I have a trans friend who has the code word “cactus!” when she gets a suddenly dysphoric during activities. She says it feels right because “It quickly communicates that I need touching to stop immediately and I need some space, but it isn’t because of something they’ve done or said. I just am a cactus right now.”
Oh my God that is brilliant! I think this is a good way to show that you're uncomfortable with something not only in terms of gender dysphoria, but in general. Using a word cactus or basically any other 😛
I’m not saying it’s rape. But it’s very important that who you’re with feels comfortable and safe. If you aren’t willing to back up if they say they aren’t comfortable with something, that could be pretty mentally damaging. In addition, only about 2 out of every thousand people who are accused of rape have been falsely accused.
@@Edward-bm7vw yes, it's rape if i say 'no, stop it' in the middle of it and they don't listen to me and intentionally keep going. i could say stop for many reasons but it's an obligation to the other side to respect it.
@@ilfioredeldeserto-gk3mg No I'm talking about after not in the middle of it. If they're doing it and never says 'stop it' and they finish can she just say 'no I didn't enjoy that you raped me'?
This just made it so much more funny as at 13 me and a friend found a stack of dvds of my dads on the top was shrek...... The rest was just porn.....so for years shrek meant porn 😂
Shrek 😂😂 💚 and by the way folks with a cervix or if you have a partner with a cervix, check out a site called Self:Cervix for empowering info about this amazing pleasure organ. It’s so poorly understood for many reasons but has so many nerve connections and can be the primary pleasure organ for folks with this organ. You can thank me later 🤗😘 By the way I don’t work for them or anything. Just spreading the love about our amazing human bodies. 💖💖💖💖👑🙏🏼
I’m a nurse in California. I had my first mtf transgender patient the other day. When getting report from the night shift nurse she made a comment along the lines of “ idk she looks kinda like a man but her name is (insert here) so maybe she’s transitioning idk”. I think the way she said it with a giggle that had slightly rubbed me wrong. When I met the patient, as we always do, I asked what name do you prefer to be called and she told me it was her middle name, not the one on the paper. Part of me thought I was acting weird as hell almost trying too hard to be respectful and use the right pronouns. Then when she got discharged home she thanked me and told me it was the best she’s been treated there. Not saying this to make me sound like an amazing person but to basically say thank you for always creating open discussion and educating from your platform. I grew up in the conservative Midwest and it’s very refreshing to see such acceptance here in California. I know we all have room to grow and learn but it definitely helps having videos to reference if I ever have questions. Edit : did not expect all the love but thank you all. Y’all make what I do worth it. If anyone ever needs a friend, feel free to reach out. I’m here for anyone and everyone 💕
Carley you are an amazing person, thanks for treating people the way people should be treated, hopefully others will see it and do the same, instead of thinking your being ‘extra’ in any way. Have a lovely week! x
But you ARE an amazing person ❤️ when you care so much about making people feel like they can be who they are without feeling judged, that is such a nice quality to have as a human. We should all educate ourselves on topics we don't know much about, just because we might someday need it, even though we don't know when. That makes you a good person, and a great nurse! That other nurse though, seemed a bit closeminded to me 🙄 treating others the way you want to be treated yourself, nothing is better than that ❤️ and it's 2020 😅 we shouldn't be ignorant and closeminded, just open and respectful to others ❤️
You two are just fantastic and an inspirational couple , my Son-in-law became my daughter-in-law three years ago and you have helped me understand her need so much clearer. I love her as much now as I ever did but the Knowledge and understanding I have now makes me a better mother ! Thank you both from the bottom of my heart !
So happy you are supportive of her. You are a wonderful person for doing so.❤️ However just to be helpful, for future reference, in most situations it would probably be better if instead of phrasing it as, "My son-in-law became my daughter-in-law" you should either put quotes around son-in-law. Or to phrase it different, such as "My daughter in law came out as mtf." Because she didn't "become" your daughter-in-law. She always was. You just didn't know it. Not trying to offend you in any way😊 You sound like a lovely person. Take care!💖
My close trans friend uses the phrase "let's go to Olive Garden" or mentions 'Olive Garden' in any capacity if she needs to leave a situation or conversation - she absolutely LOATHES Olive Garden, so any mention of it in a positive light is a "get me out of here" situation.
My father and I use this in a different context. If someone says something weird or tmi, we say "so how about them lakers?" or whatever is the first sports team that comes to mind.
Hey, great video as usual. Now, I thought I could share a story that happened to me a few weeks ago. So at school this teacher was testing my voice for the choir since I am now one month on T. I entered the room and she asked : "Do you know about, um... this trans UA-camr?" "Um, probably", I said. "His name is James? Jamie?" "Jammidodger?" "Yes, that's it! He talks about his transition and he is so sweet!" she said. That made me smile. I think it was so nice of her to know these kinds of things.
Aww, it’s awesome that she’s so cool about your transition! Plus thinking that she was probably watching UA-cam to try and understand you better is sweet. Congrats on one month on T!
Noah Boisjoli-Jebali I’m so glad to hear that! Congratulations and my very best wishes on your journey! May it always be a positive one filled with love and when there be clouds, let them always contain the silver lining (but very few clouds-mostly sunshine I hope for you!!!)! I send you much love and warmth and peace and joy and gaiety over your transition because I am simply so happy for you that you are on a path that feels so right and good to you and your heart and soul and true self. I hope I make sense! Stay strong and healthy during this time travel 🧭 we are taking back to the Black Plague or the Influenza Pandemic of the teens of the last century. I know in my heart that you and your loved ones will be just fine. Sometimes one just knows. I thought I would pass it on because we are all scared and I don’t want you to be, love. Take care and enjoy your new life!!!✌🏻💜🤟🏻💖🤗🤗🧸
There’s two sexualities that have “poly-“ that is, polysexual (or polyromantic) and polyamory. Polysexual means that you would have an attraction to more than two genders, but not all. It’s in between pansexual and bisexual. Polyamory is when someone would want a relationship with more than one other person. As in they would have a relationship with let’s say, 3 people. As a polysexual, I would love people to say the full word so there’s not a mix up. :)
Cloverrr polyamory isn’t a sexual orientation, it’s a relationship type or preference. Sorry but if someone sees an implication of a relationship/sexual encounter with multiple people and assumes that it’s referring to polysexuals vs polyamourous relationships/threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes, they’re not educated on them. It’s not up to other people to educate people on things that they are uneducated about, it’s up to that person to educate themselves using educational material already available. If someone mentions “wow I love how apple pie smells” on an apple pie cooking video, you’re not going to assume they’re talking about key lime perfume.
You two are just so wonderful. I am a cis gender gay man who knew trans men and women back in the early 80s, and I saw their struggle to live “normal” lives. These good people are still in my thoughts. Your videos are helping so many kids and older folks (like me) to understand, and learn. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
It makes me so happy to see older lgbtq+ folk not only still living their own truth, but thriving despite all the odds. You all are an inspiration to me. Cheers, Harold!
I’m a new nurse practitioner and your videos have helped me so much in knowing how best to support trans folx. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
"You can't assume that your partner is aware of everything." You guys are so mature and reflective in regards to sex and intimacy, much more than the general "cis" society, and I just wanted to give you a massive round of applause for that. I am a cisgender straight woman - sex and intimacy are still some of the hardest topics for me to talk about, and I think that the journey you two have been on together has forced you to have some vital conversations that I've never felt were acceptable to have with any partner. I feel really inspired by your openness. Of all your videos, this one has been my favourite
Hi. I know its weird. I'm a baby trans guy and I've chosen the name Jamie. My friend suggested I start watching you. I have been for a few weeks. You're a great creator but I get such euphoria from watching you be happy and successful.
I am intersexed, my husband is heterosexual. We have been together for over 20 years. I am a nurse! Whatever!! La la!! But we were both past being trying to reproduce! I love you both! It is difficult!
Pol Feet no they mean intersexed as they said, google the term. If you mean the husband, the sexual orientation is relevant due to what you will learn when you research about said term.
Nancy Beveridge Taylor oh, I didn’t read it correctly, I thought they meant they were a cisgender (straight) couple whereas you don’t have to be cis to be in a straight couple
Shaaba has so much wisdom and articulates things so well, with such amazing wit. I could listen to her talk about their experiences and life in general for hours and hours
I'm a straight single chick so Lord knows how I landed on this channel. Just wanted to say that you two are adorable! What a great couple! Also, your honesty is informative & refreshing. Have a great day! 🌝🌝🌝
Karen Henry any of us could become a parent, teacher, boss, colleague, or friend of a transgender person. Knowing about the issues likely to affect them makes us better humans.
I’m bi but when I first found channels like this I assumed I was straight since I hadn’t really experienced much attraction. I’m also probably cis but I’ve experienced really vague small dysphoria as a female, idk. Glad you find this channel as accepting and amazing as I do even though I’m not trans myself or anything.
Same. Found the channel cause ive been watching LGBTQ+ creators on UA-cam for different perspectives and i definitely started cause i wanted to know about the JKR thing and now I'm just down the rabbit hole of LGBTQ+ creator videos. Lol.
UPDATE: Use code UA-cam for 20% off at trylgc.com/jammidodger 💛 Hey spuds, I know we’re all going through some turbulent times right, and I questioned putting this video up. But I want to maintain a sense of normality in certain spheres of life, but also highlight that other aspects of our health and the help certain services can bring are still important right now. If anything, just take away the message that we should be looking after ourselves, each other, and taking care! If there is anything you can think of that Shaaba and I can do to make things a little easier for some of you right now, let us know! We can do live streams, post happy distracting content on insta, etc. And of course, regular UA-cam uploads will carry on, twice a week, every Wednesday and Sunday. Much love!
Jammidodger I just had to come back from my first trip abroad to Poland the other day early, glad to see you’re still doing your videos so I can have some normalcy!
I’m a high school art teacher and have had several students in class over the past few years starting to transition. Thanks for your honest and informative videos. I feel better able to support these students after watching your channel. You are doing important work!
The way you guys talk about dealing with dysphoria popping up when you’re in the moment sounds very similar to how my partner and I deal with my PTSD. We both have to communicate and be ready to stop, and have immense compassion for each other if it happens.
As a gay transman I'm most worried about men I'm with not being comfortable with the differences in trans bodies. But i've also heard from gay friends who have been with pre-everything transmen that they didn't see their body as female, even though it was, because that body belonged to the man who they wished to have relations with.
Yeah its a bit of a personal thing, for me the idea of being with a man is all I need, and I get that with trans guys, but it might not be the same with others.
I’m a pan cis woman and that has been my experience too. I genuinely thought I would have a hard time wrapping my head around it, but I didn’t. I just never saw his body as female because he’s a man. It just clicked immediately for me and I was shocked.
Thats so wholesome. Its hard for us trans people to think that anyone else could see us as male in certain ways because we're so focused on how not male some things seem to us, its cool to know that theres people out there who think otherwise
@@courtnrysalamone7677 Yeah. Especially with people claiming they "just have masculine energy" (cough Trish cough 😂) it's been interesting to me trying to understand why those who are attracted to men would be attracted to me, a transman who is pre-everything. Like it's good and comforting but it's a very strange aspect of attraction and the nuance of gender. Tldr: folks interesting. I love that lol
Love this! My wife and I had many questions when my wife came out as a trans woman. Definitely quite a few that either crossed some boundaries and had to be addressed to prevent it from happening further to a lot of “well, how is Keirstyn (me) taking it?” Less asking how my wife was coping with being out and having all sorts of reactions to the news. (Yes, for those wondering we were already married when she came out. She spent a long time trying to figure out/understand how she was feeling since she was raised very religious, and even though she didn’t belong to the religion anymore, it took time to deconstruct that binary thinking. It took her a long time to figure it out and accept it before she could tell me, as I was the first person she told. My reaction might have been, “excellent, I’ll get to do her makeup!” Because, you know, priorities. But really, I’m pan, I dated a woman for 3 years before my wife, so she knew I’d love and accept her no matter what. It’s been 2 years since she came out, and we’re now expecting our first child in 2021).
Dear owners of vaginas; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get your Pap smears done, even if you aren’t being sexual!! I hadn’t been getting tested because I wasn’t sexually active at the time, come to find out ( when I FINALLY went to the doctor because I was having weird symptoms ) that I had stage 3b cervical cancer!! The ONLY thing that really helped me was that thankfully, compared to other cancers it’s a fairly slow growing type. BUT, they said my tumour was about the size of my fist. I had to have chemo and radiation. I also had quite a few surgeries and it kinda messed up my left kidney. It had started to move into a lymph node, which we managed to get before it spread throughout my whole body. Thankfully as of right now I am in remission 🙂 and when it’s been 5 years, I can finally say that I am cancer free.. Yay.. lol. But my whole point is, if I had been getting my paps done regularly, regardless of me being sexually active or not, ALL of that could have been prevented. If they catch it early, from what I understand, they can just zap it out and you’re done. So pleeeease, check!! Stay Safe everyone
Thank you for sharing your story, that sounds like A LOT to deal with.. Thank god you are in remission!! How long had it been since your last check? I will definitely be getting myself checked ...
Very true, the cancer takes 10-15 years to develop once you have been infected so it can definitely happen after years of abstinence! Thank you for sharing your story, it's important to spread awareness.
I'm not trans, but I love your videos. It really prepares me for interaction with those who may be different from me. I'm not uncomfortable, or dismissive. I'm able to ask appropriate questions and learn boundaries. Thank you so much!
Sadly more rare than you think. Also I and my partner weren't really taught how to communicate but the love and effort are there. It's taken is years and sometimes the talking is pitiful lol
I'm a trans guy and I've honestly struggled with intimacy because of my dysphoria, I'm lucky I've finally found a very understanding person who won't try to push me or anything.
So wish I grew up in your generation!! I’m a 55 year old lesbian who has never felt comfortable being a woman. The two of you are a very mature couple and it’s clear that you have a wonderful future together! Thanks so much for opening up my eyes and sharing your lives with the rest of us❤️. P.S. “What is a sis person ?”
by "sis person" they mean "cisgender"! a cisgender person is someone who identifies completely with their assigned sex (e.g. isn't transgender) also your name is really cool :D
A couple of years ago I was in a relationship with someone who identified as NB and bi but said she was mainly attracted to women. It was my first relationship, and the only time we were intimate she started doing things and I kept asking her to stop and she kept going and just totally ignored me. She ended up going all the way doing stuff while I was actively begging her to stop. She also, knowing I was a trans guy, said that she saw me as a girl and was attracted to me as one (she knew me before but didn’t go out with me until after I came out to her). So that sucked. I kind of was single for a few years and didn’t want to put myself out there even though I felt lonely. But recently, I got in a relationship and I feel really happy. She’s amazing and crazy respectful and kind and I didn’t think people like her existed. She says just the right things and is respectful of me and my boundaries and is okay when I’m good with certain things. Point is, keep on trying and have standards for yourself as to how people treat you. Good intimacy can be possible.
OnceUponAPiano a person who goes on doing things like that to you after you've said to stop is a rapist, darling. That is rape. I'm glad you're with someone better now, but have you considered getting counselling for that?
Howdy internet stranger, I agree with Teal Rose and I hope you're doing ok. Not only was that rape, but she actively refused to respect who you are, which makes no sense knowing that she's NB. Absolutely unacceptable. Hope you find peace, and all the love you deserve in this world. ❤
Maja before considering replying to the person below asking for communication, I would advise reading through the other comments and replies they have written elsewhere on this thread, to gain a clearer idea of who they are and how they think. Stay safe.
I’m trans ftm and my girlfriend is trans mtf and YES YES YES about the open communication regarding boundaries! We talk about it all time time because it really can vary - sometimes she wants to do a lot of stuff and sometimes she just wants to be held and I’m the same. If you have a trans partner always always always keep talking and definitely have a safe word to make sure that all parties are comfortable and consenting not just in sexual activity but in ALL activity 🌈
As someone getting their RN Degree, I believe it’s super important to look for advice on how to respect groups in LGBTQ and properly help them with anything that would differ from cis/hetero. Too many nurses are left uneducated in social and psychological aspects of care for LGBTQ community members. So channels like yours are so important and I’m so thankful you offer so many great references to better understand the trans community.
Your videos basically double as a therapy session. I always walk away wanting to be more empathetic/kind to everyone as well as to myself. Thanks for being you
How does one find a Shaaba? This is the most perfect thing ever! I need someone who can not be offended if I needed to stop doing whatever, and be comfortable stopping and doing something else, and being accepting and okay with my gender and body, as well as my stage in my transition, and be there and support me both mentally and physically through my transition. Hopefully I find my Shaaba someday!
You two remind me so much of my girlfriend and myself. I am a trans guy, she's cis. I haven't begun my medical transition, my social transition is a little laggy and things get awful and uncomfortable really often. And because our story is like yours in so many ways, it feels so fucking good to see a possible happy ending in front of us. Thank you.
Hey there! Just figured I should tag on, I’m also a trans guy with a cis femme partner. She and I met post social transition but pre all medical transition, so slightly different, but just figured I’d share that we’re still together and celebrating 6 years this week :) Just to toss in another similar happy story!
hi! I'm a trans guy and dating a cis woman, she told me that she like me because I'm trans, i mean she says that she loves me, whether i go through any hormonal or surgical transition, she doesn't care, she just want what i want, but i wonder if when she says that she likes me specifically because I'm trans, is hat a bad thing?
I’m currently writing my master thesis with all of these lock downs going on .. and I’m all alone. I just love having you talk in the background ! Makes me feel like I’m not lonely ❤️
What I really love about the videos you two do about these topics is you make them so EDUCATIONAL. Like there's a few funny jokes, but nothing us vulgar and nothing is censored- It's all so natural, and I appreciate it :)
I don't have a partner at this current moment but watching this video just in general made me so much less insecure about the topic. Opening up conversation is so important and you both are always so inclusive and respectful of one another as well as your audience and I can't thank you enough for that.
This is really important and I love this video So I myself am a trans guy dating someone who is cis and talking a lot about dysphoria and consent was something I felt was needed to talk about to him. It has always been an awkward topic for me to talk about but I asked him about certain boundaries and we talked about the both of us to do with that for awhile. I've never really liked using words so instead i sent him a picture of a stick figure and told him to circle where he wasnt comfortable with, I also did the same. It sounds ridiculous but I think it is a great idea for people who can feel uncomfortable talking about it. Communication is always important, and if you feel like something isn't right, try to talk with them or get a close friend to tell them how you feel etc. I have dealt with a lot of situations in the past but these small things all help to keep a strong relationship.
7:53 All this hits hard, especially "Consent is required at every stage.". Yes it should be a common sense rule but it is sadly not as common as it should be. I have some trauma surrounding sex due to past experiences and I have difficulty expressing that. It took me years to realise that I was allowed to say no and I'm still struggling with it. I'm a cis-woman dating a cis-man. If ever we are in the middle of -as Shaaba puts it- hanky-panky time and I feel triggered, or just don't want to anymore, I just grit my teeth and deal with it because I still feel like I can't say no. If I do, I feel ashamed that I caused disappointment and seeing my partner sulk and turn away from me in frustration (as I've often experienced when I've tried to stop things happening right at the beginning, so I can only imagine what it would be like trying to say no mid-intimacy). I realise that it would be frustrating for my partner but it's something I can't help. Trying to fight it is so exhausting that I just feel that it's easier to continue and "deal with the trauma" instead of disappointing my partner. I've still got a long way to go, and It gives me hope to see that there are people out there who are respectful of boundaries, no matter the situation.
Intyalle I hope you’ve found the strength to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about that. If he’s a person worth staying in a relationship with, he’ll want to minimize your discomfort and trauma, even if you feel you can’t clearly communicate it in the moment, and he may be able to make adjustments on his end that can help stop things getting bad or worse, like periodically checking in on how you’re feeling during/before sex. Of course that requires you answer honestly. But it’s easier to take an out you’re given than try to force an interruption, in my experience.
I know what you mean I have those Problems myself that's why I stopped having Sex, I just can't (I'm not in a relationship so I don't need to worry). I need to work on my issues first but what's the main problem is that it can be painful for a man if he doesn't get "satisfied". Many men told me about this and it makes me feel responsable, but I'm not, you're also not responsable. You should talk about your trauma with your partner, if he still gets angry or wants you to satisfy him since you "caused" this situation... I'm sorry my dear but that is not the right person for you. You don't have to pleasure anybody, he hopefully has working hands to take care of it himself. It is not your fault for having those feelings, yeah it can be frustrating for him but it's also frustrating for you, it's not a mean tease or something like that. (even though many men I met thought that way... like i was playing a game to cause them pain). So please stop traumatizing yourself it can really hurt you and your self worth/ self esteem and that's what Victims need the most to get out of that rabbit hole. You deserve a Partner who respects your boundaries trust me on that one. Sending lots of Hugs to you, be strong!
I hope I do not come across as judging or mean, but I want to ask you a question: Why do you call this person your "partner" if your sex life is obviously only about what he wants and not about you? That's not a partnership, is it? You deserve better. Everyone deserves better.
Please don't grit your teeth. Trauma is such a hard thing to navigate and flashbacks can happen so unexpectedly. You sexual journey start to finish is just as important as your partners so never negate your feelings to please your partners.
You have every right to say NO at any time during sexual intimacy. It's so important to be able to stand up for yourself - not just in the bedroom, but in life in general. Please get some help in therapy so you can learn the tools to say "no." It may save your life someday, because not being able to consistently hold your boundaries can put you at the mercy of some very harmful people. Besides all of that, you deserve for sex to feel healthy and wonderful and loving every time.
Two things: I love your content and it's been affirming during my own transition. Also, Shaba is such a delight. What a wholesome human. You both make such a lovely couple!
I love these kinds of videos. I know they’re probably awkward to talk about it’s just nice to get some insight into a world I may not understand personally but would like to. It’s just cool that you’re willing to answer these kinds of questions because I can’t help but be curious. Thank you for sharing💗
I obviously shouldn’t have a perspective on this since I’ve never dated a trans person but to me, it seems like the main thing that is the same as cis sex is that both involve exploring what works and what doesn’t. Knowing boundaries is the same for any sexual relationship
As usual, you two are awesome role models about how to have open and honest conversations. I especially like how kindly validating you were for both sides. Stellar work as always xx
The wrap up: just be intimate how every constellation intimate partners should be, with consent, respect, communication and fun. Because these are the basis for every good intimate relationship. 😊 I love you two together, you make my day every time I watch one of your videos.
For a lot of the sponsored ads on UA-cam I usually just fast-forward it because the ad is completely not relevant to the type of content. I really appreciate you giving more information on a product that could be so useful for many people. Please take care of your sexual health people
@@theravenmonarch9441 Ah, yes, the sexualities Homoshrexual Heteroshrexual Bishrexual Panshrexual Ashrexual I'm gonna stop because the list is long but uh yeah.
I absolutely love your videos. The way you communicate to your listeners as well as each other is so respectful and articulate. Both my children identify as part of the LBGT+ community. I’m an educator who has worked with so many children of different ages who identified in many ways on this spectrum. Thank you for your insight, respectful delivery, and beautiful sense of humor. You are providing an important and needed support for our community. Thank you!
I wish this sort of respect could be seen in every relationship (and intimate at the same time). People are so defensive (myself included, like said “gut reaction”): there are so many things I am taking from this conversation which goes for anyone relationship. Obviously there are things that you’re own. You two are so inspirational. You play around and it’s so natural. I shouldn’t have to justify mine
You know, I'm an older cis woman, but your advice about communication, trusting each other, and communicating (worth mentioning twice!) isn't just great advice for someone with a trans partner. It's just great advice... respecting your partner, listening to their wishes and fears and worries is just a great thing! I think you two have a fantastic foundation for an amazing, long-lasting relationship. Y'all seem to really get each other... ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
You guys made me cry multiple times while watching this video. WOW. Amazing lessons. Thank you so much for being so raw, open, honest, educational. You are an inspiration, big time ❤
I am not trans at all, but I related so much to this video. Many things remind of me being intimate with my current boyfriend (I have been sexually assaulted as a kid so it's difficult). Not that I am saying that it's the same thing/ same experience, because it is not, but both are similar in some way. Thank you for your video as always ;)
@@QueenAngelCakes Thank you very much. I'm still struggling a lot because of it, but I'm trying my best. And also, I 'm able to be open about it because I saw so many people on the internet sharing their experiences, and this is what saved me. So, when I feel in a safe space, I share mine so that maybe some people who are in the same place I was before can feel less lonely and relate to someone else's experience. Have a great day
I was as well. I've always wondered if it's the reason why I have bottom dysphoria, so I won't be assaulted in that way ever again. Thankfully I'm getting EMDR therapy for it, but my bottom dysphoria hasn't gone away. Too bad I'm too terrified of phalloplasty to ever get one.
Shaaba’s getting more and more pretty. It has nothing to do with the video, I just really had to put it out there, she really looks good. Anyway that’s for educating us, it really is great that you’re not afraid to talk about these things openly and I’m sure it helps many people who go through similar situations
As a cisgender heterosexual woman, both of your perspectives from the trans experience breaks through boundaries and can be applied to ALL relationships. You two are awesome. I’m going to happily share this video with my dude. I am looking forward to the discussion that will be had. Much respect and love to the both of you. Thank you for sharing!
this is definitely a good question I would like to know as I am pre-op. I imagine the dysphoria would be no-where near as bad as it was before surgery and hormone treatment.
Kris from what I’ve heard of post op trans people most of them say the dysphoria definitely isn’t as bad but occasionally it will pop up or sometimes their dysphoria will just be about different things
I’m not dating anyone rn but this did clear up a lot of fear and confusion. Thank you so much, your videos are really helpful and uplifting to so many people and I’m so glad that you have this channel as an available resource to trans people and their loved ones. Your videos are awesome! :D
Your videos are fantastic. It is so generous of you both to educate people by sharing so much of yourselves. As a mom of two young kids who I want to raise to know, "you could date a tiger if you want, as long as you're happy, and they treat you right - I'm all right," I want to thank you for putting this content out. You both give such wonderful insights and advice for anyone, not just trans/cis couples.
Awh, you guys are so helpful.. My mom said "what girls will want to date you after they find out your trans." After I came out and this video helped me realize she's wrong :) thanks yall
So basically clear communication and explicit consent is the key in any relationship. Also you guys are so adorable, i hope to get a partner as loving as you are to each other!
I'm transmasculine and I had a hard time setting boundaries for myself. When I was with my first cis boyfriend, I would set some limits but was self-conscious about them because he didn't have really any and I had a huge amount of restrictions because my dysphoria is really strong. From the outside, it could've looked like I was having a hard time telling him "no" but, in reality, it was about me not accepting the fact that I don't like this. Maybe it was the influence of my family (we're pretty open about sex) telling me to "try things and you'll like them" or maybe it was all the porn but I just felt like I have to do this because I'm restricting myself and him. Found out that I really can't do the thing when he was opening a condom and I was wainting, staring at the ceiling and I started crying. Please, don't push yourself to do things you know aren't going to end well, no matter what anyone tells you or what you see in other people. Honesty is key and you don't owe your partner anything. Stay happy.
oh lawd he comin literally the same think happen to me. I have borderline as well so I complatelly understand you. I had friends pushing me to be more sexual even tho I am hugely asexual. Like I would love to have a partner but without sexual aspect of the relationship. I am a nonbinary transmasculine afab who is mostly into boys. I think that once I am on testosterone I will be able to feel better with the intimacy and stuff, but right now, nope.
@@ravenhayden2394 I feel ya. I started T a month ago and lemme tell ya, I thought I was a pretty sexual person, and I have ascended beyond that, hormones are insane. But still, don't let your horniness or any other thing make you do something your brain knows you don't want - that's what got me. Good luck, mate.
i think this was a nice example of a responsible sponsorship (although i obvi don't have a whole lot of info on the company and its practices, so of course they could have issues i'm unaware of). but the fact that its a useful service that can save lives and keep people healthy and that you approached it in a way to educate the company itself on being more inclusive. its nice to see!
I’m a trans man and no surgeries. Me and my fiancé broke up recently and I’ve been scared to venture there but this made me feel better. Thanks for sharing, I love you both!
It's quite nice to see such respectful and open communication with you guys. I mean obviously built from many years together. Recently broke up with my boyfriend (trans/bi/ace) due to him being terrible at communicating his feelings. The other things weren't even a problem at all, just communication is so important especially when they come out as ace. But glad to see such successful happy diverse couples out there because I felt like I had failed him
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now and it has all been long distance but we hope to close the gap after graduating college. But these videos with Shaaba talking about how it is to be a cis woman with a trans man really helps me make sense of some things and generally makes me feel less alone.
Definitely - let’s have video #2 on this same topic; today was great! I’m gay but I have close trans friends (considered to be family) and just to know that you’re producing this info in such a warm, funny, and sweet way for all those who so need it is heartwarming and wonderful! Great job, both of you! 😁🙏🏼❤️
Look I don’t even know how to start with this…im a trans man and i live in iran and im 21 now but it has been 7 years knowing I’m like who i am….honestly it used to be super bad past 2 years my parents are not supportive and i still couldn’t use tea and starting my journey but i need to tell you jamie your channel gave me more confidence…it has been a few days and i feel like literally all of my questions and insecurities with my partner and myself is answered and i feel lot more better for you know handling things cause it has been hard…the low self esteem and depression and everything…but seeing you and your channel make me realize I’m not alone in any of those feelings and i am enough and loved more than i ever felt from people around me…you have no idea how much your videos hit me and i need to thank you from the deepest part of my heart One day i will come here again and say i did it! Even tho you might not reed this but i will come back…cause this place has been the safest place for me in my whole life…thank you and thank you again…
I have a trans friend who has the code word “cactus!” when she gets a suddenly dysphoric during activities. She says it feels right because “It quickly communicates that I need touching to stop immediately and I need some space, but it isn’t because of something they’ve done or said. I just am a cactus right now.”
Ha ha, I love that!
Like a bdsm safe word :)
I may start using that. Because I get like that to.
Oh my God that is brilliant! I think this is a good way to show that you're uncomfortable with something not only in terms of gender dysphoria, but in general. Using a word cactus or basically any other 😛
oh i love that! will start using it for sure
CONSENT IS REQUIRED AT EVERY STAGE AND CONSENT CAN BE WITHDRAWN AT ANY STAGE
This is one of the biggest takeaways I got from the video.
I’m not saying it’s rape. But it’s very important that who you’re with feels comfortable and safe. If you aren’t willing to back up if they say they aren’t comfortable with something, that could be pretty mentally damaging. In addition, only about 2 out of every thousand people who are accused of rape have been falsely accused.
@@Edward-bm7vw yes, it's rape if i say 'no, stop it' in the middle of it and they don't listen to me and intentionally keep going. i could say stop for many reasons but it's an obligation to the other side to respect it.
@@ilfioredeldeserto-gk3mg No I'm talking about after not in the middle of it. If they're doing it and never says 'stop it' and they finish can she just say 'no I didn't enjoy that you raped me'?
@@Edward-bm7vw ooo okay thennn
"I'm just not feeling it, can we watch some Shrek?" Iconic. I might use this next time 😂😭
Ash Humphries you’re welcome 😅
That horny bastard would get anyone back in the mood. Shrek is love, Shrek is life.
Let's get shreksy baby.....
This just made it so much more funny as at 13 me and a friend found a stack of dvds of my dads on the top was shrek...... The rest was just porn.....so for years shrek meant porn 😂
Shrek 😂😂 💚 and by the way folks with a cervix or if you have a partner with a cervix, check out a site called Self:Cervix for empowering info about this amazing pleasure organ. It’s so poorly understood for many reasons but has so many nerve connections and can be the primary pleasure organ for folks with this organ. You can thank me later 🤗😘 By the way I don’t work for them or anything. Just spreading the love about our amazing human bodies. 💖💖💖💖👑🙏🏼
I’m a nurse in California. I had my first mtf transgender patient the other day. When getting report from the night shift nurse she made a comment along the lines of “ idk she looks kinda like a man but her name is (insert here) so maybe she’s transitioning idk”. I think the way she said it with a giggle that had slightly rubbed me wrong. When I met the patient, as we always do, I asked what name do you prefer to be called and she told me it was her middle name, not the one on the paper. Part of me thought I was acting weird as hell almost trying too hard to be respectful and use the right pronouns. Then when she got discharged home she thanked me and told me it was the best she’s been treated there. Not saying this to make me sound like an amazing person but to basically say thank you for always creating open discussion and educating from your platform. I grew up in the conservative Midwest and it’s very refreshing to see such acceptance here in California. I know we all have room to grow and learn but it definitely helps having videos to reference if I ever have questions. Edit : did not expect all the love but thank you all. Y’all make what I do worth it. If anyone ever needs a friend, feel free to reach out. I’m here for anyone and everyone 💕
Carley you are an amazing person, thanks for treating people the way people should be treated, hopefully others will see it and do the same, instead of thinking your being ‘extra’ in any way. Have a lovely week! x
Carley, I'd say you did the right thing. But that night shift nurse, not so much.
You're a great nurse! :D
Shaaba. Thank you so much. That means a lot 💕
Yearls Aww, thank you! I think we can all do our best to educate and hope to create change where we can 😊
But you ARE an amazing person ❤️ when you care so much about making people feel like they can be who they are without feeling judged, that is such a nice quality to have as a human. We should all educate ourselves on topics we don't know much about, just because we might someday need it, even though we don't know when. That makes you a good person, and a great nurse! That other nurse though, seemed a bit closeminded to me 🙄 treating others the way you want to be treated yourself, nothing is better than that ❤️ and it's 2020 😅 we shouldn't be ignorant and closeminded, just open and respectful to others ❤️
You two are just fantastic and an inspirational couple , my Son-in-law became my daughter-in-law three years ago and you have helped me understand her need so much clearer. I love her as much now as I ever did but the Knowledge and understanding I have now makes me a better mother ! Thank you both from the bottom of my heart !
So happy you are supportive of her. You are a wonderful person for doing so.❤️ However just to be helpful, for future reference, in most situations it would probably be better if instead of phrasing it as, "My son-in-law became my daughter-in-law" you should either put quotes around son-in-law. Or to phrase it different, such as "My daughter in law came out as mtf." Because she didn't "become" your daughter-in-law. She always was. You just didn't know it.
Not trying to offend you in any way😊 You sound like a lovely person. Take care!💖
🥰 beautiful
Hey this makes me want to cry
Bless your heart! You seem like such a beautifully kind person. ❤❤❤❤
Your poor daughter, living with a narcissist.
Why isn't anyone talking about how Shaaba just OOZES wholesomeness?
Because this is the ~300th video I've seen her in? This is just standard level Shaaba, crazily she gets even more wholesome!
@@Aima952 agreed!
Though on a side note, I low-key heard her name not as Shaaba, but as sherbet.
THEY BOTH DO
They are the most wholesome 🥰
yaaasssss
"Nothing wrong with being a trans gay"
Me (a trans lesbian): *INTENSE EUPHORIA*
All of us trans gays liked that
Yay!
ana luisa mariano oliveira that’s fine but who asked bb
The Scouse Socialist me, a trans bi dude: EVEN MORE EUPHORIA
@@itsMe_TheHerpes nah I'm a woman.
My close trans friend uses the phrase "let's go to Olive Garden" or mentions 'Olive Garden' in any capacity if she needs to leave a situation or conversation - she absolutely LOATHES Olive Garden, so any mention of it in a positive light is a "get me out of here" situation.
I loathe Olive Garden as well. Stealing this code!
Soooo smart ! Don’t use a song as I tried bcz it just got stuck in my head and I’m stupid 🙃
That’s brilliant! I hate them too, so my partner would immediately pick up on something being wrong even if I hadn’t had time to prep him 😆
My father and I use this in a different context. If someone says something weird or tmi, we say "so how about them lakers?" or whatever is the first sports team that comes to mind.
I think 70% of the advice is literally something, that people should always be mindful of when having sex no matter of gender or sexuality!
Yes
Is she just the most perfect woman in the universe? I hope that every trans person finds someone as understanding and open as your partner. :)
Which woman?
Edward congrats. So edgy.
@@Edward-bm7vw the only woman in the video
@@QueenAngelCakes Only? I see two of them
@@Edward-bm7vw there are two people in this video, one is a man and one is a woman
Hey, great video as usual. Now, I thought I could share a story that happened to me a few weeks ago. So at school this teacher was testing my voice for the choir since I am now one month on T. I entered the room and she asked :
"Do you know about, um... this trans UA-camr?"
"Um, probably", I said.
"His name is James? Jamie?"
"Jammidodger?"
"Yes, that's it! He talks about his transition and he is so sweet!" she said.
That made me smile. I think it was so nice of her to know these kinds of things.
What a lovely moment, Noah! How did your choir trial go? 🥰
Aww, it’s awesome that she’s so cool about your transition! Plus thinking that she was probably watching UA-cam to try and understand you better is sweet. Congrats on one month on T!
It went well, thanks!
Noah Boisjoli-Jebali I’m so glad to hear that! Congratulations and my very best wishes on your journey! May it always be a positive one filled with love and when there be clouds, let them always contain the silver lining (but very few clouds-mostly sunshine I hope for you!!!)! I send you much love and warmth and peace and joy and gaiety over your transition because I am simply so happy for you that you are on a path that feels so right and good to you and your heart and soul and true self. I hope I make sense! Stay strong and healthy during this time travel 🧭 we are taking back to the Black Plague or the Influenza Pandemic of the teens of the last century. I know in my heart that you and your loved ones will be just fine. Sometimes one just knows. I thought I would pass it on because we are all scared and I don’t want you to be, love. Take care and enjoy your new life!!!✌🏻💜🤟🏻💖🤗🤗🧸
I love that "probably" part, such a mood
You guys are such a cute and healthy couple and we stan
💯
We do Stan 😭
“Or if there’s multiple people” Shaba out here respecting the poly community wow.
There’s two sexualities that have “poly-“ that is, polysexual (or polyromantic) and polyamory. Polysexual means that you would have an attraction to more than two genders, but not all. It’s in between pansexual and bisexual. Polyamory is when someone would want a relationship with more than one other person. As in they would have a relationship with let’s say, 3 people. As a polysexual, I would love people to say the full word so there’s not a mix up. :)
Cloverrr polyamory isn’t a sexual orientation, it’s a relationship type or preference. Sorry but if someone sees an implication of a relationship/sexual encounter with multiple people and assumes that it’s referring to polysexuals vs polyamourous relationships/threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes, they’re not educated on them. It’s not up to other people to educate people on things that they are uneducated about, it’s up to that person to educate themselves using educational material already available. If someone mentions “wow I love how apple pie smells” on an apple pie cooking video, you’re not going to assume they’re talking about key lime perfume.
Cloverrr there’s no need to differentiate unless there is no context is essentially what I’m trying to say.
@@JacquelineUnderwood There are 2 poly communities, so it was nice of the person to explain them for those of us who didn't know.
@Cloverr Wouldn't polysexual be unnecessary because bisexual is attraction to two or more genders?
You two are just so wonderful. I am a cis gender gay man who knew trans men and women back in the early 80s, and I saw their struggle to live “normal” lives. These good people are still in my thoughts. Your videos are helping so many kids and older folks (like me) to understand, and learn. Thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart.
It makes me so happy to see older lgbtq+ folk not only still living their own truth, but thriving despite all the odds. You all are an inspiration to me. Cheers, Harold!
I’m a new nurse practitioner and your videos have helped me so much in knowing how best to support trans folx. Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.
Jamie: was it hArd?
Shaaba: *giggles*
Jamie: no-
X) love her
homestuck
Funny.
"You can't assume that your partner is aware of everything."
You guys are so mature and reflective in regards to sex and intimacy, much more than the general "cis" society, and I just wanted to give you a massive round of applause for that. I am a cisgender straight woman - sex and intimacy are still some of the hardest topics for me to talk about, and I think that the journey you two have been on together has forced you to have some vital conversations that I've never felt were acceptable to have with any partner. I feel really inspired by your openness.
Of all your videos, this one has been my favourite
Hi. I know its weird. I'm a baby trans guy and I've chosen the name Jamie. My friend suggested I start watching you. I have been for a few weeks. You're a great creator but I get such euphoria from watching you be happy and successful.
I am intersexed, my husband is heterosexual. We have been together for over 20 years. I am a nurse! Whatever!! La la!! But we were both past being trying to reproduce! I love you both! It is difficult!
Nancy Beveridge Taylor dont you mean cisgender?
Pol Feet no they mean intersexed as they said, google the term. If you mean the husband, the sexual orientation is relevant due to what you will learn when you research about said term.
Nancy Beveridge Taylor oh, I didn’t read it correctly, I thought they meant they were a cisgender (straight) couple whereas you don’t have to be cis to be in a straight couple
Congratulations on passing the 20 year mark!😍 My husband and I passed 10 years in February. He turned 31 in December. It's been a long ride 🙈
I'll wish you healthy and good kids 😘
I think Shaaba overestimates the creativity and imagination of the average cis-het couple's sex lives.
True tbh 😬
Yep. Wham bam 💤
I think she's trying to help fix it. It helps so much not to think of sex as being penis-centric and done after that orgasm.
SOMEONE HAD TO SAY IT--
Some people are super creative with their sex lives, and some people like it vanilla. I think both perspectives are equally valid.
Shaaba has so much wisdom and articulates things so well, with such amazing wit. I could listen to her talk about their experiences and life in general for hours and hours
I'm a straight single chick so Lord knows how I landed on this channel. Just wanted to say that you two are adorable! What a great couple! Also, your honesty is informative & refreshing. Have a great day! 🌝🌝🌝
Karen Henry any of us could become a parent, teacher, boss, colleague, or friend of a transgender person. Knowing about the issues likely to affect them makes us better humans.
Same 😂
I’m bi but when I first found channels like this I assumed I was straight since I hadn’t really experienced much attraction. I’m also probably cis but I’ve experienced really vague small dysphoria as a female, idk. Glad you find this channel as accepting and amazing as I do even though I’m not trans myself or anything.
Same. Found the channel cause ive been watching LGBTQ+ creators on UA-cam for different perspectives and i definitely started cause i wanted to know about the JKR thing and now I'm just down the rabbit hole of LGBTQ+ creator videos. Lol.
@@EvanNeedsTherapy
> vague small dysphoria
this could be an indication you're a fem-leaning enby if you haven't considered that yet
7:19 oh my god what a wholesome moment, literally the cutest thing ever. You guys are meant for each other.
UPDATE: Use code UA-cam for 20% off at trylgc.com/jammidodger 💛
Hey spuds,
I know we’re all going through some turbulent times right, and I questioned putting this video up. But I want to maintain a sense of normality in certain spheres of life, but also highlight that other aspects of our health and the help certain services can bring are still important right now.
If anything, just take away the message that we should be looking after ourselves, each other, and taking care!
If there is anything you can think of that Shaaba and I can do to make things a little easier for some of you right now, let us know! We can do live streams, post happy distracting content on insta, etc. And of course, regular UA-cam uploads will carry on, twice a week, every Wednesday and Sunday.
Much love!
Your someone i look up to as a young trans FtM boy :)
I get it, I am seen as "female" even though I am intersexed! My husband is totally heterosexual! We are totally who we are!! Whaaa
Jammidodger I just had to come back from my first trip abroad to Poland the other day early, glad to see you’re still doing your videos so I can have some normalcy!
Always here for you! 💛
Thank you for continuing as usual, it's very important to keep going.
I’m a high school art teacher and have had several students in class over the past few years starting to transition. Thanks for your honest and informative videos. I feel better able to support these students after watching your channel. You are doing important work!
The way you guys talk about dealing with dysphoria popping up when you’re in the moment sounds very similar to how my partner and I deal with my PTSD. We both have to communicate and be ready to stop, and have immense compassion for each other if it happens.
Same with anorexia..
Having a code word or signal is a good idea too.
As a gay transman I'm most worried about men I'm with not being comfortable with the differences in trans bodies. But i've also heard from gay friends who have been with pre-everything transmen that they didn't see their body as female, even though it was, because that body belonged to the man who they wished to have relations with.
Yeah its a bit of a personal thing, for me the idea of being with a man is all I need, and I get that with trans guys, but it might not be the same with others.
I’m a pan cis woman and that has been my experience too. I genuinely thought I would have a hard time wrapping my head around it, but I didn’t. I just never saw his body as female because he’s a man. It just clicked immediately for me and I was shocked.
Thats so wholesome. Its hard for us trans people to think that anyone else could see us as male in certain ways because we're so focused on how not male some things seem to us, its cool to know that theres people out there who think otherwise
@@courtnrysalamone7677 Yeah. Especially with people claiming they "just have masculine energy" (cough Trish cough 😂) it's been interesting to me trying to understand why those who are attracted to men would be attracted to me, a transman who is pre-everything. Like it's good and comforting but it's a very strange aspect of attraction and the nuance of gender. Tldr: folks interesting. I love that lol
@@devlin4795 haha, i feel this on a spiritual level lol
"you had balls, that was fun" OIWEFJDSFL
Jamie: Wheres my hug? :(
Shaaba: Oh. *shrug*
I love Shaaba
it'sMe TheHerpes no one asked you m8
COLD. BLOODED.
I was expecting it too lol
@@itsMe_TheHerpes there was no woman on the video thinking she was a man. There was a man who knew he was a man,and a woman who knew she was a woman
I mean - I think everyone should watch this. It’s just such a lovely video to bring up the topic of communication in the bedroom
And/ or other places *wink wink*
Well said.
"Together we're magic" *vomit* *but also smiles because that's cute as hell*
Love this! My wife and I had many questions when my wife came out as a trans woman. Definitely quite a few that either crossed some boundaries and had to be addressed to prevent it from happening further to a lot of “well, how is Keirstyn (me) taking it?” Less asking how my wife was coping with being out and having all sorts of reactions to the news.
(Yes, for those wondering we were already married when she came out. She spent a long time trying to figure out/understand how she was feeling since she was raised very religious, and even though she didn’t belong to the religion anymore, it took time to deconstruct that binary thinking. It took her a long time to figure it out and accept it before she could tell me, as I was the first person she told. My reaction might have been, “excellent, I’ll get to do her makeup!” Because, you know, priorities. But really, I’m pan, I dated a woman for 3 years before my wife, so she knew I’d love and accept her no matter what. It’s been 2 years since she came out, and we’re now expecting our first child in 2021).
❤️❤️❤️
Aww congrats!
This is so wholesome! Thank you for sharing!✨🖤
This is such a lovely comment! Much love to you and your wife ❤️❤️
CONGRATS!!! This comment made my day!
Dear owners of vaginas; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get your Pap smears done, even if you aren’t being sexual!! I hadn’t been getting tested because I wasn’t sexually active at the time, come to find out ( when I FINALLY went to the doctor because I was having weird symptoms ) that I had stage 3b cervical cancer!! The ONLY thing that really helped me was that thankfully, compared to other cancers it’s a fairly slow growing type. BUT, they said my tumour was about the size of my fist. I had to have chemo and radiation. I also had quite a few surgeries and it kinda messed up my left kidney. It had started to move into a lymph node, which we managed to get before it spread throughout my whole body. Thankfully as of right now I am in remission 🙂 and when it’s been 5 years, I can finally say that I am cancer free.. Yay.. lol. But my whole point is, if I had been getting my paps done regularly, regardless of me being sexually active or not, ALL of that could have been prevented. If they catch it early, from what I understand, they can just zap it out and you’re done. So pleeeease, check!! Stay Safe everyone
I’m so glad ur doing well now!! I wish nothing but good health and love for u😁
Omg are you okay??!??
Thank you for sharing your story, that sounds like A LOT to deal with.. Thank god you are in remission!! How long had it been since your last check? I will definitely be getting myself checked ...
Very true, the cancer takes 10-15 years to develop once you have been infected so it can definitely happen after years of abstinence! Thank you for sharing your story, it's important to spread awareness.
How old should you start getting Pap smears?
I'm not trans, but I love your videos. It really prepares me for interaction with those who may be different from me. I'm not uncomfortable, or dismissive. I'm able to ask appropriate questions and learn boundaries. Thank you so much!
Quite honestly, I so appreciate how generally healthy this relationship is and it has absolutely nothing to do with gender identity.
So basically... a loving and consensual relationship? 😂
Imo as a straight cis woman lots of straight cis couples have just never learned to communicate so it seems like a foreign concept 👀
Sadly more rare than you think. Also I and my partner weren't really taught how to communicate but the love and effort are there. It's taken is years and sometimes the talking is pitiful lol
Right
I'm a trans guy and I've honestly struggled with intimacy because of my dysphoria, I'm lucky I've finally found a very understanding person who won't try to push me or anything.
Congrats dude!
I once did one of these tests at home, woke up on the kitchen floor after attempting the finger prick test 😂 more scared of needles than I thought
God help you if you ever become a diabetic like me 😂
Eve Ramshaw I’d be useless, fair play to people like you that don’t even give it a second thought!
@@evejeanmusic Lmao i'm diabetic too. Would probably suck if I was scared of needles!
@Randall Paquet not that kind of diabetes, its genetic :)
@Randall Paquet not a problem
So wish I grew up in your generation!! I’m a 55 year old lesbian who has never felt comfortable being a woman. The two of you are a very mature couple and it’s clear that you have a wonderful future together! Thanks so much for opening up my eyes and sharing your lives with the rest of us❤️. P.S. “What is a sis person ?”
by "sis person" they mean "cisgender"! a cisgender person is someone who identifies completely with their assigned sex (e.g. isn't transgender)
also your name is really cool :D
A cis person is a person who identifies as their biological gender they are born with.
You can still transition at your age :) If that's something you want.
A couple of years ago I was in a relationship with someone who identified as NB and bi but said she was mainly attracted to women. It was my first relationship, and the only time we were intimate she started doing things and I kept asking her to stop and she kept going and just totally ignored me. She ended up going all the way doing stuff while I was actively begging her to stop. She also, knowing I was a trans guy, said that she saw me as a girl and was attracted to me as one (she knew me before but didn’t go out with me until after I came out to her). So that sucked.
I kind of was single for a few years and didn’t want to put myself out there even though I felt lonely. But recently, I got in a relationship and I feel really happy. She’s amazing and crazy respectful and kind and I didn’t think people like her existed. She says just the right things and is respectful of me and my boundaries and is okay when I’m good with certain things.
Point is, keep on trying and have standards for yourself as to how people treat you. Good intimacy can be possible.
OnceUponAPiano a person who goes on doing things like that to you after you've said to stop is a rapist, darling. That is rape. I'm glad you're with someone better now, but have you considered getting counselling for that?
Howdy internet stranger, I agree with Teal Rose and I hope you're doing ok. Not only was that rape, but she actively refused to respect who you are, which makes no sense knowing that she's NB. Absolutely unacceptable. Hope you find peace, and all the love you deserve in this world. ❤
I'm sorry that happened to you.
But why did you, a man, date someone who identified as lesbian?
@@cockycookie1 They said she identified as bi.
@@jaydashnine yeah they edited it
I love when you two sit down for serious talks. Shaba you are very thoughtful. Just love you both so much
That level of communication and respect with partner is all I want in life at this point ❤️❤️❤️
Maja before considering replying to the person below asking for communication, I would advise reading through the other comments and replies they have written elsewhere on this thread, to gain a clearer idea of who they are and how they think. Stay safe.
Ok but have you ever seen a cuter couple
al al equally as cute
Nope they definitely win
Thomas sanders and Joan. Or Joan and Tayln. Sooooo heckin cute *fanboy noises intensify* 😍
I’m trans ftm and my girlfriend is trans mtf and YES YES YES about the open communication regarding boundaries! We talk about it all time time because it really can vary - sometimes she wants to do a lot of stuff and sometimes she just wants to be held and I’m the same. If you have a trans partner always always always keep talking and definitely have a safe word to make sure that all parties are comfortable and consenting not just in sexual activity but in ALL activity 🌈
Honestly, that's good advice for every relationship, regardless of your partner's gender identity.
This is just advice for literally everyone
As someone getting their RN Degree, I believe it’s super important to look for advice on how to respect groups in LGBTQ and properly help them with anything that would differ from cis/hetero. Too many nurses are left uneducated in social and psychological aspects of care for LGBTQ community members. So channels like yours are so important and I’m so thankful you offer so many great references to better understand the trans community.
Your videos basically double as a therapy session. I always walk away wanting to be more empathetic/kind to everyone as well as to myself. Thanks for being you
This connects to me so much as a partner of someone with a disability. So many of those things apply in those situations as well
How does one find a Shaaba? This is the most perfect thing ever! I need someone who can not be offended if I needed to stop doing whatever, and be comfortable stopping and doing something else, and being accepting and okay with my gender and body, as well as my stage in my transition, and be there and support me both mentally and physically through my transition. Hopefully I find my Shaaba someday!
You two remind me so much of my girlfriend and myself. I am a trans guy, she's cis. I haven't begun my medical transition, my social transition is a little laggy and things get awful and uncomfortable really often. And because our story is like yours in so many ways, it feels so fucking good to see a possible happy ending in front of us. Thank you.
Hey there! Just figured I should tag on, I’m also a trans guy with a cis femme partner. She and I met post social transition but pre all medical transition, so slightly different, but just figured I’d share that we’re still together and celebrating 6 years this week :) Just to toss in another similar happy story!
@@Patrick-wv8or this makes me ?? so happy !! Congrats on that, dude!
hi! I'm a trans guy and dating a cis woman, she told me that she like me because I'm trans, i mean she says that she loves me, whether i go through any hormonal or surgical transition, she doesn't care, she just want what i want, but i wonder if when she says that she likes me specifically because I'm trans, is hat a bad thing?
That one dislike is by Kaitlin Bennett.
Who is she?
@@itsMe_TheHerpes you must be fun at parties.
@@itsMe_TheHerpes I really hope that this is a joke.
@@itsMe_TheHerpes If you hate trans people so much, why do you even watch Jamie's channel? Seem like you'd do better on 4chan.
@@itsMe_TheHerpes, ah, what a lovely little troll.
Thanks so much you two! As a mum of a trans boy, your videos are so enlightening and reassuring. Much love to you both x
@Jonathan Roberts fuck off you transphobic prick
I’m currently writing my master thesis with all of these lock downs going on .. and I’m all alone. I just love having you talk in the background ! Makes me feel like I’m not lonely ❤️
What I really love about the videos you two do about these topics is you make them so EDUCATIONAL. Like there's a few funny jokes, but nothing us vulgar and nothing is censored- It's all so natural, and I appreciate it :)
I don't have a partner at this current moment but watching this video just in general made me so much less insecure about the topic. Opening up conversation is so important and you both are always so inclusive and respectful of one another as well as your audience and I can't thank you enough for that.
This is really important and I love this video
So I myself am a trans guy dating someone who is cis and talking a lot about dysphoria and consent was something I felt was needed to talk about to him. It has always been an awkward topic for me to talk about but I asked him about certain boundaries and we talked about the both of us to do with that for awhile. I've never really liked using words so instead i sent him a picture of a stick figure and told him to circle where he wasnt comfortable with, I also did the same. It sounds ridiculous but I think it is a great idea for people who can feel uncomfortable talking about it. Communication is always important, and if you feel like something isn't right, try to talk with them or get a close friend to tell them how you feel etc. I have dealt with a lot of situations in the past but these small things all help to keep a strong relationship.
that sponsorship was actually SO USEFUL thank you!
Dang you two are so cute together! Also stay healthy everyone and wash your hands
7:53 All this hits hard, especially "Consent is required at every stage.". Yes it should be a common sense rule but it is sadly not as common as it should be.
I have some trauma surrounding sex due to past experiences and I have difficulty expressing that. It took me years to realise that I was allowed to say no and I'm still struggling with it.
I'm a cis-woman dating a cis-man. If ever we are in the middle of -as Shaaba puts it- hanky-panky time and I feel triggered, or just don't want to anymore, I just grit my teeth and deal with it because I still feel like I can't say no. If I do, I feel ashamed that I caused disappointment and seeing my partner sulk and turn away from me in frustration (as I've often experienced when I've tried to stop things happening right at the beginning, so I can only imagine what it would be like trying to say no mid-intimacy). I realise that it would be frustrating for my partner but it's something I can't help.
Trying to fight it is so exhausting that I just feel that it's easier to continue and "deal with the trauma" instead of disappointing my partner. I've still got a long way to go, and It gives me hope to see that there are people out there who are respectful of boundaries, no matter the situation.
Intyalle I hope you’ve found the strength to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about that. If he’s a person worth staying in a relationship with, he’ll want to minimize your discomfort and trauma, even if you feel you can’t clearly communicate it in the moment, and he may be able to make adjustments on his end that can help stop things getting bad or worse, like periodically checking in on how you’re feeling during/before sex. Of course that requires you answer honestly. But it’s easier to take an out you’re given than try to force an interruption, in my experience.
I know what you mean I have those Problems myself that's why I stopped having Sex, I just can't (I'm not in a relationship so I don't need to worry). I need to work on my issues first but what's the main problem is that it can be painful for a man if he doesn't get "satisfied". Many men told me about this and it makes me feel responsable, but I'm not, you're also not responsable. You should talk about your trauma with your partner, if he still gets angry or wants you to satisfy him since you "caused" this situation... I'm sorry my dear but that is not the right person for you. You don't have to pleasure anybody, he hopefully has working hands to take care of it himself. It is not your fault for having those feelings, yeah it can be frustrating for him but it's also frustrating for you, it's not a mean tease or something like that. (even though many men I met thought that way... like i was playing a game to cause them pain). So please stop traumatizing yourself it can really hurt you and your self worth/ self esteem and that's what Victims need the most to get out of that rabbit hole. You deserve a Partner who respects your boundaries trust me on that one.
Sending lots of Hugs to you, be strong!
I hope I do not come across as judging or mean, but I want to ask you a question: Why do you call this person your "partner" if your sex life is obviously only about what he wants and not about you? That's not a partnership, is it? You deserve better. Everyone deserves better.
Please don't grit your teeth. Trauma is such a hard thing to navigate and flashbacks can happen so unexpectedly. You sexual journey start to finish is just as important as your partners so never negate your feelings to please your partners.
You have every right to say NO at any time during sexual intimacy. It's so important to be able to stand up for yourself - not just in the bedroom, but in life in general. Please get some help in therapy so you can learn the tools to say "no." It may save your life someday, because not being able to consistently hold your boundaries can put you at the mercy of some very harmful people. Besides all of that, you deserve for sex to feel healthy and wonderful and loving every time.
I love how smiley & giggly Jamie gets when Shaaba's in the video
Two things: I love your content and it's been affirming during my own transition. Also, Shaba is such a delight. What a wholesome human. You both make such a lovely couple!
"You're a supportive queen" MY HEART
I love these kinds of videos. I know they’re probably awkward to talk about it’s just nice to get some insight into a world I may not understand personally but would like to. It’s just cool that you’re willing to answer these kinds of questions because I can’t help but be curious. Thank you for sharing💗
I obviously shouldn’t have a perspective on this since I’ve never dated a trans person but to me, it seems like the main thing that is the same as cis sex is that both involve exploring what works and what doesn’t. Knowing boundaries is the same for any sexual relationship
You both are absolutely precious! Loving, supporting, open, understanding, communicative! True couple goals! Thank you for sharing with us 💚💚
Thank you for being my rock as I educate myself, about myself. Been a fan for a really long time. You have helped give me courage. 💙
I've noticed your beard and mustache has really been growing in quite a bit lately, looks great Jamie!
As usual, you two are awesome role models about how to have open and honest conversations. I especially like how kindly validating you were for both sides. Stellar work as always xx
The wrap up: just be intimate how every constellation intimate partners should be, with consent, respect, communication and fun. Because these are the basis for every good intimate relationship. 😊 I love you two together, you make my day every time I watch one of your videos.
For a lot of the sponsored ads on UA-cam I usually just fast-forward it because the ad is completely not relevant to the type of content. I really appreciate you giving more information on a product that could be so useful for many people. Please take care of your sexual health people
The way she looks at him is so adorable 🥰 they r just perfect for each other , soulmates
Shaaba is even more beautiful in this video than usually! 😍 Thank you for your honesty, gorgeous people!
Shrek always gets me in the mood
😂🤣😂
Shrekxual
@@theravenmonarch9441 Ah, yes, the sexualities
Homoshrexual
Heteroshrexual
Bishrexual
Panshrexual
Ashrexual
I'm gonna stop because the list is long but uh yeah.
shrek is love, shrek is life
"We go from sex to shrek"
- Jamie, March 18th 2020
I absolutely love your videos. The way you communicate to your listeners as well as each other is so respectful and articulate. Both my children identify as part of the LBGT+ community. I’m an educator who has worked with so many children of different ages who identified in many ways on this spectrum. Thank you for your insight, respectful delivery, and beautiful sense of humor. You are providing an important and needed support for our community. Thank you!
I wish this sort of respect could be seen in every relationship (and intimate at the same time). People are so defensive (myself included, like said “gut reaction”): there are so many things I am taking from this conversation which goes for anyone relationship. Obviously there are things that you’re own. You two are so inspirational. You play around and it’s so natural. I shouldn’t have to justify mine
“Where’s my hug🥺” “you are a supportive queen” “AWe my OrigIn story” 🥺I love him
The joy of this couple is infectious. They seem so happy together.
You know, I'm an older cis woman, but your advice about communication, trusting each other, and communicating (worth mentioning twice!) isn't just great advice for someone with a trans partner. It's just great advice... respecting your partner, listening to their wishes and fears and worries is just a great thing! I think you two have a fantastic foundation for an amazing, long-lasting relationship. Y'all seem to really get each other... ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
I'm a cis woman, almost 50, I dont know how I found this channel but I'm so glad I did! You two are such lovely people ❤
You guys made me cry multiple times while watching this video. WOW. Amazing lessons. Thank you so much for being so raw, open, honest, educational. You are an inspiration, big time ❤
I am not trans at all, but I related so much to this video. Many things remind of me being intimate with my current boyfriend (I have been sexually assaulted as a kid so it's difficult).
Not that I am saying that it's the same thing/ same experience, because it is not, but both are similar in some way.
Thank you for your video as always ;)
😢 I'm sorry that happened to you. X
It's brave and beautiful that you can be open about your bad experiences, and that you're finding ways to navigate life and love!
@@QueenAngelCakes Thank you very much. I'm still struggling a lot because of it, but I'm trying my best. And also, I 'm able to be open about it because I saw so many people on the internet sharing their experiences, and this is what saved me. So, when I feel in a safe space, I share mine so that maybe some people who are in the same place I was before can feel less lonely and relate to someone else's experience. Have a great day
@@Emma-db1bc thank you
I was as well. I've always wondered if it's the reason why I have bottom dysphoria, so I won't be assaulted in that way ever again. Thankfully I'm getting EMDR therapy for it, but my bottom dysphoria hasn't gone away. Too bad I'm too terrified of phalloplasty to ever get one.
Shaaba’s getting more and more pretty. It has nothing to do with the video, I just really had to put it out there, she really looks good. Anyway that’s for educating us, it really is great that you’re not afraid to talk about these things openly and I’m sure it helps many people who go through similar situations
"hey I'm not feeling this, wanna watch shrek? "
LOL
I am a nurse practitioner and I appreciate your videos to help expand my knowledge of the trans community
As a cisgender heterosexual woman, both of your perspectives from the trans experience breaks through boundaries and can be applied to ALL relationships. You two are awesome. I’m going to happily share this video with my dude. I am looking forward to the discussion that will be had.
Much respect and love to the both of you. Thank you for sharing!
Shaaba: Before everything: Baby origin trans Jamie
Jamie: Oh, my origin story!
"you had balls, that was fun!" i love Shaaba
Is the Dysphoria still there after all these years with the same loving person and all the surgeries?
Jammie said in one of his videos that he extremely rarely experiences dysphoria nowadays
this is definitely a good question I would like to know as I am pre-op. I imagine the dysphoria would be no-where near as bad as it was before surgery and hormone treatment.
Kris from what I’ve heard of post op trans people most of them say the dysphoria definitely isn’t as bad but occasionally it will pop up or sometimes their dysphoria will just be about different things
i read dyslexia instead of dysphoria and was very confused lmao
@@skylarblue7517 what a mood i-
I’m not dating anyone rn but this did clear up a lot of fear and confusion. Thank you so much, your videos are really helpful and uplifting to so many people and I’m so glad that you have this channel as an available resource to trans people and their loved ones. Your videos are awesome! :D
Your videos are fantastic. It is so generous of you both to educate people by sharing so much of yourselves. As a mom of two young kids who I want to raise to know, "you could date a tiger if you want, as long as you're happy, and they treat you right - I'm all right," I want to thank you for putting this content out. You both give such wonderful insights and advice for anyone, not just trans/cis couples.
Awh, you guys are so helpful..
My mom said "what girls will want to date you after they find out your trans." After I came out and this video helped me realize she's wrong :) thanks yall
So basically clear communication and explicit consent is the key in any relationship. Also you guys are so adorable, i hope to get a partner as loving as you are to each other!
I'm transmasculine and I had a hard time setting boundaries for myself. When I was with my first cis boyfriend, I would set some limits but was self-conscious about them because he didn't have really any and I had a huge amount of restrictions because my dysphoria is really strong. From the outside, it could've looked like I was having a hard time telling him "no" but, in reality, it was about me not accepting the fact that I don't like this. Maybe it was the influence of my family (we're pretty open about sex) telling me to "try things and you'll like them" or maybe it was all the porn but I just felt like I have to do this because I'm restricting myself and him. Found out that I really can't do the thing when he was opening a condom and I was wainting, staring at the ceiling and I started crying. Please, don't push yourself to do things you know aren't going to end well, no matter what anyone tells you or what you see in other people. Honesty is key and you don't owe your partner anything. Stay happy.
oh lawd he comin literally the same think happen to me. I have borderline as well so I complatelly understand you. I had friends pushing me to be more sexual even tho I am hugely asexual. Like I would love to have a partner but without sexual aspect of the relationship. I am a nonbinary transmasculine afab who is mostly into boys. I think that once I am on testosterone I will be able to feel better with the intimacy and stuff, but right now, nope.
@@ravenhayden2394 I feel ya. I started T a month ago and lemme tell ya, I thought I was a pretty sexual person, and I have ascended beyond that, hormones are insane. But still, don't let your horniness or any other thing make you do something your brain knows you don't want - that's what got me. Good luck, mate.
i think this was a nice example of a responsible sponsorship (although i obvi don't have a whole lot of info on the company and its practices, so of course they could have issues i'm unaware of). but the fact that its a useful service that can save lives and keep people healthy and that you approached it in a way to educate the company itself on being more inclusive. its nice to see!
I’m a trans man and no surgeries. Me and my fiancé broke up recently and I’ve been scared to venture there but this made me feel better. Thanks for sharing, I love you both!
Instead of saying I'm a gay transguy should I start saying "I'm transgay" xD I'm sorry I loved that so much. You two are so sweet by the way!
It's quite nice to see such respectful and open communication with you guys. I mean obviously built from many years together. Recently broke up with my boyfriend (trans/bi/ace) due to him being terrible at communicating his feelings. The other things weren't even a problem at all, just communication is so important especially when they come out as ace.
But glad to see such successful happy diverse couples out there because I felt like I had failed him
I've been dating my boyfriend for almost three years now and it has all been long distance but we hope to close the gap after graduating college. But these videos with Shaaba talking about how it is to be a cis woman with a trans man really helps me make sense of some things and generally makes me feel less alone.
Definitely - let’s have video #2 on this same topic; today was great! I’m gay but I have close trans friends (considered to be family) and just to know that you’re producing this info in such a warm, funny, and sweet way for all those who so need it is heartwarming and wonderful! Great job, both of you! 😁🙏🏼❤️
Look I don’t even know how to start with this…im a trans man and i live in iran and im 21 now but it has been 7 years knowing I’m like who i am….honestly it used to be super bad past 2 years my parents are not supportive and i still couldn’t use tea and starting my journey but i need to tell you jamie your channel gave me more confidence…it has been a few days and i feel like literally all of my questions and insecurities with my partner and myself is answered and i feel lot more better for you know handling things cause it has been hard…the low self esteem and depression and everything…but seeing you and your channel make me realize I’m not alone in any of those feelings and i am enough and loved more than i ever felt from people around me…you have no idea how much your videos hit me and i need to thank you from the deepest part of my heart
One day i will come here again and say i did it! Even tho you might not reed this but i will come back…cause this place has been the safest place for me in my whole life…thank you and thank you again…