’t fall for it meaning putting my guard down and trusting her. She even said, I love you at the end.” I handle that fake, caring phone call like a champ.
God bless you in your journey. Keeping narcissists at a distance is gift. Be grateful for the peace and joy, and let go of that dream of a happy, loving family.
My estranged daughter who is a narcissist is just as this man speaks. I couldn't play this 31 year old adult childs games anymore, so I sealed the deal = block and banned her from coming back around. Best thing we ever did....
@@stevewells8646 Congratulations 🎉
Just saying, "No" in a non confronting manner or correction, or just in general conversation cause a huge emotional injury for the narcissistic child.
I have experienced that over and over no is a bad word with a Narcissist
They seem to love saying it themselves though 😅@@StarseedAgenda
my daughter and her husband are users, entitled and only like wealthy people. They are upper middle class or lower upper class. Their false front is sickening sweet. I find good, honest, supportive friends the best therapy.
thats the correct description of narc. they adore rich people and always pretend they are the rich and beautiful; despite empty pocket. their false front is extremely sweet, always love bomb others; and very holy(go church very often), always play victim (pitiful)... wait till u see their real evil soul.
You are blessed to have supportive friends.
I resonate with this one
Sadly when one parent is a narcissist children are used to triangulate against the sane parent. I think children learn to remain on the narcissists good side for their own protection and that behavior becomes ingrained as an adult.
Very insightful. This rings true for me on both accounts.
That's how it happened with me and my children
You can't marry a narcissist and expect zero chance of a narcissistic child, it's all about inheritance, most narcissists who end up with narcissistic children have either married a person who is half narcissist or another pure narcissist so the child inherits a gene from each parent and it determines the child's fate too, either half narcissist or pure narcissist, look at it like sickle cell disease, a child either ends up a sickler or a carrier but the carrier also has more chances of giving birth to a sickler Incase he or she married another carrier or a pure sickler so imagine the misery of a narcissist being born with a condition sickening to self and those around and they themselves can't tell why they are what they are and you telling them only makes them worse each time. It's like telling the child who inherited good genes why they can't be narcissist. It's not behavior of upbringing though environment shapes some behaviours in us but what is genetically inherited remains and no parent or amount of healing can heal that reality, neither can the narcissist themselves fix self. Only God can do that miracle
@deebee4622 this is so true. This happened to me. They made up horrible, delusional untruths about me. Slandered me to all that would listen. It's evil to the core.
@@deebee4622 Generally, the masses stay on the good side of any bully.
I have a child who comes to visit but it always feels like an obligatory visit rather than coming because she misses me. I would rather have no visit at all than to have some come out of obligation. She is rude covertly and has no encouragement to offer me when I have spent a lifetime of encouraging her in what she was doing that was good. I did the unforgivable and that was to correct her a couple of time, that was enough to cause her to hate me.
I hear you ❤ So sorry to hear there are so many painful stories out there- I thought I was the only one that has a child who hates his mother
I made that mistake too. Never correct a narcissist. They’ll make you pay. Very revengeful.
I have seen all of this in extended family, we were raised in a narcissistic culture and have seen it grow exponentially in the past few years.
I've realised it goes right down the generations in that lunatic family I grew up in, I don't even know these younger ones but they bad mouth me and smearing my reputation. Through education with these videos and reading comments I'm able to deal with it all much better. It's ridiculous childish behaviour.
@@Sweepee-v2v Your story is becoming more common all the time. I am in communication with lots of people who have nearly exactly the same story. People who have never met us hate us because of gossip.
One thing that I realized after watching this video is to get my paperwork in order in case I get sick. I don't want my narcissist son making end of life or any medical decisions for me. I also do not want him to gain any access to my money. He's a treacherous human being who has hurt a lot of people. It's not about what he did to me so much, it's about what he did to his children and his baby mamas. Using the children as pawns when he doesn't get his way. Name calling, barking orders like a dictator and disrespecting people.
You owe him nothing
@angelamwatts I've already told my sister if anything happens to me, do not contact any of them. They're not worthy.
@@angelamwatts I’m doing the same. It’s not out of a place of revenge but of safety for my life. All narcissists love money. Some will kill for it.
"The more you give, the more they demand."
Yes, sir. You perfectly explained why a former romantic interest was never satisfied despite the distance that I went.
Awful ungrateful relentless with no satisfaction for anything we do, only satisfaction is when they hurt us. I can't stand them for a second around me.
Watching your video Darren was like you were directly describing my eldest daughter. Since I became widowed (13 years ago) her behaviour has been so controlling. Its like walking on glass and I tried very hard to keep the peace. Her latest outrage has been so misguided towards her sister and myself that I am breaking contact with her for my own sanity. My heart is broken by her words. She has tried to manipulate my finances but I resisted thank goodness. She even tried to persuade me to sign a form at the doctor's to give my permission not to resusitate me should I need to be. All I am to her now that the grandchildren are not needing childcare is a bank balance. It totally destroys your sense of worth. I sometimes feel that I don't want to be in this world anymore and feel hated by her. So....I'm keeping away from her until I'm in a better place to try and ignore her behaviour. So very very sad.
Let her go, she's out to destroy you. Keep her out your life. She sees you as grovelling wimps and has zero respect for you. These people are very dangerous, the days of sweet little child is gone, this is what's become.
Connect with other parents going they this. Stay strong and know it’s not you. This generation was spoken about in the Bible. They are here!
Please be careful and very cautious. I am all to familiar with this type of scenario. What you said really concerns me as I do believe your daughter is a narcissist and a "Malignant Narcissist" at that. Please read up on the topic of Malignant Narcissism and the "Dark Triad." Malignant Narcissist are capable of anything and everything. I have been down this road and it is an absolute horror show.
Accept you are hated by her & kick her out your mind !!
Keep going !!❤❤❤❤❤
I feel bad for you and recommend what i did :adopt furbabies a dog or cat or both and invest in them and leave the money to them or an animal rescue shelter who actually deserves it.
My youngest daughter is a narcissist and the problem is she is a paraplegic from a car accident and she lives with me. I feel so stuck because I am blamed for everything bad in her life. I feel like I live in Hell on earth. I am an empath which makes it even more challenging.
Run away!
Learn to grey rock as much as you can. Play dumb sometimes. Find some other way for her to get supply that doesn’t involve you. And pray for guidance. As an empath you have an advantage to become immune to a narcissist. Keep emotional distance as if she was your acquaintance. That will keep her stuck in the ‘love bombing’, polite phase.
@@stoptheindoctrination7782 Try not to take it personal. Laugh at her when she says outrageous thing. Try to be happy and light no matter how vitriol. Grey rock means you show no emotion to the bad behavior.
Where do you suggest we find a support network that doesn't blame us for our narcissistic children being narcissists? So far, it doesn't seem that exists. Social media, including UA-cam, is beyond judgmental and cruel to parents of narcissists. Churches are awful. My daughter found that even a battered women's support program was terrible. Quite a few therapists have been awful. Friends and acquaintances are utterly clueless and extremely judgmental and lacking in understanding. Etc. . . . . . Really tired of being told to find a support network and friends who get it. WHERE? HOW?
It is extremely difficult. Most people don’t understand how a narcissist is formed. And yes, while parenting styles could affect it, the narcissist comes to this world with that trait. I hope I don’t offend you but I believe in the Bible and that Adam and Eve were some of the best parents this world has ever seen, but clearly they weren’t perfect as they partook of the fruit. They had Able and Cain. Both I’m sure were raised the same way. Some people are just evil in nature, and it’s hard for most of humanity to accept that. I have seen the kindest most loving person in this whole world that I’ve ever met, and she came from two narcissistic parents (her father would put the devil to shame). I have also seen good parents trying hard and honestly in the best way they could only to end up with sick demented children. Nature and nurture both play huge roles but at the end of the day by the time your child is an adult the behavior patterns have become a CHOICE. You are not to blame. I wish I could give you a big hug. Sometimes you have to be your own champion! 🎉 You can do it! I’ve been doing it alone for a few years, trying to help friends and family understand what narcissism is, slowly they are coming around. Yours will too someday. Don’t lose hope. ❤
@cjolley3341 I'm not offended. You make total sense and I completely agree with you. ❤️
Great idea to start a meet up group!
My son came home from college different person. Where as he was loving, thoughtful and caring before or so I thought, he had become cold, distant and selfish. His broke up with his girlfriend of 10 years who loved him deeply but was relegated to 'puppy love' as he put it. I will never forget the agony she went through after the breakup because like everyone else she thought he was her happy ever after. Where there was a time he would never swear in my presence he now does it I believe for shock value. He also has started drinking as well. He married and it ended in divorce and as time went on and from putting bits and pieces together I now believe he was a terror to live with. My grandson showed me a picture of a broken chair and said "Daddy did it" with anger in his voice. His ex-wife claims he choked her and at first I didn't believe it but now I do wonder if it was so.
After years of devaluing and constant criticism of me blaming me for everything, my last straw is when he started devaluing me in front of my grandson whom I fear is being hurt by his daddy with the same devaluing and criticism he does to me. I decided to go no contact to keep my sanity. It breaks my heart because he uses my grandson by keeping him away from. I never would have thought this be my life in a million years and my only child would be the one who is doing it.
@@cjolley3341 I learned that Narcissist are created. It can be because of one or both parents- OR- because of a relationship with a narcissist. Moreover, if one or bothe of your parents are narcissist the chances are high that you will date or marry a narcissist. This pattern will continue until one learns from the lesson. Lastly, you could also become an empath, due to having a narcissist parent or parents.
In my case, My mother was a narcissist. I'm an empath.
I ended up in a long-term relationship with a narcissist. I also have a daughter who I had to come to terms with that she's indeed a narcissist, derived from her father. I've been studying personality disorders for the past 8 years and it's mind blowing as well as boggling, yet true.
Boundaries is the way to go unless or until that no longer works. At that point, no contact needs to be the next immediate step. When you learn that you're dealing with a narcissist, you must make an intentional decision to save yourself first. Otherwise, prepare for misery and a slow death.
It IS heartbreaking. 😢 My daughters each had their rough patches from overwhelming stress in school & after graduation, but by 30yo, the older is aware of her anxiety, seeing a therapist & is organically more grateful. 🙏🏼 Our younger daughter, however, is still upsetting the family. From watching numerous narcissism videos and reading all of the heartbreaking comments from so many people of different ages, I’ve realized my husband & I have unconsciously “taught” our narcissistic traits, so we have to focus on repairing ourselves, not her. She is who she is. We cannot change her. We won’t tolerate her verbal abuse, & until we feel at peace, low-contact is necessary.
Thank You. I gave too much, I blame myself. I did it because I had a narc family. I wanted tgem to have all I didnt.
One Parent can be the scapegoat!!🐐 I've never really seen this subject addressed in much length.Thank you Darren for addressing this.
I made the mistake of calling my 45 year old daughter out tonight. I feel like I lost her because of it.
Ahhh, mine is almost 30, and the same has happened to me. At least you tried ❤
@@jwoldner3926 Good! You need to lose that loser. Let her go. She does not love, respect or care one once for you. Why would you miss such a cruel person.
Let the dream go.
I had a battle from aged 11-31 when I was dropped like a hot brick. We had been on a family trip together. Less than a month later I had a cancer scare. I only told her because she saw me distressed when I bumped into her. I had been on a call at that moment to the hospital . I was told “ I can’t be worrying about your health “
Before this I had the full gambit of abuse
Update:
I realise now that when I saw her in the street unexpectedly she saw how I really felt about her.
I saw a video which said if you want to know how people perceive you surprise them and watch their reactions to you. If they genuinely like you they appear delighted.
Well, I guess I couldn’t hide my fear of her and contempt. So in a way although she may not realise her reaction was appropriate at that moment.
She saw how I feel about her and dropped me. It’s been 4+ years now, almost 5 since I have spent time with her.
Oh I feel you. I had a tumour removed a few years ago (it was benign but I didn't know that until afterwards) and my daughter was really irritated that I was unwell, and when I asked her to be slittle less rude to me the following day, she snapped "you're a hypochondriac like your mother."
Such a mouth on her, she was 22 then 😅
I'm laughing, but it's not funny. It's horrible, sorry you went through that x
Darren, thank you for this video. It's heartbreaking when you have tried so hard to raise and nurture children to become decent adults that then become destructive, sadistic adults with no empathy whatsoever. I searched for a video that might help me understand. I am always at fault, according to them, but then no explanation of what it is they feel the problem is. They have become bullies, and unless I do exactly as they say and believe exactly what they believe, I am a non-person. I was an empath married to a narcissist that had been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder on top of narcissism. Our children are becoming exactly who they said they didn't want to become--their father. As an empath, I didn't believe/understand people could have hurtful intentions toward others. Boy, was I wrong ! I truly believe there is a spiritual component happening in our world as well that is influencing our children. I'm sick and tired of seeing good parents blamed for their adult child in a world where self indulgence is all you see. My oldest son's 1st grade assignment was "All about me", a compilation of just how wonderful I am. Having a healthy self image is one thing; this was another. It is a nightmare to be caught in a sadistic mind game with rules they make up as they go with always the same outcome--control, manipulation and punishment of some kind. I finally had to step away completely to save my sanity. I feel like there is no healing from this.
Thank you for taking the time to make this video.
I think the same as you, they're definitely on the dark side somehow 🤔 it's just a hopeless situation. Very hurtful 💔 I can't find any way to heal 💔 but I keep focusing on the freedom from abuse and also never being suckered back for more, they never change, it's deep into their soul.
I think deep rejection of connection isn't taught - it's like congenital pain insensitivity, it's something they were born with. Maybe a few gave up on connection, but I think with most it wasn't that they were interested in connection but then events put them off wanting connection, they were just never interested in it from the day they were born.
@@cairosilver2932 I agree with this! My daughter did not have a traumatic childhood. She had a fantastic childhood. But it’s dangerous to take pity on them. I’m letting go. There’s nothing anyone can do to help them. She knows something is seriously wrong.
My late older brother was a narcissist. Least said soonest mended. On a positive note, I looked at him as the antithesis of a role model and vowed I would never behave like him towards my parents or anyone else.
Thanks to Darren for bringing this information forward to those who suffer dreadfully. So many heart-breaking stories, clearly, I am not alone. I am 59 with stage 4 cancer and I mentioned to my daughter about her lack of contact, now doesn't want to speak to me. Father's Day just passed without so much as a text. Her mother is a narcist and feeds into my daughter's narcissistic behaviors and acceptance, no longer looking to the other parent for a different outlook. Her mother is saying don't worry about having kids and a family, even though her mother has had the full benefit of having a family. I am most assuredly heartbroken, but mostly I fear the very unhappy life she will have ahead of her when her life breaks down and she has nobody left.
My daughter's therapist believed she had both bipolar and borderline, but since she wasn't 18 yet, wouldn't diagnose her as such. At 19 she moved across the country with a bf.
Whenever she calls, she talks and rants, and if I tell her I can't hear her (uses headphone) she gets mad and says this is why she had to leave.
I tried to call today and tell her a funny story. It only irritated her and she went back into my not listening to Her. She always claims to have a sore throat, using this excuse for several years now. 🙄
She has no interest in asking how i am or her father (on hospice). She hurts me so badly, but I try not to let her know. She says hurtful things and stays very detached, while gushing about people she knows. It's so painful.
I’m so sorry Jennifer. So sad and so unjust. If you want please pray to God. He knows and sees all ❤️
Devastating / Extremely depressing and constantly threatened and lied about and being forced to live in fear. I had to call the police ten times on one of my children. Their hatred and verbal abuse never ceases. One of my children is impossible to please and accuses me of never being right or good enough. Their goal is to destroy any and all of my happiness, joy or peace.
They're so cruel. And it's true that they never ever change. I have dumped every single family I grew up with, also my three daughters. It's a thread running right through the whole lot of them. I have my youngest son who loves me and that's it. They all hate him and try to corrupt him but he's having none of it. These people are the Devil's own for sure.
I actually cried listening to this. My eldest daughter stopped speaking to me 3 weeks ago today because I said no to childcare once when I said yes the other hundred times.( my grandson is highly autistic) She never calls me to say hi how are you mum. If I challenge her once, this happens! I've chased her so many times.s and given into demands - I need to make a stance this time for my own mh. Her husband has become worse than her being told to constantly do her bidding. He doesnt stand up. I'm sad yet I've had enough. I haven't seen grandchildren for few weeks. Thank you for this video.... it was a perfect representation of what I'm going through.
My three daughters partners all hate me with a passion, the things I've had said to me and accusations is beyond belief, what gets me is I still tried to be alright with them all, but educated now. I wiped them all out and I'll never ever spend a second around them again. I never thought I'd get past the loss, now the loss is freedom and peace I'm no longer grieving because it's over. I'm nobody's fool. These were out to destroy me!
@@Sweepee-v2v *Yay...music to my ears...When someone*
*recognizes "ENOUGH is ENOUGH!" Good for you Fiona!*
@TrudyPatootie thanks very much for your comment. 😃
@@Sweepee-v2v *We did NOT*
*have children to be abused by them*
*Fiona! When we are Done...WE ARE*
*DONE! Everyone has a breaking point!*
*Merry Christmas!* 🎄💖
@TrudyPatootie never did I imagine my own children would ever turn on me , and to the extreme. Yes I'm absolutely done I'll never be suckered in again. Thanks again for your message 😊 have a great Christmas and best wishes for new year 💐
What they do is never aknowledge or validate your feelings .
The hate blame game and the way they downplay your hard work parenting them is beyond despicable .
I blame myself for being a stay at home mom and expecting some appreciation and love.
All i feel from 2 out of 3 adult children is hate
Thank you for this message Darren. It resonates with me on many different levels.
❤❤❤My adopted daughter raised as a single parent college and masters dumped me and left me in debt. 75 years old now and heartbroken!
Gotta love the narc kids flying in here to say "not meeee!"
There are already countless videos dealing with narc parents. Videos dealing with the other side of the coin have their place as well.
💯
Same goes for the adults! The oh poor me my child is a narc, all the while not admitting that they themselves caused the child to be that way! Hard to tell through text. I'd bet blood and money that there are some on here saying their child treats them bad, but Don't reveal they beat, abused, or neglected the child when young!
@@Nikki-T They're slow af.
*I am 76...My Narcissist daughter is 53. Her father is a Narcissist so there is that genetic*
*link. I was a young mom at 20 with my oldest and followed by a baby that I gave very*
*little consequences to. So there is the environmental Nature/Nurture element. The*
*perfect storm. Divorced at 22 with 2 children.*
*I have been used and verbally abused...and so has her sister since childhood. As a*
*teenager she would go weeks without speaking because I had displeased her somehow.*
*This led through her life and I was always the one to "chase after her" to make amends.*
*Only to be dismissed again over some infraction. And the chase would begin again.*
*I have gotten extensive therapy on this issue and Grey rocked for 5 years until Jan.'21*
*That is when I cut her off. She said these magic words to me, "You NEVER Learn do you?*
*The flame I carried for her in my heart was blown out. PFFFFFFFFfft Just like that.*
*I knew that I was done. Flying monkeys came and went. I told each one that it was* *between my daughter and I. I am NOT sad...I am not angry...I am not happy about it. I*
*am indifferent. We live in separate states, but if she would walk into my home I would*
*feel the same as if a lamp was put into my home. Indifferent and now free of pain. Thank*
*you for allowing me to share Darren. I went to the lawyer and had her removed from my*
*will. Her sister hasn't spoken to her in 20 years. I give my love to her.*
*UNCONDITIONAL LOVE does NOT mean unconditional tolerance!*
*I do want to add that strict boundaries were put in place when I employed Grey Rock.*
*Disrespect me and I hang up or walk out etc.*
Fantastic! ❤😊
@@Sweepee-v2v *Oh Fiona..*
*It is absolutely fantastic. I finally put*
*my feelings before hers and decided*
*I did NOT want to go the rest of my life*
*with her. D.O.N.E!*
*I had always thought...well, she's my*
*daughter and we've butted heads and*
*made up... MADE up to what? Good Lord*
*It only took me 50 years to realize what*
*a monster she is, but once awakened*
*I was in charge. Freedom at last! Thanks*
*Fiona!*
Thank you for this video❤. My son is 19, his father is highly narcissistic. When we divorced my son was 10 years old, and that hard time and my ex doing his most evil outlashes towards me - I think that is when this trait developed in my son as well. He learned that women are to be highly disrespected and I am the cause of all bad in this world. For the last 9 years, I have begged, tried to talk, tried to ask for forgiveness for things I have not even done- nothing is working, he basically calls me evil, very hurtful names, will not speak to me for years, every time I call and beg, he totally changes the dialogue, he tells every small detail differently to others, he blames me for everything, and I cannot do anything or say anything that gives him peace. I lost all boundaries and if he does pick up the phone, it basically will change into him bullying me. Even the smallest most innocent thing mentioned by me from the time of the divorce sets him into either rage or him lashing out at me. I am now totally clueless on how to go from here-I really have tried everything other than giving up. Is that what I should do? He is my only son!
He's only 19. tell him you love him but will not be insulted, disrespected or bullied. Then give him the silent treatment if he continues this outrage. Block him, don't answer texts, don't call him! In a few years he will have had time to think over his disgusting behavior. Then perhaps the two of you can reunite. He definitely needs therapy, but finding a good therapist is a shot in the dark, sorry to say.
@@katepenk thank you for the advice- I had a hard time with the silent treatment and not calling him, because I had a bad conscience and thought that if I do not initiate contact, I am neglecting him… but I have no other choice really ☹️
There's no other solution but let go and stay that way, these are out to destroy us, they don't snap out of it it's become them.
You really must get out of the scarcity mentality! You’re his only mom and look at how he treats you! “Only [whatever]” doesn’t mean you stick around for abuse.
Im in such heartbreak. My 33 yr old daughter had her baby girl a week ago and wont let me see her😢. She has bipolor , depression, anxiety and a personality disorder and narcissist. She blamed me for putting on my breaks to avoid an accident bc she was pregnant. She cussed at me, and told me i wouldn't be in her or babys life. Please pray for her. Macey. My grand baby is Madison. 😢 i cry every day. ✝️ 🙏
Slandering parents to other siblings...how to emotionally handle the triangulation? Also, I feel this is a generational issue. My kids are in their later 30's and I am in my 60's. Thank you!
Makes me sound like a narcissist.... I'm not. I've gone no contact from my narcissistic family and have disowned them. I'm in my 40s as I last had proper contact with my family nearly 30 years ago.....yes they are to blame but I know that they just don't care so I've had enough. I don't use people or expect them to change. My brother is worst. Its annoying that my family aren't universal narcissistic but my dysfunctional family is just impossible for me to live within. I just stay away now and feel better
Same with me but I have not cut contact because our elderly father lives with one of my sisters. I told him once he’s not on this Earth I’ll do it for my mental health and peace.
I have zero contact with my siblings and their families. Nothing ever improves.
My son was diagnosed with Narcisme. To protect myself from his abuse, I had to break up with him. I am getting professional help nog to heal. I am 75.
I'm just wanting to stop being a parent now, I just want to give up, it's absolute torture. I will end up having a heart attack. I hope I do!!!
I feel the same my Son has cut me off. I've not seen my granddaughter for 7 months
May you find the strength to protect yourself and find peace! You deserve it!
I can only control my behaviour, nobody else s
Life is so hard when we have narcissistic children. We have a son and a daughter and our daughter is a wonderful young woman but our son has made our lives very difficult.
Thank you for the sage green background. So much better than that dreary grey that is everywhere on walls it seems throughout most houses. With Narc people in our lives, we need color!
Immature, self-centered, delusional, mean, glib people can't see anything beyond themselves, and having a child will not change those abusive behaviors. The children will suffer greatly and may even learn to behave just like their abusers when they "grow up." Then you will experience an added form of abuse - elder abuse from your own children.
Absolutely 💯
Thank you, this subject was perfect timing for me.
I have two older daughters and family was always so important to me. When they were kids, I tried to make our home full of warmth, food, and a haven of good things. We had a lot of company of family and friends. My youngest began sassing me some and showing some disrespect to me around 6th grade. Over those years occasionally one of her friends would tell me she talked bad about me. I truly thought when she grows up she will wise up and get better, No she got worse. She’s married and has 2 adult daughters married with children, thankfully they love my husband and I and we always had a great relationship with them. Thankfully that daughter lives 2 States away but now that we are elders her and her husband come out every 2 or 3 months. Over the years I’ve come up with things missing, trinkets, pictures, books, things I would give her if she would ask. I draw the line anymore on verbal abuse but to keep peace in the whole family I just deal with her the best I can. I feel like she knows we don’t have a lot of years left and she is now thinking of the inheritance. She pilfers through things when we’re in other end of house. I could write a book on unexplainable crazy things she has done, like she didn’t come see us for over 20 years and we went to their house to visit and see the kids and bond with them and they would cry when we left. After much research and also like this video, I’ve determined she is Narcissistic and I can’t change her. Just so thankful our daughter that lives here is normal and caring.
On two separate occasions, one 15 years ago and again just recently, after not allowing me to have a relationship from birth with my granddaughter and when she realised that I couldn't miss somebody I didn't know, let me get to know, love and adore my granddaughter and then took her away for 12 years and now that she's 18 and acting up, she calls me out of the blue after 12 years of immeasurable pain telling me she wants to reconnect and let me get to meet and talk to my five-year-old granddaughter (I didn't even know she was expecting) then, about a month later, took her away too.
I've spent 12+ years completely ostracised, ignored and shunned by her and was elated and now, I honestly don't want to be here any more.
I'm her mum, HOW could she do this to me twice???
I honestly wouldn't wish this pain on anybody, not anybody!
After extensive therapy, I had only JUST begun to let go and can't do this all over again, not again! 💔
I had the same thing happen, two grandson's. It's awful to get through it and that's exactly how they wanted it to be for us. They're out to destroy and they succeed for a time until we're educated and then their games over. They're so cruel twisting the minds of grandchildren, I'm hated by them and this will not change. I've let go it's just impossible. They get into the very soul of their children.
My story a little different, I don't know the grandkids because we weren't good enough, fast forward husband passed never knowing them, it killed him, this year get a call from sons wife, wanting to know if I will take in middle granddaughter who is 20 and her boyfriend as they have been thrown out of everyone else's homes, I said are you joking, I don't even know her, I don't know you and I damn sure don't know her boyfriend, absolutely not under any circumstances am I allowing strangers into my home. Click and blocked number.
Same luv. Protect yourself now x
I’m so sorry for all you’ve gone through! Please focus on yourself! I know it hard when it’s our kids, but we deserve peace. My daughter, who was one of her narcissistic father’s golden children, goes months, years, without any contact. I just give about the same energy she does. About 8 months ago, she called me to tell me she was pregnant, and suggested I start a blog because of all my parenting experience. Anyway, I didn’t hear from her again, until about 2 weeks after she gave birth. It was a text, with a pic, saying the baby had been born “about 2 weeks” prior. There was no name for the baby, or day she was born. I just texted back, “Congrats! I hope you both are doing well!” That’s all I’ve heard, from her. I KNEW BETTER than to invest any more energy than I did. I didn’t ask for ANYTHING that wasn’t offered. I love my daughter, and my granddaughter. I also love myself! I deserve happiness, peace, and relationships that are built in healthy dynamics. I won’t let myself suffer anymore harm, from my own kids, after I’ve endured so much abuse by their narcissistic father! At some point, enough is enough.
Because they can !!
Get rud and enjoy the rest of your life ❤❤
I have 4 out of 5 with 2 daughters manipulating my 2 sons as flying monkeys. My youngest is the only child at this point. They have different fathers that are all narcissistic. Lack of empathy and entitled. It’s awful. Grey rock or no contact is the only way to go.
My children nearly destroyed me I live inside deep depression any conversation with them is either for money or to criticize me, their father is a covert narcissus who was able to gain many flying monkeys to support his cause , it is gut wrenching I have to go to therapy and support groups to handle the pain, its always my fault and I've absorbed that entirely my kids have made it so I see nothing good about myself 3 of them chose the path of Narcissist they are so critical, there are 1000 rules , they won't be kids they tell everyone how to be parents , financially they despise me if I can't provide , they make social media accounts and get views about they way they behave , they definitely think they are above everyone else , if anyone is reading this you are not alone , there is help. Through therapy ice atleast been able to see it clearly , I don't think it's possible to heal without therapy , atleast for me but I've experienced mostly Narcissist in my life my parents were both Narcissist too
Toxic dad, toxic family, black sheep, toxic partner, toxic friends, toxic children now a toxic grandchild at seven abusing me with my daughter.
Pls Ignore the comments from the trolls, 👹👿👹 who are attacking us parents who have narcissistic kids. Give them zero attention or interaction. There’s one or two in every comment section.
The problem that I have with my adult narcissist daughter is that time has moved on, and she's an adult. We missed an opportunity for healing as her own children went into the care system one by one . The children were everyone's priority. I brought up her eldest and others were brought up in the wider family. That's been very difficult because of the involvement of the courts and social workers, all of whom were highly critical of her, and at times ordered that she didn't see her children. So, yes members of her family, including me, were also critical of her, and she saw that as a breakdown of unconditional love and support that she needed. Her children are mostly grown up now. So there's a possibility that I could reach out to her. Her attitude to me has been consistently insulting since her mid teens, and she was 15 the first time she physically assaulted me. She clearly despises me for being disabled. At one point she actually spat at me because I was totally immobile. I'm still quite fearful of her, although I have to set aside her behaviour as a teenager and judge the risks of having her around by the patterns of violence that she chose as an adult. It's a painful situation but her choices have been dreadful. She's in her mid 40s now and doesn't seem to have the capacity to change.
My second oldest son is a narcissist. His entitled attitude ,blame game ,and gaslighting is so unbearable that everyone of his siblings avoid him.
Very accurate…… you are describing my adult daughter from a VERY young age……. Only recognised the problem very recently.🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much for this video. It is a topic very few will address. I have been struggling with this gif a very long time. And yes, I have to look at my own behavior and determine if I have been trying so hard that I instead enable those bad behaviors. Thanks again!!
I think we may get into the cycle of enabling as parents, because we just don't know what we are dealing with. I mean, we know that adults in partnerships can manifest narcissistic tendencies, but we don't often think of the fact that these adults were once children. My daughter really started showing these traits in her early 20's. I just thought it was separation and individuation that young people go thru. She was a late bloomer. But now that I am looking into the traits a bit more deeply, I am seeing that I have enabled her to treat me just the way she's done. I complied to her wishes in an effort to keep the peace. But's it's been over 20 years and things have gotten worse, not better. Oh, there would be times, when it would seem that there was a light at the end of the tunnel, but that would actually be just a flicker, easily blown out. The idea of having to be so cautious in her presence was debilitating. I'm getting it now, but it hurts a whole lot.
Yes, I too did everything to keep the peace by going into appeasement mode just to hang onto something. I did not know what was really happening with my Ex and have just in the past few years allowed myself to realize the reality of badly my children treat me which is very much like their father did. I am so sorry that you too are experiencing this. It is so darn painful. You are correct that it is debilitating; I have contact due to my grandchildren but pay for that time with them. Sending you hugs!
@@winter-qd4yw ❤❤
@@winter-qd4yw I struggle with the grandchildren piece. If I reach out to her children, they rarely respond. I wonder if they have taken on their mother's attitude of distance. When I was with them at their home, they'd rather I just leave them alone to their "devices" . I never really felt welcomed there and pretty much stayed to myself. I was just there to "watch" them not to interact or have any impact on their lives. I told her how uncomfortable and isolated I felt there, I would be depressed afterwards. So now, I am not too sure how much contact I want to have with them. I wonder if I should just wait for them to reach out to me instead.
Yes, I have similar feelings about everything you said; and explained so well. My oldest grandchild is 14 and I see her change in attitude towards me and see it happening in the ones a bit younger. I believe my ex worked for years on alienating them from me and still does (or told a false narrative that continues and they believe). Regardless, I do believe that they see the way my children treat me and also pass on their “attitude” about me. It breaks my heart because I just want to love them and be something good in their lives AND their examples teach the grandchildren that this is OK so the cycle continues. My oldest lives across the country. For 11 years I spent all my vacation time flying out to visit only to be ignored exactly as you explained. I tried talking about it to her and she lashed out at me. I still kept going because I love them but the last time I visited (5 years ago) it was so hurtful I have not gone back. Now I am reminded of how awful I am for not visiting. It’s a no win situation. I take what time I can get with the younger grandchild but every encounter with my kids to see them wears me down. Sending even more hugs.
I had a narcissistic mother, a miserable father and two narcissistic sisters, and I now have a narcissistic daughter having almost married a narcissistic man.
@@HouseFairyDIY Oh my goodness. Alaska seems nice.
I don’t visit my son and his family. His house is too good for anybody but him and his family. He treats his father and I inferior to himself. He has a better life and does everything better than we ever did. I am a nervous wreck around him because you don’t know when his anger is going to leash out at whoever at the time. I warned his sister that her time would come and it did, at Christmas with my house full of company. We were so embarrassed for his actions.
Time to keep him away. Have no fear either, get cops lawyers whatever, let this nasty one know you're taking no more of his crap. He'll try to kid you he's changed but please never give in.
@@memaw123blank4 Sounds like he’s not good enough for you. Hit the road Jack and don’t you ever come back.
Thanks Darren for this rare topic that is being covered in your presentation. Hard to find this topic, but on that same vein, it is hard to find people talking about their children objectively. I wonder if the conditioning of a narcissistic parent can produce narcissistic characteristic traits in the child. It seems that through reptition, that this could happen. Sometimes, I think that when you make a person try to see their own actions, especially when this acknowledgement does not make them look good, that they can react with vengeance, fury, and anger that is incredibly extreme and vindictive. I have seen this a number of times in people, especially, women in particular, where they will make up the worst lie imaginable about a person, to just get at them for making them see themselves through constructive criticism. Subliminally, it seems that when you try and force the prefrontal cortex to do something that it does not have the ability to do, that is causes frustration, anger, spite, or agitation, in a way. I realize that is crude non scientific conjecture, but it sure seems to hold true, observationally in people.
Exactly. He thinks I owed him a perfect childhood in spite of the narc family and Dad.
My daughter insinuated I was a narcissist. I asked friends and family members wanting to know genuinely if I was and everyone basically said, hell No. Decided to seek professional help, searched for someone that specialized in narcissist disorder. I did not want what they call "a drug store therapist". Long story short, I am the victim of a daughter with narcissist traits. She would not say that my daughter had narcissist disorder without professionally speaking and diagnosing her as one but could professionally diagnose me with not having narcissist disorder. I wish I had known years ago, it would have saved me so much emotional stress.
The fact that you were worried about it shows that you aren't really narcissistic. Narcissists really don't care how you perceive them, they just want what they want. Good on you for getting help and getting free.
@@catalinawoody6954 It’s called projection. The narcissist accuses you of what they are.
There's nothing more I can do. I left and divorced my husband of 28 years. He gave me the silent treatment, which lasted from mid-2018 to when I moved out in early 2021. He did rage at me before covid and called me names (eg. a parasite) Since 2022, my 2 daughters don't respond to my WhatsApp and e-mail communication. The youngest has blocked me on whatsapp since July 2022.
They supported my decision to leave, but now everything about me is wrong in their eyes. I'm trying to move on without contact with my adult daughters.... 🙏🙏🙏✨✨✨🌈🌈🌈
I wasnt actually looking for this but it might actually have shed some light iif anything shed light on alot about me. But thank you so much. This is alot more detailed, regardless of if i am narcissistic or not. I haven't thought to be..."diagnosed?" But some of these things did raise my attention.
Excellent presentation and explanation Darren, thank you!
Please help me, I'm so sad. My daughter is so mean to me.
I've been watching a lot of Sally Harris' videos. Her daughter was difficult and things are better now but she has good advice for taking care of yourself.
You are not alone.
I'm. Sorry. Truly understand.
@@emilyh50 We’re the parents and are letting our narcissistic adult children bully us. If she’s mean. Stop letting her into your space. Let her go. Instead, we are rewarding their bad behavior.
@@beaglerescue5281 Thank you.
Bingo!!! So reassuring hearing you say all this. Thank you ❤
I know alot of parents are hurting. Just know.all of your posts are helping ne.
Ty. I swear you're speaking of my adult children, especially my daughter (my oldest).
People, listen to Dr Ramani, Dr Carter as well as this sweet therapist.
If I go to an affair or birthday party, etc. and my adult Narc child acts like she always does, I win. Because I know in advance that she will never change and that there is no hope. So when she acts as awful as I know she will to me, I win. Then, I take myself out for a nice iced coffee treat. I’ve had a lot of iced coffees in my life, unfortunately. : )
@@kellyyork3898 hilarious 😂
My only child uses my grandchildren as weapons against me and she is disrespectful and i never want to see her again 😢
@@user-sj9lm1dt2h That’s the right response. You shouldn’t want to see her again. That’s what I decided with my daughter. I never want to see her again. The damage is done and nothing can change it.
My narcissistic son belittles me and criticize me and condemns me for not having enough money to put him through university completely. He verbally abuses me, psychologically mentally every single day, and when I try and confront him with his behavior, he goes to his room and closes the door. Doesn’t want to hear it. Well, I am now he’s assurity from criminal behaviour that he did while going to university, which is failed two courses cannot get along with anybody that he lives with has moved like three times and demands me. He’s 62-year-old mother to help him move. Good God he has no friends he’s basically a sex addict drug addict and narcissist, so I have a very important decision to make whether I stop being his assurity And he goes back to jail until his next court date January 9, 2024. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.
Thank you for this video!! I am in a very difficult situation at this video. I just worked out thaf my 30 year old daughter has all these persona lity traits. She .will never accept criticism . She has been living with me and my husband on and off for on e year. Of course, I blame myself for her awful behaviour. I am 70 years d and feel mentally abused!!!
Power of attorney is a safety net.
What do you mean?
My narcisstic mother before she died along with my golden child sister ..groomed my daughter ..turned her against me...they manipulated her ,and lured her toward them using money ,favors etc...because first my parents scapegoated me into ..loosing much in my life..than convince my daughter . Convince her ."you dont want to end up like your mom " or shes too poor to give ya what need ..let us help you .."they used these methods sabatoging methods to estrange her from me over years ..disgusting! ..shes now moved away and married and now has 90 % pretty much cut me off even more ...i believe in my intincts are correct as christian.. she picked a covert narcisstic husband and his mom ,i can tell from how they have disrespected me ....which .well ..shes in for big surprise down road ..i tried warn her ..but she just ignore me and than gaslight me and stonewall me herself ..treating me exactly how she witnessed my mom and sister treat me over years ..became like them 😩😭.i just turned her over to god..and i just detach from her ...i dont initiate to call or message her no more !
Has anyone here experienced an adult child who has narcissistic leanings or full blown narcissism who stalks?
As I’m stalking their own parent or a parents partners and anyone else who may be connected to the stalking target as a means of having control over the parents lives,choices,etc?
Thanks a great video. But, I see you have an Original series USS Enterprise, Battlestar Galactica (from the original film and series?), an Eagle from Space 1999 and a Tie Fighter. There is another model by the nose of the Eagle; it's just outside the depth of field, but is the Sulaco from Aliens? I can't quite make it out.
Loved the video, very enlightening and resonates.
Well spotted. Its the Millennium Falcon
Yep…it’s all our fault according to my adult children. Sorry kiddos, when you walked out that door proclaiming your are an adult, all your decisions are yours. Yes, as a parent you make mistakes and sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time. But you threw the baby out with the bath water. As I told my youngest daughter, so I said the wrong sentence, because you weren’t being truthful to me, that everything I have ever done for you is just cast aside. Well she needed healthy boundaries. No, actually I needed healthy boundaries. I Haven’t had any communication from her since may of 2023. I’ve just let her be…let her have her healthy boundaries she wanted. I’m healing too. I was too much a people pleaser…codependency. I’ve worked on that. Feeling peace in my heart and soul! Tired of the blame game. Tired of being used and abused by their words and actions. I’m all good! 👍👍
No contact with grandchildren. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
I don't know what's happening with mine. Her father is definitely a narcissist and alienated me all her life. He moved her interstate illegally, 700km away and is still there. I thought it was over and he'd stopped but she got pregnant last year and he started again. She had the baby in February and I got to see them for a week. She was her normal self, which is definitely not narc.
But after I got back the abuse started and I only talk to her online. "She" told me to just leave her alone. It was iMessage and could've been him (it won't even accept SMS). I send little messages here and there and get ignored. I am so heartbroken. My family won't help.
I think all I can do is give it time. I'm going away on my own, from everyone. I just pray she and the baby are alright and I get to see them again one day. I don't know how he can be so cruel but have to accept it as some sort of fate. I can't involve the law - he wants that. I've been down that path.. 😓
It's like you've just described my twin sister. My parents, older sister and I have been really struggling with her antics and we don't want her demise but want her to get better but she won't budge. At this point we're at our lowest and don't know what to do at all with her. She's using her child against my mom has that has been watching over and paying for ger everyday needs and putting her in school. Manipulating her to the extent of trying to get rid of her own daughter just to break my mom. We need help!
You just revealed to me the issue with a niece of mine and why I distanced myself.
Generation narcissists it's right down the line with my situation, I've never even met these younger one's and I get called a nut case 😅 they're all tapped with the mad stick.
I married an alcoholic narcissist (of course I discovered this much later, after years of confusion and relentless abuse). Only about 18 months ago I realissed that his eldest son is his partner in crime. I thought he was a confused young man, trying to keep the peace between his parents, but what I uncovered was truly shocking. He is an alcoholic, a woman hater , a homophobe (the whole package) just like his father. He is a liar and a coward. An exact copy of his father. His father told me that he had called his mother a “bitch” during the lovebombing period (somehow he thought that hearing that would make me happy) while he was trying to convince me that his ex-wife was a horrible, crazy person. But I was appalled and utterly disgusted that he seemed so pleased about his son’s transgression. I called him out on it and he lost it. “You don’t understand anything, blah, blah ,blah". I realised that whenever I called him out on his erratic (or his son’s) behaviour , his defense was that I didn’t understand …. So please explain…and he would get so frustrated. Between the two of them they gaslighted me so they could wash their hands off their family and live their happy alcoholic lives blaming everyone else for the bad crap that comes back to haunt them. It is horrifying to watch a your man conciously doing that to himself.
Get out!
I have to have no contact with my son. Between his addictions and these abusive behaviours, especially the rage and v short fuse, I worry he might kill me with a knife. He’s threatened several times, and once held a knife to my late husband’s throat. The courts have imposed a restraining order on his ex-partner, but not me. I feel parents in these vulnerable situations are not given the same consideration or protections. I’m counting the days until I can move to a new house where he won’t know where I live.
I instigated boundaries they both cut me off.
What about narc SIL or that has influenced the spouses to act narcissistic towards the non narc parents. The sides didn’t act this way until they got married to the narc. Now we the aging parents have been denied our grandchildren after 7 yrs of a relationship with grandchildren. Abusive to the grandchildren also for taking their loving grandparents away from them….sad sad situation
That happened in my family. She made my brother so miserable that he came down with cancer and died before he could retire. She told flat out lies to all my extended family members and waiged a smear campaign against my two sisters and me because she is so full of jealousy. Now our cousins don't talk to us because they fell for her femme fatal rouse about how we "weren't there for her." B. S!!! The evil and destruction they are able to unleash is sickening.
And how do we deal with this when social media has accepted adult children disengagement, very seldom do you hear any help for the narc-laws, always blaming parents for the estrangement
I agree with this video but we must remember that most Narcissists are very successful as they will walk on anyone to get what they want therefore it is not just about unnecessary attempts that they blame others for. Some of that can be the hurtful struggles of poverty. My children blame me for being a single mother for almost everything including having to babysit their younger siblings. Their father was diagnosed by court order a Narcissist but he has been successful and through his money they give him all respect. They've learned they don't have to give me the same respect. He has used all tactics to alienate me as their mother and now some of them ailenate me as grandmother. Using my grandchildren to punish me and force me into submission. Harboring dark secrets of drug use etc. one daughter blocked me for this and it's now been 5 years since I've seen or spoken to my first granddaughter who loved her grandmother very much.