Codependency - Devaluing Phase
Вставка
- Опубліковано 18 вер 2023
- After the fantasy stage, a discontent develops in the relationship. The root of this is caused by the deep shame of the narcissist. This is often called the “devaluation stage”.
In this stage, fear, anger and shame increases, which may build into physical, sexual, financial, and other forms of extreme abuse.
.
.
.
#healthy #relationships #mentalhealth #complextrauma #addictionrecovery #narcissism #addiction #narcissisticabuse #complextraumarecovery #cbt #timfletcher #fy #fyp #mentalhealthawareness #shorts
This guy just by watching his shorts has helped me so much in understanding why my marriage failed.
Tim is amazing. I discovered him many years ago when his channel was in about the double or maybe triple digits. His focus back then was geared a lot toward addicts, but I found so much of his content relatable. I thankfully, and surprisingly haven't struggled with addiction, but I have really struggled with unhealthy coping techniques and have been diagnosed with a plethora of things from the age of 10. I couldn't understand why with being given what I thought were all of the "essential basic needs" and years & years of therapy and medications I just couldn't "get better." I learned so much about myself and it really helped me understand why I felt so unhappy in a relationship with a person I loved, married, divorced, and returned to many times prior to finally ending it. I honestly probably would have given in and gone back to him if not for discovering Tim's channel among some other great creators. My ex was someone who did struggle with addiction and has a lot of traits of what some would label as covert/ vulnerable narcissism. I thought he had to have an extreme amount of confidence in order to be narcissistic. I was so miserable at certain points with him and couldn't figure out how I could be made to feel so rotten and also so good. I dismissed his controlling nature, abuse, isolating me from friends and what little family I had (even shortly after my mom passed). I thought this was all "normal" and "typical" of relationships. I was unaware of trauma-bonding and thought codependency was simply a need to be with someone. I was used to taking the brunt of his anger both for myself and those around us. I was used to apologizing for him acting out. I was used to basically jumping when he said "jump." I knew if he walked off in a rage I'd better follow or else things would inevitably get worse.
Thanks to Tim, I learned I was replaying all-too-familiar roles that I played and to some degree still play in my family. (I'm still trying to work through all that). I settled for what my mom essentially settled for- someone who wasn't emotionally and at times even physically present. The chaos and abuse was something I gravitated towards bc anything else felt "boring" or "weird." What's weird is not being able to realize what a problem that is/ was! It didn't occur to me for some reason that not every relationship was like that or had to be like that.
I've been working on myself ever since bc I still don't trust my "picker" and am afraid I'll attract and will be attracted to the same kind of treatment & circumstances I have in the past. It definitely gets lonely as heck, but at least I know I'm no longer wanting to settle for breadcrumbs of joy in a relationship.
I'm glad you've found Tim's videos or they've found you and they've been helpful. He really does such amazing work. When I first heard Tim describing some scenarios in his longer-form content I thought "How does he know exactly how I was raised?!" 😳😅 It feels nice to be essentially be "heard" and finally validated. All those years of confusion suddenly made perfect sense.
While I'm sorry that your marriage failed, hopefully it ended up being for the best and/or your next relationship will thrive and be healthier.
For real.
So true!!
It's very Sad...but thats happening to me now...I hardly want to leave my Bedroom...😢 But I will...I bought Steak for Dinner!!!
Idealize devaluation discard
100% correct
However u forgot one word... REPEAT! It's more effective and damaging to the target/victim if the narcissist is able to put into place a cycle of those 3 stages. 💘💔❤️🩹❤️...
Repeat yes. That includes hoovering you back to start the cycle of abuse all over again. No Contact. Get out. Stay out.
@@katherineirvin7464 GOSO
@@katherineirvin7464yea they have no life the fact that they have to do this to feel good is pathetic
It's like a trade of a fantasy for a dream but just never got the dream end of the deal.
So true!! A narcissist is well versed in the game. It is time we all got wise to it.
Literally what happened to me. Can you imagine cheating on someone 6 years into a relationship? Into shared history, bond and connection? I’ll never understand.
My husband and I are working through this, overcoming trauma together 🤩🙏🏻❣️🥰
👏👏👏
May I know how such a relationship can be healed? I always thought you have to leave if this is the case.
What type of trauma and how are you overcoming? Husband from a couple where both have trauma
This channel is my best resource!!! Nothing but the hard core truth without any added weird entertainment for subscribers.
Its heavy but for me this channel is helping me stay on track to get my soul back and go create a life my real self deserves! TY TY TY! 🙏
I learned all about Complex Trauma thanks to Tim's videos about it. Excellent educational resource.
Life changer. It popped up when I was ready. It's mind bending how that happens
I just finished watching all your UA-cam videos. The information is so accurate, relatable and helpful. WOW.
Where have I been... never seen such a teacher with simple words yet the students gets the msg🎉🎉🎉 even the least intelligent students understand the topic and gets an A.
Thank you sir💯💯💯 🎉🎉😇😇
Thank you ,thank you ,thank you ,thank you...
Yep, he cheated for years. Now I'm so stuck.
You mean the guy next to you in your profile pic? He doesn't deserve anything from you, including being in your profile pic.
This was so my life as a child. I had to become a member.
If the lord asked me if I wanted to be a preacher, or listen to Tim- I would choose Tim.
Tim has helped me understand exact phrases within the Bible, he has helped me see my value, and the logic of it all. This is some rare information. I haven’t found many leaders speak so prominently about the fatal curses one may have in their life, or knowing what boundaries are needed. This has allowed me to save so much time and energy in my life.
I wish I could just tell everyone to be angry and listen to Tim. He cares about everyone’s boundaries. Tim want us to be happy.
I have no idea which of these amazing videos I just watched but thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
Something connected with me that has connected before. It was not the mental health part (I am a mental health professional).
It was the part about Jacob being a passive father.
Thank you so much
Oh gods this is where I'm at right now.
Thank you for how you explain everything. Thank you
PHenOmenal Shorts and Videos!!! This helped me understand my narcissistic mother so much more clearly. You have crystal-clear clarity about this issue. Thank you!!
This is how a Power blinded Narcissistic Godfather behaves in front of his applauders for implanted defeat.
Just found you and so grateful to God for your messages that are so timely in my life. Praying that you keep posting. Thank you
I love God to the best of my ability if only God truly loved me back
@@SarahBaer-wd7iqI'm sorry to hear that you feel that way.
May I ask what led you to believe in God?
It might help you to try spending some time getting to know a few more secular groups, channels and forums, perhaps with some common interest or passion. You might even meet a few atheists with similar values to your own, albeit not necessarily coming from the same underlying beliefs.
Alternatively, travelling and immersing yourself into other cultures can have a similar effect. The point is to set your assumptions to one side and truly get to know different people who may be able to offer you a fresh perspective.
Just a suggestion.
Good luck.
Well you said.
I've been subscribed for a while but today I found your "healing trauma" playlist.
I started playing it when I got to work and here it is 10 hours later & I'm ready for bed.
Just listening with earbuds on.
( It's the kind of job where I'm allowed to listen to my phone)
I have a project with a deadline in front of me, but when i'm done with that, next is to sit down with a notebook and get going.
I just love you so much, thank you so much. I honestly don't think i've ever listened to - I'm sure you're a psychologist, that made sense like you do.
I would compare it to math is hard & doesn't make complete sense unless you start at the very beginning, but if one goes back & learns parts that were missed,
then it turns out to be a very fun game & the stress just goes away.
I started life with tons of trauma dealt with trauma at work tonight, I cannot wait to get started.
I have six years of studying nartistism and psychopathy very extensively.
The one thing I am concerned about is, the house I live in I own, where it all started. But I'm gonna get started anyway on the healing.
I actually don't live in the house, I've been living in my yard for years.
This is absolutely the truth
Just found your channel so helpful this profound information thank you 🙏🏼
Well put. ❤️🔥
Just avoid this kind of people or avoid speaking to them if you couldnt aboud contact with them. They never are worth it your nerves
Very well spoken
Your Channel is at 199K Congratulations.
Glory to God !
You are gifted by God🙌
Thank u for ur videos
I understand this.
Thank you. I’m thankful to God that I found you..at first there was huge resistance when it comes to codependency because I was scared to know the reading behind it..I’m working through it now day by day❤
Fear is a lie
@@mknels1299 “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth” - Pema Chödrön
Hey Tim, you briefly talked about divorce and the impact on a child during Theo’s podcast. How it’s too often painted in a positive light.
Could you make a video going deeper into that subject?
Facts
Do you have one on alienating the victim from his entire family at all his previous friends? In our case she planned this at least a year ahead of time unbeknownst to him.
‘Isolate& Control’ is the abuse mantra
Thank you for stating and explaining this ❤❤❤-Xclusyph Icon
Do you have one on isolating the victim?
All of these are on isolating the victim.
Anything that narc is doing is the isolation of the victim. Narc does not have neuroscience academy diploma. Predators do this on their evil instinct.
Exactly! What if the covert/fragile narcissist finds a way of guilting-tripping, devaluing, isolating or discarding their target/victim?
TRAUMA BONDING!
@@LaFlammeMusic Then we need to work and listen to ourselves - and heal the trauma that compel us to co-depend on other people.
Is it circle or what ??? How am I responsible for their deeds ?? It's not my job ... They are entering into the relationship in a wrong way these are not new people , they are keeping the same old pattern even they know well this path will not make my path to connect with them ... This is not the first time they entered into this way , many people are living in this way and these people also keep doing this from almost many years... If it's not working out then they should be live like individual it must ... Some of them living lonely life without this frod marriages I will recall them then they can prove how these people prove themselves correct??? When they marry , chose their happiness they are not asking my permission, instead of that unnecessarily they are creating a situation that the rejection by verbal abuse , betrayal, rejection then they have gone out .... That's finished...what they need they choose publicly n gone ....
Then y to repeat it ??? After rejection there is no place to them to come back into my life .... How they choose I will also choose , I can also blaming them like since starting they have the second person n follow them I rejected them n stayed away... So rejection came from both sides nothing left between these relationships.... If they need anything from me ask them to try through the court ...I too want to see how the court n judge will accept these marriages???
So it's finished once they betrayed n left me n gone with their partners.... Finished...
So I'm living like without partner this is my time this is my choice many people in this cult living alone without entering this kind of illigal relationships .... I can prefer them or I can marry any individual that's my wish .... What they did is completely their wishes n mistakes not mine ... Who's living without marriage they will question them what's the use of living alone until now how those marriages will be ligal to the third person??? Ask them to shut their mouth n get lost from my life forever....
I can say this is true: it did not take long at all.
Mothers and Fathers do this to their children.
I been trying to get mental health help for many months, I’m 70, and started having bad treatment by age of 3, what wasn’t done to me I managed to do to myself, maybe best to just give it to Jesus.
Whats up with Tim? He is so helpful, I miss his videos!
yeah is he okay? he hasnt uploaded for a while
update, i realised hr does upload on his live streams
⚡🔛💯
🥺😓🙏
This video hit too deep
Worst phase my opinion.
Actually, the reverse happened to me. They no longer wanted to pursue a relationship with me because I was questioning their motives (ie. Why did they want to lock me into a committed relationship so soon? When there were major questions and obstacles needing to be addressed first.) That's when I reconnected with someone else who had expressed a desire to be in a relationship. I realize NOW that both individuals were not ordained by GOD to be in my life. And that I was opening myself up to a great deal of trial and tribulation. Ultimately ending in heartbreak and legal troubles.
No eggshells here peacock
Why did he stop uploading videos?
wonder how long this will last
It will last until you start make them accountable. Once you do that then they leave. It’s a vicious cycle.
@@enoughisenough9937 nah, i meant the video on YT, but that's also true lol!
seems with some people there is no room for a middle ground doesn't it?
@@stvn0378 Narcissism is not tango. It is not two way game. It is not about victim and abuse. There is perpetrator and that is it. Nobody is participating in their own abuse.
@@ranc1977 You have to be careful with the victim framing though. As a lot of the same content on narcissistic abuse is likely fueling some of the same narcissistic abusers. How do these people with harmful conduct view themselves? And it's the individual bias that causes people see the evil in others, but not themselves.
@@stvn0378 Who defines the evil?
What is evil?
Who places these definitions?
For example,
To Catholic Talibans - the definition of evil is masturbation and being gay. It is not beating your wife or trying to recover yourself after the rape by removing fetus.
Any normal and healthy person will know this is not evil - yet for almost 2000 years this was considered evil in toxic society with patriarchy.
Definition of evil leads to coercive control and manipulation and exploitation and taking advantage over weak and frail - everything that Jesus was against of.
-
Lundy Bancroft:
"Abuse is NOT caused by bad relationship dynamics. You can't manage your partner's abusiveness by changing your behaviour. But he wants you to think you can."
It's illegal, court will punish them ... A person who has wife cheats his wife will be punishable,he will go to the jail ...then how this blamings n illigal contract marriages can be acceptable??? How these marriages can bring the justice to me ??? Instead of justice they are applying deferent abuses ??? No they will go to the jail with their illegal acts ...
What do you mean, “cheat”?
Phases won’t work
Off the wall but I think we went to school together
You comment this same comment on every you tube video, admit it.