WHEN A NARCISSISTIC PARENT COACHES A KID TO REJECT YOU
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- Опубліковано 3 бер 2019
- Too commonly, when a family is in turmoil, a narcissistic parent will overtly coach a child to reject another adult, usually the other parent, or grandparents, or extended family members. If you are the one being rejected you are at a distinct disadvantage as you attempt to maintain healthy ties with that child. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter speaks into this difficult situation.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions.
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"The narcissist is so broken that they cripple a child and ruin its relationships just for the sake of their own ego."
Yes they will use them.as pawns and deal with them when they feel like it rush them In stores and snap on phone when they call.all hellable its sad
So true!!!
@@lindagomez6639 so sad and true!
Exactly they don’t care about the children after their mother died. They wanted her money for their support not the children’s.
They are critical, I’m the Grandmother, my beautiful deceased daughter was the best mother and the father is narcissist and has ruined my Grandchildren and probably tortured them.
Narcissists should be exposed for who they are with the kids.
Unfortunately, this rarely happens.
i make a habit to expose the narcissist . best believe i come fearless at them lol. ive witnessed so many even online preying on people for absolutely no reason outside of their need to kill their boredom and sate their narcissistic appetite to be cruel and manipulative
@@appleitpcbcn4025 I have also. But most all people are narcs. Few aren’t.
I recently stopped talking to my adult children. Let that sink in.
They are so thoroughly poisoned that I decided that someone may be able to help them- but it can’t be me.
I was dropping my 32 year old son at the airport.
I hugged him and said, I Love You, Son.
He replied, “ You can peddle that crap somewhere else”
My ex sued me five times with false charges. I always prevailed in court.
But it doesn’t matter. The kids always, ALWAYS repeat the false charges to my face.
After 20 years of trying I have given up. The transcripts of the trials convey the exact opposite of what they believe.
But my kids will never accept the truth. They won’t even consider it. They won’t even look.
Pray for my kids.
@stephenb7067 Stephen, my wife does the same thing to my kids. She tells the kids what a horrible father and husband I am...sometimes my mother-in-law takes part into the degrading me. At times I have "argued" with both of them, but arguing with a narcissist is the worst thing; you are going to loose no matter what - Facts do not matter to narcissists, they make their own facts. My wife went as far as she told our young daughter that I did not want her, because my wife was bugging me to "to find a solution for the 'thing' in her belly"... I would respond, "we will do something"... just to have have stop bugging me for the moment. I wanted our daughter then and I love her now, but my wife keeps telling her that I did not want her. This had some bad effect on my daughter as she was alienated for several months when she was told so by her mother at about 7 years old. She has learned to trust me, but we still have a long way to go, because she is under the spell of her narcissist mother. I try to be as supportive to our kids as I can; I try to be their safe-to-go parent. But them and I are under constant watch, inspection and investigation. I have tried to tech my kids ways how to deflect the narcissist's rage, and be safe.
I can resonate with thst.Bless u n those whos hearts are blackened against us by the evil narcs.
When my kid refers to their step parent as dad, I'd like to ask my kid to count the dvd's we'd watch together.
I have two adult children who don't talk to me. My covert narcissist ex-husband turned my son and daughter against me. My malignant narcissist mom turned my son against me. As someone else said, narcs are demons. Thankfully I have Jesus who loves me with an everlasting love.
I'm i the same position. It's UNGDLY. these are the malignant triad. Totally demonic. I trust my Abba will help my adult girls see THE TRUTH, and oour Lord Jesus restore their torn hearts and spirits. I'm 69 and may not get to see this, but I trust 100% they will be delivered from a warpped past. I pray they forgive their father once the realize how destructive he was. ❤
Living the same life ...sending healing
My husband has done this to my daughter. She has been programmed to devalue me since she was three.
He would tell her at that age never to apologize to your Mom she will never accept your apology and you don't have to say sorry
Its a new low for the narcassist to manipulate the mind and heart of children. Just goes to show us just how ruthless these people really are.
I've been in this situation it's not an easy thing to see & live thru....
of course they go for what you care about most so of course that's the children. Also they go for easy, vulnerable targets, so again... children.
My narcissistic mother turned my oldest daughter against me years ago. She has turned many other family members against me also. It's the never ending story...
Amen...you got that right!
@@jen3722 my story exactly, except it was my oldest son and she's working on his children in the same way. The devil in disguise bearing gifts...keep the faith!
Both of my children have been lost to this. I fought (hard) for years to stop it. To challenge. To bring ‘comments’ to light. But it happened anyway.
It’s nearly destroyed me, the loss. It’s a cruel, spiteful, evil thing to do but I’m learning to accept.
Slowly.
My ex effectively turned my son against me by repeatedly telling him I am the reason he cannot have a relationship with him as I am the "toxic" one.
I watched a video the other day where a woman recorded a screaming rage her husband directed at her in the car while terrifying her by driving dangerously. We’ve all been there. When they arrived at the party, he hopped out of the car smiling as if nothing had happened while she was a nervous wreck. Who did everyone think was the crazy one? Narcs are really really clever at this and use it to enormous advantage to separate you from the love of your children. The rages, the ugly things they say to you are never done within anyone else’s hearing. All the children see is the aftermath. You are traumatised while the Narc “takes care” of them and “protects” them from your insanity. Narcs are demons.
I have long since been removed from any social circle. There is nobody to bad mouth me to, nobody to take sides or witness. So, I guess I'm ?lucky? in that respect... and I'm ok with being identified as crazy, I'd give my right arm for some mental health attention... some cult-level de-programming would be a good start.
Lou K My Older daughter told me that when she was young and heard her father the Narc screaming in a rage at me and then she heard a long pause that was when she knew I was talking. And that sometimes she just once wanted me to scream back at him but I never did. She figured out as she got older that everyone might hear the screaming but no one listens when that happens and she realized that I was the adult in the room because I was speaking in a civil manor.
There You Go We are chosen as victims BECAUSE we are nice people. We are always trying to be reasonable. It is not in OUR nature to fly into narcissistic rages at the drop of a hat. It is very clear to anyone able to observe our interactions with our narc which of us is the real crazy one. You are lucky that your narc forgot himself so much that he allowed your daughter to overhear. So many commentators on UA-cam tell of the loss of their children to the narc.
Stella M Narcs suck the life out of you. I stopped doing every single thing I enjoyed the day I married mine 30 years ago. No movies, no music, no dancing. No friends. No children. So physically and mentally ill that I am almost bedridden. Before I discovered a couple of months ago WHY this has happened to me (his NPD) I used to deliberately try to think of things to be grateful for, lucky to have or experience. 😂 There is nothing lucky about being in a relationship with a narc. There is only one way to heal our minds and our bodies, to live again, and that is to leave and have no contact.
Free Bird Narcs do this 100% of the time. They spoil every single journey, every single event. Dirty rotten scoundrels. Glad you are free.
This is my story. I have now lost both of my daughters. One passed away 9 years ago, and the other has become the victim of parental alienation over many years. These Narcissists couldn’t have cared less, as long as they get the win 🏆 It’s very sad really. They are very evil and dangerous people.
I’m so sorry
Sad
It's my mother against me and my sister 😢 ik we won't have a relationship after they die
Am sorry dear, I am suffering from this too. He turned my daughter against me but the younger one is not buying into his lies. God is in control
@@user-pu7fq5wt2v Yes absolutely 💯
I completely understand your pain. I was forced to give my first baby up for adoption and then, my own parent turned my oldest daughter against me to the point where she doesn't have to have anything to do with me. I didn't want to believe that a grandmother would brainwash a child that way but she's an adult now and still very much under the mental control of my mother.
Narcissistic alienation of children from a fit, loving parent is evil. Great video, Dr. Carter-
The narc is broken and is willing to break the children. How sick and twisted is THAT behavior?
It's sick, but unfortunately quite common.
I have actually tried that talk before about having differences of opinions at each house. He laughs and says -well everything my dad does is right and everything you do is wrong. So that did not help lol.
The weaponization of trust and love. It gobsmacks you.
This video is dripping with truth.
This is exactly what my husband is going through. Its abuse and should be recognized in courts as such.
Omg, I am almost brought to tears by this...it is exactly what my ex has been doing since the divorce, and even before. I wouldn't be controlled by him in the last several years so he criticized me incessantly around the children and then when we divorced, he has used money and doubt about my character and ability to take care of my daughters to alienate them from me. I'm sorry I ever met this bastard.
Mine has just started. It's horrible
@@MyFunFamily. I'm so sorry, make sure you get an attorney experienced in family law, even if they cost more...I regret not having an attorney because I was steam rolled
I understand. Stalked by a Serial Stalker.
I need advice. I’m in the same situation and feel hopeless
I hear you.
Exact same situation.
I rue the day I met that bastard also.
When children are involved it is absolutely terrifying.
This is EXACTLY what my children's father did to my children. He stole them and poisoned them against me. And now as adults they don't speak to me. I have 5 children but feel as if I have none. He stole my life from me and from my children.
You are not alone in this ❤🩹 I have 4 kids and I am still working through the aftereffects of narcissism. I pray a lot, it's the grace of God that gets me through the day when I think of what my ex did & continues to do to my kids.
I'm the alienated scapegoat and my oldest daughter has been completely brainwashed to believe I'm a bad person. Luckily I realized something was wrong in time to keep my youngest two children away from their grandmother.
My narcissist daughter turned by granddaughter against me. There's nothing I can do about it because she will always believe her mother's lies. Absolutely heartbreaking.
They always take the glory from the work of the empath as well.
In my humble experience, the narc taught the children to defy & rebel against me as the mother & my parenting input was continually ridiculed, belittled & scoffed. I was the "crazy" reactive 1. The result lead to terrible destructive patterns & grievous decisions & lifestyles for all the family members. When the narc passed, I felt great relief, but unfortunately, lots of damage was done. Prayers for healing for each & everyone that has experienced these struggles.
I know a kid stuck in a narcissist grip, and it's so sad to watch.
They've targeted me. My lack of self confidence & CPTSD symptoms make it easy for them.
This is happening to me currently. Lol. Hardly funny it’s quite despicable and nauseating actually
Rachel Sarai You have to get some help. This is a very serious problem.
Try to stay true to who you are. Don't allow too much information about your plans or your future aspiration because they will try and tear it down. I learn being surrounded by so many narcissist individuals from family, friends and my husband. I learned when he was baiting me and learn to keep my own personal information so I could eventually have a future. Example: when I saw what he was writing he placed the yellow note book down left to go to the bathroom quickly took the pad of paper but nothing was written until I flip it upside down and saw the questions he kept asking me which I did not answer but kid with him. Whst I did is threw a wrench in his plans. Don't underestimate their cruelty.
I’m dealing with this crap right now.
Evil robot is being super nice to the kids dangling the carrot to confuse them, holiday in America etc. Hey I’m a great bloke it’s a sick joke
Me too
I divorced my husband of 37 years for cheating, our Adult Son is blaming me for breaking up the family. I was so shocked and hurt, I had to let him go out of my life.
I always felt "drained" after visiting with my narcissistic sister and her flying monkey family. They are a cult, and want zero input from anyone not aligned with their cult. They have always been toxic toward me. Sadly, it took me decades to realize the con game.
My narcissist mother in law took advantage of teenage angst to turn my son from me and to live with her in her demented world. My son very soon caught on that he could not live within the confines of the “mold” and returned to me. He is now happily pursuing his own interests.
I hope my daughter does. 😢 She's moving in with her this summer.
Happy for you that it turned out well at the end ❤
Yes. Left a 23 year marriage and he is punishing me for leaving by turning my kids against me. He feels like he is winning because my 23 and 18 yr old boys will not see or speak to me and my 13 year old daughter (who the courts are “forcing” to see me) says she hates me and doesn’t want anything to do with me. He is playing the victim and has become father of the year in the last 4 months which has lead the children to believe that I am the problem and I have abandoned the family. Meanwhile I live next door because I thought it would be an easier transition for my kids and that they can pop back and forth whenever. They are 20 feet away, but miles away in their hearts. My heart is breaking for the loss of my children. I text them and say I love you. I invite them for dinner. Won’t even reply. As soon as my husband realized I wasn’t coming back to him and I would not reconcile this time...it was gloves off and the boys haven’t spoke to me since. The roles are reversed an now he paints me as the abuser for leaving him and acts like the victim. Also he is doing every one of the things in this video. Every single one. Courts have ordered co parent counseling which he uses as an opportunity to accuse and abuse me and the counselor says that we both need to stop cause we’re going around in circles...but I am trying to point out the underhanded accusations for the counselor to recognize what is going on. What do I do? I feel like co parenting counseling is only giving him space to further attack my character. He has taken everyone and everything I value. I made the mistake of telling him the true when he asked me what I wanted (when I left him). I said that I want the kids (50/50) and the house. He has taken the house, my pets (who he never cared for and yelled are me for getting them saying that he hates them and we need to get rid of them) and most importantly, my relationship with my kids. I was a stay at home mom who homeschooled from time to time. Now at 43 I have to get a job and start over. It is soul crushing. But I still have Jesus. He can’t take that away.
Starting over at 59 is hard. I wish I hadn't waited until my youngest was 18. Just stay true to yourself and eventually your children WILL see through his manipulations. I felt I had lost one daughter, and was close to losing another, but incredibly, when they learned I had to leave with their brother, they moved with us. The lies, oh my God, were just so outrageous, and it was only after I started to record him that I learned the depth of his deceit.
Leona Hawkins Yes the recording for me were so important too. I was able to see the truth about his manipulations.
Leona Hawkins How long did it take for your kids to see it for what it was? It’s been 6 months and it is getting worse.
Suddenly hope.
Glad you opened up about this sad crap that goes on. Life would be so much easier without the narcissistic person.
Your story hit home to me. I have quite a pit in my chest and tummy. 😥😢 sad to say it can take a long ass time. My youngest took 9 years. And I haven't heard from my oldest in 16 years. My oldest joined the party on the dark side. It breaks my heart every day.
My youngest tells me about my oldest. Sounds like she turned out like the x as far as the nastyness goes but I still love her and hurt at the same time. God be with you.
@@suddenlyhope 13 - 14 months.
I'm so heartbroken... after my divorce and subsequent parental alienation from my ex... my oldest child won't even come to my house for our visitation schedule. She won't answer messages or calls on her phone. Most recently she also started homeschooling to avoid anyone outside of her Dad's house.
I've * *never* * had anything but a loving relationship with my children and I can't understand how/why this is happening to my sweet kiddo.
Ugh!!! I was that child. My "mother" taught me to hate and mistrust my father. I thought he was a horrible person and didn't make amends with hin until just days before he died. She totally robbed us.
So sorry to hear. I have a sister who is robbing me and my other sisters of having a relationship with our nephew. Never spent one day with him. We talk about parental rights but not that of others family members. It’s not right.
@@landeno so sorry... That's horrible.
@@landeno Robbing you? Respect goes a long way. If you call her a thief maybe you shouldn’t be around her child
@@FavDogBisquit The facts are the facts. Yes, I said robbing me because this is a natural relationship that belongs to me but is taken from me. That is the definition of being robbed - when someone takes something from you that belongs to you. The “thief” part you called out - I don’t do name-calling of family members but maybe you do and that’s why you read that though it wasn’t written.
@@landeno it’s natural to say something is yours that you never had. “I never spent one day with him!”!!! I suspect a reason you disregard but abusers always overlook
It is terrifically painful to have a loved child turned against one by lies. However, we can't change what they believe. We can be genuine and have integrity, but they still have to decide for themselves. And if they reject us, we can still go on to live a happy life, though it seems unlikely. We can learn to live with the painful loss as one does with death. Done with the Crying, by Sheri McGregor, helped me. Thank you Dr Carter for explaining how the narc does it. I was so confused for so long about my child's anger and hatred. It's devastating.
Omg living it and its destroying me. I hope to get to a place where I can handle it as well as you seem to have got to in your comment. Best wishes
@@CH-in8dm My children who did that have families of their own now; it was a long time ago. I think I've been traumatised for 30 years about it, always doing my best for everyone. I'm blessed that three of my children didn't believe the narcissist and would say, "No, Granny, Mum and Dad aren't like that." And my husband has been supportive all along too. Most important thing for me was knowing my truth when I was falsely accused. What I wish I'd done differently, was to learn not to react emotionally - either sadly (then they'd say contemptuously next time, "I suppose you're going to cry now?") or indignantly (" What? You believe that?!" Then they'd think I was the crazy one). I should have worked on remaining calm, at least outwardly and not got caught up in Justifying, Arguing, Defending or Explaining (JADE). Dr Carter tells to give a non-committal answer like, "You can see it that way." We hurt so much because we love them deeply. Know that they're being abused psychologically, having their security undermined, and focus on being your best self. You can do this, one day at a time. I relied on God's help and He was a great comfort to me. Hugs to you xx
I’m going through this now, my heart is just broken …. :(
"insidious" that is the word I keep using. For the entire plague of NPDs in our culture. And how good they are at getting people to buy into their world. It is going to take a massive massive SOCIAL education in order to help change this pattern.
It's an epidemic!
YES!
My very wise brother advised me, "Love them, and let them go."
In my experience, the narcs told the child to keep secrets telling them I'd get mad. Would never have got mad over what was kept secret but my being mad over the lies and secrets was used as evidence. Crazy making
I’m going through this right now
Yes xx
My ex husband has destroyed my relationship with our only child. She is 23 now and doesn't speak to me. Treats me exactly as her father did. I am totally heartbroken and I did absolutely everything I could to show her another way of experiencing life and emotions through kindness and compassion but it didn't work out in the end and she grew more and more disrespectful towards me as she got older. I had full custody of our daughter because of his abuse but he got her in the end and now I live with the loss of my beautiful daughter without her having ever died. Devastating just isn't a good enough word to describe the situation.
My ex coached my children to abandon boycott and reject me. It was the most painful time of my life. But I have now begun to accept it. She is demon possessed .
my kids called police on me for telling them to go to bed and stop gaming, oldest pushed me to the ground 10:30 school night. i went to bed and woke up to police. arrested handcuffed, and spent 9 hours in jail, mug shot, facing two years in jail $5,000 fine. i truly believe my x told them to call the police. My oldest texted me saying iam delusional and stop lying . he sounds just like his dad
It's called parental alienation & I'm currently going through this with my Covert Narcissistic ex-husband.
More videos concerning this topic of coparenting and alienation, please! Thanks!
Yes please
Please
Yes please!!
👍
Yes....PLEASE!
My covert narc sister has just outed herself and is turning my nieces against me, wont let me see them. She says they now feel "unsafe" around me because I DARED to get upset and angry at being treated so badly. I rarely gt angry, if ever and this is so sick... I am devastated!
This is happening to me and it's soul-crushing. All the tactics, including handing out money.
My ex is coaching my kid to reject me, and he's trying to take her away from me, he said I'm mentally ill and uncapable of doing stuff, just to try and hurt me, but I got a lawyer and I'm going to work on this!
This happened to me ! Though none of it was true my kids father won custody and use our children against me in court.
I wish you all the best!
@@nikkinonames5265 I’m so sorry, I hope you figure it out soon, and if u need someone to talk im here
@@SaraSyn thank you and same for you. It's been almost 5 years since I saw them. Almost 3 weeks ago they agreed to come down and the same day their father made them cancel. I was expecting him to do that and wasn't getting my Hope's up high , but my 9 year old was very depressed.
@@nikkinonames5265 It seems like he’s trying to use your children to revenge on you, Don’t allow them to do this you already been through so much, my kid’s dad do the same thing to me !
Hopefully family court and its associated therapists will begin to make the link between narcissists, parental alienation, and custody battles. The problem is narcissists are master manipulators and most therapists aren't trained to spot them, and take the bait of victimhood as truth. Eventually, this will work its way into the law and family court, but too late for some of us.
They wont. The courts love this! Keeps their pockets full!!
100%
As a lawyer said to me. Try not to bring your problems to the government. The courts do not care. When dealing with a narcissist you are almost on your own. Running through a maze trying to save your kids. Because a narcissist mind is a maze. 🤔🙃 My ex own lawyer couldn't stand her because she kept abusing the system in place. Making herself a victim through lies and manipulation. The only real victims are my kids.
the courts are full of them. they know exactly what they are & what they do.
Family courts are a tool of and full of sociopaths. Expecting THEM to fix the problem is actually very dangerous to all children and protective parents
This is happening to me right now. Ive had 6yrs of being attacked now its escolated after setting boundaries. Im now being isolated from my son. Hes 9. I'm being refused access and the mother is refusing to communicate with me about it. Its vile. The lies never end.
Same here man.. Its the most painful thing ive had to deal with. Has Got me down so low ive thought about what it would be like to check out. Thats not me tho. So its bothersome that thos thoughts creep in. My son is 9 as well.. Hes everything to me. I just want to fix it all and take all the nonsense away from him. Its not fair. I had to grow up with similar circumstances. I didnt want the samething for him.. She seems to not even care at all about any of it about me or him just her and her ways. Doesnt matter if she hurts our son in the process or hurt me to the core. Feel like im being robbed of the most important things of my life.. Missing special moments...things you cant get back. Once in a life time stuff... I could vent for pages and pages.. But i hope things turn around and that your son see the truth. And that your situation may be healed . and you and ur son get what you both deserve..
This needs more public light and better resources for Vics and clearer and swift punishment to deal with the narc
😞😞😞
For me this is death....
I never imagined in my wildest dreams
He will sink so low as using our autistic daughter against me
😞😞😞
So sorry. Dr. C
And this explains why my (now) adult daughter hasn't spoken to me (other than the two words "f**k you") in three years. This is spot-on to my situation, thank you Dr. Carter.
I understand completely!!
What a heartbreaking read 💔
Pray for her, she will change her attitude in time
My ex did this to my young daughter.. he started when she was 9 and id left him due to his violent unpredictable temper.
He’d cry and tell her if your mom just took me back, we could be a family again. She grew to LOATHE me and gave me hell for YEARS.
Ill never forgive him for that.
Forgive him Beautiful. He deserves nothing over you like that. Release yourself from his filth
I have the same situation with my kids. They were 2 and 3 when I left him for the same reasons. They are now 9 and 10 and he's destroyed our relationship.
When my daughter was 2, he got weekend access. She came home after one week and glared at me horribly. She said why did you do that to my dad? I ask what. She said " he said you broke his heart,, and she was staring at me in the nastiest way for a 2 year old child . I broke up with him when she was a baby and he said he would poison her mind against me. She's nearly 29 now and I've given up. She inherited his personality traits and then he influenced her from a young age
@@Annedowntherabbithole 😢
@@AkosuaFire at least I know now and don't try to fix the mother/daughter relationship anymore. I'm trying to recover. I hope you're ok too
We may figure them out some, but they are incurable and the damage irreparable. No one has THAT answer. They explain near
behavior but not how to repair the damage.
Exactly what my daughter did. Turned my grandchildren against me after we had a beautiful loving relationship. She "Killed me off" and would not let it rest til she turned my sweet grandchildren against me as well. Now, I exist to none of them. Everyone tells me to live my life and not worry about them, because they are not worrying about me. How do I go on without my daughter and grandchildren? How could she stoop to that level?
Mojave Kay, I could have written your comment! The hardest first step was hearing all the prevalent “wisdom” that blames the primary caregiver for the child’s narcissism. I was a single parent, dtr of a c-narc mother and malignant narc father, and was determined to provide all the love, kindness, support and understanding that I was deprived of. Nevertheless, my dtr was hurt by her father’s alternating charm and abandonment (of course I had married a narc!) at a very young age. She took my need to go to work to provide for us as an abandonment as well.
I’ve searched my soul to see what I might have done to cause her narcissism and become the scapegoat for her pain, but now I am DONE with the misery of trying to fix our relationship, since she has never agreed to engage in a meaningful conversation that might lead to a healing of our hearts.
In retrospect, I could see the final death blow coming. She attempted to disgard and replace me several times over the years. I didn’t want to believe she would stoop so low as to pull off the coup that forbid me to continue my very loving relationship with my 2 youngest grands. However, I woke up this morning finally realizing that she had already done this before with my oldest 22 y/o grandson. I had needed to believe her that he was just shy and non communicative!
I’ve been a soft-hearted FOOL. Now I know I can live w/o her. Now I realize I have been in denial about her oldest, preferring to think he just needed time to mature. I’m just starting to accept that I will never see the young ones again. I was extremely close to the young, emotionally intelligent boy. We loved and trusted each other completely. In order for he and his sister to survive, I have not interfered in their situation. MY HEART IS BROKEN!
Somehow I must go on. There is nothing I can do but process the pain and worry and hope for a worthwhile life beyond this tragic and unspeakable loss, for both myself and my grands who must deal with what must be a very confusing and destructive situation.
We must honor our own worth. I’m trying. I send you love and encouragement on this horrendous journey!
Mojave Kaye,So sorry to hear that
@@suzannebaker5270 I was wondering how you were doing. Situations still the same with my daughter and grandchildren. And it still hurts. But we have to go on. Funny how she said I was the narcissist. As luck would have it, my husband got laid off Weds. from his job, permanently. Right here at the start of the holidays. They said due to the pandemic. Then they promptly cancelled his health insurance. Life sure can throw you some curve balls sometimes. Think I'll ask Santa for a new baseball glove‼️❤️Stay safe and God bless you. You do matter❤️
My granddaughter, who's 22 now, contacted me last week. We e talked a couple times since then. Best Christmas present ever‼️
She got half her genes from her father. There has to be a genetic predisposition for someone to be a narcissist
Mind control is so very sinister, an awful thing to do to anyone, let alone children. Thank you for addressing yet another important topic.
Terry Malone Corino,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news
It’s disgusting and heart wrenching. My family turned my nephews against myself and others. They have unhealthy boundaries and think children should know adult issues and personal stories and histories of past relationships. It is as you said insidious. Then having the kids text me why are you ghosting us after I set healthy boundaries and said I needed space and time me they call and text and use the kids. I’m so over it
Thank you for addressing this painful topic. Many associates:friends and relatives, don’t understand that this subtle brainwashing is an effective smear campaign for a narcissist whose objective is winning. Everyone thinks that it is just a reaction of the child to the divorce, and that will get better over time as the child matures, has children of their own, etc. I’m not holding my breath on that to happen. I have had to detach from the dream of a close mother/child relationship so that the alienation was not a constant source of pain. That ability to still control me post-divorce is my narcissist’s goal! One he prizes over my and my children’s mental heath and happiness.
I hope things are going better for you 🙏
This really is painful. It's happening in my family too. A narcissistic family member is not letting their five-year old daughter see their grandparents any more, (who are this family member's parents,) because they want to force the parents/grandparents to provide more babysitting services and more money. It's so sad that the narcissists broke up all contact and show no love to their own parents and their own daughter. But things can change. What is humanly impossible, is possible with God.
I'm experiencing this right now. My child hates me and won't meet me because she has been brainwashed against me. Its very frustrating.
Marie Marhan Dropkin,you deserve better 🙏🤙
@@dawnpowell1988 your story is similar to mine. I have twins who are 10. One daughter came to me to stay. She said she can't tolerate her father talking against me all the time. But my other twin is with him. She hates me due to the brainwashing. Now I'm going to court. Please pray I get custody of both the children. I don't want therm to grow up negative and hating me.
This I just experienced last week and it was horrific. Yes, they were her children, but I fell in love with them by raising them for years. Wow, people can be so cruel
The narcissist has turned my grandchildren against me by lying to them about what an evil person i am and has instructed them to not speak to me. She also told me I'm not allowed to speak to them.
This video is a description of my life. It’s been a real struggle.
It’s particularly evil when the alienated one is a step parent and the narcissist is the mother. Little opportunity to redeem the relationship.
Completely understand only I’m the Step Mom and unable to set any boundaries for the child because she can’t possibly need any direction from me. So any limitations I would set would be undermined so he could look like a hero and me some kind of bad person.
This really spoke to me, as I am now alianated from my grandson, hardly seen him in the last few years, and he's now 15 and best I could get when last finally managed to just speak to him, he said 'maybe' when I asked would he like to see me sometime . . . He used to say things like 'missing you' and 'I love you' when he was younger, but the last years, Covid included, and me sick, have just ended up with me feeling like we are strangers, and that he doesn't even have a very high opinion of me anyway - SO sad, so unecessary, and so avoidable. I did everything I could, it's in God's hands now, and I earnestly pray that his innocent heart may be protected from following his twisted parents, yes, sadly, both of them, and in a time and with opportunity, to mend the relationship, and be set free from the past machinations. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🌈🙏🏼🙏🏼 And thank you so much, this is a painful subject, and I so appreciated you dealing with it so sensitivivly. Bless you DrC - you always make me feel better!!!
My DIL is the covert narc. For 17 years I’ve walked on eggshells to have access to my grandchildren. We live 60 miles away from one another. Now 17 and 16, they have never spent the night here with Grandma and Papaw. We’ve never had Christmas or any other special day here. I understand that DIL suffered abuse and neglect as a child. However, that doesn’t negate the many times our hearts have been broken over the last two decades. It’s a tough road to navigate. I live for the day the grandkids live independently. Fingers crossed.
My heart breaks for you. I fear this is my future😪. Four years of mind-games...hot then cold. Love & Light. Praying for you and yours.
DIL I’ve been in same situation with DIL for 10 years.
My heart knows the hurt. Been doing this for 18 years and my son is a supplier. She turned him, my own sister -a narc too- a grandmother, cousins against me. The oldest girl is now 18 and very much still in her mother's control. The younger -16- is so happy to spend time with me. She loves that I hug her...something she never gets at home. Dr helps me so much.
Susan Franzen I didn’t mention my son. He kind of disappeared 18 yrs ago. I haven’t had an unsupervised conversation with him in 18 years. All family plans go through DIL. Oldest, a granddaughter, is golden child, flying monkey. I see her maturing into her mother’s mold. The younger, a grandson, has always been the scapegoat, always in trouble for not falling in line and marching to the prescribed tune. I have hope for that one, a free thinker in spite of his environment. They’ll be headed to college in the next few years. It will be interesting to see how they grow.
@@QuasiBlond Its been 12 years for us walking on eggshells. Now we aren't allowed to see any of our grandchildren and our son won't talk to us.
I'm dealing with this right now. I work remote but the lady wants me out of the house because she feels that me being present prevents her from being a good mother. She doesn't care about escalating in front of our toddler but I do so I obliged. 1 week later my toddler hits me, spits on me, tells me "I don't like daddy"... But only when her mom is present. When she isn't present, it's all hugs, love and "I love you dad". It's really nasty how someone would try and manipulate a toddler. She will never be a teammate. When our daughter doesn't listen, I jump in and say "Hey sweetheart, listen to mom". When our daughter acts out on me... She chimes in with "... ..." then comes in as good cop by telling me stop.
This is exactly the situation I'm facing with my 83 y/o narcissistic mother and my only daughter(31 y/o). My mother says things about me(and others) that come straight from the devil's mouth. She LIVES to create disharmony and chaos(even if it requires exaggeration, outright LIES, or bribery). Her "tool" is her MONEY. $$$$$. My father died and left her very wealthy, so she doles out money to those who obey her will. Sadly, my daughter has a huge student loan she's trying to pay off, so she must stay on the side of her wicked grandma to make ends meet. It's very heartbreaking, but I continue to pray for both of them, and I know that my daughter DOES love me. Thanks for another great video!
It's hard when you know that someone say lies and sabotage your relationship with others , but you can't do much except learn how to not care and have confident in your self .
try to be the best version of your self and be good to your mother even if she is not and you will be rewarded for your good gestures trust me .
Valerie Griner your a good person.
No that comes from your mothers Ego!!
Humans need to stop using the "cop out" of blaming a horned Devil!
@@joseenoel8093 well I have exactly the same problem but my mother is 76. She didn't even see my kids tell they were 15 and 16 after the birthday shower when they were born. Then we were we're invited to my mother's cabin. I thought things were going great until my kids moved out I was never invited to my mother's house again. But they are wait Daniel junior is Jimmy is shunned also I'm 57 years old and being shunned is horrific. I told my mother off really bad when she said it was okay for my kid to steal my TV! I said things I never should have said and I want to make up with my mother before she dies but maybe I shouldn't and if she dies on bad terms with me I wouldn't even want to go to her funeral. When my mother and me were getting along I'd be talking to her on the phone then she starts screaming about a cop pulled her over don't you start telling me it's my fault my foot is messed up when I was born with a bone to my spine. Then she says you're out of the will like I even didn't know there was a will my mother is not that rich but she uses her husband's money to buy my children's love. Too bad they don't love her isn't it? They just want the money this what you said is so similar to my case I have a mental illness it's really sad after all the years of therapy I know why I'm like I am because of my abusive stepfather and always being treated like less than and now I'm less than my own children it hurts I might write my mother a letter but the truth is you should stay away from narcissists even if it is your parent and it's sad but it's true sometimes you have to give up your own family just get well
@@ladyvirgo9514 Yes...she has QUITE the ego, but I have MET some of her demons...so it's demonic, too. I forgot to mention that she also practices witchcraft, which explains some of it.
Going through this right now. Its sucks. Hoping my son makes it out from in sociopathic fathers wing unscathed.
Even me going through this pain right now ,my son left me
How is your journey going? Mines just started
I can relate. My kids father stole our 3 kids from school. Used them to win custody and brainwashed them against me. I feel so bad for them. He's ruining them and doesn't care as along as he's winning in his mind.
I’m currently going through this all I do is pray
My sister used me when her boys were small so that they would have family. They loved me. Then, one holiday when they were teenagers they walked into mom's house and would not even speak to me. This got so sick that when they came to my house they would not eat my deviled eggs. I was informed that their mom's were the best so they didn't eat others. Insanity. These boys are now in their 40's and she is still controlling them. I am stunned at the number of adult children who remain under mind control their entire lives, never seeing or suspecting an alternate reality.
It's so sad that they would actually do so much damage that they'd convince the child that the targeted parent doesn't love them!!! They don't care how that can really hurt a child.😢💔.And sometimes they turn the child similar to themselves. Bullying, and a lack of empathy. It's soul shattering. I've lost both my children now. To a man who doesn't even love them and is just invested in winning.😢😢😢
My son is a senior, lives with me, and just turned 18. His father gave him a car for his birthday. They didn’t tell me about it. He gave him the car and told us both that he’s an adult now and can make his own decisions. (He’s made it seem like normal parenting questions like ones about homework, when he will be home, etc. are none of my business.) My son lives with me, but I’m afraid to even ask basic safety questions because his dad tells him I’m being controlling. It’s a nightmare.
Speaking to you from the grave, I thought my daughter would come to her senses when she got older unfortunately her mother corrupted her enough to where she basically now has become just like her mother and I’ve had to divorce my daughter out of my life.
These narcissist are devils from the pit.
This is my current fear... I’m 23 and coparent my 3 year old daughter. Luckily I still get to see her 50% of the time but as she’s getting older, the possible negative influence from her mother concerns me. ( she grew up herself without a father figure )
@@jonnyhaha7392 It’s a gamble whether she’s gonna turn against you or not 🤷🏻♂️. Then again there’s people out there that question things, that have a curious nature about them. Narcissist despise those kinds of people.
It’s like that movie The Island. When the head guy started eliminating clones that had the curiosity Gene, because he was afraid of them questioning too much….
God that sucks and yes girls follow their mother , I have a 2 yr old son which I think will work out better for me plus I’m fighting for at least 50 percent custody , I put all Christmas gifts and bdays party’s I give on social media so he will always know I loved him regardless of what the mother says , I’m sure she hates when I put loving pics and posts on social media , it will be hard to paint me as bad guy , I’m hoping she give up trying to turn my son into a narc like her and go have other kids or even better give me full custody and even better go away but regardless I suggest we all pray for our children esp your daughter GOD BLESS BROS
I’m praying every day for the alienation of my 10 year old daughter to end. I’m also fasting every Wednesday and Friday minimum. My daughter went from a sweet, gentle, happy, playful child to hateful and a clone of her demonic mother. It started at the beginning of this year but I’m sure she was being brainwashed slowly for years.
@@successjunky3694 It wouldn’t matter if she hit the lottery she would still make sure she destroys you and your child.
They will strive to isolate without awareness.
After 25 years of "rolling with it" I've gone "no contact".
Dear Dr Les-I KNOW! This is the gift that keeps on hurting-4 adult offspring
Despise me- how their father thought to do this DAMAGE for decades of my LOSS!
When my parents split up years ago my narcissist mother wouldn't let my dad see my younger sister after the divorce. My sister always felt abandoned by our dad and never knew that our "mother" prevented visitation. There was no abuse or neglect on my dad's part or any legal reason for denying visitaton; she just wanted the family to herself and he was of the generation that thought women knew best about child rearing. Once there were grandchildren, my dad wanted to visit from the opposite coast where he was living but my mother made him feel unwelcome so he felt uncomfortable visiting. He was at a distance and disadvantage; she was of a mind to manipulate so he never knew his younger daughter or any of his grand kids. Being the only one in the family who is onto my mother's antics, I'm the only one who knows how she kept everyone apart. If I'd had kids, my plan was not to let her near my children. She made a mess of the whole family. If there's a hell she's going there, but I doubt there is such a place.
My sister did that with my Dad. First, she told my Dad that my Mother hated him. Then, she told my Dad that I hated him. He wouldn't talk to my Mom after that. She was thirteen and I was three. Then she kept telling me that Dad never wanted to see me. He gave her money for me, but she kept most of it. Dad asked to see me at one of my other sister's apartment. He asked what had I ever gotten from my sister from him in the way of clothing and things. He was pissed off when I told him I remembered some socks and underwear when I was nine. She had me babysit her kids all day while she went shopping. She had bags and bags of stuff, and handed me a small bag. I know he confronted her but she would never admit it, not til the day she died. I never heard an apology or confession.
There really is such a place. I am not insane because of my decades of abuse. That's where my late narc husband is now. It's sad, but it was his will and his decision, just as everything in his life had to go according to his will. Now I am sure it's different.
A much needed topic .. thanks... The comments on here ring so true. You all are amazing warriors. To use a child in any way but escpecially in the case of vilifying the alienated parent is such an underreported form of extreme child abuse. Thanku for touching on This.
You are right, it's child abuse; and if the vilified family members are grandparents it's abuse of the elderly too.
true .Even a narcissist mother teach her child in such a way that when they become adult the reject their spouse as second class citizen and give full control to their mother as they have learnt from narcissist that they are ultimate and the child even rejects another parent and it becomes their pattern to reject every person except narcissist
“If you ever leave me I’ll take the kids, I’ll take the money, and I will destroy you,” he said. 15 years later I left him, he did his worst, and I’m still standing.
By erasing me he robbed my kids of their innocence. He has kept them away from me for seven years. They are adults now. He purposely blocked them from my love and caring to punish me, but it’s the kids who suffer the most. No child should ever have to carry the emotional burdens of a parent.
I don’t know if he’s a narcissist, but I do know that I am not.
Same happened to me. I’m shattered and hopeless because my children reject me.
Same here! As a mother I can totally relate to you.
I’m so sorry. I’m in this boat now. I got a lump in my throat reading your comment as for me it’s only the beginning of this heartbreaking journey.
Going through this now he convinced my ten year old I’m the worst person I’m completely heartbroken
My ex narc had prisoners chained to the floor in my divorce hearing...saying I had sex with them...He destroyed my life...all if it....10 years later it still continues!
He has all my kids and grandkids now. They Hate me.
Finally, an article that addresses a real problem in families. Thank you.
Narc mom turned entire family against me because I was the one who saw everything with open eyes. My dad my older sister avoid me like the plague and now my younger sister only 13 is doing the same . I just had a baby not one of them ask how I’m doing all they want is pictures of my baby to show family overseas what great grandparents they are
I’m having to live with this. What my ex husband exposed one of my children to has effected the adult child. It lead to severe drug addiction and his father allowed it while I fought it and him. I tried court, forced rehab, tough love etc. He’s full of false memories and hate. It’s terrible
The flying monkeys have been out in full force. Must be a full moon or something(lol)! You have to laugh to keep from crying. Thanks so much for your videos!
are you talking about the cohen, stone and manafort (etc) trials? those flying monkeys are trying to escape thier consequences but I doubt they will manage it
It's the ultimate poker face
To be so broken inside from their crap and to stay calm and not react is really tough. Especially when they are really, really bad to you.
My 17 yo son was alienated, then when he was turned into the target he ran to me. Then love bombed by his dad again...which I warned him would happen and therapist told him as well. Now he’s discarded me again for his dad bc “i don’t have to tell you where I am” and being disrespectful on many levels. Including blowing off plans for the holidays. When I try to speak to him on it, suddenly I’m the bad parent.
Please more coping skills videos on this topic ! Being a grandparent totally alienated from my grandchildren. Is murdering my soul. 🙏
My daughter was married for 18 yrs before she got out he turned her against me hevturned the kids against her. He messed with her nemories to where im the villan always and the newest thing is she has memories that did not happen. He would gas light me. He ruined so many years and it continues to affect my girl and she wont see it as far as her memories. I dont know what i can do other than protect myself
I know exactly how you feel. I have grandkids and did not even know when they were born. This is as hard as life can get in my book.
@@kellywade4117 I have a feeling that’s the answer. Protect thyself.
Same … it kills me losing my daughter AND grandchild. The worst part is how *calculated* and *deliberate* it has all been.
Im going thru the same thing with my grandkids.. my son is a narcissist
I’ve had a lifetime of alienation initiated by my narc.mother who then divided and ruled me and all of my siblings, turning my brothers into a mixture of SLDs or narcs, and my sister into narc. I became an SLD. we were used as weapons to control our BPD father, and the moment I gained any insight into the games, my mother turned my family against me.
Now we are grown and our parents died years ago, my sister continues the same pattern, except she now uses her children as weapons against her ex husband, me and she has continued controlling my siblings, turning them against me.
I hold my ground with healthy boundaries, never engaging in the same games, always showing respect to her and myself, which led to my sister taking the ultimate control and giving me the silent treatment for the past 5 years. She’s also made sure her kids do the same, and my brothers too. What few relations I have who keep in touch, do so secretly for fear of being on the receiving end of the same treatment.
What a messed up family! I thank my lucky stars that I left home at the age of 18 and have been subjected to a lifetime of silent treatment on and off. Mainly off. I’ve made good use of my silent treatment time by engaging in healthy friendships where boundaries and talking openly about things is the norm. I’ve had counselling over the years and that has helped me enormously by giving me a safe space to process the trauma. And I was blessed with finding a wonderful man who was my husband for and partner for nearly 18 years before he sadly died a few years ago. An amazing and inspiring man to be by my side, never judging me, always supporting me. Its been a long hard journey but I don’t regret taking the healthy relationship path. I like the person I’ve become. Ive forgiven my sister and family by letting go of anger and resentment. I no longer expect them to be anything other than who they are but I’ve reached the point of no return now. There’s no possibility of getting drawn back into my sister’s games. That said, I would love it if my niece and nephew contacted me to renew our relationship. I live in hope of one day...
More on this please
😞
Thank you for sharing how you made your way through and chose health and character. It helps.
Each lecture is an incredible eye opener, at 67 years I’m a sponge absorbing this education, like a child’s mind lapping it up.
And when you watch them over and over you pick up something new each time.
I was married to a narc, and divorced him due to neglect, psych abuse, cheating and alcoholism. He told the courts i was doing parental alienation against him...yet my child was the one who begged me to leave him.
Uet I didn't want my daughter associating with his brothers as they were all alcoholics, and neglected their kids...i was cautious but didnt tell her. And I did wholeheartedly know my ex used me and took everything from me and abused our child.
It's a hard thing when you're going through child custody and he has abused your child and you don't want him around your child because he's still abusing them and they're too afraid to say anything in the courts the courts don't believe you if you say it...
I appreciate the information! My mom ignores me if pay attention to people she doesn’t like. I’m an adult! 😏
Same!
My ex husband told my children that their family fell apart because their mom divorced him. Sacrificing my worth for his insecurities is more damaging and dangerous for the children. They have to learn boundaries. Lying, manipulating, cheating and malicious behavior is NOT what I want them to believe is a good relationship, because it’s NOT. Growing up in that environment will skew their perspective. Living the outcome of abusive narcissistic relationships will teach them how to grow and build healthy relationships. It’s a rough road, but it is absolutely necessary to break this family curse. We will overcome this trauma.
This happens all the time. My three year old sees her narcissistic dad once in a while buts it’s insane how much emotional damage he does in a few hours
Welcome to my childhood. Thankfully I sought therapy.
Outcome? I'm finally losing all stress eating weight ...100 pounds of it! 50lbs down 😊
My narcissistic mother! The destruction she has left behind is horrible, no contact forever!!
My narc mother has called me a bad example to my kids and used them as targets for her narcissistic adult tantrums. I'm happy though that my daughter knows who better to listen to and thats obviously me. team healthy here and continuing to be so.
For me, it's simple. These people cannot be dealt with. Limit contact or no contact if possible. There is no peace with these people and their nonsense never ends. Just get away from them forever.
What if these people have trained your children to be just like them? My children have no bond with me anymore and refuse to even try...
@@jennifera2349 .. be patient.. what’s done in the dark will always come to the light! After 18 years I finally have a relationship with my niece! It’s been hard as hell, even harder to bite MY tongue... but it’s so worth it now! Good luck to you! 🤗🤗
@@AllisonJames810 this is currently happening with my niece. She is five. Too sad.
@@stella6516 I’m sorry this is happening to you. This caused me YEARS of grief that I’m still dealing with. While I’m happy that I finally have a relationship with my niece, it DID come at the expense of my relationship with my brother. 😕
I thank you for taking the time to talk with me you are so Wise many thanks to you
He's the best...love his videos.
Evil is too kind a word for these monsters.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive advice. I had to leave my narcissistic ex partner after years of mental abuse. I have also been diagnosed with Autistic Spectrum Disorder, Depression, and Bipolar Disorder. I also have a heart condition.
I am a father of boys whose mother is the full time parent and is a covert narcissist. My life has been hell for 15 years and continues to this day. I feel so sorry for my children who are being manipulated by her. I often feel totally helpless.
The only thing I can do is constantly tell them how much I love them and that I’m always there for them if they need me. I always create a safe, relaxed, and loving environment for them when they see me. In the hope that they will eventually see that I’m not the person who their mother brainwashes them into thinking I am. It’s so upsetting to be the victim of an evil narcissist. Especially when also suffering with mental health difficulties.
I went thru this with my ex husband and my sister toward me with my kids. they wound up with control fully and 'won' my kids. my adult girls will have nothing to do with me. 8 years now that they won't speak with me. all I can do is pray that some day they will contact me.
Yes, for me the same. I have them for visitation but they completely block me from their reality, and treat me like I am completely non existent. Cold treatment, no interaction at all.
I hope they will too.
I just wish I could have a better relationship with my children. It's been going on since they were little. Now they're 17 and 11 and even though my wife and children live together the relationship is almost non existent. I'm so unhappy
Narcissistic grandparents and siblings do this to the scapegoats children!!
My narc husband turned my kids against me through not respecting me as a woman, mother or wife.
More videos please on this topic of alienating children from grandparents and extended family
Sitting here crying cause I can't see my son or grandson anymore . I don't know what happened. I do know it was one excuse after another. Then I get verbally abused. I just don't know what to do.
@@hollystuart736 Im so sorry. I havent seen my grandchildren for a year and a half.... it is the hardest thing I have ever faced.
My ex narc and his 2 kids used to gang up on me repeatedly. Then when I would react, I looked like the crazy one. In the end, my ex was telling his son what to say to hurt me with. My ex Had a look of sheer delight on his face, which later he denied (gaslighting). I know what I heard and saw. His teenage son told me when he got up in the morning I better not be there. The ex did nothing to defend me. He participated in the attack. This is after he begged me to come back. That was the last time I saw any of them, after years of tears. Beginning with finding out he cheated on me. He denied it of course. I'd rather be happy alone, than live like that. They are empty, sad and angry ppl.
@@lc4972 I am sorry, I tried to be a step mom along time ago. Kinda the same thing happened to me. That relationship didn't last long. Being a step or in law has to be the hardest two relationship to manage.. I guess I would do the same if some other factors weren't also not being delt with.one my son has several mental health issues.as well as physical health issues. He is vulnerable to being manipulated. Without his meds. He has to ask them about things that are or have happening. Great for them. Not getting his asthma meds, his knee needs replaced and before he left we found out he had auto immune disorders. As well as tiny holes in a couple of his vertabras. It is abuse to me.. I have cancer, so this is a disaster. No worries I just wanted to get to know my grandson and spend as much time as I can with them , maybe I am being selfish..
I think if it is your own family , I would think it would be a bad thing to not try and get help. Luckily that it is not your own family.. but I am sure the pain is the same. For you I hope you find the family you deserve that treats you like your supposed to be treated. That you find happiness . God bless. .
@@hollystuart736 my heart goes out to you! 🤗
Please talk to the adult children of these situations. My father died in my early teens, and after that my mother never lost an opportunity to tell me what a horrible man he was - everything about me she didn't like was 'just like your father'. She even went so far as to tell me her never wanted me.
Oh wow, my narc ex says my daughter is just like me when she left her husband because I had dated a couple guys after we split up. So I was the "bad seed" ..that's what he put into her head.
The poor child is confused and scared.
Dad still talks against his now, late in-laws, my grandparents(mom's parents) and expect me to take his side: never!